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lawnierose · 3 years

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How to Kick a Reader in the Gut

Disrupt the reader’s sense of justice.

This generally means setting a character up to deserve one thing and then giving them the exact opposite.

Kill a character off before they can achieve their goal.

Let the bad guy get an extremely important win.

Set up a coup against a tyrannical king. The coup fails miserably.

Don’t always give characters closure.

(Excluding the end of the book, obviously)

A beloved friend dies in battle and there’s no time to mourn him.

A random tryst between two main characters is not (or cannot be) brought up again.

A character suddenly loses their job or can otherwise no longer keep up their old routine

Make it the main character’s fault sometimes.

And not in an “imposter syndrome” way. Make your MC do something bad, and make the blame they shoulder for it heavy and tangible.

MC must choose the lesser of two evils.

MC kills someone they believe to be a bad guy, only to later discover the bad guy was a different person altogether.

Rejection is a powerful tool.

People generally want to be understood, and if you can make a character think they are Known, and then rip that away from them with a rejection (romantic or platonic) people will empathize with it.

MC is finally accepting the Thing They Must Do/Become, and their love interest decides that that’s not a path they want to be on and breaks up with them

MC makes a decision they believe is right, everyone around them thinks they chose wrong.

MC finds kinship with someone Like Them, at long last, but that person later discovers that there is some inherent aspect of MC that they wholly reject. (Perhaps it was MC’s fault that their family member died, they have important religious differences, or WERE THE BAD GUY ALL ALONG!)

On the flipside, make your main character keep going.

Push them beyond what they are capable of, and then push them farther. Make them want something so deeply that they are willing to do literally anything to get it. Give them passion and drive and grit and more of that than they have fear.

“But what if my MC is quiet and meek?” Even better. They want something so deeply that every single moment they push themselves toward it is a moment spent outside their comfort zone. What must that do to a person?

Obviously, don’t do all of these things, or the story can begin to feel tedious or overly dramatic, and make sure that every decision you make is informed by your plot first and foremost.

Also remember that the things that make us sad, angry, or otherwise emotional as readers are the same things that make us feel that way in our day-to-day lives. Creating an empathetic main character is the foundation for all of the above tips.

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lawnierose · 3 years

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~Malfoy Manor~

Draco stared up into the sky wondering what he had done to become one of Lady Fate’s playthings. Between him and Potter they had some of the best and worst luck he had ever seen. Really, it had taken a quick downward spiral since the Ministry incident in fifth year. The Dark Lord had been furious at his father for his failure there. Then, the Mad Dark One had murdered his mother for trying to keep him from having to take the Dark Mark. Draco was furious, which caused him to fail the tests needed for Snake Face to consider him for his ranks. The final straw to place him in his current condition was Severus “accidentally” ruining a patch of poisons His Royal Darkness needed. Now Draco was outside laying about in the grass. He had been spending more time on the grounds of his family's land. After the latest “failure” from Severus, Voldemort had decided to make an example of him, Draco, and Lucius. All three had been given to Fenrir Greyback. However, instead of tearing them all to shreds, Fenrir had shifted and turned them all. Life had been interesting after that. Now that the Malfoy family was “disgraced”, Voldemort had moved on to a new Manor. This had allowed Lucius to invite the whole of Greyback’s pack to live on the Malfoy’s land, of which they had plenty to spare. With the recent transformation, Draco had a greater appreciation of the outdoors.

Draco had discovered a great deal in the short time since being turned. One, Fenrir was nothing like the vicious rumours about the man. The man truly cared about his pack and the welfare of all werewolves. Two, he had turned them because they were powerful and useful. Draco and Lucius had become Dominant wolves, but not Alphas. Severus had ended up a submissive, not that anyone would mess with the magically powerful man. Draco’s Uncle Sev still knew how to be intimidating. Fenrir even promised to help them find suitable mates. Three, Fenrir had originally joined the Dark Lord because he was promised equality for dark creatures once Voldemort was ruling Great Britain. Now Greyback wasn’t so sure the insane man would keep his word. Not that he was turning light, mind you. That side was still fully against their kind, despite their leaders saying the opposite. Neither was he fully in line with Voldemort anymore. These changes are what led them to where they are now. Lucius had the political and financial power to start making sure werewolves and other dark creatures were treated better. He was also better motivated to do so by being one himself. Severus was now devoting much of his time into researching a cure, or at least a way to be less at war with the wolf side of their nature. He had dragged Draco, who was a potion prodigy, into helping him. Draco had only had one full moon since his turning. However, just that one night with all the other wolves had brought him closer to them than he had ever been with most of his schoolmates. It was a weird yet comforting feeling. He was only sad that he hadn’t found his mate. Ok, so his wolf was sad, but he felt fully in tune with his wolf.

“Draco” he heard calling from behind him, “I think I have found a viable solution.”

~Number 4~

Harry was in a world of pain. He had been forced back to the Dursleys yet again at the end of the school year. He was decimated by the loss of his godfather, Sirius. Every night was plagued with nightmares and every day was more chores and abuse. This particular beating was courtesy of him having a nightmare induced hallucination while cleaning, causing him to break one of Petunia’s vases. Vernon had taken great pleasure in beating him senseless. He had woken up hours later with a concussion, several broken ribs, and he thought he might be bleeding internally. Moving very slowly and with enough pain to cause him to black out twice, Harry was able to grab his D.A. galleon from under the loose floorboard under his bed. He was able to send a quick S.O.S. before succumbing once more to blackness.

~Grimmauld Place~

Hermione was pacing furiously in her room at Order Headquarters. Just moments ago she had felt her pocket warm up and discovered her D.A. galleon glowing. It was blood red, the color for immediate danger and the magical signature was Harry’s. Hermione was frantically trying to determine what to do. Which of the adults would even believe her. “Oh, this galleon is informing me Harry is in trouble” Yeah right! She stopped suddenly. Remus would believe her. That wolf would do anything to keep his pup safe. She needed someone else from the D.A. as well. Ron wasn’t a great choice, he was still dealing with the effects of the brain tentacle things in the DOM. There was also the fact things were still strained since the fourth year and the tournament. Honestly, her three best choices were Neville, Ginny, or Luna as all three were in the building and honestly cared for Harry. She grabbed her emergency stash, which was a beaded bag full of potions, money, clothes, food and even a tent. As she left the room, she wasn’t surprised to find Luna in the hallway, her usual airy expression gone.

“He needs us.”

Hermione had stopped questioning how Luna knew things she shouldn’t years ago. Their little group had learned to trust and follow her bouts of insight. Harry and Neville were probably the only two who truly understood her unusual way of speaking. Hermione grabbed Luna by the arm as they went in search of Remus. They found him in the library, and quickly explained the situation to him. The three slipped out of Grimmauld Place without attracting any attention and Remus apparated them all to park that the Order used a little ways away from Number 4.

~Number 4~

After popping in, Remus moved to where Mundungus was supposed to be keeping watch. He found the disgusting thief asleep. Waking him, Remus sent him on his way, saying it was his turn to take watch. Once Dung apparated away, Remus motioned the girls to follow him. Hermione cast a Revelio on the house, allowing them to discover there was only one occupant. An Alohamora moved them inside and they followed the point-me spell up to the second floor. Remus struggled to hold back Moony as he saw the seven locks and cat flap on the door his pup was behind. Using his strength, he merely ripped the door from its frame. Both girls screamed at the sight before them. Harry was unconscious on the floor, laying in a pool of blood, vomit, and other bodily fluids. Remus cast several spells in rapid succession to clean Harry and the floor of the mess before levitating Harry up and stripping him so that Luna and Hermione could begin to work. All three had tears in their eyes as Luna began pouring potions into Harry and Hermione was using Dittany on his many wounds to seal them up. After they got the bleeding taken care of, they realized none of them was trained enough to cast diagnostic spells on Harry to see if there was more damage.

“We need to get him to Poppy” Remus was pacing still trying to contain his rage.

“She would only tell Dumbledore, who would send Harry right back here. Just like he has every summer”

Remus looked at Hermione aghast. “You mean he knew. How long has this been going on?”

Luna looked over at Harry. “Since he was six. His relatives are hounded by nargles and blibbering humdingers.”

“We need to get him somewhere and soon.”

“What about his cousin Andromeda? She is a healer at St. Mungo’s, right?”

Remus’ eyes flashed amber. “That’s right.”

With that they made plans to move Harry. However, as they stepped outside, all four were hit with stunners from all sides. Remus did not go down immediately as his werewolf nature protected him a bit. He snarled and curled around Harry, trying to bring his wand to hand. The last thought Remus had as more stunners hit, was as he smelled a scent and his mind screamed “Alpha!”

#harry potter #hp fanfic #severus snape #remus lupin #pride #hermione granger #draco malfoy #fenrir #rarepair #luna lovegood #fenrir greyback #werewolves #enemies to lovers #fanfic

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lawnierose · 3 years

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“Potter, Harry”

Whispers broke out throughout the Great Hall. All eyes seemed to follow the raven haired boy that walked to the stool. Some staff had waited years for this moment. Students, some of whom grew up hearing about the Boy-Who-Lived, couldn’t believe that they were seeing their hero. Some students had no clue what was going on but were caught up in the moment and begging those around them for an explanation. A few commented that the boy looked fairly small for his age. Minerva Mcgonagall pursed her lips at seeing the child again after ten years apart. She had to hold her typical stoicism, instead of wrapping up the boy she had adopted as her grandchild in her arms. She hated everyday that she had let Albus talk her into leaving him with those muggles. She knew Albus had caused her to forget their address mere moments after they had left the baby behind. Meanwhile, Severus Snape was sneering from where he sat at the head table. All he saw was a child who looked nearly identical to one of his greatest tormentors. A bully who had somehow stolen his first and best friend. He watched curiously as the hat was placed upon the small child.

One minute…

Two minutes…

Five minutes...The boy was a hatstall.

Ten minutes… Murmurs could be heard rumbling all around the Hall.

Twelve minutes… The brim of the hat parted and a collective breath was held.

“Headmaster, Heads of Houses, I need you to bring the child to the antechamber. I will sort the rest then the Deputy Headmistress will bring me to join you.”

There was a cacophony of noise as students had never heard of something like this happening. Minerva silenced the room with a bang from her wand. Pomona Sprout collected the child and escorted them from the Hall. Albus, Severus, and Filius Flitwick followed the pair. Severus turned to Albus with an incredulous look and spoke in hushed tones.

“What is going on, Headmaster? How is the Potter brat already causing problems?”

“Severus, my boy, I can tell you I haven't a clue what is going on. Are you planning to place your old grudge on the boy already?”

Meanwhile, the child was looking around in bewilderment, confusion, but also a begrudging acceptance. The adults in the room paying attention, noticed that Harry’s eyes seemed far older than the eleven years the boy actually was. All four tried to ask him questions but he remained stubbornly silent. Fifteen minutes went by, as they could hear the sorting continue in the other room. They heard Minerva start the feast before she joined them with the Sorting Hat in hand. She set the hat on a table in the room and conjured a comfortable chair. The other professors did the same, but she noticed Harry was still standing so she conjured a second chair by her side and motioned for him to sit. After he did, she turned back to the Hat.

“What is going on?”

“Why were you unable to sort the boy?”

“What in Merlin’s name is the problem?”

All of the adults tried asking their questions at the same time. They promptly shut up as they realized they were nearly shouting over each other. The Hat let out a put upon sigh, and if an inanimate object could glare they could all feel it.

“If you will all be quiet, I will tell you what the devil is going on. The child has multiple individuals in their head. Unlike the last time this happened, exactly twenty years ago, these multiples will not be sorted into one singular house. I regret to inform you that I sensed six individuals. Young Potter must simply be a child of Hogwarts, something that has not happened in two hundred years.”

The five adults sat back in stunned silence. Magical Multiple Disorder was incredibly rare. The person who was referenced from twenty years ago was sitting in the room as one of the heads of houses and knew intimately what caused that particular disorder to arise. Severus and Minerva looked at each other in horror as what the Hat said fully materialized in their minds. Six multiples, that meant Potter had gone through some of the worst abuse one could receive and all before age eleven. As one, they glared at the Headmaster. Minerva was the first to speak, and Albus had gone pale at the sheer loathing he could see in her eyes.

“Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbeldore, give me one good reason I shouldn’t hex you into oblivion right this instant. Explain yourself or I will permanently transfigure you into a cat scratch post.”

“Now dear…”

His response was cut off as a nasty stinging hex hit him in the forehead.

“Don’t you ‘now dear’ me you meddling old goat. You know what, sit there in silence. I am sure young Potter can tell us what we need to know.”

With that the headmaster was hit with four silencing spells of such power he couldn’t break through them. Although, if Albus was being honest with himself he most definitely deserved this. He had obviously failed Harry Potter for the child to arrive with six multiple forms. His eyes widened as he remembered what that truly meant. It was with great effort that he did not vomit as a wave of guilt swept over him. He focused back on everyone else in the room as Minerva asked her first question.

“Harry, do you know what the Hat is talking about? I am so sorry that we weren’t there for you but I promise we will do everything we can to help you. I couldn’t check on you, because this meddlesome man took my memory of where we left you. I wanted so badly to look in on you. Please, will you let us help.”

Harry took a moment to study the faces around him. He saw guilt, concern, anger, and despair, but he was happy that there was no pity. He took a deep breath and as he let it out, he also shifted. The adults gasped as suddenly a near identical twin to the child’s mother stood in front of them now. Severus went pale as a ghost and had to slam his Occlumency shields into place just to stay cognizant.

“Hello, I am Azalea, and I am our Nurturer. Harry is our Face, but he needs a moment. Yes, we know what is going on. After Hagrid took us to Gringotts, we pickpocketed our key and went back in. We met with our account manager and got recommendations for books to help us learn about what we are and the wizarding world in general. Headmaster, you are lucky that you never took money from us or had anything to do with those ridiculous books written about Harry Potter. My relatives are about to be bankrupt, by paying back what you set up to send them for my care. The writers and publishers of those books are also about to meet a lawsuit like they have never seen before.

Obviously, you all seem to know what causes this Disorder. My relatives were the absolute worst sort of Muggles…”

Apparently, Albus hadn’t fully learned his lesson as he finally broke the silencing charms around him. He proved just how senile he was going by daring to interupt Azalea.

“My dear girl, they are your family. You had to stay with them for your own safety.”

He flinched back as a dagger whipped past his nose and buried itself in the wood behind him. He stared wide eyed at the new form in front of him. Where just a moment ago had been a thirteen year old miniature of Lily, now sat a fifteen year old female version of Sirius. She was scarily similar to Andromeda or Bellatrix Black, if either woman had ever delved into muggle goth-punk fashion that is. Black curls ending in blue tips were pulled up into a messy mohawk. The girl was twirling another dagger between her fingers and glaring at Dumbledore.

“Feck off ya ol’ cunt. Safe, ya think ay ‘as safe with dem bloody rat bastards. I was created at four years old. FOUR ya fecking prick! I’s Zoey by the by, the Protector. If youse the bastard lef’ me ‘er, youse jus’ as much at fault. Argh! Fine. Harry wants to speak again.”

“Sorry about that. Zoey is quite aggressive and vulgar, and we would be here all night if I let her continue. As Zoey said, she appeared at the age of four, as did Freak and Jamie, who you will meet momentarily. Jamie is our Child, Freak is the Masochist. There is also Holly, the Slut. She appeared at age nine. Our Uncle decided beatings and starvation weren’t punishment enough. She and Freak are unique in that they would black certain things out for the rest of us. Those memories remain muted to the rest of us. Despite our collective mind, if you want details you will have to request those come forward. Be warned if you do that, we will probably slip into our Child form and need care for the rest of the night.”

The adults decided they did need to know more. First, they asked Freak to the forefront. Professor Sprout had to conjure a bucket which she immediately filled with the contents of her stomach. Freak was approximately sixteen and a mass of corded muscle. Over that muscle and covering his skin was crisscrossed dozens of scars. You could see them because all Freak wore was a pair of ripped sweatpants that ended at the knee. Roped scars covered his chest, back, and arms. The adults could see words; freak, monster, and whore, carved into his flesh at various points. It seems Freak had taken every wound and what it left behind onto his form. His size came from the sheer level of strength needed to survive all that had been done. While listening to Freak present his memories, Pomona and Minerva were brought to tears. Severus ended up summoning calming droughts for every adult present. Then they met Holly, who is around fourteen years old. She gave all of them appraising looks before informing them that her stories would have to come another time. The collective group was drained, hungry, and getting tired. The adults realized how late it had gotten. They decided Albus would make an announcement in the morning, and he went to give the closing speech and dismiss the students. As soon as he was gone, Holly told them Jamie was coming. The shift revealed a four year old boy, who was too skinny for that age. He had a stuffed black dog and a blanket that Minerva recognized as the one he had been left with that fateful night. Her heart nearly broke as he reached out to her.

“Nana Minnie, up?”

#fanfic #harry potter #hp fandom #hp fanfic #multiple personalities

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lawnierose · 3 years

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Harry was staring up at the ceiling in his tiny bedroom. This summer after the Tournament had been one of the worst with the Dursleys. Right at the end of the Tournament he had been kidnapped by Voldemort and used in a ritual to bring the Dark Lord back. In his attempt to escape he had been hit with an Avada. Instead of killing him it had apparently killed some aspect of Tom’s soul that had been attached to his own. When he saw his parents in the weird “in between” place, they told him it was a Horcrux. When he woke up, Tom and his followers had been taken by surprise allowing him to reach the cup and Portkey back. Dumbledore had still sent him back to his awful relatives, who proceeded to beat him and starve him worse than ever.

He was lucky for his hidden stash under the floorboard. Otherwise he would have died of starvation this time. He was lucky the twins were sending him packages. They were the only ones sending him mail this summer. According to them, it seemed Dumbledore had told everyone not to send him letters or anything else. Luckily, this had caused the twins to lose faith in the meddlesome old bastard. Harry had a running list in his mind of everyone who was going to pay. Vernon and Dudley for the constant abuse. Petunia for the neglect, and for turning a blind eye when Vernon took Harry into the special room in the basement. Dumbledore had lost his little weapon, that much was for sure. Harry wanted to ruin the man before killing him.

Of the Weasley’s, he knew the twins were with him as was Charlie. He wasn’t sure about Bill yet. The rest could go fuck themselves, including Ron. As for the rest at school, he had Hermione, Neville, and Luna. No one else believed him about Voldemort coming back, and Dumbledore had thrown him under the bus to the ministry to save face. So Harry lay there, his 15th birthday ticking closer. He stared at the tempus he had wandlessly cast and held, trying to ignore the pain from today’s Harry Hunting adventure. He watched as the time rolled over from 11:59 to midnight. He barely got a wish out, just wanting to be able to be who he wanted to be. Suddenly, pain flared through his whole body and the world went dark as he slipped into unconsciousness.

He was awoken several hours later by a pounding on his door. “Freak, where’s our breakfast, how dare you have a lie in. I’m coming in there.” Harry popped up quickly, reaching for his glasses. His hair seemed to graze his neck and as he ran his hands through it, it was smooth and silky and had grown several inches. “What the bloody hell” he thought. He tried to scramble from the bed but was tangled in the threadbare sheet he was given. Vernon burst through the door just as Harry was standing up. His uncle’s eyes were filled with shock and rage as he stared at the other person in the room. “What the fuck freak? You couldn’t keep yourself from getting any freakier could you.” Harry looked down for the first time. It seems he had shrunk despite already being small. This had caused the huge t-shirt from Dudley to slip off a shoulder, exposing a small breast. Harry could see a matching one under the shirt as well. Eyes widening in terror, Harry realised he had a pussy as well. He jumped back as his uncle screamed at him. Vernon was leering at him and Harry began to quake in fear. “Seems you need time in the special room today girl. Come here!” With that, Vernon grabbed the young child by a fistful of hair and began dragging her through the house.

~A.L.A.H.P.~

Later that evening, a lone figure was looking upon the house at Number 4, Privet Drive. Feeling very much himself, more so than he had in decades, Tom Riddle, commonly called Voldemort or Dark Lord, stared as he watched the three muggles pile into some sort of muggle transportation with trunks and take off. “This is where the Light kept their so called Savior. With muggles of all things.” It had taken months before he was able to come find the boy. First, he had to deal with the results of Pettigrew botching the potion for the ritual. He was supposed to come out looking like his former self. Once back, he did realise that a large amount of his sanity had returned to him. He realised he was a fool to have split his soul as he had. As soon as he had done it the first time, all of his plans began to take a more violent and insane approach. He quickly gathered his Horcruxes and performed a ritual to restore his soul and even more of his sanity. Then it was time to hunt down the boy. It was just random good luck that the one tracking spell had hit the boy. Once he was sure he was alone, he stretched out with his magic to check the wards on the house. He stepped back in shock to find nothing of the sort on the building. Cautiously, he slipped forward.

Nothing, absolutely nothing was keeping him out. Stretching out he felt darkness in the house. It first led him to a small door under the stairs. It reeked with darkness as he pulled it open. Absently he realised the door could only be opened from the outside. Inside he found a school trunk. Then his eyes caught something written on the wall. “Harry’s Room” was written on the wall in what could only be blood. Shocked he looked around, finding a few broken toys and a crib mattress tucked away. Tom tried not to let his thoughts go where the evidence was pointing. No he could not pity the boy. He was here to finish what he started. Yes, he was sane again, and he should have never listened to that half a prophecy to begin with, but he had made it true by marking the boy. He couldn’t stop now. He quietly shut the door and moved up the stairs until he came to a door with seven padlocks on it and a pet flap at the bottom of it. He could practically see the darkness seeping out under the door. It was far heavier here and for once Voldemort was terrified to open a door. Steeling himself and waving a hand he proceeded to unlock all the locks and open the door. His eyes fell immediately upon the tiny bed in one corner. There stripped naked, limbs bent at entirely wrong angles, and wounds bleeding so much the bed was tinted red, was a young girl looking barely twelve. Glancing up the famous scar was still on her forehead. He needed answers, ones he would not get if she died. He pulled his wand and placed it to the mark on his own arm, calling to a very specific follower.

~A.L.A.H.P.~

Severus was lounging in his study at Hogwarts. It was just before bed and he was reading the newest potion journal and sipping on firewhiskey. He had his own research published in this issue, under a false name of course. This was why he loved summer. No students, and he could work on his research and even produce new formulae to patent. He was far wealthier than anyone knew thanks to several medical formulae he had perfected. He had just picked his tumbler up when a searing pain lanced through his left arm. He dropped the tumbler, cursing as he quickly threw on more appropriate robes and hurried out to the edge of Hogwarts’ wards. He quickly apparated straight to his lord and fell to his knees as soon as he arrived. “Get up Severus there is no time for this. I hope you brought potions or have access.” His head snapped up hearing emotions in the Dark Lord’s voice he never thought possible. Glancing around he realised he was in a tiny room in a place he did not recognise. “What was that smell? He wondered. “Move it Severus, Harry Potter is dying and not by my hand.” Severus’s head whipped up to stare at his master’s face only to find it staring elsewhere. He followed the glance until he beheld the sight on the bed. “This is a girl my lord.”

“Severus be glad I need you or I would be cursing your incompetence right now. Look at the scar. I don’t know how, but Harry is now the girl-who-lived and I would know why she changed and why she is dying.” Suddenly, both men froze as the girl coughed harshly, blood spraying from her mouth. Lily’s green eyes stared back at them barely focused. “T-tom, here to kill me. Just end it please!” Both men were shocked, but Severus was pushed to action as the girl's body went completely limp. He was pulling potion after potion out of his robe, which had a special pocket linked directly to his private stores. “My lord, I will do what I can but even a cursory glance tells me there are injuries here beyond my skills. We need to get the girl to Narcissa. Her healer training far outweighs my own.” Tom merely nodded and let Severus work. Severus eventually informed him he had done what he could and Tom scooped the girl up in his arms. He marvelled at how light she was and tried not to let his rage blind him. With that he Apparated directly to his room in Malfoy Manor, Severus right on his heels. “Tinky!” he yelled out. As the house elf appeared he was already giving instructions. “Go get Lady Malfoy and bring her here immediately.” With a pop the elf was gone and he laid the girl on his own bed. There was a pop and a shriek behind him. “Unhand me you loathsome...Oh my Lord, what is requested of me?” The Lady Malfoy was attempting to look less ruffled as she bowed. Suddenly, her eyes alighted on the bed and noticed the famous scar on a very female body. “My Lord, Severus, what has happened?” Tom spoke up, swallowing his anger. “All will be talked about, after we save her life. Severus did what he could.”

It took well into the morning, but finally Narcissa breathed a sigh of relief. “She is out of the worst of the danger my Lord. There is much yet to be done to bring her to full health and she should really see the Goblins to find out the extent of what has been done. I cannot tell if her magic changed her to look this way or if this is her original form and she was held under some sort of potion or spell.”

#hp fanfic #harry potter #tomarry #genderswap #first chapter #wip

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