#/how do I send them All Of That without looking like a lunatic lmao

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

Playlist: Charlotte Olivia Grace

Alternate Title: Dealing with Religious Trauma But Like in a Cute, Fun Way

Featuring: A director’s cut style breakdown of each song choice, and a bonus Campaign Song not found on the original playlist!

Not Gonna Take Me by BAILEN

You took my mother You took my father Oh, but you're not gonna take me!

This is SUCH a fun song and I feel like it sets the tone for the playlist so well! And, truth be told, it was the first song that I knew was going to make the final cut. The energy of the song is so lively and fun, and the chorus -especially the bit I quoted above!- is really just a Cog slam dunk. The toxic, insular culture that her parents had gotten wrapped up in is not going to take her too, and Cog is going to run as far and as fast as she can to make sure it never catches up with her. 

Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel

Well your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation Aw she never cared for me But did she ever say a prayer for me?

HEY this is the Ace and Cog song. Thanks for the banger, Billy Joel. Like bro the whole song is about this guy rolling up and talking about whisking this girl who’s grown up wrapped up in religion away from it to a life that -not to brag- kicks serious ass. There’s more for you out in the world! It’s not a scary place, it’s exciting and full of life and people who are going to love you! Come on! Every time I listen to this song on Cog’s playlist, I picture Ace singing and doing a dumb little dance and voices along with it just to make Cog laugh because they’re SO cute. Also, coincidentally, Cog’s mom fucking Hated Ace. Presumably because he “stole and defiled” (her words!) her daughter. You hate to see it 😔 Also, every time I hear the line “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints” I picture Cog sitting around a fire with Ace and her party members absolutely breathless from laughing which is an incredibly healing mental image that I highly recommend. 

Haven by We Banjo 3

Let me be your haven Let me be your light Sail with me across the ocean deep And find a place for love and joy

One of my dnd characters? Wanting to be a source of light and peace for the people around them, wanting to come up alongside them and bear their burdens with them? It’s SO likely, and it’s true. I think in my head this was originally another Cog and Ace song, where she wanted to repay all the ways he’d helped her by reaching out and trying to offer him a sense of peace in the midsts of everything he has to deal with, but the longer she’s spent with her party the more I think it’s come to apply to them as well. Yes, sometimes you have to fight. Sometimes, you have to make hard, painful decisions. But there’s light and love and joy to be found in the world! And if you can’t find them, it’s worth it to be the source of those things for the people around you! I think Cog would love nothing more than to take all of her friends troubles away from them to just give them a chance to breathe, and this song speaks to that so genuinely.

Hover by Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

The roof peels away And she's left uncovered Then feet leave the ground And she hovers, she hovers, hovers, hovers...

A song about discovering our self-worth, perhaps? About realizing you’re more powerful than the people around you want you to think you are, and then taking a deep breath and deciding to use that power for yourself? That’s self care, baby! This is very much the “I’m looking around, I’m realizing Home isn’t home for me anymore because it isn’t safe, and I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time for me to go” song. You know, that hyper-specific song that every playlist has. Also, it’s just such a pretty song! And right in my range, which doesn’t hurt its odds of making it onto a playlist. 

Cloud’s Song by Brent Walsh

Hey, God, are You listening? Sometimes it feels like I'm not hearing anything back Why does that scare me so much? Hey, God, are You listening?

Y’all ever uh. Y’all ever grow up deeply rooted in your family’s church of choice, only to have a crisis of faith later in life when you’re old enough to think for yourself because you don’t feel the connection to your god that everyone is telling you that you should? No? Just me and Cog? Okay! Cog doesn’t believe in the Old Gods. Mystra is dead, same as all the other gods, killed by whatever force caused the apocalypse and turned the Wasteland into what it is today. Anyone who says otherwise is looking for a way to manipulate people. ...but it’s one thing to say that and convince yourself that it’s true, and another entirely to unravel 18+ years of being told otherwise and come to terms with what a world truly without gods means for you and the people around you. And what if the gods are real, what if Mystra is alive, and she just didn’t care for Cog? If Cog is just fine not hearing from her either way, what should it matter if she’s real or not? Except it does matter, somehow, and Cog doesn’t know what to do with that. Oof.

The Gardener by Sarah Sparks

God the gardener when the autumn comes I will not seasons fear With the pruning a branch is stronger, I will learn to love the shears

This song is about coming out on the far side of a situation she never should have had to be in, but realizing that she’s stronger because of it. Is it still unfair that she had to grow up in such an unhealthy environment, burdened by expectations she was never going to be able to live up to? No, of course not. There’s no outcome that makes it worth it for her to have suffered through that. But because she survived it, she is infinitely more compassionate, more patient, and more intentional than she likely would have been otherwise. It’s not easy to come to terms with trauma like that, and I definitely don’t think Cog is as close to finding closure as she would like people to think she is. But she’s getting there, and I think this sort of perspective has done a lot to help her on that path.

Shake it Out by Doll Skin

'Cause I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart 'Cause I like to keep my issues strong It's always darkest before the dawn

So technically this is a cover, but honestly I love the energy on it so much more than the original. It’s about moving on from a past that’s clinging onto you and weighing you down by shaking off that guilt and turning to face a new day. Also, it’s just a fucking banger. It’s unapologetic about shrugging off weight you’re not obligated to carry, and while I don’t think Cog is quite to that point in her journey yet, I hope that by the end of the campaign she will be. Right now she still has a lot of guilt for the way she left her home, even though she knew she needed to go for her own good, but this song is for a Cog who -a few years down the line- has made peace with her decisions and understands that she deserves the same kindness from herself that she gives to everyone else.

Echo by Talisk

This song is an instrumental, but it goes So hard and is so representative of the arc I see for Cog in this game that it honestly makes me emotional every time I hear it. The beginning is quiet and a little slower, then about 30 seconds in the violin comes in and starts ramping things up as Cog begins to look around and realize the life she has been living isn’t the one she wants to continue. At around 1:30 the melody gets more complex and other instruments layer in as she sets out into the world and starts meeting the people she now considers her closest friends, and it continues to build and build and build with this anxious but excited energy of fingers flying across strings, barely keeping up with themselves with how eager they are to get the music to the world. The final variation on the melody from about 4:19 to the end of the song makes me picture Cog just spinning, arms wide, eyes closed with the sun on her face and the world’s biggest smile, and it just fills my heart with so much joy! 

Gold by Rabbit Wilde

All my friends are calling me Wild, like the wind I'm drifting from all I've known And packing up and trying all my best At staying gold

This song is so cute and fun, and high energy in the Exact way I was looking to cultivate for this playlist. This song is about the way Cog has grown and become more self-assured since leaving home and joining her party! Going from being tired and silenced, to having a fire burning from within her! She’s making new friends, she’s wandering and exploring the world, and she’s taking control of her life in a way that’s left her overall a happier and healthier person. And again, at risk of sounding repetitive, it’s just a bop. And bops always make it onto this playlist! 

Hieroglyphics by The Oh Hellos

'Cause you've been too busy thinking ahead Of where we're all going after we're dead To maybe consider our bodies are worth More than the dust that we can return

I am literally Obsessed with this song as a Cog song (and also, as a result of my playlist building, with The Oh Hellos in general). The whole energy of the song is looking at people who view religion as this old, tradition heavy thing its followers are obligated to bear forward and just asking... why? The lyrics I highlighted above are the ones that really sold this song as a Cog song for me, but there’s another line in the second verse with absolutely beautiful imagery about nebulas being beautiful, sacred bodies of dust that goes on to pose the questions; why can’t the same be said for humanity? Is being human completely divorced from being divine? Is there not inherent divinity in being a living, breathing creature with independent thought? For Cog, this is what faith should be. It should be about reveling in being alive and in the beauty of the world you get to live in. If there are gods, she can’t imagine them wanting anything different for the beings they created.

Bonus Track!  Tough Kids by Coyote Kid

I don't trust anyone more than I trust me and mine It's a dog eat dog world, but this pack runs till the end of the line

Campaign Song! Party song!! It’s just a banger!! If this campaign had a theme song, this would be it! I can fully picture the animated opening that would play before the start of the game, and it SLAPS. The first thirty seconds is this western style instrumental with the camera racing across the barren wasteland, with the first swell of the trumpet triggering the camera to pan up toward the sun setting on the horizon as the title card fades in. From there the camera takes off again and loops to each party member spread out across the Wasteland before they’re brought together. It swoops over the caravan Sunny and Wol are escorting, and they shield their eyes against the sun to look up at it as it passes. We see Nilos silhouetted against the outline of Scorch, steeling himself to enter the Bandit town with little more than the ratty suit on his back and the gun hefted over his shoulder. We see Maelo wandering out of his ramshackle house with his pack full and on his back, sparing one sad look at a swath of hazy green trees in the distance behind him before putting his back to it and setting out for the Crossroads. We see Cog! Bored to tears in a New Alexandrian classroom until she catches a glimpse of Ace beckoning to her from the doorway, and she grins and waits until her professor’s back is turned before grabbing her books and darting out of the room. We see Adiane in a dark alley somewhere, minding her business until she hears something that piques her interest! She looks up, rolls her shoulders, and we catch the flash of a dagger in one hand before she disappears into the night. And finally we see Clay, sitting against the back wall of what’s clearly a prison cell with his head resting on his knees, and we hear the rattle of a metal door being opened and Clay looks up as light from outside his cell falls on his face for the first time in god knows how long.  And then the chorus! We cut between various notable fights the party has been in to showcase their thematic skills! Sunny gives a mocking salute before hauling back to punch some bad guy in the face! Wol ducks an attack completely accidentally as he flips frantically through an enormous book, and when he looks up to cast his spell his eyes are a void dotted with silver stars. Nilos blasts some poor bastard point blank with a shotgun shot, then whirls around to slam the butt of the gun against someone else’s head! Cog’s casting gloves glow white hot as she flings a hand toward the sky to call for aid, and her robes whip around her as she sends a shockwave of magic out with herself at the epicenter! Maelo looks up, pulls a very obvious ‘oh shit!’ face, then taps the end of his staff against the ground and causes impossibly dense vegetation to grow instantaneously and send the people charging toward him toppling to the ground. Adiane whirls out from behind him as he finishes casting, tucks and rolls into a crouched shooting stance, then fires off three precise shots that drop three different targets. And Clay catches an attack on his shield, laughs and shouts something we can’t hear over the swell of the music, then summons his pact weapon mid-swing to catch his attacker unawares and send them toppling to the ground. And the second verse? OH boy. The cadence of the line “it’s a dog eat dog world” lends itself so naturally to having the antagonist of each arc surge up onto the screen one after the other, with a grinning Valentine bringing up the rear with his arms spread wide. And then! The bridge? We cut between the party’s npc friends living their lives and kicking ass. Ace and Sunny’s dads! Nathan and Sierra! King Alistair! Wol’s family! Penny and I’den! Also!! Not only can you physically not lose your shit listening to the repeated “we’re gonna make it or die trying” it’s also PRIME real estate for a flash montage of important moments of the campaign. Bombing the first bunker with a Meteor Storm scroll! Sunny putting her fist through the shadow demon in Lafaroh! Cog tackling Nilos to Dimension Door them into open air eight hundred feet off the ground! Watching the Bandits shoot down the Emperion airship over the Crossroads! Staring down the elf queen in her own courtroom and telling her she’s wrong! Finding the Godkiller! Sauntering into Scorch to clean up in the Murderbowl! God we do so much cool shit in this game!!  The final rendition of the chorus just shows the party working together as a team, having each other’s backs and covering weak spots without a second thought because they know how to work well together. The song fades out on an overhead shot of the party sprawled out around their campsite at the end of a long, exhausting day, eating and talking and laughing and just generally, blatantly, comfortable with one another. The camera swings up one final time to show the beautiful night sky overhead, with swaths of stars that wink out slowly one by one as the song comes to an end. 

[duskholland]

The Fame Game (Part Ten) - Tom Holland

Summary ↠ Tom is straight-up not having a good time right now. 

Word count ↠ 3.9k

Warnings ↠ The romantic cliché of your dreams, alcohol, references to past intimate times, swearing. Pretty tame overall though!

A/N ↠ I can’t believe we’re at the end of the series! V (mischiefandi) gave me some really good ideas for this part with Tessa - I hope you’ll like what I did there lmao. I’m going to leave my extended thank yous for the epilogue, but just know that I am so grateful for everyone who’s stuck with the series from the beginning until now... Thank you for reading and coming on this journey with me. I hope you’ll like the final official part! Epilogue next week :’))

TEN: Come Home (T)

As the front door to Tom’s house shuts behind you, Tom finds himself slumping against the wooden frame, grief overcoming his senses. He’s tired and his arms hurt, everything hurts, but he peers up through the windowpane at the top of the door and watches as you run out through the sheets of rain. Paparazzi flashes illuminate his garden, capturing you as you stride purposefully to your car, duck down and enter it. A moment later, the car pulls away from the pavement and disappears.

Tom kicks at the door.

“Fuck!”

His hands curl into fists as he turns around and leans with his back against the door, frustrated eyes falling onto his jacket and his keys. For a moment he contemplates picking them up and making a mad dash after you, reckoning he could probably beat you to Heathrow if he drove recklessly enough, but then he sags.

Tom has to give you space. You’ve asked for space. He has to respect it.

His hand twitches as he walks out of the porch, as if his very fingers can feel how badly he wants to reach out and grab the keys, but he leaves them. Instead, Tom climbs the stairs and walks straight into the spare room, throwing himself down onto the bed and burrowing his head in the pillows. He groans - loudly.

It was always a long shot - telling you how he felt. And in some ways, Tom’s admission of love had gone quite well. You reciprocate his feelings, which, really, is the most essential part of it all. But that reciprocation is only the tip of the iceberg, and it goes far deeper than that - because you still left. Tom is still alone, curled up on the bed that smells distantly of you, clenching his fingers feebly around the sheets that he’d refused to let Harrison change, even months after you’d left. Your perfume lingers on the cotton.

There’s the small pattering sound of paws moving over wooden floors, and Tom’s lips quirk up ever so slightly as he pulls his face from the pillows just to see Tessa trot into the bedroom. She plods towards the bed but hesitates, sniffing around the wardrobe. One of the doors hangs half-open, and Tom notices that you’ve left it barren.

Tessa whines.

“I know, I know, girl.” Tom looks at the dog, smiling sadly. Tessa looks miserable. “I miss her too, yeah? But it’s going to be okay.” His words hitch, and Tom reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose as he feels his heart clench. “It… It’s a bit fucked up, but it’ll be okay. She… She loves me, at least.” He breaks off, laughing awkwardly. “And she knows now, too, that I love her. And yeah, she still left, but… Maybe one day I’ll see her again.” Tom sighs. “Probably not, though. Bloody hell, I’m so… I’m so stupid, Tess.”

Tessa looks up at Tom. Tom sighs.

“And now I’m talking to my dog like a lunatic,” he mutters. Tom sits back against the pillows, hands settling over his stomach. “This is actually pathetic.”

Tessa emits a loud whine before jumping up onto the bed, her wet nose jutting into Tom’s neck. He sighs, smiling as he reaches up to run his hands all over her sleek body.

“You wouldn’t leave me, eh, Tess?” He mutters. “You love me?” He’s sitting up properly, smiling as Tessa basks in the cuddles, releasing happy yips. “Thought so.”

Tom stays in the spare room - your room - for almost an hour, cuddling with Tessa, pondering his predicament. He’s wallowing in it, miserably staring at the ceiling and torturing himself with the ins and outs of the conversation he’d had with you. He loves you, but he understands why you wouldn’t believe him. Tom understands that he’s hurt you and that he needs to respect your choice to leave, but that doesn’t make it any less gutting.

With a sigh, Tom stands from the bed. Tessa whines, and he rubs her head fondly before walking down into the kitchen. He spots his phone on the counter and picks it up, his heart clenching as his lockscreen pops up.

It’s a photo of you both, from many months ago. It feels like a distant memory now, but when you’d first been in London, you’d gone out bowling with Tom’s family. Afterwards, you’d all retreated to the pub, and you’d shared pints all evening. At some point, Sam had taken a photo of Tom with his arm wrapped around you. You have your cheek on his shoulder, and though it’s a little blurry, it has to be his favourite photo of you together. The way you’re looking up at him is with warmth in your eyes, and it makes Tom’s heart skip a beat to remember how nice it was to be resting at your side.

Swallowing down the resentful lump in his throat, Tom opens up his texts and clicks on your contact. With cold fingers, he types out a message, altering and adding bits for a shameful amount of time before sending off the completed thing.

Tom: Have a safe flight. I’m sorry for being such a dick. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you. I love you and I’ll wait for you. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to figure it out. I love you. Xxxxxxxxxx

With that done, Tom takes himself off into the living room and throws himself onto the sofa. He grumbles as he grabs a pillow and wraps his arms around it, holding it close. He keeps checking his phone, wondering if you’ll reply. The message changes to read almost as soon as he’s sent it, but after that, nothing. It only makes his heart ache more.

So, with nothing else to do but wallow in his misery, Tom closes his eyes. He tries to sleep, and after a while, Tessa curls up beside him. Slowly but surely, the noise in his head and the pain in his chest ease off enough for him to rest, and Tom lets the world of heartbreak drift away.

Knock knock.

Tom stirs, slowly.

Knock knock knock.

“Eh?”

Knockknockknock.

Tom sits up, disorientated and dizzy. It’s dark outside, but through the blinds in the living room, he can make out that the front light is on. Someone is at the door.

With a grunt, Tom stands up. Tessa wriggles around, and he pats her head softly as he stumbles towards the porch, frowning as he tries to remember if he’s ordered anything recently. He doesn’t think he has, but maybe Harrison’s been making impulse purchases in Liverpool. Tom hopes it’s something he can eat. Fuck, he’s hungry. How long has he been asleep?

Tom pulls the door open without a second thought, still groggy and tired from his nap, and he gets the shock of his life when his eyes catch sight of the person standing nervously on his doorstep.

You.

Before he can get a word in, you’re surging forward, your arms wrapping around Tom’s figure before he can process it. A short huff leaves his chest as you hug him tightly, continuing to push him until Tom’s back is up against the wall. You kick the door shut behind you, coat dripping rain onto the floor, and then you grab his face and kiss him.

Tom kisses you back, his brain waking up the moment your lips touch his. He’s slow, but he matches your movements eagerly, his palms going to your shoulders as he kisses you messily. You’re practically vibrating, your mouth curving into a smile so prominent that Tom can feel it brushing up against his face.

You came back.

Tom pulls away, his eyes prickling with tears of surprise. “Wh-What?” He stammers, smiling when you laugh. “But your flight?”

You shake your head softly. “I couldn’t do it,” you say. “I couldn’t leave, Tom.” You brush a hand through his hair. “I love you too.”

Tom kisses you again, his hands going to your face. He cradles your cheeks as he presses his lips to your mouth, over and over again, dazzled by the lightness in his chest. His heart has never felt so warm before.

“You are spectacular,” he mumbles, gushing mindlessly against your lips. “You are- you are wonderful. You are brilliant.” He breaks off as you giggle, pausing in his dialogue to kiss you again. “You are my favourite person.” Tom pulls back, looking at you fondly. His eyes trail the familiar lines of your face and he swoons, overcome with positive emotion. “I love you.”

You kiss his cheek softly. “I’m also very wet,” you say, shaking off a dripping arm. A sheepish expression crosses your face. “I, um, might need to borrow some clothes,” you murmur. “I kind of just… Turned around and ran out of the airport.” You grin nervously. “I think my suitcase is halfway to America by now.”

Tom scoffs, nodding. “That’s okay, love. I’m just so happy that you’re here.” So happy that you came back, that you don’t hate him. So happy that you love him too.

Tom reaches out and takes your hand, kissing over your knuckles gently. A thousand stars seem to twinkle in your eyes as you look at him.

“I’m happy too.”

An hour later, you’re both sitting on Tom’s living room floor, boxes of empty takeaway stacked around haphazardly. Tom’s leaning up against the sofa, legs outstretched in front of him. His arm is wrapped around you, and you have your head resting on his shoulder, and he feels more content than he’s ever felt in his life.

“I can’t believe you left your suitcases on the plane,” he murmurs, voice gentle. You’ve been sitting together and talking all evening. He’s been spacing every few sentences with another kiss to your temple, enjoying the expressions of fondness that find your face each time his lips touch your skin. You look very cute in one of his oversized hoodies. “Did you tell anyone that you left?”

“Nah.” You sit up, stretching suddenly and yawning. You turn around to look at Tom, eyes flickering out over him until you smile mischievously. You move closer, swinging one leg over Tom’s thighs before settling in his lap, your hands falling to his shoulders. A wave of your perfume washes over him, and Tom sighs contentedly as you kiss him quickly. “I told the flight attendants, but they couldn’t get my stuff off the plane. I thought it was worth it, though.”

“Oh, definitely.” Tom can’t stop kissing you. The urge to press his lips to yours whenever he wants is too powerful to ignore. “I’ll replace it all for you, if you want,” he mutters, distracted by your mouth. “I’d buy you a whole bloody house if you wanted, darling.”

You laugh against his lips. “That’s unnecessary, Tom, but very sweet.” You pause, pulling away with a bewildered expression on your face. “My lease expired on my flat,” you say, processing the words, “So I actually don’t have anywhere to stay.”

Tom wiggles his eyebrows. “Well, luckily for you, I know someone who just so happens to have a house all to himself.” He walks his fingers over your shoulder, smiling at you. “You might be able to convince him to let you stay. I hear he’s a very generous landlord.”

“Oh yeah? Happen to know where I can find him?”

He nods, grinning. “He’s right here, love.”

Tom goes back to kissing you for a while, both of you growing giddy off chaste pecks. His lips are numb and puffy but he loves it, loves the ache and the way the back of his neck hurts from all the tugging of his hair.

There’s a phone ringing, out in the porch. Both of you ignore it, even as it rings a second and a third time. When it dies after the fourth, you pull away from Tom’s lips to roll your eyes.

“It’s mine,” you mutter, “Just ignore it. I don’t care about whatever it is.” There’s a hunger in your eyes, and Tom smiles.

“Whatever you say, boss,” he teases, earning himself a flick on the shoulder.

“Don’t call me your boss,” you scowl, scrunching up your nose. “I’m not your boss.”

“Oh, do you want me to be the boss, then?” Tom returns.

You glare at him. “No. You’re not my boss. You’re…” You trail off, and Tom tilts his head to the side, smiling softly.

“What am I, darling?”

A smile curves out across your lips. “You’re my boyfriend.”

The warmth that unfurls in Tom’s chest as he hears those words almost brings tears of relief to his eyes.

“Yeah.” He brings a hand to your face and you nuzzle your cheek into his palm. “I am.” He kisses you, softly. “And I love you.”

“Love you too, boyfriend.” You look at him for a moment before tilting your head and kissing the flat of his palm. “I am overjoyed to be your girlfriend. Your real girlfriend.”

Tom laughs, nodding his head in quick agreement. “Yeah, I-”

His phone starts ringing. It vibrates over the glass coffee table, clattering noisily, and a shadow of irritation passes over his face. You turn around, craning your neck and screwing your eyes together as you get a read on the screen.

“Shit,” you mutter, grabbing the phone and passing it to him. “It’s Rebecca.”

Tom feels his mood sink. “Fantastic.” He looks at his phone before glancing up at you. “Should I answer it?”

You sigh as you nod. “She’ll just keep phoning.”

Rather reluctantly, Tom swipes his finger over the screen, accepting the call and then putting the device on speakerphone.

“Hello?” He says.

The line crackles for a moment. “Oh, hi there, Tom,” Rebecca says. “Is Y/N with you?”

Tom glances at you. You clear your throat before replying.

“Yes, I’m here. You’re on speaker.”

Rebecca swallows so loudly that it’s audible. “What have you done?” She whispers. “Paps got you leaving the airport.”

“I changed my mind,” you say. Tom reaches down and takes your hands in his, squeezing your fingers when he hears the waver in your voice. “I didn’t want to go back to LA.”

“They also got you going back to Tom’s house. The tabloids are going crazy. Nobody knows what’s going on.” Rebecca pauses, and then sighs, deeply. “What is going on?”

“I’m staying in London,” you tell her, eyes on Tom’s face. Your lips curl into a nervous smile, and you continue to look at Tom as you speak. “We’re not… We’re not breaking up, Rebecca. I don’t care if it’s not part of the plan.”

“So… You’re actually dating?”

You hum. “Yes.”

There’s a tense few moments. The sound of rustling papers comes down the line, and Tom tries to ease you by rolling his thumb over the back of your hand. He can see the nerves in your shoulders, understands that for you, the prospect of being scolded, and possibly even dropped by your management is terrifying. He knows just as well as you how much power they have over you.

“Okay.” Rebecca sighs. “Tom?”

“Yes?”

“You’ll take care of Y/N in London?”

“Of course.”

“Good.” There’s a brief moment’s pause. “I’ll get someone from the office to call you tomorrow, Y/N. You’ll need to come back to LA to shoot your next film, but I don’t see why that needs to be immediately.”

A relieved smile splits across your face, and Tom exhales.

“Thank you, Rebecca,” you say. You lean down to rest your forehead on Tom’s shoulder, and he rubs a hand over your back. “Thanks for understanding.”

“Well, it’s the least I can do,” she responds. “Congratulations, you two. For what it’s worth, I think you make a lovely couple.”

The line disconnects and Tom grins, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you impossibly closer. You squeal as he nuzzles his face into your shoulder, kissing the base of your neck over and over again. He works his way up to your lips, pausing briefly only to suck a light hickey just below your ear, and by the time he reaches your mouth, you’re pushing back against him, eager.

“I can’t believe that this has worked out,” he says. Tom lets you pad your thumb through his ruffled eyebrow.

“Neither,” you admit. “Feels almost anti-climactic. Every other part of this relationship has been so dramatic.”

“Oh, don’t tempt fate,” Tom says, eyes wide. “We’ve had enough drama.”

You laugh, nodding in fast agreement. “You certainly have a point there.”

You crack open a few beers and end up chatting in the kitchen together, the hours slipping away. Tom sits across from you, holding your hand as you talk, and talk, and talk, covering every topic beneath the sun. There have been so many taboo subjects that neither of you have felt confident enough to bring up over the course of your fake relationship, and you take the time to work them through - together.

Tom finally admits that he’s had a crush on you since you first met. You tell him that you’d only suggested the one night stand because you’d wanted to be close to him. He counters that by opening up about how stressed he’d been before his failed revelation of love.

You laugh together, you cry together. Then you move on, together.

“C’mon, Tom.” You stand up, smiling, and walk around the table to pull him up. Tom gets to his feet, his body full of a nice, lulling buzz from the beers he’d drank. You lean in and peck his cheek before tugging him towards the patio doors. “It’s too hot in here, isn’t it?”

Tom hums. He can feel the red flush to his cheeks. “We could go shower.”

You turn around to grin at him. “Or…” Dropping his hand, you twirl the lock on the patio doors and pull them open. You look back at Tom, smiling. “Care to take a dance in the rain with me, lover?”

Tom blinks a few times, looking at you curiously. “Sure,” he agrees. As you pull off your hoodie, he pulls out his phone and then turns on one of the bluetooth speakers that sits by the door. “What do you want to listen to?”

“Something romantic,” you respond.

There’s a frown of concentration on Tom’s face as he scrolls through his Spotify, but it clears when he finds a playlist of some classic love songs. He shuffles it and Elvis drifts through the air as he puts down his phone and shakes off his hoodie.

“This is very random,” he tells you, accepting your hand. You tug him out onto the patio, into the night sky, and Tom feels his t-shirt begin to dampen. It’s no longer pouring with rain, but it’s still drizzling enough to be noticeable.

“Well, I had a reason,” you murmur. Together, you do a bit of a dance. Tom grins as you spin around, laughing brightly as droplets of water stick to your face. You have fun for a while, and you even spin Tom around too, but then you both get dizzy and settle back into a loose slow-dance position, your arms around his neck as Tom perches his hands on your waist. Your foreheads press together. “I used to think about this,” you admit.

“Dancing in the rain?”

“No, no.” You pause to kiss him. Your lips are warm against his skin. “We’d used to see one another at all the shows. Oscars, BAFTA, Golden Globes… And we’d argue, or brood, and just generally be miserable.”

“I’m following.”

“Well.” You shift your face into the crook of Tom’s shoulder, kissing his neck a few times. “I always wondered what it’d be like to sneak off with you, and just… Have fun. Do something crazy. Have a couple drinks and dance. I didn’t… I didn’t like you, but I always thought we’d be able to have fun together. If you weren’t always such a dick.”

Tom hums, resting a hand on the back of your head. Raindrops pour down his face, but it’s nice. He can feel the weight of his heart pouring onto the ground, swept away with the water.

“Well, I hope we can have many fun nights together, love.”

You pull back to look up at him, water droplets clinging to your eyelashes. Both of your hands shift to Tom’s face, and you smile. It really is very romantic, swaying together in the rain, soft romantic tones in the air. You feel so warm wrapped up in his arms.

“I hope so too.” You have mascara running down your cheeks. “Plenty more nights in London like this, please.”

Tom nods. “Plenty more nights together.” He brings you back in, hand soft on the back of your head as you bury your face in his chest. Tom lets his lips rest against your head. “I love you,” he says. He can’t seem to stop saying it, thinks you must be fed up with the number of times he’s sprinkled the three special words into conversation. He just can’t help it. Now he’s open with his heart, he wants you to know, completely and without any shred of doubt, that he loves you. He never wants you to question it again.

Your hands sink into his hair, and Tom sighs happily as you play with his wet curls.

“Love you too.”

The two of you last another ten minutes before getting too cold, and then you take a shower together. Tom lays you down in his bed and you kiss some more, before things get a little raunchier. He tells you that he loves you in every way he can, and it feels like the two of you have knitted your souls together as he holds you afterwards, the bedroom full of a tranquil glow.

Tom’s hand is on your cheek, fingers stroking gently over the soft skin of your face. You look so beautiful, hair a mess, eyes bright.

“Isn’t it funny,” you say, softly, “how we’ve ended up like this?”

Tom hums, his pinky nudging against your hair. “We’re lucky. Such a mad world we live in.”

You release a warm chuckle, nodding. “Our world is crazy. Fame is… Insane.” You pause for a moment. “It’s the whole reason this happened. Management wanted me to stay on top, didn’t want my image to get shattered because of that kiss. They wanted me to win the game.”

Tom tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“The fame game,” you reply, smiling. You inch nearer to kiss him quickly, and Tom finds himself chasing your lips. For a few moments, you’re both distracted, and you further intertwine, Tom’s arms hooking around your waist as he holds you close.

“The fame game,” Tom repeats, nose nudging yours. “That’s a funny way to put it.”

You shrug. “Just the way I like to think about it. Making it seem like a game made it easier when this started. It was all just a performance until it became real.”

“I like that.”

“Me too.” Your hands are on his shoulders, fingers trailing Tom’s warm skin. “The game always has its winners and its losers, Tom.”

“And what are we?”

You kiss him, softly. Your lips linger against his. Tom feels so much gratitude and love for you that his eyes prick with tears.

“The winners, of course.”

↠ EPILOGUE

[coconutdays]

Puppy Love (Part 1)

Bakugou x fem!reader

The very long first part on my headcanon on the story of Bakugou’s crush on you and your crush on him

If you wanna be tagged in part 2, just send an ask!

Class 1A went out to go eat soba and your ass got slapped by some pervert

And before anyone could process what had happened, you punched the dude and handed his ass to him

Also went off with a bunch of profanities while you did it

“You greasy motherfucker, you think it’s fine to just do that! You want me to make you a human knot?! Shove your head so far up your ass that it tries to come out through your throat!”

Iida and Deku went to go pry you off the sleazebag as soon as they realized what was happening

Momo was the only smart one cause she called the cops 

Mineta got creepily horny, but it can’t be helped cause Bakugo kinda did too

He thought you were some soft weirdo that occasionally scarfed down dozens of Takoyaki balls

Why was he now noticing that you really liked takoyaki?

Anyway, he felt weird and couldn’t do anything

He was looking at you like when everyone was planning how to protect him during the training camp arc

He hadn’t known anyone else in the class to get that angry

Everyonce except him, Kaminari, Kiri, and Todoroki knew you could get that fired up, because they saw how you got when everyone went after UA at the hero licensing exam

Once the cops got there, they believed you guys as the good young pro-heroes in training you are and took everyone’s statements

It was all pretty fast and you guys were headed back to U.A in no time. 

Kiri as the gentleman he is, was the first to ask you if you were fine seeing as you still looked very angry

Deadass went (๑･`▱´･๑) “Yes!” and started crying

You’re an angry crier

Everyone was very concerned, especially when you raised your fists to dry your eyes and the sleeves to your pink hoodie fell back

Your knuckles were bleeding lmao

Bakugo found it oddly cute and he hated it

He shoved past you

“Tch. If you’re going to hand someone’s ass over to them, don’t cry like a pussy after!”

“Thing is, I am a pussy!” You sobbed

“Fuck that guy! I wanted to get coconut ice cream after the soba and he ruined my mood!”

He turned around just a bit and saw your angry pout. Mans said the first thing that popped into his head.

“Then we’ll go get you your damn coconut ice cream! Stop crying dumbass!

“Shut up! It’s coming out of annoyance from you! I only like my food coming out of love!”

〴⋋_⋌〵

I love these emojis too much

Meanwhile Momo made you some bandages and wrapped it on your fists as y’all walked back

When you guys got back. You didn’t feel like going to Recovery Girl and instead insisted on watching a movie

You felt better now and even flaunted the bandages on your knuckles for a bit

Bakugo ofc seeing as it was past eight, didn’t join you guys and thought about how annoying you were

Always making so much fucking noise with shitty hair and dunce face

The next day he found you studying by yourself at one of the dining tables

You were just minding your own business, listening to some cute ass beats

And the moment you felt someone there and saw him, you smiled softly

“Hey, Bakugo.”

And went back to studying

His heart went :D

What the hell

You know what

He’s mad now. He’s not going to ask about your fists no matter how much he wants to

He went to serve himself some water and heard you cough once while he filled his glass

Next thing you know, he slams a glass of water in front of you before walking back to the elevator as he mutters to himself like the angry lunatic he is

“Thanks?”

Now let me be frank

You never had a full blown crush on Bakugou

But you did acknowledge he wouldn’t be bad to go out with

This was how you thought of Iida, Midoriya, Todoroki, Kiri, you know

You found it funny when he got mad most of the time

Let me explain

Everyone was eating dinner and the topic of your perv ass whopping was mentioned

“Y/N gets angry like Bakugou.” Todoroki slurped more soba

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HALF ‘N HALF BASTARD!”

This type of interaction was common and it was always harmless seeing as you always got a kick out of it

“LMAO I LOVE BAKUGOU.” You laughed

“WHAT?!” He was looking at you like you were crazy

You were mid bite through some of your steak with wide eyes

“Um Bakubro? Y/n always says that every time you get mad.” Kirishima broke to him

“I love my friends?” You raised your shoulders up in defense 

“Tch.”

Then the next week Kirishima dragged out Bakugo to the store to buy some weights

While they were out, you were chilling on the couch watching a hero movie

Close to the end, they came back

“Hey guys.”

BAM 

A hugeass box was dropped on your lap

You whipped your head between Bakubabe and the box profusely

“We already ate takoyaki and you’d fucking cry if you knew we went without you.”

Just as fast as he said it, he left to go with Kiri and left you contemplating whether to be offended or happy you got takoyaki

And your heart did a tiny little flutter

Meanwhile

“Bakugou, is that why you forced us to eat takoyaki?”

“Tch. What are you talking about? I was hungry.”

It wasn’t until a couple of days later that you developed a crush on him. 

This time, it was when you were too lazy to slice through your stuffed chicken breast during lunch and just stuck your fork through it. 

I myself see this as a genius move

But when you set down the chicken to take a sip of water, Bakugo stole away your plate and began slicing it into pieces.

“HEY!”

“YOU LOOK STUPID EATING YOUR FOOD LIKE THAT!”

He slid it back to you, perfectly cut slices on it, and you looked like this 

And from then on you’ve had a crush on Bakugou Katsuki

You hadn’t crushed on anyone for a long time

By crush, this wasn’t some kind of see them once and fall in love cause they’re cute

This was a, ‘Woah this is one of my classmates and friends’ crush and as scary as it was, it also felt nice

I kid you not, that day when class ended, you ran off to your dorm room and blasted the speakers in your room

Que you playing some cute crap like Feel Special by Twice or something with that vibe 

You jumped around your room with those incessant butterflies in your stomach going that couldn’t stop beaming, “Bakugou, Bakugou! ♡＾▽＾♡”

Okay this is adorable and all, but your personality will not solely become ‘I LIKE BAKUGOU’

You’re a wholeass person who angry cries

You think Shindo Yo from Ketsubutsu is hot, just saying. 

You look at other guys because you need to appreciate the view, you do this respectfully may I add

You’re smart

You’re stupid

So stupid

Headass thinks blatantly flirting with Bakugou sometimes is the way to make it seem like you DON’T LIKE HIM

Exhibit A:

The following day, you made sure you looked extra pretty, deciding to whip out your favorite lip product and did a nice hairstyle. 

Headass no.2 was more rude than usual that day to you.

You saw him walking to class and you walked next to him

“You look handsome today Bakugou.”

He turned to look at you and immediately faced the other direction

“GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!”

;)

You genuinely asked him a question later about his AP shot during class freetime because you wanted some help with your quirk and well...

“I DON’T KNOW YOUR QUIRK! GO ASK AIZAWA!” He’s been obsessive over your quirk for the past few weeks

“BUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DOES THE AP SHOT!”

“AND!?”

“YOU’RE ONE OF THE BEST IN OUR CLASS! I THOUGHT YOU COULD HELP ME SINCE YOU’VE GIVEN ME GOOD ADVICE BEFORE, LOSER!”

He shut up, his forehead vein twitched, and his entire face got red before noticing a cute twinkle in your eyes

“Stop looking at me like that and I’ll help you!”

“:D Really?”

“AHH GET OUT OF MY FACE!”

Then during lunch you had your hands smushed on your cheeks listening to Kaminari tell some aloof story about how he dreamed he could wield his electricity with a sword

One look at you and Bakugou hated the way you were paying attention to dunce face

“STOP STARING AT DUNCE FACE LIKE YOU LIKE HIM!”

You were very confused and tensed up

“Ansisnnsnsnsnsnsnsnnsnsn WHAT?!?”

“YOU HEARD ME!”

“I DONT LIKE KAMINARI! BESIDES WHAT’S IT TO YOU BLASTY!?!”

“BLASTY?!?! YOU REALLY WANNA...“

oh god he was beginning to rant

you had to use the sacred move to shut him up

you had to

“SHUT UP OR ILL KISS YOU!”

Oh boy this was going to be a ride

[homoose]

Winning is a Habit

Hi y’all! Okay sooooooooo this is my first time writing fic??????? Like omg please be nice lmao. I don’t have a beta reader, so if you catch any mistakes pls lmk! I saw this challenge and the world is total garbage, so why not write our own realities????? Ok here goes!!!!!!!!!! Written for @veraiconcos fic challenge

Summary: The BAU gets called to investigate two high-profile murders in a college town, only to find that they are part of a much bigger, more complicated picture. No real pairings, although you could make it happen if you want lol ;) This is an idea I’ve seen floating around the fandom for a little while now, and I really wanted to see it fleshed out. Set around season 4 or 5.

Category: some angst, sort of fluff? I wouldn’t say it necessarily qualifies as an AU, but it’s outside of canon.

Warnings/Includes: some brief descriptions of violence/CM type stuff; mentions of rape (no details)

Word count: 6.1k

———

“Stillwater, Oklahoma,” JJ said, navigating the map off screen and pulling up the crime scene photos. “Two college seniors— Tyler Allen and Leon Williams, star football players for Oklahoma State University— both found dead the day before the playoff qualifier.”

“Do we know the cause of death?” Spencer asked, thumbing through the case file.

“The ME report concluded that both boys died of acute alcohol poisoning,” JJ informed them.

Emily looked up from the file. “And the locals don’t think this could just be a case of college kids having a little too much fun?”

“Before a major playoff game? I doubt it.” Derek leaned back in his chair. “Especially considering OSU’s having a record-breaking season. I’d guess the coach had players on a pretty strict lockdown.” He raised his hands and joined them in a steeple over his chest. “Showing up to a game hung-over— particularly one as important as this— would be a major conduct issue.”

“That, and there was a pretty specific message left on both victims,” JJ added, arms crossed and eyebrows lifting into her hairline.

“On them?” Rossi questioned.

JJ motioned with her hand back to the screen. Six sets of eyes moved over the photo; the words “U LOSE” scrawled in ink across the foreheads of the two men.

“Resorting to murder to win a football game?” Emily asked, eyes narrowed.

“And why use the forensic countermeasure of staged alcohol poisoning, only to backtrack and assert it as a murder?” Spencer pondered, pursing his lips.

“Whatever the reason, we’ve got two dead college students and a definite signature. Wheels up in 30,” Hotch told them, closing his case file.

⧭⧭⧭

“No sign of forced entry.” Derek walked through the entry hallway and into the living space. “Doesn’t look like there was any struggle, either.”

Rossi thumbed through the mail on the kitchen counter and peered around the small space. “Everything you’d expect in a boys’ college dorm room: dishes in the sink, generic decor, general mess. Nothing that stands out.”

“Agents, thank you so much for coming.” A tall man in a dark suit stepped across the threshold of the apartment. He stuck out his hand for Rossi to shake. “Steven Barrett, Dean of Students.”

“I’m Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi. This is SSA Derek Morgan.” Derek nodded from his place in the living room.

“I apologize for not meeting you when you arrived. We’re dealing with a grieving campus,” Barrett said, running a hand over his face. “I’m actually on my way to speak to the Board, but I wanted to check in with you before. I’m not sure I can be of much help, but I can try to answer any questions you might have.”

“These boys were seniors, but they still lived on campus. Is that typical?” Rossi asked, gesturing around the apartment.

“Uh, yes, it is for student athletes,” Barrett confirmed with a nod. “OSU teams have demanding, sometimes grueling practice schedules. Being on campus simplifies things, allows students to get to classes and practices, as well as utilize the dining halls.”

“Does this building have security cameras?” Derek raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. All of our buildings do. I’ll let Campus PD know you’ll need access to the footage.” Barrett’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He reached for it and punched the button to answer the call. “Yes. Yes, I—I’m finishing up with the FBI now. I understand. I’m on my way.” He ended the call and pocketed the phone. “I’m sorry to leave you, gentlemen. Our top priority right now is supporting our students and community through this tragedy. Part of that healing process is finding out who did this to Tyler and Leon. So anything else you need, anything at all, please don’t hesitate to let me know.” He turned on his heel and disappeared down the hall.

Derek shook his head. “I’m glad I don’t have to do that job right about now.”

Rossi gave another glance around the nondescript apartment and sighed. “Call Garcia and ask her if she’s found any other cases that could be related. And let’s hope there’s something useful on that security footage.”

⧭⧭⧭

“Based on lividity and rigor mortis, I was able to put the time of death between 8:00 and 10:00pm on Wednesday evening. The blood alcohol content for both boys was over five times the legal limit. I’ve never seen anything like it,” the medical examiner mused.

Emily looked over the bodies, her arms crossed. “Dr. Saraj, about how much would they have to drink for the level to be that high?”

“When drinking, the level of alcohol in our blood reaches a peak before it drops off after the last drink ingested,” Spencer supplied. “In a typical night of drinking, spread over the course of several hours, the average man can have 8-12 drinks without ever reaching lethal levels. But considering each victim weighed around 230 pounds, they’d have had to ingest approximately 180 ounces of beer or 18.75 ounces of liquor to reach a lethal blood alcohol content.”

Dr. Saraj glanced at Spencer before adding, “Look, this is a college town. Kids drink. But... to have had this much alcohol still detectable in their system post-mortem indicates that these boys drank at least the equivalent of a 30 rack, by themselves, in less than an hour.” She flipped up the first page of the report in her hands, eyes scanning the second. “And the toxicology screen also found trace amounts of ketamine.”

Spencer bent over the examining table and adjusted the wrist of one of the boys with a gloved hand. “Doctor, are these ligature marks?”

“Oh, yes,” Dr. Saraj agreed, nodding. “They’re relatively faint, so I almost missed them. But I found similar marks on both boys on the wrists and ankles.”

“So,” Emily said, gesturing with her hands, “the unsub doses them with ketamine to gain control, ties them up, forces them to drink lethal amounts of alcohol, and then— what?” She looked to Spencer. “Waits for them to pass out before removing the restraints and leaving the message?”

Spencer examined the marker scrawls. “Were you able to determine what the message was written with and if it was left pre- or post-mortem?”

“My guess would be it was written with some type of permanent marker, but I can’t say for sure,” Dr. Saraj said. “We’re analyzing the residue now, and I can send the report your way as soon as I have it. As for when it was written, I couldn't tell you.” She shook her head. “The one simple mercy is that these boys would have been out cold for a while before they died.”

⧭⧭⧭

“I’m so sorry. I know how difficult this is. Anything that you can tell us will be helpful in finding the person who did this,” JJ encouraged softly. “Anyone that Tyler might have had an argument with recently or who he mentioned having problems with?”

“No, no. He was—he was just your typical boy,” Mrs. Allen sniffled. “Playing football and hanging out with his friends,” she said, voice hitching. “Oh my god.” She dropped her head into her hands.

“He didn’t have time to have problems,” Mr. Allen asserted. “He spent all his free time on the field. Coach had them out there for two-a-days until classes started. He’s the quarterback. He was leading that team to the first national title since 1945.” He stood to his feet, hands clenched at his sides. “Some lunatic murdered my boy and you’re sitting around talking to us while they’re out there, walking free.”

“Sir, I promise you that we have some of the best agents in the country working on your son’s case,” JJ assured. “But in order to help them do their job, we need to know as much as we can about who Tyler was.”

Across the bullpen, Hotch sat across from Mr. and Mrs. Williams. “Leon was a good boy. Football was his life. He loved being a part of this team. It was the season of a lifetime,” Mr. Williams said.

“We taught him better than to be drinking and carrying on,” Mrs. Williams added.

“Can you think of anything or anyone he might have mentioned recently that was out of the ordinary? Anything that was bothering him or causing him distress?” Hotch questioned.

“He was feeling pressure about the season, but he’s been handling that kind of thing since he was twelve years old.” Mr. Williams shared an almost indiscernible look with his wife. “He got into—into the same kinds of trouble any college kid gets in. Nothing that could have gotten him murdered.”

⧭⧭⧭

“Yeah, baby girl, what d’ya got for me?” Derek held the phone out so that Rossi could listen in as they waited in the OSU security office.

“Well, my handsome knight, I wish I could tell you more but so far, I’m coming up empty with similar cases,” Penelope sighed. “Nothing that matches our alcohol poisoning M.O. or the signature. I just expanded the search to surrounding states, and I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Anything on our two victims?” Rossi asked.

“Now that’s where it gets interesting,” Penelope mused, tapping the fluffy end of her pen into the palm of her hand. “There’s nothing. Zilch, nada.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes. “And that’s interesting because...?”

“Come on, sir,” Penelope scoffed. “Two young, athletic, good-looking college football stars and there’s nothing at all? Nothing scandalous on social media. No run-ins with campus PD. Not even a write up from an RA.”

Derek tilted his head in thought. “Hotch and JJ said their conversations with the parents told a similar story.”

“Okay, but no one is this squeaky clean, particularly not at a Big 12 college. Everyone has some dirt,” Penelope insisted. “I haven’t found it yet, but there’s gotta be something out there. When I have it, you’ll know it!”

“Thanks, Garcia,” Derek drawled.

“Over and out!” Penelope jabbed the button to end the call.

The OSU officer waved them over with his hand. “I’ve got it queued up to 6:24pm. You can see the boys here,” he pointed on the screen at the two victims, “entering the north entrance of the dining hall.”

Derek leaned toward the monitor. “So they leave practice, come through the dining hall for dinner. When do they leave?”

The footage sped up on the screen, then stopped. “Here. 7:01.”

“Rossi, you seeing this?” Derek slid his eyes over.

Rossi nodded. “Is there any way to enhance these frames?”

The officer shrugged his shoulders. “Not on this system. Honestly, the camera quality isn’t great. I’ve been trying to get them to invest in an upgraded OS, but you know—budget woes. Your analyst might be able to do more.”

“It’s not going to matter.” Derek sighed and straightened up. “She’s careful of her angles.”

“I couldn’t find them on any grounds cameras, but they pop back up entering the dorm. Here, at 7:12.”

“All three of them,” Rossi noted. He looked at Derek. “And like you said, she’s discreet.”

“They all go upstairs to the apartment,” the officer continued, “but only the girl leaves. At 8:43.”

⧭⧭⧭

“We have a witness from the cafeteria that confirms that the boys ate with a dark-haired young woman in a red coat,” Hotch said, arms crossed. “But other than those two details, the witness couldn’t recall anything else and said they’d never seen her before.”

“So we’ve got the two victims entering their apartment with an unknown woman. They’re upstairs for an hour and a half before she leaves,” Emily recounted.

Derek stood with his hands on his hips. “And in that time, she manages to dose and gain control of two boys that are more than double her size and funnel a lethal amount of alcohol into them. Now the question is why?”  

As the team converged around the conference room table, a uniformed officer entered into the doorway. “Agent Jareau? There’s a possible witness—says she might have some new information.”

JJ nodded to the team and moved to the doorway. A petite young woman stood in the center of the bullpen, wringing her hands. When her eyes landed on JJ, she let her arms fall to her side. As JJ approached, she motioned with her hand for the girl to sit at the closest desk. “Hi, I’m Jennifer. I heard you wanted to speak to someone about this case. Can I have your name?”

The girl nodded. “Um, I’m Cassie. I saw the announcement you made. About the woman in the red coat. I heard you say that she had brown hair. Is that true?”

JJ cocked her head slightly. “Yeah, the witness and security footage we have shows a woman with dark hair walking with Tyler and Leon. Why do you ask?”

Cassie’s eyes darted around the bullpen, and she drew her arms tightly over her chest. “I just— um—well, I—”

“Would it help if we moved somewhere a little quieter?” JJ suggested. When Cassie nodded and stood, JJ placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and directed her toward an empty interview room. Cassie sat in the chair farthest from the door, and JJ sat opposite her. “Is there something you wanted to tell me about the woman? Or is it something else that’s on your mind?”

Cassie let out a long breath. “When I heard that they were dead, I— I was relieved. That sounds awful, but it’s true.”

JJ tread lightly over her next question. “You felt relieved. Why was that?”

Cassie looked directly at JJ. “I’ve been looking over my shoulder everywhere I go for the last seven months. I won’t have to do that anymore.”

“Can you tell me more about what you mean?”

Cassie took a breath and closed her eyes for a long second, before opening them and continuing. “There was a huge party in the spring. I mean, there were, like, hundreds of people there.” Cassie’s eyes went wide. “I never go to parties like that. But it was the end of the year, and my friend—well, I went with my friend. She got invited.”

“Were Tyler and Leon at this party?” JJ asked.

“Everybody was. I mean, everybody who’s somebody at OSU was there. We saw them right away. The whole team was there, but people treated those two like kings.” Cassie looked down at her hands. “We were drinking... a lot. At some point, Laney and I got separated. I tried calling her phone a bunch of times, but the party was really loud. I—I didn’t want to leave without her, but I was getting really messed up. I had a guy friend from one of my classes walk me home.” She swiped at her eye with the back of her hand. “Laney didn’t get back until the morning. Her clothes were all torn up, her hair had... blood in it, and she—she had a bruise under her eye.” She looked up at JJ, eyes shining with tears. “They raped her. I left her behind, and they raped her,” she whispered.

JJ reached across the table for Cassie’s hand. “Cassie, I’m so sorry. What happened to Laney was not your fault, or hers. Do you understand me?” JJ paused before continuing. Cassie looked down. “Do you know if she reported it?”

Cassie nodded. “I’m the one who went with her to the infirmary. They did a kit and confirmed it. When we went to Campus PD, they did nothing. Said Laney was wasted, and there was no one that could back up her story.”

JJ squeezed her hand. “So there was no official report filed?”

Cassie laughed coldly. “Oh, they wrote a report. I think if we ask them to, they have to. But they wouldn’t name Tyler or Leon in it. Said they didn’t want to ‘give legs to any gossip.’”

JJ’s mouth stretched into a thin line. “Where’s Laney now?”

“I don’t know.” Cassie shook her head. “She didn’t come back to OSU this fall. I haven’t really talked to her since—” She looked at JJ. “I can’t get the image of her out of my head. How she looked when she came through the door that morning. What they did to her… I’m not sorry that they’re dead.” Her eyes were shining with rage. “People knew what happened… and no one did anything. And those two were still the kings of campus.”

⧭⧭⧭

The team absorbed the new information quietly. “So Garcia was right. They did have something to hide.” Derek’s phone buzzed. “Speaking of. Hey mama, you’re on speaker.”

“I hope you’re all sitting down,” Penelope warned. “I expanded the parameters of my original VICAP search to include the surrounding states. No hits on suspicious deaths by alcohol poisoning. However, the U LOSE signature? Seven hits across Texas, Arkansas, Missouri, and Kansas.”

“So our unsub’s been traveling across the South—” Emily started.

“Oh, I’m not done,” Penelope continued. “Just to double check, I expanded the search area to the continental US. Our unsub has been busy. Over 30 murders with this signature, all across the country, dating back to March 2007. All different M.O.s: gunshot, stabbing, strangulation, you name it. But all with U LOSE scrawled across their forehead in—get this—liquid eyeliner.”

“Anything tying the victims together, Garcia?” Hotch asked.

“All men, mostly white, but all across different ages, occupations, and marital statuses. At first glance, there’s no real connection,” Penelope answered.

“What about on second glance?” Hotch prompted.

“Way ahead of you, sir. I did a little digging.” Penelope shrugged. “Okay, a lot of digging—most of it legal. Every single one of these victims had at least one sexual assault allegation. Some are official police reports, some are HR complaints, some are sealed court records. But in every case, the victim’s cause of death is directly related to the details of the assault records. Women that were held at knifepoint, their attacker was stabbed to death. If they were choked, he was strangled. If they were held at gunpoint, he died of a gunshot wound. Et cetera, et cetera.” Penelope twirled her pen. “The differing M.O.s combined with the fact that the unsub kept crossing state lines kept local PDs and field offices from making the connection.”

“Garcia, can you search OSU PD records for an incident report?” JJ asked.

Garcia tapped rapidly across her keyboard. “Absolutely, sugar, when would it have been filed?”

“It would’ve been this year, sometime at the end of April or beginning of May,” JJ answered. “The victim would be named as Laney Collins.”

After a few moments, Garcia peered through her green cat-eye glasses at the report. “Mmm, I’ve got one incident report, filed on May 7th. And woof, this report is not much to go on. The responding officer wrote a whopping three sentences. According to him, Laney was incapacitated and thus was not a credible witness.” Garcia twirled her pen. “The alleged attackers, who are not named, denied Laney’s account of what happened. Because there were no other witnesses, Officer Thorough deemed that no further action was necessary.” She jabbed her pen in the direction of the screen. “And this, my friends, is why women don’t bother reporting.”

“Good work, Garcia,” said Hotch.

“There’s one more interesting detail from the report,” Garcia continued. “The dean of students signed off on it.”

“So Barrett knew about this the whole time,” Derek fumed.

“And again, people wonder why women don’t report,” Garcia repeated, ending the call.

“So our unsub is seeking justice for women she believes have been failed by the system. We’re looking for a vigilante, carrying out revenge killings,” Rossi concluded.

Derek nodded. “And she’s organized and efficient; she finished with Tyler and Leon in less than two hours.”

“She’s smart and she blends in, doesn’t draw too much attention to herself,” JJ added.

“She’s meticulous and has at least some knowledge of forensic countermeasures, considering there’s no physical evidence tying her to any of the scenes,” Spencer remarked.

“And she knew enough to keep her face off the security footage,” Emily finished.

“Rossi, Emily, and I will stay here and deliver the profile,” Hotch directed. “JJ, I’d like you to speak to the families again, see if they knew about the rape. Reid, Morgan, talk to Barrett and see what else he might be trying to keep quiet.”

⧭⧭⧭

“Makes you wonder just how many people knew what happened,” Derek considered, closing the car door.

“It’s estimated that twenty percent of student victims of sexual assault report it to their university, but less than one percent of assailants receive any type of disciplinary action,” Spencer cited, making his way toward the sidewalk.

Derek shook his head. “And so the victims don’t see the point in reporting it. Your attacker gets to walk around like nothing even happened. Cassie told JJ that she felt like she had a target on her back once they reported Laney’s assault.”

As they walked up the blacktop driveway to the entrance of Barrett’s home, Spencer slowed his steps as he noticed the front door. “Morgan.” He nodded at the door, slightly ajar.

Derek drew his gun and moved ahead of Spencer. He pushed the door slowly open and called out, “Mr. Barrett?” In the foyer were the remnants of a broken vase and a small trail of blood. “Call Hotch, let him know we’ve got trouble here.”

Derek and Spencer worked to quietly clear the rooms, one by one. Derek stopped at the bottom of the stairs and motioned to Spencer. As they started up the stairs, a woman’s voice called out, “Shut up! You had nothing to say before. So now, you’re just going to listen.”

Derek reached the top of the stairs and started down the hallway. He reached the open door where a woman stood, her back to the door. Behind her, Derek could see Barrett, sitting on the floor, blood dripping from a gash on his head. His hands were raised in front of his chest, palms facing out. Derek stopped, his gun trained on the woman, and murmured, “Laney?”

The woman pivoted her body, her short blonde hair whipping around. Derek saw tears in her eyes and a revolver in her hand. “Don’t,” she warned.

“Laney, my name is Derek. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to talk. I need you to put the gun down.”

“No!” Laney screamed. “You don’t know what he’s done.” She shook the gun in Barrett’s direction, and Barrett closed his eyes.

Derek spoke softly. “I do, Laney. I do know. I know what happened to you. I know that he kept Tyler and Leon’s names off the report. I know that he didn’t help you when you needed it most. I know that he let them get away with--”

“Rape. He let them get away with rape. Because he cares more about reputation and football than what happens to women on his campus. They ruined my life.” Laney turned away from Derek and put both hands on the gun. “They ruined my life, and you did nothing. And then they walked around campus like they were invincible, because you taught them they were.”

Derek moved further into the room, into Laney’s eyesight. Spencer moved into the doorway, covering Derek. “Laney, look at me. I’m putting my gun away.” Derek held his hands up and then moved to holster his gun. “Doing this won’t make the pain go away.”

“How many others? How many other women did he do this to?” Laney let out a painful sob. “If I don’t stop him, it never ends.”

“Listen to me.” Derek took a step closer to her. “Killing him won’t change what happened, Laney. It won’t. Believe me. I know how you feel.”

“People love to say that when they’re trying to shut you up. How could you possibly know how I feel?” Laney spit out.

“Someone hurt me, just like they hurt you. And nobody was there to help me. No one was there to listen.” Laney froze, eyes shifting to meet Derek’s. “I wanted to hurt him, Laney. Wanted to make him feel the same pain I felt. I wanted him to suffer.” He moved another step closer. “I know that those men hurt you, and I know that he let them get away with it. And I am so, so sorry. But you’re stronger than anyone knows, Laney. You are the only person who has the power to help others who didn’t get justice. I have a friend who’s spent her whole life helping survivors, and I know she’d love to talk with you.” He took another step. “You are the only person who can stop it from happening to someone else. You can make sure he’s held accountable for what he’s done. But if you pull that trigger, you can never go back,” Derek warned.

Laney looked at Derek, his hand outstretched, wordlessly asking her to give him the gun. She looked at Barrett, crying and silently begging her to show him the mercy she never got. “I wish I’d been the one to kill them,” she whispered.

The gun dropped out of her hand as Derek stepped forward to catch her. He kicked the gun into the doorway, and Spencer recovered it. “I’ve got you,” Derek said, helping Laney out of the room. “Shh, it’s ok, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Spencer moved to lift Barrett off the ground and helped him into a chair by the window. Out of the corner of his eye, Spencer caught a flash of red below the window. He stumbled over Barrett, nose almost pressed to the glass as he stared out. The woman froze, eyes locked on Spencer’s. His mouth opened slightly as he stared at her, bewildered. By the time his brain caught up, she had already disappeared from view.

Spencer turned and raced down the stairs, clinging to the railing as he nearly missed a step. He burst out the front door into the driveway, sprinting around the side of the house. He heard Derek call his name, saw the other SUVs pulling up, but he kept running. He skidded to a stop at the edge of the backyard, and then spun in a full circle, eyes frantically scanning the perimeter.

Hotch approached from the side of the house, gun drawn. “Reid! Are you all right?”

Spencer took a last look, scanned from east to west. “Yeah, yeah. I just—I thought I saw—I thought I saw something.” He shook his head. “Barrett’s inside. He’s got a head laceration, but he’ll be fine.”

Hotch lowered his gun and nodded. “And Laney’s not our unsub. So we’re back to the beginning.”

⧭⧭⧭

“Strauss is asking us to head back to Quantico.” Hotch pocketed his phone and looked at the team. “We’ll move the cases to our watch list and flag the signature for hits in VICAP. From what we know about the unsub’s behavior, we know she’s no longer in the area.” He gestured to the evidence board. “Our best course of action is to keep the profile in our periphery for now. We can do that from the BAU. It’s late. Go to the hotel, get some rest. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

“I’m absolutely starving.” Emily slipped into her jacket and headed for the door. “Anybody want to hit up that 24 hour diner?”

Derek and JJ quickly agreed, following Emily from the conference room. JJ turned back, eyeing Spencer. “You coming, Spence?”

“I’m just really tired.” His voice lilted up, almost a question. “Next time, though.”

JJ gave him a look but didn’t press him. “Have a good night, Spence.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He gathered up the case files, not quite ready to put them away.

⧭⧭⧭

Spencer’s eyelids felt heavy as he walked through the lobby of the hotel. He really was tired. He blamed the exhaustion for what he thought he saw through the window at Barrett’s. His fatigued mind was seeing things that weren’t there. He practically floated into the elevator and up to his room. Sliding the room key through the slot, the door beeped open and Spencer stepped inside. He flicked on the light and dropped his bag on the floor, loosening his tie as he walked toward one of the sling back chairs sat by the window. He paused just before he reached the chair, his gaze lingering over something on the desk. A note hastily scrawled on hotel stationary.

623.

Spencer lifted the note with two careful fingers. “623?” He turned it over, looking for the rest of the message, but the paper was blank other than the number. He lowered the note, and his eyes landed on a small plastic card where the paper had rested on the table. Not just a card. A room key.

⧭⧭⧭

Spencer stared at the door of the room. Room 623. He turned his head and slowly looked up and then down the hallway. He took a breath and raised his hand to the door. He knocked in the familiar rhythm: five knocks, pause, two knocks. He pressed his ear close to the door, listening for any movement inside. When he heard nothing, he knocked again; the same pattern, but a little louder. He listened again. Nothing. Spencer felt a bead of sweat creep down the nape of his neck. He thought about turning around, about walking back down the two flights of stairs to his room and getting into bed.

Instead, he pulled the keycard from his pocket. As he lifted the card with one hand, he used his other to raise the strap on his holster. He held his breath as he swiped the card through the slot and heard the beep of the lock. Drawing his gun from the holster, Spencer slowly turned the handle of the door.

The room was mostly dark. Only the yellow glow of one of the bedside lamps illuminated the space. Spencer stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind him. Again, his mind said to turn around. Yet his feet carried him further into the room. He could see now that the sling backs were facing toward the window. There were two glasses from the mini bar on the table between them.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” a familiar voice mused.

Spencer startled and then swallowed audibly, a cartoon character realizing he’s in serious trouble. He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“You can put the gun away,” she continued. “Really. Come sit down, Reid.”

Hearing her say his name sucked all the air out of his lungs. He closed the remaining distance between them, staring dumbly at her perched in the armchair. She gave him a small smile, warm despite the nervous energy in the air. “Hey, Reid.”

“Elle.” Spencer sunk into the chair across from her. “I—I thought I was seeing things. Earlier. At Barrett’s.”

She studied him quietly. “This hair is a good look for you.”

“Thanks,” Spencer blushed, smoothing down the hair at the nape of his neck. He quickly dropped his hand. “It was you then.”

“What was me?” Elle asked innocuously.

“You were at Steven Barrett’s house today. In the yard.” Spencer folded his hands to keep from wringing them. “You were wearing a red coat.”

Elle lifted one of the glasses to her lips, taking a sip of the clear liquor, ice cubes rattling. She swallowed and gestured to the other glass. “Have a drink.”

“I, um, I don’t drink anymore.” Elle raised an eyebrow. “A lot has happened since… the last time I saw you.” Spencer smoothed his hands down the tops of his thighs. “You were there today. Elle, did you—are you…” He wasn’t even sure what question to ask.

Elle ran her fingertip around the rim of her glass. She was quiet for a long time. Spencer fidgeted in his seat, but stayed quiet, waiting. Elle set the glass down.

“Do you remember that night in Dayton? In the hotel room?” Spencer looked at her pointedly. Elle let out a laugh. “Sorry, I forgot who I’m talking to; of course you remember.” Their eyes met. Spencer felt she was looking right through him. “You told me that I’d won. That because Garner was dead, and I was alive, I won.”

“Elle—” Spencer started.

“You asked, Reid. This is my answer.” She screwed the cap off the bottle of gin. Pouring the remainder of the bottle into her glass, she continued, “It took time, but I started to feel safe in my own home again. I could close my eyes without seeing his face. I could take a shower without bringing my gun.” She downed the rest of her glass. “When I killed Lee, I gave that same freedom back to the women he’d raped. They could exist in the world knowing that he would never hurt them, ever again.” She smiled ruefully. “And it felt… good. It felt right. And after years of having watched people be destroyed by monsters… I don’t know. It was just something I had to do. To bring that freedom and that safety back to other women who had been hurt and broken and alone. To destroy their monsters.” Elle looked at him then, eyes shining with unshed tears. “I don’t expect you to understand or approve. But the answer to your question is yes.”

Spencer took a breath and asked, “Why’d you put the key in my room? You could have just… disappeared.”

Elle shook her head. “I chose this. I knew what I was doing and what it would mean. Most of the time, I’m fine, great even. Because being able to give these women justice is the greatest gift. But with this work, you can’t really keep anybody close. No holidays or birthdays. No dates or girls nights.” She shrugged. “I guess I just wanted to see what would happen. What the boy genius would do.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Spencer admitted.

“Well, that’s a first.” Elle smiled, but Spencer could see apprehension in the rigidness of her shoulders, in the slight bouncing of her leg.

“I should probably arrest you,” he considered.

Her leg stopped. “You probably should.”

Spencer looked down at his hands. He ran his fingers up to the crook of his elbow, ghosting over the scars there. His mind raced from memory to memory: Elle on the train car; Tobias Hankle standing over him; Elle in the hospital bed; the needle in his arm; Elle in the hotel in Dayton; the click of an empty chamber.

“Elle, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for telling you that you’d won.” She was motionless, staring at him. He continued, “I didn’t know. I didn’t know what it was like. To be consumed and overcome by a memory.” Now it was Spencer’s eyes that shone with tears. “I didn’t know that the trauma could… fester in your brain like an infection that you can’t get rid of. I don’t know if winning is even possible after something like that.” He rubbed his hand under his eye and cleared his throat. “It was an awful thing to say. And I’m sorry.”

Elle tipped her head back, trying to keep the tears from spilling over. “All’s forgiven.”

Spencer reached out and gently grabbed Elle’s hand. “I’ve been so tired recently. I thought I saw something through the window at Steven Barrett’s house. But when I did a perimeter check, I didn’t find anything.” Elle dropped her head back down and turned to look at him. “We’re headed back to Quantico in the morning. We’ll, um, be keeping tabs on VICAP hits on the signature.” Spencer gave her hand one soft squeeze before standing. He let a small, bittersweet smile move over his face.

He made it to the door before he heard her voice again.

“If I asked you to stay, would you say yes?”

Spencer swiveled back to look at her, the door just barely open. Elle’s arms were crossed over her chest. Her eyes were dark and wide and full of storms. “Just for a little while longer?”

Spencer turned and moved his eyes up the length of the doorway, considering. He heard Elle let out a breath. His own breath stuttered. He closed the door softly. He put his hands in his pockets and turned back to her. “I’ve got a little while.”

[crispyjenkins]

I LOVED the dooku prompt fill! Soft grandpa dooku and smol obi wan is amazing! Not the original prompter, but I'd love a continuation with Jango involved :)

(lmao it took me like thirty minutes to find both the anon prompt and your new user @0ptim0u5e and was worried i’d have to go into this blind without anyone to tag T*T but we here, and bby Obi is as soft and flirty as ever (part one here)

senior padawan obi definitely looks like this, without the scar, of course. imagine releasing that on phantom menace smh. oh also he uses two ‘sabers just to piss dooku off, based off Dooku’s quote:

"What was to become of elegance and gallantry if a duelist couldn't make do with one blade?" from the jar’kai wookieepedia page)

 Despite his best intentions, Yan has raised a flirt.

  Despite distilling decorum and civility and restraint into the boy’s very bones, when Obi-Wan grows up confident and self-assured, he grows up with a silver tongue and the follow-through to make it dangerous. 

  “Your hair is longer than I imagined,” he greets the new Mand’alor, charming smile turned up to ten, and Yan wonders if he even knows he’s doing it.

  Fett raises a brow, clearly unimpressed, but luckily not so upset that Yan will have to steer his padawan away from another interplanetary incident. “Imagined me often, have you?”

  Feeling far older than his seventy-one years, Yan sighs and sends his ire across the rubble to where Yoda is directing a few padawans in their cleanup efforts, because it is the old troll’s fault that he and Obi-Wan are even on Concord Dawn when they should be at the Temple preparing for Obi-Wan’s trials. But, of course, Master Yoda had requested every available hand to aid the Mandalorians following a terrorist attack on a refugee colony, and even his lineage can’t weasel their way out of it.

  Yan watches Obi-Wan’s smile slide into a smirk, and bemoans the few quiet years they’d had together before Obi-Wan realised he could wrap anyone around his little finger if he tilted his head just right. 

  “Well, it was certainly shorter when I’d seen in it last,” Obi-Wan says easily, arms tucked behind his back in a deception of propriety.

  “Padawan,” Yan warns softly to deaf ears.

  Fett gives them both a little smile of disbelief, snorting as he moves his helmet to his other hip. “And I never forget a face, kih’jetii, and yours is not one I’ve seen before.”

  “No, we’ve not had the pleasure to meet before now,” he laughs and dips into a short bow, “but I’d know your beskar’gam anywhere, Mand’alor.”

  “Ah, so the cryptic bantha shit starts young.”

  “Please forgive my apprentice,” Yan cuts in with another sigh, not at all appreciating the lack of remorse from Obi-Wan’s side of their bond. “He forgets his place.”

  “I have forgotten nothing, master.” Obi-Wan smiles up at him, rocking back on his heels before turning back to Fett. “I only doubted that your honour would believe in Jedi ‘bantha shit’, and refrained from opening the conversation with ‘I’ve had precognitive dreams about the length of your hair, Mand’alor.’”

  Maker protect him from the idiocy of youth.

  “Thank you for your time, Mand’alor Fett,” Yan says, grabbing Obi-Wan by the back of his robes. “I hope our work together will be as smooth as it has been in the past.”

  “Of course, Master Dooku,” Fett says, mouth twisted in an attempt to keep from laughing, which only encourages the smug mirth in Obi-Wan’s mind. “Though I imagine you’ll have your hands full with this one.”

  “Most do,” Obi-Wan manages before Yan can drag him away.

-

  “I don’t need protection!”

  The baby Jedi blinks at him with a polite smile, so perhaps he really has dealt with worse than an inconvenienced Mandalorian, but Jango also refuses to be coddled by magical space wizards on his home planet. Even if they are currently blockaded in the room that had become his office during the relief effort because Death Watch had heard about all the Jedi foundlings running around the remains of Foxsoll and made a play for a redux of Galidraan.

  “Consider it assistance, then,” the baby Jedi —Obi-Wan— says, gently pushing Jango around the nearest corner with a hand on his chest, just as the heavy wooden door explodes into splinters. “I’m afraid my master would be very disappointed in me if I disobeyed his orders to stay at your side.”

  Jango growls, but jams his helmet on and tugs Obi-Wan further behind the wall. “And I imagine you always follow your ‘master’s orders’.”

  The boy’s smile turns sunny as he slips out of his outer robe and pulls two jetii’kade from his belt. “Imagined me often, then?” he returns cheekily, leant far too close against the background noise of three Death Watch commandos smashing into the room, and Jango catches his eyes flicking down to where his lips would be. Kriff, thank the Maker for his helmet.

  “Is now really the time?” A little desperate, Jango grabs him by the shoulder and switches places with him so he can lean around the wall and fire his westar at the closest commando, hitting them right between their chestplate and pauldron. 

  Obi-Wan hmms, letting himself be handled but twisting the hilts in his hands with practiced ease, something comfortable and dangerous in the action. “I suppose not,” he agrees softly, letting Jango take out one of the commando’s legs before leaping out from behind the wall and  igniting both his ‘kad like a kriffing lunatic.

 Dooku is going to have his balls on a platter if he lets his padawan get himself killed, so Jango has no choice but to follow.

-

  “You age me more than Qui-Gon ever did,” Master Yan sighs, as Obi-Wan smiles unrepentantly up at him and Jango shoves his helmet back on to hide how dark his cheeks have turned.

  Perhaps he should feel bad, that his master had searched him out after the battle only to find him snogging another planetary leader against a wall (which, despite Temple rumour, had only happened once before, and it hadn’t even been a good snog, so did it really count?), but despite this being perhaps the most compromising position Yan has found him in, Obi-Wan finds he couldn’t give a flying kriff. 

  All those holodramas were right, having a grumpy Mandalorian knock you to the ground to shield you from a grenade is absolutely wizard.

  “I don’t think that’s quite fair, master,” Obi-Wan says easily, stepping back so he isn’t crowding Jango against the remains of his office wall. “Surely this isn’t as bad as Qui-Gon trying to sneak Flesh-Eating Scorpion Vines into the Temple.

  “No, but perhaps it is as bad as Melida/Daan.” With another sigh, Yan hands him the robe he had abandoned in the other room, and tsks as he takes in the minor shrapnel cuts on Obi-Wan’s cheeks, the way the blood is smeared from eager fingers. “I respectfully ask you don’t involve yourself in another system-wide uprising.”

  Obi-Wan feels Jango’s bemused surprise through the Force, and coughs in embarrassment. “Master, that’s hardly... I didn’t start the uprising of the Young.”

  “Hm,” Yan raises a brow, completely ignoring the Mand’alor to turn Obi-Wan’s hood right-side out. “I’ll attempt to remember that the next time I must rescue you from the Daan’s latest kidnapping attempt.”

  And despite Temple rumour, that had only happened thrice, but one more time and Nield is offering him a punch card. 

Mando’a: mand’alor — “Sole ruler”, contended ruler of Mandalore. kih’jetii — “Little Jedi”, usually offensive but the relationship between Mandalorians and Jedi are better in this ‘verse so beskar’gam — Armour made of beskar, “Mandalorian Iron” that was actually probably a steel alloy jetii’kad/e — lightsaber/s, lit. “jedi saber/s”

[dashielldeveron]

Viper VIII: Inter Vivos

*author slaps bumper sticker across ass that reads I BREAK FOR QUARANTINE* 

Summary: You have a thought that only Steve Urkel and black-out drunks can have: did I do that?

Warnings: swears, the law. Murder/death. Stupid internet comments.

Show (3719) Comments on “There is Nothing New Under the Sun, But You Are New in Your Conglomeration.”

skellingtonbabey: thanks for putting all of the *gestures vaguely* into historical context. no one’s ever bothered to explain this shit to me, especially in such simple and thorough language. it’s like every other resource i try to learn from is stylistically designed to make me more confused.

readyplayer69: Just because it’s from the 60s and is racist doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have intrinsic value based on the goal towards which it was working. You’re a fucking lunatic. I have a degree in political science, so I know what the fuck I’m about. Though some of the protests may have excluded the minorities you’re talking about, it doesn’t mean that they weren’t ultimately working towards good fucking policies for everyone involved. It’s not like they were doing anything important then anyway; white people had to be the mouthpiece for…Read More

volcanolesbian: bro have u seen the incels freaking out over this???? it got linked in their cursed forum and they SO BADLY wanted u 2 hate women now. like you can regress from being a feminist once you’ve woken up. they’re giving u shit bc you called out the racist terrorists who were active in their community lmao. i can post screenshots if u want. But bruv it’s like they haven’t read anything you’ve written before lol

mozARTsexandviolins: I get when you say that ingenuity spawns ideals for the greater good, but don’t you think tradition has its place? How do we know if the new can spawn the greater good? How do we judge ourselves? Who watches the watchers?

simpleplan2eatthedirt: cool cool nice nice.  protesting is awesome, but be sure to get out there to fucking VOTE, people!!! Here’s a link to register to vote.

EaterJohn: Hello. It is nice to hear from you again, Epiales. Always a treat. Very insightful commentary on modern and past protests. I didn’t know about all of the revolutions in Europe 1848. I’ve send this to my co, and it’s already sparked a good conversation about who we are as a protesting people as we stand in history. Again, sorry to bother you, but I was wondering when the next article in your “Aeneid Autopsies: Current Crimes Reflected in Ancient Times” series was going to be released? It’s my…Read More

horneyvulcanbasterd: @mozARTsexandviolins Is that a Star Trek reference? Bc if so the answer’s Starfleet Command lol

MrsKatsukiBakagou: epiales. you have watered my crops and harvested my fields. thank you for the food.

mightiestavengereatmyass: eat shit and die, commie scum. your just a hired propagandaist for the fucking alt-left, aren’t you? You have no right to be running your collum in a real newspaper or on this fucking website. sending u anthrax in the mail would be too cool a death for you. I hope your so-called terrorist groupsfind out where you live and fucking murder you in the middle of the night. fukcs like you are the reason the country is going to shit the police have a total constitutional right int aht jurisdiction to enter. They had a no knock…Read More

fuckyouit’sjanuary: @readyplayer69 [image attached] [image description: blonde woman with caption reading, “I can tolerate racism, but I draw the line at looting the local target]

saltnpepa!!diner707: Hi. I’m trying to cite this piece in an essay, but your publisher isn’t listed on your website. Would you suggest using the NYT as the source in my bib? If it helps, this is due new week; idk if this will run in the NYT by then. Thanks

“I’m sending someone on a grocery run this morning,” said Tom, thumbs tapping away on his phone, “Do you need anything? Want anything?”

You glanced up from your laptop, closing it as much as you could without the light dimming. “I think I’m good, unless you used the last of the shredded cheese at some point.”

“Shredded…cheese,” he said under his breath, typing, “You mentioned capri-suns the other day.”

“Yeah, but I can tolerate the nasty, new flavour. No rush. Here’s a wild idea,” you said, and you waited until he looked up from his phone, a couple of ungelled curls falling over his forehead. “What if—now, don’t dismiss me as crazy; hear me out—what if we went to the store ourselves?”

“Again, no.” Tom grasping his coffee by the round of the mug, despite there being a perfectly functional handle. “Stop pressing me for it.”

“I’m not asking to go to a damn Broadway play. I’m asking to go to the closest 7-11,” you said, jiggling your leg and then making a conscious decision to stop fidgeting, instead scooting your chair closer under the table so that the arms slid underneath.

Tom hummed, his eyes not leaving his phone screen, but when you didn’t continue, he raised an eyebrow as he scowled at you. “Broadway is shut down because of the bomb threat.”

“Fuck off; you know what I meant.”

“Viper,” said Tom, and he locked his phone to set it on his napkin. “Do you want to get assassinated?”

“The term assassination implies I’m getting murdered for political reasons instead of the copious other crimes you’ve had me commit. So, I invite it.” Put your hands on the table where he can see them; it makes you seem more trustworthy. “Does 7-11 have an open carry policy?”

“If it’s any consolation, the renovated office should be waiting for you when you return.”

“It’s not.” You lifted your mug to your lips. “Working from here only makes me feel like a damn bureaucrat. Like I have no stake in the matter. I don’t want to become detached from everything; I might make a callous decision and send people where they can’t come back.”

“Keep watching yourself. If you stay on guard,” said Tom, running his middle finger around the rim of his mug, “then you won’t stray from me.”

“I’m useless here.”

“Then maybe you should become accustomed to the idea of being useless.”

Swallowing, you stared down into your tea. “There’s only so much I can get done through answering emails. Not to mention I hate answering emails. That’s how you get more emails.”

“Harrison has been telling me that your schematics have been more thorough since you’ve been holed up in here.” Tom tipped his mug all the way back to get the last of his coffee. “You’re still being just as productive, if not more methodical.”

“Did you mean obsessive? I have—I’ve had too much time to think. I’d rather not be alone with my thoughts, if I can help it.”

***

You could only read so much before losing your mind. You could only deal with so many of the same exact problems over and over again for lower level soldiers. You could only chart so many stars. You could only read so much fanfiction (if your identity thief were tracking your phone, he’d probably be baffled as to why you kept reading fic for fandoms you weren’t even a part of due to the desire for new ideas).

You could only give Glory Pham so many excuses as to why you’re not with her in person at the Museum of Natural History.

Sucking in through your teeth, you hovered your fingers above the keyboard.

Dear Ms. Pham,

Glad to hear John Mulaney’s signed on. Next step would be to ensure de Blasio doesn’t directly interact with him, given their history. Perhaps I should proof his set beforehand?

Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that I cannot attend the briefing in person yet again. I am currently indisposed, seeing as I am currently in hiding at my hot boss’s house, due to how dead I might be should I leave it (thus the basis of its appeal). Not to mention that if you criticise my blazer choices again, I shall peel the skin off your perfectly made-up face. Get fucked; getting your eyeliner tattooed on was a hell of a decision.

You shook your head, backspaced the last few lines, and stretched towards the wicker end table to grab your glass of pink lemonade, and you stole a glance at Tom’s work as you did so. A couple of files spread across his white wicker lounger (two blue files [socials of the family], two green [recent bids], a yellow [Manhattan locations], and a brown [requests from politicians, upper East side]). The pink sticky-notes had your and his written exchanges and edits on certain papers, and his laptop was open, the screen dimmed, while he copied something into a notebook with his cell phone held between his shoulder and his ear, just listening to the computerised voice.

He had joined you on the back porch to work remotely, claiming he couldn’t go into the city today due to the absence of news on Zendaya—if any information arose, he’d said he wanted your diagnosis immediately.

You wiped your forehead with your sleeve as a sweat drop slinked behind Tom’s ear. Even Tessa wouldn’t run in the heat; she’d curled up by the porch railing, her tail slapping against her water bowl. In an experiment to see if she wanted to spend some time outside, you’d slid the glass door open for Trout, to which she turned around to retreat to the bedroom.

Not all of the clothes you’d ordered had arrived yet, so you were stuck wearing autumnal clothes with long sleeves. To exacerbate matters, you were constantly moving—jiggling your leg, tapping your fingers—you couldn’t sit still for very long anymore; you had taken to pacing the porch when you couldn’t concentrate on the stars.

(Once, Tom had come out at night to check on you, wiping the sleep out of his eyes and sitting in silence with you. He’d made you go to bed after a while, claiming you’d run yourself into the ground if you kept this restlessness up.)

When your phone beeped, the both of you jolted at the sound. Tom hung up on the robotic voice as you scrambled to your phone, and he bent your way. “Is it Zendaya?”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you shook your head. “No. Looks like it’s a jailbreak.”

Tom sighed, his shoulders heaving as he eased back in his seat. “Where from?”

“I don’t even care,” you said, letting your phone fall to your lap. You slumped back in your chair, shielding your eyes from the sun with your arm. But you straightened yourself again and checked. “From Central. They don’t even know who’s all escaped yet.”

“It’d be too much of a gift if New York City would fucking relax for five minutes.”

“It seems like it’s in more uproar than usual lately,” you said, sipping through the reusable straw of your pink lemonade. “Do you suppose it’s our fault?”

Tom took a moment to pluck his damp t-shirt away from his chest. “I don’t think we’re instigating. If anything, we’re simply reacting to chaos.” He stood up and stretched, raising his arms above his head—his biceps strained at the sleeves, and the hem rose above his v-lines. “Unless you’re doing something I don’t know about.”

Ah, casual suspicion. “You’ve caught me,” you said as he approached Tessa and crouched next to her, “I’ve been running a koi smuggling gig on the side.”

“Why koi?” He held out his hand for Tessa to sniff, and she readily accepted his hand for pats. “Are they hard to get?”

“I don’t know,” you said, shrugging, “but I’ve been wondering if they’d be able to survive in your grist mill pond. You look through that water straight to the bottom, nothing living in your way. Just rocks and old equipment.”

Tom sat against the porch railing with a jittery Tessa partially in his lap. “Should we get some?”

“Oh, fuck off, Tom,” you said, grinning, a sweat drop falling onto your mousepad as you shook your head, “You can’t entertain every little pipedream I have.”

“Watch me. What do you want for Christmas?”

You ducked your head, biting your lip. “Promise me something.”

“Provided it’s not my head on a stake, I will,” he said, scratching Tessa behind her ears and cringing a bit when she stretched to lick his face.

“Then we’re going in person to the pre-opening fundraising gala for the Gawain Diamond.”

Tom narrowed his eyes. “Viper.”

“Bitch, I got John Mulaney to sign on to do the opening monologue, and he’s probably gonna roast de Blasio again. I’m not missing that.”

Your phone blared an alert again, and both of you held your breath as you unlocked it.

“Got a list of prisoners who escaped. Small group. Delores, Larson, Duncan, Mays, Selvin,” you said, “There’s more, but I don’t know them. Tell us something important, by God. Anyway, we’re going. I didn’t say I was going alone, did I? You’ll be there. I’ll be safe, and you’ll be safe.”

His jaw shifting to the side, Tom stilled his hand on Tessa’s back, and then he lifted it to flick sweat off his neck. “How many of us maximum can you get in?”

“It’s a fundraiser for idiotic rich people; if there are too many people without a name, they’ll be noticed.”

“It can’t be just us.”

“Why? Afraid you can’t protect me on your own?”

“Now, don’t start that.” Tom herded Tessa off his lap and onto her outside bed. “I’m not falling for it.”

“Yes, yes, I’m fully aware you’re capable of ripping me in half,” you said, draining your pink lemonade, the airy suction coming through your straw (almost loud enough that you couldn’t hear Tom’s sputtering over it—almost—and his phone beeping). “Want me to get that?”

“Bring it here,” he said, and you snatched it while he sat on the railing, dangling his legs off the side.

“It’s,” you said, eyebrows shooting to your hairline as you read the little notification, “It’s a tweet from Zendaya.” You tossed it to him to unlock and leant on the railing next to him, arm grazing his thigh with a heightened awareness of how close you were to his sweaty, sweaty abdomen. No! No time to thirst. Friend time.

Tom unlocked his phone and held it at your eye level, turning it horizontally as he pulled up the tweet.

ZENDAYA (@ZendayaMedias): Felt cute. Might delete later.

[video]

Tom pulled up the clip, waiting for it to load. “Why didn’t she post it to instagram, then?”

“The finer details of social media are an enigma. Do I look like I know,” you said, and his thumb hovered over the play button.

He cranked the volume up before pressing play, having to try twice due to how slippery his fingers were. “I wonder if Haz has seen this yet.”

A vertical shot of a murky, grey sky from the bow of a boat and dark ocean as far as the camera can see. It pans across the starboard side, and this boat is the only one in sight.

Only the sound of waves striking the boat.

The camera tilts down. Zendaya’s writhing on the deck, furiously straining against rope bonds that line up the entirety of her arms and up her calves; she’s yelling furiously at the person behind the camera through duct tape.

Scuffed, black boots roll Z to the starboard gunwale. She’s still fighting, still shouting.

The camera trucks to the right; before, the pair of cinderblocks attached to her feet were concealed. It returns to her face. A glove grabs part of her hair to show the weights tied into it. She bucks up to headbutt the camera; he avoids it.

Tom clenched his free hand on his thigh. “We’re running another scan for that black-stubble bell jackass from her instagram; did we have any fucking leads at all? What’s his fucking motivation? So he slept with her, allegedly; did she say no to a second time? Doesn’t fucking merit—”

The boot kicks the cinderblocks off the boat, and the camera tilts down to follow the trail of bubbles.

It’s quiet.

But then the camera pans to portside, where the guy in the picture with Zendaya is similarly tied up, but he’s openly weeping and shaking his head. He’s got something drawn on his forehead in black marker. The cameraman steps closer to focus on it: it’s a circle with an upward curve resting on top of it.

He’s still wearing the bell necklace.

Then the cameraman backs away and raises a gloved hand, in which a gun is aimed at the other’s forehead.

The bullet goes through the circle, and the bell rattles as he’s kicked off. Fewer bubbles.

Then the camera tilts up to show off the boat’s surroundings: a black and barren ocean, as far as the eye can see.

When the video started to loop, Tom switched his screen off, his phone hanging loosely in his grip. You released of his thigh once you noticed you’d grabbed onto him, and the evidence of your touch faded as the fabric relaxed.

His eyes glossed over at the blank screen, and his mouth opened before closing again, running his tongue over his lower lip. Tom brought a fist to his mouth and furrowed his brow, his hand hardly concealing the growing tremble of his jaw.

You took a step away from him, rubbing your arms as you ducked your head. “I’m going back inside,” you said, hoping Trout felt like being clutched to your chest, “I’m cold.”

***

The next morning, your mouth felt heavy and dry. You sneaked out as the sun was rising to go hide in the woods surrounding Tom’s house, but you talked yourself out of it. He would make too much of a fuss if he couldn’t find you—but you could delay the inevitable conversation even further. Both of you had separated and kept to yourselves the rest of the evening. Kept quiet.

So you rounded the outside of the house. You’re not camping out in a fucking copse. When you reached the pond, you scanned it for a dry place to hide, but nothing really held any appeal, save for the rounded platform where the mill wheel used to spin, its spoke notches overflowing with moss. You managed to get to it after scrambling alongside the stones for a few minutes, and though it didn’t look like you could get down the same way, you settled against the wall, scraping some moss out of the notches so that your feet could rest more comfortably in them.

(Dr. Prine called ten minutes after you sent her the email. “Did you send me the correct article?”

“Yeah,” you said, rubbing your face wash onto your cheeks, “Considering it’s the only one I have ready, and I can’t bring myself to write anything. I tried. I just fucking can’t.”

“I don’t think you want this published at this point in your life.”

“I don’t fucking care. Whoever’s using my pen name probably knows who the fuck I am in general. Just publish it.”

“Honey,” said Dr. Prine, her voice softening (and fumbling, like she was holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder), “You should probably rethink this. It’s going to connect Epiales you back to Viper you. Get some sleep; eat breakfast. Call me back then.”

“It’s an appropriate article for the political climate.”

“Not for your personal life.”

“I don’t fucking care,” you said between splashing water on your face, “I don’t. It’s a good fucking article, and hopefully, it can affect people for the upcoming election. Fuck self-preservation. Send it to the Times already.”

“Did I dial the wrong number?”

“Hilarious, Dr. Prine. I know it’s not the smartest thing for me to do, but I can’t—absolutely can’t—write anything. I don’t know for how long, but for now, at least.” You blotted your face dry. “I’ve got to meet standard deadlines if I’m keeping my column. It’s really only dangerous if Tom reads it and makes the connection, and his brain is offline right now.”

And so Aeneid Autopsies: Current Crimes Reflected in Ancient Times, chapter twelve, “The Political Tradition as Mob Rule,” would be published on Saturday. It’s a little too in the know about the mafia, but hey, you had written it on a whim a month ago, and you were known for your extensive research, anyway. It most likely shouldn’t be too different from your other exposés, though they weren’t on topics that were deliberately misleading the public by what information was out there.

The more you thought about it, it was almost like you wanted to reveal yourself, wanted to get stabbed while you were sleeping, because there’s an overwhelming question rolling around in your brain like a mis-weighted shooter marble: is this—)

“It’s not your fault.”

With crossed arms, Tom leant against the stone wall, his leg bent back for his bare foot to rest flat against it. He glanced sideways at you, sitting on your mill wheel perch almost halfway across the pond, but closer to the far side than to him.

He’s got major bedhead, his curls just fucking flopping about out of his part, and even from where you are, his face burned red amidst wet tracks trailing down it. Still, thank God for little mercies—his biceps were fucking straining the sleeves of his white t-shirt, and those idiotic, blessed grey sweatpants were low on his hips.

You lifted your head from your knees but still clutched them to your chest. “You’re not going out, then?”

“Of course not,” Tom said, and he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Can’t be crying during a meeting, yeah?”

“Been boxing?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Not really.”

He ran his tongue over his lower lip and sighed, and then he slid his hands into his pockets, his eyes glossing over while he watched the moss you’d picked off float in the pond.

You’re not going to fucking cry. Tom came out here for a reason. He has a purpose. All you have to do is wait.

Eventually, he said, “You’re avoiding what I said.”

You tilted your head.

“Listen, I know you’re beating yourself up about it. It’s not your fault this happened. None of this is your fault. Hey.” Tom tapped the wall, the travelling reverberations making you look up at him. “Whoever’s doing this is doing it of their own volition and not because of you. You hold no culpability for this.”

“Bruh,” you said, “One of your best friends is dead, and you’re comforting me? I thought I was the masochist.”

Tom scowled, his brow furrowing. “Viper—”

“I can’t interact with someone without putting them in danger, at a disturbingly high rate. You want me to enumerate where I’ve stuck my nose in not my business and people have gotten killed? Senator Hernandez, Isadora,” you began, holding up two fingers, “The nine men guarding Isadora, Maccabruno, Polson—”

“Don’t you dare do that to yourself.” Tom took a step forward, his foot almost curving into the pond. “You didn’t use the knife. You didn’t pull any triggers.”

“Yeah, but I sent them there. And a good many of them went because it was their job.” You sneered and propped your chin on your knees again.

“And it’s part of your job—”

“Yeah, whatever. Your friend is dead, and I have no home. I’ve stopped contacting the few people in my circle on the chance that they get dragged into this—Grace, Adrien—he’s the lights specialist guy, in case you don’t remember—I’ve got to email Glory, but that can’t be helped. And Dr. Prine only—fuck,” you said, dragging your hands down your face. “I don’t want anything to fucking happen to Dr. Prine. Or your family, for that matter.”

“Everyone not involved in the business is currently in hiding upstate,” said Tom, eyes narrowed as he glared at you. “If you like, I can ensure the same—”

“Stop acting so damn calm, Tom.” You let your legs dangle off the platform, hands clenching the edges. “I don’t have any strings left to pull. And fucking hell, I know that it would be extremely and absurdly conceited of me to believe that this series of crimes is aimed specifically at me, because how deluded, how arrogant could I get—but goddammit, this stuff feels a little too personalised. It feels like this person knows me.”

Tom clicked his tongue. “Don’t you think it’s worth something that Glory Pham has been left alone? He knows how to get into Crosscreek, yet Glory hasn’t been touched. Is that not worthwhile?”

Your eyes watered, but you ducked your head so that he couldn’t see—but you released a dry sob (Fuck! Now is not the time for crying! Now is the time for being badass! Frown, or something!).

Tom spoke so quietly you almost didn’t catch it. “Do you want to leave?”

God, no. But it would make you feel like less of a burden. “Let me find an apartment first.”

“No, not like that. Hey, V. Look at me,” he said, and he tapped on the wall again.

You wouldn’t. Not like this. Not when your nose was running and when you didn’t have a plan.

“Please look at me, Viper.”

Glowering, you raised your head, lifting your chin higher than normal to seem confident, and oh, God—his eyes were wide and gentle; he’s leaning as far as he can over the pond, still unable to reach you.

“What I meant was if you wanted to leave the mob.”

It rang through your head like a distant cathedral bell, chiming through a deserted town—but then you were farther, out on the mountains, still listening to faint clanging.

“You’d have to kill me,” you said, shaking your head, “Don’t you remember?”

“Fuck,” Tom was saying, sucking in through his teeth, and after glancing at the water, he started jogging around the pond.

“I swore. I bled. And then even after that—then you knighted me.” You inhaled sharply when he reached the stones you’d climbed. “I’ve let you down.”

“Viper, get the fuck down from there and come here,” he said, and he withdrew, winching, when he stepped on a sharp edge.

“We shouldn’t have met,” you said, looking over your shoulder at him, and Tom froze, his hand partially gripping a hole in the stone wall. “I shouldn’t have taken the job. I should have gone to a different city. I should have—”

“Wasted your life away in the shadows? Just shut up and get down here.”

“Ah! The fuck?” You swatted his hand away when it grazed the platform, and when he climbed up another step, you pushed yourself off the platform and into the pond.

The first thing that struck you was how quiet everything was once the bubbles dissipated, and then you noticed how clear the water was, even from within it—glancing down, you could easily see your feet treading water above the broken grist mill wheels that had sunken to the bottom.

Before you could take it in to feel the emptiness in your chest, bubbles filled your vision again—and then his hands were grappling for you, grasping at your clothes, and pulling you towards the surface.

“I wasn’t fucking drowning,” you said, sliding a hand back through your hair, while Tom shook his head to flick off excess water. “I was fine without—”

“I know you weren’t.” Tom gripped your waist tightly enough to be painful, and he slid his other hand up between your shoulder blades. “I know. You wouldn’t die on me, and I’m not letting anyone else lay their hands on you. C’mon, arms around.”

He guided your arms around his waist, and once you had a good grip (hands sliding up his back), he kicked off to swim to the stone wall, backing you into it. Your toes skimmed the bottom of the pond, but Tom kept your head above the water, his thumbs circling your hipbones through your wet clothes.

Tom closed his eyes, his eyelashes heavy with water droplets. “There’s no solution to this where you die, got it?”

“Shucks.”

“I mean it. Talk to me. Tell me what you can.” Tom let out a breath slowly, and he bent to rest his forehead on your shoulder. “Please,” he said once you tensed up, his breath hot through your wet shirt, “Won’t you let me in?”

(Fuck fuck fuck fuck his chest is flush against yours; he’s so warm, so damn warm all over, and the water’s chill only makes you want to cling to him more, fuck.)

“You won’t like me,” you said, tentatively lifting a hand to curl your fingers into his hair, pulling slightly, “I’m not whom I’ve presented to you. I don’t have it under control.”

“I don’t expect you to.” Tom turned his head towards you; his lips almost grazed your neck (you relish their warmth anyway). “You wouldn’t be human, otherwise.”

“I don’t know an awful lot. Some days it seems like all I do is guesswork.” You grimaced but kept the slim distance from Tom’s mouth. If he wanted to, he would. “I’m lost completely on whoever the fake Epiales is. I keep looking for a pattern in everything, even—even so far back as to—”

You stuttered. Tom had pressed his lips to the base of your neck.

“There’s no consistency,” he said, nuzzling his nose against the spot where your neck met shoulder, “but there’s got to be a larger plan. I get it. The whole case is like a hydra, and we’re chopping blindly at the heads.”

(Oh, my God, he kissed you? He kiss the neck? He?)

“Oh! I forgot to tell you.” Tom pulled away to look you in the eye, and your mouth hung open of its own accord—come back! “I made myself watch the video again.” His jaw shifted. “To see if I missed anything, and I did. This time, I recognised the symbol on the guy’s forehead.” Tom lightly traced it onto your forehead with his middle finger. “It’s a zodiac symbol. It’s the one for Taurus.”

You nodded, still not really thinking at full capacity. “Great. Another piece of evidence that I won’t be able to make fucking sense of. Goddammit. I’m so useless. Goddammit,” you said, dropping your hand from his hair into the water with a splash. “Tom, I don’t talk to my mother much anymore. She doesn’t know where or who I am, and to be honest, I don’t know who I am, either. I don’t know where the truth is.”

You nearly slapped him when you cupped his cheek, like you were desperate, like you had to be touching him, skin on skin, that instant. It’d be nice if he would close his eyes and lean into your touch, maybe kiss your palm, but Tom simply stared at you in shock, eyes wide, brows raised, mouth pinched.

Don’t tell him, you whore. You built this fucking kingdom with its walls and bastions so that you would be safe when the outer defences crumbled. You’ve set aside parts of yourself into neat little boxes so that you can throw any of them away at any time and escaped unscathed. Don’t you fucking dare screw that up. Tom doesn’t know about Epiales so that you can expose and destroy him if you’re on his chopping block; it’s insurance for when everything falls.

Bitch, since when do you want to be honest and raw and vulnerable around anyone?

You can’t let him in.

“You’re still a woman of honour,” Tom said, and—oh, God, oh, fuck—he’s easing his hands down your body, his chest pressed against yours again, and he’s sliding them down your thighs to hook underneath your knees, and he’s hitched you up against the wall, the definition of his muscles real and palpable through the wet clothes, warm, warm, warm—

“I should apologise,” you said, turning your head to the side while he steered your legs around his waist, “I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now.”

“You can’t?” Tom shifted you upwards, and that’s it; your heat is directly against him; you can feel every pull and tensing of his tendons, and if he keeps moving the way he is, then you’ll—

“I’m so sorry for making this about me when Z was closer to you. We shouldn’t waste time on me; we need to be searching, arranging a funeral if we can’t find anything.” You scrunched your eyes shut.

“You’re deflecting.” Tom let out a shuddery sigh. “I’ve lost too many people. Don’t make me lose you when you’re right in front of me,” he said, and he pressed his lips right below your ear.

You flinched away on impulse but tried to relax into him, blinking profusely.

Tom pushed against you (not localised enough to qualify as a thrust), and he cleared his throat before pulling away from your neck. “Listen, please. Please.” He shifted your weight to one hand and gripped your chin with his freed one. His eyes flickered to your mouth before he moved to rest his hand on your cheek. “You’re invaluable. Irreplaceable. You are no burden and are not at fault.” He clenched his jaw. “But I know you’re keeping something from me, and I will make the answer fall from your lips soon.”

Your own chin was shaking, and he was too close. If you put aside separate-self-as-insurance for a moment, let’s consider Tom did find out about Epiales. Would he control you through it? Would he use you to influence those he couldn’t reach? Would he grab hold of Dr. Prine? He might squeeze your life and time through his fist, and your freedom would be gone. Epiales was your freedom, your space to create and connect.

He was too close.

“You’ve got to promise not to hate me,” you said, and when he raised an eyebrow, you made your decision to lean in.

“No,” he said, and—and your lips met his cheek.

He’d turned his head.

After all that, he’s going to turn his head?

“No,” he said again, taking your chin again and leading you away, back to leaning against the stone wall, “I don’t want our first kiss connected to the memory of mourning. I can wait a bit longer.”

Tom released your legs, letting them sink. “You once told me that if you let yourself be vulnerable, you didn’t want an audience. I think,” he said, frowning, “I think you still see me as an outsider. As a member of that audience. And again, you said that you didn’t want it if it weren’t real.” He stepped away from you entirely, and he started wading towards the edge of the pond. “I’m going to hold you to the same standard. I’ll wait until you’re ready to be real with me.”

Tom slinked out of the pond, flicking away what excess water he could, and he squinted into the sun on the horizon. He shook his head, water flying, and he glanced back at you and scoffed. “Easy, sweetheart. No need to wear your heart on your sleeve now.”

His voice trailed off as he rounded the corner towards the door.

The sun is rising, and you feel rather cold.

***

inter vivos: between the living

***

taglist: @hollandroos @madmadmilk @parkerroos @parsleysbaby @z-ukos @pparkerwrites @lunamyangel @stealth-spiderr @presidentbttrflyfreak @paradoxparker @bi-writes @astronomyparkers @infamous-webhead @laurfangirl424 @softspideys @gryffinpuffs @plethoraofpuppies @laucontrerasv @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @spiderboytotherescue @cassiopeiaskies

[kuningannasansa]

A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x07

Here we go, my least favorite episode of the whole show excluding season three which I didn’t watch! If you have even a passing fondness for Ninon, I suggest you look away :)

We start with a royal procession through the crowd and there are quite a lot of waving people there. If they can fill the streets with extras for scenes like that, why can those same extras not be used for the court scenes?

Priest whose name I have forgotten is being robbed. The musketeers rush in to help. 

Meanwhile, a crazy girl tries to get close to the queen and ends up being ran over by her carriage. If this is meant to be some Emily Davison analogy, it sucks!

The dead lunatic’s name is Therese and she wanted to give the Queen a note. Constance takes it and says “Fleur, what does this mean?” Am I supposed to take from that that she cannot read for herself? Cause a merchant’s wife definitely, definitely would know how to do that. 

Fleur is nowhere to be seen, however.

“This is an age of glorious discovery!” says Ninon. “Galileo observes the moons of Jupiter... But what is the role of women in this age of wonder?” - well, gee, i don’t know Ninon. Maybe you could have mentioned some female scientists of the era in addition to Galileo? Catherine de Parthenay, anyone? Or Marie Fouquet? Hell, Ninon de l'Enclos, my atheist queen, for whom this Ninon is doubtless named, was a notable woman in her own right! But no, we have to make women look more oppressed than they actually were to make this waste of space look more awesome. 

“My women of Paris, seek your own enlightenment!” - wrong era!

Therese, an orphan from a humble background, wanted to hand a petition to the queen about women’s education.  

“If she was an illiterate orphan she could not have written this. It is misguided but not unintelligent.” - says Richelieu. And indeed he turns out to be right. She didn’t write it. Which is fucking bizarre. 

Anne asks him if he doesn’t favor women’s education and he replies: “I admire learning wherever it is to be found, but this amounts to an attack on the authority of church and state.” Any French history buff know what the actual Richelieu’s thought of women’s education? @tatzelwyrm​? I’m gonna start a biography on him soon, but not until I’m done with this rewatch.

Ninon barges in past the guards and yells “stay out of my way, I will address the King!”. I’m sure this is meant to make her look badass, but she just comes across like a complete idiot who doesn’t understand that she would do better to follow court protocol, no matter how much she might dislike it, if she wants to achieve her goals.    

Luckily for her she’s pretty, so the king doesn’t mind.

“I want to know why this tragedy happened. If your guards are to blame I want them punished.” And then she gives Treville a dirty look! How dare you, you waste of skin and oxygen! Don’t you dare blame Treville for this mess! 

“You knew this lunatic?” - lmao, Richelieu!

Therese was the daughter of Ninon’s servant whom Ninon decided to educate. So she was educated, she COULD have written the petition herself. But she did not. Because when Richelieu says “she wrote this and was killed trying to give it to the Queen” Ninon screeches: “Don’t be ridiculous! She didn’t write it, I did!” And I mean, who exactly is looking down on servant girls here and saying it’s ridiculous to expect them to write something intelligent. It’s not Richelieu. 

But more importantly, WHY?? If Ninon wrote it, why couldn’t she hand it to the Queen? Why did this poor girl have to die? This is so, so stupid! I mean, okay, maybe Therese heard Ninon speak well of the queen and got the idea to hand her the petition on her own, without being told by Ninon to do so. But why did she have it in the first place, if it’s Ninon’s petition?

“Apparently the Comtesse de Laroque believes herself above the normal laws and conventions of society.” ´- well that’s an understatement.  

“The treasury is bankrupt and the country needs a new navy. Ninon has the wealth to provide it.” And that is why Richelieu sends Milady into the salon to find something to use against her. These two are so good in this, I love their scenes together! Pity about the rest of the episode. 

Richelieu is now freaking out about lesbians and Milady is just like “really, dude? really?”. I love her!

“Ninon must pay up or face destruction, I want every last penny from her!” - so it was not his intention to kill her, just to get the money. Interesting.

Fleur’s father is Bonacieux’s cousin. I love that, the commoners having family connections and support circles of their own.

The robbed priest is called Luca! Richelieu is “delighted to see him”, apparently, cause they’re old friends. And Louis isn’t, because he wrote a pamphlet arguing that Kings should bow down to the Pope’s authority. 

“We can’t have a comtesse abducting young women and spiriting them away to her boudoir!” - Oh, Richelieu! Do calm down.

It’s odd watching Richelieu try to use homosexuality to take Ninon down while shipping Trevilieu thou. 

Athos barges into Ninon’s salon, demanding to know where Fleur is and Milady very discreetly hides behind a pillar. Lol! 

And Ninon starts hitting on Athos immediately. She tells him that she’s often thought he’s handsome but the “melancholy aspect” to his looks is “probably only mental vacancy”. Who taught you how to flirt? Why must you be so abrasive and confrontational all the time? Like really, I get she’s meant to be a Strong Woman Who Don’t Take No Shit TM, but she just comes across like a loudmouth. 

Athos likes it thou!

“Forgive our intrusion-” “I will not forgive it!” - Jesus Ninon, it’s just a figure of speech, a polite gesture. People use these in conversation sometimes. She’s so unnecessarily rude smh.

Aramis says he “gladly acknowledges the superiority of the female sex” and I throw up in my mouth a little. That’s not feminism, that’s slimy!

D’artagnan: “If that wasn’t flirting, I don’t know what is.”  Porthos: “Rubbish! She can’t stand him.”  Aramis: “One day I’ll sit down and explain women to you.” - cause we’re all the same and no means yes, right writers?

Luca: “His holiness is concerned about the direction of French foreign policy.” Richelieu: “Well the pope is Spain’s performing monkey.” - he really is so funny! I know I keep saying that, but he is!

Also, YAY politics! Intelligent dialogue! I love this scene so much!

“In matters of religion I defer to Rome, in all else I am my country’s servant” - lol, Richelieu inventing the separation of church and state

Luca: “Is this your final word on the subject?” Richelieu: “It is.” - and that right there is where Luca decides to kill him. The actor plays it really well, knowing it’s coming I can see the briefest moment of regret in his eyes, but without hindsight I wouldn’t notice anything. And he gives Richelieu the poisoned gift. 

Also, isn't it the same guy who plays Margaret’s new man in Harlots? 

Athos says that Therese and Fleur were so far below Ninon in status that they were not in a position to make choices of their own free will. Which is fuckign stupid. But Ninon saying that she views all women as equal regardless of their birth is equally moronic. I mean, sure, they should be, but in reality they’re not and ignoring that doesn’t help anyone. And Athos does point out that Ninon’s money and position gives her certain privileges, but it sits wrong coming from him and not from Porthos or Milady or Constance, who are from poor/less wealthy backgrounds. That said, this is still one of the few semi intelligent scenes in this whole episode, so whatever. At least someone said it. 

Now she kisses him and invites him to dine! And he just looks sad.

Luca tells Richelieu to “deal with” Ninon “firmly”, cause the Pope is dying and Richelieu could be the next Pope if he shows himself a strong defender of the church against “heresy”. What heresy thou? Women learning to read? Lol, that’s so cartoonishly evil and ahistorical, but whatever. This at least explains where Richelieu’s desire to have her burned came from.

Richelieu: “I wouldn’t go so far as to call her a heretic.” Luca: “A woman who openly defies God's laws, what other word is there?” - what laws thou? what has she done, other than hold some salon meetings, as every other noblewoman was doing at the time?

Richelieu promises to consider his options and Luca tells him to pray to the poisoned bone for guidance, lol.

This right here is Richelieu letting personal feelings cloud his judgement, thou! Which he said he has learned no to do. But he allows himself to be carried away with visions of becoming Pope and honestly I don’t see how he can possibly believe that could happen with his foreign policy and how hated he is by the Vatican, as stated in this very scene.  

Milady and Ninon! I love that scene! Ninon clearly thinks she’s super special because she “takes the initiative” by kissing men instead of waiting to be kissed. She’s so damn smug about it! And Milady is just like “oh I could never be so bold” and I swear I can hear her laughing internally! 

And she very cleverly charms Fleur’s location out of Ninon!

Athos’s idea of a first date is the morgue. Charming.

Athos saying that Ninon is responsible for what happened to Therese because she gave a lowborn girl an education doesn’t sit well with me. Classist ass! But she is responsible for not thinking of Therese beyond how daring and adventurous and fun and positively scandalous it would be to educate a servant girl and then not bothering to care for her when she got bored. Cause if she had done, Therese could have come to her with her plan and she could have prevented her death. Because yes, regardless of her education, her background predisposed Therese to be naive about the King and Queen and how petitions work. Where was Ninon in all this, when a girl under her charge decided to do this foolish thing that cost her her life? Because if you want to be someone’s teacher you do have a duty of care. In short, Ninon is a classist ass as well! They’re perfect for each other!

So Luca’s stolen bag is in the morgue with the body of the thief who stole it. And Athos promises to send for it in the morning. I know it’s CSI: Musketeers and all, but why was it not delivered to Luca the moment it was found, lol? He’s a pretty important guest at the palace and it’s his property. 

Athos agrees with Ninon that marriage is a curse. LOL!

Ninon’s reason for not marrying is that she does not want a husband to own her wealth and body. Makes sense and that’s why many independently wealthy women chose to stay unmarried. Just pointing out the few things that make sense.

“You are a rebellious woman” - oh good, we managed to squeeze the title of the episode into the dialogue! 

Aramis just tossed a red guard out of Ninon’s house. Can’t tell if he’s dead or not, but certainly unconscious. 

There’s fighting. The red guards have swords, the musketeers have books. Athos screams “where is your authority for this!?!” - well, the Cardinal, I’d assume, since they are his guards. Oh bear of very little brain!

Fleur and some other runaway girls are found sleeping in a secret chamber and Ninon is arrested for abducting them.

Athos is all like “you said she wasn’t here” and Ninon tries to explain that Fleur did not want to be found and begs “make them stop” to which Athos replies “sorry, I can’t”, his voice and face making it very clear that he doesn’t want to. Because a woman lied to him! This is the worst crime! Really Ninon is lucky she’s being arrested right now, otherwise she’d end up swinging from a tree.

“Four young women! In their nightwear! I can only speculate as to the horrors they have endured!” - Richelieu really has a bee in his bonnet about lesbians. The days before p*rnhub must have been hard for a catholic cardinal. 

Luca is even worse thou! “Your majesty is joking but Satan is real! And his female familiars are everywhere amongst us.” Jesus christ guys, calm down! Have a wank or something!

“She had the girls, she lied, she brought her fate on herself.” - Oh shut up Athos! Not everything is about you and your relationship issues! As Aramis points out. Thank you, Aramis! And I never believed I’d ever say that.

Ninon/Aramis  > > > > > > > > > > Ninon/Athos

Aramis gives Ninon the cross Anne gave him. This is quite sweet!

“It’s not so easy when you don’t have money” Constance says and she is right. But it’s like the show is saying that the only way women can be independant is if they are independently wealthy like Ninon. But that’s not really true, Fleur could get a job such as a seamstress or pharmacist or grain merchant or actress or even as a secretary now that she knows latin and greek thanks to Ninon. Women did have jobs in 17th century France and even belonged to guilds etc. Not saying that Fleur would not be more financially secure still with a husband, but if she really doesn’t want that she has options and I don’t like how this supposed “feminist” episode constantly erases women’s actual history. 

Fleur’s father rages “what does she need an education for? She’ll be a seamstress until she’s married and then she’ll be a dutiful wife and mother.” But if he is Bonacieux’s cousin then they are in the same social class, that is to say, the merchant class. And merchant women had to keep their husbands’ shops when their husbands were away. They needed to know how to read and write and do sums. They needed this to be an attractive marriage prospect to a husband of their own social class! 

And the father wants to hit Fleur and D’artagnan all heroically threatens him. How boring!

Richelieu: “Many of our young women are educated. It’s not something we’re ashamed of.” Fleur: “Not just embroidery and sewing.”  Me: “WELL OF COURSE NOT!!!”

Then Fleur says Ninon taught them the “secrets of our bodies” and Richelieu is a hound on the scent!

“Be quiet or you’ll be gagged!” - Again Armand, this is neither the time nor the place to indulge your kinks. 

ENTER MILADY! 

She does such a brilliant job of her testimony! This is again her lying about rape and I talked about before why that is bad, but in this case I don’t mind cause it’s for state reasons and doesn’t in any way invalidate her own story the way the thing with D’artagnan does.

Athos completely LOSES HIS SHIT!! Not doing the defence any good there, buddy!

The look she gives him as she walks out is priceless!

Queen Anne to the rescue, bringing clemency from Louis! Clever girl, must have manipulated it out of him! Season 1 Anne was intelligent.

And Ninon ruins it by saying: “I have never consorted with the devil until this moment. I am looking at him.” To which Richelieu replies: “Condemned from her own mouth.” As any person with half a brain would. Jesus christ Ninon, you should have been gagged! For your own safety! 

And then Richelieu stops breathing! And we get Treville’s reaction to it, thank you camera people! Thou Treville mostly just looks confused, like “what is that drama queen doing now?” 

Now he’s twitching! And I’m sorry but it looks hilarious.

Aramis carries him to bed on his back and puts a hand over his mouth. I’m not sure that helps with the breathing issues... 

Louis pushes Aramis out of the way and cries “please don’t die! please don’t die!” aawwwwwwwwwww!

Aramis really saves his life here, huh.

Anne is briefly jealous about the cross and asks Aramis if Ninon is his lover. Lol! She never expected him to stalk her for the rest of her life, she fully expected him to keep lovers.  

Luca: “Satan turned his blood to acid at her command!” Porthos: “We’ll add Satan to the list of suspects.”

Fleur: “You think I poisoned him?” Constance: “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard even by musketeer standards.” - THANK YOU CONSTANCE!

Fleur is to be married to a 40 year old butcher. Poor girl!

“Was it you?” - LOL!

“Half the doctors say you’re doomed, the other half claim you’ll make a full recovery. There’s a lot of professional pride at stake.” - Milady is very funny too! But I’ve always known that! 

“Whatever happens to me, I want you to extract this confession from Ninon.” - translation: it doesn’t matter if I die, the main thing is that France gets that navy. For France, always. I’m amazed by how much he trusts Milady here thou.

Milady thinks the kneebone of St. Anthony is gross and “as much use as the doctors”. Bless her!

Constance very sweetly talks Fleur’s father out of forcing her to marry. Go Constance!

Ninon: “There is nothing worse than a woman who betrays her own sex” Milady: “I can think of a few things, but let’s not argue.” - THIS!! This is my favorite part of this whole miserable episode, because yes, with her background she can think of things Ninon couldn’t possibly imagine. It’s also a fuck you to that “don’t encourage girl on girl hate” line terfs and white feminists always hide behind when they get called out on their bullshit, though this wasn’t the point here. I love how she doesn’t even explain, too. Let’s not argue, cause what’s the point. You’ll never get it.

I do want to stress that Ninon is not wrong for educating other women and she has been unjustly condemned (althou I would argue that she might not have drawn Richelieu’s ire if she went about it in a more subtle, less smug way, for the safety of the girls she teaches if not for her own). But Milady is employed by the First Minister of France and is doing her job here, a job which she depends upon for her own independence and safety. As she says, Ninon didn’t do anything to her, she’s just a victim of circumstance. 

“If you don’t confess, the women of your salon will burn in your place. Surely you wish to save the lives of your accomplices in Satan?” - Milady does a good job of selling it, but if you think about it, that makes no sense. These women have already been publicly proclaimed Ninon’s victims. And if they have legal trouble with burning her alone, how would they manage a whole bunch of them, most of whom are also high ranking noblewomen?

Ninon falls for it thou. Fail!

Richelieu orders Ninon burned and Milady says that the Queen and King won’t like it. Richelieu replies that: “she’s irrelevant and a new navy will soothe his dismay.” He’s really underestimating season 1 Anne here. But season 2 will prove him right, sadly.

“The kingdom of heaven is a dream. Our only life is here.” - Go Milady!

Richelieu says he won’t burn her for heresy but to be careful cause “one day someone else might” and idk, but it comes across like pretty friendly advice, considering what he’s currently doing with Ninon. 

Now he worries he might go to hell! And Milady says he’s already there, lmaoo! I LOVE THIS SCENE!!

They go to the morgue to retrieve Luca’s bag and discover that the thief was poisoned in the same manner as the Cardinal. Thus the plot is uncovered.

“Open his mouth!” “You open his mouth!”

Luca kills a red guard and is about to kill Richelieu (who fights him with a fork!) when the musketeers burst in. And Richelieu curses them for being late!

Richelieu had apparently worked out that it was Luca who was trying to kill him at some point during the night. No idea how. 

Athos begs for Ninon’s life while the pire is already burning. And Richelieu agrees cause burning her is all very “dark ages”, like he said to begin with. He says he’s not a cruel man, just a practical one. But practicality sometimes requires cruelty. He’s not a sadist thou, that’s what he meant and that’s true. 

Athos drags Ninon off the burning pire. So the great feminist character got duped by Milady and then had to be rescued by her love interest. So good, much feminist. 

“As far as the world is concerned, Comtesse Ninon de Laroque died on that pire today.” Richelieu takes her lands, her property and her money and sends her into exile. Then he threatens to execute her if she ever tells anyone the truth of what happened.

“My voice will never be silenced, but I promise you will never hear it.” - the stupidest line of the whole episode and that’s saying something. Seriously, what does this mean? Your voice was silenced! Richelieu got your wealth which you could have used to educate more women. You were completely defeated. Like really, who is the idiot who wrote this? And what made them think this is in any way empowering or even just a satisfactory conclusion to Ninon’s acr?? Ughhhh!!

I do love Richelieu and Milady getting a rare victory thou! 

“Nothing, no person, no nation, no god will stand in my way.” - HOT!

Aramis gets his cross back lol. Otherwise it would have burned. 

Lmao, Richelieu sends Luca’s ashes to rome with a threat to the Pope.

And Capaldi pronounces “Richelieu” in a very strange way. 

Milady: “You do realise you’ll never be Pope?” Richelieu: “It’s an Italian club and largely a clerical position. I prefer something with a little more influence.” - L! O! L!

Ninon plans to open a school for poor girls and be a teacher. Well, idk, I hope she does a better job of it than she did with Therese.

Athos asks Ninon if “Madame de la Chapelle” ever told her anything about herself. And Ninon is like “so you did know her after all?” and he says “in another life” and she warns him to be careful because she has the cardinal’s protection so “a blow against her is a blow against him” and idk, does she realize that Milady was Athos’s wife here? Is that how I’m supposed to read it? He did tell her before that he used to be married.

Then she kisses him and tells him she could have loved a man like him. And she’s just way more into him than he is into her.

Lmaooo, Fleur is not forced to marry and can continue with her education and she’s “sure” that the woman who convinced her father was Ninon. And Constance doesn’t correct her and doesn’t even want the credit, but I’m mad lol, as if Ninon even remembers you exist Fleur!

D’artagnan gives Constance the credit, at least! And then comes his declaration of love, which is actually very sweet and I really liked them together in season 1! Constance is so beautiful in this scene too! It’s very well lit and she’s wearing that lovely dress!

Aaaaand we fade to black on some PG13 kissing and groping! Sorry, this was very long, but there was a lot to complain about.

In conclusion, awful! Like, the thing that bothers me the most is that this token girl power episode would not even have been radical in 1970, never mind today. The message is simply that women should have an education, which no sane person today would disagree with. It’s very safe and bland. And erases women’s real history in the process. It’s almost as if these male writers are congratulating themselves “weren’t things ever so bad Back Then, we are so much more progressive now”, instead of doing the truly radical thing and showing women’s real history, showing women in positions of power running their literary salons and not getting burned for it, showing women as independent businesswomen with an education! Why not give Bonacieux a female rival in the cloth business? Why not go deeper than “women are human beings” and give the episode a truly radical message that still resonates today. After all, we might be ever so educated now but it’s not like women have achieved equality. More on that in this old post: https://kuningannasansa.tumblr.com/post/126434697304/the-problem-of-ninon 

Anyway, I really hope the next episode will be better! 

Red Guards killed: 1 or 2, impossible to really tell

Ladies killed: Therese

Best Dressed: Ninon. She did have some pretty dresses. 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 028: Cavalry Battle Part 1

Hi everyone, I have HERO A on repeat. Time for some Sports Fest antics.

Previously on BnHA: Everyone picked teams for the cavalry battle. Like a half dozen people swarmed Bakugou going PICK ME!! and he was all WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE. Deku teamed up with Ochako and Iida, but then Iida was like WELL ACTUALLY and ran off to be on Todoroki’s team. Then my new favorite, Mei, was like HEY and so Deku picked her instead, and also Tokoyami, because Deku is the guy who somehow wins the entire fantasy league after sitting out the fucking draft.

Today on BnHA: The cavalry battle begins. Todoroki hints at having Daddy Issues. Deku’s team holds the others at bay through the power of zero-g, sentient bird shadows, and jetpacks. Bakugou gets trolled by some punk from class B and loses his shit. Todoroki and Deku face off.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 51 58 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. lol yesterday was a very productive day) 

Todoroki has a pretty good thing going, not gonna lie. Iida brings the speed, Kami’s quirk is the perfect defense, and Momo can protect them against being hit by Kami’s electricity themselves. meanwhile Todoroki can probably just ice the ground and send everyone else flailing. I wonder if that would be against the rules

they’ve easily got the best defense out of the whole group, and with Todoroki as their one-man offense... everyone else needs to watch out

oh?

what are you just gonna sit this one out or something? I see he’s looking at the stands though

Todoroki. could it be that you have... Daddy Issues

because I’ve been waiting for a character with Daddy Issues, Todoroki

just. it’s another Thing That I Like, bud, so I’m just warning you now

(ETA: need I even say anything more here)

OHO

oohhhh

this must be the famous Endeavor we’ve heard so much about, then :D

and you know, I’d been wondering why he never uses his fire powers, and ever since he mentioned that his dad was a flame hero, I had a feeling that it might be something like this

so I see he does indeed have Daddy Issues, and self-imposed weaknesses on top of that! boy that sure is stupid, Todoroki

(ETA: even though he has Reasons, I still stand by this statement. he’s allowed to be dumb, though; he’s a kid and he’s been through a lot.)

so now let’s talk about this Endeavor guy. I can immediately see that he, like Vongola Primo before him, just refuses to ever not be on fire at all times. there’s just no reasoning with these people

also this dude literally has a mustache made of fire, which is just the most excellent thing I’ve ever seen

I mean, the beard is also cool, but. the mustache. SO UNNECESSARY. SO BIZARRE. I FUCKING LOVE IT SO MUCH

yay we’re finally gonna get started

WOW the gap between first place and third place in that first competition was a whopping 9,999,800 points, apparently. lmao

that’s not how point distribution usually works, U.A. but, you do you

so my boy Kacchan has Sero and Mina on his team in addition to Kirishima. Sero’s tape skills will definitely come in handy offensively. and Mina... FUCKING WHAT IS YOUR POWER ALREADY, MINA. at this point I really need to know, because the anime seems to assume that everyone watching already knows, so they have no problem showing it, and so whenever she comes up on screen I have to like shield my eyes and block my ears because I don’t want to be spoiled :/

(ETA: this was a thorn in my side for so long, it’s a relief to finally not have to worry lol)

and now our second place winner from the previous match, Todoroki, who’s worth... 205 points

this is like fucking Quidditch. why even have other parts of the game. just everybody go after the damn snitch

not wasting any time, I see

honestly it’s kind of a waste to go after him right off the bat, unless you’re Todoroki and your team has a nearly unbeatable defense. whoever gets Deku’s headband first is just gonna paint a target on their own backs. I expect Bakugou to go for it anyway, of course, but really it’s just stupid

and that’s, of course, assuming that Deku and his surprisingly excellent team can’t fend them off regardless

yes, Steel Ryohei, everyone does indeed know that

omg

you go, Hagakure. honestly, the odds seem pretty damn stacked against your team, but best of luck

god I’m struggling with Tokoyami’s name. but I won’t give up!! PLUS ULTRA

anyway so he asks Deku what they should do and Deku’s like RUN AWAY DUH

uh oh looks like that’s not gonna be quite so easy

this vizard guy appears to have a quicksand quirk or some sort. quicksand has always traditionally been a millennial thing. who gave you permission to take it

well, Ochako, better get to it

OH WAIT

LOOOOOOL I FORGOT ABOUT THE JETPACK

JETPAAAAAACK

jetpacks are also a millennial thing, but fine, just let all these gen z manga kids take all of our cool stuff then. that’s what happens when the series is being written by a millennial, I guess

I sure hope Deku is having the time of his life right now

Jirou is going after them with her headphone jacks lol. what are those gonna do

couldn’t even get close

that’s so cool that his shadow can take care of even the stuff they don’t see coming

I just went back to chapters 5 and 7 to check Toko’s rankings, and he got 9th overall in the practical part of the entrance exam, and then 5th in the gym tests they did with Aizawa on the first day. so he’s a pretty big threat all things considered

Deku does indeed seem to be having the time of his life!

I like watching these kids fly around and have fun

apparently everyone is weightless except Ochako! good job not puking so far, Ochako! you’ve gotten stronger!!

oh wow, bit of a jealous moment for her here after Deku offhandedly praises Mei

YOU’RE BOTH GREAT, LET’S ALL BE FRIENDS AND NOT FIGHT

Hagakure’s headband has been snatched! whoops

looks like that Viktor Nikiforov-looking guy has taken it

what was it even worth, anyway, like 20 points? just sit the rest of this one out guys

I guess it’s still worth going after everyone else’s headbands, given that second place, third place, etc. are still worth fighting for if you can’t get those 10 million points for first

here comes Shouji with his hidden Mineta

oh shit Mineta’s stupid fucking grapes have gotten stuck to the cool moon shoes that Mei made

just take them off then I guess

OH SHIT THEY’VE GOT TSUYU TOO

I FUCKING KNEW WHOEVER GOT HER ON THEIR TEAM WOULD BE GETTING THEIR MONEY’S WORTH

I SWEAR TO GOD IF THAT LITTLE SHIT MINETA TRIES ANYTHING WITH HER IN CLOSE QUARTERS, I’M CALLING ENDEAVOR TO COME OVER HERE AND LIGHT HIM ON FIRE

ahahaha and here comes this lunatic at last

Kacchan also seems to be having the time of his life somehow

oooh! he tried to blast them but Toko even managed to block that!

lollll. never stop making weird faces my dear son

now Sero’s snagging him back, since he was just flying around on his own up there

apparently it’s legal for him to do that as long as his feet don’t touch the ground

so he can just go flying around all Tsuna-style as much as he wants, with Sero there to catch him at the end

do any of these pro heroes want this boy as their sidekick yet?? I’ll be pretty pissed at them if they don’t

(ETA: 3500 draft picks... I’ll take it.)

everyone is talking about how awesome class A is

and now everyone’s going “WHAT?” and “OHH?!” all of a sudden! what’s going on?

OH DAMN. SOMEONE TOOK BOTH BAKUGOU AND MINETA’S HEADBANDS

there appear to be two teams from class B with a ton of points all of a sudden, so I’m pointing fingers in that direction!

but worth noting that Todoroki has also amassed a total of 615 points now, so he’s clearly been busy as well!

Bakugou probably got his snatched while he was flying around without a care in the world solely focused on grabbing Deku’s band

oh wow it was even easier than that

THIS BOY GOT SOME MOVES HOT DAMN

and now he’s bragging about how class B purposely hung back in the first event and focused on observing the other class’s quirks instead

don’t go getting such a big head just yet, kid. come back to me once you’ve taken a stab at Izu’s headband why don’t you. you’re not the only one who hasn’t shown his quirk yet

also, what a stupid thing to be bragging about. again, the whole point of the sports festival is to show off. if you’re gonna hang back and hide then what’s even the point. I guess some of the pros watching might be impressed with your strategizing, but personally I wouldn’t have risked getting eliminated without getting the chance to do something to catch the audience’s eye

damn this kid is really going all in on his insult fest now

okay, this is at least the second time that incident has been brought up since Bakugou came to U.A. it was definitely a bigger deal than I thought. for someone like Bakugou, it can’t exactly be enjoyable to have everyone recognize you from an incident in which you were a helpless victim and needed to have your ass bailed out. that’s like the exact opposite of what he wants to be known for

and it’s a pretty fucking low blow to bring that up, no matter how obnoxiously he was running his mouth at the start of the competition. Bakugou, you have my permission to tear this guy a new one should the opportunity present itself

and now he’s snapped

I think this Viktor guy is underestimating what he’s gotten himself into here, but also Bakugou is most likely playing right into his hands by predictably getting enraged and forgetting about the real target

class B really went and created a whole rivalry with class A out of thin fucking air

well if that’s how it’s gonna be, I hope class A makes a comeback and shows everyone just why they were so hyped up to begin with

uh oh, now Deku’s starting to feel safe, what with everyone going after other teams. MISTAKE

oh dang

:D :D :D this is so much fun. GO ON AND RASSLE THEN

BONUS: 

MY GIRL MIDNIGHT

“FAVORITE THINGS: VIBRANT YOUTH, THRILLS”

LOL SHE WAS ALMOST THE HOMEROOM TEACHER

HER NORMAL CLOTHES ARE SO NORMAL, BUT I GUESS HER DAY TO DAY UNIFORM IS SO SPICY THAT WHEN IT COMES TO HER EVERYDAY CLOTHES, SHE JUST WANTS TO RELAX AND CHILL

I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT HER QUIRK IS THOUGH LOL

(ETA: based on her use of it at the end of the finals, seems to be some kind of sleeping gas type thing that knocks people out)

[cxsmicmyeon]

i'm extremely tempted to make his fried rice waffles!! innovative to say the least 😂 good thing kyungsoo doesn't have social media hahaha! although he really should get on that. post a thumbs up every week or a different part of his face close up 🤣🤣

that's literally what i tweeted too!! chanbaek spoils us 🥺 SO PRECIOUS I CANT TAKE IT! yeah someone told me about myeon's letter too 😂 i can imagine myeon would be getting a similar amount of love even without the celebrity status though. a whole ass real life disney prince!

good luck finishing your paper!! not long to go hehe i'll be looking forward to your stories!! omg tell me about it, can i have a break too please lol these children omylord. my son is 4 and my daughter is 1.5. they switch from getting along to fighting every few minutes, drives me nuts. today my son was watching a post malone x pokemon 25th anni concert on youtube and my daughter grabbed the remote and changed it to an exo song LOL YES GIRL!! i'm sure it was random but still 🤣 she's also a big bbhL lmao

toben and vivi are exactly yeol and sehun 😂 a lunatic that loves food and a sleepy, spoilt baby.

maybe if we keep thinking about it enough one day we'll get to making it? one can only hope..🙏 i can't even imagine how long mine would be if i had bothered to compile one 😳 exo/got7/nct fics

i don't know about you but i feel like the older generation here likes to follow random false facebook propaganda about how one should act and think.. instead of just thinking logically on their own? but yes thank gosh you don't need to deal with them! 😂

i have a couple junmyeon photocards i wouldn't hesitate to send you if we lived in the same country! i have made way too many unnecessary exo merch purchases 😂 i have a slow but steady chanyeol photocard collection growing..unintentionally. i just made a prive order too 😫 ok no more spending for me. someone change my paypal password and get me a new mastercard so i can't memorise the details!! i mean i wouldn't say i don't have a preference as to who i get but i would be happy with anyone too hehe. just print their name or face on it and i'd be like "TAKE MY MONEY!"

omg that sucks!! why can't they just be accurate 🙃 i check the tracking religiously lol and sometimes it updates AFTER it's been delivered?? like..ok thanks. I REALLY HOPE IT COMES A S A P!!

yes please, a baek style asmr where you can just randomly tap on parts of the albums 🤣 have fun with it!! omg i know lol every time i've just gotten my nails done i tap my nails on everything. esp the wheel while i'm driving heh

LOOOL OMG TELL ME IF U MAKE IT!!! that’s amazing lol i don’t have a waffle maker so i can’t make it😭😭 omg kyung soo on insta i imagine would be just food and thumbs up🤣🤣i love that man so much dhdbdbdbnd

JUN IS MY WHOLE DISNEY PRINCE😭😭🥺🥺I REBLOGGED A POST WHERE SOMEONE COMPARED HIM TO PRINCE ERIC AND AAAA!!!! 😭😭😭mi amore 🥺🥺i honestly would feel bad for sending a letter cuz like i cant imagine how overwhelming it is to get all that mail!!

thank u bestie!!! i hate this work agh but i have till monday night to do it!!! and i did the intro already so i just need to persevere! also LOL BASED DAUGHTER!! what song was it loll?

i deadass feel like i’m gonna make the blog on an impulse at like 2 am when i can’t sleep and blast music while i do all that reblogging LOL!! although it’d be annoying to switch blogs every time i find a new piece lmao but we’ll see!!

omg honestly photocards are way too expensive imo so i usually ogle them online and just hope i get a good one in an album purchase lol!!! omg privé is so nice but so expensive aghhhhh i’ll just ogle through my screen and be jealous of ppl who get it🤣what one did u get?

agh i just hope it at least comes on saturday the latest!! cuz that was at least the original date! it’s from across the country thank god so i don’t think it’ll take too long!! but we’ll see LOL!

omg wait baek‘s asmr was so relaxing??? i hope he does more omg with like unpackaging or something! those are the best asmr imo!! and YES EVERY CHANCE I GET I TAP MY NAILS ESP WJEN THEYRE LONG LOLLL!! it’s so fun lol!!

[tfwlawyers]

long story short: I lost my cat poppy suddenly on april 2nd while I was away and asked for people to send me pictures of their own cats/pets; I’m a huge cat person and even just seeing cats really does cheer me up, so!! a huge thank you to everyone who sent me stuff or even just stayed the night with all these pics, I wanted to clean up my blog but still wanted to keep all the pictures

so !! cats under the cut, check if you’re ever feeling down and like cats ;0; 

submitted by dontkillbirds:

I couldn’t decided which of my cats to turn into Edgeworth so I turned both my cats into Edgeworth? I have no idea if this is comforting but you said you wanted pictures of cats or ace attorney stuff and this??? Is what my brain came up with???

I’m truly sorry you lost your cat. Xoxoxoxoxox

this is so unbelievably comforting to me, thank you <3 and your cats are super adorable, what are their names !!

submitted by theskittypink:

shoot you need cat submissions? here this is my boy Leo and hes about 8 at this point. Hes a kitten at heart, a snuggler and bed thief!

WHAT A FLUFF BALL he looks so sweet!! give him some snuggles for me, please ;0;

submitted by lebdinechew:

This is my baby girl, Sasha, on Christmas She loves her sweater when it’s cold.

i am This Close to crying again but not out of sadness this time but just bc sasha’s a good girl who looks great in her sweater hgkdlgd

submitted by pocketclocked:

Here is Morgana (aka Beebs), who is very snuggly and comprised mostly of sharp objects and demons. 💙💙

an absolute sweetheart, ty ;0; <3

submitted by acecaskettuniverse:

Lost my precious cat Lucky in November. I know exactly how you feel. It took me months before I could touch another cat (February). But as much as I miss him, it gets easier. Above all I know that he wants me to be happy. And I’m sure yours does too.

I’m so sorry to hear that, he looks like a sweetheart and I’m sure he was so happy with you ;0; I pretty much always need a cat to function so I’m sure I’ll make a day out of visiting my local shelter sometime soon, but I absolutely understand needing the time and I’m glad you were finally able to look again….. lucky and poppy were loved and happy and knowing that is a definite comfort, ty <3

submitted by whimsicallyabsolute:

These are my babies, Shiloh and Seamus. They’re grumpy and I love them very much.

the ?? opposite fur thing they’ve got going on ???? they’re so cute, ty ;0;

submitted by eternallyanna:

my dumb boys… odin w the collar and hobbes without

hobBES what a perf name for an orange cat ;0; thank you!! god that last pic is an absolute beauty

submitted by klesbian:

This is Sakura, I met her at a cat cafe and she was a sleepy little angel! I’m sorry about your cat, it’s always the worst when a pet passes.

what a bab!! and thank you for your words <3

submitted by caltrops:

this is commodore puffington. majestic and Very Large. he likes to stick his leggy out. he would definitely cuddle you if you needed him.

;0; im on the way over Right Now to cuddle, perf name for a perf cat, thank you!

submitted by fabhab:

here’s my round boy (1/3 cats; i would have submitted pictures of all of them but i couldn’t figure out how to submit more than one picture at once) his name is quill and when we first got him he weighed 15 ounces but now he’s a chunky boy and he loves throwing his toys under furniture and making u retrieve them for him

quill’s such a cute name omg!! big happy boy I’m so glad

submitted by fabhab:

whoop i figured it out on mobile so here’s my basement gremlin lupine who we saved from starving at petsmart bc he only has 4 teeth and can’t eat wet food. he’s a very softboy and will whack ur legs if u attempt to leave in the middle of paying attention to him. last but not least is percy who enjoys being a rabblerouser and is possibly a crime lord (all the neighborhood cats are afraid of him). however, he is a very cuddly boy and will sit on ur lap for 8 hours straight if u let him

basement gremline lupine and crime lord percy goD, they look like sweethearts, thank you for sending me these ;0; <3

submitted by anaislingmemory:

I’m sorry about hearing about your cat. I don’t have any completed Narumitsu fics (yet), but I have a pic of Krystal.

!!!! krystal is more than enough, thank you <3

submitted by sarcasticscepticles:

I’m sorry to hear about your cat. This is my cat Nymer, his favorite foods are cookies, pizza rolls, chips, flour, and anything else that’s not cat food.

WHAT A LUMP I love him

and ty ;0;

submitted by advisedpanic:

I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty. This is my puppy Sally, and she is Very Old (16) so I’m sort of preparing myself to get news like this one day soon too. She is grumpy and loves lounging in the sun and she’s my baby. this was from when she was recovering from surgery to get some cancer out of her nose but she’s all better now. im sending u all the best vibes and wishes xx

!! she looks adorable and I sincerely hope you a few more good long years with her; and thank you ;w;

submitted by warning-wild-ginger

:0 the softest…

submitted by chickenpurr:

here’s some of my cats, Suki (annoying and loud, occasionally cuddly), Marbles (old and sleepy and simply the best), and some of my feathered cats (including Zella the Frog Assassin). Hope they can help cheer you up a bit :>

cuties!! my friend also has a cat named suki and she sounds exactly the same hdg

thank you ;w;

submitted by thatonechickyoudontknow:

This is my friend @zipper-nova ’s cat, Abraham Lincoln. He’s a big, old, momma’s boy. We think he tucked himself in…

PRECIOUS

submitted by skygrappler:

This is my baby Gigi! She was a rescued cat that we think was let out of a college dorm… she’s like a year old and her hobbies are farting and biting my fingers

;o; I’m glad she’s got a home with you now !! (and all the fingers she can bite)

submitted by sammythebabymoose123:

My little Bby Josie, I hope this cheers you up! I know how hard it is loosing a pet and I’m so sorry that you weren’t there for it

ahHHH they look so soft and sweet!! and thank you… even if was a seizure (and I suspect it was) and I couldn’t have done anything, I still so so wish I’d been there with my baby when it happened ghdlgh, she hadn’t been in any pain beforehand so that’s the one silver lining I guess

submitted by tsunderecafe:

This is Lucy, she hopes these cat pictures make you happy :3

what a sweetheart !! my sister used to have a cat named lucy and she was the most loving thing, this lucy looks the same way ;0; I’m definitely happier, ty

submitted by emerdoods:

This is Wudge. He’s 20 pounds, 13 years old, and a pretty good boy (mostly)

wudge……………. a chaotic good if i’ve ever seen one

thank you!!

submitted by aceoftwos:

top three pics are my cat, lunatic. then the grey one is my friend’s cat, annie. the last one is an adorable cat i met at the docks who shall remain nameless bc i never got a name!

i’m sorry for your loss. i really hope seeing these makes you feel a little better! (there’s also a lot on my instagram, same username, if you need more!) i’m afraid i can’t recommend any wrightworth fics bc i get all my recs from you!!

what a bunch of babs !! thank you so much for sending me these, I love cats so much and they all look so sweet, I love lunatic’s lil marking socks ;0;

submitted by probonoapollo:

hey hi hello this is my precious baby Pumpkin i found her under my car after school a couple of years ago and i had to bring her home cos she was the sweetest thing ever and she still is (also i am sorry there’s so many pictures i just love her and i couldn’t choose)

aaAAa I’m so happy pumpkin found a home with you fjdf she looks like a sweetheart and I totally get having too many pictures to choose from ;0 ty…

submitted by antipelargy:

I’m sorry that you’re going through a rough time. I see that people have been sending you animal pics so here are some of mine! The first 2 are of a cat named Joey who I watched last week, he’s a huge Maine coon and a lover boy. The rest are of my dog Baxter, who I swear is part cat. He crawls all over people, will sit on my laptop/book/sketchbook, and jumps onto chairs to the table. But he’s the sweetest pup you’ll ever meet!

THEY’RE BOTH ADORABLE thank you for sending me these!! god please boop baxter’s nose for me

submitted by shirayahas:

This is Cosmo. He enjoys licking things for hours, cuddles, and being annoying. I can’t recall a funny cat story but he will really lick the shower curtain for hours if you let him and I have no idea why.

Im really sorry for your loss. Cosmo also lost his sister when he was a little over a year old. It’s impossibly hard to loose a pet, and it’s hard to go through. Me and Cosmo here will be around if you ever need us. We’ll do all that we can to help.

what a big ol cream puff, omg… poppy used to love licking the shower door whenever I left it open because apparently getting the condensation from there was way easier than just drinking out of her water dish lmao

and thank you, this is a very sweet message ;w; I’m sorry you had to go through a loss as well, please give cosmo tons of cuddles for me <3

submitted by mimikyutie:

this is my lady, dozer. she acts all regal but is a huge lovely nerd and pansy. she loves to play fetch, brush her face all over my brush, do backflips in the middle of the night and steal yoghurt. im so sorry for your loss, and i hope all the cute cat pics sent your way are helpful <3

and such little concern for your laptop, omfg

she looks lovely, ty for the pics <3 and thank you for the condolences, these pictures really have been a huge help :’)

submitted by commanderfreddy:

my mum’s a catsitter so here are some choice friends from throughout the years

;0; ty fred… the dream job with all the dream cats

submitted by rannxch:

This is Midna (named for the twilight princess lmao) a Russian blue who’s about 10 months old. She’s a huge diva who loves ice cream and is afraid of spoons.

THAT FIRST PIC OH MY GOOOODDDDDD she looks wonderful, thank you!!

submitted by warning-wild-ginger:

if I fits I sits

every time there’s a cat from you I gasp a little irl, ty ..

submitted by sethsenpaiiyo:

Hello !! I have never submitted anything so i hope this works,, I have some cats for you :,) In the first picture, left to right - Pus, Kompis & Susie + another one of Pus///

Second picture is Katja! Snapchat decided that filters work on her so she’s a pretty kitty :3c Hope you feel better!

worked just fine, thank you so much!! they all look so sweet and katja is esp gorgeous ;0; <3

submitted by fangirling247:

This is Milo, he is a sleepy old man whose hobbies include napping and hogging blankets. He is a good friend and hopes that you make a new friend someday.

so many milos hdfdh I love that name sm, he looks soft and sweet and I sincerely hope I do too, ty ;0;

submitted by hannaginel:

This is my cat Lilly. We call her Lilly Moo because her markings make her look like a cow. She’s 7 years old and she loves snuggling and comforting me when I have panic attacks. She’s my baby.

!! an absolute sweetheart, ty ;0;

submitted by mythalogies:

Here’s some pics of my boi

a handsome boi……………………. thank you!!

submitted by sentient-cloud:

Heres a picture of my two cats Octavian(hes the tabby) and Phoenix(yeah I know), the grey tuxedo. They are brothers and they love each other very much, they get upset when they’re not in the same room! I hope this helps!

cuddling cats are one of the most sacred images in the entire world imho ;0; thank you, they look super sweet!!

submitted by princelowell:

hey there! here’s some of mine: the first cat was my boy sox. he passed away when he was 4 years old out of nowhere–we assume a heart condition.

the pug is gizmo, who is 9 years old now (they were about the same age). the ferret, mei, came about a month after we lost sox.

the chubby tabby cat is one of the cats who lived with me when i lived in Japan. her name is hanabi (means fireworks) and she’s probably four or five now? she loved me and slept in my bed but she doesn’t like my host mom much. wish i could’ve taken her home with me.

! i love them aLL, THANK YOU, I’m so sorry to hear about losing sox at such a young age, i’m sure he was super loved and happy ;0;

submitted by wildblueegg:

hey i dont know you but i know you and i saw your cat… well. AND I CAME AS FAST AS MY COMPUTER HANDLED IT

I’m so sorry for your loss, this isn’t even the first pet that i saw that died this year. Take the cat from my friend, he’s a white and soft meme(am i doing this correctly???).

;0; THANK YOU both for the cutie and the kind words <3

submitted by blnketfort: 

ik i’m a bit late to the cat meet & greet (because i was asleep) and also idk how to submit multiple photos so this is a post but i heard abt poppy and i’ve had that happen a few times so i know how devastating it can be.

these are my 2 cats patrick (yawning) and cally (doesn’t like the flash.) they’re half siblings but we rescued them both at different times.

Cally is six but still the size of a kitten, super smart, a total grump but loves strokes and sitting on my lap (and laptop.)

Patrick is 3 (i think?) and an Absolute Idiot. seriously, you can go to step/sit on him and he just won’t move. Follows us all the way when i walk the dog, loves tummy tickles and sitting in the most inconvenient places imaginable & refusing to move.

SWEETIES god I love when cats stretch like in the second pic, absolutely zero concern for what’s around them they’re just Comfy

and I’m sorry for your previous pet losses as well, ty for taking the time to make this photoset :’)

submitted by warning-wild-ginger:

SMOL

I WILL CRY

submitted by ignisalatus:

I’m so sorry for your loss, losing animals is one of the worst things imaginable… ): I lost my baby Rascal here about 6 years ago to a very sudden and agressive mouth cancer when he was only 11, and still miss him terribly to this day. I know it wasn’t nearly as sudden as your baby’s passing, but I can surely sympathize with the shock of how fast and unexpectedly these things can happen ;-;

He was a Rowdy Boy™ but also a total sweetheart of a giant melty fluff ragamuffin. He was my best friend growing up, one of those cats who could always sense when something was wrong and would always jump in my lap and purr and rub my face and cuddle when he knew I was upset. I hope he can keep your baby company as they have many many more catventures in the stars 💜✨

i want to say this is a bad post bc it made me start crying again but hgdkgh it’s not ofc it’s not, this is an extremely sweet message and I’m so so sorry for your baby’s loss as well :’) rascal looks like such a sweetheart and sounds exactly like how poppy was towards me, I’m so heartbroken we lost them both at such young ages but dljfdf I bet they’ll be the best of friends soon ;0; thank you so much for sharing this, it means more than I can say <3333

submitted by atroquinine-blues:

Here’s some pictures of my boy, Buddy, sleeping :) I’m really sorry about your cat, and I hope things get better for you soon (your art is amazing btw)

what a cutie !! I love when cats have markings that makes em look like they’re got lil boots/socks on

and thank you :’)

submitted by easterlil:

This isn’t really my cat, but it’s my grandma’s cat BooBoo. I hope she can help cheer you up a bit!

I did laugh when I refreshed my inbox so jfkldf thank u very much booboo ;0;

submitted by beeva:

I don’t yet have a cat of my own, so here are some cat photos I have on my phone

cats from the cat cafe, feat. my aunt’s cat, who I love

SO MANY CATS AND I LOVE THEM ALL, thank you!! I should see if there’s a cat cafe in my state, that’s always sounded so amazing

submitted by warning-wild-ginger:

Highest priority mail!!

AN ANGEL

submitted by ludbeilschmidt:

This is Peaches!! He likes to help garden. Which means rolling in my plants and meowing for attention. I hope you’re doing ok and feel better soon!! I lost my cat like…almost 10 yrs ago now and it still gets to me sometimes so I know how rough it can be. Take it easy!!!

aw omg, he’s doing a great job !! and thank you, as much as I love getting all these submissions it’s also heartbreaking to hear about how many other cats people have lost - still, knowing how loved they were helps a bit ghgf

submitted by narcoleptrix:

pls accept my condolences through this humble offering of muffin. she’s a sweet old lady cat that enjoys stealing food when you’re not looking and licking people.

MUFFIN….. she’s got a gorgeous coat and if she wants food then she’s getting it

and thank you ;w;

submitted by whalestickers:

This is my soon-to-be cat, Lola!!! Im rly excited abt getting her, she is just the sweetest lap cat ever

!! what an angel !! I’m sure you’ll be very happy together, I’m super excited for the both of you too \o/

submitted by fresh-biscuits:

Here’s my fat baby. Her name is Noelle Faye and she’s a princess. Sorry for your lost. ❤❤❤ Cats are wonderful, no? They just add so much to our lives. How could we ever repay them?

;0; the fattest baby, I love her… guess we just gotta give em as much love as physically possible while they’re with us, which it looks like noelle is for sure getting !! thank you sm <3

submitted by docworth:

hey, i’m sorry to hear about your loss. this is my pride and joy fatman, who pretty much only ever sleeps with/on me (also picture three is a rousing game of “Spot The Fandom Memrobelia”)

your un is docworth, I see a conbat plush and phoenix DS cover(?), your cat is named fatman, clearly you’re just in the best possible timeline

and thank you… my cat used me pretty much exclusively as a pillow as well and what an honor it was

submitted by radioscientist:

I’m so sorry to hear about your cat! My cat Lyra (the cat in the first two pictures) passed away yesterday, so I understand it must be hard! Hopefully you enjoy these pictures of her and her sister ❤️

oh god, I’m so sorry to hear about your cat too - april 2nd clearly needs a redo

lyra (and her sister!) are adorable and I hope she and my poppy are doing alright :’)

submitted by threeleggedbike:

I’m sorry about the loss of your cat, here’s one of my fuzzy sausages if it makes you feel better

the fuzziest sausage.. they’re adorable, ty ;0

submitted by tir-amy-su:

i present…….. the stinky squad..

i………………….. love them …

submitted by fairytalepeople:

I’m so sorry to hear about your cat:( I don’t have any cats of my own but I have the stable cats! The first one is Bertil and the other is Tigris. She’s turning 18 this summer so she gets to stay in the kitchen if she wants to. I also have my dogs, Freja and Sweetie, and none of them act their age (Freja turned 7 yesterday and sweetie is 8) Then there’s my butterfly Miranda (I swear it reacted positively to the Hamilton ost) who I found the last day of December. Sadly it passed some time before February. Tigris usually tries to steal lunch from people by being adorable:3 I hope you are feeling better soon!

all a bunch of babs !!!!! I love freja especially ;0; and thank you <3

submitted by koalabuddy:

my kitty for ur cat night

I IMMEDIATELY LOVE THEM THAT’S JUST A MOUND OF FLUFF, TY !!

submitted by vvarp-core:

Here are my meowers, and a cat that definitely isnt mine but i want to shake his furry lil hand

v sweet meowers, thank you !!! funk engine cat is going places

submitted by captainbuttersocks:

These are my eggs!! They’re inseparable. The white one is Princess and the big orange fella is Lucky.

i gasped a lil bit at that third picture, they look so sweet ;0; thank you!!

submitted by wrightworthmakesmylifeworthwhile:

heard u needed cat pics so hey!! this lil guy is milo (originally “miles” bc im a nerd but we decided he’s too silly to have such a serious name) he’s got a black cat sister named maya (also bc I’m a nerd) and an older yellow tabby cat named pumpkin but he’s probably the most photogenic of my lovely three cats and he’s smol and an awkward little goofball!! he’s not too bright bless him and he always sticks his legs up in the air for no reason (like the first pic I didn’t make him do that he just?? decided that was a comfortable position to be in) anyway he’s a gem I hope he brings you joy bc he sure does me!!! I’m v sorry about your cat 😕

that picture of him with the pumpkin and bunny tail cape made me so unbelievably happy I cannot even begin to express

thank you so much !! he looks like such a sweet bean and his fam sounds just as adorable ;w;

submitted by starlight-steel:

i’m so so sorry to hear about your cat; she looks like such a sweetheart, and it’s always hard to lose a pet :( i thought i’d send over some pics of my anastasia; i hope she helps a little bit!!

(ps this glitched the first time sorry if it submits twice!)

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CAT with an extra beautiful name !!

and thank you, she really was the sweetest :’)

submitted by lala-inwonderland:

i’m very sorry about your kitty, i know how it feels to lose a pet like that. hopefully these pictures of my cats help? the soft orange boy is Oliver and the floppy calico is Daphne. Oliver is a nosy little thief and Daphne is a lazy prissy princess

oliver looks so mischievous and daphne is adorable….. thank you for these, they’re definitely helping, and thank you for your condolences!!

submitted by yolo--ziff: 

This is Ghost. He is about ten months old and loves licking water from the shower, chewing shoelaces and sitting on my keyboard

THESE ARE THE BLUEST EYES I’VE EVER SEEN, HANDSOME BOY 

submitted by mewtwo–official:

This is my precious bab Misu, I hope she cheers you at least a little

she absolutely does, thank you ;___; I love her markings !!

submitted by upsidedownsudoku: 

this is o'malley. he likes the sink, is afraid of mice, and cries every time we bring him outside but i love him anyways

CUTE..

submitted by selenathezorua: 

mao mao it’s gracie

gracie looks so soft ;___; 

submitted by miraculouscatnip:

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, here’s the round girl and the pancake boy to make you feel better

thank you... and theyre gorgeous ;0; !!

submitted by ryuibee: 

I saw you posting a bunch of cats and I heard you lost a cat/cats??? I’m extremely sorry for your loss !! I hated losing my cats : (( I actually lost one of mine ( he’s the black and white spotted one here. His name is spot spot but we called him pouder ((literally poo-duh-er)) this November and it was very heartbreaking. He was only 3 and was this little 15 pound cat who’s gender we couldn’t actually tell so we just used male pronouns and loved belly rubs and chirped like a birdie. Thankfully I have one of my other babies still, Mamakitty !! She’s the gray one in here !! I love her !! She’s very sweet and will love on you 24/7 but if you leave the room she will meow until you get back or come and find you !! But I love her very much ,,, I hope you don’t mind me submitting my cats too !! I’d thought I try and help you !! Love your blog btw-

!!! thank you so much for this message, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss as well, especially considering his age.. ;w; 

and i lOve these cats, ty for sending them <33

submitted by warning-wild-ginger: 

I have 4 cats, Sabbath (the black itty kitty, he’s all grown up now), Minda (the black and white putty-tat, still just a baby), Wyatt (fluffy cat), and Binx (yet to be photographed, he’s elusive)

This guy is a rescue we found a home for a few months back (we have so many cats because we have a hard time giving away kitties)

;w; what a sweetheart, thank you..

submitted by warning-wild-ginger: 

Catz 4 dayz (Sending you gooood vibes👍)

aaAAA TY <3

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and now some decidedly un-cat pets ?? who are all just as good

submitted by mccreesweetpea:

I see people are sending you their adorable animals. I’d love to join in with my baby Stripe!! :0

what a cutie !!!!!! an old friend of mine had a guinea pig and she was a sweetheart too

submitted by commanderofwhat:

I hope some pic of my weird dogs cheer you up a bit!!

the weirdest dogs, i love them ;0; ty!!

submitted by famousinthatanonymousway:

okay so i don’t have a pet cat but these are my children. front to back: Whitney, Enchilada, Aloe, Anti-Capitalist “Gendy” Agenda and Nihilist (2 in tiny pot), Rosa, Boro, Milo, Rose, Nambypampy, and the bamboo in the back is Eduardo Two. im so sorry for your loss, i love you and my sons and daughters love you too

ngl when I first refreshed my inbox I was slowly scrolling down to try and find the elusive cat before I got to the attached message, but this is honestly so much better

i love you and your sons and daughters too, and thank you for such a beautiful pic of your v aptly named children <3

submitted by darkdragonslies:

I don’t have a cat, but I do have a bird. Knowing the feeling of suddenly losing pets, I’m very sorry for your loss

a big ol cutie for sure!!! and thank you <3

submitted by gay-lawyer-heaven:

Ayyy I’m sorry about your cats man, I’ve lost doggies and I know the feel. I’d send you cats, but I have none, so have a lil pic of my doggies Tonks (brown on the left) and Scout! (black, terror eyes on the right) Scout’s the mellower he’s like. Four-fiveish. Tonks is about one or two and licks. Everything.

A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE, I love dogs a whole bunch too (we have a jack russell terrier named frodo wishbone baggins lmao) and yours are adorable!!

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and now some text 

dontkillbirds said: I’m so so sorry to hear about that, it’s awful when pets pass. Xo

clefeeble said: I’m so so sorry for your loss :<

leonidas1754 said: Oh gosh, I’m so sorry bud.

thank you all so much ;w; <3

silversacredsilence said: hang in there, you can do it. happened a lot of times to me too and if you want, i can send pictures of my cats and dogs :)

tysm.. and I’d love to see your pets if you’ve got pics, I’ve been asking my friends to send me pics of theirs and it really is helping ;0;

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stories ?

actualmomgarnet asked: Ok so its not a pic but I thought I'd share my cat story with you??? To make you laugh!! Before my cat Toby got sick and passed away he was the cuddliest cat you'd ever meet and I miss him to this day, even though it's been 4 years. BUT sometimes he'd chase my mom down the hallway like a dog and it was SO FUNNY so just imagine (1/2)

you’re sitting in the living room and you’d look down the hallway to only hear a “thumpathumpathump” followed by a “SCREEEEEAAAAAAAAAACCCHHHHH” as my mom RAN AS FAST AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE AWAY FROM HIM :’D so yeah. My cat Toby :D (2/2)

that is the most ridICULOUS THING I’VE EVER HEARD JFDLKF, I love when cats just go wild in hallways goD, thank you for this !!

and I’m very sorry to hear about your loss as well, I’m sure toby was super loved himself ;0;

anon said: I'll share a cat story too! we had a cat named smokey, who could stretch to be as long as I was tall (as a 5th-grade babby). and he was very. VERY into food. our kitchen was kind of just a long hallway, and it had completely smooth wood-laminate flooring, and his food bowl was against the far wall. anytime someone went into the kitchen after about 5 pm, smokey would lose his mind and go sprinting into the kitchen. but the floor was smooth, and he was fast. he ran into the wall quite a bit.

another story about smokey and food: dad’s girlfriend at the time (now wife) made us a pan of brownies, and we left them on the counter overnight. when we woke up, half of the pan had been chewed down. dad thought it was me and my brother at first, until he looked a little closer. what did he see? kitty nose prints. -n- smokey would also open cabinets to steal bread and fling it all around the house, which necessitated baby locks on the cabinets. he was. smart in the dumbest ways.

I love smokey ??? smokey sounds like the perfect and most exemplary ridiculous cat in existence?? thank you, these made me smile a lot jdklf

anon said: my cat's name is Tuxie, my mom named him that because he's black with a little white tuxedo pattern. He was our neighborhood stray for years until he started making friends with our other cats through the glass and when winter came, we couldn't help but bring him in. He's incredibly buff but not feral, vet says he was probably abandoned by his last owner. He's very kind and shy and polite and the only noise he makes is little squeaks when he jumps we love him to bits

!!! I’m so glad he’s got a home with you guys now, he sounds like an absolute sweetheart ;0;

en-el-espanol-de-la-rae asked: my mom head a cat hus name was agüi (a mix of the spanish word for water n here bc apparently they had found him by the river) n he was Very Clingy and liked to climb and his fave resting spot was around ppl's necks for some unknown reason so a common sight in our house was agüi around someone's neck... i dont have pics of him but he was v photogenic my mom took a lot of pics w him in college n took him everywhere

he sounds adorable omg, thank you for sharing… cats are just ?? so good ??? poppy used to just lie on my back/shoulders if i was ever in the position for her to do so lmao

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again. thank you all so much for sending me these things, they really meant a lot