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[kae1crafts]

Interesting gift and interesting crocheted square.

The Color Block Square, and The Gift

As you all will know, things have been (up until quite recently) very bad for me. I was living in my own personal hell, which I have gone into great detail discussing in previous posts. It wasn’t until really a few days ago, that I was able to tell myself “enough is enough” and begin to DRAG myself back into the light. I would be lying if I said that finding happiness, after spending so long in such great depths of depression, was easy. The truth of the matter is that I have to begin each day now, FORCING myself to take a moment, before even climbing out of bed, to smile. It used to be that this smile came naturally…easily. There was no effort needed, to wake up happy. And, maybe, some day, I will be there again. But for now, I am at the point where I have to convince myself that the day is going to be good.

Hey…whatever gets the job done. This forced smile, at the beginning of each morning, seems to be doing the trick just fine. Because, while not as chipper as I once was, not too long ago, I am finding that I am able to, at least, keep happiness in my days. And, that is a good thing.

Yesterday afternoon, the mail came. The friendly lady stopped her truck right outside our house, then walked all of our mail to our front door, because there were two packages, too big to fit in the mailbox. My husband went to grab the packages off of the porch, yelling out a friendly “thank you” to the lady, as she got in her truck. She looked back, smiled and waved, and then, she was off.

“It’s here,” he said, smiling, as he held one of the packages in his hand. It was a smile that went ear to ear. “I got you something,” he said, as he walked over to the couch, where I was sitting. “It was supposed to be for Valentine’s Day. But, with everything that has been going on, I don’t want to wait, to give it to you. I want you to have it now.” He handed me the package.

Inside of the white plastic envelope, there was a light blue box. I took the lid off of it, and saw something that, to me, was the most precious thing in the world.

My husband got me a necklace. A sterling silver necklace, with a heart pendant hanging from it. And, on this heart pendant, there is an etching of a picture of him and I. On the reverse side of this heart, he had “I love you forever” engraved, along with our initials.

I looked at it, and I felt more joy than I have felt, at any point that I can remember. My smile matched his, as he took the necklace from my hands, and wrapped it around my neck. I looked down at it, and smiled, as I saw the heart. All of yesterday, and even this morning, I keep running my hand along the pendant, feeling the delicate grooves of the etching.

Today, as I woke up, I found that I did not have to force a smile on my face, as I have had to do for the past few days. I opened my eyes, at just before four in the morning–thanks for making noise and waking me up, stupid Cupid–and reached for the heart pendant. As soon as my fingers felt the surface of it, a smile came to me…natural, and unforced. I looked over at my husband, sleeping beside me, and I gave him a gentle hug–careful not to wake him–before climbing out of bed, and making my way downstairs to start my morning.

He gave me this gift early, because he thought it would make me feel better. And, he was right!

Now then, on to the square made yesterday…

I decided to work a square, using leftover scraps of yarn, that I knew I would not have enough of, to work an entire round. The start of this square was worked in a lavender yarn, that I worked with for two rounds. The first round is just a bunch of double crochet stitches, worked into your beginning ring. Round two is made by working single crochet stitches into certain stitches from round one, and skipping other stitches, creating chain spaces.

Rounds three and four are where this square really got fun for me. I had neon green yarn, and a rich chocolate brown yarn. I knew, however, that I did not have enough of either to really work the entirety of round three, which included several double treble stitches. So, I decided to work half of the round in the neon green, then switch yarns to the brown, and work the other half. For round four, still having just a small amount of each yarn left, I decided to do a kind of color-block effect. Working over the brown section of round three, I used the neon green yarn. And, over the neon part of round three, I worked brown. This gives the square kind of a neat, reflective and negative look. I really like it.

Round five you make this granny onto the square shape, through a combination of every stitch, from single to double treble. This round, on my square, is worked in white. And then, for the last round, which I worked in a different shade of brown, you simply work a round of double crochet stitches, worked into every stitch of the previous round.

This square, when finished, came out kind of artsy looking, I think. It has this almost abstract quality to it, that I find to be very fascinating. And, it just goes to show that sometimes, you don’t need to work an entire round in one yarn, for the piece to look completely amazing, when it is finished. You just have to have a plan!

So…Another square has been worked. And now, I am off to go snuggle with my doggies on the couch, and watch some good old TV.

I hope all of my readers have a truly amazing day.

Until tomorrow…

[kae1crafts]

I’ve followed Michael for a number of years - when he first started to blog and crochet - and have found him to be honest, generous and eager to learn and improve his situation.  I’ve never felt that he has been out to take advantage of me or anyone else.  Good luck Michael with this quest.

It Can’t Hurt...

So, yesterday, I decided to just do it. Even though it feels strange to have it on my blog–a bit like  charity–I am listening to the words of my friend on Facebook, as well as a reader from this blog. I have went ahead, and added a link to a PayPal that I have set up, where readers can, should they choose to do so, donate money, which I will use to get my husband a dream birthday gift, for his big 50, in one year. I know I have talked about it in the past, but in this post, I will begin by stating what it is that I wish to get him (however unlikely it may be), why I want to get it for him, and why I feel like adding this button was my last effort, at making this a possibility, no matter how small it may be. My reason for rewriting all of this, is to let everyone reading know that I am not just some lazy mooch, begging for money.

For the past year, I have known exactly what I have wanted to get for my husband, for his fiftieth birthday, which will be in January of 2019. I have wanted to get him a Louis Vuitton bag. Yes, it is extravagant, and over the top. Some would say that such a want is ridiculous. And, were it not for the past two years, I would agree, in saying that this gift is completely insane, to even consider. But, our past two years have been anything but easy…and I have felt, for some time now, like, if I could manage to get him this–this rather opulent gift–that it would help to bit of cheer, that is so desperately needed.

In the past two years, we have been involved in what can only be called a flat out WAR! In an effort to destroy my husband–to bring him pain, simply for the sake of bringing pain–of watching him suffer–a former best friend of his (for over 30 years) has began viciously attacking him. Lies–hurtful lies, that should NEVER be spread about anyone–have been told, about my husband, to all of his friends, from high school…friends that he has known, and cared for, for quite some time. These lies, being so brutal in their nature, has made all but a handful of his friends turn away, and ignore him completely. We now live, knowing that these falsifications have done irreparable damage, which has caused a great amount of grief, and left a hole that can never be filled.

Along with these lies, this former best friend not only took prized possessions that my husband left in their care–things that were supposed to be cared for, until they were able to be claimed–but also sold them. Things that my husband had collected since childhood. Dated comic books, dolls and other items from a deceased grandmother, autographed records and tour books from concerts that he had gone to when he was a teenager, and so much more. All of it stolen, along with a good amount of money, from my husband, at a time, when he was battling cancer. By the time we were able to fight to make things right, too much time had passed. Nothing could be done. All of his goods–childhood memories, and heirloom pieces (even jewelry from his grandmother) was pawned off, and even sold on eBay. (One of the most tragic things ever was watching these items as they were posted on eBay, and watching them get sold…unable to stop what was happening.)

The toll of this betrayal has been too much to bear. Between the fact that this was a former best friend, and the fact that lies and thievery had been caused, with malice (and to hurt him), we are both living, daily, wondering how in the hell something so devastating could happen.

This…this is why I wanted to get him the Louis Vuitton bag. Yes, it is expensive. I understand that. But, after this hell–this nightmare that no one, and I do mean NO ONE, should have to live–if anyone deserved to have such a wonderful thing, it would be my husband.

I began applying for positions in early 2017, knowing that as soon as I got a job, I would start scrimping, and saving–putting aside every single dime that I could manage to put aside–to make this dream of mine a reality. I just knew that, when he got it–when he looked at the black box, with the name on it, and opened it, to reveal this bag (that he has ALWAYS wanted, so he has told me)–it would ALL be worth it.

I applied everywhere I could think of. Every store at the mall (JC Penny, Sears, Macy’s, Dillards, Books-A-Million, as well as all of the other lesser known mall stores), every local hotel (for every position that I could manage to do), restaurants (though I cannot serve, I applied to wash dishes), Walmart, Target, banks…you name it.

Hundreds of applications sent out, and so many promising interviews set. Interviews where I would wear a suit, arrive early, bring a copy of my resume (in case they did not have one), and smile my way through the process.

And, each and every time, the same thing…

The interview would end, with talking, in some way, about my disability. A few of the ballsier places would tell me that the position was not set to safely handle me. (How can one possibly fall, while sitting at a front desk at a hotel?) Others would ask me if my limitations would prohibit me from performing the necessary tasks. Some managers would actually look at my walker, or the way that I walked, and roll their eyes, or give a discerning look.

One, right after the other, I would get the rejection emails. The last one, which came from the position I most recently applied for, read the following: “Dear candidate. We appreciate the interest you have in working with us. And, while your resume is impressive, and your knowledge great, we have decided to, after interviewing, and careful consideration, to go with an individual who can better match the physical demands of the position. We do wish you the best of luck, and will keep your resume on file for future positions.” (Again, I have to ask…what physical demands are there, in a position where, even during the interview, I was told that the position was a sedentary position.)

At first, I thought that I would, in time, find that right job…that one that would allow me the chance to shine. But, after having sent out well over one thousand resumes, and having taken part in well over 200 interviews in the past year–all of which, in some way, bringing up the topic of my disability, or, as it is sometimes also referred to, my “limitation”, I can honestly admit that the hopefulness is gone.  (Just today, when my husband and I were having lunch, I told him that, over the past year–especially after this past interview–I have felt part of that flame go away. “Part of what made me, “ME”, has gone away.” I used to be eternally hopeful…optimistic, and always happy. I used to be the type that thought that, eventually, something good would come.

But, after so many interviews, and so many turn downs (for a reason that is clearly obvious) that optimistic nature sort of begins to fade away.

So, we wind up here now…

At the time where, listening to the words from my Facebook friend, as well as a note sent by a reader, on my last post, I have decided to change my blog format, and add a donate button, for a PayPal account that I have opened up. Both of these people told me that I would be surprised at what would happen, if I just gave it the chance. My Facebook friend, as I have already written, told me that if one hundred friends (or one hundred twenty) each donated ten dollars, it would get me the amount needed. Of course, as I have told them, I do not have one hundred friends on Tumblr. So, the odds are slim that this will happen. My FB friend said to keep hope up, and see if those who donate–because he is sure SOME will, where I, on the other hand, have my reservations–would reblog. I will admit, it sounds all nice, and it would be crazy insane if it  actually happened.

I think the reason why I put up the donate button is, if I am being honest, it is a last resort. Clearly, as sad as it is, I am not given a fair chance, whenever I go in for an interview. And, each time, it takes a bit more of my soul, when rejection comes.

In the end, I have to prepare myself for the (very real) possibility that, against what these two people feel, this will not work. I really hope it does…but, the odds of it are, I am afraid, slim to none. I am a realist, after all. Still, if by some miracle (and I do mean MIRACLE) enough individuals donated, and this was possible…well…

How great would that be?

To be able to get my husband something that he told me he wanted, so much. To be able to get him the very thing that I had dreamed of getting him. And, to be able to get him a gift that, by the extravagant nature, would be something (finally) that he could take pride in, after the hell that has been dumped on both of us, these past two years.

Everyone has a dream, right? Well, for the past year, since he first told me he desired one of these bag, THIS has been mine? And, they do ALWAYS say that dreams do come true. So, while I have a difficult time believing this will pan out, I figured that, as my FB friend, and Tumblr reader said, I could very well be surprised by what happens.

There you have it. I just wanted to write that out here, so that anyone who sees the button on my page, linking to the PayPal, will not think that I am just out for easy money. Believe me when I say that I have tried, VERY HARD, to get work, to make this happen. And, sadly, people in the position to hire always seem to narrow-minded to look past the disability.

Anyway…moving on now, since I have probably made a few of my readers uncomfortable. (If I have done so, I do sincerely apologize. This was not my intent.)

Yesterday’s square was another square, worked almost entirely with cluster stitches. In the six rounds that make this square up, clusters are used in five. And, in the first four rounds, the only stitches are chain spaces, and clusters. I can say that, one problem I have with this cluster-heavy square, is that (due to the prominent use of clusters, which create a bubbled type of stitch) the square does NOT want to lay flat. When trying to take the picture of it, I had to force it flat, and hurry and take the picture. Because, this square, in all purposes, is much like one of those little plastic suction popper toys. If you take your hands off of it for more than a moment, it starts to pop right back up!

The center of this square–round one–is worked using a camel color yarn. Not a favorite of mine–I am not all that much of a brown fan–but, being that I had JUST enough of it for the round, I figured what the hell. All the other rounds were worked in pink.

Now, as I said above, apart from the last round, every round is comprised of nothing but chains and clusters. The last round, also has clusters. The corners are made using two sets of treble clusters, separated by a chain space. But, for the sides of this last round, you work what is basically three treble “X’s”, by skipping a stitch, creating a treble, and then working a treble, back in the missed stitch.

In the end, this square is one that seems completely unnecessary. While I am not against the use of clusters, by any means, this square uses them in such a way, that I really have to wonder if it would have been just as fitting, to work regular double crochets, and trebles. Because, in this great volume, you really cannot even tell that they are, in fact, clusters. (You know, unless you see the square turning up, because of them.) It just seems like someone wanted to create a square pattern that was really much more intensive than it really needed to be.

As far as looks on this square go…I really cannot pinpoint why, but for some reason, I am not all that impressed with it. There is just something about it that is…wonky! There is something about it–and I don’t know what–that just doesn’t work right.

But, we all know that I am not going to like every square in this challenge. This has not been the first square that I do not like. And, I can assure you, it will not be the last. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I FINISHED it. Another squarew to check off my list, bringing me one step closer to the end of this challenge.

And now, after writing a very long post (which, again, I hope does not offend or make anyone uncomfortable) I am now off. Time to go work another square.

Until tomorrow, my dearest readers…

[kae1crafts]

A glimpse of what it would be like to walk in another person’s shoes.  

The World We Live In

I am writing this, my second post for the day. I have decided to do so, in an effort to just have a relaxing morning, and day, tomorrow. A day where, apart from creating the necessary granny square, NOTHING is required of me. I just want–and need–to have a day to unwind. A day to let everything just fade away. A day to fully relax, and drink tea, and try to get fully better. A day to just CHILL. A day to meditate, and focus on all of the good things in my life, instead of letting myself focus on all of the not so good stuff. So, this post will serve to take the place of the one that I typically write in the mornings. And tomorrow, I am choosing to stay away from my computer, for the day. Who knows…I may watch Beauty and the Beast tomorrow morning. It is a movie that I absolutely LOVE. It makes me feel happy. Yes! I think this is what is in store for tomorrow morning. A movie, some coffee, and quality time with my doggies, who never make me feel like I am less.

Anyway…

I went to bed last night, hugged by my husband, and with a thought running through my mind. One that, though I tried to push it away, decided to not only take up residency in my brain. But, with each passing second, grow even stronger.

I wish life could be easier.

I know, I know…I am sure that everyone, at some point, has had this thought. I am sure I am not alone, by any means, in this. But, I just wish that there could be ONE simple day, where things were not always hampered down by my disability. You know, I like to think that (for the most part) I am a happy person. (Sure, if you look at this blog, that could be up for debate. But, by and large, I am the type of person that is able to just keep trucking along, and smile my way through most days.) And, I also like to think that I have come to terms with my disability.

But then, can one ever REALLY come to terms with something like this? Can one EVER really fully accept, and embrace, the fact that they are different…unable to perform tasks, and do things, that other people get the chance to do? Things that others do, without even thinking about it.  Can one ever really find themselves at full peace in a world that, so often (and so wrongly) judges, first and foremost, based off of physical appearance?

I am, at this point (as I write this) thinking to myself that the problem may not be my disability, at all. Not really. (Though, let me iterate that I would love to be free of it.) The problem may, very well, be with the society, in which we live…a society that tells us, by and large, that people who are disabled, either mentally or physically, must be of lesser value. It is a sad reality…knowing this is the type of world we live in. But, it is a reality, nonetheless.

My problem is not with my disability. That is NOT what makes life difficult. Rather, what makes life difficult, is the way that others perceive, judge, and act towards me, based off of my disability.

You know, the disability is something that I CANNOT change. It is there, every day…it is what it is. There is not a damned thing that I can do, to make it go away, or stop it from being present. But, the way others view me–the way this one part of me comes first, and above all else–well…that can, and should, change. Newsflash…a disabled person is more than JUST a disability. I am more than my Strumpell-Lorraine Syndrome. I am more than the walker I am forced to use, or the wobbly legs, and dragging feet. These are not WHO I am. (Though, sadly, they are the things that I am primarily identified by.)

WHO I am is a pet-loving, and eternally optimistic man. (Sure, I may get in spells of feeling down, but who doesn’t?) I am a blogger, a crocheter, and a loving husband. I am SMART! (I have a BA with a GPA of 3.78, and a MAED with a GPA of 3.92) I am thoughtful, and caring to a tee. I have the dream of being a writer someday. I would love to write something that people WANT to read! (What I wouldn’t give to see my name on the cover of a book, on a shelf somewhere.)  I am the type of man who will offer UNCONDITIONAL and UNENDING support to those I love. I will move heaven and earth, just to see my loved ones smile, when they are feeling blue. I am a man who likes to sing while taking a bath, or showering. (Though, sadly, I do not expect a Grammy for my performances, any time soon.) I like to bake…wearing an apron, and everything, as I make a batch of cookies, or cupcakes, or a cake. I am a survivor of TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE things, that nobody should have to go through. My biological mother put me up for adoption, because she could not bear the thought of raising a disabled child. I was molested by my adoptive father, starting at the age of six, and was told that if I told anyone, I would die. And, as of 2014, I have had to mourn the loss of my brother, who (sadly) could not carry on with his life. He was my best friend, and I will never forget the day he was taken from me. (Through all of these things, I have still pressed on, and still am able to see the blessings of life.) I am a dreamer…one who always (even when facing crisis or hardship) hopes that better things are right around the corner.

And I am more. So, so much more!

Now, tell me, my dearest readers…should these not be the things that identify me? Should these not be the things that I am remembered for? Instead of my walker, should I not be identified as the sunny person that I am? Instead of the nightmare that is walking with the limp, and dragging my feet, should one not ask what dreams I have? Instead of seeing me as weak, because I cannot walk the same as everyone else, should one not consider the HELL that I have had to overcome? (Both, related to the disability, and those things mentioned above.)

One thing that I find to be extremely troubling is the way, by and large, that society looks at those who suffer from a disability, or impairment. We are often seen as these fragile things, that are constantly on the verge of breaking. I know that I, personally, find myself facing people who feel the need to treat me with kids’ gloves, all the time. I am seen as delicate…like some crooked-legged porcelain doll, that, if not handled with extreme caution, can easy shatter into a million pieces. Yet, simply by being a disabled individual–simply by having to live with some sort of impairment that a large majority of the world will NEVER know–do I not prove this to be wrong? Tell me, does my disability make me weak? Or, does living with this struggle, and facing it each day, head on, while still managing to find happiness in almost every day, make me stronger than anyone could ever imagine? Does being denied jobs–the verdict is still out on the current–because I am disabled show a sign of weakness? Or does it just plain suck? Does is show weakness when I smile, and pretend not to notice, as I go down the street, or walk in the mall, and have people not just look, but gawk at me…sometimes even laugh, and point? (If you think I am talking about kids here, I am sad to say you are wrong. It is more times teens and adults. And, when children look, it does not bother me.) Or, does is show strength that, even when I am treated like some sort of freak show side-performer, I still manage to go on, and try to have a good day?

I just wish, in the end, that people could understand a few key things about my disability. One, it does not make me any damn less than anyone else. It does not mean that I am not as good as someone else, or that I am not as worthy. It also does not give people a right to make judgements about me. Trying to put me in the disability “nutshell” is completely fucked up. Because, there are, as stated above, other parts to me, that might be of more interest, than whether or not I can walk like everyone else. It does not determine how “smart” or “dumb” I may be. It does not make me any less human. It does not give you the RIGHT to look, point, jeer, and laugh at me, when you see me on the street. (Come one…are we still in High School? Is there really nothing more productive that could be filling time, apart from mocking the way I walk?)

Well…Anyway. I really could carry on, and on, with this. But, in the end, I do have to realize that my readers do not come to my blog to read about such things as this. While it may be true that it is perfectly okay to write about stuff other than squares, I do have to remember that it is the creation of my granny squares, which is the real purpose of this blog.

So, today, I created one square. I really wanted to make a second one, but it was an incredibly COLD day. It has been very chilly the past couple of days, actually. And, if any of you have tendinitis, then you will know that the cold is not exactly kind to this condition. My hands were practically SCREAMING at me, as I worked this square. And, by the time I had (rather painfully) finished the last round, I knew there was no way in hell I was going to be able to work a second one. It just was NOT going to happen. Sorry, kiddo!

Today’s square is a solid square. This means that it took a great number of stitches to make. I felt like I was working on it FOREVER! But, in the end, when I look at the finished product, I have to say, that is was worth it…pain and all. This square started turning interesting during the third round, where I used orange yarn, to create a round of long single crochet stitches, working into the stitches of round one. This created a little circle of orange “V” shapes, amid the gray. Very pretty! Then, in the first round of transitioning to pink, you are asked to do a post crochet, working around the stitches of the previous round. This creates a dotted pink circle, at the outer edge of the gray. Again, kind of a cool touch. The last round that makes this square really special is the round where you are asked to double crochet, then work two more double crochet stitches in the same stitch, working one in front, and one behind, the first double crochet. This creates a kind of rippled look, which adds further detail to the square. I finished the square with a round worked in the same gray yarn that I started with.

Like I said, it is a very pretty square. It is one that I am very proud to say I made, especially considering the pain in my hands, and the fact that I am still kind of sick. As I look at it, I will say that I am pretty sure this might be one of the most classy squares that I have made to date. It has a sort of pizazz to it, that I absolutely LOVE!

And, there you have it. A post, consisting of a fair amount of bitching about the narrow-mindedness of the world, and finishing up with talking about the most recent granny square to my collection. And now, I bid you all a great night. Wish me a peaceful morning tomorrow. God knows I need it!

[kae1crafts]

This blog is well worth reading.  Michael shares not only his granny square creations but his feelings and his personal journey through life in a most honest way.  

It’s Unfair...

Yesterday, I had an interview at a nearby timeshare hotel. I am still clinging to hope that, when I hear back, it will be good news. But–perhaps due to my bad luck with interviews in the past–I am doubtful. It seems that, no matter how qualified I am, the only thing that people seem to dwell on is the walker. During the interview, the hiring manager asked (about five minutes before the interview concluded) if I could stand for long periods of time, or if that would be a problem. As she said this, she looked at my walker. The same thing that has happened, oh so many times, in the past. After this question, the whole process changed. It went from talking about my qualifications, to basically trying to usher me out the door. “Well,” she said, again glancing at the walker (for a brief moment, which, had I not been paying attention to, I would have missed), “I will be interviewing a few other people, before I make my decision. I will call you back when a decision is reached, and let you know.” She then said the very thing that, despite sounding positive, has proven to be the kiss of death, when it comes to ending an interview. “You have a great personality, Mr. Nylander. That much is certain.”

I heard these words, and my heart sank. Having heard this exact statement, so many times in the past, I know all too well what is so easily hidden behind these seemingly sweet words. You might as well just come out and say it, I thought, as I tried to keep my smile glued to my face. Just say what you mean. ‘No matter how great your personality is, we are looking for other candidates, who are more able to ‘handle’ the workload.’

You know, I try so hard to be in a great mood, all the time. I try to convince myself that, while having a disability is by no means fun, it is not the end of the world. I wake up everyday, and I convince myself, before even climbing out of bed, that I am so much more than the disability. I am MICHAEL first. A person, first and foremost. Then the disability, second. It does not define me, I tell myself. And, most days, I can believe this. (Or, at the very least, make it appear like I believe this.) But, then, things like this occur. An interview, let’s say, where I am shown that, in fact, my walker (and thereby, my disability) are of equal importance to my qualifications, and my personality. Perhaps even more important, actually.

Like I said, I am not sure what the future holds, in regards to this position. I guess I will just have to wait, until I get that call back. But, regardless, having attention to the walker pointed out, at the very moment when my qualifications are being discussed…well, it is just a BIG FUCKING SLAP IN THE FACE!

If I were not on the dumb South Beach Diet (and helping my husband start this diet, as well) I would have went to the store, got a gallon of ice cream, hot fudge, and marshmallows, and I would have pigged out, to dull the feelings. Alas, ice cream cannot be had. So, instead, I come to this blog, and I vent.

I just want a job! I want to be able to get up, each day, and go to work. I want to be able to provide a comfortable existence for my family. And, with a college education, I should have absolutely NO problem getting this.

But, damned the disability. In truth, I know this is why I have, in the past, been denied opportunities. And, if I am denied this job, then I know that it will be the reason again.

People oftentimes think that disabled individuals have it easy. There is a stigma that disabled people are lazy…that they don’t even TRY to get jobs, but rather, wait for the government to provide for them. For me, at least, this is not the case. I am so far from lazy. I try, so very hard, to get employment.

The truth is this, I fear. In my country (since I am not sure where all of my readers live), there are laws that, I am told, will protect my rights as a disabled man. There are laws about being turned down employment, due to disability. But, don’t let this fool you. Employers find loopholes. They find ways around it.

Still, after this venting, I hope I get this job. I hope my gut instinct is wrong. I hope that my walker did not hinder my chances. I hope that this lady will be able to prove my fears wrong.

But, it is better to prepare for the disappointment, and not have it happen, than the other way around.

Anyway…

This morning, when I first woke up–before feeling insecure about being a disabled man–I made another granny square. My tendinitis was acting up, and I felt absolutely NO DESIRE, whatsoever, to do any type of crocheting, at all. All I really wanted to do, was snuggle up on the couch, and watch a movie. Pet my dogs. Take a one day break from crocheting. God, how nice that would be.

But, I knew that I couldn’t. If I did this, then I might as well give this whole project up. And, I have come way too far to let that happen.

So, whining the whole time, and wishing for a brief break that I knew could not exist, I began work.

The first round was worked in what little bit of red, white, and green variegated yarn that I had left. I barely had enough to finish the round. But, I managed. Round one consists of a number of double crochets, with chain one spaces between each.

After finishing this round, I switched over to orange yarn, which would be the yarn I used, until working the frame of this square. (I will say that working with the orange yarn made this square a bit more bearable to work. Orange is, after all, my favorite color.) The rounds worked in orange had a combination of chain spaces, double crochets, double crochet clusters, and treble crochets. A lot of different stitches, yet surprisingly simple to do. For the last round of this square–a frame made by double crocheting in every stitch–I worked with the neon yarn.

So, there you have it…

Another  square worked.

Before I sign off, to go work on my square for the day, I would like to say a great thank you to everyone who takes the time out of their days to come to my blog. Thank you all for liking my posts. Thank you for responding to what I write. Thank you for being there. In truth, the reminder given during the interview yesterday–the reminder that it is so easy to see my disability, and make judgements on it–has me feeling low. It has me feeling like, no matter what, throughout so much of life, I will always be cast aside. Like I will always be denied, or treated as though I am nothing.

But, when I come to this blog–when I write about my granny squares, and the events of my days (be they good or bad)–and have you all read, and write, and respond to my posts, I feel like I am worth something. I feel like I have value. I feel like maybe, if nothing else, I am good at writing posts, and creating a way for people to see me as me, and not just the walker. (I am not expecting a pity party here…don’t think that.) I may secretly hope, every time I write, that I (somehow) manage to have hundreds or even thousands read me. (Who wouldn’t want that?) What I do have is this blog. What I do have is you…those who ACTUALLY read me.

Here, I have found a place, where judgement does not exist…a place where I can be me, without the walker, or the hell that comes with it.

So, for this gift that you all give me, I thank you. You will never know how much I value each of you.

And now, with that said, I am off. Time to go crochet.

[kae1crafts]

Crafting and Writing

Writing where, my readers ask?  I’ve been doing the internal newsletter so we could get it to the printer before they went on Thanksgiving break.  Got it sent off yesterday and then started concentrating on items for my upcoming craft fair on Dec 4.  It is at a friend’s work but still want to do a good job.  

I’ve also been making some special order items and working on the arm knitting so I have a selection there.  Oh, the ways  find to keep myself busy and/or out of mischief or in mischief - who knows which it is.

I’ve completed a couple more of the trellis necklaces and sold one to a neighbor so need to make another one of that color for the craft fair.  Made a baby hat for another neighbor.  Packaged and mailed the pot holders that I sold on Etsy.   I’ve also been checking out finger crocheting.  Interesting to say the least and would be great where you can’t have a crochet hook.

In the meantime, went grocery shopping, to knit group last night and played a few games of Mah jongg online just to relax.

More writing and pictures after I’ve taken them.

[kae1crafts]

Michael is on a long journey both with making one to two granny squares a day for a year, then assembling them, but also on his inward journey of dealing with the  joys and pain in his life.  I admire his honesty in dealing with his emotions.  Love the bottle and note hidden in your house.  BTW  another great square even though the picture is blurry -- or do I just need more coffee???

Another Square, and Old-Home Charm

After writing my blog post yesterday, I spent a good amount of time meditating using my mala. (It is recommended that you meditate/wear the mala, daily, for at least the first forty days. This allows the benefits to really occur, and also allows the chance for your own energies to connect with the energy of the mala beads.) Then, after my husband woke up, we got straight to work, adding these totally awesome colonnades (which date back to 1910) to a grand archway in our house, where the living room meets the dining room. (I must say, having an old house is so much fun. I love being able to add these pieces to it. I love the fact that we get to take care of it.) The insides of the colonnade bases are hollow. And so, before fastening the last one to the wall, my husband had me write a letter, explaining our love for the house (and how we are only the THIRD owners, to live here, since it was first built, in 1923), and talking about all of the additions we have done…how they all are done with materials that are time appropriate to the era of the house, itself. I concluded this letter saying that I hope it is never found. But, if some time down the road it is (which means these colonnades would be taken down) I ask the reader/current owner of the house, to please respect it, and see it for the beauty that it really is. I then rolled it up, sealed it in a glass jar, and tucked it away inside the colonnade.

And it felt nice. It felt like, by writing that letter–by tucking it away into what is now a part of the house–we were (somehow) connecting to our house, in a whole new way. It may seem totally dorky. But, it felt…right. And now, whenever I look at the colonnade, I am always going to remember that, tucked away inside of it, there is a letter. A secret letter telling of how very special this house is to us.

In other news…

My mom has rescheduled her flight, to come and visit in Florida. She is now scheduled to come December 3, and will be heading back to California on the date of December 10. (My birthday, FYI, is December 8…the day I will be THIRTY-SIX YEARS OLD!!!) I find that I wish I could believe her, when she says that she will be coming this time. But, just yesterday, when she started to make excuses again (followed by saying: “I really hope that things work out, and that I am blew to come this time”), I promised myself that I would not hold my breath on the matter. Sure, it would be nice to happily expect, and plan out her visit. And yes, I do feel (ever so slightly) like a punk for doubting it. But I have to be smart, don’t I? I mean, I have already been burned once already. I have already felt the great hurt and disappointment by planning and expecting a great trip, only to have the idea of it ripped away from me, at the last minute. So, maybe if isn’t a “punk” move, after all…my doubt. Maybe it is a mechanism to make sure that I don’t get hurt, a second time.

“It would be great if she came to visit…WONDERFUL,” I have told my husband, more than one time, since she claimed she would be able to do so this December. “But, until she is actually here, looking me in the face, then I am not going to believe that it is going to happen.” At the same time, I will say that I have also told him that, should what happened last time happen again, then I will be more than honest about my feelings of the matter. I have kept quiet about the pain she caused me, by not coming in October. I decided that it was not worth upsetting her. So, I had to deal with all of that on my own. But, if it happens again, so help me God, I will no longer sit quietly, and deal with the pain of it, on my own.

So, now let us transition into talking about the granny square, made yesterday…

For this square, I used three different yarns. The first two rounds were worked in a soft yellow. Rounds four and five are worked in a variegated yarn of blue and silver. Round five is worked in the candy corn yarn, that Kae gave me. And, for the final round, six, I worked in the blue and silver yarn again.

For the first two rounds, you work using only single crochet stitches. You start round one by chaining two, and single crocheting multiple stitches into the second chain from the hook. The yellow yarn is, if it makes sense, threadbare feeling. The hole worked in just kept getting loose, every round I worked of the square. So, when I weave this together, I will have to tie the two ends of yellow yarn together, to make sure that the middle of the square does not loosen to the point of coming undone.

Round three is a round worked entirely using two double crochet clusters. This is followed by round four, which is worked with three double crochet clusters. Up until this point, you have a circle shape. It is with round five that the square itself is made, using a combination of half-double, double, and treble stitches.

The last found is simple as anything. You just work half-double shells, and half-double corners. No biggie.

The verdict…

When I first decided to use these three yarns, I was not sure really what to expect. I mean, let us not forget the overly bold granny square, that is all variegated, with a tan hat lost within. I thought, even as I started, that this would be another granny square fashion don’t. So, why did I choose to work with these yarns, if I was not sure how they would look together. Honestly, because they were the first yarns I pulled from my bag. This was my only reason. I was lazy, and did not want to go searching through the bag, hunting for yarns that would compliment one another perfectly.

But, once it was all said and and done, these three yarns (which I was so unsure of) actually worked together PERFECTLY, to create a square that (at least, in my opinion) is completely beautiful. I guess that, now that I am thinking of it, it seems ridiculous to have doubted this…after all, cool colors pair well with warm.

I also noticed, while making this square, that I am a master at working double crochet stitches. (This is the stitch that I use most often.) However, when it comes to the half-double, and the treble (which I do not use as much), I am not so great. I can work them. But, it feels like I am operating with two left hands. I am fumbling throughout the entire process of creating the stitch. These stitches, to me, just feel AWKWARD to create. (We will see if this feeling goes away over the course of this year, as I will no doubt be using them quite a bit.)

Well…that is it for now.

72 squares down. 393 to go.

[kae1crafts]

Strange Reactions

This post isn’t really about crafting - just indirectly.  We live in a 55+ apartment building and each year before it is time to renew our lease we check out some of the other apartments in the area.  Now I love looking at houses and apartments just because I do.  Last year was very different.  The building that DH wanted to look at had all the features that we usually like but I had a melt-down just at the thought of leaving where we were.  True, I have friends here (but I usually can make friends fairly easily wherever we are).  I’m never fond of the packing and moving process but none of this seemed to be the problem.  I finally gathered myself together, gave myself a stern talking-to about viewing the apartment objectively and we set off.  

We measured, we studied how to fit in our activities (my crafts, our computers, my love of cooking, the view), we took pictures, we talked to the residents, we number-crunched - and through it all I still had this negative feeling that I couldn’t explain.  The numbers didn‘t really work out to be great so we stayed were we were.  On the news yesterday, I found out why I had such a negative reaction - the residents in the building we were considering were given 21 days to move out with a $500.00 incentive but a maximum of 60 days to vacate.  Some had been there for over 40 years.  The building owners hadn’t raised the rent for many years.  Now they sold the building and the new owners are completely renovating the building and then here come higher rents.  

I don’t very often get this type of feeling but tend to listen to it when I do when it is this strong.  Past feelings of this strength have proven to be a great warning when I’ve heeded them.

As to crafting, I’m working on another Fair Isle hat this time of my own design.  So far, so good.  Will post pictures when finished.  

I’ve also learned that some yarn makes great pom poms and other yarn not so much.  I made a pom pom the other day and it looks like a wet mop rather than a perky pom pom.  Back to the drawing board on that one!!!

I’ve also been increasing my supply of the ladder or trellis yarn necklaces for an upcoming craft fair at a friend’s business.  Here is what I’ve completed so far.

I still have a few more colors to go

[kae1crafts]

To Pom Pom or Not

I’ve been making some hats and have the question of whether to add pom poms or not.  Here is a picture of one of the hats with a pom pom.

And here is another picture of three different hats without the pom poms.

I'm especially asking the under 40 age group if they like wearing hats with pom poms or if they find them annoying or difficult to wear.  Please leave a comment here or on Facebook.

[kae1crafts]

Clean Bill of Health

It seems like I have spent the last 2 weeks in the doctor’s office but I‘m glad to say that I‘ve finally gotten a clean bill of health and am allowed to start exercising again.  Now I just have to play catch-up from all the time away from home and daily activities.

I completed the Fair Isle hat for the shop model at the Yarn Outlet in Colorado Springs - great yarn shop with reasonable prices and lots of discontinued yarns.  They have the best needle supply in the area plus lots of patterns.  But I digress.  Here is a picture of the hat. 

A neighbor saw me making the hat and has ordered some for Christmas so I’m currently making more.

I’m discovering that the online Mah jongg game can be a huge time suck.  I’m getting better at picking hands and becoming a faster player but find it rather addictive.  As are the jigsaw puzzles that my DH keeps working.  I sit down for a minute to put in a couple of pieces and before I know it - an hour has passed.

[kae1crafts]

Giant Sorting Job

I don’t envy my young friend who is dealing with her grandmother’s stash and UFOs.  Another friend and I helped for a couple of hours yesterday and only made a small dent in the amount to be sorted.  I’m uncomfortable when I have more than about 8 - 10 Unfinished Objects (UFOs).  We filled 2 large garbage bags with UFOs and had only sorted about 1/5 of what needed done.  We also grouped bags and bags of yarn.  All of this makes me look at my stash and how I need to organize it so I don’t leave someone else a giant problem.  My stash is certainly a lot smaller than my friend’s but it tends to grow when I’m not looking.  I swear that it clones when I’m sleeping.  I think I have come close to reaching SABLE (Stash Accumulation Beyond Life Expectancy).  I know that my friend had reached SABLE long ago but her family kept putting her stuff in storage and moving it around so she frequently replaced what she couldn’t find.

We did find some positives.  Her granddaughter had wanted grandmother to write out a particular pattern but had never received it.  Yesterday, we found the hand written pattern that the granddaughter had thought was lost forever.  We also found a bracelet that I had made her in shades of blue.  Another granddaughter is getting married next spring so they are going to give her the bracelet for her wedding.  Pieces of projects were found, then the missing yarn was located.  I recognized a mystery project with no pattern included and I happened to have the pattern in my car so I could share it with the granddaughter.  In all, it was a very positive and productive time.  

I didn’t get any crafting done for myself yesterday.  I worked on a project for another friend - laying out a Christmas Letter.  It is almost done and ready to print.  Between the Christmas letter, getting supper in the crock pot and driving across town to help sort, my day and energy was depleted.  Energy gone = no writing in my blog.  Had a good nights rest so am ready to go today.  Hope to get the Christmas letter completed, watch the Bronco’ s game and work on the Fair Isle hat then play Mah jongg tonight.  Will post picture of the hat when I get it a little further along.

[kae1crafts]

Crazy Week

This week - like many- has flown by.  I’m not sure exactly what all was accomplished but will attempt an update.  

The Newsletter is completed and we received word that it is printed so it can be distributed on time.  YEA!!!

I’ve been helping a friend with a project and I think we are in the final stages of it.  I’ve been learning how to use text boxes in a document.  Text boxes have always been what my DH used and I generally used tables or avoided the issue.  I’m finding that the dreaded text boxes are a lot easier to use that I remembered.

Since I live in a 55 plus building (almost all residents need to be 55-years-old or older to live here) I spend a lot of time visiting friends in the hospital or rehabilitation facilities.  One of my wonderful 90+ friends has been struggling with a variety of problems (including removal of a kidney) and is in her second stay at a rehab facility.  I’m glad to say that she is improving and may be home soon.

Craft wise, I’ve been working on trellis yarn necklaces since I sold most of mine at the last craft fair and I have another craft fair on the horizon.  Here is a picture of one.

I’ve also started the fair isle hat needed for a shop model.  I finally got gauge on it and am into the first section of the fair isle design.  Hope to complete it next week.

Today I go help the granddaughter of my friend that died sort through her yarn and completed projects so the granddaughter can reclaim her basement.  I guess it is piled high with random boxes and totes filled with a mixture of yarn, projects and incomplete knitting UFOs (Unfinished Objects) that were put in the basement a couple of weeks ago when the grandmother had to move suddenly.  Should be an interesting and sad project.  At least it is something I can do for this lovely young woman who is hurting and missing her grandmother. 

[kae1crafts]

One of Those Days

I’ve been busy.  I’m tired.  But what did I do today?  It doesn’t feel like I did a lot or accomplished a lot so we will see.

Woke up about 5:30 which is about normal for me.  Started coffee, computers, got dressed and played a couple of hands of Mah jongg on the computer, had breakfast then reviewed the Newsletter that I had basically completed yesterday.  Found a couple of small things to change and edited the calendar so it reflected the new activities.  Had to wait a while before calling the person I needed to coordinate the calendar with so we could have a final copy.  When I called her, we couldn’t get together until about two o’clock.  Called her again at three and she still wasn’t home.  Finally met at 3:45 and finalized the calendar.  Had to get the revisions done and emailed so it would be printed in time.  Got the Newsletter done about 4:30 and emailed.

Craft wise, I worked on a shop model for my favorite knit shop.  I needed to do a bulky fair isle cap and the gauge needs to be accurate.  Started off with size 11 needles, had to go to size 13 to get gauge.  Once that was established, ripped out the swatch and started knitting.  Just a few rows into that hat.  

Meanwhile, I had a medical test so off we went to lunch and then the test.  Got a little knitting done on a cardigan that I’m making for myself.  

Maybe I’m tired because of all the switching of activities and on the go most of the day.  Seems to be a typical day for me - when did I ever have time to work???

[kae1crafts]

25 posts!

[kae1crafts]

When Knit Group Isn’t Fun

Went to knit group today and my one friend who had arrived before I did looked so sad, I asked what was the matter.  She shared that a mutual friend and knit group member had died last weekend.  She had been in frail health and just endured a forced move because her family lost their house - sold out from under them.  It was still a shock.  Then our friend’s granddaughter, who took great care of her grandmother and loved to go to knit group with her, showed up to tell us about her grandmother’s death.  Long story short, I’m helping go through my friend’s yarn as a help to the granddaughter.  It needs to be sorted and stored properly.

Once knit group was over, I called 2 more mutual friends and shared the sad news.  Then it was on to Mah Jongg group to help teach new members.  

After that, I spent the rest of the day hurrying through writing the building newsletter - that I was supposed to have worked on yesterday but sneezed all day instead.  Turns out the sneezing was allergies.  

Oh, I did get in a few stitches on a swatch for a shop sample hat that I said I would make.  Turns out I need to use larger needles to get gauge so I just quit all crafts for the day and played some cards with DH and relaxed.  hopefully tomorrow will have better news from all fronts.

[kae1crafts]

ACHOOOOO!!!!

Setting a personal (and very annoying) sneezing record today.  I woke up about 3:30 am sneezing and have been sneezing most of the day.  Antihistamine, nasal spray, Zicam zinc tablets, constant blowing and more sneezing have filled my day.  At least this time I didn’t blow another surgical incisional hernia.  Two of those is enough as far as I’m concerned.  Needless to say, I didn’t do any crafting today.  Just wanted to let you all know why I was basically missing.

[kae1crafts]

I Survived!!!

Yesterday was the craft sale and the good news is that I survived and made a little money as well.  This time I remembered to take some pictures of my tables so I will share them a little later.  Today I’ve been doing inventory, washing the table coverings, and getting ready for the next craft sale.  I usually only do two a season.  The one in my building and another at a friend’s work.  I also have my Etsy shop and have been mainly inventorying what is listed there to make sure that what I have on hand matches the shop.  

Bottom line is that today I’m tired and would rather be relaxing but want to get this done before the Bronco’s hit the gridiron.  

I had two tables because my friend couldn’t come (long story and not mine to tell).  

Just discovered that the pictures load last selected comes on first.  The bottom picture should be where you start to walk through the door and see my tables.  Note: the fabric hanging up is a dining scarf.  You can use it to protect your clothing when dining, then fold it up and anything you have spilled can be contained on the scarf rather than on your clothing.  They are made out of cotton so they are easy to launder and absorb spills.

[kae1crafts]

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