mshanem

[mshanem]

How Quickly Things Change

How quickly things change Some may find it strange One day you're the same The next you're insane A bright line shines Everything will be fine Darkened shadows follow Leaving empty and hollow You smile for a while Beaten back at every mile All is grace, you will heal Face to face, evil will feel Deranged, Seems only so strange Then an angel flies To say those were only lies You crawl back to the light Back to where you lost the fight Pummeled down to the abyss You'll never know what you may miss Is a life so worth it Desire only to birth it Where everything becomes worthless? Confused clouds hover Unsure of where to cover The hurt or the heal? What happiness to steal? You give all of it You keep none of it Live for all purpose, Only being nervous Want it all at cost Infinity is worth loss One day you're the same The next you've lost the game Seems only strange How quickly things change.

[mshanem]

Dark Depths

Down in the dark depths Lies a dark death Deep in my mind rests A dark shadow that tests Unsettling chains, it rains Broken and battered, it stains Reign the crown and release This, you cannot please See beneath and below, At what the mind bestow How the heart falls heavy Pulse beats unsteady A melody stuck on repeat, Deafening and darkening, I retreat Horror screams and torture shows Beneath and below, what it bestows Illness and sickness, I need help Getting it makes no difference, I yell Hear my voice from the dark depths See my heart hold a heavy death Alive and unwell is this sickness Dive into Hell with swiftness Behind my eyes holds a disguise A mask for the mask, no surprise Dark behind dark, in the depths so stark No light given, even from a spark Hold tight, breathe slow Steady the hand, hold it low In my mind, the darkness of depths Piercing lungs, sharpness of breaths It's fake, not real Hear I am to heal Set back, set forth Make way, this unforgiving force Plead and plead for relief Believe an undaunting belief What is real? What is healthy? Are my emotions even wealthy? Worth anything but the dark they hold, Worth nothing as no love is ever told Hold me tight, hold me close Breathe the emotional overdose, Weighing in, weighing heavy Willing whether or not ready Deep and dark depths of my mind Thoughts bear every pain to find Then or now, find a way how Inside and within, find a way out Closing in are these walls of despair Damaged beyond the calls of repair Help me in, help me out Take my hand, help me now What is wrong? What is wrong? Help me understand, fought so long Am I winning or losing? Am I picking or choosing? The battles won and the wars lost One tiny step comes at a heavy cost Inside of the dark depths of mine These thoughts roam, never align Behind the dark is dark A very hungry shark Dark depths swallow it all, It is not a shallow fall Forever be at peace, For all I release Hold this presence, I plead This hungry dark needs to feed Hold in, or let out Feed the seed of doubt Look away, or never again In the beginning, it meets the end.

Written by MShaneM

[mshanem]

Lost Again

Lost again, nearing the end A painful friend Too familiar to trust No longer a blood lust A wish to yearn for Again, I learn more This isn't me or who I am Not free, not better than Anything I love, everything I hate All the same, never too late Broken hearted, Soul departed Left with no light I am left with no fight A failure at every turn Never alive to feel the burn Darkness overwhelms my soul Losing all control Emotions flood I can't feel, only blood Disappointing everyone I have never won The same over and over again Falling into the end.

[mshanem]

The End

This is the end, End of a trend That keeps repeating, Over a tear that is bleeding Skies are dark, Light has no spark Air is bare, No strength to bear Silence kills, Sadness spills Gray violence plays violins A song of beauty that is dead Watch neatly where to tread Falling deeper and deeper, The climb back up becomes steeper Death to the end, no light in or out The end of the tunnel is absolute doubt Nightmare creatures, monsters roam An endless hell, an endless home Dripping puddles, deep floods Down comes the blood Slowly, surely, painfully But fully painless It is here So close to so near Dark cloaked shadows come, Time and presence has become numb To take, to send This is the end.

[mshanem]

Hear Me

Crying, I know Be gentle to my soul Unknowing of kind Shattered pieces, distorted mind Help, so slow Heart beating, pulse low Pleading, I know Retreating, I'm bleeding, please no Aggressively feeling nothing Internally stealing something What is inside, where am I? Shadows linger, distant lie Peeking inside, haunting air My heart, I do not care I can't. Tried and tried, Ended and I died Reaching, in the distance I see resistance Withering, I know Gentle with my soul Unknowing of kind, Tormented, tortured mind Be careful, Methodical Wary of warmth, I want it cold Every last emotion will drain, Drowning deep, burning in pain Frozen emotions Ice cold oceans, Please, I need Release to bleed Internally suffering, be kind Externally fluttering, every high I find Anything to feel anything, Extremes meaning many things, Rationally perceiving Where I find joy leaving Altered mind, chaos activates Joy and happy, temporary fakes Crying, I know Be gentle with my soul, Taking me beneath Smothering, I cannot breathe Shattered pieces, tormented mind Seeing shadows, they are not kind Panic and paranoid, Present in reality I avoid Only to drown outside of reality Losing connection, my reality Emotional survival, numb Feeling nothing, I succumb Intense sadness overrides happiness Wishing for more, expecting less Speaking, reaching, my message is clear Of all the dark, I greatly fear Help, I am simply losing Who I am, what I'm choosing Pleading, I know Reading slow, The warmth swarms, End of the world storms, I feel World unreal, Stay, will I? Today, I cry Another loss, More emotion lost State of emergency Absolutely no urgency In dire distress, Read the warnings at best Lost, passing by Winding up, down, why? Break down or through, This isn't me, why am I who? Heard or silently screaming, Suffer, or wake up dreaming Crying, so slow Barely breathing, I know Alone, I endure Misunderstood ensured Listen closely, sharply Sincerely, but hardly Here, I am here, See me now, I am clear If to disappear, hear me Now, I am here, But hardly.

Written by MShaneM

[mshanem]

Erased

Broken down by the choices made Spoken aloud the voices trade Nothing and empty is my heart Something petty tears it apart Stayed with, fought for too long Knew then and now it was wrong To freeze in the cold so willingly To breathe in and hold, it's killing me Pain and sorrow from the empty hole Now deleted, wipe out the toll Weighted nothing is everything gone Stated that something was very wrong A zombie, numb to the error Almost forgetting the terror Deep inside, a monster lies A beast of silent cries Morphed and maimed this creature is Deadly and taunting, teasing this Darkness envelops the ash Fire burning during the crash Aftermath, razed A smokey forest almost unfazed Leaves scars and broken limbs Drowning deep below, pain swims Through the current rips the strength, Away from the grasp I had at length What was there is now crumbled, Smother completely, wither and stumble Deep beneath the Earth, it burns A cold surface slowly turns What is raging, breaking my mind Everything has left, even the unkind Choose and choose, Still every time, I lose Broken after every decision Bleeding with every precision Internally my pulse is low, Emotions are a curse that overflow Broken and bleeding, open and needing A token of emotions that are fleeting Take away the essence of pain Cure what would normally be sane Gone are the problems I had, Locked away in a place so bad Now exists inexistence Persists is the resistance Hatred causes putrid joy Real is just a toy Reality breaks away and below, Time passes as clocks bestow The greatest gift of no existence No more a need for persistence Just live in gray and watch the decay Focus on today, forget the way I now see nothing through empty eyes A productive energy burns through heavy skies Not happy, not sad, not anything Feeling nothing but also many things What is this place? Claw through the face, See what awaits behind this door Be happy, or be no more Swallow it down, take with pride Emotions boosted, or emotions died From the past to the present it seems Intertwining overflows the streams Live and forget what I feel Stay and regret what isn't real Pills to erase, this is new Plead to disgrace, it's nothing I knew Broken by the choices made, Spoken aloud the voices trade Repeat the past, overwrite the new Higher and higher to get through Healing and mending broken parts This is where nothing starts Empty and pleading for a fill, Emotions fight, and emotions kill.

[mshanem]

Hiding Pain

As smiles cover pain Sleeves cover the same For a heart horribly broken A soul left horridly open Expressions tell lies Truth always behind eyes "I'm okay." barely softened Blades remain coffined Crumbled limbs shake Happiness remains fake Though only one knows true Others only see the blue Pain hides under skin Deceiving every grin Lies given just to bottle Pain driven a deadly throttle To keep from upsetting friends Destroying again and again What is shown to you Rarely is ever true Every smile is a pain worth while For the piercing style of lies Hiding the pain, for every day dies.

MshaneM

[mshanem]

Shadowed Reality

What is real? In reality, how do I heal? Every day moves by Every wave catches I Farther out to sea I close my eyes, what do I see? Dark, empty, and alone Cold that chills the bone Still breathing as I drown Insufferable all the way down Gasping as I scream Bleeding downstream What is my purpose? Why do I feel so worthless? Do I deserve this illness? Nothing survives this stillness Nothing moves, no hope to find Stone solid an unstable state of mind Broken by what isn't open Tread delicate this angry ocean I am sensitive and defensive Only in pain, coming off as offensive Defending my thoughts in retreat Tormenting always in defeat How do I know what is real? To survive from how I feel Drains the essence of my spirit Even in silence, I cannot hear it Enclosed and small in this box Inside, sometimes it talks Shadows work best in the dark In my mind, a great white shark What do I see? A vast darkness trying to plea Wanting out, already in Strength and strain wearing thin Why do I hurt me, When real deserts me? Fading in and out I see every doubt It is me, it isn't me Trapped in a sinking ship, never free The bottom of a frozen sea, Coldest and darkest try to flee Cracks in the surface to light Though for me, as I fight Above and through, it is not warm Darkness gets through, only to swarm A twisted trick, Designed for the mentally sick No way out, no way through Everything returns an ugly view Real is not my head How do I not trust the dread? Consistently always there Why is reality so hard to bare? Trying to see and believe Never any air to breathe Drowning and living in this trench Pain and despair rains to drench Move forward, beware What you see isn't always there Wary of what is real Shadows move, and I feel Glooming overwhelming darkness With every repression to harness Bury deep and lock away Over time only to decay Nothing is real and I am afraid Defeated where I should have stayed It never ends and I never win Now what do I believe in? Unable to feel, What is real? In the deep and dark I am bound Loneliness is all around Dizzy and confused, I fall apart A barely beating heart So weak, what do I seek? Unreal around me and I freak Deeper and darker I go Stronger the shadows grow Anchored here, I kneel What in this is real?

Written by: MShaneM

[mshanem]

Circles

In circles everything goes Feel the warm as it flows No amount of change, Will change these strange, Wild range of emotions Internal raging commotions Bend and break, No matter which two at stake A bond, or a death between What is, or what has been It lives, or dies Always both sometimes In circles we repeat The same things we retreat Pushed too far once more, The end of an internal war Sure to be casualties, Ranging from one casualty Again and again, everything repeats No matter how much change, everything retreats Everything still bleeds Knowing exactly where it leads So why not round the circle again Back to where it began Round and round the circle goes, Old habits cause warm flows Full circle for the last time, Closing in, a blurry line Round and round in circles we go, Waiting for the overflow Crushing with every breath Bound to the same death, That we all know.

[mshanem]

Anxiety Dies

Anxiety stricken, anxiety is given

The truth hurts more than lies that are hidden

Good intentions but bad decisions

Scars of the heart make their incisions

Sorrow is felt and pain is dealt

Happiness slowly continues to melt

Do what is best for you,

And you still hurt others

Worry about them first, and pain smothers

Stick with yourself and help no one else

Watch as the hatred for yourself melts

Every now and then, you have to hide

Because anxiety scares you back inside

Tried and died, cried and lost pride

What is best for you

Can be worse for someone else

So stay true,

The truth hurts more

But lies are what through the heart tore

Scared to death, out of breath

Heart beating fast and there's nothing left

Nothing to give, not to they

Guess to find love another way

What may not be right for one,

Does not mean it is done

Could be the best for another

Just not good for the other

Falling below the lines of despair

On the road of recovery, to repair

Anxiety scares

Anxiety dares

It traps inside and corrupts the air

What you breathe, what you feel

What you think is or isn't real

The truth hurts more than lies

But every time the truth is told,

Anxiety kills and another soul dies.

[mshanem]

Disappear

Soon, into the night sky Shining beautiful stars, I fly Reaching beyond the purpose Of what I am, so little, so worthless Planted thoughts, seeds to follow Trying to escape, my mind is hollow Follow the path of dark This target hits the mark My soul, I see Console, I plead Only relief coming unwanted Getting high, or be haunted Soft water drips slowly, faster Every invasive thought a disaster Into the dark sky, the end Looming overhead, I bend Soon I will break I will take Everything inside of me Released at once, I will flee How far and away will I go? Execute what I know, Or will I collapse into a net? Catch me, I am falling Ending this, I am stalling Mapped out, every step Unwilling another rep Another day, another weight Added, dragged down straight Every minute I look and see A life through dark, not me Will I fall into help and care? Needed help then, nobody there Why now would it matter? Bottom of and below the latter I see nothing this time Barely aware in my mind Of the Earth spinning around me, Trapped mind, I am not free I feel so heavy, I'm yielding To whatever life is wielding Darkness continues reeling What now I am feeling, One way or another, I fear Inevitable, who I am will disappear.

MShaneM.

[mshanem]

How I Feel

How I feel, Oh how I feel, What is real? Growing in my mind, A compassion so kind Can't connect, can't feel What is real, Oh how I feel, Raw beauty unfiltered Painfully unwithered How to feel simple emotion, Battled, dark slows in Every time I see I repeat what is me, Normally, Now the feeling is missing, Yearning for, dearly wishing The same as I, Similar cry How I feel, Oh how I feel, If it's real, Inject my veins Sad love and twisted rains A beauty of the heart, Beautiful soul at the start Honest and real you are, Inside of myself, a new war What is real? My eyes see, and they feel Only translating Angry heart, I stand hating Myself and who I am To feel you, I am less than A spark of desire, Lights the pyre Pleading your flesh of peace, In time, bleeding the release Yearning, begging, let me Inside, comfortable, dead me Struggling, happy, relenting For an easy warm feeling How I feel, Oh how I feel, Nothing, nothing is real I see you, I see the earth Emptied out, no internal worth Repeating in my mind, A compassion so kind With this, I hope Restless, I cope Patience, perhaps No time will I last Wanting the burning fire, Your desire, Inside, and internally broken To my core, emptied wide open In time to heal, In time, what is real? How I feel, I feel nothing Comfort to pain, I feel something In time, I have no time Earthly presence gone in my mind Dead, or alive Save me, thrive Through the dark, to light Slightly gaining sight, Oh, how I feel, Given in, lovely, I kneel Though, I will hurt me In time, will I even ever be worthy?

[mshanem]

Dark Ones

They say, under their breath It means pitiful, a dark death One tale of that who harms themselves Harm everyone else Those who have the darkest hearts With the broken souls, grim is where it starts Thought sinned upon, sent to Hell Though in reality, they're Angels who can't tell Unknowingly of their own light They source through the night, one without a fright They, among others, are darker than moonless nights And only do others speak of their withering lights If only do they to harm themselves, to cause pain Among others will they only bring the same Something noticed by the darkest But only brought to truth by the hardest Every soul who harms their own Is a soul that is bound to forever be alone Ones closest to always get left with grief But those dark ones, they are met with relief Under their breath, A pitiful death Only spoke of the pain they inflicted Just to afterwards speak of spirits they lifted Those who looked down upon the darkest hearts Will look up upon those after torn apart In the clouds, they rest Aloud, their best Speeches and candle lights float into the sky After those of the darkest learn to fly Leaving traces behind, leaving others to believe They're not behind Still here looking over others Even those, with hate smothers Even those, the others Will turn from others to lovers And realize why those who harm their own kind Will always have a broken soul and mind An unintended trail of destruction Left from their pure hearted seduction A tale solemnly spoke that those who poke Good or bad intentions, it feels as they stroke So under their breath Lay a pitiful death For those who seek help, but don't know how Where it ends, the reaper awaits They meet their untimely fates So along with their own, they are not alone Others are affected by such harm Even if only to the arm Under their breath, a tale of these Don't turn away, listen, please They mean no true harm, no real bad intent But there's nothing they can do, not even pretend The darkest ones, those who harm themselves Harm everyone else.

[mshanem]

[mshanem]