lilbeebelle

[lilbeebelle]

where is the glory of being a daughter? where is the pride in being a sister? why is it only sorrow the eldest earns?

[lilbeebelle]

I talk about my younger siblings like a parent talks about their child.

And I think that explains who i am.

[lilbeebelle]

It's in German but they are collecting money for the family of a 33 years old father and husband who passed way too early and unexpectedly.

He left three little kids behind, the oldest is barely 7 years old.

If you guys could share this, it would be great.

[lilbeebelle]

death is something so cruel. I love you, why are you going to where i can't follow you?

[lilbeebelle]

i still love you- when was the last time we talked?

i still pull out our chat, excited to tell you- have i told you about all the changes happening?

i see your post, smiling at friends and i'm happy- when was the last time we laughed like this?

If i had known it would have been the end, i would have hugged you tighter, maybe even missed my bus so we could talk just for a while longer

[lilbeebelle]

and no one prepares you for the heartbreak when your friend starts to grow into a stranger, when you both grew apart but still love each other.

[lilbeebelle]

the daughter you never had to worry about is crying, asking herself why you don't care about her.

the daughter that is so independent whipped away her tears, tired of waiting.

your daughter doesn't need you now, she needed her father then.

[lilbeebelle]

I don't believe in God.

I tried and I prayed but it went to deaf ears.

I don't believe in God, he had hurt me too deep for me believe he is my savior.

[lilbeebelle]

How can I be so different from my sister? How can we come from the same parents, grow up in the same house, with only a year between us and yet be so different?

How can the relationship to my sister, my first ever friend, become so toxic?

[lilbeebelle]

Is my love language really acts of service or was I just traumatized enough to do everything I'm asked to do, in fear someone gets angry if not?

[lilbeebelle]

the doctors give me prescription after prescription for pills but they won't help me, because at the end of the day I'm still my father's daughter.

[lilbeebelle]

"What is a Sorcerer without his Power source but a regular Person? What is a Prodigy without what made them Special? Onxy, a Person that Fulfills both of those criteria is now on his way to find escape and solution for problems that have haunted him for what he feels like an eternity, to perhaps get his power source back and rid of his rather unconventional work around."

Found this book and wanted to share it. The story is great and the author is still young! Check it out!

[lilbeebelle]

and I hate how much I hate.

[lilbeebelle]

In your range you always tell me to jump. To vanish. But the moment I told you I tried to but couldn't, you got angry. Angry at me for wanting to jump.

[lilbeebelle]

And then they see how broken you are and suddenly they wish to help, but when you were begging on your knees, tears steaming down your face they were blind to your pain.

[lilbeebelle]

The moment I was born, I was already something. I was the oldest child, a daughter non the less.

Not long and I was a sister.

Since the day I was born I carry a burden, greater than men will ever understand.

I was born a daughter, made a sister but maybe in death I will be just me.

[lilbeebelle]

While other parents gifted their children jewelry, you gave me this.

With trembling hands i take my medication, in hope it will calm this anxious feeling inside my chest.

The gift you gave me will belong to me for my eternity, will forever be mine. I thought i could grow into it but the weight of it is too heavy on my shoulders.

I just hope i won't gift it to others too, this anxious feeling.