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Wrongly-oriented Orientation

I guess orientation is the word that one commonly come across whenever he or she is starting a new chapter of life in a new environment, be it a social group or any institutions, introduction as well as briefing on the things one will go through in a new environment is something that you will expect from orientation. However, my definition of orientation in Korea has been somewhat distorted into a rather disappointing one, undergoing the cultural deformation to result in something that does not match the original word’s intention.

University, despite the academic connotation of the word, has shown me nothing short of a disappointment so far, with endless flows of alcohol and incorrigible shoutings that literally wasted away my whole three days; While some might find it interesting, I guess I am not the person that goes well with alcohol...

I understand the cultural atmosphere of Korea that revolves around drinking and socializing, and I also believe that some degree of alcohol intake is necessary to close the gap between individuals, but meeting up and hanging out for the sake of drinking just seems wrong, the medium should not be the purpose of the whole activity. The sheer intensity and duration of the alcohol consumption even gave me the impression that people are drinking to wash away the pain and struggle they have gone through for the past 20 years in an environment full of stress and competition.

I guess its just my role to adjust and fit into the society that has already established a certain culture, and I think I would be too selfish to expect the whole world to fit into my standard...

Individuals cannot change a society, regardless of one’s social position or ability, there would be a distinct limit to the extent of change that one person could bring about in an environment; An island is and will always be an island, it could never become a continent, and even if an island is as large as a continent, it still has other 5 continents to cooperate and collaborate eventually. Now coming back to the topic (despite the countless side-tracks), the only way to exclude myself from the social atmosphere that I do not approve is to simply withdraw myself from it; to remove myself from the tower of soju bottles that stacks up as people deepen relationships among the group.

I pledge to create friendships and bonds without the aid of alcohol, to build the relationship that people build while being sane and sober, with an active exchange of healthy discussions and opinions that would replace the shoutings by the red-faced Koreans under the influence of alcohol. I mean, who would have guessed that the thing that influences the Koreans the most is not the ex-president who received a Nobel peace prize, or the Olympic athletes that broke the human limit to make the nation proud, but it is the green bottle with processed alcohol that goes well with meat. What an interesting place the world has become lmao.

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Olympic? Olympics?

One thing that I always had argument with my friends around this time every 4 years was the term Olympics or Olympic; From my understanding, I have always believed that it is right to call it as “the Olympics” or “Olympic games” but there have been multiple claims from many different individuals around myself.

English aside, now that Olympic season in Korea is officially starting, I think now would be the appropriate time to discuss the topic on the usefulness or should I say, the validity of holding the Olympic games. Despite the huge shower of media’s attention on the country holding the Olympics, the influx of spectators from all over the world, as well as the revenue they create from their expenditure during the Olympics, are simply insufficient to justify the construction of several mega-sized facilities that are meant for one-time event that barely lasts for a month. Now I am by no means looking down on the spirit that the Olympics try to advocate, and I respect the time and effort that the athletes invest in to bring glory to their countries, but let’s be frank, money doesn’t fall from the sky and we need to ensure that this one-month wonder really requires a heavy portion of the nation’s budget that could be spent to help the poor.

When I was in junior college in Singapore, this question was often asked during the general paper lesson, where the example of Brazil and their economic debt after the dazzling Olympics and World cup, with the slums being cleared to give way to temporary infrastructure that undermines the weak South American economy. The documentary about the lives of people in “favela”, the Latin term for slums, has shown the world about the brutal cost of holding an international sporting event, with the poor and weak being helplessly pushed away to artificially create an image of “clean and prosperous city”, with the nation pursuing a short-term goal of positive international image at the cost of domestic support of the citizens, with vast majority of the population in relative poverty. It is Ironic that the member of the BRICS economy that still has manufacturing and primary industries as their dominant source of income is neglecting and exploiting on the very labour that they rely on for national growth.

The Olympics has been a tradition that has managed to unite the world with the excitement of sport and it has successfully delegated the message that the passion and love for sports transcends all races and languages, but sometimes, tradition and meaningfulness are simply not enough to justify the huge expenditure and sacrifices that are made, with majority of them being concentrated on the poor and the weak. The event that denies the socio-economic discriminations among the nations somehow adds burden and pain to the socially weak group of domestic nations that are holding the games.

Was I being too pessimistic? I hope I do not portray myself the image of a contrarian who argues for the sake of arguing, but I have to admit that I tend to be critical of things that are happening around myself, trying to question most of the things that people normally care not to think about. Regardless of what, since this blog is publicized as “student’s perspectives on society”, please understand the cynical temperament of the writer and maybe consider it as a concept of the blog? lmao 

Of course, the outcome of the Olympics will depend on the management skill of the nation and their plan on utilizing the facilities and the landmarks to ensure the sustainability of the Olympic projects, and I hope that my nation can and will be one of those nations that successfully evades the financial curse of the Olympics... (I do love my country after all). So let's take a step back and enjoy the Olympic games for now, and let's deal with the consequences a month later, procrastination has always been the trait of mankind and it will always be a dominant trait that defines us ahaha

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New year, New moon?

One thing I have always had questions about was the presence of the lunar calendar, it's not like I am denying or looking down on this tradition of having a separate calendar to make life difficult for everyone, but honestly speaking, it’s legitimately troublesome. I mean, why should we celebrate the new year in the middle of February? According to the lunar calendar, apparently 16th of Feb becomes the new year and I do not know what to criticize to tackle the core issue of the problem, the ancestors who made this complex system or the future generations who are currently upholding this complex system for some reason.

The first time I came across this system of lunar calendar was during my mother’s birthday when I was told that celebrating her birthday on 10th of July (The birthday written on her birth certificate) was wrong, and her “actual” birthday was somewhere in May. What would be the reason to deny the official birthday and to modify it to another system not recognised by the law, and this system, combined with the traditional belief of the Confucian school of thought, has created this ideology where knowing and celebrating the parents’ birthdays by the lunar calendar date has become an act of filial piety in Asian culture.

Sometimes I just have this feeling that the world is obsessed with overcomplicating stuff to make it seems more sophisticated, just like Japanese novels that take up half the page describing the environment of mundane Sunday morning, not that I have anything against such style of writing (The writer of this blog itself is a huge fan of  Haruki Murakami as well as Natsume Soseki) but sometimes, just sometimes, a simple literature might be a better choice for day when you have too many thoughts in mind. It might be a bit ironic for a guy who is writing this long-winded blog but I myself sometimes want to just write in a simple manner, like “Life fucking sucks”.

Maybe people just want to hide the fact that we are simple creatures, with simple needs and simple thoughts. Maybe we lack the gut to deny the legitimacy of the tradition and cultures that our ancestors have built up for centuries, maybe we lack the courage to tear down everything that we have built up so far. We might have made the social mask to portray ourselves as confident and brave people, but inside, we are still full of anxiety and uncertainty about everything that we do. 

I myself is not a direct person; despite my current post complaining about the complexity of today’s world, I don’t think I will have the courage to speak out my true feelings to someone, after all, I was born in the region of East Asia where concealing one’s true intention is a socially accepted norm. With that being said, I just hope that I would have the courage to even indirectly confess my feelings if I really need to; and for this, i just have to hope that the person would understand what I am talking about lmao

Coming back to the issue of the lunar calendar, there might be just a quote to sum up this issue of lunar calendar as well as the tendency of Asians to over-complicate things, and this quote is from the afore-mentioned Natsume Soseki.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

The indirect message to confess one’s love by complementing the moon, I guess that's what makes me love and hate this East Asian culture at the same time lmao

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Man on an island

Being an introvert, the saying “No man is an island” was something that I was often told throughout my life; be it during orientation or during school term, the social pressure to fit into vibrant social groups in school was always accompanied by this dreaded saying. Ironically, this saying was commonly used in an island state of Singapore that often emphasize the miracle of their development into a modern city with strong economy despite being a small island with no resources. 

But to be frank, as much as interaction with other members of society is significant aspect of one’s life in this interconnected society, I believe that even without being actively involved in a social group or institution, an average human being is already exposed to more than ample interaction with others, without one even realising it. For instance, we often exchange awkward eye-contact with the bus driver on the way to school, and we pass by nearly hundreds of people in a day, all of which counts as social interaction, regardless of its depth and duration.

Thus labelling a person as an “Island” simply due to the fact that the person does not show active participation in an organisation or social group would be a wrong way to compare as an average human being would subconsciously be involved in countless interaction with others, and thus much different from an island that is in total isolation in the middle of the ocean with nearest land or island being thousands of kilometers away. 

The social pressure on a person to force oneself into a social group or an organisation will always be there, under the assumption that one is living an average life that requires one to go through mandatory schooling and for guys, the duty of conscription that forces you to be in restricted facility for more than a year, but the definition of an introvert and extrovert based on the criteria of frequency and intensity of social interaction would be a flawed method to categorize a person; Afterall, these criteria would be relative to each individual and there would never be a common consensus on the truly accurae definition of being sociable or being an introvert. People will always try to compromise by convincing themselves that they are the norm and this would apply the same way to this issue, no one will be willing to accept the fact that they might be considered as introverts who are labelled as failures or those who have failed to fit into the social definition of “normal”

With that being said, anyone wants to add me as a friend on facebook? (Lmao)

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Abyss of capitalism

One thing that I have learnt as I aged (Ironic for a 20-year-old student to say this) was that as you get older and older, there is the greater significance of money in your life; it influences everything. Starting from financial capacity to afford better tuition and assessment books for national exam, to having money to continue the education in tertiary institutions, money just seems to remind me of game items that you need to level up your character to a higher tier. 

The reason why I am bringing this up is due to the fact that even when I am in so-called “holiday mood” in between the high school graduation and university admission, I have faced this challenge that capitalism has posed me, even when I am indulging myself in entertainments that I once distanced myself from. The games that are widely popular these days have managed to construct a wall that will always segregate the rich (those who invest money into gaming) and the poor (the casual players that do not invest money into gaming), the mere difference of purchasing of game items with cash would grant distinctive gap which kind of reminds me of the real life, the rich-poor gap that cannot not be made closer as the society becomes more and more consumption-based.

I mean I am kind of ranting after realizing that regardless of one’s skill and investment of time into a game, one will never reach the same level as those who comfortably invest money to be granted insurmountable advantages which elevate the status of those who can afford such playing style. The realisation of the cold hard fact of life present even in games proved to be once again that money matters everywhere, even in virtual cyber-space in which players try to escape from reality.

What if this continues on even after one’s death, where the availability of going to heaven is determined by one’s asset accumulated throughout one’s life. I think I won’t be too surprised if I am denied access to heaven or reincarnation as I failed to meet the financial criteria of $2 million in my lifetime. I guess maybe that is the reason why the ghosts and spirits in the horror movies are so bitter and angry, they themselves have failed to proceed to better place just because of the financial wall that labelled them as failure....

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Life in Korea

Returning back to this blog and looking at the previous posts, especially the one about me begging admission to Yonsei university now seems to be somewhat desperate... To be honest I myself cannot empathise the feeling of the Korean boy a few days before his university interview, even though I was in that position a few months ago. 

Fortunately, I managed to get into Yonsei and now I am in Korea, living my life as a student who is waiting for the campus life to start; Some might say that this is like a new chapter of life but I think this stage of life is merely an extension of the student life that I was sick of for past 12 years, equivalent to the DLC extension packs of games on steam. My status in this society will still remain as a student and studying will still be the utmost priority in my job scope for at least 5 years (Inclusive of the national service), for this I sense almost no difference at all haha.

But I think I should be relieved at the fact that I am now a more independent person, free from obligation as a son responsible for the administration of the whole family, or as a student of an institution restricted by pre-set timetable and boring canteen food, and lastly, I do not have to wear that disgusting green uniform that made me feel miserable on a daily basis. Junior College life has taught me a lot of life lessons that I would not have learnt if I lived a carefree life, and one of them was that graduation with assurance of admission to university is the best way to leave this dreaded place, and this certainly proved to be the luxury that not a lot of students had the chance to experience hahahah

Now that I am a  university student, I guess I will soon face the new challenges that would emerge as I continue this journey of life; assuming that an average human being lives till 80, I am somewhat relieved but scared at the fact that I am about 25% done with this whole game of life. Regardless of the fact whether the game is fun or not, coming to an end is certainly a sad part of life that I still have not accustomed myself to, and i hope i will never get used to it till distant future.

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God please grant me admission to Yonsei University

To whoever divine and absolute up there, if you really exist and are partially responsible for the creation of this self, please let me move on to the next big platform of my life by getting into Yonsei University... I know that i have been taking the relaxed attitude towards this issue but inside i am literally dying everyday due to the wait.

I promise that if i am granted the heavenly blessing of admission, i swear that i will devote my short but meaningful life to help others in need and spread the love and care you have shown me throughout my 19 years of living. I am really sorry that the only time that i call for your assistance and affirm your presence is times when i need help but i really need every piece of luck possible to make this right.

I think i have done pretty well for the interview and i have made sure that i at least have a forte in a subject that is closely correlated to the course i am pursuing in university so i really think that i am asking for a favor that is within my capacity. All i need is the miracle that the interviewers and the professors recognize the talent or at least the passion i have for helping others and grant me the opportunity to at least pursue academic path that would enable me to do so...

It really seems pathetic that i am writing this and probably this will be like a dark past of my life (probably the worst stage of my life so far) but please reward me for the pain and tolerance i have shown for the past three years of my life.

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The truth will(might) make you free

I think I have said this many times but time really flies and now I am less than a week away from the university interview. I think I have come a long way to reach this stage of life and I would be lying if I am not nervous about it. As much as the English language has always been my forte in this short but bitter journey of education, I have to admit that the candidates who are called for interview are also respectable opponents who have also worked hard and long to achieve academic excellence to have a chance in advancing to the university.

Currently, i am not doing anything to prepare for the interview, which is kinda contradicting the statement I made above, but there is literally no way I can prepare for the interview for humanities course where the questions will ask for logic and critical thinking... If I am capable of predicting the type of questions and passage that will come out for the exam, I would not be living this boring life as a student (probably I might be locked up somewhere on the Wall street being forced to predict the stock prices). 

Basically, I am just studying whatever I have been studying from Singapore, same old geography, economics and history that requires you to offer your soul to the devil to fully master. Surprisingly there are many topics that I was able to apply such as the resource curse and market failure that would serve as a valuable asset to supplement my content to use for the interview. Particularly the skills on source-based skills have been especially useful- evaluation of the reliability of the source based on cross-reference and analysis of the purpose, perspective, and interests of the writer have been some of the concepts that managed to make the answer much more insightful. As much I dreaded these skills during the school years, now that I have graduated, the experience of applying the knowledge from school kind of makes me still learn the value of education.

I don’t think I have lived long to pray for something desperately, but as I am approaching the supposed first critical juncture of my life I guess I do need more than just “good luck”  to have an assurance that everything will be fine and well. It is to the extent where consulting the supernatural forces might appear sensible and even logical to me, a student who has lived more than a decade in cruel, hard society guided solely by the principle of meritocracy. 

If only religion was like a magazine subscription, I would really not mind subscribing to a magazine now to get that extra holy blessing to have some assurance on my future.

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Execute, regret, and repeat

I think i have seen countless of cases where celebrities become the public target of criticism and media coverage due to certain postings that were made via social media out of impulse, which always reminded me not to pick up your phone or access your social media account when you are frustrated or stressed. But with less than 50 days to A levels and horrible prelims grade, i shall make it an exception to rant for this occasion.

I am stressed, like really stressed; i am trying very hard to look composed and calm but i know that behind the social mask that i have made, there is this crazy person shivering with frustration about everything around me. Am i going to blame the society like every john and jane out in social media, not really i am going to blame myself. I hate the fact that i do not try as hard as others do, i hate the fact that i cannot comprehend and get concepts as fast as others do, i hate the fact that i do not have the academic flare that makes a so called the model student, and i really hate that i am trying so hard without getting recognized or encouraged, 

My family is too busy with their lives and it has come to the state where asking one another on their lives has become too much of a commitment to make. I have tried hard to manage the foreign university application with the A-levels preparation, i have researched so much to make sure that my format and content i am writing in the personal statement is in top standard although i have not experienced any learning and social environment of Korea. i also stayed up for days and nights trying to maintain my preparedness for the upcoming exams and all these i fucking tried to handle myself without involving anyone as i know that i should not bother people who are already occupied with their lives.

Its not like i wanted to be pampered, like those assholes whose parents pay their way to get private tutors and agencies to prepare the documents for uni application (apparently they even write out personal statements for them), its not like i wanted those over-caring parents who stuff me to the brim with chicken essence and ginseng, but i at least wanted them to care enough to the extent where they are willing to listen and stand by me when i am in this stage of life where i am making several life decisions with extensive magnitudes.

Even in school, i think i am just viewed as a failure whose grades slipped due to complacency and ego, and i did not bother explaining all these incidents that took my time and focus from the A-level as there is absolutely no point in doing that. But it hurts me to be seen as a kid who has gave up the route of A-levels and running to foreign university, hearing comments like that makes me feel that all the time and tears i shed to prepare for this exam go to waste. 

I want to study in singaporean university, especially if i have the capacity to meet the criteria of admission (which will be confirmed in few months time lmao) but i am also not that simple minded to accept the fact that i will be faced with $120,000 debt if i graduate from a damn general degree. I am a foreigner with virtually no financial support from parents after high school so i have to be pragmatic, which brought me the idea to study in korean universities where locals like me at least pay lesser, plus the citizenship allow myself to easily earn money via teaching english which would allow me to live without being in debt,

Being alone while thinking all these ideas in my head really feels miserable, and i just wanted to let this huge emotional burden off my chest temporarily by unleashing it to the virtual cyberspace where this post will be eternally preserved. Just goes to show that i should not be famous in the future or else these posts will stab me in the back lol.

If you have been reading this, thanks for listening to the rant of a teenager and i hope you have a nice day, its hard to have one for me so i hope that at least you can afford to have it unlike me...

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Dreamer or Runaway?

Everyone wants to have a happy, affluent life, but not all are willing to sacrifice the time and effort to achieve that dream. I think this is the social trend that is observed throughout the world these days; The pursuit of baseless miracles and paths that would allow you to conveniently skip the painful and tiring process of becoming someone worthy of living that life. This phenomenon is also observed in my nation, South Korea, where the spotlights on the so called “idols”as well as their fame and wealth are influencing a vast portion of the teenage population to abandon the traditional path of academic excellence to achieve the ideal life concept of which has been formulated by the society.

This trend where the young future of South Korea are simply running away from their supposed responsibility and duty to pursue their academic paths and to recklessly dive into the market of Kpop was not a new thing; the presence of various programs such as Produce 101 as well as SIXTEEN have shown the apparent depiction of this distorted trend, where teenagers show willingness to give up their everything for the slim chance of becoming an idol. These unstoppable trend, however, has evolved into something far more severe; it has not only become a way for those with dreams to pursue, but also it has evolved into an excuse to abandon their primary duty as students.

Academic life in South Korea is tough, the sheer madness behind everyone’s desire to get into good university and succeed in life can be seen as an insurmountable and overwhelming pressure, but it does not justify the fact that there are increasing number of young generation choosing the path of seemingly effortless and attractive path that is full of uncertainty. The world of entertainment is equally a challenging path and one must be aware of the difficulty and the sacrifices one requires to pursue that path. However the superficial glamour and affluence of the idols have gradually painted an image that pursuit of road to idol is painless and stress-free, providing easier path for success.

Am i looking down on every young Koreans pursuing the dream of idol? Absolutely no, but i am criticizing the media as well as the entertainment companies for encouraging and using this trend to make money out of it; treating the dreams and the youths of the teenagers as a mere money-making factor to formulate shows such as produce 101 that taps on the desperation of the young generation to pursue this path. Just like the image above, is it really normal to have such number of young girls of various ages, some even as young as 13 to take part and subject themselves to the eyes of media for this dream of idol? I really think that this is sheer madness and it just goes to show the bleak future of Korea, where the brightness of the spotlights and fame will blind all of us from the true value of hardwork and honest effort.

It also goes to show that the Korean government has to do much more to make this society a more promising one, where the individual effort  in working hard and fulfilling their duty at their given age is rewarded accordingly; a meritocratic society where pursuit of any path is guaranteed success as long as one makes the effort to without needing to be born in the family of millionaires and celebrities. The current trend of children aspiring to become either civil servant or successful idols just goes to show the uncertainty of this society, in both economic and social aspect.

Of course such trend is also observed in other nations, such as our dear neighbor japan, where there has been countless new light novels and animations based on the story line of protagonist transported over to a new world to enjoy success and fame that he was once far away from- the increasing desire to be recognized and rewarded while not making the effort is also blatantly shown here as well; Since i am not able to gain affluence here in real life world, lets go to the new world where somehow my presence will be much more valuable without me having to do anything!! (yay). It is definitely a sad trend to observe, the trend of escapism from the real world.

Sadly i do not have any solution available for proposal; but i can say this for sure, that there are definitely things still left in this world to live for, and the fruit of hard work and determination will give you the sweetest taste of victory in your life, a taste far more better and addictive than the temporary joy of superficial fame and wealth. 

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Occupation: Student

This is something that i have always considered to be a norm; i was student for more than a decade and under the assumption that i will move onto university, i will be student for approximately five more years? (it can be longer depending on my future choices lmao) But being a 19 year old who will soon enter the so called golden days of the 20′s, i guess i do have this unknown fear for the new title i would have under my occupation section. 

I read somewhere that the single greatest benefit and privilege that you would receive in life from the government is none other than the student discount... And as a person who is still benefiting from one i dare say i cannot measure the magnitude of this privilege, since i have not lived without one... But the termination of this privilege would mean that i would have stepped up to another level of adulthood, outside the fence of my family and friends who used to support and protect me from the harshness of the society; the restriction that once i hated more than anything is now deemed as something that i relied on for most of my life, how ironic would that be lol.

Life is going faster than i perceive it to be and to be honest i am kinda used to this feeling of anticipation and fear of the unknown outcomes that lie ahead of my life, and although it would be best to just ‘suck it up and stop being a little bitch’ (Quote from a best friend of mine), i guess as a person who is about to enter the battle royal of life known as ‘the society’ i think i should be granted at the very least the right to whine and complain about it haha; its my way of stress relief and it does not bother anyone significantly anyways

Another exam has ended and i dare say i really prepared really poorly for it, it just amazes me to see how some people are able to focus and score consistently score for exams for freaking 2~3 years ; i am assuming that they must have compromised abit of human sentiments in them to accomplish such feat lmao. Only thing i can tell myself is that there are only a few months left and the efforts and time spent for studying will be rewarded with well deserved grades and a slightly stable and comfortable future for me. sigh... Just want to finish it fast and well.

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Pressing Stress

I guess stress has been the core problem of my life throughout as a student, be it in terms of academic pressure or daily social life, the issue of stress might have been the primary cause of major hiccups that have occurred in my short miserable life.

Even now, although i am so called taking a recuperative break in Korea, the imminent test coming up has been a major pain in the ass, especially due to the involvement of a huge stake; i have to excel in this test to so called save myself and heighten my chance of going through the next stage of life... I guess the state free from all kinds of stress and pressure might be the ideal condition for me, but we all know that as a student who is studying for university entrance, it is clearly impossible.

I just don’t get it sometimes that despite the fact that i have studied overseas for near 10 years, i still need to undergo some tests and assessments to prove my so called “linguistic abilities”

Life sucks as usual, and i guess i will continue saying this until i realize some new lessons in life that would make myself appreciate life more lmao

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Admission is tough

I think one think that a student who prepares for the university entrance exam feel would be the desire to find some easier way out of the whole system; be it convenient special admission with spectacular sports background, or a tedious early admission into university with relatively acceptable internal grades, the wish of the individual applicants to somehow bypass the system to prevent the actual dreadful competition seem to be an inherent desire embedded deep in the minds of many students.

 I think the very fact that one has to be exposed into the to-be-or-not-to-be system of national exam comes as a huge fear to the majority of the students, naturally, who would want to be subjected to a cruel evaluation of one’s academic aptitude in comparison to the entire nation? But it seems that even the current system of early admission has been evolved into some sort of mutated and distorted variation of academic competition, with the competition for such segment now being equivalent or even exceeding the competition one face in the national examination.

I mean everyone wants to enter an university, and if one can go to the desired tertiary education just by writing an essay, of course there would be high competition for such admission programs. Albeit this reasoning, the statistic of 22:1 does come as a daunting figure, with only one out of 22 applicants failing to progress into the next step of their lives just because of relative superiority of another candidate. If only there are enough vacancies in the university to ensure the admission based on absolute evaluation of one’s aptitude, and not a relative one where one gain the privilege of admission at the expense of another candidate’s failure.

I think at this juncture of time, it would be the most logical thing for myself to accept my poor fate in this competitive times and focus on my current academic preparation, But i simply cannot disregard my silent screaming inside that if only world was based on the concept of non-rivalry and non- excludability , where one can be better off without making no one worse off, there would not be such hectic lifestyles of students we live right now. Although i am usually not a fan of idealism, with general preference for the value of critical thinking and pessimism in life, there are times when i cannot help thinking that the world with just slight transition in the education system will ensure a humanity’s step closer to utopia.

Isn’t it just ironic that mankind has not managed to attain complete social welfare when we have managed to progress our civilization to the extent where we managed to put our species on the god damn moon lmao 

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Starting to realize that I am not a fan of watches that are too complex...

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“Its also a talent to work hard”

I think i heard this quote a while ago from a random person; it wasn’t like i was having impromptu conversation with some random guy in the road but i just happened to overhear this that came to me somewhat like a passing comment. However insignificant it might sound, it really gave me this sense of shock as it kind of collapsed by entire life’s belief that “you can achieve anything with hardwork even if you are not talented”. 

I guess this belief of mine came from the traditional east-asian mindset that excellence can be achieved through countless practice and trials- we even have the idiom that goes like  “With hardwork, you can grind an axe into a needle”, showing the blind belief of our people on the value of working hard, even when it might be more convenient to just make a needle instead of wasting time. (I am aware of the fact that it isn’t the point... but its just my twisted pessimism lol) 

Anyways now that i think about it, hardwork does seem like a talent that one is born with; it might just be another ability that is inherent in nature. Just look at how some children are able to sit for hours reading books when there are also children who cannot stand staying still for a minute; the attention span and the ability to concentrate might be the initial trigger point for the “Hardwork” that everyone talks about.

I am taking the national exam this year, and to be very honest i am scared, scared that i might not be able to enter the university, scared that i might end up as nobody in this world where academic qualifications are almost a mandatory quality of requirement. And it really might sound like an excuse but i really really suck at studying; i literally fail as an east Asian who are known to be able to study for 12 hours straight with single cup of water. I know that i am competing with such monsters but it sometimes just seem hilarious that i do not find anything about myself that makes me competitive and worthy participant in this academic war where the fittest survives.

Scared, disappointed and bitter, but lets push on abit more to find out how much of a student i am in this scary world.

[paradox-of-hikikomori-blog]

Received a watch from someone very precious in my life... I guess I have to work even harder to make sure I do well in life lmao

[paradox-of-hikikomori-blog]

Paper Ceiling

As a student seating for the GCE A-Levels in less than a year, i guess this year’s release of A-level result might me the most nerve wrecking event for me this year; seeing the students receiving the result slips and breaking down in front of their teachers did give me sense of terror and fear as i try to visualize myself in such situation exactly a year later.

Honestly being a student from a middle tier junior college in Singapore, i guess i didn’t expect the batch this year to be the nation’s top 1 percent, but i honestly believed that their hard work and effort might pay off as a decent result to grant them admission into the next stage of their academic journey, but apparently it wasn’t the case.

Many received results that were simply not sufficient to enter any courses into university, and the principal rushed her presentation in embarrassed manner just like Nixon declaring his resignation in the past. The school hall where the students once sat for their A-levels now turned into a hall where only angry, bitter sobbing of students who has lost their way in life can be heard; the teachers and school leaders who once encouraged them now simply chose to run away to avoid the devastated faces of their own students.

Maybe this is how it is done in middle tier Jc, expecting quality results and happy ending of the JC journey might be too much to ask, we are faced with the paper ceiling that barricades and isolates us from moving onto the next stage in life. Is it the fault of those good JCs where students do not worry about going to University? Absolutely no, they have placed their conscientious effort to make the best out of the JC journey and it is only natural that they receive good results at the end, all based on the fair meritocratic system that Singapore is built upon. It is the school management and the teachers who choose to label the students to be second tier that has to be blamed, by judging the true potential of the students solely based on the assumption that being in middle tier JC makes you second tier students as well.

This phenomenon is also rampant in the student cohort as student themselves regard this to be the truth; students themselves regard themselves as underdogs who will eventually serve as a stepping stone to the elites, therefore resulting in this disgusting school culture that i absolutely get disturbed by. 

I won’t be part of it, i will never allow myself to degrade my self esteem and pride till the point of abyssal misery that will eventually exacerbate my psychological health and motivation to excel. I will walk the separate path of my own where i judge my ability and academic calibre based on my own level of academic mastery, and never by the name of my institution i am enrolled in.

Watch me stupid JC of mine, you will see me next year getting straight As and leaving the school confidently with the middle finger pointing at the general office, and when that time comes, no one, absolutely no one except myself shall claim any sort of credit for the achievement; i saved myself from the shit hole i am in all by my own will and effort and the college can go and fuck itself if they think that they contributed to my success in anyways.