rythms-of-synthax

[rythms-of-synthax]

Fresh start and new beginning is something we love to incorporate into our everyday lifes every few months. Getting out of the rut seems like a solution to all your problems - I mean surely this time will be different and I can get my life together once and for all? We want to have THE rebrand of our life.

What all these videos on youtube and tiktoks about upgrading yourself and rebranding won't tell you is that you will have bad days, sometimes bad weeks or maybe even a bad year. I'm not saying this in a way that there's no point in trying to be better, I'm saying this with hope and understanding for your future self. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and make a plan. You don't have to create a new version of yourself to be better. Stop having unrealistic visions about big changes and think about what you can correct right now. It's going to be okay. Every new day can be a new start. It's all about progress, don't get caught up in all or nothing mindset.

[rythms-of-synthax]

I have some doubts after reading your recent post. Firstly, You said that be a friend to everyone but at the same time to none right? But the thing is in my personal experience people are not dumb they can see through this bullshit and at time of need or when you want to get your work done through someone no one is going to be there . I , with my extreme social butterfly skills can say that the best thing is to keep a group of friends (school ,clg ,office friends or anyone who u can bear) be vulnerable but not tell everything. Thus, sence of exclusive treatment for them and trust me they will strick around through thick and thin but don't limit yourself with just them, talk to everyone and anyone actually even stranger old grandma (i did it just for fun) but give them a taste but not accessibility . They would want you or be part of your group based on how they felt around you.( Just like how you talked about that indifference thing)

Secondly,you said when there is gossip you are involved but you yourself don't gossip ,just plug in earphones and act lost when someone engages.Again it's a problem , i don't know if you see it but I bet people badmouth about you all the time and you not liked by them either because i know a girl like you who actually is intelligent(4.0 cgpa type)but guess what no one likes her. If she comes around u see practically see people rolling their eyes,so u want the gossip but don't have the dare to gel on it or pick a side huh?Now ur talking about office setting in which this is helpful but in ur social life uh huh nope. People want trust to be put into and when you don't give that your are untrustable. Just pick a side if you don't mean it (like i don't care if someone dies i will pick a side even if i don't mean it at all) it helps people to know that you stick with people you care for (which I don't but it helps ) HAVE EXCLUSIVITY BUT NOT TO THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO BE ALIENATED AND MADE FUN OF. just like that girl especially on a long run , sure in cooperate but not in social or group setting.

ah as someone thats miserably failing in my social life with no social skills I'm so happy you pointed this out we all need schooling 😩

[rythms-of-synthax]

In order to fix something you need to accept it is broken. In order to improve something must recognize what needs to be improved. In order to love yourself you have to know yourself. Shame, embarrassment, guilt are only obstacles that deepen the damage.

No matter if you want to start leveling up, get back on track or just make your life just a bit better, you have to own the bad. And then stop thinking of it this way. Own your mistakes, patterns, habits, regrets. You have some. We all do. It's okay. What it's not okay is to get stuck in this vicious cycle. So yeah they are yours. What's done it's done. They say you can't change the past, but you can change the future. I say you have to start with the present. Good luck!

[rythms-of-synthax]

So I was talking to my manz (see how he earned this title after I signed a prenup, not after I got a ring? Very smart. Very that bitch. Very demure. I don’t go committing myself to anything before I see paperwork. I think from reality and future instead of emotion and promises. See how I negotiated and manipulated with that prenup? Very IT girl, very smart girl. I don’t take chances with my life. Very classy.) about going back to therapy because why am I always attracting criminals? And not even the “robbed a bank” or “body count of ten” kind—we are talking dark, dark people.

He shrugs and goes, “You are just so you,” which—after a lot of prodding, because men can’t say shit straight ever—actually meant, “It’s because people feel like they can tell you things.” Which disgusted me, because you're saying I come across as an emotional dumpster? But apparently, nope—I’m just “trustable with this kind of thing, you know?” And to the question, “Why in hell are you saying it like it’s a good thing?” the answer—which is the main topic of this—was: “It means you’re an asset.”

Womanhood is not a spectrum, actually. It's set in stone, and that stone is this: I. Do. Nauuttt. Give. A. Fuuuck. For. Free. The highest form of femininity is indifference. Because femininity is surrender (not submission—that’s masculinity. The highest form of masculinity is submission. See: wars, legacy, workplace politics, reputation, and manhood), and surrender is indifference. When you surrender to something, you are completely impartial to it—hence, indifferent. And this concept is so hard to explain because it’s girls who want to be a “bad bitch” that think this means they should just be careless, because IDGAF—and that’s the highest form of stupidity. Indifference means: I am separate from the outcome and impartial to the process, but committed to my goal. It’s indifference to the process but commitment to the outcome.

When I was young, in high school, there was literally no form of power to leverage because there are such limited forms of power in the world. And I was getting bullied 24/7 because there was nothing for me to leverage to buy consideration. And because of this, everyone and their dog—including teachers—used me as a trauma dumpster. Because what am I going to do? Blackmail them?

Which—thank God—I am me, and me is incredibly smart, because me turned that into power. How? By being selective about who gets free journal privileges with me.

Say, in the dorm, if some girl sat on my bed and tried to trauma dump but hadn’t earned the right to yet, I’d just echo a “hm” and do everything but listen. It’s like, mhm, while I fold my clothes and midway go, “Hey, are you sitting on my blouse?” No? “Uh, where is it?”—so they know I wasn’t listening. Which would, I found, lead them to want to make me listen (because one week ago I was “why am I not right now?”) and they’d go “Are you even listening?” and I’d be like, “Yeah, you were talking about your mom or something?” (steal a look, force a smile) “If you’re not sitting on my blouse, where is it?” —and then go back to my whatever without trying to reestablish connection. (P.S., the blouse doesn’t exist lol.)

And then that would be them freaking out because the power has been flipped. Which led to the “Ugh, you’re not even that important,” to which I’d be like “Yeah, you told me that three Sundays ago, I still remember. Have you seen my hairpin?”

And when people earned the right to trauma dump, I learned they’re just looking for indifference. They just want to be heard.

So, example: A guy would ask if he can sit by my table at lunch, and I’d just shrug— “I don’t own the tables? You can sit on the table itself if you want to. How does this concern me?” And then he’d sit, and I’d look at him once every ten minutes as he attempted trauma dumping, and I’d play the same game like:

Him: Trauma dumping

Me, mid-sentence: “Do you have this textbook? I need to buy one but it’s hard being broke.”

Him: “No, but I’ll buy you one.”

Me: smiles “When?”

Him: “After school?”

Me: “Okay, see you here then. 5 p.m.? I’ll get a permission slip.” Leaves the table.

When evening came and we did, in fact, go buy the textbook, then—and only then—would I actually listen. After checkout: “Maybe your mom wouldn’t be so shitty if you weren’t so shitty? Just do what she wants. She’ll give you your freedom. She just wants submission. Humor her.” Waits for him to hold the door open so he can drive us back to campus.

To which you would think: Mother, isn’t that the exact opposite of being indifferent? Well yes—but if I agreed, it’d be obvious I’m kissing ass. I picked both his side (you’re not wrong) and her side (neither is she. You can both win), to say I was listening—you just hadn’t earned the right to be yapping family business at me when I’m eating the lunch you’re paying for.

People are so easy to train if you have the patience for it.

So my indifference is an asset because it’s earned. No, I do not care to listen to you babbling about your cocaine trade that’s ruining South America unless I’m getting something out of it.

When you’re in the same space as people, they assume you’re on the same level—unless it’s obvious you’re not (e.g., scholarship kid that is known to be scholarship kid)—and they have to find a way to establish hierarchy. And then attention becomes the model of it. Are you someone that gives your time easily? Are you someone that takes sides? Can you be trusted?

And think of it this way—do you trust things you get for free? If I gave you a Birkin for free, would you trust it? Obviously not. You’d be suspicious.

So if I’m at an event and someone’s underloved dad, who’s had to buy all his intimacy because he’d rather die than develop emotional intelligence, decides to strut-waddle over and talk about his illegal streams of income, I make the most mechanical, obvious “I’m not interested in hearing this” face and reaction. And at some point I drop the— “Wait, didn’t you recently acquire this one firm? That was something. How did you get them to sell? Are you publicly listed yet? How does one get on the investors list when it’s still private? Yeah, I know it’s not easy, that’s why I’m asking the CEO, not Google?” And when I get an answer, it’s: “You know it’s not my place or my trade, but if I were to take a route for it, I’d avoid the one you’re taking and take this one here—it makes more sense. I’m no lawyer obviously, but think of it this way…”

I will ONLY listen when there’s a reason for me to.

So how is this an asset? It means I easily make it to the advisors table. Every. Single. Time. Some boy that used to bully me in the first year of high school offered me a Board of Directors position in a firm I’m not even in because he can tell me he killed his mom and I’ll say, “Okay. Anyway—” And he will be secure in the secrecy I’ll keep, because I do have something to lose—whatever he used to bargain his way into having me as his journal. And not only will I not judge—I’ll also not offer advice or praise him for it. None of my business, you know. Moving on.

I need you to understand: outside JK Rowling, Taylor Swift, and people who become billionaires through intellectual property and talent, there isn’t a SINGLE ethical billionaire on the face of planet Earth.

If you want to dine with the Fortune 500, you need to look at actual human abuse and say “huh. Anyway—”

And the big money you want so bad is held by people that feel repressed inside their own bodies—because they are human beings, social creatures, who need companionship and connection, which comes from sharing. But they can’t do that, because it’s always someone trying to “hypergamy” their way into their pockets. And if you make yourself a safe space, they will end whole races of people for you.

I said there’s a KKK-level white supremacist dude that would break up with his Gigi Hadid of a wife if I didn’t like her—and everyone (literally only two people lol) were wondering how that happened. And the thing is: I’m a safe space on the condition that I am also safe within this space.

I will listen to you rant about how your Adderall drug business is stressing you while eating ice cream on your balcony and just: “Wow, that’s something. What did you do after that?” And then, after your crime confessions, I’ll groan about my aviation exams like: “What was I thinking.”

I will make you feel normal. I will offer you humanity. Normalcy. Stability. No judgment. Without OFFERING MYSELF. This, right here, this is the catch.

If you piss me off, I’ll cut you off. If I feel disrespected ONCE, I’ll walk out. And I’ll hold nothing over your head. Even if we break up, your secrets are safe with me. That’s it. That’s the catch point. In this relationship, one of us needs the other.

Do the math.

BMAC

[rythms-of-synthax]

While I understand people talking to AI in order to build some structure in their lives and solve issues, I don't think anyone should ever use ChatGPT for socializing and finding closure. And this is because no matter how human a bot may sound the world we live in is one made by and for people. Therefor, you need to know how to socialize, which means: - knowing how to argue; - knowing when to abandon the fight; - knowing how to persuade someone; - knowing how to distinguish between lie and truth and how not to let yourself manipulated; - knowing how to make yourself liked when needed and always act according to your interests. It also means that everyone you meet will have their own goals and if your goals and theirs don't align you have to be able to turn the tables in your favor or accept it and move on. Focusing on this one, let me ask you a question: Does it feel good to talk to ChatGPT? Maybe even better than to real people? Yes, love, it does. Why? Because AI only tells you what you want to hear and if you got outside of your room for 10 min you'd notice how others don't. Others don't care and don't need to care. The truth is that unless we're talking about family and friends (and I am not even certain about them) no one inherently wants you to feel good or succeed. At best they don't care. At worst...I'll let you think about it. The good part is that if you show them that they benefit from your success they'll do what you want to without even asking. So you can use people. The bad part is that you need to know how to socialize and make them feel validated and get yourself out of drama and be a decent human being or at least know how to maintain the reputation. ChatGPT is not the one hosting the job interview. AI won't be the one giving you a promotion and taking you on a date. OR giving you a discount. It's the people, love. Don't get me wrong. AI is great. For planning, analyzing, scheduling. But not for socializing and trauma dumping. Please get a journal, touch some grass and talk to someone.

Also, talking to ChatGPT (long conversations I mean) gets you in that learned helplessness state. I already have a post about it.

[rythms-of-synthax]

A lot of people want to entirely change their identity. They want to become someone else, to be anyone else but themselves... ...and they try to have a first "new start"...and then a second one cause obviously the first didn't work. What many of them don't realize is that we can't suddenly forget all of our patterns, habits, routines and ways of existing. You can't possibly erase an identity that was formed through so many years. Biologically speaking. What you can do, though, is evolve. Change happens slowly and you don't even realize it until you look back. But it happens. Here's the secret: YOU START CHANGING WHEN YOU START DOING THINGS THAT YOU HADN'T DONE BEFORE. CHANGES ARE RELATED TO ACCEPTED CHALLENGES. Also, a lot of the change happens when you start understanding the world around you, but also yourself. So let me give you a few ideas: 1. Art. This is it. Make art, not matter how bad the results are. Do it consistently. Because art is a way to know yourself and discover things that you didn't even know are there. Write, paint, draw, act, sculpt, do pottery, dance, play an instrument and compose your own music. 2. Read. Read something that you don't usually do. Keep yourself informed and learn to accept books that are not easy to digest. It doesn't have to be easy - but at the end of the book you'll find great satisfaction, I promise you. Some recs: Nausea by Jean-Paul Sartre, The stranger by Albert Camus, One hundred years of solitude by Gabriel García Márquez; 3. Ask questions. I wish I was joking. Find something to be curious about. There's something that we, the younger generation, stopped doing. It's called thinking for ourselves. Tip: if you don't know hoe to start, go online, find a trend and criticize it. Find its flaws. Quite cynical, I know. But it's better than being brainwashed and losing your capacity of analyzing reality. 4. Disagree. Hang out with a friend, start a conversation about a topic you both view in a different manner. And learn to argue in a way without getting offended or offensive. Will be hard at first. But it get easier when you put your ego aside and understand that apart from entertainment, it has no real purpose. 😁 5. Form your own little rituals. Mine is savoring tea and dark chocolate after breakfast/lunch while looking outside. I know someone who's made a habit out of reading manhwa on Friday night. A friend of mine also takes one photo a day and keeps them in a separate folder. Get creative, babe :))

[rythms-of-synthax]

How I Started Eating to Feel Better—Not Just to Look Better

by Soleau Club

Most of us grew up thinking food was either the enemy or a reward. Either we were counting calories or eating our feelings. No middle ground, no balance, no actual connection to our bodies. Just chaos disguised as “being good.”

But then my body was like, “Babe, I’m tired.” And I listened.

This is how I started eating to feel better—not just to look hot (though, yes, that happened too).

I Asked Myself How I Wanted to Feel

Instead of obsessing over what would make me look thinner or more toned, I started asking questions like:

Do I want to feel energized or sluggish?

Do I want to feel light and glowy or bloated and blah?

Do I want to crash in two hours or feel stable and nourished?

Shifting my mindset from appearance to vibe changed everything. I stopped eating like a punishment and started eating like self-respect.

I Built My Meals Around Support, Not Deprivation

I stopped obsessing over what to cut out (sugar, dairy, joy) and started focusing on what to add:

Protein to keep me full and fueled

Healthy fats to balance hormones and glow my skin

Fiber for digestion, fullness, and let’s be honest... regularity

Colorful veggies and fruits to flood my body with micronutrients

When you eat to support your body instead of controlling it, the way you feel is next level.

I Romanticized the Hell Out of Every Bite

I turned my meals into rituals.

Pretty plates

Fresh herbs

Music or a podcast playing

Sitting down and actually being with my food

Suddenly, I wasn’t mindlessly inhaling a protein bar—I was dining like a woman who journals in silk robes and has her gut health together.

I Noticed My Cravings Were Low-Key Clues

Craving sugar? I probably skipped lunch. Craving salty snacks? Might be low on minerals. Craving ice cream after a stressful day? That’s emotional, babe. Let’s deal with that, not demonize it.

Instead of judging my cravings, I got curious. And my body started to trust me more.

I Let Go of “Perfect” Eating

I still eat fries. I still love croissants. But now I ask myself: “Will this make me feel good—or just give me a quick hit and leave me bloated and moody?”

Sometimes the fries are worth it. Sometimes I want my gut to feel loved more than I want that 3-minute dopamine spike. Either way, I choose. Not my insecurities, not my past.

I Remembered That Food = Energy, Not Morality

Carbs aren’t evil. Fat isn’t the enemy. Food isn’t “good” or “bad”—it’s just fuel. Some fuels are cleaner than others. Some feel heavier. But all of them have a place in a life that’s full, joyful, and free from diet trauma.

Eating to feel better gave me a level of peace that no “clean eating” challenge ever could. My skin improved, my moods evened out, my digestion stopped hating me, and the pressure to be perfect melted away.

And spoiler: when your body feels good, it glows. Automatically.

Follow @soleauclub for more hot girl nourishment, nervous system love, and wellness that starts on your plate but ends in your whole life.

[rythms-of-synthax]

any language learning tips? Especially for german and mandarin (i am currently learning them on my own) any languages you think are important for a person to know?

Instead of replaying already known advice that you can easily find on reddit I'll give you the ones that I don't see talked about that worked for me

Subtitles. Setting my Netflix to spoken language = language I want to learn and subtitles = language I am fluent in. This is actually how I mastered English.

Reading x translation. Writing simple sentences and trying to translate them into language you are learning and then having AI crosscheck for you (You are SO lucky you're learning during the AI outburst back in the day we had to befriend natives)

This is weird but it's actually worked the best for me- when I was learning mandarin I used to pick up fights with native speakers on the internet . It was my online bullying phase (To be fair I was the one getting bullied in a language I couldn't even speak) So I combined both. Learning audacity AND Mandarin. Learned couple of choice words too.

I'd say the easiest way is to interact with what you usually interact with , but in that language. If you like music go the music route if you like film the film route- its always hard to implement new things it'll save you time to tweak what you already have and love over superimposing new habits. New habits (not just in language, in life too) almost never stick.

[rythms-of-synthax]

Something I swear by when it comes to leveling up? One's ability to adapt to different situations. It's no use to make a plan if you don't have the power to change it according to circumstances. That's it. That's the key to reaching your goals. Period.

[rythms-of-synthax]

My thing with self improvement is if you don't know who you are not only will it obviously not work but you will also leave the space feeling like you're a lost cause that can not be helped. The same way a beautiful dress can look ugly on the wrong body and an ugly dress can look right and pretty on the right body- that's exactly how people are. I'm so glad when I started leveling up I didn't even know I was leveling up and it just happened as a consequence of adaptation so I wasn't watching creators bc the damage would've been irreversible. When girls and boys come to me for help or coaching and they just sound like an Alibaba version David Goggins the wizardliz its like slow down. That's not how it works babes. I want to wake up at 4 am and workout - you're a night owl your productive hours are after 10pm when the whole world is sleeping and you hate working out be fr with me rn. Even THEY don't do all that chill. You're not a tall skinny white Russian baddie or a Mariner with Severe ED YOU'RE 23 middle class average body who wants to succeed in medicine not sugar dating, chill. Like it literally NEVER works like that. Also you're an individual thats unique in every single plane, but mostly the 4D babes of course another person's blueprint won't work for you be fr.

For example when people say be a leader not a follower I just laugh because I am 100% a follower no part of me wants to make the big decisions I do NOT want that pressure pls. YOU focus on taking the risks I'm happy to clock in my eight hours and go home thanks. Or "Move in silence" sounds good but I'm a manifesting generator I have to yap my plans to someone it's how i Think. Literally for me to figure something out I need to be talking to someone and will find what I'm looking for in conversation it'll serve me better to find two people to overshare with than not overshare at ALL that's the exact opposite of my 4D blueprint? 'Make A PlAn anD sTicK tO' ADHD. ADHD ma'am. In fact 90% of mainstream level up advice works the EXACT opposite of me so I know the Universe loves me because it didn't allow me to be consumed in content that will send me the exact opposite direction of where I'm supposed to be and make me think there's something inherently wrong with me bc why does it work for everyone but me?

First of all, people on the internet do not exist. We out here lying in the real world what do you think we do in the virtual one. The 'Ever Since I started Watchung Your Videos I have Started Earning 2000k Per Month comment in that Iman Ghandhi (is that the name) is made by a social reject 14 yr old looking for comradery in identifying with a figure he idolizes baby no one is making 2k from doing that ok? ok. That 'My Life Has Changed' only lasted 2 months. That's not how lives change. That's called motivation it wears out. Lives are not supposed to change in a month. Fires that burn that fast die that fast ok. There's nothing wrong with you you're just not looking for community by appealing to bots. You're good.

Second, learn who you are and find what works so your therapist / coach doesn't spend the first 3 months of your money shedding all the dumbass weight you attach to yourself that is doing literally nothing but hold you down. Save time save money save yourself from self loathing and 'I'm lazy I'm stupid I'm bla bla" and just learn yourself. Your blueprint is unique to you that's why no one else's is working. Of course you feel shitty you're fighting yourself in favor of someone else of course your essence and spirit will fight back??

"Mother how do I-" who are you lets start there. Bc I could throw words at you all day and actually mess you up over helping you bc I told you what I would do and ma'am is you me? So I spend the first two months of personal coaching talking about light topics like fashion and grades trying to get who is this person? Based on actions and reactions (reminder to RP with your therapist and coach. Demand it. You're paying so you're the boss.).

Third PLEASE stop consuming How To content. See how I don't tell you how to do X and Y i throw sociology at you? Because sociology is uniform people are just monkeys with watches and houses we are programmed by evolution but How To X is personal your actions are programmed by your personal environment, internal and external. Also, I love you I really really really love you so I'll tell you this rn for free- there's a very thin line between being inspired by someone and downright wanting to be them. Stop that. STOP IT ok ok? Make moodoards on pinterest like the rest of us and stop looking up to Kendall your mom isn't Kris Jenner. I think it's important to have someone to look up to and in my books its better to cosplay someone else instead of bedrotting yes go do wonyoungism but not at the expense of you okay? Its better than bedrotting doesn't mean it's good. Extreme bodybuilding is better than anorexia but that doesn't make it good though does it? Just the better poison but ED is ED.

Fourth, I will NEVER stop preaching about how not only stupid but also impractical Morality & Co are because 90% of the time to 90% of the people I talk to that's the issue. I get it how ok I shouldn't kill people is an issue yes but why is it hard for you to accept that you don't want a 9-5 and you don't want to get married you want to be some rich man's mistress like. Even people IN THE BIBLE did it sooo why are you acting like that degree you're going to uni for won't just rot in your closet be serious. I get how some things do need moralization like yes we don't steal from orphans but you know that in every single relationship you get into with a man, romantic platonic family etc, he will be the taker you will be the giver like this is set on stone right. Like you know this. Women give men take. Even just by vicinity. Just rob him sis he's robbing you by virtue of existing in your life look at your brother. BROTHER? DAD? That one boy in class that makes you uncomfortable and steals your joy just by the way he looks at you? Just rob him how is this a moral debate. A man exists in your life? He's robbing you. You want good grades but hate studying? Ok are you going into medicine or something that genuinely requires studying for? No you're studying business. Just cheat . The school itself is cheating you otherwise Justify tuition. Tell me I'm paying 80k $ in tuition bc this and this. Be fr. You can not accept what you are because you're moralizing them. "I want X BUT-" yeah no one cares. At least not me. You can't unwant something desires are inborn, lets save time and your money and work on how you'll get it I'm not a therapist I'm not bound by a license. My job isn't to make you palatable in society and easy to exist with you're paying me to get results. Lets save the preaching I go to church I got that covered let's focus on how to get you results who cares about all that. You're a monkey in a dress. The only laws that matter are evolutionary, the only god that matters is you. Heaven is Gstaad on a horse not white cloths and rivers of gold in a place with no economy to give the gold value you're pushing 30 be serious.

BMAC

[rythms-of-synthax]

The Goal

I used to think that the goal was to get pretty, rich, sociable, smart, stylish, thin. In a word, perfect. But when you wake up with the thought of becoming better, every day, you start thinking of yourself as not enough. Also, social media doesn't help you, it makes everything get worse. Now my goal is to become someone I am proud of. I wake up every day with the thought that I have to make myself proud of who I am. And that person, that future version of me - she has a lot of things to improve. She's not perfect. But the way that she acts, thinks and speaks is what makes her special. I am not there yet. I am not her. But with every effort I put in I get closer to her. And this is enough to keep me going. Right now, I want to become someone with discipline - someone that doesn't burn herself out, but is able to work for her dreams without making excuses. I want to take control of my life and not be ashamed or embarrassed. I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see, without the feeling that I haven't done enough.

Because you can always do more. But you can't do everything. And this is why you have to be ok with how much you can do.

So if I were to start my self improvement journey again and give the younger me a piece of advice, this would be: "Don't work to become someone you don't even want to. Become a baddie, become that girl - but it has to be your definition of a baddie. Be someone you can be proud of every day.''

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Your biggest enemy is not your laziness or lack of focus. It is the learned helplessness. The voice in your head telling you that "There's no point in trying again cause you already failed in the past". The inability of getting back in track. The moment when your brain give up on fighting toward a better tomorrow. It starts as self-protection. And then it turns into a prison. And you get so used to the bad and the ugly and the lack of hope that you don't even realize that the door is open. Instead of getting out, you stay - and this is not because you want it. It is because you closed your eyes so you don't even see what's happening around. Learned helplessness is not a "I'm giving up" moment. It is the belief that "no matter how hard you try you won't make it" which gets between you and your goals. And here's how it is formed: 1. Struggle + Failure + Pain 2. You try again + (More) Struggle + No Results 3. Too much pain + You stop trying And so it happens...You start lowering your standards not because you want to, but because hope feels dangerous. Now here's how you break free: First of all, I want to congratulate you...Because if you are so stuck it means that honey, you've really tried and gave it all...till there was no more to give. So yeah, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge that you ain't lazy and no, you are not broken. Second of all, you have to prove yourself that you can. Again. Your brain has to understand that you have the power to handle everything outside the prison. And here's the hard part: YOU NEED TO BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE FROM SCRATCH. with little, absurd things. Set three goals per day. Or even one. And keep yourself accountable. Keep track of every good outfit, of every well done assignment, of every workout, of every healthy meal. Build yourself little by little again. When low motivation/energy hits? That's when you need to do it most. Because in hard times like this the fact that you managed everything without falling back in the negative cycle is a complete win. In order to break a pattern, you need to respond differently to the trigger. 3. Respond differently. Not perfectly.

Soon enough you'll be able to get back to chasing your goals.

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Hot take :

If you are going to start your self improvement journey by following an aesthetic you will fail. What you ladies might not understand is that self improvement, becoming better, leveling up do not mean waking up, drinking lemon water, going for a run, having a clean space, listening to a podcast every day, dressing up for everything, reading 30 pages daily and having 5 hobbies. Self improvement doesn't mean downloading an aesthetically pleasing list from pinterest and spending your time ticking each and every activity on it. Self improvement or whatever you want to call it is a personal journey, not a process during which you get brainwashed and you decide to abandon all your personality in order to become a pink pilates princess. Personally I like to think of it as a comeback, an apology to myself. Naturally, my apology to myself is going to be different to yours. Maybe I grew up as a shy kid and leveling up for me means becoming extroverted and learning to socialize. Maybe you used to fail your classes and for you becoming better is about putting in more effort/learning to study efficiently and focusing on academics. Again, you might not agree, but I believe that "the it girl", "wonyoungism", "the clean girl aesthetic" etc. etc. are complet bs. Babe. Girl. Honey. Wake up. This is your life. Do you know what the definition of "improvement" means? Let me spell it out for you. improvement - the act of making something better; the process of something becoming better; So, before you start 'acting like her' or waking up at 5 a.m just cause 'oh x influencer who's totally that girl told me to do it', ask yourself? What are of your life are you trying to improve?

Is it looks? Mindset? Beauty? Financial situation? Social status? What is it and why do you want it? Ok. Now you know. But hun, if what you want is, for instance, to become a content creator and travel more...why are you drinking lemon water every morning and doing a 12 steps skincare routine? Do you do it cause social media and society wants you to do it or because you want do it? Does it benefit you? Like, babe, idk about you, but I've got my life and I'd much rather write and prepare for my language competition than go on a 'hot girl walk' when I can just walk to school and back. Someone once said: "The best workout is the one that you can be consistent with." and I think it applies to everything that is good for you but not necessary the main event of your existence. Exercise, books, eating habits, studying, etc. "the one that you can be consistent with" usually means "the one that you like and are able to maintain" It's not about the aesthetic. It's not about the expectations or what social media says. Self improvement is about you and your lifestyle and you should be able to fit it into the lifestyle that you desire and not the other way around. Bye!

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Cycle syncing - my perspective We, as girls, tend to underestimate the impact that our cycle has in our life. And I am saying this as someone who has been, for the past four years, blaming herself for all the mood changes and switches in appetite and loss of motivation and emotions. On social media we often hear that in order to achieve our dreams and meet our goals we need to be consistent and disciplined. Which is true. But it's easier said than done because we are women and we tend to function in a different way than men do and out body is constantly changing. Also, let me tell you in case you don't know: you can't (and you don't want to) get rid of your cycle = you won't get rid of the mood swings and cravings and hormones. So we cannot keep asking ourselves "what is wrong with me??why am I like this??" every time that time of the month hits or the lutheal phase makes us sleepy, tired and unmotivated. What we have to do is work with our body and cycle - something that is called cycle syncing. I know, you have probably heard about it (and probably seen those charts - I'll annoy you tho once again and put one at the end of this post). But here's something that I've discovered only recently: Cycle syncing is not all about eating certain foods and doing certain workouts at different times of the month. It is also about learning that in order to keep living you need balance. Yes, you need discipline but you also need to stop associating your self worth to your achievements. You need to stop performing and give yourself time to rest and live for yourself. Because that's what everything's about. And your role as a girl, as a woman depends on your health and the way that you take care of your body. Cycle syncing = putting your needs above everything else. Less stress. Less anxiety. Less 'I have to do it because I am supposed to' and more 'Today my body feels like resting so I am gonna rest'. Honestly, I am not very good at this myself. But I am trying to improve. I am trying to be more aware of the signals that my body is sending me. And I am trying to stop blaming myself for what I feel, need or want, for taking one whole afternoon "off" just for the sake of my mental health, for eating carbs and healthy fats and even some sweets without asking myself "Is there a problem with me for wanting this?", for letting my creative part come to life. And here, as promised, the charts (obv not mine but these are the ones that I like):

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sometimes you just have to say “i’m too pretty for this” and move on

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no but seriously. ladies. guys. people. Before saying "oh I don't like x", "oh I am not good at y", "oh x doesn't make me feel good" how about you actually try it? And I am writing this because a lot of you say that you don't enjoy exercise or waking up in the morning and it makes you miserable. And while I accept that you may not like strength training or cardio or pilates whatever...exercise and waking up early and all that is what keeps you healthy and motivated. And before you block me how about you think about the fact that "oh I hate every form of exercise (but all I have every tried is running/pilates)" is such a HUGE excuse?? Excuse me??? I am not one of those people on the internet who are telling you to prioritize the aesthetic and yes, you can be your best self even if you wake up at 11 a.m. but girls, how about we have some self respect and stop lying to ourselves? Because "exercise makes me feel bad, all sweat etc. etc." is a lie. I mean, haven't you walked at least once in your entire life? Yoga? Low impact instead of HIIT? Have we heard of those?? Hello? And yes babes I know people will get mad hearing these...but how can you say "no" to something without even trying? Especially when this 'something' gives you energy, dopamine, motivation and health?? How??

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Rya

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Answered asks:

Do you feel like it’s important to do things other than work & go home? i’m consistently am bored with life. single. not many friends. how can i enjoy my time? it’s a real struggle.

Response:

It is actually very important for your psyche that you do. Your mind needs novelty, purpose, connection. If you're bored, it's a sign you need to add. New experiences, hobbies, people, etc make life feel worth living and exciting

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a psychological theory that explains human motivation. It’s a pyramid where each level represents different needs, starting from the most basic (survival) to the most complex (fulfillment)

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Physiological needs (Basic needs)

Food, water, sleep, air, shelter, health

If these aren’t met, nothing else matters

Safety needs (Basic needs)

Financial stability, personal security, routine, stability

People stuck here feel anxious, stressed or stuck in survival mode

Love & belonging (Psychological needs)

Friendships, romantic relationships, family, social connections

Loneliness or isolation happens when this need isn’t met

Esteem needs (Psychological needs)

Confidence, self respect, recognition, personal achievements

Feeling unseen, unimportant or stagnant happens at this level

Self actualization (Fulfillment needs)

Personal growth, purpose, creativity, reaching full potential

This is where life feels exciting, meaningful, deeply fulfilling