#; last & best hope for civilization (lucy

[thechipsaredown]

@shevaults liked for a starter

If there was one thing that Lucy learned to be God's honest truth it was the fact that excitement and anxiousness were two sides of the same coin. Getting to feel the sun on her skin and the breeze in her hand had been oddly freeing despite the knowledge that the outside world was considerably more dangerous than the vault she called home.

Getting to explore the empty buildings was equal parts thrilling and saddening. If it was especially quiet she liked to create stories about the bodies that occupied the once lively spaces. It just seemed like the right thing to do to remember them by.

Lucy was fixed in a comfortably low squat as she sifted through the cabinets in a school cafeteria in search of supplies. Thus far she had come across an assortment of mystery meals and a couple boxes of Blamco mac n cheese.

As she held the box up by her ear and gave it a rough shake to listen to the pasta inside, she overheard the sound of soft footsteps approaching her. Reacting out of instinct she allowed the box to fall from her hand so she could place her hand on her holster only to cringe.

She had only been up here a week yet she had already started to change, "sorry, were you already looking for supplies here?"

Upper back twisting so she could turn to look at them, Lucy kept both her hands in the air yet it most certainly was worth noting that her pistol was still grasped in her hand with the muzzle pointing toward the ceiling rather than the stranger who had approached.

[outsideratheart]

A/N: I know it’s been a while since I posted the first snippet of this fic but I’ve been struggling with writer’s block which is think is just about gone.

To apologise here is another little part of it.

“Alexia, that is enough!” Lucy slams her fist on the locker before turning to her captain “She has come to this team and done nothing but good. She plays well for us and gives it her all on the pitch. Off it she makes the effort and yes sometimes she says no to things but isn’t that her right? You stand there as our captain but look at you, you’re nothing but a bully. I am ashamed to say i’m your team mate right now. That girl has been through hell these past couple of years and since coming here all you keep doing is reminding her of what has happened. You are obsessed with her. Look around, no one else is digging for information. No one is making her uncomfortable on a daily basis”

“She is lying to us. She won’t tell us where she was for over a year. She is hiding something and that isn’t fair on us” Alexia tried to defend her actions.

“Isn’t fair? Are you really that self centred? You have no right to talk about what is and is not fair. I don’t care if you are my captain, I won’t stand by you while you treat my best friend like she has done something wrong. You, Alexia, are a —“

“Lucy” The whole locker room turns upon hearing your voice “I have given up on Alexia, it’s time you do too”

“No! I won’t let her talk about you that way. You don’t deserve this”

“No I don’t but —“

“Y/N” Lucy begs you to let her fight you case.

“Walk away Lucy” 

A stare down takes place between you and Lucy. A few seconds later the defender grabs her stuff and leaves the room. To everyone else you are calm and collected but Keira recognises the look in your eye, you are furious.

“I want everyone to listen to me and listen good. My past is none of your business. To those who have let the obsession go, thank you. To those that haven’t” you look Alexia dead in the eye “I want nothing to do with you. I will remain civil on the pitch. Other than that I ask you to stay away from me. That’s if you can respect my wishes. I know it has been hard so far”

You quietly gather your things and try to ignore the multiple sets of eyes on you. With each second you can feel your chest getting tighter and you know it is only a matter second before you will no longer be able to control your breathing. You just needed to get out of there, away from prying eyes.

The hallway is the furthest you got. You mind was filled of flashbacks, the moments that you tried so hard to bury. The past was not a pretty place, not the last year, but you know that it was only a matter of time before it came crashing down on you. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” Mapi and Ingrid are by your side, clearly the couple had left just after you.

“Natalia, she, she” 

Ingrid and Mapi shared a look, who was Natalia? They had never heard you mention a Natalia before. Both of them didn’t know what to do. Whilst you had become friends with the pair, they didn’t know you well enough to cope with this moment. 

Luckily for them Keira appears out of nowhere. The English woman clearly equipped with what to do.

“Get Lucy, now!” She whisper shouted and Ingrid goes running hoping to catch the defender before she leaves.

“Keira—Natalia”

“I know, I know. We can talk about her later if you want. Right now, I need to focus on me. Can you do that?” 

You nod your head as tears flow down your cheeks. 

“What happened?” Lucy rushes over to you.

“We found her on the floor. She kept talking about Natalia” 

“She told you?” Lucy asks shocked. She knew you wasn’t ready to tell them team but in a state of panic you might be let it slip.

“No. She only said her name” Mapi says. She couldn’t take her eyes off you. This wasn’t a panic attack, no she had seen one of those before. This was something much more intense.

A few minutes pass and Keira manages to keep your breathing under control but you’re still not ready to move. Lucy, Mapi and Ingrid stay close making sure to tell anyone who passes to keep moving.

“What is going on?” Alexia asks with concern, a concern that doesn’t reach Lucy in fact her asking is the worst thing she could have done.

“Get away from her” Lucy is up on her feet and pushing Alexia backwards. She would has fallen to the fall if not for the wall behind her “This is all your fault. You see this, you see her, this is what you have done to her”

“Lucy” you reach up and take her hand. The defender used her strength to pull you up. 

You, Lucy, Keira, Mapi and Ingrid walk towards the exit of the stadium.

“Y/N” Alexia’s voice is soft and it is only now that she realises she might have taken things too far.

You turn around to face the Catalonian. For the first time since arriving you make no effort to hide the pain you have felt on a daily basis.

“I want nothing to do with you Alexia”

[hutchhitched]

Social Commentary in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Part III

Part 3. Yeah… There’s a whole lot going on in the last third of the book, and I may have had to put it down a few times because I got really excited about how she wove the new book with the original trilogy. I know some people thought Part 3 was over the top, but I found it purposeful and deliberately on the nose, and I think that’s why it works. If you want to see my thoughts on the rest of the book, here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2.

 Major spoilers below:

Tagging some who asked me to and/or are interested: @the-tesseract-wrinkling-time​, @shesasurvivor​, @everlarkedalways​, @xerxia31​, @infinitegraces​, @panemposts, and @endlessnightlock​. Some others are tagged throughout.

 Before we move on to Part 3, I have to backtrack to something from Part 2 I forgot to include in the previous meta (I blame being up till 7 am and only getting four hours of sleep for that). In Chapter 18, Reaper stabs and rips the Panem flag and then uses it to cover the fallen tributes. The reaction of the mentors is shock and horror that the flag has been treated in such a manner. There’s a lot to unpack here. First, desecration of the flag in the US (and I’d guess most other countries, too) is almost always guaranteed to get a reaction. There have been attempts to pass a constitutional amendment to make it a federal crime to burn the flag. Others argue burning the flag is something protected as freedom of speech. Yet, official guidelines for how to treat the flag are broken all the time by letting it touch the ground, not lighting it, not taking it down during inclement weather, and turning it into a massive symbol of patriotism by holding it horizontally on a football field. I saw someone make reference to the outrage against NFL players kneeling during the national anthem as being disrespectful to the flag (even though that was a suggestion of a military veteran, as opposed to sitting during the anthem instead) rather than being outraged at the actions those players were protesting (police brutality against African American men). So, who is it that rips down the flag? Reaper, the tribute from District 11. Rue and Thresh were District 11, as were Chaff and Seeder. All were portrayed in the movies by African American actors. It’s fairly clear in the books that it’s a predominately black district. In other words, it’s likely Reaper is also a black man who tears down the flag of a country that oppresses him so he can provide cover and give dignity to the dead tributes. Now, think about it from a “rebel” perspective, and imagine that’s a Confederate flag that was ripped down. I know in the books that the Districts are the rebels and the Panem flag is more connected to the Capitol, but still. The debate over the (mostly successful) removal of the Confederate flag from former slave states has raged in the US in the past decade. Probably the most famous image of that debate is when a black woman climbed the flagpole at the South Carolina Statehouse and ripped down the flag. Remove the flag of the government that oppresses you, which is what Reaper does.

 Something I find really interesting is the lack of technology in this book. Panem obviously has advanced technology, but it’s not nearly as present as it is in the trilogy. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that’s a result of the depressed economy, and by the time we get to the 74th Hunger Games, the economy in the Capitol has recovered and been used to develop new technologies and products that make life easier for citizens. That’s a post-World War II/1950s consumerism analogy if I’ve ever seen one. Post World War II affluence in the United States was a major factor in the development of new weapons and technology. Because American workers were making more and had savings and wages rose 100% between 1945 and 1968, Americans spent more, bought more, and paid more income tax. The solidification of capitalism as America’s economic system helped the US “win” the Cold War against the Soviets. Because Americans made more and were subsequently taxed more, the government had more money to develop new weapons and technologies. The first computer, the hydrogen bomb, vaccines for polio and smallpox, NASA, and the development of ICBMs all took place during this era. A strong economy typically makes people think the nation/government is strong. Not coincidentally, an early counterculture developed during the 1950s that protested against increased consumerism and senseless spending. The Beats/Beatniks/Beat Generation disliked that Americans spent so much money on frivolous things while others (African Americans, the rural poor, and so on) suffered. Sounds a lot like the Capitol citizens who spent lavishly and didn’t care about the districts. As a slight aside, Allen Ginsberg, one of the Beat Generation’s poets, wrote Howl, which calls out capitalism and repression. I wrote The Cry for @promptsinpanem’s prompt Howl in homage to that. Someday, I might actually expand it.

 In Part 2, I wasn’t sure who had the power, and I really couldn’t figure out Highbottom. That’s mostly cleared up for me by the end of the book. I was intrigued by Pluribus Bell’s (many bells, I love it!) story about Highbottom and Snow’s father before Snow left for District 12. It was the seed that let me hope we’d get more information, and we did. Crassus Xanthos Snow is Snow’s father. Crassus was a member of the First Triumvirate (Julius Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus) and helped transition the Roman Republic to the Roman Empire (from pre to post Hunger Games). He also gained power and influence as a soldier during the slave uprising of Spartacus (became a hero during a rebel uprising). Also, Xanthos is a city in Turkey that’s been conquered repeatedly but always recovers (Snow lands on top!). Highbottom’s first name is Casca, who was one of Caesar’s best friends, but he ends up being the first person to stab Caesar during his assassination. The break in the relationship between the two men is clearly why Highbottom turns on (young) Snow, and the explanation about how the Hunger Games come to be is a pretty big allegory to the betrayal of Crassus (Caesar) by Casca. Also, that explains why Highbottom didn’t ever really seem to be supportive of the Games, even though he was credited as their creator. ( @everlvrks)

 There are a lot of references to Roman names and places in this book and the trilogy. The Capitol seems pretty obsessed with the Classics and wants to reflect that type of lifestyle and elitism. During grad school, one of the books I had to read discussed the obsession America’s Founding Fathers (Washington, Hamilton, Jefferson, and so on) had with the Classics. They emulated Greek and Roman ideals. The District of Columbia (Washington, DC) is named after the Roman goddess of Liberty. Jefferson’s and Washington’s homes use classical architecture like domes and columns and many of the federal buildings (the Capital and White House) reflect that. Add on the Washington Monument (an obelisk—which are found all over in the ancient world) and the columns of the Lincoln Memorial and the dome and columns of the Jefferson Memorial, and well… The Founding Fathers were Deists who revered the Classics, which is why I (a religious historian) always laugh when people tell me the US was founded on religion. Yeah, and the Civil War wasn’t fought over slavery, either.

 Before this book, I would never have thought about Snow having a history with District 12 or a stint as a peacekeeper. I even looked ahead to the title for Part 3 and still didn’t realize that was going to happen, but it makes sense. First, Snow seems to have known Katniss much better than can really be explained. Her hunting outside the fence and her escapes to the Lake were never really solitary because he knew the area. He’d been there before. He’d visited Lucy Gray in the Seam, been to the meadow, and so on. Some people may see that as too much, but it absolutely fits with the draconian oversight of the Capitol during Katniss’ time, and it indicates why Snow was so intrigued and obsessed with her. Second, Snow’s experience in the military would have worked wonders for his political career. He won the Hunger Games, served as peacekeeper, visited the districts, became the youngest person to qualify for officer training, and went to the university. That’s a stellar resumé for a budding politician. Clearly, he was exceptional. Terrible, but exceptional (which is said about super-villain Voldemort in Harry Potter, too).

 I had to stop and put the book down and wiggle with glee when the tree appeared in the distance. I didn’t think we’d get the actual Hanging Tree in the book, but that might have been the most thrilling part for me. It wasn’t overt. She didn’t name it. She just set the scene, but I knew what it was. And then to have the hanging and the man yell out to his “love” and the mockingjays pick up his cry and for Snow to see a mockingjay and immediately hate it… Oh, good night, nurse. It’s just too much. That’s when I made this post. I’ll admit, I have a thing for lone, massive trees. My dad has one on his farm, and there’s a huge, very old Burr oak that’s a local tourist attraction close to where I went to college. I felt like I was driving down the road and seeing it rise from the distance, which I did way too many times during undergrad and grad school.

 References to the Covey having traveled and planning to again travel north were clear indicators that District 13 was alive and well (sorry for the on the nose pun) even back then. It seems obvious to me that Snow kept that information in the back of his mind as he took power and anticipated an eventual attack from there. The fact that his family’s fortune was destroyed in District 13 makes it even more appropriate that the final rebellion came from there, too.

 I didn’t like Lucy Gray in the first two parts of the book, and I’m still not completely taken with her. There’s just something about her I don’t quite trust, and I’m not convinced she was completely in love with Snow. Sejanus thinks she is, but I’m also not sure I trust him to be the most perceptive person either. I’ve discussed this briefly already with some others, but I’m still on the fence about her. I acknowledge that she doesn’t have the same power as Snow does, so it’s not possible by definition for her to play him, but I do think she’s manipulative. Peeta is, too, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does indicate she’s not exactly who she says she is. Lucy Gray’s job as a performer gives me even more pause because her living is made by putting on a show, by performing, by convincing an audience that what she’s doing is authentic. For lack of a better way to put it—If Lucy Gray is a performer, how would Snow ever know what’s real and what’s not real? Sound familiar? (This part’s for you, @lovely-tothe-bone.)

 The songs:

Deep in the Meadow—It’s a lot disconcerting that Katniss’ lullaby to her sister is a song Snow’s heard before out of the mouth of the woman he once loved. Equally disturbing to know that he’s been in the meadow, and I really thought that the song was going to be about Lucy Gray and Snow together there. I’m glad it stayed a lullaby and not a love song. I think it’s fabulous that Katniss and Peeta reclaim the meadow for themselves as a place where their daughter dances. It’s a little bit (a lot) poetic.

 The Hanging Tree—Well, now that we know where that story comes from, I like it even more. The only part of the book I didn’t really like was Snow thinking he had something figured out and then rethinking and then changing his mind and so on. There was a little bit too much of that as he tried to decipher song lyrics, and particularly with this song.

 The public domain songs—I grew up singing these songs (although with some slightly different words), so they all brought a smile to my face. Probably my favorite rendition of Keep on the Sunny Side is from the movie Oh Brother! Where Art Thou? The entire soundtrack is very bluegrass, and good bluegrass is delightful. And it’s nice to know what the Valley Song really is.

 Unnamed—Okay, so my favorite was the first one at the Hob (pp. 362-364). I’m no songwriter, but I could hear the tune, and it was very Lumineers (maybe crossed with the Dixie Chicks?). Upbeat and peppy and feel good, all the way. I also find it interesting that music and concerts are outlawed in District 12 once there’s a new base commander. An allegory on the tendency to cut art programs first? On the power of art as a motivation for action? Both?

 Which brings us to the star-crossed lovers of District 12, or something. Obviously, this brings up images of Katniss and Peeta, but probably the most famous reference is in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet with the star-crossed lovers taking their lives. That’s often read as them being fated to die, which is something Snow seems to follow. He mentions his destiny and fate many times and doesn’t do a very good job of recognizing his choices. There’s one time during the Games when he resolves to do the right thing, but otherwise, no. Shakespeare does also say in Julius Caesar that the fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves (which John Greene used in his book title). Snow doesn’t want to take responsibility for what he does. He chooses to follow the rules instead of what is right. He’s legalistic instead of ethical. There’re a lot of philosophical and religious undertones to that, but I’ll let that float for a while.

 On page 386, Lucy Gray tells Snow, “You’re mine and I’m yours. It’s written in the stars.” I’ll be honest, I almost dropped the book when I read that. In Catching Fire, Katniss says the same thing about Gale, but she doesn’t end up with him. They aren’t fated. She ends up with Peeta, who she chooses to love. I should have known from that point that Lucy Gray and Snow would not end up together, but I still wasn’t sure how that was going to happen. I really did think she was going to break up with him or betray him somehow because that was the only thing I could think of that would make him stop loving her and turn into what he becomes. A broken heart is a really good reason for revenge, but what actually happens so much worse. ( @mtk4fun  and @norbertsmom )

 Snow and Lucy Gray decide to run away together, just like Katniss and Gale were going to in the original trilogy. Lucy Gray is worried the mayor’s going to kill her, and Snow doesn’t want to live without her. Except he realizes really quickly that he doesn’t like life on the run. It’s beneath him. He deserves better. He’s entitled to and fated for more, he thinks. On top of that, he’s passed the officer’s training exam, and suddenly there’s a way out of the pit into which he’s fallen. And then he lies to Lucy Gray.

 Lucy Gray’s said all along the most important thing to her is trust, and then he lies to her. He doesn’t tell her he had a hand in turning in Sejanus. He doesn’t tell her because he’s afraid of losing her, which is a selfish reason, not one to spare her feelings or to protect her. He lies to protect himself. By the time they get to the cabin at the lake, he’s decided he’s not going with her, and she’s realized he’s lied to her. And then the weapon he used to commit murder (for her or him?) is there. Snow snaps quickly after that. There’s a metaphor, I’m sure about him losing his hold on reality and self-control when he’s past the boundaries of civilization, but he falls really, really quickly. He goes from wanting to tell her he’s changed his mind to attempting to murder her. The only thing that really stops him is the snake bite, which is not fatal, but reminds me why I didn’t trust Lucy Gale. Was it deliberate? Did she leave him on purpose? Does she escape him, or does he manage to cut her down? Either way, he doesn’t choose love. Love, which is a selfless act, isn’t his end game. He chooses himself. He chooses being selfish and looking out for himself instead of others. He doesn’t like being vulnerable. He clinically plans to marry someone he doesn’t love, so he never feels exposed again. In short, he makes the opposite choice Katniss does, and that makes all the difference.

 A few other things because this is way too long at this point:

 Peacekeepers: Boot camp for peacekeepers was interesting and strongly resembles the process of the military stripping down differences and making each soldier part of a machine. Haircuts, uniforms, routines, and so on are all about stripping away his identity, and he hates every second of it. He’s too good for that, and there’s entitlement all over the place. That’s very different from the peacekeepers from the districts who join the military as a way out of poverty. I mean, Snow does, too, but only because he’s forced.

 Betrayal: Recording Sejanus and Snow justifying it was hard to read. It was harder to read about the execution. And then to have the Plinths take Snow in after he returns to the Capitol is absolutely the worst. Despicable behavior.

 Poisoning Highbottom: It doesn’t surprise me, and it’s exactly what the rumors in the original books were. Snow kills his rivals to ascend.

 Snow’s role in the Games: The Hunger Games change dramatically between the 10th and the 74th. It’s clear Snow has a significant role in how and why that happens. The tributes aren’t caged and are housed in luxury. The cattle cars are replaced with a high-speed train with lots of food. The tributes get stylists and prep teams instead of being unwashed and dirty. In other words, the treatment of tributes becomes more humane, which becomes even more problematic. At least Lucy Gray knew she was being offered up as a sacrifice. No one lied to her about what she was. The implementation of these ways to fatten the lambs up for slaughter is horrific and cruel and very Snow.

 Finally, the purpose of the Hunger Games changes for Snow by the time we get to the end of the book. They are no longer just a way to punish the districts. They’re a way to exert controlled warfare instead of a messy war between the Capitol and the districts. It’s still kids being forced to kill kids. The tributes are still kids in cages. They’re still “not from here.” The Capitol kids are to be protected, but the parents in the poor areas aren’t able to take care of their own. It’s all deliberate. Collins doesn’t pull punches about the treatment of migrant children in cages or the murder of schoolchildren. What she does is point out that we don’t really mean what we say about protecting children. We’re only outraged for our own, not for those who are different. Suzanne Collins doesn’t have time for white privilege, American elitism, tyrannical government, excessive capitalism, or excuses, and her book reads that way. I loved every word of it.

[so-caffeinated]

Favorite romance authors? Any specific titles you recommend??

Oh man. Uh... yes. Also, I’m writing this on the bus chaperoning a fourth grade field trip. Here’s hoping no nine year olds read over my shoulder!

These are in no particular order.

Courtney Milan - Writes both historical and contemporary romance. Her characters are confident and compelling. Everything I’ve read of hers is good, but the Brothers Sinister series has to be my fav.

Tessa Dare - Engrossing historicals with sharp dialogue and palpable heat. Governess Game and Countess Conspiracy are fantastic.

Casey McQuinston - Has one book out so far - Red, White, and Royal Blue - which is hands down the best contemporary romance I read last year. Funny, timely, incredibly memorable. This is a mlm romance between the son of the first female president and his rival, a prince of England. It’s a goddamned delight. I paid full price for a physical copy after having read the copy I got from the library. No regrets.

Susannah Nix - I mean, this is obvious, yeah? I’m biased. I know her. But I’d love her writing even if I didn’t know her. Smart heroines and swoon-worthy heroes that feel real and keep you clicking to the next page way later into the night than planned. She’s reliably excellent.

Sarina Bowen - Her name is the first one I look for every week at the used bookstore, just in case they have one I haven’t read. I have never been disappointed by her but Brooklynaire is my fav... and not just because it’s got a workaholic nerdy hot hero named Nate (I admit, it helps, though).

Alisha Rai - Probably better known for The Right Swipe (which is in my TBR list), or going viral for bemoaning a date-gone-wrong who ate two cake pops in front of her without offering one (the monster), my favorites of hers so far are the Forbidden Hearts series. Rich, complicated family history is my jam.

Marie Tremayne - Back to historicals, her debut novel Lady in Waiting hit all the right buttons for me. Well crafted with memorable, visual scenes and compelling motivations, I enjoyed this one a lot.

Kennedy Ryan - I’ve read a few of hers but Long Shot is the one that stands out. It’s a challenging read because of the subject matter (please heed the warnings), but a beautiful and important tale.

Alyssa Cole - Both her civil war historicals and her contemporary reluctant royals series are fan-freaking-tasting. All of her characters feel so real and her settings - especially in her historicals - feel immersive and authentic.

Emma Chase - The royally series is just hot, sexy fun. Perfect to enjoy with a glass of wine in a bubble bath on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

Cherise Sinclair - While we’re talking dirty... Club Shadowlands is full on erotica with kinks galore. It’s delightful.

Lucy Parker - Back on the sweeter side (with some heat to it still) , I LOVE her London Celebrities series. Tropes done right, guys.

Rebekah Weatherspoon - She has two series I’ve been working my way through. She’s awesome on body positivity and heroines owning their own sexuality.

Mia Sosa - Read and adored Acting on Impulse on vacation. Rich, layered characters with wholly believable progression to their journeys. Delicious, funny, and sexy, I loved this one (and I rarely enjoy first person PoV, much less love stories with them).

Beverly Jenkins - Ms. Bev has a deep backlist I’ve only barely scratched the surface of, but she’s legendary for a good reason. Her writing is sharp and engrossing with well crafted characters and interesting settings. Forbidden is a fav.

Elle Kennedy - Yes. Please. So steamy. So engrossing. She has at least two series I’ve been reading, Killer Instincts and also Outlaws. The former deals with a group of assassins and ummmm yes. She’s another I look for every time I hit the used bookstore.

Kit Rocha - Back to erotica here, I’m a sucker for post-apocalyptic romance and the Beyond series fits the bill nicely. I haven’t finished it but the first two were excellent.

Loretta Chase - Lord of Scoundrels. We’re back to historical here but omg what a historical. It’s the only thing of hers I’ve read (and it’s about 25 years old), but it’s a masterpiece of romantic tension and character depth. Freaking must-read for romance writers, IMO. Her structure and character development are study-worthy.

Nora Roberts - Because she’s Nora Roberts. And because Chronicles of The One very much fed my niche interest of post apocalyptic romance.

I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty but this feels like a solid list! Happy reading!

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Ghosts from the rain forest

As I previously stated Captain James Conrad is my favorite character from Tom Hiddleston, and I think I took long enough to write this.

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

James Conrad x Reader

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 1: A Wedding and a mission

The flash of a camera went off and the women in their long gowns smiled, frozen in place before immediately move so the next group of people could get their pictures taken.

"Must be nice to take pictures of flower girl's and bridesmaids for a change" He said to the photographer that seemed pretty uncomfortable in the dress she was wearing but still managed to put a knee on the ground to capture the little nice of the bride and her flower basket.

"What from wild animals and dangerous creatures? Have you seen San Lin this morning when the officiant was late?" Weaver took the hand he offered and stood up "In any case how are you dealing with being back in society, how is the arm?" He instinctively touch the place were a couple months before some vicious fangs almost ripped it off, after that and some days at the hospital Brooks had prevent him to going back to the field and he had ended up as best man in his wedding with San Lin.

"It's better, but I feel I could die from boredom, how is the new job going?" Mason was now part of an anthropology expedition to Etiopia and the recent discovery of Lucy have kept her busy to be around with him or Monarch, it was for the best, she wanted to change the world and lately there was little to no advance in their understanding of the origin of those creatures, so they might as well start trying to understand human's.

"Would it be rude if I said it's amazing?" He grin at her, he was happy she had found something that made her happy, especially since their attempt at being together didn't work out, and he was glad that at least they have managed to save a friendship "I'm meeting so many people and the things they have found, it's just incredible. You should come with me sometime, well if Houston doesn't send you to Antarctica to find more MUTOs, Lin says he wants to talk to you" She pointed behind him and walked away muttering "Good luck" while the groom approached him with two glasses of champagne in his hands.

"Conrad," Houston said firmly putting his hand on his shoulder after giving him one of the glasses, after those years and missions he had grown to respect that men deeply "are you enjoying the pary?" He seemed nervous, as if he was searching for the right way to bring up something.

"Plenty Brooks, I hope Lin and you to be very happy" He said hopping the small talk would encourage him to talk.

"James I have a favor to ask you" He said finally after a big sip of his drink "I understand you are still on medical leave, and in no shape to travel, but this... I mean this is not as dangerous as your previous assignments, and truly I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important" he keep babbling getting nowhere for a minute before James interrupted him.

"Can you tell me what it is? Before you faint and your wife take it on me" Conrad pointed a chair and once both men were sitting Houston spoke calmly.

"Is Randa's daughter, she is lost in some jungle and I need you to get her out of there" He had a desperate look on his eyes.

"I didn't knew he was married or that he had a daughter" Conrad tried to make some sense out of the situation.

"Yeah well after he was discredited for his research on Monarch they grow apart, Y/N, I mean Dr. Y/L/N she goes bye her mother's maiden name" James can understand that, if wasn't because he had actually seen the subjects of said research he would also have said the man was crazy.

"And you said she is lost?" The story was turning interesting for Conrad since Randa never strike him as a fatherly man.

"She worked in the development of agriculture technology, when the Vietnam war started she changed paths and became an humanitarian, so she is in every war zone, or isolated place where she could help people, before we went to skull island Randa was trying to found her, to reconnect with her, and I recently had news that she is lost in the middle of a political conflict in Asia" He said and now Conrad could see where he fit in the story and a had a bad feeling about it.

"Where is she? And why do you need me specifically to find her?" James asked.

"Malaysia" He said and he could feel a strain of pain in his chest about that place, not sure at all if he wanted to go back there. "The last record we have of her is she fled Borneo to carry food and medicine to some villages in Malaysia, and I know is the last thing you want to do, but I don't think there's anyone else who could help me" that was definitely not something he wanted to be doing at his wedding.

"How do you know she is alive?" He asked knowing too Well he was about to make a bad choice.

"We intercepted a telegram about a delivery of medicine in Bandar Seri Begawan, she might be there to pick up things and go back to the forest"

"So she is not lost, just avoiding you?" Conrad was not stupid, but as far as he knew there were no wild vicious creatures in that island so he could actually go there. "Fine I'll go, but it's a favor to you on your wedding day, you can't ever ask for anything else" He said very seriously and Houston knew he was telling the truth.

You look at the post card one last time before turning down your light, there was another week in the forest surrounded by humid nights and mosquitoes before you have to go back to civilization to pick up more medicine, and you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.

That was the last you have known from Randa, a postcard from Washington almost two years ago, it wasn't that wired since he often disappeared for months but the cryptic message on it was telling you maybe this time something have happened to him. "I finally got him baby, you'll see" you shake those feelings out of your head, then you remember the letter you got from some guy in DC named Brooks one year ago, about you needing to come home, and his multiple attempts to contact you. Your heart already knew what had happened to him, but your mind was conveniently avoiding facing it, and you preferred it that way.

You finally fall asleep thinking there was nothing that could actually change your life, nor even your father god knows where in the other side of the world or creepy guys from Monarch.

[ivory-haired-queens-blog]

Unpopular Opinions: Fandom Edition

Hey none of you asked but I’m here to deliver so here are some unpopular opinions for the fandoms I’m in. Spoilers, duh.

Marvel:

I don’t like Natasha. Or Steve.

Pepper Potts is a top.

As much as I love Loki, his death was nessicary in Infinity War.

Steve should have killed Bucky in Civil War. He was a threat, plain and simple.

I ship Ironstrange/Supremefamily.

Clint should have died in Infinity War.

I love Tony Stark with my whole heart. (Not an unpopular opinion but you needed to know that)

I’m not happy with the end of Endgame.

10 years in the making....for you to do Thor like that?

Not because he’s fat or because he’s dealing with trauma, that’s totally acceptable.

What’s not acceptable is them making Thor into the butt of the joke because he’s fat.

I love the Antman movies.

I’m totally not biased because I loved lost.

(I’m kinda biased)

Shuri is the best Marvel character and would beat Tony Stark in a battle of wits.

(I’m so gay I love her.)

With as many years as Marvel has had the MCU, I am disgusted at the lack of diversity within the movies.

Like it’s 2019 and we JUST got a female empowerment scene in Endgame.

Like I want a gay superhero.

(We have a disabled one thank god. Love you Stephen.)

And don’t give me that Valkyrie/Captain Marvel BS because they never blatantly stated or showed it in their movies.

I want an Asian superhero bitch.

A superhero who is Muslim/Islam/and religion besides Christian.

I think that, as much as I hate Natasha and Steve, they should have been the ones that Bruce first sees in Infinity War. I know it set up the whole “earth is closed today” sequence but it didn’t make sense and was OOC.

I love Stephen Strange and he’s never done a single thing wrong ever in his life I would die for this man.

I like MCU Peter Parker over the origional movie Spider-Man.

Fight me.

I also like the Tony Stark/Peter Parker better than the Uncle Ben/Peter Parker so @ me.

The 100

I don’t ship Bellarke that hard.

Like yes, I think they’re obviously being groomed to end up together. I know the show runners will make them official before the end of the series. I’m not mad about that, I just don’t really care to be honest. It’s like, too obvious.

But there are some cute bellarke scenes

What they did to Monty was bullshit but what they did to Jasper was worse.

I feel no guilt whatsoever in saying that I think that killing all of Mount Weather was what they should have done from the beginning.

Yes, even the kids. Because if you kill their leaders, the men and women will fight back. The colony would have been left with a handful of adults, and a bunch of kids if the origional plan had worked. This is doomed to fail and honestly just killing them all would be better than seeing them kill eachother for food, power, whatever. If that makes sense.

I think that Finn deserved to die.

I think that Murphey deserves the world.

Charlotte fucking killed Wells. Yes she’s young but she knows better than to kill someone. Maybe not kill her, but we all know that Clarke wouldn’t have banished her like she did Murphey. Clarke has a gender bias because Murphey didn’t do anything and she wouldn’t have punished Charlotte as hard because she’s a young girl. I rest my case

Even though what he did was bad and wrong, I don’t think Murphey should have been banished. He’s right. They were all compliant and even excited when he was being hung, but when it’s a little girl all bets are off.

Like Bellamy brought the whole hostage thing upon himself because he fucking tied a noose around Murphey’s throat.

Again, not that what Murphey did was right. He didn’t have to act like that. Jasper didn’t do anything to him.

Also this segment is getting long but the show writers and everyone else just casually forgot that Murphey was TORTURED? Hello? Are we not going to acknowledge that?

I shipped Clexa with my whole heart.

Another actually popular opinion: what they’ve done to Raven’s character this season is bullshit. Her only role is Abby’s moral compass. This is the same girl who shuttled to earth in a Tin Can. She’s better than this.

What the fuck??? Happened to??? Jordan???

Like Madi stabbed him

And then they proceeded to not talk about it for like four episodes and then casually mention it in passing like “oh he saved Pria that means he gets to live”

Like they set up his character to be really important this season.

But he’s not.

I think that Murphey/Emori is the best ship.

I also think that Either Murphey or Emori or Both are secretly double crossing the Primes. (This comes out before the finale of season six)

They didn’t have to do Onyia like that

The opening of season three is so weak that I actually stopped watching the show around that time (I’d been watching since the beginning of season two) because there’s just nothing there in the first like 10 minutes and I couldn’t do it.

Maybe I’m just impatient but it’s bad.

I think that Octavia did the best that she could with what she had available and I think that’s she’s not a bad person for what she did with the fighting pits/cannabalism. And I know that if Bellamy had been in her place, he would have eventually done the same.

Kane was a whiny bitch in season 5.

Why’d the kill Diyoza(I can’t spell) like that?

I liked Joesephine. It was really fun to see Eliza Taylor be able to get a new character in the show. Also props to her for that last episode with pretending to be Joesephine and being Clarke at the same time.

I called the dude being Gabriel from the first time I saw him you peasants.

Octavia’s redemption arc this season is beautiful.

They did....that.....to Kane. I’m angerey.

Lost In space

Not enough people watch this show. (The Netflix remake or the origional)

Seriously guys it’s a good show.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with it.

I love Don West with my whole heart.

I love Dr. Smith with my half heart.

I love the robot with my two hearts.

I love Penny Robinson with all the stars in the galaxy.

I love all of them okay.

There are no plot holes, no inconsistencies, no faulty science and anyone who says (or proves) otherwise is wrong.

It’s confirmed for a season two which should air in like the December-February time area.

It’s a Netflix show so you can binge the entire season in like a weekend.

Seriously watch it.

The Umbrella Academy

Five x Delores is weird.

Luther x Allison is illegal.

Klaus deserves all the push pops in the world.

The handler is hot.

The Comission killed Dave.

Luther is the most boring, Unorigional, straight white guy character I’ve seen in a long time. I hate him so much.

Allison is a queen but her character is brought down by her weird relationship with her brother.

Tbh if I was Allison you know I’d be telling my kids that I heard a rumor that theyd go the fuck to sleep. Like that’s a good thing. Idk maybe I’m just a sociopath.

Istanbul not Constantinople being played over a scene where five murders a squad of Commission people is the greatest cinematic masterpiece ever conceived by man.

“Where are you going” “to save the world” “oh is that all?” Iconic.

None of these are really unpopular but the show writers seem to think differently.

Diego has never done anything wrong in his life like yaaaasss bitch kill your brother at yo daddy’s funeral!!! Work!!!

PaTcH

AAaAHh

Big Theif - Mary is the perfect song to play over Klaus returning from Vietnam.

Will you love me, like you loved me in the January rain?

It’s up there with Goodbye July.

Speaking of Goodbye July....

Z Nation

Many people haven’t watched it

It’s like if The Walking Dead and Zombieland had a baby....and then the baby did a line of cocaine.

It’s wild.

Watching Garnet die ruined every sliver of hope I had in humanity.

I have a special place in my heart for this show because it’s the first show that me and my mom would stay up and watch the new episodes air every Friday. It brought us closer and I can’t thank the cast and show runners enough for this.

So maybe I’m biased, but you should watch it.

Having Murphey switch from being an anti-hero to a villain back to an anti-hero and then to a regular hero, amazing. Astonishing. The peak of human existence.

Even though he’s not entirely human.

What color is Murphey today? Is he pale, discolored, grey, blue, red? We don’t know!

Roberta Warren is the Black Goddess main protagonist that we deserve.

Addison Carver is a functional Bi.

10k is tragic backstory central but other than that, his character development is pretty lacking other than him persuing love interests.

None of these are really unpopular opinions but I doubt any of you have watched the show. It’s on Netflix. Watch it.

Oooooohhhhh George.

Georgia St. Clair could stomp me to death and my ghost would still want to fuck her.

Anyways I’m gay

God damn I have a lot of pent up Gay energy.

Murphey and Lucy have a realistic enstranged father/daughter relationship and it’s heartwarming.

And then they killed her off to save him.

Honestly if you name a character Murphey they can only be assholish bad boys with a good heart deep down sorry I don’t make the rules.

Also if you name a character Murphey I will love them with my whole soul.

I’m so mad they cancelled the show.

I’m infinitely more mad that they named that disgrace of a show Black Summer and claimed that it was a prequel....but it didn’t follow the same cast and had they not advertised it as a prequel I would never have guessed.

Black Summer gives totally opposite vibes than Z Nation does. I get that black summer is supposed to be the worst time that the zombie apocalypse ever had, with cannibals and no food, but it feels like s completely different show.

It’s like if The Walking Dead claimed that it is a prequel/occurs during Shaun of the Dead.

Like....no. They’re....no.

Anyway watch it it’s good.

Detroit: Become Human

Connor isn’t the best character.

This is an unpopular opinion post deal with it.

Markus has to be my favorite.

Honestly this game is so good and not even just graphics-wise.

It’s the same robotic sentience story we’ve been fed for years, but this time it’s from the Android’s perspective and this time all they want is to be free. That’s it.

I fucking hate North.

Hank is literally if Rick from Rick and Morty were serious.

The only correct way to play Connor is to walk the thin line between deviant and regular A.I. Without leaving out Hank. The correct thing to do is make Conner deviant at Jericho.

The only correct way to play Kara is to protect Alice with every fiber of your being. Meanwhile, get close to her. Do not get caught, even if that means dissappointing her.

The only correct way to play Markus is to lead a peaceful revolution. Also tell North to fuck off.

The border patrol guy who either gets Kara and Alice caught or knowingly lets Androids cross the border is the best character. Forget about Markus, this guy sees either “oh fuck androids are killing people, maybe we shouldn’t let this one cross the border” or “Androids just want to be free and are peacefully fighting for this. Let this one and her daughter through.” I love him.

LUTHER.

YES DADDY.

anyway.

Let Out The Bear He Just Wants To Say Hi :)

Even though I think Conner is overrated by the fandom, I do like him.

But he’s not a pure innocent cinnamon roll either.

It depends on how you play, but he has really violent options so stop the “He wouldn’t harm a fly” attitude.

But he is cute.

The home screen for the game is revolutionary (no pun intended) and I hope future game follow suit in making the first impression of the game something cool.

Stealing clothes/money/the fence cutters is literally okay.

Also if you put Kara in white hair you can die.

If in your first actual play through you got the Kara lives at the recycling plant ending but Alice dies, you can die too.

I’ve never actually seen the steal money and go to motel option play out because it’s stupid, especially if you don’t steal clothes. Like that’s begging to be caught.

Stranger things

Billy Hargrove is bad and just because he’s abused does not make what he does okay.

Harringrove is gross and I’m gay so my opinion counts as double.

That being said, there are some really cute fics about Harringrove and I can see the appeal of “good boy falls for mysterious bad boy with a dark past and trauma”

I’ve said I’m gay this whole post because I say it a lot, but I don’t like actually labeling myself but I like girls and boys and everything in between and I say I’m gay kinda as a joke when girls are hot.

That being said...

Steve Harrington calling himself Daddy made me feel things.

Strange things.

Haha get it I’m making a joke to distract you from the daddy part.

Steve Harrington is a good person now, but he was still an asshole before and he can still be criticized for his past.

I used to be hardcore Jancy but after season three I feel like Nancy needs and deserves a break from boys so she can figure out herself and who she is now and what she wants to do without the weight of boys and boyfriends constantly around her.

That being said i still don’t like Nancy because she was flirting/slept in the same bed with Jonathan whilst obviously having feelings for him while she and Steve were still a thing. It’s not cheating but to me it’s close enough to raise red flags.

Robin is perfect in every way.

I don’t like Jonathan. He’s creepy in s1, fine in s2, but then is s3 he doesn’t do anything to or about his male bosses when Nancy is being made fun of because she’s a woman.

Seeing Nancy’s class priveledge/Jonathan’s male priveledge clashing was so cool tbh

Elmax > Mileven > Lumax

Jim Hopper, with all his faults, is still a caring dad.

Plus him threatening Mike made me laugh so hard sksksksks

Steve Harrington deserves the world and then some.

Low key I really want s4 to give in insight on his family life.

I also want him to get an apartment with Robin.

Robins cute tbh but for half the season I though she was a Russian spy. I guess I was wrong.

Mrs. Wheeler shouldn’t sleep with billy (not that she can now) because it’s wrong, but the reason she wanted to is because her husband is so boring and she gave up on her dreams to be his perfect housewife. She wanted a challenge with Billy. Instead, she should leave her pushover of a husband and find someone better.

Anyway Steve Harrington deserves the world.

Yeah okay hate me whatever.

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

fic updates

alright gals and guys! 

I know ive been super absent from Tumblr for about two years and with no word but that was due to a bunch of things in the works now this isn't an excuse to me not posting at all its more of a time like I had last time to write.

Ive had such an amazing journey writing during these two years with the abso-freaking-lutely amazing @thorne93​ who I love so dearly and is such a BABE!

here’s a little look into whats going to come up soon:

also let me know if your interested in being tagged for any of these.

Supernatural:

Long gone series continue writing and posting

Sam x reader oneshot- reader and sam were planned to get married but due to circumstances she ends it and goes on a dozen hunts to forget the pain. got you your angst,and fluff

Lucifer x OC- OC is a hunter working for Crowley hoping to save her niece but instead of giving up her soul she becomes main hunter for hell.

dean x reader- based on the song I won’t say im in love from the Hercules movie. dean is a hunter and reader is an angel unaware that they are both on the search for the angel tablet. dean unaware of what she is becomes suddenly entranced by her strength and determination and beauty

reader is a fellow hunter and lives in the bunker with the Winchesters and cas on a peculiar case she gets held back from a hunt and put on babystitting duty how you ask? all the angels (cas, gabe,luci and Michael) have been turned into babies. all the three of the other’s are getting along except lucifer he’s all alone and seeing him as a baby and how cute he is reader cant help but to spend the rest of the day making him feel better. mostly fluff and some angst

Marvel:

Unforseen Chasm- all parts written and they are ready on my queue for the most part. mostly angst lol and some fluff

 Steve x reader- things were going great for steve and reader they were happy and expecting their little bundle of joy (reader 6mos preggo) post civil war one moment she’s fine the next reader’s been kidnapped and bad guy frames Steve for stealing tony’s money and tony believe he did it. creating a whole new conflict. angst slight fluff

Ironman x mutant!reader-  based on the song I won’t say im in love from the Hercules movie. she’s working undercover as Tony starks assistant he knows something isn't right  he becomes stuck between a sword and a hard place when he finds out the truth.

steve x reader- reader and steve have been together for 4 years but have known each other longer. she’s pregnant and is an agent of shield. best friends with bucky and the maximoff twins. Pietro is alive, all fluff.

[moonwaif]

Snow Over Insomnia: ch. 2

Pairings: Gladnis, promptis

Theme: snowed in

Summary:

Once a year, Shiva blesses Insomnia with snowfall. This year's snow day finds four friends in transition. There's Noctis, who's trying his best to enjoy freshman year. With his best friend Prompto enrolled at a different college, it hasn't been easy. When a particularly controversial lecture puts Noctis on the spot, he says some things he regrets. Can he make amends before their friendship freezes over?

Meanwhile, there's Gladiolus, who's finding it increasingly difficult to deny his feelings for coworker and friend Ignis Scientia. The appearance of a mysterious figure from Ignis's past might just be the sign that it's time to come clean. Will Gladio make a move, or will he let the opportunity melt away?

PT. III: 15:45 hours    

Noctis could tell his uncle was back the second he got off the elevator; the muffled music vibrating through the hall announced his presence. He gave the door a light push, already knowing what he’d find within: Ardyn draped over the couch, wearing a long, raggy house coat and drinking wine straight from the bottle. His head lolled back against the arm of the coach, eyes closed and oblivious to his nephew’s arrival.

Noctis walked straight to stereo and punched the “off” button. The sudden silence roused Ardyn from his stupor.

“Well, well. If it isn’t my dearest nephew!”

Noctis slung his backpack from his shoulders. “I’m your only nephew. How long you staying this time?”

“A few days, a few weeks - who knows.” He took a long drink from the bottle, swallowing with a grimace. “This last tour left me feeling particularly uninspired. I need time to re-channel my creative energies. Where better to do just that than Insomnia, my home?”

Normally Noctis liked having his uncle around. It didn’t happen extremely often. Ardyn was usually in the hospital or on tour with his band. On the occasions that he did pop in for a visit, it always felt like having an eccentric older brother slash next-door neighbor. It also meant putting up with his uncle’s neediness and extravagance.

Today, Noctis wasn’t really in the mood.

“Can’t you rechannel in your own apartment?” he groused.

“That’s not very neighborly of you, Noct.”

Noctis ignored him, heading toward the kitchen. He pulled a soda out of the fridge and gulped down such a large mouthful that his chest burned.

It was no coincidence that Ardyn and Noctis were neighbors. In fact, it was the only reason Regis had allowed Noctis to move out of the palace in the first place - well, that and the fact that Iggy had agreed to be Noct’s roommate. With the entire apartment building belonging to Ardyn and security guards posted around every corner, it was hard for Noctis to get up to much trouble without the Citadel hearing about it.

He took another drink of soda.

“Sorry,” he muttered gruffly. “Long day. Lots of classes.”

“Oh yes; I forget, you’re a ‘college boy’ now. Are you enjoying my alma mater?”

“I guess.”

“I hope they’re teaching you children to be good, obedient little civilians. What do they have you majoring in, anyway?

An image of Ignis at the podium flashed across Noct’s vision. “Political science,” he ground out.

“How dreadful. Still, you’re better off than I was. To think, back then I actually intended to become a doctor. Laughable.” The bottle sloshed noisily. “By the way, when does that little chef friend of yours get home? I'm famished."

Noct's jaw tightened. He returned to the living room, plopping into an armchair across from the couch. He glanced at his uncle, dismayed to see the heavy bags under his eyes, the sallow complexion of his cheeks.

“Should you really be drinking during a flare-up?” he asked, eyes flickering toward the half-empty bottle.

Ardyn laughed drily. “If you’re going to act like my doctor, I hope you don’t plan on sending me a bill.”

“Uncle.”

“I’m fine,” he said pointedly. “They call it chronic it for a reason, Noct; none of this can kill me.”

Noctis frowned, but held his tongue. His uncle’s condition had been a touchy subject as far back as he could remember. In fact, all the Lucis Caelums tended to be tight-lipped about the health issues that plagued their line. After all, it wouldn’t do for the public to see the royal family as feeble or sickly, not when kings needed to be virile and strong. Even Ardyn, who turned a middle finger up at most courtly conventions, rarely commented on his own health in public.

Noctis didn't want to think about it.

“Anyway…” Ardyn rolled over onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. “It’s obvious something’s troubling you. Spill the beans.”

Before Noctis could even attempt to answer, his phone rang. He answered immediately.

“Dude, I just saw your text! What happened?”

Noctis felt his shoulders relax. “Hey, Prom.”

He could hear raucous laughter on the other end of the line. Something clattered loudly in the background.

“Sounds like there’s a party going on over there,” Noctis noted, smiling.

Prompto laughed nervously. “Oh, y-yeah. Sorry about that. We’re at the karaoke. My buddy Dino Ghiranze’s birthday.”

Ghiranze? As in, the "Ghiranzenator"?

Noct's smile fell.

“Kind of early for a birthday party, isn’t it?” he asked, shifting in his chair. He could feel Ardyn watching him closely.

“Yeah, well, they’re just hanging out here until the clubs open, then everyone’s going bar hopping.”

“Heh. You, uh, never mentioned you had other plans.” Noctis scratched his ear, struggling to find the right words. “You gonna join them?”

“Of course not! We’re getting snowed in at your place, remember?”

“Yeah, but...it sounds kinda fun. We could go too, if you want.”

‘And, I don’t know, maybe you could actually introduce me to some of your other friends for a change,’ he thought to himself.

“No way!” Prompto exclaimed quickly - too quickly. “And miss up on the opportunity to kick your ass at King’s Night? Hello no, I’ve been looking forward to that all week! Besides, you hate going out, and the weather is supposed to be total shit. That's a no for me. But dude, back to your text. I wanna know what happened with Iggy! You sounded pissed off.”

Noctis sighed. He let his head fall back against the chair.

“It was just really weird. He started talking about this anti-monarchy stuff in class today for no reason, but he never really -”

“WHAT? Sorry can you say all that again, I didn’t hear you!”

“He started talking about anti-monarchy stuff,” Noctis repeated loudly. Ardyn snickered.

“What?! Dude, that IS weird.”

“I know, right?! I wish you would’ve been there Prom. It was like he was actually trying to defend these guys -”

“Yeah. Uh-huh. Look, dude, give me a sec, I’m on the phone.”

A muffled voice was yammering on in the background. Noct's lips thinned. He wondered if it was Dino.

“Sorry about that Noct!” Prompto shouted, returning to the phone. “But yeah, that definitely sounds wild. Did you talk to Iggy about it yet?”

“I mean, I asked him a few questions in class,” Noctis admitted, trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt. “He just dodged it all with some academic mumbo jumbo.”

“Really?" Prompto sounded doubtful. "That doesn’t sound like Ignis. He’s like, the most thoughtful guy I know. I don’t think he’d say something without having a good reason for it. Plus, he works for the Citadel, so...maybe he's just trying to teach you guys -”

A burst of laughter exploded in the background, drowning out the end of Prompto’s sentence. Noctis’s grip tightened around the phone.

“Teach us what?” he demanded. “That people who’d like to waste thousands of lives and destroy all of our infrastructure in a civil war should get an equal say?”

“Noct, you know that’s not what I - Six, Selphie, can you watch where you’re swinging that thing?! Look, just hang on a sec, I’m still on the phone...Noct. Hey, Noct, can you still hear me?” He was practically bellowing now, voice raised over a roaring chorus of ‘For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow.’

Noctis didn’t answer.

“Look, Noct, I just think you gotta try to see it from Iggy’s point of view! He’s probably just, I don’t know, trying to broaden your horizons or something! Dude, stop, I told you stop swinging -”

For the second time that day, something in Noctis snapped.

“Are you kidding me?" He leapt to his feet, too indignant to stay still. "He was talking about radical terrorists who’d like see me and my family dead. Don’t you realize how fucked up that is? I can’t believe you’re actually taking his side!”

“Easy, Noct,” Ardyn murmured. “You’ll disturb the neighbors if you keep shouting.”

“Noct, I’m not taking anyone side!” Prompto’s tone was pleading. “I just think that Iggy -”

“Forget it. My uncle’s here, I gotta go.”

“Noct -”

“Enjoy the party.”

He hung up and threw the phone down on the coffee table.

“My, my. What a temper! Is that really what’s got you so worked up?”

Ardyn’s smile was sardonic, but his gaze was surprisingly tender. Noctis didn't answer. He was too busy already regretting his outburst.

“People have despised those who rule since time immemorial, Noctis. You shouldn’t let it trouble you.”

“You don’t get it.” Noct's voice was raspy with anger and frustration. “I had to defend our family by myself, in front of the entire class. And they just  laughed  about it like my life is some kind of joke.”

"What life? To them, you’re the prince, not a human being. You exist to serve  the people, or did you forget, your majesty?”

The last words were spoken softly, almost pityingly. Noctis clenched his fists.

“But Ignis and Prompto aren’t ‘the people.’”

Ardyn raised himself from the couch, emitting a single, brittle laugh. “True friends are hard to come by for men of no consequence such as you and I, Noct,” he said, strolling over and resting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m afraid that’s something you’ll learn in time.”

The hand fell away, leaving Noct weary and cold. Ardyn strode to the door. “Call me when dinner’s ready.”

Noct listened to the creak open, then thud shut. A few seconds later came the ding of the elevator as it whisked Ardyn away to his penthouse suite. He suddenly realized he’d been sweating. He ran a hand across his forehead, glancing at his phone on the coffee table. Part of him hoped that it would vibrate with another call from Prompto.

It didn’t.

It was then that Noctis remembered. He hadn't asked Prompto about the presentation.

PT. IV: 16:10 hours  

The only thing worse than having a crush on your best friend was having a crush on your coworker. The only thing worse than that was a nosy little sister who knew about it.

“What’s wrong with you?” Iris demanded, interrupting what had up til then been a mostly silent car ride. “I’ve been playing Catoblepunk ever since we hit this traffic jam, and you haven’t complained once!”

“Sorry,” Gladio muttered, glancing in the side mirror. “Just got a lot of stuff on my mind.”

“Stuff on your mind, huh?” Iris flashed him a devilish grin. “Stuff like Ignis?”

It was a good thing the car wasn’t moving, because Gladio’s foot slammed so hard against the brake pedal that it definitely would have caused a pile-up.

“Not funny, Iris!”

“Sorry, sorry.” She snickered behind her hand, not sounding sorry at all. “Looks like I was right though, huh?”

Gladio made a low, grumbling sound. She was kind of right. He hadn’t been thinking about Ignis exactly. Instead, he'd been thinking about Ravus. The prince had been heading in the same direction as Ignis’s office when they’d ran into each other at the department. In fact, if he kept going he’d walk right by it. He wouldn’t have gone back to talk to Ignis, right? Not after that awkward exchange they’d all been forced to experience. But even if he did, Ignis would be able to hold his own.

Wouldn't he?

Iris patted his arm soothingly.

“Aw, Gladdy. You got it bad, don’t you?”

“Iris, I swear to -”

“Just tell him how you feel!”

“It’s not that simple." He had to raise his voice over his sister's trash playlist. “We’re colleagues, Iris.”

“So?”

“So, it wouldn’t be professional. Besides…” His hands tightened around the steering wheel. “Iggy’s my friend. I don’t wanna mess that up.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t mess it up, though. Maybe you’d sweep him off his feet and live happily ever after!”

A vision of a rosy-cheeked Ignis pressed against his chest rose to Gladio’s mind. The car felt suddenly claustrophobic. He cracked a window.

“Seriously, I don’t get you!” Iris crossed her arms with a pouty frown. “Normally, you’re so gross and flirty it’s embarrassing! What happened to all that confidence?”

“Because it’s not just anyone, Iris!” His voice was practically a roar inside the SUV. “It’s Ignis Fucking Scientia!” He broke off with an exasperated sigh. “Look, I’d really prefer not to talk about this kind of thing with you, okay? Save the gossip for your little girly friends.”

“Hmph. Fine. But roll your window down some more. Your gym bag stinks!”

“Roll your own window down!”

“It’s too cold!’

Gladio lowered the driver’s side window.

“You sure can be annoying.”

She jerked her head in his direction. “What?!”

Thankfully, Gladio’s phone chose that moment to ping. He snatched it up from the ashtray.

“Hang on, just got a text.”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to text and drive? Let me see it.”

Not wanting to set a bad example, Gladio unlocked the phone and handed it over.

“Don’t open the message yet,” he cautioned. “Just tell me who it’s from first.”

“Prompto. Should I open it?”

“...all right.”

“Okay. It says, ‘Just got off the phone with Noct. Sounded upset. My phone is dying by the way.’”

Gladio heaved a sigh. “Looks like our precious prince is still throwing a temper tantrum. Tell Prompto not to worry, just let Noct cool down for a while.”

“Okay. Message sent!” Iris returned the phone back to the ashtray. “So Gladdy, what’s going on with Noct? Is everything ok?”

“If you’re so worried about him, go ahead and give him a call,” Gladio suggested innocently. “I’m sure hearing your voice would perk him right on up.”

The tips of her ears were beet red. “Shut up!”

“Oh, I’m sorry; did I strike a nerve?” Gladio chuckled, his own troubles momentarily forgotten. “My bad.”

“You’re such a meanie!”

“Yeah, yeah; I know.”

Iris grumbled something under her breath that Gladio chose to his ignore. His eyes drifted to his phone sitting in the ashtray.

First Ignis and Noctis, then Ignis and Ravus. Whatever was going on with Iggy, Gladio hoped it would all work out soon.

TBC...

[davidjjohnston3]

1. Others' innocence can make us feel more alive and cleanly but we have sooner or later to 'cleanse the inside of your own cup' (Jesus).

2. I miss 'sis.'  That's all. I'm not married at 36.5 but someone did say, 'as a sister.'

3. I listened to Sowon's cover of 'Happy' and wrote a letter to Taeyeon on Instagram that she said something nice to.

4. I have several wishes pace Pope Francis' 'Come Let Us Dream' in the Covid era.  One of these is to move to Korea of course again, another to move to LA, and another to publish under the imprint of (Mrs.) Catherine Cho's literary imprint as 'Inferno' was terrifying to me in a good way and I too encountered both racism, antagonism towards introverts and quiet people, warehousing by TV, and other forms of evil and crime in the mental healthcare system from people who just want money or, worse in a way, fun and PRIDE.  I also think now that the mental healthcare system in Milwaukee Conuty was designed to give nursing school graduates either an 'easy money' job or exposure to a new Nazi-like system pace abortion-culture under the Democratic Party (including at least one Asian sadly; Andrew Yang), in which the mentally abnormal are considered second-class citizens if not Hitlerian 'life unworthy of life.' My parents are Democrats incidentally and fully support this.

5. I am pro-life 100%; I was going to be aborted and my biological 'father in law' still wants to post-partum-abort me; I could describe the spiritual realization but it's anatomical as well as literally electric.  I hope and pray the pro-life movement will be able to present a living paradigm whereby the value of orphan life can be demonstrated and God glorifide in a literal 'spirit of adoption' or at least a very good orphanage.  This has been part of my dream or 'ghost' since at least 2010.

6. I was driving to see Bethlehem Baptist Church + Bethlehem College and Seminary in Minneapolis and felt a crucifying energy from the church; I also thought about Monica and the 'white garments' of righteousness and covered sin ('white as snow' - Isaiah).  

7. I don't want to 'nuke the Johnston clan' but as I was brutally attacked by both my parents in a campaign involving widespread exaggeration lying to both biomedical professionals / sci-tech establishment as well as civil authority (police) I have written some notes and passages of a 'purple and gold' project, 'Johnston Family Promises; or How Easter Became April Fools,' which could be characterized as a parody of self-destruction, specifically self-post-partum-abortion by reversing the fact that medical doctor brain trust thought I'd be born on April Fool's but was actually born on Easter Sunday in Los Angeles, CA.  

8. I just want a future at this point however as my biological 'family' turned violently against me and I am in the position of 'gathering in the summer' (Proverbs).

9. I thought, 'an authentic love'... I love Changrae Lee also but it took me a long time to understand the spiritual 'Requiem' sense of his best book, by far, 'The Surrendered.'  Koreans I sometimes think are the one race or rather _ _ now taking the past seriously without throwing away the future.  With Secretary Pompeo I feel America could fall in on itself or at least on people like me, including many vulnerable loved ones of all of yours, my Facebook friends.

10. On a lighter note I like (Ms. / Artist) Kim Taeyeon's 'Cover Up' - 'I can't cover up my heart.'  

11. I still like Baskin Robbins Pineapple Coconut thoguh for some reason it makes me think of being a billionaire world-saving commerce-warrior in financial triller Michael Kim's 'Offerings.''

12. I gave the wrong things to the wrong people and made them worse; I expect to be judged by Moses as well as my former teacher-trainers and mentors for being 's/Sensei' who failed his students in both senses of fail (gave them F's and failed to teach them things that made them 'better').  It was a traumatic experience that made me feel demoted from EdAdmin that I had just been offered to wanting to assist-teach K4 or Spec/ExcepEd.  That's what you get for 'adult education' / being honest with Boomers about your thoughts, feelings, and decades of study.  I think Confuciu would say you can't teach constructively who have no sense of shame (old American whites), and moreover participate in a rape-culture including both literal rape, sex-traficking, university campus-culture, porneia,

13. I haven't yet had an EKG but could have experienced acute idiopathic cardiac distress from the Pfizer vaccine since too many beautiful women ages 11-80 all love me.  I thought a while back at 36, 'How to use my last half of my life.'  Then suddenly with pericardial effusion on my mind I thought, 'What to do with 3 months to 2.8 years.'  I wanted to go to Korea; I saw a Servants of Christ video where she was in Korea walking by a river to 'I Need Thee Every Hour' a Christian hymn to Jesus about absolute dependency, 'most precious Lord.'  I remembered Psalm 23 and a time I just wanted to be buried in a certain cemetery in Incheon.  Some other things happened involving my marital future, 'Skinship,' but now I am hoping for at least 5-10 years as the acute issues have mostly settled down and I am a clever self-dietician.  Honestly though with the state of healthcare in Wisconsin I thought about purchasing a needle myself for a pericardocentesis to drain the H2O.  

14. I have one writing-project I might not complete but I feel a solid start that could / should be published about abortion-culture and based on 'Love in Color,' a popular song by a no-longer-pop-idol.  

15. I still think about expositing American literature but suddenly 'The Old New World' means more to me; the old Midwestern novel, 'Winterlight,' 'My Soul at Night.'  And, 'The Magnificent Ambersons,' destined love.  I had a student in Korea who would be the card-carrying image of Lucy Morgan if they adapted it in addition to Mark Helprin's 'In Sunlight and in Shadow.'  

16. I am (too?) afraid of the Cross of Gold.  America getting rich.  China's 'moderately prosperous nation' i.e. Get Middle Class or Die (and Take World w/ Us) Tryinng.'  I want to be poor and poor-in-spirit except that I love some people who could use the money.  That is part of why I think about Michael B. Kim.

17. I like green peas, peanut butter, and blueberries.

18. The best audiobook I read lately is almost holy to me, 'Inferno' by Catherine Cho but 'Forgotten God' by Francis Chan is also incredible.  I listen to it while sleeping on audio and it always seems to wake me up at the perfect moment.  

19. I finally figured out an 'audience' as well.  If I could finally write a couple novels with a 'professional' utterance in addition to 'Love in Color' my 'caritas et amor' homage to a beautiful song and also something on the Covid era and old and young.  Like Pastor John MacArthur, or with him / following him I just feel like the whole point of Covid was to give people a chance to do better by / with kids.  'We plant the trees; our children enjoy the shade' - a Chinese proverb that the orthodox preacher / shepherd John MacArthur cites nonetheless. The American Families Plan.  Also even more (AUTHENTIC, non-guru-guff, non-fetishistic, non-trends-based) professionalization and humane policing and children's rights within the South Korean public and private schooling sectors.

20. I had one grand project as well called 'The Distant Lights of Seoul' that is kind of my take on 'In Sunlight and in Shadow' but it evolved in to something more personal that that's all... a trip I thought of taking, in the days when I was unsure whether to be the new or old.

21. I remember the most anguished summer of my life till now was 2003.  'Deep Inside of You' by 3EB.  'I would change myself if I could / I would walk with my people if I could find them / and I'd say I'm sorry to you.'  Coincidentally I went on an 'icy-hot' date with a hyper-beautiful woman at the cafe-bar where Jenkins wrote 'Motorcycle Driveby.'

22. I made a 'partial audiobook' of the early Psalms - particularly 5, about God defending - and had a beautiful experience like reading to children.

23. I don't want to broaden myself out too much physically or experientially; I'm afraid of becoming mentally American.  'Leaving Babylon, Leaving America, Leaving Milwaukee, Leaving.'  My homage to Madison Kwon Eunbi as well, theme-music 'Eraser.'  But I have to be a better man to approach my new _.

24. My original 'Korea project' was called 'Transferring to Line Zero' and like many Millennial writers in 2010 I tried to sound like a Haruki Murakami narrator but my experience turned out to be more like Kazuo Ishiguro, Marcel Proust.  I aimed for whisky but got wine.  I wish I could write this as I know for whom.  IDK if anyone cares though as Millennials almost all had 'these.'  I just wish I could make something of it instead of seeming like 'Acute Fangirl's No. 1 Fanboy.'  There wasn't a 'zero.'  

25. I had a crush on Dreamcatcher JiU 'Lily Kim' I saw once in Chicago - 'prettier in real life' is a good way to zonk people out into falling in love with a picture - but I saw a picture of her in traditional Joseon garment and just thought, 'cordial neighbor.'  That's all.

26. I used to write 'nuke Harvard' self-hyper-fanfiction about me v. the more customary winners and my ideal project is 'The Chinaman (or Chinese Poet) at American-Korean Thanksgiving.'

27. remembering my 2003 self / poet persona

akaka soru no

I thought about snow falling on velvet.  I got in trouble in the neighborhood. I liked Red Velvet's 'Wish Tree.'  I liked Wendy Son and Kim Yerim. A noble name, Son Seungwan, I'll say it once.

Maoists.  I read 'Wild Swans.'   I wanted to join you in your sadness and your beauty but I wasn't being Kawabata Yasunari. I don't want to generalize about my love for you but I don't believe in things either; Time disappears; mathematics inspires my disbelief; I think it can change.

'I love other people.'

What is it when parents grow old Do they go in to a new world They go to Heaven before us They know about being young

Wine, Elizabeth Strout novel 'Protestant endurance' in the old Midwest 'We are different from everybody'

The only question a bomb-threat at the school after 9.11 'Sospiro' fioritura In those days they were innocent 'I would take you seriously' (if I were a teacher) Now they try to be like New Yorkers I am not home

The poem that belonged to everyone flower a flower Can the passive-aggressive therapist Chinese girlfriend tea in the morning 'If I had to live with you'

the children of tomorrow where understanding ends require a world

a walk by the river i was old then carrying something i knew how to cook i knew how to live you sang 'dream' i said something like someone once said to me my old love contacted me via e-mail she said she had become materialistic and Republican she looked really good / happy married with kid after Covid-19 anaesthesiologist

28. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil'

29. My father acted in a really scary obsessive fashion toward me lately and now suddenly he is just eating and drinking.  

30. Jesus Himself said in the Gospel not to curse your parents.

31. I thought something about 'Sentimental Education' lately.

32. A while ago I wanted to write or read 'stories about families.'

33. I want to return to my '2003' project that predicted bioweapons and stuff but not really.

If I were redoing it I might just make it about 'Honesty' and instead of magic assassins it would be the medical doctor charged with mitigating bioweapon magic damage and the FBI agent investigating the bad guys.  Psalm 5.

34. Wanting to be the spiritual-intellectual successor to Bruce Cumings (hyper-meta historiography of the Korean War and, by extension, Covid, the world, Christ / CHristology, and the problems with non-Asia-based E. Asian Studies academicians or anyone who lacks Confucian scholar-gentleman / 'sunbi' / Scholar in Kingdom of Heaven sincerity).  China buries corrrput intellectuals alive.

35. 'Final Offer' in Time (on Pres. Moon Jaein).  'Peace in Our Time?'  Blessed are the peacemakers; blessed are the pure in heart.  

36. IDK if it's worth saying but - dept. of Anti-Christology or study of Antichrist - the 'first world' as it used to be called by and large seemed to be trending towards Imperium.  I honestly feel as if Barack Obama could be pulling the strings from within the CIA building and David Cameron adn Angela Merkel are in charge of all of Europe, while POpe Francis holds suzerainty of influence if not command-authority over the Spanish-speaking world.  IDK if there is meaningful dissent outside of a few republic-nations such as Poland and South Korea, who paradoxically take on a posture of what Park Chunghee callde 'itnernational responsiblity' despite a history of atrocious suffering and monoethnic somewhat xenophobic traditional social makeup.

37. Flaubert's notes to his supreme masterpiece 'Sentimental Education'... I'll just say... How he taught Frederic Moureau to fall in love with Marie Arnoux; taught himself how to LOVE Marie both before the beginning and after the end of being 'in love' with this mother-paramour.  

That said, I still remember the days when I had 'optimism' and someone said, '[woman] is happy because of you.'

38. I can't write more but do have specific goals, chiefly, master Korean and learn all the basic facts.  Professionals and experts believe in facts; as my Russian Yale MBA friend used to say, 'I am a scientist.'

I wish I had a profession... 'literary criticism of life?'  I am interested in 'the condition of fiction' and 'the logic of pulverization' but I just track John MacArthur.  I need to reconstitute my body and mind then maybe...

Dreams of [doctoral degrees].

39. 2 Timothy, Acts 2, Thessalonians, Revelation, in the Covid era.

40. Dreaming of Bethlehem College and Seminary.

41. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil' - humans mistaking themselves for God the Father - abortion-culture - Pope Saint John Paul II 'Humana Vitae'

42. Ideas of Christianity versus praxis and parataxis of Christianity

43. I was fond of Becca on Xanga but not as much as 'Clover' People open so much they can't but close off like a French novel 'humanity-rule' though their psychology of women is 'unconvincing' Glenn Gould ate a lot of eggs he was a hypochrondriac I want to drink 'Delta Covid Winter Summer Wine' and think of Mary HK Choi 'Yolk,' Lear's Cordelia and the real one, caritas / a'ga'pe I hope I don't get kilt with a _ _ _

44. Side- / mini-project 'My Brother's Type' about anti-Asian racism.

45. Ideal YA novel / counter to all corrupt YAL books, 'Clover' from the Promise / Fromis song.  It's beautiful, beauteous, 'fragrance from life to life.'  'I kept wishing for luck until I realized that which I wanted was happiness, yes?'

46. They were bored psychopathic Boomers; retirement had made them cannibal sociopaths.  His mom was like Volumnia in Coriolanus.  He didn't want to think about it.  He remembered Shan by the Han River, 'Fair Love.'  It was ten years ago; he weighed 25 pounds less but his mentality was the same. People were different.  Children were different.  In Wisconsin they evinced a... He was tired of being a bridge between West and East.  No one was curious.

47. I approached something really intense and pure and holy - and absolutely specific - and can't back off or back down without harm to myself.  This might be my last FBI.

48. I was 'boring guy.'

49. Summer rain.

50. That holiness... but also... CVA ('Charity edifieth')...

51. I want to read Korean poetry again as well.  Better poetry than ever, I imagine, better people.  'Perfect Children.'

52. 'And When We Are Older' - A Poem for Someone about My Age

And when we are old it won't necessarily get easier or fall into place or smooth into bonhomie or grow delicate as papery exquisite autumn leaves like the face of Jennifer Aniston and sometimes at the gym my smaller shoulder-muscles push harder but they remind me in this cute, precious way of some kind knowing amid Cross and sword that ever valor is a risk and God has got his hour writ. I thought that by now I would know what it's like to be one flesh with a wife, to watch a daughter practicing pianoforte, play catch with a son in the yard of a house by New Jersey reedy ponds.  That dream began in 1994 and there it stays, between the 'cello-clabbered music-room and gildered auditorium and still, in these institutions, nowhere to confess my love, nowhere to begin, just papers to plan on or wise. I used to love book-reviews, the language of dictionaries that could seem to get life so right, "Validity in Interpretation," the days when newspapers seemed to love me more than my own teachers, Colossians 4:6, editing sprinkled with salt, giving reason for hope, appropriate, apt, jeongdokhada. They get old and old and much is made of the things we can experience; sometimes I think that my dear friend quit Samsung too soon to know how to build his own team and I quit at least three jobs too soon and didn't stay in hot pursuit and now feel almost as if only my thoughts are as brightly alive with a love-light as your face once was. I get so lost at shopping malls, drowning; I don't get what anyone is up to. There was a Monsignor who composed or redacted this immense ethnography of all Korea but it must have broken his heart too, man who never took a wife, knitting red, his memory, the kind of person who arrives as I, watching Pompeo et al, in the hope of a benevolent ruler both forever and for the time being too... My friend used to say I could lead but I couldn't even shut down the snark-machine and Reddit had a field day with me and honestly maybe I've never loved anyone adequately. Let's be young a while more and though I didn't like this as a kid we can talk to the TV like at my grandparents' house long ago and again born on the new day, maybe we'll spend some time married.

53. 'Happy Days'

54. I miss the good K-dramas from Dramafever days though I don't watch television anymore... I wish I did just to rest my eyes... I miss 'Please Come Back Ahjusshi'... He's on the flying aerospace train to Heaven with his tears of contrition but decidees to return to Earth to delete his porn-collection for his wife and daughter surviving him... I deleted my biological father's literary porn collection ('daddy'-stepdaughter coercive / rape; adulterous housewife)... but he tried to send me to death and Hell.

55. It was like autumn in Korea this morning with the lamps and air-moisture; it was like Korean summer this early evening with August rain.

56. I want to regain my purity of literary style but hopefully God willing write something profitable / fruitful.   I might just teach again for pay..

[thechipsaredown]

♡ for lucy!

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[lostinreality014]

You Look Perfect Tonight - Part II

Part I  Part II  Part III

Author’s Notes: Ceremony dialogue in this part is crafted from a couple of different scripts I found on wedding/civil ceremonies planning websites - they can be found HERE, HERE, and HERE. I re-wrote/paraphrased the bits and pieces I liked as I wanted the ceremony dialogue to fit the Niall and Evie I created in my head when I wrote my APC. Niall’s and Evie’s vows are my own creation.

Another shoutout and big thank you to @imagine-that-one-thing for being my beta to this piece. :)

Also Note: this piece is also posted on my Wattpad account.

Photo Credits as Follows: Bride;  Venue;  Groom

Any pieces I post here are mine and all rights are reserved. I do not give permission for my work to be posted on any other platform. Unless I explicitly state that I have posted one of my works on another platform, please let me know immediately if you see my writing anywhere other than Tumblr. Thank you.

The Ceremony

The hour between our first look photos and the start of our ceremony flew by. Lottie had just enough time to touch up my make up before having to hurry off and find her seat for the ceremony. And Lou had just enough time to touch up a couple of curls and pin them back into place before Lucy, the wedding coordinator for the Estate, knocked on the door to let us know it was time for us to line up.

“You ready to go, munchkin?” Lou asked Lux.

“Yes!” she exclaimed excitedly but then gasped. “No, I’m not! I forgot something.”

“What’d you forget? You have your bouquet.”

“No I forgot something else.” I heard her say. “Evie?” she asked, tapping my arm gently to get my attention.

“Yes, my love?” I smiled down at her.

“I have something for you.”

“You do?” I asked as I sat down on the sofa so I was eye level with her. She nodded and turned to set her bouquet down on the small coffee table before turning back to face me.

“Your bracelet?” I asked as she slid the blue, beaded bracelet off her tiny wrist. 

“Uh huh.” she said, holding it out for me to take.

“Oh, Lux.” I breathed. “That’s so sweet of you. But I can’t accept that. You worked so hard to save up for it.”

“I know. But I want you to have it. For good luck.” she said, picking up my hand and sliding it on my wrist for me. Tears welled up in my eyes as she looked up at me with a smile to match Lou’s on her face.

“Are you sure you want me to have this? Maybe I could borrow it for the ceremony then give it back to you after?” she shook her head emphatically.

“No. I’m sure. I want you to have it.” I wrapped her up in a hug.

“That is very kind of you. Thank you.” I blinked back tears as I gave her hands a gentle squeeze. 

“You’re welcome.” She said, her smile widening.

“I love you a whole lot, you know that?”

“I love you a whole lot too.”

“Are you ready now?” I asked her.

“Now I’m ready.” She said turning to pick up her bouqet. Before turning to leave, she stood up on her tip toes and pecked a kiss to my cheek. My heart had already melted because she was so adamant about me having her bracelet. But now I just felt like it was going to explode. I got back to my feet just as she followed Denise and Lucy out of the room.

“That is one very special little girl you have.” Mum said to Lou as she handed me my bouquet.

“I got really lucky.” she agreed.

“I’m not smudged am I?” I asked Lou, dabbing under my eyes with my free hand.

“No. You’re perfect. You know Lottie wouldn’t do you wrong on your wedding day.” I choked out a laugh and nodded.

“She wouldn’t do me wrong even if she was just doing my make up for a girls night out.”

“Very true.” Lou nodded with a smile. “I better see tears of pure joy on that boy’s face when you walk down the aisle toward him or I’m smacking him upside the head.” I laughed as the three of us made our way out of the room. When we reached the foyer of the building, Lux, Denise, and Theo, who was our ring bearer, were receiving some last minute instructions from Lucy.

“Auntie E!” Theo exclaimed when he saw me. Denise caught hold of his hand before he took off at full speed for me.

“Hey mister.” I said squatting down so I was eye level with him.

“Wow.” He said softly. “You look very pretty.” He lisped with a smile. My heart melted once again.

“Thank you. And you’re looking very handsome in your suit.” He puffed up his chest, standing tall, an ear to ear smile gracing his face.

“Thank you.”

“You ready to stand with Uncle Niall and guard our rings until we need them?”

“All ready. I been practicing my tough face.” I couldn’t help but giggle when he showed me his best intimidating face.

“That’s perfect. Nobody will mess with you.” He smiled and shook his head in agreement.

“All ready?” Lucy asked with a calming smile as I stood back up.

“Never been more ready for something in my life.” I smiled.

“Wonderful.” She walked up to the door and pushed it open before stepping out onto the main landing and nodding at Lux.

“Don’t let me trip.” I whispered to mum as we walked through the door behind everyone.

“I’ll do my best. Remember to breathe, yeah?” I nodded and took a breath, blinking back more tears as we heard the door to the main estate building click shut behind us. Lucy hurried to catch up to Lux so she could lead us down the path toward the pavilion where our ceremony was to be held. 

As we neared the bottom of the ramp, she paused and turned to face us. From our rehearsal yesterday, I knew to stay put until Lucy gave me the signal. Sure Niall had already seen me, but this was also a special moment for us and I had every intention of staying out of view until Lou had made it to her spot on the small platform at the end of the aisle. Even though we were a fair distance away, I could hear the sounds of This Town being played, courtesy of Jake and Conor.

It had been a no brainer when asked what song or piece of music I’d like to walk down the aisle to. This Town was the song that helped us make the transition from platonic to romantic. Besides, neither of us were too set on the standard wedding traditions - including the traditional Irish church wedding. We’d been a bit nervous about telling his parents and mum that we wanted a small, intimate, outdoor wedding rather than the traditional Irish church wedding. And we were fairly certain our mum’s were hoping we’d plan that kind of wedding. It had been a very pleasant surprise when they supported our wish for the ceremony that was about to take place.

“Okay, Lux. Are you ready?” Lucy asked softly. I saw her nod and Lucy gave her the thumbs up to start making her way down the aisle. A few moments later, Denise gently nudged Theo forward and he followed Lux down the aisle. Just before she followed her son down the aisle, Denise turned and gave me a smile and a wink.

“Breathe.” Lou whispered quickly, giving my hand a squeeze and following Denise. Mum gave my hand a squeezed as we took a couple of steps forward. When Jake and Conor paused their playing for a moment, Lucy gave us a nod. Mum looped my arm through hers, squeezing my hand as we took the last few steps to reach the center of the aisle.

Even though there were fifty of our closest friends and family watching me walk toward the love of my life, the only person I saw was Niall. About half way down down, I watched him quickly brush away tears before his blinding smile returned to his face. I smiled back at him as a few tears of my own escaped. As we walked past the first row of seats, he stepped down from the low platform that had been placed in front of the concrete railing at the end of the path that looked out toward the center of the grounds. Mum kissed my cheek and unwound my arm from hers before placing my hand in Niall’s.

“You take care of her. You hear?” she asked with a smile.

“Yes ma’am.” he said with a smile and a small laugh.

“Good. I love you both very much.” She reached up to kiss him on the cheek before stepping back and taking her seat next to Maura as we took the last few steps up to the small platform where our officiant, Elizabeth, was waiting. I turned to hand my bouquet to Denise before turning back and facing Niall.

“Family, friends, and loved ones. You have traveled from near and far to be here with Niall and Evelyn on this special day, to offer your love and support as they make a life long commitment to one another. You being here today allows them to being their married life together surrounded by the people that are the most important to them.

Niall and Evelyn thank you for joining them here today, and would like to ask for your blessing, encouragement, and lifelong support for their decision to be married.” We smiled at each other, and I gave his hands a gentle squeeze as Elizabeth paused for a brief moment.

“Marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventures of human relationships. Marriage is not created by a ceremony. Marriage is created by two people through love and patience, dedication and perseverance, communication, helping and supporting, and believing in one another. It is also created by through tenderness and laughter, learning to forgive, learning to appreciate each other’s differences, and by learning to make the important things matter and letting the rest go.” He released one of my hands, reaching up to brush away the couple of tears that had escaped. There was a smattering of soft chuckles when Greg reached around him to offer him his handkerchief to tease him, before offering it to me.

“Will you, Niall, take Evelyn to be your wedded wife?”

“I will.” his voice broke and my heart swan dived into my chest.

“Will you, Evelyn, take Niall to be your wedded husband?”

“I will.” I swear his eyes lit up brighter than the sun in that moment as we both tried not to bounce around in sheer joy even though there was still a bit left to go before we were pronounced husband and wife. We now had to get through our vows and I’m not sure either one of us were fully prepared for this moment on an emotional level.

“Two people in love do not live in isolation. Love between two people is a source of strength in which to find nourishment for each other and find nourishment from their community of family and friends. In turn, as part of this close knit community, you also have a responsibility to this couple. It is through your unwavering love, respect, and care that you can support their marriage and the new family they are creating today. Will you who are present here today, surround Niall and Evelyn in love, offering them the joys of your friendship, and supporting them in their marriage?”

“We will.” We smiled at each other, squeezing each other’s hands hearing the response from the most important people in our lives.

“Niall and Evelyn, you have chosen to write your own vows to one another. Before you say those vows, I ask you to remember that love -  which is rooted in faith, trust, and acceptance - will be the foundation for further deepening your relationship.”

We initially tired writing our vows together, and with the exception of a couple of sentences, we could never come up with something we both deemed worthy of our wedding day. And we tried multiple times. At one of our last meetings with Elizabeth to finalize the order of our ceremony, she asked how our vows were coming along, and we told her about our frustrations. She smiled knowingly at us and gave us her insight, which had been rather enlightening. By the end of our meeting, we decided we would write our vows to each other separately, agreeing to include the bits and pieces we did come up with together that we both liked. Thus ensuring we would have vows we were happy with.

“Niall, if you will please read your vows you have written to Evelyn.” Elizabeth said as she handed him the copy of his vows he had written.

“My brother used to tell me, more like tease me really, all the time that we were going to end up married one day. But I never believed him. Heck, I didn’t believe anyone that’s here right now when they said we’d end up together because we were already like an old married couple by the time I left for London.” I giggled wetly, as did several other people. “And then one day, I did believe it. I saw what everyone else saw. What I had been too blind to see until I was ready.” His voice broke and I hiccuped when he had to pause to get a handle on his emotions. I reached forward and took one of his hands in mine, knowing he needed to feel anchored.

“You are the true light in my life and I don’t know where I would be today without you. You have been by my side through every up and down and supported me even in the times I know I didn’t deserve it. You have loved me and accepted me for who I am, flaws and all. And because of that, you have taught me what it is to truly love and accept someone for who they are. You have taught me how to look beyond the surface to see the true meaning and beauty in something or someone. You constantly challenge me and push me to be the best version of me I can be, and push me to be the best man I can be. You keep me grounded and aren’t afraid to call me out when I need to be.” He paused for a moment again and I squeezed his hand.

“You, my darlin Evie, are the love of my life and I am so honored and humbled that you chose me and said yes to being my partner in crime for life. I promise to always be there for you, through sickness and health, and through every up and down that life will throw our way. I promise to laugh with you when you’re happy and cry with you when you’re sad, and support you completely as you chase after your dreams. I promise to challenge you as you challenge me, and be truthful with you just as you are with me - even when I know the truth may sting. I promise to love you more each day than I did the last, and I promise to fill our home with unconditional love and to not go to bed angry. I promise to always strive to be the best version of me I can be. And most importantly, I promise to love you, honor you, and respect you for who you are in this moment, and who you will become in the years ahead. I promise to be yours, and only yours, for the rest of our lives.” I hiccuped softly again and sniffled while trying to stem the flow of tears.

“Evelyn, if you will please read your vows you have written to Niall.” I took a deep breath as Elizabeth handed me the copy of my vows.

“If anyone told me at four years old when we first met that we would one day be married, I guarantee I looked at them like they were a three headed dog.” He choked out a laugh as everyone else chuckled along with him. “Even as we got older and our friends told me the same thing they told you, I still looked at them like they’d lost their minds. Until one day it all made sense, and the whole picture became clear. Our picture became clear.” I paused for a moment to catch my breath, Niall squeezing my hand gently.

“You are the true sunshine in my life. You always make me smile even when I’m in my worst of moods. And you always manage to make me laugh, even when it’s not at the most appropriate time.” His cheeks flushed as everyone chuckled fondly. “You’ve helped me through my low points and celebrated my high points, and no matter how many times I wanted to give up on my dreams out of sheer frustration, you never let me. You always talked me down even if you were half a world away. I can’t even begin to imagine how different my life would be if we hadn’t moved in across the street from you, and it hadn’t been you by my side all these years.” I glanced up at him for a moment and saw a tear run down his cheek.

“You drive me mental most days,” he snorted softly but nodded knowingly. “But you, Niall James, are the love of my life, and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough that you chose to love me, and chose me to be your partner in crime for life. I promise to be there for you, through all the good times and the bad. I promise to be there for you in sickness and in health, to laugh with you in moments of pure joy, and cry with you in moments of sadness. I promise to challenge you as you challenge me, and be truthful with you just as you are with me - even when I know the truth may sting. I promise to always support you in your endeavors just as you have always supported me. I promise to fill our lives and our home with unconditional love, to love you more than I did the day before, and to not go to bed angry. But the most important promise I can make to you today, is that I promise to love you, honor you, and respect you for the person you are right now, in this moment, and the person you will become years from now. I promise to be yours, and only yours, for the rest of our lives.” He gave my hand a firm squeeze as we both hiccuped in unison, causing us and our guests to dissolve into a brief round of giggles. Elizabeth took the copies of our vows from us and tucked them neatly into the small folder she was holding so they wouldn’t be lost.

“May I have the rings please?” Elizabeth asked as she set her folder down on the small table standing beside her. We watched as Theo stepped around Niall to stand between us, holding up the small box he’d been holding. Elizabeth crouched down and gently opened the box, taking out our wedding rings, and whispering “excellent work” to Theo. He beamed at us as we gave him a thumbs up and big smiles. He carefully closed the box and turned walk back and take his place behind Niall, next to Greg.

“The ring is a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. Love freely given has no beginning and knows no bounds or no ends. May these rings always remind you of the vows you have taken and written for one another. Niall and Evelyn, take these rings and place them on each other’s fingers.” Our hands were shaking so much with all the adrenaline that I’m surprised we managed to get each other’s rings on each other’s fingers with dropping them.

“Please repeat together after me: with this ring, I thee wed.”

“With this ring, I thee wed.” We squeezed each other’s hands tightly again as face splitting smiles graced our faces.

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Niall, you may kiss your bride.”

“Finally.” I heard him exclaim softly before he pulled me into him and pecking several giggly kisses to my lips, before kissing me fully for a long moment.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Niall and Evelyn Horan.” We turned to face our guests who had all stood up from their seats and were clapping and cheering. After taking my bouquet from Denise, we began making our way back up the aisle, stealing kisses along the way and giggling like a couple of teenagers.

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

Fan Fiction Library Master Post

After two years of writing under this pseudonym, I think it’s about time I put all of my works together in one spot! This post will be updated as I write new stories, whatever fandom they might be for. 

FINAL FANTASY XV

Canon-Inspired Works

Deleted Scenes and Broken Dreams Addendum Series [Complete] - Ten stories delving deeper into the lore and perspectives of FFXV that we don’t see in the game. Most works are still canon-compliant, but there are some segments that have been made non-compliant by recent DLC. 

What Lies Between -  A chronicle of the ten years from Noctis’s disappearance until his return

Royal Burdens -  The aftermath of the Marilith attack told from Ignis’s perspective

Eternity is Enough - A look into the mind of a man of no consequence before the fateful fall of Tenebrae

The Breaking of the Brotherhood - From Altissia to Cartanica as seen through Prompto’s eyes

Grant That I - The King of Kings’ return to Hammerhead through saying his final goodbyes to his brothers

Star of Lucis - Some of Ignis’s fondest--and most trying--memories of growing up with the crown prince of Lucis after his injury

The Accursed’s Madness - Ardyn looks back on his life as he prepares the Citadel’s throne room for its monarch’s arrival

Finding a Home - Prompto’s journey from befriending a prince to becoming part of a brotherhood 

Off the Rails - How events unfolded on the train to Tenebrae from Gladio and Prompto’s perspectives

Gaman - Ushering in the dawn and a final farewell to a king, a friend, and a brother

Paternity [Complete] - Regis Lucis Caelum has ever struggled to be a good king and dutiful father. There are not many instances where he can accomplish both, but the day he creates the Kingsglaive, he can almost say that he manages it. 

Honor Bound [Work in Progress - Updates Every Saturday] -  A year has passed since Noctis Lucis Caelum, the last king of Lucis, sacrificed himself to save the world. When an old ally hints that what is gone may not be lost after all, Ignis, Gladio, and Prompto set out to bring their brother home regardless of the consequences.

Alternate Universe Works

Somnus Ultima [Complete] - Noctis Lucis Caelum, heir to the throne of Insomnia, is gifted with a terrible curse not long after his birth. Although he is sent away from the Crown City in the hopes that he will be saved, there are some tragedies that can never be avoided. [Sleeping Beauty AU]

Royal Protocol [Co-written with @wildrogueheart ][Work in Progress - Updates Every Other Tuesday] - A Lucian prince and the imperial assassin sent to kill him shouldn’t become friends. However, when their worlds collide and unlikely bonds are formed, the unthinkable occurs as they attempt to change their fates for the better.

CAPTAIN AMERICA [FILMS] 

Canon-Inspired Works

Deliverance [Complete] - A chronicle of events from the final battle in “Captain America: Civil War” to the liberation of heroes trapped in the Raft to a temporary farewell between brothers

Alternate Universe Works

The Light in the Shadows Series [Complete] - Bucky Barnes is the son of one of the most important witches in the Wizarding World. When an underground organization known only as Hydra targets his family so that she can’t become Minister for Magic, the planet is turned on its head as magical and Muggle communities collide. [Harry Potter/Hogwarts AU]

World So Cold - When Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers found themselves at Hogwarts, they thought they would live a life of adventure. What they didn’t realize was just how dangerous that adventure was bound to be. 

Reclamation - After the devastation Bucky suffered in World So Cold, he returns to Hogwarts to find everything changed, himself included. 

Risen from the Requiem - Graduating from Hogwarts, it seems, was only the beginning. As Hydra rears its head once again, it is up to Steve to save the world and bring his best friend home alive.

Days Gone By - A series of 16 one-shots that delve deeper into various perspectives in The Light in the Shadows. Based on author’s choice and reader prompts.

[arkus-rhapsode]

Fairy Tail Chapter 545 Review

Okay guys. Here it is. After 11 years the story of Fairy Tail finally comes to a close. So let’s dive into Chapter 545 “Irreplaceable Friends”

We open  at a big fancy party thrown in Lucy’s honor for her best selling book, “The Adventure of Iris”. Honestly... Good to know Lucy gets a successful career in her ending.

and we now get the cover page...

It’s a little crowded, and I think there has been better shots of all of Fairy Tail together, but nostalgia is really kicking in.

The next few pages is just shots of FT being FT.

So Lucy begins to narrate some things that have happened in the last year. First about her book and then...

Oh god. Not you. Yes, Anna gets to live in this time period, with no consequences and not even a meaningful conversation with Lucy. To top it off, she’s now a teacher. Yeah, seeing as how all of Anna’s “intellect“ just kept making things worse and worse, I don’t think those kids are in for a good academic future.

Seems like Levy is pregnant. Cool. Not that this isn’t bad, but after the whole Bradman thing, this was kinda obvious.

We then cut to other guilds. Like Lamia scale and we find out that Chelia...

Are you fucking kidding me? I guess this war really did have no lasting consequences for our heroes!

This is the last of Sabertooth. Which I swear is just a copied image from the Avatar arc when the “Tora Tora eating festival” was introduced.

I guess Ichiya is Blue Pegasus’s master now? Well he did survive a suicide trip pushing Acnologia into a portal, guess he earned this title.

Wow this arc has done well at stripping away Kagura’s dignity. From getting striped by Dimaria, to giving Jellal CPR shirtless, to being given a magic induced orgasm, and now she’s a model. Okay there’s nothing wrong with being a model, but this is Kagura. Stoic, Badass Swordswoman,  I didn’t see becoming a magazine model as a future for her character. She doesn’t even seem to like this! Actually wait! The caption says that Mermaid Heel’s girls all became models... Wow, way to treat the female only guild.

We cut to the party where...

Oh god, Gildarts no... Also Juvia, I know you spent time with Gray and developed the striping habbit, but you usually did it in combat... I don’t get why you’re doing it now.

Gray drags off Juvia and begins to lecture her on her scar...

So they’re canon... I think? Kinda... Sorta... No well explained... Hey wait! I just realized that this whole big plot point about how Gray will give Juvia an answer and keep her from being left hanging, doesn’t end in a straight answer, but a maybe?! AKA still left hanging! Dude, grow a spine and say it!

Wait... what’s this...

I love this scene! Mashima you glorious bastard~

We then cut to see that King Toma has abdicated, making Hisui queen. Yeah... Hisui... She totally earned it... What have you even done?Well she does make peace with Alvarez. Which is most likely going through a civil war to determine who is now the ruling body given the emperor and most of his top men are dead.

But Hisui also pardons Crime Sociere...

Y’know her telling them to live, would be a bit more powerful, if she interacted with Erza and not Lucy.

Yeah now the most controversial part of the chapter...

Erza and Jellal don’t get together. In fact, they don’t even talk. Y’know I did a brief post on my thoughts about this and I still stand by, Mashima is under no obligation to get them together, but he does at least owe them a conversation. At least. Because when you tease something like that, you really can’t leave open ended. If they aren’t going to get together you should at least give them a conversation that at least leads to them making the decision not to get together.

(Also Erza’s hair was that gorgeous without brushing it?!)

And Makarov can’t walk anymore... Oh god it must hard for him to make it through each day now, old, numerous heart attacks, lost the ability to walk. At this point just mercy kill him. Wait, he’ll probably live through that too.

Oh yeah and the other controversial scene...

Yup. Mavis and Zeref have been reincarnated and are now destined to fall in love again... Oh god... Why? You concluded their story! The whole journey of them as a couple had a great ending. Granted I felt it was weighed down by the Alvarez arc really dropping the ball with the whole relationship thing, before their conclusion. So this really feels like it ruins that big curse breaking moment, because they actually don’t escape their eternal cycle. Instead of being immortal they’re just reincarnated. Also one month is a short time for these reincarnations to be born and then make it to their teenage years

We get a montage shot of FT acting like FT and...

Wow... A ship with no canon interaction gets acanon ending. Mashima, you glorious bastard...

We cut to the next day in Lucy’s home, where... (For old time’s sake)

Natsu is in her living room. Appears she passed out after getting drunk, and brought her home.

And then this scene.

I know there are some upset that Natsu and Lucy didn’t get together, but this scene is really heartfelt. Regardless of the quality of every arc in question, I genuinely feel that these are two people who’ve been through thick and thin.

So they run off on another adventure... But not just on any adventure...

A 100 year quest.

So we close out on another montage showing off FT.

Umm looks like Fairies don’t have tails...

Anyway that is the conclusion, and after 11 long years the stories of Natsu, Lucy, Gray, Erza, Wendy, Happy, and Carla, come to an end, but the adventure of Fairy Tail lives on...

Post Chapter Follow Up: I’m going to start with the negatives only because I want to end on a positive note.

The biggest issue with this conclusion, is a lot of the individual ends feel iffy... Weather they don’t seem to fit the character like Kagura, or give a level of finality to their story like Jellal, or even acknowledge there has been a change to get us to this point like sabertooth. It really hurts because these are the last time we’ll see these characters and leaving them off with those conclusions is bitter sweet.

Let’s also talk about the controversial stuff. The biggest is the ambiguity. The “story” has to end without the story ending, thus it doesn’t go against a never ending adventure. There are things I think you can leave ambiguous, like Natsu and Lucy going off on an adventure, or what happens to all of the guilds as a whole. But there are some stuff that really you can’t do given the time spent on it. As I said, I am fine with Mashima not making pairs canon. Afterall, he isn’t under obligation to, just because the ships have large fanbases. That said he needs to at least give a straight answer. WIth all the time spent, you need to show us how you come to the end for these pairs and why that might not get together.

Another thing that really hurts is the Zeref and Mavis thing... Why? It’s not a bad scene, but it’s bad because it really ruins their already good conclusion. Doesn’t destroy it, but does make it a lot lesser.

So with all that said... Lets get to the positives,. First of all, I really do want to give Hiro Mashima for attempting something different for his conclusion than the typical shounen ending. I do think it is muddled a bit in execution, but this could’ve very well been just a repeat of Rave’s ending. I’m glad he ended it, his own way.

Another thing is the FT hijicks. I know a lot of the cast of FT didn’t do much this final arc, but it’s so nice to see them all get to show of their personalities one more time before the curtain draws to a close.

And finally, that moment with Natsu and Lucy. I know people are upset that the two are not together as lovers, but that doesn’t take away this really is two characters that share a genuine bond. Maybe not romantic, but it really feels like a finale for these two.

So this is the last time I’m going to do this for FT...

Final Verdict: 5/10

It’s too ambiguous

It does have some head scratching edings for characters

It has very sweet moments of characterization

Reminds of the jiy these characters brought me.

Before we go,This is it, this is the last review for a chapter of Fairy Tail I’m going to ever write. It’s been an honor and pleasure bringing you a review week to week. I wouldn’t be anything without this series, I could’ve never made my blog what it is without this series help, and all of your help dear readers. We had a lot of fun. Sure, at times it wasn’t always good, we had ups and we had downs, but that was what Fairy Tail was, a ride. And it’s a ride I don’t regret getting on. I hope it left everyone with some good memories. So till we see each other again, stay gold!

[wallpapernifty]

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[alexsfictionaddiction]

'It is not enough to be the non-racist. We must be anti-racist.’

I don’t think I need to explain too much about what has prompted this post. There may be readers of it who will feel that my sudden creation of it is performative and that I don’t REALLY care all that much about what’s going on. That I’m simply jumping on a bandwagon and cashing in on some internet clout amidst the horrors of what is happening in the world. Hopefully my regular readers will know that I actively seek out Own Voices books and that I’m constantly reviewing them or recommending them on this very blog. Hopefully my regular readers will know that this post is very much in line with my inclusive, diverse ethos and that I am simply using my white platform to amplify those of the unheard.

It’s true that I’ve never written a recommendation post dedicated to one particular marginalised group. I think this is because I’ve always felt like these are not my areas to sway into. That these posts would be better written by bloggers who have direct experience with what these books talk about. Honestly, I’m shocked and incredibly upset with myself for having long harboured this mentality. Yes, these books will affect readers who can directly relate to the characters in a way that they couldn’t ever affect me but why on Earth should that mean that I can’t give them a platform in the first place?  

Of course, I’ve always known about white privilege and I’ve always used it to take down racists both on and offline. In fact, the events of the past few days have caused arguments within my own all-white British family. There are currently protests happening in central London and Manchester but we are not allowed to use public transport at the moment and we don’t have any local demonstrations, meaning actively protesting just isn’t a feasible option for most Brits right now. It does feel like movements such as Black Lives Matter are ‘an American thing’, despite the huge amount of all types of racism in the UK. 

I had never realised (or perhaps never wanted to realise) the amount of extremely questionable attitudes within my own family until very recently. I have had to explain white privilege to my parents, who have actually always been reasonably liberal in their political views, so I was astonished by exactly how much they didn’t know. There is an essence of ‘things aren’t anywhere near as bad as they used to be’ and ‘the police don’t arrest or kill innocent people’. It’s honestly only in the last few days that I’ve realised and therefore had to address the internal racism within my own family and therefore in my own origins and so I think that, as well as what is happening across the Atlantic, is what has really triggered this post. Despite considering myself an ally, I can do so much better than I have been and chances are, you can too. 

Because it is a global pandemic. It’s not something that is only happening in the US, it’s happening here just without the guns. It’s happening in every country of the world and I (and my fellow white people) should not be leaving it up to the victims to sort it out. We have the power to boost their blatantly unheard voices and there is so much we can do, in order to do that. 

Sign petitions, donate money and help in any way you can right here. Buy from Black-owned businesses, read all you can about the Black experience and above all, call out your friends and family on their racism. Of course, if you don’t want to take the advice of a white person like me, I’d recommend you check out these fantastic Black BookTubers and book bloggers:

LaRonda @ flyingpaperbacks

Madeline @ madelinewilsonojo

Jazmen @ lit-erally black

Nox @ noxthereader

Myonna @ myonna reads

I'mogén @ Peace&Cookies

Ben @ Benreadsbooks

Lauren @ The Novel Lush

Jo @ Jo The Great

Ella @ ella’s novellas

Keeana @ Reading in the Clouds

Francina @ Francina Simone

Lucie @ LucieReads

Jesse @ Bowties & Books

Joel @ fictionalfates

Ane @ Ane Adores

Olivia @ Olivia’s Catastrophe

Cecilia @ thatdisneychik

Taylor @ PageScreenTaylor

Tori @ Medusa Reads

Justin @ Ghost Reader

Seji @ The Artisan Geek

Mina @ Mina Reads

Of course, this is not an exhaustive list and I encourage you to please search for and support more wonderful Black bookworms and creators. They will give you more insightful reviews and recommendations than I would ever be able to, so please check them out and show them some love. 

Here are 50 books by Black authors that deserve your attention. While I have read a good chunk of these, I will admit that I have not personally read all of them. This list was compiled following a deep scouring of the internet and reading countless reviews and synopses. I believe I’ve found some incredible hidden gems in here that you will love and pass on to those who need them. Each of them have a link to an online retail outlet that isn’t Amazon, so you can buy these books in quarantine without lining Bezos’ already over-filled pockets. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x

NON-FICTION

1. Stamped From The Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi. This history of racism in America seeks to completely rewrite the way we think of racism and encourages change in the every-day assumptive white ally.

2. Between The World And Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Told in the form of a letter to his young son, Coates attempts to convey what it’s like to be black in America, using history, personal experience and the hope of liberation.

3. Redefining Realness by Janet Mock. An unapologetic powerful memoir from a trans mixed-race working class woman in America that will teach you how to be undeniably real.

4. Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge. Possibly the most widely-read non-fiction book on racism in the UK, Reni Eddo-Lodge’s book explores its links to class, white feminism and the black history we were never taught.

5. So You Want To Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo. Highly relevant to the current situation in the US, this book talks about police brutality, BLM and the N word, answering the questions that no one ever dares to ask.

CONTEMPORARY FICTION

6. An American Marriage by Tayari Jones. The winner of last year’s Women’s Prize, An American Marriage is the heartbreaking story of newlyweds torn apart by a wrongful rape conviction. Devastating, urgent storytelling.

7. Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams. Searingly relatable and timely, you will fall madly in love with Queenie. She is flawed, overlooked and underestimated. You will laugh, cry and scream as you spend a year inside her life as a British-Jamaican.

8. Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert. When straight-laced nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she vows to start living in the moment. Enter bad boy Red and you’ve got the perfect ingredients for a sweet, sexy rom-com.

9. Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo. Joint winner of 2019′s Booker Prize and shortlister for 2020′s Women’s Prize, this is the combination of 12 very different Black-British characters that paints a very real picture of contemporary British life.

10. I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan. When Georgia Young begins to feel dissatisfied with her seemingly perfect life, she decides to shake things up. It’s the perfect reminder that it’s never too late to make big changes and start living your best life.

11. Well-Read Black Girl by Glory Edim. Showcasing some of America’s best black female writers, this anthology explores the importance of finding yourself in books. Glory Edim is the founder of Well-Read Black Girl, an online book club exclusively for black women, which you can check out here.  

12. The Girl With The Louding Voice by Abi Daré. At 14, Adunni is a wife and commodity within her tiny Nigerian village but she is determined to get her education and her voice. Original, powerful and unbelievably inspirational.

13. Such A Fun Age by Kiley Reid. When Emira Tucker starts dating someone with a direct historical link to her boss, things get more than complicated. This is a very clever contemporary, driven by racial differences, that is completely unputdownable.

LITERARY FICTION

14. The Sellout by Paul Beatty. Winner of the Booker Prize 2016, The Sellout is a black comedy ringing with social satire about one man’s deceit having knock-on effects for an entire community. Controversial and weird but incredibly unique.

15. The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. Morrison’s debut novel focuses on our obsession with conventional beauty, fitting in and being accepted. Wonderfully written, it addresses race, gender and class in a truly captivating way.

16. Stay With Me by Ayòbámi Adébáyò. Amidst the social and political turmoil of 1980s Nigeria, Yejide's husband takes a second wife when she fails to fall pregnant. It is a heartbreaking portrait of grief, fractured families and motherhood.

17. Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward. An epic road-trip novel with hints of supernatural and magical realism, this is the story of a young boy’s coming-of-age within a broken family told in a gorgeously lyrical style.

18. Half Of A Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Set during the Nigerian Civil War, three very different characters are entwined in a story about colonialism, class, race and love. You’ll want the tissues for this one!

19. Freshwater by Akwaeke Emezi. This strange unique novel focuses on the split selves of Ada and their gradual rise to power within her. It’s one of the most unique mental health books I’ve ever come across and will resonate with anyone who has ever struggled with finding their own inner peace.

SCI-FI AND FANTASY

20. Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James. Dripping in African mythology, the first in the Dark Star trilogy gets off to a gripping start with plenty of unique characters, as hunter Tracker searches for a missing boy. 

21. Kindred by Octavia E. Butler. When aspiring writer Dana is pulled from 1976 into 1815, she is assumed to be a slave. After saving a young man’s life, the mystery of their connection kicks off and takes them both on an incredible emotional journey. This is an amazing time travel story that is thoroughly unputdownable.

22. Rosewater by Tade Thompson. Rosewater is a town on the edges of a strange alien biodome which is rumoured to have healing powers but former criminal Kaaro knows the truth and is in no hurry to revisit it. Whilst making subtle digs at contemporary culture, Rosewater offers a fascinating view of the future.

23. Do You Dream Of Terra-Two? by Temi Oh. Ten astronauts leave a dying Earth to find another habitable planet. Set entirely aboard the ship, it’s a coming-of-age story that reaches beyond the sci-fi boundaries and focuses on human relationships and emotions. Brace yourself for tears!

24. Children Of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi. Inspired by West African mythology, this magical adventure tells the story of Zélie on a quest to restore magic to the kingdom of Orisha. At the end of every chapter something happens that makes you want to keep reading, making it highly addictive.

25. The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor Lavalle. Hidden dark magic in the depths of New York is awakened when hustler Tom attracts its attention. With elements of classic horror and mysticism, this is one for lovers of weird speculative stories.

26. Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi. This touching story is a searing reminder of systemic racism and the violence that black Americans face at the hands of the law. When Kev finds himself in prison, it’s only the visits from his magically-gifted sister Ella that keeps him sane and gives him hope of revolution.

27. We Cast A Shadow by Maurice Carlos Ruffin. Desperate to protect his son in a profoundly racist America, a man embarks on a mission to get his boy a ‘demelanization’ to make him white. It’s an original and edgy satire full of suspense and heart.

MIDDLE-GRADE

28. Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson. This poetic memoir charts the story of Woodson’s own childhood, growing up as an African-American in 1960s and 1970s. These are truly beautiful poems that sing a young girl’s desire to be heard and to know who she is.

29. Ghost by Jason Reynolds. Ghost is a sprinter but it’s only when Coach sees his talent that he really starts to chase his dream but his dark past is hot on his heels. Full of Reynolds’ signature humour and heart, it’s highly relatable to almost any kid from around the age of 10.

30. The Jumbies by Tracey Baptiste. This creepy magical middle-grade adventure sees fearless Corinne on a dangerous mission to save her home from dark forces. Steeped in Caribbean folklore, The Jumbies is a fantastic gateway into eerie fantasy.

31. The Crossover by Kwame Alexander. Twins Josh and Jordan are basketball stars, following in their father’s footsteps but hardship tests their brotherly bonds. Merging basketball and rap, this verse novel gives us a stark reminder of what really matters.

32. Ghost Boys by Jewell Parker Rhodes. Get set for a truly heartbreaking but horrendously timely story. Jerome was shot dead by police at the age of 12 and his ghost wanders the Earth in search of answers as to why he was killed. Not sure I need to say anymore as to why this is a highly important tearjerker.

YA

33. Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo. When a plane crash brings two sisters on either side of the Atlantic together, family secrets unravel. Exploring sacrifice and identity, this verse novel is a stark reminder that most losses and tragedies are felt only by the families they directly affect.

34. Orangeboy by Patrice Lawrence. Marlon has promised his mum that he won’t follow the path of his gang leader brother but when a date leaves him a hunted man, he has some impossible choices to make. Laced with musicality, this pacy urban thriller puts you directly in the shoes of an ordinary boy caught up in very real danger.

35. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta. Struggling with his identity as a mixed-race gay teen, it’s only when he starts university that Michael gains his wings through the power of drag. Tackling both racism and homophobia, The Black Flamingo teaches acceptance and self-love.

36. The Sun Is Also A Star by Nicola Yoon. Natasha and Daniel meet on the same day that Natasha’s family are about to be deported to Jamaica. Cue an epic quest for love to overthrow the authorities! It’s a sweet romance about fate and taking the future into your own hands.

37. Dear Martin by Nic Stone. When Ivy League-destined Justyce is arrested, he turns to the lessons of Martin Luther King to help figure things out but then shots are fired. Undeniably relevant to today’s America, Dear Martin confronts the blatant racism and injustice within the justice system.

38. On The Come Up by Angie Thomas. Aspiring rapper Bri is desperate to make it to help her family, despite all the odds being against her. Better known for her break-out debut hit The Hate U Give, Angie Thomas’ follow-up is an equally hard-hitting story of standing up and speaking out for what’s right. 

HISTORICAL 

39. The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Escaping an extremely violent and abusive past in the 1930s American South, Celie finds the strength to be her true wonderful self. The Color Purple is considered a staple of black literature and considered one of the most mind-opening books in existence.

40. Roots by Alex Haley. Tracing the story of his own ancestors, Alex Haley’s Roots is a highly educational documentation of African American history during the Slave Trade. Published in 1976, it made a massive impact on the world and Kunta’s story is just as urgent and vital today.

41. Freedom by Catherine Johnson. This historical middle-grade story follows Jamaican slave Nat as he makes his way to London, where he has heard that slavery doesn’t exist, which he soon finds to be false. Freedom is a moving, action-packed look at British slavery that is the perfect starting point for educating pre-teens.

42. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. This classic tale follows wrestler Okonkwo, who returns from exile to discover his village has been taken over by colonials. It’s a difficult read that captures powerlessness and pain in a short, impactful burst and will no doubt force white readers to look at their own behaviours.

43. Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Exploring bigotry and racism across the US, our protagonist tries his best to play by the rules but continues to be knocked down. Despite being published in 1952, Ellison’s arguments are painfully relevant to today, indicating that not much has changed at all. 

44. The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead. Life as a slave in Georgia is hell for Cora but when new arrival Caesar tells her about the Underground Railroad, escape plans are hatched. Cora’s determination and courage are hugely inspirational and her experience, which mirrors that of many real slaves, should never be forgotten.

45. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi. This epic story of two sisters’ very different experiences of 1800s Ghana sprawls across generations, clearly showing how history resonates and the ripples are felt long after the original event. A stunning captivating read.

THRILLERS

46. Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas. Highly selective, isolated academy Catherine House sees teenage runaway Ines join its ranks and a strange Gothic mystery unfurls. This subtly unsettling chilly novel is a brand new debut that I devoured earlier on this month and I’m sure you will too!

47. My Sister, The Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite. Korede is used to clearing up her younger sister Ayoola’s messes -and disposing of the bodies she leaves in her wake! There is a wonderfully dark tongue-in-cheek tone that makes this fast-paced thrilling celebration of sisterhood truly delightful.

48. They All Fall Down by Rachel Howzell Hall. Seven strangers find themselves in a mansion on an island with no contact with the outside world and no escape. With strong Agatha Christie vibes, it’s a highly entertaining mystery whose pages you’ll keep turning.

49. Devil In A Blue Dress by Walter Mosley. When a war veteran is pulled into a search for a mysterious woman, murder and lies are uncovered. Set in 1940s LA, Walter Mosley expertly weaves the natural fears of a Black man of the time into the smoky intrigue, making it extremely immersive.

50. Hollywood Homicide by Kellye Garrett. Broke former actress Dayna didn’t mean to solve a hit-and-run but the reward money would definitely come in handy. Once she starts digging, she becomes determined to find the killer. I love cosy mysteries with amateur detectives and this more than fits that bill.