n1kk069

[n1kk069]

Ignore the vampire bit.

[n1kk069]

I may or may not have written an angst fanfic about Bruce and Jason, soooo

It was directly inspired by this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/ktkat99/762138980596809728/jason-comes-back-from-the-dead-and-as-hes-still?source=share

By @ktkat99 :)

I read in their bio that they don't mind people writing fanfics and stuff about their posts so I hope this is okay.

Here it is:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65388589

Apologies in advance—I don't know much about the DC fandom so sorry for any mistakes in any facts and/or how characters act

[n1kk069]

So I was bored and decided to put the Batfamily's names into Character Headcanon Generator (the improved version). Ts is hilarious.

Alfred:

Where they all live happily together in peace☺️💔

Bruce:

💀 I see it, unfortunately.

Dick:

You go girl🩷

Jason:

THIS ONE IS THE FUNNIEST ISTG😂😭

Also- understandable.

Tim:

??? Why tho😭✋️

Damian:

What songs though??🤨

Duke:

Huh??? What does this even mean??😭

Cassandra:

Good for her❤️

Stephanie:

That's a good skill to have. #ilovefriendshipbraceletsbro

Barbara:

Same😔😝

[n1kk069]

Cass: If you shame girls about their breast size I will push you into traffic.

Cass: Who's flat now?

Steph: WHO'S FLAT NOW😭✋️

[n1kk069]

I wrote this listening to the song Mama's Boy, so the sad music definitely played a part in this.

It's about my brother (I have two but the one I wrote about is a little more annoying, as you'll see below)

I just thought it could tie into the whole Batfamily thing somehow🤷‍♂️ idk how don't ask me🥲

Some things just aren't an inconvenience.

What I mean is siblings.

I used to think my brother was an asshole.

Well, I do.

He is.

But not all the time, like I used to think.

He's just an ass sometimes.

I always used to complain about my brother purposefully annoying me.

And he does, but not as much as I thought.

Yes, sometimes he's a bit of a bitch because he's feeling shitty that day, but it's not always.

What I've realised is most of the times he's annoyed me, are unintentional.

Like, most of the times he's pissed me off, he hadn't known, or was unaware.

And a fraction of those times, it shouldn't've annoyed me in the first place.

For example, he opens a cupboard next to where I was standing without asking me to move first.

I'm immediately irritated because it almost hit me.

But it didn't.

Sure, it almost did.

But it didn't.

So why am I automatically angry?

I think its to do with the fact it happens often.

My brain connects him, his face, his actions, to negative emotions.

He brushes against my arm whilst walking by?

I'm pissed.

Despite the fact that if it was anyone else, a stranger, even,

I wouldn't be.

And that's just so interesting.

To think about the fact that maybe the times he annoys me on purpose, is because the majority of emotions I show him, are negative.

He assumes no matter what he does, I will not like it.

So he doesn't try.

Doesn't try to be nice, or generous, or thoughtful.

Because he knows instinctively,

I will be annoyed with him.

No matter what he does.

Sorry it's a shit-post, I was feeling sappy today😔

[n1kk069]

Jason: Stab wound? You mean extra pocket.

Bruce who just wanted to see how patrol went: lemmehelpyouplease

[n1kk069]

Steph: *le gasp* YOU JUST STEPPED ON MY ORIGAMI.

Damian: And?

Steph: AND YOU'RE A BITCH YOU INSOLENT HARLOT!!

Damian: *sarcastic af* Ouch. Oh no...

Steph: YOU ACT LIKE YOU DONT EVEN CARE💔

Damian: You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

[n1kk069]

Some thug: You won't kill me?

Jason: Go.

Thug: Fabulous.

Jason: Unless I reconsider.

Thug: Not fabulous.

[n1kk069]

—Lego Batman somehow ended up in the Wayne manor. Don't ask how or why—

—Hes also size-accurate in this au of mine😝 So imagine a tiny Lego Batman™, the size of an actual minifigure, talking to a tired, life-sized Bruce—

Lego Batman: I have... a nine pack.

Bruce: No... no you don't.

Lego Batman: Uh, yah I do.

D¡ck: *snorts*

Bruce: No.

Lego Batman: I do! *tries to log into the mini bat-computer to prove it*

Bat-computer: *silence*

Jason: *poking his head into the room to see what was going on*

Lego Batman: Puter! Do you hear me???

Lego Alfred: *mysteriously appears* Hello, master Bruce.

Lego Batman: Alfred! There's something wrong with the Bat-computer.

Lego Batman: Watch this.

Lego Batman: PUTER! Nothing. PUTER!! Do you see what I'm saying?

Lego Alfred: There's nothing wrong with it sir, I've just taken away your computer privileges.

Jason & D¡ck: *gasp in amusement*

Lego Batman: The parental lock? You can't do that.

Lego Alfred: Oh, I can. I've been reading 'Setting Limits for Your Out-Of-Control Child'.

Bruce: *embarrassed*

Jason: *snorts* Accurate.

Lego Batman: You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I have a double-secret-super-password, that unlocks the parental lock.

Lego Alfred: You mean 'Alfred-da-Buttler' with two t's?

Lego Batman: HAHAHAHAHA.

Bruce: Worst day of my life.

Jason: Is that so?

Bruce: Okay- you know I didn't mean it like that.

Jason: No, no, you enjoy your double t'd buttler, I'll be over here with the Joker. Dead. 😔💔

Lego Batman: *gasps* Joker😈😝 Where is he? *goofily runs off*

[n1kk069]

If you don't listen to Mitski you won't get this😝

Cass: *walking into the kitchen, talking to Steph on the phone*

Cass: I wouldn't know how to be alive.

Pretty much the entire family hanging out in the kitchen: ...

Bruce: *concerned* ...What..?

Steph: *"explaining" over the phone* If she gave up on being pretty.

Cass: I should move to a brand new city.

Steph: -and teach yourself how to die.

Jason: Huh?

Bruce: Cass, are you okay?

D¡ck: You need to talk?

Steph & Cass: You're all stupid!

Alfred: Mitski isn't.

Steph & Cass: *collective gasp*

Steph & Cass: *squealing*

Everyone else: *concerned and confused*

Cass: How do you know her!?

Alfred: Do neither of you two notice how loud your music is?

Steph & Cass: Ooooohhh.

Cass: *turns to everyone else* Then how come y'all didn't get that?

D¡ck: Get what?

Cass: The reference!

Steph: *audibly facepalms over the phone*

Jason: *realises* OH. MITSKI.

Steph: Fucking finally.

[n1kk069]

Damian: *spots a McDonald's*

Damian: Father we require sustenance.

Bruce: Do you have 'sustenance' money?

Damian:...

Damian: You do.

Bruce: *thinks for a moment* ...I do... *pulls into maccas drive-thru*

Jason: FUCK YEAH!!

Damian: I would like a 'big-mac'

Steph: Chicken nuggets please!

Jason: An annoyed meal.

Bruce: A what?

Damian: Is it not called a 'happy meal'?

Jason: I want an annoyed meal. Because y'all pissed me off.

Steph: How?

Jason: *having flashbacks of HOT TO GO being awfully sung at full volume earlier* None of you can sing.

Cass: MY SINGING WAS GREAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Jason: Fine, yours was, Cass. But the rest of you? Atrocious.

D¡ck: My looks make up for my lack of singing abilities.

Bruce: *Dead inside* Can we just order please?

The worker listening to the whole thing go down, talking into the speaker: Yes, please... there are other people waiting behind you.

Bruce: *Car horn goes off as he bangs his head on the steering wheel, used to the embarrassment that is having his kids around*

Jason: Get me my annoyed meal, old man.

Jason: Cause it's gonna turn into an hangry meal real quick if I don't get my food.