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[rachelrwrites]

Sixteen, Going on Seventeen

Before I officially begin my writing, please know that the information it contains is personal and has not been shared with many individuals outside of my close circle of family and friends. I am not ashamed, yet there is a strong astigmatism with the subject I am about to discuss.

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In case you haven’t read the above note, this article is not about the iconic duet from The Sound of Music, but rather the number of years I’ve been been on SSRI’s, (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor), for anxiety and depression. It’s a long and complicated story, so I’ll spare you many details for time’s sake.

The long years of medication began when I was only four years old. I was initially prescribed this family of drugs to combat my severe OCD and the anxiety that manifested as a result of the disorder. Throughout my childhood I visited a therapist farley often. Eventually the OCD faded into the past, but certainly not easily. In reality, this time period, (four to roughly the age of thirteen or fourteen) left me with many negative, emotional memories that I avoid thinking about to this day. Obviously the overwhelming anxiety and stress of the OCD consumed a large amount of m time and energy as a child. The OCD left me in the wake of another storm, once it had finally subsided, that being emotions I hadn’t experience. As a child I didn’t have to opportunity to feel certain emotions because of my OCD’s incessant nature. So I was left with emotions and feelings which I had no clue how to handle. Along came the chronic depression.

As a teenager I felt numb until it was suggested that I might have been suffering from depression. Once again I attended therapy, switching from person to person, trying to find the best help and the most useful solution for me. In the not so distant past,(four or five years ago) was probably the first time I’d ever felt suicidal. Now, I know the concept can be unimaginable. How could someone ever feel that way, think that is a viable solution? There is no way to describe the feeling accurately enough for someone to completely, unless they’ve been through it themselves. I felt worthless, hopeless and at some times, just plain insane. My only methods for relief were sleeping, among other things. Wouldn’t you get tired of feeling like that, feeling utterly lost and numb?  The reality is, those thoughts were felt passionately and often at some points.

Despite the past, things have gotten better. Changing up my medications has proven to decrease the horrible feelings that I’ve known for so long. That doesn’t mean I don’t have painful day from time to time. This February I left work early two or three times. I simply couldn’t do it. I went through the motions of work like a robot, trying to keep my mind from drifting into depression. After hours of attempting to keep my composure, I broke down. Negative, self degrading thoughts swirled through my brain at 100 miles an hour. It was impossible for me to finish my work day when my own brain was attacking me, saying things like, “you’ll never become anything”, “you are worthless”, “no one will ever love you” and so on and so on. So I left, going home to relax and come back from the destructive thoughts with the help of my family.

My experience can be summed up best by the song Gun For Hands by Twenty One Pilots. (Clicking the title will take you to the song)  In the music video, the singer, Tyler places a ski mask over his face and begins to play the intro to the song. 

However, when he begins to sing, Tyler removes the mask. I interpret both actions as symbolism. Tyler’s mask could be a visual metaphor for an untrue self, a way to hide his real emotions and thoughts. Perhaps removing the iconic ski mask is the singer’s way of coming clean, stating that underneath there is someone more complicated than the perfectly clean, white fabric. He’s an individual with more experiences, more thought and more complications than others may know and understand.

I see this bit of writing to be the start of removing my own mask. I am hoping that by putting this out there, I can start to forget the past and move towards the future. Additionally, I hope this article will start to chip away at the huge astigmatism around mental illness.

In conclusion, know that I am receiving all the care I need. I have an incredible support system at home and I am doing what I need to do in order to heal. This article was not me seeking attention or a pity party; I did this for me.

[rachelrwrites]

Censorship Kills

    A little girl sits at her school desk with a box of crayons. She takes one in her hand and begins to draw. Minutes tick away and crayon after crayon scratches away at the paper, adding to her masterpiece. She finishes, holds up her paper in pride and scurries her way to the teacher’s desk. 

    “Look!” she exclaims excitedly.

    She grins, anticipating the teachers’s reaction. The beautiful drawing of a butterfly soaring above a field of flowers lies on the desk. The teacher scrunches up her face and glares at the little girl in dissatisfaction. She fetches a large black marker and sabotages the butterfly and destroys each and every blossom. 

    Could this really happen? Art has been and is the expression of the mind. Art censorship is the editing of art by officials to “protect” the people from “obscene” or “offensive” subjects. Censorship of art is a violation of constitutional rights, allows politicians to decide what art should be defined as, and if art was censored, nothing would be protected from censorship. Art censorship makes the art piece what the censor wants, not the creator. The enforcement of art censorship condemns humans to a slippery slope to imprisonment of the mind. 

    Everyone in the United States has the right to freedom of speech according to the Constitution. Censoring the arts, whether it be paintings, books, lyrics or comics is an obstruction of justice. Barbara Dority explains the amendment which forbids the government from censorship:

     “Whatever their medium or message and regardless of whether their content is unpopular or upsets some people or is of poor quality, artistic creations are protected by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. The First Amendment mandates that “Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press,” while the Fourth Amendment extends that prohibition to state and local governments.” (Humanist, 1999).

    Many artists have been prosecuted for their creations because they offended particular individuals. Convicting the artist with obscenity attacks their right to create what they consider art. Just like the Brown Shirts of Germany before World War II, the officials who judge these cases are attempting to execute the idea of art. 

    After Adolf Hitler rose to power in 1939 Germany, he instructed his personal troops to terminate all books with colossal bonfires. “Don’t join the book burners. Don’t think you are going to conceal thought by concealing evidence that they ever exist” (Eisenhower). No one person can determine what art is or decide who can witness it. The meaning of art varies to each individual. Some believe sculpting, drawing and painting is pure art, while other consider music, dancing and acting to be art forms. Censorship is not just an threat to art, but to everything in existence; once one thing has been censored there is no turning back. 

    “Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost” (Jefferson). Jefferson expresses the slippery slope that censorship causes. Censorship can not only regulate a single entity, it spreads like a fatal virus. Ultimately everything would be silenced, black out and confiscated. Censorship kills any concepts and thoughts, leaving behind only an uniformed force of individuals. 

     The modest little girl in the classroom can never show her art, and her parents will never see her masterpiece. As she grows she learns that expressing ideas is looked down upon and instead keeps them bundled up inside. Censoring the arts violates humans’ inalienable rights, defines what art it and censorship can be infinite. Censorship of the arts places us on a slippery slope to a thoughtless worlds. 

So create art and show it to the world!

[rachelrwrites]

Detroit: The Turning Tide

So, the other day I thought about something, that being a simple question. What do people think Detroit is like if they’ve never been there? Does the rest of the country know what the Motor City is actually like. I figured the answer is probably not. So, I’m writing this article to inform those who don’t know all that much about Detroit.

What You Heard: Let’s start with the facts. Detroit used to be America’s Most Dangerous city, but has since fallen to third most dangerous. East St. Louis currently holds the top spot, followed by Camden, NJ. It’s no surprise, it’s been on the list, seeing as there were 295 murders there in 2015. That mean’s that about 45 people for every 100,000 are being murdered. Lots of crimes go unsolved. The city simple does not have enough law enforcement officers to work cases, when more are always pouring in.

Another type of crime Detroit is famous for is arson. Most Michiganders call the night before Halloween “Devil’s Night” and with good reason. Lots of other town have names for October 30th, like Mischief Night, etc. You’re probably thinking, what is Devil’s Night? The name Devil’s Night was mentioned as early as the 1930′s, but it’s popularity peaked in the 1980′s. On this day, arson and serious vandalism would consume the city. In 1984 alone, there were 800 fires. In a typical year, there could be 500-800 arson fires in the three days and nights leading up to Halloween.

Source: Beaumont Enterprise

What You Didn’t Know: In recent years the Detroit community has renamed October 30th “Angel’s Night”. Volunteers patrol the city’s streets and watch over and protect their neighborhoods. Currently, around 40,000 Detroiters volunteer for this event. 

Source: freep.com

Abandonment

What You Heard: Detroit is known for it’s incredible amount of abandoned buildings. There are at least 70,000 abandoned buildings, 90,000 vacant lots and 31,000 houses. Don’t believe me? Have a look for yourself.

What You Didn’t Know: But Detroit has been making a come back. Since 2014, almost 7,000 abandoned structures have been demolished. A new hockey arena for the Red Wings, is currently being constructed in midtown Detroit. Construction began on April 24, 2015 and is expected to be completed sometime in 2017. Even the Michigan Central Station in Detroit is looking better! A spokeswoman for The Detroit International Bridge Company says all the 1,050 windows have been replaced with new glass. The building may even be renovated for office space for the Moroun family. 

Personal Experience

I’ve been to Detroit quite a few times, mostly for baseball games or to visit the art museum. A couple years ago I got into Urbanex photography, (photos of the decay of urban locations). I asked my dad to take me to Detroit, seeing as it’s the ultimate jackpot for urban explorers. He agreed, but stated we would never step out of the car. 

Thought there are plenty of rough areas in Detroit, it also has it’s jewels, Comerica Park being one of them. I’ve spent many a nights in the baseball stadium watching our Tigers. I’ve seen a few shows at the beautiful Fox theater, and been to the amazing DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts Museum). 

But to wrap it all up, Detroit has been through the wringer. Despite it’s hardships, Detroit is slowly turning back into a thriving city. There is definitely progress happened in the Motor City. The state and the community are taking steps to make it a working city again. If you want to know the true spirit of Detroit, watch the Chrysler Superbowl commercial from 2011. That’s Detroit.

[rachelrwrites]

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

Sam Keen

[rachelrwrites]

There is nothing more badass than being who you really are.

Darren Chris

[rachelrwrites]

If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.

Winnie the Pooh

[rachelrwrites]

Be yourself; everybody else is already taken.

Oscar Wilde

[rachelrwrites]

Start at 2:00 and pull up this link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2u5v4WnA5E  and start this one at 0:25 seconds. Then watch them side by side. The first time I watched/realized this I got chills down my spine and had to stop watching it. It is eerie to know a Disney movie took inspiration from such a diabolical and horrible force as the Nazis. Does it creep you guys out?

[rachelrwrites]

It's Not a World Away

Lets talk about the naive American people for a second. I am American and keep up with worldly affairs, learning the actual facts and not what the media feeds me. Because now a days, just about every news report leans to the left or to the right. Not many represent the truth or both party opinions. Another problem is that people know monumental events are taking place, yet don't care enough to be concerned. I hate is when people say "its politics, and I don't care." People. Come on. Yes, there are politics involved but these events are changing the world, the world YOU live in. Just because the USA is one of the most powerful countries doesn't mean it isn't at risk. Even seventy years ago during WW II, the oceans couldn't protect us. So learn the facts, and keep up with the world, cause there may come a time when America is pulled into conflict.

[rachelrwrites]

Defeat in this world is no disgrace if you fought well and fought for the right thing.

Katharine Anne Porter

[rachelrwrites]

Welcome to Rachel Writes

Here, I'll post articles I've written about various different subjects. The first Amendment here in the US is "freedom of speech." So I'm here to speak.