obscure-moon

[obscure-moon]

Life is happening, everywhere; even if you're crying or laughing. Uncontrollable, time escapes between our fingers, as we dance aimlessly while listening to songs of someone else's yesterday years and passions and desires.

Yes, life is happening – no second coming for us, my friend. We are the ever-changing chimaeras that trip upon the strings of fate; so far, I see no escape.

But smile, my friend, for there is life; to regret, to frown, to daydream, to think of wasted hours and unrequited love, to look up to the sky while the blue immensity wanes and sends us back to the night.

[obscure-moon]

I feel lonely, obscure, sitting with my back on the wall in a dark kitchen, while the city lights can be seen through the window.

I am waiting to be discovered. Like the roaches under my sofa. I am waiting for the guy who will come and take me by the hand. I hope to dance like a wallflower who flew aimlessly wherever the wind went.

Meanwhile, I know no one's coming. But I wish I wasn't so lonely. This is not the life I imagined for myself. Where are my friends? Where is my chosen family? Where is the man who will embrace me and shield me with his broad shoulders?

I see two solutions: either burn as a volcanic eruption and fade away or live like my heroes who also dealt with loneliness and hangers-on. I put my head down, between my knees. I hear the refrigerator's noise, and I wonder, where is paradise?

I get up and go to bed early. Hope the sheets of a calm and uneventful death catch me tonight. Kinda like winning the lottery, I guess.

[obscure-moon]

After I die, I hope to be placed in a room with Diogenes, Plato, Camus, Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Hitchens. I just want to listen to them, like the old UK program After Dark.

[obscure-moon]

I’m in ur sink, questioning ur decor choices. Photo from my collection, ca. 1960s.

[obscure-moon]

Eartha Kitt shows off her strength and athletism by doing yoga at the beach, 1960s.

[obscure-moon]

nihilism is the enraged, endangered, and unfazed rage in the fragile corner of the brain of a sexually frustrated teenager who's about to explore his sexuality while condemning intimacy as a sin, or to become an unrepentant incel who believes women owe him something he can never have

[obscure-moon]

Picture it: Los Angeles, Summer 1966.

And suddenly you walk in someone's house party. The air of the canyon brings a refreshing tone to it. You don't know who invited you; there's some guys on the sofa discussing which one is better: Godard's Masculin, Féminin or Varda's Cléo de 5 à 7. The guy you met last week on Zuma Beach is smoking a reefer, and he smiles at you. And at your left, there's a 20th century vixen dancing to some garage rock. You're living the moment.

[obscure-moon]

plan to manipulate a certain situation for one week; gaslight elderly people and young kids; pretend to know nothing, see nothing and not existing; teach high-school physics and help my classmates so that they don't get fucked on next week's test; produce chlorine gas and make a recipe on how to produce a molotov coktail full of homemade napalm and diesel: ok, easy peasy

therapy a.k.a. mandatory mental evaluation: THIS IS NOT OK, GET ME OUT OF HERE, DAD COME PICK ME UP

[obscure-moon]

now I realize I'm becoming Daria's aunt Amy

[obscure-moon]

When Will Toledo screams TAKE OFF THE HANDS OF MY NECK AND HOLD ONTO THE GHOST OF YOUR BODY, but I'm holding no one's neck and there's no ill-fated lover to remind me that I can text them when punching mattresses gets old

[obscure-moon]

it could've been us, but that fucker thought i was a weirdo and decided to date someone else, and now i'm single and in need of therapy

[obscure-moon]

Friendship is quite easy, to be honest.

If your 'friend' treats you like an uninvited guest, then just leave without saying anything. They won't call. They won't miss you. They won't inivite you to be part of another mask ball. You're a figment of past; reject looking back in anger, or contempt or resentment.

Walk down the street, go to a pub, have a beer and smile to the blonde bartender with the curly hair. She's using a beautiful red lipstick.

And life goes on. Enjoy your own company and reject the crumbs of affection people throw at you to ensure loyalty. Be free.

[obscure-moon]

that moment when you forgot if you took your daily dose of zoloft so you take another dose bc early-onset alzheimer is probably your new vibe