raagaspeaks

[raagaspeaks]

When people ask me, are u strong enough to face whatever slams on ur face? My answer, I have been through a hell of a rollercoaster of experiences at a very young age that made me the woman I am today. I was raised to be independent, still am and will be. Experiences come as blessings than lessons which moulds u to overcome anything humanly possible. To those out there whom are at a point of blaming their fate and lucky charms, pause take a deep breath. If it wasnt for those bad moments, you would have never known your inner strength. Be thankful. Always follow your heart to do the right thing and the trick is to never look back and regret on your decisions, never. Miracles only happen when you start believing

[raagaspeaks]

Wear your flaws like an armor, and don't be afraid to embrace and show them to the world, because when you do, there wont be any chance for it to ever get to you. Your biggest weakness, if turned around can end up being your biggest strength.😏

[raagaspeaks]

Human Adversity into Facing Reality

[raagaspeaks]

Naked Emotions and Silent Cries

“So how many brothers and sisters do you have?”

That one question. I stumble. I still do, if I’m honest, but it’s a quick, dull thud of emotion compared to the raging, blood-draining torrent it used to evoke in me.

The answer is always the same, two brothers. ‘Oh what are they doing now?’, the next question arrives. The whispers in the background are the hardest. A sad gloomy voice overpowers and screams in me for the answers (and the reasons why I can't give them...).

Grief. Pain. Hearbreak. Shock. Loss. Anxiety. Panic attacks... its has been there. One after the other. Learning to deal with it , all at once ever since.

In the midst of the birth of a new year, most of us are celebrating, hoping for a better year. Looking forward for blessings. I wish you all well. But as for me the last new year, on 01.01.2020 was the darkest for me & my family. Every new year will never be the same, ever again. I lost my dear brother.

Some of you might already know what happened, some might know half of the story. I have poured my heart to some of you. Thank you all for still being there. But today there was a need for this to be spoken again. To tell you the truth, I was lost. I completely shut myself. Social media was my saviour. Memes, posts gave some sort of life I guess. I have been drained trying to be there for my family, being the eldest, it was extra.

Since its been a year, and yeah its 01.01.2021. The grieve has been awakened again. As if I am back to square one. It still feels somewhat surreal. This is not story that I want to share only for my brother, but for all those struggling. This is for all whom are fighting a silent battle. Hard.

My brother was stressed out with a number of things. I can't name one. It was something I acknowledged but others might failed to. Believe me, He was an amazing son, great friend, wonderful brother. More than that he was a carefree soul. He was always against oppression, advocate for depression. A star in his Uni. A reporter. But, I am convinced that there were more to the untold stories in which he hid behind his carefree smiles. I guess things escalated quickly in his mental health. But, living in a judgemental society & traditional family its a struggle. He was different & Life was unpredictable. The consequences were high.

My brother took his own life on the 1st of January 2020 at 4a.m. in which I found him only at 1pm in his room. He was just 21. He was supposed to fly to UK on 21.01.2020 for further studies. It was on new years night. Who knew? No one saw this coming. I mean who will! No signs. Nothing.I still blame myself till date for not checking up on him that night. It kills me every day. I pray that no one should go through what I went through that day. Its an image stuck in my memories that I will bring up to my grave.

Typing this, waves of emotions colliding my thoughts. "What do i tell when tell others when they ask? It still hurts to call out his name. Especially since both my brothers share the same last names. Roobhan. How do i talk about this? Its was not an accident. It was not something physical too." The answer was Mental Health. A common word used in today's generation. I have always acknowledged it as a disease.

My brother was the one that taught me. He was always advocating against suicide. He always acknowledged the fact that Depression is similar to any physical condition. If you can't see it, it does not mean that it doesn't exist. Never even in my wildest dream had the thought of experiencing it personally, loosing a dear loved one, the very person whom fought against all of this in the first place.

With all this grief, I beg you today to speak your heart out. If you are battling with depression, anxiety, insomnia, sucidal thoughts or any form of mental health, please seek help. Professionally. Remember It's Not Your fault if somebody calls you a burden. Its never you. Its them. There is No Shame in asking help or Reaching out.

As for the rest, please STOP being judgemental. LISTEN before you talk. All they need is a caring heart & a listening ear. Do not assume, define your own definitions of stress. Mental illness is a disease! Just like any fevers, headaches etc. Acknowledge that. If there is anyone that takes a step, comes forward to share anything to you, be open minded & Listen. Stop telling them that they are Weak or blame them by saying that that they are seeking attention. If a person opens up to you & still tries to be there for you as well despite all the hardships they are battling with, trust me they are the bravest people you will ever meet.

As for my brother....There were times when he was alone. No where to go and no place to call home. He didn't want to be lonely. To my lost boy. I hope you finally found your Neverland. 

💔 Lost Boy- Ruth B