speuradair

[speuradair]

basically? what we’re gonna do is dance

@speuradair and my obsession with sneakernight by vanessa hudgens should be studied

[speuradair]

does anyone have any angst requests? i’m in a mood and feel like writing something that hurts lmao

[speuradair]

friends what do we think of character.ai

[speuradair]

transmasc leon who develops a fear of needles after the Las Plagas incident. he finds himself unable to handle taking T by injection so he has to switch to T gel

transmasc leon who worries that t gel won’t work as well as injection T did, and he needs lots of reassurance that it isn’t a big deal, that he’s still masc enough

[speuradair]

hhhhh i have so many thoughts about transmasc leon somebody pls ask me about it

[speuradair]

does anyone have any horror game recommendations? i’m thinking about doing a spooky twitch stream tomorrow night

[speuradair]

maybe i’m just sentimental but there’s something so nice about getting your gender-affirming haircut from another trans person

i just love having a community yk

[speuradair]

if anyone else plays Pocket Camp Complete, here’s my camper card

[speuradair]

there’s no bad stories! there’s no good stories either. there’s no stories at all because you haven’t written any

[speuradair]

Ooo… can we do Silco and Jinx with an autistic reader that they found alone and took in under their wing? (found family au)

PLEASE i love these two so much

an absolute ride or die type of found family

they’d be protective of you in general

so if you need any accommodations or extra support, they’re quick to provide it

they both do so naturally and don’t even really think about it

it’s just how they are

jinx takes a more passive approach

she just goes along with what’s happening and is always there to do things with you

queen of parallel play

she just likes being in the same space as you

she would get so excited about your special interests

often gets just as passionate about them as you do

if you’re self conscious about stimming or any other habits you have, you can be sure Jinx will never judge you for it

she has some weird behaviors too yk

she’s your number one supporter

she hasn’t had the best experience with her own biological sibling, so she treasures that sibling dynamic she has with you

she makes you a little sensory space in silco’s office for you to hang out in

lots of pillows, blankets, stim toys, pretty lights

(similar to the tent Isha has)

she loves to hang out in it too

she always seems to know what you’re thinking or trying to get across even if you’re completely nonverbal

has no problem helping you communicate with others who don’t understand as well

silco is more nurturing and directly supportive

very patient and understanding with you

he never hesitates to reassure or support you when you need it

“don’t cry, you’re perfect”

great at leading grounding/calming exercises

keeps stim toys in his desk and in his pocket

just in case you need it

always there if you need help with anything

he can always tell when you’re getting overwhelmed or just worn out, and he’ll make sure to get you away from anything that might be bothering you

he never hesitates to let you escape into his office, letting you hang out in there whenever you need a quiet place to go

has no problem with your sensory space being in his office

he’ll just go about his business with you there, acting like it’s a normal thing

which it is at this point

he likes knowing that you’re content and okay

he’s so proud of you in everything you do

whether it be your amazing talent or just getting through the day

they might not have a lot to give but they’d give you absolutely anything you need

they’re supportive and understanding, and they consider you a part of their family

[speuradair]

back on my Arcane bullshit. requests are open if anyone has any lol

[speuradair]

reading CoD fan fiction is wild because one post is talking about what the guys are like in bed and the next one is detailing how y/n was captured as a prisoner of war and tortured for information and describing all of the horrors they had to endure before being rescued

[speuradair]

resident evil and hazbin hotel have been added to my fandoms list of anyone has any requests

[speuradair]

we are cringe, but we are free 😌🖤

there‘s nothing i love more than creating OCs and self inserts with @speuradair 🫶🏻

it‘s so much fun, i love being cringe🩷

[speuradair]

Care | M.A.

(CW- description of depression)

“You have to take better care of yourself.”

The words were mumbled under your breath but with how close you’re standing in front of him, Michael heard them anyway. He gave only a soft hum in reply, but you already knew what he was thinking- He didn’t think there was any point in trying to take care of himself anymore. You didn’t need him to spell that out for you to understand it. 

But you didn’t need him to ask you to take care of him for you to do so, either. 

Standing in front of him as he sat shirtless on the bathroom counter, your hands glistened with anti-scar ointment as they carefully brushed over the large wound that spanned the expanse of his chest and torso, reaching from right between his ribcage all the way down to his lower stomach. You moved with extreme caution, not wanting to hurt him anymore than he already had been. 

Only once you’d sufficiently coated the slowly healing wound did you bring your eyes back up to his, only to find tears gathering among the blue of his eyes. Your expression softened immediately.

He’d been trying so hard to keep himself composed lately. Despite going through something so unbelievably awful Michael had kept his emotions deep inside, almost seeming to wall himself off from the outside world, from his own mind, from you. He’d been so depressed.

You couldn’t blame him, of course. You had no authority or right to chastise him for how he responded to something as traumatic as he had endured. All you could do was support him, trying to be there for him in any way possible, especially when he was barely taking care of himself. 

He’d been so stoic for so long that seeing even those unfallen tears caught you off guard. Your heart almost seemed to stop in your chest at the sight. 

Shit, had you upset him? Had your comment finally pushed him over the edge? You didn’t mean it to sound derogatory, but you supposed it might have come off that way.

“H-Hey, I didn’t mean to-“

“What’s the point?” 

It was the first thing he’d said all night and it had your stomach turning in knots. 

“What do you mean?” You asked slowly, though you supposed you already knew exactly what he meant. Before you could retract the question, though, he spoke again.

“What’s the point in taking care of myself? I’m rotting from the inside out.”

Despite the tears that still seemed to well in his eyes, his tone was unsettlingly detached, as if he’d completely resigned to the fact. If you weren’t looking at him, he might’ve sounded completely unbothered. 

He wasn’t, of course, unbothered. You both knew that- but that didn’t make his seemingly surrendered state any less concerning. You feared that he might just give up entirely and that thought was entirely too much to bear. 

But what were you supposed to say? It wasn’t like you’d ever gone through anything even remotely similar, and you certainly didn’t claim to understand what exactly it was that happened that night. Hell, even Michael himself wasn’t sure. This was entirely unprecedented. 

After a few long seconds you forced yourself to do the only thing you could think of. You wrapped your arms around him and held him as tightly as you could without risk of hurting him more than he already had been. He froze in place for a moment, his body rigid and cold, before he gave in, letting his head rest against your shoulder. Before you could say anything else, the sudden sound of a choked sob echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom. 

The sound sparked tears of your own. In that moment you knew you’d experienced few things as painful as hearing the desperate cries of a tormented lover when you were helpless to fix any of his problems. All you could do was hold him as he cried, gently rubbing his back and letting him sob into your shoulder. 

You didn't dare to speak while he was crying, but once he’d stopped for a while you spoke again, telling him the only thing you could think to say.

“I can’t say that I understand what happened, or even what’s happening now, but I do know that it doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I love you and I want to take care of you, no matter what happens. I can’t fix what happened, but I can support you afterwards, and that’s exactly what I'm going to do.”

He didn’t respond right away, but you could feel his fingers begin to brush against your sides before he wrapped his arms around you entirely, squeezing you almost as hard as he could. 

“Let’s just take it one step at a time, okay?” You spoke softly, running your fingers through his messy curls and pressing a soft kiss to his head. “Let’s focus on what we know- you’re alive, you’re here, and we’re going to get through this together.” 

After a moment you felt him nod softly against your shoulder, and only then did you speak again. “Why don’t we get you a shower? I’ll help you if you want,” you offer, trying to offer him some space in case that’s what he wanted, but when he held onto you tighter, you knew it was a silent plea for you to stay.

“Okay,” you exhaled, “I’ll help you. I’ll even wash your hair the way you like.”

Carefully you began to straighten your posture, bringing his weight up with your own. With him still in your arms you helped him over towards the bathtub where you guided him to undress while you started the water for him.

You couldn’t fix all of his problems right away. Hell, maybe they’d never be fixed. But you could stay by him regardless, showing him all of the love and support that he couldn’t give himself. 

[speuradair]

new matching pfps with @speuradair ‼️