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Finally admitting how much I love baking tumblr

I will ALWAYS default a long term tumblr blogger over all recipes they always have the best recipes (especially the kitchen witches)

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Hit my pen and now I’m grateful for love even if I may never get to experience it

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I love fall because I get a burn in my lungs that I can hardly experience elsewhere.

The asthmatic burn of a run is the closest parallel I can draw, yet doesn’t come close.

I’m choking on air, yet in the same breath I feel so open to it all

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I think I need to take up running

I wish I could run without going into a fit

I want my lungs to burn but not in a way where I’m being suffocated

I want to breathe an air that I haven’t met in years

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Waldhaus farm in Bavaria, Germany

German vintage postcard, mailed in 1900

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sept. 27th — first impressions of paris

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sometimes when I feel absolutely shitty I put on BoJack Horseman to feel better about myself,, but then it'll backfire and I'll feel like I AM BoJack (I get lonely sometimes)

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I gutturally scream every time I hear this girl, on a full ride, complain about classes or just openly say she isn’t doing an assignment or skipping classes. I come from quite a poor family and I just cannot imagine being so ungrateful for my education in a way that she seems to be.

I will admit I am jealous, especially because I believe I’m going to have to drop out of my college next year due to the fact that we can’t afford my education and my younger brother is intending on heading to college next year as well. I just wish I could have the opportunity that she has which she is so quick to overlook.

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Was it casual when thoughts of you consumed my mind, even in sleep, even though we haven’t spoke in years and the closest thing to an interaction we’ve had as of recent was the exchange of glances and a soft smile

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Halloweekend except I’m trick or treating from party to party

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Watching a friendship slowly crash and burn is the absolute worst because no matter how hard I try things always seem to end. I think it’s natural because of the transitional nature of the phase of life I’m in. My one friend, who is about two years older than me, has done nothing but work since graduating. I’m not sure if me going away for college had anything to do with the tension between us, but I cannot keep trying when someone won’t communicate with me when I directly ask what’s wrong/what the problem is if there’s any at all. Seeing how quickly they jump on to other friends makes me think I’m the issue, but I’ve got to keep telling myself that I tried my best.

The other friend was my best friend throughout high school. The ending of our friendship came strictly because I have some self respect and won’t let someone mock or make fun of my goals and aspirations for my life. We tried to reconnect a day last month, but to me it was clear that this would be the last time we’d ever speak to one another. At least for a very long time.

Going away to college gives me hope that I will find my people and that I’ll from long term friendships, but I’ve also got to stop putting so much weight into my friendships. I think maybe I get too overcommitted or I care too much then when things fall through I feel so much worse. I don’t want to have meaningless relationships, but how can I avoid getting hurt? I’m not sure.

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July Reads

A day early

I’ve certainly let myself down this month. I expected to read much more than I actually managed to do, but that’s okay! I only managed to read three books this month, but I will update which books I’m currently reading and how far I am through them. What I did read and what I have started have all been quite entertaining…with a few exceptions. Next month I’m going by your try and go out of my way to read more.

Let’s Begin

The October Country

Ray Bradbury

★ ★ ★.75 /★ ★ ★ ★ ★

My enjoyment of this book was not consistent. The pace at which I read each story fluctuated from chapter to chapter. Some were extremely captivating and maintained my interest, others were boring and left me feeling nothing towards it. I really don’t have much to say about this, but I will let you know my favorite chapters and a short summary of them!!

The Lake- A little boy watches a girl he knew drown in a lake and returns to that same place years later after his marriage.

The Scythe- A poor man and his family stumble upon a dying man who upon his death gifts them his farm as well as all the burden that comes with it. Quickly, he realizes that this farm isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Mysterious Skin

Scott Heim

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ /★ ★ ★ ★ ★

This was my favorite and most heartbreaking read of the year and is the second five star book I’ve had the pleasure of reading so far. Before I go any further into this I’ll be listing the trigger warnings for the book even if I don’t discuss through this sort review: physical assault, sexual assault, pedophelia, childhood sexual assault, drug use, prostitution, childhood trauma, absent parents, ableism, bullying, homophobia, and other sensitive topics.

This book follows two boys, Neil and Brian, as they live their separate lives after a traumatic event that eventually connects them both. Chapter by chapter the reader is presented with different perspectives that help to form the whole story from best friends, to a sister, to the boys themselves.

Multiple times throughout this read I had to take a break which is why it took me nearly two months to read(and why I similarly couldn’t watch the movie in full the first time I watched it).

Again I’ll say that I do NOT suggest this book to those sensitive to the trigger warnings I listed, especially because a few of the chapter do go in detail to the traumas that these boys endured. BUT if you can read this I highly recommend. It provides insights on the way two individuals may cope with trauma from hyper-sexuality to escapism. The characters are ones you can fall in love with the way I did.

So…all in all…I guess I liked it a little lol.

Fluids

May Leitz

0/★ ★ ★ ★ ★

This was the worst book I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading. The writing was poor and tried too hard to be edgy with the gore and unnatural dialogue.

This was suggested to be in a video entitled “3 disturbing books I recommend and 3 books I cannot.” As in, cannot recommend because they’re so disturbing. Yet, I found the most distributing part of this was how forced everything felt. There was no natural flow of anything and there’s nothing that makes us give a shit about the characters, their lives, or really anything that’s happening to them.

What’s worse is how shocked these characters are by the natural consequences of their own actions. What I will say is that it was an extremely short read so the misery was quite short.

Below I’ll list the books I started this past months as well as those I was currently reading

Dreamseller- Did not finish because of my trauma or whateva

The Goldfinch- 27% Finished

The Gay Science- I’ve got to restart, did not start this on a day where I could comprehend what Nietzsche was talking about

Heaven- 32% Finished

The Bell Jar- 27% Finished

I Am A Cat- 12% Finished

A Certain Hunger- 54% Finished

Factotum- 67% Finished

I hope to finish at least four of those as well as starting another book!

As always I’m welcome to suggestions!

To follow along with my journey follow me over on Story Graph @shuvtterbug

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Queer cheerleaders rot my brain even though I will never be a queer cheerleader

I love you gay cheerleaders