psykoticrefuge - Tumblr blog

[psykoticrefuge]

Make it a horror in 4 photos

[psykoticrefuge]

Lesbian

One of my favorite things to do with my wife is go driving. Living in the woods / country gives us so much beautiful land to look at and open sky to watch the clouds. We romanticize architecture and landscaping as the various plots do their best to tell their stories.

She's expertly familiar with the area and as I gleefully listen to her retellings of local lore and folk mystery, I am captivated with her presence. We pick out spots to drive back to for foraging. Say hello to all the cows and chickens and donkeys and horses. We exclaim at the yee yee trucks to share the road.

It is an intimacy to share. Just us two. Her with her narration and me with face pressed against the glass. Patiently waiting for more history and getting overly excited about flowers. There is romance, though our eyes only meet for a breath when we come to crossroads, and she needs both hands for these turns. It is a dance of love. And some of my favorite moments together.

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Do you need background music to help your neurodivergent brain slide into focus mode?

Here is 19 hours of music to do just that.

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Music

makes things better

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Gengar (a queer poem)

Boys can be girls Can be its Can be theys Girls can be boys Can be zes Can be faes Some are quite furry and others are not Would you look at that there, what a unique one you've got See gender is quite like non newtonian fluid It ebbs and it flows till you try to go through it But maybe your gender is far more concrete Set in the stone a foundational feat Equally valid for you know the way That boys can be girls Can be its Can be theys Like girls can be wolfkin Or boys with the bumps Or fresh cut gardenias Or pink elephants Maybe your gender is hidden in moss To cover the forest or speckled with frost Maybe it's hidden in Constantinople Or beta decaying like parts of Chernobyl Whatever identity found be your truth Be it hand holding otters or cat on the roof Genders a spectacle feast and behold Why limit oneself to the writings of old Or maybe that's it, your genders a text Written in Sanskrit leaving white people vexed It's ancient and powerful, long live the turtles Or islands of letters from discarded wordles Whatever you fancy and all of its ways That girls can be boys Can be zes Can be faes Applauding your gender from near and from far You light up the universe like all of the stars

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This track is a homage to Tame Impala - 30 Minutes with Mathew Saville. Just not as long and also all done with samples and a computer rather than analog instruments. This is gonna be on the next album "Intrant Somnium" and if you go sign up to be a patreon you can here this an the other 10 tracks I've completed for the album.

Check out any of the other 300+ released tracks I have out there. I design my music to help autistic and adhd folk get into focus mode. I've heard it works with other neurodivergencies as well but primarily the autists and adhders.

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Mothers day is coming up

I'm trans nonbinary, I'm your mommy now.

Lets get boba and laugh at business execs having bad days.

Or would you rather throw up some antifa stickers downtown?

[psykoticrefuge]

Prog Chronicles

Content Warning: Talking about DIY transition and also medical stuff.

Check the last DIY post for precursor info but lets stop talking turkey and get to the stuffing. I'm halfway through a cycle of the progesterone cream. I did 2 weeks on, now on the two weeks off.

The first few days of being on had some effect on my mood, but also outside stressful factors (housing situation and autism stuff) but that did level out pretty quickly. And so far i'm on my second day without cream and haven't noticed much of a difference outside of injection day balancing. I did a .4 shot the first week and this week was a .3 shot of estradiol cypionate since I have bloodwork next week. I'm considering posting those results or at least some of the numbers. Unsure yet. Also I was and will continue to apply the cream to my chest. If I don't rub it in all the way I wipe the excess on my inner thigh.

All above considered, I think I did see results from this first round? The estradiol is doing its work (i'm also 4 weeks of being 100% nicotine free and I know thats helping) for sure but I've picked up on some differences. For starters, my nipples are not as sensitive. That was noticeable very quickly when starting. I have a top I like that has some texture to it, equiping and unequiping it was an experience. With that sensitivity came other sensitivities. And it could be placebo from reading up about prog but I felt more horn diggity. And I think I experienced my first period, enough to say I'm gonna track this now. But that could very much be the injections as well. Further testing and study is needed.

Physically, they feel bigger in my hands, they fill out the space more but I didn't do any measurements (gonna do that this time). They filled out to the sides and the wife said they look noticeably bigger. Pictures seem to corroborate this. A change I was not expecting, and again could be linked to estradiol, my facial hair growth slowed and has gotten even softer. 24 hours after a shave and there is growth but not enough to piss the face off with another shave over. Gonna really keep tabs on that this off cycle.

Overall positive experiences thus far. I have not seemed to notice a change or affect on sleeping or nightmares, two common things I see with prog cream. Tune in next time to see how things move along. Also I see my doc in 2ish weeks so I'm gonna try and get prog prescribed, and I'll continue to experiment and post updates regardless.

peace, panache, and pancakes; Rivr

[psykoticrefuge]

ok so apparently TERFs believe that when we say something along the lines of "reblog this post to turn everybody trans by 2050" that we're actually serious.

anyway reblog this post to turn everybody trans by 2050

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Creamy tomato gnocchi bake

I’m a black trans woman fighting poverty and homelessness.

To support myself, I set up a patreon where you can get access to all my recipes, poetry, artwork and photography for just £5.

Links to support me here.

Something new EVERY SINGLE DAY. You won’t regret it.

[psykoticrefuge]

DIY

Content warning: discussion of biohacking and both medical and slang terminology of sensitive areas

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Not only do I like to science stuff, the PDA (persistent need for autonomy <or> pathological demand avoidance) tism type brain is a big, do it yourself kinda vibe. And as such I've ordered some progesterone cream to stimulate breast growth.

You wanna science along? Come with.

Background stats:

9 months HRT

8 of which was sublingual estradiol 2mg thrice daily (if you remember a previous post I had extra and was taking 4 pills a day and felt amazing)

Spironolactone 50mg twice a day

3 weeks in on depo estradiol injections

First week: 0.3ml/5mg and the last day was BRUTAL

Past two weeks: 0.4ml/5mg and feeling good

I do have an endo prescribing Spiro and E but reluctant to do prog yet

Cis women in immediate blood family and extended are typically gifted in the bewb department

Currently a tanner 3 tanner 4 cusp, unknown cup and band size

I've used the cream two days now and let's talk turkey:

I ordered the cream from Amazon and it's bio identical progesterone from yams. Smells great. Bottle says to use one pump (1.3g of cream) once or twice a day on soft skin areas. I started the same day as shot day and I'm applying the cream evenly between both breasts twice a day. The bottle also says to cycle it depending on menopausal or not. No instructions for trans folk. I'm doing this off of research and anecdotal evidence.

Today was a rough mental health day, combined with a rough physical pain day. Unsure if mood affected by introduction of new hormone. Over the last 3 weeks day 2-4 after injection are usually higher days. But also it's a very heavy time to be trans so again, can't make pure judgement call on mood effects. The nipples are more sensitive, like I can feel subtle movements of my top while I breathe. I'm prone to headaches and there is a listed migraine warning but so far no worries in that department. I probably won't post updates daily but will keep track of progress and write about it.

[psykoticrefuge]

Forgotten

So many people will be lost to history for doing nothing while the far right escalates their hatred. No legacy left except the disregarding of life. Enablers they'll be called. Those who had every chance and every opportunity to do better. To wear a mask. To stay inside. To fight for their trans siblings and friends. To stand up against the forces at play. To look at history and say "it stops here". If they are known at all it will be as cowards. Status quotients. Voyeurs of death frothing at the mouth for a return to some comforting numbness they called normalcy. Cogs in a perpetuating grinder lubricating themselves in the blood of indifference. "As long as it's not me" happily repeated as the alarms blare. Decorated with all the acronyms and initialisms and social media profile pictures, the ground will consume them all the same. Bystanders of their own erasure gazing through the overton window. No one will remember them outside of contempt.

What's the cost of a legacy to you?

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Gender Euphoria

So I got this skirt over or right at a year before I started HRT and now I can wear it as a dress over my bewbs and it stays up! So much euphoria.

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"When is it revolution time?!"

When you start caring about your neighbors. When you start feeding them and checking in on them. When you respect and protect the disabled. When you concern yourself with the houseless and their struggles. When you kill the cop in your head. When you build public benches. When you stand up for the marginalized. When you invest in your community. When you stock free libraries. When you pay off lunch debts for children. When you write letters to the incarcerated. When you loan someone your lawnmower. When you surround the homes of lawmakers who continue to push you to hate each other rather than the corporate lobbies. When you stand up for everyone's right to exist.

Many of the above will see you arrested or fined. That's how you know they are revolutionary. That's how you know you're fighting for the right people.

You don't have to know theory. You don't have to preach theory. You just have to love. You have to know and speak truth to love. God or Allah, Thor or Horus, Spirits or Good Vibes. Love is universal. Love is revolutionary. Care is revolutionary. Caring is love. Self sacrifice is not a requirement. People over property. Feeding people is one of most revolutionary things you can do, cause as I've said before and elsewhere, it's hard to have hope with an empty belly. Box brownies are fine! Cake mix is groovy! And a sammich is fellowship like no other. These are tenets that each of us can recognize and enjoy. Everyone understands love.

And if you're just looking for people to shoot, there's plenty of goosesteppers who'd make fine fertilizer. 🙂

The revolution starts when you start to care.

Also wear a mask dagnabbit!

We live in surveillance capitalism, fucking act like it.

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Baby pinecones

I love nature so much

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If it's safe in your hands, get a gun.

I hate it, like with every fiber of my being, I hate the above advice. I'd rather say "buy the dress" "get those jeans" "of course you need a new packer" "let's rework the wardrobe for YOU"

But this is what it is. Cis people refused to do anything. So if it's safe in your hands, get defense ready.

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I need you to understand one very important thing:

Your egg cracked when it was safe to hatch.

Your egg cracked when it was safe to hatch.

Your egg cracked when it was safe to hatch.

Your. Egg. Cracked. When. It. Was. Safe. To. Hatch.

You kept you safe. And I'm so thankful you did.