nanisthoughts

[nanisthoughts]

“I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.”

—Rudy F.

[nanisthoughts]

i hate the person you made me become, but i love who i’m creating in your absence.

[nanisthoughts]

i don't want to bring a baby into a country like this. it would be selfish of me to just throw them into a world where everything will be stacked against them from the start. i hope and pray that by the time i'm ready to be a mother, this country will let me be one on my own terms.

[nanisthoughts]

and there she sat- alone in the room they had decorated together.

everything holds a piece of their story, never really able to escape him.

for if she wanted to be truly free she’d have to escape the sun, the moon and the stars.

because every morning they woke up together the sun would smile- good morning, i love you.

and every night they fell asleep together, breath in sync and bodies wrapped together the moon would smile, longing for a love like theirs- goodnight, i love you.

the stars looked down upon them and wept- for they knew that their love wasn’t meant to be. they watched the arguments and the tears, but the emotions were meant to be felt. the stars were the only ones who knew the truth- there was no happy ending here.

and as he walked out the door for the final time, he looked up and swore he could see the moons tears. 

the stars separated a bright new tiny orb appeared, brighter than all the other stars in the sky.

their love for each other may have faded but it stays within the universe and for as long as that star lives the sun will smile and the moon will weep.

the stars will hold the secrets of their relationship close and value every memory they have of each other. 

for their love was bigger than them- all the cosmos were rooting for the two star-crossed lovers. 

goodbye, i love you.

[nanisthoughts]

i am empty. there is nothing beautiful or poetic about it. i am full, full of care and warmth and light and i am empty, i am empty. i am nothing in the middle of it all, a pit in which no crumb of life or fire or love can fill. i have lost my passion for life, for small moments and locked fingers. i should be happy. i should be full. i have everything i need and someone who loves me properly, and friends that care, and a good family life and home. but im not, for some reason. my brain chemistry never wired right, never created the right combination of chemicals, never produced the right potion for serotonin. and here i am, numb. but the numbness hurts.

[nanisthoughts]

the hardest part of a depression relapse is admitting you need help again.

[nanisthoughts]

you were supposed to be my person. the one to pick

up the pieces. and you were- until you weren’t

and now loking back, all the things i wrote about

how he hurt me, i can now relate them all to you.

but you were still my greatest love of all.

[nanisthoughts]

my soul is tired. i’m paralyzed-

no feelings, just a numb

shell of a body.

no goals, no ambitions.

he took that all from me-

he ripped my heart out and

took it like it was his own.

i’ve been searching for

the real me for so long

and i’m tired. tired of waiting for

something that will

probably never come.

i’ve grown accustomed

to the sadness, the anger.

i just wish he would leave

[nanisthoughts]

“I seem to walk differently with you: lighter, taller- void of the typical daily anxieties that plague our minds. You seem to have awakened in me a sense of escape I have not felt in quite some time. There is just something about the way you use your hands to perfectly orchestrate your witty dialogue followed by genuine laughter without a single care of who may be watching that makes me want to trust once more in the vulnerable exchange of two people falling in love. If our busy lives ever allowed it, I would choose to spend my free time in one way: walking and talking with you all day. I would like nothing more than to listen to every detail of what you have to say for I am curious what series of heartbreaks and periods of perserverance you had to master to create such a humble and gentle heart. I have fabricated a safe space in the corner of my heart reserved just for you where a cup of hot chocolate and blankets welcome you to rest and release the burdens you carry so well- for our hearts are not so different, I can already tell.”

—

[nanisthoughts]

hi!!!

my names Jahnice. i’m 16 from the us and i’m in need of some friends. lol i don’t care about any age difference, gender, race - none of that. i’m cool with everyone. (just don’t be an old man asking for nudes)

i have horrible people skills and i’m really bad at keeping convos going so bare with me. i love animals and talking about the universe. i don’t like small talk because as i mentioned, i can’t keep a convo going if it’s boring me. i have horrible anxiety and can disappear at times but like i’m okay. i get really weird once i’m comfortable w you and i can be funny sometimes.

but yeah just hmu if you wanna be friends.

[nanisthoughts]

hi i want friends!!!! just someone i can talk and vent to. deep convos and someone i can vibe with. i’m strictly looking for a friendship, nothing more. i’m 17 and kinda shy at first. i also suck a conversations so if the convo is dying we’ll most likely stop talking forever unless you revive it. i love astrology. i’m a pisces with a scorpio moon. i love animals and talking about the universe. i enjoy sleeping more than i do being awake. but dm me if you think we’d get along.

[nanisthoughts]

[nanisthoughts]

[nanisthoughts]

and as we lay together each night

i fall more and more in love with

the way our bodies fit perfectly

as if we were molded for each other.

and the sound of your breath in my ear

as i run my hand through your hair

and the feeling i get in my stomach when you

reach out for me half asleep

and the feeling i get when you wake me up with

kisses every morning

feels just like a breath of fresh air on a winter morning

[nanisthoughts]

views through a telescope

[nanisthoughts]

[nanisthoughts]

Me_IRL