secretconstellations

[secretconstellations]

IT’S NOT OVER UNTIL IT’S OVER.

WE CAN’T STOP FIGHTING FOR A CEASEFIRE NOW... THIS IS THE MOST CRUCIAL TIME. GUYS, WE NEED TO KEEP FIGHTING... 𝙋𝙇𝙀𝘼𝙎𝙀 𝙎𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙀! 𝙒𝙀 𝙉𝙀𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙊 𝙎𝙋𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙒𝙊𝙍𝘿." from Huda, 27/Mar/2024:

[secretconstellations]

oh my word neil is such a genius

👀.

[secretconstellations]

intro and writing boundaries <3

hello, loves! i'm myrrh james, or mj for short, and i write fanfiction! as i'm a new account (not new to tumblr though, i just decided to make a separate account dedicated to fanfiction), i thought it would be a good idea to let you get to know a little about me. feel free to share some stuff about you all as well, i would love to get to know you!

to begin, i'm a minor and i'm genderfluid but i don't strongly mind what pronouns you use for me as my preferences change so just call me whatever you feel like. i write for multiple fandoms (including the mcu, the marauders, good omens etc) but so far this account has been mainly mcu themed as that seems to be the most popular here. if you have any requests for any other fandoms, just let me know and if i'm comfortable, i'll write it!

for me, i tend to use writing and fanfiction as a sort of escape to deal with hard stuff (e.g. mental illness/sh and things associated) so i'm happy to write pretty angsty stuff if requested/i really feel the need. if any of you need someone to talk/vent to, my dms are open :)

other fun facts include: i adore music/musical theatre, i'm an aspiring actor and writer but i also have science-related interests especially related to human biology.

my writing boundaries: i'm happy to write: - reader insert - non reader insert - fluff - hurt/comfort (my fav as a coping mechanism) - angst - dark themes including topics related to depression, anxiety, s3lf h@rm, su!c!d@l ideation, etc. as it is stuff i do experience on a daily basis and am sure many of you do too. please note all works with dark themes will come with a warning! - swearing - romance (can be sensual not but not sexual) - basically anything not on the "not happy to write" list

i'm not happy to write: - smut - anything kinky of any kind - extreme gore - extreme violence/torture - anything predatory/p3doph!ll!c - anything bigoted/with the intention of harming a minority group - anything i decide i'm not comfortable posting or writing

please note i will use my own discretion in what i choose to write/not write. have the most lovely day!!!

[secretconstellations]

The Kind You Could Grab A Beer With (Platonic!Steve x Sam)

pairing: platonic!Steve x Sam

warnings: slight swearing, mention of alcohol (no alcohol misuse)

synopsis: steve hasn't felt normal in a long time. he just needs someone to be his friend, someone he could grab a beer with.

a/n: this is my second post!!! thank you so much for reading and i really hope you enjoy it :) again, feedback/constructive criticism would be great and requests are open!!! just use the ask feature on my page

Steve ran. It was all he could do. It was his constant, his saving grace. The feel of the morning breeze caressing his face brought him back down to earth. The feel of his feet hitting the worn pavement gave him a surge of adrenaline that made him feel ready for anything. The sunrise, a painting of colour splashed across the sky, gave him a sense of nostalgia, of belonging that he couldn't quite place. The beautiful, long shadows of the few passers-by placated the ever-growing numbness that had formed in the pit of his chest the moment he woke up from being iced for seventy odd years. It made him feel okay, even if only for a moment. So Steve ran.

"On your left!" He huffed out to a (rather attractive looking) man he passed running on the same path he was. He had seen him a few times before, sometimes out even earlier than he was. They must have followed the same route or something considering how often they passed one another.

"Uh huh, on my left, got it." Steve chuckled at the sarcasm lacing the man's voice as he sped past him, glad to have a way to show off his abilities that didn't include fighting and killing. He looked back at the man, his expression sour but playful as he shrunk to a mere iota in the Captain's peripheral. Oh, it's on.

Steve ran around his route with ease and came upon the man again. This time, the man sensed Steve's presence approaching him.

"Don't say it... Don't you say it!"

"On your left!"

"COME ON!" He whined.

Steve sped away once again, a smile decorating his deep set features. He decided he liked this guy. He seemed nice. Funny even. Someone you could grab a beer with. How Steve longed for a friend he could just grab a beer with without the baggage of war and aliens and New York 2012 and HYDRA looming over their heads the whole time. That sounded nice.

--

"Wanna grab a beer?" Steve asked Sam, his now longtime running companion and member of the Avengers. So much for friends outside the field.

"Eh, I've got a couple in the back, I don't feel much like going out." Sam sighed whilst getting up out of his chair. He appeared to sense Steve's disappointment. "I can get a card game out too, if you like. You play solitaire?"

"Not my favourite but I play."

Sam grabbed a stack of cards from a cabinet as he headed to the back to grab two beers. Steve leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes in a desperate attempt to have a moment of peace away from the terrors of battle and missions and all that crap. That was why he liked Sam's place so much. It felt homely, like a family could live there. It was so far removed from the waking nightmare that was being an Avenger. Don't get him wrong, Steve loved his job and he loved the 21st century. The food was better, no polio was nice, the internet was so useful and, of course, the Troubleman Soundtrack was a godsend! Honestly, it was the best music he had listened to since... ever. Thanks, Sam. And not to mention, fighting for justice had been his life purpose since he popped out of the womb. But sometimes he just wanted quiet. He just wanted some peace. A sense of normality. Why was God so dead set against giving it to him?

"I got us two Stellas." Sam's voice broke his train of thought.

"Neat." Steve took one out of Sam's hands as he placed the cards on the coffee table between them. "Ready to play?"

"Oh it's on-"

!MISSION ALERT!

"Aw, shit, dude. Duty calls."

"Language." Steve slipped out.

There was silence for a moment. A really long moment.

"You did not just say language, Rogers. You have got to be kidding me."

"I didn't mean... It just slipped out!"

"Uh huh, it slipped out." Sam was giggling like a little girl. "I am never letting you live that one down, Cap."

Steve rolled his eyes but he couldn't help but smile, too.

"I'm taking my beer."

"Yeah, goddamn right you are!" The sarcasm was evident in Sam's voice, but he was still holding his. "Ah, fuck it. Let's take 'em. Let's see how much we can drink without spilling on those HYDRA motherfuckers!"

Steve had no clue how Sam could stay so chipper, so loose, after all he'd been through. It was a miracle. Sam really was the kind of guy you could just go grab a beer with. He was the kind of guy to lose a race by a mile and still manage to take it on the chin (after he had made a few dirty quips directed at Steve first). He was the kind of guy to make pop culture references that he knew Steve wouldn't understand and then explain them right after so Steve could make that reference around other people. He was the kind of guy to taunt you jokingly but always knew where the line was (whether he crossed that line or not was another story). He was also the kind of guy Steve could always count on to have his back in a fight, no matter what. Steve thought he lost all that when he lost Bucky. Gosh, it felt like Steve was making a real best friend again. Maybe God was answering his prayers.

[secretconstellations]

Rain (Reader x sad!Nat)

pairings: Reader x Natasha Romanoff

warnings: existential topics, slight mention of death, slight swearing

summary: reader is content. they know their place in the world, and that's with the avengers. so when nat comes back from a mission lost and drained, the reader takes it upon themself to comfort her and impart some advice. hurt/comfort!

a/n: hello loves! i hope you're having a lovely day :) this is my first fic so i'd really appreciate feedback as i'd really like to grow my account and cater my work better to you. i hope you enjoy it!! also, requests are open!

Rain hit the car windows. The dim street lamps bore into my retinas, disfigured by the streaks of rain my windshield wipers were struggling to wipe away. I had always liked the rain - that was, from a distance. From the warmth and safety of my car, I sat in silence, soaking in the gentle murmur of the rainfall. Specks of rain peppered my windows, each droplet configuring itself into a unique constellation of water on my window, only to be wiped away seconds later. It was a microcosm of life, I suppose. Beautiful and vibrant for a moment, only to disappear without a trace in the blink of an eye.

In an odd way, it made me smile. No one wants to live forever. Forever sounded so overwhelmingly long. I was okay with life being short and vapid. In a way, that's what gave it meaning. Somehow some form of cosmic junk had become this solar system, my planet. Had become me. And I would live and die and leave no real mark on the universe. And I was okay with that. It gave me the agency to choose my own meaning. And the meaning I chose was the Avengers. My family. A series of calamities had somehow given me the best family I could ask for after twenty-something years of living borderline alone, and the thought took my breath away every day. They were mine and I was theirs and we were okay.

Kind of.

Nat and Tony were due to come back from a week-log mission that evening, and by the sounds of it, they were pretty banged up. Nothing too bad, but they wouldn't be in the best shape. One never was following a mission, after all. I had left to pick up something to cheer the both of them up, and had settled on getting a whole lot of takeaway for the whole team. Nat's favourite restaurant was only maybe a half hour drive from the Avengers Tower, and I couldn't find it on any food delivery platforms so I went there myself and got us a great deal of food, all Nat and Tony's favourite meals. They would need it after a long week in the field.

My car came up to the driveway, the rain still falling in heaps. It was so loud now that I was sure it would punch a hole in the roof of my car. Through my foggy window, I could make out the silhouette of the Quinjet on the roof. They were back already! I was practically jumping out of my seat to see them. I collected all the food that I could carry without dropping and ran to the door, trying my best to shield the food from the rain. FRIDAY opened the door without me asking, and I practically sprinted up the stairs to the common room.

"Y/N! I was just about to ask where you were." Nat gave me a worn out smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as she made her way over to embrace me, Tony following suit.

"Hello, my loves." I beamed as the two of them attempted to hug me despite my busy arms. "How are you doing?"

"Y'know. Fine. But I would be a lot better if you let me know what the hell that divine smell is, Y/N." Tony smirked, eyebrow raised.

"Oh, I got takeout!" I sang.

At this the whole team began chattering, practically tripping over themselves to grab a bag and eat whatever was inside before I shooed them away to go wash their hands, as did I. I made my way to a nearby bathroom as the kitchen sink was crowded enough as it was and I didn't feel like waiting.

"Nat..."

Much to my surprise, Nat sat on the floor of the bathroom, knees to her chest in an almost fetal position. She looked so tired. I could hear the rain pattering against the window above her. The storm was gentler now, taking its final breaths. She looked up at the sound of my voice, her tired eyes struggling to focus on my face. Her characteristic, firey self-confidence had dissipated and she just seemed so... tired. It wasn't her.

"Nat, my lovely, what's wrong?" I caught myself using the little pet name someone some lifetime ago had called me. Maybe it would be of some comfort to Nat. "Nat?"

"Uh, I'm just tired, Y/N. It's nothing for you to worry about. Go eat. I'll be there in a minute."

"I'm here to help, love, I can't just leave you. Please tell me what's wrong." I said, keeping my voice as calm and reassuring as I could as I made my way to sit beside her.

She opened her mouth as if to protest, but crumpled as if she were carrying the weight of the heavens on her shoulders.

"I'm just tired of everyone dying." She croaked, her voice barely above a whisper. "It's so fucking pointless. We put our asses on the line every single day for people who just end up dying anyways. There's literally no point to any of this. We're just gonna die anyways, wouldn't it all just be better if we never existed? Yeah... It's all pointless, meaningless shit. I'm so tired of it!" Her voice had risen to an almost shout by this point.

"I know, I know..." I mused as I took her in my arms. "I know, Nat. It's so hard to see meaning sometimes, and that can be scary and tiring. We're on a floating rock and we'll die and be forgotten by the universe eventually, but Nat, that's okay. It doesn't mean there's no meaning. You mean so much to me and to the team, and everyone we save means something to someone. That matters. We have the freedom to choose our own meaning for our own little world. The universe can go fuck itself because the universe is what doesn't matter. Your meaning doesn't need to come from some cosmic overlord. For me, it's you all that gives me meaning. You are my world, my reason, my purpose. You just need to find yours."

We sat in silence for a bit, listening to the hiss of the rain and the echoes of our friends' laughter in the common room. I could feel every inch of her skin touching mine, each vibrant intricacy fighting for my attention. Her calloused fingers were cold, but her palms were sweaty. I didn't mind, though, I counted myself lucky to even be in her presence. Her red hair fell down about her waist, some getting caught in our embrace.

"Sorry." Nat finally spoke, as she pulled herself from me. "Sorry, this is so stupid. I'm being stupid. The mission was just harder than expected."

"Nat, you aren't being stupid at all! It's completely okay to feel this way, okay?" I turned her face in my direction. Her cheeks were soft, save for the little cuts that peppered her porcelain features. Gosh, looking at her felt like falling into bed after a long day of fighting and missions. She felt like home. "Okay?"

She nodded, a smile forming on her chapped lips.

"Let's go eat before the others finish all the food. I bought your favourite! Unless you want to sit here a while longer, that's okay too."

"Shit, I'm actually really hungry!" She giggled. "Yes, let's go eat. I'd like to see the others."

With that, I got up to wash my hands, and we made our way towards the sound of sweet laughter. Nat smiled at our friends. A real smile, this time. She smiled the smile of someone finding their purpose. Finding their meaning. Finding their home.