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norskkitten · 6 years ago

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You’re only a fool if you give up, boy - part II

FIRST PART: https://norskkitten.tumblr.com/post/185395678036/youre-only-a-fool-if-you-give-up-boy ~~~~~~~~~~ Sara is babbling her way through the commercials. Matteo doesn’t hear a word. His head replays the moment he set eyes on the guy behind the register, over and over again. The movie starts to play and Matteo is looking at the screen, but he doesn’t see anything. He’s imagining those brown eyes and that perfect smile, showing all of his teeth, showing nothing but joy. He is caught off guard when his future-hopefully-not girl friend takes his hand and intertwines their fingers. It’s the most uncomfortable he’s felt in days. He can see her head starting to lean to his side and he immediately moves to his left as far as possible. Sara seems surprised that his shoulder isn’t there, but he pretends he never read her intention and keeps staring at the screen. When she starts playing with his fingers, he can’t take it anymore.

“Sorry, I need to take a piss real quick. I’ll be right back.” he jumps from his seat and doesn’t look back at her while he’s making his way to the exit.

There’s an empty hallway and it’s so bright Matteo feels dizzy after all the darkness. He doesn’t really need to piss, but he does need to calm down if he wants to make it out alive. He pushes the toilet door and suddenly he’s standing there, grunting with disgust. There’s a couple making out in men’s restroom. There are hands under shirts and bodies pressed against each other and it’s so intense they don’t even notice him. He coughs, louder this time.

“It’s taken” the boy, looking younger than Matteo is, shots him a glare and goes back to kissing his girlfriend. He sighs and goes back out to the empty corridor.

It’s long. The walls are painted white and there are at least six doors on each side. He takes a look at girls’ toilet (he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to go in there), check’s the disabled toilet (it’s closed) and then he keeps wandering, because it’s better than watching the movie with a girl he doesn’t even want to know.

There are turns and tiny alleys and he tries to remember which door he came from when he hears footsteps. It’s more than one person, Matteo can tell, and he tries to run back towards men’s toilet, but he freezes in place and his whole body tenses. He hears the laugh.

He turns around, the footsteps getting louder each time, and he just kind of stands there. Waiting. Two people appear from a small corridor on his left and he catches a glimpse of some girl’s long hair, but he doesn’t care. He looks at the guy next to her, a phone in his hand and a sandwich in his mouth. He seems surprised to see Matteo and his cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he takes the sandwich away from his face and starts to slowly chew on the bite he just took. Matteo stares at his jaw mowing and he’s pretty sure he could pay all the money he doesn’t have just to get sliced by his bones.

“What are you doing here? This is employees area” he takes a look at the girl, her words reaching him after a while. She is wearing the same t-shirt with the cinema’s logo on it and Matteo tries to read her expression, hoping she won’t get him in trouble.

“Sorry. I was heading to the toilet.” he says with a faint smile. She replies immediately, telling him it’s the second to his right and she doesn’t sound angry. “Uhm, do you have a key to the disabled one?”

Both employees give him a surprised look, the guy asking “Are you disabled?” and while his face is getting red with embarrassement, he regrets ever stepping out of his house.

“Erm, no. Men’s was taken” he answers, staring at the floor.

“Were all the stalls taken? Well, you could just, you know, wait a bit.” the guy suggests and Matteo feels stupid, and he makes a disgusted face remembering the view in the toilet.

“No. It was... taken.” he accents the word and the guy seems to catch it, though he rolls his eyes, looking very annoyed. This probably happens often. Matteo heard that people often make out at the cinema. He’s just never witnessed it before.

“Sorry about that. I have the key, if you want to use it. I’ll wait until you’re done.”

He takes the offer, because he asked for it, though he doesn’t really need it. He goes into the toilet and washes his hands. He adds some more soap, thinking of Sara’s hands on his, and when he looks into the mirror, there’s pain written on his face. He’s hardly slept last night, thinking about this date and why the hell did he agree to go. But then it hits him that he never did. He just didn’t say no, so there he was, the dark bags under his eyes more visible than usually. He bit a hole in his left sleeve by stressfully chewing on it whenever Sara didn’t look. And now he was hiding in a diasbled’s toilet.

He goes out and is both relieved and frightened when he finds the girl disappeared. He takes a look at the boy once again and pinches himself (it hurts, so it must be real). He mumbles a shy “thank you” and gets a happy “no problem” in return. He wishes he knew the guy’s name. He doesn’t have the courage to ask. Instead,

“How to get out of here?”

“You’re watching Aladdin, right?” he sends him a smile and Matteo shivers at the thought he remembered. “It’s the first door on the left.”

“No” he says, because he can’t go back there. He can’t. “How to get out of here?” he asks again and the guy’s furrowing his eyebrows, a worried expression going onto his face.

“Aren’t you here with a girl?” he asks back and Matteo wants to disappear. He utters “it’s complicated” to the ground and it’s so quiet he isn’t sure if the guy even heard him, but he doesn’t ask anything else. “Well, I can show you the exit. Can you wait a second? I need to get my stuff and I’ll be heading out, too.”

The guy doesn’t even wait for him to reply, walking through a door with a “no entry” sticker on. Matteo tries to understand what is going on at the moment, tries to understand that he was alone with a guy he just met and he’s starting to panic because there’s so much on his mind right now, but then the guy comes back and casually nods at Matteo and he follows him withouth a second thought.

“My name is David” he says and Matteo stops mid-step, in the middle of a bright hallway, because David. He wondered what the guy’s name could be, trying to think of one good enough, but the way he just said it, it sounds so beautiful, so sweet and so right.

David looks at him expectantly and Matteo mumbles his name, with his cheeks blushed and his eyes on the ground. David repeats it and his voice makes Matteo’s heart skip a few beats.

“Did you not like the movie?” David asks, opening the door for him. Matteo sighs, confused, because he’s not even sure what the movie is about and he knows the story of Aladdin. He just thought too much about trying not to think.

“I don’t know. Do you like it?” he asks instead of answering and David says he likes the original one better, but this one isn’t that bad. “What’s your favourite movie?” he finds himself asking and David makes a thinking face that makes Matteo squeal inside.

“I’d say it’s Only lovers left alive.” he replies after a while and Matteo isn’t surprised he has never heard of it.

“What’s it about?”

He stops, making Matteo stop a bit too late, a step too close to him, and he looks straight into his eyes. Matteo feels like he’s trying to read him, figure out everything from just this one look. He lets him.

“I have it on DVD. We can watch it together, if you’d like.” he offers and Matteo is choking on air, because he missed a breath and he’s not sure how can he even breathe when David just invited him to watch a movie together at his house.

They’re interrupted by Matteo’s phone buzzing. He takes it out and sees an unknown number. He has a feeling he might know who it is, but he turns it off and puts it back in his pocket.

He looks back at David and suddenly he feels like he could say no. After all the “didn’t agree but also didn’t refuse”, the look on David’s face makes him feel safe and secure and he feels like he could say no to that offer.

He doesn’t. He’s going to watch a movie with David.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The description for this story is: Matteo falls in love on his first date. It came to me last night and I just couldn’t get it off my mind. Because, you see, that was his first date with Sara and he is falling in love. And I really needed to put it into a story, especially since I read all of the Davenzi fics and I feel like there aren’t enough of them. Like I said under the first part, I haven’t written anything in a couple of years and English is not my mother language so it can be shit sometimes. I notice all the repetitions, but it’s a he+he story and we don’t know David’s name for so long. I was overwhelmed by the response for the first part (100 notes IS a big deal for me) and I would love that if you’d like to tell me what you think about the story or how it’s written. I might continue it, if I’m sure what I want to do with it, but for now that’s the part I wanted to write and I’m really happy about it.

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norskkitten · 6 years ago

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You’re only a fool if you give up, boy

They’ve been talking about it for weeks. Even though Matteo wasn’t so keen on doing this, it felt like world’s greatest idea to them. Carlos has been bragging about his relationship with Kiki, how great it is to have that special someone in your life. Abdi, still doing nothing about his big ass crush on Sam, also thought it would be perfect for Matteo to finally get some female attention. Don’t get it wrong, he’s had plenty of attention - he would let girls flirt with him, especially during nights out with his friends, always being careful not to flirt back, keeping his “cool guy” attitude. He would let them kiss him every once in a while (if he was drunk enough), trying not to think about how every touch made his chest clench. There was that one party, over a month ago, where he ended up shaking, struggling to breathe after a tiny brunette was forcing herself on him in the corner of someone’s living room. Hooking up at parties was how most boys lived their life, but Matteo felt humiliated. He was overwhelmed, the party was much more than he could handle and after running away, he hadn’t gone out of his room for three days.

And Matteo loved these fools. They were getting on his nerves, always talking about girls and sex, but they were his friends. Jonas, however... He was hoping Jonas would stand up for him, understand that Matteo doesn’t need girlfriends to be a decent guy (not that he was, in any way, a decent human being) and just let him live his lonely life. So when Jonas came up to their table on Tuesday with a smirk on his face, Matteo felt his heart sink.

“Good news! I got you a date tomorrow. Her name is Sara, she’s taking Maths with me. She’s blonde, she’s sweet and she doesn’t think you’re a loser.”

Matteo feels betrayed. He knows the girl, he has seen here a few times in the hallway, always with another blonde by her side, constantly chatting and giggling. She seems nice and she probably is, but that’s not the problem. Matteo just doesn’t feel like dating anyone. He hadn’t had any interest in love since... well, since his crush on Jonas. He would never admit that, but his feelings for his best friend made him question his sexuality and he decided it’d be better to just back off. Better to back off than to admit he might not be what people expect him to be.

“Luigi! Sara is hot, he got you a good one” he hears one of his friends say, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He thinks maybe if he pretended he never heard it, it wouldn’t be true.

Much to his dismay, it is still true. Boys keep talking about how amazing this Sara girl is and Matteo can not go through all the reasons why being single is good to him again. His brain is screaming, because as pretty and friendly as she sounds, he still finds no attraction to girls recently. His mouth doesn’t say anything, because he’s a stupid bastard and he can never stand up for himself. He can’t say no.

So that’s how it is. He’s got a date tomorrow.

***

The boys all crash at Matteo’s after school on Wednesday to help him get dressed and to make sure he makes it to his date in the first place. Carlos tries to talk him into wearing a shirt - something he hasn’t worn since, like, 5th grade, but he insists on staying in his way-too-big t-shirt with a pattern that looks a bit like dirty stains (and maybe there are stains too, Matteo isn’t sure). Abdi slaps his hand when he reaches for one of his oversized grandpa sweaters and Jonas finds a grey hoodie he’s only had on three times before, so he’s positive it doesn’t smell that bad. They fight a little and Abdi runs after him with a hairbrush, bu he lets it go and then they just play Zelda until it’s time to leave.

They are supposed to meet on Alexanderplatz and when he gets there, he still has seven minutes left. He purposely missed the bus, but the boys said he has to be early to make a good impression and made him catch another one only two minutes later. Standing there, he thinks of excuses to leave.

1. His flatmate called. He was dreaming about their date so hard that he forgot to turn the water off and now there’s a big flood going on.

2. He was so stressed about their date he got nauseous and he’s really, terribly sorry, but he feels like throwing up, so maybe they could meet some other day.

He tries to come up with another one when Sara catches his eye. It still startles him a little. And the thing is, Sara looks like a nice girl. She is pretty and she’s playing with her hair as she’s making her way to him, sending him a nice smile. He tries his best to smile back, because she’s just a nice girl and she doesn’t know how much he doesn’t want to be there and she probably deserves someone better than him.

“Hey.”

Her voice is soft. She seems shy, still smiling at him.

Matteo isn’t shy. He wants to get the fuck out of here.

Instead, he nods a little and points to the nearest cafe.

“Na. Would you like some coffee?”

“I’d love that.”

***

Now, the thing is, Matteo really hates coffee. He doesn’t really drink much, which probably isn’t the best, but he just finds it hard to care. Suggesting the cafe was his first reaction, because he didn��t want to sound like a dick and greet her with a “flat flood” or throwing up. He orders an espresso, the real Italian he is, thinking it’d be better to drink it rather than a regular sized coffee. Sara, on the other hand, gets an extra sweet caramel macchiato and seems content about it.

Sara talks. A lot. She talks about school, about her best friend (Matteo learned her name is Leonie), the things they like to do, the music she listens to. Matteo tries to keep his focus and throws some “mmm” and “yeah” in, because that means he doesn’t have to speak much himself. Sara doesn’t seem to mind - she goes on about a party on Friday she would like to go to and the latest movie she would like to see.

“Well, if you’d like, there’s a cinema around the corner. We could go there.”

Her eyes lit up and she looks so happy Matteo has to hold his breath. He offered to see the movie with her because going to the cinema would mean they didn’t have to talk anymore. He’s sure he’s hardly said like ten sentences the whole afternoon and the idea of not having to talk, and not having to listen either, makes him feel a little better. He wishes he could just go back to his bed and lay there sleepless forever.

They head to the cinema. Matteo doesn’t even finish his coffee, while Sara was done with hers after half an hour, and he wishes he could smoke some weed instead. It takes them five minutes to get there and now they’re both staring at a giant poster of Aladdin, Sara talking about how excited she is and how much she loves the actors. Matteo doesn’t really know any of them. He remembers watching Aladdin as a child. He’s not really in a mood for romance right now - neither on-screen nor in real life.

They go inside and Matteo is taken aback by the amount of people inside. Yes, he knew Alexanderplatz is a popular place in the city (he had a hard time waiting for Sara, there were people everywhere and he really wished he could be home), but he still didn’t expect it to be this crowded. Sara still has a wide smile on her face and can’t stop chattering while they stand in line to the register.

He’s tired. It’s really loud here, all these people talking and street noise coming through the door. His head starts to ache. He asks Sara how long is the film and he immediately regrets it when she says it’s over two hours. He can feel his face going numb from all the fake smiles he’s trying to put on and his heart starts to beat louder while the line is slowly moving forward.

Sara seems a little worried about the look on his face and she asks if he’s feeling okay. He opens his mouth to say he is fine, that everything is great, when he sees it. Sees Him.

“Matteo? Is something wrong?” she repeats the question, but Matteo is frozen.

He can’t stop staring. The guy at the register is chatting with one of the customers and when he throws his head back, laughing at something a boy in front of him said, Matteo is blushing. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen so much happiness in his entire life.

He’s snapped out of it by his date’s hand in front of his face.

“Yeah, I’m good.” says Matteo. And he means it. Looking at that guy made him feel like he could move any mountain in the world. God, his smile. He could sin all his life if it meant he gets to see that smile again.

Three boys go away from the cash register and Matteo realizes it’s their turn. Sara takes him by the hand and he follows her wide-eyed, because, to be fair, it’s not her hand he would like to hold right now. The guy offers them a wide smile, still looking happy after his previous conversation and Matteo thinks he might melt to the ground.

“Hello. What would you like to see today?” the guy asks and Matteo swears he got chills in places he never knew he could get it. His voice is so deep, yet so soft and everything inside Matteo is screaming you because he would like to see him. He would like to see him every fucking day he lives on this earth.

“Could we get two tickets for Aladdin, please?” Sara links their fingers and Matteo can’t help but wince. He takes a look at their hands and when his eyes go back to the boy’s face, there’s a tiny bit of worry. Matteo suddenly feels uneasy, shame taking over him as he looks to the ground, wishing he could disappear.

“There’s one starting in 15 minutes. Is that good?” the guy asks and Matteo wants to look at him, wants so badly to look at his olive skin, his dark curly hair and the smile that made him feel like it’s going to get better. He doesn’t.

“Yes, it’s perfect!”

They chat for a bit and Matteo doesn’t seem to catch anything they are saying, still staring at his feet. There’s a quiet cough and he finally looks up to them. Looks up to him. His eyes are warm brown and he shoots him a reassuring smile and he keeps looking at him, asking if he wants to pay in cash or by card. And Matteo has no idea what he’s talking about, until he remembers he’s on a date. With a girl.

As bad as it sounds (and it sounds really bad, especially because Matteo is broke and the tickets are fucking expensive, he already paid for their coffees), it’s a perfect opportunity to step back from her, because he obviously couldn’t take his wallet out of his pocket with only one free hand. He pays with his card and when the guy asks him if he needs a receipt, he says yes, because he wants him to hand him the receipt and he wants to hold his hand and- fuck.

Matteo only thinks about it for a second before he’s being handed the receipt and their fingers brush. He wants to grab his whole hand and hold it and then grab the guy and hold the guy but he’s not a retard so he takes a step back, the document still in his hand so Sara can’t hold it. After he printed out two tickets for them, he reaches to hand them to Matteo, but Sara is the first to take them and she looks excited and happy and Matteo couldn’t care less.

The guy guides them where to go and tells them to enjoy the movie. He sends Matteo one last smile and Matteo wants to say something, wants to tell him everything, but he’s on a date with a girl and there are people waiting in line and he has to get this shit to an end. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SECOND PART: https://norskkitten.tumblr.com/post/185410831036/youre-only-a-fool-if-you-give-up-boy-part-ii ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uh, I got an idea and I thought I could go with this. I haven’t written anything in, like, at least 3 years. It’s almost 3am and it’s not edited and it’s not even finished, because i’m not sure if I want it in parts or I’ll just write an ending to this and make it a shot. But I love the idea and I ship it so hard.

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