mscallaita

[mscallaita]

I Just Want To Have Fun

1. I’m looking for a thrill with or without you. There’s something about the tabooed view. It’s an environmental habit, the way I’m wired, Like hops and jackrabbits, like crops to fire. I like to play hot and cold. It’s glitter and gold. I like to leave things open-ended; Where you’ll have to find your own methods. I like to create opportunities that aren’t going anywhere. It’s like a panic of air. False starts like false hearts. 2. My heart belongs to one. It’s a burden; the opposite of fun. 3. I like making you quiet, making you rowdy. I like the surprise in your voice, or when it’s cloudy. I like egging you on only to shut you down. I hold the crown. I hold the crown. I know if I want you, I can have you. But I don’t pursue, as it’s enough for me, To keep you in my fantasy. Ms. C

[mscallaita]

Untitled It wasn’t in the plan, But I’m your biggest fan. I want to be the engine you tune The sun in June I want to be the wind in your hair The truth in your dare. -Ms. C

[mscallaita]

Conceptualizing You 1.

I imagine you smell like petroleum, Sweat or sodium, metal or dogwood. Or all things rebel or all things good.

I imagine you smell like a pick-up truck Or a box of your favorite cigarettes, Or like a person who doesn’t give a fuck.

2.

Is there a significance? That it’s been a year, And you still hold my interest. I’m as curious as a cat about you. You’re more than a racing stimulant.

I wonder what’s in your mind, how you see life, How you behave when the moon lights up your night, How you drag your lips on your cancer stick,

The appeal Of how your hands look Gripping the steering wheel, How you hold your game controller, How you cradle, caress, tame, Control her.

[mscallaita]

[mscallaita]

encapsulate

Yesterday, I took a day to stay below the threshold Lo and behold I can’t always keep the stronghold bold Yesterday, I took my time to give myself a pity party Eventually, after coming out of the storm, I went back to watching Hopefully, the next day comes and I’ll bounce back To be one of the strongest I know in front of the pack I have the islands and the ancestors, the highlands The spiritual centers, the mental illness, the stillness, Running and flooding like crowded trains through my veins -Ms.Callaita

[mscallaita]

HIGH

I’m high. You make me want to cry. I’m high. You make me want to lie. I’m high. I wish I could give you, my eyes. I’m high. I love your tenderness in my sky. I’m high. -Ms_Callaita

[mscallaita]

[mscallaita]

OVERPOWER ME

I want you to be bigger than me. Big like a tree. I want you as big as a mountain. As forceful as a fountain. I want you toppling over. Closer and closer. I want to be beneath you. I want to be over the moon. I want to be in your hands: small and immovable. Delicate like glass, beautiful, usable. I want you to press your weight into me. Command yourself onto me. I want to suffocate with your masculinity. Penetrate my femininity. I want to be a delicate flower in your presence. Shower me in your essence. Ms_Callaita

[mscallaita]

White Knight

You’re perfect and don’t even know it. Or do you? My knight in white armor. My bright-eyed karma. You’re well-kept and better than a secret. You’re my weakness, My every sweetness. Your high standards match mine. A great skyline. I love how you write code. And take the high road. How proper you are, How whopper, a shooting star. My enchanted forest. My man in white. My favorite purist. Ms_Callaita

[mscallaita]

In The Meantime

Take me to where he is We have unfinished business I want full body, hands, and lips Chemistry like Christmas My body flutters with every step I take And my pelvis throbs and aches I want to shake and quake When you eat my cheesecake I enjoy that you’re mine Trace the line of my spine Build me a fucking shrine Let me be your divine I feel so alone from everyone It's easy for me to come undone But it’s Saturday night and we run To the gold of the midnight sun Maybe we know love isn’t enough Something’s always off-the-cuff We’re together but devoid of love Sweeping the little things under the rug Let’s laugh until we cry Touch until we fly Kiss until we’re high Have fun in the meantime Ms_Callaita

[mscallaita]

Wild Strawberries

We are two wild strawberries Walking a fine line Saying the right necessaries Like an episode of Red Shoe Diaries But when you’re grabbing my hand Acting like you’re my man Asking me how I feel about pet names I wonder, what’s your plan? You send my head to other places. You’re willing to spend the night at a hotel. My mind and body are off to the races, In this no-strings-attached relations. I know a part of your story. And you know a part of mine. We want the prize and the glory, All the surprises and inventory. We want our cake, and to eat it, too. You have a wife who stays sometimes. I have a boo I’m on the way to see soon. But later we’ll meet in between the two. But impressions are everywhere and everything varies. Blurring all kinds of rhythms and lines Like bosses and secretaries. You and I baby are wild as strawberries. — Ms. Callaita

[mscallaita]

[mscallaita]

Five Months In

I don’t know if I’m more disappointed or heartbroken You’re like my disorder You get me high only to drop me later And sure, everything is good on paper But to me, you feel like such a traitor Those things you said in those emails and poems Are you ever going to own them? Was it a strategy? Or was it an act of desperation? How craftily you craft out of agony! Did you tell me something I want to hear So I can keep you close and not throw you away? It's old, a pathetic cliché. You must know a part of you is undeserving of me Maybe because you’re unhappy. But even now, you make up excuses like a child You’ve lost your smile Like someone who’s given up before they even start Where’s your heart? You don’t want to commit in the present You rather I live my life alone or waiting on you But what does that prove? So what if I’m looking for companionship And my championship of happiness It's better than sitting here With my secret society of anxiety - Ms. Callaita

[mscallaita]

AFTERGLOW

Oh, sweet anticipation I can almost taste the sweet emancipation If we don’t lose patience Your mild voice is like a shiny toy Warm and poise Darling, I’m coy, but I know how to be One of the boys Timing is a choice That’s sometimes out to destroy But everything around me is Just background noise What’s my plan? I want to burn in your hands And I want you to burn in mines Until we blur the lines Of every rhythm and rhyme Let’s play it deliberate, play it slow Build tension until we release A beautiful afterglow -Ms. Callaita

[mscallaita]

[mscallaita]

[mscallaita]

The Source

The sky is a pale blue. I’m wrestling with myself. Creating images, With my eyes closed, I imagine the sky and its vastness. Its patchy clouds, its color and abundance. I repeat words like a mantra: Neutral, empty, detached. I clear the words. I clear the sky. Of all its absence like a canvas. I do my best to keep things empty. I don’t want to give it a name. I don’t want to give it a color. I don’t want to give it a shape. There’s a space of nothingness that appears. It feels blank like the world doesn’t exist. It's bright even with shut eyes. I adjust. I sense the space. I have an idea what I’m looking for. But I don’t name it. I don’t give it a color. I don’t give it a shape. It's emerging. It’s still. I’m euphoric. However, I’m not supposed to stay. -Ms. Callaita