mikefrawley - Tumblr blog

[mikefrawley]

This Beautiful Day (Love Yourself)

Good morning my friends, and I hope each of you is enjoying This Beautiful Day, even if it is windy and trying to rain on my parade here. By parade, I mean a long overdue trip to walk on the beach and see the ocean. Oh well, maybe tomorrow he smiles. Now I have time to touch on two of my favorite topics, me, and you, and thankfully, one of them isn't even selfish. :D. As some of you already know, 2023 found me very depressed and rarely if ever on Tumblr. I believed I was completely finished with Tumblr and with writing. However, here I am, and there's even a good ending to that story. I guess, including a slightly broken heart, I actually felt down enough to finally, at least attempt to deal with a few issues which have greatly troubled and often even left me too terrified to even try for most of my life. I looked closely at this conglomeration of incurable character defects which looked exacly like me every single time I stood before the mirror, but now, after some very tough, and even painful inside work, I honestly feel probably better, and more like myself, than I ever have. Now, while it sounds like I'm simply patting myself on the back, please let me assure you that this hurt like hell, and yes, there most definitely were tears, and even today while feeling much better, I must remember I'm only taking baby steps. Okay now, this next part is for anyone out there who may be feeling this way as well, it's a little complicated, but I've learned I'm learning that the vast majority of my problems stem from a lack of self love and/or self forgiveness on my part. Ironically, most of the needed self forgiveness turned out to be regarding times or situations which I was never even guilty of. As usual, I'm getting long winded, but please, if any one of you feels even remotely in need of self love or self forgiveness, DO IT! I promise you are deserving. And lastly, just in case any of you feel unloved or even unloveable, please forgive me for saying this, but you are wrong. Why you may ask, because I love you! Love to all, Mike ❤️

[mikefrawley]

Words Can Break Hearts

Our words can carry a most heavy weight please think well before you set them free   and if in fact you find your words are unkind you might be better served to let them be why you ask should you use them judiciously  choose the ones you send with perspicacity or even pause to listen to an old fool like me your answer is terribly simple my friends because words can break hearts quite easily   

[mikefrawley]

Children of Love and Tranquility

God I’ve not been near as kind as we both realize I might be and I know that I’ve been blind even though my eyes can see while I’ve far too often whined so many have it worse than me and I ask now if you don’t mind help me help you set them free that all might be in you refined   children of love and tranquility

[mikefrawley]

The Green Side of the Grass

I’ve probably shared this before, but somewhere around 2000 a very depressed and distraught newly recovering addict was in a 12 step room talking to a grizzled veteran, no doubt bitching, moaning and whining about anything and everything.  Well the smiling old timer let him ramble on for a while, then without missing a beat or losing his smile, raised one arm in a gesture that has since come to be known as the international sign for talk to the hand, and asked what seemed at the time to be a rather strange question. Did you wake up on the green side of the grass today?  The addict mumbled a nearly incoherent and quizzical yes.  The listener, next uttered a very cheerful, “Then shut the fuck up, you’re having a great day.”  Today I’m able to smile a bit looking back on this moment, and though it has been a rough year for many of us, we all do have a chance today.  In summary, the writer of and everyone reading this post did wake up on the green side of the grass today, and does have at very least the opportunity to have a great day.  I’ll kindly omit the STFU Part, but I for one believe we, yes we, all deserve to enjoy this wondrous gift called life on this the most precious of all days, today.  Love to everyone, Mike.

[mikefrawley]

Until We Meet Again

Do I love you of course I do how could I not lifetimes shared within endlessly everchanging stories now I am ancient, fading and soon I must leave yet not one single tear should kiss your cheek for I, and our love will be patiently waiting until we meet again as soulmates, lovers strangers and friends in yet another time on the other side

[mikefrawley]

A Prayer For Our Mother

Self indulgent Havoc wreaking Future uncertain No fair peeking Plundering resources Non sustainable Our children’s dreams Are they obtainable Use everything up Never ask why Will Mother Earth Say good bye Clock is ticking Time to change Out of balance Getting strange While we slumber What’s our fate Don’t we know It’s growing late Many attacking Who defends Our blue planet Has few friends Mom’s in trouble Tragic but true Will you help She needs you Now’s the time We can’t defer Say a special Prayer for her

[mikefrawley]

We have met the enemy and he is us - Walt Kelly Earth Day 1971

[mikefrawley]

[mikefrawley]

Leave A Light On (Talk Away The Dark)

Dry bones rattle in a lonely soul Slipped and fell into a deep black hole I can tell you're lost, I'm here for you Wildfires burning you down to stone Blind eyes, turning from a world so cold A million miles apart, within my reach

It's not like me to worry But when I see you fading in the dark I'll leave a light on for you Through the long nights, I will be right There for you if you drift too far I'll leave a light on for you, you, you

Rain comes following an endless drought To wash away the remnants of all your doubt I hope that you'll see me looking out

It's not like me to worry But when I see you fading in the dark I'll leave a light on for you Through the long nights, I will be right There for you if you drift too far I'll leave a light on for you

Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

Through the long nights, I will be right There for you if you drift too far I'll leave a light on for you, you, you

[mikefrawley]

Only one can make me laugh and cry at the same time remember, you are a very precious golden flower breathe, smile, and never forget, you are much loved little one - A Very Precious Golden Flower

[mikefrawley]

Maybe Self Forgiveness is Possible Part II

Okay, quickly now as this was supposed to be a positive little story.  I’ve actually been drug free now for a little over three years, and cigarettes I quit a couple of months later.  My lungs have indeed paid a heavy price for this, but I refuse to ungrateful at this point.  Somehow, I truly know I cannot afford to be.  I’ve written a few times recently about self-love and writing, reading, therapy, medication and meditation have been real game changers, and I truly believe I’m taking baby steps on a very good path.  Let me pause for a second and let you know that I will be 66 years old in early May?  Isn’t this kind of late some of you may ask.  Yes, it is, but I am certain it is NOT too late.  What I have gained so far has been well worth any time and tears I’ve put into it.  I also pray that these posts may help at least one person who may be sharing some of these feelings and doubts.  If you happen to be one of them, please know that you too can learn to love yourself, you are definitely worthy of it, and it is not too late!  Okay, now I think we should share a little self-forgiveness.  To be honest, for over twenty years now, I have not forgiven myself for destroying my first career and the life that went with it.  For the past two years, up until about a year ago, I would take Uber to see specialists for my thyroid and lungs, and with every drive past nice apartment complexes, subdivisions, bookstores, restaurants, etc., I would feel terribly sad and even guilty, knowing that I had totally screwed myself out of this lifestyle forever.  Oh, by the way, I do actually have my own car now, and driving in those same areas, I still feel positive inside.  OMG, am I actually starting to forgive myself?  I honestly believe I may be, even if slowly, on my way.  Please forgive me my friends.  I know this was way too long, but I do want to share as a possible message of hope for anyone who needs it.  If you are one of us, please remember, you deserve your own self-love and self-forgiveness, you are indeed worthy of these gifts, and I assure you, it is not too late to begin.

I love you, Mike <3

[mikefrawley]

Maybe Self-Forgiveness is Possible Part I

Greetings my friends, and yes, this is another of those baby steps on the long road to wellness posts.  As many of you know, I've already lived through two twenty years plus careers, and often refer to the first one as my former life.  Needless to say, as a young computer programmer long ago, I was living a good bit higher on the corporate food chain than I am now.  Two new houses, the second in South Florida with a pool.  Regrettably though, while I looked mostly good on the outside, my insides were a war zone.  While no one could physically see them, my inner child issues which I never really understood have haunted me for most of my years on planet earth, and ultimately played a great part in discovering the true yet highly self-destructive love of my life, Cocaine, and yes, I have to admit I immediately fell in love.  Soon enough though, along with all of the obvious nightmares my love I could not honestly say I loved anyone or anything else, family, friends, a very special girlfriend, who broke up with me not once but twice over my "other" love.  Amazingly, as I've told only a few very close friends, I joked (but I wasn't joking) that I've been thrown out of most of the best halfway houses in Broward County, and once I got myself thrown out of the homeless shelter.  Forgive me please, but how the fuck do you even do that? If this sounds like a joke, it certainly could be if only it wasn't so true.  Anyway, I'll race through the next few years which included homelessness, being unemployed and unemployable, and I was even an indigent for a while.  My first stay with my current company started on the day after Christmas and lasted just a few months.  Can you guess how?  Yep, I got myself thrown out again.  Miraculously, Joan (the same woman who hired me the first time) hired me again.  Though I’ve brought myself to the edge with many close calls, miraculously I’m still here somehow.  Long ago this crazy life I’ve somehow survived thus far proved to me that there must be something many of us call grace has kept me alive, and maybe there is even a reason for that.  I’ve also been blessed by having several people who’ve loved me, and in some cases I must admit I’m not quite sure why, but I AM grateful!  To be continued.

[mikefrawley]

Help :D

Apparently I wrote something so long I can't even post it. Any brilliant suggestions other than take a machete to it? Thank you, Mike

It says there's a 4096 character limit LOL

[mikefrawley]

A Little More

Lab rats racing round a maze lost souls wandering catacombs tearful children of so few days restless hearts seeking homes While knowing not who we are or what tomorrow has in store I know a great way to live today  . . . love love a lot love all you can  then learn to love a little more I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa via brainyquote.com

[mikefrawley]

The Pretty Ones

When God created the pretty ones it must have been an awesome day His master work of style and grace so perfectly different in every way Quite impossible to understand though we try with all our might They dominate our waking thoughts and oft’ invade them late at night With faces painted, and tussled hair soft, curvaceous, and quick to cry They bring us perfect little ones a priceless gift no man could buy Ever since the pretty ones arrived life simply hasn't been the same The epic attempt to win their hearts is clearly now our favorite game

[mikefrawley]

Dear Little One

Rest your weary soul dear little one you're a child of both moon and sun well the universe knows your name and this life you fear is but a game can you not yet see you are star stuff you're grand as well as good enough so breathe and smile dear little one love is here and you have just begun

[mikefrawley]

She Said

I awakened to sorrow this morning we’d been close so long ago I believed she’d left for good there’s so much I still don’t know I asked her why she’d returned she held me close and kissed a tear She said I’m Life, I’m part of you She said I’m Love, I’ll take your fear You see I never really went away I’ll always love you my beautiful boy I’ll be here with you tomorrow I’ll still be me, but you’ll see joy Life appears in many guises Profound, Profane Happy or Sad Smile and know it’s only Life