merigoldcaroline - Tumblr blog

[merigoldcaroline]

But they weren’t invincible. They tried, they really did. But nothing is forever, not even when you try. 

He loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone, and ever will. But no matter how much two people love each other it doesn't always work. And they worked for it. but it was too much. 

And even when she’s fallen for someone new, she never forgets him.  

Swollen lips

His lips pulled away from hers reluctantly, but he lit up when his eyes opened to her smiling wide, with out a worry in the world. She looked at him as if he was the moon, something she would never get tired of staring at.

“Promise me this is forever,” he beamed, cradling her face with both of his hands, and never wanting to let her go.

She grinned even wider. His eyes were looking into her, begging her to stay. His hands held her close as if she was everything he ever wanted.

“I promise.”

They were living in the dreams of first love and forever. Who knew what the future was going to throw at them, but in that moment they were invincible

[merigoldcaroline]

I never thought I would be the one who left

Through the constant rushing waves to the vast Forrests of green I thought it was always going to be you.

I never thought I would be the one to give up

Not after everything

But you were simply too lost in your own champagne problems and I too wounded from trying to fight your demons for you when I needed to fight my own instead

I replaced you with parties and wine and sad love songs trying to fill the hole I created when I left

In the end however all that was left of me was… well you

[merigoldcaroline]

I thought you were my life preserver. But now that you’re gone I realize I’m not drowning, I’m just learning to swim.

[merigoldcaroline]

I knew I was healing when the love songs didn't hurt anymore

time heals all I promise 

[merigoldcaroline]

“I think I loved you before I knew what love was”

-Day 561

[merigoldcaroline]

I’m just so tired of missing you

[merigoldcaroline]

You see, I think you’re going to ruin me one day, whether it be tomorrow, or in a year. But the thing is, I feel it would be a privilege to be broken by something as beautiful as us.

-what I wish I had the courage to tell him

[merigoldcaroline]

The Forgotten

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault, Harassment

Unwanted stares follow

Her home

Devouring her body

As if their eyes had the right to look

Unwelcome comments

Made of her ass and hips and breasts

Swirl her thoughts

As her

keys

Dig into the space between her fingers

Uncomfortable brushes

Of a hand against the small

Of her back

Cause her nails to bite into her palms

But she hides it

With a tight smile

And nervous laugh

Undressed in her own home

With finger shaped bruises around her throat

Like a cursed necklace

That was placed upon her

By an unknown

[merigoldcaroline]

The Harliquin

It was like forging war

Hurtling through time

And painful to the very core

Impossible to live without the crime

It began as a dream

Like a clown and a gun

But soon turned to shattering screams

She continued to drown

Exploding with laughter

And the warmth of the booze

She followed him after

Despite the tightening of the noose

It all came at a cost

For what she lost

Was simply

Everything  

[merigoldcaroline]

the breaking of two

fingers tracing her spine like silk

moving over each vertebrae, down

and up. like you were hiding the guilt

from your lover of choice, with a broken crown

for you claimed her in winter

after warming her lips

but little did you know that she would soon splinter

out of your ever tightening grip

she was oh so bright

and worshiped the shine of the moon

but you broke down her fight

by the earliest of june

you became a ghost

at 4:32 before the sun rose

despite loving her the most

[merigoldcaroline]

Blue

It’s the color of sitting in the bed of your truck with her tucked into your arms, gazing at the galaxies. The fog of her breath projected into the sky. The iciness of her palms that wrap themselves in your own. It’s the way the stars shine down on you when your lips brush against hers for the very first time. The taste of peppermint on her tongue as it molds with yours.

It’s the breath of fresh air when she says she loves you, and the relief on her face when you say it back. The way she only wants to go out in the dark, for the cool air of the night clams her in a way the day never could. The weight of her head resting on your chest. The kindness and worry in her eyes when you finally let your walls down in front of her. The color of waking up next to her in the middle of the night, with the moon illuminating her skin, she looks like an angel.  

It is not the color of the other girl's lips pressed to yours when whiskey filled your senses, and you failed to think of her, your one. That’s the color of cigarette smoke and regret and betrayal. That’s not her, she could never be that color.

It’s the tears that fill her eyes when she sees you with the other girl. It’s the way she turned around, and ran, with a hand clasped over her mouth so you wouldn’t hear how you broke her. It’s the pounding of your feet on cold concrete as you run after her, and beg for forgiveness on your knees.

The frigid but gentle, cold, caress of her fingertips on your cheek, as she stares down at you through wet eyelashes and it’s the feeling of her lips on yours in a heart-wrenching farewell.

The pressure in your chest as you lay in your bed that still smells like the girl you’ve lost forever.

[merigoldcaroline]

I crave the chaos that came along with you

a lover

[merigoldcaroline]

Spiral

I’m not okay anymore. I don’t know if I ever was, but I’m even less okay than I was.

It’s going down hill again, so quickly my stomach feels like it’s in my chest and I can’t even breathe.

I’m falling into old habits again.

I’m spiraling so quickly I’m dizzy.

Please just make it slow down.

[merigoldcaroline]

Burn

My fingers tilt back the small glass seemingly on their own accord. The sickeningly sweet flavor hits my tounge before it slips down my throat. The flavor makes my face screw up and my eyes close, and the bitter liquid warms my stomach. I immediately poured my self three more shots and drink them as if they were the sweetest nectar in the world, relishing in the burn. With my hand running over my face, I found my way to the couch, sinking in to the plush seat and letting the haze consume me, for the haze can almost bring me back to you. My eyes fluttered closed and I could almost remember the way your calloused finger tips would run down the line of my spine, your lips tracing a map down my neck. I could feel the heat of your breath on my cheek as you whispered into my soul. My hands felt your own intertwined with mine, holding onto them as if they were anchoring you to the earth. Your lips pressed against mine, warming my whole being and making my mind spin. Our bodies danced a secret routine , one that only the two of us knew the steps to. And as your fingers found their rightful place, tracing patterns over my arms, my eyes flickered open to the darkness of the empty room. And I laid there as oceans spilled out of my eyes, completely and utterly alone.

[merigoldcaroline]

I know this isn’t my normal post. But I just finished my second draft of a short story I was writing!!! I have been putting this revision off for months and I finally got it done! Of course there are going to be a ton more revisions and edits more than I can count but HOLY SHIT I DID IT GUYS

[merigoldcaroline]

Why you lost her

She was beautiful. The most beautiful girl you had ever seen, her brown eyes were like warm pools of honey, and her skin was always tan, like she had just come back from vacation. And her looks were the least beautiful thing about her.  Physically, she was stunning. But that paled in comparison to her heart and mind. She was exquisite in the way she spoke with passion. She saw the good in people. Hell she saw the good in you. Even when you couldn’t. She saw the person you could be if you tried hard enough. She loved you so much, more than she ever loved her self. She loved you deeply, madly, and incredibly. She fought for you. When everyone told her she was crazy for staying, she just smiled, she knew they were wrong. Or at least she thought she did. But she didn’t know. She didn’t know that it would be impossible to pierce your ferocious walls. She wasn’t simply a girl for you to play with. So why did you treat her like she was. You loved her, and you thought that was enough. She did too, for a long time. But eventually she realized, it wasn’t. You cant simply tell someone you love them. It loses meaning. Actions speak louder than words, and yours were no exception. Your actions were what caused her to leave. She didn’t want to. But she finally figured it out. Loving you wasn’t worth hating her self.  

[merigoldcaroline]

I thought my biggest pain today would be missing you. But no it’s the gut wrenching realization that life doesn’t go according to plan and I’m never gonna get out of this place