sidneyyannne1 - Tumblr blog

[sidneyyannne1]

Chasing

When you grow up in a home where love is absent. You will always be chasing it. You think love is something to be earned, but it isn’t. Love should be given freely with no expectations. You cannot expect someone to do something in order to be loved.

[sidneyyannne1]

Wait for it

Wait for it. Wait for the slow love. The gentle love. The love that doesn’t feed the ego. Too many times we think we’re in love with a person, but we only love the idea that they love us. I now know what love is. Love is not changing yourself in hopes that you will impress them by knowing their favorite indie song or being a dumping ground for all their unhealed trauma. That is not love. Love asks for nothing in return. It leaves you feeling fulfilled for just being you.

[sidneyyannne1]

Values

The thing I value over anything else is peace. That’s something I never had growing up. I lived in chaos, so chaos is what I craved. I thought loved only existed with chaos. Boy was I wrong. Choosing peace within yourself is something no one can take away from you. I have a deep rooted belief that everything will be exactly as it needs to be.

[sidneyyannne1]

I think I’m ready to let go

I think I'm ready to let go now. Thank you for protecting me when I needed it, but I don't need you anymore. I don't need protecting. We live in a safe space free to express ourselves. We are not living in constant fear anymore. You can let go of those defense mechanisms you thought were your personality. You can forgive yourself for the ways you tried to kill your sadness and numb the pain. It was all apart of your journey, a long beautiful journey. But that part of your life is over, give yourself permission to live again, and love again without reservations or fear of the future. You found yourself, you did it. Now go build your life the way you want it.

[sidneyyannne1]

At least my thoughts are somewhere besides in my head.

I think the hardest part about social anxiety is when you get to the age where you were socially aware of yourself and what people thought of you. That's when it hit me the hardest. Before then I was goofy, and always making my friends laugh, but then I just stopped being myself, I stopped voicing my opinions, I didn't know what my personality was, I consistently felt lost and felt like I needed to "find myself". I still remember the comments and the things people said about me. As if I didn't feel bad enough. My mind was a war zone, and I was never on my side. Everyone else was right, there was something wrong with me. That is the narrative I told myself for years. I wish I could go back to my younger self and give her a hug, there was nothing wrong with you. You grew up in an environment that was beyond your control, and you survived the only way you knew how. And I am so proud of you for that. 

[sidneyyannne1]

Things I love: The feeling after finishing a book.

Sidney C

#book #thesubtleartofnotgivingafuck #booktumblr #2022books #selfhelp #manifest #nostalgia 

[sidneyyannne1]

January 27th

Right now I feel like I'm in the in between phase of my life, and by in between I mean the part between the destructive and careless person I was. To a person that’s finding her voice and values again. I feel like this in between phase is rewarding, to see my growth. But ultimately boring. Growth is sticking to the things you said you'd do, long after the motivation is gone... and right now the motivation is gone. But I'm sticking to my word this time. There is no going back to the previous Sidney. I'm ready for the new Sidney that finds joy in new things and hobbies. I just wish I had more time to do them. 

[sidneyyannne1]

Don't take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're going.

unknown

[sidneyyannne1]

I do not need to explain to others why I am kind, they know I am kind, because I am kind.

[sidneyyannne1]

You’re too strong to feel so small.

[sidneyyannne1]

No one can fix the love that you didn’t get when you were younger.

-sc

[sidneyyannne1]

Deep down you know how much it affects you, but you won’t acknowledge it.

Because if you do then it’s actually real, and you’re not whole.

But will you ever fully be whole?

Will something always be missing?

-sc

[sidneyyannne1]

New York City on February 20, 2015

[sidneyyannne1]

Attack your fears head on. Even if you’re afraid, it is worth it in the end.

Sc

[sidneyyannne1]

[sidneyyannne1]

Is it ever real?

SC

[sidneyyannne1]

“I know this: you can break before you sleep and start becoming whole again the next morning.”

— Juansen Dizon, I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction page 88