samaelserpentine

[samaelserpentine]

well this was a very eventful 24 hours lot of eye-opening moments and lot of meaningful discussions here's some incredible additions to my post:

[samaelserpentine]

Currently saving the world in fanfiction because fuuuuuck this reality where my body is too broken to do it irl.

[samaelserpentine]

REBLOG THIS IF:

- you support trans kids under 18

- you support trans kids getting surgeries before 18

- you support trans kids starting hormone therapy before 18

[samaelserpentine]

When people ask me why I refuse to give Disney a cent and have actively boycotted them for years, I need to start showing them this and saying "and this is just the tip of the fucking iceberg."

this is so funny

[samaelserpentine]

Can I just...jump into an alternate dimension where I'm Andy Biersack and live there forever, please?

Andy Biersack as Johnny Faust ↳ American Satan (2017)

[samaelserpentine]

a necromancer is just a really late healer

[samaelserpentine]

Someone really needs to give the universe a crash course on consent because I did not agree to any of this shit.

[samaelserpentine]

“For the *last time*, just because I dress like an edgelord and live in a giant castle constructed out of obsidian within a region of high volcanic activity DOES NOT mean I’m a villain! That’s just, like, my aesthetic, bro!”

[samaelserpentine]

Robert Smith existing and being a snarky goth is a constant fucking mood.

[samaelserpentine]

[samaelserpentine]

Specifically the most epic and misunderstood villain of all time cuz heyyyyyyy, if people are going to think you're evil just for existing anyway, you might as well go for gold, right? 😈

I identify as a villain because I’m already queer-coded and don’t feel like being the quirky best friend who dies for motivation.

[samaelserpentine]

Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.

— Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

[samaelserpentine]

An Odyssey Through Music, Muses, Madness and Magic

(Buckle up Tumblr, this is a long poem) 1. The isle guardians of vinyl Unwittingly nervous to the necromancy I have planned An inner storm so terrible But I was Struck by his Occult missive So laden down was I By all the lyrics, the words With characters told through dark supergods As Aleister Crowley is to Led Zeppelin is to David Bowie And now me Lost among them Buried within them The pages of ancient texts And the liner notes of the albums Held far too close to the heart Though I tried, perhaps I merely formed mystery at my own doom The records of the sorcerers Performing an infernal scratching on my psyche Breaking down what was there and carving out what could be But whether it should be Is still uncertain to me. 2. I found the darkness in riffs The wall of sound I was into Inhabited by self-admitted aliens Aleister’s hellfire brought to light My heavy work held up The symbolizing of some god Archaic and forgotten Through a ring Art cracks All the people that stare loveless Into your eyes But I would be different I would be realized Something broken Mended Yet still wrong But I would Make myself into something else With your words The fascination told fables A way out, a way through I would find my way to you Through the cracks. 3. Once artwork I became their voice Lurking in the shadows of time On the periphery Of reason Madness could be a thrilling companion And with the records transcendent And the races lost The shout rang out Are You Experienced? I am and am not Like an abysmal and sunken ship Lost in the depths of the ocean Alone and devoid of meaning Abandoned everything to Grooves, characters, truths And once there inhabiting these my psyche Broke open spilling out visions, words Like arcane knowledge Dancing carelessly over the line Between the sacred and profane Whispering it’s so nice to see you here again And my mind became a bookshelf filled with ancient wisdom A record player Playing albums that told lies like they were the truth I uncovered the Necronomicon Had lives in Atlantis Sat with the sound and vision Of a populated landscape Woven through history Like a single thread Linking everything I became a fixture Fantastic Within the hidden music of a paperback I would not be forgotten there. 4. Of those who sought And those who chose A wriggle of religious fanaticism in claim And its origins an apparent expression of salvation I say You are nothing and have nothing for me With your hierarchy and worry over the threat Of music and sexuality And your constant waging of war against me When mine and yours is a history of burning I have nothing to give you You’ve already taken too much from me I want what was mine back With your wicked face as old as These chords I worship And your evil work to further ministers As meaningful to me as a rotten turnip Yet of my conjuring powers You disbelieve When honey, you should fear me And not the other way around I hope that when you are most afraid You say my name. 5. Mobs make parents worried They claim the rock audience chaos Is just hormonal fury A response to what is true Inside of both me and you There is more than this A kind of magic If you look for it Religious In the way we turn musicians Into gods and goddesses Idol worship But is that all it is? In the truest sense An ancient rite Long buried and forgotten Rising up inside us all Those who dare to dance And by prohibiting and demonizing The ones who shake their fists Lose their sense Always the sound of agitation But I saw these pagan spirits first Before I heard your protesting words Theirs speak louder to me Than your hatred ever could. 6. To the electric teenager Finding your way Rebellion is autonomy It is tradition To push boundaries Yet each new generation of adults Somehow forgets these Eternal truths It's not your fault They're afraid of your youth Don't listen Hold on Your fire will make the world a better place For you. 7. Could this ancient thread Of reality and magic infused with dangerous potential Normally inhabited by far greater Magicians than I could ever be Break me? I am traversing this rough terrain Of shared perception With aliens These common visions a violence What could I even be? Nothing more than a mystery To those around me Lost in this metaverse I have accessed Through song, collage, words Chaotic, such occult meanings They and often I End in something Beyond reason Scratching out messages of methods The angels referenced spoken vast by terrifying qualities These opposing sorcerers Like a guitar screeching endless feedback Which demons? Sex? Drugs? Words? Palpable as suggesting a penultimate hidden secret Impenetrable beyond nothingness and Nonetheless I must find it Even if I have to destroy myself trying Nothing is more important Than this truth. 8. Years go by and I come about left handed Shaped by a tarot card about the arts and earlier The room Space Death I know spirituality I see it in my brother’s eyes Only the inner outer world collides But of the Beatles or beetles They didn’t understand How To make the world bend at your command Of this phenomenon devotees are Reckless Breathtaking in their beauty And chaos It takes a certain kind of madness Or perhaps maybe genius To choose this path To withstand the pressure Of reality kneeling At your feet Bending to your will I will break it before it breaks me Oh brother, don’t you worry I always find my way out of the darkness And besides, hell has never bothered me I am the master of my own design The maker of my own making Nothing else can touch me. 9. Imagination turns listeners into participants Gives power to the powerless Those converted shaped by few ideas Dreams Had rock’s Hare Krishna LSD Asking questions Whose inner world could I be? And as it moves, a cultural generation Becomes magical More magical than entire rock bands Than holy men and women Fashioned by the young The carbon copy progressives Lying like Houses Already vast Led by the words of the Bhagavad Gita You should have listened to me When I had the cards already free I tried to warn you what was coming But no one ever hears me Invisible as I am Until so repulsive, so strange You can’t look away from me You really should have listened You can't say I didn't try to warn you. 10. This is bigger than I am Stretched too thin like skin Over bone was and into The board, into the planchette Could enchantment make me forget? The board is vibrating Shaking like hands The grazing of sleeves Culture, vinyl Seemed out from under our covers Like what was hidden There, even tucked away those records Though of nothing gatefold came No reason to be afraid Other than the fingers that have become potent The light that has now dimmed And what could I have been To all who pulled that woven magic Out of my childhood? Could it be the way was manifest Curled up snugly against your breast? As warm candlelight over the Ouija Plastic memories came From which I had imagined the feelings like air between Bewitched but hovered from Somewhere above our heads I wished that I was dead Or that something would end. 11. Experiences divorced from reality Covers rock personas Cut out images appear worse But Dionysus would love this His child Who has people staged Like personal shamanic relics Thinking writing something mystical That I would seek this That I sought this Is surely a form of madness But all the logical illogical reasoning shows A kind of rare dedication to the cause These rites are magical Why speak of demons And why speak of devils? I have conjured and created Something new out of the ancient Like nails Scratching deep grooves into a record album I have altered something Broken it As their gods create chaos simulating insanity As if they even have to in me I am the false image of a human performed By a front magician Playing at being god In these moments of desperation Carrying the weight of lives As though my power were absolute My belief almost religious Fanatical My concerns become concerts When I am on my own Wondering why happiness has abandoned me And where all the merrymakers have gone Why I am more Anubis than Pan Why myth seems written in lyrics As musicians play me like a fiddle Play me for a fool I am possessed Into thinking I am appearing as many legends Something older than time itself A life bringer A life destroyer With the power to stop or start it all I needed to believe I had the power To save all of you To destroy all of you To protect myself If I needed to And I don’t know if I can save myself From the things I want to do As the darkness envelops me And my mind becomes unglued So go ahead and do what you always do And blame it on the music When we all know the truth It’s always been you. 12. Rumination is realization I wandered alone Within the elements and to God Unintelligible Words became strange as Rogue faeries genuine Approach looking wing Impenetrable as I have become What I’d produced went away from me Flew out of my control Reborn in catastrophe When where into situations I went From film to film I sense in time a song Things start about a room and again Became revolt But maybe that’s just what happens when you’re Involving the occult Bring out the old rock n roll safeguard Make it out of symbols and sigils A complete thought catalogue so arcane It would leave you spellbound for days My mind prison And that in myself some Christ was born A thought so seductive to be sure I would take control of these pursuits But unlike you Hatred would never do I would never fight against passion Your fear I came to hear Against spaceships, rituals, the mystical, Sex, magic Your terror So absolutely Psychological I felt protection close at hand And I was real myself, as I really am In and out of my depth Battling against you and your demands I came out cleaner Stronger And what became of you? Shhh, no telling I won’t spoil the ending No good to warn the enemy Of what is coming But You really should have been listening You should have been watching What was happening. 13. He said, you should have started with Kether Been sure of the path you were following After all Magic, like blood, stains But these moments were wonders They could drive out the fear of fortune, destiny Hanging over my head I was taking control Creating my own instead As thin as the thread that links us all Tenuous, fragile Like a mind on the verge of breaking Under the weight of a cruel reality The walls would speak to me Whispering When will you come to me From here or there And find me in a room High above the clouds Where we could build our love? It’s not enough It’s a drug And I need it As lovers we were And I, such as the mountains Looming, shy Unable to look you in the eye But here is the stuff of legend Sound soars like a movement Lost to the ages I never thought myself better than this moment Lost as I once was Now flashing light and colour Connected to everything Raising you like the devils they spoke of Dancing my way to Malkuth A fearless necromancer Disregarding all the rules. 14. I am the sun I am the ocean I am the mountains and the streams I am the demon who would be with you In all your wildest dreams Where men circle around you Desperate to keep you You land like sand flowing through my hand I did not try to hold onto you So you let me keep the thread Through this glass I was searching Broken as the cracks But now I am returning Now I am mending And once you were evasive Elusive Like a high I was chasing Or the first drink, the tenth, or the last But now I find you woven into everything Believing we were thrown together like darts Bending like space and time I was searching for this Searching for you In desolate stations We would be protected Dredging the world to a ditch Just to find you Just to become more than this You are a wonder Among wondrous things And I am bird Who has found his wings Overlooking humanity From up on high I have found me in you This time And of all the things they can take from me That will never be one of them For I am the sun I am the ocean I am the mountains and the streams I am the demon who would be with you In all your wildest dreams But above all else What is more I have found peace Dancing in the flames of this madness They tried to call a disease I am me I am me I am me.

[samaelserpentine]

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

“What’s the point of having a voice if you’re gonna be silent in those moments you shouldn’t be?”

— Angie Thomas, The Hate U Give (via thebookquotes)

[samaelserpentine]

Eyes are face balls from now on, these are the rules.

*me writing fic*

me to me: don’t use the word eyes, you just used it in the previous sentence. use something else

my inner me to me: no, don’t call eyes orbs, it’s cringey

my deeper inner me to me: call them face balls

[samaelserpentine]

Reminder to self: just write the first damned sentence.

Just write the first sentence. This sentence will lead you to another sentence. A couple of sentences will lead you to an entire paragraph. A couple of paragraphs will lead you to an entire page. A couple of pages will lead you to an entire chapter. That’s how you write a book. You don’t have to know everything. All you have to know is the next sentence.

[samaelserpentine]

Boys Latin

"Jamieson is such a tosser." Eddie grumbled under his breath, his hands balled into fists, still bristling at the director's cruel words as he and Benjamin walked out of the late night rehearsal together. "He can be a right arsehole sometimes," Benjamin agreed, "but you can't let him get to you." "Ha!" Eddie laughed darkly, his nails digging sharply into his palms. "Easy for you to say, you're not the one he's chosen for bloody target practice." "He's only picking on you because you're new, and because you're good." Benjamin reassured him. "Oh yeah, sure," Eddie rolled his eyes, "I'm so bloody good that all he does is shout at me and complain about every little thing I do. If I wanted to deal with that shite I'd just stay home. In fact, he could take some tips from my parents. It seems like all they bloody well do these days is find fault in me and they're much better at ripping me to shreds than bloody Jamieson could ever be. I should invite him round for dinner, let them give him a few pointers on how to twist the knife more effectively." "Eddie, look at me," Benjamin commanded gently, and he did even though it hurt his heart to look into Benjamin's eyes. He had fallen for the other boy the first time they'd met, though he'd been too afraid to say anything or make a move, and he hated for Benjamin to see him like this; angry, frustrated, hurt and definitely not at his best. This wasn't the person he wanted to be around him. This wasn't the Eddie he wanted Benjamin to see, the flawed, terrible, deeply wounded one. The one who wasn't fit to be around other people, especially not good people like Benjamin. "You are good at acting." Benjamin said, gripping him by the shoulders and making his heart skip a beat at his touch. "Jamieson is a failed actor who directs for that reason alone. The reason he doesn't like you is because you're just starting out and you're already light-years ahead of him. He's just bitter and jealous and taking it out on you." Eddie snorted in disbelief and shook his head, looking down at his shoes so he wouldn't have to look at the other boy. Benjamin tipped his chin back up and gazed at him intensely, his warm brown eyes burning into Eddie's cool, blue grey ones. "And as for your family...don't listen to them. I don't know your parents but from what you've said about them in the past they sound terrible. You don't need people like that to try and tell you who to be or how to act. If they disapprove of you and your choices in life it means you're doing something right. You're a good actor and you're a good person, Eddie. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise." Eddie felt a lump rising in his throat and he tried to swallow it to no avail. You're a good person, Eddie. No one, no one, had ever called him that before. But then, they'd had no reason to. He wasn't a good person. He was just as bad as his family. No matter how far he tried to run from them, from his past, he could never escape them or the person he'd been, the person they had raised and moulded him to be. It was in his very blood, poisoning him and everyone he touched. "I'm not a good person." He said softly, his voice breaking. "Yes you are." Benjamin said firmly, though he was speaking just as quietly as Eddie now, and still refused to break his penetrating gaze. "I'm not, Ben. I'm really not." Eddie said, feeling as though his heart was shattering into a million pieces. He had to protect Benjamin, he couldn't poison him just like he poisoned everything and everyone else. "Yes you are." Benjamin insisted. "I know you are, if I didn't truly feel and believe that you were a good person I wouldn't be - " Benjamin trailed off, as if suddenly catching myself.  "You wouldn't be what?" Eddie asked, his heart pounding. Benjamin looked down for a moment and took a deep, shaking breath before facing him again and speaking, his voice thick with emotion. "I...I wouldn't be...in love with you." Benjamin's words and their meaning hit Eddie like a freight train, almost physically knocking him back in shock. For once, he found he had no words, no thoughts. Never in a thousand years would he have thought that Benjamin, his Benjamin, could ever possibly feel the same. "Eddie…I...I'm sorry, I didn't realize...I..." Benjamin stammered, clearly misreading Eddie's stunned silence. "Ben, stop." Eddie said, putting his hand up to Benjamin's cheek and looking deeply into his eyes, his bottom lip trembling slightly as emotion threatened to overwhelm him completely. "I...I'm in love with you too." He confessed. He had never said those words out loud before. Not to anyone. He had never felt this way about anyone else before. It was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. But he knew that in a world shrouded in a dark cloud of pain, destruction, hatred and lies, Benjamin and the way he felt about him was the purest, truest thing in his life. A light in all of that overwhelming and unrelenting darkness. And that was worth fighting for, it was worth the risk of letting his walls down and being honest about his feelings, it was worth whatever might come next, good or bad. If Benjamin loved Eddie as much as he loved him, he knew they could face it together. He wouldn't have to be alone. And maybe, just maybe, he could really be the good person Benjamin believed he was. "You do?" Benjamin asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper. A shy grin spread across Eddie's face and he nodded emphatically. His heart flooding with love, relief, hope and too many other emotions he wasn't used to feeling and couldn't even name. Suddenly a door banged open down the hall and they broke apart, flustered. "Bloody hell, it's Jamieson!" He gasped. "Come on!" Benjamin said with a crooked grin, his eyes flashing with excitement as he took Eddie by the hand and pulled him around a corner and then broke into a run, leading him to the first secluded place he could find - his dressing room. Laughing quietly as he closed and locked the door behind them, Benjamin leaned back against it and tried to catch his breath, looking so gorgeous with his dark curls disheveled from the run that Eddie couldn't wait a single moment longer. His heart pounding in his ears so loud that it drowned out all other sound, he took Benjamin's face in his hands and kissed him, letting himself melt into the warmth and love of Benjamin's embrace. He had never understood what people meant when they said they felt a spark when they kissed someone, he'd certainly never felt anything like that when he'd kissed anyone before. Until now. Kissing Benjamin was like being hit by a bolt of lightning that sent electricity racing through this entire body, it left him breathless, stunned and aching for more. "Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?" He chuckled softly. "Because we were both too scared I suppose." Benjamin said, shaking his head. "Well...I'm not scared anymore," Eddie said, smiling shyly at him, "are you?" "No way! I feel like I could take on the world right now." Benjamin grinned. "I feel like I could take on Jamieson right now, and my family." Eddie said, grinning back at him. "We'll take them all on then; the world, Jamieson, your family and anyone else who stands in our way, and we'll do it together." Benjamin vowed, taking Eddie's hand in his and squeezing it. "Together." Eddie repeated.

And in that moment, with the heaviness that had weighed on his heart like an albatross finally lifting, he truly believed that they could.