no-name--kid - Tumblr blog

[no-name--kid]

i started watching bojack last week and seeing todd come out as asexual hit me in such an emotional way for no reason. like, i felt... seen? ive never seen an asexual character in anything, at least never explicitly stated. and it just felt nice seeing my favorite character in the show be like me.

[no-name--kid]

the desire to be loved by someone and love them back with passion and intensity coupled with the fear of ever falling in love because that means becoming vulnerable with someone and giving your everything to them while at the same time being scared they'll end up leaving and hating you after baring your soul to them is really strong right now

[no-name--kid]

pour one out for trans peeps who have one foot in the closet cus they don’t want their parents knowing but wanna be out in other places like work or school,

who don’t want to change things about themself just to “pass”,

who “look cis” because they don’t have their hair a certain way, bind, pack, tuck, take hormones, or dress a certain way

who get misgendered, not out of maliciousness, but because they can’t tell unless you tell them

none of this makes you “less transgender” and less transgender isn’t a thing. you’re trans. it came free with your complicated relationship with gender

[no-name--kid]

here's my cookie recipe if anyone's curious!!

150g sugar

2 sticks (1 cup) of butter

283g flour

1 egg

1 tsp almond extract

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp salt

candied cherries

sprinkles

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preheat the oven to 350°

in an electric stand mixer, mix the butter, sugar, and salt together until it's combined. then add the egg, vanilla extract, and almond extract. mix that until it's all combined.

slowly add in the flour, and be careful not to overmix. stop mixing once it's all combined.

so i use a cookie press to shape them, so if you have one, go for it. if not, uh, experiment with them. but get a cookie tray, and press out the cookies onto it.

once they're pressed out, put half of a candied cherry in the center of it. press it in gently. put sprinkles on the cookies, and pop the cookie sheet into the fridge for 10 minutes.

take it out, and place in the oven. bake for 7 minutes, and take them out. quickly add more sprinkles if you feel inclined to do so. after a few minutes, move them onto a cooling rack.

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i make small cookies, so this recipe yields 75 cookies for me. feel free to double it though!

^here's what they should look like

i havent done anything the last few days except play stardew valley and mariokart, bake hundreds of cookies, and listen to my comfort playlist and im so much happier than ive been in months. i guess taking a break from everything and cutting the emotionally draining people from your life really does help

[no-name--kid]

i havent done anything the last few days except play stardew valley and mariokart, bake hundreds of cookies, and listen to my comfort playlist and im so much happier than ive been in months. i guess taking a break from everything and cutting the emotionally draining people from your life really does help

[no-name--kid]

the best types of people are the ones that you'll talk to for the first time in a while and they'll excitedly go "YOU'RE ALIVE!!! :D". like. wow. it puts the dumbest smile on my face. im alive. and you're happy that im alive. maybe, even if just for that moment, it's a good thing im still alive.

[no-name--kid]

I’m not exaggerating when I say this post changed my life. Seeing this as a terrified self hating 17 year old was like finding a fresh water lake in the middle of the Sahara.

[no-name--kid]

im playing stardew valley and i just wanna be a pretty farmer boy that falls in love with one of the pretty girls in a small town, and she falls in love with me and we get married and live together and stargaze in the fields and do silly romantic things together but always love each other

[no-name--kid]

there's something really comforting about none of the people i know irl seeing what i post here. i can vent about whatever they do to me, and none of them will know. i dont feel judged as much here. it's less of a performance what i post and more of my own thoughts and creations.

[no-name--kid]

sometimes i wonder if my friends truly see me as a boy. i mean, they all call me my preferred name. they use my preferred pronouns. but do they really see me that way? or do they just humor me? and how far does that go? will there be a time where they just stop? and go back to treating me how they used to.

do they see me as a boy? or to them am i just a girl, pretending to be a boy?

is my identity one to respect until it can be ignored? purposefully deadnaming and misgendering me for some cheap joke? reassuring me that im a boy just to excuse grabbing me in all the wrong places?

am i actually a boy to them, or just a girl pretending to be a boy?

what will it take for them to see me as a boy? i can't do anything without being put into a dangerous situation at home. is that funny to anyone?

because to them, that's just a joke.

[no-name--kid]

if you aren't best friends with your lover and a little bit in love with all your friends than what's the fucking point

[no-name--kid]

"Sex is what makes us human" is stupid. Almost every species fucks. Humans are the only species that jumps motorcycles over school buses that are on fire. Some other things too probably

[no-name--kid]

also i guess if you like my poem, i have a few more i might post here too. i have one that's kind of about breaking generational trauma and abuse cycles, it's probably my favorite.

although i do have one about my inability to truly mean the words "i love you" because i get forced to say them all the time. im getting better about it because i genuinely feel (platonic) love for some of the people in my life, but i still hesitate saying the words. it's a long poem, but some of it still makes me almost cry. but maybe that's just me. it's my other favorite.

part of me wants to dedicate poems to the people who inspired them. i have one about the stars that my friend inspired through something he claimed to have said jokingly, but it still hurt a lot. it would be funny if he found it.

i love writing these though because they help me sort through all my negative emotions. why pay for therapy when depressing vent poetry is free. it's healing, in a way. it's on paper (well, my notes app) and that's that. negativity sealed away, lost in the rhythm and rhyme of the words. trauma caged within the stanzas, unable to break out of the lines. it's hidden there, hidden behind double meanings. i dont know, i love it.

aw look at me rambling on about my poetry. im absolutely exhausted, so im just going to leave it at that. but i should use this more often, writing my thoughts in here is fun. and no one hardly ever sees it!!

[no-name--kid]

Mourning Doves

♡♡♡

i hear the birds sing again

a song i haven't heard in years

yet a song i still remember the melody

despite it falling upon forgetful ears

the still calm

broken by the singing

calming whistles

broken notes

for the first time i feel right at home

i look around, reminiscing

thinking about the things i've been missing

the sorrowful song of the birds tops the charts

mourning the loss of another day gone

instead of the roosters

i now hear the doves

cooing and singing their sad little song

telling me that i should be asleep

sleeping and dreaming

instead of overthinking

i used to place blocks

now i draw scars

creating constellations that litter my arms

entranced in the pain

yet uncomfortably numb

broken only by that melancholy song

that sound

that beautiful, saddening, nostalgic sound

that heals all my wounds

and brings me back

to a sweet childhood

looking down from above

those beautiful mourning doves

context: so i absolutely love mourning doves. they're my favorite birds. so when i was younger i used to stay up all night gaming. and i would hear these birds, and it'd be dawn, and like, where did the time go? how is it already morning? but one day, i just never heard them again. they vanished. and i only just recently started hearing them again, and every time i hear them, i get really sad and nostalgic, but in a beautiful sadness way. it's a hard emotion for me to express. so i heard them for the first time in a long time while biking to school, so i wrote this poem and it's been sitting in my folder for a couple of weeks, but i really like it and want to share my poetry:)

[no-name--kid]

TW BLOOD, SH

my friend said something to me that kinda really hurt and weighed on my mind while walking home, so i got my emotions out through art. it's messy, it's unfinished, but it captures my emotions right now

[no-name--kid]

It is very important to love the transmascs + men around you very genuinely + loudly simply bc it is a good thing to do but also, and forgive me for not sugarcoating it, the boys are killing themselves out here at rates that should be a lot more alarming to a lot more people

[no-name--kid]

when i spend 30 minutes rambling about my writing in a post only for it to not upload :')

(i might try and rewrite it later, i want people to see it)