spryor1220-blog

[spryor1220-blog]

… but then they danced down the street like dingldodies and I shambled after as usual as I’ve been doing all my life after people that interest me, because the only people that interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones that never yawn or say a commonplace thing… but burn, burn, burn like roman candles across the night.

On the Road, Jack Kerouac

[spryor1220-blog]

I’ve become the crazy cat lady I've always dreamt of being.

[spryor1220-blog]

Summer 2016 Misc

[spryor1220-blog]

From July 9, 2016

I'm hours early for my flight to Chicago. It's just about 6:30 on a summer Saturday morning & the sun is beginning to peak it's way through the horizon. Early. Only but 4 or 5 people are in sight, & I feel very much at ease. I make my way through baggage claim & security. The airport workers are groggy & tired. The humans around me speak softly & are slow moving. Quiet. I find coffee. I get a large one...black. With a Danish, too, of course. I find a seat by a window, where I will sit for the next two hours, awaiting to board the flight. I have my headphones in, with my coffee sitting beside my feet & a book in hand. I feel content. I put the book down, to daydream about Chicago & Emma... All the things we'll do & the new things we'll see. I sit & ponder how much I've changed this past year. The transformations I have undergone & the personal growth which I have succeeded. I think about the vast decisions I've made, the lessons I've learned, & I revel in the gratitude that I have for it all. Reflection. I long to love, travel & learn. I've met a human that I love very much, & that loves me, too. That's very special. I've gotten the opportunity to venture to new places & explore new surroundings, with her by my side. That's even more special. How wonderful it is, to be in love & to want nothing more than to better one another. To enhance each others wholeness, rather than complete each others halves. How wonderful it is to do life, with the person you love by your side. I love her very much. I think about that for a while. Then my mind wanders to myself & how I've grown. This past year I've learned the importance of doing what will serve me best, rather than what is expected of me. In doing so, I've recognized that I am a powerful human. & any decisions that I make, anything that I do in this life, should be done passionately & with purpose. What serves me & leads me to living my best life is what should always take precedence. This year I quite a job that wasn't fulfilling, even though it meant disappointing some relatives, I changed my major to something that I love, rather than something that I felt I needed to be doing, & I've fallen in love with someone, which just so happens to make me a little gay because she, too, is a woman. & all of that has been transforming & empowering in a myriad of ways. I've learned that my happiness matters. I've also learned what it really feels like to be on your own & I've learned that to love yourself is so important, because sometimes you are your only company. I've learned to be a fighter. I've faced the fear of losing a parent & I've embraced the uncertainty of my brother's well being. I've recognized that my upbringing was less than ideal, & in that I've learned that I deserve to be loved & loved well. I've learned to combat my demons with my mother, & to love her anyways, despite her dysfunctions. & I've learned that though my parents weren't always present, they have taught me the most important life lessons I've come to know: hard work & unconditional love. It's now coming upon the 8 o'clock hour, and more & more people are hustling through the terminal. Business men with suitcases & serious glares, frantic mothers with busy toddlers & full hands, & a few stragglers. I wonder where they are off to... I sit quietly with my large coffee. It's beginning to get cold, but I drink it anyways. My heavy eyes are beginning to lift & my spirits are rising. The grogginess of the early morning is beginning to fade, & the alertness of the travels ahead are sinking in.

[spryor1220-blog]

Summer 2016 Chicago, Illinois.

[spryor1220-blog]

Summer 2016 Eureka Springs, Arkansas.

[spryor1220-blog]

Summer 2016 Tulsa & Kansas City adventures

[spryor1220-blog]

Breaking my 5 month hiatus

Recap: I'm a little gay now. The last thing I posted was a 30 second video of a girl singing, with the rest of my friends & I drinking wine and gin on a rainy Wednesday night in the dorms... That was March. With no forewarning, just 2 months later, I began falling very in love with Emma, the girl who sings Bon Iver songs on our Wednesday wine nights; the girl with the wondrous mind & the beautiful soul; the girl who captivated me before I was ready to admit to myself what any of this meant... & without a second thought, I dove in. I dove in. My anxiety was high, but my fear of potentially missing out on something that could be incredible was higher. It was the finals week of my spring semester at KU. I asked to go over to her dorm when I got off work so I could talk to her. She agreed. I'll never forget the immense fear I felt from the moment I stepped out of my car, to the seconds before I nervously uttered the words, "So, I don't know if I'm 100% straight..." I then proceeded to tell her that what led me to believe that was the fact that I had developed feelings for her, & I was freaking the fuck out. All the while, Emma is sitting across from me & is trying so hard not to smile... Her big, beautiful smile. I didn't know why she was smiling. It made me a little nervous. Then, she interrupted me to say that this whole ordeal made her extremely happy, because she just so happened to have had feelings for me since the day she met me, at a Spectrum meeting on campus at the beginning of the school year. What the fuck, right? I was beaming with relief. Eventually, she kissed me... My first kiss with Emma, & my first kiss with a girl. It felt very different but nothing has ever felt more right. I didn't feel like I was "kissing a girl." Or that there was anything unusual or odd about what I was doing. I felt like a was kissing Emma, this really cool human who I really, really liked. & after that day everything else has fallen into perfect place. It's August. Emma & I have had a wonderful summer together. We've gotten the chance to explore new places, & to explore each other. I've never been more in love with a human, than I am with her. & I am very, very happy.

[spryor1220-blog]

March 9, '16 Wednesday nights in the dorm: we drink wine, we talk, we watch movies, & if we're lucky, Emma sings for us.

[spryor1220-blog]

Feb 28, '16 I got to see my best friend this morning & now all is right in the world.

[spryor1220-blog]

Feb 24, '16 Opal Tometi, civil rights leader & cofounder of the #BlackLivesMatter movement, speaking at KU this evening.

[spryor1220-blog]

02/13 Oh, I love my people.

[spryor1220-blog]

From last weekend - 02/13/16 • let yourself get lost •

[spryor1220-blog]

February 7, 2016- Sunday. ☕️📓

[spryor1220-blog]

February 6, 2016- "One day I want to be able to say I wrote about love & torment; flying & crashing; my tears & dancing; my absolute obsession with being alive."

[spryor1220-blog]

A few photos from semester 1 on The Hill-

If you’re me: coffee, drag queens, books & friends seem to find each other on Jayhawk Boulevard.

Rock Chalk.