#//in verses where she does die she gets murderalized by another addict

[troublcmakcrs]

y'all: umm... whatcha got there?

me, with the oc i created solely to ship with tweek in his older verses: nothin, mind your fucking business

[tibby]

if u want to could u write abt ur thoughts on amanda and hoffman’s relationship in the jigsquad verse 👉👈 i love this au sooo much thank u for providing the best content

hoffman and amanda's relationship is...complicated. i often wonder what it could have been like in canon if john hadn't fostered such a toxic environment and pitted them against each other. they do have things in common and i think they also had a capacity to work well together - bathroom trap, nerve gas house, and the night of lynn/jeff/eric/rigg's tests all happened AFTER john took them both under his wing. ik hoffman sets amanda up to die the night of the latter but the fact remains they had MULTIPLE games set up in the same building and i doubt john would have been able to do much. hell, even when they're fighting while fixing up the rack, there's still like...a weird sense of them being in sync. amanda's brains and hoffman's brawn and when they're not at each other's throats they make a hell of a team.

so. taking that into consideration and placing them in the jigsquad verse, where they are able to form a relationship despite john's interference...they're very much like a brother and sister. they're always about 0.5 seconds away from killing each other and they'd both rather die than admit than they care for one another, but they do. jigsquad mark is able to retain his humanity and because of this, he sort of grows to see amanda as...a surrogate little sister to make up for the sister he lost. and amanda will never be angelina, both as a person and as a piece of mark's life, but it's something. and for amanda...i think generally speaking she distrusts men due to past experiences and it takes her the longest to warm up to mark because a) he is an asshole to her b) he was her ~rival~ for john's attention c) he's a cop. BUT. once they've gotten to a point where she realises he cares about her and won't actually hurt her...it's nice to have that weird big brother presence in her life.

john's death plays out very differently in jigsquad and since mandy lives through that night and he doesn't, the ramifications are also very different. the games continue in part because john implies that if the apprentices don't carry on his ~legacy~ then there's contingency plans in place for them, but also because amanda sort of. needs to process her shit with john and what he did to her in her own way, and that does mean continuing his work. which. isn't the healthiest coping mechanism but the guys realise she's going to do it with or without them and at least if they're with her, she'll be safer. and mark is a lot more willing to let her take control of everything and has no desire to kill her for power or whatever.

but yeah. they still fight all the goddamn time but they're not trying to like, Actually Hurt each other and aren't praying for one another's downfall. they're just. an older brother and a younger sister who aren't related and also know each other because they murder together.

here are some headcanons i have:

as the two resident former addicts of the group they keep an eye on each other because they know the signs (even if they do claim it's because they can't have the other relapsing and fucking up their whole operation)

amanda is a vegetarian and hoffman, the designated chef of the group, cooks vegetarian meals for her. sometimes he'll make a whole separate dish just so that she has something to eat.

she steals something for him (idk what hoffman would like for gifts. knives? keychains? pasta?) on the anniversary of his sister's death because she knows how sad he gets about it but also doesn't know how to deal with it. and she's like. ugh. here. *shoves it in his hands and then watches movies with him all day while neither of them acknowledge why she did it*

unsurprisingly a lot of people at the station don't really get hoffman's choice in friends and are kind of assholes about it. once a narcotics detective once referred to amanda as "a drugged up psycho" to hoffman's face and he punched the cop in the nose for it. this was separate to the punching strahm incident and was outside of work so nobody knew about it. which like....anonymous brutality is sort of the way mark cares.

sometimes he carries her (and adam) around on his broad ass shoulders. sometimes she sits on his back while he does push ups.

he steals her cigarettes and she'd get mad about it but she keeps stealing his zippo lighters. so they're even.

this will probably make more sense when i finish (and for that matter, start) my The Night of III/IV According to Jigsquad Verse fic in five million years but. in the aftermath when john is dead and they're all reeling from that and amanda is recovering from being shot in the neck and hoffman can't really check in on them because that'll be suspicious...he does what he can by telling strahm (and perez) to back the fuck off and leave amanda alone. she's nothing more than a person of interest and they have no proof she worked for john but hoffman knows they suspect her. and he also knows the last thing amanda needs right now while she's badly injured and processing john's death is to be harassed by the fbi. so. yeah. he makes sure to keep them away for her for as long as she possibly can.

similarly. hoffman asking john why amanda has to be in the nerve gas house has less to do with him not understanding the rules or whatever. and more to do with him wondering why the fuck john is okay with putting amanda in a dangerous situation, even if she's ~fine~ with it. he's very out of touch with his feelings and doesn't even realise he's doing it out of concern but. he is!

this one also features adam but on nights when there's no trap business to attend to and lawrence is working his real person job and the three of them are "banned" from "testing traps in the living room" and "treating them like toys" because they "keep getting blood on the carpet" they all just sort of. bake edibles together and paint each other's nails (hoffman always says that if he's being forced to do this then he wants black manly nails but amanda always ignores this and paints them something sparkly that diana left behind the last time lawrence had a custody weekend) and revel in each other's weirdness and smoke cigarettes. they play mario games together (hoffman always goes donkey kong, amanda bowser or dry bones, adam princess peach) and amanda and hoffman WILL climb all over each other and accuse one another of cheating and it will get borderline violent but it's fine. they love each other. they're having fun.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

You Have to Let Go

For @whumptober2021​′s Day One prompt, “You Have to Let Go” / Betrayal

CW: Forced vampirism, blood drinking, vampire whumpee, whumpee takes revenge, referenced drug addiction

1908, somewhere outside of New York City

“You can’t keep this up forever.” William, one of the oldest members of the pack at just over a century, lays on his back on a chaise, his head hanging off, looking upside-down at the newest vampire in the pack.

Blood does not pool in his head or redden his cheeks, although he’s been like that for an hour or more. He stays pale, his hair and skin and even his eyes all nearly the same shade. It gives him the appearance of a ghost, although he’s solid enough.

Cold, and solid.

More marble statue than man, now. And yet still more man than animal, though that depends a little on the viewer’s perspective.

“Watch, watch me try,” Tristan hisses back at him from where he sits, curled up in the corner of the room, arms around his bent legs. He stares at a mostly-healed scar on his left knee, from a time he tripped and fell in the dark of the basement downstairs. It’ll be there forever now, he’s told, a reminder for eternity of the wounds he wore when he died. 

He pushes on it. There’s no pain.

Of course there isn’t. Pain is your body trying to warn you not to die, and he’s already dead. What is there to warn him of now? All the worst things have already happened. 

There’s a soft cry from an adjacent room, woozy and almost sultry. An answering murmur in Malorie’s low voice. There’s a flirty laugh, and then the next sound is less cry than moan. He’d blush if he still could. Instead, he ignores the sound. Someone paying money for the oblivion the venom offers them, or paying in skin and blood. 

Vampires aren’t picky, and blood renews much faster than coins, anyway.

“We gave you a gift. Wrapped it all up in a bow for you, didn’t we? ” William has an odd accent, like he’s a mix of Brit and something else that Tristan doesn’t recognize. There’s a mocking lilt to his tone that Tristan knows from his own childhood, the landowner’s children teasing him for his oddities and for the way they felt all the families working their land were more or less the same. Tris hadn’t been the favorite of the other farmers’ kids - there’d been whispers behind hands about all the bits of him that weren’t like other children - but they’d banded together against the landowner’s children still. He remembered with fuzzy affection the others picking up rocks more than once to throw in his defense.

There were still parts of home where there were rumors of changeling children, and his mother had angrily shouted down an accusation more than once, when he was young and caught lining up river rocks in perfect circles. But for all that there might be whispers from the old, the other village children had always stuck together when someone from outside came mocking.

He’d been so happy to get away from the town, going on the ship with his parents to America. Tears threaten at the memory of his mother holding him at the edge of the ship, the salt-spray in his face as they set off and away from home and toward what she promised would be a grand new one. 

Her sister had gone ahead first, years before, and had written glowing letters about America as a land of chances that Ireland didn’t offer. 

He wondered, bitterly, if his aunt had already been hooked on the venom by then. If she’d been writing those letters from vampire dens, with a pair of fangs buried in her other arm while she signed Your loving sister, Joanne.

Had she known she would try to sell him before she ever saw his face? Had she sold his parents’ lives, too, somehow?

He wishes, fierce and strong, that they had never left Ireland at all. That his mother had known not to trust Joanne as far as she could throw her. Too late, though. Too late.

Joanne the only one left standing, now. The rest of them are dead.

Even Tristan, who can be dead and still be separated from his parents by the gulf of their different kinds of death, who stares into damnation even if he were fully destroyed now. He remembers trying to confess his sins to a priest who chased him from the church with screams of demon, demon, begone. His soul has been handed over to evil, and all he’d ever done was try to be good. 

Tristan wipes the pink tears from his cheeks before William can see them. “I, I, I didn’t want your, your gift.”

“Does that matter now?” William flips over onto his stomach and drops to the floor into a crouch, smiling. His fangs glimmer in the dimness, as the night stretches on and on towards dawn. Already the horizon is going lighter around the edges, a soft dove gray that will lead soon to pink and blue. Already, Tristan can feel an unnatural exhaustion weighing down his bones, the need to sleep while the sun is up.

“To, to me it does.” Tristan leans his head slowly against the wall, closing his eyes. The pulse of thirst is stronger than his heartbeat ever was. 

“You’re not human any longer,” William says, and there’s a gentleness to his voice that Tristan is surprised by, turning to look at him. “You have to let go of all that. You’re not it any longer, and won’t be again. But isn’t this better?”

Tristan blinks once, twice. “No,” He whispers but fiercely. “I’ve, I’ve, been, um, I’ve been made a murderer, against my will. What of that is, is better?”

“All men kill, one way or another.” William shrugs, casual and unbothered. “We are only more honest about it and our reasons. But here, look, I’ve had one more thing done.”

He claps his hands. Tristan flinches at the sound, but the soft murmurings of the pack from other rooms goes silent. Then they drift into the parlor, one by one. Malorie is still wiping her latest partner’s blood from around the corners of her mouth, smiling. 

There are seven in the pack, not counting Tristan himself. He tries not to count himself.

When he looks now he frowns, seeing only five. “William?”

“We’ve one more gift for you,” William says, and gestures to the open double-sized doorway. 

Tristan stares as the last two members of the pack appear, with his aunt held between them, bound until she has to be dragged and cannot walk on her own.

Joanne’s eyes are wild, rimmed in bright white. She is gagged, cloth tied over her mouth until it bites viciously into the corners of her mouth. She sees him and begins to struggle anew, shouting as best she can. Nonsense sounds, muffled, pointless shouting. 

He can’t tell if she is begging for her life or cursing him.

He wishes he could believe it’s the former.

“What, what, what what what is this?” His words are barely a whisper, as he unfolds himself, pushing up onto his feet. His gums begin to itch around where his fangs have grown, the venom ready. 

“She’s behind in her payments again,” Alyssa says, laying her head on Joanne’s shoulder, her long brown hair falling half over her face. “In too deep. Chases the fang and doesn’t pay her rent, doesn’t pay us either.”

Tristan stands perfectly still, feeling nearly frozen. His aunt’s terror and panic are something he can smell, now, the sharp tang of adrenaline. It sours the blood, but there are vampires who prefer it that way. Who say the sour taste of pain and fear is a higher form of flavor.

William steps up to his side, running a hand down Tristan’s arm. He flinches away from the touch, but he knows better than to move away from the pack leader more than that. His chin tucks down in unconscious submission to William’s will. “You, you, you you you want me, to, to… kill her?”

“You miss your family,” William says, softly. “It ties you to your old life.” He smiles, something Tristan can see from the corner of his eyes, and leans his head slowly against Tristan’s, mingling white and red hair together. “She’s the reason they’re lost to you, right?”

“Yes,” He whispers in reply, turning slightly into the touch. William’s cool hands comes to cup his face, and he presses a soft kiss, light as air, against Tristan’s cheek, the corner of his mouth, finally presses their lips together.

It’s all sensation without temperature, and Tristan hums, opening his mouth for it, letting William take what he wants. His packleader’s tongue finds his fangs, presses against the venom glands just above and behind them. 

A tingle of venom falls onto Tristan’s tongue.

William hums. “Good boy,” He whispers, making Tristan shudder, half-disgusted and half-grateful for the praise. 

Joanne’s struggles kick up into a frenzy, but they do her no good. She’s bound so tightly that her wrists are rubbing raw to bleeding, and he can smell it. Saliva gathers in his mouth, his venom pulsing, sizzling on his tongue like a hot pepper eaten raw. He finds himself shaking, hands clinging now to William’s arms just to stay standing.

Joanne welcomed them when they got off the boat. But she’d snubbed Tristan’s father, had never liked him. She’d helped them find work, and all along she’d gone places at odd hours of the day and night. 

All she’d said to him after his parents died and he moved in with her was that his mother was never meant to die. She’d been meant to be out of the apartment, but had decided not to go on the errand to the woman who took in piecework, and Joanne had told him, I didn’t know she’d be home, or I’d have changed the day, wouldn’t I?

Then she said he should stop mewling in his grief, and slapped him full in the face for it. 

His lips pull back from his teeth, although he isn’t quite aware of it. Only of the taste of blood in the air on his tongue. 

“Have your revenge,” William whispers, the devil tempting a boy who has never been a saint. Tristan wonders if his mother will hate him, in her eternal rest, that he isn’t strong enough to resist this chance. 

He tips his head back and lets William mouth along the line of his neck.

“Let death come upon them, and let them go down alive into hell.” The verses come easily, without stammering. He was always better at reciting what he’d been taught to memorize, the words his mother read and reread to him, than at speaking for himself. “For there is wickedness in their dwellings, in, in the midst of them. But I have cried to God: and the Lord will save me.” His lips twist, and the tears burn so hot it feels like they are boiling over his eyes and down his cold skin. “But, but, but I cried, Aunt Jo, and-... and and and no one saved, um, saved me.”

He turns away from William and meets his aunt’s eyes.

She stares back at him, still struggling, still fighting. The blood from her torn-open arms runs down her hands behind her back, dripping to the floor. He can hear each droplet hit one by one. He can smell the fear in her, and he can smell what she’s spent her day doing. That she slept late, and ate at a place down the block from their tenement where the old woman sells sandwiches, the big blocks of meat carved to order. 

He can smell that she never thought of him at all, as she prepared to come here, to the den, for venom she can pour into a cocktail. He can smell even the way she was surprised when they told her there would be no more credit for her, she must pay now or perish.

She can’t pay. There is nothing left. She’s long since spent every bit of scratch that she gained from the deaths of her sister and brother-by-marriage, the extra cash that came from selling her nephew into… this.

He’s been moving across the floor and barely noticed. He’s only a foot or so away from her now, and the smell of her sweat is as strong as her blood. His pack members can see the fight in him fading, he’s sure, because their eyes are overbright and glittering with excitement. 

He holds her gaze.

It’s easier, since he died, to look people in the eyes. He’s not sure why.

“You,” He says, in a low voice that no longer trembles. “You made it so, so, so so I won’t ever be seeing them again. As a cloud is consumed, and passeth away: so he that shall go down to hell shall not come up. If, if you had, if I had died with them, if I…”

His throat feels like it’s closing, his voice dries up. 

“But, but, but, but you made me be damned,” Tristan manages, finally, his voice thready and barely-there. “Even if… even if I, if someone, if I am… I’ll still never, um, never see them again. We are, are, are, are both damned, now.”

William, just behind him, a cool presence the same temperature as the air around them, hums, interested. His hands rub up and down Tristan’s arms. “Will you kill her, Tristan? Have your vengeance? We’ll clean what’s left up for you.”

“No.”

Everyone inhales, although they don’t need to, in surprise.

Tristan stares one last time into his aunt’s frightened eyes. “I, I, I won’t, won’t kill her. But, um, but but but… but… I want… want you, your gift to be something else, William.”

“Name it, little brother.”

I’m not your brother.

He doesn’t bother with the protest. Not anymore.

“Turn her,” He says, softly. “And then, um, then then then wall her up in, in the cellar, and and and leave her, to, to starve.”

“A new vampire who doesn’t feed faces the true death anyway, in a month or two,” Malorie points out. When Joanne turns her head away, Malorie grabs her by the hair, forcing her to look back at Tristan with a cry of pain. 

“I don’t care. I, I, I just want her to, um, to suffer.”

He walks away, moving around the little group, and out into the growing new light of the early dawn. His bones already feel weighed down by the promise of sunlight. 

There is a workshop, a rickety wooden shed, in the yard. Tristan moves into it, closing the door to give himself a nearly-total darkness, and burrows down into the dirt, curling into a ball, closing his eyes. His hand grasps, instinctively, at a rosary he can no longer wear. Finding nothing, he finally goes still.

He hears one long wailing scream from his aunt from within the house, and then no more sound at all. 

He wonders how long it will take her to have her first death.

He wonders how long it will take for her to feel her second death, the true death, as she is starved of the blood her body needs to fully become the monster she had Tristan himself made into.

His mother would care.

Tristan doesn’t.

He falls asleep as the sun comes up, at the same time his aunt’s body shuts down bit by bit. Her heartbeat is the last thing to still.

Tristan’s heart stopped beating nearly four years ago.

-

@mylifeisonthebookshelf @insaneinthepaingame @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @newandfiguringitout @astrobly @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @pretty-face-breaker @doveotions @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @what-a-whump

[patricksmusicblog]

DMX Discography Overview

It's Dark and Hell is Hot(1998): DMX's distinctive growl, aggression, and arresting flow is fully formed and at its highest potency here on It's Dark and Hell Is Hot. It's Dark and Hell is Hot is, for the most part, a dark menacing and street-orientated album. Some tracks even lean toward a horror-core vibe, "X is Coming" being the bleakest and most unsettling of the bunch. Still, there are deeply emotive tracks like Let Me Fly, Look Through My Eyes, and Convo, where DMX gets introspective and lets us in on his struggles internally and morally/spiritually. There are also hits here, like the hard but catchy "Ruff Ryders Anthem" and the chill summer jam "How's It Going Down." The album's production is handled by PK and Dame Grease, with the album's calling card produced by Swizz Beatz. On a broader level, DMX was a presence in the rap game filled some of the space that had been vacant since Tupac Shakur was murdered, passionate, aggressive, and visceral only specifically representative of the east coast. He also was the answer to the shiny suit luxury rap era Puffy was dominating with in 1997. The album is pure classic and certainly a top-tier album of 1998. Rating: 9.0/10

Favorite Tracks: Rough Rydahs Anthem, How's It Going Down, Intro, Crime Story, Look Thru My Eyes, Let Me Fly

Flesh of my Flesh Blood of my Blood(1998): Flesh of My Flesh Blood of my Blood was released in late December of 1998 cemented DMX as the biggest rapper of that year and late 90s in general(Jay-Z notwithstanding). Aside from the Beastie Boys, the album had the highest first-week sales in a highly competitive year. As for the quality of this one, It's more of DMX's burst of rough and jagged rhymes. When he's not menacing(which is most of the time), he's as introspective and pain-stricken as he was on It's Dark, and Hell Is Hot. The apex of that would be "Slippin," an iconic song that is amongst the saddest tracks in hip-hop history as DMX open shares the trauma of his upbringing, being an addict and struggling to get out of it only to find its way back in it and everything that surrounds that in his past. It's really the fight in the song that makes the song his willingness not to quit and keep trying that makes the song "I got to get up, get back on my feet so I can tear sh*t up." What keeps the album from being the classic his debut was is that Swizz Beats takes the helm on most of the production here, which is hit or miss. DJ Shok, PK, and Dame Grease have a lot of the best beats here. They bring out that dark energy and tone that makes for X's best work. All in all, it's still a great project and amongst his best work. Rating: 8.0/10

Favorite Tracks: Slippin', Dogs For Life, Coming From, Black Out,

...And Then There Was X(1999): ...And Then There Was X picks up were DMX previously left out brutal, pummeling bone-crushing violence come is to be expected. "One More Road to Cross" and "The Professional"(one of the albums hardest tracks) are early highlights. Then there's the heartfelt but mature writing of "Here We Go Again," one X's best tracks, and "More 2 a Song," the ladder of which speaks to DMX's avoidance when it comes to rapping about the flashy materialistic side of things. While this is DMX's third full length album, it sounds more like a full-fledged sophomore effort to It's Dark and Hell is Hot while Flesh of my Flesh' plays more as an extension, too, or a very good b-side to its predecessor. This album contains some of DMX most well-known hits it including his biggest "Party Up"(Up in Here), a high energy track produced by Swizz Beatz that finds DMX being peak DMX, the chorus is both funny and little corny, there's a good touch of humor in DMX's bars on the track that give it charm. Another well-known X track is "What these B*tches Want" ft Sisqo, a silly and misogynistic track that has its charm and humor but is a bit lacking as far as the chorus in my opinion. "What's My Name?" however, is a banger that's one of DMX's better singles and meant to be played at a high volume out of your car. ...And Then There Was X is another strong album from DMX, and its more consistent than Flesh of my Flesh' less visceral and hungry than It's Dark. 8.5/10 

Favorite tracks: Party Up(Up in Here) Here We Go Again, What's My Name, The Professional, Angel, More 2 a Song

The Great Depression(2001): DMX's fourth straight #1 album finds him trying new things. There are the rap-rock efforts like Bloodline Efforts, and I'ma Bang which will always be hit or miss depending on the kind of music listener you are. To me, they're listenable but amongst the corniest of DMX records in his catalog. The worst is the silly/sad "She Was Da Bomb" where X writes a track about basically impregnating a woman and threatening to be a deadbeat. Yeah, the lows here are amongst the lowest of his career. Transversely, "Who We Be," a socially conscious record, is one of DMX's best tracks ever, and "We Right Here" has a great beat and is amongst the best on the album. Aside from the hits, you get the heartfelt "I'm Missing You" and the thoughtful "When I'm Nothing". There are also more R&B sounds here which I think is a nice change of pace. The Great Depression is solid; it's less aggressive and consistent than any of the three albums before it; some songs really work, and a few don't. I think it's worth listening to; there are essential DMX tracks here, but I wouldn't consider the LP quintessential as a whole. 7.5/10

Favorite Tracks: Who We Be, We Right Here, When I”m Nothing, I”m Missing You,

Grand Champ(2003): DMX's fifth straight #1 album is even more boom or bust than The Great Depression is. Where The Great Depression had weird moments and tracks that didn't quite work. Here X doesn't sound quite as passionate as he does early in his career. In an interview he did on 106 n Park around the time of the album's release, he'd spoken about not making what he should off his music, and I wonder how much that put a damper on writing and recording for this album. When it comes to what's here, the menacing brutality and growl is here, but it isn't as consistently visceral as it was early on. At 24 tracks, it's also a long, over-bloated album but even shorting it; I don't think the bulk of the music here holds up through time. "Get it On the Floor," has a terrible chorus, and most tracks between 13-23 are forgettable. As for the best of what's here "Where the Hood At" Produced by Swizz is a classic DMX track it's hard and has a great beat and hook. "Dogs Out" Which features Kanye on production. Then you have "We're Back" ft Eve and Jadakiss, another highlight and features pretty good verses from all three, but I believe Jada had the best performance. The international version of the album features the track "X Gon Give It To Ya" another very good single from X. This is an interesting listen, and depending how die-hard an X fan you are you may still enjoy this. I think there are tracks worth salvaging, but it isn't an essential listen. 6.5/10

Favorite Tracks: Dogs Out, Where The Hood At, X Gon Give it to Ya

The Year of the Dog(2006):This is the point where the bottom really fell out on DMX's music. The highs here aren't amongst the highest of X's career, and the lows are certainly amongst the lowest—tons of generic and lackluster production, mediocre choruses. A weird rap/rock crossover. DMX's tenacity isn't as urgent or visceral, and a lot of what's here (tracks 2-10) sounds, sadly, like a caricature of himself(with "It's personal" as the exception). The best tracks on the album are sneak in at the end where you find songs like "Blown Away" and "Goodbye"; those are the most soul-bearing tracks on the album. As a whole, it's a below-average album that, aside from a few moments, The down turn reflected itself culturally and sells wise it was his first album not to go #1 and only to go gold, and by the mid 00s DMX wasn’t in most conversations when comes to being amongst the best . 4.0/10

Favorite Tracks: It’s Personal, Blown Away, Goodbye, Life Be My Song

Undisputed(2012): Undisputed was a well-intentioned, admirable comeback album for DMX.  There are some solid moments here "Cold World" Speaks on what he perceives as the rap game getting weak.  "I'm back" is one of the better tracks on the album. You can hear the pain coming through on "Have You Eva."  I like "Y'all Don't Really Know" because it comes close to some of his early work. Still, it just isn't enough; there are quite a few missteps on this album, whether it'd be the awful "Sucker for Love" or "I Get Scared" X sounds weaker vocally, and the production is lacking. There's some charm to "I Don't Dance" with MGK but it's somewhat awkward and not among his strongest singles.  It's better than Year Of The Dog but still far from the level of X's heyday.  5.5/10

Favorite Tracks: I‘m Back, Have You Eva, Ya’ll Don’t Really Know

DMX is an undeniable legend and quintessential to late 90s-early 00s hip-hop. His music and voice, and passion transcends its era and is easily felt now. His apex from 98-00' is highly recommended. Past that, it's a lot more hit and miss, but both the Great Depression and Grand Champ have some gems worth grabbing. Past that, it's even spottier but given X's internal struggles it was great we were even able to get those LPs. Fortunately, DMX seemed to be doing well and had finished an album before passing away, so I'm eager to hear what he'd been working on.

[serendipitous-posts]

I see your Au’s where Klaus is the one with his powers suppressed and I raise you an Au where Ben’s power is the one suppressed

(May call this Cthulhu au? Sounds about right. I also somehow made Reginald worse??)

So, Reginald Hargeeves is a dick, but he’s also pragmatic, right? He doesn’t care for these kids, as long as they can live up to his expectations

He is absolutely determined for them all to reach their full potential, mental and physical safety be damned

So in this verse, he doesn’t give up on Vanya. He remains certain that he can control her and that she can control it

It takes a lot of time, but he’s persistent in his belief she can achieve greatness, which would be amazing virtue if he wasn’t such an abusive ass

The violin, he learns, helps a lot, helps hone her abilities and fine tune them to her advantage

The press love the little musician, with her big shiny eyes and careful nature and gentleness

You know who the press doesn’t like? Ben. Hates him actually. 

Or rather, they hate what is inside of him. They hate the Horror

(once, when ben was very young, he had tried to explain to three that he was the horror and the horror was him. like conjoined twins, but she had looked so disgusted that he had shut up)

Because it’s hard to spin a weird eldritch abomination that kills people into a positive light, and in the aftermath of every mission there’s always a group, growing louder and louder with each one, arguing that just because they were criminals doesn’t mean they should be murdered. That the Umbrella Academy were playing judge, jury and executioner when they shouldn’t, that they had no legal power and what were they doing?

An even smaller group, but potent in it’s ferocity, points out just how terrible it is, forcing a child to kill people

And normally Reginald would write it off, ignore it except-

Except he can’t ignore the way the Horror has been acting lately-hungry and aggressive and mad. But not towards the other kids, no. Towards him. He steps into the room and Ben’s skin starts crawling and twisting.

(if he didn’t know better, he would say it was trying to protect him)

And Hargreeves, as we see in season 2, is an experienced fighter, but he’s not going to kid himself. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance against the Horror. The only ones who might are his siblings

But, as he realises with horror, he doesn’t know if they would side with him against number 6.

Because Ben is the shy, quiet kind one. If he ordered them to kill them- Number One might do it, but the others? No, no way, he sees how they look at him sometimes, all quiet fuming hatred and anger and-

They’d probably try and kill him themselves

But they’re young, and easily manipulated so he starts - leaving suggestions really- makes them watch any videos of the Horror attacking, showing it’s rampage as Ben wilts before them all. Suggests 6 shouldn’t be near the cameras anymore because he’s too frightening. TV shows now have movies like Alien and documentaries about parasites that burrow under the skin

They see a hulk figurine in the store one day and he makes sure to tell One, loud enough for everyone to hear, that he’s not a hero, he’s a monster, because he can’t control his impulses

At the end of every mission, he finds a reason to critique the Horror and Ben and their brutalness, all the while sending them out to do so anyways

The Horror, perhaps sensing the amount of bullshit that is happening, grows worse, grows even more agitated over time

4 and 5 and 7 rally behind him, because 5 and 7 are his isolation buddies and 4 and him have been friends forever. But 1 and 2 and 3- they start to pull away, little by little

Because they believe that he’s going too far that their father may actually be right, at least on this, it is a little freaky, and it’s not just their father saying it, it’s everyone and they can’t all be lying

He makes them all sit in on Ben’s special training- killing a rabbit, and now Vanya starts to flinch whenever he comes into the room, stops inviting him to her recitals

(it’s not a coincidence that rabbits were her favourite animal)

Five stays loyal though, making a point of going with him to the libraries or talking to him about books he’s read. Ben’s- he’s paler now, even quieter, but he enjoys the company and the Horror always seems to settle down in his presence

Then Five disappears one day and never returns. 

Reginald is torn because on one hand- he’s one asset down and Five was always a very useful asset and very very clever but he always thought he was so clever, working around all of his rules

Vanya and Five were the closest and now she’s alone. And even though Vanya is one of the nicest people out there, she just lost her brother, and she needs someone to blame to lash out at and she remembers how Ben and Five would talk for hours about Five’s powers

She yells at him, screams at him that this is his fault, and Klaus tries to intervene but it doesn’t really work, because in this universe Vanya isn’t forgotten or ignored, she’s the most powerful and that comes with a certain amount of respect.

She’s more confident and sure of herself and she is sure that this is Ben’s fault

The Horror, sensing Ben’s stress, lashes out. It slams a tentacle down on the ground in front of her, causing her to scramble back, suddenly aware of the fact that she is in a room with someone who has a literal monster in his stomach

Diego walks in on Ben attacking their sister and immediately grabs his knife, stabbing into it and Ben howls, the tentacles sliding back under his skin

Diego is praised for his quick thinking, one of the few times his father ever compliments him and he holds it close to his chest

(she’ll realise her mistake much later of it not being Ben’s fault, but she doesn’t apologise, too scared of the Horror and what it could do to her)

(she full on avoids him now)

All that leaves in Klaus, but to be honest? He has his own issues to deal with. At first, he clings to Ben because he gets it, the absolute hatred you have to your powers

And Ben is so so so happy to have someone be there for him, someone who hates their abilities as much as he does. They comfort each other after their own personal lessons, talk about which powers they would like to have, how they would love to get rid of their powers entirely

And then Klaus does. Get rid of them. 

Well, kind of. Drugs as it turns out, cancels out his abilities. They learn this during a mission and he’s so happy. And Ben is so happy for him

Except . .  after a while, Klaus starts to pull away too, so caught up in the world of drugs and addiction and leaving him behind to deal with his own issues

He tries to confront him on it, but Ben was always the meekest of his siblings, and it doesn’t go well

“You’re just jealous” Klaus spits “you can’t turn off” he gestures towards Ben’s torso “that thing.”

All the while, the Horror is growing more and more agitated, squirming under his skin like an itch, stretching it and bruising it, awful and visible. His siblings, sickened by this display, start to avoid him, which just makes him agitated, which just makes the Horror agitated, which makes it more active, which makes his siblings avoid him more, rinse and repeat

(he can’t move, somedays, from the pain of it all, muscles stretched beyond their limit by the thing that should never be beneath a persons skin)

And then- and then, after a very bad mission, where his siblings had all looked away as he emerged bloody from another room, his father tells him he doesn’t have to do missions if he doesn’t want to

Holy hell. Holy fucking shit

This is- it’s- everything he has ever wanted since his first ever training exercise 

He says yes, of course

(The Horror hasn’t been this calm in years)

And he doesn’t have to go on missions anymore! He gets to stay home and read and be alone but in a good way and it is everything he has ever dreamed of and more

(in another room, their father announces that Ben is too dangerous to be allowed on missions anymore, and that he won’t be training with them anymore)

His siblings are torn between relief-that they won’t have to see another killing spree, and jealousy-because he doesn’t have to go on missions or have personal training

(none of them are relieved for ben, who always hated going on missions)

Klaus especially is jealous, and is snippy towards Ben for the remainder of the week, but he’s on cloud freakin’ nine, and he doesn’t really notice any of his sibling’s odd behaviour

But as time passes, Ben starts to feel more and more left out and excluded. The main reason why the siblings are so close is that they go on missions and train together, and Ben is no longer doing that.

He also notices that the others are . . . blaming him a lot. Even for things he didn’t do

“Why is there a hole in the wall?”

“Ben must have let the Horror out”

“You’re bringing an animal inside the house? Don’t let Ben see it”

It’s lonely, but the alternative is going back to training, and he would actually rather die. It’s just- he’s being selfish. The Horror is a monster (he is a monster) so it makes sense that others would think he was the one doing Bad Things

And Ben spent his entire life trying not to be a Bad Person, but everyone keeps saying that he is a Bad Person, and he isn’t sure what to do. Sometimes people recognise him on the streets, pull back, hide their kids, some the same age as him

(once Allison and Luther were with him when this happened, and they looked at the woman shielding her baby with something like-understanding? empathy? whatever it was, it made Ben’s stomach open, but not in a Horror way in a Bad Way)

He breaks down in tears, finds his mom in the middle of the night, feeling like a baby because he is fourteen years old and he shouldn’t be crying except this morning Diego had turned to Luther and asked “where’s the freak?” and Luther had grinned and said “Ben’s still in his room” and neither had realised he was standing behind them

(family scapegoat syndrome is a very serious thing.)

He goes to her, crying and wishing that it would just go away, that awful, awful monster in his body, why won’t it just die already?

Grace tries to comfort him, but Reginald knew this would one day happen, and put certain  . . things into her coding, things she can and can’t say.

She sits there and tells her son awful things about him and the thing that lives inside of him, a parasite, she is forced to call it, to call him

(and you may think Diego hates Reginald the most, but that title has, will and always shall belong to Grace)

“You’re disgusting” she tells her son and thinks of the man who made her

Ben wails, loud and strong, and the Horror responds to his horror, jumping to life and slamming into Grace and then Ben is screaming and he can hear his siblings footsteps, rapidly approaching, but he’s trying to get to his mom and-

He blacks out

He wakes back up in the infirmary, where Pogo is waiting for him. He explains how their mother is damaged, and will take a while to fix

He has to go about his day with Diego’s glare scorching his back. Breakfast is burnt porridge and milk.  The first chance he gets, Diego accosts him, knife missing by inches

“A-a-asshole!” He shouts, brandishing a knife “h-how could you?!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Ben squeaks, because he was always the shortest brother and his brother loves their mom and he hurt their mom and his brother is armed

“Diego stop” Vanya says, tugging on his arm “you’ll anger it”

Ben looks down to see his skin ripple and flushes, pressing himself even further against the wall

“You saw what happened with mom” Allison chimes in, glaring at Ben because their breakfast that morning was awful

“He’s not worth it” Luther says, and for once it seems they’re in agreement, because Diego turns and walks away, the others trailing behind him

Klaus stops, and gives him a sad look before scurrying after them, leaving Ben alone

Afterwards Ben is pulled into dad’s office and he’s handed pills. “To suppress your more . .  animalistic side” he said by way of explanation. 

Six blinks up at him. Suppress? As in . . get rid of? No more Horror

“It has come to my attention that you are far too dangerous to have running around unchecked” dad says when he asks, and Ben wilts

He takes the medication, and tries not to get his hopes up about it, but the Horror is gone

Instead of the usual aching chasm in his stomach there’s nothing. Just a sense of stability, of calm. He doesn’t feel like bursting into tears or crawling away in shame

(he doesn’t . .  he can’t feel much of anything really)

But he does feel excitement. His siblings are going to be so amazed- no more Horror!- and- and his dad can give Klaus some medication too, so he doesn’t have to use drugs anymore- or other drugs anymore!

His father pulls him aside and tells him that he must never tell anybody about this medication. His siblings have to keep thinking he can summon the Horror

Ben loves their father so much, wants to impress him, wants to make him proud. Except-Klaus. Klaus deserved to have this medication too, right? His- his powers were way worse than Ben’s

Reginald tells him, point-blank, that if he tells anyone about suppressing the Horror, he will take him off the medication

And that is-Ben feels kind of muffled right now, as if he’s under a weighted blanket but-

Terror is the only way to describe it, because he just found peace and now it is being threatened to have it ripped away

He lies about the Horror. The others continue to avoid him, but he also avoids them now, guilt over his lie causing him to cut himself off from Klaus, who cared for him, who deserves to have this as well, but Ben is just so selfish-

The second he hits eighteen, Ben leaves the house. He’s been on medication for 4-5 years now, and it shows. His emotions are basically gone.

He stays away from everyone until the funeral, when Five returns, telling him about the apocalypse, and he believes him, wholeheartedly believes him

He’s so frazzled by the announcement that he goes off his medication, forgotten in the moment of the literal apocalypse

(Reginald Hargreeves was a man trying to play god. He tried to lock away a beast too strong to be tamed)

(Someone should have taught him;when you cage a beast, the beast will get angry)

[hizashiswife]

Death Note Analytical Essay

    !!PLEASE READ!! This is an essay I wrote in junior year because my teacher told me too and in the end she refused to grade it. It’s been half a year but tiktok wanted me to leak the essay so here Tumblr can have it.  Also I don’t state everyone’s name because this was for only my English teacher at the time. Maybe one day I’ll come back and edit it but for now here you go. Also I don’t think I state if its a manga or anime because I didn’t want to risk a 65 year old white woman rejecting the essay about anime but here we are. Enjoy.

     One wouldn’t expect a series about a notebook of death to have many references to religion connecting to it. Death Note is a story written by Tsugumi Ohba and illustrated by Takeshi Obata, is about a seventeen year old top student, Light Yagami, finding a notebook in which if you write a person's name with their face in mind, they will die. How does a series about a killer notebook have anything to do with religion? Throughout the show and books there are many biblical references and allusions to religions. Specifically christian religion. 

     A summary of the series, the Death Note belongs to a Shinigami, [English translation: God of Death] to which the main Shinigami in Death Note Ryuk finds himself bored in the Shinigami Realm. Shinigami’s use the Death Notes to shorten humans lives, and whatever lifespan they took from the human, their lifespan lengthens. Ryuk decides one day to drop his notebook in the human world for whoever picks it up, they become the owner of the notebook. Light Yagami just so happens to spot the Death Note from the classroom window as it was falling. This interests him and after class he goes to retrieve the notebook. When he first reads the rules he is skeptical at first, but when temptation gets the best of him, he writes down the name he sees of a criminal from the local news channel that was at that moment holding a daycare hostage. Since it's a live broadcast they’re quick to state when the criminal dies and how. At first it shocks Light, but then he finds himself writing down the names of more and more criminals. He sees it as a way to punish them for their crimes, rid the world of evil, and soon become the God of a new world. When it becomes apparent that these criminals aren’t just dying, since they all die from heart attacks, Light gains popularity as Kira [English translation: killer] and this catches the attention of the greatest detective in the world. L. Lawliet. Throughout the series his real name is unknown as no one really knows his identity. He goes by a number of fake names such as Hideki Ryuga, L, and Ryuzaki. He starts to suspect Light of being Kira until one day he finds himself unable to prove that Light is Kira. It gets to the point where Light helps in the investigation. Light always saw L as a burden in his ridding the world of evil and tried to kill him on multiple occasions. Until one day when it becomes evident that L is well aware of Light being Kira, he just doesn’t have the evidence to prove it, he completely gives up. Not long after, Light succeeds in the death of L. Before L died he had asked Light to succeed him if he were to pass in which Light declined. Though once L dies, he takes L’s place to make it look as though he never died. Unknowingly, L had already had two successors in their teens fighting for L’s spot in an orphanage for gifted children. Since he died he didn’t get to pick between the two being Mello [Mihael Keehl] and Near [Nate Rivers]. Mello always wanted to prove himself worthy and was upset to find out that L never chose a successor. Mello and Near are given the option to work together, to which Near has no issue with the idea of working with Mello, but Mello states that he and Near could never get along. With that Mello leaves the orphanage and years later as an adult joins the Mafia to gain information on Kira. Near goes about it a different way staying hidden behind the shadows like L. Both Near and Mello are seen as two different personalities of L as Near is good with problem solving and Mello is good when it comes to risky decision making and adapting. The two end up working together by almost not working together, though unfortunately Mello sacrifices himself to catch Kira. Though Near wouldn’t have solved the case without him and soon proves Light is Kira. It also becomes apparent that Mello and Near combined is what helped solve the Kira case, because together they are smarter than L. Light then tries to kill him, but is soon shot multiple times by a police officer working with him and not long later Ryuk writes Light’s name in the Death Note killing him from a heart attack.

     The first religious recurring theme that can be noticed is apples. How does a fruit have symbolism in a show about murdering criminals with a killer notebook? In Death Note Ryuk, the Shinigami, has an addiction to eating only apples. It's worth mentioning that only people who have touched the notebook or a page of it can see and hear  the Shinigami that owns the notebook as well. Therefore, Light is the only one at the moment who knows of Ryuk’s presence and feeds him apples.  If he stops eating apples he has what is almost like withdrawals in which his body twists. At first it's quick to  oversee. One will think that Ryuk loves the taste of apples from the human world claiming that “They’re so juicy” (Ryuk). Though, when one thinks of apples and religion they think of the biblical story of Adam and Eve. In the world of Death Note, if one writes the name of someone in the death note, they can neither go to Heaven nor Hell. The Shinigami Realm works for the in between Heaven and Hell. In the story of Adam and Eve, they are tempted by the serpent to eat the forbidden fruit, often seen as an apple. Now Ryuk often eats apples, and at first Light gives him the apples as long as he gives him information on the death note. From the beginning Light was tempted to use the notebook to kill criminals. Throughout the series he can be seen continuously falling into temptation by using the notebook. Almost as if the death note is the forbidden fruit for Light himself which also ends his life towards the end of the series. Ryuk can be seen as the serpent as well because throughout the series he attempts to have Light make the Shinigami eye deal. The Shinigami eye deal is a bargain with a Shinigami in which you gain one of the powers that the Gods of Death have. They can see the name of a person and their lifespan just by looking at their face. The bargain comes at the price of losing half of the dealer's lifespan. Light often thinks about it, but doesn’t bring himself to ever make the deal as he sees it being too risky. Another example of this is during the first opening of the show, there is a recreation of the famous painting by Michelangelo, The Creation Of Adam. Though instead of seeing God and Adam, you see Ryuk in God’s place and Light in Adam’s. In Light’s hand he holds an apple as if passing it on to Ryuk. 

     Throughout the series, one never gets to see the way Light’s name is written in Japanese. It’s typical for Japanese names to have different meanings depending on which characters they’re written with. One of the first times we get to see Light’s name is when Misa Amane, who serves as a second Kira, due to her admiration of Kira because he killed the man that murdered her parents and Light’s eventual girlfriend. She also has possession of a death note, and sees a Shinigami named Rem. Unlike Light, she made the Shinigami eye deal which made L believe that there were two Kira’s due to the fact the first Kira needs a name and a face to kill. Light got most of the criminals due to the fact they were broadcasted on television and his father [Soichiro Yagami] worked for the police while he was currently also working with L on the Kira investigation. With his father being chief of the NPA, and Light being one of the most intelligent characters, he easily hacked into his father's files. Misa uses her eyes to spot Light in a crowd due to the fact, a owner of a death note’s life span cannot be seen by a human with Shinigami eyes. With this information she goes home to look him up. Throughout the time period before she finds him online she is seen calling him moon. That is due to the fact Light’s name is written with the character for moon. His full name translates to “night god” or just his name Light, can loosely translate to “god of darkness”. This can also show a parallel the bible verse “No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). This shows that Light can easily manipulate people into believing he is a top student and even tricks the whole Kira investigators, except L into believing he was innocent.

     Throughout the series, Light has managed to prove himself innocent to L. At first before him and L had physical contact, Light finds that he is able to control the behavior of criminals before they die. With this he makes them write suicide notes directed towards L. L immediately puts them together and gets Kira’s message. Eventually when he makes physical contact with Light, he asks him to help him solve a piece of the case with him, to which he talks to Light privately showing him the suicide notes and what he makes of them. Though since he’s ninety-five percent sure that Light is Kira, he adds a fake suicide note to throw Light off. Light see’s through his plan though and makes it seem like he was using logic to make out how the suicide notes were written to make him look innocent. Though it may work on any other person, it only makes L suspect him more. It is common throughout the series that L says that he thinks it’s a two percent chance that Light is Kira. Though what he really means that no one sees, is that when he states a percentage, such as three percent, he actually means ninety-seven percent. It’s his special code. There eventually comes to a point where he actually doesn’t believe Light is Kira until he finds more evidence on him. Eventually towards the middle of the series, L realizes that he can not do anything to prove that Light is Kira. He knows that Light is Kira but he has no evidence. One of the last times he’s seen in the series, he’s standing in the rain on the roof of the building that he owns meant for only the people who work on the Kira investigation. Light is the one who finds him soaking in the rain. When he asks L what he is doing, L states “Oh, I’m not doing anything in particular. It’s just, hear the bell”(L.Lawliet). By this he means a church bell. The church bell does have a significance behind it in this series. He then continues by saying it’s unusually loud that day, which Light finds strange due to the fact he can’t hear anything. He wonders if it's a church, possibly a wedding, but gets cut off by Light before he obviously gets to say a funeral. Light convinces him to go inside and they start to dry off. While drying off, L gives Light a foot rub, which at first could be seen as just a kind gesture. Though, it’s a parallel to how Jesus Christ washed Judas feet before he betrayed him, and he sacrificed himself.  L knew that Light had betrayed him, and that once he finished, he would die. Though Light doesn’t kill L himself, and instead Rem is the one who kills him. Rem killed L to protect Misa due to the fact she had fallen in love with Misa, and killing a human for the sake of love for a Shinigami is deadly for them which caused her to die as well. L ends up passing away from a heart attack in Light’s arms as he stares down at him, with an evil smile on his face. L sacrificed himself so that his successors Mello and Near would solve the Kira investigation. 

     Lastly, church bells play a small significance in the series of Death Note. As explained earlier, before L dies, he states that he can hear the sounds of a bell. Specifically a church bell. Light says that he doesn’t hear it, but while watching the show, the audience can hear the sound of a faint church bell. In the episode after his death, the church bells are heard once again with the sound of a child's cry. It then goes on to L successors being told that he has passed away to which Mello instantly realizes it’s Kira. He refuses the opportunity to work with Near as he can not see himself getting along with him in the future. Four years into the future Near is head of the SPK (Special Provision for Kira) and goes under the alias N, very much like L does. He knows about Light being a fake L due to the fact neither him nor Mello gained the spot of being L. On the other hand Mello joins the mafia to gain information, even eventually obtaining a death note himself by kidnapping Light’s sister and trading her for the Death Note in the police's possession. While trying to retrieve the note once again, Light’s father makes the Shinigami eye deal to find out Mello’s real name and write it in the death note. Though when the time comes, he can not bring himself to kill Mello, and gets shot in the process by one of Mello’s henchmen, before Mello then blows up the entire hideout he was in. This caused all the other investigators to have minor injuries, though Soichiro Yagami passed away. Light cared for his father to die peacefully, that he made Misa become owner of his death note, so that his father could see his lifespan so that he’d die believing his son wasn’t Kira.  While this happens, we find that Mello had escaped the explosion but was now seen with a burn scar from the left side of his body which reaches from the center of his nose to his waist. In this period that he is seen again, he’s with Near and the SPK, not fully working with them as he points a gun to Near’s head when he angers him. Near only challenges him by telling him, “Mello, if you really want to shoot me, then go ahead and do it” (Near). Mello can be seen hesitating, but one of the SPK members convinces him not to shoot him, because if he were to shoot Near, the rest of the SPK members would shoot Mello as well, and what good would it cost if he wanted to find Kira, which causes him to lower his gun. When Near first speaks to Light, he warns him about Mello stating that he has no photos of him, which in this moment it is found out to be a lie. Near had a photo of Mello the whole time and the real reason Mello was at the SPK headquarters was to retrieve that photo that he knew Near had possession of. After Near gives it to Mello without hesitation, the two silhouettes are shown against a stained glass window. As music plays eerily in background the sound of a church bell is heard. Mello states that he will not work with Near, but he gives him the information about the death note, to pay debt for giving Mello his photo. The two make one last agreement before parting ways. It’s almost playful as they smile, agreeing on a race to find Kira and that one of them will be waiting at the finish line. That is the last time they are seen together. Mello soon sacrifices himself knowing that if he died Light is Kira. Mello not long after dies during a kidnapping of one of Light’s allies, Kiyomi Takada. During the confrontation with Near and Light, he ends up confessing to being Kira thinking that everyone in the room would die since he had another ally Teru Mikami who addressed him as Kira, who had possession of the death note as well. Turned out Near had been investigating him as well and replaced his death note with a fake one. He turns the page in a book to show Takada’s name had been written by Mikami a minute after she had been killed by Light, since he always kept a page hidden in his watch. He proves that Mello knew the whole time and the only way he could prove it was by working with Near separately and sacrificing himself in the process. The bells during their last meeting was foreshadowing that one of the two would have to make a sacrifice, like L had.

     Throughout the series of Death Note, many references to the Christian religion. One such example is how Ryuk is a symbol for the serpent and temptation. Another is the scene in which L serves as Jesus and Light serves as Judas. The symbolism is very subtle, but can be spotted throughout the storyline. Death note has a lot of Christian symbolism that can be spotted while the viewer is observant, and while it can be very dark, it showcases the religious themes flawlessly. 

[meibemeibelline]

part 3 (FINAL) of highlights from that 32k word doc i wrote when i marathoned gazette songs (2012-2018)

PART 1 | PART 2

once again:

This is a combo of thoughts on music, lyrics and other random things I wrote while listening. Not every song will be featured, sorry.

I sometimes directly quote translations and when I do, I’ll specify whose it was. Here are the masterposts of lyrics by Heresiarchy , Defective Tragedy and Trauma Radio

I will write song titles for which there are warnings in bold and all caps

So this part will be a bit different because mental health and The Band became really prominent themes in their music in a way it wasn’t really before, so rather than simply writing about songs as they come, I do (attempt to) connect some dots between songs and albums

Also this is REALLY LONG (~5k words)

If you read any of these posts, thank you <3

CONTENT WARNINGS: murder (In Blossom), reference to abuse (In Blossom), suicide/suicidal thoughts (Kagefumi, Deux/Blemish), reference to PTSD (Incubus). Overall LOTS of discussions about mental health.

buckle up folks it’s gonna be a long one

So I listened to Division according to the limited edition version where the songs got split into the ‘story-like songs’ and the ‘hype songs’. Just while we’re on that, I like to think that Vein is the story part because these songs (the blood) are meant to go TO our hearts, while Artery, which is the ‘raw emotion’, is the heart doing the talking and supplying the oxygen that will do its thing. LIKE HEADBANGING.

“Ibitsu is not the first song they’ve written about changes in the music industry, but it’s quite different from others like 13Stairs[-]1 and Dim Scene. They were quite angry about the state of things, lamenting it. But here, Ruki is writing his and the band’s place in all of that. It’s like in the other two songs he’s like, “wow look at all this rubble. This sucks.” But in Ibitsu he’s writing about how he’s also in that rubble and thinks about what HE feels about it in relation to himself and the GazettE. And I find that quite interesting. Also hell YES imagery – skies as ideals, the world around them collapsing into ruin, the band as a flower amidst the rubble that can’t reach the sky. It sounds like he’s trying to navigate how he’s supposed to move forward when his ideals and what’s happening in the industry oppose each other quite a lot. He doesn’t reach an answer in this song and ends by asking whether it is actually in ruins or whether he’s just afraid of change, I think.” - interestingly, he uses this same imagery in Kuroku Sunda Sora to Zangai to Katahane to write about anxiety and not feeling good enough.

Quick disclaimer on KAGEFUMI: I do want to say first that I’m talking about this purely as a piece of art. Not as in, like, “this is peak romance”, but just as an artwork I can have Opinions™ about, even if they’re possibly in disagreement with that of the creator. “The shadow tag metaphor for a couple committing double suicide meaning that they’re ‘becoming one’ and being together in death is A Lot. There’s an incredibly strong belief in an afterlife where they can be together makes (what Ruki describes) this stronger bond between them that literally lasts or even transcends the boundaries between life and death, rather than a tragic end (unlike Tokyo Shinjuu). Musically, I love this song and think it’s gorgeous, the way it’s sad yet hopeful. We over here with that bittersweet stuff again but lyrically it’s a WILDLY different route than others before it.”

“Yoin is such a heavy end to disc 1. The ending lines, “The sea of loss / Understanding of helplessness / That day we grieved” about the Tohoku earthquake/tsunami and the nuclear disaster is just so ……. And not only that, but how even though people still struggle to survive, people are moving on like it’s a thing of the past. It’s SO heavy.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

“I think [Derangement] is about a massive internal struggle between wanting longing for the past, knowing it won’t come back, but also wanting to destroy the past out of self-hatred. There are aspects of the past, perhaps ambition and drive for example, that are good, but other parts that are not. It’s almost like a continuation of Remember the Urge but like…angrier and with more hatred towards his own past rather than only the longing of it. Which is also really interesting.” – this is definitely one of the themes that comes up A LOT from now, ESPECIALLY in Ninth. We’ll get to that.

“IS KAI GOOD??? That man is NOT human. I swear to god his drums in Required Malfunction are INSANE. ANYWAY, this song is about how people cannot be perfect and we all have flaws, especially in the context of relationships. I like that even though people argue and butt heads sometimes, there’s that Japanese verse where he sings “Let’s send a song without stains / to that innocence without lies / so you can swallow those wounds” and the last lines “Because you are always here, I can advance” to mean like…them being together can ultimately make them better and it can be a good relationship (if they work on it, imo). Also, I love the language he uses here – viruses and malfunctions and inputs – a very non-human way to write about human relationships.” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

(Dripping Insanity) “Solitude drenched in red laughs / in the insanity dripping in silence” is SUCH a good line yes hello I appreciate this. (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“EYYY HAVEN’T HEARD FORBIDDEN BEAVER IN FOREVER. At first I was wondering if this might be judgmental but honestly? I think this is satirical, especially from the line “May the truth you spew on taboos going frantically around / Shred the rhythm of high society”. Like the fact they’re gossiping about a famous woman who has a lot of sex and just TARNISHING her name bc of it, to Ruki, is a load of bullshit. Also, some of the lyrics in the chorus are funny coming from Ruki – “She has a sex addiction / Bang! Bang! / Cute luv machine” – like he does NOT ever write like this and this song is just a huge satirical joke I’m YELLING.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The transition from Malformed Box to Inside Beast >>>>”

“[Inside Beast] is definitely about having a ‘beast’ inside you that’s like all your demons and ugly feelings and to let them all out. He wrote about demons in Derangement, but the way he writes about acceptance is like…empowering and freeing. Not necessarily through words but through the music and just how hard this song slaps.”

“I really love the lyrics of [Until it Burns Out] and its whole thing about valuing the time they have as a band and to be together making music precisely because it’s going to end someday, and it’s going to be their last shot at living their dreams, which is to make music and perform TOGETHER as the GazettE. Like that’s so meaningful, and powerful in the way they just…grab it by the fucking throat. Breaking down the walls that hold them back, TOGETHER, towards the future in which they see their dreams. Like they’re not letting this be the end. They won’t allow it. UGH. UGHHH. The middle eight is so beautiful and I love the lines “The light that colours this irreplaceable scenery / burns the significance of standing here into me / Until the last” like they just love performing SO MUCH UGGGHHH FEELINGS”. (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“[REDO] IS SO GODDAMN SENTIMENTAL I’M IN MY FEELINGSSSSS. Kai being the composer, I can’t help but feel this is him paying homage to jazz, which is the music his mother plays and he loves her so so much. I’m probably reaching but THAT’S JUST HOW I FEEL.”

“EVERBODY SHUT UPPPP IT’S LAST HEAVEN TIMEEEE. It’s so gd gorgeous and sweet. I’M GETTING REALLY EMO WHAT THE FUCKKKK. BRUH. BRUUUUHHH. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL //THROWS. SHUT UPPPP. TOO MANY SKY, STAR AND FOREVER REFERENCES FOR THIS TO BE OKAY BITCH. This is Ruki’s love song to the cosmos, wishing to be eternal like the stars but acknowledging that all he can do is chase it knowing his life will end, BUT THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO GRIEVE BECAUSE THEY WILL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE IN SOME WAY WE /ARE/ ETERNAL. IT’S LOVING AND INNOCENT AND WISTFUL. This song is the goddess to all the GazettE love songs. THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK. “The distant sky, this infinite moment / I now wish from the visible stars / in this youthful merry-go-round / that continues to turn endlessly / I want to be eternal like you” – is just…such a beautiful image. “Let’s stay like this, having dreams we cannot reach / Long road which leads to the calm hill / I go, leaving my sadness behind / Good night…my beloved / Last heaven of mine” – it’s yearning but it’s the yearning for LIFE. And to leave behind sadness…Ruki very rarely writes about pain like this. And to call the ‘beloved’ his last heaven, the last thing in his life that’s just THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO HIM AND THE THING HE WANTS TO BE ETERNAL WITH goodbye………GOODBYE. “Love without shape changing day by day / Close together / we become / one shooting star” – AAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. Also, for him to say ‘memento mori’ which means “Remember, you must die” in the middle eight of a song about wanting to be eternal just gives the entire sentiment a new meaning ;-;” (Cr: Trauma Radio)

“There’s a particular sound to Division and Beautiful Deformity (but more in BD). It sounds like rushing water. Loss in particular sounds like this. Like, the sound isn’t just ‘dark’ and ‘heavy’, it moves A LOT and there is sooo much emotionality in the songs on this album. It’s really dynamic.”

“The Stupid Tiny Insect revisits the theme of inner demons. Specifically, in this song it sounds like negative internal self-talk. It’s interesting though, the way that Ruki writes it as an entirely separate being to how he writes inner demons and whatnot in other songs, where it’s either another entity within a person that is part of them OR just…themselves. Here, they are VERY separate, and that probably allows him to feel and express rage instead of helplessness or confusion. I also love the reference to pretending to be okay – “I get high on delusion / And act as if I made them die out / ‘Just like a summer moth to a flame”.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“IN BLOSSOM is pretty fucking brilliant lyrically imo. It reminds me a lot of 32 Koukei no Pistol in that a protagonist who was abused/neglected by the parents kills them, and in the latter’s case only, also themselves. Some other differences: In Blossom is WAY angrier (and a lot more loaded) and the protagonist is trying to ‘make their own life’ (even if the way they choose to do that DOESN’T WORK), whereas the narrator in 32 Calibre Pistol was mostly lamenting that they’ve ‘lost their way’ and deep-down were wishing for their family to be happy together. I can’t say WHY that is. But it’s interesting that in In Blossom, the abuse just…DESTROYED their concept of family that they used to believe in entirely, and the fact they cannot separate themselves from their abusers neither by dying nor killing them is A Lot. So, they try to free themselves and ‘get hope’ by killing their abusers as revenge (“Die away, along with these wounds I’d counted”), but it doesn’t bring them happiness or heal them (“Even if I slash so much it’s unparalleled by the wounds I’d counted, it still starts to ache / It doesn’t even fight off the decay, much less heal me”). It’s very much saying that despite pain, revenge is not the answer. I also love the line “They adorn vividly – have blossomed beautifully / The sun that has started to set makes sure of it” to describe the wounds as the narrator kills their abusers and their loss of sanity as they do so.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“To Dazzling Darkness is about that moment when a concert is over and the lights start to come on. It’s so gorgeous. This is sort of like, the other side of Until it Burns Out. If UIBO is about the band then TDD is about the fans, and the band’s place in the world. I love the imagery in the first verse – darkness is usually associated with bad things, but here darkness is peace, escapism and unity that are part of the happiness of a concert, while the light symbolises the continuation of life. The scenery here is the same scenery in UIBO, which is the scenery of a concert that this band cherishes. There’s also the acknowledgement that time is fleeting and nothing is forever. Like, this is really the other side of the coin and I love it.”

“Dogma defines their new (2015) sound so well, which is HEAVY AND DIRTY AS FUCK. Like, it is SO conceptual and experimental and the painting is just GORGEOUS. I love the harpsichord in this song – as the predecessor of the piano, it was used in a lot of churches and religious music in the Baroque period (1600-1750ish), so using it here in a song where the band is likened to idols (the religious type) is super cool. And to combine it with these really low and heavy guitars just gives the DARKEST image.

And there’s so much going on in the lyrics – MANY MOTIFS, MANY MEANINGS. They bring back the concept of darkness as a symbol for escape from harsh life and of unity during concerts. As for death, Reita has an iconic quote where he said something along the lines of: “we often say in lives ‘to die’, but what we actually mean is to live. Live and be free”. I see death for GazettE as a kind of transformation – and end, yet also a beginning to become something or someone new.

Ruki hasn’t really mentioned god since Ogre in Dim, in which he basically wrote “idk if God exists but I don’t really care – all I need is me”. But here he likens the band to an idol of worship. We as the fans worship the GazettE, and they are also gods to us, their followers, in the sense that they provide us with life and unity (referred to here as death and darkness, respectively). The GazettE as a band brings darkness and death to the world (with their own meanings, of course).

This is also a song about the band breaking away from current gods and dogmas of the music industry, and from its greed. I also love the line, “The rite I must face is cloaked in darkness and isolation” – this process of their journey to finding their truth is lonely, and no one but them can do it for themselves. To do so also isolates them from everything they once knew. It’s them navigating what is expected of them by the masses and those they work with vs doing what they want without getting shunned for it.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

 “DAWN IS ABOUT REDISCOVERING THEMSELVES. I love the number of metaphors he brings back in this song – 13 stairs, death, merry-go-rounds and again dogma. Death here is about the transformation of them as a band, which occurs at the top of the 13 stairs to the gallows. And I find that so interesting because he uses the image of gallows (eg: 13 Stairs[-]1 and Forbidden Beaver) as like…an actual Death that means the end of a genre or a person’s reputation, but here it’s a place of transformation. In Last Heaven, the merry-go-round is a symbol of life – it comes back here but this time it’s red instead of blue (youthful) and is paired with the image of a mad banquet with emotions running wild (ie concerts). Basically, this is about the band’s life and, like, their life being about concerts. My favourite part is “Overcoming a period of confusion, I took those stirring emotions / And hung them up high on the 13 stairs” because there’s also the line “I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune / The ruined gallows towers above me” -> WE WENT THROUGH SOME SHIT BUT WE FOUND OURSELVES AND SURPRISE BITCH, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU’D SEEN THE LAST OF ME.” (Cr1: Heresiarchy, Cr2: Defective Tragedy)

Not from my notes directly but I feel like the difference between Bizarre to Juuyonsai no Knife (ie the only two songs about Real juvenile criminals) is a REALLY good representation of how Ruki’s lyrics have changed over the years. He went from taking perspectives of people who perpetrators of violence (to write horror stories, imo, but also to generally Explore their minds through art) to making comments about society and how systems affect people in real life. Not to say he doesn’t write about killers anymore or that social commentary is NEW for him, but just…a big change in what’s PROMINENT.

“Interesting that Wasteland is next, which is about Justice on the Internet. I know Ruki has always been really critical of the internet and the kind of social processes that occur online (see: Nakigahara) and here it’s about morality and justice, but more importantly the way it’s about crowd mindsets and CONTROL. And he just summarises it SO WELL in the first verse: “The thousand eyes that can kill even God / Transform into rebels that lust for control / If the time comes when right and wrong disappear / It will all end with a blood-red moon”. There’s also the line “Innocence gives way to sinful judgment” ie the innocent go along with their ways or it’s the innocent (the weak, as he says later) that are scrutinised. And I think about this a lot considering…some other fandoms I’m in >.>” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(INCUBUS) “The song is a lot of wondering what they did to deserve their trauma and how they want the dreams/nightmares to go away. I do like that at the end of the song they come to the conclusion that they cannot change what happened and decide “fuck the why”, accepting they didn’t deserve it. Even though the narrator is still stuck in the maze (of trauma), the letting go of asking why it happened is like, a really important step in healing. Because it’s the end of self-blame. So, I hope narrator can heal :( “

(DEUX) “My dumbass never realised this but the music of Deux itself has DUALITY. Metal with solo piano. IT REALLY TOOK ME FIVE YEARS TO REALISE THAT HUH. It’s about two conflicting selves (which to me sound more like intrusive thoughts, considering Blemish’s VERY LOUD “These days I’m better dead”) and the effect that has on like, your emotionality and how it leads to loneliness. His use of nightmares in this song is fascinating – the Japanese word he uses (sakayume) is like…a reverse dream, like if a child has a nightmare you tell them it’s a sakayume so it means what happened in their dream definitely won’t happen AND something good will happen instead. And this is something Ruki prays for.”

(Ominous) “The imagery is really dark in this – “A prayer crushed under wreckage / Reflects in your eyes as you start to fly / I see you in the sky thick with shadows / Spinning around with nightmares” – there’s a desperate attempt to fly and get better and do Well but still they’re surrounded by darkness and nightmares, unable to escape. “Don’t forget that a heart cannot die / Don’t forget that dreams aren’t predictions of the future” –There’s hopefulness in a heart not dying yet a very strong despair when he says dreams don’t predict the future, not even reverse dreams. “It steals away my still-unformed future, and whenever I step forth / I can’t see a thing in that shadowed sky / My screaming can’t save anything / when I’m killing myself with sadness” – oh that hurts, that hurts A LOT. He wants to fly but he can’t. This is just SO MUCH. And they didn’t even have an instrumental outro, IT JUST ENDS WITH ACCEPTANCE OF HOPELESSNESS AND DEPRESSION.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“The drums in Goddess uggghhh UGGGHHH. AND THE GUITAR TOOOOOO. Lyrically, this is really a mid-point between depression and healing. It’s A Lot. He writes about his suffering, wanting to make something of his mistakes and his sins and actually WANTING TO LIVE. But it’s so sad that in the end he still feels really helpless – the subtle changes between “I want to become the stars that fill the silence” vs “I can’t become the stars that fill the silence”. But I think that on some level he knows what the next step is. He wishes in the last two lines, “If only I could share my grief that can’t be put to words / If only I could face reality and live accepting my crippling despair”. THAT’S THE FIRST STEP!!!! THAT’S A STEP!!!! TO HEALING!!!! “These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart” – this line is fucking LOADED. Like, he sacrifices his bleak thoughts by expressing them and by making art out of his pain in hopes that he will be able to acknowledge and accept his suffering and his pain as a means to heal, as a way of allowing him to have a selfless and smiling heart. Like, this is SO much of what his art is about and what it has been for SUCH a long time it makes me so emotional that this is what he’s saying about his own lyrics.” I realise too that the goddess is likely the same goddess from Blemish. I’m still unsure what to make of it because Blemish ends in Ruki writing he doesn’t wants to be reborn, and not abandoned. But here he ends with wanting to heal. Wanting to move on and live.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO UNDYING.

“WHEN HE BROUGHT BACK “SLEEP, COUNT ME DOWN AGAIN” >>> God, this song is so powerful. THERE ARE SO MANY CALL-BACKS TO DOGMA. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THIS BUT STILL. BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. It’s a direct continuation of Ominous (“I won’t arise from this”). I think in this song he’s becoming that figure that is flying in Ominous, and the one that is surrounded by nightmares and shadows – the first verses are about how the future is drenched in misfortune yet we must continue to live (and suffer, but WE CAN AT LEAST BE A BIT HOPEFUL). Ruki says this YET HE IS STILL DREAMING, EVEN AS THE END COMES (“My heart starts to disappear along with the spirit of my words / And though it knew the end was near / It dreamt of things it shouldn’t want / And even now I am still—“). There’s also his mentions of sins again that he continues to drown in :( But overall, this song is really about living despite all the pain, which is really meaningful after Dogma ended on such a note of hopelessness. There’s so much power in this song.” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

“Vacant doesn’t necessarily sound like a romantic relationship breaking down as much as it is about making a mistake and being unable to fix it between you and someone else (or other people), even if Ruki said he wrote it with a band’s image in mind. But the gist is is that there is yet again a struggle within the self (“Self-condemnation distorts the answer / And I lose sight of what I should be / Because of those unconscious actions / I can’t even dream”). The line “In the pain of not being able to tie back the undone thread / The traces left by stopping time keep piling up” really got to me – being stuck in time and constantly wishing for something that was and being hurt by the fact it’s gone is something I personally relate to. But even as the narrator is stuck in time, their grip on the past is loosening – they are forgetting, memories fade, and they lose their strength (“Vacant, you are withering”).” (Cr: Heresiarchy)

(Faling) ““Together, embracing the same pain: it’s only temporary / Don’t forget that this is not the end / So come on, let’s open our eyes and fall / We just believe in ourselves to die / Sometimes it’s okay to be broken” THIS MEANS SO FUCKING MUCH AFTER THE AMOUNT OF TIMES RUKI ENDED DOGMA SONGS WITH HOPELESSNESS AND AT BEST “WE HAVE TO KEEP LIVING AND SUFFERING AND BEING IN PAIN” BUT IN FALLING, PAIN IS TEMPORARY. PAIN IS TEMPORARY. WE WILL HEAL, BITCH. WE WILL GET BETTER, BITCH.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

Can’t find my notes bc it’s somewhere else in my Tumblr drafts but basically: I consider Mortal, Utsusemi and Sono Kore wa Moroku like a Depression Trilogy™ in Ninth. Mortal is about depression, loneliness and loss but like, tying it to a singular person or event in which the narrator felt grief. Utsusemi is about loneliness and depression as well, AND RUKI USES THE CICADA SHELL METAPHOR, WHICH IS THE SAME AS CRUCIFY SORROW (ALSO ABOUT DEPRESSION, BUT SOMEONE ELSE’S). But then, Sono Koe wa Moroku is THE turning point and where he first mentions (in this album) and actual DESIRE to heal and like, ON HIS OWN. IT’S ABOUT BEING STRONG FOR HIMSELF AND THAT MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. And as I mentioned before, Falling also ends on a hopeful note about sadness not lasting forever – it’s like he’s prefacing the album with the fact sadness IS temporary and that there IS a turning point.

“Babylon’s Taboo is interesting…so apparently Babylon is a figure of western imperialism and capitalism in the Rastafari movement (an afro-centric anti-capitalist and anti-imperialist movement from Jamaica). The narrator is COMPLETELY aware of the oppression and injustice that goes on around him but confesses to doing nothing. I interpreted this as complacency to violence, which Ruki has written about before. Also, he describes a starry sky (which I presume represents wealth and happiness) as a lie, and that they are actually black eyes that watch and look down upon you. In the context of anti-capitalism, my interpretation is that the ‘guaranteed fate’ he writes about is the life-long struggle to attain wealth and happiness – we are doomed to dedicate our lives to this, futilely, to no end. and there’s nothing we can do about it. Another line that stood out to me most is “all I need is sanity but uncertainty will do”. this, along with the rest of the song, implies that the narrator is PRETTY DAMN SURE that we’re all fucked so like....HAHA COOL.” (Cr: Defective Tragedy)

(Two of a Kind) Okay so…another motif I noticed in this album is an I and a You. And I know this sounds weird considering almost EVERY SINGLE GAZETTE SONG uses first and second pronouns, but mental health is SUCH a prominent, overarching theme in a way no album concept has been before, hence why I’m saying this. Two of a Kind is really solidifying this for me, but they appear in almost every song (but the You is known as ‘she’ in The Mortal). This pair are connected in an extremely emotionally intimate way. For one, they share pain and understand each other’s pain. Secondly, the narrator falls into depression after they’re gone. A part of me thinks it could be a past self and a current self, considering Ruki’s said this album involved the Most introspection from him and Falling writes about sins and past mistakes again. So, it could be a way of separating a past and current self – a past self that was perhaps lost, and made mistakes, but ultimately creates his current self.

But it could also be another person, as this You figure is also a source of light – someone Ruki shares his wounds with, in Two of a Kind. If it’s another person, it may also make sense that the depression and loneliness written about in The Mortal and Utsusemi is triggered by someone extremely close leaving him. Either way, it is this understanding and connection between the I and the You that also bring hope for the future and I REALLY love the way that hope is conveyed in the chorus of Two of a Kind. There’s so much light in it compared to the parts of the song where ruki calls himself filthy and ugly, and when he writes about negative feelings that never go away and bleed into this other person. but i think this other person understands it, and that’s why he can move on.

“Abhor God is a REALLY dark and heavy take on MOVING FORWARD. Like there’s so much rage in the way he writes about killing his lust, pride and anxiety and stringing up his nightmares in a noose, yet so much power in how he moves forward and sings victory with his music and his art. This is likely connected to Ninth Odd Smell and Uragiru Bero - where he writes about the band’s history and his imposter syndrome as an artist despite the band never going to die just because of that. He contrasts ‘too fast to live’ and ‘too young to die’ like, he’s really in a sort of purgatory where he’s constantly making too many mistakes to be happy but has too much to do for him to give up. So it’s here that he chooses to keep going no matter how weak the beat is. Imagery-wise this feels like.....continuing to live not because you have happiness to look forward to but just out of sheer willpower. Like it’s just so angry. Angry at the world, at yourself, but carrying that anger to try to be better and move forward.”

“And Unfinished is about the fans being his reasons to live and IT MAKES ME VERY EMOTIONAL THAT THIS IS HOW THE ALBUM ENDS!!!!!!! WITH HOPE!!!!! AND MOVING FORWARD!!!!! THEY LITERALLY ENDED THEIR ALBUM THAT’S ABOUT THEM ‘MAKING THEIR MARK ON THEIR WORLD’ WITH LIGHT AND HOPE AFTER LIKE TWO STRAIGHT ALBUMS OF /DEPRESSION/. EVERYBODY GO HOME WE LOVE HEALING IN THIS HOUSE.”

AND THAT’S THE END FOLKS!!!! if you made it here thank you so much for reading my ramblings and i appreciate u so so much <3 i hope you learned something new about the gazette’s music (i sure did - it’s why i went on this marathon in the first place!!) and again i have a list of posts i might write (which will definitely be shorter than these) so! yeah! anyway!! it’s past 11pm and i have no more brain cells. thanks again love ya have a good day/night <3 <3

[xthevirtuousonex-blog]

𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞  𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧  𝐚  𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞  …  Glinda The Good was  known  as  the  affable  &  meticulous  ruler of the south  with  a  reputation  for  being  a  gemma chan  doppelganger  .   but  now  ,  under  the  stress  of  the  war  on  the  horizon  ,  the  natural  born hero & light practicing witch  has  become  widely  known  for  being  rather  callous &  janus-faced  .   let’s  see  how  long  the  oz  native  will  last  during  this  war  .   after  all  they’re  only  thirty-six  years  old  .   +  she / her  &  cisfemale  ,  wizard of oz  .

✧  adriata was a traitor to her people in both her blood and alignment, a rarity among witches was the siphoner, something to be feared and considered an abomination to be cast aside or murdered if found. suspicion was a plague among their small community and death was the obvious choice if only to be rid of the stain permanently.  adriata was not prepared for such hostility, it was bad enough she choose that alignment to the light practicing bloodline because of its freedom but when it was found out her flesh held no magic within it? she was no longer their child or apart of the elmbloom legacy despite being firstborn to inherit. 

✧ often it is whispered about behind closed doors on how such a noble good witch of the council happened to marry a lowly siphoner with shady origins the answer would have been whispered back through her bloodstained teeth and hands. power. that’s all it ever is.

✧ vrewyn aveus upland swiftly married and moved in his mistress once it reached his ears via adriata that she was carrying his children merely seen as a vessel to continue on his legacy as his current wife could not get pregnant no matter how much they tried and to the woman’s fear he tired of her and abandonment followed. it is unknown as to what her fate had become, whispers about orchestrated murder, however, cracks have seeped through the carefully crafted tale of her disappearance.

✧ glinda and galen were born one morning in which rain poured forth from the skies in a possible sign of misfortune; the two had become inseparable and were imaginative in the games played in their backyard which was put to an end once galen fell ill. due to his disinterest, glinda was given the title of heir and taught by her father of the layout and care of the southern lands. glaen got sicker and sicker as days passed while her mother seemed to shine. she couldn’t help her addiction to magic and eventually, galen died from the strain. glinda carries guilt and resentment for she had stumbled upon this happening and yet was too horrified to answer her twin’s pleading gaze.

✧ the beheading of her mother, the removal of her father and imprisonment, the swift placement of herself as ruler of the south fell in quick succession she had no time to process it all. wished galen was here to share it with her, shoulder the burden. loyalty to the current rulers of the emerald throne was fragile, shaky, to her knowledge she’d never truly gain favor and the hate for the throne festered to a sharp bleeding wound. her mother she cared not for, didn’t bat an eye at the guillotine blade because she deserved it for her sloppy killings, yet her father’s seat was cold underneath her.

✧ an evil had spread throughout the kingdom and a vile foe had attacked without warning, in the chaos the king and queen were dispatched, a great shock to the emerald city as their power was vast, something had to have weakened them. glinda knew about oscar for the secret did not die with the queen whom told her of their precious son and his legacy. to find him and bring him home. something of which tasted sour in her mouth, a contingency she wasn’t expecting. ✧ power, power, power. she recalled her mother’s whispered words as nails dug into her jaw, you must do everything you can to hold onto it. she summoned the tornado. ✧ it was a gift from her mother, the amulet, a beautiful silver chain attached to a gem that matched her eyes. her mother’s eyes. she didn’t know of what use it would give her at the time, feared as a child her mother had some sort of divination ability but in fact was well versed in the art of the con. charismatic, scheming, and cutthroat. no wonder glinda fell for oscar, the two mirrored each other so perfectly. 

✧  the amulet glowing in her pale shaky grip, steading after she steeled her nerves. such magic can not be permitted, it is evil and you are unfit. the words biting, the mood gone from light-hearted to tense. her finger burned from where his ring resided upon the proposal given after the date they shared– she snatched his magic the same way her mother did to countless others, all in the name of bettering her own and committing her act of treachery to heroic deed well done. ✧  glinda’s thoughts on the murmur of war following her alignment to the heroes is the mindset that they will win, but her true nature is not befitting of good regardless of the light magic in veins. blaming it on the taint of oscar’s magic glinda manages to use it on him, torture him, whenever she can in a show of gloating.

wanted connections  -

protégé(s); she knows begrudgingly that she will not remain on the south’s seat of power forever and it is a requirement for the witch council to take at least one student for that inevitability at some point while they remain among the living. glinda would most likely take on one or two, utp what the relationship between master and student would be but she’d keep it professional, detached even as she’d consider them her child. most likely would be her confidante and divulge her thoughts to them nothing more. mother knows best is her motto so glinda can be a bit controlling, stifling when it comes to what her student does, who they interact with. could see the potential drama with this connection. witch council members; the witch council have meetings with one another in a neutral territory where even their magic can not be used merely muted. no doubt that they are all of different allignments so caution was necessary in the creation of this place. glinda is polite towards them, tooth-rotting sweet as she would be to any possible ally, don’t get her wrong though she both fears and respects the other council members. sometimes invites them one on one to her home for a chat and a cup of tea in the parlor. friends or ‘friends’; self-explanatory and one would not know which they are for the light practicing witch is wonderful at spinning lies with pretty smiles flashing teeth. glinda is astute, plays her card at being friendly and warm outright so it’s hard to tell whether or not she means it when she calls you ‘friend’. enemies; also self-explanatory. people she's hurt in the past or in the now, some who knew of the stain her mother put on the upland name via the murder of witches and the siphoning of their magic. childhood enemies to adulthood enemies for even as a child her form was callous. enemies have the potential to want revenge so glinda definitely needs to watch out for that. potential flirtations; be prepared for a painful venture, to be dropped at a moment's notice if interest is no longer kept. mainly as an annoyance, a pinprick of pain and a showcase of showing off, glinda wants oz to hurt nothing more than that so anything more from these flirtations isn’t acceptable, could see angst coming from this as glinda is so used to using others in these vile, toxic games. if feels are caught then silence and abandonment are given in return.

[rapuvdayear]

2000: “Ghetto Qu’ran (Forgive Me)” 50 Cent (Trackmaster Ent./Columbia)

It’s been over a year since I teased the idea of doing a post about my favorite 50 Cent tracks, so I guess now is as good a time as ever to get around to it! 

With the exception of maybe Kanye, I can’t think of another rapper with more raw talent whose career has been more disappointing. Obviously both Ye and Fiddy have been monstrously successful, but IMO they either burned brightly before descending into white supremacy apologia (Kanye) or never achieved their best possible trajectory (50). It’s not an accident to put them together in this way, either; just 12 years ago next month they faced off in what turned out to be a very underwhelming battle over whose album would sell better (this was back when album sales, not streaming numbers, still meant something). In many ways, it was a crossroads for each artist: Kanye dropped what I believe was his magnum opus, then followed it up with his fourth-best album, third-best album, and second-best album, before dropping off a cliff, while 50′s release basically removed him from the conversation about who was relevant in rap (“My Gun Go Off” and “I Get Money” are honorable mentions for the list below, but otherwise Curtis is entirely forgettable). 

These days, 50 has gone the Ice Cube route and is probably more recognizable as an actor than as a rapper. So, it’s hard to remember that once upon a time he was the savior of gangsta rap and (co-)author of one of the 25 greatest albums of all time. He beat the odds to survive a shooting, link up with the two heaviest hitters (at the time) in the rap game, and even be included on some GOAT lists. He also essentially established the “flood the streets with mixtapes before your album drops” strategy of self-promotion that Gucci, Weezy, and even Drake would follow in the days before Soundcloud was the go-to resource for building a rep. He singlehandedly destroyed a rival’s career, launched a clothing line, video game, and music label, and made a halfway-decent biopic. And then... he just sort of petered out. 

But! 50 is also responsible for some of my all-time favorite raps, which is why it’s so frustrating to me that he never lived up to the buzz surrounding him back in 2003. These are my five favorites, listed chronologically, with some commentary:

1) “Ghetto Qu’ran (Forgive Me)” (2000) Before the G-Unit days and before Eminem and Dre helped launch him to superstardom, Curtis Jackson was an up and coming rapper from Queens who had attracted the attention of another rap legend, Run-DMC’s Jam Master Jay. A mutual friend introduced 19 year-old 50 to Jay back in 1996, and the veteran producer/DJ gave him a crash course in how to write songs and signed him to his fledgling label. The business relationship didn’t work out, but it helped lead 50 to Columbia Records’ Trackmasters imprint where he recorded Power of the Dollar in 1999. However, this debut album would never see the light of day after 50 was shot nine times while sitting in a friend’s car and subsequently dropped by Columbia. In the wake of the shooting--and then later, after 50 blew the fuck up in 2003--it became a sort of “lost cult classic” among rap fans. “How To Rob” got the most attention at the time, a funny-yet-vicious song demonstrating 50′s hunger through fantasies about sticking up famous rappers and R&B stars (the song was also clearly an homage to Biggie’s unreleased “Dreams,” and provoked an oblique diss from Ghostface). But “Ghetto Qu’ran” has had a more lasting impact, primarily because of how it was rumored to be the source of 50′s shooting, Jam Master Jay’s murder, and the Ja Rule/Murder Inc. beef. While all of that intrigue is important to rap lore, it distracts from the fact that it’s a near perfect rap song from a technical perspective: a catchy hook, a fantastic beat and sample, an effortless flow, and a well-crafted story that is equal parts celebration of the Queens underworld and subtle shots at street legends. Seriously, this is akin to what traveling bards used to do in medieval Europe, what poets in Ancient Greece wrote, what west African griots did/do, and what narcocorrido artists do now. If you want to learn about the Supreme Team, Pappy Mason, the Corley Family, and the Rich Porter/Alpo crew in Harlem, then this is a good place to start; as 50 puts it, “consider this the first chapter of the ghetto’s Qu’ran.” The secondary title to this track--“Forgive Me”--has a double meaning now. It was initially a plea to forgive 50 for the pain he caused in his criminal life but in retrospect an appeal to the figures whose names he drops. Also, it’s interesting to listen to this first and then compare 50′s voice with the next four tracks: this was recorded before the shooting, which left a bullet fragment lodged in his tongue that affected his speech and gave him his now-distinctive flow.    

2) “Heat” (2003) There are several standouts on Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (“Many Men,” “Back Down,” “What Up Gangsta,” “Patiently Waiting,” and “Poor Lil’ Rich” spring to mind, and I will always love “21 Questions” for the “I love you like a fat kid loves cake” line alone) but this one has always been my fave. It’s a perfect distillation of the image that 50 was trying to project when he burst onto the scene: a hood-hardened gangster who wouldn’t hesitate to do his enemies harm. And given his recent history, you could believe him, too! There’s really nothing about this song that should be praised in any way, but I’ve been thinking about the gravity of the following line a lot in the past month or so: “The summertime is a killing season/ It’s hot out this bitch, that’s a good enough reason.” Also, 50′s boast “the DA can play this motherfucking tape in court” *has* to be one of the inspirations behind this great Key & Peele sketch, right? 

3) “A Baltimore Love Thing” (2005) The Massacre was incredibly disappointing on the whole. I can remember clearly sitting around with my friends in a dorm room at the Shoreland listening to it all the way through the day that it dropped, wanting to love it but slowly realizing that it wasn’t going to live up to our expectations. “Ski Mask Way” could be an honorable mention on this list, and “Piggy Bank” is kind of funny, but otherwise it’s a steaming pile of shit. “Baltimore Love Thing,” though, is a masterpiece. It’s incredibly dark, rapped from the perspective of heroin itself (sort of like what Nas’s “I Gave You Power” does for guns) in order to detail the destruction that addiction--and, by extension, drug trafficking--leaves in its wake. Even more fucked up, 50-as-heroin voices an abusive partner addressing a woman, threatening her should she ever try to leave him. For my money, “You broke my heart, you dirty bitch, I won’t forget what you did/ If you give birth, I’ll already be in love with your kids” is one of the coldest lines in the annals of rap, full stop. In the second verse, he switches to the flip side of an abuser’s mindset: “I never steer you wrong, if you hyper I make you calm/ I’ll be your incentive, your reason for you to move forward.” All in all, it’s a great concept song that shows off 50′s range as a rapper... and is a testament to what he could have been.

4) “Hustler’s Ambition” (2005) Goddamn, I fucking love everything about this song! The beat is fantastic (great sample, btw), prefiguring the sound on a future great mixtape from the G-Unit crew. 50′s flow here is flawless, arguably the best, smoothest he’s ever been. This was basically the “theme” for 2005′s Get Rich or Die Tryin’ film, and tells the story of his come up in the drug game (or, at least, 50′s version of his carefully constructed hagiography). The lyrics are the true gems here, so I’ll just let a few of the standouts speak for themselves:

“Check my logic: fiends don’t like seeds in they weed, shit/ Send me them seeds, I’ll grow ‘em what they need”

“I sell anything, I’m a hustler, I know how to grind/ Step on grapes, put it in water, and tell you it’s wine”

“I made plans to make it, a prisoner of the state/ Now I can invite your ass out to my estate”

“Pour Cristal in the blender, make a protein shake”

and finally

“The feds watch me, icy, they can’t stop me/ Racists pointing at me, ‘Look at *****race’: Hello!”   

5) “Ghetto Like A Motherfucker” (2011) I remember first encountering this track on a Tumblr compilation (I think?) called Don’t Fuck This Up, Curtis! and allowing myself to get excited that the old 50 was back! As the compilation’s name implies, around that time 50 had been releasing a string of online-only singles that were better than anything he’d put out in five or so years, and so there was some hope that he’d soon be making a triumphant return to the rap game. Sadly, this was not to be. But I still bang this track every month or so. The idea here was that 50 had written something, set it to a very sparse, stripped-down beat, and posted it online as an invitation for DIY rap producers to play with it and layer their own compositions on top of it. In that sense, it represented a melange of rap’s earliest roots--dudes spitting over vinyl cuts in basements and parks, just fucking around and having fun--and the possibilities afforded by the digital age and rap’s embrace of online platforms for mixing and remixing material (on a side note, I like to think of this as part of 21st century rap’s “punk rock” aesthetic, and would argue that this genre has done it better than any other). As with “Hustler’s Ambition,” “Baltimore Love Thing,” and “Ghetto Qu’ran,” this track gives 50 a chance to really showcase his talents as a writer and a rapper. The lyrics are as grimy as the beat, painting a picture of urban poverty and pre-fame 50, and 50 switches up his flow at multiple points throughout. Here are some of my favorite lines:

“Slim chance I’ma go back to killing roaches/ Be quiet, you can hear the rats in the wall/ Make you wanna pump crack ‘til you stack racks”

“Dice game, shake ‘em up, praying’ for a 6/ The wolves out there hungry, they lookin’ for a lick”

“****** pissed on the staircase, in the elevator/ Now I’m pissed cuz I’m starting to smell like piss, player”

and

“All a ***** need is a block and a connect/ And a box of 9 MMs to load in the TEC.”

50′s last two studio albums--Before I Self Destruct and Animal Ambition--honestly weren’t half-bad; I would venture so far as to say that they were both better than The Massacre and Curtis. But for 50 it was too little, too late, really. Too many rappers had come along since then doing what he did, only better and fresher. This is a Migos world now; we’re just living in it. And so, I’m left to ponder what could have been. 

[bma-2020]

HC;; TOUCH STARVATION

            Mally’s reluctance to touch without her skin being covered (she’ll hug if she’s wearing a jacket, gloves, and whoever she’s hugging is covered up enough themselves that they won’t be feeling her skin at all), usually keeping a distance. She also has a habit of flinching when someone’s yelling at her, raising a hand to her, or getting too close for comfort— particularly with their hands.

            It already would have stemmed from the physical abuse she received from her ‘father’ and ‘sister’, among verbal abuse from both of them and most others in the casino during her time. People notice the backbone she doesn’t hide well, unless she thinks she needs to. There’s also the note of how often she’ll try to adjust her person to please those around her. It all stems from a pretty shattered outlook on herself.

            She’s dealt with her trainer, personally hired by her ‘father’, who would hurt or threaten her if she didn’t do as she was told. Most of her life, she was watched every second— cameras in her room (some her ‘father’ implemented, others Stayne had installed without telling Gethris at all). Stayne was fully able to touch her without getting hurt himself, but lacking a natural immunity, he injected himself with a serum that made him immune to her, before than he had gloves that held the same immunity. She can only fight Stayne physically, as none of her powers work on him (with the exception of some of her mother’s mind prowess, as Gethris didn’t have enough access to that to study it, and when Miseris was creating the injection, he ensured to only cover certain parts of her powers in the immunity— the ones Gethris would notice if they weren’t immune.)

            Most of the physical touch she’s received has already been awful, but on top of that, the only person she was aware had a natural immunity to her (besides her bloodline) was Mad March, pretty much the only other person who didn’t hurt her. (Not until closer to the end, anyways— bc even in the alt verses where she’s not romantically involved with Owly’s March, her and March were always Partners for a time, and at least friends). In fact, the only time he did hurt her was when he was sent to kill her after she’d run off, and he ended up helping her escape instead.

            Due to her powers, just hugging her can be lethal. I’ve gone over the frostbite and hypothermia before so I’m not gonna bore everyone with the same words over again, but basically there needs to be a natural immunity to at least her freezing touch for her to be able to maintain contact with her. One of the few other people with that immunity is Hatter, and she’s unaware of how he has it. (Not everyone writes Hatter and March as siblings, which is why I don’t direct his immunity directly to that, but since his family maintained part in the casino for years, a buildup of immunity from his father’s side or even just it being a gene in his system wouldn’t be out of the ordinary.). With that lack, she avoids touching him— but when they become aware, her extreme deprecation comes to light fairly quickly with how often she’s hanging around him, clinging, all that jazz. (The series shows him being pretty handsy himself, patting backs, guiding, the like. You just know he probably struggled with that for awhile himself lmao, it’s like trying to avoid something second nature so you don’t die, and with friends that can be harder)

            That’s also one of the reasons why she forms extremely personal attachments to those she can touch so quickly. She already got emotionally connected to Hatter before she learned she wasn’t able to kill him via touch, so her bond with him just intensified on her end when she becomes aware. One of the main reasons why, in my main verse, she fell in love with March came from the fact that he was A: nice to her and even protected her from people, B: the fact they could touch each other. She just craves that affection so deeply that she had a bit of a control issue once she has it, so it’s not out of the ordinary for her to fall in some type of love or just become obsessed with the affection. Mice are extremely affectionate creatures, and even tho Mouse is just another name in wonderland, she still has that trait.

            If mice don’t get physical affection, they die. That’s the bottom line. Mally can’t die, so in a way, her avoidance of physical affection and the mistreatment she’d been given have been steadily killing her over time, and her only time of truly being alive and happy are when she has that touch. Research shows that kids who experience affectionate touches growing up are more likely to grow faster and into better people, she really didn’t have any of that. Most of that childhood growing, personality wise, doesnt happen until after she left the casino. She never had a childhood, so her childish behaviours only grow after the fact.

            Part of her was also psychologically scarred from affection. When March was sent off on a longform mission, the suits and Gethris took it as their chance to incarcerate Mally for her starting to ignore orders and fight away. She was sent to murder a child, she couldn’t do it. They found the child’s mother and killed her in front of Mally so Mally would see what she caused. She was sent to the Tweedles for questioning, and spent weeks undergoing mass psychological torture that.. doesn’t have a place in this post and will get its own. Mallymkun possesses no interest in returning to the Casino, we’ll leave it at that.

            She’s a lot more open and free, thinks things over less and acts more quickly, but less violently since she joined Hatter. Despite his not really being a good influence himself, he has sort of made her a better person overall. She’s found less violent methods than just snap a neck and move on (unless the other person is behaving violently towards Hatter, in which case she wont hesitate. She’s the kind of person who stabs as a warning okay) she speaks more than she acts, though she’s usually doing both at the same time, and she’s a lot more calm than before. Especially when she’s ignoring her actual job and just hanging about Hatter’s office with him, like his friendship is extremely important to her character and his eventual leaving pretty much breaks her eheheh. Anyways, back on point, she does get a lot clingier when she realizes she can touch someone and not hurt them, and that they won’t hurt her. She’ll be hesitant at first, but grow addicted to the sensation pretty quickly.

[defineguilty]

FULL CHARACTER INFO SHEET

BASIC INFORMATION

♛┋FULL NAME: Neal George Caffrey ♛┋NICKNAME(S): Do aliases count as nicknames? ���┋OCCUPATION: FBI Consultant / Former Con-Artist ♛┋AGE: 32+ depending on verse ♛┋DATE OF BIRTH: March 21st ♛┋GENDER: cis male ♛┋PRONOUNS: he/him ♛┋ORIENTATION: bisexual biromantic ♛┋NATIONALITY: american ♛┋ETHNICITY: white ♛┋RELIGION: catholic, but not really practicing actively 

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

♛┋FACE CLAIM: Matt Bomer ♛┋EYE COLOUR: blue ♛┋HAIR COLOUR: brown ♛┋DOMINANT HAND: right ♛┋HEIGHT: 5' 11½" // 182cm ♛┋BUILD: athletic ♛┋TATTOOS: none ♛┋SCARS: none to speak of ♛┋PIERCINGS: none ♛┋GLASSES: occasionally when undercover/under an alias, but he has perfect vision ♛┋STYLE: Sophisticated & elegant. He very rarely leaves the house without a suit, often accessorizing with a hat. Usually somewhat vintage, but styled on the modern side. The most casual he usually goes is suit pants with a T-shirt or sweater.

FAMILY

♛┋PARENT #1: James Bennett (father) ♛┋PARENT #2: Angela Caffrey-Bennett (mother) ♛┋SIBLING(S): n/a ♛┋CHILDREN: n/a ♛┋PET(S): n/a ♛┋RELATIONSHIP WITH PARENTS: Non-existent. His father was a corrupt cop who killed a fellow cop and was arrested for it. Until his 18th birthday, Neal was led to believe his dad was a hero who died on the job and knowing the truth about his definitely messed up his entire world view. Add to that the fact that James tried to use Neal to get off after running from authorities for a murder he did commit and Neal certainly has all of the daddy issues. His mother, Neal feels less strong dislike and anger for. She was never a very stable presence in his life and the arrest of his father didn’t exactly help her. Instability and substance abuse made her a rather unfit mother and even though Neal would never say she was bad to him, Ellen was always the only real mother-figure he had. He hasn’t talked to his mother since he was eighteen and she hasn’t reached out either.  ♛┋RELATIONSHIP WITH SIBLING(S): n/a

BACKGROUND INFORMATION

♛┋HOMETOWN: St. Louis, Missouri ♛┋CURRENT: New York City, New York ♛┋LANGUAGE(S): English, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, French, German, conversational Italian & Swahili ♛┋SOCIAL CLASS: middle class ♛┋DEGREE: three MBAs and two doctorate degrees but... none of them legit. (in reality, Neal never graduated High School) ♛┋RAP SHEET? bond forgery (at least that’s the only thing they caught him on) ♛┋PRISON TIME? 4 years for bond forgery, another 4 years after breaking out of prison just before his sentence was up -- to be served as a consultant for the FBI

PSYCHOLOGY INFORMATION

♛┋JUNG TYPE: ESTP ♛┋ENNEATYPE: Type 3 -- The Achiever: Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation & 7w8 ( Type 7 -- The Enthusiast: Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction & Type 8 -- The Challenger: Taking charge, because they don't want to be controlled) ♛┋MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral / Chaotic Good ♛┋TEMPERAMENT: Sanguine ♛┋SCHEMA: Insufficient self-control (very strong). Other contenders include  Unrelenting standards, Emotional inhibation, Abandonment and Entitlement  hahaaa ♛┋INTELLIGENCE TYPE: Linguistic & Visual are at the same score. Interpersonal is second place. ♛┋NEUROTYPE: Neurotypical

PERSONALITY DETAILS

♛┋POSITIVE: charming, witty, inventive, creative, intelligent ♛┋NEGATIVE: sly, dishonest, distrusting, guarded, detached ♛┋DREAMS/AMBITIONS: Neal’s main goal is always a sense of fun and adventure. he doesn’t have a set end-goal either way -- not the white picket fence life, but also not the life of the fancy villa in some country that doesn’t extradite as some sort of crime lord. He likes the thrill of a con, so if he can make it happen, keeping that alive is what he cares about most. ♛┋FEARS: Among is main fears is definitely turning out like his father. Having idolized him for so many years before he knew who he really was and then seeing a few similarities between them after all really does scare him. He’s aware he’s far from the most honest person alive, but he likes to believe he would never turn to murder or betraying his own closest family and friends the way his father did.

RELATIONSHIPS / SEX

♛┋RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Verse dependent ♛┋PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: Several ambivalent on-off relationships (see Alex Hunter), plenty of casual affairs and only a few more serious relationships. The first big one being with Kate which, obviously, was something he was incredibly serious and passionate about. Also the only relationship to date he was so open about and had no shame admitting he’s deeply in love and would do anything for her. The only other (canon) relationship, although also without labels attached, was with Sara which remains his most healthy relationship, though it was foiled by circumstance and perhaps, just Neal’s inability of honesty at the time. ♛┋LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: high ♛┋STORY OF FIRST KISS: Technically, it happened in the third grade after he drew a girl in his class a nice picture and they then proceeded to date for three weeks, which really just consisted of them holding hands twice, Neal drawing more pictures and that one first kiss at recess. Showed Brittney Nicole too -- his tooth gap clearly wasn’t that bad. ♛┋STORY OF FIRST TIME: Neal had just turned 17 and at the time, had his first more serious girlfriend. They’d been dating for a few months at the time and it happened after a night of plenty of shenanigans on a random Saturday. For Neal, sneaking out was never an issue anyway since parental supervision wasn’t exactly a thing, so no sneaking had to take place, and she’d told her parents she was staying at a friend’s place. Originally, they’d planned to just do whatever they felt like, something they both enjoyed very much (usually that meant Neal rigging the games at a local Arcade and winning her a bunch of stuffed animals or them hanging out at his favorite pool hall where he’d regularly earn a little extra by making some older guys who underestimated him play for money) but that night, they decided to up the stakes a little. They stopped by a second-hand store in town, bought complete outfits (suit and a cocktail dress, respectively) and then proceeded to drive to one of the fancier hotels in town. Somehow, they convinced the guy at the reception that they were relatives of the owner and should have been announced. They ended up getting one of the nicer rooms in the hotel for the night (and, for free!) and the exhilaration of the con pulled off well led to both of their first time.

VICES / HABITS

♛┋SMOKES? No (unless it’s part of a cover) ♛┋DRINKS? Yes, but preferably something respectable and only for taste and enjoyment, not specifically to get drunk ♛┋DOES DRUGS? No ♛┋IS VIOLENT? No ♛┋HAS AN ADDICTION? Well, technically he did say that a con is an addiction and that he hasn’t kicked it yet, so. That. ♛┋IS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE? Yes. I think while he comes off very confident and considers himself very confident too, there’s a couple things he just doesn’t believe will happen in his life for him. Among those are stable relationships, so he can sometimes subconsciously be destructive towards those and therefore proof his belief-system. ♛┋HABITS: He likes to have something to do with his hands, especially when he’s nervous. Be it throwing something and catching it again, or just twirling a pen between his fingers. ♛┋HOBBIES: Art, Reading, Cooking, Languages ♛┋OBSESSION(S): Depends on what’s currently important. Kate and the music box definitely developed into a sort of obsession at the time. I think in general, when intense things come up, especially when they threaten his loved ones, Neal has the tendency to get obsessive about them and let those things take over his life (or at least his private life) for the time being.

MISCELLANEOUS INFORMATION

♛┋HOUSE: Raveclaw, though a serious contestant for Slytherin  ♛┋VICE: Pride ♛┋VIRTUE: Willingness to do almost everything to protect/help those he cares about ♛┋ELEMENT: Air ♛┋MYTHOLOGICAL CREATURE: Siren or Centaur ♛┋ANIMAL: Fox ♛┋WOULD SURVIVE POST-APOC? Probably not. He’s very smart and would probably find a way to survive for a little while by somehow securing food and the like, but he has practically no combat skills and the second he needs to fight for his life, he would die ♛┋SONG TO DESCRIBE THEM?: Alibis by Marianas Trench

DETAILS / QUIRKS

♛┋PET PEEVES: All of the pet peeves. For someone with an affinity for the illegal, a lot of little things really annoy him. Some examples: the toilet seat being left up, gum on the sidewalk, people eating very fragrant food in confined spaces just to name a few ♛┋NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD?: Night owl ♛┋LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER?: More on the heavy side ♛┋FAVORITE FOOD?: He couldn’t pick. But he does have a real soft spot for cheese. Also risotto.  ♛┋LEAST FAVORITE FOOD?: Deviled ham ♛┋FAVORITE DRINK?: Red Wine ♛┋FAVORITE BOOK (GENRE)?: Non-fiction for genre. I don’t think he has a single favorite book though. ♛┋FAVORITE MOVIE?: He likes classic Hollywood movies, ngl. Sunset Boulevard is among one of his favorites. Romantic movies, in general. ♛┋LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?: Anything super action-heavy or overly crude. ♛┋FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?: Not in jail is a great start. France, though, if he could have his choice. ♛┋COFFEE OR TEA?: Coffee. ♛┋FAVORITE COLOR?: Navy blue. ♛┋CUSSER? No. Shit is probably the worst thing he’ll say

[hiredassault]

Insp::   CAREER. 

Age 1-5:   Floyd Lawton is born and brought up in a rich family. His father George Lawton is a real estate businessman across the country && his mother Genevieve Pitt belongs to a family of wealthy bankers. Floyd has a brother named Edward Lawton whom he adored more than himself && idolizes him. The family even owns their own railway platform along with a town including the local police station. 

Age 5-7:  Floyd excels in school like Edward (but Ed is better) at both academics and sports. The kid loves the idle sports (the rich kind of sports) tennis, horse riding or skeet shooting. The house butler, Bartholomew, maintains their daily schedules. 

Age 7:  Floyd wins 11 trophies for marksmanship already and the boy is climbing the ladder in shooting sport. As too is Edward. 

Age 8-9: They start receiving abuses from their drunk father on a daily basis, even the elder man abuses their mother. Hatred for George begins.

Age 10: Hunting is another idle sport, they are now being dragged into woods by George to kill animals and he abuses them if failure occurs. After several attempts, Edward and Floyd murders an innocent deer for the first time in their life.

Age 11: The hunting scares Edward but encourages Floyd to walk into darkness. Thoughts of shooting George crosses but they doesn’t do anything. The hunting and abuses continue.

Age 12: Their mother Genevieve masters a plan of eliminating her husband, she brainwashes Edward to shoot the rifle at their father’s chest but Floyd stops him from killing George. Their father soon figures && starts beating Edward and despite all the protests angry little Floyd picks up the rifle and runs outside to climb up the tree. The aim was perfect. The crosshair targets George. Time to eliminate the evil man. He pulls the trigger but the branch breaks due to overloading and bullet misses the evil man. Edward Lawton is spot dead as the bullet finds his head. Floyd is devastated and broken into pieces. He kills his own brother whom he loved most. Genevieve fails too. 

Age 13: The murder of Edward is covered up by George, because they have tremendous influences across the town. Floyd is given a two month break from school && is severely damaged (emotionally) from Edward’s death.

Age 14-17: Normal school life, normal sport activities continue while Floyd promises that he will never miss a shot in his life. 

Age 18-19: The U.S. Marine Corps. initiates an internship program from where Floyd is selected for a month training. Immediate absorb to the Sniper Division happens when the authority recognizes that the boy has broken the record of shooting (over 4000 meters for the under 20s). 

Age 20: Returns to town in order to complete school. Trains under the professional assassin David Cain, who teaches him his marksmanship abilities.   

Age 21-23: Hears about the vigilante named Batman catching robbers and stopping crime. Floyd becomes enthusiastic to become a vigilante and selects a costume (which looks like the old west movies with a zorro mask) && names himself as ‘Dead-Shot ’. Just like Batsignal, he installs Bullseye shaped/Deadshot signal to his town and listens to the police radio to stop criminals. Catching criminals is extremely easy for the man since he uses his revolver to aim and shoot (only to disarm the criminal). But Floyd kills some because he considers of making a permanent solution because what Batman does is temporary && they come back again. Starts working with Commissioner Gordon when Batman is absent.

Age 24: Floyd gets addicted into this job && takes money from mafia rivals to eliminate opponents in their territory. He even sets up criminals where he disarms them to show citizens how successful he is than Batman. Batman has competition now. Realizes Dead-Shot is doing these jobs in exchange of money and killing criminals who could be changed into the path of light since their families depend on their work. Batman does a trick on Dead-Shot’s revolver when he broke into his manor and when they encountered each other Dead-Shot fired a perfect shot. Batman would be dead but the bullet misses him. After years, Dead-Shot misses && it shatters the marksman’s ego. He is taken into prison.

Age 25: His lawyer apparently saves him and Floyd Lawton was out. He thought of changing by marrying Susan. Floyd and Susan has a son then, names the baby after his brother Edward:  Eddie. But unfortunate events led him to prison again. Events like murdering criminals again. His lawyer fails to save him now. 

Age 26: While in prison, an unknown person visits Lawton and introduces himself as Colonel Rick Flag Jr. and offers him freedom in exchange of suicide missions. Lawton accepts promptly. Floyd Lawton is introduced into the Task Force Team A and to their Commander Amanda Waller. A highly upgraded suit with a red scope attached in the electronic mask is given. Meets Count Vertigo, Bronze Tiger and Captain Boomerang. Also other members. Floyd is officially a Government asset.

Age 27-29: Several Missions are finished and still going on. Gets admitted to Belle Reeve Prison along with the Task Force and receives the news that his son Eddie being kidnapped. During debriefing of a mission by Waller, Lawton leaves the room not caring whether she would detonate the neck bomb or not. She did not (perhaps she knew why he was leaving). Tracks down the kidnappers and ultimately reaches Eddie but the five year little kid is found sexually assaulted and murdered. How more can he break down? 

Age 30: Angry Floyd turns rogue. Killing every one who stands in his way or anyone linked with his son’s murder. Nothing can stop him. Dead-Shot is more scarier than Batman now. Every criminal, every thug in dark alleys && even dirty cops were frightened. Is this a revenge? Is this avenging? Dead-Shot is killing and killing and killing to find the murderer. Eventually found the murderer and before even thinking shoots the murderer planting thousands of bullet holes. The murderer is dead but with more self investigation Floyd realizes that it was his mother  Genevieve Pitt who is the master-planner of kidnapping her grandson. Time to kill his own mother. But Floyd’s therapist (assigned by Waller; Mernie Herrs) saves Pitt’s life by informing Floyd that this is what his mother wanted. To be killed by him && frame him---- eventually Floyd shoots but letting his mother suffer from the bullet wound to what she has done to her own grandson. Floyd escapes before cops arrive.

Age 31: Susan commits suicide.

Age 32: Floyd Lawton has nothing to live for. Suicidal tendencies comes into his mind. He even shot himself but finds himself to be alive as the bullet missed his heart. After several resurrections, he decides to stay with the Suicide Squad hoping he would die suddenly. (A peculiar relation is developed between Harley Quinn and him.)

Age 33: Standing at the graveyard thinking about his son Eddie one day, his lawyer appears with documents informing the death of George and Genevieve Lawton && it is Floyd’s responsibility regarding all the fortunes. Inside Lawton manor, as he is reading legal documents he finds a letter from a woman named Michelle Torres (whom he remembers---- from a random strip club 7 or 8 years ago) informing George that he has a granddaughter named Zoe.  Floyd Lawton was a father of an eight year old girl. Without wasting time he meets them and offers the money (fortune) as protection but gets rejected. Soon the war between Mafia gangs in the Triangle (the neighborhood where Zoe and Michelle lived) is stopped by Dead-Shot when Lawton encountered Green Arrow (again). Arrow promises him to look after the Triangle and Lawton decides to make a fake death so that all the fortune goes to his daughter Zoe and she can then able to go to school.

Age 34: Leaves Suicide Squad and joins a covert operative team called Secret Six. With Catman, Bane, Ragdoll, Scandal, Knockout and Banshee they complete several missions.

Age 35-36: The Secret Six continues and Floyd Lawton looks after his daughter time to time in disguise. 

Age 37:   Sets up a private security organization of his own (mostly military contracting) and travels to other countries (usually war torn) where his employees are deployed. Also works as a professional hitman.

Age 38: Unfortunate events against the Justice League and he is again back to prison where Waller once again recruits him making sure there is no charges against him. The End to Secret Six officially. 

Age 39: In and out of Suicide Squad like a yo-yo. Working as hitman when not in Waller’s radar. 

Age 40: (Current age of the character. Roleplay verses depends on plot. This career post is comic based and a small extension of canon.)

[exquisitelyeco]

What Armour??.?

I don’t know about you. But Ephesians 6 has really had me confused, as well as a sight of hilariousness …new word….. meaning VERY amusing to the point of literally weeping……in heaven. Everyday…..well….not quite, literally physically pretending to put on the spiritual armour that Paul goes on about in Ephesians 6. Picking up the imaginary helmet and putting it on my head……etc.

And it meant nothing really. I didn’t have a blasted clue! Putting imaginary gear and believing that I was protected! And the bit, ‘For we struggle not against flesh and blood,……in verse 12! Whaaaat? Flesh and blood??! Why not just say human beings??? Now if I can’t see it, I don’t get it. Sorry. But I find that hard. I imagine demons as ghostly things, floating around venomously, whilst I wear this imaginary armour and worry about arrows being shot in my bottom where there isn’t any! Did you notice that? No trousers. So ones behind is rather vulnerable….

And I truly believed doing this worked. I thank God He makes us stand! Romans 14v4. Although I think He looked at me and said ‘Oh dear!’ you know the one……Any of you have kids? You are trying not to smile, but it’s so funny you have to go out of the room…..

When I was teaching, as a TA, I had to mark some year 2 spellings. The wee lambs had to spell the work ‘can’t’. Many of them had spelled it cunt……I was in bits. Thankfully the class didn’t notice…..I think God falls about laughing at some of the things I did and still do, trying to work it all out. But you know what? Just like we get Soooooo excited when our baby stands up or takes their first step, and tell EVERYBODY , I think He does that too! Look at Nic! I know her armour is a bit wonky, but LOOK! She’s trying to toddle, my baby girlie! Ahhhh…..I’m glad I gave her those angels though…..she REALLY needs ’em!

So. Back to this chapter. I bet even the poor Ephesians did what I did. Old Paul made it complicated. Why not make it plain? Have you noticed, the pastors say stuff and your left thinking ‘eh?’ I think I get it….or if your like me, thinking you HAVE got it. I will tell you a wee story, and you are NOT to laugh…My lady pastor, Susan, did a preach on forgiveness. And how damage happens to us if we do not eventually get to that place……of forgiveness that is……And she was talking about this damage and she said, about finding your keys to healing. So poor old me goes around for 10 YEARS thinking I had a key buried in my brain somewhere……until in another preach, she put it like this……..’ finding keys LIKE forgiveness’ and I went ‘Ohhhhhhhhhh! NOW I get it!’

A digression, I had my ex husband 1 in stitches thinking that petrol stations sucked petrol from streams deep in the earth…….I can be a bit like that……Or when I said to my sister, ‘That’s not a very nice name for pies, Puke-er pie’ , cos I did’nt know how to pronounce Pukka…..she nearly had a heart attack laughing….

So here I was, day after day, putting on imaginary armour, literally. Picking up a ‘imagined’ helmet and using my hands to stick it on my head etc. I was so worried about my bottom! I imagined extra armour……I kid you not…..

Hey! If the shoes WERE literal, could you wear high heels? I’ll stop now….

And it suddenly occurred to me just TODAY, as I sit here reading it, what it meant! AH HA! 30years and she gets it! O my goodness THIRTY years? I’m getting on! Anyway, cos I have had this AMAZING revelation I thought I’d share it with you!

I feel like a learned and holy guru right now…..smug and HUGE! Ahhhhh! Remember Nebechednezzer, Nick, concrete feet……

So.

Also, the bit about it’s not a flesh and blood struggle, flesh and blood – meaning humans. I’ll explain that first, cos it comes first! Flesh and blood. And Paul makes it clear that is NOT what we are fighting against. Neither does it mean going to the butcher shop. It means what is IN us. What our drives, or issues or besetting sins are, or in very plain English, what things we do that make us a pain in the arse to others and ourselves. The things we do that cause hurt and pain.

All sin hurts. And it’s THAT, that comes OUT of us. That is what Paul means. Out of the heart comes all evil. Matthew 15v19, Mark 7 v21. How do these things start? In our thoughts. We get them in, and if we KEEP listening to them, they grow in power. And eventually, if we do not deal with ’em, we act on them. They are first and foremost. Satan? Read my post on for the love of Lucifer. He actually comes last. Truly. We give him far to much attention.

Most of the stuff that sets us up to fall is in ourselves. Our pet hates, prides, lusts, damages etc. Like gossiping, swearing, sleeping around, bullying/bullied, lying, watching porn. Being petty. Then the heavier, murder, rape, burglary. All things that can totally destroy us and cause us to do things and act in ways that put God out of the centre of our attention and the sin in it.

Sin starts SPIRITUALLY (in the heart) but has PHYSICAL consequences, (ending in eternal death, if not sorted) is a good way of seeing it.

But also. Rulers of the darkness of the Age. Satan has Sergeants and Lieutenants, just like any army. Some have a little power, like over a shop or town, some have more, like a county or country. (Daniel 10v13)

Basically, these guys are like soldiers. They seek to detain and stop angels, like in the verse from Daniel, (mentioned above) from reaching Gods people and answering our prayers and aiding, or helping us. They also draw in and enslave people to keep them in darkness and their faces and hearts in chains, away from God. Porn is a very powerful weapon the enemy uses. It is like an addiction, and because the person often feels ashamed and hides it, it gives it more power. Always remember, secrecy is one of Satan’s and Sins most powerful weapons, hence, James 5v16. Confession merely means talking it out. Saying aloud what you have done or are struggling with. It breaks its power. It is not done to shame but to heal. Remember, there is now NO condemnation for us in Christ Jesus. Romans 8v1. Jesus knows we all have crap to sort out still. So don’t sweat the small stuff.

It is ultimately an illusion to think we can hide anything. Because in fact, according to God, the opposite will be true and will happen.Luke 12v 3 makes this very clear. Now you would think, Hey! God knows everything! He knows what I’m doing, so why the need to say it?! Yup. He does. But remember. God is about relationship, not principles. The principle states ‘God knows everything’ relationship states ‘Come and talk to me.’ As I have said before, God makes it clear, not only can we talk to Him and find mercy, never condemnation, Matthew 12v7,John 3v17, that we can actually argue with Him AND change His mind! Isaiah 43v26. The book of Jonah is a clear case of God changing His mind. Nineveh repented. God changed His mind and did not destroy them as He planned to do. The same as He did when He chose to save Noah and not wipe out every human as He intended. Genesis 6v7. Remember that! We can always talk to God.

He truly is a parent, a good parent. And like any good parent can be reasoned with, but for our best may not always agree with our argument. And now we get to the best bit. Our armour!

What truths did I glean? What facets did I see? Well, not a blasted imaginary helmet, I can tell you! Or a pair of iron pants!

First the pants. And no. There ain’t any! Literally and figuratively speaking…..Our bottoms are behind us. Yup. I KNOW that is obvious. But it goes deeper. A soldier does not face behind. They face in front. And as long as they are facing the right way, their bum is covered. So when we turn around, our bottom is a target for the enemy. So make sure you face God. Bit back to front, I know. But that’s the way it makes sense. To me at least. If you lose focus, the enemy is right up your arse in a matter of splitteth……..New word, meaning so damn quick, don’t do it, seconds!

The helmet. Which is our thinking! Paul tells us that we need to renew our minds which means changing our thinking. Changing it to what God says, not what the world says.Romans 12v2. So if you, like me, have lies you listen too, like ‘I’m stupid,’ or ‘I hate myself’ or ‘ I’m ugly’ or ‘ I’m a failure ‘ or ‘ I can do this on my OWN’ change that thinking. Cos that, my dearest, dearest beloveds, is Satan’s thinking. He loves us to have those little phrases. And another thing we do, thinking we are right and no body else is. And that’s butt talk. Literally. Pride cometh before a fall, or in the way I described it earlier, a boot up your arse, which will have you flat on your face in the shit. Don’t do it. By shit I mean your open to being deceived because of your pride. We can only hear God if we are in humility. We cannot hear Him if we have pride. Cos we have ear phones on. With ‘I’m the greatest, I am, I am!’ Playing. Remember who I AM is. Cos it ain’t us.

What is humility? Being open to finding you are wrong. And saying you are sorry, confessing it and changing it. And we can be proud about anything. Our interpretation of scripture, our own church and its doctrine, etc. I talk about unrighteousness pride here. That refuses to believe anyone else could be right. Of course you can be righteously proud of being part of a church! Just remember, your church can make mistakes and can get it wrong! And that your little denomination is part of the BODY of Christ and not a little hand or finger crawling along alone! You will die that way as you have no blood supply……

How do you know? If you are being humble that is………By being truthful about yourself and those around you. For example: Do you harbour anger or pain? If so, have you dealt with it? If not, you is open to being deceived. See my post about Ananias and Sapphira and the gift of discernment, should you want too. I go into much more detail.

The breastplate of righteousness. Guarding your heart. And what is in it. Being in right standing with God. Keeping short account of your sin. Or to put it another way, don’t let anything fester too long. Jesus told us, do not let the sun go down on your anger, cos if you do you give Satan a foot hold. Ephesians 4v26, sorry it was Paul. But I’m sure he heard it in good authority……God gives us a whole day to be pissed off. Sort it ‘afore bedtime! If you forget, or have issues with anger, be truthful and open. That way God can help you and you do not hinder yourself, or give the enemy more to work with than he already has!

Righteousness is us acting like Jesus as much as we can and letting the Holy Spirit work in us, by being open to change if we see we need too, or if somebody else helps us to see we need too. If it’s someone else, make sure you take it to God, and somebody you trust first. Not somebody that always agrees with you, but somebody who has the gift of discernment and is truthful. If you take it to somebody who always agrees with you, you could find you are both deceived cos you both feel the same way about not wanting to listen!

Belt of truth speaks for its self. Well it does now…..be open….to correction and truth. Do not tell lies. Do not listen to lies….like the friend who agrees with you cos you both like to gossip about one particular person all the time, for example. Or you both hate one church, cos your still pissed at how you were treated there and you know they don’t like that church either……always take truth you think is truth to God and be open for His interpretations, not just those of your pastor or the religious TV. Remember, Gods ways are NOT our ways, or possibly our pastors and friends……Isaiah 55v8-9. Ultimately we are ALL chosen AND redeemed because God said so. Not us. Even His grace in giving us the actual trust we have IN Him! Not even that comes from us! ( Ephesians 2v8) So God does what HE wants! Not us! Read my testimony of ‘ A God outside the box, A story of personal redemption’ if you dare. And I mean it. I’ll piss you off and drop a hint. God gave me my son when I was having an affair. Simple. Read it. It’s not blasphemy. It shows how God is not like we think He is. Honestly. Hold God’s hand and read it. Then if you disagree, that’s fine. But I tell you that is what happened.

Shoes of the gospel of peace. Literally, where ever you walk, where ever your feet stop, don’t gossip or slag down other churches or people. We are all Gods children and need to be one body, not like fingers and toes fighting each other! Romans 12v5. Learn to discern Gods body. And to do that, you need the belt of truth and breast plate of righteousness. Or in another’s famous words ‘ Know thy self’ cos if you don’t, you can be sure Satan does. And he will use it. So where ever you go do not slander. Do not profane or swear. I do. I have to keep saying sorry.

Make sure what come out of your mouth, where ever you are honours others and God. If you have an issue, only share it with someone who discerns. If you must talk to your friends about it, Deal with the anger and hate first! And say it in such a away you are not spreading dissention and poison, but just saying how it was. Don’t encourage gossip and backstabbing of another person or church. Remember, not only will we be judged by what we say, we will be judged by every careless word that comes out of our mouth. Matthew 12v36-37. If you know it will hurt, shut your gob! Unless it’s done in love. And humbly, cos if it ain’t, you is in danger of falling. Galatians 6v1. The same goes for all non Christians you know. If it ain’t nice, keep it to YOURSELF! We are to be God’s light and love, not spite and gossip and nastiness. What kind of Christ are we representing if we behave like that?

The shield of faith? That is merely the words that come out of our mouths. What does the bible say? Faith comes by HEARING, and hearing by the word of God! Romans 10v17. Also, Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18v21. Jesus said, ‘Tell the mountain to go into the sea! And if you believe it will’ Mark 1v23. It’s so obvious! How did God start? He SPOKE! ‘Light’ and there was light. Genesis 1v3. But it comes in two bits, not only must we speak it. We must trust it will happen. That is what believing is. That is what it meant when Paul talked about Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of what we do not yet see. Hebrews 11v1. All that means is this. I’ll give you example. You have longed for a weekend away. Your partner has promised it. You KNOW it will happen cos he said he has sorted it, but you have not done it yet and he has kept the date a secret!

Think as God is that partner! You have made your request. And if it is in accordance to Gods will, for example, not out of selfishness or greed or envy, then you know He will do it. But God does not normally tell us when! That is faith. Trusting God for your ask! ASK Him, then TRUST Him to do it!

Really! These people who translate bibles! They don’t half make it complicated, don’t you think? Thank God the Source Himself is a Good Teacher. Thanks, God! I bet He don’t stand in a blasted pulpit. That’s half the blasted problem……If you’d just GET DOWN……

The verse goes on to say, about the shield of faith quenches all the fiery darts of the enemy. Ephesians 6v16. The bible tells us our mind is the devils play ground. Philippians 4 v8-20. So we are back to those thoughts! CHANGE bad thinking! Undo bad habits! Like smoking, being drunk, sleeping around. All things that give Satan a way in to hurting us. Know the bible! Satan does! And He uses it. That is why so many Christians backstab others. Because they have pride in the fact ‘their’ interpretation of the bible is correct and everyone else’s is cultish! You give the old dragon some ammo if you do that!

The bible CLEARLY states we DO NOT know God’s ways OR His thoughts! Isaiah 55v8-9. 1 Corinthians 13v12. Not only are His ways and thoughts unknown to us, they are so high we can NEVER fathom or work them out! Hence my testimony I mentioned earlier. God is NOT who we think He is! And as the bible IS JESUS, because Jesus IS literally the WORD, get used to surprises. Cos if you don’t, I am warning you now, you could be in for trouble! Stop thinking you or your pastor know it all. Cos none of us does. Not even Paul did. That is what he wrote 1 Corinthians 13v12!

So be open to change. Learn to discern, which means to recognise Gods voice and ways. Know the enemy, also means yourself! This life is a fight. Romans 7v15-20. Don’t be deceived. It ain’t all covered by blanket or conversion prayer, it’s growing up! Becoming a warrior in Christ’s army. Showing this world that Christ is and He has won their freedom and healing. Nowhere does it say it’s all done at conversion. It’s a battle. You WILL face trials and temptations 1 Peter 5v8, James 1v2, John 16v33. So these preachers who say otherwise, talk BOLLOCKS! This life is a fight, hence the blasted armour!!

So don’t be afraid. Jesus has already won. But get that armour on and Stand. Which means wait. With that armour on. In battle mode. Ephesians 6 v 13 Cos it’s when we stand, that God looks down and says ‘BRILLIANT! Look guys! My Son/daughter, standing, armour on. And waiting for me. They don’t see Me coming yet, but they blasted well believe it. Ha ha! That’s my son/daughter. Now let’s go kick Satan’s arse!’

[emersonmanandnature]

January 18, 2021

Magic Wand

There is no magic wand that saves us from our eventual death, there is no mystery god waiting for us in a heaven renovated to hold billions of human souls, there is beauty in religion for we have been spoon fed that our eternal lives are based on how we do here on this planet, like it was a marathon and losing will get you condemned to hell as if we are not living in hell right now where the new gods of wealth seek dominance over all their minions, the bible 
present since birth our young beliefs sincere and obedient for to make it to your salvation one must sacrifice oneself here

On this mother earth in order to rise up in death and meet our maker in his luxurious suites, our expectations as children were high for god must love us and he will return in our life time to separate the hate from our love and condemn those that have ruled us cruelly and murdered without a consciousness, innocence for profits! I ask you to describe your god, does he wear clothes, have a beard, cries at night for sins committed for pleasure and not pain, is your god tall, short, does he walk on two legs or does he beam himself to places he wants to visit

Like our small little planet and then abandon us to the thieves of controlling force, our thoughts structured to a narrow focus, redemption from our partners in crime surely god you are above the criminal minds now running this planet as their own atm, maybe our god is shy doesn’t like the limelight so he sends his son to preach his words and then his substitutes to preach his son’s words that 
were supposedly written down by his apostles and then all verses were changed at the council of nice in 325 AD, revised to fit the powers that be,

I think because there was too many women also writing god’s words, does your god metamorphosis himself to be the vision of hope for all individuals or will we see him as one entity the same for all, does your god like to drink beer and party hardy because we certainly haven’t seen his appearance since his crucifixion or will he be a studio god, invented who preaches his thoughts for us to see in a book but not heard in god’s voice, silence is deafening, god seems to be only a character in a bible proclaiming our past sins of gluttony but nothing much has changed since he came to this

Planet to guide us to his salvation but instead left this part of space abandoned, a no fly zone, for his father, son and the holy ghost for they must of lost interest in human beings because they were so exploitive, miserable, complaining, ego’s bigger than gods, greedy, sneaky, back stabbers, violent, murderous, evil, angry, afraid, creators of wars, using his bible as a means to justify their murderous contempt of human life, torture, the worship of money over people, frauds, rapists, gluttons, conquests, slaves, exploitation of the innocence, stealing, looting, smuggling, and so

Much more beauty to reveal in our predictable animal behaviors, change is nothing when stagnated in murky waters, what sounds promising is only a baited hook to get you to believe in a false witness in our government of thieves when jesus was amongst us preaching his version of our fathers promises it uplifted our hope that we the people were saved from the slavery of vicious wars and that all
would be on equal footing with the powers that be, wasn’t that why christ came down to create equality and justice for all and die for our sins and through his death we would learn

Our lesson of love for all human beings and not be touched again by the addiction to power and wealth, how did that work out, not well, especially when god said you the people must follow and obey the powers that are present and hope for a better future but I god creator of this universe can’t promise you any hope until after you die, then all judged as moral equals but that obnoxious statement didn’t even last while he was present on earth for all the wealthy leaders were not impressed to be underlings to a man that claimed he was the messiah, christ sent here for a fraction

Of time to change the course of our history toward the good side but that failed miserably and we are now in a vice grip of criminal minds ruling this planet as their playground for exploiting the populace to fear their brothers and sisters, so
to keep them fighting each other as the rulers gain a stronger footing in containing their false truths their perpetrator of laws broken, where the bible’s words are outdated, harping for centuries on the same old illusions of hope where nothing changes and we percolate in anger at the wrong target for the rulers of god’s paradise, still in

Absolute control of their power passed down through human history stir the pot of hatred to exploit the feeling of the conditioned mind to hate each other and never blame the instigators of this lopsided power of greed that has been
always present, dug deep in our consciousness that the kings and queens of avarice are our true gods, through the bible the domineering rich, their ego’s beyond redemption can’t webe presented with a bible of openness and justice for all and not a means of exploitation of our mind and souls to cow down to the corporate

Pressure, their dominance, their omnipotence to do what they will at our expense, their dominate platform of convincing dribble, cliches used up to justify their greedy incompetence by destroying human beings and this world for profit as their aggressive importance begins to waver and holes show in their propaganda of influence their illegitimate logic begins to erode and they are stripped bare of their lies as the powerless slowly gain confidence to stand up to these oligarchs that exploit the people only for profit and cast them aside as they think of another means to

Take from the poor and give to themselves, for the wealthy, the powerful must be obeyed to the end of days for that is god’s words you have to be kidding me that you god would give power back to the very evil of wealth that were enslaving us and using us to build monuments to themselves until you return, do I smell a stinking con game for if you were god and you saw your creations being destroyed by slavery, wars, violence, greed, criminality, evil in the guise of a helping hand, it just might spur a little anger in your cold heart and you might want to come back sooner than

Never and give us some of your guiding light, can I get a big fat fart of a hallelujah the new gods of earth passing laws that excrete corruption, the hypocrisy of god shuffling his responsibility for making us, an absent father, 
a loner, a mystic, a traveler searching for his own family, his jesus, his son’s sacrifice where is the holy ghost have they abandoned him also, and depositing the power to pharaohs, kings, queens, idols warriors, politicians, corporations, investors, wall street, con-men, con-women, criminal minds, sociopaths, psychopaths, serial killers, liars,

Religion, greed, animal behavior, our past a look into the deep convoluted reasoning of the herded cattle, thanks father for our holy mess, no wonder your time is fast approaching where you won’t matter, you our lord will be another idol laid to rest and forgotten, as if brandishing a sacred cow will stop the cut throat greed of wealth from being placed squarely on the backs of peasants as if this deceit of power will bring to us, the people, any answers that will solve 
the mess of human deceit, for we are both internal and external animals making it a lot

Easier for the power of corporations to exploit their underlings with grandiose ideas of hope and income when in truth they have no intention of giving their working class slaves any more raises for that might give them a big head and questions asked and then anarchy and then these men in power will suffer their most hated evil, loss of money, they train you in words that the rich know are meaningless and will never see the light of day but it does placate the people into believing that maybe there is hope for their future but there is always

Barriers, a good reason why at this time the powers that be will be unable to raise your salary to the golden wage of nine dollars, we are sorry but the stock market is down and the competition is getting out of hand and besides we felt as an american company it would be best to save money so we are moving our manufacturing jobs over seas, god bless you my people and we will pray your god sends his fax soon for you haven’t seen anything yet when it comes to undermining your income and we will be out

Of town for a few months it gets so cold here during the winter months we so love the riviera and the casinos and the our banquets and our drinking and womanizing and we will have some guest speakers as usual I believe he or 
she are politicians from your state and they are here to let us know what they are going to do for us, oh I mean you of course they love their constituents dumb as a stump, your intuition now shriveled up without foresight or hindsight 
your life stifled with a whole world in fear, and now you are broke and without support as the

Stoic market continues, the lies from the senate and congress keep eating away our hopes of equality for to have just two parties is in itself a crime, this supposedly free country is hypocrisy at its best, the wet dream of the rich and with just those two parties they can easily manipulate the senators and congress to do their bidding keeping pollution out of the headlines, wars out of the headlines, poverty out of the headlines, migration of innocent people trying to survive, climate change out of the headlines and corrupt leaders out of the headlines, and yet they adore

The evangelicals, the voices of hope promoting not a good life here and now but in some far off time when we are all dead and then we will feel the worms and the fire, oh no I mean the glorious god our father coming to earth but of course you won’t be there with him on his white cloud floating precariously, for there is a lot of people on board surrounding our lord and savior and it looks like the heavy load is pulling the egos down and they might crash if god doesn’t pay attention to the slaughter, the screams, the torturing, the poverty, the climate, the bigotry,

The hate, the fear, the anger and if there is this god he better get his act together or humanity will be consumed with insanity caused by pollution, pandemics, destruction of values and the aggressive addiction to power and 
fame, why would god not want to show himself, here is the creator of the universe the most powerful being in the infinity of space and time and he refuses to show himself but instead sends his son, to go down to this little speck of dust and preach his thoughts or was the son a little rebellious and decided to take matters

Into his own hands yet god still ready to sacrifice his only son and we the people think that is ok and we are to raise our hands in the air and yell hallelujah and praise god for his son’s murder, really, I know others have issues with 
this as well, what is god hiding, is he not as handsome and perfect as his son or is he just jealous of youth and a virgin birth, maybe god is on meds trying to get away from his hectic schedule traveling here and there throughout the universe creating other beings and giving them their garden of eden and I wonder how

That is working out we know how our eden was manipulated to sucker eve and then adam into a holy drama and we are the results, living on a planet being destroyed by corrupt wealth and where is our savior maybe he is skating around a black hole showing off his talent for his son who is pissed at him for having him in house arrest for his sexual appetite maybe god is on an extended vacation and he is traveling with a mask for the air quality isn’t very good because the world has been polluted not only by chemicals and carbon monoxide but by

Corporate dominance our time is getting closer to an end this tiny spec of dust is lost in infinite space without a means of escape, so that is why having a heaven to look forward too is the only way the kings and queens could placate the life style of their slaves, as they lived in opulence, greed and murder. And the poor dreamed of an afterlife where all would be hunky-dory, what a crock of shit the bible is a howl, a rant of ones ego going off on the structure of existence and needing something, anything to bridge the pain of living with the paradise of hope, we grow up

And have a frightening realization our own universal, existential revelation that our bodies are carriers not of a spiritual hope but the emptiness of words and the bodies limited life, the mind a facade of hope when in fact we are crushed with the thoughts of being alone, separate with our lives hidden in oneself with 
an outer shell visually seen but ignored, what is this place, this earth, a holding ground for one to find their truth, but what truth will sustain you through life and into death, we are apart, alone without truly knowing others, we hear their

Voices, their laughs, their anger, their violence, their hate and yet we are separate, a surface covering only flesh, when I speak my words cruel duality that is all I have to express my inner being, and these words are stifling copies 
of another’s voice I imitate to make my point in this figment of my imagination, a screen used to represent my emptiness, I can touch but can’t feel the hope of understanding the power that rule are not gods but selfish personalities, ego’s of manipulation carving into our minds a stage play and we are characters in

Their play, without purpose we assume a life leading to a dead end we hunger to be told what to think, what to do like herded cattle we roam chewing our cud corralled ready for the slaughter once our minds began sensing something undermining our existence for we couldn’t read the minds of others so we had to rely on their actions, to speak their truth always hidden underneath flesh as the anger building and the deep despair that we are pawns in a bigger reality fearing our isolation, our separation from each other our thoughts isolated from the human

Pact our secrets dug deep in the inner consciousness of a false hope of with no explanation but the ones that control us, take from us our simple life to be exploited for-profit when we began to project outward our fears and 
we needed someone or something to know and understand our inner world of thoughts, so we began to create gods to lighten our fears of desperation and our fear of others, tribes formed as we projected our lives outside our own consciousness and ceremonies of our newly discovered power in worship became

Our legitimate path of salvation, we created gods that would speak to our silence, directly to our mental needs, an inner security that we are being heard not in words but thoughts projected outward to our savior, we would be safe, secure in our knowing that our prayers to the almighty in heaven would give us hope and lessen our fears of isolation of our physical and mental presence and this new world of gods was born through human nature a need to be part of something even if one couldn’t see any other alternatives, shamans of the past just as greedy

As our religions today seeking power over the populace to direct them to their god, a man enthralled with only himself, free will is an illusion through manipulation, a conditioning of oneself to believe one is free within repetitive 
desires that narrow your ability to be free of the controlling fears that are created by the power of lies, for everyone now is a sinner and without redemption without a god in a book written centuries ago to placate the suffering people into believing there is hope, for your resurrection is either in paradise, hell or limbo, more likely fire or dirt

[ebaeschnbliah]

EVERY  CHOICE  YOU  EVER  MADE ... EVERY  PATH  YOU'VE  EVER  TAKEN

________________________________________________________________

You just went the wrong way last time, that’s all. This time, get it right.

This is what Sherlock tells Eurus before he lands the plane and brings them both back to the ground ... to London. It seems at some day in the past, Eurus made a wrong choice. Interestingly a great deal of 'The Final Problem' circles around 'choices' as well. And the consequences thereof.

Choose either Doctor Watson or Mycroft to kill the governor.

Also, you may have to choose which one to keep

Just two of you go on from here; your choice. 

 It’s an elimination round. You choose one and kill the other. You have to choose family or friend.

Jim Moriarty thought you’d make this choice.

Going by the assumtion that Eurus and Sherlock are aspects of one and the same character, it seems reasonable to suppose that - at some point in the past - Sherlock made a wrong choice himself.

Does the story give any indication for an occurance which fits with a scenario like this? Yes, it does.

Another look at a metaphorical Pilot-Verse scenario. Rest is under the cut ...

There are even two instances in Sherlock BBC where the great detective is about to make a very wrong choice. And both times it's one and the same scene.

THE PILOT

SHERLOCK: Two pills. CABBIE: There’s a good pill and a bad pill. You take the good pill, you live; take the bad pill, you die.  You’re the one who chooses.   You can choose either one.  Choose.  Let’s play.

SHERLOCK: What if I don’t take either?

CABBIE: Wouldn’t you rather risk this?  Which one do you think? Which one’s the good pill?  Come on. I know you’ve got a theory.  So what d’you think?  Can you beat me?  I bet you get bored, don’t you? A man like you, so clever. I’ll bet you’re not bored now.  This ... this right now – this is what you live for, innit, not being bored?

A STUDY IN PINK

SHERLOCK: Okay, two bottles. Explain. JEFF: There’s a good bottle and a bad bottle. You take the pill from the good bottle, you live; take the pill from the bad bottle, you die. It’s your choice.  You can choose either one  Time to choose. SHERLOCK: What if I don’t choose either?

JEFF: Come on. Play the game.  So what d’you think?  Can you beat me?  Are you clever enough to bet your life?  I bet you get bored, don’t you? I know you do. A man like you ...... so clever. But what’s the point of being clever if you can’t prove it?  Still the addict.  But this ... this is what you’re really addicted to, innit?  You’d do anything ... anything at all ... ... to stop being bored.  You’re not bored now, are you? 

In the PILOT as well as in ASIP Sherlock decides to take the pill

Both times Sherlock chooses to risk his life on a fifty-fifty chance. Even though he could act in a different way.

In the PILOT serial killer Jeff Hope doesn't even have a gun. The police is already at the doorstep of 221b ... ready to go in. Sherlock seems strong enough to resist the killer until help arrives. Despite of that, Sherlock chooses to play a deadly game of chess.

In ASIP it is even more obvious that Sherlock has no reason at all to take one of those pills. The killer uses a fake gun. No drugs weaken Sherlock's body. He is already about to leave the room when he turns back again and chooses to play the deadly game of chess.

On both occasions it is John Watson who saves Sherlock's life. John kills Jeff Hope and prevents Sherlock to swallow the pill. And each time the circumstances are more than dubious. 

What happens to the victims

PILOT: Same pattern each time. Each one of them disappears from their normal lives ...  then turn up a few hours later somewhere they’ve no reason to be ... dead. No marks of violence on the body, no suggestion of compulsion. Each of them has taken the same poison – and, as far as we can tell, taken it voluntarily.

ASIP: All of his victims disappeared from busy streets, crowded places, but nobody saw them go. They all took the same poison; they were all found in places they had no reason to be. The poison is clearly self-administered. There are clear signs that they take the poison themselves; they chew, swallow the pills themselves.

And what happens to Sherlock

PILOT:  The serial killer takes Sherlock to Baker Street 221b. Why changes Jeff Hope his pattern with Sherlock? Why enters John the house opposite to shoot the killer? (I wrote about all those strange things in 'When Sherlock lies drugged in a cab')

ASIP:  The serial killer takes Sherlock to Roland-Kerr Further Education College. It's midnight, the school is open and the cleaners are in. 'One thing about being a cabbie: you always know a nice quiet spot for a murder'  Why on earth would a school with cleaners in it be a 'nice and quiet spot for a murder'?

Anyway ... fact is:  In the PILOT and even more so in ASIP Sherlock chooses to take a probably poisoned pill out of his free will. He risks to bet his life on a fifty-fifty chance. Both times he is about to swallow that pill. And both times he is stopped by John.

A textbook-example for 'making a wrong choice'

And isn't it also interesting that the very first, as well as the very last episode of the presently existing Story, are dealing with the same topic? With ...  'making choices'?

You just went the wrong way last time, that’s all. This time, get it right.

And what's the main theme of the penultimate episode ... of 'The Lying Detective'?  

There is a woman called Faith - one of the incarnations of Eurus who seems to represent Sherlock's (disregarded) emotions and his memory. She is about to take her own life. There is the memory of John walking with his cane. The memory of their first case together. A case involving a serial killer who wants to kill 'anyone'.

Anyone who didn’t know where they were going, ’cause they were drunk or lost or new in town. Anyone I could walk through the wrong door. (PILOT)

And when Sherlock lies dying under the hands of the serial killer in TLD, something suddenly becomes very clear to him. He doesn't want to die anymore. What he tells Faith  - earlier in the story - applies now to himself as well:

“Taking your own life.” Interesting expression. Taking it from who? Oh, once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it.  Your own death is something that happens to everybody else ...

Your life is not your own. Keep your hands off it

Is this what the story could be about? In case Sherlock lies indeed drugged in the cab of serial killer Jeff Hope ... he will know what is going to happen to him ... Sherlock is more resilient to drugs than the other victims ... because of this he may have time to think ... he knows how the other victims died ... 'no marks of violence, no compulsion, self-administered poison' ... Sherlock has a very lively imagination, he loves to be dramatic and he posesses a good deal of gallows humour ... (try this interesting meta by @sagestreet for Sherlock's dark humor :)

What might Sherlock envision in such a situation? What might he think? Is he playing scenarios in his mind regarding the things that might happen to him soon? Is he starting out with a mindset like ... 'All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage'? But then the 'John-Factor' comes into play and Sherlock ... reconsiders? Is he thinking of ... 'what could be' and 'why not'? ....

And when the cab finally stops and Sherlock has to choose ... will he make a different choice this time? Will he refuse to take that pill voluntarily. Will he deside not to play a deadly game of chess and risk his life for a stupid fifty-fifty chance. Just to prove he is clever. Just to not being bored. Will he instead fight for his life. And will this be the reason John is able to find Sherlock in the nick of time and save his life? Because Sherlock desided to save it first? Beause now Sherlock knows exactly what he wants?

... I don't want to die ... I don't want to die ....

.

I leave you to your own deductions. Thanks @callie-ariane for the sripts.

September, 2017

@gosherlocked @loveismyrevolution @sherlockshadow @monikakrasnorada  @sarahthecoat @kateis-cakeis @raggedyblue @221bloodnun @tjlcisthenewsexy

[oqpromptparty]

OQ Prompt Party Week

Hi everyone! I set up a Tumblr because I thought it would be the easiest place to post all of the prompts for the OQ Prompt Party week. 

If you’d like to take part, just select any of the prompts from the list below and write a fic, make a video or create some art based on it. Please note that more than one person may choose the same prompt.

You may submit new stories or include the prompts in any of your existing verses.

Artists & Video makers may use any of the prompts, but there are some Art/Video specific ones at the bottom of the post.

I have condensed some of the prompts that were a little too long... and feel free to take some liberties with some of the more specific prompts!

If you have any questions, please tweet @OQPromptParty

OQ Prompt Party week will run from 21st - 27th August. Please don’t post anything until then.

Prizes: 

Everyone who posts a prompt for all seven days of the OQ Prompt Party week will be sent a limited edition, one of a kind Outlaw Queen button/badge. These will never be available again, so don’t miss out! 

Each day there will also be the opportunity to win another prize. You will be entered into a prize draw and the more prompts you write, the more times your name will be entered into the draw. I will announce which prizes will be available on each day soon. 

There will also be a separate prize for most prompts included in a single one-shot/chapter (crack!fic encouraged). 

And now! Without further ado, here are your prompts: 

Prompts: 

Friends with benefits

Pride & Prejudice AU with Regina in the role of Mr. Darcy

Hospital AU with Regina as the Chief of cardio (nicknamed ‘The Evil Queen’, work addicted, hates everyone, on call room = sex) and Robin as a Nurse (follows the rules, has a crush on Regina, makes out with her in the on call room, lives in campervan in the forest) 

DarkOQ go to New York (aka real World) for their honeymoon and then stops by Storybrooke to check on Regina.

Regina kidnaps Robin to prevent him from marrying Marian.

Regina finds out her fiancé (can be any ouat character) has been cheating on her with her sister on her wedding day! She runs away to a different city or county & meets Robin.

Regina meets her soul mate online.  But is reluctant to meet Robin in person for fear of ruining what they already have.  Will Robin be able to change her mind? And what happens when her friends try to force her hand?

Robin, Regina and the Evil Queen... perhaps maybe Robin meets one, then meets the other... doesn't quite realise straightaway... ooh they could be twins!

Regina as a headmistress and Robin being a billionaire whose son Roland, goes to the school where Regina is the boss.

Robin being Regina's personal trainer, because Regina wants to work out before her wedding but we all know that wedding won't happen now that they met.

Regina mothering Roland (it'd be awesome if Robin witnessed at least a part of the scene)

Robin actually dies in 5x02 and after seeing Robin getting taken to the underworld Regina chooses to follow. It's the author's choice whether she goes alone or with the storybrooke clan.

Regina owns a Dessous boutique and Robin comes in quite often to buy stuff for his imaginary girlfriend in Regina's sizes and her taste because he just wants to talk to her and work up the courage to ask her on a date but Regina thinks him weird bc why would he flirt with her and buy all this shit for his girlfriend. Later she finds all the unopened bags with stuff in his apartment.

Wonder Woman scene at the healing lake thingy. Regina sees a (naked) man for the first time.

"you can't just run around and threaten to kill everyone." "Oh but you never told me that so how would I know?"

Dark Robin contacts Regina when he doesn't know how to deal with the EQ after a particular fight.

Ink Heart AU Whenever Regina reads a story out loud, characters come to life. She vows never to read out loud again.  One day she comes home to find Robin Hood in her son's room. Henry confesses that he shares her strange gift.

"The poor guy at table 4 has almost ordered the whole menu just so he can look at you and you didn't even give him a smile. How about when you slip him your number instead of ask what dessert he wants."

Troy AU (Robin as Achilles and Regina as Briseis, evtl. Hook as Paris and Emma as Helena) when her temple is plundered Robin saves priestess Regina from the hands of the Spartan men.

Roland spills something over himself in Regina's vault and now any time he lies he turns further into a donkey (like in Pinocchio).

(early OQ) Regina comes home and finds the television is dead because it has tons of arrows sticking out. "What on earth did the poor TV do to you?!"

Missing Year body swap AU with Regina and Robin

Homeless AU "You gave me a dollar every day for three years and now I had a bit of luck, I have a job and I really want to pay you back."

"have you by any chance seen my vibrator?" "What's that?" *Explanation* "Ooooh, that thing. Yes, used it to fix the ____."

Regina and Robin meet Daniel/Marian in the Underworld

Cora didn't get the sheriff but the real Robin on Regina's birthday.

Regina meets the baby of DarkOQ for the first time

It's cold and OQ share a blanket

OQ's first camping trip with the kids and Regina turns out to be a natural at _______.

Robin isn't really dead, he's caught in the book of "Adventures of Robin Hood" and tries to get (a message) back to Regina.

Henry decides to throw the author's rules over board and rewrites his mom's happy ending.

It's Regina's first bday after Henry is gone and she feels lonely. The doorbell rings and a little Roland is waiting there with a half eaten cupcake for her (ofc he says it wasn't him, but the icing on his cheeks says it all).

OQ go skinny dipping in the water and when they come out someone stole their clothes.

After missing year just after curse broke. Regina asks Robin to pick up some tampons for her from the store. It turns into quite an adventure because Robin doesn't know what they are.

AU A: "sorry you're sitting on my sun lounger. B: oh and since when is it yours?" A: I clearly reserved it before breakfast with my towel - which by the way you're sitting on! so get your butt off my sun lounger or else."

Robin spills a drink on Regina.

Your OTP is covering up a murder.

Robin doesn’t die instead is resurrected somehow and in NYC as a dark Robin. Things from the finale happen. Regina kills the EQ but she doesn’t die because her soul is tethered to Robin or something like  that. EQ and evil Robin find each other. Regina has to find a way to kill EQ or reunite with her and save Robin from the darkness.

Robin dies or so they believe, but in actuality a villain has given Robin a memory curse and he remembers nothing of his life with Regina. Regina helps him remember.

Regina and Robin go look for Daniel’s grave and they happen to find  both his and Marian’s stone. Both tipped over and Regina and Robin  share an emotional moment.

Groundhog Day AU with OQ.

A fic based on the movie Sabrina.

Regina drunkenly confesses to Robin about the lion tattoo and pixie dust. Robin misunderstands and thinks she doesn't want him around her

Regina picks up the newest book by her favorite writer. Another best  seller that she can’t get enough of. What she doesn’t realize is that  the heroine from those books is inspired by her and the books were  written by her sweet, handsome but oh so shy (at least in RL) neighbor  Robin.

Regina and Marian are single moms, neighbors and best friends. When Marian dies she leaves Roland in Regina’s care. A  few months later Robin moves in next door. While unpacking his things  he discovers a picture of a very pregnant Marian and remembers their  night together before leaving for England. There is a date on the back  of the photo and he does the math. He is a father and his son is closer  than he thinks.

Through a glitch in the system (or was it?) two strangers find  themselves married to each other. (somewhat inspired by the movie  Accidental Husband).

Regina’s house/apartment is on fire. Lt. Robin Locksley and his  men save her and Henry. She goes over to the firehouse to thank them  properly and ends up inviting Robin for dinner.

Robin as gladiator and Regina as his domina. (pure smut)

Robin proposes to Regina with a little bit of help from the Storybook and Henry.

The smuttiest smut you’ve ever written in your life.

Robin is taking dancing lessons to surprise Regina on their first  wedding anniversary (since their wedding dance ended in a disaster when  he broke her toe) and Regina thinks he is cheating. She even follows him  with Tinkerbell to find out with who.

Robin and Regina are roommates. Robin accidentally walks in on her getting out of the shower. Regina returns the favor.

Regina drags Robin along with her for a little shopping. Their last  stop is Victoria’s Secret and things get “hot and steamy” in the changing room.

Regina and Robin are  single parents (Henry and Roland are the same age and go to class  together) and have clashed a couple of times during parent/school  meetings. She thinks he is immature and irresponsible. He thinks she is  overprotective and overbearing. A school camping trip comes up and  both go as chaperons (not their idea). Henry and Robin bond and so do  Roland and Regina and they both start seeing each other in a new light.

Regina as a soldier. She comes home from her second tour in Iraq. She  is not the same woman she used to be after all the things she has seen  and  all the things she has done. She wants to get her life back on track.  Along the way, she meets Robin who is battling his own demons and  understands her better than she thinks.

Robin trying to stop EQ!Regina like Xander did with Dark Willow on BTVS.

Robin picks up a hitchhiker named Regina. Things get interesting while on the road.

Henry and Roland are friends (they are about 10 years old). Roland  really likes Henry’s mom Regina and Henry thinks Roland’s dad Robin is  pretty cool. They decide to play cupid.

Henry makes sure that  several things in his house break and Robin (a handyman) has to come and  fix them. Hopefully, his mom’s broken heart as well.

Regina,  single mom, mayor and workaholic is in desperate need of a new housekeeper/nanny after Henry has scared off yet another one. Robin,  widower and single dad who’s life has not been easy after losing Marian  is in desperate need of a new job and home for him and his son Roland.

After a blackout, heavily pregnant Regina ends up stuck in an elevator  (or another place, whichever you prefer) with a stranger. Unfortunately,  her water breaks and Robin has to help her deliver her baby.

Regina is Mary Margaret’s childhood friend and maid of honor. Robin is  David’s best friend from college and best man. The first meeting  between the couple’s best friends doesn’t go as planned and ends in a  disaster with a very upset MM and a disappointed David. Regina and Robin  are forced to put their differences aside to ensure a happy wedding day  for their friends.(If there is a part with them having to take dance  lessons and things heat up during that I won't be sad.)

Regina and Robin as thieves: It is the 3rd time he had outsmarted her and stolen from right under  her nose. Only this time he is a bit careless with his disguise (at  least that’s what she thinks) and she manages to see the lion tattoo on  his right arm which helps her track him down. Her plan is to steal  everything back from him. His plan is to steal one last thing from her:  her heart.

Robin, a single dad, saves Henry from being run over by a car, but gets hit himself in the process.  Regina is so grateful she helps him and Roland while Robin heals.

Robin is a disgruntled former employee of Cora Mills who, in a moment of desperation, kidnaps Coras daughter, Regina.

Robin, somewhat of a ladies man, gets the shock of his life when a  social worker hands him a baby boy, telling him that his mother had died  and that she wanted the baby’s father to take care of him. Robin doesn’t know what to do and asks his neighbor Regina for help.Regina  is reluctant at first. She doesn’t like him. Thanks to him Henry has witnessed his conquests walks of shame on a regular basis which always led to awkward questions.

Robin can’t explain the feelings he has for Regina. One night he  overhears a very drunk Regina and Tinkerbell (Tink already knows that  it’s Robin and drops a few hints without giving him away) talking about  the man with the lion tattoo and it all starts making sense.

Robin cuts in line at the supermarket. Regina is not having it.

Robin is so used to sleeping in the forest he won't fall asleep in houses etc because of the missing forest noises (birds, frogs...)

instead of Neal, Pan's shadow Robin and Roland to Neverland.

Author Henry by accidentally mixes up some of his comics with the stories he's supposed to be writing down. ... therefore somehow Regina and Robin trade places with some comic book characters.

Regina used to be a teen Popstar, now a few decades have passed. Life has happened etc and she's asked to be back on stage for a show to celebrate the decade she's been famous in. They want her to share the stage though with a few men who used to the British boyband "The Merry Men"

AU based on the film "one fine day"

Enchanted Forest, s3, OQ secret candlelight dinner.

David, Killian and Robin talking about things from the land without magic with King Arthur (and Merlin). Gadgets, things that vibrate (including sex toys and phones), birth control, underwear…

Robin asking Regina what certain things are (for) after having been to the store/supermarket/pharmacy like roller skates and birth control.

Robin is a wedding planner. Regina is divorce lawyer.

Robin and Regina are actors in the same movie or tv-show who are in denial about being in love with each other. Their friends on set try to trick them into discovering their feelings

OQ’s first baby.

Robin is a counselor/psychologist who helps people with anger management. Regina is a particularly difficult patient of his.  they both develop feelings for one another.

Roland looses his first tooth

Robin teaches Regina how to shoot an arrow.

Regina teaches Robin how to ride (assuming he doesn't know how to)

Robin meets Cora/Henry in the underworld

Regina tells Robin that she's infertile.

Roland and Henry prepare a surprise birthday party for Regina.

Roland’s first tantrum with Regina

Roland can't sleep so he sneaks in Henry’s bedroom. When Regina and Robin wake up, they find a fort has been built in Henry’s room and the two boys sleeping soundly.

Just like she did with Henry when he was younger, Regina shows Roland how to garden and he insists in having his own plant to take care of.

Henry and Robin spend a day/afternoon/or/night alone for the first time.

Robin asks Henry to be his best man

Regina asks Roland to be his flower boy

Regina is sick, her men take care of her

Family vacation/road trip

Roland is scared of something (darkness, or whatever) and he is ashamed. Henry tells him that until this day he is still scared of (insert something)

Regina snores while sleeping with Robin.

Robin doesn't know how to work a toaster.

Robin tries to steal Regina’s cab.

Sex goes horribly wrong and they laugh about it

Roland loses Robin's bow

Kissing in the rain

Modern day AU where they are cosplayers and meet at a Comic Con

Roland wants to be the evil queen for Halloween

Sex on the kitchen table

Robin accidentally gets Regina the flowers she hates most.

Robin is allergic to something and Regina accidentally feeds it to him.

Robin and Roland miss Regina and video call her.

Regina takes Robin and Roland to the beach for the very first time.

Henry decides he wants to be a vegetarian so Regina and Robin follow suit as moral support, but they're secretly sneaking bacon, chicken wings and pepperoni pizza into their room.

Regina and Robin talking over what Zelena did to him.

Robin and Regina putting her heart back in after Zelena took it for her spell.

Regina remembering Robin is still chained to a tree after the shattered sight spell is over.

Regina and Robin take roland for ice cream for the first time (Roland being introduced to her). Leading to the scene we saw of them walking hand in hand, on the way to grannies.

Missing year: Snow ships oq! And however that manifests, maybe Regina realised she's been trying to match make with the two of them? Snow goes to Robin to talk about Regina cos she's worried?

Regina thinks Robin may be cheating on her with his ex Marian... until they introduce her to Mulan, her girlfriend.

Party of Five AU. Henry has to take care of the Hood-Mills kids after OQ dies.

Canon divergent oneshot where Robin crashes Regina's wedding hoping to steal some jewels and fancy plates but ends up stealing her instead.

Roland finds two kittens, they love Regina the most.

A walk in the woods / on the beach.

Cuddling during a flight.

Robin & Regina hide the dagger…

Robin is a comic-strip artist and an owner of comic book store. He creates a new super heroine inspired by his favorite customer Regina, who he admires from afar.

How the EQ responds to Robins proposal/first time they see each other after the arrow.

D!OQ first kiss.

D!OQ stealing from the rich together so kinda bandit EQ.

Robins birthday....Regina bakes him a cake and probably has some other surprises for him!!

Regina asking Robin to move in with her.

How S3 should have ended...no Marion coming back nonsense. Them having a nice family dinner at granny's and Regina asking Robin if he wanted to go home with her,for their first night together.

Any domestic OQ kitchen chores with Regina in one of Robins shirts.

Them having a conversation about her cutting her hair, why did she do it, him running his fingers through it.

Henry catching them in a compromising position somewhere.

Regina watching Robin sleep the morning after the vault before she gets up and dressed.

A lot more vault blanks filled in. Did she question/was there any conversation after the initial kiss? Where'd they go? What exactly happened?

Regina having a hard time on Roland's first day of school.

Any and all oq wedding scenarios.

Robin seeing Marion in the underworld (or getting to do anything in the underworld).

Jealous Robin in Camelot.

Hogwarts AU where Robin is the Gryffindor Guy who falls for the Slytherin girl Regina.

Regina and Roland use magic mirrors as walkie talkies.

Robin is called to the principal's office after Roland gets in a fight with a kid who said mean things about Regina.

Sliding Doors AU.

Roland opens a lemonade stand.

Robin has to sub in for Regina at a Parent Teachers Association meeting for school.

Robin discovers bacon. (bonus points for sexy kitchen shenanigans)

Henry protects Roland from bullies.

Regina is bad at camping but then saves Roland from bears.

Robin and Regina watch Game of Thrones together. Robin thinks Regina would have given Cersei a run for her money. Also Regina's dragon is cooler than Dany's dragons.

The Notebook AU

Dark OQ masquerading as real OQ.

Regina gets drunk and wanders into Robin's camp late at night...either to yell at him, or fuck him (or both).  she ends up breaking his tent.

Regina owns a bar and Robin is a regular who has a secret crush on her.

Robin and Regina meet at a singles vacation resort, have a blast together, and agree not to see each other when vacation is over.  But then someone breaks that agreement....

Bandit!Regina and Robin get captured by Nottingham and have to find a way to get out of the cell.

Wish Nottingham also comes over to the Enchanted Forest with Wish!Robin and The Evil Queen.

Regina and Robin meet at the principals office after their children are caught fighting.

Robin has amnesia.  He falls in love with his Regina, his doctor.

Regina and Wish!Robin get married in the EF.

Despite cursing herself with infertility, Regina becomes pregnant.  She talks to Robin about her confusion as to what this means.

Regina and Robin meet at a grief counseling session.

Blind date.

Regina or Robin suffers a sex related injury.

Regina's hair is curly and Robin likes.

Henry asks Robin for advice on girls.

Roland tells Regina that he is scared that someone will take his papa away.

Roland asks Regina to be his mother for "Bring Your Mom To School Day"

Regina enchants Roland's birthday cake so whatever he wishes for comes true.

Skype sex.

Regina and Robin meet in a club.  There's instant attraction and smut ensues.

Henry is a child actor who gets fired by some douchey TV producers, Regina and Robin comfort him.

Henry and Roland have their first fight.

Regina gets hit by a car and Robin is a good samaritan who helps her.

Missing year. A drunken Regina confesses her attraction to Robin.

Robin gets drunk and tells John he thinks he's falling in love with the evil queen.

MissingYear sick!Regina with Robin taking care of her.

s7 setting, cursed Robin (with another name), Seattle university professor, goes out for a drink after a rough day at a bar he usually avoids as he knows many of his students frequent there, making eyes to the 'zesty and feisty' bar owner. When he meets her, he understands why... What he doesn't understand is why his heart flutters the moment she speaks to him nor does she get why a strange tattoo on his arm seems strangely familiar.

Based on BBC's Sherlock, Regina as Irene Adler and Robin as Sherlock Holmes, but with their own unique touch to it... What happens when insane consulting criminal Gold hires a well known dominatrix to take out the world's most genius detective? How does her mind that matches his own manage to make him feel something he had never felt before???

He's a loner, willingly avoiding human contact and emotional connection after the unexpected loss of his wife (and child... I know I'm bad). He's given an AI program that talks to him as if it were a real person. Her voice intrigues him, her responses are clever and witty... She sounds so real.... If only she were. Is she?

Just Like Heaven au. He's in a coma. She's moving in to his apartment, but his spirit seems to have other ideas. How can they coexist? And can she bring him back?

Henry jumps from realm to realm searching for Robin's soul. When he crashes Cinderella's carriage, he discovers this new realm hides way more surprises than he thought... Like exiled souls that search for a way back.

Bandit Regina gets arrested under Prince John's command... Funnily enough someone she considered her rival occupies the cell right next to hers. Can they work together to escape? Can they trust each other with their freedom and life?

Grown up (and quite magical) Robyn discovers the truth about her conception and the unfair loss of her father... Needless to say, she holds a huge grudge, but when she faces Regina about it, she discovers how deeply her aunt has been hurt over that loss and how she hid her pain all those years…

After Robyn searches for her brother, the two share a talk about their past, their father and Regina.... She listens from afar, tears running down her face, as she recalls so many moments in which she felt she'd be truly happy like she always planned with him... Funnily enough, he listens too.. And makes sure she knows he does. And that his children do too.

House MD AU. She's his boss, he's a smart pain in the ass yet the most brilliant mind she has in her hospital... And one of her oldest acquaintances as well. When she searches for a way to have a child and tries in vitro... He's the only one she trusts with the injections... But he objects to her having a child with someone she doesn't know... Will she listen?

Robin meets Regina in Seattle and they fall for each other again not recognizing who the other is. When the curse breaks (and we all bawl our eyes out with them cause they found each other after three billion years) robin reveals he has a huge thing for Regina in curls... After he does, she embraces her natural wave almost permanently.

Outlaw queen adopting a baby

Hood Mills family getting their first pet

Robin telling Regina he can't have children.

Regina coming out as bisexual or pansexual.

Robin proposing to Regina in the forest.

Robin getting his first job in Storybrooke.

Robin coming out as bisexual or pansexual.

Regina teaching Robin how to use modern things.

(AU) Robin didn't die, he ends up in the new town (and is cursed too), meets Regina and he can feel the connection but he can't remember anything. They develop a relationship and break the curse with a true love kiss.

(Young OQ AU) Regina is dating Robin and she can't wait to go to prom with him but something happens and she can't go so Robin organize a romantic dinner in her garden.

Sunday morning breakfast

Dealing with Regina's period [ex. cramps, moodiness, extra horny, etc.]

Midnight snack

Bartender AU [one owns the bar, the other is a bartender, sparks fly, love unfolds, etc.]

Robin & Regina meet & fall in love in their 50's.

“South Pacific" AU.

There are a few prompts for certain writers that I will send out individually.

Video specific prompts:

The Winner Takes It All - Regina, Robin, Zelena/Marian

Bluebird

Sanctuary (Nashville OST)

Uptown Girl

Art specific prompts:

Banner to use for the fic Happiness Can't Be Arranged by grayautumnsky (OQ meets Jane Austen)

WW2 AU by grayautumnsky - Robin is a Nazi soldier during the occupation of France. If this were a manip (doesn't have to be), the pics of Sean from Timeless would be perfect. As for Regina, when I think of her in this fic I always picture the character Sira from The Time In Between (which is set during WW2).

Regina & Robin reading legends about him (a canon scene which we've never seen). And if I can ask for anything else: I'm so weak for DimplesQueen, I'd love to see a drawing of them&Robin

Robin & Regina go on vacation.