#// LOL. it was in fact awk and awful

[ofdrivensnow]

[zip] - Sender helps receiver unzip their dress. From Livia @snowalwayslandsontop (because you know this would be awful and awkward. 😄)

meme tag. || always accepting. || @snowalwayslandsontop

This made him feel suffocated, hands dropping from what he was doing and turning to look at Livia asking help with her dress. Annoyance etching across his features and then with a disgruntled sigh, he steps forward and awkwardly shoves her hair away without wanting to. Index finger and thumb find the zipper then he pauses, wondering- overthinking it if he was supposed to unzip it fast or slow. Eventually he decides on fast, quickly tugging it down before stepping to the side to sit in a nearby desk chair to hide the awkwardness his being was taken over with. The discomfort and oddness he felt. "Anymore requests? Or are you done interrupting me."

[star-sim]

hopeless ☆ heeseung lee

☆ horrendously down bad! heeseung x fem! reader ☆ summary: absolutely no one would have expected the dark, brooding, and rough heeseung lee to be hopelessly head over heels in love with the sweet, oblivious you. especially you. even with the help of practically the entire year, it's almost pathetic the way heeseung struggles to utter three, simple words to you, let alone look you in the eye. ☆ genre: fluff!!! pining, SUPER WHIPPED HEESEUNG, high school! au, non-idol! au, a lot of 01 liner idols + the rest of enha make appearances, btw this follows the asian school system, SO MUCH FLIRTING OMG, heeseung is kinda pathetic and awk ☆ warning(s)? swearing and dumb characters lol, there is one SA scene, but it is not graphic + very minor violence ☆ word count: 10.8k ☆ this is extremely based off of "danger" by bts, especially the lyric "you're cute, and i'm pathetic" lol enjoy!

Heeseung Lee was stressed. 

No. He was distraught. 

Distraught about how fucking cute you looked today.

Ever since he was a kid, Heeseung loved Halloween, because he loved Trick-or-Treating with his older brother and cousins. However now, at the age of seventeen, he found himself resenting it. Not because there was any issue with the holiday, but because today was Halloween. 

From across the classroom, Heeseung found himself staring, all dazed and empty-headed, at you, who was clad in your cute bunny costume. The way the fluffy, white ears stuck out from the top of your head, as well as the fluffy white coat draped around your shoulders, made you look so soft and cozy and adorable. The way your nose crinkled as you laughed with your friends, sweet sounds coming from your lips as you threw your head back. 

Were you real? How could anyone be so goddamn beautiful and not be an actual angel sent from above? What country did Heeseung save in his past life in order to get to be in your presence in this life?

"Dude, you're staring," a new voice interjected.

"What?" Heeseung tore his eyes away from you. "I wasn't."

Beomgyu Choi was one of Heeseung's classmates. And, like everyone else in their year, Beomgyu knew how enamored Heeseung was with you. Other than yourself, of course.

"I'm tellin' you," Beomgyu plopped down onto his seat, which was beside Heeseung's. He slid his chair so that he would be closer to his classmate, before throwing an arm around Heeseung. "You need to make a move. Like, now."

Heeseung glanced over at his classmate. If he ignored the fake blood on Beomgyu's chin, as well as the fake, plastic vampire teeth and the god-awful Spirit Halloween Dracula cape, he'd know that Beomgyu was 100% correct. 

Everyone (and seriously, everyone) knew that Heeseung Lee had the biggest, juiciest, most obnoxious crush on you. In fact, your own friends had even tasked themselves with the job of putting in a good word for Heeseung, saying things like "Isn't he so cool?" into your ear to hopefully guide you straight into his arms. It's such a well-known fact that some of your teachers have purposefully placed you and Heeseung next to or near each other in order to help him with his more-than-obvious crush. 

With such a big, school-wide effort, it should be expected that at least some progress was made.

Wrong!

Not even a single stroke of progress has been made.

Probably because there was one teensy, weensy, eensy, problem: Heeseung was an absolute mess around you. Heeseung was known as this tall, blunt, and rough guy at school. When he wasn't silently judging everyone, he hung out with his group of friends, who had a reputation for being delinquents. Heeseung Lee, clad in his iconic black leather jacket, was intimidating, and usually had no problem speaking up for himself. But around you? Absolutely not.

If anyone thought that Heeseung Lee could easily speak to you, they were out of their goddamn mind. There were too many instances where your classmates would push Heeseung and you together, only for him to blow it because he was completely incapable of looking you in the eye without turning red. 

In Heeseung's defense, you were the most beautiful person in the world— How is he not supposed to get nervous?

"You know I can't," Heeseung murmured, clenching his fists.

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Hee. What happened to banger Heeseung Lee? Heeseung Lee that beats up kids? I didn't think you'd be scared of talking to girls."

"First of all," Heeseung frowned, "I'm not a banger and I don't beat up kids. And also, I'm not scared of talking to girls."

His classmate quirked a brow. "Really?" Heeseung nodded. "Because the last time I remember, you could barely get a word out in front of [Name]."

At the sound of your name, Heeseung jerked in his seat, reaching out to grasp Beomgyu's arm. "Shhhh, don't say her name so loud!" he hissed, eyes quivering over to where you were with your friends.

"What?" Beomgyu looked around indiscreetly. "It's not a secret to anyone how you feel about [Name]."

"Shhhh! Shut up!"

When the bell rang, everyone scurried to their seat, and class began. As Beomgyu tuned out the sound of the teacher's voice, he couldn't help but notice the way Heeseung's eyes were completely glued to you. It was almost laughable, the way the boy's eyes were wide, staring at you like you were some god.

Oh god, Heeseung Lee was hopeless.

"Heeseung-hyung, are you free tomorrow?"

It was lunch time. Heeseung and his friends liked to hang around the rooftop of the school, because it was always empty. And plus, no one wanted to be where Heeseung and his friends were— they were too scary!

Heeseung looked at his younger Australian friend, Jake Sim (or Jaeyun Sim, as his official documents stated), who had just asked that question. Heeseung took a bite of the instant ramen that they bought from the vending machine.

"Yeah, why?"

"Good. Because you have a date with [Name] tomorrow."

Heeseung choked. As he coughed, his other younger friend, Sunoo Kim, let out a whine.

"Hyuuunggg!" Sunoo pouted. "Why'd you tell him?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise!" Riki Nishimura, the group's Japanese foreign exchange student friend, added, elbowing Jake in the ribs.

"Whatever," Jake crossed his arms. When Riki nudged him again, Jake opened his mouth to holler, "Jay, back me up!"

Jongseong "Jay" Park was another one of Heeseung's friends, probably the closest person to him. 

"You guys know Heeseung-hyung is going to fuck it up either way, right?" Jay said. "Remember last time?"

"Yeah," Sunghoon Park joined in. "No matter how much we prepared him, Heeseung-hyung still acted like a fucking idiot."

"I'm right here!" Heeseung shouted, still hitting his chest to dislodge the ramen that he choked on. 

Jungwon Yang, the seventh person in their friend group, put a hand on the older boy's shoulder, his lips lifting up into a half-teasing grin, revealing sharp canine teeth, "Hyung, don't listen to them. I think you'll really impress [Name] tomorrow."

It was Heeseung's turn to elbow Jungwon in the ribs.

When Heeseung finally finished coughing up a storm, his friends were already onto another topic, making plans for the next weekend.

"Hey, hey!" Heeseung grumbled. "Aren't you guys going to explain this so-called 'date with [Name]'?"

"What's there to explain?" Riki said. "You're going on a date with [Name]. End of story."

The eldest of the group's face contorted. "What are you guys even saying—"

"Well, it's not technically a date," Sunghoon said, taking a sip of his juice box. "You're, like, hanging out with [Name] though."

That still didn't answer Heeseung's question. 

"When? Where? What time?" he spluttered, eager for answers.

Jake huffed exasperatedly. "Do we have to explain to you everything? It's not that deep, man."

Jungwon rolled his eyes. "Hyung, [Name]'s friends are the presidents of the Environment and Ecology Club, and there's a social tomorrow. It's like birdhouse painting, or something. [Name] is attending to support her friend, so we signed you up, too."

"Birdhouse painting?!" Sunoo's features morphed into confusion. "I thought they were making bracelets?"

"No, I thought there were weaving baskets?" Riki frowned.

"Whatever it is, it sounds lame as hell," Jay remarked.

Jungwon rolled his eyes again, earning a punch on his arm. "Whatever it is, it'll be a great opportunity for you to talk to [Name]." 

The younger boy offered Heeseung a reassuring smile, only to receive a pensive one in return.

When classes resumed, Heeseung felt light-headed and distracted the entire time as he processed the fact that he was going to be around you tomorrow.

Oh god, he sounded like a total loser. Did the mere thought of being in your presence make him nervous? Yes, yes it did. You were just so pretty and sweet, he had no idea what to do. Poor boy, his teeth dug into his bottom lip, clammy palms pressing into the underside of his desk. His knee bounced, and there was absolutely no way that he could even make out a single word the teacher was saying.

Heeseung was going to pass out. 

"Hey, Heeseung?"

That's your voice. It was so pretty and nice on his ears. Was he in heaven? He wouldn't be surprised if your voice was the voice of an angel.

"Heeseung?"

Heeseung was convinced that he was in heaven now. What he wouldn't do to hear your voice every second of his life.

"Heeseung!" another voice interjected. That's what snapped Heeseung out of his daze. Too deep in his head, Heeseung hadn't noticed that the class period ended, and the short passing period had already begun.

At his desk stood Yunjin Huh, Minjeong "Winter" Kim, and... oh my god... you. The three of you had somewhat matching Halloween costumes: Yunjin was a gray mouse, Winter was a cat, and you were a bunny. And now that he looked at it, you all were holding a bag of candy.

While your two friends were giving him the"Are you serious?" looks, you looked at him with wide, kind eyes.

"Heeseung?" your beautiful voice said, fingers reaching into the candy bag that you were holding. "Would you like candy?"

He stared at you. You were giving out candy to everyone in class because it was Halloween... You're such an angel... What did the world do to deserve you...

Winter stepped on Heeseung's foot, snapping him out of his daze once again. The boy let out a small yelp in pain, and as the embarrassment settled in, he heard you let out a small giggle, lips raising up to show off your teeth.

Oh my god, he was going to die.

"Y-Yeah," he stammered out, cursing himself internally. Heeseung couldn't help but feel everyone in class's gaze glued to him. When you handed him a piece of candy, your hand brushed up against his. Heeseung could feel his ears becoming hot, the warmth rising to his neck.

You smiled at him, before saying in a sing-songy voice, "Happy Halloween!"

Heeseung had to force himself not to stare like an absolute fool.

He was really hopeless.

hee: jay i don't think i can do it tomorrow

It was 2AM when Heeseung texted Jay. He spent the entire night thinking about the "date" (probably the least necessary word at the moment), and he simply couldn't sleep.

Heeseung had embarrassed himself too many times in front of you. Like that one time you and him were on cleaning duty together, and he was so distracted by you that he tripped over a bucket of water. Or that one time he sat next to you for a few weeks and his shoes kept squeaking against the floor, making it look like he was farting. Or when he tried to look cool and suave in front of you at some social your friends invited him to only to rip a hole in his pants. And then what happened today... He could not embarrass himself again.

hee: like i think i'm going to die if she sits next to me tomorrow

It was only a matter of seconds when his friend texted back.

jay: you'll be fine trust

Heeseung frowned.

hee: stop lying to me

hee: you know how i am around her

jay: i believe in you

jay: like srsly

hee: that's blind faith

Jay typed for a little bit, before stopping altogether. Heeseung huffed. Did his friend just leave him on read? A few minutes later Jay sent a Wikihow article.

'How to talk to your crush,' it was aptly named. Heeseung deadpanned.

hee: are you being fr right now

jay: give [name] your sexy heeseung charm and you'll be walking off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her in no time

jay: read the article btw

How was this guy an actual person?

hee: kill yourself

jay: give her that passionate, sexy, boiling hot, hotter-than-the-sun, steaming hot heeseung that makes her just want to come up to you and give you the fattest, juiciest kiss on the mouth, i know you can do it soldier

hee: DIE

Heeseung couldn't sleep all night.

At school, the entire day was just plagued with anxiety for what was to come. It didn't help that your friends kept turning around and giving him knowing looks throughout the day. When school finally let out, Heeseung went to the classroom where the birdhouse-painting-bracelet-making-basket-weaving social would be held. His friends told him to go there the moment that school ended, but when he came, there was literally no one there.

Until someone yanked him into the classroom.

"Hey!-" he yelped, before the door slammed. In front of him stood two people that he recognized: Sumin Bae and Sieun Park, two of your friends who also coincidentally were the co-presidents of the Environment and Ecology club.

Sumin cocked a brow at him, crossing her arms. "I hope you're not as hopeless as everyone says you are."

Heeseung opened his mouth to respond, but Sieun cut him off.

"Ugh, that doesn't matter," she pinched her nose-bridge. "We told [Name] to sit near the front, so you better sit there, too."

"Right-" 

Sumin cut him off, too.

"[Name]'s favorite color is pink, and her favorite Sanrio character is Keroppi," Sumin asserted. "And she really likes things that are cute, so like fruit patterns, hearts, stars, yada yada."

Heeseung blinked at them. "And this is relevant how...?"

Sumin and Sieun shared a look.

"You are completely hopeless."

As it turned out, they were giving him details about design-elements that you liked, so that Heeseung could somehow impress you with his birdhouse painting abilities (Jungwon was right, it was birdhouse painting). After info-dumping on him, they kicked him out of the classroom to actually prepare for the social.

As Heeseung was pushed out of the classroom, he bumped into someone. Just as he was about to say, "Watch where you're going," he realized that it was you. 

"Oh, hi, Heeseung!" you greet him cheerfully, your eyes pressing into thin slits as you smile. 

Quick! What does he do? "Hi... [Name]."

"Are you here for the social, too?" The way your eyes gazed at him made him feel shy already.

"Y-Yeah...."

"I didn't know you were interested in the Environment and Ecology club..." You remarked, and Heeseung panicked— Was it obvious that he was here exclusively for you?— but what you said next made him sigh in relief. "That's great! I'm so happy that I finally have someone familiar with me here!"

He's going to faint.

When the social began, you invited him to sit next to you. Heeseung felt stiff as he sat beside you, watching the way that you happily painted your small, wooden birdhouse. Heeseung wanted to start a conversation with you, but each time he thought of something to say, his voice caught in his throat. Sumin and Sieun had given him two dirty looks already, so he needed to make a move now or their efforts would be in vain.

"W-What's that?" he finally stuttered out, pointing to the glob of green on your birdhouse. 

You laugh airily, leaning closer to him so that he can see it better. "Can you guess?"

Heeseung tries to concentrate on guessing, but it's hard when you're close to him. Quick! What's green and something that you like?

"Is that... K-Keroppi?"

"Yeah!" Your face lit up, flashing him a cheeky grin. You nudged him with your elbow, raising your brows at him playfully. "Awww, Hee, you smarty pants! How'd you know?"

Hee?

OhmygodohmygodohmygodyoucalledhimHee.

You stopped laughing, pulling away from him. "Sorry, do you not like being called Hee? Beomgyu sometimes calls you that, so I thought-"

"No, I like it!" Heeseung blurted, a little louder than he wanted to, earning a few questioning looks from people around him. The boy felt abnormally warm, embarrassed at his outburst. "I-I'm okay with you calling me that..."

"Noted!" you said, before your lips curled upward. "Now... are you going to tell me how you could tell that this green blob was Keroppi?"

"Oh uhm..." Heeseung's lips were moving faster than his head, "Y-You dressed up as Keroppi last year for Halloween with Yunjin."

Almost like you were a cartoon character, you perked up at his statement. "You remember?"

Of course he did. How could he forget? You wore a cartoonishly-big red bow around your neck like Keroppi, and had a green Keroppi-style headband. You looked adorable, especially when you went around showing off a Keroppi keychain that you got at the Cinnamoroll Cafe in Hongdae to anyone that was willing to listen.

Heeseung found himself chuckling. "Of course I'd remember your massive red bow."

You stared at him for a few moments, before a bashful grin broke out on your face. You then buried your face in your hands, letting out a groan. "Ughhhh, that's so embarrassing!"

"How?"

It's going good so far, Heeseung thought. Just don't mess it up!

You pouted cutely, your bottom lip jutting out. In the light, he could see the gloss shining off of it so prettily. "My makeup was so fucked up last year, ughhh, it looked so bad."

You? Look bad? Impossible.

"What are you talking about?" Heeseung asked, his doe-like eyes scanning your embarrassed face. "I thought you looked cute."

You stared at him. It took a few pulses for Heeseung to realize what he just said. His face instantly turned three shades warmer and panic was evident in his expression.

"I-I mean— You jus—You were really—"

He shut his mouth when you began laughing. Laughing so hard that you clutched onto his knee, keeling over yourself. His cheeks burned.

You're laughing at him, aren't you? Did he fuck up?

When you noticed the sulky expression on his face, you stopped laughing.

"Sorry, Hee," you said, giving his knee a reassuring squeeze. "It's just... You look so intimidating, when you're really just a sweetheart."

If Heeseung was red before, he was quietly literally the color of a tomato. It was a wonder that the entire room’s temperature didn’t rise given the sheer amount of heat radiating off his person.

"A s-sweetheart?"

"Yeah!" you happily respond. "You're just the cutest, y'know? Like a little puppy."

As much as Heeseung wanted to die happily now that you called him cute, he needed to keep this conversation going. Sucking in a sharp breath, the boy looked at you in the eyes. "W-Well I think the same about you... [Name]."

You looked at him curiously, so he continued, his voice soft and sheepish, "I... also think that you're the cutest."

You blinked at him a few times, before the widest smile that he'd ever seen spread across your cheeks, stretching ear to ear. If only Heeseung wasn't too busy grappling with his shyness, he'd notice the way you let out a soft, bashful giggle, shaking your head and squeezing your eyes shut to keep yourself from being too visibly flustered. Slowly, with all the courage that you had left in you, you raised your hand and placed it on Heeseung's head. You ruffled his soft locks, gushing, "God, you're so cute, Heeseung!"

The rest of the social is filled with soft chatter between the two of you, but Heeseung was honestly too captivated by you to notice the time passing. With his heart on his sleeve, and a sloppily-painted birdhouse in his hands, Heeseung mentally high-fived himself.

Heeseung's friends never heard the end of it. The moment that he got home, Heeseung spammed their groupchat, giving them paragraphs and paragraphs of the events that ensued.

hee: and then she called me cute. like CUTE CUTE, not even like she was alluding it, she used the word CUTE

hee: oh my god i think i'm gonna faint

His friends don't have it in them to flame him. After all, this was progress.

Unbeknownst to him, you were feeling the same things. Everyone knew that Heeseung liked you, except yourself. You had the opposite case: you've had the biggest crush on Heeseung since middle school, but never told a single soul about it. You're a naturally expressive and sweet person, so it was so incredibly hard hiding your feelings for him. 

After all, under that handsome and brooding outer shell, you saw his softness. This past year, you've had so many miscellaneous interactions (at least, it seemed miscellaneous-- everyone but you knew that those interactions were set up) with Heeseung. At the beginning of each interaction, he'd act all mysterious, but as time passed, he'd speak so softly and slowly unravel. 

It was so, so cute. Heeseung was so cute. To say you wanted him would be an understatement. No words were sufficient to fully express the nights that you stayed awake thinking about him, or the makeup looks that you intricately practiced to impress him, or the sheer number of times that you had to hide the fact that you were staring at him.

Maybe you couldn't hide it any longer.

"Wait, what?!"

Heeseung's heart dropped to his stomach the moment he heard the words leave his friend's lips. Chenle Zhong was one of you and Heeseung's mutual friends, and according to him, someone had confessed to you via a letter today.

"Are you serious?" Heeseung asked, pulling his bottom lip into his teeth, chewing pensively. "Do you know who wrote it?"

"Nope, but I'll try to get more info on it," Chenle frowned. "Yunjin says that [Name] laughed at the letter."

When Heeseung didn't say anything, Chenle continued. "Hey, man, that could be a sign, y'know?"

When Heeseung's face morphed into a confused expression, his friend added, "Like, maybe [Name] thinks it's a joke? Maybe she doesn't care for it."

That's what Heeseung hoped for.

Later, Chenle texted him a screenshot of the love letter. To say that Heeseung was appalled would be an understatement. The letter read,

'To my dearest [Name], you're as beautiful as the plum blossoms in the spring. Your lips are soft like pillows, pillows that I would love to fall into an eternal in. I love you, I love you, I'll love you until this paper decomposes and becomes a part of the earth, and maybe then they will be able to force me to forget you. Love, your admirer.'

Heeseung immediately sent it to his groupchat.

jakey: yo who invited shakespeare???

hoon: i had a stroke reading that

sunoo: "your lips are soft like pillows" is crazyyy

hee: chenle gave me updates, apparently [name] knows who the sender is

jay: AND WHO IS THE SENDER??

hee: i don't know

hee: but minjeong says that it's someone from class 2

niki: class 2 is full of snobs

jungwon: i'm still in shock because of "i'll love you until this paper decomposes"

hoon: WHAT IF IT'S JUNGSU HYUNG

niki: oh it's SO over for you heeseung-hyung

As it turned out, it was not, in fact, Jungsu Kim from Class 2, thanks to your friends, who were quite wonderful info-brokers. But he still didn't know who it was.

Laying in bed, Heeseung felt weight on his chest. You laughed at the letter. While that could mean that it was a joke, it could also mean that you thought the person writing the letter was funny... which could mean that you liked them back. Just the mere thought of you with someone else made Heeseung frown deeply. This entire time he was worried about how to act around you, completely ignoring the fact that you yourself could be interested in someone else! God, he was so stupid.

Heeseung needed to know who it was that sent it, and more importantly, if you were romantically interested in them.

Fear makes man do crazy things.

Like walking one's crush to school.

Look, Heeseung was mulling over the situation as he walked to school, when he saw you across the street, walking in the same direction as him. In what could only be called an adrenaline-high, Heeseung ran across the street up to you.

"[Name]!" he called out.

"Heeseung?—Oh my god!"

Poor boy was breathless, flushed in the face. It took him a few moments to catch his breath. Flashing you a grin, Heeseung said, "Let's walk to school together, [Name]."

You're silent for a few moments, before you return the smile. "Of course."

The walk was silent, only the sound of early morning traffic, footsteps against the concrete sidewalk, and the occasional sniffle courtesy of you filling the cold air between the two of you. Speaking of which, your sniffles began to get louder and more frequent. Now out of adrenaline, Heeseung was back to being shy.

Clearing his throat, Heeseung forced his voice out. "Are you— Are you sick?"

You sniffled again, bringing your hand up to swipe your nose. The two of you were at an intersection now, so you pressed the pedestrian button. "No, I just get sniffly when it's cold."

That's. So. Cute. Was what Heeseung was thinking. The way you were rubbing your hands together made you look so adorable, he just wanted to put you in his pocket. 

He must have been staring at you for a while, back in his you-loving daze, because Heeseung did not notice that the streetlight changed, and it was time for the pedestrians to pass.

Not to worry!

Heeseung was completely kicked out of his daze when your smaller hand grabbed his, pulling him along the street. His eyes were glued to the two of your hands, especially where they connected. For someone sniffly, your hands were warm. He liked the way that they fit in his.

Even in the cool morning air, Heeseung suddenly felt warm all over.

You were in the middle of the sidewalk when Heeseung stopped. Feeling bold, he dropped his schoolbag, and began slipping off his thick, black, leather jacket, before draping it over your shoulders. 

When you looked up at him with those curious doe eyes, all his boldness went away.

"Y-You're cold aren't you?" He avoided looking you in the eyes. "Just... Just take it. Y-You can give it back later... or whatever."

You giggled, slipping your arms into the sleeves.

God, you looked so cute in his jacket. Heeseung was going to melt.

And he did melt, because you began doing cute twirls to show off the jacket, posing for him.

"How do I look?" you cheekily asked, popping your leg up. 

Heeseung was speechless, his mouth just left agape. He had to force himself to speak.

"Cute..." he answered, barely audible.

A grin was growing on your face. "Sorry, I didn't hear you. How do I look?"

Heeseung squeezed his eyes shut, huffing. "I said you looked cute!"

The sight of Heeseung's pink cheeks and his cute little pout was enough for you to be satisfied. Before the boy could realize what he said, you picked up his school bag for him, shoving it into one of his hands, before snatching his free hand. You pulled him gently to continue walking, but Heeseung was frozen in place, eyes too busy on you.

"Heeeeee," you elongated your syllables. You squeezed his hand twice, tugging him again. "We can't be late to class, can we?"

Heeseung audibly gulped. "Y-Yeah. You're right.."

You guys began walking again, neither of you wanting to let each other’s hands go.

"And then she held my hand— Isn't that crazy?! She held my hand!"

"Heeseung-hyung, please, I am peeing right now."

It was the lunch period once again. As Heeseung and Sunghoon traversed the hallways to get to the stairwell, the older of two chatted about the events that morning.

"So you held her hand?" Sunghoon asked half-heartedly, barely listening. "And then what?"

Heeseung perked up. "And then we walked to class together, and then she—"

"That's cool and all," the younger friend was walking in front of him. Sunghoon turned over his shoulder. "But did you get any more information about the letter fiasco?"

Oh. 

No, Heeseung didn't.

When they reached the rooftop, his friends gently nudged him to get more information about the letter. 

"You don't want to have one of those 'too late' moments, right?" Jungwon said, chewing on his rice ball. "What if by the time you gather the courage to talk to her, [Name] is already walking off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her secret admirer?!"

"What's with you guys and walking off into the sunset..." Heeseung muttered, running a hand through his hair. 

"I'm serious, hyung!"

"I second that," Jay said lazily.

"I second that," Riki mocked in a squeaky voice, earning him a soft smack at the back of his head.

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Heeseung asked, frustrated. "I can talk to her or her friends later, but not right now."

Jake scoffed. "What's stopping you from going back inside and talking to [Name] right now?"

The eldest boy didn't have an answer. That's true. There wasn't anything stopping Heeseung from talking to you right now. All the boys were now watching him for an answer, ready to pounce on him for being a coward.

"I don't know!" Heeseung finally said. "I've used up all of my bravery today... I don't think I have it in me to talk to her!"

His friends stared at him questioningly, until the silence was broken by Sunoo taking a loud and very obviously fake phonecall.

"Hi! Yes! Mhm. He's right here. Yeah. Mhm. Thank you!"

Sunoo hung up loudly, and looked at Heeseung with a cocked brow. "I was just on the phone with Yunjin. She says you should probably go talk to [Name]."

Heeseung looked at Sunoo incredulously, but the expectant expressions on his friends' faces made him groan.

"Fine!"

As Heeseung creeped down the school hallway, he came to the classroom that you hung out in at lunch: your homeroom. Standing outside the door, the boy took a deep breath.

Relax, it's just [Name], he had to tell himself, as if that helped at all. What was he even going to say? 

'Hey, are you dating the person that sent you that letter? If you aren't, do you want to get married to me? Haha.'

????

Just as Heeseung was about to slide the door open, he heard a very familiar laugh from inside. Of course he could recognize it. After all, it was you. 

"Yuri is so cute!" he heard you giggle. "She wrote me that little letter as a joke, but I think I'm actually in love with her."

In.

Love.

With.

Her.

"Awww, Yuri, come here and give me a kiss!"

Come.

Give.

You.

A.

Kiss.

"I'm gonna marry you, Yuri!"

Marry.

You.

Yuri.

To Heeseung, everyone was an enemy. No matter their gender or class, the moment that he heard that you got a love letter, everyone became a suspect. It all made sense now. Yuri Jo, the 'Yuri' that you were talking about and to, was from Class 2. He knew that you and her were friends, but he didn't know that you were romantically interested in her. 

Jungwon was right. Now you were going to walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand with her!

hee: guys what if [name] is already taken :(

jakey: what are you on about this time

There was something scary about a 6-feet tall guy mulling around and sulking all day, so luckily no one got in Heeseung's way as he brooded. Unfortunately, he felt his heart hurt whenever he looked at you. Almost cartoonishly, he'd turn away, close his eyes in dramatic pain, and pout. Although he acted a little bit theatrical, it was no doubt that Heeseung felt sad. He really thought he had a chance with you, and now he felt stupid.

Except, he was stupid.

But for a different reason.

"Jesus Christ, you're actually hopeless, Heeseung."

After school, your friends cornered him, somewhere where you wouldn't see. His friends were somehow in close communication with your friends.

"I can't believe you thought me and [Name] were actually dating!"

Heeseung scowled, crossing his arms over his chest, as he leaned against a locker. Before him stood Yunjin, Winter, Yuri, along with a few other of your friends, Hitomi and Minju. 

"I don't know!" Heeseung huffed. "Everyone is an enemy to me—” he glanced at Yuri— “Including Yuri.”

Yunjin scoffed in disbelief. "You're insane."

Soooo... You weren't in any romantic relationship with anyone. Yuri sent you that letter as a joke, and you were just really close to her. Good.

"I don't know how I feel about this guy getting with our [Name]," Winter muttered to Hitomi and Minju, but loud enough for Heeseung to hear.

"Hey!"

"I know, he's a total dumbass," Minju grumbled back.

"Dude, I'm right here!"

Hitomi rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Well, are you free on Friday after school?"

"Yeah, why?" They always asked Heeseung that question when they had some crazy plan up their sleeve. Not like he was any better.

"Wellll," Hitomi began in a sing-songy voice. "[Name] really wants to go to that Cinnamoroll Sweet Cafe in Hongdae on Friday, but none of us are available."

Heeseung nodded slowly. 

"I think it'd be a good way for you to get closer to her, dontcha think?"

And that's how Heeseung scored his first (unofficial) date with you

When your friends told you that Heeseung would accompany you to Hongdae, you almost jumped for joy. Almost. Friday couldn't come any faster. The plan was that you'd meet Heeseung at the train station at 4:30PM, meaning that you had a bit of time to change and get ready. You didn't want to get too ahead of yourself and call it a date, but oh boy did you want to.

What were you going to wear? What if you were too formal? Should you go for a casual look or something more put-together? You needed to impress him!

When Friday came, you practically ran home to get ready. You perfected your makeup, and put on your prettiest outfit. Spraying yourself with your signature perfume, you looked in the mirror. Hopefully, he'll like how you look. 

At the corner of your eye, you spot a black, leather jacket. His black, leather jacket. Without even thinking, you slinked toward it, slipping into the jacket. It smelled like him, the faint scent of his cologne lingering on the leather.

With a final glance in the mirror, you left for the train station.

On the other hand, to say that Heeseung was nervous for the date was an understatement. His heart was about to fall out of chest. He changed into something more casual, made sure to brush out his disheveled hair, and reapplied his cologne. He came to the train station 20 minutes early, just in case something went terribly wrong. He glanced at his phone. For the date, he managed to get a hold of your number, for “communication purposes.” He’d wanted to text you all week, but didn’t have the courage to.

“Hee?” your soft voice calling his name got his attention. Behold, you standing there before him, all dolled up and pretty. This must be the sight he’ll see when he enters heaven, he thought. 

“Hi,” he said, his eyes glazing over your face. You were so pretty. Did you dress up for him? He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but the idea that you wanted to look good for him made Heeseung’s heart skip a beat. “You look…”

He didn’t mean to say that. You smile bashfully. “I look…?”

“So pretty,” Heeseung breathed. “You look so pretty.”

“Thank you,” you smile. Your fingers reach for the hem of his shirt, playing with it, which sends his heart racing. “Well, I think you look handsome, Hee.”

“Th-Thanks.”

The two of you stare into each other’s eyes for a few moments, and Heeseung swears that you’re looking at his lips. You spoke up, breaking the silence. “You notice anything about me?”

Heeseung grasped the collar of his jacket gently with both hands. “My jacket.”

“I was going to give it back to you earlier,” you begin, eyes trained on his lips, “But I think I’ll keep it for today, yeah? Since I look so pretty in it.”

“Oh fuck,” Heeseung cursed under his breath, loud enough for you to hear it and giggle. “Yeah, you can keep it for as long as you want.”

“As long as I want?” you purred, taking a step closer to him. Although it wasn’t clear to anyone else, you were a mess inside. Your heart was palpitating so hard that you could hear it in your ears. Your throat felt dry, and your hands were shaking with mere anxiety and excitement. “What about forever?”

Heeseung cracked a grin. “Do whatever you want. You’re pretty.”

If it wasn’t for the train announcement, you thought you would have kissed his pretty lips right then and there. Taking Heeseung’s hand, you led him to your train cart. 

“Let’s go, Hee.”

The train is much more packed than you expected, but it was the beginning of the weekend after all. The trip from Gyeonggi Province to Hongdae should take no less than an hour. Unfortunately, because of the amount of people in the train, you and Heeseung had to stand for the majority of the time. It should have been uncomfortable, but it simply wasn't. Because you were with Heeseung.

Standing only a few inches away from the boy, your chests almost pressed against each other. You could feel his breath fan your cheeks. The both of you held onto the pole, hands barely brushing against each other when the cart shook against the rails. 

At some point, the shaking was a lot more aggressive than it had previously been. Instinctively, your hand reached for his broad shoulders for stability. Likewise, Heeseung reached for your waist, holding you in place. You and Heeseung shared a long, drawn-out look, eyes getting lost in one another's, before you both avert your gazes shyly, muttering, "sorry." Yet, neither of you moved your hands from their newfound positions.

As minutes passed on the train, your eyes were glued to Heeseung, at least when he wasn't watching. 

You loved the reddish blush that naturally decorated his under-eyes, and the natural corally red at tinted the tip of his ears. His glossy eyes and heart-shaped lips had to be your favorite feature of his, if not for his large, yet delicate hands, so gentle and soft.

You were deep in thought when you suddenly felt a hand creeping on your leg. Nimble fingers from behind, brushing up against the hem of your dress. From the corner of your eye, you saw an older man. He looked unkempt and scruffy, like a delinquent– but nothing like Heeseung. Heeseung looked much better than him.

The man reeked of cigarettes and musk. A nasty grin spread across his face as he peered down at your exposed legs. His hands creeped toward them again, now slightly pushing your dress up. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip, your entire body stiffening. Your heart began to pound in your chest, your cheeks and skin feeling hot. 

Panic overtook your system. Your once soft breaths became much shorter and quicker, inhaling and exhaling shallow air.

You’ve never been in a situation like this; you’d  never wished, thought, or even considered something like this happening to you– why would you? You had no idea what to do, and were not at all prepared for this. The train was packed to the brim, this man was much bigger and stronger than you, and you did not know how to fight.

The hand moved past your skirt, now under it and directly in contact with your skin. The hand felt dirty, brushing against you. A small frantic whimper escaped your lips when the man’s hand squeezed your bare thigh. It was a small sound, barely audible in the vast bustle of the subway. However, someone did hear it.

Heeseung, doe-eyed and lost in his own world, immediately darted his eyes over to you the moment he heard a sound of discomfort. 

When your eyes met, you could only signal helplessly. Your gaze was wide, pupils dilated, with fear and panic. Heeseung’s eyes narrowed, staring into your eyes for a moment before analyzing your expression. The way you were extremely tense and overwrought casted a sense of suspicion in his head, and your eyes that were seemingly pleading him made him think.

Help, your eyes said.

Heeseung’s dark eyes flickered from your face, to your entire body language, and back to your face, before he spotted a few, foreign fingers creeping around your leg area.

Your shifty eyes kept moving from Heeseung’s to the side, but now that he looked at it, it was like they were pointing behind you. And lo and behold, behind you was a musky pervert, who was shamelessly touching you.

“[Name]…” he whispered. His fists clenched, teeth gritting. He sucked in a deep breath, feeling anger build up in his stomach. You whimpered again in response. He brought a hand to ghost over your shoulder, pushing you very, very, gently to the side. “Move.”

He wound up his fist and sent the hardest punch he could muster to the man square in the jaw.

The man lurched back immediately, his hand moving far, far, away from you. A groan left his lips, his head being thrown back in pain. The man’s fall had pushed a few other people down as well. Other bystanders watched on in shock. Some took out their phones to record and take pictures, others to tell their friends.

You just stood still, leaning into Heeseung, whose fist was a faint red color. With a very careful hand, he brushed the lifted hem of your dress down, which had been messed with earlier.

The man quickly got up once he noticed the new and tense silence over the subway cart.

“Hey!” he shouted, pushing himself up from his downtrodden position. “You little punk, who the fuck do you think you-”

The train announcer called for the stop. Heeseung, ignoring the man, took your arm, pulling you out the door. Before he himself left, Heeseung landed a kick to the man’s crotch, muttering, “Fucking bastard.”

"W-Wait, Hee-!"

Heeseung was silent as the train doors opened, only pulling you along with him. When the two of you were far from the train, he finally stopped, turning to you.

"Are you okay?" was all he asked. You shifted uncomfortably at the thought of what happened earlier.

"Y-Yeah..." you played with the hem of his jacket sheepishly. "Thanks for what you did back there."

Heeseung jolted up at the mention. He didn't love using violence, despite his 'delinquent' reputation, especially in front of you. His hands joined yours at the hem of his jacket, shyly brushing up against yours. 

"Next time," he began, beginning to play with the zipper, "I'll fight every person on that train so that you can sit."

You smiled softly. "You don't have to do that, Hee."

Heeseung slowly zipped up his jacket on you, meeting your eyes, before straightening out your collar. 

"But I want to," he breathed. You gazed at him. His hands were still on the collar of the jacket, close to your face. You noticed the red smudges on his knuckles from punching the man on the train. You took that hand, opening it up, and nuzzling your cheek into it. You took his other hand. To Heeseung's surprise, you pressed soft kisses on his knuckles, rubbing them with your thumb.

"What are you..." his breath hitched when your eyes flickered to his, holding steady eye-contact. 

You pressed one last kiss on his palm. "Thank you, Hee. Really."

"Of course, [Name]," he finally whispered. "Anything for you."

And so, your first date with Heeseung began.

The sweet scent of cinnamon and pastries hit your noses the moment you guys stepped into the Cinnamoroll Cafe. When you were seated, you took a look at the menu. So far, the date was going smoothly. Other than the run-in at the beginning, the chemistry between the two of you was sparking. The conversation was flowing, and if that already wasn't a dream come true, you kept touching Heeseung. On your end, you were practically vibrating in your seat with the sheer amount of excitement you had bubbling in you. You couldn't believe you were on a date with the Heeseung Lee sharing a strawberry banana parfait. 

"Hee," you said, motioning him to come closer to you. He did, so you cupped his cheek, bringing your thumb up to wipe a stray piece of the parfait from his cheek. 

"Oh-" Heeseung's face reddened. How embarrassing! Did you think he was a slob now? You only giggled, bringing both hands up to hold his face. You squished the boy's cheeks, laughing at the way his brows cutely crashed into each other.

"You're so cute, Hee," you said, playing with his cheeks. "The cutest."

That's all you, he thought. You're going to drive him crazy.

Or, at least he thought he thought.

Did he just say that out loud? Heeseung groaned when you threw your head back laughing, hiding his own face in your palms. You chuckled.

Feeling bold, you cupped his cheeks again. You leaned closer, holding his face close to yours. You kissed a soft and chaste kiss on his nose. You couldn't help the heat that rose to your cheeks as the boy flopped over the table, hiding his face in his arms. You ran your fingers through his hair comfortingly, cooing at his cuteness.

"You can't do this to me," Heeseung murmured.

You laughed. It wouldn't hurt to tease him a little more, right? You leaned down, giving the boy another kiss. This time, though, you kissed the top of his head.

"Hee, baby, you're just the cutest, you know that right?"

Heeseung combusted.

After the Cafe, Heeseung and you walked around the Hongdae Festival Street. By now, it was beginning to get darker outside, the air cooling down. It was cold, but to Heeseung, it was perfect, because now he had an excuse to hold your hand. As the two of you walked and talked, you enjoyed the sight of the lights and bustling street. 

Suddenly, a new voice interrupted the two of you's conversation. Turning around, you saw two guys who looked around your age. They were holding a camera and a microphone.

"Hi!" they said, smiling. "We're interviewing couples in Hongdae, would you guys like to be in it? We’ll blur your faces."

Heeseung glanced your joined hands, then back at the two guys, then back at your hands, "O-Oh, we're not a coupl—"

You cut him off. "Of course, we'd love to!"

You flashed Heeseung a grin, squeezing his hand twice, almost as if to say, 'Just go with it.' His ears began to burn, his neck prickling with warmth, before clearing his throat. "Y-Yeah..." he squeezed your hand, "We'd love to."

The two guys cheered, turning on their camera. "All right, first question. How did you guys meet?"

"We went to middle school together," you were quick to answer. "I thought he was really cute, but we didn't start talking until this year."

You didn't know what the fuck you were saying. Was it risky to be so truthful for an internet interview, right in front of your long-time crush? Absolutely. But your heart was pounding so hard in your chest, simply waiting for Heeseung's response.

On the other hand, Heeseung's mind was in complete shambles. Were you telling the truth? The way you answered so smoothly with absolutely no hesitation made it almost seem natural.

"And you?" the interviewer asked. "What did you think about her when you first met?"

"I—" Heeseung's breath hitched. "I thought she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen."

The way you glanced at him made Heeseung's heart feel like it was about to fall out. "I.. I still think that."

Your expression was unreadable, your lips pressing into a thin line. Then, a huge smile broke out on your face.

"Awww, Heeeee! I didn't know you thought about me like that!" You squeezed his hand again, and he squeezed it back.

"How long have you guys been together?" the interviewer asked.

"We just started dating!" You answered enthusiastically, a weird, surprised sound coming from Heeseung.

The rest of the interview went smoothly, with you mostly answering the questions. You quietly thanked the interviewers, and you and Heeseung were on your way.

Your words kept ringing in Heeseung's head.

Especially your answer to the question, "Why did you like him?"

You answered, "Because he's so perfect."

Heeseung? Perfect? He couldn't believe his ears! Were you telling the truth?

A calm silence fell over you and Heeseung as you walked the bustling streets of Hongdae. That question lingered in his mind, and before he knew it, his mouth was moving faster than his mind.

"Did you mean anything you said?"

His voice seemed to reverberate against the night air, ringing in his ears. You chewed on your lip. Then, you sucked in a sharp breath.

"Of course, Hee," you finally answered. "If it's you, I mean everything."

Heeseung sucked his bottom lip into his teeth, biting down so hard he drew blood. Once again, his hands found home on the hem of his jacket draped over you. 

"Good." He couldn't meet your eyes, not with the knowledge that you meant everything you said. He forced his attention onto the hem of the leather jacket that you were wearing, too shy to look at you. 

Heeseung only looked up when he felt your thumb pressing against his lip, eyes widening.

"Don't bite your lip too hard, Hee," you said, a smile in your voice. You thumb swiped against his lip, wiping off the small blotch of blood on it. "You'll bleed, and I'll have to kiss it better."

Heeseung's tongue darted out to swipe over his bleeding lip, brushing against your thumb. "What if I want you to kiss it better?"

"Well, then you better not keep me waiting."

His eyes flickered to your lips. He wanted to kiss them so bad. They looked so soft. What would they taste like? You liked strawberries— maybe they'd taste like that. When he didn't say or do anything, you changed the topic, unable to hide the disappointment in your face.

"Did you mean it?" You asked. "When you said that I was the most beautiful person you'd ever seen?"

"Oh my god, yes," Heeseung said under his breath, eyes still trained on your lips. "Always."

Another silence fell of you two, simply getting lost in each other's eyes. Maybe it was something in the Hongdae air, but Heeseung felt brave. His hand slithered to your waist, bringing you closer to him. When you slid your hands up his chest, resting them on his shoulders, Heeseung audibly gulped. Your faces inched closer and closer, until you could feel his breath against your cheek. You wanted to lean in and close the gap so bad. And you could tell that he wanted to, too.

Just as you were about to, however, the sound of a car honking and tires screeching interrupted you. Heeseung instinctively pulled away, his head whipping around to look at the commotion.

Oh hell no.

You were not going to let that stop you.

You snatched Heeseung's hand, before pulling him with you. You don't know how much you ran, or for how long, but you ran and ran until you found an empty alleyway.

You pushed him against the hard, concrete wall, a bit harsher than you expected too. Holding him by his shoulders, you put all your weight on him, caging him against the wall.

"You'd let me kiss you, right?" you rasped, out of breath.

Heeseung, also breathless, stared at you, lips parted. 

"I thought I already said," he breathed, "Do whatever you want. You're pretty."

With that, you crashed your lips onto his. His lips were soft, a little chapped. It felt so surreal. The scent of his cologne made you feel dizzy. When you pulled away, it was evident that he was feeling the same as you were. 

It was a chaste kiss, but the tension was so thick in the air. Somehow, that made it even more intimate.

"Wow..." was all Heeseung could utter. Under the moonlight, with you pressed up against him, you looked so goddamn pretty. Your face was illuminated with the pale light, making you look like an angel. Was he in heaven? Did he die yet? He wouldn't mind if he died right then and there, now that you (you!) kissed him. "Fuck, you're gonna kill me, [Name]."

"But you'd like it, right? Because I'm so pretty." The teasing tone in your voice would normally make Heeseung melt, but all he could do was grin. 

"You know I would."

The rest of the night, you and Heeseung don't kiss anymore. Not because you guys didn't want to kiss, but because the adrenaline wore off, and now the both of you were shy. It was almost comical, the way both of you completely reverted back to your bashful and sheepish selves, barely able to make eye-contact with each other.

"Thank you for tonight, Hee," you hummed, as you and Heeseung walked to the train station, hand-in-hand. "I had a lot of fun."

He scanned your face. The slight curve on your lips (oh god, your lips, the way the corner of your lip had a smudge of lipstick from kissing him earlier —how badly he wanted to kiss them again) was contagious. "Of course. I had a lot of fun, too."

The train ride back was quiet. You eventually began dozing off, resting your head on his shoulder.

"You did what?!" was the collective reaction of both you and Heeseung's friends. After that Friday together, you called together all of your friends to your house, to spill the beans. Likewise, Heeseung forced every single one of his friends into his living room.

"Ouuu, you little flirt!" Yunjin exclaimed. Currently, Yunjin, Winter, Hitomi, Yuri, and Minju were seated on your bedroom floor, while you dramatically flopped around on your bed. 

It was now that you explained to your friends your long-time crush on Heeseung, much to their pleasant surprise.

"And then what happened?" Minju asked, filing her finger-nails. "Did you profess your undying love for him?"

You groaned into your pillow. "I can't!"

"Why not?" Winter quirked a brow. "You guys literally kissed."

You let out another groan. "What if he doesn't like me like that?"

Your friends deadpanned.

Heeseung Lee didn't like you. He loved you. They would know better than anyone.

"[Name], honey, you're overthinking it," Yuri nudged you with her foot. "He gave you his jacket. I think that says enough."

"Well, what if I'm just getting ahead of myself and he's just being nice?"

"Girl..."

Heeseung had a similar reaction.

All of his friends stared at him like he just punched their grandmothers.

"You can't be serious right now, hyung..." Sunghoon said, pinching his nose-bridge.

All of his friends were piled onto one couch, while Heeseung laid out on the one across from them, almost like they were in a therapy session. 

"What if she just thinks I'm a good friend?" Heeseung used his hands to speak, theatrically moving them.

"What makes you think that?" Sunoo asked incredulously. 

Heeseung groaned. "[Name] tells Yuri Jo that she wants to marry her and they're good friends."

"Okay, and?"

"Well," Heeseung huffed. "What if [Name] kissed me because she sees me the same way that she sees Yuri?"

"Well, I'm good friends with Jungwon-hyung and I don't kiss him," Riki said matter-of-factly.

"Right..." Jungwon nodded his head slowly. "Hyung, do you really think a good friend would pin you against a wall and kiss you?"

"Do you think a good friend would kiss you three times and then call you cute like a bajillion other times?!" Jake chimed in.

"Let alone choose to keep your jacket?!" Jay sounded tired.

Heeseung clasped his hands together, thinking for a few moments.

"Yes."

All of his friends groaned in defeat.

"You're hopeless."

After a lot of urging and cross-communication between friend-groups, both of your friends managed to convince both you and Heeseung to confess to each other the next Monday.

"What if I faint the moment she says my name?" Heeseung catastrophized to Jay in the school bathroom. 

"Uh, I doubt that, hyung."

Heeseung texted you to meet him under the stairwell, and that was when he was going to confess. On your end, the moment that he texted that, you decided that you'd confess to him then.

When the time came, Heeseung headed out to the stairwell. His hands were clammy, and even when he wiped him on his uniform pants, he couldn't stop the trembling of his hands. What if everyone was instilling false hope in him? Gosh, Heeseung thought he was going to throw up. His stomach was churning, he was going to collapse if he saw you right now—

"Hee?" Your voice broke him out of his internal spiral. Seemingly, there was a halo around you, a light so bright that Heeseung was blinded.

"H-Hi," he stammered, straightening out his posture and clearing his throat.

Your hands were clasped behind your back, leaning forward toward him. "You wanted to talk to me, yeah?"

Heeseung couldn't bring himself to meet your gaze, his shoes suddenly becoming interesting. "Y-Yeah..."

The hallway where the stairwell was located was beginning to feel stuffy. Heeseung had never felt so nervous in his life. He was light-headed, barely able to even balance himself.

"Hee," you reached out to touch his arm, noticing his discomfort. "Let's go outside, okay?"

Going outside should have helped him cool down, but when you shrugged on his leather jacket to combat the cool air, Heeseung realized that there was no way in hell that he was going to get through this confession without dropping dead. 

The two of you walked around the school yard for a few minutes in silence. 

How should he start this confession? He had Sunghoon and Jake write out a script for him, and he spent the entire night memorizing it, but now in your presence he couldn't remember a single word. Should he have written a letter like Yuri Jo? Heeseung couldn't possibly contain himself.

"Hee," you finally said, disrupting the silence. "I have something to tell you."

Heeseung's mind wandered to the worst case scenario. 

You're going to tell him that you're moving across the world to marry the love of your life, aren't you? You're going to say that he's a great friend and that you just got a boyfriend, right? 

No, he needed to tell you his feelings first! If he didn't now, he'd never, and he'd burst into a million pieces!

"M-Me too!" he blurted, stopping in his tracks. 

You blinked at him, then smiled.

Oh, no! It's actually happening!

He could already hear your voice saying, "Hi, Heeseung, my boyfriend just proposed to me and you're invited to the wedding."

You sucked in a breath, parting your lips to speak.

He needed to tell you first! The little demons in his head kept replaying the scene of you asking him to be your groom of honor at your wedding with the love of your life next Saturday. He could hear the marriage officiant announcing, “I now pronounce you husband and wife” at your wedding, and he imagined himself sitting in that little wedding venue holding back tears.

Oh my god, he needed to say it now, or he'll never say it ever!

"Hee, I really--"

Heeseung cut you off. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands balling into fists.

"I like you, [Name]!" he yelled.

.

.

.

You stared at him in disbelief. Or were you flustered? Heeseung couldn't tell. With too much adrenaline in his veins, Heeseung threw away all the preparation and drafted scripts he and his friends made for this very moment.

"I-I.. I like you so much, I'm scared that I'm going to explode!" Heeseung continued shouting at you. He had no idea what he was saying. All he was doing was telling you the thoughts he'd had about you all this time. "You're so, so, so pretty and I can't believe that you're an actual, real, physical, person, and you make me feel so fucking stupid, I can't take it."

Your eyes were bulging out of your head at this point, your jaw dropped. 

"I've never liked anyone like I've liked you, a-and I just wanted to tell you this before you... you go off with someone else!"

Heeseung kept his eyes shut when he was done confessing, letting out a labored breath. There was no way that he could face you. The silence that fell over the two of you made Heeseung's heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. He squeezed his eyes in embarrassment. He gripped the hem of his shirt to relieve the bubbling anxiety inside him. Gosh, he was going to puke.

After a few moments, nothing happened. You didn't say a word. Did you just leave him there standing? Of course, you did. You were probably too kind and angelic to outright reject him. He was a fool to think that he had a chance with you—

Heeseung heard footsteps, and before he could react, he felt a pair of lips on his.

His eyes shot open.

You.

Were.

Kissing.

Him.

!!!

After he confessed!

Poor boy was so stiff, eyes wide.

Did that mean you liked him back?

You pulled away.

Usually, you had a reassuring smile on your face by default. Even during times where you were embarrassed, you almost never showed it on your face.

But this time, your entire face was painted with a flustered expression. Your cute lips jutted out in a mini pout, while your eyes were glued to the ground, avoiding his gaze.

A few pulses passed.

"I... I like you, too... by the way," you murmured.

Another few pulses passed.

You. Liked. Him.

Nonononono wait, was he dreaming?

You.

YOU.

The beautiful, angelic you. 

Liked him.

Without thinking, Heeseung stepped forward, gently grabbing your face.

"You're real, right?" he breathed. When glossy eyes stared back at him, Heeseung felt warmth spread across his chest. Your lips looked so appealing right now, he was craving them again. "I'm not dreaming, yeah?"

You blinked at him a few times. The corners of your lips quirked upward.

"Why, because I'm 'so pretty that you can't believe I'm real?' " your voice had a teasing tone in it, referencing his earlier confession. Heeseung chuckled, letting go of your face so that he could slide his hands to where they belonged: around your waist.

"Just kiss me," he mumbled, looking at you with lidded eyes.

You grinned. "Gladly."

With that, you smashed your lips onto his. Instead of the chaste, soft, kisses that you shared earlier, this one was different. You shoved your tongue into Heeseung's mouth, exploring all its crevices. Poor boy was so surprised that he squeezed your waist, letting out a small whine. The feeling of you smirking against his lips gave him butterflies.

You finally pulled away breathless, but gave him no time to breathe. You grasped his chin, giving you easy control. 

"You drive me so crazy," he murmured against the shell of your ear.

You pressed a kiss at the juncture between his neck and ear. "I drive you crazy?" you cocked your brow.

"You," you muttered. You began pressing kisses down his jaw. 

“Drive.” 

Kiss.

“Me.” 

Kiss. 

“So-” 

Kiss.

"Fucking-" 

Kiss.

"Crazy."

Before you could pounce on him with more kisses, Heeseung, red in the face, flopped over you, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. He let out a cute groan.

"What, are you getting shy on me?" you teased him, running your fingers through his hair. He shook his head against your shoulder, making you coo.

"I can't believe you like me back, that's all," he mumbled, muffled by your shoulder. 

You laughed. "How? I feel like I was so obvious."

Heeseung looked up at you with pink cheeks, frowning. "You don't even want to know how hopelessly in love with you I was."

You quirked a brow at him. 

"Yeah?" You pecked his forehead. "Try me."

Heeseung let out a breathy chuckle. He attacked your lips.

"How about I show you?"

FIN.

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated :)

[hourlywallstaring]

Why are we not starting at nancys desk?

Okay the movement is pretty janky

So deirdres arm is fucked up

Lip syncing is intresting

The fingers on this girl are horrific where are the nails

Hey! A koko kringle bar!

Wtf! NED WHAT THE FUCK.

These subtitles arent synced properly

I clicked on a tourist near the protestors and her line sounded like it was recorded on a cell phone in an echo bathroom wtf

The voice acting is mediocre at best lol

We can carve a pumpkin!

I think I found where an easter egg might be! Im so excited to try to get one w/o the forums

Why are the hardy boys hot? And flirty?

The fact we can't open nancys suitcase and see the hoarse t-shirt is disappointing

Joe... Ur lucky ur hot bc ... Jesus

I just can't get over these ugly ass leggings

The unreal shade being thrown at ned omg

Is the lawyer sleeping w Nancy's dad?

Oh god Jason pls stop ✋

I got stuck for hours bc of a stupid bug and had to uninstall the entire game. Joy.

Oh you ignore Ned but answer Frank huh?

Frank... Babey... Pls work on the flirting. Or just be less awks sweet summer child

Joe! NOT COOL! How many times you gonna call ur brother out like that?

Joe you are so lucky ur hot bc Jesus

That was a decent puzzel

Oh poor Joe hes so scared lol

They shouldn't have made Joe so much hotter than Frank thats just not right lol

I think I got all the pumpkins but im gonna keep one in my inventory just in case 🎃

I'm aware your not a boy Joe trust me 👀

This conversation should be happening with Ned not Carson. I'm disappointed. Why are they making ned and nancys relationship so bad?

It dosent make sense for it to be x person tho?

And ned finally calls back and he's jelly omg

Is ned going to be in the next game? (If there is a next game)

God im such a francy shipper

Deirde is SUUUCH a bitch fuck me

Hate this douch

His car is stupid clean thooo

Oh fuck me a maze? Really?

I love the hardy boys

Broke the fourth wall lmao

Okay I correctly guessed who did it but her motive isn't the best

Very shocked!

Dude there are options to completely fuck these ppls lives up WHAT

They just gonna have this v personal and intimate convo right in front of Nancy huh?

Music is great. V nice

This goodbye bullshit is awful omg this isn't a Nancy drew game

Also I hate the hand movements throughout the entire game

Okay that was alright.

Not the best Nancy drew game ever but definetly not the worst either. No sonny June so...

6/10

[morethanonepage]

Aw thank you! From the scenario meme, under a cut because a) nsfw discussion and b) it’s a bit long:

Ok so no-so-secret kinks first:

Chas is personally bad at at dirty talk but he loves hearing John do it, at least partly due to the accent, which he otherwise doesn't really have strong feelings about 

I've mentioned it before John just cannot get enough of Chas's big, talented hands (like guys he cooks AND tinkers with like car stuff so yknow) so his like ultimate(tm) fantasy is just Chas holding his wrists down or wrapping his fingers around John's neck or leaving fingerprint bruises on his hips. Just dies about being manhandled WHAT else can I say.

(also like canonically it really does seem like John prefers people with dark hair for like -- full scale romantic relationships? idk why that is but it is genuinely pretty consistent for him. brunet(tes) with more heart than sense frankly and/or lots of morosexuals/)

Chas is a very giving partner if u kno what i mean. Oral. I mean oral. He loves getting his partners off first & he's not as experienced with blowjobs but by god he's enthusiastic and willing to put in the work.

Chas's BDE was the first basis of attraction for John. Like now it's 'you’re my oldest friend & you know me better than anyone & i trust you despite me basically trusting no one else & you know me better than almost anyone else who’s still alive plus you’re on my very short list of people i would die for ' but when John was a dumb punk twink just introduced to this shy grunge bear of a man in The Good Old Days, it was 'oh that bloke's hung like a horse imma get on that'. A tale as old as time frankly, it was very romantic.

Actually Secret Kinks (or at least kinks they don't talk about or acknowledge):

Chas's favorite position -- with anyone but maybe especially with John -- is being ridden BUT he always feels vaguely guilty about it bc he feels like it makes his partner do all the work. So he never asks for it & is like, genuinely thrilled to realize John likes it that way too (for John it's bc he's more in control of the situation -- pace etc -- and doesn't have to make eye contact BUT is not as vulnerable as doggy style).

John's actual favorite position is missionary tho. Which is nothing to be ashamed of obvs but he's maybe a little embarrassed about being so prosaic. W/e John being able to engage in sloppy desperate kisses while you fuck/get fucked is totally punk rock.

John has a complicated relationship with bondage bc on the one hand he's into it but on the other recent life experiences (Ravenscar; Papa Midnite; exorcism) have kind of made having his wrists/ankles restrained a triggering minefield (if I were better at writing kink I would do something where John does get triggered by it and safewords and it’s awks but ultimately a positive experience bc it means something that John was comfortable enough in that situation to be honest. But i’m always kind of squeamish about really kinky things because idk I’m a prude). So he and Chas kind of work their way up from Chas pinning him down to more creative methods (i know John's ties are a bad idea but John’s baseline is doing dumb shit that can get him hurt and I genuinely assume that's what they end up going with, or the belt of John's coat lol. The thing being they’re not designed as restraints but that's the point -- they don't have the same association of shackles or handcuffs would).

Chas is really into marking John -- both in the sense of love bites and finger shaped bruises on John's body, but also in the sense of pulling out early and coming on John's chest or back or face. He's vaguely embarrassed about it -- he doesn't feel like he has grounds to be possessive, given he's never quite sure where he and John in re: the what are we conversation they will 100% never have, but it is what it is & John's never complained about it. (Bc John loves it, obviously).

John thinks he's all hard core and into rough sex & impact play etc but once it's Chas being all sweet and tender and careful with him -- even when he's annoyed at John, which is often -- John is kind of weirded out by the fact that he's....kind of into that too. JUST bc it's Chas maybe, like John still likes kinky shit & isn't ashamed of it, and Chas isn’t ENTIRELY opposed, but he's almost entirely incapable of hurting John now that they're in a relationship, so when Chas has got him tied up or is manhandling him around or things are getting a little more intense, Chas tends to still be careful and doing a lot of kissing and reassuring and praising. And frankly if it were anyone other than Chas John would roll his eyes and be suspicious -- he's more used to (and enjoys) the oooh you're such a naughty little slut side of things. But Chas cooing at him for being a good boy and doing so well is at the very least a new enough experience to keep it interesting for John, who's still regularly surprised at how much it works on him

Chas so viscerally associates the smell of cigarettes with being close to John -- the stronger the scent, the closer he was to John obviously -- that he kind of hates it, esp per my conception of things where they used to mess around when they were younger and it’s a really weird specific turn-on that Chas can’t quite get rid of bc it was so formative. Like he's glad no one (but John if he can get away with it) smokes in bars/cabs/everywhere anymore bc it was always a really distracting trip down memory lane when he was hit by like, a cloud of it. JOHN CAN NEVER KNOW bc Chas would lose ANY power in convincing him to stop smoking, which he does occasionally still try to do even though he knows it won’t work.

[villa-kulla]

so I saw Avengers Endgame last night, and honestly.....

I actually frickin’ LOVED it haha, I haven’t genuinely enjoyed one of the Avengers ensemble movies that much since the first one. Granted I’m still very sleep-deprived and on a slightly giddy high from how much it exceeded my expectations haha, and once I’ve thought more about it I’m sure I’ll find things to nitpick. But for the time being, I’m still pretty much swooning.

FULL INCOHERENT THOUGHTS/REACTIONS TO SPECIFIC THINGS BELOW THE CUT, AND OFC, ***SPOILERS*****

ONCE AGAIN: ******SPOILERS********

these are just my rambling Emotions about different moments, ostensibly in the order they occurred in the movie, but actually in the order I remember them:

The opening scene: that moment when Clint turned away from his daughter, and then turned back to see just a few remaining ashes floating slowly where she’d been was beautifully shot. Also beautiful: the soft gasp that went around the theatre right when it happened haha

Killing Thanos within the first 10 minutes and breaking the expected formula and thereby thrusting the movie out into unknown waters? lmao WELL PLAYED, ENDGAME <3

Steve picking up Sam’s mantle and running a support group for survivors? flawless move. My heart couldn’t take it

Okay first thing I genuinely didn’t like: “fat Thor” as a punchline. It was so cringey. My friends and I were discussing how that actually COULD have been so great had they explored Thor’s breakdown and PTSD in a meaningful way, and I mean who wouldn’t adore thicc Thor? But instead we got comedic zooms on his beer belly, and yeah. Kudos to Hemsworth for being a gem and making it work but yeah. Nothing wrong with Thor going to seed physically as well as mentally, just wish it hadn’t been played for laughs is all

Tony basically ripping his heart out and putting it in Steve’s hand? I knew my Vintage™ Stony feels were going to resurface and oh boy did they ever haha

Honestly their whole dynamic in the movies works very well if you imagine that they had angsty hate sex that wasn’t actually hate sex at all, and there was the possibility of real feelings there, but for whatever reason they just couldn’t. quite. make. it. work.

That moment with Antman and Hulk’s fans was so genuinely awkward and I could not stop laughing. Paul Rudd is a gift

It only took them 7 years to realize that all fans ever wanted was the Avengers lounging around in hoodies and eating takeout, but it felt all the more earned for it haha

this is silly but it was nice to have a return to Nat’s red hair...sort of lol

TIME HEIST! TIME HEIST! TIME HEIST! TIME HEIST!!

^^^ That was around when I really started settling in like ‘oh this is gonna be good’

the only spoiler I was exposed to was the ‘Steve’s ass finally gets the recognition it deserves’ post, and did it ever

got as close as we’ll get to canonically bi steve rogers and imma take it haha. Checking out your own ass? Legends only (in fact in our post-movie debrief over drinks, our first toast was ‘here’s to bisexual disaster steve rogers’ he time heisted my heart all over again)

and honestly props to them for going the cute nostalgic route by revisiting all the old movies like that, and not trying to be overly ‘dark and gritty’ for the whole thing. It was lovely how they did it, and very appropriate

The ‘Come and get your love’ credits from GotG is like the only concrete thing I even remember from that movie lol, and I was so giddy when it resurfaced

I’ll be honest, I’m so over aliens and space lol, any time one of these movies goes to space I’m basically yawning instantly, I’M JUST NOT INTO IT FOR THESE MOVIES SORRY. So I’m glad the space stuff was kept to a minimum in this haha. The way they do alien civilizations just never really packs a punch for me, with the single exception of...

......NEBULA MY LOVE <3 She was always the most intriguing and raw of any of the characters in those movies for me. Karen Gillan gives her an amazing presence, so I was glad to see her get a good showcase in this one

Oh hi Robert Redford, I definitely wasn’t reading Butch and Sundance fan fiction on the bus to work 12 hours before this movie asdjhgf haha that was a fun surprise

“Hail Hydra” ajshgd FUCKING EPIC OH MY GOD. I couldn’t breathe. That was amazing.

On a much less lighthearted note.......Natasha. Oh god. I really didn’t think they were going to go there with any of the original six but they did. Natasha was my original fave at the tender of 18, I was completely in awe of how Scarlett portrayed her, immediately cut my hair and dyed it red in tribute haha, and claimed her as my OG fave. I adored her, and still adore her. And honestly, I would have been so much more upset about her fate if...it hadn’t been so completely right for her. As much as I hate to say it, what she did was very character-appropriate for her, and really brought her full circle. And sneaky/unexpected to the end omg. That’s my girl.  I’m a diehard Black Widow fan, and I think it’s safe to say she definitely wiped out the red in her ledger, if there ever was any left <3

.....that being said, really, no lingering zoom on a photo of her somewhere at the avengers compound? Nothing? The reaction immediately afterwards was well done, but it was kind of awks that it never came back with even a mention lol 

Loved the way they did the ‘Guys...I think it worked’ emphasized only by the sound of birdsong. This movie killed it with the quieter moments

And now for something absolutely not quiet:

STEVE!!!

CAUGHT!!!!

THOR’S!!!!

HAMMER!!!!

I HAVE NEVER HEARD A THEATRE COLLECTIVELY LOSE THEIR SHIT LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE

I may have screamed. So. fucking. aces.

Between ‘Hail Hydra’, ‘That is America’s ass’, and lifting the hammer, Steve really owned this movie didn’t he lol

that’s my boy <3

they may have turned steve’s last movie into an avengers movie, but man alive this avengers movie was pretty much steve’s show and he killed every second of it

I’m giddy just thinking about it 

And speaking of giddy, everyone’s return.....normally the big final climactic battle scene tends to pale in comparison to nimbler action sequences that happened earlier, but I said giddy and I meant it. They really pulled out all the crown-pleasing stops in it, and it was impossible to nitpick, I had the biggest fucking smile on my face the whole time

AND OH MAN THAT ONE LITTLE MOMENT WITH DR. STRANGE. HOLDING UP ONE FINGER. WHAT A MOMENT. INCREDIBLE. JAW-DROPPING. VISIONARY. TRANSCENDAENT. UPLIFTING. MY HEART SOARED.

Until......THAT MOMENT

“I am Iron Man”

TONY

Oh god

Everyone speculated it would happen, but I didn’t actually think it would. IDK MAYBE I’M JUST NAIVE LOL.

I was actually kind of numb there for a while and I stayed numb until....

“Your dad liked cheeseburgers too”

Yeah there was no recovering after that lol, I was basically a wreck until the end from that moment on

Man...Tony Stark actually died....

As powerful as it was, I don’t really think they had to go there in order to bring the pathos? Idk I have mixed feelings about that choice lol, his big moment was epic but you know what else is epic? Going back to your log cabin to live with your family in peace lol. Idk I’m still not sure how I feel about their choice with that, but maybe it just hasn’t fully hit me yet

Sam as the new Captain America?? A-fucking-men

And this brings us to the ending

the controversial ending which is already causing its own civil war based on what I’ve seen so far haha. And for what my two cents are worth....

I loved it. That was a bold move and I really have to give them props for choosing something risky and unexpected as a conclusion. 

That last shot was absolutely beautiful. The moment ‘It’s Been A Long, Long Time’ kicked in I think my breath caught. And that slow zoom in on the window to see Steve and Peggy dancing 11 years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to a close, and sealing it with a kiss? Gorgeous.

I’m honestly choked up again just thinking about it lol.

And although it’s a small thing, no end credits sequence?? That’s what we call true closure lol, and I think that was what really hammered in the fact that it’s really all over, folks <3

Yes there were some nit-pickable things, some things that could have been better, or came too little too late, and I can’t even BEGIN to wrap my head around the time-travel implications in the conclusion (and I’m not sure we’re supposed to haha). But they took approximately 9000 storylines and characters and managed to represent them in what was actually a genuinely emotional, thoughtful, and entertaining movie that managed to smash the expected formula and the gently pick it back up again to piece together a satisfying, crowd-pleasing, and soaring resolution. Yeah a good deal of the emotional-payoff was already built in what with audiences bringing their own 10-year journeys with these movies to the theatre, and part of my excitement about this movie is definitely tied into the overall pop culture phenomenon itself. But as a movie it exceeded all my expectations, and I’m very satisfied. Thanks, Marvel. It’s been a good run <3

[princess-megz]

Who do you ship your mutuals with and why?

this post is basically me giving lots and lots of love to my dear mutuals; i don’t wanna spam y’all so it’s all gonna be under here! nfkajsndc also this is in no particular order i love all of y’all so much based off of broduce trainees! 💖

@simplicitwannaone • laulau🐮hi first of all i love you second of all i ship you with senwoo i mean what i ship you with me ???? ?? not me i didnt say that i ship you with pjh your ultimate bias ?? i ship you with me i need to stop and do this serIOUSLY i ship u with your ong!!!! i ship you with gong seongwoo because first, your introverted personality irl will match with his outgoing loud one, also hes 179cm perf for your giant height u hardcore tol!!!! third hes also down to kabedon you give you cuddles so yall can be tol softs together

@heochannies  • meike 🌸visuaL!!!! i missed you welcome back minhyun bc yall give me ceo couple vibes daniel!! bc yall would look so so soft at home just cuddling and just you cooking and him just hugging your waist i just- awwwwwwww buT THEN LIKE if yall were going to like a fancy gala and you just dressed up in a long fancy gown and your face beat and him with his hair slicked back o my gosh yall would look sO GOOD i need to stop but yall would be couple goals jsndckjnak

@laji-101 • krissy❣️krISSY !! huehuehue i ship you with gunhee? guanlin? me? hehehe i ship you with guanlin! hes so soft irl and you wouldnt crush him when you hug him!!!! hed probably crush u but thats besides the point you guys awww soft awks couple best ship wow one tol and one smol how cute and u cant forget!!! guanlin is such a meme hes a s-swaggy rapper ;))

@seungkwanslowqualityenglish • mom!!!mom!!!!!! i feel like wine mom would look good with ahjumma jisung!! aside from the fact that yall have a lot of motherly instincts i think that you would smother each other in love and treat each other to cute lil dinners and he would buy you cute lil rose bouquets and i feel that this would be a rlly cute rlly domestic relationship d’awww but i lowkey ship u with jaehwan

@thegentlemanukulele • natnat 👑naTTT!!! Official Visual™ whats good i ship you with minhyun wait no dingdong but also minhyun stop what about dingdong mINHYUN I SHIP YOU WITH MINHYUN yall will be the official ceo organised couple u cuties i feel like with your soft innocence and his hardcore exterior w his soft heart yall will be so cute and there will be lots of cuddles and and and and jusT EVERYTHING about this ship is so adorable and uhngkasdckn its so cute youre so cute

@dae-vil • daEDAE ♡( ◡‿◡ )daedae!!!! are you feeling better i hope you are

@jihoonslattee • chiii (￣ε￣＠)chiiii!!! i ship you with jihoon !! anD NOT BECAUSE YOU BIAS HIM nksndckjn but because your lovely welcoming personality would be able to support him when hes feeling down :(( also i feel like you would be able to tolerate his lil aegyo moments unlike christy who would probably just roast the shit out of him and his somewhat cute fashion sense aww ^^ anD yall,,,, dance couple,, need i say more? the potential duet covers yall could do,, :’) thE BEST!!!

@peachiejihoonie • jiejie 😍wow my actual jiejie hows life with our parents been in the us???? good????? thx for leaving me behind in hk thx sis rlly appreciate it sjNCKSJN anYWAYS back to the point i ship you with lowkey minki??? mostly bc yall would be able to roast the living shIT out of each other with no feelings hurt bc ur a highkey savage and hed also be able to make u laugh a lot whicH IS SO CUTE and he’d act all tough when hes out on a date with u like ‘smh stay away creeper dudes this is mY gIRL’ and youd probably smack him but youd lowkey be shimkunging aw speaKING of creeper dudes although minki is lanky i think hed also be able to prOTECC u not that u need it but i feel like he’d have a protective instinct over u idk why bUT awwww jiejie youre so cute pls dont fight chi bc i shipped her w jihoon

@wildereyes • rach (ノ*°▽°*)raCH!!!! hehe hi!! i ship you w donghyun!! hes so soft and adorable and if youre ever having a bad day i feel like he’d be the type to do anything to make you laugh again :’) anD JUST him singing and you dancing and nsdkjackjsndkacn amAZING i support 101% yall would be so cute and i feel like yall would have compliment wars u know!! like ‘you look so cute today’ and his entire face would just light up and ‘nOOOooOOo youre the cutest’ and cue a never ending bickering match wow i love this nsdjnk

@kakaotaeks • eggslurper #2 lenlen!!lennie!!! we miss you so much pls come back when you have the time !! u know i gotta ship my homegirl with hyeongseob,, both yall wILD i mean who could forget the time when you got into fnc and started twerking #neverforget but when yall are together.. its just so soft,, so domestic with the cuddles on the couch and soft pecks while watching probably like a horror movie or something idk some sort of action/romcom d’aww

@ladynightmareii • snazzy :’)snazzy snazzy snazzy i hope youre well and getting better :also pls dont hurt me yes i do realise the age gap but this is just purely hypothetical pls dont hurt me :c

@imagineproduce101 • rinaaaa (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)rinaaa!! local v*dka aunt i ship you with jonghyun! bc ur kinda wild aaand hes basically the equivalent of a clumsy big bear plush, yall rlly balance each other out well! i highkey imagine yall spending a day at the arcade and running around and winning all the tickets possible, ending the day with a light stroll in the park with ice cream in your hands and just u know that cute wartortle smile he has and he just grins and you and wOW shimkung everywhere and omg when you get chilly he just takes off his jacket and puts it on your shoulders aWWW yall suit each other so well this is so cute im so soft for this

@scorpionallday • m!!!ahh u closet fangirl i see u ;))) short but sweet; i ship u with woojin bc ??? hes basically your other half ndckajndak i sweAR yall just- d’awwwww skdn asndka jsnc him with his low voice raps??? u and your harmonies. couple dances?? yes. hiS satoORI ;))))))) u and ur claimed ‘american accent’ smH

hehe i hope you guys enjoyed reading your lil paragraphs

[aliceellablog]

Holiyay?

*08/10/17*

Sorry I haven’t posted for so long... ironic when you’re not well enough to write your blog about your illness aint it!?! 

Anyway, I’m gonna cut right to the chase. Instagram vs real life is such an issue for me. One I probably need to get over…. It’s so hard I don’t know wether I should try and only post positive fun photos and make it look like I’m having a right old great fucking time or to keep it more ‘real’? But then no-one wants to see pics of an ill sad girl and it’ll probably just look like I’m trying to get attention.

I guess this blog is my outlet for now…

I have people who are close to me who tell me that if I post about being ill all the time I’ll never get booked for work or gigs, but then when it comes to my (failing) career as an artist I want to be real. I want to be honest and build a genuine following of people who care enough to join me on the real journey??Answers on a postcard please thanks.

So if you’ve seen the recent Insta posts you will have seen that I managed to go on holiday with my besets friends - genuine yay!I’ve never been away with friends before and could not wait to get ma body in the sun!! Oh that sweet sweet vitamin D!

But maybe I underestimated how tiring travelling was and how hard it would be…

Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret going and there were some really genuinely lovely times - that and I feel so much closer to my friends, but I’ve been back home now for three weeks and I’m just about making it to the supermarket or doing small tasks around the house each day. BIG FAT MEH.

I know I say it a lot but M.E. is so fucking frustrating!!! Because the more you push through and try and go for it the worse you get, so you physically can’t just get on with things- and the pay back is hell.

So on the way there we had the biggest nightmare…. I met Katie, Grace, Tilly, and Nicki at the airport and all was chill- I was feeling pretty shit but not too terrible. We had a bit of food at the Wetherspoons - keeping it classy - and then all went off to get out bits and bobs from Boots, WHSmiths etc - classic airport essentials!! - now… I’ll spare you the details… but I also have Crohns disease, and was not tooooo well!! It seemed that all of a sudden our gate was called… and I was… erm… busy…

I was as quick as I could be (awks), but there is no rushing somethings man!!! We were all panicking on the WhatsApp group and I told the gals I would meet them at the gate… Grace (bless her heart) said she would wait for me - she went to the information desk and told them my situation and asked if we could get a wheelchair or one of those buggy things to assist us to the gate - which of course was the furthest one away!!!

Do you know what they said to her??

‘You have four minutes until the gate closes and you won’t get there in time. You have to go now and leave your friend’ Grace being Grace said no, and waited for me. She tried to explain but they said to her ‘If she’s ill she shouldn’t be travelling’ - THANKS GATWICK - REAL BIG HELP THERE!!

Anyway… I came out of the toilets (why oh why am I selling you all this hahahaha) and found Grace - we had less than 4 minutes to do like a good 10 minute walk.

I don’t think I’ve moved so fast in a long time!! We were proper power walking through the airport and Grace would break into a jog at some points. I was fast trailing behind her shouting ‘just go!’ ‘Go on without me!’ Which of course she didn’t….

Stress levels were ridiculous, and I almost collapsed on an escalator - I sat and G rubbed my back…. After what seemed like a marathon we got to the gate… where everyone was sat chilling and they hadn’t even stared boarding yet. cool. whatever… Then Tilly comes walking up behind us as my body is shaking and I start to cry from all the adrenaline- ‘oh hey guys! you got here quick!’ - yea Tilly… real quick….LOL

By that time my legs were utter jelly and I thought I was going to pass out - very pleasant- but we all got on the plane and were laughing so hard at the messages of sheer panic in the WhatsApp group! We were all SO RELIEVED that we had made it!! I literally thought I had ruined everyone’s holiday!! - oops!! Never eating before a flight again! ;)

So we got to Spain and yet again the airport staff were assholes - I was as you can imagine feeling awful and there was a huge queue to get through passport control- I had my disabled parking badge with me as way of proof (people look at me and just don’t get it) and so Kaite and I asked if there was any where I could sit to wait for the queue to go down or any way we could go to the front. After they’d asked ‘where is the disabled girl?’ looking straight past me, and told me no, we’d had enough and just walked straight through while they shouted ‘Policia’ at us etc…. Luckily the police did not come and we went straight through!

What is it with these people?? Like even if I was a healthy girl who became ill on the plane they should WANT to help someone who is asking for assistance??

They can all get in the bin. End of.

So next was the drive (thank you Nicki for driving on the other side of the road for us all!!) to the villa and then we were there! Bloody exhausting.

The gals all then went out for dinner and I went to bed and ate a gluten free pot noodle I had packed in ma suitcase. Living the dream I tell ya!

The next day I was feeling pretty awful and chilled all day by the pool - now of course I am not complaining as I am so lucky to have been able to go on holiday at all, but that day, and most of the time actually, it was just a massive head fuck.

How was I was sat by the pool, surrounded by palm trees in the gorgeous sun, yet all I felt like doing was crying. I couldn’t shake it.

I didn’t want to be with my friends and I didn’t have the energy to make conversation, but kept trying and didn’t want to ruin everyone else’s holiday or be a downer.

Some of the time it just felt I was like having salt rubbed in my wounds right in my face. I was surrounded by four other healthy girls doing what I wished I could be.

I guess at home where I can escape to my room, and the fact that they are all at work everyday, it’s a little easier to cope.

But watching them all have fun and go out without me, and drink wine every night etc. was just a bit rubbish I guess.

I’m sure I sound ridiculous but you can’t help what you feel, and that’s what I felt.

The second night I went for dinner with them all but got so unwell I was in tears at the dinner table and got a cab home and left them to it. Fuck sake. (Sorry for all the swearing… just feel strongly lol)

I did improve a bit as the holiday went on, and my god they were all SO helpful and caring - always carrying the sun lounger out to the pool for me, and making me food when I was super tired (great omelette’s Nix!!), taking my suitcase for me at the airport, all that kinda stuff - and for that I thank them all, I must have been such a burden always having to be ‘looked after’ and I hated that. But they were beyond wonderful. Love you all SO MUCH!!

Then Emily arrived for the last few days which was awesome as we don’t get to see her as much now she’s moved out- so that was cool and we had a really lovely day at the beach which I genuinely enjoyed and did feel a little better - oh and I got duck pancakes that day too… nuff said!! :)

On the Saturday we had decided to have our one ‘night out’ -it was really nice to all get dolled up and as most of us are single now there was a lot of banter with the bar staff etc!

But again I was there drinking a Diet Coke and they were there making bloody boomerangs of them cheersing with their champagne glasses and getting drunk. God I am bitter!! hahaha

How do I always end up writing about my long to get drunk on this blog haha…. I just really miss it I guess… It’s hard cos my personality is so full of get up and go and lets go get drunk and dance!!! But instead I get to a club, can’t drink and all I think about is where can I sit down and what time shall I get a cab home on my own.

Wow… I really can complain huh!!!

On a positive note- I did have a dance that night!! Ok it was for maybe like 2 songs and it was more of a side step LOL but it felt really good! … and again…. Bar staff were on fleeek - for a laugh Nicki and I went up and she dared me to ask for his number… which I did…he was like the most gorgeous man I had ever seen!! But he had to get a woman over to translate as he didn’t understand a word I was saying and then when he did give me his number he asked if I spoke Spanish… to which I said no…. Most pointless exchange ever but Nicki and I were dying laughing and then just kinda ran away! I felt 13 again!

Then Grace did a high kick on the dance floor and fell flat on her face - and got glass in her hand. Doh! Oh Grace- your dance moves make me so happy- man I wish I could do crying laughing emojis on here!!!

-Don’t worry, Grace got looked after! After being told she would need stitches by the bar staff, she ended up in A&E but came home a mere plaster

Anyway I am rambling now -

After that night again I felt terrible and didn’t make it out to dinner with the gals but was glad I had made it out in the first place. I sat and ate chocolate watching the sunset instead. All good ;)

Then the journey home of course was pretty rubbish - British Airways you suck balls. - We pre booked assistance on the way home after our first ordeal! But this then meant waiting on the (very cold) plane for another half an hour, then being wheeled to a dark hallway and being left sat there alone (no staff anywhere) for about 45 minutes. We got so fed up that Katie found a few wheelchairs and stole one- I mean if they’re not gonna help we will help ourselves… it was at that moment that the buggy arrived and faffed about for a long time and then took us through passport control etc. LONG. Would have probably been less tiring to walk but then you never know how far it is!

After hitting my head at the train station I arrived home to Sussex where my mum picked me up.

Then HOME!! Oh the joy!! Bed with my cat! YAAAASSSS!!!

Unfortunately the next day I had hospital in the morning but it was to see a consultant I’ve been waiting forever to see who is giving me a trail of some new medication.

I don’t want to get my hopes up so am trying not to think about it but my god I am PRAYING that it might just help! - I’ll let ya know ;)

So now that I am back in London I am back to trying to do small realistic tasks each day and build back up from there. It’s depressing. It’s frustrating. It’s lonely. But it has to be done.

Much love for anyone who has actually read that!!! Means so much and am just trying to turn a negative into a positive - I enjoy writing this and hope that someone in a similar situation might be able to relate, and that someone who has never heard of M.E. might gain a little understanding.

Please get in touch if you wanna chat :)

My website: www.aliceella.com

Insta: @aliceellagram

MWAH x

[apatheticenthusiasticchick-blog]

Datings apps: Ghouls vs ghosts vs everything in between vs THAT ONE LUCKY COW

So…. I’ve had a few conversations about dating app experiences and it seems that people have had the similar experiences with the guys they have come across. There are 3 types of guys… the ghouls and ghosts and everything in between. Let me break it down. Here is an example situation:

So you’re flicking through your dating app, may that be Bumble, Tinder, POF, Dil Mil, Muz Match, you name it. Your thumb is starting to feel rather numb from swiping left so much. Its a draining process but hey, you’re trying to be open minded and move on from your ex or that guy who came in to your life and swiftly left without a proper reason. You are determined to move on. So you keep flicking. By now your standards have kind of lowered and you start second guessing whether you are being too picky. But then…hark! A potential step forward in life in the form of a beautiful specimen or even an average looking person you could learn to be attracted to (if you squint really hard) presents themselves on your screen. Profile looks OK… doesn’t seem stuck up, doesn’t seem like a weirdo… swipe right!! You message first.. 

Me: “Hey how are you today? Hows your weekend?” 

*smiley face emoji*… 

Now this person could be any one of the following:

The Ghost This person is such a waste of time and space its actually ridiculous. So let me get this straight, you have matched with me but you’re not going to speak? At all? Why? Does the idea of a growing list of people you have matched with and never spoken to help you sleep at night???? Don’t get me wrong, its perfectly normal to change your mind after you have matched with someone. Sometimes a long streak of lefts makes you swipe right just to change up the game a bit. However the courteous thing to do is either make up an excuse and apologize or unmatch. Not do the Casper the friendly ghost dance for a whole week! I’m sure they have their explanations… “ I don’t come on here very often”, “I’m talking to someone else”. Well then unmatch me or just say so. Why drag this on further? It just doesn’t make sense at all. So long Casper, you idiot.

The Ghoul This guy really is a piece of work. But under all the shock and disgust, you have to kind of admire his honesty (in a weird twisted way). 

Scenario: 

Me: Hey Joe Bloggs, how are you? 

Joe Bloggs: Hey beautiful, I’m good thanks! How are you? 

Side note to self: Oh wow he replied! That’s a good sign (FYI the fact that the dude needs to be given a brownie point for replying is just actually so sad in itself) 

Me: I’m great thank you :)

Pleasant conversation is exchanged. You find out about his hobbies, his interests, his life etc etc. So far so good. He’s good looking, has decent banter, is quite responsive, maybe I should ask him to meet up? 

Joe Bloggs: So what are you looking for? 

Side note to self: Don’t say you want a relationship leading to marriage and babies and growing old together, because that will scare him. 

Me: Oh well, I’m just seeing what dating apps are about. Just taking it slow. Maybe meet someone on here that I really get along with and then eventually it becomes something serious. But really just to get to know someone first. You? 

Joe Bloggs: Yeh same really. By the way you are so hot… I cant wait to meet you…but I know if I met you I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of your sexy body. 

Me: (feeling awks) Lol! Erm thanks…. 

Joe Bloggs: Your lips are gorgeous, if I kissed you I wouldn’t be able to stop…and your eyes are so seductive. 

Now let me just point out that for me personally, these are compliments I would expect from someone after they have gotten to know me for maybe a week through talking or maybe meeting up. Not within the first five mins. So now I’m feeling super awks. I know, I’ll write “lol” multiple times to make up for the awkwardness.

(continued:) 

Me: Lol I’m not used to so many compliments, lol you’re making me feel awkward LOL LOL

Joe Bloggs: Well you better get used to it babe because when I see you I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you. 

Sorry Joe Bloggs what makes you think I’m going to let you touch me on the first date? Why the hell would you assume that??? 

(continued:) 

Joe Bloggs: Those tits are to die for…

OK that’s it, really, wtf?!?! 

Me: unmatch. 

Me: Feels like taking a shower and scrubbing self from head to toe in dettol. 

Why do people do this? So because I said I want to take things slow that immediately means that I’m DTF? Yet if I said the truth (which is I want to meet my soul mate, get married have babies grow old and die happy), I’d come across as too intense or desperate?? Give me a damn break. How is it possible to be made to feel like a naked piece of meat over the internet through normal conversation?!? Its gross. Really gross. 

Everything in between 

This is the guy that is a good balance between the ghoul and the ghost. He delivers appropriate compliments at the right time without making your skin crawl. He is both responsive and proactive with his communication without coming across too clingy or invisible. You have great banter. You have lots in common. You seem like you are on the same page. You’re attracted to him. You are very comfortable and open with him. And you love talking to him. Except that’s just it. He wants to talk. But he doesn’t want to meet up. Sounds crazy right? But believe me there are lots of these floating about. 

This my friends, is what we refer to as the “Telephone Rude Boy”. The Telephone Rude Boy never wants to meet up, the Telephone Rude Boy doesn’t want you to meet other people. The Telephone Rude Boy manages to take up majority of your time and energy without even seeing you. What an amazing magician he is! 

Or he could be the guy who does all of the above and does meet you and spends time with you but never commits and never allows you to leave him either. This is known as the Stagnant Stud. Key skills including remaining stagnant and making everyone else around him stagnant too. 

Be careful ladies, months, even years will go by, and you will realize you were engrossed in something that led to absolutely nothing with minimal self growth. You will look at yourself and realize pieces if you have been hacked away and you got nothing in return. You will feel smaller and you will feel so exhausted. Trust me. 

The Nice Guy 

Well this is the guy that ONE VERY LUCKY COW manages to meet. They will connect and he will want to see her and spend time with her and commit to her. They will be in each others pockets and then get married as soon as they hit the 12 month mark. Hip hip hooray. (Rolls eyes). 

Conclusion

So why do we do it? Why do we keep going on these dating apps? Why do we put ourselves through this awful process? 

Well it might just be that we don’t meet the nice guy online, but more the dating app is a way to allow us to be more ready and open to meeting new people. It’s that one very difficult but very significant step to tell ourselves that we are going to try and move forward. Its also possible that the ONE VERY LUCKY COW might be us one day. There is a chance that we could find that one guy who we actually like talking to and being with, who will want to commit to us and spend time with us FACE TO FACE and will want to be with us. It might be that we meet someone who is willing to learn and grow alongside us and not stunt us or hold us back. It might just be that we might meet someone either online or somewhere else who wont be a ghost or a ghoul or a telephone rude boy or a stagnant stud. Because he might just be the one.