NEW YORK CITY - It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not Superman, but it's the next best thing. The world was shocked this week when the first individual with superpowers began fighting crime, first by interrupting a police chase in Manhattan, and soon by declaring: the world is now safe.
He may not fly, but The Vortex is able to travel across the world with his ability to make teleportation portals. According to our exclusive interview, he discovered his abilities and vowed to fight crime last week, and after a week spent modifying several worn Korn t-shirts into his all-black superhero suit, he was ready.
It was quite a shocking sight for live TV viewers. Bam! Pow! The Vortex ended the chase by bursting from a portal inside the criminal's stomach, causing the bad guys to instantaneously burst apart into villainous goop. But when everyone realized this was no murderer, but a hero, the scene calmed down, as the responding police asked for The Vortex's autograph.
"I'm the hero," The Vortex told us exclusively. "I knew I couldn't do a bad thing because bad guys do bad things, and I'm the hero."
"So you're still working out the kinks in your powers?" Our reporter asked with a laugh.
"What?"
Children are loving this Marvel comic come to life; when a family of seven were held hostage by their uncle, the Vortex saved the day by materializing inside the uncle's bloodstream and gradually expanding, causing the uncle to distend in a manner befitting bad guys and then explode. When the youngest girl was interviewed, after throwing up from the trauma of being held hostage by her own uncle, there was a endearing little gaffe as she said "I don't know, now I think maybe it would have been good if my uncle had shot me, before -" she vomited once more; her confusion over who's the good and the bad guy can be attributed to her evil-adjacency-induced malaise.
But all is not so clean and beautiful. In Cleveland, when a deranged gunman tried to assassinate the assistant executive assistant to the mayor, the Vortex responded - but the gunman unfortunately used some unknown form of "counter-power" to relocate the portal into the executive assistant assistant's midsection, causing his separated but still conscious upper half to fall through the sky and back onto his legs. Unfortunately, he died despite this. The Vortex was quoted as saying, "it's very sad. I wanted to do that trick but I hoped they would be put back together. The evil man made it so we couldn't put them back together. But I'll do it. I'll put them back together next time."
Spoken like a true hero! We can rest easy knowing that he can appear anywhere, anytime, inside anyone, but only if they're a bad guy who's evil.
Here’s a compilation of a bunch of old bugsnax gifs I could find!! (unfortunately this was the highest quality I could find…)
I find it really interesting how Wiggle had her banjo always on her in older versions, if I were to guess why they changed it, there could have been issues with the animation for pulling it out to play that kept fucking up?