sara-the-avoider

[sara-the-avoider]

TW SELF HARM 

when u have a minor setback and have to live with regret about it until the cuts heal bc the pain just reminds u of what u did (: 

[sara-the-avoider]

my therapist today: I want you to know that even if you can’t be proud of yourself, I’m proud of you. 

me:

[sara-the-avoider]

my therapist asked me today if i had ever considered support groups for emotional abuse because he sees so clearly sees in me the aftermath of it even though it's like 7 years later. and he seemed like. really choked up about it tbh. so. fun stuff!

[sara-the-avoider]

not to get too deep on main but did anyone else have such deeply rooted issues with their self worth for so long that they thought as a kid/teen that their only redeeming feature was being “low maintenance” and now as an adult you give yourself guilt pangs asking for any more than the barest minimum in virtually any relationship because asking for things might negate your only good quality which is just “doesn’t ask for things”

[sara-the-avoider]

does anyone else feel like they’ve created such a rich inner experience in your own daydreams and prolonged solitude due to inevitable circumstances such as being alone for a good portion of your life that you feel kind of stuck? I feel like I’ve been so immersed in my own daydreams and alone time that leaving it feels so weird sometimes and I’m constantly stuck in this dream-reality phase lol

[sara-the-avoider]

who else wants to d*e on this day

[sara-the-avoider]

[sara-the-avoider]

me: oh no, I have a stress fracture, I need to be careful because it’s healing and I don’t want it to get worse! 

self destructive me: *resists urge to stomp my foot or kick things*

[sara-the-avoider]

Just a reminder that Vincent van Gogh did not eat yellow paint to make himself feel happy, he ate paint, and drank different chemicals because he was suicidal and this is why he was not allowed in his studio while having breakdowns. He also did not paint starry night and his other great works because he was depressed, he painted most of them while he was in recovery and demonstrated his hopefulness and love of the world through this. Most of his great works were painted from his room at a hospital. Van Gogh’s depression should not be glorified. His hope and effort toward a better life, as well as his recovery from depression should be glorified.

[sara-the-avoider]

i mean this in the nicest way possible you guys but you NEED to take better care of yourselves online. getting severely anxious about mass quantities of horrible things you cant change every single day is normal considering the internet’s ability to educate on worldwide issues, it shows that you have empathy and that you truly do care. but relentless knowledge of constant suffering on this scale is NOT something humans are psychologically equipped to handle. it’s okay to shut off. it’s okay to just take a break and enjoy yourself for a while in your own localized space

[sara-the-avoider]

things my therapist said about my ex today that were true but also eyeopening and weird to hear: -fucking monster -psychopath -sadist

[sara-the-avoider]

this episode of chic*go med is infuriating. the intern was like “it presents as anorexia but she’s not underweight”

cool

did you know you don’t have to be underweight to be anorexic? i feel like any intern in this day and age should know that. but then again, people don’t believe fat people or average weight people can have eating disorders so

[sara-the-avoider]

I don’t get vivid flashbacks of my ex very often — I tend to err on the side of it all blurring together or repressing it completely but. Tonight something reminded me of a situation and I just. Am so mad. That it happened. That I let it happen. That I thought that’s what love was. I’m. Sickened.

His manipulation, possession, and isolation started in high school and I didn’t notice. I didn’t even realize it until tonight. Jfc

[sara-the-avoider]

The photo of D*pp’s busted up finger is going around as somehow new ‘evidence’ when it’s been around for awhile and it was meant as PROOF of his abuse of Amber Heard. He literally cut his finger while drinking and then wrote Hi Amber on a mirror with his blood to intimidate her. That was in the court documents. Like this is not new…

But now suddenly because some D*pp fan on twitter posted some out of context he said she said court documents and the photo of that on twitter somehow she’s guilty and actually she abused him!

We have verified texts, video, photos of her face, we even have his bodyguards’ admission of having seen it happen frequently and having to cover for him. But still people are now turning around and trying to vindicate that greasy pile of scarves that is D*pp. It really took basically nothing for people to turn on Amber Heard. I’m amazed but I’m also disgusted, I guess people just hate bi women that much.

[sara-the-avoider]

Most survivors tend to be the care-giver rather than the care-receiver. We tend to be good at being spouses and parents, anticipating our loved ones needs, going the second mile when it came to self sacrifice. But seldom can we ask our loved ones to give to us. We fool ourselves into believing we don’t need much.

Beverly Engel, The Right to Innocence

[sara-the-avoider]

So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialized, or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: This did happen to me. It was that bad. It was the fault & responsibility of the adult. I was—and am—innocent.”

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors, by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis

[sara-the-avoider]