quirkyblackextrovert - Tumblr blog

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I disappeared again...and now I’m back!

Ergh. I’ve been really struggling with the direction I want to take this blog for quite some time now. The perfectionist asshole in me wants it to be perfectly laid out with an exact concept and theme. It’s for that reason I’ve been stalling on a lot of posts that I’ve been meaning to write. There are a thousand ideas floating around my head, but then I let anxiety get the best of me and I don’t type any of the words out.

I want to write about:

-black womanhood

-travelling

-career shit

-k-pop

-self-esteem/self-worth 

-self-care

-anxiety/depression 

-the uncertainty of your 20s

However, I always stop because I think “why would anyone listen to a dorky ass 25-year old black woman who hasn’t figured it all out herself?”. 

At any rate, I’m going to really try and free myself of the anxiety of getting this blog off the ground by first moving over to WordPress to a new URL I bought a month ago that’s just sitting there unused.

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Day 3 of Unemployment/Life Updates

Wow, I haven’t updated this blog in almost half a year it seems! A lot has been going on in my life both good and bad, but ultimately the reason I haven’t been updating this blog is because working at my old job full-time was becoming extremely taxing on my mental and physical health.

On Friday, I submitted my 2 weeks notice to my boss and was pretty much let go on the spot that day. 

Since then I have been processing & reflecting on the past 2 years I spent in a very low-key hostile workplace. I’m coming to terms with the idea that all of the exclusion and isolation I felt actually happened and that the dislike my coworkers had for me was very real. I’m identifying where I was at fault for the situations that occurred to me and I’m currently in therapy to dissect a lot of these thoughts.

At this current moment I’m at Day 3 of being unemployed and I’m focused on solidifying my unemployment plans and creating a schedule to sort things out. One of my plans includes revamping this entire blog and my online presence while I do other things like search for a new job and take classes online.

Wish me luck and I hope you guys can join me on this new chapter of my life! 

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Resume Tip:

If you’re looking to apply to a job you feel like you’re qualified for, but your resume doesn’t seem up to snuff (or maybe you just have no clue what to write), just copy all of the requirements/responsibilities from the job description and paste it into your resume. Then delete and edit as it applies to you but keep the keywords there. HR and automated systems look for that. Embellish details appropriately, because you will have to answer for it in your interview.

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Sometimes I find myself wanting to feel super sorry for myself.

I’ll be sitting here in my little apartment by myself wondering why I chose this career path, why I am making the money I am when I know I’m being underpaid and worth so much more and why I feel so stagnant and confused about the direction my life is going.

I’ll want to compare myself to other people my age who are doing so well for themselves. Instead of feeling jealous my brain wants to just be annoyed at myself for not being a better me.

I’ve resolved to turn that annoyance into focus. My focus right now is to elevate myself and work within my means to get where I want to be. No comparisons to people who are “better” or “worse” off than me. Just me. It’s for that reason that I have found that limiting my social media (Facebook mostly to be honest) presence to be really important for my journey. 

Hopefully this blog will help me document what I learn as I continue to grow and develop.

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If you are a young black person living by themselves in a new city and your job is requesting you to put in extra time during your weekends to help them out, please don’t feel obligated to say yes if it’s not absolutely necessary. It’s NEVER that serious unless your desired career is riding on it. 

If there is anything that I’ve realized over the almost 2 years I’ve been working professionally, it’s that my personal time outside of work is SO precious and limited. I need to make use of it the best that I can to recover from a toxic, white supremacist environment and focus on myself and my goals.

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White people really want you to go hard or go home for their companies at the expense of your mental and physical health. Please don’t fall prey to it. Set boundaries. Know your limits. Do not make work your life unless it something you find personal fulfillment in.

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Black girl magic

[quirkyblackextrovert]

Say Her Name

Korryn Gaines

Renisha McBride

Aiyana Mo'Nay Stanley-Jones

Miriam Carey

Messy Mya

Sandra Bland

Shelly Frey

Shelley Amos

Cheryl Blount-Burton

Dawn Cameron

Sandra Bee Wilson

Juliette Alexander

Alberta Spruill

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Annette Green

Lenties White

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Octavia Suydan

Andrena Kitt

Marcella Byrd

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U’Kendra Johnson

Annie Holiday

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LaVeta Jackson

Mary Williams

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Darneisha Harris

Nuwnah Laroche

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Ciara Lee

Dijon Senay Jackson

Denise Michelle Washinton

Keara Crowder

Tyra Hunter

Clara Fay Morris

Stacey Blount

Tanisha Anderson

Gabriella Monique Nevarez

Keisha Redding

Kendra Diggs

Laquisha Turner

Keoshia L. Hill

Kindra Chapman

Audwyn Fitzgerald Ball

Rosette Samuel

Makiah Jackson

Demetria Dorsey

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Joyce Quaweay

Mariah Woods

Jameela Cecila Barnette

Raynetta Turner

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Eulia Love

Sophia King

Joyce Curnell

Redel Jones

Tessa “Teesee” Hardeman

Tamara Seidle

Alicia Griffin

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Remedy Smith

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Delois Epps

Jacqueline Nichols

Queniya Tykia Shelton

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Makayla Ross

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Michelle Cusseaux

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Michelle “Vash” Payne

Tiffini Kuuipo Tobe

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Yuvette Henderson

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Deshanda “Ta-Ta” Sanchez

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Ricky Shawatza Hall

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Sharmel Edwards

Lashonda Ruth Belk

Zoraida Reyes

Islan Nettles

Avra Rosser

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Kathryn Johnson

Rekha Kalawattie Budhai

Natasha McKenna

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Nizah Morris

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Asia Roundtree

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Lnaaar Edwards

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Varez Michelle Cusseaux

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Eleanor Bumpurs

Kendra James

Ahjah Dixon

Shantel Davis

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Margaret Mitchell

Darnesha Harris

Frankie Perkins

Monique Deckard

Kayla Moore

Queonna Zophia Edmonds

Sheneque Proctor

Kyam Livingston

Wanda Jean Allen

Kimberly McCarthy

Meagan Hockaday

Litvishma Millerr

Summer Marie Lane

Antoinette Griffin

Desseria Whitmore

Adebusola Tairu

Erica Stevenson

Halley Simone Lee

Erika Tyrone or Erica Rhena Tyrone

Lanaka Lucas

Breeonna Mobley

Antonia Martines Lagares

Delicia C. Myers

Tameika Carter

Dana Larkin

Kassandra Perkins

Rekia Boyd

Stacey Wright

Dorothy Smith Wright

BreeAnne Green

Adaisha Miller

Bettie Jones

Catrell Ford

India Kager

Deresha Armstrong

Chanda White (Pickney)

Sahlah Ridgeway

Marlene Rivera

Lashondria Rice

Brandy Martell

Marquesha McMillan

India Beaty

Chandra Weaver

Teikeia Dorsey

Deanna Cook Patrick

Ashley Sinclair

Zella Ziona

Tiara Thomas

Papi Edwards

India Clarke

Constance Graham

Shade Schurer

Erica Collins

Rosann Miller

Lonfon Chanel

Sonji Taylor

Malaika Brooks

Ashton O’Hara

Vida DeShondrell Byrd

Maria Tripp

Eveline Barros-Cepeda

Rosa Flores Lopez

Sarah Ann Riggins

Ty Underwood

Yazmin Vash Payne

Kandis Capri

Elisha Walker

Keonna Redmond

Rikessa La’Shae Lee

Charquissa Johnson

Fatou-Mata Ntiamoah

MOVE bombing victims

Kristina Grant Infiniti

Ariel Levy

Yolanda Thomas

Marquita Bosley

Barbara Lassere

Taja Gabrielle DeJesus

Tamara Dominguez

Vionique Valnord

Linda Yancey

Penny Proud

Amber Monroe

Brianna Elaine Carmina Ford

Kendrinka T. Williams

Arabella Bradford

Loretta Gerard

Hanna Abukar

Talana Salissa Cain

Diane Kemp

Amber Nashay Carter

Pearlie Golden

Brenda Williams

Catawaba Tequila Howard

Beverly Kirk

Tamu Malika Bouldin

Denise Gay

Anita Gay

Laura Felder

Alice Faye DeFlanders Clausell

Uteva Monique Woods Wilson

Mrnell Robertson Villarreal

K.C. Haggard

Derrinesha Clay

Milinda Clark

Angela Beatrice Randolph

Denise Nicole Glasco

Mercedes Williamson

Dominique Battle

Demetra Boyd

Francine Sonnier

Angelique Styles

Linda Joyce Friday

Shari Bethel Cartmell

Ashaunti Butler

Laniya Miller

[quirkyblackextrovert]

Don’t Let the White Gaze Make you Feel Like your Hair is Alien

Over the weekend I decided to finally take my mid-back length twists out after 3 months. It was time. The new growth was extremely apparent and my hair was just looking dusty as hell.

Today, I decided to take my hair out of the 2-strand twists they were currently in, tie my hair to the back and leave a little hair out front. Not a particularly interesting style, but that’s what I was aiming for today. I didn’t feel like being noticed or questioned about my hair.

It ended up happening anyway.

A white man I usually passed every day without a word decided to take our brief eye contact as an opportunity to ask “Did you get a haircut?” out of nowhere. My kneejerk reaction was to be clear, direct and concise with him.

“No.”

“…”

After I got silent he immediately apologized and back peddled.  

“You’re fine,” I said while continuing in the same direction and staring at the Facebook updates on my phone on my way back to my desk.

He wasn’t fine.

Something about the interaction annoyed me and I couldn’t figure out why in the moments after the interaction. Was I overreacting? He literally just asked if I got a haircut. Harmless, right?

After giving myself a few moments to analyze my feelings and my perception of the situation I came to the conclusion that the interaction was odd. Why did he start apologizing profusely? Why was he so awkward about ending that conversation? Why did he momentarily forget which direction to go to after our interaction? It seemed weird for such a simple question for which I had a simple answer to.

As the lone black woman in the workplace (outside of the middle-aged part-time receptionist who I see approximately 2 days out of the week), I know I will be stared at and scrutinized much more heavily than many of my coworkers for simply existing while a black woman.

So I should have seen this coming already, right? Yep. I did and I handled it swiftly.

However, I still left feeling annoyed.

Oftentimes, white supremacy tries to invalidate and alienate black women for wearing varied hairstyles such as locs, braids or weaves. We’re mocked and vilified for the hairstyles we choose to wear while white people are given praise for the same hairstyles.

I preemptively said no because I didn’t want to explain how I installed my hair and removed my hair. I did not want to be made to feel alien for opting to vary up my hairstyles in ways that black women in particular and to remove any opportunity to delve into the nooks and crannies of my head.

I just didn’t have the energy for it.

The fact that he immediately thought to apologize and backpedal after I went silent with my curt “no” led to me to assume that the intentions behind those words may not have been necessarily about a genuine curiosity or appreciation about the “haircut” I may have gotten. It is likely that it was an underlying speculation about my hair as a black woman.

Did he expect me to drop knowledge about installing and/or removing twists from my head? Was he looking for me to say that I had a weave in? I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

Also, let’s be real, white people fucking know that I didn’t get a haircut.

With the concept of weaves being mainstream thanks to the internet and a certain white celebrity popularizing black hairstyles, most white people today have the basic idea that many black women like to add hair with their own and take it out every now and then for their enjoyment.

I don’t believe that white people are as ignorant about black people’s hair as they like to pretend. I have found that, more often than not, ignorance is feigned in order to pry into how our hair is done or to remind us that what we are wearing in our head is not our own hair.

I truly don’t believe that a white person who saw my hair go from shoulder length to mid-length over the course of the weekend believes that I grew it out that fast. Likewise, I don’t believe that the same white person would be ignorant enough to believe that I had to “cut” that same hair that I apparently grew so fast.

I haven’t been convinced that these questions are coming from a genuine place of curiosity and appreciation. It seems like white people just want to make a spectacle out of black women for daring to do things they don’t readily do to their heads.

So, yes, “did you get a haircut” is a super harmless question to ask, but within the context of the white gaze it could potentially mean something more insidious.

[quirkyblackextrovert]

Hiatus

Hey, all! I know this blog was just getting started and gaining some steam, but I am in them middle of taking a brief hiatus from blogging while I get my life together so I can into the right space to take this blogging full speed ahead starting next month.

Also, I will be in Ghana between 9/29 - 10/7, so I will attempt to do some first-time vlogging then for you guys!

Thanks for sticking around! Check for me on twitter and facebook @quirkyandblack.

-Dee

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Stop Being Nice. Call it What it is -White Supremacy

I went to my first Black Lives Matter protest 2 weeks ago. It was more of a peaceful gathering. There was a sea of people of all races surrounding a tiny makeshift platform.

It seemed like everyone had something to say – most notably white people.

Throughout the first 45 minutes of the rally I found that a lot of the speakers kept speaking about how we should spread love not hate, how this is not just a black issue but a human issue, how white people feel so bad, but “get it” and white people explaining to the crowd about their privileges.

This was not the place to do that.

Every time I heard one of these sentiments expressed, I tapped my foot harder and the annoyance on my face became more apparent.

“Oh my gosh. Deidre, fix your face!” My friend said through giggles as she caught me giving stank looks at the white people speaking. I giggled too. I guess I wasn’t good at covering up how I felt

As time went on and more people volunteered to speak, I was debating on whether or not to go up to the middle and call out the white people in attendance. My heart rate raced with a mixture of anger at white feelings being expressed and nervousness about how I wanted to address them. I began practicing an entire speech in my head, still unsure if I felt bold enough to speak.

I truly felt that if I was attending a peaceful rally with no civil disobedience of any sort and with white people feeling so comfortable that they’re in their feelings talking about themselves, then I needed to say something to address that.

It wasn’t until I randomly looked across the crowd and made eye contact with an older black man that I found the resolve within me to speak. He gave a nod of solidarity and support. It was almost as if he knew I wanted to speak but was unsure of myself.

I told myself, “Well, fuck it. I should say SOMETHING.”

I hopped up on the tiny platform.

“Hi, my name is Deidre and I am going try not to mince my words, but let’s call it what it is!”

White supremacy is the root cause of police brutality.

I named white supremacy repeatedly. I called out the white people that were preaching about how we all just need to love each other. I called out the white people that were only there because of their black partners or family members. I called out those feeling white guilt, but not doing anything proactive with that guilt.

My anger was so visceral that I began raising my voice and accidentally cursed. I can’t even remember the type of response I got from the crowd.

I just knew that I was not here to be preached to by a bunch of 20-something white men about how we all just need to get along.

Black people have tried that. We’ve turned the other cheek. We’ve adopted respectability politics. We extended hands in love even when we were not at fault.

It doesn’t matter and it clearly has not improved our situation.

We still have to fear for our lives daily.

Your white feelings are never going to be more important than the real threat that black people (regardless of gender) face every day of our lives. I will not allow those feelings to take precedent over the root cause of these issues – white supremacy.

Maybe one day when I see white people working among themselves to make a change then I will engage and potentially even enjoy their presence at these protests.

Until then I will remain skeptical and unmoved.

I’ll also just be super annoyed, too.

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Part One:

1. “Am I Going to Write About Murdered Black People Forever?” (Kara Brown, Jezebel, July 2016)

2. “Alton Sterling and When Black Lives Stopped Mattering.” (Roxane Gay, New York Times, July 2016)

3. “What Black Parents Tell Their Sons About the Police.”(Jazmine Hughes, Gawker, August 2014)

4. “How Many Black People Can You Mourn in One Week?” (Hannah Giorgis, BuzzFeed News, July 2016)

5. “I Need Justice, I Need Peace: A QTPOC Roundtable.” (Alaina Monts, Autostraddle, July 2016)

6. “Summer Heat.” (Mariame Kaba,The New Inquiry, June 2015)

7. “This Country Needs a Truth and Reconciliation Process on Violence Against African Americans—Right Now.” (Fania Davis, YES! Magazine, July 2016)

Part Two:

1. “Despite Legacy of Racism, Black Women Rock On.” (Latonya Pennington, The Establishment, July 2016)

2. “The Negro Motorist Green Book and Black America’s Perpetual Search for a Home.” (Carvell Wallace, The Toast, June 2016)

3. “After a Century In Decline, Black Farmers are Back and On the Rise.” (Leah Penniman, YES! Magazine, May 2016)

4. “No Apologies For Queer White Tears.” (Faith Cheltenham, Elixher, April 2016)

5. “The Black Journalist and the Racial Mountain.” (Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Atlantic, June 2016)

6. “Visible: Women Writers of Color #3: Cole Lavalais.” (Deeshaw Philyaw, The Rumpus, June 2016)

Take Action:

Donate to the #AltonSterlingFamily Scholarship

Join Campaign Zero

Donate to Philando Castile’s memorial fund

15 Things Your City Can Do Right Now to End Police Brutality

Self-Care:

17 Poems to Read When The World is Too Much

Randi Gloss Shares How To Engage In Self-Care In Times Of Black Trauma

Cut & Paste: Zines About Mental Health and Self-Care

Cut & Paste: Five Black Zine Lives

For Non-Black and/or White Allies:

Curriculum for White Americans to Educate Themselves on Race and Racism–from Ferguson to Charleston

This is What White People Can Do to Support #BlackLivesMatter

Ally Toolkit by Larissa Pham

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‘Hate Begets Hate’ is a Lazy Ass Silencing Tactic

In light of the last week’s events, I found myself reading through a bunch of comments online regarding racism and police brutality. Conversations can go a variety of ways, but I’ve noticed a consistent rhetoric being spread around online after the murders of 5 police officers in Dallas.

“Hate begets hate.”

“Violence begets violence.”

People of all races often throw out these phrases whenever an act of violence occurs, such as the Dallas shooting. On a superficial level, this sounds like a really simple sentiment to stand behind. It makes perfect sense. You cannot expect to hurt someone and have them not strike back.  I would agree with this sentiment. It’s also why I find what Micah Xavier Johnson did to not be a surprise.

After hundreds of years of oppression and violence on black bodies, some form of retaliation was bound to occur.

The use of these of phrases may seemingly be profound, but I find them to be overused and extremely lazy when it comes to discussing the relationship between the oppressed and their oppressors.

Usually, these statements are said in an attempt to silence those who speak out on any form of racism enacted upon them. For some reason, people often equate someone being vocal about their experience with racism to being hateful.

It’s said to placate black people who are loud and unapologetic about the abuses they face. It’s easy to let a loud, angry black person know, “hate begets hate,” because it allows white people to put themselves in the same position of victimhood that they tell us we claim too often.

It’s easy to tell someone “hate begets hate” because it’s easier push a narrative that all people are hated equally and therefore should respond to violence and hate equally.

It’s easy to tell someone “violence begets violence” when violence hasn’t been systematic and deliberately carried out against you because of your race.

How the fuck come when I’m angry and yelling loud about my oppression, I am automatically be construed as hateful? Why is the reason for my anger, my tears & my anxiety entirely glossed over and discarded because it comes off as “mean”?

It is a silencing tactic and I am not here for it.

Please get the fuck out of my face with that rhetoric just so you can dismiss my real, valid feelings.

Every day I have to live and attempt to thrive in an environment not built for me that enacts different forms of violence and aggression on me DAILY and I will not be silenced for your comfort.

Miss me with that shit.

[quirkyblackextrovert]

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Please use this as a guide. Redirect as much of your cashflow as you feasibly can to these businesses. It’s not insurmountable. Even if you just buy toilet paper from a single black owned business that would be great!

This tumblr was made by @sensei-aishitemasu​.

Please boost this!

Thanks!

[quirkyblackextrovert]

Isolation on the Job in Times of Trauma

This morning I woke up earlier than usual and decide to check my social media accounts out of habit to see if there was anything new going on regarding the murder of Alton Sterling. Instead, I get bombarded with a stream of tweets with a new hashtag - #PhilandoCastile.

My heart instantly sank.

I already took yesterday morning off for self care and I don’t get enough vacation days to take off another day in a row with no explanation (not that I owe him one) to my supervisor.

I spent the first few minutes crying and gathering my thoughts. Why is there no break between these events? Am I really expected to walk into my job today and keep my performance on 100 when I really feel like 0? I felt useless, helpless, enraged and upset.

I tried to go back to bed, but it was too late. I was up and all I could think about was how am I going to tackle this new work day? I would be walking into an office full of white people that I have extremely superficial office relationships with and I am the only black person in our group.

I felt, and still feel, totally isolated. It’s hard enough navigating white spaces as a young black woman, but doing it in corporate America when you consider yourself someone to be “woke” or aware of black oppression can make you feel like you are slowly turning inward on yourself and losing your grip on who you are. I feel this when when I feel myself on guard 40+ hours of the week. I’m always ready for a co-worker to say the next racist thing to me or make unnecessary comments about my hair.

What’s the solution then? What do you when you’re surrounded daily by people who don’t even regard you as a full human being and see you as some sort of oddity?

How do you navigate through the feelings of people who look like you getting shot and killed and get through another work week?

I honestly don’t have a solid concrete answer for this. Many would say disengage from all social media, but right now social media and the internet is the only way I can keep contact and keep track of and talk to other black people. It reminds me that I’m not alone and that I’m not the only one feeling this way.

For me, self care looks like a mixture of engaging in online discourse, eating a few treats, watching funny videos by and for black people, and Skyping with my boyfriend. Blaring loud k-pop music also helps from time to time.

Self care looks different for everyone.

For some engaging with other black people online creates a feeling for solidarity. It could be one place where they can cultivate an all black digital space that understands their emotions and that is valid.