kingetl

[kingetl]

I call this Art is hard It's hard to be an artist and wake up everyday. It's hard to feel happy when it feels like you're wasting your life away. I keep on believing that I'll win someday. It's hard to be an artist. What is art anyway? I make videos about things That sounds really vague. and yea it's what it seems. I keep on believing that I'll win one day. So keep making videos. Is this art ok? How about this thing? What is it anyway? Is it a poem? a song? a rant? a lymeric? It doesn't keep rhyme play. So I call myself a writer but what can I say? I don't know what I'm doing or how to spell what I say. I call myself an artist and i feel this way I don't know what i'm doing and that isn't ok. I keep on trying just to wake up each day. I don't know if I'm a failure or if I'm winning some way.

[kingetl]

Is suicide an option yet? (Dont renew me)

Are you happy? Are you special? Is suicide an option yet?

Im stating to think im better off dead than to have a stupid song stuck in my head. I'm tired of ideas that go nowhere i'm tired of plans that always fail i'm tired of still living in 2012. I know your thinking

"boy don't be lazy stop your crying you're only 22 what's the point of you dying. You got family and friends so why would you end?"

Well my families in shambles but yes i love my friends but can't you see thats alot to handle have of them aren't even friends amongst themselves. Im tired and honestly im probably going to hell so i might as buy a first class  ticket my self is suicide an option yet?

"Now look here boy you can't go wishing for damnation your nice and kind and talented your gifted in creation. If you repent im sure your soul is ready for salvation."

Now let me stop you there I fell you're misinformed. My birth was a mistake it's unlucky i was born. Now when you said creation i'm sorry to let you down. Poetry is dead id get more work as a clown.

"If your go to hell your soul will burn away"

Global warmings doing worse! Why stay and watch the earth decay?

Im really really tired im not happy i'm not happy im not special nothing getting better so i might as well just greet the devil.

I wanna thank you all for watching

This was paid for by contributors like you.

But

TThe show is finally over thank the gods that its over i am ready i am willing pick the gun up time for my killing….ah fuck im back for season 2 fuck you.

[kingetl]

Are you special?

Are your special? Are you special? What qualifies as special? Did you pass all your test? Or is your memory just better than the rest?

Can you draw? Can you sing? Can you do amazing things? Can you jump? Can you fly? Are you scared to die?

Look at me look at me child ignorance and glee. I can draw i can write.  whole cow my grades are high. I'm so advanced for my age made a killing in 3rd grade.

But i'm afraid to say

You peaked in 3rd grade.

Now everyone can read. They read faster than you. No everyone can write they write better than you. Not everyone can sing but look what puberty did to you.

You're not special. Your not special.

Oh my god im so unspecial.

Your not special. Your not special.

Oh no im now worst in my class.

So unspecial so unspecial.

I lost the will to write.

Is suicide an option yet tonight? If I end it now would i be special? will my death make my art more special?

NOPE. Its already been done

Are you special? Your probably not. Unless of course you are?

[kingetl]

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

What exactly would make you happy?

I don't know what I'm doing. I mean I kinda know. I'm supposed to go to work but here i am.

Do you feel happy at work? Are you supposed to? Is work supposed to be monetary until you get that job you love? Will you actually love a job? What if you stay right here? Will you be happy?

I remember telling someone in school my goals and ambitious dreams and I felt proud. They told me id end up on the street.

I'm still not on the street should i be happy?

Are they happy? Were they happier then or now? Would I be happy knowing there doing better than me?

I remember when I made my family proud. I remember when they used to gas me up. About how talented I was. Were they all lying?

Did they only want to just raise my confidence?

Did I actually have any skills other than memorizing what was needed in order to pass a test? If they knew everything that i am now would they be proud?

Should I be happy that I could have turned out worse? Is suicide an option yet? Like if I end it all right here will i wake in another hell? Maybe i'm in hell already?

Should I be happy?

[kingetl]

Gray

Its gary so gray its gray so gray

Im feeling really gray and i hate it this way i got a job that i hate and my health is gray and i feel like decay and my life is all gray and my screen is gray eveyday eveyone everyword that i say is a shade of gray. I feel like decay andi hate it this way paint a smile on my face and sturned gray.

I dont know what to stay eveyday is just so gray i watched the colors fade away day by day they turned to gray

Took the brown from my eyes took the blue fron my skys even the clears from the tears on my face turned to gray.

So gray so gray soul gray so gray

At the end of day eveything remained gray from the sky to the dead in my eye to mom to my dad to eveything that sad to eveything mad from thing that makes me glad its gray

[kingetl]

Dark night Deep throught

Let the music set your tone at your pace.

Let your mind be at ease.

Let eveything move.

Dark night oh the dark night.

I feel it boiling in you. The dark throughts of night. You wonder how you wake each day. Night. Isn't for everyone..

But neither is day.

Sure your warm and your happy but thats because its crowded.

What happens when you can breath take a second to light a joint and reflect.

Are you still warm?

Do you know what time it is?

How will you do it? How are you gonna wake up tomarrow?

Do you?

Even want to?

You have to.

Damn.

[kingetl]

Post card from an never ending dream

I've been gone for a while but heres a new poem i call Post card from An Never Ending Dream.

It's easy to stay up and dream.

It's so easy to fall asleep

But it's never easy to dream the dream.

It's never easy to sleep after you wake.

It's never easy when they say it's ok.

It's never easy to seize the day.

Sometimes I don't feel awake.

I once had a dream of a man out at sea. He was loud and boisterous and knew exactly what he was destined to be. He said "I'm the greatest fisherman who ever shall live. I've sailed the seven seas and caught a lot of squid. When i come back to shore I'll sell all the ink. for an ink dealer is what im destined to be."

When the man came back from his 22 year trip he noticed the whole port has changed the only thing that remained the same was his ship.

He quickly set up his shop right there on the dock and he advertised all the ink that he's got. He had ink in different colors. He had ink that instantly dried. He had ink that could change colors. But no one paid him any time.

While he was at sea collecting the squid some random guy no some random kid accidentally created the first ink pen. In 22 years while the man was at sea the ink pen grew in popularity with new sizes and colors and different motifs anyone could write using ink.

This man had a purpose for this he was certain. His purpose was to be the greatest ink merchant. But here is a time where no one needs ink.

This is the start of a never ending dream.

[kingetl]

The Mes

I'd like to imagine that my body is a vessel. Ozzy and drix style. Except a bunch of mes. Small mes. Each me has to do something to keep all of me moving. But that's very hard. Its very hard for a large group of individuals to work together to accomplish anything.  Everyone has their own goals their own desires their own. Wills.

Not every one me wants the same one thing. Then whos in charge? Who rallies everyone promising that "I'll make sure all of the mes needs are met so that we can all succeed."

I thought ik. I thought we had a system but everything changed. Now change isn't inherently bad. Some change can be good. Just not for the mes.  The mes get locked in a mindset they get comfortable in routines. Rather it be routinely eating a meal or routinely getting hurt. This routine keeps the mes in check we haven't had a routine in almost 4 years so you can imagine the damage in the streets in me town.

This is the part of the story for the climax ig. The part where there is hope. And there is. There is hope for the mes. But. The Mes are tired of hoping. What do you do. When your too tired to hope? Too tired to try? Too tired to make a change?

You kinda do it anyway. Push through it. Right. Fight it. Ok. Survive totally. Win. Win what? Succeed. Succeed how? And what am i trying to succeed? You can do it. Do what? What can i do? What am i doing? What do you want me to succeed at.

Hope if you succeed at hope then you succeed.  If you can believe in hope. Then you win. If you can wake up hoping then. Maybe. Something might change because hope can turn to power and power to motivation and balh right.

But again the mes don't understand. Their only goal now is to survive at all costs. Doing things they hate so they can live. With no goal in sight survival takes over.

Here's the ending. And we'll end with a final question. How long until the mes are tired surviving ?

[kingetl]

Bloom

Life changes when flowers bloom. My life changed when I met you. My life changed when I met them too my life is going right with you. 

The wind has a mighty strong breeze. Its blows my petals and it blows my leaves. Some may drift too far away. Some flow back on another windy day. Firm in the ground I will try to stay. When life blows let it change. 

Winter falls hard and kills many things. Some may drop but its killing weeds. Winter is harsh and deadly it seems but it’s just another thing life brings. 

In the snow you’re not really dead. Wipe away the frost and clear your head. Look around and see what spring brings. When the snow melts away you'll still have me.

April’s showers begin to fall. Reborn and growing tall. Blooming again what new colors will you bring? In this wonderful spring.

Life changes when flowers bloom. You stand tall a brand new you. Some new colors and old ones too. Life is changing well for you.

My life changed when I meet you. As I grew more flowers bloomed. Letting go of the old and in with the new. When everything changes I'll always have you.

[kingetl]

21 And Still Rebellious

I would like to take this time to talk about life. I'm probably not gonna be what you want me to be. I can't write things that you want to read. Most of the time I can't even be content with just being me. I want to have fun. Go to a few parties. Make some money on the side and focus on my art see. I want to live free in my own definition. Live my own life without intervention. Make some mistakes of thoes I'll never mention just listen. I know you want whats best for me but i don't know what's best for me and if you reallly think about you don't know the real me. Im no longer that rebellious teen. Im a rebellious adult engaged to a drug queen listening to emo music and working on my taxes.  Watching anime and YouTube videos bout to start a full time job. And this is just part of me. Im a writer and i love to live large I don't got the funds for it but I love to dream. I'm living with my friend who love me unconditionally I dont need to impress them i just have to impress me. At the end of of this i just want to say. You want whats best but don't know my ways.  I  want you to respect my life and my choices but if you don't you know where the door is. Im 21 and im still rebellious.

[kingetl]

Porcupine

Porcupine

I want to say that I love you and I would do anything for you and I do and I tell you but still I make it hell for you.

I play so much the way that I act and say things I just jest.

I didn't realize that it stabs you in the chest. 

Porcupine.

You not a concubine.

I’m just a porcupine.

I’m careless and self-centered I just want to have a good time.

I thought you had a good time.

I joke because I loved challenge you poke me I poke you it was just fun but I guess I didn't see you.

I thought you liked it. Lunging at my quills. I thought you enjoyed it going bath and fourth with quick quips but then I slipped and I hurt you I didn't mean to.

 Didn’t mean to be mean to you.

I just wanted to beam with you.

I’m a porcupine. Careless walking around, I should be hairless.

Fooling around so careless.

Porcupine porcupine a better love I will never find.

I’m sacred that I drove you away. With careless things I say.

 Porcupine.

[kingetl]

An Accepting Community

For black history month I wanted to write about black cosplayers so this is what I call.

An Accepting Community.  

I've had enough of all of this hate. Why do you people think you’re so great? You claim it’s not about race. You say. "Monika doesn't look right." Without a pale face.

"You should cosplay something your color." 

You do realize the people YOU cosplay aren't white right? And even if they are does that stop you from dressing as Native Americans? Does that stop you from blackface? Claiming it’s a joke its prank. 

Can't even cosplay a dog without memes being made. 

I’m not sorry my chocolate goku is too rich for your taste. We have curves and beautiful hair and its ok. Black beauty is intimidating but you can't just live with hate.

We love this show as much as you so why do you hate what we can do. Aren't most anime characters accepting anyway? Can you name any non-villains that hate people outside their race?

Be black and beautiful black and proud black kawaii yell it loud. I want my sailor scouts coco butter kisses with some dark chocolate Shokugeki dishes

I want to see a community of loving fans and supporters. Cosplays of all shapes colors and orders. Let’s honor the people we dress up as. 

We’re not different just because of skin we all love fantasy characters and the world they live in. we go there to get away from our lives so don't you bring yourself hate inside this magical world of endless possibilities. If anything help to the longevity to great art and great opportunities. Let’s make a better cosplay community.

[kingetl]

Positive Depression

Today I have a poem about depression. Depression is something I feel like we don’t talk enough about in the black community. So in this poem I talk about how I learned how to deal with it in what I call Positive depression. Positive depression is a feeling a mind state. It’s something where everything sucks and you know it sucks but you have hope that things will get better. Positive depression is when you feel sad and you see someone's smile and even though you’re still sad for a few minutes you’re happy with them. Positive depression is fear of the future but being ok with the outcome because you’re with people you love. Positive depression is your own mind state when you start to accept the darkness that your mind hates. Positive depression is finding joy in small things and letting those small things hug you. P.D. or positive depression is wanting to die but not killing yourself.  P.d my positive depression is a self-taught lesson form my own reflections. Why positive depression? Why would you choose to be positively depressed? Because I can't always be happy and no amount of counseling will ever change that.  And I can't always be sad because if I am I could lose all the love I had. So I made a choice to mix the good with the bad the happy and the sad into a weird type of soup an off color blue that’s disaster and hope too. I made a new type of stew something you can laugh so hard that you cry to. I learned to make the gray days white and the white days black and the black days orange. I created positive depression a self-taught lesson of my own minds digression. I've accepted that I have dark inside but I also have light inside. I accepted that I can't save everyone but I will always try. I've accepted that my dreams are kinda dumb but I will still fly. Positive depression. What is positive depression? Positive depression isn't happy. It isn't sad. It isn't numb. Positive depression is a new mind state of ok. PD. Is knowing that you won't always be happy and knowing you won’t always be sad. P.D. is hating your existence but being happy for the friends that you have.  Pd is knowing that at the end of the day you have small comforts to take stress away. I’ve created my own type of way to look at the world and take all its shits and turn the shit into a bronze brick. Positive depression

[kingetl]

First Time for Everything

You make my heart race. My palms sweaty.

It’s like our first date but we did that already.

You have the same effect on me.

You make me feel like the first time. When I hear your voice it’s the first time. When I kiss your face I fall in love again like the first time.

2 years later and you still give me the shakes. 2 rotations and I’m still lost in your haze.

No matter how many times you call my name. It feel like our first date.

You made me feel for the first time. I fell in love for the first time. 

No matter how much time shall past.

It will never feel like our last.

[kingetl]

Blah Blah Simple song

Life is really hard you can't change that fact. But I have friends so I take it back.

Life is really rough I think that’s a better word. 

Life is rough. 

But I have you and you have me and blah blah blah happy Sentimentality. A simple melody can be so sweet.

And blah blah blah sing a smile song to make life not seem so long.

Let’s not joke I know you know I’m depressed. And let’s face it you know the rest. 

But I’m trying. Everyday a little more but I’m trying. Everyday opens a new door I’m trying to sing a happy song I hope you sing along.

Blah blah blah sing a simple song something to lift you up when life seems too long. And blah blah blah originality this song is for un-named you and me. 

Life can be tough and rough but together we’ll sing a simple song and make things a little better.

[kingetl]

HAVENT USED THIS IN YEARS

yo yo yo to anyone that still follows or sees this. i will now be uploading poems again. yeeehaw.

[kingetl]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZH7JUaUKqU0)