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Constantine’s apprentice

“Whose sidekick is this?” Barry asks.

Everyone in the watchtower turns to look at the skinny, black-haired teenager sitting patiently in the corner. He’s got big round blue eyes, and smiles and waves at the heroes when they look at him. He would be perfect bat-bait if he weren’t also the picture of innocence.

(Every Robin in existence has had an unmistakable aura of menace around them.)

That wide-eyed innocence is precisely why it’s such a surprise when the kid answers “I’m here with John Constantine”

“John Constantine?” Zattana asks, bewildered and worried all at once. She knows better than most how it feels to be burned by Constantine, and is instantly angry on the kid’s behalf.

“Someone call?” The man himself asks, as he steps into the room, bag of chips in hand.

“Why do you have an apprentice?” Zattana demands, accusatory.

John tsks and frowns, directing his next words towards the teen in question, “I told you no, kid.” Then he turns back to Zattana and the room at large, and says, “I’m dropping this kid off here. He’s being hunted by the US feds. Hole in the meta human rights bill. He is not,” John’s eyes slide back over to the kid, “my apprentice.”

The kid (and someone should really ask his name, sooner or later) frowns and crosses his arms. Now he looks more like a Robin.

“And why not?” He whines. “You’ve been teaching me just fine so far. I haven’t even been that annoying!”

“Son, no,” Hal Jordan speaks up from the back. “You’re lucky to have made it this far, you don’t want to spend any more time in Constantine’s company than necessary.”

Zattana nods and says, “he’s got a habit of sacrificing others. It’s usually for the greater good, but still… you don’t want to be the nearest convenient sacrifice.”

“Really feeling the love in here.” John mutters.

“Well… it’s true, isn’t it?” Dick shrugs apologetically.

“Not to mention you’re just a bad role model in general.” Hal tacks on with a shit-eating grin.

“Is that all?” The kid asks.

“Do you… need more?” Dick asks. “Betrayal in a life-or-death situation isn’t a small thing, kiddo.”

The kid (and really, someone needs to ask his name. And also get the report on that hole in the meta rights) just looks at John with a supremely unimpressed expression. “Y’know I haven’t been relying on you for my safety this whole time, right? We were always safe, I just stuck with you to learn magic.”

“Danny, what the hell,” John says.

Ah, so the increasingly-more-Robin-like kid’s name was Danny. Good to know.

Danny shrugs, and says with a smug smile, “the night before we left Amity Park, I contacted an omniscient time-god from another dimension and blackmailed them into giving me forewarning for any dangerous situations I might get into. I think the specific wording was ‘enough forewarning to be able to escape any situation resulting in my death, capture, torture, loss of powers, or sanity.’”

The watchtower is completely silent for a count of three.

Then Dick snorts.

“Did… did John Constantine get conned?” Barry asks with glee.

“God I hope so…” Zattana breathes.

“I really appreciate you taking me this whole way, though.” Danny says to John. “I definitely want to get a few autographs.” He says with an innocent smile.

It’s at this moment that it sinks in for the whole room that a kid tricked John Constantine into traipsing across some portion of America with him for no reason.

Hal doubles over laughing.

“You’ve been blackmailing a god this whole time?” John checks, face blank.

“Uh huh,”

“You were able to trick an omniscient being, and now have struck a deal for divine intervention any time you’re in danger?”

“Yup,” Danny pops the ‘p’

“You’ve been wheedling magic lessons out of me for weeks with the full knowledge that my only reason for sticking around — to safely get you to the watchtower — was a complete waste of my time because you are effectively safe for the rest of your life in every situation forever?”

“Uh, yes? To be clear, Clockwork won’t intervene in situations where I can handle it myself. But if I’m ever in over my head, then they’ll show me a solution.”

The room is filled with poorly concealed grins, and not-at-all concealed appraising looks. After a long moment, John finally throws his hands up in the air.

“Fine!” He says, exasperated. “I guess you’re my apprentice!”

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Also I find it hilarious how Merlin tried to straight up kill Arthur (sure yeah context whatever, that can be added for angst) and Leon just, didn’t notice. That might also be considered

Can someone please provide me with Merlin fics-

SPECIFICALLY I need more fics in which the knights realise just how chaotic Merlin was, especially in the first seasons. For example first meetings. We don’t really need to say much about his first meeting with Arthur, that much is obvious. But his first meeting with Lancelot? The identity fraud? The chaotic first meeting with Gwaine the knights can write off as him being there with Arthur - as it Merlin wouldn’t start a bar fight on his own.

I need more of the knights realising what an absolute menace Merlin can be. Or! It’d be so fun to see them realise just how many impossible situations Merlin got in and out of and be absolutely befuddled because, not knowing he has magic? How do you explain that?

Just them realising that they somehow missed all those baffling parts of Merlin and seeing the absolutely weird picture of him all those situations paint.

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Can someone please provide me with Merlin fics-

SPECIFICALLY I need more fics in which the knights realise just how chaotic Merlin was, especially in the first seasons. For example first meetings. We don’t really need to say much about his first meeting with Arthur, that much is obvious. But his first meeting with Lancelot? The identity fraud? The chaotic first meeting with Gwaine the knights can write off as him being there with Arthur - as it Merlin wouldn’t start a bar fight on his own.

I need more of the knights realising what an absolute menace Merlin can be. Or! It’d be so fun to see them realise just how many impossible situations Merlin got in and out of and be absolutely befuddled because, not knowing he has magic? How do you explain that?

Just them realising that they somehow missed all those baffling parts of Merlin and seeing the absolutely weird picture of him all those situations paint.

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Rory is the companion of a Time Lord who gets turned into a Roman. You could say that he's...Time's New Roman

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(ID in ALT text) "you remained me on some guy... "

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More reasons why Zuko being the Firelord is objectively the funniest thing on earth:

HES SEVENTEEN

He hasn’t been civilised in 4 years, his entire teenage experience consists of living on a boat and sleeping rough. The most stable bed he has was probably in Ba Sing Se he probably will just nap anywhere.

He has customer service experience which means he probably uses his customer service voice on his minsters.

Additionally he probably just wanders into to kitchen to get his own snacks and tea because he forgets what servants do.

He probably has no idea why he can’t just chase after an assassin he used to hunt the avatar for Agnis sake why is the captain of the guard demanding he stay in his room he’ll find the guy first (he’s probably right)

Katara probably has a free pass on Eco terrorism because what’s he going to do challenge her, she’ll beat his ass.

If he saw a minster doing something shady he will either invite lady Beifong to detect their BS or commit B&E and look for evidence himself.

He somehow found a baby dragon and raises it.

He will be far to willing to give Kyoshi island anything they want cause he feels bad and Suki scares him.

He randomly insisted on giving some earth kingdom village 100 ostrich horses.

The Avatar will just show up call him Hotman and demand the go on adventures and the Firelord will just dip because he’s been confined to long and has the Zoomies.

He takes far to much advice from Sokka and will genuinely believe if someone doesn’t get Sokkas plans they must be an idiot because Sokka is 16.

Sokka and Zuko also get into a lot of teenage rebellion phases by accident.

Toph just walks in breaks a wall of his palace and demands a field trip that always involves the Firelord having to explain himself to the cops.

He somehow knows every dangerous teen in the world and they all come for tea uninvited.

He has broken into both the NWT and Ba Sing Se.

He has a really well documented facial scar and official portraits but still disappears to be Lee the tea guy like no one knows.

HES SEVENTEEN.

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"people who stay up at night are either insomniac or In love" people who stay up at night read gay fanfiction on AO3 what are you on about?

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Listen I love Bookstreet (Jayce and Vi) as much as the next guy but we’re totally overlooking another amazing dynamic:

Vi and Viktor

Like them just bonding the fuck out both being from Zaun and dating Pilties. Viktor starts speaking in Zaunite slang Jayce and Cait never knew existed. Vi greets Viktor with a prison handshake that Viktor somehow knows even though he’s never been to prison (allegedly). If Jayce and Vi lose brain cells whenever they’re together, the Vi and Viktor achieve enlightenment-level class consciousness and have university level discussions on systemic oppression while eating deep fried slugs.

They’re homies.

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on everyone's soul this is what happened

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officially the best line in The Odyssey

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Can we please appreciate Odysseus being a silent stalker in the shadows, taking out suitors with his bow, not deigning to speak to them as he takes them out one by one

until some of them go "we have to strike him in the darkness too! we know the halls of this palace! the odds can be tilted!"

and Odysseus, built this palace with his very hands, has to step out of the shadows like "are you this fucking stupid"

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Cleaning house

I made these in advance and I have one for the final song.

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And I've been waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

Waiting...

...You.

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She. That girl. She's the post. She's everything

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why are all these modern aus for the Odyssey set in a high school. where's the retelling where Odysseus is just a guy lost in an airport who keeps missing his connecting flights home due to a comical series of delays and disgruntled airline employees

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So someone (I don’t remember who or where) had an idea that Percy Jackson was Odysseus reincarnated and I really need a fic like that.

Just, a fic where someone recognises him but as Odysseus, it’s a whole thing, and I especially would love to see Poseidon having an existential crisis. And also reactions of any other gods or whatever. But imagine Odysseus being reincarnated as Poseidon’s son as a form of “now get along” from the Fates. Those two had this whole fight? Yeah now they gotta make up and if they won’t? The Fates would force them to through forced proximity. Kinda. You know, except for the neglect.

And Odysseus/Percy dealing with this entire bullshit because of course this may as well be happen to him. Of course this life won’t be nicer than the previous one, even though he only remembered the previous life after the second war or sth. But suddenly a lot of stuff happening in Percy’s life makes sense, like “oh that’s why I immediately didn’t like that one guy so much”

And I would love to see Athena realise that Percy is Odysseus

I so want to read this, if there’s anything like it pls let me know

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What do you mean this wasn't them for most of Book 2?