signed-someone

[signed-someone]

To the first date,

for two people who claim to value communication, we had one hell of a misunderstanding.

you took me as someone who would ignore your wishes when you so explicitly voiced them.

someone who would push for something to happen anyway.

someone with ulterior motives when I offered to walk you home.

and that hurts me.

that upsets me.

because you smelled like tea, and cigarettes, and warmth.

and god, I can still taste your perfume.

I worry that you'll linger like it does.

[signed-someone]

To the girl who loved me,

I probably think about you way too often.

I mean, you slip into every song I write in some way.

and the lyrics that leave the tip of my tongue sound like summer every time.

[signed-someone]

To the couple in the library,

you two weren't fooling anyone.

with your scribbling and passing notes, smiling across the desks at each other while you failed to concentrate.

ignoring rolling eyes, and fleeting glances, breathing laughs that echoed through the hall.

study dates, more fun than you'd think.

[signed-someone]

To her again,

I fell in love for the first time when I was 17.

and you were incredible, something I couldn't begin to explain and didn't want to.

everything about you existed as this immovable constant in my mind.

no distance would stop me from loving you, no argument would make me love you less, and nothing could stop the words from pouring out when I declared just how much...

my heart broke for the first time when I was 18.

and you left remnants of love etched into my skin.

you existed in photos and texts and everything I was desperate to forget about.

no distance stopped me from thinking of you, no time has passed that's made me think less of you, and there are nights even now I wonder whether I'm still in love...

or just miss the feeling.

[signed-someone]

To the couple who walked past me earlier,

six months ago I might have cried.

today I could only smile.

it was something about the way one of you slipped your hand around the other's waist on the inside of their coat, and the way the other leant into it.

the care in the touch, the love in the glances.

the meaning behind every smile, every word, every breath.

six months ago I might have cried.

today I could only smile.

[signed-someone]

To a family friend's daughter,

there are pictures of us as kids in my parents' living room, framing memories we can't remember.

fifteen years, at least.

your face has changed the most, I think.

eyes the same kind of blue, but now framed with dark lashes.

and however long I've 'known' you, in that moment we were strangers all over again.

I'll go on and overanalyse every glance, every smile, every graze of your hand.

because since that day, I've struggled to find much else to think about.

[signed-someone]

To her, whoever she is,

isn't it crazy that we're on the same planet?

like, out of every single lifetime, of every era in existence, every species that no longer, and does, and will exist, we're part of the same one.

and maybe we're not in the same country.

maybe we don't speak the same language yet.

but from stardust, to galaxies and constellations, all in amongst lightyears of nothingness we've come to exist on the same tiny, floating rock.

in the same blink of time.

and at some point our paths will cross, and you'll make colours shift in my mind.

and I won't feel so small on this planet, I won't even care.

because your eyes will glow with the light of a thousand sunsets, and I won't be able to look away.

[signed-someone]

To the girl who couldn't decide,

where do I even start?

you said you didn't want me.

not like that, anyway.

but you'd call at midnight just to tell me you missed me.

you'd text me drunk and beg me to come get you just because you wanted to see me.

and you kissed me...

god, you kissed me like I was everything.

but your words cut like ice and I bled like amber.

you wanted so much from me, but couldn't take a strand of it.

so you left me on read, and I left you in silence.

[signed-someone]

To the bookstore worker,

I haven't felt like that in a long time.

and my heart beat a little faster when you looked down at your keyboard and smiled at my question.

"she's my favourite poet" you said, and there was this lilt in your voice that could melt glass.

I immediately forgot what I'd asked.

with every movement that passed I scrambled to find more things to say until I felt guilty.

"I'm holding up the line"

"no don't worry about it lovely"

and I may as well have died.

[signed-someone]

To the taker,

why?

you let me fall for you.

not only did you let me fall for you, but you watched it happen and you loved it.

I was just another affirmation for that little complex of yours.

wasn't I?

[signed-someone]

To my first love,

it's been... god, three years now.

I often forget how strange time can be.

I still think about you, what we had at the very least, and I tend to find myself wondering how you are.

I won't pretend I'm not attracted to you, our most recent encounter really drilled that into me, but I can't tell whether my attraction is nostalgia-based or genuine, lingering feeling.

it intrigues me, really, about what could have happened if I'd bit back the nerves and asked you out for coffee.

and as I write this I wonder what you would have said.

I won't promise I'll do it next time, because that'll become next time, to next time, to next time, and I just know the only thing I'll ever be able to tell you is that it's good to see you.

like I always do.

[signed-someone]

To my first girlfriend,

I asked you out way too late.

I think I knew that when I did it.

but I'd liked you for so long, and you saying yes seemed to solve that for a little while.

I'm sorry for my inexperience.

I was so used to having you as my crush, I didn't know how to talk to you as my girlfriend.

we barely spoke.

we barely texted.

and when you told me you loved me I couldn't say it back because it just wasn't true.

it's been years, and that time has made us grow up.

I wish you nothing but the best.

[signed-someone]

To the girl I can't get out of my head,

you probably could have picked a better time, but at the same time I probably wouldn't have it any other way.

I enjoy my own company.

I do just fine on my own.

so why are you here in my head, taking up space I should be using for...

god, anything else.

not your eyes, and your freckles, and your lips, and your hands.

not your smile, and your laugh, and your voice, and your touch.

because I met you once, and the chances of meeting you again are so slim there's no point in me trying to manifest fate.

and yet, here I am hoping, above all else, that I can see you again.

[signed-someone]

To the girl somewhere else,

when we first met I added your town to my weather app.

you don't call anymore, but I still check it from time to time.

I hope it was sunny today.

[signed-someone]

To the girl from that party,

I requested you on Instagram months ago, you requested me back just the other day.

and I can't stop thinking about it.

I hadn't met you before that party, but you instantly felt so familiar.

you gave me this look with so much warmth behind your eyes, I could have known you for years.

you kept telling me how much you liked my hair, and so I told you how much I liked your freckles, and you smiled and sat closer.

and had the situation been different, maybe I would have done something about it.

but it would have been something your boyfriend wouldn't have liked.

and he was there too.

I wish you'd told me sooner, because if I'd known I wouldn't have flirted.

but you knew all along.

so why did you flirt back?

[signed-someone]

To the friend who drifted,

I think about you a lot.

wonder how you are, how your job's going, your girlfriend.

but I never pick up the phone to text you and ask.

then again, you don't either.

we tend to just communicate through posts on Instagram now, which is alright.

I guess it's your way of saying you think of me too.

[signed-someone]

To her boyfriend,

if anything, we're on the same page.

I understand why you fell for her.

she's kind, and she's funny, and good god she's so smart, and when I met her my whole world shifted.

ever so slightly.

I promise you, I understand.

I hope you can be the first person she turns to for almost everything, and the first face she thinks of when she misses home.

I hope you're there, no matter how bad the argument gets, and that you can leave your ego at the door when you need to apologise.

and when she talks I hope you listen.

because she has so much good to say.

and I don't want you to do these things because you 'should', but because you want to.

I want you to do these things because I can't.