meanderingwords-blog1

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Hiatus

So...I went on hiatus for a while because I was busy moving to a new country and starting a new job, but I’m BAAAACK. OK, that was way more excited-sounding than I am in real life right now. Anyway, I’ve been struggling to get up and write more lately, but somehow I managed to at least start on my actual story. What with getting used to my current schedule, and getting settled here, getting in the mood for actual writing has been...challenging, to say the least.

I kinda almost finished with all the main characters’ backstories, and most of the Realms’ history, but I think I’m about to get sucked into the rabbit-hole of adding on too much detail and putting off writing any actual evolving action...

So! For my next trick, I will pull out of my magic hat....some 6-month goals! *applause* Here’s hoping I can stick to at least 50% of these:

write at least 3 times per week (in the actual novel part of Evernote) - the ideal would be to write at least half of my novel by August, but if I get to chapter 10, I’ll consider this accomplished.

finish reading the 2nd volume of Wheel of Time and the entire His Dark Materials saga

learn more about Oriental mythology - this is part of my ongoing plan to get more familiar with other mythologies, not just good ol’ Greek and Latin

practice my digital drawing - for this one, I’ll be happy if I can complete 2 or 3 more drawings by the end of 6 months

read Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey - I’m familiar with the basics of his work, but I’d really like a refresher. Haven’t really had time to read his book just yet but it’s definitely something I need to help me with my own writing and worldbuilding, because I’m terrible at advancing plot

create my own writing aesthetic corner - so far, because I’ve just moved, I’m sharing this very tiny room with my boyfriend, and it hasn’t really been the greatest environment for writing, what with it being so cramped. I’d really like to work on setting up a small corner of my own where I can just feel comfortable enough to write in, but I’m putting it off until my paycheck rolls in :P

Okay, that’s it for my first set of bi-annual goals. Some of these aren’t really writing related, but I do find that practicing other creative skills helps, so I’ve included them on the list anyway. Fingers crossed!! Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

First goal accomplished

Today’s the day I can say I finally accomplished the goal I set out a few posts back. I finished outlining my characters!! 

Anyway, I’ve decided to set another goal, and that is, to fully outline my first novel. I’m already halfway there, but I still need to get the details juuuuust right. Because I’m crazy and my entire novel is crazy and I won’t stop until every single detail is perfectly explained and accounted for. God, I used to hate symbolism in highschool, where everything had to mean something. But I gotta say, it’s kinda fun to write!

Wish me luck. Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Low times

I wanna talk about low times tonight. Why? Because we’ve all been there. Some of us have been through it more than others, but we’ve all had bad experiences we’ve had to deal with. And you know what sucks? Don’t get me wrong, going through hell is just about the biggest fucking nightmare someone could possibly live, but you know what puts the cherry on my cake? People.

G-Damn people, guys. As much as there are good people out there, there sure are some messed up pieces of work as well. You know them. You’ve seen them around. Probably had marginally legal thoughts about how to deal with them.(Amirite? No? So it was just me having those thoughts then? OK...) See, recently I’ve had the great privilege of encountering so many of these special boys and girls, that I’m beginning to wonder if I’m under some kind of curse, attracting all the assholes to me. Allow me to illustrate:

You know that feeling, when you’ve crawled through some dark, terrible place in your life, and just there, just then, when you thought the light would never come, it did? And you felt the tension leave your body, and you could breathe again, and all was good? Feels pretty damn good. For, like, a second.

Enter Mr X. Oh, you know him. He’s the guy who butts in on conversations, telling people what they should be doing. He knows best anyway, because his cousin had a friend whose dog dreamed about this once and clearly that qualifies him for giving his thoughts and opinions on the matter. What’s that? You didn’t ask for his opinion? Well that’s alright. Consider this his gift to you. Mr X is also a gift, you see, to mankind. He has political thoughts and feelings, because he watches BearNews and reads ShiftBart (I put the “f” in for decency), and spends hours on YouTube listening to the latest rage in conspiracy theories.

You’ve crawled out of hell, all scraped and bruised and just strong enough to stand up, and you run straight into him. He smiles at you with the serenity of a man who hasn’t had an original thought in his head since the Internet was born, and proceeds to crush your victory with the air of someone doing you a favor. You want to punch him straight in his dumb face, but his words have the magical ability of stunning your brain with such precision that all you can do is stare at him in complete disbelief that someone could be so sincerely imbecilic.

See I’ve had my share of Mr, and Mrs Xs. They just pop out of nowhere and devalue your entire work, life and choices, while simultaneously pushing their own lives as a model you should guide yourself by. One of these guys was a white supremacist “sympathizer” (it’s what the kids are calling Nazis these days apparently). Yeah. An actual Nazi thought I could benefit from his life advice.

Why do people do that? I mean, sure, there’s assholes out there, but does it ever strike anyone as mildly disturbing that more and more, there seem to only be assholes in the world? It hurts my brain, the amount of people who’ve told me, to my face, that things I’ve chosen, or plans that I’ve made, suck, are terrible and they have better ideas for what I should be doing with my life.

Just yesterday, a bunch of people declared to my face that the UK is a terrible country, while full knowing I’m moving there in a matter of weeks. What in the fucking HELL is the matter with these people. What can possess a person to get up one morning and just go “I’m gonna shit on everyone’s plans today, because I feel like it and I don’t understand the concept of people being different individuals with a unique combination of preferences and life contexts”?

This would all be great, if it was just one person every now and again. But guys...I’ve gone through shit like this, like...every other fucking week! I just wanna know: what’s the deal? Are we all assholes now? Is that where the bar is at this point? Have we all just...given up on being people, and just one day reached the point where we just can’t be asked to live and let live anymore?

In an effort to calm myself, and tone down some of the less legal inclinations going through my mind regarding certain people who’ve managed to irk me today, I went on good ol’ Google looking for some inspiration to keep me from featuring in a Criminal Minds episode (or two). I did find one picture which I am going to end this post with. It gave me a good chuckle, but it made a damn fine point, too.

I just wanna say this one thing, before I finish typing this verbal diarrhea of a post: there will be people in your life who drag you down. These people won’t know they’re doing it; or they will do it on purpose. Whichever the case, the fact still stands - they don’t do it because they hate you. They do it because they hate themselves. They can’t help themselves, sometimes, because your winning, succeeding, or even existing, threatens them and makes them feel inadequate. People like this don’t have the...let’s call them “tools” to process emotional reactions on a higher cognitive level (which is nerd for “idiots”). All they’ve got is that caveman reaction of “me no like, me hit on head”, and they’re trying to bring you down to the level where they can stand above and look down on you. Whatever you think about what people say to you, about you, these are not facts. They are not truths. Not now, not ever. And no one, I mean no one is allowed to make you doubt your own victories, however small. Hold on to those victories, for dear life. And if some asshole tries to take them away, cut them out. You don’t need that in your life.

And now, this:

Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

What we read when we procrastinate writing

I’ve never really had what normal people would call an “attention span”. Of any kind. I’m like a fidgety squirrel on caffeine, I just cannot hold my attention fixed on one object for too long.

This is all fun and games until I need to actually write something because...well have you started worldbuilding, or character building, and then you realize that hey, you remember that really cool concept you read about on time in that one book and you wanna put it in the story, but you’re not quite sure how to do that, and so maybe you should research it, because that’s what a good writer does, research. After all, research would never suck you into a fucking bottomless pit of despair, where there’s only darkness and the crushing weight of all the things you now realize you don’t know.

It’s fun. Kids, always do your research. Because you see, when you start building a story, you get to a magical point called symbolism. Ahhh...the mystical land of symbolism. But ya know what??? You can’t really do symbolism if you haven’t done your...yeah, you guessed it, research. So that’s what I usually sit my ass down and start reading up on mythology, because, first of all, I love mythology, okay? Like, mythology is basically where fantasy stories started. So yeah...I love that shit. Second of all, I love a good mythology reference, but man, am I tired of all the Greek/Roman stuff people keep doing everywhere. Why don’t we ever see some Egyptian symbolism? Or some Celtic references? Hm? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?

Anyway...what was I saying? Oh yeah, I sit my ass down to read up on some nice mythology. 5 hours later and 3 cups of coffee deep in reading, I’m suddenly making a wishlist on BookDepository with all the awesome mythology books I wanna buy. I don’t buy them, because I’m poor and cheap, but I like to open that list every now and then and picture myself reading them. Ahh...

That brings me to the actual point of this post: what do I like to read when I don’t like to write? (So like...every damn day)

I recently finished Brandon Sanderson’s Way of Kings, and can I just say, the man is a worldbuilding GOD. If you ever want to feel like absolute shit about your skills as a worldbuilder, read his books, then go cry in a corner because there’s not way you can reach that level of badassery, like, everrr. Or am I the only one who does that? Just me then? Ok.

Things I am currently reading include The Wheel of Time series. Don’t kill me, I’ve never read them. I’ll finish that soon and get back to you. (Can I just say, who the fuck am I even talking to? Eh, who cares.) I’m also paralel reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, the complete collection, because I love a good Sherlock story every now and then.

But where it comes to Mythology, I’ve got a looooooong list of books waiting. My love will always be ancient Egypt, in both history and myth. I just bought a book on Egyptian mythology (and it’s got pictures, and it’s glossy and I love it!), and a book on Celtic mythology. Those are my next reads on the list.

I’ll start a new job soon so my reading/writing time will be seriously damaged but my goal is to finish the Egyptian mythology book by the end of this year. Fingers crossed!

Oh yeah and I’m also 2 characters away from completing my character building process!!! Fucking finally!!

Anyway. That’s it for now. Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

When you want to write but you’re hella lazy

If the title says it all, is there a point in even writing anything else? Ok fine I’ll do it, stop not asking me.

Sometimes - and by sometimes, I mean very literally all the goddamn time - I forget why I started writing in the first place. The busier I get, the more I forget about those imaginary people that have been on my mind since I was 15.

Sometimes I forget how nice it is to get lost in the details of a world I created, and have adventures along my characters. And because I forget, my writing gets forced and shitty. And then I get frustrated and stop. Because that solves all my problems. Amirite?

For the past year, I’ve been fleshing out my characters some more, but I still struggle with getting to know them. I also struggle with being pathologically lazy and insecure, but that’s a whole other can of worms. (Please don’t open it, it’s way past the expiration date.) I keep going back and changing things and for the life of me, I can’t seem to give them a final form. Why can’t words just flow out of my brain and onto the paper, so I don’t have to be up at 3 am looking for a synonym for “charming” on thesaurus.com?

But I have to push myself a bit, though. Which is what I will do. By setting a goal. Yeah, you heard me. a freakin’ goal. I can’t even believe I’m saying this. You don’t get it. I am not a goal person. Ever. Each time I set a goal for myself it’s like I try to disappoint myself on purpose. But here I am. Setting goals and whatnot. Why do I like hurting myself? I guess we’ll never know.

And my goal is...*drumroll please*

FINISHING FLESHING OUT MY CHARACTERS BY THE END OF THE GODDAMN YEAR.

Yeah. How ‘bout that. See, I’ve been doing this for a year now, and I think if I don’t finish it soon, I’ll just keep going back and rewriting all of them until the end of time. So this is me. Pushing myself.

Wish me luck! Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Demons

OK so...let’s talk about demons. No, not the fantasy, straight out of hell, black eyed sexy villains from Supernatural. The nasty kind. The type of demons that live in people’s heads. You can’t see them, you can’t punch ‘em in the nose, it sure as hell isn’t easy to fend them off.

Right. Why am I blabbering on about demons? Because I’ve got my own, duh. This is probably the time where I insert that generic “we all have our demons” line that basically says a whole lot of nothing in nice sounding words. Cool, but no. We don’t all have our demons. It’s just not as simple as a generic statement. While we do all share struggles in life, perhaps a more accurate thing to say would be “We all have our demons, but not everyone has the tools they need to fight them.” There. That’s better. And more accurate.

Our demons only get us when we’re down. They make us think we’re never going to win, and they convince us to give up the fight. Sometimes, we listen, because it’s hard to fight an invisible monster. Not everyone is as equipped to join the fight, and it takes a while to find and put on armor. Sometimes, we make the armor from scratch, and we cut ourselves, and bruise ourselves along the way. And you know what? Our first armors, they’re really shitty. They’ll break like glass and you’ll have to start all over again. It’s true, we’re all on the battlefield, but just because some people were straight up born in armor, doesn’t mean everyone was. The world needs to learn to grasp that.

Anxiety. That’s my demon(of the month). I can hear you rolling your eyes, you know. “Everyone gets anxious every now and then!” you say, as you look at these words thinking ‘Great, another one of those snowflakes’. Well, allow me to just say: BULL.SHIT. No, really. If you say that, you’ve never had anxiety as bad as it can get. Hell, maybe I’ve never had anxiety as bad as it can get. But I’ve had enough to know that, whatever I think I’ve been through, and however hard I think I’ve had it, there’s definitely someone out there even worse. Don’t mess with people who are looking for a friend. Be  a friend.

People have this baffling tendency to view the world through their own little narrow perspective. This is why explaining things to people is frustrating and can feel like a monumental task. There you are, telling a friend (who’s never had anxiety or panic attacks) how anxiety makes it scary to even close your eyes. How the thoughts in your head are racing like cars on a highway and you can’t even pick one because another one’s already flitted past your mind. How you open your eyes in the morning and you instantly feel terrified and sweaty because getting up is horrific and you just can’t do it. Not today. And there’s your friend, looking at you with the world’s most blank/puzzled expression and it just feels like you’re talking to a brick wall. And then they say “That sounds harsh” and you just want to flip a table. How are you supposed to make them understand? It’s exhausting.

But here’s what I’ve found. Humans are very visual. This is why art is important. So many concepts that are too complicated to explain can be perfectly summed up in a painting, a song, a book and so on. I guess what I’m saying is: it’s hard having a mental illness. It’s hard explaining it to people who don’t get it. But don’t give up. Giving up is part of that demon all-inclusive package. What’s the point? is the worst and most frequent question that pops into your head. But giving in to that question is wrong. Your demons will always try to get you alone. They’ll hound you until you’re too tired to fight. They’ll whisper things that’ll make you want to quit. It will get hard at times. You’ll feel like it’s us vs. them, and they just don’t get it.

Here’s the thing, though. They’ll get it, eventually. You just haven’t found the way to explain it to them yet. But you need to keep explaining. Keep talking about your mental illness. Keep describing it, keep expressing it, until they get it. Draw, sing, write, do whatever, but don’t stop expressing that feeling. You may be anxious, depressed, bipolar and so on. It doesn’t matter, as long as you don’t let the shame and frustration overcome you. Your demons are a part of you, but they don’t own or control you. They only win when you feel ashamed to show them to the world.

It’s not our job to keep explaining it. But in doing so, we give ourselves the voice we need. You cannot wait forever for the world to get it. Take that first step yourself. So many others may follow your lead. Give yourself a voice through art. And if you’re afraid your art is bad? It. Doesn’t. Matter. Your art is your voice, and the voice of many like you. There’s no such thing as bad.

So I guess that’s it for my blabbering of the day. Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Addendum to my last post

Soooo....I forgot one more channel I wanted to add to my list of distraction from my last post.

CrashCourse - @thecrashcourse this channel has a series of crash course type videos on different topics, but I mostly used their Mythology section, which is sooooo cool you guys! Now normally when people look for mythology info, they’re automatically guided to the Roman/Greek and possibly Norse mythology. This lovely channel gives a few lessons on other mythologies such as Hindu, and Asian mythologies, some Pacific Island pantheon and a lot of Egyptian mythology. And some others I’m sure I’m forgetting right now. Anyway, check it out!

Here: https://www.youtube.com/user/crashcourse

Tumblr: http://thecrashcourse.tumblr.com/

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thecrashcourse/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thecrashcourse

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/YouTubeCrashCourse

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Distractions

Sooo....yeah. I guess I’m gonna have a chat about being distracted. You know, so I can...distract myself from actually writing. (Writer’s block is a bitch.)

I was going to write something deep and meaningful and possibly attempt to be funny (and fail miserably), but I can’t believe I’m having tumblr writer’s block as well. 

Aaaanyway! I’m still gonna make a post because damn it I really wanna finish my day with at least one accomplishment on my list.

Whenever I get distracted, I like to go on Youtube and just follow the white rabbit down the rabbit hole into Distractionland, where time is meaningless and the videos are endless. That being said, I’ve really been enjoying some of the writing vlogs I’ve discovered, so I’ve decided to make a list. I’m pretty sure no one will ever read this post so, what the heck, here we go:

Kim Chance - her debut YA novel Keeper is coming out...next year, I think (I’m really too lazy to check, and my wireless mouse is too far away and I’m just not using this touchpad right now, just google it). She has some really nice, encouraging videos about her writing journey. It’s a very sweet, pink bubble gum sort of vlog, which I don’t normally enjoy, but in her case it fits her well. All in all, her videos really made me feel less sick with my own inability to string pretty words together. Watch her vlog here: http://bit.ly/2wnkDeB Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kimwritesbooks IG: https://www.instagram.com/kimwritesbooks/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/_KimChance

Jenna Moreci - @jennamoreci Jenna is possibly the most sarcastic person I’ve ever seen (second only to myself, of course - cue appreciative nod from the reader). She swears a LOT which is just absolutely fantabulous and I love it. She’s a self-published writer who manages to live off her success, so I wouldn’t discard her advice, or her painfully accurate videos (the truth hurts, guys). Her videos touch on everything from specific writing tips, to beta readers and to actually self publishing. Overall, it’s a much more...technical vlog, I guess, and it’s less about her experience and journey, and more about lessons she’s learned and passes on to others. 10/10 would watch again. Here: http://bit.ly/1F19Bcb IG: https://www.instagram.com/jennamoreci/ Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/authorjennamoreci Twitter: https://twitter.com/jennamoreci Tumblr: http://jennamoreci.tumblr.com/

ShaelinWrites - @shaelinwrites This is quickly becoming a true favorite, mostly because Shaelin has some really good technical advice on writing, and I mean the actual writing structure, construction and process, beyond the “feeling” and more into the rational part of what it means to create stories. I’m giving her 2 thumbs up and as I haven’t finished watching all her videos, I can’t really expand beyond saying you should check her channel out. Here: http://bit.ly/2bVMjO2 Tumblr: http://shaelinwrites.tumblr.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/shaelinbishop Website: https://www.shaelinbishop.com/

Overly Sarcastic Productions - okay so normally I need to speed up videos because people talk soooooooooooooo freakin’ slow, but I swear I had to slow this one down. This isn’t a writing channel per se, as it deals with multiple topics. They have short videos on history summarized and some not so short videos on writing topics such as character tropes, hero’s journey, redeemed villains and fallen heroes. They do an amazing job of analyzing the pros and cons of each topic and they give tips on how to use the elements properly in writing in order to no be...well...boring. All the videos are really hilarious so you really won’t fall asleep watching this channel. Here: http://bit.ly/2fuZtUW

Kristen Martin - Kristen is also a self-published author, but she is also a corporate employee. I found this channel really interesting because, although I’d already seen most of the topics in the other channels, Kim and Jenna seemed to have more time allotted to writing, while Kristen often talks about the struggles of splitting between the job and the passion. It’s an interesting POV so I highly recommend watching her channel. Here: http://bit.ly/1Ny0BlC Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorkristenmartin IG: https://www.instagram.com/authorkristenmartin/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/authorkristenm

Terrible Writing Advice - This is another really good, sarcastic channel about writing (shocker, I know). The videos are really short (my definition of short is anything under 17 minutes), and they touch on some really frequent topics in a funny way. Plus, it’s animated and hilarious, although you may have to watch a video twice to get all the pop references. But still, I love this channel and I’m putting it on the list! Here: http://bit.ly/2xAxVs3 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorJPBeaubien/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/JosephPBeaubien Website: http://jpbeaubien.com/

So that’s it for my YouTube distractions, but I would also like to mention my other main distraction, which is the book I’m currently reading. The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson, one of my absolute favorite authors. If you haven’t read him but you like completely original worlds and really cool fantasy concepts, I’d suggest you get going. He’s really amazing at worldbuilding, although I’ve seen complaints about his prose being incredibly long (this book is over 1000 pages so you get the idea). Still, do not despair, as his other series called Mistborn is less thick and fear-inducing, so if you have some kind of discriminatory political opinion about thick books (how rude, tbh), then make your way towards the Mistborn trilogy which is much easier to digest.

Welp, I honestly gave this post all I had, so I’m gonna call it a night for now. Until next time.

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Digressions

There’s nothing more infuriating to me than sitting down to write and finding myself, 5 hours later, doing/reading something completely unrelated to what I had set out to do.

That being said, the list of things I’ve found myself doing instead of writing include:

reading about writing

reading about character archetypes

looking up synonyms of words on thesaurus.com only to find myself randomly clicking through weird words until I’ve spiraled into a vortex of lexical doom and now possess vocabulary that I will never use

finding that perfect song on Youtube (which usually involves about an hour long search)

writing this post

doing work for my career instead(my other career)

looking up plot development

watching my favorite vlogs about writing

listening to Two Steps From Hell until I’m so pumped I can’t write now

re-reading some of my other characters’ bios, then editing them for the 100th time

crying in a corner because why am I even doing this, I’m not good enough to be a writer and I should be embarrassed for even thinking of something like that

But anyway, I’ve found that as I write along, I find more and more things that I don’t know enough about. For example, plot and structure. Or my characters aren’t good enough. Some of them I haven’t even developed, so I stop and do that instead. The best part is when I hit a writer’s block in developing characters, before I’ve even written anything productive! 

Right now I’m about to delve into reading about plot and structure, so that will take me roughly 5000 years to finish, and then I can hopefully make 2 pages of progress on my actual writing. Y’know, unless I find more digressions on the way.

Wish me luck!

[meanderingwords-blog1]

Oh great, another “writer” (cue eyeroll)

Sooo...yeahhh...Welcome to my blog?

Although I guess I should introduce myself. As much as one can introduce one’s self on the internet.

I want to be able to say “I’m a writer”, but I guess that’s a lie. What I am is a person who writes. Sometimes. And when I don’t, I think about writing. But that’s not my primary job, so calling myself a writer would be kinda pointless at this stage.

What’s my primary job? That’s not important.

Alright then why should you even give a f-- whoa, ok let me stop you right there. You shouldn’t. Because that’s not the point of this. What is the point of this? Beats me! But I’m hoping I’ll eventually figure it out.

Here’s the thing. I like to write. Ever since I picked up that first Harry Potter book, and then followed that with a nice Hobbit, things have been going downhill for me. That was when I was about 12. How old am I now? Waaaay too old. I say downhill because wanting to become a writer and actually becoming a writer have been two very different things in my life. Because of that, I’ve only ever been able to follow my writing as a hobby, while I pursue other career paths.

Hence the blog. Why? Because writing is so f-- ok,let’s just say it’s really hard. Sometimes I get writer’s block. Sometimes (99%) that happens late at night. My brain deals with that by getting distracted and thinking about the philosophical meaning of life and stuff. So the blog was just the next logical step. I mean, who rambles on to themselves at 3 in the morning, amirite?? Not me! I prefer to put my ramblings on the internet for everyone to see. Because I’m not very smart. But anyway, I’m rambling. Back to the point.

What do I write? Well, fantasy, duh. (If you didn’t get that from the Harry Potter and Tolkien reference earlier, you can’t read my blog anymore.) Why do I write? Because I was an awkward kid and highschool was terrible so I used fantasy as an escape from my reality, okay? But also because fantasy is just so cool. Who wouldn’t want to live there? Except in Westeros, maybe. Maaaybe.

What am I gonna write on this blog? Whatever strikes my fancy. Usually ramblings. I complain a lot so you need to deal with that. Mostly I’ll just talk about what it’s like to write a book in secret, whenever you get time. Yep. Nobody knows. Well,my SO knows, but nobody else.

I guess that’s it for now. Until next time.