#// sorry this turned out kinda like a vent

[phantonixx]

on the verge of being expelled from uni right in a couple of weeks before graduation. such a thrilling feeling

[yourfavepookiebear]

I really need a new friend tbh

It's not that I don't like my friends rn, but they just never answer me

The irl ones too. Like I text them but they never answer. I text my bff (I honestly don't don't know if I can call her that anymore) and she never answers, not a day later not a week later not a month later not a year later. Never. She wasn't like this before, and she's not that busy at all, so obviously it means she must be doing it on purpose for whatever reason she has.

You never asked nor did anyone else, but the reason I text so much is because I need to distract myself from the present.

But when no one, absolutely none out of all the 9-10 or so close friends I have answer, it leaves me pondering. My thoughts inevitably wonder, and I find myself drowning in them. I don't like that. I don't like thinking. I don't like pondering. I don't like being silent. But I have no choice.

I finish my work, my studies, my homework, my chores, and everything else, but realizing I have no one at all leaves me wondering, pondering and wandering endlessly, infinitely.

And, just as expected, the conclusion my mind comes to is that 'no one likes me' hence 'the reason why they never answer is because they do not appreciate you, nothing about you is good or particularly pleasing, which means you are not worth their time.' And eventually leads to me distancing myself and ghosting them just 'like they did to me'.

Therefore, I stay silent. As much as I hate to, I keep silent and my gaze stays downcast. I don't listen to anyone or anything, I don't answer any question or message, I don't talk, I don't smile, I don't laugh, I don't joke around, I don't draw, I don't write. Nothing. At that state of mine I am only vast nothingness, completely empty and devoid of any emotion whatsoever.

If you knew me, you'd also know that when I am 'sad' (silent), everyone else around me is sad as well.

I do not need to focus to notice how my ears are ringing and no one needs to put me under a microscope to know that silence is my way of weeping.

[malwarechips]

ok hot take: arti is NOT balanced. specifically her combat. not in an overpowered way, but the opposite. she's not strong enough for combat against scavengers. arti has ZERO abilities to resist spears outside of the parry, which requires timing and honestly quite impressive reaction speed. ("just turn the game speed down!" some people cant play with the speed lowered! (me) ive been playing since before downpour and ive NEVER used the mushrooms so im USED to this speed. turning it down throws me off so much that id die MORE) sure, she can resist explosives somewhat, she wont die to them, but she still gets stunned anyways. so who cares if shes immune to death from explosives when she cant do anything PASSIVELY about spears, the thing that matters. you survive a grenade, but then you get stabbed in the head a second later and die anyways. scavengers weren't designed to be fought. they have a reputation system for a reason. they're the sort of creature you dont fuck with because they WILL fuck your shit up beyond belief. arti goes against all of that. and shes not strong enough to. she doesn't have resistences to what MATTERS. fighting large groups can be near impossible sometimes. and sure, you can avoid those most times, but you physically cannot in metro. you HAVE to fight them at least SOMEWHAT to even get through.

i understand how people can like arti. but the problem is she's simply not strong enough. i understand that rain world is MEANT to be difficult, but arti takes it too far imo. she's difficult into unfairness. sure, losing karma doesn't matter. but doing the same thing again and again and again just... is terrible. even if you take a different route. i took different routes almost every other time i died while playing arti. i still got sick of dying. i was so relieved when i beat it. i never plan on playing her again. she brought me genuine, terrible stress. she killed my drive to want to play rain world for a while; the thought of just opening it stressed me out. games are meant to be fun. i can understand how arti could be, but she just isnt to me. she's not fun. she will never be fun for me without significant altering. and even then, i highly doubt i could ever bring myself to play her again. just looking at her select screen art makes me anxious.

[scabbardsystem]

okay. so. our facet Faucet is our secret keeper, and we did not ask [ ] permission before introducing this blog to others. so [ ] isn't very pleased, to say the least.

[fecto-forgo]

the whole thing of treating pets like family members is real cute until you lose the capability of understanding youre caring for animals n not cute fluffy plushies labeled "child"

my mom INSISTED on adopting 2 somewhat big dogs out of pity last year, she insists on getting attached to pets like theyre her children so thats the cutesy way she originally treated them.we do not have enough space for 2 dogs their size n she refuses to ever play w them or take them on walks (im unable to do that myself bc i cant go where theyre kept without help n shed just get mad.i know she would from experience), most of her interaction w them when shes not cutely calling them her kids bc theyre cute to look at is screaming at them for barking, she literally spends the entire day at times talking abt how she wishes she didnt have them n their food is getting way too expensive for how much money we have.so yk she decided to give them away to this guy w a HUGE farm space proper for dogs like them, ignoring how she treats them one could say its noble she realized theyre not well here n let them go somewhere better for their needs

anyways then in less than a day she threw a hissy fit she wanted her "children" back bc she cannot see pets as animals but as cutesy children who need mommy constantly so the dogs r back at somewhere theyll eventually die of boredom bc their only entertainment is barking at lizards bc my mom cant understand dogs have needs n arent there to play cutesy family roles n look nice.its just your responsability for a pet owner to know your ANIMALS needs, n some ppl r literally just not cut to own pets if they insist on seeing them as "essentially people bc its cute to treat them like they r" than animals w specific needs to be kept

like.on base calling pets family is cute.i get the appeal im willing to play along w being the pets sister bc it IS a cute term to use for fun.but when you do it sm you can no longer understand you own animals n not literal children (granted if she treated a child like that shed land in jail immediately) thats just.honestly youre just kinda stupid n obviously get pets bc theyre cute to have, not bc you want to take care of animals

[falmerbrook]

absolutely fucking hating how my art looks right now. which already sucks normally but is real soul crushing when my entire mental state hinges on being able to draw things im at least content with

[ducktollers]

i miss boxing

[inkykeiji]

good morning this alhaitham piece is killing me

[stinkrascal]

[mg549]

tagged by @graveyardrabbit 👍!

last song: mama by mcr <3

currently watching: nothing 😔✊idk its hard to get me to watch tv shows. oh i did jst remember like 2 years ago or sth i started watching Every X-Files Ever with a big excel sheet of all my opinions and shit. but its been hard to get thru bc the later seasons have not been very enjoyable and also ive been Busy with work n putting out consistent art n shit that its hard to justify sitting down and not doing anything for that long ig. ive also slowly been getting thru various slasher franchises&watching iconic horror movies since i love horror but havent watched a lot of the movies, &its easier for me to get thru an hour and a half of sth Complete than 45 mins of a Part of a larger story. the original scream is def the cream of the crop of what ive seen so far, meanwhile i watched the first saw last night and it was incredibly stupid and frustrating to watch. 9/11 rly took its toll on media

currently reading: 😶 even harder than videos bc i absolutely cannot multitask while reading. recently finished frankenstein (which i started literally almost 3 years prior (its not that long or difficult i jst struggle to justify spending time on things that i dont consider “work” in my brain) (also it was p good but you could literally cut out the second part and the story would benefit imo it jst rly slogs down the pace and axes any tension for a lot of details that could be conveyed much quicker if they were explained in less detail)) and the communist manifesto (didnt take nearly as long bc its like pamphlet length gbdkjd) edit everyone go read izroulia actually a new series came out today&i haven't been able to read it yet but its been keeping me going fr i love how earnest it is in being itself its such a good piece of safe media for me if that makes sense

current obsession: ughhhhhhhhh ive been in between obsessions for a lil bit i feel like. idk this is sth i struggle w/ bc the last thing i felt fully like Enveloped in was the adventure zone (orig. arc) which ended. 5 years ago. lemon demon&lemonville came shortly after but it was hard to feel it was on the same scale bc it was actively in creation as i was there and associated #Drama also lessened its grip faster than it would’ve had it been like an existing show or sth. plus theres less ppl obvs. had a brief good omens phase but it burned out pretty quick bc i had so thoroughly dissected it very quickly. &since then ive kind of jst been cycling between existing interests (monster high/fashion dolls in general, mercreatures, creepypasta/slenderman/horror in general) plus the occasional mcr blast but it doesnt quite Grip the same bc there arent like Characters i can rotate. the best ive gotten is obsessing over my own ocverses but its not the same.... idk i rly rly Want to feel the Passion that fandom brings but none of the media thats blown up interests me enough to consider consuming the media or i take a peak&dont like it cause im picky...idk my fundamental problem is that im picky and hard to please bc i can deconstruct things so easily to see its Bones and if a story is more surface level and straightforward and easy to understand its hard for me to keep my attention on it at the stage of my life im in. that being said aquamarine is my fave movie tho so. but then again i think ppl jst write it off cause its a chick flick. idk recommend me things but dont be surprised if its not my vibe ig

ummmmmmmmmmm idk who to tag u can do this if u want to&say i tagged u but i think i was kinda a bummer w/ these answers so 😔✊

[computer-boy]

a few more days until i can bundle up in bed for two days and not do anything (finally)

[basuralindo]

TFW the mania finally chills out and you can think clearly but all the stress that triggered it is still there

[somelazyassartist]

.

[yourlegacysnotyourstosee]

People that make fun of their neurodivergent friends for talking about their special interests and hyperfixations a lot go fuck yourself like actually wtf is wrong with you

[vinniedirkota]

you know whats fucked. i dont actually mind it. egotistical i know to see art of my kintype and go hey thats me, but i try not to be too weird out loud about it. but anyway yeah i. i look at art of myself being tortured and i go yeah okay reblog. such is life. im even interested in it half the time, like damn how are the tumblr artists making me suffer today?

yeah maybe it is wrong and kind of weird that my kintype is the one people choose to whump more than almost anyone else. but i cant find it in myself to be upset, cuz im not. maybe if it were roxy or dave id get freaked out but me? eh. i just seem so tormentable huh. put that boy on the rack. make him live through the horrors.

maybe its an attention thing lowkey. martyr complex, victim fantasy, whatever. maybe it helps me feel like a main character. an ego boost. im special enough to be the little doll that you throw at the wall? okay i like that idea. i need therapy.

[takasuya]

man