lucien0501

[lucien0501]

Deep Thought Of The Day

Laughing is easier than crying, because crying means admitting that something hurt you.

[lucien0501]

Hey guys! Please reblog these completely unrelated random facts of the day!

ICE (US Immigration and Customs Enforcement Officers) are now legally allowed in 'safe' zones across the United States like churches, schools, and hospitals

and, completely unrelated:

Whether or not you are a US Citizen, you are not required to allow ICE or other officers into your home without a warrant that is valid, up-to-date, and signed by a judge

also, completely unrelated:

Whether or not you are a US citizen, you are not required to answer questions asked by ICE or other officers. Remember that anything you say could be used against you.

Just...you know...some random facts.

I know I am risking getting backlash again by posting this but yeah...this one's a lot.

[lucien0501]

JEALOUS (Drarry fic)

Description: Draco and Harry live together in Grimauld place to look after Teddy Lupin (Draco's cousin and Harry's godson). Draco comes home after a casual hookup covered in evidence, which reveals to them both exactly how intense their feelings have become. And it's dual pov! This fic is pretty angsty, but in a fun oh-my-gosh-they're-so-damn-oblivious-and-in-love way:)

Warnings: NSFW themes, extreme innuendo (no smut tho sorry), harry is jealous, ANGST swearing, I think that's it? Let me know if I missed any, and sorry in advance if I did!!

Note: I do not support the views of the author (I am a trans person so....no🤬) but I love these very gay characters very much!

1k words!

Harry Potter was definitely not waiting for Draco to come home. He was simply sitting on the couch with a good view of the door, doing paperwork he didn't need to start until Wednesday. It wasn't like him and Malfoy were close anyway. They only lived together to make it easier to share custody of Teddy (Harry's godson and Draco's cousin). He yawned, glancing over at the clock on the mantel. It was half past midnight and he had to get up early tomorrow--- it was pancake morning and his turn to cook. Harry knew Draco could take care of himself, so he gathered his papers, readying to stand up. Then the door creaked open softly, and there was his house mate, standing in the doorway. "Oh." He said quietly. "You're still awake." "Yeah." Harry felt a soft surge of relief at the sight of him. He knew that there wasn't really any danger now, but he couldn't completely shake off the old patterns from the war. Draco removed his coat, shaking the snow off the shoulders before hanging it up. Harry had only seen a glimpse of him when he'd stuck his head in Harry's room to tell him he'd been heading out. Now, though, as he kicked off his shoes, Harry could see everything from the unfairly tight grey jeans, to the green lace long sleaved shirt. Both left very little to the imagination and he swallowed. Then, he noticed the hickies. They were everywhere, dotting his neck and chest, there was even one half hidden by the waistband of his trousers. Harry clenched his fists, unsure why exactly this tinged his vision with red. "Who." Malfoy looked confused for a second, then smirked. "Why do you care, Potter?" I don't bloody know! "Who." He growled. Draco leaned back against the door, crossing one ankle over the other. "An incredibly alluring man named Jacques, at the pub in town." Harry clenched his jaw and gritted out, "so you fancy them French, then?" His smirk widened. "Well I do find it rather attractive to have someone speak French around my cock." Harry was hit with two desires, twins in their intensity. The first; to learn to speak French as quickly as possible, the second; to find this Jacques bloke and hex him with the worst spells he knew. Or at least hit him over the head a few times with the candlestick on the sideboard. He did neither, instead standing up and leaving his papers scattered across the coffee table. As he made his way up the stairs, he called over his shoulder, "I'm glad you found someone suitable, then." He thought he heard Malfoy mutter something, but he was hardly going to stop and ask him to repeat himself. Only when he closed his door and slumped against it, did he finally let himself admit what he had been fighting all evening. All year, really. He was head over heels for Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy shut the door quietly behind him, surprised to find a light on in the living room and Harry on the couch. "Oh. You're still awake." Harry set down his stack of papers. "Yeah." There was a soft emotion behind those words that felt almost intimate and Draco smiled to himself as he began to unbutton his coat. Logically, he knew Harry hadn't been waiting up for him. But then again, maybe he had been. Draco shook the snow off of his coat, and hung it up on one of the hooks by the door. He had to admit, once him and Harry had finished the cleaning, Grimauld Place was cozy. It was starting to feel a bit like home. He felt Harry's eyes on him and looked up, only to find the other man's gaze sweeping over him slowly, from head to toe. He blushed, watching with no small amount of satisfaction has a faint scarlet flush rose on Harry's cheeks as well. Then something changed in his expression and mouth tightened. "Who." What? Then he remembered the multitude of hickies scattered across his body, curtesy of Jacques' careful attentions. He'd been handsome, ridiculously good in bed and not quite enough to make Draco forget about the magnificent man standing in front of him. Close, but not quite. "Why do you care, Potter?" He asked, trying to keep from smirking too much. He had a theory of why exactly it mattered to Harry so much. He could practically hear the other man's teeth grinding as he demanded again, "who." Draco crossed his arms and informed Harry, "an incredibly alluring man named Jacques, at the pub in town." "So you fancy them French, then?" Harry asked, envy evident in his tone. I fancy you, Potter. I fancy your kindness, your tempter, the way you always swing Teddy around when he gets home from Andromeda's on the weekends. I fancy the way you look with a bedhead; making pancakes in your pajamas, and the way we hold each other up after bad nights. I fancy your smile and your laugh. He didn't say a word of that, though. "Well I do find it rather attractive to have someone speak French around my cock." Even though they always had a silencing charm on the main floor so they wouldn't wake Teddy, he still found himself speaking quietly. Harry's hand twitched towards his wand, and Draco wondered if he'd finally gone too far in pushing Harry's buttons, but then he stood and strode towards the stairs. "Well I'm glad you found someone suitable then." He called over his shoulder. "Hardly." Draco murmured, though Harry was already out of hearing distance. It was only once he heard a door close upstairs that he let a grin spread across his face. Harry James Potter was jealous.

[lucien0501]

LETTERS (Wolfstar Oneshot)

Summary: Letters from Sirius Black to Remus Lupin from Azkaban. He isn’t allowed to send the letters so they’re only one sided, which definitely makes it sad. There are a few mentions of fun past Marauders moments/pranks!:) Harry Potter Marauders Fandom

Note: I do not support the views of the author (I am a trans person so....no🤬) but I love these very gay characters so much that I had to write about them!

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Hints of mental instability, losing memories because of dementors, definite angst, mentions of Lily and James’ death, brief mentions of sex, swearing, Sirius’ hate for Peter Pettigrew, death threats towards Peter Pettigrew, and overall kind tragic because Sirius is stuck in Azkaban.  Let me know if I missed any!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moons

I'm not sure why I'm writing to you--we're not allowed to send or receive post from Azkaban, but you know that already. You always seem to know everything, you're smart as hell.

I'm not going to waste parchment explaining everything, I already spend too much time rehearsing what I'm going to say. Lily and James, Remus. I still can't make myself believe it, I'm not sure I want to.

I want to ask you not to forget about me, not to believe I'm a traitor. No, that's a lie. I want to ask you to wait for me. I'll come back to you one day, I promise. It’s selfish of me, to hope you won't move on. But I've always been a selfish bastard, you know that too.

I can't remember your eyes, Remus. Or your laugh. I try, every day to conjure you up from my memories, but the Dementors are slowly sucking you from my mind, one day at a time. I'm terrified of losing you--our years at Hogwarts, for good. I'm scared that one day I won't remember what you taste like, your oversized jumpers, the sounds you make when you come. I love you, Remus, and the Dementors prey on love, it's a feast to them.

But they can't take away my hate, my need for revenge. I fucking hate him, I hate him I hate himIhatehimIhate--

Pads

*

Moony

Do you remember the time we shagged on the big couch in the common room and James found out? He was so disgusted he didn't sit there till Christmas.

Do you remember the time that we all got drunk and played Seven Minutes In Heaven and I charmed the spinner so I'd get you? That was our first kiss. I remember.

Then there was that time that we slipped Snivellus a potion that turned his hair pink for a week. We thought it was the most brilliant thing we'd ever done. Did he retaliate? I'm not sure anymore.

Remember when we snuck out to Hogsmeade through the secret passage and almost ran into Professor McGonagall? Did we get caught? I don't remember.

I'm trying to remember. I have to remember

Padfoot

*

Rem

Half my bloody family is in here, you know. It makes for a wonderful reunion, lots of cursing and threats of murder-- just like old times! 

I wonder if my parents are proud of me now, after what they think I did. After what everyone thinks I did.

I'm sorry. I'm so damned sorry for all of it, for the way I must have hurt you. I wish I could actually send these letters and wish I could talk to you again. Just for a few minutes.

There are so many things I should have done differently. So many things.

Sirius

*

Remus

I wonder where you are, now? What you're doing? 

It's been five years now, for all I know you could be dead or married or finally realized you're better off without me. I wouldn't blame you for the last one. 

That thought haunts me every day, that I'll get out of here and I'll find you and you'll say that you've moved on and none of it matters now.

Cause I will find you. I'm getting out of here, one day.

Sirius

*

This will be my last letter, I'm almost out of parchment and there's no way in hell they'll bring me more. Maybe I'll write on the walls to keep myself from going mad. 

I'm so sorry for everything that I did. For everything that I failed to do. I never told you enough how much I loved you and now it's too late.

I'm going to get out of here, I promise. I have to. 

I'm going to kill him, fucking rip him apart with my bare hands, damn my wand. 

And then I'm going to find you. And everything is going to be alright because then I'll be in your arms. 

[lucien0501]

Memories (Wolfstar oneshot)

Summary:

Remus Lupin reflecting on memories from his past through the lenses of viewing Sirius Black as a traitor. Plus a few fun present day moments too! Harry Potter Marauders fandom. Overall a sad fic, but has some fluffy wolfstar/marauders moments and a little angst;)

Note: I do not support the views of the author (I am a trans person so....no🤬) but I love these very gay characters so much that I had to write about them!

Warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol use disorder, mentions of smoking, mentions of parental abuse, main character betrayal, main character death.

Let me know if I missed any!

Word count: 3k 

REMUS POV:

Early 7th year:

It was almost one in the morning and Sirius and I were alone in the common room, staring at the dying embers of the fire. James and Peter were still in detention and I knew Sirius was glad for the chance to hurt with a smaller audience. He'd told me multiple times to go to bed but I couldn't. I knew what it was like to feel alone and I knew how much easier it felt to push people away, than let them in. But I loved Sirius and I wasn't going anywhere, even if I hadn't worked up the courage to say those three little words yet.

Sirius glared down at the parchment in his hand, and although his face was dry, I knew there were tears in his soul. The burning rage roared in my blood again, demanding that I protect, that I hurt anyone who hurt Sirius. My Sirius. I didn't know what the letter said exactly, but by the tightness in his jaw I knew it was worse than usual. He'd brushed it off all day, but he couldn't hide the heaviness, not from me.

Sirius balled up the letter with sudden ferocity and chucked it into the fire, sending up a firework of sparks. He crawled into my lap, pressing his face into my chest. "I hate them." The words were choked, and however much my heart ached, I couldn't help but be glad that he was getting it out, talking to me. It had taken him years to even admit that things weren't great at home, and only started letting us support him a few months ago.

I gently stroked his hair as he whispered, "I wish she could just realize I'll never be like her and leave me the bloody hell alone."

The bitterness and hate in his words had my anger building all over again. I wanted to release the beast inside me on Walburga and let it tear and rip and kill until there was nothing left. But then all of that faded away as Sirius looked up at me and whispered, "I love you, Moony."

I blinked, startled. It was rare for Sirius to talk about his emotions this willingly, but this was real. His usual false arrogance was gone, and true vulnerability shone in his eyes. I had feared for so long that I didn't deserve to say those words, let alone hear them, but as he traced my jawline, I felt the fear melt away. 

He deserved to know how I truly felt. "I love you too, Pads." I whispered, my heart soaring. "Forever."

He pressed a tender kiss to my lips and agreed, "Forever."

But it wasn't forever. Not even close.

Late 7th year:

I took another bite of the chocolate, feeling stupid. I went on a dangerous rampage once a month, and was a threat to society, I didn't deserve to be pampered after.

But the weariness in my bones was so complete that I couldn't bring myself to protest.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, unable to look at my friends.

"What the hell for?" James asked, affronted.

"For..." I gestured at myself, at the new scar running along my bicep. "This. For being so hard."

"None of us are exactly easy, Moons." James said quietly. "We all have hard times and we all support each other. That's how this works. You lot have had to put up with me being an arrogant git for the last 7 years.”

“You're still an arrogant git, Prongs.” Sirius deadpanned. “Nothing's changed.”

James smacked him, and I laughed. The sound was hoarse but it felt good, felt like a little piece of normal. Of family and home.

Sirius gripped my hand tightly. "No matter what, Remus. For every full moon, we'll be here."

But he wasn't. None of them were.

Two years after graduation:

'I'm going to quit drinking." Sirius said as he walked into my flat. I raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean I have to quit smoking?"

He laughed. "No. It would probably be better if we're not irritable at the same time."

I took a sip of my tea and smiled. "Probably. What prompted this?"

He flopped down in the chair across from mine. "I realized I use it to cope and I don't want it to turn into alcohol use disorder, I don't want that to be another thing that we have to overcome. Or if we decide to get married and have kids, I want to be a good father, one who knows how to manage his emotions. And I want to be ok for you, for us to be happy. No matter where life takes us."

I would miss drunk Sirius when he was happy. The little smile he only got when he was drinking, the way he looked so carefree, dancing and singing at the top of his lungs. But I wouldn't miss when he did use alcohol to cope. I wouldn't miss coming over only to find him with a half finished bottle of whiskey, head in his hands. He always sounded so broken, like nothing I could ever do would be enough to help him heal. "It makes me happy that you're thinking about our future" -- even if it was a future I didn't deserve-- I admitted. "But I want you to quit for yourself, Pads. To know that you're worthy of taking care of yourself."

He looked down at the table, running a hand through his hair and tugging slightly. The motion had me clenching my fists under the table to keep from reaching out and doing a little tugging myself. "Alright." He said finally, meeting my eyes. My breath caught at how beautiful he was, his eyes a smoky gray that I would never stop falling into. "I'll heal for myself, and for you. I'm committing to us, to our future, Remus."

Spoiler alert, he wasn't.

The day Harry is born:

Sirius had talked my ear off in the waiting room, so excited for all the adventures we would have once Harry grew a little bit older. Now, though, holding the newborn, he looked peaceful. A light had bloomed in his eyes the moment he saw his godson and I smiled to myself as I watched him place a gentle kiss on little Harry's fluffy head.

"Congratulations." I said to a tired Lily and James, managing to tear my eyes away from Sirius.

James tucked an arm around Lily, both of them smiling happily at their son. A funny feeling grew in my chest, imagining Sirius and I with a child of our own one day. We hadn't talked about the possibility much, other than agreeing that we both liked the idea, but I knew the day would come.

Sirius offered Harry to me. "Do you want a turn?"

"Oh." Somehow it hasn't occurred to me that I might get to hold the newborn. I looked down at my scarred hands, wondering if I should really be trusted with such a little baby. But then Harry opened his eyes and gave me a tiny little smile, waving his scrunched fist in the air and I caved. "Alright."

He fit perfectly in the crook of my arm and as I smiled down at him, already fast asleep again, I felt a warmth bloom in my chest. This felt like the beginning of something special. Like maybe all of the hardship and heartbreak we'd all been through was over and we could start fresh for baby Harry.

I didn't know then, of course. I wonder if it was better to have those memories, to have felt that love and hope and have it crushed.

Or maybe, if it would have been better to never feel any of it at all.

Present day (three months before Sirius breaks out of Azkaban):

It had been 12 years. 12 fucking years since I lost everything, everyone. Twelve years since the night I'd just sat on my bed, alone, staring at the wall. 12 years since I'd heard his heartbeat, touched his skin. 12 years since I'd let Dumbledore take Harry, knowing that a werewolf was a shit person to raise a child. 12 years since I lost them all, because of him. Sirius goddamn Black. I couldn't go anywhere for six months without hearing about him, what a mad bloke he must have been, what a bloody sod for siding with You-Know-Who. I'd sorted through his flat after, there had been no one else to do it. I'd scoured everywhere for any trace, any evidence, any reason why. But there was nothing. Only the blood on the street I'd seen when I'd arrived too late to see him. Only the notice that the evidence was so strong that there was no need for a trial. Just a life sentence in Azkaban. His flat was gone now, I'd sold everything of his except what was currently weighing down my pocket. It had always felt heavier than it should be, the ring. It was simple, just a gold band with a diamond in the center. But on the inside, the engraving....I couldn't bear to look at it, and yet I couldn't stop myself. I pulled it out of the box and turned it over. 'S+R' 

I gritted my teeth, clenching my fist so tight around the ring that I knew it would leave an imprint. 'So many full moons, so many lonely nights and empty chairs.' I wanted to scream. 'What about your promises?'

But I didn't. My soul was already so full of unheard tears and words, what were a few more?

I opened my fist, staring bitterly at the fateful ring. I took a deep, shaky breath. It was time. I pulled my arm back, and chucked the ring into the Thames. It sank quickly beneath the dark frigid waters and I found myself rooted to the spot, staring at where it had fallen just moments ago. As I stood there, I wasn't sure who I hated more. Sirius, for his actions, or myself for still loving him

SIRIUS POV:

A week after the end of Prisoner of Azkaban

I stood outside the door of Grimauld place, my heart hammering. It wasn't just the return to my childhood home, so full of memories as sharp as knives. No, my heart raced for who would be standing on the other side of the big wooden door with its peeling green paint. I smoothed back my hair, glad I'd been able to clean up before arriving. Not that my cleaner appearance today could erase how he'd seen me a week ago. His words still rang in my ears. "I never stopped loving you."

The words had been hurried, whispered in my ear as we'd embraced, and the fear I'd misheard them was all too heavy in my chest. He'd had 13 years to move on, to realize how much better off he was without me. Merlin's bollocks, what if I was standing here deliberating but he wasn't even here? I'd given him Instructions but what if they hadn't been clear enough? What if he'd decided not to come?

I almost missed the arrogant, cocky person I'd been in my youth as I pushed open the already unlocked door, and stepped over the threshold.

And there he was. Remus John Lupin. Moony. Mine. My hands shook as I closed the door behind me, as we stood there, just drinking each other in.

Finally, I had to break the silence. "Glad you made it alright, then."

What a stupid thing to say. 13 years of debating my first words when we were alone and this was what came out of my mouth?!

He just stared at me and I took a step towards him. "Remus."

He visibly swallowed. "Sirius."

Just my name, but it held so much emotion, so many unsaid words. His voice was hoarser than I remembered but I liked it. It was kind of sexy. He looked older than I remembered too, flecks of grey peppered in the light brown of his hair. But I supposed my curls were hardly as dark as they used to be, either. Suddenly I felt a bust of longing for the past. When had we stopped being schoolchildren at Hogwarts? When had we lost so much time?

I took another step towards him, so many words vying to be first out of my mouth. "I never stopped loving you either." I said quietly. "Not a single day went by that I didn't think of you, didn't wish that I could--"

But my sentence went forever unfinished because he had launched himself at me and then he was in my arms, holding me tighter than he ever had before. I tangled one hand in his hair, the other gripping the back of his shirt. He still wore the same oversized jumpers, still smelled the same; like bergamot and lime and a little hint of wood smoke.

This was real. This was real. This was real.

"I'm sorry." The words came out choked from the lump in my throat. "I should have told you that I wasn't the secret keeper for the Potter's house. Lily and James thought it would be better to not even mention it out loud but I should have told you anyway." Their names still hurt, even after all this time. "There are so many things I should have done differently."

Remus gripped me tighter. "Its alright. I shouldn't have believed you'd betrayed us, but I just....nothing made sense and there was so much blood on the street."

Fuck, he'd lost everything that night. Then again, so had I. "I know." I whispered. "I know."

I pulled back a little, gently wiping the tears from his face and then kissing him. He gasped softly against my lips before kissing me back, and I'd dreamed of this over and over but nothing could come close to the reality. To this.

The kiss was slow and soft and tender, a kiss to make up for everything we'd lost. I wanted to lose myself in this feeling, this peace and coming home, but I couldn't. I had a promise to keep. A promise to myself.

I stepped back and took his hands in mine. The touch was so familiar, so perfect as I dropped to a knee in front of him. "When I was in Azkaban," I started, "I had a lot of time to think. And one of the things I regretted most was not letting you know how much I love you. Not telling you how much you mean to me. You're my person, Moony. All of the times that we held each other, talked late in to the night, that you told me your random philosophical thoughts. All of the times we had together good, and bad, are the memories that mean the most to me. I love you, Remus. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

He dropped to his knees before me with a soft thud. His eyes shone as he took my face in his hands. "Yes. Yes  you stupid git, of course I'll marry you."

Then he tackled me back onto the floor and we were both laughing and crying and tangled together. "I had a ring in my flat." I murmured as I pressed kisses to his jaw, his throat. "S'pose its still there."

Remus froze and pulled back. "I....er...I threw it in the Thames."

I sputtered, laughing. "You what?"

He flushed. "I carried it around for 12 years and then decided it was time to get over you. So I threw it in the Thames."

I chuckled, tugging him close again. "You wanted to get over me, huh? How'd that work out?"

He buried his face in my neck. "Terribly. I love you, Sirius."

"I love you too." I whispered.

But of course, like all things forged before the coming war, it didn't last.