#& I get that teen girls can & will develop crushes on an older teacher-figure. two in one season is a bit much (nozomi AND komachi) but FINE

[greenscreen-dress]

I wish all Precure seasons that attempt to force a reciprocated romance between young teen magical girls and animal-fairy mascots that turn into Ambiguously Adult Hot Guys™ a very Stop That Immediately Dear Gourd Why. 🫠

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Alright, let me be a bit more eloquent-

First off, in regards to my “people calling Sokka a player/womanizer when Mako is right there” is of course a hyperbole. I’m aware Mako doesn’t have like a million girls hanging off his arm. It’s a joke me and my friend have because I was getting pissed off when the whole “break up, rebound, wait Korra’s back” thing was happening and my friend already knew I had an issue with people calling Sokka a player. 

@quccnofmean responded to that (here) explaining that neither of the two are actual players or womanizers, which is correct! Neither are in the actual definition of the word. (Also, I appreciate the addition!)

So lemme explain my journey with Mako (keeping in mind that I’m only in the middle of s3, so I’m not writing him off entirely or anything). It’s kinda long, so I put it under a cut: 

I started off like everyone did. Heart eyes. Yummy. Love him. My friend warned me he made bad choices with the girls but I was like, okay, but they’re all teens, not everyone’s gonna be like Katara and Aang who found their life partner at 12 or 14. Besides, I loved how Mako was as a protective brother. So I figured, sure he can be a bit of a dumbass in terms of relationships, but maybe I can still enjoy him as a brother and friend! 

But then.... Well. Okay, I get that he was telling Bolin not to chase Korra because Mako knew Korra liked him, but then he never told Asami about that kiss (Korra didn’t either, at least until way later but Asami knew by then which also tf korra come on), never apologized. He never gave Asami like... actual closure with their relationship and jumped right to Korra because of his realizations at the s1 finale. Which alright, sure we can roll with it maybe because we assume they’re endgame (and yes I know that every season was expected to be the last hence the individual plot lines but just bear with me). 

But another thing that bothered me about that Korra kiss while dating Asami was that he never actually apologized to Bolin. He just said, “We’re brothers, we’ll get through it because we’re all we’ve got.” Yikes????? Dude you hurt your brother and he still had to save your asses at the tournament and you STILL brush off his emotions? Korra apologized. Mako never did and as an older sister, that doesn’t sit well with me. It doesn’t fit, especially because Mako was shown to be protective of Bolin. 

Anyway okay, let’s move on. He seemed to be doing well with Korra in s2 and I was like alright, he’s trying. Then he rats Korra out to the cops because he’s a cop and yeah you can say, oh it’s because it was his job, he prioritized his job. Okay, but then when Beifong shut him down, he turned right around and went and hired a gang to help him do illegal things with Asami to get his way, like????? Hello??? Mr. Morals???? What happened??? Also I was very pissed with Asami just as much as I was pissed with Mako when they got together again (as Bolin expresses, not even a week after Korra left!!!!) That’s what.... UGHHHH as my friend called it, that’s fuckboy timespan. He just broke up with Korra then jumped right back to Asami. Then he has the gall to tell Bolin “Breaking up with a girl is like ripping off a leech.” ????????? girl=leech, and also if it’s so easy why couldn’t you????? give these two girls a decent break up?????? I’m???? confused???? Gah, as you can see, this is where my patience with him just reached its cap, it aggravates me a lot. 

Then Korra comes back and Mako doesn’t tell her that they were over. Everyone else already knew. And yeah, maybe he didn’t wanna overwhelm her, but he was still re-dating Asami when Korra came back, and he never acknowledged that. Again, never apologized. To me, that doesn’t sound like someone who cares about the feelings of his friends. 

Asami came clean in s3 and I’m loving the way her and Korra are still friends (and eventual endgame but yknow), but Mako... what happened?? He’s also been very distant from Bolin so I couldn’t even fall back on the other aspects of his personality while he was doing these things. 

If I recall correctly, Mako is 18 in book 1, so he should know that you don’t... cheat on girls.... that you should apologize when you hurt someone... that breakups require a decent conversation.... and that at least out of respect to your friends, there should be some kind of time between relationships??? Ah, okay okay. I did the original comparison to Sokka because I was like, yeah Sokka focused on one girl at a time, and even respectfully declined a kiss because he was still thinking of Yue, refused to acknowledge Ty Lee’s flirting because he was with Suki, and I know in the comics he has this one little fling which is the one time that I’ve been like, Sokka wtf you doing??? And Sokka was younger too so.... Also there are instances where Sokka owns up to his lies, his mistakes. (lies when he lied about being fire nation to his sword fighting teacher whose name i forgot smh, and mistakes when he demeaned the kyoshi warriors.) 

Mako isn’t a player/womanizer by definition, but he sure as hell is not a good love interest. That’s not to say he’s a bad character overall or that he can’t be your crush or that you’re not allowed to stan him. I just also hope that for one, if you like guys, don’t ever let them treat you like Mako has treated Korra and Asami. And also... just ask yourself if you’re excusing his actions as a “boys will be boys” thing because he’s hot or if it’s genuinely something you can excuse. 

Personally, I couldn’t forgive if someone did that to me. I’m very surprised Korra and Asami are still his friends, and I give props to hot-tempered Korra for telling him he’s still part of team avatar and trying to clear the air because I could never. And in my head, because I’ve been in love with Sokka since I saw ATLA for the first time, my standard in real life and in fictional worlds has been “Sokka would never do this to me.” And that’s what had just made me not care for Mako as much as I did at first. 

I’m hoping to see more growth and personal character development outside of romance in the rest of s3 and in s4 though. Again though, I’m NOT saying you’re bad for liking him or that he’s a bad character overall, I’m just not a fan of him as a romantic interest and he’s been treading the line as a brother character. And the Sokka comparison was a joke, because as many posts as I see about Sokka being “such a player” (false) I’m surprised I never heard anyone say anything about Mako. 

Ahhh I wrote this all out as I was thinking, so I’m not sure if it’s actually eloquent, but yeah. I’ve just been seeing people get offended about my distaste for Mako, and I wanted to elaborate without hyperboles because this site just sucks at putting across sarcasm or hyperboles and I usually forget that. 

[okayoonoh]

TAEIL’S FAMILY

a/n: here is the start of the NCT family series!! I hope you guys like it!! Here is the link to the NCT FAMILY MASTERLIST.

MOON TAEIL:

he has two kids, a girl and a boy. moon yoojin is 4 years older than her baby brother, moon seojoon.

MOON YOOJIN >> as a baby <<

she was one of the most perfect

was never really fussy

she was very calm and only really cried when things got super super bad

when she did cry though?

oh boy

she definitely was gifted with Taeil’s lungs

it got so bad that you had to soundproof your house

your neighbors were very kind about it for the first couple weeks

but after those weeks, they (and yourself and Taeil) realized that her lungs really are that strong

lowkey taeil enjoys the soundproof house

he can sing to his hearts content

(and for whatever reason, his house became the main house for hangouts and parties and when you have a house filled with NCT, their spouses and their kin, it’s bound to get l o u d )

everything you bought for her was pink and even everything that was given to you was pink

obsessed with the color pink

anything and everything she owns is pink

pink was the first word she learned how to say (taeil and you had no idea with what to do with this because none of the parenting books suggested that pink would be the first word she said)

even when she was around the other babies her age and they would start crying, she’ll either a) cry in silence or b) not cry at all

as a baby, she always had one of those sleepy looks in her eyes

her eyes always had that droopy and calm look in them

she wasn’t a difficult child at all

you and taeil are very fortunate that she was you first child

it’s almost as if she knew that she had to take it easy on you two

>> as a child <<

kinda the same as when she was a baby, this time she can formulate words and she can figure out what is going on

didn’t really beg for things all that much, unless it was pink

there was only one thing that was persistent

from the second she could formulate a sentence that was different than “Eomma, Appa, PINK” she wanted to have a little brother

if he wasn’t saying “Eomma, Appa, PINK” she would say: “EOMMA, APPA, BABY BROTHER”

when you told her that you were expecting another baby

she was so happy she cried

she gave you the biggest hug and when you or taeil would try to take her down, she would start to cry

she eventually let go when taeil offered her some strawberries to eat

when seojoon was born

oh man

she already had the sisterly instincts from the second she saw his wrinkled form

she takes such good care of him

like she doesn’t dress him up or put makeup on him

she knows where his diapers are and even knows how to make his formula (you have to help her with the temperature aspects of it but i mean pretty darn good for a 4 year old)

when taeil would come back from tour and didn’t know where you moved the new diapers and stuff, she would lead him seamlessly

during school,

she never was interested in sports all that much

would rather stay back and either study or chill with the teachers

she’s class president type

she always, always, always has adored her father

when he was on TV, that was the only time she would reveal her energetic side

she would see him and cheer so happily just to seem him dance and perform

her and yuta’s oldest daughter, nakamoto akari, are best friends (They were born on the same day, 12 hours apart)

ever since they were babies, they were best friends

akari is filled with energy energy energy

when yuta’s daughter is jumping off of the ceilings, yoojin is just quietly smiling at her side

she loves taking egg selfies with her dad

johnny’s oldest son, noah seo, started to develop a crush on her at this age

>> as a teen/adult <<

HONESTLY SHES PERFECT

calm, kind, collected

has been class president ever since it was possible to be class president

lowkey really competitive, but civil about it (unless you hear what she says to akari)

she’s the second oldest in the group

almost like an older sister for the entire group

if any other kid has an issue, will go to her

she cares and loves every single one of the kids

it doesn’t matter which kid belongs to who, she will be the supportive older sister

a hard worker 

makes everyone proud

johnny’s oldest son, seo noah, has a huge thing for her because she was one of the first girls to not show him any interest in regards to his looks

she thinks he’s really handsome but will never admit it

she calls him ugly

that’s a lie she thinks he’s really hot but she’ll never admit it

even when they actually date she never wants to admit that she likes him and he’s fine with that (because she’ll admit it when they’re alone)

she isn’t the craziest of the group, you almost have to warm her up before she’ll let go and show her crazy side

her self image is just always perfect and pristine

she never lets anything trigger her

A BUSINESS WOMAN™ 

she doesn’t want to go down the music path, always thought businesses were cool and decided to start her own

honestly? SM’s newest CEO?

makes the most money out of all of the kids

she’s so supportive of everyone

she was there at every sports event, every birthday, every school play,

 e v e r y t h i n g 

it’s almost scary and weird how she was able to be there for everything

you and taeil are just so heckin proud of her

y’all raised her well :)

MOON SEOJOON: >> as a baby <<

he was definitely a little troublemaker

even from the start

he was a lot more fussy than yoojin in

but he wasn’t even the fussiest of the bunch

he is such a momma’s boy, like it’s crazy

like picture this

so, seojoon was being really fussy one night, like it was really really really bad

and taeil is all confident and is like “it’s okay babe, i got this.”

so you’re “okay go ahead”

he goes in there all confident because he’s so ready to use all of the skills he learned from taking care of yoojin

he kinda figured that since yoojin is all happy and healthy, that means he had to do something right, right?

so, he waltzes into the room of the screaming baby and checks on his darling son

he goes through the process: seojoon just ate, seojoon was just burped, and seojoon’s diaper doesn’t appear to be stinky or wet, so seojoon must need some good old appa loving

taeil picks up his son and starts singing the song he sang to yoojin while she was a baby and the same song he sang to his son when he was in the womb

with taeil’s gentle touch, there was no way baby seojoon would still be fussy

oh how wrong he was

it seemed like it was impossible for seojoon to get any louder

oh how wrong the world was

seojoon got so. much. louder.

taeil starts to freak out a little bit because he thinks somethings seriously wrong

you run in with yoojin close behind you, scared that taeil dropped your son or something

taeil just looks confused then hands the baby to you

almost instantly, baby seojoon stops crying and starts to get sleepy

you look at taeil and you both ???

you are kinda proud and he’s real jealous but dw, baby seojoon eventually warms up to his dad

>> as a child <<

oh boy

get ready for the headaches

he has a very active imagination

and he is a huge prankster

dw, it’s not serious physically hurting or emotional hurting pranks

simple ones

like “oh no, everything in the house has been shifted a little bit so something is off but the whole family can’t figure it out because it was so minute”

he is a giggly boy

has the most adorable laugh out of the whole group

he is best friends with haechan’s oldest daughter, lee minah (they’re born the same year)

they’re a dynamic duo

they can cause a lot of damage

but when they decide to do something nice?

it’s one of the sweetest and cutest things in the world!!

he gets lost a lot

and she does too

they usually get lost together

no one knows why they get lost a lot

like literally you’d be holding his hand and he’d just disappear?

it’s magic honestly

his favorite game is hide and seek

honestly, so logically smart

like top of the class material

honestly tho, probably second in the class because he forgot to do something dumb like write his name on top of a report or the final or something

just a big wholesome goofball who loves his mom and his sister

around this time, he realizes his love for singing

taeiil is filled with so much love when seojoon decides he wants to be a singer just like his dad

taeil will teach him everything he needs to know (doesn’t mean he loves yoojin any less, taeil would actually look into businesses and bring home books as to how to run them, taeil would be a dad who is VERY proud of his children and their accomplishments.)

even tho seojoon gives everyone headaches, he apologizes wholeheartedly and with that adorable look in his eyes, how can you stay mad?

>> as an teen/adult <<

another oh moment

like he grew up so well

thanks to his sister and you, he is so kind and respectful towards women

like he never says no to a date (of course he’ll say no if he’s in a relationship or if it’s a genuine bad time)

he’ll go on dates even if he isn’t sure that he likes the person all that much

he rejects them in such a positive way that they don’t even realize that they’ve been rejected yet

he’s the type of ex that you’d be happy to see in public and wouldn’t run away from

he’s a pretty soft boy

like he’s a genuine intellectual

seems like he grew out of his prankster ways he didn’t really tho

he makes sure that everyone is taken care of in the group

even tho he’s old now, he’s still terrified of his sister (he loves her to bits tho)

like he’ll be celebrating an event and he’ll be like “wait, let me ask yoojin-noona if it’s okay.”

and everyone is like “seojoon, you’re like, 20 years old, you don’t need her permission” 

and he’s like “oh yeah, i forgot”

on the occasions when he actually calls her she’s simply like “you’re an adult? you can make these decisions on your own?”

he’s like a jack of all trades

like he used to be really really really bad at cooking

then he watched one cooking show

and nows he’s out here making racks of lamb and all that good jazz

like 

it’s very surprising with what he can do

he’s one of the most supportive older brothers of the group

he gives the worst gifts tho

but don’t get me wrong! it’s not because he doesn’t care

it’s simply because he spends so much time at the store, that they close so he gets flustered and buys everyone gift cards

he’s such a wholesome boy and is pretty reliable 

you may have to remind him but that’s beside the point

he will be there for you when you need him!

starts his singing career at this age and he’s honestly thriving

he loves ballads and finds that they fit his voice really well (considering his voice is literally a virtual copy of his dad’s)

but he’ll release a random r&b album and everyone would be quaking

he’s just such a smart and wholesome dummy who’s trying his best!

---

here’s the first part! i’m trying to be as detailed as i can with these babies!

i hope you guys liked it! johnny’s kids are next!

- amy <3

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[isabvllas]

         ♡ . *  (   jennie  kim,  cis  female,  she  /  her   )   have  you  heard   ?   it  seems  like  the  heir  of  the  MUN  dynasty  was  very  close  to  liam  yu  too.  they  go  by  ISABELLA  and  they  were  liam’s  FAMILY  FRIEND.  their  networth  is  of  82M  and  they’re  only  TWENTY-THREE  …  what  a  burden  it  must  be.  i  heard  they  can  be  very  COQUETTISH  and  VIVACIOUS.  but  these  last  few  months,  their  DISINGENUOUS  and  VAIN  personality  has  been  showing  more.  the  media  is  sure  having  a  field  day  with  them   !   i  hope  this  road  trip  with  friends  will  help  them.  did  you  know  that  CHEWING  BUBBLEGUM  AFTER  LUNCH,  WHISPERING  SECRETS  TO  A  LOVER,  CANDY  HEARTS  and  PILLOWS  STAINED  WITH  TEARS  really  show  their  true  persona   ?    maybe  liam  was  the  only  one  who  knew  that  ...   

         hi  everyone,  i’m  so  happy  to  be  here   !!!   my  name  is  diana,  i’m  twenty,  go  by  she  /  her  pronouns,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone.  some  quick  facts  abt  me:  i’m  a  libra  and  girl  group  stan   !!   below  u  can  read  a  bit  abt  my  muse  isabella  hehe  if  u  like  this  post  i’ll  hit  u  up  for  plots   !!!   my  discord  is   missing blackpink hours#5522  if  u  wanna  message  me  there,  but  if  not,  im’s  work  just  fine  <3

♡ . *    𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  isabella  grace  mun

nickname(s)  :  bella,  isa  (  by  liam  only  )

age  :  twenty-three

zodiac  :  libra  sun,  scorpio  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  neutral

pinterest  :  click

♡ . *    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !   (   drug  tw   )

keeping  up  appearances  has  always  been  the  mun  family’s  main  focus.  everything  they  do  is  an  attempt  to  better  their  public  image.  her  parents  marriage  was  merely  another  business  agreement  between  two  powerful  families

her  father’s  side  works  in  finance  and  investments,  while  her  mother’s  side  owns  one  of  the  wealthiest  PR  firms  in  the  world

her  parents  got  married  because  there  was  nothing  the  public  loved  more  than  family.  you  could  get  away  with  almost  anything  with  the  illusion  strong  family  values  under  your  belt.  isabella’s  conception  was  just  part  of  the  arrangement

her  mother  was  not  particularly  maternal.  her  husband  was  a  few  years  to  her  senior,  so  she  was  still  fairly  young  when  she  got  pregnant.  however,  they  had  already  been  married  for  two  years  and  a  baby  was  part  of  the  deal

isabella  was  passed  along  through  a  string  of  nannies.  none  of  them  stuck  around  long  enough  to  give  her  the  emotional  support  she  so  desperately  desired.  she  clung  to  adult  figures  throughout  the  majority  of  her  childhood,  from  boarding  school  teachers  to  private  tutors

as  she  grew  older,  however,  she  began  to  understand  the  way  of  things.  she  barely  spent  any  time  with  her  parents,  but  the  one  thing  she  learned  from  her  father  was  how  to  look  out  for  herself.  no  one  else  was  going  to  do  it  for  her

throughout  secondary  school,  she  perfected  the  art  of  getting  what  she  wants.  she’d  put  on  a  sweet,  helpless  act  to  manipulate  those  around  her.  she  became  fluent  in  lying,  and  it  always  worked  to  her  advantage  that  she  had  a  face  people  could  trust

she  spent  her  teen  years  growing  a  social  media  following,  becoming  a  beauty  influencer.  she  was  seen  as  an  it  girl,  credited  for  starting  various  fashion  trends

without  anyone  looking  after  her,  isabella  was  able  to  do  whatever  she  wanted.  however,  she  also  learned  from  her  parents  the  importance  of  maintaining  a  pristine  image.  so,  she  partied  and  had  her  fun  out  of  the  public  eye,  or  so  she  thought

at  seventeen,  isabella  had  her  first  coke  scandal  after  pictures  of  her  were  leaked  to  the  tabloids.  it  was  like  a  rich  kids  right  of  passage.  her  parents  were  furious  with  her.  for  a  moment,  isabella  felt  hopeful.  they  were  furious  because  they  cared,  right  ?  unfortunately  for  her,  it  wasn’t  because  of  what  she  was  doing.  they  were  only  angry  she  was  stupid  enough  to  get  caught

isabella’s  mother  took  care  of  cleaning  up  her  image.  after  all,  damage  control  is  what  she  knew  how  to  do  best.  isabella  was  forced  to  take  a  break  from  social  media.  according  to  the  statement  her  family  put  out,  she  was  under  a  lot  of  stress  from  running  a  social  media  empire  at  such  a  young  age.  as  per  her  mother’s  instructions,  her  social  media  blackout  lasted  a  year.  by  the  time  she  was  back  in  the  public  eye,  she  had  graduated  high  school  and  was  started  the  next  chapter  of  her  life

however,  the  year  she  took  away  from  social  media  was  the  most  time  she  had  ever  spent  with  her  parents.  she  was  forced  to  stay  with  them  so  they  could  keep  her  from  further  tarnishing  the  perfect  image  they  had  created  for  themselves.  during  this  time,  she  found  out  she  hated  her  parents.  they  were  cold,  and  completely  emotionless

she  felt  alone  most  of  the  time.  her  friends  were  almost  always  fake,  and  so  was  she.  she  was  always  putting  on  a  mask  too,  so  it’d  be  unfair  to  even  judge.  but  the  only  person  she  could  ever  trust  was  herself.  except  liam  was  different

she  knew  liam  her  whole  life  through  familial  connections,  but  she  only  got  closer  to  him  over  recent  years.  he  seemed  to  be  the  only  person  who  could  understand  her.  she  started  to  confide  in  him  with  a  lot  of  things.  he  made  her  feel  less  alone,  a  true  friend.  it  was  unlike  anything  she  had  ever  experienced  before  and  she  wasn’t  used  to  anyone  genuinely  caring.  he  would  let  her  sleepover  whenever  she  was  going  through  something

his  loss  hit  her  hard.  even  though  she  tries  to  appear  like  she’s  grieving  his  loss  healthily,  she  isn’t.  isabella  has  convinced  herself  she’s  cursed,  like  his  loss  was  her  fault  just  because  he  was  associated  to  her.  like  everything  she  touches  falls  apart.  she  kinda  started  using  drugs  again  more  heavily  because  of  everything,  where  before  she  mainly  only  used  in  social  settings

♡ . *    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

isabella  appears  to  be  an  extrovert  on  the  surface.  even  though  most  of  it  is  an  act,  she  has  a  lively  presence.  she  likes  to  be  the  life  of  the  party  and  the  center  of  attention,  but  when  it  comes  down  to  it,  it’s  just  part  of  the  persona  she  puts  on  for  others

she’s  playfully  flirty  with  almost  everyone.  it  started  as  a  way  to  manipulate  people,  but  she  also  finds  amusement  in  it  now.  to  her,  everything  life  is  a  game  and  she  wants  to  win

she  is  always  trying  to  manipulate  people  for  her  own  selfish  gain,  however,  she’s  extremely  careful  to  be  lowkey  about  it  so  no  one  really  knows.  she  appears  to  be  very  sincere  and  considerate  of  others.  most  people  view  her  as  harmless,  which  is  exactly  what  she  wants.  she  wants  people  to  underestimate  her

isabella  can  be  quite  full  of  herself.  she  obsesses  over  her  appearance  like  24/7  partially  due  to  her  social  media  presence.  she  won’t  leave  the  house  without  looking presentable  because  she  refuses  to  be  spotted  looking  bad

but  aside  from  obsessing  over  her  looks,  she  also  has  a  superiority  complex.  she  thinks  she’s  better  and  smarter  than  most  people,  but  she  doesn’t  show  this  side  of  herself  too  often

she  loves  to  go  out  and  be  in  the  presence  of  strangers.  she  feels  closer  to  them  than  to  the  people  she  actually  knows.  but  it’s  one  of  the  reasons  she  loves  parties  so  much.  asksjhkjsh  like  that  part  in  great  gatsby  where  that  girl  was  like  large  parties  are  much  more  intimate  !!!  that’s  bella 

her  life  is  ultimately  unfulfilling  tho,  because  the  way  she  masquerades  around  pretending  to  be  one  way  just  to  use  people  for  her  own  benefit  has  left  her  completely  alone.  she  seeks  real  friendships  and  relationships  deep  down,  but  she  does  everything  in  her  power  to  bury  this  side  of  herself.  she  also  seeks  validation  but  doesnt  care  enough  about  anyone’s  opinions  to  ever  receive  it

♡ . *    𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  she  can  scheme  with,  someone  who  will  play  these  little  games  with  her,  someone  she  has  fun  with

ex-lover  -  there  could  b  more  than  one  of  these   !!!    they  could  have  ended  on  bad  terms  or  good  terms,  still  have  lingering  feels  or  tension  maybe  they’re  friends  or  maybe  they  just  try  to  stay  away  from  each  other 

unrequited  crush  -  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  or  maybe  she  uses  it  to  her  advantage.  OR  we’d  have  to  plot  this  out  well  but  maybe  she  has  genuine  feelings  for  your  muse  and  doesn’t  know  what  to  do  about  it  because  this  never  really  happens

requited  feelings  -  speaks  for  itself,  but  our  muses  have  feelings  for  each  other.  ik  isabella  would  make  things  complicated  just  because  it  would  be  hard  for  her  to  accept  that  she  actually  cares  about  someone  that  isn’t  herself

will they,  won’t  they  -  there’s  tension  between  them,  but  nothing  has  ever  come  out  of  it  yet.  maybe  something  has  almost  happened,  maybe  they’ve  kissed  once,  but  either  way  the  tension  lingers  in  the  air  whenever  they’re  together

flirtationship  -  they  flirt  with  each  other  constantly,  but  nothing  has  ever  come  from  their  flirting.  maybe  they  have  good  chemistry,  but  haven't  done  anything  about  it  and  maybe  they  don’t  want  to.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  ruin  a  good  thing 

current fling/friends  w  benefits -  someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  it’s  most  likely  no  strings  attached,  but  maybe  it’s  someone  she  genuinely  cares  about  as  a friend

enemies  w  benefits  -  imagine  the  tension   !!!   they  started  out  hating  each  other  but  ended  up  hooking  up.  maybe  it  was  a  one  time  thing,  or  maybe  they  can’t  stop  going  back  to  each  other.  maybe  they  keep  it  a  secret  and  don’t  want  anyone  else  to  know.  this  could  develop  in  soooo  many  ways  pls  this  is  so  sexy  !!!!

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  started  hanging  out  more  afterwards

drug  /  alcohol  buddies  -  someone  she  gets  fucked  up  with.  maybe  they’re  not  that  close  when  they’re  sober,  but  are  way  closer  when  under  the  influence

ex-friends  -  someone  she  used  to  consider  a  close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now,  which  means  isabella  is  probably  trying  to  plot  their  down  fall

sibling-like friendship  -  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  since  she’s  an  only  child,  i’d  love  a  friendship  that  feels  like  family

unlikely  friends  -  a  pair  you  wouldn't  imagine  would  be  friends,  but  for  whatever  reason,  they  get  along  well

cousins  -  they  could  get  along  well,  or  maybe  there’s  family  drama  that  makes  them  hate  each  other

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  drinks  to  much   !!!   someone  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  under  the  influence.  she  would  probably  feel  extremely  weird  like  when  she’s  sober  bc  someone  taking  care  of  her  ???  feels  fake  2  her

confidant  -  someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

rivals  -  they  don’t  like  each  other  for  whatever  reason,  which  we  can  plot. maybe  it’s  jealousy  or  their  personalities  just  clash,  but  for  whatever  reason  they  do  not  get  along

frenemies  -  they’re  great  friends  to  each  other’s  faces,  but  when  they’re  not  around  each  other,  they  act  questionably

bad  influence  -  someone  she  is  a  bad  influence  on.  maybe  she’s  manipulating  them,  or  just  encourages  them  to  do  bad  things  and  they  listen  to  her  for  whatever  reason

that’s  everything  !!!  i’m  soooo  sorry  this  got  a  lil  lengthy,  it  wasn’t  my  intention  but  also  idk  how  2  shut  up  AJKDSHDJH  anyway  i’m  so  excited  to  plot  with  u  all  and  start  interacting,  so  hit  me  up  on  discord  or  im’s  or  i’ll  come  to  u  <3

[creatingnikki]

Dearest Atlas,

That is a really fun choice for a pseudonym. Perhaps, your actual name? Unlikely but for the sake of this letter and me you’re Atlas irrespective. So, hello! You’re almost a decade younger to me and I must admit, I’m a little nervous to write you this love letter. I’ve never had an issue writing or interacting with people older to me by 3-4 decades even. But talking to someone younger always takes me back to when I was their age and how much I hated older people acting as though they knew better.

Of course, now after growing up I have realized that it’s just natural for you to know more and learn more as you live more (exceptions exist always and there’s not an equal increase in age and knowledge/wisdom, as we all know). I mean, compared to a 5 year old, you know so much more. But I think the one place where most adults go wrong is that instead of looking after those younger to them, they either patronize them or exploit them. Shouldn’t we, by default look after those younger to us? Protect them, so that they don’t lose their innocence and heart due to this shit world as early as we did? This sentiment is why I love a classic that most people don’t – The Catcher in the Rye by J.D Salinger. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. I will warn you that the narrator is annoying but his heart is in the right place and that’s the most important thing.

I guess since I’ve already started writing this letter my nervousness is out the window. Do forgive me if at any place I come across as preachy or pretentious. Know that isn’t one bit intentional.

You know how I know I’m no longer a teenager? Because I just spent 10 minutes looking up what LB(BT) means. I still don’t know but as per Google this is what it could mean:

Let’s be bored together (doesn’t fit the context as you said ‘I’m LB(BT)’)

Something related to LGBTQ+ (Is it?)

Lembaga Bela Banua Talino (Which is an Institute for Community Legal Resources Empowerment – umm probably not?)

When older people would be so clueless with slangs like LOL and TTYL and BRB 10 years ago I would think, ‘Are they serious? What’s not to get in that?’ But this is a WTF moment for me because I have crossed over to the other side, clearly. Anyway, now I’m quite curious so do let me know, please! Haha

Though, I do have a really embarrassing and silly story related to internet slang and ‘brb’. So this was back in 8th grade – 2010 – when I had just joined Facebook and had started to talk to this senior in school who I soon developed a crush on. Now, you need to know 2 things for context:

Back then everyone in school would type in “chat language” which was very “cool”. For instance, ‘What is up with you?’ would be typed as ‘wht is up wth u?’

This guy would use terms of endearment for me like sweetheart, darling, etc. *pukes*

So, for a whole week when we would chat, and he would use ‘brb’ during our conversation I had no idea what it was but I just assumed it was another term of endearment. Oh my god. Shall I even say it? Okay…so I thought it was….barbie. YES WHY WOULD HE CALL ME THAT. It’s bloody weird but my 14 year old brain worked in weird ways, and yes you’re a whole lot smarter than I was at 14, and I just assumed that. Why I continued talking to a guy who I thought called me ‘barbie’, I do not know. From entering the world of social media at 14 and not knowing slangs like the back of my hand to reaching here – writing a letter to a 14 year old and not knowing another slang’s full form – a I believe I have reached a full circle. Thank you? I think it’s very humbling but also grounding to realise how old you are or just how much time has passed by. Adulting is quite disorienting and moments like these are needed.

And thankfully, I know what you mean when you say you’re Wiccan. And I think that’s pretty cool! Around when I was 16 I read a Jodi Piccoult book about teen Wiccans and I was so fascinated that post that I did 3 things:

Convinced my friend to become Wiccan with me

Installed an app for spells

Convinced my mom to let me get a tattoo with a sentence from the Wiccan Rede

My friend ditched me, the spells on that app needed things that weren’t accessible to me and I was too much of a chicken to actually get inked (still don’t have a single tattoo!) and none of those things ever really materialised.  In yet another way you’re so much smarter than I was back then. I keep saying this not to be weird but to admire you and just express how in awe I am by certain things you mentioned.

Shall I just paste the Wiccan Rede here for everyone to see how beautiful and solid it is? Or perhaps the end of it that hit me the most?

“With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend.

Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart.

Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good.

When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow.

Be true in love this you must do unless your love is false to you.

These Eight words the Rede fulfill:

“An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will”

And the sentence I wanted to get a tattoo of? Any guesses?

Well – An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will.

While I didn’t get it, I do want to talk about it.

People will always tell you what to do and what to be and what to think and how to behave and what to not wear and what to see and what to not talk about. These people will be your friends, parents, teachers, siblings, relatives, strangers, lovers, the government, employers, enemies and bullies. A lot of them will be well-intentioned and that’s where it will get tricky. But you should always do what feels right to you. No matter who says what. Stand up for what you believe in no matter who or how many people are against it. That’s from the book To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee and another book that I highly recommend.

As you grow older, the lines between good and bad, black and white, brave and weak will quickly and confusingly blur. You’ll have to make a million choices, a lot of which won’t matter in a few years while some will stay with you for the rest of your life. And sometimes it will feel like you’re in a maze and thick fog (all the confusion between what’s right and what’s wrong) is surrounding you and there is this loud, piercing noise (other people’s voices) that won’t stop until you find your way out that maze. What’s waiting for you outside? Some people think it’s success, money, love, or even death. It really depends on how you see things and what’s the most important to you.

To me? I think what’s waiting out there for me is peace and truth. Lately, I’ve been able to find my way out but it’s only seconds until I’m dragged back inside. So, how to figure a permanent way out this maze is my journey next. I don’t know anything. No one knows anything. But yet people insist on pretending to know. And sometimes that’s important too (like at work). But I hope when you’re on your journey of figuring things out for yourself, you do what feels right to you and only remember – An ye harm none do what ye will.

A picnic with your friend family where everything was so happy sounds like such a precious and beautiful memory. I’m glad you got to experience that and I can only hope that while you navigate your way through the maze, you find such absolutely lovely and blissful moments in plenty. And as for your ex who sent you anon hate – so glad that such an ass is out of your life. As someone who has received a lot of nasty anon hate on tumblr, I know it hurts the most when you suspect (more like just know it) that it’s someone who used to be close to you. I guess that’s the other stuff hiding in the maze – bitterness and pain. But I think as long as you have a few people who have the best interests for you at heart who hold your hand and figure the way out together, you’re going to be okay.

So, Atlas, I do think this turned out to be a tad bit didactic but know that’s only because the part inside of me that’s still 14 is cheering on for you and sending you much love.

xoxo

Nikki

PS I know I’ve given you 2 book recs already but here’s a third one cos I think you’d quite like it – Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson. It’s a book about two high school best friends who are Wiccans and one of them kills herself and the other uses a spell to bring her back to live temporarily to figure out what really happened.

Guys, February is 29 days of love letters. I’m writing love letters, as part of The Love Project, and if you’d like me to write one to you, drop me an email at creating.nikki@gmail.com

There are 10 more spots left, and you can still be a part of it if you’d like :D

I wrote this letter for Atlas based on some questions they answered. You can read their answers here.

[gasoliya]

*air horn noises*

this is a massive post, so if you’d like to see some of the wanted connections i’ve typed out for my girl soliya, please read through the cut!! if your’e interested in any of them, please feel free to like or comment!!

let’s get writing, y’all!!! and come in here and catch this snuggle (and these plots)!

if you want a quick and dirty run-down of soliya, please click here for my intro where i talk a little bit about her past and bio! if you want to read her bio (it’s pretty short!) click here! but if you want both the live action and the replay...read both B^)

a few things to say - i know i have alienated her to a degree since the highest population of muses are in their early to mid 20s, but that’s why i purposefully wrote her as a traveler to offset some of that!! so that this way, at least she’d be able to travel around to the other nations and make meaningful connections with a whole variety of people!

also - these titles are all song titles/lyircs from songs on a playlist i’ve had on repeat for the last few days in quarantine. some are directly applicable feelings/vibe wise, others are just the right feel in the title itself and not necessarily the song lyrics apply to the plot! (wow this feels like krp tumblr in like, 2014). sidenote: i am a very flexible rper, and am comfortable with nsfw themes but PLEASE let me know if you are not! would never want to make any of my partners uncomfortable and PLEASE do not try to push yourself if it’s something you don’t like to/don’t usually incorporate!

LASTLY, i’m 100% down to plot out original connections too! and if you have a plot or role that you think liya might be able to fill for your muse, just let me know! but the below are certain connections i’d love to see for her c’:

now, onwards & upwards!

--

the other side x. (m/f/nb! any age! 2 open!)

for how angsty that title sounds this plot is not angsty at all LMFAO. while traveling with her father i imagine that she’d make some friends that she consistently seeks out whenever they’re in that nation! soliya is pretty relaxed and friendly, especially since that’s the whole point of a diplomatic visit. plus, just traveling to all the different air temples and nations, you naturally make connections! she probably tries to get to know as many people as possible and make as many connections as possible - plus a tour of each place from a local? heck yes! post-black sun, as she’s going through and getting the feel for how each nation is, as a representative of the air nomads and on her father’s behalf, i can imagine she’d be so fucking worried for all of the people she’s met and knows! this also allows us for current plots and past plots!! at the moment, looking for 1 muse for each spot from the other nations to start!

fire nation: open! 

water nation: open! 

earth nation: @zuerga​

way you move x.(m/f/nb! +/- 6 years! 3 open!)

sometimes you just gotta get out excess energy! what better way to do so than a friendly spar? love the idea of our muses passing the time not just with companionship, but with some bending sparring! learning the tricks and the trades of each other’s bending styles, and pushing each other to be even better. there may not be a need per say, to train, but it’s always nice to keep your skills sharp and learn more about each style and person! i think soliya would be fascinated by the other types of bending out there, especially the particular and unique subsets of each, and also by how each person’s own style affects the moves/impact/force! since she’s also on the older side of the spectrum, could definitely see her being a mentor type not just to other airbenders, but also just in tactical elements/critical thinking during spars, etc. post-black sun...there may be a need to spar for the intents of training. but also - check ins on status, health, is there anything that i can do for you?

fire nation: open!

water nation: open! 

earth nation: open!

love me less x. (m/f/nb! younger sibling! open!)

cough, so this requires the making of a muse, and i will put this on a wanted connection ask to the main page maybe like...a few days after i first start but like...this is a big part of liya’s origin story! i go over it here and here, so i won’t make this too long, but yes! i would SO LOVE someone to work this in their bio if they’d like and we can play out the various interactions pre, during, and post the incident. liya holds SO MUCH guilt from the accident and will probably never fully forgive herself, especially as she gets older, as the more mature she gets, the more obvious it is to her how much of a shithead she was as a teen. and even now, in her relationship with her bending and her personal relationships (esp. romantic) she’s guarded to a degree, even almost 15 years later.

I got too much dirt to come clean Closets full of skeletons that you don't wanna see Will you judge me? All my ugly? I won't blame you if you do

me & your ghost x. (m/f/nb! any age! 2 open!)

after the accident with her younger sibling at around age 16/17, she went into a period of self-isolation for about 4 months. 3 of which were spent on air temple island, and one in which she soul searched at the other 4 air temples (nesw). after she comes back home she’s ready to take on her father’s teachers on self-discipline and applying it into her everyday life & demeanor. that probably takes about another 4 months of intensive learning/meditation/isolation, along with traveling to other air temples for training with other airbending masters which comes to a total of 8 months in which she is just MIA. the idea for this plot would probably be that she is significant is some way to your muse - be it a big ass crush, an older-sister figure, a mother figure???, an incredibly strong friendship or any other dynamic, and when she just disappears without notice (i feel like she cycles through all the nations at least once every 2 months or so, stays for at least a few days) your muse is just “what the hell?” primarily a pre-black sun plot for the drama and character development, but that probably also means that by now (almost 15 years!) their relationship is hella strong and they’re very, very, close!

spot one: open!

spot two: open!

good news x. (m/f/nb! +/- 2 years! open!)

emotional support. someone to talk to, to confide in. this is someone, one of the VERY few people (maybe even the only one?) that she would confide in and talk openly about her feelings with, regarding the accident. i imagine this is a - after her 8 months of isolation/soul-searching, they’d meet for the first time, exchange kind of stilted pleasantries, and then just *emotional breakdown* as soon as they hugged. she’s be 17 at the time, so this is someone who would need to be about the same age/maturity to be able to handle it (or not!!! lmfao!!!!) and comfort or just, be there to help her work through it as she wouldn’t want to talk to her family about it - they’re just too close to the situation and their reassurances always feel a bit fake (to her).

similar to the above! primarily a pre-black sun plot for the angst and drama and character development, buy they’re super fucking close by now (or do they have a fallout???) so whatever we decide, it’ll affect what their relationship is like post-black sun!

I spent the whole day in my head Do a little spring cleaning, I'm always too busy dreaming Well, maybe I should wake up instead, A lot of things I regret, but I just say I forget Why can't it just be easy? Why does everybody need me to stay? [...] Well, so tired of being so tired Why I gotta build something beautiful just to go set it on fire? I'm no liar, but sometimes the truth don't sound like the truth [...]  Good news, good news, good news That's all they wanna hear No, they don't like it when I'm down

roxanne x. (m/f/nb! +/- 3 years! open!)

the general gist of this plot is like...liya, in her head: man, fuck this asshole!

it’s that person that just gets under your fucking skin for some goddamn reason. be it completely different values, incompatible personalities (which is some a1 shit cause she usually gets along with most), or they’re just flat out hostile...something makes it almost impossible to stay calm around this person. they just dig at her finely shaped walls, and though she’s spent YEARS cultivating her self control and discipline, this person always gets her so close to breaking it and having her lash out (aka returning back to her younger days), but she’s not going to let them get the best of her (right?)

post-black sun...honestly i have no idea LOL. this would probably just have to be worked out in more detail with whomever takes this plot! as the undercurrents of why they don’t get along can be attributed to many different things (pure unadulterated hatred? simple annoyance? hate chemistry?), which would then affect how they are/interact after black sun!

Goddamn, Roxanne Never gonna love me but it's alright She think I'm an asshole She think I'm a player

--

alright let’s make a right at this stoplight into sad bitch hours! beep, beep, we’ve arrived! (i’ve been listening to a lot of sad ballads don’t mind me)

details: i’d always imagined that liya’s had 3 significant heartbreaks/relationships in her life. why three? because it’s a magic number and there are 3 main sad songs that have been in rotation on my spotify!

when we were young x. (m/f/nb! +/- 1-2 years! open!)

*krp writer voice* childhood sweethearts...*aza voice* but with a twist it doesn’t have to be requited if you don’t want it to be! i’m totally down for the longing childhood sweetheart/crush dynamic but if that’s something you’re interested in! i’m down for liya to be the one with the fat ass crush or it can be your muse too! but at some point i imagine they do go it a try, but it does end cause they’re...young and dumb (lol). but it’s your ‘i didn’t want to lose you as a friend, no romantic relationship is worth losing you forever’ dynamic but they’re already past that point!!! but is it of no return? especially with recent events? they obviously care for each other very deeply still, and i imagine that they still keep in good contact, and now that they’re older it’s easier to brush off/get over, but did all of those feelings fade completely? who knows! you decide (pre-black sun)! post black-sun...hold the ones your love a little tighter.

Everybody loves the things you do From the way you talk to the way you move Everybody here is watching you Because you feel like home You're like a dream come true

all i want x. (m/f/nb! +/- 4 years! closed!)

CLOSED: @ddmaiga​ unrequited in a way (?)!!! i don’t have hard opinions on who is who, but they fall into a relationship naturally (probably either instant chemistry, same interests, shared spaces, same opinions, yanno, the way young adults fall in love). but one of them keeps holding back because yanno!!! they’re BARELY young adults (think 19-23)!!! and while one is ready to deep dive, the other one gets cold feet and things end...not badly (but it could if you want it to!) but things just aren’t the same. it’s not a BAD breakup but it’s one that’s never really resolved because neither was willing to completely hear the other person out, and seet things from their perspective. it felt like neither was willing to meet the other halfway *sad violin music* so it’s a breakup with lots of loose ends! even better if we can make up situation in which they HAVE to interact and it’s awkward as hell (pre-black sun)! post-black sun...cue situation in which they have to interact probably LOL

And there's one more boy, he's from my past We fell in love but it didn't last 'Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away And I won't fight for love if you won't meet me halfway

bruises x. (m/f/nb! +/- 3 years! closed!)

CLOSED: @gataash​ i’m gonna keep this one a bit shorter and only give the gist, as i’d really love to flesh out this plot via...well, plotting! essentially, they/she fell really deeply in love (i’m thinking she’s like, 26-28 during this), as in - ‘i may actually end up marrying this person’ kind of deep. they’re not co-dependent by any means, but they’re attached at the hip whenever they’re near each other, and i think this would probably be a relationship that’s REALLY steady for at least like, 3+ years, but whatever the exact reason, something comes up and it’s related to her incident when she hurt her younger sibling as she’s naturally incredibly guarded about this (i mean hey, she went into a self-isolating state and didn’t airbend for about 4 months after it happened). they fight, she tries to keep calm, ends up losing a bit of that control, and VERY VERY MILDLY injures the s/o, but due to the precedence and the guilt and lasting trauma from all those years ago, she breaks down, ends it, and runs away (aye) and plays the avoidance game for as long as she can manage.

post-black sun...there’s no way they’re not going to reach out to each other, just to make sure they’re okay. (wow this wasn’t that much shorter...darn it, self...)

I've been holding on to hope That you'll come back when you can find some peace 'Cause every word that I've heard spoken Since you left feels like a hollow street [...] There must be something in the water 'Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold ya You'd keep my head from going under

[lactosecarrotsoup]

My thoughts on Sean & Finn’s kiss

This will be long and of course contain spoilers, as if you can’t tell by the title... thingy. So, be warned. This will also contain my opinion(s); which is a very sensitive subject in this fandom. 

We’re all entitled to our own thoughts, opinions, beliefs, etc.

With that said, let’s get started!

For those who are new to this game... I will give you a short summery. Life is Strange is a video game series ran by DontNod. A great company who loves to make players cry. This season has new characters from the other season and DLC. This season takes place in Washington where you play as a 16 year old boy, Sean Diaz, who’s a regular teenager. He loves drawing, skating, and of course stereotypical teen stuff such as drugs and parties. Taking away the partying and drug usage, he’s your typical shy-ish guy. He also has a little brother named Daniel, he’s 9 years old.

Both of them are Hispanic, including their father (Esteban), making this season’s cast more diverse than the first season, where the main characters were mainly white.

Speaking of their father, he dies. Yep. After Sean forces Daniel out of his room, Daniel runs to their hot-headed neighbor and accidentally spills homemade zombie blood on him. Sean over see’s the neighbor about to hurt Daniel and rushes out the house, protecting him. After a few racial slurs/crude remarks to Daniel, Sean decides to fight him. Sean shoves the neighbor onto a small rock (which I still dont understand how that injured him), and he lays on the ground in shock/going unconscious.

A cop shows up and hell breaks loose. The cop only see’s the “blood” on the neighbors shirt and Daniels, thinking nothing but the worst of the situation rather than questioning them. The dad comes out, trying to reason with the officer and he gets trigger happy, shooting Sean & Daniel’s dad, killing him. Daniel screams in shock/anger/horror and Sean blacks out. Whenever he wakes up, the entire street is destroyed and more people are dead/unconscious. He grabs Daniel and they runaway, not wanting to get involved with the crime. It’s later found out that Daniel has powers (similar theme to LIS season 1) and can move objects with his mind.

More shit happens, yada yada yada.

NOW.

Episode 3 just released. In episode two, the brothers meet quite a few people. But most notably for this post, Cassidy and Finn. These two are regular friends (or maybe even “fuck buddies” as Finn and another girl described their relationship), who are a lot like Sean and Daniel. Cassidy left her old home life to live on the road. Finn, I can’t remember if he said anything or not. But I would think it would be for the same reason or something crime related.

Anyways, point is, they all group together and live in the woods. But, they all also work for this dude who runs a farm with nothing but pot.

Yep.

A nine year old and sixteen year old kid are working at a pot farm.

This leads to Finn, Cassidy, and Sean to get high, drunk, etc.

Finn get’s a hair up his ass and decides; “Hey, why don’t we steal all the cash from our boss? Who cares if he may know about Sean & Daniel’s backstory, has security footage evidence of them, and shotguns?!”

Cassidy is against this. But you, the player, have the option to accept or refuse his plan to rob the big dude with the cash.

And in the words of Chloe Price from season one; he’s got some “hella cash”

SORRY I HAD TOO.

But still, you can either rob from the guy or go against it. But HO HO HO! This choice doesn’t matter that much. Finn does it anyways (with a fUCKING NINE YEAR OLD HELPING HIM AND RISKING THAT KID’S LIFE) and Cassidy gets upset and worried. So, if you disagree with Cassidy, you end up meeting with them anyways so you can stop them. You get in trouble either way, btw.

But, let’s back it up.

If you agree to join Finn’s plan, he’s happy and you have the chance to romance him. Which, at first thought (including mine), was great! In the first season, Max was bisexual. You can flirt/romance with Chloe and/or Warren. With Sean romancing Cassidy and Finn, the developers made him bisexual.

But... it’s not all roses. Let me give you my first reaction. I do actually have it recorded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGJ8lg5clHM

2:29:55 - 2:34:24

If you don’t watch it, basically I was excited and shocked. I didn’t like Finn at first but in that moment, I shipped them. I wanted Sean to be happy and happy enough to open up about his sexuality, if he hadn’t already.

But, I realized something.

Finn is most likely 20+. Sean is still 16. This means Finn is an older guy kissing a minor, which is of course, illegal. Not to mention that earlier in that episode, he was teaching Daniel to throw knifes and such. He smokes and drinks and admits his sexual relationships in front of a kid, too.

Speaking of his sexual relationships, it would be highly toxic if Sean and him dated/had casual sexual intercourse. Just based on Sean’s personality and how he had a crush on that Jen girl in the first episode, and how close him and Cassidy warmed up to each-other, he wears his heart on his sleeve. One thing this season has done WONDERFULLY is not distribute toxic masculinity. Sean and Daniel have both cried several times. Most men don’t like to talk/show their feelings because they feel weak and such, which is horrible. No guy should feel that way and should openly express them-self.

Sean does this, which is amazing. Yet, still can harm him.

Right after you agree to Finn’s plan, you can kiss him. Throughout the episode, he also flirts with Sean. Of course you have the CHOICE to kiss him... but it’s only after you accept his agreement. You can kiss Cassidy (and sleep with her) but she will storm off, angry, without kissing you, if you agree to Finn’s plan. Which is reasonable. Or, you can lie to her, saying you thought his plan was dumb, and she’ll kiss you. Both reasonable (in my opinion) responses to each situations.

But, how come you can’t kiss Finn regardless? Sean can say no and they could still talk about their feelings, leading to a kiss. Instead, they do nothing.

Finn is manipulative. He used Sean’s emotions to get to him. He probably noticed how close him and Cassidy were and how much love he has for Daniel, openly saying it every now and then, and wanting to protect him. Finn noticed how open Sean is and took advantage. 

Imagine if this wasn’t a choice base game and the story automatically follows Sean agreeing with Finn.

He flirts with him throughout the episode and is very charismatic. Since Daniel notices how close Sean and Cassidy are getting, he rants to Finn. Finn takes in this information and uses it against them. He becomes “cool” in Daniel’s eyes by being super chill, rebellious, and showing him how to violently protect himself/hurt others. In a sense, he becomes Daniel’s temporary older and “cooler” brother, making Daniel look up to him. With Finn’s flirting, he admits (once again, if your choices didn’t matter) that he has feelings for some guys.

Finn takes note of this.

The idea pops into his head to steal from the man who runs the pot farm... thing. I’m an innocent bean who hasn’t done anything harder than prescribed drugs for anxiety and stuff. So forgive me if I’m getting these terms wrong, LOL! But, the point still remains, he tells Daniel who is automatically on board. I doubt a 9 year old boy truly cares if they have enough money or not. I bet his main thought was “If I do this, then Finn will think I’m cool! He’ll treat me like an adult and so will others.”

In fact, I bet you that was his exact thoughts, just based on what he said to Sean and how he acted towards others.

If you really look at it, guys... it looks similar to a Mark Jefferson/Nathan Prescott relationship in season 1. I’m not going to go into many details for the people who haven’t played/watched season 1 yet, but I’ll give you guys a basic rundown by what I mean.

Nathan was mentally ill. He suffered from possibly multiple disorders and had an abusive father. His father wanted him to be the best of the best, not for his sake, but for the families sake. This got to Nathan and he hated his father. Mark Jefferson was a teacher who noticed this, befriending Nathan, and becoming a fatherly figure. The two teamed up to do sickening plans and crimes together which ended up getting them caught in the end.

Now, who does that sound like?

Daniel just lost his father and he’s angry. He probably has PTSD and anger management issues, based on how he’s acting and the situations he’s been through. Finn is an older figure and tricks Daniel to follow his plans and crime, as they’re stealing. They end up getting caught by the boss no matter what they, Sean, Cassidy, or the player does.

Sean is in the same boat, minus the anger issues. He probably suffers more from depression and PTSD (since he talks about the past a lot to others and how they know their story). Since he does talk about his feelings, Finn uses to his advantage.

When Sean agrees to the heist, Finn and him (can) kiss as an award. An award for falling into his trap and doing whatever he wanted.

Nathan got fatherly love and praise from Jefferson, resulting in him to continue their disgusting plans in order to feel loved.

Sean (and Daniel) and becoming the Nathan of this season.

We have to watch out who will be our jefferson.

I also have to address another elephant in the room.

We’re the reason this happened.

If you go through old DontNod/Life is Strange official posts (I suggest instagram or facebook, where i saw mine), I saw nothing but comments saying how much they want Chloe and Max back. I assume this is because of how you can romance Chloe. They want their love story/friendship to continue. Even though we did get a comic series based on them, it wasn’t good enough.

DontNod probably got sick of it and forced this to happen. While they were probably writing Cassidy as a love interest in the beginning, and Finn as probably just a random stranger or a brother of hers, the noticed all the hate and said “fuck it!”

As a result, we got the chance to kiss Finn... before you could write him off by injuring or killing him. Which, many people were pissed about.

But if you REALLY think about it, we were the cause of that. They probably didn’t want that, wanting to focus on Cassidy and the actual story. But many people wanted LGBTQ+ moments (which is understandable) but didn’t want Sean and Daniel’s story. Or they did get involved in their story but wanted a LGBTQ+ character.

The story of Life is Strange (both seasons + DLC) is nothing more but teens/young adults finding themselves through very difficult times. This with the responsibility of super powers, which are hurting those around them. It’s not meant to be a romance. It’s meant to be a drama, sci-fi, and angst story. (And thriller bc of Max’s nightmare bc that shit scared me)

While yes, I was happy and excited at first about Sean & Finn kissing. I was happy that there was potential for things to be “normal” and Sean to be happy, there was a lot of red flags. The age differences, the manipulation, the parallel's, and how forced it was.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk! Before you leave a hateful response, please know my opinion is valid like yours and others. Not only that, but I’m not the first to point some of this out. :)

[kuragin]

be more chill: book versus musical

i very recently (like, friday night) got my hands on a copy of ned vizzini’s be more chill, a novel i have been meaning to read even before i had heard of the musical due to the fact that i have read another one of his novels, it’s kind of a funny story, but i could never get my hands on a copy of due to the fact that the bookstore never had any. being a diehard of the musical, i decided to do a little review of the book, how it compares to the musical, and why it should not be getting all the hate that it deserves. here we go:

I instinctively knew that the original book version of Be More Chill is a wildly different product than the musical. Also, neither one is better than the other considering that they are two very different things. The novel Be More Chill by Ned Vizzini centres on the struggles of Jeremy Heere, a socially inept high school aged theatre kid who takes a pill called a SQUIP in order to be with the girl of his dreams, the blonde, popular, and frankly hotheaded Christine. The musical Be More Chill by Joe Icons and Joe Tracz deals with a similar situation- Jeremy Heere, an anxiety ridden teenage boy who likes video games, takes a pill called a SQUIP in order to be less sweaty and more cool, and to hopefully go out with his long time crush, a passionate, ADHD Asian theatre kid named Christine.

When I see a lot of people on Tumblr comparing the novel to the book, I feel like they’re forgetting the fact that (a) Ned Vizzini wrote the novel in 2004, and (b) The novel is not a hero vs villain story like the musical, but rather the protagonist vs himself. The musical is about Jeremy vs the SQUIP, with some character development for him thrown in. The book is about Jeremy vs his own anxiety, fears, and self-set limits.

When you get into theatre, it’s hard to stay away from well, the theatrics. Adapting anything to the modern stage can be a challenge, especially a stream-of-consciousness book like Vizzini’s Be More Chill. Instead of having your character's thoughts be portrayed through text, they have to be shown through dialogue. Vizzini’s books are projections of himself, his experiences, and a place of vent. The musical is not Ned Vizzini.

Having the SQUIP be villainous makes for a much better show. Motivations are clear, the setup is easy, and the audience reception is much more well-received. However, if you were to novelize the musical version of Be More Chill, I can guarantee that it would be tacky and not very well recepted. And I think that’s a credit to the Joes of the Musical, who managed to pull off such an insane show. The concept is strange and unusual, but the exposition is wonderful. A ballad like Michael in the Bathroom would have absolutely never been well translated into text, because the entire song is pure, raw, unfiltered emotion coming from Michael, rather than it as experienced through Jeremy’s point of view (which is how the novel is written- Note: the novel features 0 instances of Michael freaking out in a bathroom).

Here’s some things I noticed in the novel that made somewhat of an appearance in the musical:

Novel!Michael mentions that his older brother got a SQUIP, and he went from a failing student to attending Brown University, but because it was a SQUIP 1.0, it also made him go insane. In the musical, (the dialogue just before Michael in the Bathroom) Michael tells Jeremy that he couldn’t find anything about the SQUIP on the internet, but he says that, “Finally, this guy I play Warcraft with told me how his brother went from a straight D student to a freshman at Harvard” which is obviously a reference to his novel!brother.

Michael and Jeremy are much closer friends in the musical. In the book they were friends, but they weren’t die-hard-I-would-put-on-pants-for-you friends. They weren’t as dedicated to each other in the novel, which I think, when you watch the musical, was meant to provide a best-friend-who-saves-the-day type situation, a la Lord of the Rings Samwise Gamgee style. Novel!Jeremy is much more isolated from other characters and social situations than Michael is, which is apt for a novel about the individual vs self. Having Michael and Jeremy be outcasts together makes for a much more interesting climax at the end when they’re on opposite sides of the social hierarchy and pitted against, yet still want to care for each other.

The novel was written in 2004, at a time when Mountain Dew Code Red was readily available. In a modern retelling, having Michael be some hipster ass gamer who buys expired soft drinks for his collection is downright hilarious and a wonderful way to explain why it was hard for Rich to get his hands on some, it further asserts the importance of Michael as a character, and creates even more suspense for a climax (as the soft drink was only available in limited quantities, AKA 1 bottle, and it would be extremely difficult to get more).

(Can you notice that I love Michael Mell? Personal bias, I guess.)

One of the things that surprised me the most was that Jeremy’s mom was in the novel. I just figured that she was also absent in the books, and that it was one of the many other things that Jeremy was struggling with.  Having his mom absent is a strange decision, but I can see only two possible reasons for it: a smaller cast, because there really isn’t a need for a grown adult woman in the play besides his mother, and Jeremy already has a parent (for reference, the actor for Mr. Heere also plays the drama teacher Mr Reyes and other background characters; Mrs Heere would not have had any secondary roles), and for dramatic situation. Having Mr. Heere a depressed father whose wife left him adds another layer to his character, rather than just having obese divorce lawyer who eats peanut butter oreos. Mr Heere is the one who shows up to Michael’s house and motivates him to help Jeremy, even after he had been a jerk to him. It’s much more suited because the musical has different conflicts and requires different resolutions, including those of background character development.

Despite being written in 2004 and now retold, Eminem is still relevant and mentioned in the musical, and canonically dies in both. I think my favourite addition though is when Brooke says “he was super old and mean to women” just after they all find out he dies.

Also Jenna takes much more precedence in the novel, but in the musical she’s reduced down to the “school gossip”. This is done for a reason though, because she is a main catalyst to how Jeremy keeps spreading the SQUIP to the other students of Middleborough. Brook is also a lot less apparent in the book. Overall, I think the female characters in the musical have a lot more personal development and personality than what the novel reduces them to. In defense of Vizzini, however, the novel is written in the POV of Jeremy and that is how he sees the girls, rather than the omniscient point of view that the musical provides. Ie: Christine, who is a much more likable girl in the musical for her dorkiness and self-aware theatre geekiness. 

So overall, the book and the musical versions of Be More Chill are still different things, adapted for different modes of sharing, and for different audiences. One is not better than the other, one is just much more culturally relevant than the other, especially because were in an age where the Teen Musical is increasingly becoming popular and centralized for a pretty specific group of fangirls.

Also jeremy is a furry in the novel ok i said it

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Got any headcanons for High School AU Love & Legends?

Hmmmm. You know what? Ya’ll get a mix of stuff. Also- this school is fantasy/modern. 

Reiner: Reiner is the young teacher all the girls drool over. Handsome, funny and kind- he teaches music and social studies. Super good at his job.  Makes to many dad jokes so the girls drooling over him tend to lost their crushes because oh god, he’s like their dad. MC joins as a young TA for the grumpy math teacher WQ who hates Reiner. MC and Reiner end up overseeing detention and falling for each other. Reiner and MC need to prove that Reiner’s family owns a buisness that has been his for years as the WQ claims it is hers as Reiner’s brother married her before his tragic death. If they don’t- half the town will lose their jobs.

Saerys: Is a 19-year-old who is living with his old friend Reiner who helped him through some stuff with his uncle Yovin. Yovin is now in jail for neglect and abuse. Dropped out of school at 15, is coming back as an older student and ignoring all the comments about it. is really into the history of his people. MC meets him as an 18-year-old transfer student. They meet in detention cause the WQ is awful. They end up banding together to stop the WQ from tearing down a statue of the Demon Historical Figure because she wants to rename the school.

Iseul: Is a TA. Young for an elf and stuff, he’s got a nice sense of humor. Is living with family friend Reiner. Wants to teach science and magic class. MC herself is a TA who again works with mean old WQ. Iseul and MC meet because WQ had her working long hours grading and Iseul is shelving books in the library cause he is TA for the librarian who also teaches magic class. MC and Iseul hit it off as both are young TAs- even if Iseul is an elf who is centuries old. Iseul discovers that the WQ is planning on ruining a burrowing dragon living area for a strip mall. MC and Iseul must stop it. (AKA, I thought of Hoot)

August: The 18-year-old jock who is the leader of the jousting and football teams. Is very worried about school cause he needs to be the best he can cause he can’t afford a scholarship but the WQ is awful and marks him down cause his parents won’t sell their bed and breakfast she wants to make a mall where they are. His coach tells him to get a tutor and offers MC who is not in WQ class but is in a harder class. MC is a transfer student and she doesn’t like August who isn’t aware she is not in WQ class and thinks she sucks up to WQ as that is the only way to get a good grade. Lots of shenanigans. He does discover this and MC helps him prove that WQ is grading unfairly.

Altea: Altea is the super-smart 15-year-old teen who is in grade 12 (senior year). She’s smart and funny and wants to be a professional wizard but is dealing with family pressure or was. She got herself emancipated and lives with Reiner as she proved her parents weren’t helping her develop magic skills. THINGS ARE BETTER WITH THEM NOW. Now that they know they were wrong and had to look at their parenting styles. (Emancipation is only because like… Altea ran away and I wanted something similar here). MC is a transfer student at age 17 and the two meet in the library. Both hit it off and are besties. WQ is trying to steal a business from Altea’s parents and thus the two band together to save it. 

[stbcrn]

HELLO my name is ( CANDICE FLAIR ). people often mistake me for ( MADISON BEER ). i find this very silly but people also tell me i’m ( ADVENTUROUS ) and ( DECEPTIVE ). i am born in (  MEDFORD ) but i now live in ( CALIFORNIA ). if there’s one song that describes me the most it’d have to be  (BUBBLEGUM BITCH by marina and the diamonds ).

HELLO my name is ( ZACHARY SULLIVAN ). people often mistake me for ( CALUM HOOD ). i find this very silly but people also tell me i’m ( ELOQUENT ) and ( BLUNT ). i am born in ( HAWAII ) but i now live in ( CALIFORNIA ). if there’s one song that describes me the most it’d have to be ( HOT IN HERRE by nelly ). 

hello everybody !! it’s your resident plotting hoe, adri !!  i go by she/her, am 21+, and from the gmt+8 timezone. you can mainly catch me on versctle which is my active indie rp blog. so yeah if you got a follow from that, you don’t necessarily have to follow it back from your character blog since this ( stbcn ) is a sideblog !!

i have yet to really finish my blog, but will update you guys when i do !!

anyway, i love my filthy rich babies with all my heart. please keep in mind that they are both in an OPEN RELATIONSHIP , which enables individual threads and poly threads with your muses without them cheating on each other. anyway this ought to be fun since it’s my first time to actually take on a poly ship in a rp group !! candice is openly pansexual and panromantic, while zach is bi-closeted, regarding both bisexuality and biromance. he’s only ever been exclusive with girls, but he’s definitely into guys as well and can be quite defensive about this. but of course, connections are not limited to sexual or romantic, but also angsty, platonic, familial, you name it !!

here are some tidbits of them:

CANDICE FLAIR:

she was an only child at first, neglected by her parents since they were both busy with business and didn’t have the best marriage. her earliest memory was her parents fighting in the kitchen, when her dad pointed a knife at her mom

to compensate for their absence, they had enough money to buy her whatever she wanted and was raised by a nanny, that had no choice but to spoil her like her parents had wished

in spite of all this, candice focused on her studies. she was a very studious girl since she really wanted to make her parents proud of her. she was one of the top in her classes, as well as one of the richest and prettiest girls in her school

when her parents miraculously made up and renewed their vows, their household expanded and candice became the big sister of four baby siblings

because she was almost a teenager at this age, her parents had expected her to be on her own, while they focused on their business and prioritized their recent children whenever they got the chance to do so

she had to watch her parents giving the love and affection to her younger siblings, what she had been craving for when she was a lonely little girl

candice may be seen as a rich kid by others, but she’s the type who falls close to the bottom, which meant that hanging out with the most popular kids in school was not in her league, though she strived for their validation and charmed her way into their clique

her charm and manipulative ways made it convenient for her to get free things from her richer friends, which made it easier for her to save up ( smart cookie, eh ? )

she climbed up the social ladder by being relevant in school, building up a reputation of being the gorgeous rich girl who appeared in the hottest events and was associated with the most memorable people in her school, even the hot english teacher that girls assumed was gay, not until candice made her move

but she didn’t limit her audience to the elite, even trying to charm cliques of other kinds, such as the jocks, stoners, etc. living up to her label “the chameleon” by building connections and seeking for advantages

when she grew older, the less she got home. either staying with a friend, a hotel, anything to really avoid her parents when they were home

she was a party girl but knew how to prioritize her studies

she graduated high school with flying colors as a salutatorian, which her parents were proud of, but candice had gotten cold and thought it was too late for them to reach out to her now

she is now taking up engineering in university, though she is still the wild child who sleeps around with richer people, regardless of how old they are and is an aspiring sugar baby and trophy wife

QUICK IMPORTANT FACTS: candice destroys the stereotypes of being objectified as a “pretty girl” by being studious and prioritizing her academics. in spite of this, she loves manipulating people to get what she wants for her enjoyment, but she is also capable of being independent and doesn’t get attached, which is why she shifts from one person to another

she may be one of the hottest and best dressed, but she enjoys html, computer science, and computer hacking on her spare time. this was something she adapted from one of the people she’s dated when she was in her early teens

she is capable of backstabbing and betrayal, as well as plotting on revenge to anyone who might spite her. she’s a kitty with claws and could get physical when she deems necessary

ZACHARY SULLIVAN:

zach was born and raised in hawaii, with an older sister and his native parents. unfortunately, his mother passed away when he was three, to which his family was devastated with. zach hadn’t known her very well, but he’s heard stories of how amazing and sweet she was

his father, has always been a certified alcoholic, and his vice had worsened when he grieved over the loss of his wife, making him very distant and hostile towards zach and his sister. they never had the best father-son relationship, which had zach seeking for other father figures, only to return to the image of his father and his problematic ways

he was nurtured by the tender love and care of his grandparents instead, and zach was a certified beach bum that enjoyed certain hobbies such as surfing and swimming, since they lived close to the beach

he saw no importance in his studies, deciding to bolt off with his friends or skip his classes to have fun. he got away easily since his family was rich and his grandparents always got his back when he was failing his subjects. he was definitely spoiled by his grandparents that he grew with a feeling of entitlement

zach had a natural charm regardless of his lethargy, which made him a persuasive and eloquent speaker to his peers and others

by the age of 12, his father met a woman ( a tourist ) and fell in love, which made zach and his family move to california to live with the woman and her daughter

they eventually got married and zach had to live with his step mother and step sister, but these two never got along, and zach always felt like there was a competition amongst the three of them, trying to be the best child to his father ( though he and his full-blooded sister were often on good terms )

he joined the swimming team in high school and had appeared in various competitions

he developed his first love that only broke his heart and made him want to close his heart to ever love again

he grew into a fuqboi, being irresponsible and aiming to be a bigger disappointment to his father and step-mother, who were both greatly catching on

he would sabotage his step sister with every chance he gets since she gets on his nerves for some reason

and he thrived to have their attention, even when it was negatively, feeling smug and getting into arguments with them to feel alive

he’s gotten acquainted best with the popular kids and the stoners, since he was often getting high, attending parties, or ditching his classes to do anything else

zach was one of the common students to get into detention, since he was always getting into trouble and wasn’t really afraid when he got caught

he’s got anger issues and would seem bossy and demanding whenever he feels like it. he’s also not afraid to get physical with people since he can be quite hedonistic

he’s got massive abandonment issues and hates the thought of being alone, and would rather spend a night with a stranger, in spite of him being defensive of his clinginess

he’s actually got a lot of issues like this list could go on but pls do love my problematic son he needs all the character development he can get

he takes up human resources since he wants to get into the business of recruitments, though he’s been held back from his subjects since he doesn’t plan on attending most of them

THEIR HISTORY TOGETHER:

zach and candice have a messy history of being on/off friends with benefits in high school, that eventually led to an open relationship, where they agree to see other people individually or see other people together. they have grown an attachment to each other but neither has thought about taking the relationship seriously, but it still complicates the people they’re dating, since they make up and break up every time

so yeah, while i fix the rest of the blog, please just like this post or hmu for plots !! some wanted connections would definitely be:

FOR CANDICE:

her best friend since childhood

an ex that she cannot get over

friends who act like lovers (girls)

a hookup gone wrong since he almost got her pregnant 

FOR ZACH:

his first love that fuelled him into being a fuqboi

his step sister that gets on his nerves

a guy he’s been crushing on and vice versa

his best friend/partner-in-crime that he gets in trouble with

stoner buddies, drinking buddies

FOR BOTH:

friends, friends with benefits, frenemies

[vixenofthemist]

Todomomo Kids Appearance and Personality

Bc I realized in the original todomomo kids post I never described what they look like

Hajime:

Hajime is the oldest sibling, and he looks like a male Momo, with a more Shouto face

He’s hair is black (or red I haven’t decided yet but leaning more towards black) and he always keeps it short and very tidy. He always styles it by combing it (IT LOOKS LIKE THE HORIKOSHI SKETCH WERE BEST JEANIST COMBED SHOUTO’S HAIR)

He always looks a little bit stern and serious, but in the inside he’s a huge nerd

A perfect mesh of Momo and Shouto’s personalities tbh

He’s as serious about being a hero as the two of them, but he also geeks out on the inside and super liked helping people with homework

On hero duty he’s def stopped to help a kid with homework

He’s known as the Homework Hero lmao

His hero name would probably just be Hajime lmao

And since he has Momo’s quirk his outfit would probably be…. revealing <.<

But he would prefer it to be like a suit or something bc it looks nice (tear away suit??? Detachable sleeves, pant legs, etc?? Idk yet)

He helps his little sister with her homework a lot, and tries to help Haku but they have different methods of solving problems so always end up getting into small arguments about it

When he first became a side kick, he worked under a hero who he had interned under instead of his parents (even though Momo wasn’t subtle and left flyers for her hero agency around the house in hopes he’d pick the one she worked at lmao)

And in his first official villain fight it ended up being really strong so Shouto was requested as backup, and the entire fight Shouto was just like “that’s my son, look at him fighting his first villain I’m so proud :’)”

And afterward, Shouto insisted on taking pictures to commemorate

Hajime was so embarrassed lmao he was like father please we are both professional heroes and this is official business please put your phone away there are civilians watching

It was all over the news lmao

“EVEN TOP HEROES CAN BE EMBARRASSING PARENTS, AS EVIDENCE FROM HERO SHOUTO, WHO TOOK TIME AFTER DEFEATING A VILLAIN TO TAKE PHOTO’S OF HIS FIRST BORN SON’S HERO DEBUT; REPORTERS CAPTURED THE WARM FAMILY MOMENT AS WELL”

Hajime was so embarrassed and Shouto had the headline framed

(Hajime is also dating Izuocha daughter)

Haku:

Haku is the middle son, and he got all the good looking features of his parents

He got Shouto’s white hair, Momo’s smile, Shouto’s blue/green eyes (and possible his heterochromia, still considering this) and best of all Shouto’s ABS physical appearance and Momo’s lower lashes

His jaw is more sharper than when Shouto was fifteen tho

His hair, when not styled, looks like Shouto’s, except it leans more towards having Momo type bangs on one side (they’re as long as the rest of his hair tho)

And when he styles his hair, he gels those bangs up in like a wave like swoosh, and he combs the rest back…(IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT EXCEPT TEDDY LUPIN ISH HAIR)

He also has light blue streaks that he dyes into his hair, because he wants to be like his aunt Fuyumi :’)

Haku knows he has good looks and FLAUNTS IT (jokingly ofc)

School field trips have definitely happened where someone tells him they can’t see past him to the view (bc all the kids inherit the tall height from Shouto and Momo)

And without skipping a beat you bet Haku said “I am the view” while posing with his hand on his hip and an overly flirtatious wink

Haku has such a different personality from Shouto at first sight, that a lot of tabloids have gossiped that he’s an illegitimate child from an affair blah blah blah, the usual dramatic tabloid gossip stuff

But…. Haku literally looks like Shouto the most besides Fujiko, so like the tabloids are basing it solely off his personality

And his personality is like permanent bouncy Momo, where he’s happy and excited to help people, with some added traits of his own and some that are from either of his parents, just combined with his more expressive personality (it’s a little hard to explain his personality rip)

He’s best friends with Kamijirou daughter, and they have very similar taste in fashion (ripped jeans (fashionable ripped ofc) denim/military jackets, graphic tees, etc etc)

Haku got his ears pierced for his fifteenth birthday, and Momo almost fainted when she saw them (Haku convinced Uncle Kaminari to take him to get it done lmao)

He got grounded ofc, and so did Uncle Kaminari

He was more rebellious when he was a young teen, but he mellowed out as he got older and at 17 he’s pretty “chill” (haha get it he has an ice quirk) and very laid back

He’s still very joky ofc, but it’s more of a mature joking/flirting

No one can ever tell if he’s flirting or joking btw

Not even he knows

He has a crush on TsuyuToko teenager whose his age, and KiriMina daughter has a crush on him (it’s the Mina in her lmao)

He often helps KiriMina daughter with homework, and she never learns anything bc she’s spending the entire time gazing at him lmao (I’m leaning towards pairing him with her, but the Tsuyutoko child is still in development so his relationship status is as well till I figure everyone out lol)

Haku’s #1 with grades in class, and he’s so serious about schoolwork that people claim his personality does a 180 whenever homework is brought up and he gets so serious and focused (it’s also why he doesn’t notice KiriMina daughter obvious staring lmao)

At the end of every test however, as soon as the teacher says times up- Haku always throws his hands in the air and creates snow confetti and party poppers out of his hands in celebration while everyone cheers at the test being over

His hero name is either going to be Fullbuster (bc his quirk is like Gray’s powers lmao) or Ice Maker

Speaking of his quirk, Haku loves his quirk so much

It’s so useful for both jokes and serious situations- perfect for him!!

He wants to be a search and rescue hero, and figures his quirk is quite useful for that and fighting villains if needs be

He’s interning under Shouto, to help learn more about his ice powers and combat stuff, and when the media heard about it they were super interested

Because Shouto and Haku interacting is only seen rarely in the eyes of the public, and they’re eager to see how Shouto treats Haku (they want to see if anything happens to feed their gossipy “Haku is an affair child” theories)

Everyone’s so surprised bc Shouto’s so supportive of Haku and they get along so well???

And Haku’s the only one who appreciates Shouto’s (terrible) dad puns so gosh dang it Shouto’s going to say them more often now Haku’s around!!! (He says them with a straight face and that’s 70% of why Haku laughs lmao)

And when they’re patrolling, they have a game of who can say the most subtle ice related things in an interview without being caught

And it’s only figured out when they’re being interviewed together for the first time, and they just both decide to not hide it anymore and just let all the ice puns fall

Momo has that interview recorded

And in another interview, during Haku’s first couple weeks of internship, a reporter asks Shouto what he thinks of Haku, and Shouto being Shouto assumed they were referring to what he thought of Haku’s potential as a hero, since they refereed to him as “Your intern Haku” (they didn’t want to say son in case it’s a sensitive topic for Shouto… the media is really focused in on Haku being from an affair tbh, poor Haku he has to deal with this shotty media gossip his whole life :’( ) but so Shouto’s answer really baffles them bc it’s it what they’re expecting yet

“Shouto sir, can you tell us what you think about… your intern Haku?”

“Hm, well, Haku has great potential. He’s always had great control over his quirk, and he’s getting the field expierence he really needs and it’s boosting his potential even further. Like I’ve always said, I have no doubt he’ll make a great pro search and rescue hero.” “Errr, that’s great- but Mr. Shouto sir, we were wondering more what you thought about him as… you know…. a son.” “Why didn’t you just say that then. Whatever. To answer your question- *tabloids hold their breathe- this is the moment they’ve been waiting for*- Haku’s a great son, always has been and always will. Ever since he was born he’s been nothing but a pleasure to take care of.” “Al-alright.. uh uh, what do you think about the rumors that he isn’t your son?” “What? That’s a rumor?” “Yes sir, it is.” Shouto turns, looking behind him at Haku, who is in the background literally making cranks out of ICE to leverage some buildings up. Shouto turns back. “Do the people who believe that rumor know how quirk inheritance works?”

Needless to say, Shouto squashed that rumor once and for all :’)

Fujiko:

The youngest Daughter, Fujiko looks practically identical to what Shouto as a girl would look like

She has the half red half white hair, the usual facial expression, his personality- all of it!

She does have Momo’s eyes- onyx color and shape!

But that’s all she has looks wise from Momo at least until she’s older

And she also has both of Shouto’s quirks, which she’s a natural at using

Shouto dotes on her so much and Momo adores her

She’s still pretty young (only like 12-13 ish) so she hasn’t gotten into U.A yet, but when she does eventually attend, she wants her hero name to be Miss Half and Half LMAO

Fujiko isn’t as developed as her two older brothers sadly so this is like, pretty much as far as I’ve gotten with her :’(

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 3/4/19

ACCA 13-Territory Inspection Department, Vol. 6 | By Natsume Ono | Yen Press – And so, ACCA ends as it began, with endless discussions between relatively stoic middle-aged people. This is pretty much the definition of Natsume Ono’s career, so no complaints here. Things work out. Being the leader of a revolution is the last thing that Jean wants, and it’s amusing to see how he’s theoretically promised something to every single territory without actually promising anything. Moreover, ACCA manages to threaten the new ruler without actually removing him, and there are hints that he’ll be nicer—to Jean’s sister if no one else. Six volumes seems like the exact length for this series, and I’m happy to have read it, even when it was intensely talky. – Sean Gaffney

The Ancient Magus’ Bride, Vol. 10 | By Kore Yamazaki | Seven Seas – It’s a new direction for The Ancient Magus’ Bride, as Chise is off to attend the alchemist college. The alchemists want to study Chise in hopes of creating an artificial sleigh beggy substitute and in return she gets to audit classes for free. I liked that her primary goal is learning how to help people without sacrificing herself (with the side goal of thus keeping Elias from undertaking any more the-ends-justify-the-means efforts to save her) and also potentially find cures for the two curses now afflicting her arm. Many new characters are introduced, Chise is reminded that she’s “really bad at dealing with people and school,” and the church realizes that Elias’ observer has been lax and prepares to send out someone different. I’m enjoying this arc so far and remain very glad I got caught up on this series when I did! – Michelle Smith

Anonymous Noise, Vol. 13 | By Ryoko Fukuyama | VIZ Media – Yuzu’s back and just in time for In No Hurry to participate in the Tokyo Sailing concert series. The only problem is that Nino is “catastrophically terrible” in rehearsals, which she attributes to having nothing left to yearn for now that she and Momo have finally gotten together. A lot of angst ensues, culminating in a performance where Nino seems unconcerned that she’s damaging her voice, convincing the two main guys in her life that she’s planning on giving up singing. Yuzu seems poised to try to reign her in by joining her on vocals—this would be a huge development—buuuuut then we end the main story to make way for a bonus story that is fine, I guess (it does have a cute cat), but not what I wanted to be reading. This series is still occasionally infuriating, but I guess I’m hooked now. – Michelle Smith

Barakamon, Vol. 17 | By Satsuki Yoshino | Yen Press – Hiroshi’s absence is felt here, mostly as he does NOT call home all the time or immediately return. Hilariously, Handa tries to fix things by dying his hair blond and doing incredibly bad Hiroshi impressions. The bulk of the humor in this book, though, comes from the arrival of a two-person documentary team, here to videotape the countryside but not really prepared for the sheer presence of most of the cast, (and also having tremendous trouble not flirting shamelessly with each other, something everyone picks up on). Barakamon is wrapping up next volume, and that seems about right—this volume seems to be dragging things out a bit, and most of the main plot points have been wrapped up. – Sean Gaffney

Gabriel Dropout, Vol. 6 | By Ukami |Yen Press – The last half of this volume of Gabriel Dropout deals with the school trip, and has some good laughs, including two times where I literally laughed out loud (both involve Gabriel). Which is good, because that’s the main reason anyone is reading this series. The characters are not really here to develop, even as we introduce more of them. Another human girl gets a spotlight here, trying to make friends with Mei despite her being a devil and also really shy. Raphiel gets to snark, Vignette gets to overplan, Satanichia gets to do her “evil ojou” impersonation… everything is present and correct. Should you still read this series? Yes. It’s funny. It’s not deep, but I always smile at the end of it. – Sean Gaffney

Hatsu*Haru, Vol. 5 | By Shizuki Fujisawa | Yen Press – If a direct confession doesn’t work, well, try the forceful kiss again, I guess? Really, a lot of Hatsu*Haru revolves around how bad Kai is at being a cool shoujo lead, and I don’t expect this to end well for him. Meanwhile, Riko’s crush is finally married, so she can theoretically move on—though most of this volume is about how moving on is hard. And in a blow to my shipper heart, Ayumi and Takaya are faking a relationship in order to try to get Kai and Riko together… but don’t actually seem to have any sublimated feelings for each other. Darn. Ah well, the manga is still young. Till then, please enjoy teens being really emotional and awkward about romance. – Sean Gaffney

In/Spectre, Vol. 9 | By Kyo Shirodaira and Chashiba Katase | Kodansha Comics – Again we get two stories in this volume, one shorter and one long. The short one shows us Kotoko in high school, being asked to join a mystery club that’s about to be dissolved and in her spare time figuring out that the club is more about a forbidden romance than any actual mystery, though I was amused at “spoiling” a mystery that isn’t a spoiler in the first place. The longer story is more serious, about a young woman with a deadly past that… is not being brought up by the media, and about Kotoko and Kuro solving the mystery and also revealing a lot to us about lucky cat statues. There’s less of Kotoko being silly and horny in this one, but the stories are fun. – Sean Gaffney

NE NE NE | By Shizuku Totono and Daisuke Hagiwara | Yen Press – The opening scene of NE NE NE shows the wedding between Koyuki and Shin, an arranged marriage in which the groom is twenty years older than his teenaged wife. While this premise certainly had the potential to enter into somewhat questionable territory, the manga is actually quite charming and sweet. I’m not sure that I was ever entirely convinced by the difference in Koyuki and Shin’s ages based on how they were portrayed as individuals, but I did enjoy seeing their relationship naturally deepen over the course of the volume. Of the two leads Shin is the more fully-developed character—he at least gets a backstory while almost nothing is known about Koyuki beyond the fact that she desperately wants to be a good wife. But even so, they’re adorable, both together and on their own. With an additional dash of humor and magic, NE NE NE is a delight. – Ash Brown

Ran and the Gray World, Vol. 2 | By Aki Irie | VIZ Media – The opening chapter of this volume pissed me off righteously, as it involves teen-version Ran hanging out with Otaro the creeper and telling him, “You’d better not touch me” only for him to immediately glomp her. Actual quote from my notes: “THIS FUCKER DOES NOT LISTEN AT ALL. I WANT TO KICK HIM INTO THE SUN.” He promises he’s got “lots more” in store for her, but thankfully her new magic teacher arrives and the story moves on to deadly magical insects (one comes thiiiiiis close to killing Otaro but, sadly, he survives), magical training, and classmates who have crushes on Jin and Ran. I vastly prefer Ran’s age-appropriate love interest, Hibi, and sincerely hope having a friend her own age inspires her to stay away from Otaro. At least Jin is on to his womanizing ways. – Michelle Smith

Ran and the Gray World, Vol. 2 | By Aki Irie | Viz Media – The good news is that all the reasons that I enjoyed the first volume are here again. Ran is a delight, I also like her brother (and his maybe relationship with a new girl whose looks and personality remind me of Hinata Hyuuga), the bug subplot is creepy but also drives the story forward well, and the art is absolutely gorgeous. The bad news is that the main thing I didn’t like about the fist volume is also here: Otaro, the sleazy older guy from the first volume, is back and still trying to get into Ran’s pants. Even if she weren’t really a young girl using magical shoes, he’d still be the absolute worst, something the manga artist knows—they show him being reprehensible. Maybe he’ll die in the next book? Nah, I’m not that lucky. – Sean Gaffney

Tales of Wedding Rings, Vol. 5 | By Maybe | Yen Press – I was prepared to meet the fifth Ring Princess in this book, which we do (she’s on the cover, in case you hadn’t guessed). It’s the rest of the book that took me by surprise. Things go very bad very fast, and all of our main harem end up being shunted back to Earth in order to save them from the encroaching doom. This is… annoying given that Satou and the Ring Princesses’ sole purpose is to save the world from encroaching doom. It does mean we get to see cute things like shopping for clothes and going to libraries. It’s also fortuitous, as the fifth princess was on Earth all along. Will we be headed back next volume? And will Satou ever manage to go all the way with Hime? Honestly, I suspect no, but this is still fun to read. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown

[hopefulminty]

So, this post exists due to the perfect storm of insomnia, randomly realizing that I had posted on here 99 times (and should therefore do something different for the 100th post), and several of the topics covered below coming up in real life.

In other words, here is an author interview with myself.

Yes, that’s right. I’m actually asking myself a bunch of questions, answering them/TMI-ing all over the place, and posting the results on here.

Insomnia really does make me do weird things... 

Why are you called hopefulminty?

 My username comes from two usernames that I’ve used in the past. The hopeful part’s been around since I was in middle school. Two of my friends and I decided to dress up as hippies for Halloween one year. We called ourselves Faith, Charity, and Hope. I started using variations of the word ‘hope’ for various sites after that. The minty part started when I was in high school. I wasn’t feeling the name ‘hope’ one day, so I looked around the room until my eyes landed on a pack of gum. I said the word ‘minty’ out loud and the rest is history. I will answer online to Hope, Minty, or now Hopefulminty. Any of those are fine.

Who are you?

I don’t like to give out specifics about myself that I feel could be used to identify me. That’s one of the things that was drilled into my head when I was young and actually stuck, so I don’t use my real name online, give my location, etc, etc. (Though I do share stories online that are kind of unique, but I don’t think they could be used to identify me unless you happen to live in this area/know people I know.)

Basically, I’m female, American (east coast, that’s as specific as I’m going to be), somewhere on the ace/demi spectrum, and old enough that I think I’m pretty much a senior citizen in the DEH fandom.

Old enough that when I saw Alex Boniello’s tweet about having shirts that are older than Andrew Feldman, I very quickly thought about my wardrobe, did the math, and laughed because I have at least two t-shirts that I’ve had since I was in elementary school that actually are older than the child who is going to be playing Evan next.

Does that weird you out?

A little bit, but not really. It would if I actually pictured any of the actors while I’m writing. When I do visualize the characters, I picture the versions that solely exist in my head now and don’t particularly resemble anyone who has played the parts.

I will say that I hope for his sake that he’s more emotionally/mentally mature than I was at sixteen. I know there’s no way I could’ve handled being the lead in a popular Broadway show, even if I’d had the talent to pull it off.

Actually, I don’t think I could handle that now. I’d hate the attention and would probably crumble under the pressure.

Is it weird being an older fan?

Again, kind of, but not really. I’ve been in and out of different fandoms since I was old enough to know that they existed. (Eleven, I think?) There’ve been times when I’ve been really active, times when I’ve been a lurker, times when I’ve been on the outskirts and only occasionally popped into something. (Kind of like I am now with DEH, I think.)

I was pretty active in various Harry Potter RPGs when I was in high school. There were players of all different ages in those. The youngest ones were teens, like myself. The oldest players were in their 60s. I thought that was kind of awesome at the time and actually still do.

Should younger fans be wary of older fans?

This is one of the topics that have come up in my real life recently. My sister-in-law found out that my nephew’s on some kind of gaming board and has online friends who are significantly older than him.

I told her that from my experience I’d say it’s not someone’s age you have to be worried about, not if that’s literally the only thing making you pause. It’s not that people hit a certain age and automatically turn into creepers who should be pushed out of fandoms and not allowed to interact with younger fans at all.

Growing up, all my real life friends were super into various fandoms. We were always dragging each other to things and driving each other crazy by going on about our latest obsessions.

A lot of them have given up that part of their lives now. In some cases, they’ve moved on because they’ve had to, because things like work and school and ensuring that their basic needs are met are more important than writing fan fic and venting about annoying plot holes. In other cases, they’ve stopped because they feel like they should stop, because they feel like they’re too old for things they now see as childish.

Do they have a point? Possibly. I don’t really care enough to worry about that though.

I’d say as a general recommendation to fans of all ages, just be smart and safe and trust your instincts. Avoid people and situations that make you uncomfortable and report ones you think might be dangerous.

How long have you been writing?

Pretty much since I learned how to write. I’ve always liked making up stories. My dad loves to tell the story of how he realized that I have a vivid imagination. He says I was about three or four years old and had spent the entire day scouring the house for toys. I’m the Surprise Kid in my family (meaning that my siblings are all older and were totally out of the house by the time I was five), so there were a lot of random toys around when I was growing up.

After hearing me drag things down to the basement all day, my dad finally decided he should go see what I was up to. He went down there and (according to him) there were hundreds of dolls, stuffed animals, and action figures all over the place, arranged in what he could instantly tell was some kind of complicated pattern. He asked me what I was doing and I then proceeded to spend the next ninety minutes (again, according to him, so probably an exaggeration) telling him all about the crazy complicated world I’d created where each toy had a name, a family, and multiple friends/rivals.

When my mom got home that night, he told her they had to be careful because they were raising a creative child.

How long have you been writing fan fic?

Since middle school. The first fic I can remember writing was for the show JAG (another side effect of being the Surprise Kid, you spend a lot of time watching tv with your parents). It was terrible and I didn’t post it anywhere. (It was actually purposely terrible because I was annoyed about having to watch that show all the time.)

The first fics that I posted were about Harry Potter. I also posted a couple Buffy stories when I was in high school.

I haven’t posted a lot of stories because I have a really bad habit of abandoning things that I’m working on. So, I only post something if it’s done or I’m reasonably certain that I’m going to see it through until the end.

Where can your old stories be found?

Nowhere.

Nowhere online, that is. They’re possibly still on my old computer that’s now in my parents’ basement.

I took down everything I’d posted when I was a teenager years ago. I reached a point where I hated knowing that the stories were out there and made them disappear.

Though, actually, there may be an X-Files story out there somewhere that I co-wrote with my best friend when we were fourteen.

But probably not because I think she did a similar purge when we finished high school.

Which Hogwarts House are you in?

I’m a Huffleclaw/Ravenpuff. At eleven, I would’ve been sorted into Ravenclaw. Nowadays, I feel like I’m a combination of the two.

Which Harry Potter do you relate to the most?

Luna. Definitely Luna. Though, my best friend says I’m a really weird combination of Luna and Hermione.

How did you realize you’re asexual?

This is another topic that came up in real life recently because my friend’s cousin thinks she might be ace.

It’s also something I’ve talked about a lot because it’s pretty much the only high school story I have that I think could be a subplot in a YA movie/book. The character based on me would be the baby ace who was sort of mentored by the lead lesbian couple for a couple weeks.

I started feeling like I was different from my friends when I was in fourth grade. I didn’t get it at all when they started going on about having crushes and wanting boyfriends. Everyone told me that would change as I got older, but it never did.

By middle school, people started telling me that I must be gay since I didn’t have any interest in boys. Part of me could see their point, but I didn’t have any interest in girls either and, as far as I could tell, that was a pretty significant part of being gay.

In eighth grade, I went to the mall with two of my friends and we ended up sitting in the food court and people-watching. My one friend elbowed me, pointed to a boy our age, and asked if I thought he was cute. My response (which has become friend group legend, so this is exact) was, “Well, he doesn’t have any visible warts, so maybe?”

My other friend (who was proudly bisexual) then pointed to a girl sitting across from us and asked the same question. I stared at her for a minute before saying that I wondered what conditioner she used because her hair was so shiny.

My friends shook their heads at me and asked if that was really all I was thinking. They touched my arms and assured me they’d still love me if I was gay. 

Which was nice to hear and part of me wished that I thought I was gay because then I’d be something. The problem was that I really didn’t get how people developed crushes on other people. I didn’t get the idea of looking at someone and thinking they were attractive. I didn’t get the idea of wanting to be physical with another person. None of those things made sense to me at all.

The following year, I started going to a really conservative Christian high school. I mean, really conservative. Almost every teacher I had there mentioned at least once that we were doing God’s work when we voted for Republicans.

(In case you’re wondering, no, I wasn’t sent there as a form of punishment. The story of how I ended up there is really long/boring. Just know that my family doesn’t believe the majority of the things I was taught there.)

So, a few things about me:

1.      I’m a really socially/generally anxious, awkward, introverted person. I never shut up around my family and friends, but put me in a room of strangers and I freeze. This was especially true when I was a teenager. (I can almost appear to be “normal” now...)

2.      I’ve had the same basic friend group since elementary school, but none of them went to high school with me. So, I spent four years as an outsider. The tv episode I relate to the most is the episode of Gilmore Girls where Rory was called into the guidance counselor’s office because she liked to eat lunch by herself. That was me. Multiple times. Many, many times. They finally gave up when my mom told them that I had friends outside of school and that I come from a large, close-knit family (I have over 30 cousins, for starters) and I liked spending my lunches alone because they gave me a chance to recharge my internal battery.

3.      I’m pretty much the most non-confrontational person you’ll ever meet. I hate arguing with people and I hate being put on the spot, especially when I feel like I don’t have any allies. I’m so non-confrontational that I wouldn’t correct people when they mispronounced my name when I was a teenager. Which happened a lot because I have a pretty unique real name. I’m slightly better about that now. These days, I’ll correct someone once and then let it slide if they keep saying my name wrong. Unless I know they’re going to become a regular part of my life, then I go through the whole ‘let’s say it together’ thing until they get it right.

4.      I’m also the most “quietly stubborn” person you’ll ever meet. Pretty much everyone I know has called me that at least once. If I’m talking to someone about something that matters to me and I’m convinced I’m right, I will not back down no matter what. Which is the exact opposite of how I am 99% of the time. Usually, I’ll at the very least acknowledge that the other person has a point and try to change subjects. 

So, the point of all that is to show how it was a pretty big deal when I started speaking up in school about things I didn’t agree with. I spoke up when a teacher told the class that women were put on the earth to serve men. I spoke up when another teacher told us that Jewish people go to hell. And I spoke up when a teacher told us that it is impossible for gay people to go to heaven, but it is possible for serial killers to get in.

(The logic for that one being that gay people will never repent because they don’t think what they’re doing is wrong, but it’s possible for serial killers to eventually become remorseful and repent their sins.)

My fairly passionate, but extremely awkward, defense of gay people led my classmates to decide that I must be gay. Which soon meant that the entire school thought I must be gay.

This happened a few weeks before the end of my junior year. Up until that point, I’d managed to fly under the radar for the most part. People who were considered “different” really stood out at my school. Everyone knew who the seven Jewish kids were. Everyone knew which kids liked reading/watching fantasy books/movies because the teachers always cautioned them that things like Harry Potter could lead you astray. (I was in that group, but I was quiet about it. The worst thing that happened to me was that my Spanish teacher said she’d pray for me when she saw I was reading one of the Anita Blake books.)

And everyone knew the lesbian couple. Because there was only one. Because there were only two students in the entire school who were publicly out.

Even I knew who they were, which was semi-surprising because they were seniors and I spent most of my time outside class with my head down, my earbuds in, and my nose stuck in a book.

So, anyway, it didn’t take long for everyone to decide that I was our school’s third lesbian. People started coming up to me and saying they’d pray for me. The first time that happened, I blinked and, without thinking about it, told the girl I’d pray for her too. That seemed to annoy her, so that became my go-to response whenever someone approached me.

At the end of the day, a girl who was considered one of the school’s spiritual leaders asked me if I was sure I was gay because I seemed so nice. I started to say that I wasn’t, but stopped myself when the girl’s friend laughed and said that even I knew how shameful it was to be gay, that I’d just argued with the teacher because I wanted attention.

Which caused a dilemma for me. My sixteen-year-old, panicked, stressed out brain could only see two possible options. I could either pretend to be something that I was fairly certain I wasn’t or I could let those girls go around telling everyone that I, the great defender of gays, knew deep down that being gay was wrong.

So, I stammered that I hadn’t understood their question at first and that yeah, I really was gay.

I spent the next few days avoiding people as much as possible. I started waiting inside for my mom to pick me up at the end of the day instead of going outside with everyone else. On my third day of doing that, the lesbian couple approached me and asked if I knew who they were. I said I did and they said they’d heard I was having a rough week. 

They then asked me a series of questions. Some subtle, some direct. At the end of their interrogation, they exchanged a look and one of them said, “Oh, so you’re asexual then.”

Which is how I learned that asexuality is a thing. I went home and read up on it and was surprised to realize that there actually was a name for what I was. It was really exciting.

Sorry to disappoint, but the lesbians didn’t become my new best friends after that. They only had two more weeks of school at that point and we weren’t in any of the same classes. We didn’t even have the same lunch period. They always made it a point to say hi to me in the hall though and I think I’m still Facebook friends with them.

One day, about a week after they approached me, one of them came running up to me between classes to tell me that her girlfriend had done something stupid. 

Her girlfriend had told a guy who was being obnoxious that they had pulled me into their relationship and we were having all kinds of threesomes.

I didn’t know what to say to that. I think I turned a million shades of red and stuttered uncontrollably for a minute or two. I finally told her that I was okay with that. I said they could say whatever they wanted as long as they didn’t actually expect me to do any of the things they claimed I was doing.

That comment made her grin and say, “Spoken like a true asexual.”

Do you think asexual writers should be allowed to write about characters who aren’t asexual?

This is another question that came up recently. My least favorite brother-in-law loves to say he’s playing devil’s advocate before asking people really annoying/terrible questions. He asked me this one at Thanksgiving this year.

My response was simply that it’s stupid to try to tell people they can only write about characters like themselves. That doing that would make the entire fantasy genre go away and, hopefully, there wouldn’t be any novels about murderers.

Writers like to make up stories and develop characters and relationships. They try to put themselves in their character’s heads and express how they’re feeling.

For me, that sometimes means drawing from my own experiences, sometimes it means thinking about things I’ve seen/heard, and sometimes it means using my imagination to come up with a character’s reaction.

Am I successful at portraying romantic relationships? I really have no idea. I walked away when he asked me that because I’m the absolute worst judge of my own stories. I have a like/hate (never love/hate) relationship with everything I write. I’ll just say that I don’t think being on the ace spectrum should stop me from writing the stories I want to write.

How did you get into DEH?

Another side effect of being the Surprise Kid is that it gives your parents a lot of opportunities to teach you about their interests. My dad managed to get me into British tv shows and my mom successfully managed to pass her love of musicals onto me, though, for her, that love does not extend to DEH. She can’t stand the music from that show.

I got into it when I decided to watch clips from the Tonys on YouTube. I was blown away by ‘Waving Through a Window’ because that song seriously would’ve been my personal theme song if it had come out when I was in high school. So, naturally, I had to find out more about the show. 

I haven’t seen it live, but I have read the script and watched a bootleg. That got me into it enough that I started coming up with stories I wanted to write.

Which character do you relate to the most?

Evan, definitely. I was definitely the awkward, anxious kid in high school. I don’t think I would’ve ended up in the mess he did though...

Do you relate to any of your OCs?

Aunt Jamie is sort of like me, but I wouldn’t say she’s an author insert. I’m the youngest aunt in my family. (I don’t think any of my nieces/nephews think I’m particularly cool though.) I don’t like to be touched/hugged and usually pat people on the arm as a way of saying ‘hey I like you, you’re okay.’

The story about her suicide attempt in Sincerely, E is definitely not my story. I’m lucky enough to be able to say that I’ve never actually tried to kill myself.

Her story about being unpopular/having people make fun of her weight was sort of an exaggeration of mine. Again, I was lucky enough not to have it nearly as bad as she did.

What do you like about Evan/Connor?

I like putting them together because they’re both characters who desperately need someone who understands them. They’re alike in a lot of ways, but different in ways that make them fun to write. I like their relationship dynamic and the ways I make them interact.

Why do you keep writing Zoe/Jared?

I’ve come to see Zoe/Jared as my bastard ship. They’re the ship that I never plan to write, but somehow keep writing.

With Evan and Connor, I always think about how they’re going to get together this time, which tropes I plan to include, etc., etc.

With Zoe and Jared, I literally reach a point in the story where I blink at the screen and go ‘okay, so this is happening again...’

That said, I have come to like my bastard ship. They’re also fun to write.

Are they going to get together in BNK?

I don’t have any current plans to put them together. Which means probably.

Do you hate Zoe/Alana?

Not at all. I have no problem with the idea of them. I have no problem with giving Zoe a girlfriend or Jared a boyfriend. I also have no problem with letting characters stay single (which, to me, is a much more realistic portrayal of the high school experience).

Part of the problem with doing my weird blinders on, tunnel vision writing thing is that I haven’t really read other DEH stories. I didn’t realize Zoe/Alana was a thing until I started looking at summaries of other fics after I finished Sincerely, E.

I’ve briefly considered putting them together each time I start a new story, but now there’s the Tracy situation. And I do like Alana/Tracy. And somehow Zoe/Jared sneaks up on me every time.

So, you really don’t read other DEH stories?

I’ve tried to a couple times. I’ve even downloaded some of the completed ones to my Kindle in case I ever feel the need to read them when I’m out somewhere.

It just becomes a case of character overload for me if I try to read other people’s interpretations of the characters while I’m writing mine.

This particular writing quirk of mine actually used to cause problems for me with my RL friends when I wasn’t the only one writing fics. They’d get mad at me when I’d say I couldn’t read their stories because they were writing for the same fandom that I was writing for.

They’d also get mad when I’d say I hadn’t read their comments. The comment thing is another writing quirk of mine. I try to avoid them until I’m totally finished with a story or, at the very least, close enough to being finished that the thought of looking at the comments doesn’t weird me out.

I’m not always totally successful at that because I also have a weird thing about notifications. Meaning that I can’t stand them. So, if I see there’s a comment, I’ll literally hold my hand up to try to block the screen while I mark it as read. Which doesn’t always work as well as I’d like.

I did try once again to read the comments before starting BNK. I think I even said in the author’s note at the beginning of the story that I’d been binge-reading them. Which ended up meaning that I sort of clicked through my inbox and read about five random comments... Someday, I really will look at them all...

All of that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate comments/kudos though. It’s always amazing to see that people are reading and reacting to the things I write. I do check the stats page to see if the numbers are going up. If it ever became clear to me that absolutely no one was reading my stories anymore, then I’d stop posting them because I’d feel really awkward and wonder what’s the point of posting something that no one’s even bothering to open.

Are you going to keep writing DEH stories when you finish BNK?

Maybe? I don’t know at this point. I’m not even sure how much longer BNK will be. Judging from the length of my other stories, I’m probably around the halfway point and that currently sounds about right, given what I have planned.

I’ll keep writing about these characters as long as I have ideas for them and am having fun writing the stories. If I run out of ideas or writing these fics stops being fun and starts being a source of stress in my life, then I’ll stop.

Do you have any writing suggestions? How do you deal with writer’s block?

The best writing advice I can give is just to write. Write and then keep writing and then don’t stop writing.

I’ve often described myself over the years as a writer who doesn’t write. And that’s been the case many times for me.

I’ve been writing a ton this past year because the DEH characters have stuck with me and I keep coming up with weird ideas for them. Before that though, I’d gone at least a year without writing much of anything.

I write because I like writing and because it’s a major stress/anxiety reliever for me. I write because it entertains me and gives me something to focus on when I can’t sleep, which is pretty much every night. I often say that I feel like I get more done between 12 AM and 2 AM than some people do all day.

That said, I definitely struggle with writer’s block sometimes. The only thing that ever helps me with that is to walk away. Literally. I close my laptop and walk away from it. I make myself do something else. And then I keep making myself do other things until I’m either ready for bed or a solution to the problem I was struggling with pops into my head.

Almost every story-related idea that I’ve had has occurred to me while I’m doing something totally unrelated to my writing. While I’m not even thinking about it.

It’s really fun when that happens at work. I’ve had times where I’m on the phone, using my cheery customer service voice and being yelled at, and have suddenly come up with what I want Connor to say in the conversation that I was struggling with the night before. At least, I haven’t blurted out any random bits of dialogue yet...

Last question, since no online survey would be complete without this – dogs or cats? 

Guinea pigs. Though, personality-wise, I really would be such a crazy cat lady if I weren’t horribly allergic to them.

[kidsviral-blog]

How I Grew Up On The Internet

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/how-i-grew-up-on-the-internet/

How I Grew Up On The Internet

The internet is IRL. It always has been.

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I started navigating the internet — really, the earliest versions of social media — early in my life, and before most people even really knew what the internet was. I was 11 when I first logged on in 1993 — I’m 32 now — and I’ve spent the ensuing years invested in online communities at least as much as I’m invested in offline ones. I never understood there to be a clear line between the two. Before I ever even had a cell phone, I used the social web to document and reflect on my offline life. I’ve met wonderful people online, connected in much deeper ways to the friends I had, and I’ve used dozens of networks and platforms to figure myself out. The internet hasn’t been a way to escape, it’s been a creative outlet, a friend, a documentarian, and a tool that has made my real life better, cooler, weirder, and more fun. For me, the internet isn’t some distinct virtual universe, it’s just one part of the real world.

This is the history of my first 20 years online. It’s a happy story.

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When I was 9, my parents chose to homeschool my older brother, Mitch, and me out of frustration with public school. I had just finished third grade and he, fifth. We were both doing fine academically, but my mom felt like our personalities were changing. My brother often came home from school depressed, and we started to complain about things like reading that we had loved before. Mom and Dad hated the focus on standardized testing, and felt that our teachers didn’t appreciate the creative curiosity they treasured.

A couple years into the great homeschooling experiment, we moved temporarily from Austin, Texas, a hippie college town with a growing secular homeschooling community, to Arlington, Virginia. I missed home and I had trouble making new friends in the Christian homeschool group there.

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My brother Mitch on our Macintosh computer in the mid-’80s.

That was when Mitch told me about BBSes (Bulletin Board Systems) and saved me from my boredom and social isolation. BBSes were local networks where we could read and write on message boards, chat live, and play games. We were lucky enough to have the magic formula: a PC, a 2400-baud modem, and a second phone line. My dad had always been fascinated by gadgets — he’d bought us our (and the!) first Macintosh in 1984, when I was just two years old. The iconic modem sound that began any trip to my favorite BBSes still makes me feel urgently stoked. That sound means I’m about to arrive at the best party ever, and I still get to wear my pajamas.

I tried a few BBSes, but I quickly became devoted to one in particular called “International House of Kumquats.” IHOK was run by a chill teenager who went by the handle Surrealistic Pickle. I felt at home there. Everyone was young and smart and cool and they immediately became my friends. (Since the BBS was on a local phone number, I knew we all lived in the D.C. area.) I never really thought much about the fact that we had “met online” — the concept was too new to feel dorky or taboo yet.

The average age of people on the board was probably about 16, while I was only 12. “Star Shadow,” my earnest choice of an alias, was a dead giveaway that I was the youngest person on the board. Still, I fit in fine. The kids on IHOK shared my enthusiasm for the band They Might Be Giants and we discussed them constantly, dissecting lyrics and debating best songs. We also talked about our lives and anxieties, we made up recurring inside jokes, we quoted our favorite movies and TV shows, and recommended books. We developed real friendships.

Within a few months, Surrealistic Pickle made me a co-sysop (system operator), the official duties of which were slight enough that I don’t actually remember what they were, but I still listed it on all of my teenage resumes. It was the first time that anyone had put semiprofessional faith in me, and it was done purely because of the value of my contributions, without a thought given to my being a girl, a weird homeschooler, or an actual child.

When my mom first agreed to let me meet my friends in person, she dropped me off at the National Mall but then parked a few blocks away with a stack of books and an eye on our activities. Looking back, I’m amazed that the teenagers from the board didn’t tease me for my mom literally watching over us, and I’m equally grateful she was open to the idea at all. We couldn’t share photos on the BBS, so the first time I met my board mates IRL was the first time I saw them at all. That part seems weird now, but it didn’t feel strange at the time. We already knew each other’s sense of humor, feelings, opinions, and personalities — the rest was just wrapping paper.

A few months later, I went to my first ever show with my BBS buddies: NRBQ and They Might Be Giants (obviously) at Wolf Trap in Virginia. The Kumquat crew were splayed out on picnic blankets on the grassy hills. They were Manic Panic-ed, glasses-wearing, and trench-coated teenagers who probably didn’t fit in at high school. They were all, more than any other quality, ridiculously nice. I thought they were the coolest people in the world.

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Cool “Lion King” button + Slurpee T-shirt.

I was having an awkward adolescence. I liked talking to my parents way more than I liked anyone my own age. I wanted to have deep, intelligent conversations about my interests, which were Disney animated movies (I collected Lion King merchandise), horses, and cute boys. Not, for the most part, things that grown-ups actually wanted to talk to me about.

Luckily, Prodigy existed. Prodigy was a dialup service that predated widespread use of the World Wide Web. Like its competitor, America Online, Prodigy contained multitudes: shopping, news, weather, games, advice columns, and more. I was only interested in connecting with people, so I used the live chat, email, and discussion boards.

I joined a message board where other girls like me had invented an elaborate role playing game for made-up horses — we each “owned” dozens of fake horses, gave them names and attributes, and pitted them against each other in entirely arbitrary competitions that were just decided by whoever was running them. I kept my horse files in a giant binder full of descriptions like this:

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People who I tried to explain the game to didn’t understand it at all. It wasn’t until I was introduced to the concept of fantasy sports a decade later that I thought maybe this all wasn’t as strange as I feared.

I was even more involved with the Disney Fans Bulletin Board, which was populated mostly by grown men and women who retained their interest in all things Disney well past the age when most people grow out of it. I loved them. Many of my DFBB cohorts lived and worked in Orlando, just because it meant that they got to go to Disney World whenever they wanted. To me, they were living the ultimate adulthood dream.

I got so involved with the Disney board that I was eventually given a “job.” The job paid me in a free Prodigy subscription and one free t-shirt. My title was “Teens Liaison,” and I did just that: liaised with other teens. Although most of the community was much older , I developed raging crushes on the handful of boys my age. I can still remember, in fine detail, a photo one of them sent me of himself dressed up as Prince Eric for Halloween. I had several Prodigy flirtations before I had figured out the slightest thing about talking to boys I knew offline. We talked about our feelings, which was impossible with the teenage boys I knew in “real” life. I was myself with the dudes of Prodigy — open and honest and weird — and they liked me for it.

I eventually met my Prodigy friends in real life too. My parents planned a trip to Disney World, mostly for my obsessive benefit, and let me bring my best friend, another homeschooler named Kate. I dragged Kate and my mom to a meetup dinner with the DFBB group at a fancy Disney-themed restaurant. Almost all of the attendees were closer to my mom’s age than to mine, but we had fun anyway. I got a purple tie-dyed DFBB staff T-shirt that I wore proudly to the park the next day. Soon after our meeting, people started to leave Prodigy for the wider world of the web, and I followed.

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Editing my “Lady and the Tramp” fan site with a stack of Disney encyclopedias, 1995.

I made my first website in 1995, when I was 13, and it was dedicated to my favorite movie, Lady and the Tramp. It started with a short introduction: “I’m here to provide the major source of Lady information on the World Wide Web.” The page included an archive of tiny photos I’d been able to dig up or scan, random facts I’d strung together from my collection of Disney books, the title of the movie translated into several other languages, a character list, quotes, and the movie’s credits, transcribed from my own VHS copy.

I taught myself HTML to make the page, borrowing books from the library and reading tutorials online. Once I made the Lady and the Tramp page, I was hooked. I started expanding my website to include biographical information about me, terrible things I’d written, pictures of my friends, and more.

By 1999, the earliest date that the web archive has for my site, it was basically a magazine. It included:

A 14-part “about me” section

Thousands of words devoted to describing each of my friends. Example: “Lots of people will tell you that I’m obsessed with Dorothy and you might say that’s true — I just happen to think she’s one of tha most beautiful, funniest girlies in that whole wide world. :-)”

Pages devoted to my opinions on religion, animal rights, curfews, Bill Clinton, and legalizing marijuana

A list of reasons that you should go vegetarian

A description of my imaginary perfect boyfriend, Jimmy Tony

Dozens of poems I’d written

My “future encyclopedia entry,” including the career description “writer, artist, entrepreneur, animal handler, actress, philosopher”; the titles of several of my future books about Shakespeare and hip-hop; details of the company I would found someday; the many books I would write; and my partnership with my imaginary husband Jimmy

A daily journal cataloguing the mundane details of my life

Book reviews

Comics I made with Photoshop

“Summer’s Spiffy Sendable Celebs,” a collection of about 30 e-postcards I made of my favorite celebrities

Capsule reviews of every episode of Dawson’s Creek

Commentary on my favorite songs and a list of my favorite CDs

A “shrine” celebrating Ani DiFranco

A collection of my favorite jokes

Desktop photos of celebrities and animals that I’d edited and made available to my “public”

An elaborate, multisectioned fan page for the character Ophelia from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, including artwork, personal essays, historical information, and more

A lengthy acknowledgments section that thanked AltaVista, my scanner, my entire extended family, friends, and all of my pets

Making websites was my primary mode of self-expression throughout my teens, and it was also a huge part of my mostly autodidactic education. Over the years, my family’s approach to our education had grown increasingly radical, buoyed by the writings of “unschooling” proponents such as John Holt and Grace Llewellyn. I chose what to focus on and how to spend my time based on my goals, with fairly minimal oversight from my parents. My website became an obsession, and I had all the time in the world to devote to it. Most of the other creative things I did — drawing pictures, writing bad poems, and composing essays — were in the service of making a cool-as-hell website.

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A version of my website layout, featuring a dog I found on the street and kept for two days.

Although my site wasn’t part of any specific social platform, there was an informal but intense network of teenage and young adult women doing the same thing I was, and we joined web rings, made link lists, and sent each other fan mail. I kept up with tons of other website makers, almost all of them women: from JenniCam to one gothy girl who I only remember as “Calliope.” I learned from them. I studied their source codes for HTML tips, copied their brooding photography styles, listened to bands they mentioned in passing, started taking moody selfies like theirs, and tried hard to impress them with endless tweaks and new features on my website. To some extent, I lived my life with my website in mind — do it for the dot-com! — but this was a good thing: It made me more creative, thoughtful, and adventurous.

Creating my own elaborate websites about myself was outrageously, hilariously narcissistic in hindsight. But building my own sites gave me the ability to tell people who I was in a way that I could control. It also allowed me to look at myself in a positive way, something that was missing when I looked in the mirror. I liked the me I was on the web. I still do.

I’ve always wondered about the assumption that our online personas are more fake than our physical ones. I often feel awkward and nervous in real-life situations; I almost always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing and am unable to articulate what I really think and feel. Online, I have plenty of time and unlimited space to consider what to say and how to express myself. It’s an advantage that makes me feel more like myself, not less so.

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On Dec. 7, 2000, the day I joined LiveJournal, I was 18 years old, living with my parents in Austin, jobless, ecstatically in love with my first boyfriend, and spending almost every waking second with as many of my friends as possible. My crew was comprised of other homeschooled teenagers with the same excess of free time that I had, resulting in us spending so much time together that we complained about missing each other when we were apart for two days. I documented every mundane moment of that life and the years that followed on my LiveJournal, eventually falling off but still occasionally updating until 2007.

My journal is still up, hundreds of thousands of words detailing the first seven years of my adult life, and it’s full of hilarious contradictions. I was clearly leading a blissful adventure, experiencing a new “first” practically every week — my first relationship, my first apartment, my first road trip with friends, my first full-time job — but I constantly write as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders: “Life has gotten so misplaced. I don’t even know what I’m doing, just that it can’t be like this forever.”

I was also so unaware of how dang corny I was being all the time. I would write about “candy magic” and my “yummy” days and being “so full of joy.” I think I’m a pretty earnest and even cheesy person now, but I’ve got nothing on my 18-year-old self waxing poetic about every single silly thing under the sun that day. Some parts of it make me wish I still had the ability to be so sincere, but other parts make me think I must have been the most annoying person on earth.

I shared more on my LiveJournal about my thoughts and emotions than I ever did in verbal conversations. I masked my feelings with humor and being loud in “real” life, but I was able to share my neuroses on my LJ. My best friends were reading my journal, and writing in their own too, so it wasn’t like it was a secret — when we weren’t busy hanging out and having fun in my room, we were talking and fighting and sharing our lives, all through words upon words upon words on our computer screens.

I’d write about politics or religion, about trying to understand people who disagreed with me, about the anxieties and delights of my first relationship, about the bands I was discovering and falling in love with. Most of all, I wrote about spending time with my friends, and about how much I loved them.

“I’ve just had one of the most fun-packed days of my life! This will be a long entry but it may actually be worth reading becuz there was so much weirdness today:

“Rachel and Dorothy and I stayed up ALL night last night, being goofy and bitchy and farting and just being completely delirious and silly. At 8:00 we went to Flips, and soon thereafter down to soccer.

I went to soccer and was loud and delirious and singing, and then we went to Schlotsky’s and had great conversation. Then Rachel left and I almost cried cuz she was so fun and I’m gunna miss her so much. But then I went to Flips and they were funny over there. And then I went to meet Isaac after work! And I was dressed so cool and in such a good mood, and we walked around.”

My friends’ journals have largely the same tone: documenting our lives in incredible, mundane, ecstatic detail. This is mostly a practice that seems to have been left behind on the present web, where at least most people are self-aware enough to know that others aren’t interested in an outline of their everyday lives. I guess this is a good thing — I’ve naturally grown up and become smarter and more self-aware since my LiveJournal days, and reading my writing from that era causes my entire body to seize up in embarrassment. I’m also so incredibly jealous. I look back at these entries and I read someone who was completely, 100% unafraid of being herself. I can’t think of anything more remarkable in a teenage girl, and I’m grateful that LiveJournal was a place where I could be me: purely, ridiculously, perfectly.

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I was still blogging when I first joined Flickr.com in August 2004. For five years when everything else was changing — I left jobs, moved four times, broke up and restarted relationships, got a cat, and met my best friend — Flickr was a stable and integral part of my life. Flickr was focused entirely on photographs, and those pictures were all there was to it. You were judged not by your cool list of interests or your clever status updates, but by the glimpse into your actual life that photos provide. The present analogue is Instagram.

Still, before I even had an iPhone, Flickr flipped the tables for me. Instead of the internet being a thing I did when I wasn’t ~living~, Flickr became a way to keep track of all the cool stuff I was doing with my time. And there was plenty to keep track of — the time when I started using it a lot was also when I started drinking, dating, and traveling, and met most of the friends who are still my crew today. My Flickr photos are packed with boys I had flings with or unrequited crushes on, parties, late night video game sessions at my ex-boyfriend’s house, my new best friend’s hands folded around a beer at our favorite bar, and lots and lots of elaborately artistic selfies taken with my DSLR’s timer function.

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Cute boys with cats uploaded to my Flickr, 2004-2005.

I looked at Flickr a lot. My friends who were on it uploaded all of their photos too, and it was a way to reflect and reinforce all of the things we were going through together. Looking back at my early uploads or my favorites list is as evocative as listening to an old favorite song. It’s easier to remember things that you regularly look at photos from, and as a result, the years after I joined Flickr are genuinely much clearer to me than all of the ones that came before.

When I browse Flickr now — it still exists, but active users have dwindled away since Yahoo started making changes after it acquired the service in 2005 — I’ll come across a photo of an ex-boyfriend hugging a cat or a good friend drinking coffee or a bunch of co-workers dancing in someone’s apartment, and I can hear and smell and feel everything in that frame. Flickr isn’t a window into my “internet life” of yore, it’s a window into my life-life. Maybe they are the same thing.

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Typical Myspace selfie.

Although it was preceded by Friendster, which was used by me and a handful of my friends, for me Myspace marks when the concept of “social networking” became mainstream. It was the first time that the energy and excitement I felt for the internet was shared by almost everyone else my age.

There were so many Myspace things that came and went with the platform. The entire concept of having a “top eight” friends will always haunt people of a very specific age and remain completely meaningless to everyone five years older or younger than us.

And the Myspace selfies! I used Myspace photos to exert a control over my appearance that I’ve never quite felt like I had in real life. I’d carefully apply makeup I never wore in public, borrow my roommate’s jewelry, and have an entire selfie session in the sunshine just to achieve the perfect new profile picture.

Most notably, we made music for each other on Myspace. Getting musicians and their fanbases online must have been a strategic push for the company, but it felt completely organic. It felt like one day some band got on Myspace and made it big, and then the next day everyone on earth opened GarageBand for the first time.

Countless friends put music up on Myspace, so after joking that if I had a band I’d call it Premade Bears, I made a profile and I made some songs. For one of them, I borrowed my roommate’s 5-year-old son’s tiny miniature guitar and locked myself in the bathroom, strumming along to my imperfect country-ass voice singing about having a thing for a younger dude. For others, like “Stay Sweet; Don’t Ever Change,” I arranged some generic beats and played some keys on my laptop while sort of lackadaisically rapping about having a crush in the summertime.

There was no future for me in these weirdo amateur tunes, no shows to book or albums to release. Lily Allen made it big on Myspace, but most of us weren’t thinking about scale. I worked at a bookstore, doing events and making displays. I had designs to do something more with my life, but I wasn’t ever going to be a famous musician. Still, I made something I’d always wanted to, and I shared it with my friends. That was cool. Before Myspace, making music and getting people to listen to it seemed hard and complicated. During Myspace, it was the easiest thing in the world. Our old Myspace photos and cliquey top eights were a little silly, but making tunes for each other was a truly sweet, cool thing we got to do and I am grateful.

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When I joined Facebook in 2006, it felt at first like the other social networks — a secret club for me and a select few to share our lives together. I didn’t quite get the point — most of the action was still on Myspace for the first couple years, and the wonkiness of Myspace’s customizable color scheme felt way more me than the clean, boring blue and gray on Facebook. And then Facebook grew. And kept growing. And now it remains the only network mentioned here that’s frequented by my entire extended family.

As evidenced by the teens who’ve left Facebook for other less mom-supervised networks and apps over the last couple years, being on a social network with everyone you’ve ever known is sometimes less fun than the alternatives. I mean, it makes sense: The last thing I want to do in real life is gather every friend, former co-worker, family member, and ex-boyfriend in one giant room together.

That said, my own mom is by far the coolest part of my Facebook experience. My mom uses Facebook with the same delightful, contagious joy that I used early BBSes with. Every Friday, she posts nature photos from the ranch where she lives with the hashtag #FieldNotesFriday. Rumor of her excellence on Facebook has spread among my group of friends, and I occasionally get a text from another pal asking if it’s cool if they request her.

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A typical Facebook update from my mom.

Social networking is associated with youth — naturally, kids who grew up with the internet are more comfortable adapting to new social networks. But in the next couple decades, those same kids will be the parents crashing the party. If my mom is any indication, that could actually be pretty great.

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I joined Twitter just about as soon as I heard about it, in early 2008; by that time, I was joining pretty much any social network that came onto my radar. When I first joined, my tweets were approximations of Facebook statuses.

is going to start using twitter.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

It took months before I started using the actual functionality of Twitter, like to find out I had missed events or, er, comment on the news:

checking twitter for the first time in a day & like a nightmare, last night: “secret okkervil river show RIGHT NOW @ the compound”… Sigh.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

david foster wallace is dead. wtf.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

I felt like I was talking to a wall, because no one I knew was on Twitter, so I gave up on it for a while. I got the sense that Twitter was never going to catch on, but when a few of my coolest real-life friends started accounts, I quickly returned:

people keep joining twitter. so i’ll try to start updating again. i need an omelette.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

But I used the platform for desolate personal revelations and song lyrics cryptically referencing my complicated personal life:

We are the challengers of the unknown.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

Whiskey, i love you with a depth of feeling that scares the shit out of you.

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

When I first started at BuzzFeed almost three years ago, I stopped using Twitter as a constant stream of my brain and started using it more professionally and strategically to share my articles, comment on other sites’ posts, and interact with writers and editors I worked with or admired.

It felt like Twitter was something I did for work and Facebook was something I did for my “real” friends. Living in New York City, I have now met many of the people whose faces light up my TweetDeck window every day, but my pals back home mostly remain holdouts.

Still, lately my Twitter experience has reverted 360 degrees back to the personal, flirty, ~relatable~ vibe of my early tweets, except people are actually listening. I like to tweet about songs I like, and having crushes, and being up too late at night. I like to post selfies, and look at the selfies of cute dudes and ladies I follow. I like Twitter on the nights and weekends as much as I like it during the day at work. I like to wonder about whether a fav is a flirty fav or just a fav. I try to make people smile, or laugh, or, at the very least, think I am charming. I follow people who I find nice, warm, and smart.

life goal: be more like this dog

— summeranne (@Summer Anne Burton)

I often describe Twitter these days as the cool room where I hang out with my internet friends all day. Most of my closest “IRL” friends back in Texas still don’t use it, so Twitter still feels in some ways like a throwback to the internet of yore. It’s insurance that my thoughts won’t just disappear inside my brain. It’s a place to test my own ideas and jokes and cute pictures before unleashing them on a wider audience. And it’s an amazing way to maintain mild crushes on the brains of a few hundred other people, a true dream come true for my giant, fickle heart.

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In January 2011, I had been using Tumblr for a couple years. I’d given up on maintaining my personal domain name and redirected it to my tumblog, where I posted photos, wrote about songs I liked, and shared links to things on the internet I was into. I had, around this same time, gotten super into drawing again. Art was something I’d been into consistently as a kid and a teenager, but I’d been focusing on writing, kissing boys, and working shitty retail jobs for most of my twenties. I started posting drawings on my blog in 2010 and found that my friends responded super positively to them. There’s so much reblogging and reposting and sharing on the social web that putting something truly new into the world again felt like I was doing something special.

I was also becoming completely obsessed with baseball, thanks to a fortuitous series of events. I’d started dating an obsessive sports fanatic named Brian and we visited the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown together for his birthday. I’d also recently switched from cheerleading to playing in my devoted local co-ed softball league. I’d just binge-watched all of the Ken Burns baseball documentary series. I joined a fantasy league. I had always liked baseball — it was the only sport I remember my dad being really into when I was a kid, and my grandmother was a devoted Astros fan — but this time, I got serious about it. I devoured books about baseball statistics and history, got an MLB season pass for my phone and computer so I could watch all the games I wanted, learned how to keep score, and started reading baseball websites and following baseball writers online.

So, in 2011, I started something that seemed totally natural: I decided to draw every member of the National Baseball Hall of Fame (there are currently 306) and put the drawings up on Tumblr. I thought maybe I could do it in a year. Four years later, I’m up to 258 drawings done. The project wasn’t designed to go viral; I just thought it would get me into the practice of drawing regularly, and that I’d get to learn more about baseball history in the process.

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One of the inaugural five Hall of Famers and one of my first drawings for the blog.

A few months in, an editor for ESPN: The Magazine called my cell phone. I was at my part-time waitressing job when he told me the magazine wanted to pay me to draw some pictures of players who won’t make it into the Hall despite impressive resumes (such as banned baseball player Pete Rose). It was the first time someone offered to pay me to do something freelance, and it blew my mind. After the magazine, I did an interview with ESPN online, Emma Carmichael asked if she could feature some of the drawings on Deadspin, and the project was written up in my hometown alt-weekly, the Austin Chronicle.

I started to become known, not just as an illustrator but also among baseball writers online. I applied for and, miraculously, got a regular paying freelance gig at Fangraphs, a baseball website for mega-nerds like the one I’d become. I didn’t write about stats in any traditional sense, though — I wrote about female pop stars as if they were players, researched the GOP presidential candidates’ relationships with America’s pastime, and crafted a T-shirt with the win probability graph of a crazy playoff game embroidered on it (the latter led my wonderful editor, Carson Cistulli, to email me with an apology for, well, all men).

Writing about baseball on Fangraphs opened up a world for me that I hadn’t fully realized existed, where people got paid to do what I’d been doing for fun my entire life: make stuff for the internet. I did some posts for The Hairpin and started drawing a comic for the newly kickstarted The Classical. I started applying for jobs at websites. And, 16 months after starting Every Hall of Famer, I got an email from a woman at BuzzFeed asking if I could chat with two editors about the part-time weekend editor position I’d applied for. By September of that year, I moved to New York for a full-time position at BuzzFeed.

Though I don’t typically write about baseball for the site, I’m sure I wouldn’t be here without Every Hall of Famer, which I’m hoping to finally finish sometime during the 2015 baseball season. I sometimes miss writing about baseball, but I figure I was never meant to be a specialist.

My latest position at BuzzFeed, Editorial Director of BFF, entails running a new team that makes original content for emerging social web platforms. It’s better than I ever imagined a job could be. It’s also the job I’ve been in training for without knowing it since I first dialed into a BBS at age 12. It reinforces my dad’s decision to introduce technology to me and my brother when we were so young, and it validates my mom’s loose, organic view of education and willingness to let me self-direct in front of a computer screen. I’m grateful for this life, online and off.

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One of my first posts on Vine, starring Bobby Sneakers.

I’ve focused here on the social networks that have had the biggest impact on my life, but there was also the ego-stroking delight of Friendster testimonials, the thrill of experimenting with online dating — or, more accurately, online flirting — on Consumating.com, my brief foray into anonymous message boards on Zug.com, and countless music message boards and email lists. These days, I use Instagram, Vine, and Facebook daily, in addition to Twitter and Tumblr.

“Social networking” is what I think about all day at my job, but it’s also how I stay connected to my friends back home, make new friends, develop crushes, document my life, and entertain myself. So about this tension between the internet and real life: Maybe while they’re melting together, they can bring out the best in one another.

There are plenty of people who seem to have an easy time being cruel on the web who would crumble if they were face to face with the victims of their abuse. It would be nice if those bullies and trolls could take whatever it is that keeps most of them from being horrible every day in the streets, and bring it with them to online forums.

On the flip side, I often yearn for the texture of my internet life in my “real” life. Sometimes when I’m at a bar or a party these days, I try to summon internet-me so that I can be more open, generous, flirtatious, confident, and tender. A better listener and a nicer person.

Most days I spend a lot of time watching people — some of them friends and some of them strangers — post on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and Vine and Tumblr and TinyLetter and Medium. They are so often honest and vulnerable and breaking my heart, or funny, or creative, or incisive. I heart their selfies, I share their writing, I fav their tweets, and I read about their experiences. I tell them I love and appreciate them in tiny, easy ways, and they do the same for me.

Those moments usually feel like the realest part of my day.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/social-networking-a-love-story