show-me-your-rocks - Tumblr blog

[show-me-your-rocks]

Little Kakashi: I hate you.

Little Gai: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Gai, resting on top of Kakashi's chest: I’m on top of the world.

Kakashi: Actually, you’re on top of me.

Gai: I know. You are my world.

Kakashi:

Kakashi: [hugs Gai tightly]

[show-me-your-rocks]

Gai: Please, Rival… after everything we’ve gone through together… you can’t do this

Kakashi: I’m sorry, Gai

Gai: I’m begging you… please don’t do it

Kakashi: It has to be done

Gai:

Kakashi, placing a draw 4 card: Uno

[show-me-your-rocks]

i don't care if a trans woman hasnt "done the work". i dont care if she doesnt shave. i dont care if she has short hair. i dont care if she has broad shoulders. i dont care if she has a flat chest. i dont care if she has flat hips. i dont care if she has a deep voice. i dont care if she wears "mens" clothing. she's a woman because she says she is. she doesn't have to "do the work". she doesnt have to do anything, actually. she's a woman regardless of how she looks, acts or sounds. she's a woman because she is one.

[show-me-your-rocks]

[show-me-your-rocks]

Part two

Summary: Touka and Reader go from annoying acquaintances to lovers

Pairing: Touka Kirishima and reader

Warnings: minor spoilers

Categories: fluff, enemies to lovers

The next day you see Touka in class. She sits next to you and she looks exhausted. You want to figure out why she didn’t respond but now it’s looking like she has a good excuse.

“Hey you doing okay? You didn’t respond to my email and you look tired.”

“Gee thanks,” she replies. “It’s none of your business but I was busy. I have a life outside of school you know. And it’s not like it’s due tomorrow. We have plenty of time so relax.”

“Sorry.” You say.

“Whatever. I’m just trying to get through today. I’m so beat.” She says offhandedly.

“Sorry to hear that. I hope your day goes better.” You reply.

“You say sorry a lot. You don’t have to apologize for everything you know. And I’ll be just fine. Thanks.” She snarls.

“Okay.” You reply, knowing anything else would only get her angrier.

Class starts and it’s as uncomfortable as you’ve ever been in your whole career as a student. You sit there, still as can be, barely breathing so you don’t have to worry about Touka getting upset.

Class ends and you both get up to leave.

“Hey I’m sorry if I bit your head off a bit earlier. I’m just super tired and I have other stuff going on. I appreciate that you’re working on the project.” She says remorsefully.

“It’s okay. Really. I don’t know what you have going on but I can understand. Like you said it’s not due for a while so we don’t have to finish it soon.” You say. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee? Would that help?”

“Sounds good.” She replies.

You both walk to the little coffee shop on campus. It’s a bit slow because most students are in class. You both order and you pay. You sit down and wait for your orders to be ready. Touka collapses into her arms she’s laid on the table. You grab your coffees and come back to the table. Touka hasn’t moved from her resting position. You put down the coffees on the table and let her be. Eventually she pops up and grabs the coffee.

“Ugh I’m just so tired, you know?” She asks rhetorically. “Well you know but you don’t. I don’t wanna weigh you down with my stuff. Never mind.”

“No it’s okay.” You assure her. “I don’t mind. It’s good to get things out. It’ll help you feel better even if it’s just to vent.”

“That’s what bugs me about you most I think. You’re too nice.” She says kinda snarkily. “I bet you never stand up for yourself.”

You chuckle. “Not really no. I guess not.”

“Why not?” She asks.

“Don’t know. Never really taught how I guess. Never really had to fight or stand up for myself.” You explain.

“Tch. Must be nice.” She replies. “You must have had a nice life.”

“Not really. I mean it’s not been terrible but I guess the same as an average person.” You say. “I mean it’s been lonely. I pretty much raised myself and had to teach myself just about anything I know. My parents weren’t really around much and then…” your voice trails off.

“Sorry.” She says. “It wasn’t right for me to assume that just because I’ve had a shitty life that no one else had it bad. My parents are gone too. And my brother left. I’ve only got people I live with to support me. And now I’m helping to raise a girl who lost both her parents. That’s why I’m so tired. I’m trying so hard to keep it all together but it’s exhausting. And I try to escape into school, which is why I started the project already. I’m just so messed up.”

“That’s so much to deal with. I can’t believe you do all that and still keep up with your classes. You’re like a superhero or something.” You say, almost fawning.

“It’s not like I get a choice. I have to do it all or else it all falls apart.” She replies. “And too much is riding on me for that to happen. So here I am.”

“All the more reason to have the chance to vent.” You assure her again. “You have a lot going on and if you don’t let it out you’ll explode or collapse.”

“Yeah I guess.” She sighs. “Well thanks for letting me do that. And you bought me coffee. After I was mean to you. You’re way too nice. I could probably ask you for all the money you’ve got and you’d give it to me.”

“I mean if you needed some…” you start.

“Oh my god! I was joking!” She exclaims. “You’re hopeless. Someone bad is going to come along and wrap you around their finger. Then you’ll be done.” She snickers at the thought.

“Good one. As if anyone would be interested in a pushover like me. I can’t even work up the nerve to tell someone I like them.” You moan.

“Not surprising,” she retorts. “Someone could like you and you’d never know. You’re clueless too.”

You chuckle. “Yeah you’re probably right. Listen I know I’m probably overstepping but is there anything I can do to help with all your stuff?”

“You are and you’re being too nice.” She replies. “Also no, not really. But I guess I appreciate the offer. I saw what you had for your idea for the project. Some of it was good. Maybe you could work that out taking the good parts of yours and working them in with mine. I’ll let you know which parts are good.”

“Okay cool. I can do that.” You say. “Thanks for letting me help. I know it can be difficult.”

“It is, especially with idiots like you offering. Just don’t mess it up.” She retorts.

“I won’t. I’ll send it to you when I’m done.” You reply.

“Okay.” She says. “I gotta get going. Thanks for the coffee. It kinda sucked but it woke me up some. You should come try coffee from Anteiku. It’s where I work. That coffee is actually good.”

“Cool. I’ll have to take you up on that. Just tell me a time that works for you.” You say, maybe a little too excitedly.

“Calm down. It’s not like it’s a date.” She scolds. “I work Sunday mornings and they’re usually slow. So you can come by then.”

“Cool. I’ll be there.” You say.

“Okay well I’ll see you around. Look for my email.” She reminds you.

“Okay. Bye.”

Was she warming up to you or just tired and overwhelmed? Tough to say but it seemed like she let her guard down. It was nice to see. Maybe you two can get along after all. It would be nice to have a friend. Or maybe even more. No. You stop yourself. She still doesn’t like you. Friends is a stretch. Better crush those ideas now because you know she will if you do or say something stupid.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Part one

Summary: Touka and Reader go from annoying acquaintances to lovers

Pairing: Touka Kirishima and Reader

Warnings: minor spoilers

Category: Fluff, enemies to lovers

Class was about to start. You’re sitting there in your seat, which you’d claimed as soon as the last class left. You’re always early for your classes and a dedicated student at Kamii University. Only one seat was left in the class and it was next to you. You had an end seat so you could get out easily for your next class. Only a minute til class began so you were hopeful that no one else would sit there and you could have that space if you needed it. Just before the professor goes to close the door this blue haired girl rushes in, apologizing. She scans the room and sees the seat next to you. Crap. At least she’s kinda cute. Hopefully she won’t be so bad to have sitting next to you.

She hastily moves toward the seat and slides behind you to take the seat. She apologizes to you for having to slide past you. She’s polite at least. You tell her it’s fine. Class begins.

She seems interested in class but is obviously having a bit of trouble keeping up with the ideas. She doesn’t seem to feel comfortable in slowing the rest of the class down to ask questions. Whether it’s because she’s too polite or embarrassed is unclear. Maybe both. In any case you decide to hang out after class and help her.

“Hey, it seemed like you didn’t get that…”

“What? I don’t need your help. Thanks.” She snaps.

“Sorry, it just seemed like you didn’t quite get it.” You reply.

“Well focus on yourself.” She quips. She gathers her stuff and heads out the door.

You were just trying to be helpful. Don’t know why she had to be so offended. You needed help sometimes but didn’t like asking for it. Maybe she doesn’t want it but she could be nicer about it. Maybe you should just keep to yourself. Like usual. Why did you feel the need to help her? You probably wouldn’t like it if someone assumed you didn’t get something. Still, kinda rude.

You gather yourself and your stuff and head to your next class. The rest of the day rolls on and you can’t help but replay that moment in your head. Were you that big of a jerk or did she overreact? Maybe both. Why can’t you just stop thinking about it? The day goes on and you finish your classes. Time for a nice snack before you head back to your dorm. You go to the little shop on campus to grab something quick and easy. Who else do you see but that blue haired girl from before, eating with a friend. You make eye contact and she rolls her eyes. You weren’t going to say anything before but now you feel as if you should go apologize.

“Hey I just wanted to say sorry about before. I was out of line.”

“Yeah you were and you are now. You’re bothering us so just leave.” She replies.

“Okay fine.” You say as you walk off.

Sheesh. You’ve decided that she’s probably just a jerk. Best to just avoid her.

Class rolls around again and you’re in the same spot as last time, even with an empty seat next to you. You’re filled with dread that she’ll sit next to you again. As soon as you have the thought she rushes through the door. You feel a pit in your stomach. She scans the room and realizes she only has the option to sit next to you. She glares at you for a second. She doesn’t apologize for sliding past you this time. And maybe she did or didn’t mean to hit you in the head with her backpack but you ignore it. Just keep your eyes forward and ignore her.

Class goes by quickly and the professor wraps class up. Just before it ends she reminds the class about the project coming up. She decides to assign partners instead of letting students choose.

“In your job you won’t get to choose who you work with so you better get used to it now.” She explains.

She just pairs everyone up based on who they’re sitting next to. Lucky you. That means you’re paired with blue haired meanie. She feels the same. You’d ask about changing but you knew the professor wouldn’t go for it and that the question alone might make her even angrier toward you. She doesn’t ask either. Guess she figured the same.

“Listen, we’ll both just do our own versions of the project and whoever’s is better will be our submission. “ she says.

“Fine by me.” You reply.

“Good. Since we have to know each other’s names to put on it, what’s yours?”

You tell her.

“Mine’s Touka Kirishima.” She says and leaves.

Pretty name. Pretty girl. But yikes. This will be interesting.

You start working on the project that night. That’s just how you are. Best to take advantage of the interest in it while you have it. And the time. You work on it a bit and decide to play on your phone before bed. Just as you plug it in to charge and go to sleep, it buzzes. An email. From who at this time of night? It’s that girl Touka.

Subject: Project

Hey Y/N,

Have you started on the project yet? I know I’m probably being weird by starting on it already but I had some time. I had a question and I can’t figure it out on my own. I can’t sleep til I get this part done. I hate to ask you but you offered to explain it to me the other day so you get it I guess. I’m still doing my own version and you do yours so don’t get any ideas but just explain this part to me and I’ll be fine.

Touka

Ugh. At least she’s starting on it. You take a few minutes to reply, telling her you started too and explaining the idea as best you can. You mention that this is as best you understand it so she knows you’re not an expert. You get nervous to hit the send button but you do.

A few minutes later your phone buzzes again. She replied to your email.

K. Thanks.

Touka

You reply “No problem.” And roll over. Your phone buzzes again and now you’re slightly annoyed. Your email didn’t need a response but here one was.

Now go to sleep, weirdo.

Touka

What? Why are you the weirdo? Great. Now your mind is stuck on this and over analyzing it. It’ll be forever til you can sleep now. Her message had the opposite effect. Was that the reason she did it? If so, bravo Touka, you master mindfucker.

Class time again and you’re tired because your sleep schedule got off a couple nights ago thanks to Touka’s emails. So tired you don’t notice the seat next to you is occupied and Touka had to sit somewhere else. You struggle to stay awake and focused on class but you make it through. You need coffee before your next class.

You join the line for coffee and slowly inch forward as people place their orders. Out of the corner of your eye you see Touka walking by. You think about waving but before you can she snaps her head around to ignore you. Whatever. You just want your coffee. You get it and sip it on your way to your next class. It burned your tongue a bit on the first sip. Perfect. What a great day you’re having.

“You could have saved the seat next to you, you know.” You hear from behind you. It’s Touka.

“What? I thought you hated me so I didn’t think you’d want to sit next to me.” You reply in your sleepy tone.

“As if I’d waste my time and energy hating you. Get over yourself. I just wanted to get your ideas on the project. Never mind I guess.” She says.

“I thought you wanted…” you stop yourself. “I have this class and then I’m done for the day. I can meet you at the library and we can talk.” You suggest.

“Fine. Sure. I’ll be there working on it. You better show up.” She replies.

“I will” you promise.

After class you head to the library, head swirling with ideas. You were finally waking up. You head to the library and look for Touka. You try several rooms and floors before you find her.

“Finally.” She says.

“Sorry. Took me a while to find you.” You reply.

“Clearly,” she says. “Now let’s get this over with so we can both move on.”

She explains what her ideas are and asks for your input. They’re great ideas and you’re taken aback. She’s brilliant.

“What’s with the face?” She asks.

“Nothing. I’m just blown away. These ideas are brilliant.” You explain.

“Did you think I was dumb?” She asks annoyed.

“No, no, no!” You exclaim. “It’s just that I wouldn’t be able to get to this level in a million years and I’m kind of at a loss. The professor will love this.”

“Oh.” She says. There’s a subtle redness in her cheeks now. Is she blushing?

“Clearly your idea is better so I guess we’ll be using yours.” You say.

“Yeah well you keep working on yours. Don’t be lazy. You might have something to add.” She says.

“I will but it will be like a candle compared to the Sun.” You reply. Now she blushes more. Then you begin to blush too. What was this?

“Okay well I gotta go.” She says hastily.

“Me too. I’ll work on it some and send you what I have so you can see that I’m working on it.” You tell her.

“Ok. Whatever.” She replies as she walks away.

Later you send her an email with your version of the project and wait for her to reply. Hours go by and you’re in agony. Why didn’t she reply?

You don’t get one and you’re worried. But for what? Worried she read it and laughed at your stupid ideas? Or worried something is wrong? Whichever it was you didn’t like it.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Summary: Reader and Mei Hatsume work together and sparks fly

Pairing: Reader and Mei Hatsume

Warnings: Minor spoilers

Categories: Fluff

You and Mei are this year’s only students to be accepted into the support course. You’ve noticed her drive and passion, which come across as eccentric and perhaps a little crazy, but you get it. You’re passionate too and you both often end up staying late in the lab. You’re not as talented as she is but you’re just as hard a worker. The sports fest is coming up and you and Mei both want to show off your inventions.

You’ve both been working hard, her on her boots, backpack, and other things and you on your armor. You use each other as guinea pigs and Power Loader laughs at both of you and more often groans about some of the things you and Mei do.

After a while, and Mei going a long time without causing any explosions, Power Loader lets you both work late one night on your own. He’s usually there to make sure nothing bad happens but there’s a faculty meeting and he’s at a point where he trusts you both somewhat.

“Can you pass me that socket?” Mei asks.

“Sure, here you go.” You reply.

As you hand it to her, her hand grazes yours. It happens all the time but now you had this weird feeling. Kinda warm and tingly. You try to ignore it and push it down but you feel your cheeks burning. You’re blushing! Oh no! You hope she doesn’t notice.

You quickly go back to your work but try to catch a glance to see what she’s doing. If she reacted. She’s hard at work and has that same determined look in her eye as always. But her cheeks are rosier than usual. Is she blushing or just warm?

“It’s warm in here, huh?” You say.

“Just a little” says Mei.

“Should I turn the AC down?” You ask.

“Sure, sounds good” Mei replies, not looking up for a second.

You walk over to turn down the AC, feeling a little disappointed that maybe she was just warm. After you adjust the thermostat and turn back around you notice Mei just quickly turned her head. She lost focus? She knew you were just going to turn the thermostat down. Then think, was she checking me out? Your mind starts racing.

This is getting a little overwhelming. You can’t focus. You notice she seems distracted too. You think better of the situation and decide it’s best to quit for the night if you can’t focus. But Power Loader wasn’t there and he told you that no one was allowed to work alone in the lab in case something were to happen. You decide to go get a drink so you can take a minute to calm down and get some air.

“Hey Mei” your voice shakes a little. You clear your throat. “I’m going to call it a night and go get a drink. Want anything?”

“Aw ok.” She replies. “Just grab me a water, thanks.” She had turned to talk but turned back to her work just as quickly.

Your mind is swirling with thoughts and your heart is beating like crazy. You get to the machine and get two waters. You head back. When you get to the door, you notice Mei is standing there, not working, staring off into space.

“You ok?” You ask.

She jumps a bit and drops the tool she was holding.

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you stop working so I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“It’s fine. I just had an idea and was considering it. But it’s late and you want to go home so I’ll save it for another day.”

“Oh ok. What’s the idea?” You ask. You bounce ideas off each other a lot.

She seems frazzled when you ask her. “Uhh, an idea for a belt for a food-using hero that keeps some pockets cold.”

“Oh, neat” you reply. Compared to her other ideas that’s not too wild or exciting. It’s a good idea but she seemed like just came up with it on the spot. What was she really thinking about? Was it you? You hoped so but you were just probably hoping so and it really was the belt.

“Well let’s clean up and then we can go home. Power Loader will kill us if he finds the lab in this big a mess.” Says Mei.

You agree and clean up and put the tools back where they go. You hand her a tool to put back on the wall and her hand grazes yours again. You blush but you see her blush too.

“Hey Mei?” You blurt out. What were you doing?! You can’t ask if she’s blushing. You scramble to think of something.

“Yeah?” She says, turning toward you.

“Uhh, can you help me put on my armor real quick before we go? I just want to make sure it fits me ok. What were you saying? Of all the things you could have said, THAT’S what you came up with?

“Oh sure!” Mei replies. She’s always happy to help.

You climb into your armor and put on the straps you can do by yourself. “I just need you to get this one on my chest and this one on my arm” you instruct her.

“Got it” she says. She reaches to put the straps on and you can’t hold in the blush. She’s touching you. You’re putting it together that you’ve admired her for quite some time now. There’s a lot to admire about her passion, her work ethic, her commitment. But now you were really starting to notice how beautiful she was, how she was both tough but delicate in a way. Your heart really started pounding as you’re realizing you have a crush on her and hope she can’t somehow hear it. You look down to see her face. She’s trying to hide her blush too!

She tightened the last strap. “I think that’s it” she says. She pretends to wipe grease from her face but she’s trying to hide the redness in her cheeks. You press a button and the armor closes around you and the suit turns on. You walk around a bit and then hit the button to turn it off and open it again. Mei has a sparkle in her eye and a huge smile on her face. “It looks like it works great!” she exclaims.

You’re blushing harder than ever and pathetically say “Yup.”

“All that work is paying off. We should test it tomorrow.” She continues.

“Maybe. I’ll have to make sure everything still looks good but yeah. Can you help me out?”

“Oh right. Sorry. I got caught up admiring you, I mean your baby. It works great!” She says. Her nimble fingers release you from the armor and you can’t help but feel her delicate fingers as the work to undo the straps. She’s blushing again.

Now you feel a bit more confident. “Can I walk you home?” You ask. “It’s really late and I want to make sure you get home ok.”

She turns bright red and says “Sure! That’s really sweet of you. Let me just go to the restroom to get cleaned up and we can go.”

You wait in the hall for her after you closed down the lab and locked it for the night. You see Power Loader in the hall walking toward the lab. “You guys are still here?!” He says.

“Yeah, sorry. We’re going home now though.”

He peeks in the lab and sees it’s clean and tidy. “Wow nice job. I was worried but you two seem to make a good team and do better around each other.” He says. Mei had just emerged to hear that. You both look at each other to see how the other one reacts. You’re both blushing a little and looking at each other with deep expressions.

“Well goodnight!” Says Power Loader, breaking the two of you from your trance. You both say goodnight and start walking home.

The night air is crisp and dew has already started to form on some of the plants. You notice Mei is shivering a bit. She was cold because she was only wearing her usual tank top. You brought your coat but didn’t really need it. You slip it on her to her surprise. She turns and looks up at you confused.

“Sorry. You looked cold.” You say.

She puts the coat on properly. “Thanks” she says looking at the ground.

“No problem.” You reply. You notice that she starts walking closer. “Hey we could start walking to school together and talk through ideas.”

“I’d like that” she replies. “I mean I think that would be helpful for both of us.”

Then your hands touch as you’re walking. You pull yours away. “Sorry.” You say.

“No” Mei says softly. She grabs your hand back. “I wanted to hold your hand.”

Your heart is racing. Just as you get used to holding her hand she lets go. She wraps her arm around yours and pulls you close. Then she uses her other hand to hold yours and leans her head on your shoulder. “Sorry but I’m cold and tired and I like you.” She says.

This feels amazing. You can barely comprehend what’s happening. “I, I like you too” you reply.

“Good” she says half asleep. Her eyes are mostly closed. “This is my street. Turn left” she says still holding tightly to your arm and hand.

You walk in silence as you approach her house. “Here it is.” She says. Her tone says that she’s sad she’s here. You are too. You could have walked like that forever.

She starts to take off your coat. “You can keep it for now” you say, quickly. “I’ll get it from you tomorrow morning.” She smiles and puts it back on.

“Ok” she says bashfully and smiles. She starts up the steps to her front door.

She’s on the next step up from you when you say “Hey, Mei?”

She turns around, a little puzzled.

You grab her by the waist and pull her into a kiss. She kisses you back. It’s a magical feeling. Her lips are so soft. She puts one hand on your shoulder and one on your neck and face. It’s perfect. You both pull away and look into each other’s eyes. You both say “wow.” Then she starts to giggle as she studies your face.

“What? Why are you laughing? Was it bad?” You ask worried.

Still giggling, she says “No, no. Some of the grease from my hands and face got on your face and now you look silly. Sorry.”

“Oh ok” you say, relieved.

“You’re my favorite person. I have to tolerate people, even Mr. Power Loader sometimes. But I don’t have to do that with you. It’s just nice to work around you and be around you. It’s easy. I didn’t realize I felt like this, liking you like this, til tonight when we got to be alone.”

“Same. I knew I really admired you as a fellow student but when our hands touched the first time it was something else.” You say.

“Yeah” she says with a big grin. “It was.”

“We’ll goodnight I guess. I’ll see you in the morning.” You say sheepishly.

“You better” she said with the same grin.

You nearly floated on the way home thinking about tonight.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Manga idea: Spirit Battles

A world where some are haunted by spirits that they must combat on a daily basis. These spirits find them because of their family heritage or because of energy they put out because of childhood trauma. Only those haunted by the spirits can see them and to some the spirits are a mystery or even an excuse.

Our main character is named Himari and their spirit is one of darkness. Its appearance is that of a tall figure with a black cloak and purple eyes.

Chapter 1

Each day Himari awakens to the spirit staring at them from the corner. They feel the weight of the spirits chains on their body. They want so badly to get up and do things they enjoy but the spirits chains are tough to break. If they can break the chains the energy they have to use is sapped from them and doing anything after that is very difficult. The spirit is relentless and uses its chains on their couch, their work chair, and everywhere it can. It also uses its ability to cause Himari to mentally project to dream worlds while awake. While working, driving, anywhere it can. It steals time from their day.

Himari first encountered this spirit as a teenager. They had difficulty making friends which isolated Himari and causing them to put off energy the spirit was drawn to. As Himari became increasingly isolated the spirit grew stronger. It began to use its powers to project mental images and thoughts that Himari hadn’t realized weren’t their own. The spirit was cunning in that way and Himari hadn’t learned some of the techniques to break the spirits grasp just yet.

This continued until one day Himari noticed the figure in the early morning sun. They saw the spirit and saw the chains over their body trapping them against the bed. Himari screamed for their mother, Yui, but the she saw nothing and shook it off as nonsense. Inside Yui was worried that the same spirit that haunted her brother, Himaris uncle, had found its way to her child. Instead of confronting this idea she chose to ignore it and tell Himari to push through it and get outside, pick up new hobbies, and exercise more.

Yui was a harsh mother in that sense. She wasn’t allowed to experience her emotions as a child or teen so she was teaching her child to be the same tough, stoic person she turned out to be. Himari loved their mother but had a hard time in making real connections with her. They wanted to show off their emotional side and be vulnerable but Yui had no experience in that and shut it down mostly. She cared for her child and showed it through small acts of love but was not there for Himari in the emotional sense. This made the spirit able to get a stronger grasp on Himari as they felt isolated even in the place they should feel safest and strongest.

Over the years Himari learned tricks to breaking through the sprits chains and overcoming the mental prisons the spirit put them in. They couldn’t use these with 100% success but could at least overcome a majority of the time. Because of this their mother and everyone around her just thought she was kinda weird but fine.

On a fateful day in high school, a girl noticed the pattern of Himaris behavior. Her name was Tsuyi and she had her own spirit to battle. It made her hyper aware of her surroundings at all times. Tsuyis spirit was panic. It appeared as a yellow figure with rough edges, blue eyes, and was shorter in stature. This spirit whispered in Tsuyis ears things that might happen and told her to be prepared in any terrible outcome it could imagine. Because of this Tsuyi had to constantly pay attention to her environment and lacked focus on other things like school. While their spirits used their own powers in different ways they had many of the same effects on their victims.

Tsuyi and Himari were in the same class because neither was a star student but rather average. Not for lack of intelligence but because of the toll their spirits took on them. Himari lacked the energy to do homework or study and buried themself in things to distract from the darkness spirit. Though at times this is what the darkness spirit wanted. Tsuyi was too distracted to study or focus on homework many times and so both fell behind where they could have been and their families let them know. While Himari had their mother to get onto them about school, Tsuyi was constantly reminded by her aunt that these are the same kinds of behaviors that led to her mother turning out the family embarrassment, including getting pregnant with Tsuyi at a young age.

Both Himari and Tsuyi found comfort in one another because they knew the other had to struggle with their family, school, life, and most annoyingly their spirit. They found strength and support in each other that they had never found before. This angered their spirits and caused them to lash out to try to push them away from each other. However Himari and Tsuyi had figured out the tricks and learned that communication was key to overcoming these issues. This helped to maintain their friendship over many years.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Summary: Nagisa and Karma Explore Feelings

Pairing: Nagisa and Karma from Assassination Classroom

Warnings: none

Categories: queer, fluff, non-binary

Chapter 2

Karma woke up the next morning in a slight fog. Then he remembered the text from Nagisa and grabbed his phone as quick as he could. He opened the text again. He stared at it and was frozen. His heart felt content and happy. He couldn’t help the smile on his face. Then he realized he should probably text back. But what to say? Emotions were hard for Karma. He always played the sarcastic role. Aloof. Nonchalant. Cool. But now he cared and someone else cared for him. Not just anyone. His best friend. His love. He kept it simple. “Good morning :)” Oh no. Was that stupid? A smiley face? Really? What are we, babies? But before Karma could think anything else a text came in.

“Good morning :) How did you sleep?”

A wave of relief fell over Karma. But now everything felt like it was so complicated. It was so easy to talk to Nagisa when they were just friends. Now he was second guessing himself. “Pretty good. Especially after I saw your text :) How about you?”

“Good. What are you up to today? Do you have time to hang out?”

“For you, I always have time. Wanna grab lunch?”

“Sure! Where were you thinking?”

“How about that ramen place?”

“Sounds great! I’ll see you there at noon?”

“Perfect :)”

Then it became a struggle of what to wear for both Karma and Nagisa. Was this a date? Were they just hanging out? What was it? Karma decided to go for it as a date. He had been holding it in as long as he could and he knew that Nagisa felt the same. He want to even have a surprise for Nagisa.

Noon approached and Nagisa was first to the ramen restaurant. As Karma approached they noticed he had something in his hand. “What’s that?” Nagisa asked.

“A picnic basket,” Karma said casually. “If this is our first date, I want it to be special. Not in some dingy ramen shop. I have the perfect spot to have the picnic too. Come on.”

Nagisa was speechless. They were beaming with happiness. Blushing. Dumbfounded. This was a side of Karma they hadn’t seen. At least not in this way. Karma used his cunning and thoughtfulness in fights, sure. But this was to show how he felt about Nagisa.

They set off with Karma confidently striding and Nagisa beside him. If Karma was going for it then so would Nagisa. They looked for the opportunity and as soon as the perfect moment presented itself, Nagisa grabbed Karma’s empty hand. Karma seemed stunned at first. But in a split second he grabbed back and they were holding hands, each blushing.

They finally reached their destination. It was the front lawn of the school where they met as first years. “This is where we first met,” said Karma, smiling and proud.

“I remember,” said Nagisa smiling as big as they could. “I can’t believe we’re here and I’m happy about it.”

“Why not?” Asked Karma.

“Not that you thought of the picnic and brought us here but that we’re here for a date. I’m so happy but it’s just not something I thought we’d be doing,” Nagisa explained.

“I know what you mean,” replied Karma. “To think when we met here and became friends. We had a rough part in the middle for sure. And now here we are years later, in love and on a date.” Nagisa blushed. Hearing that Karma loved them was still so new and exciting. They sat down and ate lunch.

After they finished eating they laid together in the grass and watched the clouds go by. “So can I ask you something?” Nagisa asked.

“I think you just did so no,” Karma replied with a grin. “What’s up?”

“Smartass,” remarked Nagisa. “So what happened that you realized you loved me? I’m curious.”

Karma signed. “If I’m being honest it started on Osaka.”

Nagisa thought about that trip. What could they have done, a show of ability? Something clever or funny?

“Remember how you had to dress like a girl to help the girls get across the bar?”

Nagisa felt a sense of dread. “Yeah.”

“Well it made me look at you in a new way. At first I got a pic of you to make fun of you but then I kept looking back at it. I thought about how much I admired you and then I put it together with how it made me feel seeing you in a dress. Then it was like poof and I realized. It wasn’t just admiration. It was love. It was hard to keep it contained all these years.” Karma confessed.

“I can imagine. That must have been really difficult.” Nagisa said.

“What about you?” Karma asked.

“What about me?” Replied Nagisa.

“Well you told me you love me too, so how did you figure it out?” Asked Karma

“Ohh” replied Nagisa. “Well, after you left I had time to think about it. Kinda the same how you told me you thought it was admiration. You’ve always made me feel special. I realized it wasn’t just that after you told me. I’d been feeling the same but I couldn’t put it into words. We just go together. We belong together.” Nagisa sat up and looked at Karma. “You know?”

“I really do,” replied Karma with a big smile.

“Could I- could I lay my head on your chest?”

Karma blushed. “Of course!”

Nagisa laid their head on Karma’s chest and felt contentment. Karma played with their hair and kissed the top of their head. Nagisa looked up at Karma.

“What is it?” Asked Karma.

“Well I was just thinking about our first kiss,” replied Nagisa. “Just when it will happen.”

Karma smiled. “Right now,” he said as he pulled Nagisa up for their first kiss. Both sides felt the butterflies and fireworks and felt everything. It felt so right. Nagisa smiled and laid their head back on Karma’s chest.

“Perfect,” whispered Nagisa as they fell asleep on Karma’s chest as the clouds rolled by.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Summary: Nagisa and Karma find each other

Pairing: Nagisa and Karma from Assassination Classroom

Warnings: None

Categories: fluff, queer, non-binary

Chapter 1

Nagisa gazed out the window as the sunshine poured through, lost in a world of thought. Their eyes were shining brilliant azure pools. And in an instant they were snapped back into their body. “Ready to go?” asked Karma.

“Huh? Yeah! Sorry,” answered Nagisa.

“Please tell me you’re already packed,” Karma said with a sigh.

“Of course!” Nagisa replied, beaming with a smile. “You know I’m always prepared!”

Karma returned the smile. “I know,” he said. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Nagisa blushed. “Gross! You love me! I love you too,” Nagisa said, returning Karma’s affectionate words.

Nagisa felt the need to be playful because that was their relationship with Karma but also because it helped to deflect a little. Nagisa had a hard time expressing true feelings other than anger because they weren’t allowed to growing up. They were forced to be silent, calm, and stoic growing up. Boys and men don’t show emotions. But as Nagisa had grown and learned they learned they didn’t fit the idea of a man. The world saw them as non-binary and they realized eventually that is what they were. They didn’t fit into the role of man or woman, small and silly definitions of some predefined binary. When they learned that they could be outside of that system they finally felt true freedom and relief. They didn’t have to put up the facade of manliness that society, mainly men, had imposed.

Nagisa grabbed their bag and met Karma at the door with a kiss. They both loaded up the car and drove to the airport. As they drove the only sounds were the wind passing by the car and the tires on the road. They both liked the silence to focus. “So let’s go through our plan one last time,” Nagisa said.

“Relax,” Karma replied. “We’ve been through it enough. Trust your plan. It’s good.”

“I hope so,” said Nagisa.

Karma quickly took his hand and placed it under Nagisa’s chin, turning their head to meet his eyes. “I know you’re not confident in yourself but I am. And you believe in me right?” He asked.

Nagisa, rendered speechless in the moment could only nod.

“Good. So if I believe in your plan it must be a good plan.” Karma continued.

“I guess,” replied Nagisa.

Karma tightened his grip on Nagisa’s chin. “That doesn’t sound like you’re confident in me or your plan,” he said.

“It’s gonna work,” they replied.

“Good,” Karma replied. He used his grip on Nagisa’s chin to pull them in for a quick kiss.

“Can you turn your eyes back on the road now?” Nagisa asked. “You’ve been looking at me for like a mile.”

“I guess so,” replied Karma. With a smirk he continued, “you’re much cuter than this stupid road though.” He then put his hand on Nagisa’s leg palm up. Nagisa put their hand in his as they blushed. Nagisa pulled Karma’s hand up to kiss it. This time it was his turn to blush. They continued to the airport in silent admiration of each other.

Karma and Nagisa went way back to when they were kids. Karma was always the trouble kid because he was too smart for the system and could see through it. Nagisa was never trouble but admired Karma’s leadership, bravado, intelligence, looks, and the way he presented himself to the world. Nagisa never had that kind of confidence but wanted to be just like Karma. Karma in turn saw Nagisa in a way that he as a lost boy couldn’t see himself. He was smart and charismatic and good looking as well but he was never able to see himself that way. He was a smaller boy and that led to his shame that he wasn’t big and strong. Karma saw this as a weapon. Nagisa wasn’t big and intimidating but that meant that guards were down around him.

As they continued through school they grew closer together as friends, as best friends. They could never admit to each other the admiration that they shared but they could each sense it. There were other emotions and feelings that came up, never expressed, but still there regardless. They each chalked it up to silly ideas. But something changed.

During the trip to Osaka, Nagisa was put into girl’s clothes as part of their rescue mission. Karma didn’t miss the opportunity to snap a quick picture. At first so he could joke with his best friend. But Karma didn’t delete it and continued to look at the picture in his spare time. It turned from a joke to actual desire. He’d never seen Nagisa like that before or stopped to think of him in that way. But what was Karma supposed to do? He couldn’t tell his best friend that he saw him in a new light because of a picture. So he did what any teenage boy would do, he started to withdraw from their relationship. Not talking to Nagisa as much at school, not hanging out, not texting as much. And Nagisa had his own problems.

At first he hated wearing that dress and feeling feminine. It went against everything he was raised to be. But as he looked back on it, he realized he liked the idea of being cute and feminine and explored these ideas and realized how stupid clothing was for being gendered. Finally Nagisa realized that they were a they. It took a while to figure this out but they had more time since Karma didn’t want to hang out. They wondered if he knew and was weirded out by this new Nagisa. Maybe Karma thought Nagisa was some sort of freak. They were so close so of course he saw right through everything and realized that Nagisa liked wearing the dress and being feminine. These thoughts continued to plague Nagisa’s fragile mind. They fell into a deep pit of depression, feeling wrong, feeling betrayed, feeling alone.

Nagisa had battled an octopus teacher, military trained mentors, and other assassins but this was their hardest battle yet. No one knows your weaknesses like you do. Every deflection was met with another attack. They felt completely worthless. Like if they disappeared the world would move on just fine. Who would miss a little queer person like them anyway? But at this moment of the darkest darkness was when the brightest light came back into their life.

Nagisa was home alone and just contemplating if this was it, if this was the best time to kill themself. But a knock on the front door rattled Nagisa and they had to attend to the visitor. Maybe it was just mom who forgot her house key again. But as they peered through the window, they were shocked to see Karma. Nagisa paused before opening the door. A million thoughts raced through their head before they finally opened the door.

“Hey,” Karma said with a sheepish smile. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” replied Nagisa. “I don’t even know how long it’s been since I saw you in person last.”

“About 5 months, give or take 2 weeks, 3 days, and 16 hours.” Karma said with a thoughtful grinning face.

“You kept track?” Nagisa asked.

“Nah I’m just messing with you,” replied Karma to divert attention off himself.

“No wait. That’s right. I haven’t seen you since June 3rd after school. That would be 5 months minus 2 weeks, 3 days, and 16 hours.” Replied Nagisa.

“Well whatever, I just thought about it on the way here,” retorted Karma.

Nagisa couldn’t help but wonder why Karma, who barely talked to them anymore, knew exactly how long it had been since they last saw each other in person.

“Are you busy?” Karma asked. I was kinda hoping we could talk.

The question broke Nagisa away from their thoughts. “Uh, yeah come on in,” they answered. They both walked to the living room and found seats on separate chairs. “What’s up?” Nagisa asked, trying to consider what Karma could want.

“Well it’s been too long since we hung out last and I bet you wondered why,” said Karma.

Nagisa looked down at the floor. “Yeah, well I had some ideas but go ahead,” they said.

“Of course you had your own ideas about what was going on,” Karma chuckled. “Probably all bad too.”

“Well yeah, kinda,” replied Nagisa not breaking their gaze from the floor.

Karma sat up at attention. “Hey it wasn’t anything about you, man,” Karma said trying to ease Nagisa’s thoughts. “I was going through some stuff and I had to figure it out on my own.”

“Well you could have talked to me about it,” said Nagisa still staring at the floor. They were slightly upset about being called man but reminded themself that Karma didn’t know yet.

“I really couldn’t, actually,” said Karma.

Finally Nagisa looked up and looked Karma right in the eyes. “Why not?” They asked, confused.

“Because it was about you,” Karma answered.

“I knew it.” Nagisa said. “If you came here because you don’t want to be friends with a freak you could have just texted me. It would have saved you the time.”

“What are you talking about?” Karma asked completely puzzled.

“You found out I liked dressing and feeling feminine and you realized I’m not a boy or a man or whatever and you think I’m a freak like everyone else.” Nagisa explained. “If that’s all you wanted you can leave now.”

“Whoa. I had no idea you were going through that,” said Karma, shocked.

“And how would you?!” shouted Nagisa, trying to hold back the tears but feeling the burn on their cheeks. “You cut me out of your life! It would have been nice to have my best friend there for me!”

“You’re right. I’m so sorry,” Karma said with shame in his tone. “I ran away to deal with my own problems and ignored my best friend.” Now he was the one holding back tears.

“And what were you going through?!” Nagisa yelled, now letting the tears flow.

“It’s nothing,” Karma whimpered.

“No, please!” Nagisa continued shouting. “You came all the way down here so you might as well spill it!”

“Fine!” Karma shouted back. He did his best to look in Nagisa’s teary eyes. “I have a crush on you!”

Baffled, Nagisa sat back and wiped away their tears. “What?” They asked.

“Yeah, it’s embarrassing! I’m the freak! The one who thinks he’s in love with his best friend!” Karma shouted before he could realize what he was saying.

Nagisa looked in disbelief. The fear and pain and confusion that Karma must have been holding onto. It wasn’t much different from what they had been going through.

“And now I’m going to go and jump off a cliff,” Karma said standing up.

Nagisa couldn’t help but laugh and mustered a quick “No! Stay!”

“Why are you laughing?” Karma asked, embarrassed.

“All this time I thought the person who I’m closest to in the whole world hated me for being who I am and it turns out you...you were dealing with something similar.” Nagisa said before laughing again.

Karma was mad but cracked a smile. Nagisa was rolling laughing at this point. He couldn’t help but join in a little. “You’re a jerk, you know that,” he said.

“Aww I thought you loved me and now you think I’m a jerk?” Nagisa continued laughing.

“Whatever,” Karma said as he moved toward the door.

“Stop!” Nagisa yelled. But Karma didn’t stop. He got to the door. But Nagisa was fast enough to push the door back closed before Karma could open it all the way. Their hands brushed and both of them felt the butterflies. Karma had been wrestling with this feeling but it was new to Nagisa. Even though they had just learned how their best friend felt it hadn’t sunk in just yet. Nagisa composed themself. “Listen, we just shared a lot. I was just thinking about killing myself -“

“What?” Karma asked before Nagisa could finish. “Why would you do that?”

“I felt so alone and as though no one would miss me,” they replied.

“Well I hope now you know how I feel and that I would fall apart if you did that,” Karma said.

Nagisa blushed and looked down. “I do,” they replied. “I won’t do anything. I promise. But let’s take a few days and process what we just talked about. I’m non-binary and you love me. I need time to think about how I feel and I think you do too.”

“I don’t,” replied Karma. “That’s how I know it’s love. You can be whatever and I feel the same. But I just sprung this on you so I get it. You take your time. Just don’t take forever.”

“Okay,” replied Nagisa. “Let’s hang out again soon and we can talk some more.”

Then Karma left, feeling better and somehow worse. He got his feelings out to the one he loved but now he had to wait for their response. Was their friendship over? Do they love me back? What was going to happen?

Two days passed. Karma wrote off any kind of chance at a future with Nagisa and started to fall into his own depression. He took some sleeping pills to turn his brain off so he could get some rest. His eyes had just closed when his phone buzzed. He gathered all his strength to pick it up and look at it.

“I love you too” read the text from Nagisa. Karma smiled and gave into the sleeping pills and the relief and joy that he felt from knowing the person he loved, loved him back.

[show-me-your-rocks]

You’ve been lied to all your life. Your deities are false, your worldview askew. But your presence here shall be rewarded with the truth. As you read, keep an open mind and embrace the unknown. This tale will guide you into the eternal and complex journey of death and life.

Death, or Necra as she is called, and Vida, who is life, are as two sisters, similar in many ways but vastly differing in some. Necra is the stronger sister of the two, leader of all things natural. For anything that has a beginning must surely have an end. Fear not her will as a true ending but as the beginning of a new chapter. Vida is the more radiant of the two, not in beauty, but essence. For Necra is the more beautiful but her embrace is not seen as seductive as Vida’s. While each has their own wondrous qualities and those that are less desired, each has their part in the universe. Vida seeks to extend stories and create new ones while Necra seeks to comfort those in need of an ending.

Each sister knows her importance but Vida is jealous of Necra’s strength and beauty. While Vida is the more admired one of the two she knows she will never measure up to her sister who will be the eventual victor. At some point in the history of this universe, there will be an ending of life and Vida will have no more purpose. No more power. Necra will have returned all of Vida’s hard work back into the nothingness it once was. This thought weighs heavily on Vida’s mind. As this thought perpetuates, it creates feelings of fear and jealousy and desires that would go against the natural order. Unknowingly to Necra, Vida plans to have final say against her sister’s will. She will see to it that life wins over death.

As the universe has continued its march forward through time, Vida and Necra have continuously made their indelible marks. Vida has created all life on every planet and Necra has seen to it that each form of life has gotten its final rest. While Necra understands her own importance as well as her sister’s, Vida has never had the ability to see past her own greatness. She treats her sister Necra’s acts as a petulant child whose block tower has just been destroyed.

Vida’s creativity is what brings us to our story. While Necra believed she was making permanent changes to the universe, Vida made her own changes. After creatures had been laid to rest by Necra, Vida would take the life form and change its essence to something new, making it appear different to her sister. This is the reasoning behind reincarnation and deja vu. If you have ever experienced deja vu, look no further than Vida’s touch. Vida takes the essence of the being and transforms it but cannot fully erase all aspects. Thus the creature may maintain some memories or attributes. Vida would work for millennia on her alterations while Necra would not notice.

[show-me-your-rocks]

As he sat in the doldrums of his 30s and stared at the distant decade of his 40s just beyond the horizon, Andy thought about who he was. It’s something he wasn’t even sure about, day to day, sometimes even minute to minute. Fueled by anger, completely lost in thought, thoughtful and loving, forgetful and a lost cause. These were just a few of the extremes that Andy swung to like a pendulum. On the outside you’d never notice. He kept up a solemn appearance except in extreme times. He was seen by many as even keeled and laid back but he was afraid to express himself at times, sometimes even unsure of how to. For a lot of his own life other’s emotions had been placed above his and he had learned to hide his feelings so that he wouldn’t upset anyone else. It left him frustrated and bitter. Why were his own wishes, desires, feelings always placed on the back burner or buried? When would be his turn?

Growing up, Andy had what looked like a normal family. He had an older brother, Carl, and parents, Brenda and Jim, who were still married. Much like his own appearance though, the calm surface didn’t match the turbulent waters below. Carl was much older and not one that played well with Andy. They shared some common interests like baseball and video games but Carl rarely made the effort to reach out.

Similarly Jim was one who shared interests with Andy but never entertained the thought of them doing something together. They would watch the same show in separate rooms or watch football games separated by walls, but the distance was much further. Jim was a narcissist. He loved himself and not anyone else. He could feign love and affection at times but not often. The reason Jim wasn’t interested in spending time with his youngest son was because instead of seeing Andy as someone he could mentor and help to grow and achieve, he saw him as a threat for Brenda’s love and attention. This was childish but it was who Jim was.

Brenda, as often as she could, would remind Andy not to be like his father. This wasn’t something strange to hear as a son as a warning but the number of times Andy heard this phrase as a near mantra was alarming. Even more so was the fact that Brenda would mention leaving Jim once Andy moved away for college. Andy still thought about the first time he heard it. It was a crisp fall morning and he’d been loaded up in the mini van for school when his mother turned around and told him the plan. Andy was seven and not sure how to react so he affirmed that he understood. The burden of this knowledge always weighed heavy on him. He was supposed to get help in his emotional growth from his mother, not serve her own selfish desires for a free therapist. The fear of being what held together his family, the fear of turning out like his father and driving away his own children and wife, and the fear of what he might do himself to lose his mother’s love drove Andy.

[show-me-your-rocks]

I feel as though I’m not the same person I once was. That’s not to say that people don’t grow and change from experiences but I feel like I’m losing good qualities as I’m getting older. Specifically I feel as though I’m not as empathetic as I used to be or that I at least use it less. I used to be able to put myself into someone’s shoes so easily and almost literally feel their pain it seemed. Now I have a hard time accessing that part of me and I feel like I’m angrier and more selfish. I can still do it from time to time but my first response isn’t empathy, it’s anger or sometimes just a lack of feeling at all. I feel like I used to be happier and more willing to meet new people and experience new things but now I’m just so numb and scared of new stresses that I don’t want to go anywhere or take on anything new.

[show-me-your-rocks]

I grew up in what I thought was a normal house and maybe it was. But after self exploration and my wife and some shows helping me to see how I’ve been broken over the years, I’m seeing what I experienced probably wasn’t normal. I’m journaling as a form of free therapy.

My first memory was from daycare when I was 3. I remember watching Rugrats, one of my favorite shows when I was little, and another kid came up from behind me and pushed me over. I fell forward. This seems like a good analogy for my life. I’m standing there minding my own business and an external force comes and messes that up. That’s probably normal to think you did nothing wrong when you actually did do something wrong and you just don’t know what it was yet.

I grew up with my mom and dad, older brother, and a house full of plants and animals. My mom and dad met in college and were at least in love at first. By the time I can remember anything about them, all I can remember is hatred for each other. That’s probably normal. They did sleep in the same bed when I was young but then I remember my dad moving to the couch and then eventually another room because of his snoring, from what I could gather. I rarely remember them either saying they loved each other or kissing. My mom would tell me she loved me all the time and my dad would do it if prompted. My mom would also tell me all the time that she was divorcing my dad as soon as I graduated high school. I was around 7 when I first remember her saying this to me. Imagine hearing almost all your life that your parents hated each other and that your mom wanted to leave. I can imagine a lot of parents have the same feelings for each other as mine did but it felt kinda crazy that my mom would dump this on a first grader. I didn’t know what to do with it. As far as I remember I just said ok like it was normal. What else do you say to that?

My dad was there but not really. I was supposed to be a girl and so was my older brother actually. Can you imagine not feeling wanted but the guy is there everyday to give you that vibe? I was nothing like him in his eyes. I don’t look like him (thank god) but I’m tall and built like him. I got his damn crazy eyebrows which are a painful reminder we’re related. I was into cars and it took me a while to get into football which was one of his passions. We didn’t watch them together. I hated him almost my whole life and I felt the same from him. He saw me as a competitor for my mom’s attention and acted like a child. Other family members saw this like my wonderful great aunt who was basically my grandmother.

She was the only one who I saw frequently and gave me that kind of love. She was such a wonderful and loving figure in my life and always made me feel like I was so special and a joy to be around. It was never a chore to drive the couple hours to go see her a few times a year. She died a few years ago on Mother’s Day of all days. It took me a long time to delete the last voicemail I had from her which was her calling me to wish me happy birthday.

My brother was almost a decade older than me and was the troublesome older child. He paved the way for me to not get in trouble but I was also nothing like him growing up so my mom saw no reason to put the same kind of rules on me that they needed with him. At times he served this kind of hybrid brother and dad taking me to football and baseball games. We always had kind of a weird relationship and I remember my mom telling me that some psychologist said that we were essentially only children. I don’t know where she heard that but she doesn’t strike me as the kind of person to take her kids to therapy.

So to recapture all that’s happened so far. I have a dad who doesn’t really want me and makes it pretty well known and he also competes with his own son for attention, a mom who dumps too much on her own son and is a bit much with the attention at times, and a brother who doesn’t even really register as a brother, but sometimes as a father.

Put that together with someone who was tall and big and I never really grew up defending myself, so guess what I don’t do? Yup, I let people walk all over me and use a lot of patience even though my wife says I shouldn’t because people don’t deserve it. Imagine that episode of SpongeBob where Plankton teaches him to stand up for himself. I’m SB and my wife is Plankton. Another kid’s show character I identify with is Steven Universe. In SU Future there’s an episode where he tells the gems they think he’s some great person who got better and he’s only gotten worse and he’s a fraud and a monster. I cried because of how real that felt to me. My wife thinks I’m like him because he’s wonderful and does nice things for people all the time and I see the comparison in that I’m silly and don’t think things through and mess things up and make things worse trying to fix them.

I feel like such an imposter all the time. I’m a husband, father, and I have a PhD. None of these feel real to me and though I hear from others, especially my wife, that I’m great, I’m not. She says I’m a great husband but I fuck up all the time and I try to do better but I’m a shit listener and it infuriates her. Simple things I just cannot do it seems. As a dad I do stuff for my daughter. I change diapers all the time and do bath time by myself sometimes. But I feel like I’m not there enough for her in other ways when she needs me. I’m really good at doing the stupid stuff that doesn’t matter a whole lot but I feel like if I’m called up to the plate I strike out. I have a PhD but I barely have any publications and do so little I feel like a failure. I just got hired to this big director job doing some cool things in a few months and I pulled the wool over there eyes. I have some good ideas but they’ll see I am a fraud soon and I worry what will happen then.

These kinds of thoughts lead me to suicidal thoughts. They mainly stem from the fact I don’t love myself. My wife and I watch RuPauls Dragrace and the end of the show always ends with RuPaul asking if you can’t love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else and I don’t love myself but I love my wife and daughter and our pets so much. I remember driving home from work once and I was at a red light and I had a thought for how to deal with some students and I thought hey that’s a good idea, it might work. Then I thought no it won’t, it’s a stupid idea and you’re an idiot. Then I thought what is it like to love yourself and I cried. I’ve also had the thought of killing myself so I can get rid of my own debt and my wife and daughter can live off the insurance money. She doesn’t want me to and I get that but it seemed like a good idea for a time. Now it’s not so much of a pay out and not as worth it. Sometimes I’ll be driving along and I just get the urge to drive off the road and crash into a tree. Don’t know if that’s normal or not.

I didn’t mention my mom, dad, or brother in that list of people I love so much and that’s also the reason I didn’t say family. They were toxic and I cut them off for my daughter’s sake but I’m seeing some benefits myself. Right after my daughter was born my parents invited themselves (this was a point of contention) to come see her. I didn’t really want them to come but they did. We got into a fight because my daughter was weeks old and we weren’t leaving the house but for essentials. They wanted to take my car out (they flew in) and go get food even though I told them we weren’t leaving the house and I got food for them. They didn’t care about seeing my daughter at all and complained that I was helping her and my wife who had a rough recovery and they didn’t come all the way down to not see me. (?!?!) That blew up and they said they wanted nothing to do with my daughter and it would be a cold day in hell before they came to see me again. It was okay for me because I only ever talked to them on the phone on Sundays and I dreaded that call. It was freeing once we were sure they were gone. They flew out two days after the fight when they found a hotel and left. My wife almost had a nervous breakdown from dealing with them and the stress of a new baby so I was relieved when she ate for the first time in four days.

My brother was kind of caught in the middle and I felt bad for him but he took their side so I ended our relationship too. I have essentially no blood relatives who want to talk to me. That’s fine. Family isn’t just blood to me. I have some amazing best friends who take their places. One who is also a new father and I’ve know for over 15 years is a brother to me. Another who I’ve known for over 5 years and is another brother to me. Although I did only learn he was gay a few years ago. He hid it because he’s afraid of people knowing and holding that against him for jobs. Even though it’s academia and PhDs who are more liberal, it’s the south and it scares him. I feel so bad for him. He’s such an amazing guy and I love his fiancé. It’s funny because my wife said she could leave me for him if I treated her bad because he does love her but guess what, that plan won’t work. I might also kinda look like his fiancé but that’s beside the point. Surround yourself with people who make your life easier, not harder.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Feeling creative and trying to think of a story that’s not been told. Here’s my shot at something somewhat original.

Chapter 1

Walter Hightower is a 62-year old man with nondescript features. He is of average height, with a paunch belly but not what he would really consider fat. Slightly overgrown gray eyebrows, a bushy mustache, and tortoise shell glasses adorn his face. His sunken brown eyes and bald head add to his look of an experienced life. He did possess some hair on the sides, which was in need of his bimonthly haircut. Walter suffers from several ailments which are standard for a man his age and build. A bad back, vision problems, senility, and digestion issues plagued him. Yes, Walter is an average Baby Boomer except for two things. He has stage three liver cancer and he is a serial killer.

In fact, Walter Hightower is the most prolific unknown serial killer the United States has ever had. He was good at what he did because he knew exactly how to do it. It wasn’t some innate ability, but a skill he had developed over decades. Consider Walter’s previous daytime profession as a carpenter. Just as he made several mistakes as a young apprentice just starting in the profession, in his hobby he had also made mistakes. And just as not knowing what you’re doing in carpentry can cost you dearly, not knowing how to kill discretely can cost you everything.

The connection between Walter’s day job and secret hobby was actually stronger than you might think. It was in his late teens or early 20s, he can never quite recall, that an image stuck in his mind that drove him to all of this. It was at work on the Petty house where he was a young apprentice still learning the ropes of the profession that he had a small accident. Nothing major. Just a minor movement of the hand saw and he has sliced open his thumb. It was a small injury that he would have barely even stopped working to notice, if it hadn’t been for the blood. Something about it, the sunlight hitting it or the translucent nature against his worn hands, enchanted him. He stared at it for what seemed like hours. It was at that moment that he had seen such beauty in something quite ordinary and also painful that changed the course of his life.

An obsession grew in him, like the very cancer that was consuming his liver now. At first he thought it odd and shook it off. But as he lay awake at night unable to sleep, he pictured the blood seeping out his thumb and would be lulled to a peaceful slumber. Soon this image would grow stale and he needed a new one to replace it. He developed an insomnia that nearly cost him his sanity. He realized he needed a new image. A different image. Maybe an image of someone else.

“That’s crazy” he thought to himself. “Hurting someone else to see their blood so I can sleep?” These were the rantings of a madman and not the ones of our still yet average Walter. But sleep was necessary and if that was the price to pay, Walter would surely find someone to foot the bill. But who?

So Walter tried to start small. He picked up hunting and fishing, which made him fit in more with the small community he was part of. Everyone else thought young Walter was just exploring new hobbies. In a way they were right. Hunting was more difficult because of the waiting for the right time of year and because of the wait for the perfect shot. But it proved more settling for his delicate condition as it provided more blood for him. All while also providing him a cover of outdoor sportsman, which played in nicely with the people of the small town. But the deer blood wasn’t the same. He was able to sustain it for a while, relying on a combination of the new image with the old one. But soon he was right back where he began, sleepless and desperate.

So then, it was decided. But who? Who could Walter kill and still not feel the overwhelming guilt that would further rob him of sweet slumber? Someone completely vile who the town would be glad to be rid of perhaps. But no, someone like that might be too well known and thus noticed missing. He needed to find someone that was already almost invisible. Someone who lived on the edge of the community. Someone who had few if any ties. No family, no real friends. Someone much like Walter himself. Perhaps that was the answer. Walter considered just killing himself instead of all thes innocent people. Up until now he had been doing it for his own personal and selfish reasons with his deer hunting. But he’d also done some good, by keeping deer population down and donating meat to needy families nearby. In his sleep-starved state he rationalized himself as a hero. If he was to continue his work in doing good for his community he needed to pick someone who took away from the value of the town but not so much to be one who was noticed. He thought hard and made a list. He even scored the potential victims on family connections, friend connections, and overall negative impact on local society.

He was down to three. He always liked that number, three. Something about it was pleasing. The first choice was an abusive single mother of two boys, Nicole Wright. Robbing children of their mother is such an abhorrent act but in Walter’s eyes, these kids would be better off. They weren’t living with Nicole. They had been taken by child protective services several times and he believed they were probably tired of bouncing back and forth between living with her and foster families. They were always taken from her at the hospital after receiving treatment for cigarette burns or broken bones. Other than the two boys, Nicole had no family in the area and was not on speaking terms with her parents who lived hours away. She was as bad a friend as she was a mother which led to lots of lone nights drinking at one of the local bars. If she went missing there would only be a few people who noticed and they were local bar flies who wouldn’t even really notice or care that she had left. Nicole was a strong potential victim.

Potential victim two was Greg Myers. Greg Myers was a loner. He wasn’t necessarily a really bad person who did horrible things and deserved to die. Sure he did some bad things every now and then. As a driver he was certainly reckless and had caused some accidents that hurt people because he thought he was too good to follow the rules of the road. He also donated things to charities. It wasn’t that he was looking to donate. It was just that he had stuff he wanted to get rid of and wanted to give it to someone who needed it. It all added up to being a pretty common person. The key to Greg being on Walter’s list was that he had no friends or family anywhere for miles. Greg had moved away from his home because he hated the big city life and wanted a small town experience. The thing is that when Greg moved here he didn’t realize that everyone knew everyone else’s business and wanted to talk all the time. Greg learned quickly not to overshare and essentially turned himself into a hermit. He could move back home but that would be admitting to himself that he was wrong and Greg was too proud to do that. His job working remote IT from home meant he didn’t have any work friends and with family far away, Greg had very few ties to the community as someon who actively sought to remove himself from it. Greg Myers was another strong potential victim.

The last one on Walter’s list was James Rockwell. James didn’t quite fit in with the other two. He was a relatively successful local business owner and had a beautiful wife. He had connections to the community and would surely be noticed if he was gone. So how did he end on Walter’s list? Because Walter Hightower hated James Rockwell with a fiery passion. After all it was partly James’ fault that Walter turned out the way he did.

Walter had friends growing up in elementary school but when their class hit middle school, so did puberty. At least for most. James was one of those early bloomers who got tall and whose voice dropped to a nice baritone. Seemingly overnight he became the most popular boy in the grade among the boys and girls. Walter took a bit longer to develop and that was something James noticed. With his newfound popularity James had a reputation to uphold and Walter was right there for the picking. It became a constant in Walter’s life. He didn’t do anything to draw this attention other than not have the right amount of testosterone.

Walter’s school life became a constant state of fear from some sort of verbal or physical attack from James or one of his new friends. Because of the constant negative attention the only friends that Walter had left him alone to fight his bullies for fear of guilt by association. But how could this happen? How could a child be left alone to fight this small army and no one at school or home to help? Well Walter grew up in the era of just fight your bully back and be a man. Walter never really saw the need for violence and so this advice was lost on him. School principals didn’t believe that James, who was a good athlete and also a strong student, would even waste time on Walter, who had become a middling student with no friends. It wasn’t that Walter was of below average intelligence. It was that he had lost focus in classes due to James and his friends. But who are principals going to choose - the kid with a bright future or the one they see as a nobody?

At home it was just as bad. Walter was made to feel weak by his father who didn’t see why he couldn’t just fight James and wasn’t one to hide his disappointment. They even engaged in sparring matches out back after dinner. It might have started out as a chance for Walter to learn a new skill but it turned into opportunities for Walter’s father to physically abuse him under the guise of friendly father-son time. His mother would clean him up afterwards to help Walter feel better but also to cover the marks so the school wouldn’t see. Walter’s mother was one who heeded her husband in spite of her objections. After all she was worried if Walter wasn’t taking the punches she might be the one doing it. Average grades, no friends, no romantic interests, and a bad home life. All because James Rockwell got a visit from the puberty fairy just a bit early. Just recounting the reasons for James being on the list caused Walter to feel the only real emotion he had left. Anger. A deep, searing rage filled him and he could feel the blood rushing to his face. It would be James first.

Chapter 2

Walter felt almost giddy after arriving at his decision. He knew there was risk in killing James but the mere thought of seeing his blood was enough to put him to sleep that night.

Walter began to plan. He took a couple days off work to follow James around and learn his daily routine. Luckily Walter was an average looking guy with his light brown hair and brown eyes, average height and build. He was every man and that would be his camouflage, his key. James had a very similar pattern to each day. He would leave for work at approximately 7:15, taking some less traveled roads to avoid the little traffic there was, arrive at work at 7:30 and work til 11:30 when he would take lunch to a nearby park. He would find a secluded corner of the park for lunch, eat in roughly 20 minutes and head back to work to arrive at 11:55. He would work until 5:30 and head home, arriving at around 5:45 with dinner waiting for him on the table. Walter saw three opportunities - on the way to work, lunch, and on the way home. But which of these would cause the least amount of stir?

If he took him on his way to work, his employees and customers would all notice because he wasn’t there to open up shop. If he took him at lunch then his absence would still be noticed by those same employees and customers. On the way home his wife would notice he wasn’t home and she would surely be one to call the police. Walter had to think about which one would work the best. Fewest witnesses, fewest people to notice he was gone.

Walter had hatched his plan and now it was time to execute. He went to work to not seem suspicious so that ruled out taking James on his way to work and at lunch. Walter left work at 3 while James was still working so he went to pay James’ car a visit. He took a small nail from work and poked a hole in one of the tires. Not a huge gash, but large enough to make a difference on the way home.

James was excited to leave work that day and head home because his wife Eleanor was making meatloaf. He was driving home with the windows down and the radio blaring when he heard a thumping noise. He turned off the radio and listened carefully. He pulled off to the side of the road to check on his car. He opened the hood and saw nothing wrong and then he checked the tires. He got a flat on the back tire of the passenger’s side. With the road he was on there wasn’t much of a shoulder so he had to be careful in jacking his car up to change the tire. As he was lessening the lug nuts he kept wondering how this could have happened, how he could have hit something that would puncture the tire, and why did it have to happen on meatloaf night. As he was lost in thought a stranger pulled over in a black truck to see what had happened.

Walter had used a hat and the fact that James hadn’t seen him since high school as a disguise to move in closely. With a tire iron in his hand he asked if he needed any help.

“No thanks, I’ve got it,” James said in a gruff manner. He was upset that he was going to have to pay for a new tire and that he was missing meatloaf.

“What happened?” Walter asked as he approached, ignoring James’ response and sounding as if he hadn’t been the one to cause all this.

“I just ran over something and got a flat,” James grunted as he secured the spare tire.

“What a shame,” Walter noted. He tried to fake sympathy in his voice for this man who had caused him so much pain and anguish. Maybe Walter should have gone into acting with the level of concern he thought he was able to put into his facade.

This was it. This was the moment to strike. James had put the last lug nut on the spare tire and was taking the car off the jack with his lug wrench. His only real weapon was in use. Walter reared back with his own tire iron and struck James on the head. If it was like the movies, James would be knocked cold. But it wasn’t like the movies. James fell but he just grabbed his head and looked up at Walter in shock and anger, reaching for his own lug wrench. Walter struck again on his face this time. A more successful blow. James laid there, not unconscious but not really moving. Walter struck again for good measure and this time he was sure he was out. Just to make absolutely sure and for a little enjoyment he hit him one last time.

The blood coming out of James’ face. It was beautiful. Walter had to touch it. It was a beautiful crimson and in the afternoon sun it seemed to sparkle. Walter played with it for a minute before he remembered he needed to dispose of the body and the car.

Walter wasn’t sure he would get this far so his plan from here on out was rough. He knew he would take James’ car and his body so there wouldn’t be any trace of him left to discover. He left his own truck which would be much less suspicious. He even moved his truck to cover the blood stains on the side of the road. By the time anyone would discover them they would be dried or washed away by rain. And blood on the side of a country road wouldn’t be suspicious. It would look an animal was hit by a car.

So Walter drove the car with James laying bloodied and unconscious in the back seat. He didn’t drive him far for fear of him waking up and attacking him. Walter didn’t know that he already killed James on the side of the road. He wasn’t a doctor and didn’t know how to check if he was still alive.

The next part of Walter’s plan was two-fold. He had driven him to a rural highway which no one used except to leave town. He pulled over and put James into the driver’s seat. He aimed the car so it would drive toward a big tree off the side of the road. He took out a small bottle of rum and poured it on James to give him the smell. Walter poured a little down his throat for good measure. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket as well as his lighter. He took a brick he had stolen from work and put it on the gas pedal. Then Walter put the car and drive and watched it go. Success! It hit the tree dead on and made a big crash.

Now for the final part of the scene before Walter ran back to his own truck. Walter put a lit cigarette onto James’ lap as if he had been smoking and it had fallen out during the crash. It would catch him on fire because of the run soaked clothes. Walter hoped his plan would work and that it would look like James was driving home drunk and ran off the road and into a tree dropping his rum and cigarette and catching him on fire. Then Walter ran from the scene and walked casually back to his truck. No one had seen him he hoped.

But how would he explain why he was driving up that country road instead of on his way home. This part he wasn’t as excited about because he had to hurt innocent people. It would come in the form of two notes. The first note was to James’ wife. It read,

“Sorry Eleanor, but I’ve taken a mistress and I want to marry her. So I’m leaving you and heading for a new life in a new state. Don’t bother trying to find us. I’m leaving you the business though. Jimmy can pretty much run the place. See you next lifetime.

-James”

It was a bit rough but Walter had done his best to be kind but also concise. Walter put it in the mailbox hoping she would find it easily. The other note would be taped to the front door of the business James owned.

“I, James Rockwell, leave this business to my wife, Eleanor Rockwell for her to own and operate. I am leaving the state to pursue new opportunities. This business is now under new management. “

Just in case no one believed her Walter wanted to make sure it looked legitimate.

There it was. Walter’s plan had been carried out. He was going to be in the clear because he had no connection to James or his business. James looked like he died in a fiery car crash and he had given reason for James to be on the road and had spurned the only person who would call the police looking for him.

It would have all worked out so well too if only.

[show-me-your-rocks]

Into the Spider-Verse + “I love you”