#//also i know nothing about electrical boxes or electricity - roll with it LMAO

[nugnthopkns]

if everything could ever feel this real forever

word count: 4.3k

warnings: explicit!fem reader, cursing, alcohol consumption, allusion to sexual content (nothing explicit but minors please be aware!)

recommended listening: everlong | foo fighters

a/n: broke down and wrote for ratty matty. alternalty titled four times matthew thinks you’re the one and one time he knows (4+1′s are fun to write, pls don’t fight me). also pls ignore the fact i don’t know how airports work, i’ve only ever flown domestically lmao

Matthew feels different when you’re around. 

You don’t turn him into a completely different person. He’s still himself – an absolute pest at times – but more genuine. With you he can feel everything deeply, say whatever’s on his mind without the fear of being judged. It’s the best kind of different, and he wouldn’t change it for the world. His teammates constantly ask him when he’s going to lock you down; put a ring on your finger and change your last name, but he needs to be sure before he makes such a big commitment. 

one

It’s the beginning of July, and you’re sweating buckets in the back of an Uber. The driver has the air cranked, but nothing seems to alleviate the heat. You know it will be worse in St. Louis so you do your best not to complain, but it’s hard. Taking two weeks off to visit your boyfriend in his hometown sounded like a great idea, but reading the weather forecast has you re-evaluating the trip. 

Your phone lights up in your lap, and you eagerly unlock it. It’s a text from Matthew. Have a safe flight. Text me when you land. Tayrn will be there to pick you up – Brady and I’s on-ice got extended. I’ll see you when I get home. Love you. 

Though you wish he could be the first person you see when you touch down, you understand that his job comes first. Besides, your re-unification will be more private this way. I get to see the best Tkachuk first, fuck yeah you reply, before following it up with Love you too Matty. See you soon. 

Soon after sending the text you arrive at the entrance of Calgary International Airport. With a polite thank you to your driver, you grab your suitcase and head inside. The working air conditioning answers your silent prayers and you feel your body slowly return to a normal temperature. Check in is fast, and before you know it you’re breezing through security. A slightly nervous traveller, you’re at the gate earlier than you need to be. The plane doesn’t take off for another two hours. You don’t mind the wait, listening to a couple of podcast episodes and grabbing a snack at the lounge before boarding. 

The five hour flight passes in the blink of an eye. St. Louis is busier than Calgary, and it takes you longer than you thought it would to get through customs. Once passed immigration and at the baggage carousel you let Matthew know you’re safely inside the city limits. You grab your obnoxious suitcase – a bright red thing with a giant Flames logo that Matthew thought would be funny to give you – and set out to find Tayrn. She’s easy to spot, waving a giant poster with your name on it. Abandoning nearly all airport etiquette, you rush through the crowd to see her. Over the years she’s become a little sister and close friend, and you really wish you could see her more frequently. 

“Y/N!” Taryn squeals as you wrap your arms around her. The pair of you embrace for another moment or two before making your way to her car. Neither of you can stop talking, so excited to be in each other’s presence.

“It’s so nice to be back,” you sigh. “I really do like St. Louis.” 

Tayrn giggles. “You’re just excited to see Matthew.” 

Though she isn’t wrong, you swat her bicep in faux annoyance. “What? Can a girl not enjoy a nice Midwestern city?” You push your sunglasses up onto the bridge of your nose before continuing. “Besides, I only came here to see you. I see enough of Matt at home.”

She rolls her eyes but extends her arm so you can fist bump her. With a quick look to make sure the way is clear, Taryn exits the parking spot and heads in the direction of your temporary home. The open sunroof allows the wind to whip through your hair and you struggle to tame it enough to put it in a ponytail. One Direction blasts from the stereo, and you join Taryn in screaming the lyrics until your lungs hurt. Being on vacation, even if it’s only to St. Louis, is so freeing. You don’t have to deal with work deadlines or friendship drama. All that matters is spending time with Matthew. 

When you pull into the Tkachuk’s driveway it’s empty. It’s Thursday afternoon; Chantal’s at work, Keith is golfing with friends, and the boys are at the rink. You take a few minutes to unpack, filling Matthew’s drawers with your clothes, before joining Taryn by the pool. St. Louis is just as hot as the city you left, and the travel has left you feeling below average. A quick swim is sure to be the perfect remedy. 

The water is the right kind of cool, and alleviates any stress you were possibly feeling. You’re properly in vacation mode now, lounging on pool floaties and gossiping with Taryn. An hour later when Matthew returns home you’re in basically the same position. Stepping out into the yard he sees you urging Taryn to turn around so you can place sunscreen onto the one spot she missed, laughing all the while at some ridiculous celebrity rumor she’s telling you. Seeing you get along so easy with his sister, and the rest of his family, makes his heart swell.

In the couple of months you’ve been separated, Matthew’s thought a lot about his future. Specifically about his future with you. When he closes his eyes he can see it clearly: the two of you married with children and a dog, living in a house in the mountains and loving life. It’s idyllic, and even though he knows you’d say yes if he asked you, Matthew still can’t bring himself to do it. There’s something in the back of his brain telling him to wait until he knows with absolute certainty that you’re it for him.

Not wanting to be separated from you for a minute more, he snaps out of his daze and scurries over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and pressing a kiss to the base of neck, he relishes in how you mould to him immediately, not even questioning who it was. 

“Welcome back baby,” Matthew mumbles into your skin. 

With a chuckle you wriggle slightly in his grasp, allowing yourself to face him. You press a kiss to his lips and it feels like heaven. Absence does make the heart grow fonder, you suppose, because you could stand here kissing Matthew your the rest of your life and be happy. 

“Hi Matty,” you giggle against his lips, parting from him only to rest your forehead on his and twist a curl around your finger.

From somewhere inside the house you hear Brady yell,  “Jesus Christ, you two, get a room.”

Without taking his eyes off you, Matthew replies, “Fuck off Brady!”

two

The energy inside the Saddledome is electric. It’s the Flames’ first home game in nearly a week, doing an east coast road trip and sweeping every team they faced. Six games later the team is on a nine game winning streaking and are hoping to keep it going. You know how much it matters in this moment – the playoffs are fast approaching and all points they can tally up are needed. 

You had decided months ago to buy rinkside tickets for this game, planning to surprise Matthew. He loves when you sit in the regular crowd, cheering and spilling your beer like any old fan. It’s humbling for the both of you, and honestly you enjoy it. Though you love those in the Better Halves box, you were a hockey fan before dating Matthew and sometimes like to enjoy games by yourself. Plus, your friend was supposed to be in town and join you at the game, and you figured she’d like to experience how insane the area is firsthand.

So you do your best to quickly shimmy around those blocking your seat, beverage in hand. It was all you could do to get to the rink on time, sitting in the dense downtown traffic for nearly three quarters of an hour after rushing out of work. You wanted to make it before warmups started to make sure Matt knows you’re there supporting him. No one really bats an eye at you, which you’re thankful for. In no way are you notorious, but it wouldn’t take a die-hard fan long to recognize you. Sitting down and letting a soft sigh escape your lips, you carefully place your jacket over the seat beside you. At the last minute your friend had to cancel her trip to Calgary, leaving you solo. With a quick look at the clock you see that warm up will start in just under a minute. The players begin to step onto the ice as you sip your beer. Matthew is yet to notice you but you don’t take offence. He’s in the zone and most likely won’t realize you’re sitting right in front of him until halfway through the third period.

“Look daddy, it’s Matthew Tkachuk!” you hear a young boy shriek in excitement. “He’s so fast, I want to play just like him.”

You turn to look and see two rows above you there’s a father and son, who looks around eight. He’s wearing a jersey identical to yours, and from the sounds of his excited chattering it’s his first game. Seeing the young boy so happy to be here, to see your boyfriend, has your heart swelling. You want to make this a game he’ll never forget.

“Hi,” you smile at the father. “I don’t mean to intrude, but I know Matthew quite well. Would you like me to get his attention so your son could meet him?”

A shocked expression makes its way onto the dad’s face, but he doesn’t react negatively. “You’d do that?” he asks. “Riley loves Matthew. Wants to be just like him.” When you nod, he lets you approach the boy. 

“Hey there Riley, I’m Y/N,” you say, smiling and extending a hand to him. “I’m a special friend of Matthew’s. Would you like to meet him?”

The boy looks at his father tentatively, and only once he nods encouragingly does Riley respond to your question. “Yes please.”

“Why don’t you come down here with me and we’ll get his attention?”

With a little help from you, Riley climbs over the seats and plops unceremoniously beside you. You help him straighten out his jersey before beginning a conversation. He tells you he plays in a local youth league and wants to make it to the NHL one day. When prompted, you explain to him that you work a boring office job that you love even though it makes you angry sometimes. It’s all very formal, but after cracking a few jokes you get him to loosen up.

Matthew, still not having noticed you, begins to skate along the boards in your direction. “Watch this,” you whisper-yell to your newfound friend, “I bet he’ll jump super high.”

As soon as Matthew passes your spot you bang on the glass and scream his name. Sure enough, his skates lift a good three inches of the ice and he shrieks. Teammates around him laugh and the look on his face is priceless when he discovers you’re the culprit. 

“Babe!” 

You smile. “Matty, this is my new friend Riley. He wears number nineteen just like you!” A glance at the boy lets you know he’s starstruck, and your eyes lock with Matthew’s. 

He leans down and rests his hands on his knees, at eye level with the child. “Hi Riley,” he begins. “I’m Matt. I like your jersey.” 

After that, Riley’s a tap that won’t turn off. He details every bit of his day to Matt, and even though their voices are muffled a bit from the glass they get on like two peas in a pod. Matthew is great with children and doesn’t shy away from having legitimate conversations with them. He talks to them like they’re people, which is something you admire about him. The warmup time runs out, but before he heads back to the dressing room Matthew hoists his stick over the glass, giving it to Riley. The younger boy beams and waves goodbye. You blow Matthew a kiss, which he gladly returns, and turn your attention away from him as his figure retreats. 

“Is he your boyfriend?”The question makes you laugh.

“Is it that obvious?” you ask, to which Riley just shrugs. 

“He called you ‘babe’, and my mommy calls my dad that. That means you’re in love,” he says as though it’s the most obvious thing in the entire world. 

Matthew cannot pay attention in the locker room for the life of him. He’s trying really hard to listen to everyone’s hype speeches, but his mind keeps wandering back to the interaction you shared during warm up. You looked so happy watching him interact with the boy you found god knows where within the arena. It’s then he realizes he wants to watch you act like that for the rest of his life. He wants to see you bring excited children to meet him because you have the power to make their nights. His suspicion is confirmed when he steps onto the ice and looks in your direction, finding you and Riley pressed up against the glass cheering loudly.

three

The Giordano’s are hosting an end-of-season barbeque before everyone scatters into the wind, and you’re going to be late. No matter how much you reminded Matthew of what time you had to leave he still started getting ready as you were finishing up. This typically wouldn’t be a big deal, but he has recently started taking care of his curls, and the routine eats up a lot more time than he anticipates. 

“Matty, are you almost ready? There’s going to be no parking!”

His footsteps echo off the hardwood floor as he comes towards you. “That’s what you’re worrying about, baby? Parking?” Matthew laughs, pulling you into his side and kissing the crown of your head. 

“Yeah Matt, I am. You know I have parking anxiety.”

“I’ll drive then,” he says sweetly. “Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve driven us. Have some fun tonight.”

The short drive across town is full of laughter. Neither of you are great singers, but it doesn’t stop you from belting out lyrics at the top of your lungs. At some point Matthew breaks out a rather terrible impression of Axl Rose and you just have to post it to your instagram story. Captioning with a simple microphone emoji, you slip your phone back into your sweater pocket. Though most certainly warm enough to spend the entire evening outside, Calgary currently has a bit of a proclivity for wind, and you’d rather be prepared. Outside of Mark and Lauren’s house Matthew finds a spot and parallel parks with ease.

“Shut up,” you mumble, poking your tongue out at him. 

Matthew ruffles your hair in retaliation before jumping out of the vehicle, booking it around to the other side so he can open your door. He isn’t slick about hiding his intentions, grabbing a handful off your ass before leaning down to kiss you. Though you’d much rather stand in the cul-de-sac and make out with your boyfriend, you both have appearances to keep up. You get him to stop being a pest kong enough that you can enter the party and pass him off to his teammates. 

You congregate with some of the other girls in the corner of the yard, and enjoy a drink while the sun sets. It’s fun to gossip with them, to catch up one final time before most of them leave. You’ll be staying in Calgary, job tying you down for the foreseeable future. The only thing that’s better than spending time with your friends is glancing at Matthew from across the space. 

He’s enjoying himself, glass of water in hand. When he offered to be the designated driver he was serious, and he took the shit the boys were giving him in stride. Though you’ve only had one gin and tonic and can’t feel the effects of the alcohol, you’re glad he’s staying true to his word. The heightened water intake makes his skin glow, and you’re having a hard time staying focussed on the story Lauren is telling. He catches you staring and shoots you a dazzling smile. Tired of keeping your distance, you excuse yourself from the conversation and saunter over to your boyfriend. 

“Hey Y/N,” Noah says breezily, raising his glass to you in mock salute. You wrap your arms tightly around Matthew’s waist.

“Hanifin,” you smile. “I’m really sorry to do this, but I need to pull Matt away for a quick second.”

No one in the group is the least bit surprised. The two of you have a reputation for being young and in love, sneaking off often and doing everything that entails. Once the two of you are alone you rest a hand on his chest, dangerously close to the button of his shirt. You then move kissing along the underside of his jaw, pressing your body closer to his to ensure he gets the point. 

“Needy baby?” Matthew tries to smirk, but his voice wavers when you reach the junction of his jawbone and earlobe. 

Declining to speak, you continue your actions until he’s just as desperate to get home as you. Though you try to be sneaky as you exit through the back gate, you won’t be surprised if you wake up to a few crude text messages. You’re too far gone to care, solely focussed on showing your boyfriend how much you love him. 

The entire ride home Matthew can barely focus on the road. Not because you’re doing anything particularly risqué, a few too many close calls have put you both off of initiating things in the car, but because he doesn’t ever want to stop sneaking away from events with you. It’s exhilarating in more ways than one, and he hopes the feeling never goes away. Being with you, his best friend, is something he wouldn’t trade for the entire world. So what if he gets chirped by the boys for having precariously placed marks on his back.

four

September brings a chill to Calgary, but you couldn’t feel warmer. Matthew is due home this afternoon after nearly four months of being away. Of course you visited him in St. Louis, and he even flew back to the city once, but the two of you were mostly separated. Your shared apartment felt cold and lonely without him to annoy you, so you had spent as much time away from it as possible. No longer do you have to fall asleep with Matt’s side of the bed stone cold. 

Though you know he likely won’t care, you’re nervous about the new decor. In an effort to make yourself feel better in Matthew’s absence, you completed some home renovations. Most are superficial, like a new sectional and an ungraded home speaker system, but you had redone the entire kitchen after scrolling through pinterest. The cabinets are a bright yellow, and the walls are a warm cream. Subway tile has also replaced the previous backsplash. You’re quite proud of the way it looks – doing pretty much all of it yourself and only calling your dad when you really needed help. 

You spend much of the morning not doing anything productive, pacing the hallway back and forth. It’s nerve wracking and exciting to have Matthew home. Things will go much smoother with his presence even if he can sometimes be the most annoying person on the planet. You force yourself to eat a small meal before continuing to wear holes into your floor. He’ll arrive in a matter of minutes, and you’re practically vibrating with how much your legs are shaking. 

A key twists in the lock, as though it’s a Pavlovian response, you bound towards the front door. Not even letting him step over the threshold you wrap yourself around him as tightly as possible. Matthew giggles sweetly, and you swear it’s the best sound you’ve ever heard. Tears flow freely down your cheeks and soak through his shirt. In a very ungraceful waddle Matthew carries the both of you inside your home and shuts the door lightly. 

“What’s the matter, Y/N?” Matt asks, obviously concerned because this is more emotional than any homecoming you’ve ever had. 

Through hiccupping sobs, you stutter out, “I painted the kitchen cabinets yellow and you’re going to hate them. And then you’ll want to break up with me but I won’t be able to take them with me.”

“Woah woah woah, slow down baby,” he soothes, rubbing circles on your back. “Why am I going to hate it?”

When you can’t come up with a justifiable answer, he knows your anxiety just got the better of you. Repositioning you slightly so you’re tucked into his side, Matthew walks through the apartment to see the kitchen for himself. He’s blown away by its beauty, and he can see just how much work you put into it. The room is so much brighter and inviting – he can’t imagine having any other kitchen now. 

Once you ramble off an apology for being so dramatic that he won’t accept, the two of you settle into the couch and start a reality television marathon. It’s a tradition that both of you take very seriously, and though he’d never admit it to anyone but you, Matthew looks forward to watching the outlandish dramas. The night is quiet, with you getting through quite a few seasons of Desperate Housewives, and at some point you fall asleep on Matthew’s chest. He knows he should gently move you off of him, start to unpack his bags, but he can’t tear himself away.

He can’t help but stare as you snore softly. There’s nothing Matthew would like more than to spend the rest of his life relaxing after coming home to you. If he’s being completely honest, St. Louis doesn’t feel like home as much anymore, and he finds himself counting down the days until he can return to Calgary. Matt supposes you’re the defining factor, and even Antarctica would feel like home to him if you were there. He never wants to lose that feeling. 

+ one 

There’s ten seconds left on the clock. Ten seconds until the Calgary Flames will become Stanley Cup champions. You’re holding your breath – you know a lot could happen in such a short amount of time. The lead isn’t as wide as you’d like it to be, only one, and you squeeze Taryn’s hand tightly. Everyone in the friends and family box is just as amped up as you. If the choice had been yours, you’d be sitting in the stands of the Saddledome, but in event the Flames win you need to be with everyone else if you want to join the team on the ice. 

Matthew carries the puck up the ice, and you audibly gasp. At the last second, a Bruins defenseman is blocking his view of the net. Not letting the scoring opportunity go for his team, he snaps a pass backwards to Elias Lindholm. A nano-second later the puck is in the back of the net. You possibly scream the loudest of anyone in the box, jumping into Brady’s arms excitedly. 

“Holy shit, they’re going to do it,” you whisper, and Brady nods enthusiastically. The clock now only has two seconds, and there is virtually no way the Bruins can make a comeback. 

You untangle yourself from your boyfriend’s brother and approach his parents. “How exciting is this!” Chantal gushes. 

“So fucking exciting,” you say honestly. “Listen, I want to talk to you about something.”

The Bruins’ head coach is halfway through his timeout, so you have to talk fast. You explain that you want to hang back while the family celebrates with their son and brother. Keith and Chantal try to argue, but you insist. You want them to be the first people to greet him as a Stanley Cup champion. 

A horn signals the return to play, and you return your attention to the ice pad below you. Everything seems to move in slow motion; all you remember is the final whistle being blown and getting crushed in a group hug by everyone else in the room. Your voice goes hoarse from screaming, and tears stream freely down your face. 

The party continues for a short time in the box, but then you’re being led through the arena and out onto the ice. Nodding in the direction of Matthew, you urge the Tkachuks to greet him. You congratulate other members of the team, snapping candid pictures of everyone to share in the group chat later. So many families will treasure the photos that you can’t bring yourself to stop, trying your hardest to grab everyone. 

Once enough time has passed for Matthew to properly be congratulated by his family, you make your way towards him. Wasting no time, he skates over and lifts you off your feet. Your lips meet his in a passionate kiss, and if you weren’t so proud you’d have reservations about sticking your tongue down Matthew’s throat in a packed arena. 

“I’m so proud of you,” you whisper against his lips. “My champion.”

Matthew blushes profusely at your words, and you can tell he likes them. “Couldn’t have done it without you supporting me,” he responds, leaning into your touch as you rake your fingers through his hair. 

While you celebrate with the rest of the team, holding babies and snapping pictures, Matthew realizes he can’t live without you. No one else will fit into his life as perfectly as you. There’s no one he wants besides you. Matthew makes a mental note to go through your jewelry box in the morning to get your ring size. His mom always said he’d know when someone was ‘the one’, and now he understands what she meant.  

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

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[amphtaminedreams]

The Eras of Lana Del Rey: Lookbook no.9

Hi to anyone reading,

Hope you’re okay! AND that you didn’t end up here because you searched the Lana Del Rey tag so you could see people ranting about her-you’re about to be very disappointed. Sorry. This is not about to be some Question for the Culture discourse because the world is bleak enough right now and the last thing we all need is to be reminded of that saga. 

Being a Lana Del Rey fan is easy, they said. She’s not a controversial artist, they said. And yet 2020 had to do what it does best and fuck everything up. 

Whether people like her or not, it’s made me so angry reading all the abuse she’s been getting about her appearance for the last couple of weeks, because I really thought that if we could agree on anything it was that attacking individuals for the way they look because you dislike something they’ve done (with the exception of shit like racist tattoos and blackfishing) is, you know, awful and judgemental as fuck? Like you do realise when you treat the word fat as a pejorative that the fat people you don’t have a problem with understood that you meant it as an insult too? I think what all those people tweeting about Lana’s weight, and that includes some of her fans, are forgetting is that she was in her early 20s when she was thrust into the limelight. As much as there’s this conspiracy that her dad bought her a career in the music industry, she’d made the decision to go it alone and had lived in a trailer park as a struggling musician for years. On top of that, we have the unreleased tracks with lyrics seemingly referencing an eating disorder in her younger years. OF COURSE her body is going to look different. Why is it that we treat weight gain as an inherently bad thing without any insight into the other factors that constitute a person’s “health”? It’s fucking insane that so many feel they have the right to comment on other’s bodies in the first place and it breaks my heart that she might be reading these comments. This wasn’t intended to necessarily be a rant about how much I love this woman but all the shit I’ve read about her on the internet these past few months have pushed me to it. You'll respect your queen of alternative music or I shall stan twice as hard on your behalf. You can thank me later when you come to your senses xoxo

I’d love to say it was intentional that I finally finished this post the week Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass was released but that would imply I have my shit way more together than I actually do. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve only heard L.A Who am I to Love You so far 1). because I want to wait for the hard copy for the rest and that doesn’t turn up til September and 2). because I do not have my shit together, lol. That being said, there is no doubt in my mind that I am going to love it-one thing I have always loved about Lana’s lyrics is how well they paint a picture and this is something that poetry only more freely allows for the exploration of. That ability to create such a strong narrative voice and atmosphere is a talent that extends to her visuals and the production of her records too, and is something I really missed when it comes to the Norman Fucking Rockwell era. I’m just going to say it: a strong aesthetic is to NFR as memorable songs are to Lust for Life. Lacking. Am I allowed to say that as a fan? The collaborations don’t do it for me, okay, and as as NFR is concerned, aside from The Greatest/Fuck It I Love You video which went down the whole neon surfer girl route, it’s hard to identify a cohesive theme. It’s understandable that at this point, she would want to just focus purely on the music, and it goes without saying that NFR will stand the test of time in that regard but I don’t think we can deny that when people think of Lana in the future, it’s not gonna be a green windbreaker that comes into their heads.

^Illustration credit to Filip Kozak (https://filipkozaksart.tumblr.com/?fbclid=IwAR3vwLX2pNxoFNhTPD1ky14LllPqlLtL1GxGlD79xuHxdtzcHLw-6aNBZWo)

And here’s where this Filip Kozak illustration comes into it; after years of it sitting in my camera roll for years, it finally has a use. There’s really nothing better to illustrate how mundane life has become this year than the disproportionate level of excitement my photo-hoarding-self experienced realising it would fit perfectly into this post and is thus eligible for deletion. Up there with being able to fit a whole box of biscuits onto the shelf at work rather than having to individually take out as many as I can and then shove them on top of the existing box of biscuits one by one. Truly riveting content on this Tumblr page. Back to the point-by using this as my stimulus for the post rather than the Lana Del Rey albums as outfits tag that went round on Twitter, I can conveniently exclude NFR as an outfit inspiration category, and that saves me from having to buy a charity shop windbreaker with its price bumped up 150% by some upper middle class Depop e-girl or boy who uses the word peng as a descriptor like it’s a nervous tic. To make up for leaving out NFR, I’ve tried to branch out a bit and do the outfits not just based on the music videos or album covers but also from street style and stage looks and photoshoots from around the same period too. It was hard not to be influenced by the general “vibe” and sound of the albums either when I was planning outfits, whether it’s the grand, orchestral instrumentals of Born to Die or the 70s psychedelic rock inspired riffs of Ultraviolence and hopefully that’ll show as well! Enjoy:D

Born to Die (Release Date: 27th January 2012)

It’s been 8 years, and when you ask most people what they think of when they hear the name Lana Del Rey, they’ll probably dismiss her as the one who sings about being sad and doing coke and sleeping with older men. That’s the Born to Die impact. Say what you want but it’s one of only a handful of albums released by a female artist to have spent more than 300 weeks on the Billboard 200 chart and it really established the mythos of “Lana Del Rey” because before all this, before all the think pieces from other women claiming she’d set feminism back hundreds of years with her music, before she ousted grayscale Effy Stonem as the queen of angsty teen Tumblr (which as you can probably guess was a subsection of the internet I was very much engulfed by, lmao), she was just Lizzie Grant, a relatively normal aspiring singer songwriter in her early twenties. But as Lana Del Rey, she was someone else-some beautiful, mystical being that personified the sentiment of being born in the wrong era. Whilst every other singer’s record labels seemed to be trying desperately to thrust them into the future and keep them on top of all the musical and stylistic trends, it was refreshing to hear someone whose music and visuals captured all the most glamorous elements of the past. Part Priscilla Presley/Jackie O reincarnation (the National Anthem video really illustrated how Lana is just as much a storyteller as she is a musician), part high level mobster’s wayward wife à la Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface, she was the good girl by day and the bad girl by night, and I think that’s a duality we can all relate to or would like to think we’re interesting enough to relate to deep down.

Her style from around this period was EVERYTHING. She had those grungy Tumblr girl elements, the camo jacket and the oversized pieces and the leather jackets, but she also heavily drew on the styles and silhouettes of the 50s and 60s with the beehives and the new look Dior inspired cinched waist dresses. Even now in 2020, I think this period is what most people would think if they were asked to describe Lana’s style. I made sure I got the grungy pieces in there with the chunky boots and the vinyl and the oversized leather but the foundation of her looks back then were usually these daintier throwback pieces like the white silk dress and the corset and the mint fur trimmed coat (House of Sunny’s Penny Pistachio coat).

Favourite lyrics from the album? “Now my life is sweet like cinnamon, like a fucking dream I'm living in” from Radio. Nobody asked but I’m gonna give it to you anyway.

Born to Die: The Paradise Edition (Release Date: 9th November 2012)

Lana’s Paradise EP contains probably my absolute favourite song of her’s, Ride, and with that, the beautiful opening monologue that will stay in my mind forever. This era was of course ushered in by Tropico, the short film that included the premiere of the songs Bel Air, Body Electric and Gods and Monsters, which established the ethereal tone of this period-it’s in the name, after all. Both the album and the videos were other-worldly and leaned heavily on religious symbolism which I’m sure pissed off many a middle-aged bible basher at the time. Most prominent in her lyrics were reflections on the freedom of the open road which corresponded with visuals of biker gangs and desert dwellers and modern interpretations of the Wild West, as was an attempt to capture the nature of the so-called “American spirit” which as Lana portrayed it shared more qualities with a kind of celestial, transient being than any kind of solid concept or identity. She played an emotionally detached stripper and a haunted saloon-style-bar singer (almost looking like a runaway bride) and Eve the “first woman” all in the same album and honestly, if that’s not iconic, I don’t know what is. We saw SO many incredible red carpet looks in this period too which built upon this idea of her as the fallen angel tempted by original sin that Tropico established; I feel like this era was all about laying bare the soul of the character she played, this broken, delicate but ultimately liberated being that was so dangerous to the idea of the strong, stable modern feminist ideal. She went about it in COMPLETELY the wrong way in a post that betrayed the ignorance of the privilege she has as a white female performer, but I think this is what she was getting at in it and Ultraviolence only went on to bolster her critics.

In response to the criticism she still receives about the choice to wear a Native American war bonnet in her Ride music video, I’d like to say that it really seems like she’s learnt from that-actions speak louder than words and so though it’s not my place to say whether this makes up for that error, the work she’s done with Native American reparations-focussed foundations since and the money she’s donated to the cause says a lot about her intentions. Again, I want to stress that it’s not my place to say! But it’s a detail that is often overlooked so I thought I’d mention it here. 

“I was a singer, not a very popular one. I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet. But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky, that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.”

Ultraviolence (Release Date: 13th June 2014)

AH, Ultraviolence. My favourite of Lana’s albums and imo, a masterpiece. ONE skip. ONE. Sorry Guns and Roses. I got stoned in my back garden and listened to this (for research purposes ofc, heh) and ended up deciding that this is what I want to listen to when I die (also whilst stoned). It sounds dramatic but listening to this album in that state of mind is such a heavenly experience that I’d be too zen to notice myself slipping away into nothingness on the basis that if I didn’t as long as I could stay in that bubble of awe, nothingness forever wouldn’t be so scary after all. I know, I know, that sentence has big Jaden Smith’s old tweets energy. But if an album is what helps me get over an existential crisis, I beg you allow me the nonsensical ramblings about how I felt like I was ascending into the stars.

Though in terms of the lyrical content the public perception is probably correct, I think the reputation Ultraviolence has as Lana’s darkest, most gothic album (which is something I’ve in incorporated into the outfits I put together) is mistaken; instrumentally and visually it drew more on 70s psychedelic rock and the bohemian counter culture of the period than anything, and her stage looks are a clear reflection of that, and also the outfits I was most excited to channel. It seems counter-intuitive to the moody atmosphere I associate the tracklist with but it’s my go-to summer album; it’s raw (probably her most stripped back work along with NFR, lots of the songs are barely edited) and it’s gloomy but let’s be real, hot as fuck-don’t bother making a sex playlist, just put Ultraviolence on shuffle, and you’re good to go. This was the album where Lana debuted some of her most criticised lyrics and where the notion that she glamourises abuse comes from, one of the points she also seemed to be getting at in the Instagram post, but imo it’s fair to say that she sang truthfully about the initial allure of a dangerous relationship and the nature of the mindset that facilitates staying with somebody poisonous where you do feel like you’re nothing without them. Turning horrific experiences into romantic tragedies is how Lana has always made her music and yeah, out of context there are some fucked up lyrics on the album, but policing how a woman expresses her trauma and complaining that she glorifies weakness because she wrote honestly about the reality of a complicated partnership is hardly any more “feminist” than the lyrics themselves. I can only guess that the reason Lana felt the need to bring up this criticism in 2020 is because these darker themes are going to be revisited in her upcoming album and that in spite of the issues with the way she expressed herself, this time critics will be more accepting of how she chooses to address these themes. 

On a lighter note “yeah my boyfriend's pretty cool, but he's not as cool as me” will always be a great line. Simple but effective. If my boyfriend ever is cooler than me it’ll be doing Lana a disservice.

Honeymoon (Release Date: 18th September 2015)

Considering that a lot of other Lana fans are of the opinion that this is her best album, I find it weird that I really don’t remember all that much about this period, other than High by the Beach being released and then hearing Salvatore and Freak for the first time. I guess because she didn’t do a Honeymoon specific tour and didn’t make that many public appearances in this period? It was definitely harder for me to find visual reference points beyond the HbtB music video and the cover art, so I mostly drew on the general vibe of the album, a cinematic accompaniment to a summer in Italy or the South of France, filled with exotic instrumentals and the sense of impending romantic doom that Lana does so well. I suppose if I associate the visuals of this era with anything it’s idyllic florals and warm tones, bygone country club pool days, a rich American’s vacation in Southern Europe, long walks on the beach (and as our Lord and Saviour Jujubee once said, big dicks and fried chicken). Apparently inspired by Lana’s relationship with Francesco Carrozini, it’s a hazy story of some ultra-feminine, submissive archetype becoming unhealthily enchanted by a mysterious “foreign man” who’s ultimately not all that good for her, which as the story goes turned out to be quite prophetic. Going against the grain, it’s my least favourite of her albums after Lust for Life, but in spite of that, I will always remember how obsessed I was with the sax riffs (I think? I don’t know my instruments all that well so forgive me, lol) on Freak and I definitely understand why it’s a firm favourite for so many.

“You could be a bad motherfucker, but that don’t make you a man.” was truly a cultural reset of a line.

-on an unrelated note, OMG, I never realised how I have my mouth open in literally every fucking photo I take, somebody tell me how to pose, please and thank you-

Lust for Life (Release Date: 21 July 2017)

Lust for Life is a controversial one. On the one hand, I appreciate that this album was the victory cry of a happier, more independent, politically-aware Lana in spite of it apparently being a far more optimistic sounding album than the one she wanted to release, but on the other there were way too many collaborations for me and this meant that the album lacked a sense of cohesion and the characteristic narrative thread that usually runs throughout her tracklist. Aside from Love, Cherry, Get Free and Tomorrow Never Came, most of the songs on the album aren’t hugely memorable and it’s a crying shame that a collaboration with STEVIE FUCKING NICKS of all people left so much to be desired. Coming from two witchy icons, I expected something absolutely magical so maybe I was setting myself up for failure, but come on. We could’ve had a real anthem there.

Aesthetically speaking however, this is one of my favourite eras for Lana, which is unsurprising when you consider the tracklist contains references to both Woodstock and Coachella. I’m not gonna lie, I think seeing Coachella fashion in my early teens was my style awakening-I remember seeing Vanessa Hudgens’ outfits and being like, wow, I want to be her (oh, what a fall from grace)-so the late 60s/early 70s flower power groupie style Lana adopted in this period really spoke to me. It was all long hair and dreamy pastels, and this era included some of the most head-to-toe coordinated looks we’ve ever seen from her. Of course I couldn’t completely abandon the grungy touches that I love, that I tend to associate with the early Lana street style days and the Paradise and Ultraviolence music videos rather than with this album, but I’m never gonna pass up an opportunity to whack out a good floral two piece and putting together Lust for Life inspired looks is the perfect excuse to do that.

So, that marks the end of this post! If you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading! I have a Yesstyle lookbook and review to edit but now that I’ve finished that, I’m trying to go down more of a style inspiration focussed  route with my lookbooks rather than just putting together outfits from clothes I’ve just bought (though I might still do one every so often to bring in a new season-let’s just ignore the fact that they’re all blending into one bc climate change for now, one catastrophe at a time please universe). I find that if you have a specific idea in mind of what you want, it’s super easy to find something similar on Depop and Ebay and that way you avoid buying new things and also take old things off a person’s hands that might otherwise end up being thrown out by a charity shop and then dumped into a landfill from there. Something I’d LOVE to do before this year is out is put together a lookbook based on the most stylish TV shows of the last decade, but that probably won’t be for a while-even so, if you have any recommendations of series to watch which could fit into this category, let me know! 

To finish, I need to go a little bit off-topic so forgive me, but I truly don’t know why this even needs to be said: WEAR A FUCKING MASK. IT IS NOT A POLITICAL ISSUE. IT IS A BASIC HYGIENIC PRACTICE THAT HELPS SPREAD THE STOP OF A HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS DISEASE! RUDIMENTAL SCIENCE! NOT A CHANCE TO PROVE HOW “EDGY” YOU ARE! SERIOUSLY, STOP MAKING A FUCKING PANDEMIC ABOUT YOURSELF! NOBODY ENJOYS WEARING THEM BUT THEY HELP PROTECT OTHERS! SO UNLESS YOU HAVE A VALID MEDICAL REASON NOT TO BE WEARING ONE, DON’T BE A SELFISH PRICK! 

Sorry to sign off on a rant-y note with something that has nothing to do with Lana, lol, but all the stupidity has been grinding me gears lately and I had to let it out on behalf of all retail workers: if we can wear a mask for 9 hours at a time, YOU can tolerate the mild discomfort of wearing one for 10 minutes. I know this doesn’t apply to the majority of people but there’s always a couple of arseholes, isn’t there!?

Stay safe,

Lauren x

[in-tua-deep]

Ok so like I’m big dumb and have been stalking your blog for hours and just realized the tua should be pronounced like too ripppp anygays I absolutely fucking love and live for your writing and have a question for you (feel free to ignore it this is your blog!),,,,what do you think would’ve happened if Klaus had died instead of Ben.

asdfgDFSGH okay big mood but admittedly I pronounce as in too-ah deep myself lmao

HMMM that’s an interesting question because if Klaus died, he would just vanish. No one can see him, because he’s the only person that ever saw ghosts to begin with. If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around, does it still make a sound? If a boy becomes a ghost, but no one can see him, does he really exist?

You have Ben, who doesn’t numb himself with drugs but also probably withdraws from the rest of the family. Klaus used to coax smiles out of him, and Five used to throw books at his dead and demand Ben discuss metaphysics with him. Admittedly different relationships, but they were the ones that held him together. And then Five vanishes. And then Klaus dies. 

And Ben is well enough liked by the rest of the family, but he’s not really close with any of them. Luther and Allison are too obsessed with one another, Diego is too obsessed with beating Luther at anything, and Vanya is a ghost that only Five ever really reached. 

Ben leaves the day he hits eighteen. He doesn’t tell anyone, he just leaves. He quietly finds the shittiest apartment on earth, works two jobs, and puts himself through community college during the time he doesn’t have. He changes his name. He keeps the Ben, but ditches the Hargreeves.

He keeps his head down, he works hard, he never mentions the Umbrella Academy and he spends his nights with his hands pressed against his stomach wishing that his ‘superpower’ was anything but what it is. 

He’s a bright kid. He makes friends. He doesn’t have the money for med school, which he wanted since he desperately wants to heal instead of hurt, so he compromises and goes into nursing instead. He gets to help people just as much, and he doesn’t have to deal with the staggering amount of debt he would be in. (He’s still in debt from schooling, just not as much.)

Ben works long thankless hours. He holds the hands of an addict whose organs are failing. There’s nothing the doctors can do but ease the young woman’s suffering. He sees Klaus in the eyes of the desperate young people who come in, and he rolls up his sleeves and tries to help. 

Vanya write her tell-all book, and Ben reads it as carefully as he did the various tomes that Five tossed at him so he would know what Five was yelling about this time. He traces his fingers across Klaus and Five’s names as they appear, and he pretends he isn’t angry that Vanya just pulled back the curtain and exposed their gaping wounds for all the world to see. 

Five and Klaus are not props in Vanya’s coming of age story. They are background characters killed off for development. Ben understands that Vanya is angry, that she was abused, but he wishes she could see that this wasn’t the way to go about it

(Ben understands now, that Vanya was abused. He sees her, sometimes, in the people who float through the hospital with scars on their arms and legs and stomachs. The ones who stare right through the doctors and look away when their very concerned parents speak up. He sees her in the young man whose father yells for all the ED to hear that he is selfish, that he needs to be more like his older brothers who are successful. The father is escorted out, but the young man checks himself out against medical advice. Ben never sees him again.)

He isn’t as impacted by the book as perhaps the others are. No one knows what happened to the Horror. Ben isn’t questioned about it, because no one knows that they should question him about it. He watches the youtube videos of Allison getting accosted by paparazzi and wonders if Vanya knew what she was doing when she published that book.

Somehow, he doubts it. 

He adopts two cats. Their names are Séance and Boy. Ben calls them Seya and Brat. His friends ask him if he was a fan of the Umbrella Academy growing up, and Ben shakes his head with a wry smile. “My brothers,” He explains, “They were always more into it than I was.”

And then Reginald dies, and there’s going to be a funeral, and Ben doesn’t want to go. But he thinks about the siblings he never calls, thinks about the hospital room with the old man who is dying who told him with a bitter smile that he never mended any bridges, and picks up his phone. Ben applies for time off due to a death in the family, is granted it, gives his spare key to the girl across the hall who has vowed to take care of Seya and Brat as if they’re her own, and he goes. He goes to the manor for the first time since he left it, over a decade ago. 

He almost thinks it’s his power at first, that something went terribly wrong because he hasn’t let out the Horror for a good long while and the flash of electric blue was unmistakable. But it’s not him, and the portal in the courtyard spits out a child and Ben’s hand shoots to his mouth and it’s shaking because that’s Five. That’s Five the day he left, all scrawny limbs and drama, in a too big suit.

He ushers Five inside, and gets down some bread to hand to his brother who already has the peanut butter and marshmallows well in hand. (Ben wonders, for a moment, why those ingredients are in the house to begin with. He’s positive Reginald doesn’t like marshmallows, after all. But he has more important things to worry about right now, so he lets that thought go.)

He listens as Five tells them they have eight days, and he believes. Four-Five-Six have always had more nebulous powers that the first three children combined. Strength, mind control, and knife throwing are surprisingly straight forward. Ghosts, dimension ripping tentacle monsters, and fucking with the fabric of space and time are… not so much.

Ben looks at his siblings, who have changed so much and yet so little, and decides that priorities are in order. Because as much as he cares for his siblings, and he does, they’re all grown ass adults. Despite what he says, Five looks very young and Ben has seen too many children with the same haunted eyes and sharp words. 

Somewhere in the middle of all of this there’s an open window, and Pogo saying something about a missing box or a book or something, but admittedly Ben isn’t paying all that much attention. Not when he has bigger things to worry about

And Five has a choice between Vanya, who he loves but doesn’t want to drag into his general bullshit because she doesn’t have powers, and Ben who is a nurse and who seems most inclined to believe him. So after the Griddy’s incident, he goes back to the manor and Ben stitches him up with steady, experienced hands and asks Five what he can do to help

Five looks almost surprised. “You believe me?” He asks, suspicious lacing his voice. It makes something inside of Ben ache, but he blames it on the Horror. 

“I’ll tell you what.” Ben says, looking Five in the eyes. “I’ll make you a deal - I’ll help you with anything apocalypse stopping, no questions asked.”

“But?” Five asks, but he sounds less suspicious and more comfortable with terms on the table. Their family isn’t used to unconditional support, after all. 

“Come stay with me after we save the world.” Ben requests, and holds up a hand before Five can protest. “Yes, I know you aren’t a child. I know you can take care of yourself. But quite frankly, I’ve been missing my brother for almost seventeen years now, and I don’t have anyone to debate the finer points of mathematics with at three in the morning, do I?”

I don’t want to let you go now that I have you back. Ben doesn’t say, because he’s already pushing Five’s ability to deal with sentiment as it is. 

Five’s eyes look suspiciously wet as he looks away, but he spits out a quick “Fine.” and they shake on it. 

And so Ben ends up accompanying his brother to MeriTech to check out a serial number on the back of an eyeball. He places a calming hand on his brother’s shoulder, and calls in a favor with a doctor who he prevented from killing a patient who talks to a friend of a friend and they find out that the eyeball they have hasn’t been manufactured yet.

And hey, if Ben didn’t believe the whole time travel thing before he certainly does now, looking at an impossible eyeball in the hands of an impossible boy. 

And Ben is a trustworthy ally, level-headed with enough deadpan humor to make even Five snort in laughter. Ben cherishes even aborted giggle close to his heart. 

Five comes to him with a shy look and introduces him to a mannequin named Dolores. Ben thinks about the little girl with the spiral fracture telling him solemnly that she wasn’t scared but Mr. Hippo was, and he thinks about all the years that Five spent alone, and he gently takes Dolores’s hand in his and thanks her very much for looking after his brother all those years.

Five blinks in surprise, but it’s a good kind of surprise, and he’s notably warmer towards Ben after the interaction. 

It reminds him, just a little bit, of Klaus before Reginald ruined him. The way he’d occasionally just talk to thin air or react to something that no one else could hear. It makes Ben oddly nostalgic, and probably means that he’s much more tolerant of Five’s interactions with Dolores than he should be.

Ben is with Five when Hazel and Cha-Cha storm the mansion. Luther and Allison and Diego hold their own with knives and kicks and the destruction of one chandelier. No one is taken, no one is kidnapped, because there wasn’t anyone just getting out of the bath with headphones in to catch unexpected. 

Eudora Patch listens to Diego tell her that his mother is dead, and that his brothers are running off together to who knows where, and she doesn’t find a message on a van’s window and go to rescue a hostage. Detective Eudora Patch lives to fight another day. 

Five scribbles probability maps on his walls and tells his audience of Luther and Ben that he plans to kill to save the world. Luther gets up in arms about it, but Ben just stares Five down and quietly tells him - “You promised.”

Because Five can’t stay with him if he’s in jail. 

And Five looks away and says there is one way to get more information, and Ben can already tell he’s not going to like this. 

They don’t have a suitcase to bargain with this time, so Five offers himself. He tells Hazel and Cha-Cha to meet him, because he’s decided to give himself up in return for them leaving his family alone. They get there, and they’re having a stand off, and Five demands that the assassin duo call the Handler.

Between one breath and the next, Five vanishes. Not like he’s supposed to vanish, in a flash of blue light. Just gone between one blink and the next.

Ben may or may not be responsible for the ensuing destruction of Hazel and Cha-Cha’s car and subsequently their briefcase which was located within said car. In his defense, it had been a while since he last drove out to the middle of nowhere and let the Horror go ham. And if, in this timeline, it’s Hazel who gets taken hostage because Ben is furious and he’s not losing his brother again, and Cha-Cha figures she’ll bust her partner out later but for not retreating is a wise move well

“Call your boss back.” Ben says, voice tight as he stares holes through a Hazel that Luther has helpfully tied up with some rope from the trunk of the car. “This is now a hostage exchange, you for my brother.”

“I’m just a grunt.” Hazel informs Ben, helplessly, “They’re not going to trade me for a legend like Five.”

Ben gestures for Luther to drive as he shoves Hazel into the backseat. As someone who has seen a man burst into an eldritch horror and destroy his only chance at going home, Hazel wisely complies. Ben smiles with all his teeth as he informs Hazel cheerfully that he’s going to tell Ben everything he knows about the Commission, the apocalypse, and his legend of a baby brother.

Later, in a family meeting with Hazel sitting tied up on the couch as they all loudly debate what they’re supposed to be doing now, Five shows up in a bright flash curled around a suitcase and scaring everyone

In another world Five brushes everyone off and proceeds to collapse. 

In this one, Ben pats his brother down while ripping him a new one about telling him to full extent of plans for gods sakes and when his fingers come back wet with blood Ben frog marches his brother to the infirmary for Mom to stitch up with his assistance. 

“We are a team.” Ben informs his idiot brother, “Yes I know we have to do everything to stop the world from ending, but it’s no use if you die along the way! I care about you, you idiot! So you’re going to sit here and heal while I go with Diego and Allison and deal with this Harold Jenkins motherfucker, okay?”

And Five grudgingly agrees when Ben pops a phone in his hand and teaches him how to facetime so that technically Five is with them the entire time and kept in the loop. Allison’s sacrifice of her phone for this purpose is duly noted and ignored, and Ben spares a split second to make a mental note to get Five his own phone at some point.

And when Luther finds out about everything, Ben quietly asks Five to pass the phone over and basically informs Luther that yes, Dad was a grade A prick but Luther is Number One. Dad might not care, but the dozens of people that Luther helped save during their stint as the Umbrella Academy? They sure as hell cared. And right now, Luther has a mission. Babysit both assassins sitting under their rooftop, because as proven by the break in Hazel is dangerous and where Hazel is surely Cha-Cha isn’t too far away.

That, at least, keeps Luther from going off and drowning his sorrows. 

Since Diego isn’t wanted for murder in this timeline and Patch is alive, there’s no splitting up involved. Ben and Allison and Diego trick a cop, investigate a hospital, and find their way to Vanya’s cabin where secrets come to light.

Allison reveals that she rumored her sister into believing herself ordinary, and Ben can’t help it when he just loudly mutters “I hate this fucking family.” which breaks the tension and makes everyone stare at him.

Since he is not going to admit that he’s stress quoting a vine (god damn Dr. Hernandez got him hooked on them) he ends up just blurting out “I can’t believe Dad made Allison do that!” because really it’s important to establish that yes, Allison did the thing but also Allison was four it’s not like she knew what she was doing, “I’m glad he’s fucking dead, jesus. What kind of a prick does that to a couple of toddlers? Fuck him like, for real.”

and in the aftermath they’re all just sort of standing there staring at one another?? And then Diego is like “Uh. so. i have a police file on your boyfriend? And turns out his name is also the name of the dude Five says caused the apocalypse? Say hello Five” and Five just waves from his little screen

and Ben puts his hands on his hips and is just kind of like “Five if you repeat any of that language I will gut you like a fish. You’re too young for that.” and Five starts sputtering about being older than all of them and cursing and Vanya is giggling and Diego is grinning and mission accomplished! And then he turns to Vanya and is kind of like “Hey Vanya also if you need me to kick Leold Jenbody whomstever the fuck his name is’s ass, I do kind of have a big old tentacle monster at the ready. But of course, you get first dibs. Also like, have you seen his creepy attic shrine to the academy with all our eyes x’d out and our throats slashed? Because it’s like, honestly up there on the level of creepiness. Not quite as bad as that very explicit letter Allie got when we were fifteen, but not too far off either, you know?”

and look i’m not an expert but Ben just. De-escalates everything. He’s a tiny bit like a capybara who will also kick your ass if you really need him to. 

And they confront Leonard-Harold and he tries to convince Vanya that her siblings are evil and he’s the ultimate good of whatever but it’s really hard when there’s Ben there muttering “God we all need so much therapy” to the side and “why is this family such a hazard to society. why do we always attract the weirdos.” and “this is what we get for the lack of a strong father figure in our lives I just know it” and other weird shit like that

anyway Vanya realizes that Leonard has only ever been using her for her powers and was manipulating her from the start, especially when he pulls out his knowledge of her powers as his little trump card as if they didn’t all just have a weird heart to heart about Allison sort of erasing Vanya’s knowledge of them as toddlers

“So do we just? Lock Leonard up until April 1st passes?” Ben asks Five and he feels a little like he’s cupping a magic 8 ball instead of a phone but whatever. But it’s Diego who just is kind of like “Oh hey I got this, this fucker has skipped out on so much probation and done a runner and shit and I can totally just call Patch to come out here and lock him up. Can’t cause the apocalypse from jail now, can you?”

And okay when Patch arrives to them all cornering Leonard in this cabin and also she sent some people to his house and there is a Whole Ass Dead Body up in there alongside this creepy serial killer shrine and oh yes Harold Jenkins is going away.

After that it almost seems a little anticlimactic to just climb in the car and go home? But I mean. That’s what they do. They argue half heartedly about music choice in the car and arrive home to find out that Five has untied Hazel and they’re both chilling at the bar drinking and honestly no one is sure where the little umbrellas materialized from because surely Reginald wouldn’t allow such a thing in his house, right? Luther is just kind of shrugging in the background (maybe a little tipsy) because you can’t expect him to know what’s going on in Five’s head

on the bright side Hazel seems pretty chill and has decided he is not going to try and kill any of them anymore because what he really desires is to run away with the nice donut shop lady. No, no one knows how to respond to this except perhaps Five who is cheerfully wishing Hazel luck. 

and considering that Luther has the whole general time they dealt with Leonard and the car ride back to come to terms with Vanya’s powers and the fact that Dad sucks and there’s also the matter that in this au Vanya did not slit the throat of his most favorite siblings so i mean. He’s okay with this. He is so beyond caring about the shit this family gets up to anymore. He’s going to need so much therapy when this is all over. 

Ben just sort of looks at this motley crew and everyone just looks fucking exhausted and he’s just kind of like. “Okay! Well. I for one did not get that much time off work for all of this but seems like y’all could use a vacation. My apartment is sort of shitty but i have a fuckload of extra blankets because sometimes I stress quilt, and no, no one is allowed to judge me for that fact, and my sofa is pretty great so I mean. You guys can come meet my cats?”

and that’s how everyone piles up into the car and goes to Ben’s place and meet his cats while buying a metric fuck ton of ice cream (Allison insists because even if Leonard ended up a creep, Vanya liked him at first and so it’s break up time) and no one can agree on a movie to watch and Diego is complaining because Ben put Dolores in the best spot while Five argues it’s because she deserves it

and look. Ben has been quiet and kept his head down and lived his life for a very long time. But looking at his siblings, at Luther ducking his head because he burned the popcorn and Allison gesturing dramatically with a bottle of nail polish as she does Vanya’s fingers and Diego teasing a scowling Five who both cats are fighting over his lapspace

and Ben can’t help but think that if Klaus were here (and his brother’s power was seeing the dead, it wasn’t outside the realm of possibility) he would be proud of how far they’d come.

Ben certainly was.

[soraegeeks]

Review: Quiet Rapture

Alright kids I’m back with another review/reaction piece, whatever you want to call it. Up next is Quiet Rapture a BKDK story by Lalazee. Set in the canon universe with Quirks but Izuku is Quirkless. The story is 22 chapters in right now and might be the first Alpha/Beta/Omega story I read. I think? Maybe? Anyway, before we get started a few things:

A. This will be a LONG piece. While I reread I ended up with eight pages of notes in my notebook. *smdh*

II. Warning for anyone planning to read QR there are discussions of past abuse, intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and violent acts so there are some dark moments.

三. Lalazee created thematic Spotify playlists and there’s a Quiet Rapture one that I’ve been listening to while reading, rereading and writing this.

Alright so let’s get rolling with the official summary:

“That ABO fic where cocky Alpha Bakugou falls in mate-love at first scent, while Midoriya is just a poor bookstore-owning Omega who got his nose punched in is a kid and can't smell a damn thing. Also known as: That time an Alpha had to use his actual personality to woo his mate instead of relying on his scent.”

Off the break we have Katsuki Bakugou losing his shit walking into the bookstore and being overwhelmed by Izuku Midoriya’s scent. I love the description of his scent:  “Thunderstorm, ozone, electricity.” I know EXACTLY what that ozone smell is. The smell of the air right before a thunderstorm. I was an adult before I found out that it wasn’t my imagination that there was a smell and a name for it.

So, Katsuki is overcome by his Alpha instincts and subsequently almost ends up with a broken nose. Izuku is no ordinary Omega and he was having none of that aggressive shit..and Katsuki was intrigued by this. Katsuki's inner Alpha, though,  immediately believes that Izuku is his mate. Imagine his shock upon learning that Izuku can’t smell him and he has to talk to explain what he’s smelling. HAAA! The twist that Izuku can’t smell anything so he isn’t driven by pheremones and uses his other senses to try and figure people out is so quirky. I can imagine Izuku cocking his head to the side with a look of curiosity. Then the ego popped up when Katsuki introduced himself. LAWD LOL “You at least owe me one damn date…” someone stop this fool. And Izuku easily just dismissed him and blew poor Katsuki’s damn mind.

A stakeout. Katsuki Bakugou and Kirishima Eijirou on a stakeout?! Oh, this is pure comedy!!! Katsui pumping out all of those damn Alpha pheromones and killing poor Kiri in the car. Please someone help Kiri as he gasps for air out of the window. BWAAAAA Kiri really wants him to get laid and chill out and he can’t figure out why Katsuki smells the way he does. And Katsuki’s ass is smelling the book he bought from Izuku like a lovesick puppy. Did they even gather any intel during their stakeout after all of their shenanigans?! LOL

Back to the bookstore and big bad Alpha Katsuki is in trouble again. Izuku is a FIGHTER and not going to let himself get boxed in by Katsuki’s Alpha shenanigans. (Shenanigans is my son’s favorite word and one of mine as well. LOL) ANNNDDDD we have now crossed the line. Katsuki scent marked Izuku without his consent. WOO BOY! No, Just NO!!!

We get some insight into Izuku and why he smells the way he does. In this telling Omega’s smell very sweet, almost pastry-like and Izuku has an earthy smell. By luck of genetics Izuku is an Omega with Alpha traits. His body could have presented as either one being dominant and the other recessive. As a result his scent is strong and suppressive drugs don’t work for him. Of course, this is something private that he doesn’t easily share.

Ok, Izuku’s cat Natsume isn’t a cat! That’s a small bear, I don’t care. LOL The headbutting and whining thing is very familiar. My cats act like the world is ending when the food level is low in their bowls. *smdh* Enter Hitoshi Shinsou!! I read the manga in addition to watching the anime and Shinsou has grown on me as one of my faves. I always love how his quiet, brooding character is portrayed. And he’s wearing the scarf. The LONG white scarf capture weapon!!!! And who the hell pops up out of nowhere but Katsuki in full-on Alpha protective mode. He shoved Shinsou into a bookshelf and when Shinsou realized who it was he looked like the cat who ate the canary. Immediately into how much can I tease without overstepping mode. Like oho my best friend purposely didn’t tell me who his “stalker” was, who scented him and it’s big bad Katsuki Bakugou who has never shown an interest in anyone. “As much as I love the whole mystery surrounding this, because – let’s face it – your life is about as exciting as a game of backgammon at the old folks’ home these days.” WHAATT???!!! LMAO Shinsou’s an ass but a master of diffusing a situation. LOL Izuku on the other hand is a firecracker. He was PISSSEEED off by Katsuki but his inner Omega was like ok let’s do this especially after finding out that Katsuki had cooked for him (a subconscious Alpha provision method)! I did find it interesting that Izuku didn’t notice/point out that Katsuki was overly familiar by calling him by his first name!!! Katsuki wants that damn date so bad and still feels entitled to it. *smh*

Whoahohoooo. What do we have here?! Katsuki had a wet dream (and apparently has BEEN having dreams) about Izuku. Lawd, his inner Alpha has it BAAADD! For the record, who the hell drinks scalding hot tea??!!! No one but this fool. LOL And why he thought that demanding a date as opposed to asking and confirming was a good idea. But ya know, Alpha who knows nothing about relationships especially not with a skittish mate. His “spiteful little Omega” is MORE than a match for him. LOL I love that their interactions are forcing Katsuki to humble himself little by little. Always being told how great he is by everyone but Izuku breaks that mold. I also love that Izuku is sharing who he is through books. To me it’s a very intimate move. Izuku’s perspective on the world is interesting, though. He sees hero life as war mongering while Katsuki sees it as his duty to bring down the evil in the world. Izuku can learn to widen his world view, while Katsuki can learn to not be so aggressive towards his “miniature Alpha.”

It’s Bakusquad time!!!! Katsuki’s crew is a joy to me. I love these fools especially when they’ve been drinking! And their sworn mission for the night is to rescue Katsuki from the train wreck that is his love life. The interaction was interesting when they realized that Katsuki was pining after a guy. He was very concerned that they’d tease him for his sexual preference and I felt sad for him. To him he has never had an orientation, he just is and the only person he’s cared about is Izuku so that’s him, Izuku-lover. Good job Mina with the suggestion that he apologize for his behavior with a gift for Izuku. And yay Kiri for the advice on physical no-nos when approaching an Omega. Katsuki did well with gift selection and presenting the gift without crowding Izuku. Izuku surprised him with his preheat reaction. Izuku’s inner Omega was so happy to receive a gift and Katsuki’s inner Alpha was SO happy to provide. Good on Katsuki for immediately leaving, not so good when he came back to the bookstore and got into an argument. He is the king of self-destruction. Pre-heat Izuku and a riled up Katsuki. *sigh* I’m enjoying how there are little signs here and there of how Izuku’s inner Omega is reacting to Katsuki. The early heat, the fact that Izuku is WEARING the gift that Katsuki gave him, and how he scent marked Katsuki. Izuku is determined that his mind will overcome his nature.

Enter a character who I think had SO MUCH potential in the manga, Kai Chisaki. Katsuki ran into him while looking for Izuku at the bookstore. Izuku’s heat had come on and Kai was manning the store. He instantly goaded Katsuki into an argument. Kai does NOT like heroes and Katsuki was defensive about that and also irritated that here was another of Izuku’s friends that he couldn’t figure out the connection with. Katsuki jumps off of the deep end after leaving the bookstore. He totally abused his position as a Pro Hero and had the database searched to get Izuku’s address. Sigh. Not cool Katsuki. Izuku accused you of being a stalker and that is totally stalkerish behavior!! Katsuki learned more about Izuku while talking him through his heat from the opposite side of his front door but it was a HUGE gamble and inappropriate. From the talking though Katsuki started to realize how naive his worldview is. He’s always been focused on being the #1 hero and he never entertained the pain others’ paths may have contained. Hearing Izuku alluding to being sexually assaulted was heartbreaking. Katsuki did show restraint in not breaking down Izuku’s door. Honestly, even without his quirk he was strong enough to do it. It was heartwarming that he sat outside the door and read to Izuku so he could sleep. It was STILL wrong that he was there and Shinsou said as much when he saw Katsuki there. It’s interesting how they’re all bending/skirting the law even Shinsou when he used his Quirk on Katsuki to find out how he got there. I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same while trying to protect my best friend and Katsuki knew it. Shinsou didn’t seem to bat an eye when Katsuki called Izuku his “mate.” Shinsou has a soft spot for his classmate and as he’s said before he knows more than he lets on about people. I was surprised that none of Izuku’s neighbors said anything. Maybe they were too scared of the imposing Alpha sitting outside of Izuku’s door.

Guys night out and as expected Kai and Inasa were NOT happy to learn about the stunt that Katsuki pulled. (Side note: I love Inasa Yoarashi. He’s so big and full of life!) Lawd, if Inasa had gotten a hold of Katsuki. WOAH! Shinsou is still an ass, but what else is new. He’s an instigator but also calmed the situation when he called Katsuki’s number and gave Izuku the phone. It threw Izuku for a loop but it also allowed him to be the one to deal with the situation. Shinsou and Shouto are good friends and knowing Katsuki better than anyone else in their friend group, they tried to give Izuku some more insight into him. Izuku was confronted with some preconceived notions that he had about Katsuki. Maybe he isn’t the playboy that Izuku assumed he was. Hmmmm. It was good to read about Izuku’s pack and to see that he does have people who care about him.

The Omega murders. There’s evidently someone or some people attacking Omegas, tearing out their scent glands and leaving them for dead. Like WHAT THE HELL???!!!! It was interesting to see Momo Yaoyorozu and Mashirao Ojiro mentioned. I like to see what the rest of class 1-A is doing in this AU. Soooo, why does Camie smell like blood??!!!! Her day was “extra murdery?” The hell did she encounter in the day and can they send her back to take another shower?! And why is she so against her Omega secondary gender?! I noticed in an earlier chapter when she overheard Katsuki talking to Kiri about Izuku. How do you call others like you “weak” and dissociate yourself just because you’re a Pro Hero? And wow at Katsuki’s confrontation with Amajiki. It was all Katsuki’s fault, though. He raised Amajiki’s suspicion that Izuku might have something to do with the murders and Katsuki TOTALLY overreacted to his Omega superior. Katsuki LOST IT and was put in his place when Mirio scruffed him. Pack hierarchy at work. Up until that point I hadn’t thought about who would be bigger and badder! LOL Something that caught my eye though was Katsuki mentioning an Alpha smelling like “rot and sewage.” Was he saying that Mirio smelled like that or was he having a flashback? Anyway, he’s lucky that he was only sent home early and told to take the next day off. Who would have expected Katsuki to seek out Shouto for advice? Shouto Todoroki of ALL people! And wait, Katsuki asking someone for help in general??!!! Growth in his adult years. LOL I chuckled heartily that Katsuki and Shouto ended up wearing matching turtlenecks. TWINSIES!! Shouto, as is, canon was no help as expected and a little oblivious.  But Shinsou in his Pusheen pajamas did what he could. (Pusheen pajamas, though! My son would LOVE some LOL)

Next chapter is a flashback of how Izuku and Shinsou met in their first year of high school. We learn that male Omegas are rare in this AU and even rarer as Heros. Izuku got into a fight and Shinsou stepped into help. They formed a bond, understanding each other like no one else could. Omegas that no one deemed worthy of anything. It was sad to read that that was the fight that cost Izuku his sense of smell.

Back to present and after Katsuki left Shinsou and Shouto’s place he went to Izuku’s apartment hoping to talk to him. Izuku’s building now has an outside lock and intercom system. I’d bet my house in the Hamptons (which I don’t have) that that was a result of Katsuki’s visit there a few weeks ago. Katsuki wasn’t sure if Izuku was going to let him in and it looked like Izuku wasn’t sure either. It’s interesting reading Izuku’s point of view and the tells that he notices about Katsuki. The little things that Katsuki is doing to not intrude or the semblances of control that Izuku hasn’t seen in Alphas that he had dealt with previously. Izuku’s hands are bigger than Katsuki’s?! Oooooh. Awww, Katsuki took Mina’s advice and he took a few seconds to stop himself from firing off his usual knee-jerk responses. And he is so shy talking about anything sexual and so blushy. I’m glad that those two goofballs were able to talk without arguing. Almost like they could be civil with each other. Ha! A slight ease and honesty. When Izuku teased Katsuki about knowing what Katsuki wanted to do more than he did Izuku assumed it had to do with what Izuku said before that other Alphas had done to him. Katsuki blushed but I think it was actually because he’s inexperienced. Katsuki meeting the “lion” Natume was HILARIOUS! I’m personally shocked by how big those things get. I have cats but that’s TOO much for me. LOL Izuku finally made an effort to find out a little about Katsuki, asking him how he liked his job. Izuku is oddly focused on “battles” and “killing” as if that’s all heroes do. But Katsuki loves his job and made sure to emphasize that killing is a minor part of it and only when unavoidable. Katsuki keeps surprising Izuku. He’s been so traumatized by previous Alphas that Katsuki's non-violent reactions throw him.

This is one of my favorite chapters. It’s New Year’s Eve and karaoke with the crews, Bakusquad and Izuku’s pack. Katsuki recognizes that Izuku has a lot of traumatic baggage and he is SPRUNG! It was supposed to be a night of enjoying time with his friends but all Katsuki can think about is Izuku. As if by magic BAM Izuku is next door in another karaoke room and the scent is OVERWHELMING. “The punch of petrichor was a sudden deluge to Katsuki’s senses, an overload that soaked him to the bone and weakened his wobbly knees.” Look “petrichor” might be my new favorite word. It’s going right into my commonplace book. LOL Why was Izuku ON TOP of the table singing??!!! I’m 5’5” as well and I’m just imagining walking in and seeing my drunk ass singing on a table and I can’t stop laughing. Comedy!! Katsuki almost got into a fight just swinging the door open, though. Kai was NOT happy to see him and Inasa was ready to play bodyguard. When Shinso was described as a meerkat looking above Inasa’s shoulder I immediately thought about that show Meerkat Manor. I LOVED that show...but I digress. I’m glad that their groups met thanks to Shinsou’s and Mina’s meddling. Katsuki and Izuku felt so played. LOL I thought Mina was a little uncouth with her comments about Izuku’s “smell”, though. Yeah, it’s “different” but she could have found another way to word it or just not said anything at all. It shouldn’t have been surprising that Izuku followed Katsuki when he went outside for a breather. It was surprising when Izuku kissed him (Katsuki’s first kiss!!!) and Katsuki was right for calling him out on trying to blame the attraction on him. These two still have lots to work out.

During their morning run, Mina did seem to make up for what she said during the party. She just has an odd way of wording things. Katsuki is starting to see that he can get advice from his friends but his connection with Izuku is different than those of his friends. Their advice can only take him so far and he and Izuku have to figure out the rest. Of course, it isn’t long before thirsty Katsuki heads to the bookstore. I love that Izuku’s scent immediately soothes him. And glad they’re talking a little more and slowly knocking some kinks into Izuku’s wall and opening Katsuki’s world.

The next chapter is hard. It’s a flashback into Izuku’s past. A glimpse into Izuku looking for something, anything to make him feel alive. Discovering hallucinogens, having his first sexual encounter, allowing someone to harm him leaving him with permanent damage. Unprotected sex that he barely remembers since he was under the influence. The introduction of Dabi, as Shinsou described him “a guy who looks like he wears other people's’ skin for fun.”

Back to the present and Izuku is at a therapy appointment. First off, I am so glad to see that with all of the trauma that we readers know about so far (and the trauma we don’t), he is seeing a therapist. As an aside, I was going through the chapters in my mind while in the shower and his conversation with his therapist went through my mind. Specifically, Izuku’s fear of going beyond moderation to excess and backsliding. That sat with me for a while. I am happy to see Eri in this AU and with Kai as her adopted father role. Also, happy to see “Mr. Yagi” as leaving his bookstore, his legacy, to Izuku. In a crazy turn of events Izuku is a witness to an Omega attack and kept the attacker from doing more harm. We definitely saw his Alpha traits as he hauled ass over to figure out what was going on. PROTECTIVE KATSUKI TO THE RESCUE!!!!! He was on duty and heard about the attack so he went to pick Izuku up from the police station and take him back to Katsuki’s house. OF COURSE these two butt heads because what else do they do. I giggled when Katsuki walked him outside and said “let’s go home, already.” I don’t think that he purposely phrased it that way but Izuku internally responded to it. When they finally make it to Katsuki’s house, he has a very sappy moment when Izuku compliments his place. Katuki prefers Izuku’s smaller place because it’s like him, “small, warm, smells like home.” Kiddies our boy is GONE! LOL Izuku is still convinced that Katsuki has/has had NUMEROUS romantic interests no matter how many times Katuki and their mutual friends have told him otherwise. And then they had A MOMENT in the kitchen!!!!! The desire and attraction is palpable in the air but they really need to get to know each other better.

And we start the next chapter with Katsuki’s very vivid ass wet dream. Good thing that Izuku can’t smell anything because that apartment had to have smelled like complete lust. LOL Katsuki saw Izuku’s damaged wrist gland and it broke his heart. All of the things in Izuku’s past that Katsuki couldn’t protect him from. There have been multiple references to Izuku “drowning” and not being able to breathe and it’s so sad. When will he be able to be out from all of that?

We’re introduced to Kota as a character but sadly as the kid in the latest Omega attack. And Camie with the Omega degradation again and now she’s on Katsuki’s case about Izuku. Sigh. Oh, I’ve been looking through the story comments and saw that folks are starting to suspect that she has something to do with the Omega murders and I’m inclined to agree that it’s suspicious. When Izuku rescued Kota he noticed that the attacker just disappeared and Camie’s quirk IS illusions. “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.” Hmmmm. Welp, it took a few weeks but Katsuki’s abusing his privilege to get Izuku’s address finally came back to bite him. A month’s suspension! OUCH! Again he’s lucky because he started to get aggressive against his superior again. Any mention of Izuku sends him over the deep end. Side note, I’m glad that I reread this chapter and noticed the unnamed mention of Dabi in Izuku’s file. With nowhere else to go Katsuki sought out Shinsou for advice. They’re becoming better adult friends. It’s amazing what a mutual connection will do. Our boy Katsuki is so sprung. He took his drunk ass to the bookstore, complemented Izuku and walked him home hand-in-hand. All full of sweetness and fluff. LOL

Wow Kai and Izuku. Kai has his own baggage that colors his view of heroes, all the while Inasa, a PRO HERO, has been sniffing around him for years trying to get his attention. Like brothers, Kai and Izuku argued. But if you can’t argue with your family about their bullshit who else can you argue with? Kai used the fact that Izuku’s last boyfriend raped and tried to kill him like a weapon. And the way Kai was described I don’t think that he’d ever seen Izuku as angry as he was at that moment. Kai was completely thrown off by the truths Izuku spouted back at him and “Tornado Gold Retriever” Inasa flew into protective Alpha mode when he saw them. Thankfully, Kai interceeded and calmed Inasa. When Inasa returned to give Izuku a pep talk it was so adorable. He’s just so honest and BIG with his feelings about life. Inasa was able to make Izuku consider a different way of thinking about himself and Katsuki. Izuku isn’t the scared younger man that he was before and maybe Katsuki isn’t that enemy Izuku was making him out to be. “But think of it this way. Bakugou is not your adversary. He’s on your team.” Well now! Thanks to Inasa, Izuku and Katsuki took a step closer in their relationship through the exchange of phone numbers. OH, and evidently the night that Bakugou has a vivid dream, so did Izuku. Well, WAYLE!!!

More fun with Bakusquad!!! With Katsuki being at home suspended I loved Sero teasing him when he claimed to not be bored. Yeah right Mr. Always Has to be Doing SOMETHING Work Related. Good friend banter is always the best. Like how do you tell your friend that his attacks against villains are just “light bondage??!!!” LMAO The worst. Yay, for Ochako being worked into the story. I like the mutual respect they developed in first year continues into their adulthood. I have to totally agree with his assessment that he is “lawful good” and Izuku is “chaotic good” cause these two fools are a mess!!! Katsuki the enemy of villains, Izuku the almost-vigilante turned pacifist. Heaven help them. LOL

Ugh, I was starting to wonder when Camie would show up and there she is again surprising Katsuki when he leaves the company gym. And that whole interaction made my skin CRAWL, like YOOO!!!! DO NOT TRUST HER!!! She came onto him so strongly. WHHYYY??!!! On some no one can resist her type crap. With her mentioning Izuku combined with my suspicions about her being involved with the murders makes me worried for Izuku.

Danger, Will Robinson! DANGER!!!! Katsuki is NOT prepared to deal with a pretty much in heat Izuku. YOO!!!! ABORT MISSION! RUN!!! Izuku flipped between wanton Omega and aggressive Alpha and Katsuki's head was spinning. Katsuki displayed the strength of Hercules (ha, a reference to Inasa’s comment back in chapter 10) when he kept his urges at bay and stopped him and Izuku from making a mistake. On end of all that he got the promise of a date! Way to go Ground Zero!

So first, Katsuki’s descriptions of Izuku’s anxious thoughts were SO familiar. UGH “Did Midoriya even sleep through a night for all the worry he brought into his own life?” THAT’S ME, THAT’S ME! UGH!!!! Next, we get more interaction with Ochako and it’s the best. Katsuki is so excited about his date with Izuku that he can’t think straight. “You go from scowling like a murderer to smiling like a shark in the span of minutes, and I think you’re legitimately scaring the children.”  A SHARK??!!! BWAAAAAAA Everyone can tell that he’s smitten and his face can’t hide anything. And the moment (well, one of the moments) we’ve been waiting for has arrived. IT’S DATE DAY!!! OMG Katsuki killed me when he didn’t care who Izuku had been with prior. “Did you screw like twenty dudes in the past? Trick question - I don’t care.” WHO DOES THAT??!!! Katsuki F-ing Bakugou, that’s who. LMAO Poor Katsuki is so messed up that Izuku wore scent blockers and he can’t smell Izuku. He even WHINED!!!! Lawd, Katsuki is a goner. LOL And these two can’t go 5 minutes without arguing. They both have to be in charge. Indoor rock climbing with these two competitive asses. What could possibly go wrong?! Oh, only Izuku’s blockers wearing off and their combined scenets driving the Alpha customers into ruts. And the employee just wanted to earn his paycheck and now he has to deal with all of this insanity. LMAO Katsuki may have made an honest misstep when he offered to get Izuku’s nose fixed but he didn’t see it as a big deal. Add that to the list of things that should talk about in the future. Katsuki completely forgot that he’s a public figure and out of nowhere came some fans. As annoying as they were, it may have been a blessing in disguise because it interrupted the argument they had brewing. And it led to their cuteness in the convenience store trying on hero paraphernalia. Another Mr. Yagi reference. Of COURSE, it has to be the same person and I can’t wait to find out in what way Katsuki knows him in this story. I mean they already have the overlapping friend groups even though they never met in high school. Katsuki gets so riled up in their flirting that he’s pumping out pheromones again “in technicolor Alpha waves.” iDied!!!!! LMAO I really didn’t expect Mirio to call Katsuki but it was only a matter of time before SOMEONE saw his familiar face out in public. It tickled me when Katsuki was spinning in circles looking for a bodiless Mirio poking his head out of a potato chip display. LOL Now the question is what did Mirio see on the internet and how did it get there? Maybe at the rock climbing fiasco, or the fans who saw them on the street or maybe even at that convenience store since they’re eating right by a window. We shall seee!!!!!

The next chapter is another Izuku flashback. I love that Izuku has known about Katsuki since back in high school but when they met Katsuki didn’t know anything about him. LOL Izuku first meets Shouto over drinks with Inasa and Shinsou and inadvertently reveals that he knows about Shouto’s brother Dabi, err Touya. This connects with chapter 11 when Shouto brushed over how he first met Izuku while talking to Katsuki and in chapter 18 when Amajiki mentions that Izuku had a restraining order against a now villian. We also find out that Izuku has multiple cigarette burn scars from Dabi on his body. :( We also get more information about Jin, Izuku’s former boyfriend. I completely forgot that Jin was Twice’s real name and didn’t make the connection at first. Oops. Then his character description made complete sense. It connected to chapter 18 when Amajiki mentioned him and said he’d almost killed Izuku and also chapter 19 when Kai talks about Izuku’s rape and hospitalization. So, we’re getting a glimpse into Izuku’s life post-Dabi and during his time with Jin right before Izuku hits rock bottom. Looking back on the threats that Kai made against Katsuki and there’s no way he WASN’T response for Jin’s disappearance. Izuku is bruised from a previous interaction with Jin. We don’t know exactly WHAT happened but we know it’s happened multiple times with Jin not remembering or pretending to not remember. Sadly, I wonder if the end of the chapter lead into Jin’s attack on Izuku.

“Izuku flopped face-down on his own bed in a drowsy, drunken stupor, that he remembered he was meant to meet Jin at the end of the night.

Ah, well. He could handle a few more bruises.” 

Welp, that’s it and it was A LOT. I can’t wait for the next chapter and the aftermath of the date. 

[dopcmine]

   ⋆     𝑰𝑵𝑻𝑹𝑶𝑫𝑼𝑪𝑰𝑵𝑮 —  * ⋆ ╰  hey , did you happen to see DAMON NAM on campus today ? you know , the JEON JUNGKOOK look-alike in our seven am class ? yeah , that SENIOR . ah , well they had their SILVER NECKLACE on their desk this morning and left without it . i wanted to return it … but i have to get to class in five minutes . wait , don’t you see them around at THE APARTMENTS ? oh , great ! can you bring it to HIM then ? ugh , thank you so much. you’re the best ! now i know they get the rep of being EGOCENTRIC but you don’t have to worry . they’re always MAGNETIC . and who knows , maybe you two’ll hit it off ! i know that they’re a INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS major too . well , i have to jet before i miss my exam but i’ll catch you at the frat party later , right ? oh , you should bring DAMON ! it’s always fun having the PLAYBOY around .

𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔 :

fullname: damon nam

nicknames: none

age: twenty-three

d.o.b: april 15, 1996

zodiac: aries sun, leo moon, scorpio rising

gender: cismale

sexuality: bisexual

occupation: tattoo artist @ body electric tattoo and piercing 

𝒔𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒂 :

twt & insta handle: p7ayboy

insta followers: 1.3m

twt followers: 1m

tik tok: 750k

𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄 :

cruisin’ around l.a with the windows down, drinking cold beers on a hot summer afternoon, old school music playing loudly from his apartment, late night kbbq dates with the gang, old childhood scars from fights and playing outside until late evening, silver jewelry around his neck and wrists, street racing, rolling blunts on the hood of his car, face smudge with oil and sweat working on his car, stumbling around the city on the lookout for his favorite food trucks, tattoos up to his neck and down his arms all the way to his back, a gold virgin mary necklace hanging from his rear view mirror, belting out to romantic spanish music drunk and slurring the words, always moving forward and never looking back, selfish tendencies, playing with people like a deck of cards, carrying a butterfly knife with him at all times

𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 :

born and raised in east los angeles, damon had to grow up a little faster than his peers. he comes from a working class family, his parents both public school teachers trying to get by like every other family. being one of the very little korean-american families in maravilla, damon used to get picked on and bullied to the point he refused to get out of bed in his early elementary days. but like any kid, he made friends with some of the neighborhood kids that went to the same school he did, and they stuck by his side. it gave damon the confidence to stand up for himself now that he had his little group to the point he repeated the bad words they taught him in spanish to the same little boys that would pick on him, not knowing what it meant but knowing it was something about their moms that caused one his many first fights to break out in the school yard. after that, damon and his little band of misfits became a little notorious for getting into scuffles with other students. 

he stayed in maravilla up until high school, venturing north to a new house due to his dad being offered the position of principal at a junior high. damon went on to attend lincoln high school but it wasn’t hard to fit in, nor was it difficult to fall into step with a new group of friends ( some of which he knew from his earlier days when he used to sneak out of his house with his friend and venture off ). high school was a ride, even if damon had found a place where he belonged people still loved to talk shit and damon loved nothing more than confrontation. he got into fights behind grocery stores, there was fights in empty parking lots where groups of people showed up before everyone scattered the moment they heard cop sirens down the street. damon did get caught once for a misdemeanor the summer before sophomore year and his parents had to get him out which was a hell of a ride home, both his parents almost losing their voices taking turns yelling at him. 

it was that moment that his parents made him attend mandatory after school classes, starting smack in the middle of summer. it’s safe to say he was very angry about it but found no outlet to get it out on when he was confined to the library. he started doodling instead of doing his homework while he was in there, soon off he started drawing more and he had talent. he could draw any picture you put in front of him just by looking at it, and soon he started to create his own. that very same summer, on one of the rare days his parents let him out to go to one his friend’s birthday party, he met their older brother, covered in tattoos from his legs to his arms. old english font and a portrait of a woman he later learned was his wife. he was entranced by the ink that decorated the man, asking him questions as the man grilled the carne asada, coughing every once in a while the smoke blew in his direction. 

too keep it short, damon wanted to do that. he wanted to draw permanent drawings on people and he wanted his own. he drew more, filling more sketchbooks with his own ideas and interpretations of others. he started working odd jobs after school, trying to save up for his own tattoo gun and ink, even venturing off to tattoo shops to observe them before he got told to scram. at the age of sixteen he had his own set and it wasnt long before his friends lined up to get their first tattoos done by damon. just little small things that didn’t require damon to worry too much about safety and health. the first tattoo he made on himself was a lucky eight ball and a match, now faded on the sides of his fingers. 

at seventeen his got his fake id not only for booze but to get a job at a parlor -- not tattooing -- but cleaning up after them, keeping the store tidy and clean. he had a car at the time, an old beat up chevy, and it took him thirty minutes to get to body electric. the owner new damon was underage but he let him work anyway. point is, he was taken under his wing and became an intern, an apprentice, and by the time damon hit eighteen and got his tattoo license, he was able to work a couple hours at first. from 18 to now, damon has been in the same place with a booming following on social media -- which is thanks to his good looks and talent. 

he’s been wanting to drop out of ucla because of how in-demand he is now. he’s tattooed celebrities, from socialites to rappers to all sorts of people. he hooks up his old friends from where he grew up for free, and his close friends at school too. but overall, damon makes hella bank now. which is why he finds school pointless, however, the owner of the parlor he works out told him that if he didn’t finish his bachelors he’ll fire him. the owner definitely grew to treat damon as a son, and wants him to venture out and travel with his talent, but he wants him to be smart about it and learn the ropes of the business industry. it’s why damon stays despite not being too happy about it, but it’s his last year and he’s going to make it one shot of patron at a time. 

𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒔: 

damon is trilingual -- english, korean, and spanish ( considering he grew up in a heavily latinx/chincax neighborhood as a child, the language latched on to him ). 

he’s very appreciative of the chicanx culture because he grew up around it, and they took him in despite not being chicanx himself he was still treated as family by his close friends. ( and also because i’m biased to my own culture and east los is heavily mexican/latinx )

he almost joined a gang but it was around the time he was forced into after school study where he found his outlet through art. 

he knows how to dance pero like cumbias and shit, he’s hella good at it.

damon makes it his goal to be good at everything, it doesn’t even matter what it is. 

he has a bmw he fixed up and uses it for street racing -- races which he wins most of the times ( just ask dae lmao ). 

he can drive under the influence of weed but i do not condone this behavior !! but he can do it, but he’s beent doing it, don’t try this at home guys, or alone. 

damon was a little heartthrob in high school though, going out with the girls and hooking up with some guys. 

he was honestly one of the popular kids growing up, he was in THAT group that people longed to be a part of because they were always out mobbing, drinking, throwing parties and being out. they had fun, but they were also notorious trouble-makers. 

his tik tok thing started as a joke because damon looked like the eboys that began to trend and now he has dae help him film them just for the hell of it, because why not. he’s got nothing to lose, it’s a good laugh in the end. 

is a gym rat, he’s out there doing weights and bulking up and boxing because sometimes he just wants to procrastinate his homework and that’s valid, plus he’s gotta stay in shape with all that heavy drinking and weed intake. 

patron is his best friend -- after dae of course lmao.

damon’s actually never been in love??? like he’s had maybe three s/o’s but it was never that serious? except maybe for his first one? but he’s never experienced something where he feels genuine care for a person and love, it’s mostly just lust and like the need to experience what it’s like being with someone but it never rlly takes off

𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔:

gang shit: this one’s already taken up by whoever’s in the no homo chat but like, let me plot out dynamics with you all cause ion know how damon is gonna treat y’all characters if we don’t talk about it lmao

enemies: damon could always use some tbh, those are fun because damon grew up around people that have given him a hard time and he isn’t one to back down from a good altercation 

an ex: listen, damon isn’t that great of a person he probably cheated on them only because he didn’t know they were exclusive and frankly, he doesn’t really even remember agreeing to be something but they were and even if damon knew, he still went ahead and did it.

highschool sweetheart, THE ex: listen this one is...particular and super specific. must be a girl/nb but latinx because i picture this being the person who really really taught damon more than he already knew, from dancing to romantic spanish music, etc. perhaps they weren’t in love but they did care about each other, damon even still has a gift i picture she gave him ( a gold virgin mary necklace ) hanging from his rear view mirror. this is like...when we can take up more chars ig? idk just thought i’d write it down

flings: hookups ig? except not people involved with dae cause he isn’t about to fuck no sloppy seconds lmao, if not he venturing out to usc away from ucla lmaooo

idk what else to add im so tired and this is so late and i just want to post it, so if y’all got anything else just hmu tbh

[luckyspike]

Adventures in America, Ch. 4 - In which Crowley makes a friend and the guardian goobers receive some unexpected news

Chapter 4 is Crowley and Aziraphale centric so enjoy because we probably won’t really see them for a while after this. Maybe. IDK I haven’t written much beyond this.

Not on AO3 yet in case I decide I want to change major plot points later I guess or something lmao and also i dont want to disappoint anybody in case i never finish this

I really like this story leave me alone

Ch 1/Ch2/Ch3

-

“You really think sushi is a good idea?” Aziraphale asked Crowley, while he watched the demon fiddle with his jacket collar in the hotel mirror. “We are in America, Crowley, and you know I did think we should try to get a bit of the local flavor while we’re here.” He gave up dragging the brush through his hair, still damp from the shower, and turned his attention to his shirt cuffs instead.

Crowley considered this, pulling his t-shirt down and then back up again. “Right. Well, angel, I’m not opposed to anywhere else but let’s put it like this.” He turned to Aziraphale, hands spread. “It’s supposed to be a great sushi place and we’re about to embark on at least 6 weeks of hauling up and down the American midwest, which isn’t exactly known for its sushi. Roadside barbecue? Yeah. Terrible fast food? Absolutely. Hole-in-the-wall diners with great desserts? Undoubtedly. Fresh sushi? Probably not. And if the goal is to minimize miracles during this thing, if you get a bit peckish for some sake nigiri then you’re just going to have to wait until we’re back in civilization.”

Aziraphale hummed. “Well. When you put it that way. I hardly think the American midwest is uncivilized, though.”

“We’ll see about that.” He turned back to the mirror and re-folded his collar once more, flipping it back up and looking satisfied, although Aziraphale would have been hard-pressed to describe what, exactly, he’d changed. “Definitely not known for its sushi.”

“No. No, I suppose not.”

Crowley turned, and then raised an eyebrow. “No waistcoat?”

“It’s hot out.” He frowned as Crowley grinned. “Don’t start with the whole ‘this is nothing compared to Hell’ nonsense, dear, I know that but not all of us struggle with thermoregulation.”

“Fair enough. It’s more casual, too. Very … American.” He offered his arm. “Shall we?”

Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile a little as he took the offered elbow. “I think we shall, Crowley dear.”

Dinner was delicious, and Aziraphale had to hand it to Crowley - sushi was really a good idea. Especially if he was going to be at least 6 weeks without. The demon didn’t eat, not unusual, but he seemed to appreciate the wine well enough, and when Aziraphale took the opportunity to compliment the chef (in Japanese, naturally), Crowley chipped in that he thought the restaurant was quite nice, too*. They tipped the waitress generously, and took their leave, Crowley begrudgingly sobering up before they clambered into the massive vehicle to start combing the city for any signs of Adam and the other storm chasers.

[* Crowley did not speak Japanese particularly well, and Aziraphale had tried for years to help him with grammar, syntax, and pronunciation, without much success. Still, he had mastered a few phrases, and ‘very nice establishment’ was one of the more socially-acceptable ones he’d grasped.]

“How do they know where the storms are?” Aziraphale asked, as they cruised down a side-road, Crowley looking sharply into the parking lot of a low-cost hotel. “It’s not as if they’re scheduled occurrences.”

“They’ve got laptops and the like in the car,” he replied, distracted. “Radar and GPS and all that. They follow the storms that way and go to the ones that look most promising.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows, and turned to scan the parking lot of a Red Roof Inn. “Quite technological.”

“Yeah, it’s a whole thing.” Crowley slowed to study a truck in another parking lot, and then shook his head and pulled away. “I brought the stuff to do the same thing, s’back in the room.”

“So that’s what was in that bag.” Aziraphale considered this for a minute. “And, ah, who are you expecting to use said equipment, Crowley?” The SUV stopped at a red light, and Crowley suddenly looked thoughtful.

“Huh. Didn’t think about that.” He shrugged, and looked over to the car next to them idly. Aziraphale, focused on the topic at hand, didn’t notice the revving of the other car’s engine. “You could learn,” Crowley said. Aziraphale, lost in thought about technological advancements in meteorology, didn’t register the distraction and, under that, the devilish glee. 

“I’m not much good with computers.” He sighed. “I do have the old accounting machine, but -” He stopped, because the 4-Runner’s engine revved rather loudly. Alarmingly. He looked over to the demon. “Crowley?” Something caught his eye. “Crowley, this car wasn’t … I’m certain this wasn’t a manual transmission when we picked it up yesterday.”

“Wasn’t it?” Another hum of the engine. The radio crackled, and songs shuffled through the speakers, seconds at a time, as the SUV cast around for something that would suit. It paused on a song by - who else? Aziraphale thought - Queen, but then moved on, searching through a few more before settling on something with a heavy bassline, electric guitars, and a prominent drum piece. It was bebop, and Aziraphale didn’t like it. Crowley looked thoughtful. “It’s better.”

Aziraphale did have to hand it to the car: the vocalist’s shouted “Go!” coordinated perfectly with the light changing from red to green and Crowley, predictably, slamming the gas. Relatedly, it also coordinated with Aziraphale’s rhyming yelp of “No!”

Tires shrieked and the SUV roared forward, while Crowley laughed maniacally as he shifted through the gears and wove around slower traffic down the long street. The other car - the instigator, Aziraphale tried to assure himself, although he knew Crowley had probably tempted them into it without even trying that hard, the old snake - was a smaller outfit, two doors and sleek, with an iridescent paint job and chrome flashing on the tires. It was also, to Aziraphale’s horror, keeping pace, roaring along beside their car, in spite of surrounding traffic and Crowley’s absolutely death-defying steering. 

“Crowley, what are you doing?” he half-yelled, half-groaned. “You’re going to get us killed! Or arrested!”

The demon whooped. “Just a bit of fun, angel. Hang on!” Another gear shift, and the car accelerated, hitting a highway on-ramp and roaring onto the freeway. The other car, momentarily behind, followed suit. 

“We’re supposed to be looking for Adam,” he reminded Crowley, right hand with a white-knuckle grip on the ceiling handle and the left with an equally tight grip on the center console. “Crowley, please -”

“We have all night to find him.” Crowley glanced to the left, and caught sight of the other car, prompting him to accelerate. The dashboard in this vehicle was much larger than the Bentley’s vast even, and although Aziraphale was moderately terrified for the state of his corporation - he couldn’t imagine Heaven being inclined to give him a new body these days - he did risk a lean over to check the speedometer.

Ah. That was a mistake. He sat back, and pressed himself against the seat. Silently, as they wove through other cars and played leapfrog with the other racer, Aziraphale prayed. Crowley, for his part, laughed over the song blaring from the speakers, and drove, only ever taking his eyes off the freeway ahead to check the progress of the challenging vehicle. The 4-Runner groaned in protest as Crowley quickly changed gears to slow down, swerve around a box truck on the right shoulder, and then speed back up again, rocking back into the lane in front of the truck and taking off. The other car, slowed by a vehicle only going about 20 miles per hour over the speed limit in the passing lane, had to brake hard, and for a few blessed moments, Aziraphale thought it was over. Crowley would slow down now, surely.

Instead, the demon leaned out of the window to better make a rude gesture at the other car. There was a blaring of a horn, and in the rearview mirror, Aziraphale saw the other car break free of the traffic and start to catch up. He groaned, hand over his eyes, prepared for another round of acceleration, but was surprised to hear, over the rushing wind of Crowley’s open window, someone yelling, “Hey, man, get off next exit!” Crowley yelled something in response - very rude, Aziraphale thought - but slowed down anyway, guiding the car off the freeway, tailed by the other car.

“What are they doing?” he asked, cautiously, as Crowley braked again, and turned hard into the parking lot of an International House of Pancakes. The car lurched into park, and Crowley hopped out. The 4-Runner, relieved, shut itself off without any miraculous input at all. 

“Probably looking to fight. Don’t worry, angel, I’ll handle it.”

“Fi - Fight? Crowley, this is America, they probably have guns!” He jumped out too, half-jogging around the back of the massive vehicle until he fell into step beside Crowley. The other car, glimmering under the fluorescent lights of the parking lot, shut off, and two young women stepped out. Yes, definitely American, Aziraphale thought, with a disapproving look toward the ripped jeans and artfully torn t-shirts. The woman who had been driving had a baseball hat on. Backwards. Aziraphale rolled his eyes. Americans.

“Dude,” the driver said. “No joke, man!” To Aziraphale’s surprise, when she reached for Crowley, she didn’t attempt a stab or a punch, but rather grabbed his outstretched hand and shook it enthusiastically. She looked to her companion, laughing. “Told you this guy’s like my dad’s age! The fuck you learn to drive like that, man? You drive like a bat outta hell!”

Crowley smirked. “Bat out of London, actually - way harder driving there.” 

The other woman crossed her arms, her expression one of pleasant surprise. “Shit, dude, you’re British, too?” She flipped her long braid back over her shoulder and smoothed a lock of dirty blonde hair down. “Now I’m really impressed - you stayed on the right side of the road and everything.”

The driver rolled her eyes. “Shut up Leanne, it’s not that hard to remember after like, a week. This your ride?” She approached the SUV, hands on her hips. “Don’t see too many of these that can race like that, you know.”

Crowley winked to Aziraphale, and then sauntered up behind the driver, hands in his pockets. “It’s a rental. We just flew in this afternoon. Sorry, didn’t catch your name.”

“Call me Mary. Who are you, dude?”

“Good name, Mary,” Crowley said, grinning over his shoulder back at Aziraphale, who scowled. “Used to know a Mary. Great lady. You can call me Crowley.”

“It’s short for Mariel. Mind if I look under the hood?”

“Be my guest.” He followed her to the front of the car and Aziraphale and Leanne followed behind, Leanne studying Aziraphale and Aziraphale still glaring at Crowley. The hood of the car popped up, and Mary whistled.

“How’d you end up with a rental with a manual and a V8?”

Crowley leaned a hip against the bumper, arms crossed. “Oh, you know, only the finest Enterprise rentals had to offer.” If Mary found that suspicious, she didn’t remark on it, save to nod approvingly and slam the hood of the car shut.

“Well, anyway, thanks for the race. Super fun. Don’t think I’ve pushed Bella up past 110 in a while.” She shook her head at this appalling state of affairs. “Everybody else around here knows me and backs off before we hit the highway. Poor girl never gets room to run.”

“Tragic. Mustang, is she?”

“Yeah, had her from new,” Mary said, smiling fondly back at her car. Aziraphale could see Crowley soften to that. “Leanne and I have put all kinds of work into her - if we hadn’t got stuck in traffic she would’ve had this thing on the straightaway for sure,” she added, patting the hood of the rental. “You got me with the traffic, though.”

“It’s an art.”

Leanne had since circled around to the front of the car with the rest of them, and gently slid her hand into Mary’s. She looked to Aziraphale, head cocked. “Who’s your friend?”

“Ah, Azir - er, Ezra,” he corrected quickly.

“Nice.” Leanne looked from Aziraphale back to Crowley. “Are you guys -”

“What do you drive back home?” Mary asked, ignoring Leanne’s line of questioning, for which Aziraphale felt he should probably owe her a debt. 

“The Bentley. It’s a coupe - vintage.” Crowley added.

Mary’s mouth opened a little. “Woah, no joke? Shit, dude. You got pictures?” His phone was already clearing his pocket before she’d finished the question. Aziraphale shook his head.

“It’s cool,” Leanne commiserated, patting Aziraphale on the shoulder as Mary stepped away, the better to look at probably all of the photos of the Bentley Crowley kept on his phone. She was already marveling at the condition - “I’ve looked after it,” Crowley said proudly - and Leanne went on, “She’s got like four thousand pictures of her car on her phone, too.” She shook her head, and then brightened up. “So what’re you guys doing in Texas? You come in for a festival or something?”

“Oh, no, no, we’re here on holiday. Vacation,” he added, in case she hadn’t understood. She giggled.

“Yeah, I got it. That’s cool. Why Texas?”

He thought about it for a second. “Just seems very American. I’ve never been, and it’s been years since Crowley last left England. Thought we would mix it up a bit.”

Leanne nodded solemnly. “Greatest state in the nation. Well, Mary’s partial to Nevada, but she’s wrong. Anyway, that’s cool. So you just driving around, checking out the night life?”

“Something like that,” he lied. 

“You should try Rain on 4th,” Leanne suggested. “I think you’d like it. Great music, really great drinks and uh, I think you guys would fit in with the crowd there.”

Aziraphale pretended to think it over. “Rain on 4th. I’ll say something to Crowley. We were just thinking of turning in, though, finding somewhere to stay.”

“That’s why you kept slowing down in front of hotels.” Leanne, suddenly, sounded relieved. “We were wondering about that. Like, Mary thought you were looking for a race, obviously, but I was like ‘what if they’re murderers stalking their next victim’?” She laughed. “That’s a relief, anyway!”

“Oh!” Aziraphale forced a laugh, but he was sure he hadn’t been able to hide the shock on his face before she noticed. Murderers? “Oh, my dear, no, no definitely not murderers. No. But, ah, would you have any recommendations? For places to stay, I mean.”

Leanne put her head to the side. “What kind of place you guys looking for?” She looked from Aziraphale, back to Crowley, and then to Aziraphale again. “I mean, the nicest chain place is going to be the Marriott, probably, or the Westin, but like, there’s the Omni and -”

Aziraphale held up a hand, and resisted saying that yes, the Omni was very nice, pity they wouldn’t actually be using the room. “We’re looking for something a little more … economical. But clean,” he added.

“Oh, okay.” She thought about it. “Well, steer clear of Red Roofs and Motel 6’s, then. I found blood in the bathroom of a Red Roof one time**, and like, they totally acted like I should be cool with it. Super weird.” She shrugged. “Microtels are usually pretty clean and super cheap. Uh, I dunno, the chain places. Hiltons or Doubletrees or whatever.”

[** Author’s note: True story, I totally did. Stayed in a Red Roof the night before I flew to Austin to stay at the aforementioned Westin for a conference (all expenses paid, hell yeah) and boy those could not have been two more polar opposite experiences. From bloody bathroom tiles to five-star service BOY did I get some whiplash.]

“Microtel,” Aziraphale said thoughtfully. “Cheap and clean, you said?” He glanced over to Crowley, and found that he and Mary had left to discuss Bella’s engine in more detail. 

“Yeah, over by the airport.” Aziraphale started walking leisurely back towards the Mustang and his demon, Leanne falling into step beside him. “You going to be in Austin the whole time?”

“Hm? Oh, no.” He shook his head. “No, we rented the vehicle for easier travel - we’ll be moving around for a few weeks, seeing the sights, you know.” He nodded his head toward Crowley. “He loves a good, ah, road trip.” He raised his eyebrows as Mary and Crowley started crouching down in front of the car, obviously considering sliding underneath it to get a better look, right there in the International House of Pancakes parking lot. Mary even had her phone out to use the flashlight, but Aziraphale pointedly cleared his throat. Crowley paused.

“What, angel?”

“Aw,” Leanne whispered, exchanging an affectionate glance with Mary. 

“Hotel, remember?” he said, jerking his head back toward the car, hands folded behind his back. “We were looking -”

“Yeah, I remember. We’ve got a minute.”

“I’m quite tired.”

Crowley was looking at him flatly. Had there not been unfamiliar humans around, he probably would have lowered his sunglasses to really fix Aziraphale with a look. “You’re tired?”

“Yes,” he replied primly. “Miss Leanne was kind enough to recommend some reasonably-priced hotels that will be clean. By the airport.” He raised his eyebrows significantly. Crowley continued staring. “With excellent freeway access.”

The demon groaned. “Yeah, alright. Alright, I get the point.” He held up a hand. “Five minutes?”

Aziraphale sighed. “Very well. Five minutes.” Crowley nodded, enthusiastically, and then he and Mary slid under the Mustang, Mary talking excitedly as the flashlight beam flickered from one mechanical piece to another. Aziraphale sighed. “At least he’s having fun.”

Leanne laughed. “Hey, mind if I ask about your coat?” When Aziraphale looked confused, she went on, “I do some costume design on the side for a little theater company, and that’s a really neat coat. Like, looks like it could have been straight out of the nineteenth century.”

“I suppose it does, yes,” Aziraphale laughed. “I have had it for quite a while.” He shrugged, grinning, and parroted Crowley’s earlier assertion. “I’ve looked after it.”

“So what’s it made of? Was it custom or - ?”

In reality, it was probably more than five minutes, but Aziraphale was more than happy to discuss his coat with a young woman who appreciated good tailoring. Eventually, when Crowley and Mary emerged from under the car, brushing themselves off, it was Crowley who reminded Aziraphale that they really ought to be going, but only after he and Mary had exchanged numbers***. Leanne had been highly appalled at Aziraphale’s statement that he didn’t actually have a cell phone, but he assured her she was welcome to text Crowley any time she might have questions about period clothing, and Crowley only grumbled about it a little. 

[*** When Mary had expressed concern that texting or calls wouldn’t work with an international number, Crowley assured her that his cell carrier was very accessible worldwide, and could pick up messages from anywhere she could think of, and probably a few places beyond that.]

“Hey, enjoy America though, alright?” Leanne added, as the two pairs started to draw apart, backing away toward their respective vehicles. “You guys ever have any questions or whatever, you can hit this girl up!”

Mary looked at her disapprovingly across the hood of their car as she opened the driver’s door. “What, you’re a tour guide now?”

“No, but like, they’re in a strange country, I’m just being nice.” Leanne stuck her tongue out at Mary. “I’m allowed to be nice if I want to.”

Mary snorted. “Yeah, I guess.” They smiled fondly at one another, and then, as one, turned and waved at Aziraphale and Crowley. “Anyway, bye guys! Nice to meet you. Thanks for the race!”

Once back in the 4-Runner, with the roar of the Mustang fading behind them, Aziraphale settled in, pulled his seatbelt on, and smiled happily. “What nice young ladies. Miss Leanne was quite helpful with local hot-spots, too.”

“Yeah.” The key turned in the ignition without Crowley’s input, as the car grumbled to life. Hesitantly, the radio flickered on, the volume so low as to be almost inaudible, and Aziraphale clicked it off. “Good catch on that hotel tip, by the way.”

“You know, if we find Adam,” Aziraphale said, as Crowley steered back onto the freeway, following signs to the airport, “and there’s enough time, she did tell me a nice place to get a drink, if you’d like.” Crowley hummed in noncommittal acknowledgement. “Rain on 4th, she said. She was very complimentary - what are you laughing about?”

“Oh, angel.” Crowley shook his head, and tossed his sunglasses into Aziraphale’s lap. “Never change.”

“You know the place? I thought you said you haven’t been to America -”

“I have Twitter. And the internet. You read things.” He glanced sidelong at the angel. “Bit like your club you went to at the end of the nineteenth century.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened. “A gentlemens’ club? Oh, it’s been years since I’ve been to one.”

Crowley was looking at him. “Do you -” He trailed off and looked back to the road, fingers drumming pensively on the steering wheel.

“Do I what, dear?”

“Never mind.”  He jerked the wheel to the right and swerved from the left lane and onto the exit ramp, while the horn of a car he’d cut off blared behind them. “You do know what a gentlemens’ club is, right?”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Of course I do, dear. I rather liked spending time with those lovely men - we all really did have similar tastes.”

“Ungh?” Crowley said, hastily looking out the window and into the first parking lot they came across - it was for a Jiffy Lube, which was most definitely not where Adam was staying. 

“Of course,” Aziraphale went on, “they also used it as a cover to engage in their sadly-taboo love affairs. I didn’t partake in that, but the dancing was nice all the same.” He reached across the console, which was so broad that it made what would normally be a comfortable gesture physically impractical and somewhat awkward, and rested his hand on Crowley’s leg. Crowley made one of his little noises, still looking out of the window, and Aziraphale smiled. “I think you would have liked it, if you hadn’t decided to sleep through that portion of history. I am rather sorry about that.”

“Ngh, I know, angel.” Suddenly, the car lurched, as Crowley slammed on the brakes. “Hang on.” He squinted. “What’s it say on the side of that red truck?”

“Dear, you stopped in the middle of an intersection.” When Crowley glared at him and failed to move, in spite of Aziraphale’s pursed lips and the honking of various cars cautiously steering around them in the middle of the intersection, he sighed. “Get closer, I can’t read the front from here.”

“Right, fine.” Crowley pulled forward, drove across the sidewalk, and pulled up alongside the truck. “S’that it? Says it’s it, right?”

“It says ‘Big Sky Severe Storm Spotters’ just there.” Aziraphale indicated the front of the truck, where a small decal had been placed. “Is that them?” He looked up to the hotel, while Crowley nodded. “Oh, Microtel.” He smiled. “She does work in mysterious ways.”

“Huh?” Crowley slung his arm across Aziraphale’s shoulders, the better to look behind them as he reversed back over the sidewalk. “Who?”

Aziraphale considered it. “Leanne,” he settled on. “This establishment was her first suggestion when I asked for a hotel recommendation.” Crowley snorted. “I know, quite the coincidence, wasn’t it?” He frowned, as Crowley pulled back onto the freeway. “Why are we leaving?”

“Gotta get our stuff, don’t we? Don’t!” He reached over and grabbed Aziraphale’s hand as the angel lifted it to snap his fingers. “No magic, if we can help it. Don’t want him to know we’re here. And we’ve got time to grab our stuff before we stake them out.”

“Ah.” Aziraphale nodded, and didn’t say anything when Crowley relaxed and let his arm fall to the console, his fingers still wrapped around Aziraphale’s. “That does make sense.” He settled back into his seat, more comfortable, breathing a small sigh of relief when he saw that Crowley was barely going over 90. 

It was the work of an hour to pick up their bags, load back into the car, and return to the Microtel where the truck was still parked. Crowley pulled into a parking lot across the street, with a good view of the hotel entrance as well as the truck, killed the lights, and hissed something to the car. The engine, to the car’s great surprise, idled more quietly. Crowley nodded, approving, pulled his phone out, and tilted the seat back, his heels propped up on the steering wheel. 

“So now we wait?”

“Now we wait,” Crowley agreed, scrolling through something. He paused, squinting at the phone, and zoomed in on something. “Oh, hey, wait a second before you start in on whatever book you’ve got.” Aziraphale stopped moving, his hand halfway to his briefcase. “Got an email from Lucky.”

“Oh!” Aziraphale stopped, and held out his hand. Crowley dropped the phone into it. “Here, I’ll read it. Oh, bother.” He puzzled over the phone for a minute, taking a moment to zoom back out and then a further minute to actually open the email. Crowley remained silent, eyes closed but a small smirk on his lips. “Don’t look so smug, Crowley, it’s unbecoming.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Very well, here it is. It reads:

“‘Hi, Nanny,

‘Wow, sounds like you and Brother Francis have had a nice spring! Glad to hear you had an okay time at the flower show, even if you didn’t win anything. Hah, I’m sure Francis reminded you winning isn’t everything but whatever, it is kind of great to win sometimes -’”

Crowley sighed fondly. “He’s always been so competitive.”

“‘ - but having fun is cool too, I guess. Anyway, I graduated from high school! I attached a few pictures of my graduation - the cool cat next to me in most of the pictures that isn’t my mom or dad is my friend Hal, I think I’ve told you about them before. Wish you could have come to meet everybody, but I get that traveling trans-Atlantic is rough, especially if you don’t like flying.

‘Are you guys doing anything this summer? I’m super excited - I told you I’m starting college for climatology in the fall, but I didn’t know until a week or two ago that before I do that, I get to go on a road trip this summer! Sort of road trip. Like, weather-related road trip. I’ll be’ ….” Aziraphale trailed off, blinking at the text on the screen, before he swallowed, his mouth suddenly very dry, and continued, “‘ I’ll be storm chasing across the midwest this summer. I’m really excited to see some severe weather close-up, and I’ll be working with a couple of researchers so hopefully I’ll learn a lot, too.’”

Aziraphale looked to Crowley, who was staring at him. “You’re kidding,” Crowley said, eyes wide. Aziraphale shook his head, and bent back over the phone, picking up the tempo as he read. 

“‘Although I’m sure you’re probably super excited about me chasing the hellish fury of a vengeful God, just in case Brother Francis is worried please let him know that it really is very safe, and the researchers I’ll be working with often take meteorology and climatology students on storm tours, to teach them - me, I guess! - about severe weather patterns, how to spot developing dangerous weather, and other stuff like that. I mean, I know you’re probably all about widespread destruction or whatever, but sorry to disappoint you since I guess I’m hoping to learn how to prevent casualties and warn people to get to safety! Brother Francis is super proud, I’m sure!

‘Anyway, I’ll email or text you from the road if you want. I can even send videos and pictures! I’m sure you’ll get stuff on snapchat too. Plus, the researchers - Rachael and Noel - update their Facebook page with events from the road during chasing season too, if you want to see their videos and stuff, which’ll probably be way better than anything I take on my phone. You might even see me in a cameo haha! I’ll be internet famous. Discovery Channel, here I come! Their company is called ‘Big Sky Severe Storm Spotters’, they’re the only one on Facebook I think.

‘So that’s the update! Hear from you soon!

‘Infernally missing you guys or whatever,

Lucky’”

Silence permeated the interior of the car for a few minutes. The engine, embarrassed, idled more quietly still. Wordlessly, Aziraphale handed Crowley’s phone back to him, the two of them staring fixedly out of the windshield for a long, long time. Across the street, the red truck sat in the parking lot lights, and somewhere in the hotel, two anti-Christs^ were sleeping soundly.

^ Sort of.

 Crowley was the first to break the silence, reaching his hand up slowly to cover his eyes, and pulling his knees in closer to his chest. He sighed. “Well, shit.”

-

Now with Chapter 5!

[flakandforay]

Intro: Never Mind Analysis

this is the analysis for bangtan’s 4th mini album’s intro: never mind. 

i will be analysing several components - music, lyrics and aesthetics. 

disclaimer: this is just my personal opinion, feel free to disagree. do let me know your thoughts in my ask box

overall: really love how this intro turned out to be, if ever, this song became more angst than usual lmao. maybe it’s the beat of the song or the tone of yoongi’s rap, but definitely this intro is more ‘heavy’ than usual. really love how this gives way to the concept that bangtan intends to bring out in this album which is the more daring and adventurous side of youth - the side in which youth would pick themselves up again etc. and so with this intro, yoongi says ‘never mind’.

music: so this intro actually starts off really interestingly with the cheers and support of fans for a few seconds in which by 0:05, the fans starts to cheer ‘encore’ - something that all artists/idol groups wish to hear as it shows how much love and support they are receiving from fans and that they’ve made it. then by 0:16, one could hear yoongi tapping the microphone so as to check whether it’s working and then by 0:18, the microphone screeches to which at 0:21, yoongi coughs into the microphone. ( i find it interesting that he coughs into the microphone since usually people go ‘1,2, test’ to the microphone but i guess since he wants it to be more subtle and coughs instead ).

then at 0:22, the sound of the piano can be heard as the intro finally starts with yoongi rapping - just in time with the crowd cheering that yoongi is starting his rap. really love the piano melodies that could be heard in here especially at 0:27-0:28. yoongi even made it a point to let out a chuckle at 0:33 with the piano being the background music. also, at this juncture, the percussion is being introduced as a constant beat with the light tapping of the hi-hat and that the cheers of the crowd returns as an underlying beat. ( seriously, how is yoongi using all these casual sounds as the underlying beat ??? just like the intro of 화양연화 pt.1 with the dribbling of the basketball ).

the next part of the song at 0:44 can be detected with the beat of the bass drum - in time for yoongi to take a deep breath and continue his rap and the bass drum could be heard again at 0:49 as yoongi continues the next part of his verse. his style of rapping here is close to spitting words but not exactly it.

then at 0:55, with the beat of the bass drum again, the percussion starts to accelerate as this moves on to the prechorus before the chorus actually drops later on. also, the use of the electric guitar could now be heard as the sound becomes more fuller as well. yoongi’s rap starts to pick up pace as well or seemingly as such as he fits in more words into his bars.

then at 1:08, the iconic chuckle of yoongi as an adlib in this song yet again. then the chorus finally drops at 1:16 after yoongi raps with more intensity. but as the chorus drops, one could say that yoongi is placing more emphasis in the chorus etc.

the chorus in which the electro guitar and percussion can be heard promptly with yoongi’s harsh rapping. but from 1:28 onwards, one could hear yoongi picking up his speed of rapping, managing his breaths really well.

then at 1:39, the intro moves on to the extended chorus to which both namjoon and hoseok join in. to which when hoseok raps, the electric guitar is very prominent then at 1:45, namjoon is the one doing the parts and yoongi returns at 1:51. one could hear the use of strings as well in this intro.

by 2:02, the intro dies down, leaving the synths and mostly the piano left to be heard with yoongi’s slow rapping.  then yoongi ends with ‘never mind’ along with the dying synths.

lyrics: so this intro talks more about youths to not give up generally and not to mind other people - to focus more on themselves

그 때 부터 신경 안썼지 누가 뭐라던지 그저 내 꼴리는대로 내 소신대로 살아갔고

=

From that point onwards, I didn’t care No matter what anyone said I only lived how I wanted, guided by only my beliefs

내가 망하길 기도했던 몇몇 놈에게 물을게 집안 거덜낸 것 같냐 새끼야 I DON’T GIVE A SHIT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

=

I want to ask the several people who prayed for me to screw up Does it seem like my home is going broke, you bastards I DON’T GIVE A SHIT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

부딪힐 것 같으면 더 세게 밟아 인마 Come on NEVER MIND NEVER MIND 그 어떤 가시밭길이라도 뛰어가 NEVER MIND NEVER MIND 세상엔 네가 어쩔 수 없는 일도 많아 You better NEVER MIND NEVER MIND 부딪힐 것 같으면 더 세게 밟아 인마 NEVER MIND NEVER MIND 포기하기엔 우린 젊고 어려 인마 NEVER MIND 부딪힐 것 같으면 더 세게 밟아 인마 부딪힐 것 같으면 더 세게 밟아 인마 NEVER MIND

=

If you feel like you’re going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot Come on NEVER MIND NEVER MIND No matter how thorny the road is, run NEVER MIND NEVER MIND There are lots of things in the world that you can’t help You better NEVER MIND NEVER MIND If you feel like you’re going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot NEVER MIND NEVER MIND We’re too young and immature to give up, you idiot NEVER MIND If you feel like you’re going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot If you feel like you’re going to crash then accelerate more, you idiot NEVER MIND

here, it seems as though Yoongi is telling others to work even harder no matter what, it’s a message he wants to bring across to everyone which is why some idols even mentioned that this song speaks to them

( especially since being a trainee is a lot of work )

but i like how Yoongi ensures that he incorporates the theme of youth inside 

어느새 나는 가족의 자랑이 됐고 어느정도 성공을 했어 사춘기라고 말하는 그 쯤 생각이 나네 문득 그 당시 나는 어렸고 무서울게 없었지

=

Without me noticing I have become the pride of my family And I have succeeded to some extent The time we call puberty I think of it suddenly At that time I was young And had nothing to fear

달라진 거라곤 그때에 비해 조금 커진 키와 또 나이대에 비해 조금 성숙해진 시야

=

If there’s anything that’s different it’s my height And also being a bit more mature for my age

청춘의 출처 주윈 모두 말했지 오버하지마

=

The origin of youth Everyone said it, don’t go overboard

우리는 아직 젊고 어려 걱정 붙들어매

=

We are still young and immature, don’t even worry about it

overall, i really like his lyrics inside especially the iconic moss one ‘구르지 않는 돌에는 필시끼기 마련이거든 이끼 = Moss surely grows on a stone that doesn’t roll’

Reference: BTS Trans ©

aesthetics: i really like how this time round, the intro has a darker colour palette as compared to the first intro that was more into the yellow and orange colours - basically the sunrise/sunset colours and now having the black and blue colour palette

to some extent, this video could be seen as a lyric video towards the middle and the aesthetic shots are definitely not to be missed

also, i like how this seems to be a continuation from the previous intro - by having the same teenage boy again, sort of showing a story line

not to mention, the sudden splash of colour in contrast to the monochrome scenes that they had that introduced several symbols including the butterfly

last thoughts: overall, again, a great intro to this whole theme of youth as bangtan shows a different side of youth with this album 

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment  Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

[ramblingshit]

The Woman in Black - 1989 - 3/10

looks like the 1980s but with somewhat older-style outfits; exposition mutherfuckerrrrrr;

very slow, fluffy script; oh got the cut is just forward and back as they speak, now we’re close flipping forward and back when its their turn to speak i’m dying. exposition, telling other characters what the audience has already heard; each of these scenes are far too long with so much fluff, Jesus Christ the cuts just throw us into a completely different place with no transition its so abrupt and the jump cuts are infinitely worse fuck half of these are like .5 seconds long, they’re so basic its crazy. some j cuts all of the sudden and some decent direction all of the sudden on this indoors scene wtf lol. then back to awful cuts, apparently just outside and between scenes.

i can’t even focus on the story because there’s so much nonsense filming, writing and acting and jfc.

the 2012 version is only 5 minutes less but this one reaaaaally feels like its length while the 2012 one does not.

the house is just a grey house in a simple marsh, unassuming, boring to look at, the birds chirp, there’s a half-sunken cemetery nearby, the woman in blacks just standing there in broad daylight with a lil hat on her head, her skin like yellow tinted with red around her eyes kinda lookin like the wicked witch of the west, just staring casually at him they giving her a mid-shot and a close-shot and all, got some crooked shaped eyebrows, i think she’s angry? I’d be angry too with that ugly ass velvet donut on my head; she slowly sorta makes her way a few steps toward him, he sprints off and locks the door then turns on all the electrical lights in the house and seems alright; the rooms are tiny and clean cause she only just died (woman in black’s sister) - it’s really not scary - all white and beige with floral designs, boring frames with dark protraits; reminds me of the rooms at the thornton’s house and other old bedrooms i stayed in as a kid; fuck he’s really turning every single light on. he’s drinking again. we’re half an hour in and he’s messing around with some sort of recorder whistling into it and shit - omfg i thought that was leading up to a scare but no. telling the clues of the mystery in these weird cylinder recordings instead of the 2012 letters? he’s drinking again. WHOA hey we got an establishing shot and its a red-bricked house three stories tall with a big ass entrance way and pointed roofs and lots of windows am i missing something wait what happened to the grey house. there’s no scary music, its all light, there’s no suspense its like well here we are, now we’re here, now the marsh is water, there’s fog and horses and he’s nervous and there’s horses and women and children screaming yikesss ol mate looks mildly nervous, they must have hired him for his scared running and dramatic turns, NOW THE HOUSE HAS GREEN VINES ALL OVER IT. i mean he seems passionate about his role he’s tryin his hardest thats for sure. half of its filmed like a stage show - where’d the dog go. continuity needs to like actually be a thing. why do these candles have hats they’re on beautiful candelabras and now there’s more alcohol. for epople who have a butler and a maid on stand-by their tablecloth looks like a crumpled sheet and the lampshades look like they were picked up from the tip and they’re fkn crooked for godssake. we’re 46 minutes in and theres been maybe 25 minutes of actual story. he ran because he was afraid and that sits wrong with him so he wants to go back - now he’s ‘brave but not brave enough’. stubborn muthafucker. his rational friend is like lol you’re a moron, take my dog as companion he’s called spider for some reason. jesus fuck the cuts they get me everytime they’re scarier than anything else i’ve seen. unsurprised i could see the shadow of the camera. oh okay the grey house is the generator room out back that makes more sense. locked doors, ring of many keys but no key will turn. completely wasted mirror angles that were making me actually kinda anxious waiting to see something in them like damn son wasted opportunity. thrilling to watch this guy go through wads of paper not really looking at anything just pushing them around the great lawyer he is conveniently only finding and looking at plot-relevant things. kid crying mummy mummy while the lady just screams horribly - OMG NOW HES telling the recording exactly what we just heard and saw fuck sakee i love this movie its so dumb spoon feeding everyone - naw spider in his beeeeddd 10/10 best actor. nothing scary has actually happened other than weird lady staring constipatedly at him. he out here gon break his shoulder - sprint sprint sprint PACE PACE PACE – THE DOOR IS OPENNNNN ooohhwuuuhohhh and now he has an axe. he’s a fuck load more of a scardey cat than my main man harry potter and its the nursery - A BALLLLLLLL fell from the SKYYYYY and he doesn’t seem too fazed lmao. spiders just chillin on a chair like yep you’re in trouble. creepy old dolls. a kid just said 'hello’ and laughed, like friendly. 'hello?’  and put a toy in his hand. this is actually interesting. whoops the lights have gone out - PROBS CAUSE HE TURNS THEM ALL ON. nothing even scary happened, the kid said hi and clearly wanted to play then he sprinted away and now is panicking trying to find a torch where is he going its not even that dark back at the generator. cause god forbid- - OMG HE:S LITERALLY GO TTHE WHOLE HOUSE LIT UP mate why do you think it all went out omg im crying he’s freaking out about spider running off oh nah nevermind he’s fine lololol he was freakingggg outttt and then just chills immediately and goes back inside. i love this guy he’s trying so hard. the 70s lampshades are swinging from the roof. would be more eerie if it were actually dark and nah gonna just move over that back to him telling the recording exactly what we just saw. every fucking light. every FUCKING LIGHT. he’s lucky he doesn’t have to pay for electricity. this is the third time we’ve heard this crash and the kid and the lady screaming and he’s going angry about it cause its very noisy and he’s lost his mate’s dog whoops. lol whoops his mate found his own dog half drowned in the marsh and is just chill with it. wait this has all happened in a day?? this fuckin guy. ol mates got him rugged up and getting him outta there cause he collapsed in fright from finding the nursery trashed. that’s it. like yeah its spooky but come on man. is this the climax of the movie??? we an 1hr12min in. think they’re only breifly and vaguely mentioning that to see her means a kid will die and has died - how the fuck are you supposed to make her fearsome if you declaw her and take away that which threatens people: the fact she’s out there causing kids to die. floral bed covers. are they seriously not even going to show the dead kid. they’re just chatting. and again wa– holy fuck these people shes like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrhhh with a hogwarts cloak on and short curly hair with that yellow face and crooked brows, and he’s got his arms over his face, eyes shut just lying on his bed screaming - fuckin close ass shots i can see up their noses. now he’s taken ill poor mate. also he’s in a different bed?? and now he’s awake and talking some whack shit. has anyone called his wife yet lol. an awesome shot of just him sleeping. and another one. who’s this lady? oh its his wife. what’s she doing here i guess they did call her ahahaha. everything is so bright and blue and white where is the deeeeeath how is any of this scary its just so much chilling out and chatting and lol bye hope you get better have fun talking men. what. the house burned down? what. ol mate seems suss. HE’S SUSS. ol mate definitely burned that shit to the ground. who knows why he didn’t really seem sold on the whole thing but ya know. now they’re wearing like any old clothes they can find. and there’s a soldier too. and they’re training off into the sunset. that woman is not old enough to be this guy’s mother. what. we have cake time. pointless pointless scenes. ooooooooooooooooooooooo he got the ptsd from the horse clackity clack. no woman with hair that perfect sleeps without it in rolls or covered, not back then lol. where’s the deatttttthhh. oooohweeerrroooooo. whats in the box in the box whats in the box todayyy. acting is always 10/10 with this guy, especially the angst and strong emotions. he really doesn’t care for actually investigating these many papers he’s got in these boxes. um. he was in his office. and then the next scene was him entering his office and hanging up his jacket in his office????? wot. THE PAPERS AREN’T IN THE FIREPLACE MATE THEY’RE OUTSIDE OF IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD HES MAD HES SETTING THE OFFICE ON FIRE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKK MATE. dude you are so fired. fireman is like yeah i found this jerry can of parrafin you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you. omg omg he’s attacking his boss this is so exciting. i think he’s fired lol. can’t believe he’s not been arrested. what do you tell your wife lmao. how do you get references for another job in this career. her hair is so perfect. she wants to talk, he silences her with a kiss, conversation moves on, he silences her with another kiss - typical. now they’re boating. there’s 3 minutes left. are they gonna drown. omg the jumpcuts. SHES STANDING ON WATER. SHES JESUS. ahahhahahahahAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA DEATH BY TREEEEEEEEEE and i think they did drown omg ahahah my guy, wife kid and baby. that’s fuckin dark. last literally 1 minute of the movie just kill everyone off. what a shit fest i love it.