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[jetkast]

all too familiar

[jetkast]

The discourse around "Wei Wuxian was oblivious" or "Lan Wangji was mean and didn't show his feelings" makes me so tired.

Clearly, many people have not loved someone so much it terrified them, loved a person in such imminent danger that every interaction became tense and difficult. The desire to remove that person from danger, control the situation (or even the person themselves), see them safe makes you yourself a different person entirely.

And on the flipside, the sense of belonging and care so absent and broken that you cannot see what is in front of you. Trust so destroyed (in yourself and others) that you no longer do the work (as you were trained to) to see beyond the cruelty and control as a facade for love and care. To see yourself as a sore and soft creature, encased in a hard weaponized shell that has to fight everything every second to survive, until it no longer seems worth it.

There is no nuance in either perspective, just a profound amount of fear and a drive for survival. MDZS is about war, class disparity, violence on a massive scale that also impacts every single relationship. One of the many reasons I love the story so deeply is that, yes, we see the connection between the two and the potential for so much, but the very reasons they are soulmates -- their values, sense of justice, intensity, dedication, sincerity, etc -- are also the exact reasons there was no option for them to be together under the onslaught of systemic violence.

They both understood that in their own distorted ways, and did not have the time or space to discover what they could make together instead. I think if they had even an iota of a chance to do so -- so close, teased at in LWJ's visit to Yiling with A-Yuan -- they would have tried. But they didn't.

It's all painfully human and real and I love mxtx for that.

[jetkast]

Wei Ying often kisses Nie Huaisang on the mouth, a gentle and quick peck, when they part ways. It makes them giggle gleefully. He always kisses his sister on the cheek, the two of them closing their eyes in a glowing affection. He sometimes kisses his brother on the forehead, even holding his cheeks tight so he can't escape, then scampers off when Jiang Cheng halfheartedly swings for him, his face bright red and bashful. He occasionally kisses Wen Ning at the temple, Wen Qing on her knuckles, even Wen Yuan gets a raspberry on his chubby child cheeks more often than not. He once blew cheeky air kisses at his sister’s husband, somehow filled with a disdainful tolerance, the act an utter mockery of affection.

He does not kiss Lan Zhan. 

Modern AU, post-college, mutual pining. Gratuitous kissing. Soft, no angst, lots of yearning. And then smut. I fed myself.

[jetkast]

I like MXTX novels because I'm a big fan of having the "cursed by fate with Tragic Edgelord syndrome" character and the "motivated almost entirely by love and a desire to save that one guy" character hook up and kiss

[jetkast]

I know that some people dislike the trend in fanon where WWX is ditzy or oblivious, but (aside from specific instances) I generally support his self bimboificiation. You can be a bimbo and a genius. You can be brilliant in some ways and dumb as rocks in others. The freedom of enthusiastically consenting to someone stubborn, strong, and dominant to objectify you knowing with full trust that they know your whole, competent self and love it all. There is a balance there and I think that Wangxian, even in canon, hit it. It took time and experience, a helluva lot of trust development, to get there.

Let Wei Wuxian be taken care of, objectified, consensually minimized into the tiny, malleable, soft animal of a person he wants to be. The version he only barely got to be with his shijie - xianxian is only three - and immerses himself in full with his dutiful husband.

(Lan Wangji himself then able to push, pull, manipulate, force, coerce, degrade, pamper, control, etc etc the way he desires to -- consensually, with full trust that it will be received as the fiercely devoted love and care that it is.)

[jetkast]

World building is addictive and forever the bane of actually completing an original story, even one that starts simple 😭.

I find myself making a correspondence table... AGAIN!

[jetkast]

I don't think any protagonist can ever top Wei 'Yiling Laozu' Wuxian. No one is doing it like him. He is an icon. He can shoot arrows blindfolded. He is a prankster. He falls for a boy and decides immediately that he must have said boy's attention on him at all time. He is necromancer exacting his vengeance. He is just three years old. He is a flirt. He has his first kiss in his twenties. He does not remember your name. He does remember that one song his crush sang to him in a cave when he was injured and feverish. He is a sunshine boy. He survived the hell of hells. He died and was unhappily brought back to life. He's the bizarre genius, the miraculous hero, the force of the rebellion, the flower that blooms alone. He walks the single plank bridge alone. He is the awesome gay uncle who knows everything. He is a pretty boy. He is the most moral, steadfast person you know. He is just a man throwing flowers to his love. He rips his hard won talent out to repay a debt that never was. He is a sister's boy. He is an abuse survivor. He is an urban legend. He is one of the most handsome men of his time. He has so much trauma. He plants children like radishes. He threw the arrow he was shot with from a rooftop and killed someone. He is a talented musician. He is a scheming fox. He can drink you under the table. He is so fucking tired of this bullshit. He has probably long since burned his tastebuds with the spice he puts in his food. He is broke. He kisses skeletons on their hands in gratitude. He confesses his deep, abiding love in the middle of being held hostage. He attempts the impossible and succeeds. He is an untamed hero, standing against a world condemning the innocent. He is everything.

[jetkast]

The pain wasn't the issue. Pain was a part of life, part of his training, his willful personality requiring discipline he lacked from the time on his own. The pain was fine, expected if not welcomed, a representation of his acceptance at Lotus Pier. It was a sign of investment from the Jiang: time and resources to shape him into a strong cultivator, a right hand man to Jiang Cheng worthy of their philanthropy when the time came, at the very least not a blemish on their sect lineage.

The issue was that Wei Ying needed to be unconscious. He needed the time spent away, in darkness, left from his body so it could heal while he wasn't there to hinder it. He could feel the tightness of his eyes, bloodshot with too much continuous time here, present, active. He needed his time to be nothing so that tomorrow he could attempt to be something.

A snippet from the fic doc I write in when I feel like shit. 😆

[jetkast]

the flavors of gay thoughts and repression in wangxian are the most fun

LWJ: loud gay thoughts on the inside; enormity of my desire disgusts me; oh god he's hot oh no; repress repress repress; no one will know so long as I don't make eye contact with anyone ever again, especially xiongzhang; my purpose in life is to be pure and noble, not be gay do crime; peace and tranquility, meditation and silence, once familiar, now empty, but at least they remain; I will simply be absent of desire as far as anyone is concerned and it will be fine;

WWX: gay thoughts but for the meme, they are universally true thoughts, regardless of gender, ok, shidi; if I flirt with everyone, no one will know that one man gets the True Flirt, including myself; if I keep moving and talking and laughing then I can live head empty no thoughts as fate intended; when you think about it, like when you really consider, like I'm just saying; look at me look at me look at me, need it need it need it; did I mention it was for the meme because it seems you are taking it seriously; why are you tying that, you won't even listen, what will you do to me~~

[jetkast]

All MXTX novels are just about one outwardly put-together, inwardly screaming mess of a man and his emotional support war criminal.

[jetkast]

MXTX protags my beloved. Prettyboy table for the win

Bonus page:

[jetkast]

Knowing that he’d definitely die, Wei Wuxian somehow grew calmer.

[jetkast]

wake up babe, hua cheng saying "as you wish" in the new tgcf dub episode just dropped

[jetkast]

textposts that remind me of the poppy war:

[jetkast]

Wei Ying had this murky image of a domestic life with a dedicated partner and a little one, hand in hand, warm and loving, all that good stuff, but she told herself that was just an echo of her only memory with her parents. That reality was far, far away, and Wei Ying had more urgent matters now. She always seemed to have more urgent matters. Thankfully, Lan Zhan was always there to keep her steady.

I'm a few chapters in to a fic about wen yuan getting taken into foster care with cisswap wangxian. It's a lot and I don't know how long it will end up, but it's been lovely for processing some of my own experiences with becoming a foster parent. I have so many scenes saved up that I want to get to, just need to stitch them together! (My least favorite part lol.)

Rated M (may change to E, not sure yet).

tw childhood trauma, panic attacks, distressed babies (wwx included), so far just vague allusions to neglect and emotional abuse

Title from Notion by Tash Sultana.

[jetkast]

Stray cat

here, eat

a dead mouse

laid at your feet

you didn't ask, but I hunted for you 

you looked hungry

I had time

between tissue protected fingertips

you pick it up to take it elsewhere

when you return I'm still here

you pat me on the head 

a muttered thanks

an attempt to hide the disgust on your face

an improvement from the ones before

that shoved my face in it

then threw me out

and you still look hungry

[jetkast]

Because when you’re this gay every time you walk it’s a fucking parade