#& much as i am an anarchist i am getting so fucking pissed off at people wanting to be radicals in situations in which it wouldn't do shit

[windupaidoneus]

i'm gonna be real i don't think there's a single ffxiv antagonist i've encountered so far who was right, or there is i certainly cannot think of them. after careful pondering it's like. honestly i barely want to consider ysayle an antagonist because it was so very short-lived, she had good intentions from the start & iirc a lot of what went wrong wasn't her doing specifically & she clearly feels guilty for it. i would not afford any other antagonist this because they are, in fact, actual antagonists who do wish for destruction or whatever it is that they cause. your starting point can be as laudable as possible if you descend into unforgivable deeds it doesn't change anything of what you've done. these people are still dead. these horrors have still been committed. i adore fordola, she's just a kid & life is a nightmare, & i am glad she is given the second chance she's given, but she was an antagonist & she was wrong. many such cases & denying it will not do anyone's reading comprehension any good

[starblaster]

"but if you're pro-union, why are you anti-cop-union?" because cops are not laborers. what cops do is not labor. they are enforcers of the laws that oppress laborers and exist solely to protect capital. don't bother me with stupid questions.

🛑 STOP asking me to make the post rebloggable. i refuse to let a bunch of anticommunists, libertarian anarchists, neoliberal spooks, and other pro-cop fascists pass around their bad-faith additions on a post if i can help it (which i can, by disabling reblogs) while others of you are saying some really misguided, off-topic shit, and it’s pissing me off.

please get your facts straight before embarrassing yourselves on the internet. for fucking ONCE in your lives.

i am not “redefining labor” i SAID that cops are not LABORERS (EXPLOITED WORKERS) unionizing to receive better working conditions for the betterment of their fellow workers. they participate in collective bargaining with the express goal of subjugating and abusing the working class by protecting their fellow cops who harass, brutalize, stalk, rape, and kill the poor, homeless, working class, and other marginalized people. OTHER, ACTUAL LABOR UNIONS also use collective bargaining power to protect their members. if you argue otherwise, i’m sorry but you need to get serious and examine not only the truth about what a labor union is and does but why our purposes and missions and goals as unions are what they are. clarification aside, here, that wasn’t the fucking point of this post! the derailing and misunderstandings of what a LABOR UNION IS that occurred in the short time this post was rebloggable was too insane not to shut off reblogs!

COP unions, LIKE I SAID IN THE ORIGINAL/ABOVE POST, ARE UNIFIED IN DIAMETRIC OPPOSITION TO THE LIBERATION OF WORKERS, AS IN PEOPLE WHO DO LABOR (WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE THE LITERAL ARMED PROTECTORS OF CAPITAL)

NO OTHER UNION BASHES, KILLS, OR ARRESTS STRIKING WORKERS LIKE COP (OR PRISON GUARD) UNIONS DO.

if you agree with the post so much that you NEED it on your blog or whatever, post a screenshot of the original post with this part cropped out and leave me the fuck alone! THANK YOUUU!!!!!!!

and to the wiseasses saying screenwriters and actors "aren't laborers, either," are you just fucking stupid actually? you think artistic labor isn’t labor? shut the fuck up.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey all!!

I've been trying to write this post for forever but uhhh yes I suppose it's a lot easier to do a quick primer first but uhh

I'm so so sorry I don't answer asks! And I want to change that soon.

[a LONG post about autism, blog updates, and PDA]

TL;DR: I have Pathological Demand Avoidance, but I'm growing from it and hope to become more social on here in the near future!

If you've seen me asks or messages, I promise I don't hate you!! I love you!! I'm so serious

Soon I plan on making a longer post explaining what I've been preoccupied with, and also changes I want to make to this blog in the near future (all small and good!)

But to put it shortly -

I've been suffering from Pathological Demand Avoidance SO HARD and it's been something I've struggled with for some time.

If you don't know Pathological Demand Avoidance - or more accurately named Pervasive Drive for Autonomy - is a profile of autism:

In short though - because asked to do something, ANYTHING, even indirectly makes my brain stall. I know it sounds ridiculous.

It's not even in a cute anarchist 'I don't have to listen to you!!' type of way. Fam it's. EVERYTHING.

It's not so much the activity that's triggering it. I LOVE talking to people so much, but... like, speaking in conversation is like a demand. Someone calling my name is a demand, doing homework, showing up to places on time, brushing my teeth everyday etc.

It's often why young children with autism may not respond to you talking to them, say 'I can't do x, my legs don't work!!', hide when expected to do things, literally REFUSE to go to school (big me thing), etc.

It's linked to the diagnosis (and misdiagnosis) of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder'.

That's why I may seem very extroverted (which I am!! ILY!!!) but I don't ever appear to talk to anybody or react to them.

For example - It's more likely for me to add to a tag game if I'm not tagged because when I am, I feel really happy to be thought of but then 'Oh God I have to do a thing. Not right now but soon. The thing I have to do. That eventually must be done. I have committed and I must Do Something. Me doing the thing is approaching. The inevitable thing. That must be done. The inescapable thing'.

ON & ON regardless of what it is. I'm not opposed to doing whatever it is, the demand could be completely self-imposed. I'm just opposed to doing something.

Anything preplanned, asked, or expected of me.

That's why I often abandon fics, or say I'll write an essay and then don't do it. I still remember, but finishing the essay becomes a self imposed demand and then.. I can't do it lol

All in all - this can kinda make notifications really hard for me.

@spidey-bie can tell you, even in discord I'm a little lurking gremlin who is only summoned at inopportune moments and when someone has pissed me off

Usually, my response is ALWAYS flight. I may like an ask or message and enjoy it, even have a response in mind - but instead of answer my immediate reaction to is abort mission and FULLY close the app and find the nearest corner, or try my best to appear offline.

IT'S WEIRD.

I have no idea if others will understand what I'm trying to convey because I know the concept may sound bizarre, and I get that. It really was a concept I only really learned about recently.

But that's why I mean seem very talkative and hyperverbal and bubbly but also like never appear to be social with anyone ever.

PDA is like -

Me: oh wow this person is so sweet. I consider them a friend, I should message them back.

My brain: Yeah.

Me:... message them back.

My brain: fuck you. anyway write an essay literally no one demanded

Me: Why? Can I at least write that fic that I left hanging for eight months

My brain: No someone complimented you on that once and now there's Demand. Write something 100% unrelated.

Me: *starts writing an essay no one asked for and doesn't even finish it because finishing it has become a demand even though I'm the only one who even knows the essay exists in the first place*

Like girl be so fr. Even saying this I feel like it sounds like a lie 😭 I got Hobie brain. Some old 'I'll do it but not because you told me to' headass.

I'm Miguel and my brain wanna 'Nah imma do my own thing' on some Miles shit.

Guess how many drafts I have. Guess. WRONG. TWO HUNDRED.

Nah be forreal is that normal? Y'all got that or nah? Is that common I'm being deadass 😭😭

And girl I'm not even gonna show the number in my inbox cause I'd rather be tarred and feathered than indure that humiliation imma be honest 😐 rather be burned at the stake

But I know that me being so active and like... Not Responding can be very hurtful and I'm so sorry!!

Though I know that didn't make up for it. I know it can make me come off as fake or mean but that's not my intention at all, I promise.

Honestly I just have a brain where everyday feels like opposite day.

But I'm a grown ass person and uh!! I want to change that response.

So please don't stop replying or tagging me in things! I genuinely do love it 💖

This blog is really one of my favorite places in planet Earth and I love this community SO SO MUCH.

Going forward I want to invest more time here and just meta writing in specific.

I'm thinking (girl I'm phrasing this SO CAREFULLY so my brain doesn't think it's a demand like shh I hope the autism doesn't hear me) -

I'd like to maybe designate a day for asks to be answered/queued (as many as I can pump out) because I really love talking with y'all and y'all have SUCH good ideas

I'm hoping to do more Spidersona stuff but I'MA HAVE TO PACE MYSELF OKAY that's not a Demand autism we're just having nice hopeful thoughts NOT A DEMAND

So uhh I don't know how I'll encorporate more Spidersona stuff but yeah... It'll happen.

Other stuff too. Other stuff.

[Notice how I have to be like 'I'm hoping, I'm thinking, I might, I'd like to,'. I'm ALLERGIC to 'I will' 🤢🤢🤢]

I plan on making another life update post just to clear up some things maybe talk more specifics. I'm thinking Tuesdays or Thursdays -

I'll most likely close my ask just to pump out the asks that are still relevant time wise.

I'd also like to take more about PDA in short posts of if anyone is interested. Honestly, I think there are some advantages to PDA.

YES I HEADCANON HOBIE AS HAVING IT.

I DON'T FOLLOW ORDERS NEITHER DOES HE.

Save me Hobie.. Hobie save me (I be using him to internally justify my PDA.. 'like Hobie wouldn't want me to answer this linkdin email' 😭😭)

BUT UHHHH If you read this far and you're still here I LOVE YOU YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME HOBIE BE UPON YE

I truly appreciate you, thank you for hearing me out!

Hobie says remember to be a public nuisance and never cooperate with anything and leave the function early and steal

I'm gonna go do something that doesn't matter and that no one asked for that I probably won't finish for no reason :) (/pos)

Bye.

[pigeoninabowl]

What your favorite El Cuarteto De Nos album says about you!!

Alberto wolf- this one is not your favorite.

Soy una arveja- you have currently 27 different types of diseases and mental illneses! You also probably like to fuck dead corpses!

Emilio García- why. Just why.

Canciones del corazón - you strongly believe the song's CDC og version is better than the 2004 remake, and maybe you're right! Also you get really pissed off when Siempre Que Escucho Al Cuarteto gets called "tengo una muñeca vestida de azul"

Otra navidad en las trincheras- are you horny, a war criminal, racist, a slut, gay yet super straight ™ or all of the above? Either way, you still think Rosario is called "marita" instead of "marica" even though the second option makes more sense given the context of rosario's character

Barranca abajo- Skill issue: the album, maybe you are also suffering through skill issues in your life, you also often say barranca abajo is better than otra navidad en las trincheras

El Tren Bala- you're horny, but you dont get bitches, also, you want MONEI MONEI MONEI MONEI and you think this album is underrated af

Revista ¡¡Esta!!- You are either silly goober or currently under house arrest, there's no in-between

Cortamambo- You want sexual intercourse with another human being, despite only loving yourself and hating half of the population. You also seem the type of person to say "im not ___ but..." And then be angry on why you got cancelled (you are somehow lovable for me)

Raro- you drink black coffee, cry in your bed for hours, still waiting for your wife to change her mind and dont follow through the divorce, Your only coping mechanisms are: "it is what it is", drug abuse and making jokes about your despair. You want things to remain the same since you're scared of change.

Bipolar- FUCK things being the same, im angry and i want to change. I hate every single one of you, im fucking great, im so fucking great that im going to steal one of cortamambo's songs about how much i love myself, yeah, im a raging racist!!!!

Porfiado- you are living 4 stages of grieve at the same time, but not depression 'cause that thing is for pussies, you are a silly little anarchist and no matter what you will stay where your roots are, even if it costs you your social circle

Habla tu espejo- You say you're okay? Well you are not, go to therapy, i know about those 1 am texts you send to your friends saying "thanks for everything"

AZ- you like fantasy movies and stuff, when you were little you wanted to be an influencer because that sounded cool, you also have low-key angry ssues

Jueves- you 100% would start a political themed podcast, also you hate with every cell of your body those people that say that cdn died at jueves, quien quiere ver al hombre con alas tirado a las vías del tren?

Lámina once- So, if i had to guess, you're a BIG cris fan, you relate to them, you ship them with the porfiado guy, you think he looks cool and you want to cosplay them. If you have a tiktok account you TOTALLY have a flan 🍮 emoji right next to your name. 100% queer just like cris

[pro-mammonologist]

I wanted to answer your “would you really date the obey me Boys” question in an ask if that’s okay 🥺

For mammon, who is my absolute favorite. He would piss me off so badly in the beginning with how rude and stubborn he is, I just would hold a grudge. It would take me a very long time with us warming up to eachother to even be friends. Eventually maybe we could be something more when he opens up.

Solomon is another one of my favorites but irl I think he’d weird me out. Like he’d give me creepy vibes.

I would have the BIGGEST crush on Lucifer but would be so turned off by his personality bc he’s very brash.

Barbatos and I would never connect bc we are both quiet. It would take us a ridiculously long time to get to know eachother. But I would probably still have a crush on him.

I would find Levi incredibly irritating. I hate people who are overly self deprecating and I would think he’s rude. Eventually we would bond over needy stuff but we would absolutely never date.

Irl I do not like blondes so no Satan

Asmos and I would just be besties

Beel is not my type irl but I would think he’s so sweet I’d probably have a little crush

Absolutely fucking not for Belphie. I would hate him and think he’s so rude. A big one I only like in theory.

I’d like to think Simeon and I have a chance, but I think he’s way too nice for me.

And for Dia, I am very quiet so his loudness and big personality would definitely scare me.

But I read fics about all of them expect for asmo. He’s just really not my type. But in my head I can change the senarios to fit exactly what I want to I can work out with all of them. I am in a poly relationship with all of them in my head.

Lemme give my two sense too.

So I would think Lucifer is so hot and he’d turn me on so badly but then I’d see how he’s such as asshole to his brothers and I don’t really fuck with tough love all that much. After he softens up later then I’d go back to being turned on all the time.

Mammon would annoy me with his ego but seeing his personality and like his actual morals and stuff would make me mega attracted to him. His spending is my only problem just cuz I grew up poor and stuff.

Levi is like the guys I’d usually attract and I know I’d be uncomfy because I prefer people who have it more together like as much as I relate to the recluse vibes I need people who aren’t as afraid of the world cuz I’m TERRIFIED.

Satan is probably who I’d date fr fr. He’s basically a less mean version of Lucifer that really likes cats and he’s a lot less sadistic period. He probably is the most likely to share my political beliefs as well. (Mammon would too because he gives so much anarchistic vibes, Satan needs some structure)

Asmo would be my bff and I’d be scared to fuck him because I just know his standards are high. Would be horny with him all the time though.

Beel is perfect for real but he’s like too soft and sweet. I need someone with more personality and a bigger presence.

Belphie is a definite no. I enjoy sleeping and chilling and I get wanting to rest all the time cuz I’m like chronically fatigued but his “fuck everything” attitude pisses me off. He also seems to be very passive aggressive and I hate that shit.

Diavolo is probably also ideal for me minus the literal royal status of his. I hate hate hate hierarchies and rich people but Dia is so open and kind and not to mention progressive so I lowkey would vibe with him hard. I would absolutely wanna be dicked down regularly by him.

Barb is great but since he’s so hard working I feel like I would be lacking in a relationship with him. I’m more laid back and lenient and he’s not.

Simeon is cool and is also someone I’d realistically date but something about him just screams token gay friend. That’s the dynamic I feel I’d have with him.

Solomon is someone who I used to hate but in nightbringer I’m like “ooookkkaaaayyyyy” cuz he’s slowly becoming more my type. I think I would also find him creepy at first but then after some time id def get a lil 👀

So really

Lucifer: not at first, later on

Mammon: not at first, later on, but would be ideal for me

Levi: no

Satan: yes

Asmo: no

Beel: eh but would fuck fs

Belphie: no

Dia: yes

Barb: no

Simeon: ?

Solomon: yes later on

[quensty]

hello all. as u can see ur assassins failed to kill me last night so i'm back to clogging ur dash w a tag game.

i was tagged by @moondal514 (hi bestie <3) to answer 20 questions tailored for fic writers. moondal my love u will regret giving me this opportunity <3

🪿 how many works do you have on ao3?

36! i've been existing in the mid-30-ish range for a good while now. it's starting to piss me off. i post things and then get scared they suck and delete and the cycle repeats.

🪿 what's your total ao3 word count?

153,155 *pops champagne*

🪿 what fandoms do u write for?

am i supposed to list all of them? i'm not doing that 😑🤚 if ur interested ya'll can check out the list here

🪿 what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

men abort mission is definitely my most popular fic (10,856 kudos, it's deeply embarrassing). then it's your crown of thorns holds roses (5,153 kudos, slightly less embarrassing); right hand on his rifle (522 kudos, still embarrassing but at least it's much better writing); kiss me like a snapped guitar string (480 kudos); and love, war, and other exit wounds (468 kudos, which is fucking news to me. i had no idea the kudos had climbed that high)

🪿 do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i do! i like it :D i like ppl to see that i saw their comment and appreciated it. i also do it cos, like, fandom is entirely abt fan-to-fan interaction. fanfic is no different. the point is that i want to engage w other fans and TALK abt stuff. i think it's fun! i've met a lot of friends this way.

🪿 what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

100% would be altschmerz. i don't fix anything in that fic. in fact i probably make everything worse. logan still dies and he never has a proper relationship w laura and the world still sucks. and i sprinkle in some complicated relationships with latinidad while i'm at it. but i love it <3

🪿 what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

this is a difficult thing to judge cos most of my fics have happy or at least hopeful endings, but i think the fic that has the most rewarding happy ending is keep on keeping on, dean winchester. the first couple of chapters are meant to be absolute hell. but i offset that by ending the story with everyone happy and alive and together :)

🪿 do you get hate on fics?

no i am perfect <3

🪿 do you write smut? if so, what kind?

throughout all my time in fandom the answer to this has been no. but then i did this thing where i watched iwtv 2022, and my whole world shifted on its axis. so YES, i do, in fact, now write smut. occasionally. i have no idea how to respond to "what kind." it is gay sex.

🪿 do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

ok when i first answered this question i said lifeboat, a sense8 aftg fic in 2 (if u've read it ur eligible for financial compensation), but i change my mind. most unhinged thing i've ever written is 100% between the desire and the spasm, which, i kid you not, is an all the president's men fusion, which, in case u don't know, is a movie abt watergate. WATERGATE.

🪿 have you ever had a fic stolen?

i feel like the answer is yes, but this was in my quotev days, and that site was exactly what republicans imagine anarchists want for society: complete havoc. anyway! my point is that i think i did have a case of someone copying my work almost word for word during that era, but i was 13 and it was like 250 words worth of writing so i was like whatever.

🪿 have you ever had a fic translated?

YES, i'm very happy to say! many very kind people have translated my work. i'll list them below cos they always do a fantastic job and i'm always hoping they get more recognition for their hard work:

@ghostofair wrote a spanish translation of men abort mission!

@sadluna wrote a russian translation of men abort mission!

@bloodymelonteamua wrote a a ukrainian translation of men abort mission!

@kais_room has very kindly written a russian translation of your crown of thorns holds roses!

🪿 have you ever co-written a fic before!

yes! i actually co-wrote right hand on his rifle with my bff liv (@cabeswater). she gave me a lot of ideas while i was crafting it, so it's really just as much hers as it is mine. i'm very happy w it! i would love to write smthn properly w them someday bc they're a phenomenally good writer

🪿 what's your all-time favorite ship?

this is an evil question wtf. i don't know! amara/me.

🪿 what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my sense8 au LMAO. i try so hard every few months to get back into the groove of it but it's a doomed enterprise i think. at this point i would have to rewrite it completely, but i don't have the same passion for it that i once did. sigh

🪿 what are your writing strengths?

i don't know. should i know that? maybe dialogue. i can't say whether i excel at it but i can say with certainty that i enjoy it

🪿 what are your writing weaknesses?

i always get impatient near the end of a long project and end up rushing the ending, which is such a shame cos i'm so talented :(

🪿 thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

in huge favor of it! i love doing that. i tend to do it when i write characters that speak spanish, and when it's done well by other writers? UGH. it makes me want to eat my phone

🪿 first fandom you wrote for?

pjo on quotev writing reader inserts ✌️ that is not a joke i'm dead serious rn

🪿 favorite fic you've written?

FUCK OFF. the real answer to this question is a fic i deleted. i loved it so much i deleted it off my ao3 so i could rework it into an original piece and turn it in for my fiction class this semester LOL. trust me though this piece was already, like, 90% my own writing and less "based" on the source material rather than it was "inspired" by it. if u compare me to those writers who made their harry styles fanfiction into published novels i will fight u. if i have to pick a fic that's still up, i think i'd pick either keep on keeping on, dean winchester or a ghost is a memory

i'm tagging @keepoffthetardis, @enterprisery, @weather-mood, and anyone else who wants to do this! if any of u actually read thru this whole thing i'm so sorry

[ericvilas]

I am so pissed off at how right wing I feel compared to so much of the Internet.

I WANT A STRONG GOVERNMENT! I WANT HIGHER TAXES AND MORE TAX BRACKETS IN THE US! I WANT REGULATIONS!

But you go "countries should be fiscally responsible and be able to give up short term goals in favor of long-term ones even if it hurts people right now" and suddenly you're a fucking neoliberal

I'm a social democrat. Idek what the difference is between that and a democratic socialist anymore. It all blends together.

I believe in a world where nobody has to work, and everyone has the comforts of middle class.

I'm not an anarchist because I want there to be a large organizational structure that coordinates all of society and that basically requires some form of hierarchy.

I'm not a communist because I believe that incentivizing labor with payment is the only way to get enough people to work

I'm pro-dense housing, YIMBY, and pro-innovative low-car city planning (cars being allowed if people want to use them and there's plenty of cabs, they're just not the main method of transportation).

I strongly believe in open borders.

I believe governments should always be treading the fine line between fiscal responsibility and giving money to people.

I strongly believe that slow, methodic, tested responses to problems, done by calm experts, are far better than fast, short-term solutions done by people who are responding to the immediate moment.

In Argentina, I'm a centrist. Possibly even center-right, by some measures. Probably gonna vote for Larreta in the country and Lousteau in the city, for people who know what that means.

In the US, I'm a solid Democrat. Maybe you could even call me a leftist.

But it doesn't feel that way when I'm online.

So I don't know what I am.

If this makes you wanna unfollow, please feel free to, I know how much it can hurt seeing someone spout shitty opinions on your dash. No I am not looking for an argument.

I guess what I'm looking for is reassurance that I'm not a Filthy Right Winger ™️?

Idk

[rotationalsymmetry]

Ah, yes, so: Christmas is over, New Years is on its way. A word about New Year’s resolutions. People have different parts to them — I don’t mean in a systems way, where every part is its own full identity, but in a squishier more metaphorical way. One part people have is an inner representation of other people’s expectations. The inner parent, or inner babysitter, or inner cop. The part of you that tells you what being good and bad is according to your parents and friend group and teachers and bosses and landlords and the neighborhood busybody, whoever you don’t want to piss off.

This aspect of the self is important and valuable, but is most useful as an advisor, not a decision-maker.

Problem is, people tend to make resolutions from the point of view of their inner cop.

I should lose weight I should go to bed earlier I should exercise more I should meditate I should practice gratitude, etc.

and with the exception of losing weight (if you are thinking about weight loss as a new year’s resolution, may I recommend you read health and every size instead and go with a science based weight neutral approach to improving your health? Or if health isn’t your main motivation, well, there are ways to work on “looking attractive” and “feeling good about yourself” etc that do not hinge on the number on your bathroom scale.) those are all potentially good things to do, but for most of us our inner cop doesn’t listen to our inner child/inner anarchist/whatever you want to call the part of yourself that’s in touch with your feelings and intrinsic motivation, so when we make inner-cop goals and then later our inner child is taking the lead, we…don’t follow through. Because people’s inner child tends to fucking hate being told what to do.

(and actually there’s an entirely different set of problems for people who are good at making their inner child toe the line.)

In the long run the way to handle this is to work on integrating the self better (again, apologies for the language gap, this is not about being a system) so that when you’re making goals you actually get the buy-in of your inner child and when it’s half an hour to bed time and you don’t want to get ready for bed you’re listening to the part of you that thinks it’s a good idea to go to bed, so you can do a sort of internal consensus decision making process, but in the short term one thing you can do is do a check on what your real values are and whether your goals are coming from that place, or just a place of “I should.”

and another thing you can do is to reject the capitalist nonsense of focusing on productivity — what you do — and instead focus your goals on what kind of person you want to be — kind or honest or courageous or whatever — even if that means it’s harder to track whether you’re succeeding or not. Because the obsession on being able to quantify progress is also capitalist nonsense. or on what you think will make your life happier, whether it is in any way virtuous or comprehensible to your mom, your therapist, or your partner.

Anyways, for a lot of people not setting resolutions at all is going to be a solid approach, but for people like me who really like the idea of self improvement, it is worth considering where your idea of self improvement is coming from and how much you actually buy into that. Just because the stereotypical New Year’s resolutions are about health and money and self-discipline and stuff doesn’t mean yours have to be. You can resolve to never walk past a street homeless person without at least mentally wishing them well, you can resolve to do more of whatever thing you really love that you keep not doing because you’re in a rut, you can resolve to taste enough wine to finally figure out what those weird flavor descriptions actually mean, etc. Your life is yours, not anyone else’s, and your acts of intentionality and will do not have to be focused at conforming yourself to what society says is good for you. The thing I am most glad I did around a decade ago was to go down to the ocean frequently and walk barefoot on the sand and into the waves.

[kropotkins-revenge]

(TW: Lots of unpleasantness of every variety)

I'm an anarchist and a communist in favor of moneyless/tradeless society. And nobody ever really asks, but it's because, for whatever stupid reason, I was born without the "don't think about it" mechanism. When I know something, the closest it gets to the "back of my mind" is to be in frame but out of focus. Think of when the TV camera is focused and centered on the news anchor, but it's a trendy cable news set and you see the newsroom in the background out of focus with dozens of busy people fluttering around doing things - it's exactly like that. I can focus on certain things, but most things I know are still very much a part of every conscious thought. I'm also really curious, so I know a lot of things.

So if you're a normal person, if you have the Don't Think About It mechanism, you hear that ICE raids homes and forces 5-year-old children to represent themselves in court, and you're rightfully upset and pissed off. Then after awhile you get distracted and you don't think about it until someone mentions it again. And that's okay - that's a natural coping mechanism. I just don't have it.

I can be sitting on the couch watching TV, and I'm focused on the show, but simultaneously, I'm thinking about how hundreds of people will freeze to death tonight because they don't have homes. How thousands of people are in concentration camps in this country, and how countless people aren't sure if they'll have food tomorrow. People exactly like me. How while I'm typing this, a number of women it's impossible to guess are being sexually assaulted, and how some of them may never recover in any meaningful way. Some of them may end up killing themselves over it. Some of them may live, but never feel safe ever again. How right now someone's remembering their childhood home that they can never go back to because a US missile blew it up, along with half the city and most of their friends.

How billions of people feel powerless and suffocated because they don't have the resources to live the life that would bring them fulfillment. How they blame themselves because they think they should be able to work hard enough to make that happen but the numbers just don't add up, and they think that's their fault. How countless people are dying, everywhere, literally and metaphorically, a little more dead every second, for reasons that all come back to the same root causes:

Capitalism, authoritarianism, and the belief certain people have that they're inherently better than other people.

And it's not that I'm just feeling reflective tonight, or something reminded me of one of those things and I went down a rabbit hole. This is every single second for me. Frequently even in my sleep. I know all those things are happening, and I can't un-know it, and I can't Not Think About it. For whatever reason I am biologically incapable.

People are dying. People are suffering. People are being tortured. People are in hell. I can feel them, every single second. They are *always* on my mind. I lay down in bed and all I can think about is how many people died in our concentration camps today, how many people froze to death, how many people were assaulted, how many people died in missile strikes to support our imperialism. Even how many people - myself included - are just sad because the very modest things they want for themselves and their families are completely out of reach, all because Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk want more yachts and keep the system rigged to make sure we can't get ahead. Every. Fucking. Second.

So yeah. Anarchist, communist, anti-money. Because I'm tired of having a perpetually broken heart for billions of innocent people. Because I want the world to run on a system where that doesn't have to happen. Where that *can't* happen. I want the systems that reward people for deciding they're better than everyone else and acting accordingly to burn to the fucking ground. I want them replaced with systems where everyone has what they need and selfishness and exploitation are both impossible and unneccessary.

Because I want the thing I know that stays just out of focus every second of my life to be "everyone is safe, everyone is happy, everyone is okay."

[ivydarkrose]

Nathan the Nobody

Full Name:

Nathan Maxwell Lux 

Alias(s):

-Nathan the Nobody

-The Nobodies

-The Conjoined Twins

-Nat/Nate [Nickname, Pronounced just like Nate]

-Max[Old Nickname] 

-Natty, Nats [Ciara only, others he’d give them the look]

-Sass Ass [Vero]

-Pretty Boy, Bestie [Candy Pop.]

-DD [They know who they are]

Name origin:

 He is a nobody, but not as in “not cared for/loved”. After all he has people who are there for him.

Nobody comes from more of a social standpoint, a social outcast rather than someone that just dresses differently. A person not in power, or popular, etc etc.  

I view him as the very counterculture type of person, possibly what one would call an anarchist on some levels. With events years involving his twin sister, that has more less solidified his ideology on the matter. 

Sex/Gender:

Male- He/They

Age:

Approx. 22-26 years of age 

Species:

Human [Possesed?], A Visitant [Crystal]

Disabilities/Conditions: 

Heterochromia iridis (From Birth)

PTSD [Diagnosed after him and sister was found night of origin]

Others, however I am not comfortable labeling such

Ethnicity:

Mixed ethnicity (Eurasian)

Hair color:

Black 

Eye color:

Green[R] and Icy Blue[L]

Height:

6’0’ barefoot

6’2’ in boots

Weight:

190 approx. (this may need changing lol)

Birthday:

Oct 29th

Birthplace:

 He’d never tell.

Attracted to:

Personalities

Currently living in:

Deep within the woods, along with his sister.

Occupation/Type of Killer:

Assassin, SK, Angry goth guy yelling at teens to name 3 songs

________________________________________________

Type of Personality: 

Quiet, observant, introvert, often acting aloof. He can become very loud and lively around friends, Often joking about, other times a prankster of sorts. He often is sassy and sarcastic, you may feel his venom if he doesn’t know you or trust you. He’s a loyal guy, which this is obvious, but don’t fuck with the ones he loves and cares for. His “Don’t touch me , go away.” vibe is just a mask to keep others away. Even more so now.

He jokingly roasts his friends, but will respect boundaries unless someone crosses his. He does find it humorous to prank others, especially hiding things without others noticing, just to see their reactions. 

Betrayal is something you do NOT do with him, depending on the severity he may even act out to seek retribution, the “Eye for an Eye.”. He doesn’t always bother, as trashy, backstabbers are a waste of his time. However, he has no guilt in making sure the backstabber hurts as he deems fit,...or sending your soul in for Ciara’s quota. Price one pays for betrayal.

Likes:  

Stealth

Pranking or toying with others

CATS

His Necklace

Innuendos

Rain

Games and other assorted things

Acting on his Annoying little brother status

Calling Crystal “little Sister”

Hugs but also no

Nighttime

Horror genre

Swimming, water, etc

Goth Aesthetics 

Chocolates

Dislikes:

Broken Trust

His mother suffering

Busy bodies

Getting Jealous

Narcissists

Being told to cut his hair

People with no sense of humor

Animal abusers

Child abusers 

Trafficters 

Strengths +/Weaknesses-: 

+

Stealth Missions

Little Details

-

Green Eyes

Children

Normal human drawbacks

etc

Weapons:

-The Pipe from the room that held him captive, Now modified. The ends are slightly weighted to drive more force into the attack. 

-Things lying around, So yes he’ll pick up a knife here and there.

Character Origin Shortened:

 Nathan grew up with his twin sister, Crystal and his Mother. His father buried himself in his work, while the excuse was to support the family, it was also to avoid getting into confrontations with his own son. So while his father was there, he was very much lacking the role in the family dynamic.

One unfortunate day, Him and his sister were abducted by a group who dealt with black market trades. Upon pissing them off, He was left to rot in a dark, cold cellar room, trapped behind a metal door. His sister's well being only on his mind, and the ever growing anxiety between the two. His sister suffered a great amount of torment from the group who were left to their own devices, Her own rage turned into a gruesome death... Just moments before Nathan escaped his own imprisonment.

Once realizing he failed his sister, his grip on being the protective brother she needed faded away and crashed into a hard dilution. Her voice echoed the sentiment of making them and everyone connected pay for this. Unable to accept her death, he locked that part of her death away deep, deep in his mind and continued to believe she is alive, but only if he takes care of the group that made him suffer, that made them both suffer. He didn't stop at the ones in that house, aiming his anger at everyone he believes to be a part of this organization. Enjoying the idea of watching those members die, only able to see them as ones who harmed his family.

Quotes:

“ We are two halves of one coin.”

“No one can separate us.”

“Drip… Drip…  Drip… this sound haunts me, yet comforts me.”

Character's soundtracks/Themes:

Time of Dying 

Down With the Sickness - Disturbed (Cover)

Charcoal Tongue - "Control" (by Halsey) 

Songs on his phone:

Otep - Confrontation

After Dark 

Out Of Control She Wants Revenge

Kidneythieves - Crazy 

The Birthday Massacre - Red Stars

[More to add However i’ll do that in a spotify list or his TH idk lol]

__________________________________________________

Family/Relatives:

[Mother]

Alexa K. Morin-Lux

[Father]  

Calix* J. Lux (*Not Birth Name, Chosen English name)

[Aunts/Uncles] 

2 Aunts, 1 Uncle

-Cousins-

[Unnamed x 3]

[Siblings]  

-Father’s side- 

Terrance [Elder Half Brother], Ren [Second Elder half Brother]

-Mother’s side- 

Crystal Lux [Twin Sister, Deceased…?]

[Niblings]

Two (which he secretly spoils)

[WIP]

Friends/Allies:

Candy Pop [Canon best friend], Puppeteer, Crystal, Jason, Sally, Vine, Grande, Jane R, More to be Named

Neutral with:

Jeff the Killer, Morivin, Drolsoir, Slenderman, BEN,  more to be named

Enemies:

Night Terrors, more to be named

Romantic Relationships:

Ciara H. Callaghan [Child of Possed Candy Pop aka Night Terrors]

Previous Relationship: 

[3 Exs]

Sarah

TBN- NB bean

TBN

The Story of How he Met Ciara:

Being Best Friends with Candy Pop, Nathan often ran into and met the children of Night Terrors/ Night Terrors Fused Candy Pop also known as the Anathema. One of these hybrids he met was Ciara, who promptly took issues with Nathan. She was easily coaxed by others to mess with Nathan, her reasoning at the time was him being too weak.

Being around her and her siblings was a risk, given if Candy pop wasn’t in control then the  horrible demonic influence of Night Terrors put his life in danger. An ending that would be slow as Night Terrors would gleefully torment Candy Pop with the loss of another person he cares for.

Nathan would sneak around, and wait to make sure it was safe to get near. He himself enjoyed being around Ciara, even with her harsh behavior, something about her he just admired. Something he assumed was her strength, being able to protect herself and avoid dangers is what drew Nathan to Ciara.

Along with Pop, she picked up on calling Nathan “pretty boy” which he never found offensive and gladly welcomed, always giving her a smirk along with the nickname. Nathan picked up on her apprehension and overall strange behavior around him. Being somewhat of a button pusher and troll himself, he opted to start teasing her in a more gushy manner, enjoying her reactions to his advantages. This also leads him into coherising her to train him, so he may get stronger.

Over time, she opened up to him more, her own view of being less femminine, too much of a tomboy, especially compared to him, jealousy over his looks vs her rough appearances and scars. Truthfully she had unhealthy ways of managing her feelings due to how she grew up, and he gave her all new feels, that made her feel like running many miles at the sight of him.

They both connected emotionally, both of them losing their twin in one way or another. Both holding onto trinkets from their twins. This connection just helps them to grow stronger to one another. Her the bracelet from her twin brother and him the necklace he carries. All of her suffering was something that Nathan could more than sympathize and relate to. They found a confort with one another, leading to feeling passion, a spark. 

He admired her strength, feeling ease knowing no one could take her away from him, like his own family was. Until he realized the true situation of Night Terrors dawned on him, one that affected not only her, but his best friend Candy pop. 

__________________________________________________

Notes/Facts: 

- In case the info is a TLDR, Nathan’s while not BUFF is lean, mostly thanks to Ciara who trains him

- A Lot of this info is lifted from his Umbra Ref, because one in the same pretty much lol

-Its been a while since I touched a lot of this info, so I might be forgetting things 

Art and Nathan the Nobody (Nathan Maxwell Lux)  © IvyDarkRose

[shinagawa-division]

Sumire’s Thoughts on Edogawa Division

Yuriko Kuromiya

She whistled. “The Black Dahlia herself, coming to grace us with her deadly presence!” She then burst out laughing, “Yeah, yeah, whatever. So you were a big scary assassin, so what. We have, like, four of those already so excuse me for not being as impressed as other people. Though, unlike the rest of them, she seems to actually have the skills to back it up so hey, maybe she’ll actually be entertaining to watch.”

Kaoru Shinozaki

The anarchist had a blank look on her face, her usually aflame gray eyes now empty as she stared at the hacker’s photo. “Delphi.” She bluntly said. “A born genius with a tragic past and now uses her given talents to tear down society and burn the world into a crisp….sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” She smirked but then frowned.

“You have no idea how much it pisses me off to hear people say that we’re soooo much alike when it is so obvious that we are not the same. Because for one, I’m actually doing something to change and help the world while she just sits on her ass and fucks up everything, she might have the brains and skills but that is about as far as she has got going for her, we’ve never interacted aside from a few run ins with each other but we have this unspoken agreement to stay out of each other’s way.” She shakes her head as she chuckles, a strained grin on her face. “Though, she’s coming real close to breaking that agreement, too many times I have found her sticking her nose where it shouldn’t be and I am this close to fucking losing it. So I’m going to say this right now; Kaoru “Delphi” Shinozaki, stop pussyfooting around and actually confront me you coward. We’re gonna settle who’s the deadlier spider at the DRB.”

Kanra Akemi

She blinks once, twice. “Kanra? Wow, did not think I would see her again. Aranai did tell me about her though it doesn’t really compare to actually meeting the girl, I kinda owe her one after she dealt with a group of assholes that were trying to get with me even though I’m happily taken.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyways, Kanra came in and beat the guys to a fucking pulp, I actually had to stop her before she did something irreversible but I was more impressed with her strength, I automatically knew that she was one of us…what do I mean by that? Well, that’s a secret.” She made a “shush” motion with her pointer finger. “After that, we hanged out, made our own fun, though I was actually studying her the whole time. Unfortunately, we got arrested then Miho bailed me out and that was the last time I saw of her. Nice to know she’s still alive.”

Wicked Requiem

“I don’t really care about the other two but I meant what I said about Kaoru, I told both Ritsuko and Miho that should we go against this team, they can take on Yuriko and Kanra but I want Kaoru all to myself. People are just dying to know who’s the best hacker and I’m finally gonna shut them up and both send them and Kaoru a message: Try to step on my turf and you’d best be ready to go to fucking war.”

[rhaenyraisadyke]

It's been a year! Transcript: 8/3/21 Here is also a google doc of the transcript if that is easier to read!

*Starts out with happy birthday on a guitar playing*

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthdayyyy to meee, Happy Birthday to me

*Drinks a swig of alcohol*

Ah. Yeah it’s my birthday today, which um seems odd, it doesn't feel like i've been here that long… but I have. Cheers everyone uh. I realise I haven't really done much in a while.

I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, put out this cake I made three months ago and uh, that's kind of been it, but yeah… I don’t think I’ve left this room in 80 days. About 80 days… How long is 80 days? I- I- that's a lot of months… that's been a long time… Also my vision just went black, I’ve been drinking a lot, um this is that possibly catching up with me um please return vision, I’d really like for it to be back, well I can hear things so at least i'm not deaf ya know? The lord has kept my hearing but I am blind, no um yep there we go.

I decided to get dressed up as well. I figured that would be nice, ya know? I’m pretty sure I was part of them back when I joined, so.. .I don't know if it felt like it made sense to dress up again. Um, fucking hell, I have not cleaned. *sighs* I’ll be honest, in the time I was gone, not very… not very much has happened, uh, it turns out you need customers to support a hotel, and I don’t know about you guys but I haven't seen one on this place for a pretty long while. So uh, basically what I’m saying is… the big jack manifold hasn't been going too hot, god, you don’t provide these guys with food for eighty days and they all go bones and evil.

LEAVE out you bard, you-

The point is, very little has been done here for quite awhile, and um I haven't been outside or seen anyone, and I- I didn't’ finish the pub. Um, you may be asking me, “but jack wasn't that the only thing you were working towards? I know but with the failure of the hotel, I kind of realised that again pubs also rely on customers and the very limited people on this server, as we can all see it really ah um, well it didn’t seem very fruitful. So um, we're kinda just here, living here rent free ever since we claimed this place… I actually don’t know who pays the rent.. Maybe Tommy still does um. I Don't know- anyway since I’ve been here for a year and I haven't really looked around in three months, I thought we would go and look around at everything that we once saw, you know?

I must admit the investment of the alcohol from the pub has been the only thing keeping-.. I shouldn't say that, let's not speak about that part. Yeah it turns out that this place, look I haven't been outside in eighty days and I think maybe since I’ve been here for a year I can go back and have a look around at everything. And um as I said I dressed up for the occasion, so um you know… lets see what's changed hmmm?

Anyway let's walk around shall we? Well this didn’t change, we still got mcpuffys here. Hehe, no one noticed my balls sign hehe, no one noticed, I forgot about this, no one noticed I replaced whatever the original one was with balls in hope they wouldn't notice and they didn't. Ahh that's good, I like that. Anyway, there's the duck and Ponk’s tower that seem pretty much the same.

This looks different, this was a hole.. Who are you? Alright? You know we are the only two people on the server right now? (talking to shroud) This basically means we gotta become friends. So.. tell me about yourself.. Sir? Madam? Shroud, alright. Oh Ohhh I stole some of these! Did I ever give them back? Whoops, oh well. Ahh, it's been quiet without him ya know tommy. I’ll be honest, theres been very little to do, with him gone, um, the fuck did ninjas house go? Why does it look like a very small mcdonalds?

Right, this tower, this seems pretty much the same. Does the sewer still exist? Hm oh wait does it not? What ohh no what happened to the sewers? Aw, there was a whole sewer system out there one time and oh wow. Why is there no longer a sewer there? Wait oH OH it is down here!

One of the first things I remember is me tommy and tubbo and quackity, before he even joined and was still in juvy we, hehe, we did a little heist on everyone and we stole the poo machines and stole everything and then we had a little room, and it was here and we stole the phantom membranes. It was a good time, it was a good time, I liked that and then ah there had only been one war. It's crazy to think there's been more, I thought we’d figure it out the first time, you know? It was fun. And we were called the beatles. Either way yeah.

Why the fuck is half of this place beatroots? Why are half of these beetroots and the other half potatoes? Why is it all farm?? Why? Why is it beats? Wait where did gay target go? Why is there just a beacon here? At least there's huts pizza. Employee of the first two days, of dunderbeatlin… the fuck is dunderbeatlin? What's this? Why are there new things? I know it's been eighty days but why?

This is the L’manburg museum, bearing in mind I'm dressed like this I should go see it.

Oh! It's like different things. This is like the community house, okay that's cool and that's the egg.. This is a replica it won't hurt you… oh it doesn't it won't actually hurt you. I guess they remade that shit. What even happened with that thing? I remember it tried to possess me once and then I bathed in the holy water and I was good again. Oh wow it's like a map of the whole server and there's egg gunk. And then and then and then here.. Where am I? Oh… is that lmanburg? Where is lmanburg? Oh wait oh yeah yeah wait I forgot…. Oh…. yeah….. Um….heh yeah….

OH its the lmanburg walls! I remember tearing them down and rebuilding them a lot and the hotdog van! Does it have the declaration in it? No it doesn't… It is blue. Ohhh…… I joined the day after this (the final control room) God, it's been a whole year since then… What's this? Wait… I feel like there's missing lines here. I don’t know if sorry, you know? Oh, look here, oh it just says i'm sorry. (erets apology book) I’m not all that sure that sorry quite cuts that. What's this? Oh this looks unfinished. Oh here's a map of old lmanburg! OH that's ze house! Before… I burnt it down and decided I wasn't gonna have manifold land anymore.. I miss that, I miss lmanburg.

It was a lot easier to dream when we were friends. Everyone feels so distant now but maybe that's because I haven't seen them, maybe that didn't help I mean no one came to say hi to me. Oh, oh, my main takeaway was that, wait it's not glass anymore, it's like a cavern, it was glass the last time I was there, it's changed since I was here to remember what happened… Why does it look like this? Hmm I don't know. Ah this was my cove, and it was untouched until I burnt it down fuck you.

Oh and theres my secret base that I never finished, FUCK YOU - fuck I hate him, anyway… oh there's the big obsidian bridge, oh isn't this where tommy was exiled? Over this way? I think… That means it was somewhere along here that… wait no it was right here… right? We turned on these stairs, stepped down, and pretty sure it was right here… he dug this.. I don’t think I want to visit this place. I want to go back, this isn't really where I want to be.

Anyway um, I wonder if Snowchester has changed. Lets go visit, okay um, that's weird that's freshly planted. Let's head over to Snowchester its that way. Since when was Tubbos' house back? Didn’t Tommy burnt it down? I swear this got burnt down.. I remember the ruins of it, there was a nether tree farm then in it… anyway…. Let's go check out fundys place. I haven't seen him in FOREVER. The last time I saw him was the last war… the day… the last war… WHY ARE THERE BIG MUSEUM THINGS EVERYWHERE??

Where's fundys house? I built it. I remember building it as a prank and then he liked it and lived in it.. Where's my tower? It was here next to the fox, his little fox hole… my towers were gone, it was definitely here, it was a million percent here and it was right next to it. It was somewhere there was a button it had a button. There was a big sign made out of obsidian…

I don’t know if you can tell, but I’ve been pretty purposeless for the past eight days… what the fuck? That's a HOLE. That's a big ass hole! That wasn't always there?! When did a hole show up?? There's a HOLE in my hotel!! I'm trying not to lose my cool and you know when I go the day that I joined, and the first person that greeted me was tommyinnit and still, I wish, I just wish someone logged in and said “hey jack happy one year” and I try to build them a pub and one of these *drinks a swig of alcohol* I mean at least..

Every time….. Everything here and how come it's all the things I care about that get blown up? Lmanburg… Manifold Land- Well I did manifold land but I was pissed off - Everything I care about on this server gets blown up, or destroyed or taken advantage of or.. Betrays me, that happens a lot. I’m not sure if I wanna be here anymore.

I’m not sure if I want to have anything to do with this… maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. What does this place bring? What does this place bring? Ever since I have been part of the “Dream SMP” Things are given to me that are eventually taken or destroyed, friends leave, DEATH, not everyone has died on the server and come back to life admittedly, I have now but the point is, I AM VERY DEFINITE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SERVER ANYMORE… Alright? Almost everyone that has promised me something has turned their back. Almost everyone. The last thing anyone said to me was “Ah when las nevadas comes about, we will have a deal jack.. I’ll make it big” Yeahh.. .he really brought a lot of business. How's Las Nevadas doing?? Because when I HEARD it would be done and bring me customers, surely not another person would give me false hope.

Tubbos was the only one I can trust, Tubbo and Niki. I know Niki has become an anarchist or whatever but at least she's happy, and Tubbo was always kind.

I think Las Nevadas is somewhere over here. Let's go look at how “done it is” and how ready for business they are… Looking PRETTY finished for me. Big sign, big building, nice roads. Looking pretty… done. Pretty ready for a business deal. Isn't that a shocker… Isn't it weird yet again that someone promised me something and it fell through again?

So FUCK IT I don’t wana see Snowchester, I dont want to see anything, My WHOLE TIME on this server has been doing things for other people and fighting peoples wars, right? Keeping up hotels and pubs for people to stay, trying to kill people at worst that wasnt me and fighting for them. I haven't done anything for myself. ANYTHING AT ALL. And I said the hotel was for me and look where it got me- in a room for 80 days and a giant bottle of cider I have yet to finish- so fuck it! I’m not dealing with anyone else anymore. The “DREAM SMP” I’m gonna go out and start my own thing. I’m gonna call it the “Dream SSP” survival single player because I’m not dealing with anyone else anymore. Alright?

The day Tommy died, I said I was done with manifold land because the only thing it ever stood for was trying to get rid of him, and although it was also about getting back at him, it was about other people, but this time, I have something new in mind, something completely different…

NEW Manifold land will not cater to anyone else, not fight for anyone else, to I don’t know be anything for anyone else really. New Manifold land will stick very strictly to the name and persist of purely Jack Manifold, and I might steal Godzilla back from Tubbo (his arctic fox). Because as much as I said Niki was kind and Tubbo was kind, where they been the past 80 days? No one came to the hotel. No one came looking for me to which point, I say I’m gonna find myself my own little place. I’m just gonna live. I’m gonna do what I want, the only thing is, I need to find an area of my own, we need to travel. So let's get moving hmm?

[werewolfetone]

Top ten reasons you should hate Robert Southey

Tory MP. Need I say more.

He got to that point after spending his youth as a radical young Robespierre fanboy with proto-anarchist ideals. That’s pretty common to be fair but it still really pisses me off, both because I’m a leftist who doesn’t like people who do that, and because “reactionary” in those days was even more “bigoted in every possible way” than it is now.

Charlotte Bronte once wrote to him and was like “here’s some of my writing if you want to tell me what you think idk” and he wrote back with what boils down to “it’s good but sorry :) you’re a woman. so fuck off back to the kitchen.” This is of course hilarious because Charlotte Bronte’s works are very well known but what do we know by Southey outside of academic circles today? only Goldilocks and that never gets credited to him, and he just wrote it down rather than making it up.

He was a dick about mental health. You know those people who are like “well in my completely uninformed opinion running would cure your depression and quinoa would cure your autism?” yeah that was Southey. Particularly he would write to Coleridge and be like “you get right back here I’m going to make you chop wood until you can’t stand up anymore and that’s going to cure your addiction,” but he also said some mean stuff about the Lambs and their mental health issues.

On the subject of Coleridge, I will let him have the fact that he took care of Coleridge’s family after Coleridge was like “hmm I don’t vibe with this any more.” However it was a bit rude to constantly send him letters demanding he come back to the lakes (so that Southey could act in a sternly parental manner towards Coleridge, not out of any concern for Coleridge’s family) no matter how many times Coleridge told him to fuck off or how different Coleridge’s life in London had become.

Anybody could tell this man something and within 24 hours everybody in London would know about it. He refused to keep secrets. It happened with multiple people, but again, it’s mostly notable because he completely ruined Coleridge’s reputation and severely damaged Lamb’s.

He’d lock people in rooms and force them to listen to his often terrible poetry. Once he did this to Shelley and Shelley slid under the table and fell asleep.

He fucking hated anyone in the second gen. He was the guy to call the Geneva Squad a “league of incest,” he called Byron and Shelley the “satanic school,” etc. Suffice to say there was a reason Byron made so much fun of him in the intro to Don Juan.

Coming back to the mental health thing, but more specifically, he was one of the “addiction is a moral failure” people and was like “well you should try simply not being addicted. have you tried that.” again this sounds like it would just be about Coleridge, but no, they had a friend who died because of it and he did the same thing. This is particularly annoying because Southey also did a lot of drugs and therefore didn’t have anything he could really make a moral high ground other than “you are an addict and I am not.”

This is less me being able to point to a specific thing than just him overall, but he always acted really, just, superior to everyone else. It really comes through in his letters and when you read about him. He acted very “I am the best and if you argue with that I will Fucking Kill You” all the time despite the fact that unlike Wordsworth there wasn’t much to back this up other than him being considered very Respectable.

[passable-talent]

Hi yes so I just finished the anakin punk au and it was uh perfect? And you should 100% please write more in that au it doesn’t even have to be in some coherent storyline, just more punk anakin please I am hooked

say no more my dear

I write this. and I think to myself “punks. they like weed. they drink. I should talk about that.”

and then I don’t. because I have a,,, responsibility to promote good health I guess?

don’t do drugs kids. most of them arent worth it i promise

and yes just like i mentioned wattpad in the last one tumblr is coming up on this one we’re breaking the FUCKING fourth wall

part one here

You passed out on his shoulder, exactly as he predicted, at about 2:00 AM.

He didn’t notice for a few minutes, and once he had, he had to make a very hard decision. 

He knew you were leaving in the morning, you had other places to be. And he had to get home, Cliegg was going to be pissed he’d been out this late as it was. But- just like you, he never wanted the night to end.

At 2:15, he shimmied out from under you, finding your room key quickly. Once he’d slipped it into his pocket, he picked you up, carrying you all the way back to your room. The door seemed to scream as it opened, but none of the girls were awake. He laid you onto the only empty bed, leaving your room key on the dresser, and kneeled at your beside, for just a moment. 

A night he wasn’t going to forget. One he wasn’t willing to leave behind. 

He found the notepad left by the hotel for guests and its nearby pen, scribbling his phone number onto it before smacking it onto your room key so that he knew you’d see it. 

He wasn’t taking any chances. He did everything he could to make sure that you were safe, that you’d sleep soundly, that he’d see you again. It was a bit of a walk back to where he’d left his car, at the venue, but it was worth it- he shrugged his jacket up around his neck against the cold and kept going, remembering how it’d felt to hold you. 

But, in all of his kindness, he had made one mistake. You didn’t get to say goodbye. 

You woke up in the hotel room the next morning, for a moment thinking that maybe you’d dreamed the whole thing. But then you realized you still had your shoes on, and you were laying on top of the sheets, why the hell would I do that, and you phone hadn’t been plugged in, and- 

And there was a phone number on the dresser. 

You weren’t really ‘dating’- you shouldn’t call it that. If you were going to call it that, then there would inevitably be a post on someone’s tumblr that you had a boyfriend, and who was he, where was he from, yada yada... that damn website already had half the internet convinced you were dating Padme, you didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire. 

So no, you weren’t dating. But you were texting every day. You learned so much about him, about how he was raised by his mom and worked at her friend Watto’s auto shop, about his step-brother and future step-sister-in-law, how his mom died when he was nineteen, about how he’d tried to move to California with his friend Obi-Wan a few years ago, but it fell through. In return, you told him about your life- living in the outskirts of San Francisco, being pushed into ballet lessons as a kid (as he said- ‘that’s why you look weightless on stage!’), being cut out from your family for quitting college to pursue music. 

You texted every day and every night, sent him videos from gigs, and he sent dumb little snapchats from underneath whatever car he was working on. You expected that to be it, probably for a long time- neither of you had the money nor the time to see each other more often. So you held onto the connection you had, the night you’d spent together. 

And you thought that’d be it. But- the universe has a funny way of surprising you. 

Your record label was based in LA, so you lived in Salta Ana, about thirty miles away, where the real estate was way cheaper. The band lived together, close as four friends could be, so they knew all about how you’d fallen for Anakin. Ahsoka would notice you glued to your phone, and ask snarkily “texting skyguy?” to which you always scolded her that his name was Skywalker. 

Living so close to LA made it easy to do gigs at any venue that would take you- bars, clubs, a particularly anarchist biker hall. A bar- such was the case for tonight. 

Like usual with a gig like this, Aayla had taken to instagram and called any fan in the area, so the bar was mostly filled with people who knew the music, but there were regulars, too. People who couldn’t be damned to listen to the lyrics, and just let the atmosphere move them. 

The setlist changed, when you were at a place like this. You didn’t necessarily rely on the hundred voice chorus that you loved so much, and so couldn’t include some of those songs. Your music strayed a little more to the rock end of the spectrum, when you played in places like this. With that high energy came faster music, more running around the stage, more movement, but you weren’t tired, when the set ended at 11:25. You were more energized than usual, in fact.

“Pads, I’ve never heard you solo like that!” You said, a bright smile on your face as you pushed out of the employee entrance of the bar. She gave you thanks, but not a moment later stopped dead, not saying a word, staring at you. You paused, looking at her, then Ahsoka and Aayla, who’d both stopped, too. 

“What?” Ahsoka and Aayla, though, were looking at something past you, which made you realize that Padme was, too. You turned, and leaning against the wall was- was Anakin. 

“Oh my god,” you said under your breath, dropping into a run toward him immediately. “Anakin!” He shoved himself off of the wall, letting you run into his arms, and just held you. You pulled away to look at him, amazed that after months, here he was, right in front of you, real. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, bewildered, surprised, ecstatic. 

“Visiting Obi-Wan,” he said, and he lifted his hand to your face, giving you a good look at that tattoo you hadn’t quite forgotten, dark lines reaching from his elbow to his palm. 

“And you,” he added. You couldn’t help it- you hadn’t seen him in so long, you couldn’t help the way you leaned into it when he pulled you into a kiss, and this time you weren’t exhausted, and you could let yourself feel it, you could pay attention to his chapped lips and the way he slid them over yours, still soft, even after waiting in the cold. You never wanted to leave this moment, like so many of the others that you spent with him, his hands on your face keeping away the January air. 

“Yeah, I’m heading home,” Ahsoka said, making you break the kiss. “Coming, or not?” You looked back at her with a bit of a glare, letting Anakin’s hands fall to your neck. 

“You guys go ahead,” you said, checking your jacket pocket for the essentials- wallet, phone, house keys. “I think I have a tradition to uphold.” 

The bar you’d played at tonight was a bit far away from the place you wanted to take Anakin, but you didn’t mind the walk, since it was with him. You’d been texting every day, and yet it felt different, there was so much more to talk about now. 

Apparently, Anakin hadn’t seen Obi-Wan since he’d left to move to LA, so it was a visit to an old friend as much as it was an excuse to see you again. 

“So you’re staying with him?” You asked, leading him by the arm down the street. 

“Yeah,” he said, hooking his elbow into yours, which let him keep his hands in his pockets. “He’s got an apartment in east LA, it’s got a nice couch.”

“East LA, not bad. What’s he do?” 

“He’s a talent manager, actually. Went to business school and everything.” Anakin paused, suppressing a chuckle. “He told me that he’d love to represent you, if you didn’t already have someone.” 

“Sadly, we do,” you said, playful, “but I’ll keep him in mind.” 

You’d pretend it was the winter chill that brought the flush to your cheeks- he’d told his friend about you. That had to mean you were important to him, right?

“Where are we heading, anyway?” He asked, and you, luckily, could channel your inner dramatic and turn toward the doorway you’d been heading toward all along. 

“Right here,” you said, and you took him inside. 

This was your recording studio- it was always open, so that any artist could stop in and get out whatever creativity they had. You showed your ID card to the lobby clerk, who approved it and called the elevator. Anakin followed your lead until the door closed, and just like you had on the night you met him, you pressed the button for the highest floor. 

“This is one of the buildings for our record company,” you said, the elevator so familiar. 

“Which would explain why he let you in,” Anakin said, a slight teasing tone to his voice. All you could do was chuckle, waiting for the elevator to reach the top floor.

From there, you lead him to a glass door, and swiped your ID card through a reader near its frame so you could step outside. 

“This is the rooftop set,” you said, gesturing to the wide space, “It’s where we film a lot of music videos.” This close to the door, it was hard to see over the side of the building, and so you took Anakin’s hand.

“The city lights keep us from stargazing,” you said with a smile, and brought him to the guardrail at the edge of the roof. “So I thought I’d show you the city’s version of the night sky.” Looking out across the city, there were a thousand orange sparkles, windows illuminated in buildings stretching as far as the eye could see. Criss-crossed between them were lines of red and white, LA traffic clogging the city streets even so late at night. 

No matter how many times you came up here, you’d never get tired of the view. Fifty-five stories up, there were other buildings that dwarfed this tower, but the west was free of them, so your view to the horizon was clear, even in the LA overcast. 

“Wow,” he said, looking out over it all beside you. “I’ve never- I don’t think I’ve ever been up this high.” You fixed him with a surprised expression, leaning your elbows down onto the banister. 

“No? Really?”

“I didn’t grow up in a city, like you,” he said, settling in beside you, his arm pressed to yours. You let your head rest onto his shoulder, remembering the night you met. 

“I’m glad you came out to LA,” you said, “though I’m hoping you’ll stay a while. I  want to go on an actual date with you.” You heard him exhale.

“You don’t call this a date?” he asked, and you lifted your head, looking at him, the lights of the city giving his face the slightest, golden glow. 

“Well, I mean-” If this was a date, then so had been the one after the show, back in October. Which meant this was your second date, and you’d technically been ‘dating’ this whole time, which kinda made him your- boyfriend? 

“Is it?” Anakin slipped his hand into yours, lacing your fingers together.

“This is better than any dinner and movie we could’ve gone to, I think.” He turned over your hand, tracing his first finger over the skyline tattoo that bisected your forearm. “Especially since it seems like this means a lot to you.” You couldn’t believe he’d noticed that tattoo- it meant he really was paying attention to you. 

“Yeah,” you said with a smile, lifting your arm up, his hand still held in yours, aligning the tattoo with the skyline you were looking at. “I got this done after we did our first video.” Silently, he examined the ink and compared it to the sky, seeing what you meant. 

“That’s really cool,” he said, bringing your hand back down, since his fingers were getting cold in the wind, and he had to assume yours were too. 

“How long are you going to be in town?” You asked, resting your temple down onto his shoulder again. 

“A week, or so. Watto says he needs me to work on a mustang that we’re getting- I think Cliegg told him to say that since he doesn’t want me in the city.” 

“Well, I don’t want to undermine your dad,” you said, “But I wouldn’t complain if you stayed here a lot longer than that.” You ran your thumb over the back of his hand. “It’s really nice to actually have you with me, and not over the phone.” Anakin turned to kiss the top of your head.

“Tell me about it. It’s worse for me, I promise- I listen to your music all the time, and it just makes me want to see you.” 

“Sometimes I forget that you were once just a fan,” you said with a laugh, “listening to our music.” 

“The luckiest one in the world,” Anakin added, and you almost wondered how you’d ever lived without him. 

You let a moment pass, in silence. 

“I’m twenty five,” you started, wondering if you had the courage to finish, “do you think I’m too young to be in love?” Anakin didn’t respond, at first. He turned to you, lifting his furthest hand to your face, making you look up at him. You could never get over those blue eyes- you’d forgotten how intense they were. 

“I guess it depends on the guy,” Anakin said, his teeth quickly catching his lower lip. “Do you think you are?” You reached up past his arm to his face, your first finger tracing his eyebrow before your palm came to rest on the ridge of his cheekbone.

“No,” you said, and you rushed forward to meet his lips. 

-🦌 Roe

[gildedmuse]

Anonymous asked:

do you like any of the one piece manga colorspreads? if yes, which ones?

(Apparently you cannot answer questions more than once which seems like a flaw. People can always change their mind.

Let's see, where did I leave off? Oh that's right. the Strawhats are a acid punk rock band now . So the obvious next step is...

Devil Fruit's Angels

That's right, in this universe the Strawhats aren't marauders of the sea. They're marauders of the open road.

Look at this badass biker gang. And I'm not abbreviating for motorcycles. Luffy heard there were such a thing as a biker gang and took it very literally. Best of all, he got eight people to go along with this.

Eventually, he accidentally tore the bottom wheel rim from his bike, the Going Merry, but then they met Franky and since he was unaware of Luffy's stupidity innocence at this time, he built him an actual damn motorcycle. Zoro painted the sidecar to look like a shark (okay technically Usopp did the painting and Zoro bitched about it but he loves it if anyone scratches that paint job they immediately find themselves with their blades in their face). He just lays there, sleeping, sometimes doing weights while letting Luffy drive a fucking motorcycle.

Love that Nami weighed up her choices and her and Robin decide to ride with Usopp. Let's face it, he is easily the most responsible rider. Well, that's why Nami choose him. Chopper has two designated seats: Usopp's basket and Zoro's lap. So of course Robin has to sit where she can see Chopper.

Also, LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE CHOPPER IS IN A BASKET.

Brook seems to be riding a penny farthing which is pretty amazing. He probably just had one in his garage from his youth. Sanji has wisely decided to ride backwards bitchseat so that smoke doesn't fly back in his own face. I am unable to see what Franky is driving. I assume his bottom half turns into a motorcycle. I mean why not?

The Strawhat Gang does pretty much the exact same shit they do as Pirates. I mean, Luffy even falls into water just as often. How? It's Luffy that's how.

Law's little group of anarchist ride around in a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. Fight me.

Winter Wonder Island

IS THAT PENGUIN WEARING ZORO'S HARAMAKI? HOW DID HE GET IT? DIES ZORO KNOW? DID HE GIVE OT TO HIM? DID ZORO THINK THE PENGUIN'S BELLY MIGHT BE COLD?

I love Nami and Chopper playing, though Chopper looks less pleased. Plus the polar bear and Luffy are just the same person/bear. And nothing can convince me Robin isn't currently getting a back massage by a walrus. That is how my bitch roles.

The Straw Helmets

And we're back to the AUs.

Total honesty time: I picked this less put of love (though I enjoy most the AU ones) and more to annoy a friend.. See, I know many a Norwegian. They are a super nice country, you guys.

Who get super pissed at popular depictions of Vikings. Which are wrong.

And yet this particular reimagining is so wrong it's like gone full circle. I mean it's still nowhere near accurate but damn is it awesome. Are they riding walruses? Oda knows the Vikings had horses, right? And reindeer?

And yet he's gone with the well known domestic walrus. Huh. It's a choice.

Honestly, Franky and Usopp's costumes look more gladiator than Viking (also, I know you are a pervert Franky, but you literally gonna die of hypothermia.) Chopper is apparently one of those famous Japaness Vikings based on his costume design while Luffy is wearing something I can 100% imagine Doflamingo owned at some point. And Zoro....

Well, there is a reason I have a tag called Zoro's sense of direction and/or fashion. Look at that thing. That is a mess. I love it.

Get Wet

Nami, babe, me, Brook, Sanji, and apparently Robin a appreciate how sexy you're being right now.

But all I see is Zoro's damn fine back with water forming little riblets around his muscles. Also, love the boy's smile as he watches Luffy. He totally knows what's about to go down and thinks it's fucking hilarious.

They Call It The Grand Line

Every member of the coward trio (plus guest member Brook) is freaking the fuck out and I love it. Chopper and Nami are cling to one another, Brook's soul has left his body, and I'm pretty certain Usopp has half climbed into the seat in front of him to grab Zoro. Which I cannot blame him for.

Meanwhile, Robin is watching this whole spectacle with mild amusement, Sanji is straight up grilling... While on the back of a rollar coaster, Franky is chowing down on some of that food and Zoro... Zoro is getting drunk. On a rollar coaster.

The only one who seems to be having any fun is Luffy, sitting, of course, on his special seat. Look at that kid, he's having a blast. Well now we know how all the other Strawhats ended up here.

A Game Of Chicken

There's a lot I could say about this picture, but all I'm going to say is this: Zoro is clearly riding a weird ass chocobo.

What else can beat that?

Pirate Olympics: Where Everyone Is Winner Wanted Man

Oh, look, it's another AU one!

Look, over all, everyone has a sport that is either well suited to them (except maybe Brook. I mean soccer? Really? Not, like short distance sprinting since he's the fastest strawhat or fencing? If it were winter he could participate in the skeleton - yohohoho!).

Let's just amire Zoro playing baseball THREE BAT STYLE. LIke a goddamn boss.

You Know What's Awesome? Drugs.

It doesn't even matter what's going on in this one, it's goddamn beautiful.

Just Another Sunny Day

[You know when I said I haven't read the manga yet? Well, also terrible with visual images - the world should be in words in my opinion. So this, it turns out, is not a colorspread but fanart by the very talented Frayten who I deeply apologize to for not crediting earlier. I'm keeping it though, because it's amazing art, it's been reblogged and at least now it's properly credit on the main post. Many thanks to @blueriza to for being a better fan than I am.]

I really enjoy this little switch up. I want to believe it isn't just Law fucking with them but they've all inhaled some kind of mind switching pollen of something. So one day Law just came out to find Robin making breakfast and heart eyes at all the men, Sanji eating nothing but meet and bouncing around like he was made of rubber, Franky trying to play the violin, Chopper taling wild stories about when he was captain, Usopp training for a couple hours before passing out, Brook worrying over everyone's health, Nami striking posed while talking about how SUPER it all is, and Luffy, for once in his life, perfectly calm as he sits there reading.

That would be hilarious but, yeah, obviously it was Law. Look at how Nami Zoro is threatening him. She know exactly who pulled this shit. And look at Law's smug little smirk.

Hey, you suppose Law flirted with Nami Zoro? I know it's Nami but she's still got Zoro's abs and ass. Just throwing that out there.

[obsidianfr3sk]

The puppet of the sad eyes

Hi! I haven’t posted a one short in a really long time, have I? Jaskdbsj well, um... I had promised this fic to my mom @healing-winston-pratt a while ago, and since yesterday everyone was talking about Winston, I said to myself “this is a good moment to post the fic, Obsi”. So... here I am:’) 

Gosh, I feel akward. I swear I am not like this xjhksfdhds (who am I kiding, I’m just as akward as I seem) (reference not intended) It’s just that... like, there are another characters in the Renegades trilogy that hit me too close home, but Winston just hits me in a place that no other character has done before, and I wanted to write a little bit about him. I mean... not gonna lie, it’s a sad fic. But it has a happy ending! Angst-Fluff as they say in my village (? 

Two quick notes: First, trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse. It’s nothing explicit, it’s just mentioned, but anyways, I want to warn that if anyone feels uncortable reading it, don’t worry, keep scrolling. Second, I tried to tag everyone who reblogged the post made by @chikuyi-hiro (fuck, I can’t tag them), the one where we all claimed to be part of the Winston Pratt defense squad (? I’m sorry if you didn’t want to be tagged sjkdfhskjddsj Also, um... tell me if you would like to be tagged in future works of mine. If everything works out, I will be posting two one-shorts this week (one halloween themed and the other will be my contribution to Osby October) so... if you want to see them or other fics like that, I can tag you:’) 

Well, Obsi, let them start reading, for fuck’s sake.

*le da el dibujito que hizo en el kinder* Hope you like it mom:’)

A03 link

Tag list: @nodrianbcyes @dawniebb  @alecjamesartino @everyone-has-a-nightmare @plain-jane-mclain @honey-harper-official @itsalittlebitchilly @novas-egg-beater @sanktaleksander and all the “Winston Pratt Defense Squad” (?

From the first day she appeared in his life, Winston realized that Nova gave him the creeps. He first thought it was because she was Ace Anarchy's niece, but no.

What gave him the creeps was that Nova didn’t sleep.

Leroy had told him not to comment on it. Winston didn't know if it was because he thought he was going to hurt the girl's feelings or if it was because he didn't want Ace to listen to him and take it as a personal insult. Winston didn't care either way, because it wasn't like he was going to shout it from the rooftops.

It was just an observation.

Nova gave him the creeps.

Maybe it was because sleeping was the best part of the day for him. He could disappear for a few hours into a deep, dark void. Get rid of any emotion he was feeling. No one was going to be able to hurt him, and if they did, he would never know.

Because when Winston slept, it was as if he didn't exist. It wasn’t like he could do it very often anyway.

Not only because now they had to live in a filthy, smelly tunnel. It was also because Winston hadn’t slept well for a long time.

He was lying on a piss-smelling mat Leroy had found in the trash. “If you don't want it, you're more than welcome to sleep on the floor,” he told him when Winston dared to mention that thing reeked.

Winston didn't want to sleep on the floor. If Honey could sleep on pissed mats, so could he.

His back itched.

The mat not only had piss on it, but apparently, it also had fleas. How nice.

He began to scratch his back, feeling like a freaking orangutan. Hettie looked at him critically, dozing from the little wooden bed he had so lovingly made for him.

“What are you looking at, bitch?” he asked.

Hettie crossed his arms and shook his head. In the cathedral, we wouldn’t be like this.

He kept scratching himself. “Sorry to call you bitch,” he mumbled. “You put me in a bad mood.”

I don't like you looking at me. I don't like you to analyze my every move. I don't like you watching me when I'm changing. I do not like you.

Then someone opened the door without knocking. Winston was about to shout “INGRID, GET OUT OF MY TENT” when he realized it was not Ingrid.

It was Nova.

Winston froze with his hand on his back. “Um... can I help you?”

It might be the first time he'd spoken to her directly, after that awkward moment during her second day at the cathedral, when Winston had tried to make conversation with her, and Ace had told him to stay away from Nova.

“I don't want you to do the same to her,” he had told him sternly.

Winston clenched his fists and clasped them against his chest.

It would never have occurred to him to use his powers on her.

But it seemed that Nova had taken to heart not speaking to Winston because indeed she did not speak to him the entire time they were in the cathedral. Before the Day of Triumph.

(What a stupid name for a day by the way.)

“Can I borrow a toy?” she asked in a small voice.

A toy. Nova wanted a toy.

“Ah. Yes, yes, yes…” Winston said, pulling the covers off (which also smelled like piss). “I… I have a lot of toys. Look.”

And he went to the second tent. Winston had to cower slightly to be able to move around there. Honey was always nagging him for his bad posture and he always told her it was the tent’s fault.

The last time that had happened, they were eating frozen pizza in a corner they had assigned for those kinds of times when they sat down together to gobble up leftovers.

“You can't blame inanimate objects for the rest of your life,” Honey exclaimed, losing her temper (for the eighth time that day).

At that moment, Winston felt his blood run cold. For the first time in his entire stay with the Anarchists, he wondered if they knew.

Do you see the marks of his hands on my body? Do you see me tremble at the slightest touch?

Do you see me behind the makeup?

The fear left as fast as it came. Ingrid threw a napkin at him and asked him (very unkindly) to pass her another slice, and Leroy pointed out to Honey that all objects were inanimate.

No one had noticed.

What a relief.

Watch me try it, Honey. Watch me try.

In that other tent, Winston had a pink toy kitchen. He had found it a couple of weeks ago in a garbage dump, and he had brought it to the tunnels by himself, despite complaints from his fellow anarchists. He was left speechless when he realized it was full of toy food and even a couple of blue plates and blue teacups. He spent the entire afternoon organizing his new kitchen, and he was not put off by Ingrid's constant teasing.

He had loved it. And he was sure Nova was going to love it too.

“Look,” he said, “I have everything here—” he lifted a light orange basket “—This is the little basket where I put the fruits, and this—” he pointed to a green basket “—it is the one with the vegetables. I even have a mini pumpkin, it's very cute.” He opened a compartment below the sink. “Here are the non-perishable items. Do you know what non-perishable means? It's... Look, I have a can of sardines. It's fake, of course. Do not try to open it, it’d break. Oh, also in the oven—” he opened the oven door “—I have some cookies, an apple pie, some croissants… it’s that how is pronounced?  Croissants . I don’t know, do you know? Is Artino a French or Italian surname?” Nova didn't reply. Had he offended her?  Shit . “Nova?”

He turned and realized that Nova hadn't followed him. He hurried back to the first tent and found Nova very comfortable sitting on the floor, playing with Hettie.

The puppet looked at her with demonic eyes.

No. Not her.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Winston yelled. “He's mine!” With one hand he snatched Hettie from her and with the other he squeezed the toy croissant. Nova was startled. “Don't touch him again! DO NOT PUT YOUR LITTLE HANDS ON HIM AGAIN, NOVA, OR I DO NOT RESPOND! DID YOU HEAR ME?!”

Nova started pouting, and with that, Winston snapped back to reality.

He looked at Hettie, lazily dangling in his right hand, looking up at him with a smile. His little eyes weren't demonic.

They were sad. Like Nova’s were at that moment.

He was saying , “Why don't you let me play with other kids, Winston? You never play with me anymore.”

I never played with you. Not since he did.

“Sorry...” he mumbled to Nova while putting the croissant in his pocket. “Damn, I'm sorry. Don't tell your uncle I yelled at you, please.”

Nova frowned a little. She looked more embarrassed than upset. “I just wanted to see it. He’s nice.”

Do you think so?

“Yes, but ... he was asleep,” he excused himself, putting Hettie back on his bed. “He doesn't like it when people wake him up. But I see that for you that is not a problem, huh?”

Nova lowered her head. “Sorry…”

“Nah. Do not worry. We are fine. Are we fine?”

Nova nodded quickly. The good thing was she wasn't going to tell her uncle. Ace would kill him if he found out.

It wasn't like Winston cared much if he died or not though. It was just that he didn't want Ace to kill him. It would be a bit embarrassing considering his current condition.

“Would you like to see a puppet show?” Winston asked her.

“Puppets?” She turned to see the wooden bed. “Puppets like him?”

“His name is Hettie.”

“Hettie,” Nova repeated.

Winston found it adorable.

“No, other types of puppets,” he replied. “Puppets I make with this—” he waved his hands in front of her face “—with my little hands.”

Nova wrinkled her nose and gently pushed his hands away, letting out a loud, joyous laugh.

It was the first time she seemed happy since the first day he saw her. How nice it was to hear a child laugh.

Children generally yelled when they were near him.

“I do,” Nova replied enthusiastically. “How will you do it?”

Winston settled down beside her. “Okay, we'll need a flashlight first… do you have a flashlight?”

Nova thought for a few moments. “Yes!”

"Well, go for it!" he exclaimed pointing into the distance as if he were a pirate. "Run, Novie, run!"

And Nova laughed again.

Her laughter echoed through the tunnels and in Winston's head.

He stared at Hettie, listening to Nova's feet pacing through the tunnel in search of the flashlight she mentioned. At one point, Leroy's voice interrupted the sound of her footsteps and asked her what she was doing (in a slightly gentler tone than he used to address the rest of the world) ( very  slightly gentler tone). Nova replied that Winston was going to do a puppet show for her.

“How?” Leroy asked.

Winston rolled his eyes.  How else, Leroy?

“With my little hands,” Winston whispered to himself.

And Nova responded as if she had heard him.

“With his little hands!”

It was such a large flashlight that Nova had to carry it with both hands. Winston moved quickly to take it, but she drew back as if assuring him that she could carry it by herself.

These modern women.

Nova pressed the power button. It did not turn on. She hit the lantern a few times until finally, a yellowish light illuminated the tent like a torch. Winston blinked many times to get used to the sudden change of light.

“You’d be a great engineer,” he stammered. Nova looked at him as if she didn't understand. “Forget it. Aim it over… there,” and pointed to the area of the tent that had a wall behind it.

She obeyed. Winston crawled closer to the stage and wiped the sweat and dirt from his hands on the patched pants he wore.

That sounded so stupid. Stage. It wasn’t like he was going to act or something.

He shot Nova a look. She was expectant.

And smiling. Truly smiling.

That made Winston smile too.

He made the first shadow. “What animal is this?” he asked.

“A moose!”

Another giggle.

Another shadow. “And this one?”

“An elephant!”

“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen! And that was a difficult one!”

More giggles. More shadows. “For two hundred dollars more, Novie Artino, what is this animal?”

“It is easy!” she assured. “A goat!”

“Geez! You’re wrong!” Winston exclaimed. “It is not a goat! It's... Cyanide! Because he’s old and stubborn!”

He thought Nova wouldn't laugh. Cyanide was her favorite anarchist, and he knew it. However, that was the shadow that made her laugh the most. And the truth was Winston laughed even more.

“And wait, there’s more!” Winston went on. “Guess this one!”

Nova had a hand on her chin. “It's... it's a spider!”

“No! It's Phobia!”

“Because he’s ugly!” Nova laughed.

“He’s ugly indeed!”  What other shadow? What other shadow?  “And what about this one?”

“A duck!”

“What duck!” Winston laughed. “It's a swan!”

“It's Honey!” she screeched, pointing at the shadow with her finger.

“The one and only, Novie, the one and only!”

One more. A dog.

Nova immediately knew the answer. “Ingrid!”

“YES! BECAUSE SHE’S A TOTAL BITCH!”

At this point, both were laughing so hard they were almost out of breath.

If Leroy or any of the others had listened (which they surely had), Winston wouldn't mind at all if they got mad at him and ignored him for the rest of the week. They could pretend he didn't exist for the rest of his life and he wouldn't care. Seeing Nova happy made it all worth it.

Winston was happy too.

Nova wiped a small tear from her eye and looked at Hettie fondly. “Do you know what my mom did when I went to sleep?” she asked.

“What did she do?”

“She read me stories,” Nova replied. “She said that pretty stories would scare the nightmares away.”

Winston nodded. Probably someone had read stories to him when he was little, he just didn’t remember.

“Could you tell Hettie a story?” Nova begged. “Shadow puppets and everything. That way, he would have pretty dreams.”

Hettie? Dreams? Hettie couldn’t dream. And neither did Winston.

But he didn't want to ruin the mood.

“Of course.” He wiped the sweat on his pants. Again. “Let's see… Pay attention, Hettie. Your prettiest dream is about to start.”

He cleared his throat.

Pay attention, Hettie. Your worst nightmare is about to start.

“Once upon a time there was a rabbit,” Winston said, “that lived in the Land of Rabbits.” A rabbit shadow emerged from the corner of the stage. “The Land of Rabbits was… not a good place to live. There were eagles in the sky—” the eagle replaced the rabbit for a second “—that watched the rabbits, waiting for the first chance they got to eat them. So the rabbits had to hide in their tunnels.”

Nova stifled a comical gasp of astonishment.

“But there was this rabbit—”

“What was the rabbit’s name?”

Winston couldn't come up with a better name. “Hettie.”

Nova nodded in approval. “Did you hear, Hettie?” she asked the puppet. “You and the rabbit have the same name.”

You. You. It’s always you.

Everything always ends up being about you.

Fucking Hettie.

“Yeah, so Hettie was there. Being a rabbit.” Hettie Rabbit jumped happily throughout the light.

“He lived with Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit. They were the Rabbit family.”

“You say ‘rabbit’ a lot.”

Winston laughed, a little more tense than before.

Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit. Rabbit.

Hettie.

Fucking Hettie.

“But one day, Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit had to leave Hettie alone,” Winston continued. “And they left him with their friend…”

Hettie Rabbit became a hungry, violent, and heavy-breathing creature.

It became him .

“Their friend the wolf.”

Him. The wolf. The wolf. Him.

Hettie.

Winston sighed.  Fucking Hettie.

“So… so…”

So. So. So. So what happened?

Nova turned her head slightly. She had the same question.

Winston knew the Rabbit was a fucking idiot. What else happened to rabbits that entered the wolf's mouth? No one told that rabbit to go in there. But that rabbit had no other choice. He had nowhere else to go.

Or maybe he did have another place to go. If only he had been smarter…

“Um… Hey…”

If Hettie had been smarter, he would have warned Winston that when the wolves got too close, nothing good was going to happen to the rabbits.

But Hettie was a jerk.

Hettie. Hettie. Fucking Hettie.

“Winston!”

Her voice was like a needle that broke the bubble that enveloped him for a second.

“Novie?”

“What happened to Hettie?” she asked.

The mere question made his blood boil.

More shadows. The wolf, hungry and dangerous, on top of the rabbit, terrified and defenseless.

Nova was no longer smiling.

“Well, what happens to all rabbits,” he replied. “The wolf ate him. The end.”

The flashlight gave up and went off again.

Finally.

Winston turned to Nova. He didn't expect her to be happy. Winston certainly wasn't.

But he didn't expect to see her furious either.

“What a shitty story,” she spat.

“Excuse you?”

Nova stood up abruptly. Her turquoise pants were as dirty as his. “I said it was a shitty story. It isn’t like my mom’s stories.” She crossed her arms. “Do it again.”

“I won’t. I'm not going to tell another story,” Winston replied, standing up as well. “This is how it ends.” He walked over to her and put his finger on her chest. “El fin. The end. The end of all endings.”

“No!” Nova yelled as she clenched her fists and slammed her foot against the ground. “That is not the end!”

“I don’t care! It's my end!” Winston exclaimed imitating her. “Just like Hettie is my puppet! And I won't let you play with him!”

Nova's cheeks puffed out like a balloon. “Well, I'll play with him anyway!” she yelled, yanking Hettie off his bed. “You don't play with him! He feels alone! He told me!”

Winston tried to grab Hettie, but Nova pushed him away just in time.

It was a six-year-old girl versus a nineteen-year-old teenager. He could just kick her in the face and run.

But for some reason, he didn't do that. “Idiot!” he said taking Hettie’s arm. “Puppets don't talk!”

He tried to snatch it from her a second time. Nova grabbed his leg. “They talk to me!”

“It’s not true!” Winston insisted. “Liar! Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

Nova struggled too. “Your pants are on fire! You’re the liar!”

Hettie sided with Nova. You know that this is a very serious accusation, right? Why are you making up that kind of thing? Why are you lying to us, Winston?

Winston Pratt was many things. But he was not a liar.

He would never lie about that.

Why don’t you believe me? Why do you think I’m lying? I don’t want to make you suffer. Why would I want that? Only villains want to make people suffer.

Why would I be a villain?

Why would I be a liar?

He pulled Hettie toward him so hard, he ended up bringing Nova with him. She slammed into his chest and gave a slight groan.

Winston, not quite sure what he was doing, hugged her. He hugged her as he would have liked to be hugged.

When he told his parents the truth of his nightmares, his sleepless nights, and his constant fear, instead of covering him with kisses, hugs, and words of affection, they had called him a liar. Just like he had just called Nova.

He would never lie to them. Not about that.

Winston thought she would run away. He thought that she would also be terrified of any display of physical contact.

But Nova didn't. Nova hugged him too.

And Winston… Winston burst into tears.

Hysterically.

“Why are you crying?” Nova asked, worried.

“No, it's just... it's just...” he said between sobs. “It's just that I'm so sorry I made you angry.”

“I was not angry,” Nova corrected slightly defensively. “I panicked.”

That made him let out another sob. “Did I scared you?”

Nova clung to him tighter. “Yes. Your eyes changed.”

Winston sniffed with her purple jacket. “How?”

“They were... angry,” Nova explained. “Not sad. They didn't look like Hettie's.”

Winston separated from Nova. Hettie was crushed between the two of them. Despite the fight, he had remained intact.

Seeing him was like looking in a mirror.

Winston was not the puppeteer. He was a puppet.

It was Hettie’s fault. Winston’s fault.

Nova was looking at Hettie as well. She took him in her hands and caressed the buttons of the little suit with affection. Winston put his arm around Nova and gently shook her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry,” Nova replied. “I won’t tell my uncle.”

Winston tried to laugh, but all that came out of his mouth was another sob. “Thank you for your kindness.”

Nova turned to see him. “Don’t cry. Stop it,” she ordered sternly.

He stopped crying. It was like… magic. 

You have balls, Novie. You have balls.

Her expression changed from annoyed to astonished. “Your makeup isn’t ruined.”

Winston stroked his cheek thoughtfully. “It’s… it’s not makeup.”

Nova reached out her hand and caressed it as well. “It's your face,” she whispered.

“It's my face,” he repeated.

She sat on his outstretched leg, looked away from him, and didn't let go of Hettie.

“Did the wolf really eat the rabbit?” she asked.

You and your damn rabbit.

“Really, really,” he replied.

Nova frowned sadly. “Poor little thing…”

“Poor little thing?” Winston snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Why?” Nova asked, very confused.

Why not? Why wouldn't he deserve it?

“Because… he shouldn’t be hanging out with wolves.”

And Nova turned to see him as if he had said the greatest nonsense in the world. She crossed her arms again, and very confident of herself, she said, “But the wolf shouldn’t be eating rabbits in the first place.”

Winston raised his eyebrows.

She was not an idiot.

But that was not how the world worked.

Nova returned her attention to Hettie.

Seeing her there, sitting on top of him, so helpless and confident, made him realize that he couldn't let something bad happen to her.

Not like others had let it happen to him.

“Nova,” he called her. Nova raised her gaze from the puppet. “If you ... if you ever meet a wolf, you have to tell me.”

“There are no wolves in the city,” she chuckled. “But if I do, I'll tell you.”

Winston chuckled too. “No, I mean... a wolf is not just an animal,” he explained. He scratched his back. He fucking hated bugs, really. “A wolf can be anyone who makes you feel bad. Has someone ever made you feel bad?”

Nova had to stop to think about it. Winston felt his heart beat faster.

Finally, she replied, “Honey once told me that I had a terrible accent and she couldn’t understand a word I was saying.”

He sighed in relief. Winston didn't know how he would have reacted if Nova...

If the same had happened to Nova.

“Okay, that's Honey being Honey,” he assured. “I mean... if someone... you know.”

Nova wrinkled her nose. Of course, she didn't know.

It was good that she didn't know, right? Or was it bad?

“Look, for example... We hugged a while ago, right?”

“Yes.”

“And I have my arm on your shoulder—” he raised his arm slightly. “—And you touched my cheek—” he held her fingers “—and right now you're sitting on my leg.”

He moved his leg in such a way that it made Nova jump slightly. “Yes,” she replied with a laugh.

“And is that okay with you?”

Nova nodded.

“I am glad. But if someone ever touches you or puts you in a situation where you are afraid, feel bad, or do not understand... run away. And you tell me, or your uncle, or Leroy, Honey… heck, even tell Phobia or Ingrid. But tell someone.” He put his hands on her shoulders, hoping the despair didn't show in his high-pitched voice. “Don't be like the rabbit.”

Don't be like me.

“But the rabbit didn't know about the wolf.” She stroked Hettie's cheek the way she stroked Winston's a couple of minutes ago. “It wasn't Hettie's fault.”

It was useless. It didn't matter how many times Nova repeated it to him.

Winston knew it was his fault.

But he also didn't want to argue about it anymore. Now he didn't matter. Nova was the only thing that mattered.

Nova was everything.

“Nova. Please, Nova, do you swear you will tell someone if you find a wolf?”

Do you swear you will never be like me?

“My Uncle Ace says swearing is terribly wicked.”

He squeezed her shoulders lightly.

Ace could go fuck himself.

Winston wanted to be certain that she was going to be safe, that she knew what she had to know.

Nova had to know if something bad happened to her...

Winston couldn't speak for the other anarchists. He wanted to believe they would do the right thing, but people kept surprising him in the worst ways. But Winston needed Nova to confirm that she knew that if something bad happened to her, he was going to believe her with the same intensity that others had not believed him.

One thing they had in common was that neither of them was a liar.

“If you swear it to me, I'll let you play with Hettie.”

Her face lit up. “Seriously?”

“Seriously, seriously.”

Nova giggled. “I swear.”

Winston offered his fist and Nova bumped into it.

He was silent, but his mind was racing.

It didn't matter what happened in the future. Winston was going to believe Nova. Forever. Because Nova wasn't going to be like him. And he wasn't going to be like the people who hurt him, either.

“Do you want to play with Hettie?” he whispered to her.

Nova stared at Hettie for a few more seconds. She smiled at him and returned him to his bed with the delicacy that only a girl her age could have. “No. He is already asleep. Tomorrow will be another day.”

And before Winston could respond, Nova squeezed his hand in such a way that she inadvertently pushed him into the void.

Winston fell asleep.

He slept better than he had in a long time.