perpetuallyinpain - Tumblr blog

[perpetuallyinpain]

Plaster on a smile

Pray your eyes don't give you away

Act like everything is okay

While dying on the inside

Hoping you don't wake up in the morning

[perpetuallyinpain]

I'm so tired.

Tired of being in pain both mentally and physically. Tired of having to fight every goddamn day. Tired of having to pretend everything is okay. I'm just tired. I wish nothing more than to go to bed tonight and not wake up in the morning. To finally rest.

[perpetuallyinpain]

Sometimes I wonder what I did in my past lives to make this current one so shitty because there is no reason one person should suffer this much

[perpetuallyinpain]

Hate that I can’t just push a button to turn my brain off for a bit because I’m so tired of constantly dealing with these shitty dark thoughts 24/7

[perpetuallyinpain]

"My mind ain't well and i just can't tell you why"

[perpetuallyinpain]

I don't think I'll ever get better, it feels like its my destiny to suffer, it's always been like this and it'll always be. I live like this anymore.

[perpetuallyinpain]

[perpetuallyinpain]

Why don't other people find life as hard as I do? I think about death everyday. I'm so overwhelmed. Everything is sooo hard. I don't know if I really want to die or if I just can't live. I want someone or something to strip me of all my responsibilities, all the pressure. If that is death then so be it.

[perpetuallyinpain]

[perpetuallyinpain]

I don't want to unalive myself but sometimes it'd be nice to just disappear. Like I legit would be happy if Thanos snapped me out of existence. Like I'm so tired not just physically but mentally.

[perpetuallyinpain]

Being an insightful person, someone who is very fact-driven, and being mentally ill is so goddamn exhausting. I know what I'm thinking is irrational. I know that what my mind is telling me isn't true but I don't know how to fucking stop it. It's like just watching this train wreck you know is going to happen and just quietly going "Oh, no, wait. Stop. Don't" while fully knowing it isn't going to stop.

[perpetuallyinpain]

I've always kinda wanted to write my thoughts & let them be out there just floating in the weird space that is the Internet. But, I could never bring myself to do it. Even anonymously. My anxiety, self-doubt & self-hatred was so high that I thought words, buried in a corner of the Internet would somehow harm me. That the world would come crashing down the moment I published. But it doesn't.

I doubt few will ever see this but I realized that by putting this out there that maybe some random person will find this & realize they aren't alone. That the thoughts they are having, the emotions they are feeling are valid. And in a way, this is also a way to prove to myself that my thoughts & feelings are also valid.