#;; charles can confirm he's a bottom....

[footballffbarbiex]

Worth The Wait

driver: charles leclerc words: 1226 request: charles leclerc  |  500 + | You / your | Like that first kiss that’s a little rushed and short because you’re so shy and giggly and then just full on make out. I feel like they are on a date in a park you know on a blanket in the sun reading books, eating fruit and then they finallyyyyy kiss after something cute/romantic happens (maybe they joke around with each other idk) and then they start making out. Like they’ve been on dates before and they really like each other but something just kept getting in the way of them kissing and they both really want to but are also really shy. So they finally kiss and it’s really cute but then they get serious

-

Charles is laid out on the blanket relaxing in a way that you hadn’t noticed before. Though it was still early in your relationship, maybe even far too early to be calling it a relationship, you were slowly picking up on his body language and the things that seemed to make him blossom before you as he spoke.

There’s a soft smile on his face from under the cap that covers most of it, his head rests upon his arms and because of it, his shirt has lifted and reveals a little patch of hair that disappears into his jeans. It’s not the first time you’ve spotted it but it always seems to have the same impression on you when you see it and rather than react how you want to, you reach forward and pluck another piece of fruit from the container and pop it into your mouth.

Before you on the blanket was an array of the perfect foods, with Charles making sure that a little bit of everything had been brought. Fruit, cheeses, small pots of desserts, a bottle of wine just in case which came in its own cooler with a bit of ice in the bottom to guarantee it’s chill on a day like today. Water bottles are in the same cooler for the very same reason, along with spreads and a few of your own favourite choices to nibble on.

“You seem relaxed,” you point out, hoping that it won’t make him recoil and go back in on himself.

Instead, he opens up his large hand and splays it over the cap to pull it from his body. When he looks at you, it’s through one open eye which captures the sun perfectly, sending his eye colour into a burst of shades which you don’t usually see. “Do I?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to see.” your dates have been here, there and everywhere in between with race weekends and him either out on a practice track or in the gym but he’d always try and make time for a facetime call and keep in touch with you throughout the day when he was away. He always makes time for you which was a pleasant surprise considering how busy he was.

“I don’t need to think when I’m here.” He says after a few minutes. You’d zoned out, focused on an area not far from here and so when Charles starts speaking again, you find your face turning towards him and your eyes following moments after as you slowly come out of it.

“Hmmm?” You ‘ask’. “Sorry, you lost me there for a moment.” The confession sounds as you try not to get embarrassed when you realise he’s staring at you and you have no idea for how long.

“Look how adorable you are when you’re flustered.” he adjusts himself, shifting his body so that he can reach out and stroke your knee. “I said I don’t need to think when I’m around you.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.”

“Good. Very good.” he confirms with a little nod. His fingers continue to stroke over your knee. “It’s the one time that I can really switch off. I don’t need to be thinking of what I’ve got coming up, training, interviews. I don’t need to be thinking of anything. I just…”

“Get to be you.” You finish for him and he nods eagerly.

“Exactly!”

“I like that though. I make it so there’s not a thought in your head.” there’s a small sense of satisfaction as you consider this. He’s always been switched on - or at least he’s always appeared to be so. Charles would always bring something to the conversations, often starting a new one himself. There wasn’t a topic he’d shy away from and would always find something to ask you about or simply send as a text so that you knew you were on his mind. To hear that he was able to just switch off around you, to make it so that there’s you and only you? It was more than a compliment.

“I could kiss you right now, do you know that?”

“And you’re spending it talking instead.” You can’t help but tease him with this, even though his expression says that he’s serious. When you don’t look away, he keeps his eyes fixated on your face and slowly, you realise the two of you are closing the gap between one another.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach. There’s no small fluttering, it’s an explosion of them all flapping against one another and whatever part of you they’re able to “touch”. He hesitates when his lips are a breath away from yours, his eyes flickering between your eyes and as much of your mouth as he can see and finally, finally, his lips are on yours.

You can feel Charles’ smile against you, making it so that it paints one upon your own lips as you kiss him again. He moves slowly, the two of you placing small light kisses until he slows down the pull away pace and you find yourself beginning to slowly make out. He doesn’t break the rhythm as he shuffles forward, his hand remains on your knee while the other strokes over the back of your neck.

Your own hands find his waist, one holding onto the slender side while the other fists the fabric of his shirt. Tentatively, you poke your tongue between your lips and ever so briefly meet his as he cautiously does the same. You feel his grin once more, making it harder to kiss until he manages to relax and this time, his tongue meets yours with each open mouth kiss.

For the first time since the two of you arrived, you’re not bothered about who might be watching the two of you as you sit on the blanket, completely engrossed in one another. When he turns this way, you turn that, your noses briefly overlapping and when this happens, Charles gives your nose the lightest rub with his own before giving you another kiss. You feel the vibrations of it before you hear the smallest of hums from him and it’s the single most beautiful sound you’ve heard.

It’s not until he begins to slow the kisses back to soft, barely open mouth kisses that come to a stop and his forehead rests against your own that you realise it’s got to him slightly. His breathing seems normal, there’s no sharp intake of breath or pink tinted cheeks but his expression has changed and there’s a change in his eyes that wasn’t there before you’d initially kissed.

“Well that was unexpected.” He says, his tone of voice betraying him as he pulls back to look at you properly. His voice shows that the kiss has affected him more than he’s tried to let on.

“You took your time,” you quip and he laughs, a shyness creeping back in from before. “It was worth the wait though,” you admit, smiling to yourself as you look down and focus on the way his fingers absentmindedly stroke over your leg again.

“Yeah. Yeah it was.”

“I won’t let you wait as long for the next one.” He promises, giving you a small smile before leaning forward and giving you the lightest of pecks on your lips.

[f1tyreslightmyfyre]

Immortal Artistry - Ch. 7

Series Main List

A Vampire AU F1 Fic Featuring Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader, George Russell x Fem!Reader, hints of Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader, Lestappen, Sebchal, and Sainzell (or Russainz?)

Also on AO3

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading! The notifications on this fic bring the biggest smile to my face 😊

Ch. 7 Warnings: Language

2023

The walls of your office stare back at you, both familiar and unfamiliar now that your world has inverted. Just four days ago, you met Charles Leclerc. Just four days ago, Xavier was still alive. Just four days ago, vampires didn’t exist. 

And now?

Not only do vampires exist - they want World War II looted artifacts, and you’re caught squarely in the middle through no fault of your own.

Indeed, life can sure be a bitch, but honestly, you never thought it could come to this.

How could it? Supernatural creatures of horror films didn’t exist, except that they clearly do, and clearly, they have plans, factions, and goals. It probably shouldn’t surprise you since they were all human at some point in time, and humans have been warring in factions to accomplish goals since the dawn of time.

But priceless artwork? Missing since World War II? And treasure maps? It sounds too fanciful to even possibly be real.

The cursor in the blank email window blinks back at you, taunting you. With a sigh, you re-read the email at the bottom of the chain but still find no clarity to draft a response. Instead, you open a browser window and let your fingers loose with the questions spinning in your mind.

WW2 treasure

Looted treasure during WWII

Austrian salt mines treasure

How much art lost during WWII has been found

Authorities trying to recover lost WWII treasure

Unfortunately, most of the links take you back to film The Monuments Men that you barely remember, but the stories from the men who lived to recover the stolen cultural artifacts fuels your speculation. Perhaps George was one of those men? Charles already told you that he died – err, transformed – in 1940, so he would have learned about the location of the looted treasures during the war, if not after. But Carlos said that Charles got there first, before at least he arrived… and George, presumably. So, what gives them the right to claim the stolen treasure for themselves instead of Charles?

You didn’t think to ask this morning when Carlos had been transformed. Or is that too personal of a question to ask a vampire? The idea flashes in your mind to google vampire conversation etiquette, but you refuse to have that in your internet search history. But perhaps Carlos and George were both on a cultural artifact recovery team and encountered Charles as he was… doing what exactly? Stealing stolen art? Looting looted goods?

“I have certainly studied art,” Charles said as he continued to scan and sign the array of papers. “I suppose one could call me a collector of art, but while I claim paltry skill with a brush, I do favor myself for having an appreciation of beautiful pieces.”

Slowly, you nodded as he recapped the pen. “It sounds like you have seen a lot of interesting pieces over the course of your studies and search for beauty.”

His eyes flashed with something you couldn’t place – something predatory, something fond, something satisfying. “Yes,” he said at length as he rose. “I have seen much, with much still left yet to see.”

The memory creeps a shiver down your spine. Has Charles actually been honest with you from the start? Thinly-veiled and vague as it was, but he didn’t lie… maybe that’s the wisdom gained from living 83 years while still looking like a 25-year old.  

You stared up at Carlos. “Assuming you’re saying what I think you’re saying? That Charles has some World War II treasure map that George wants for himself?” The words sounded no less ridiculous as they rang in your ears, but honestly, life stopped being normal since that first meeting with Charles Leclerc.

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” Carlos confirmed. “Except, George doesn’t think Charles has it – he thinks that you have it.”

Your eyes widened as you nearly choked on your coffee. “That’s impossible – Charles has given me nothing.”

You push up from your desk chair, exhaling heavily to try and make sense of the memories that plague you. Or maybe you’re trying to outrun the sense of dread knotting your stomach. Because perhaps, maybe… just maybe, Charles has given you more than you realize. At least in terms of verbal truth, if not physical objects. But surely nothing he’s said to you could possibly be a clue or the key to finding a stolen World War II treasure hoard.

An incredulous grin lights your face, matched by a soft laugh as you shake your head. Or maybe the answer is more simple and you’re just losing your damn mind.

Your feet carry you aimlessly towards the private executive conference room. As you push the door open, in your mind’s eye, you can still see Charles’ sleek, polished form seated at the table. The overhead light had danced in his mercurial eyes with such intriguing temptation and the cut of his suit complemented the lean lines of his body, and… god, as a human, had he been that handsome?

Heat rises in your cheeks without permission as you cross around the large table and pull out the chair in which he previously sat. You drum your fingers against the polished tabletop, trying to put yourself in his shoes. But how can you possibly hope to have his decades-long perspective? How can you possibly understand the depth and breadth of his plans? Especially if he’s been able to outwit every modern-day digital identification device and legal system to be at least three different versions of himself over the decades. If he can indeed live forever, how long will he have to go on changing his legal name and signing paperwork?

Will he someday be Charles Leclerc, LXIV?

Your eyes roam the tabletop, studying the rings in the wooden surface, the leather stitching on the edge of the company branded coasters, the caddy of pens that –

Wait.

Just what…Your mouth goes dry as one pen doesn’t match the rest. A pen that looks way too fancy for anything your firm would buy – a black capped pen with gold accents that looks eerily familiar.

Charles reached into the interior pocket of his suit jacket. He withdrew a sleek, black capped pen with gold accents and deftly unscrewed the cap. Glancing up at you, he offered another cute, almost shy smile. “You’ll forgive me if I’m a little old-school,” he said as a gleaming gold fountain tip came into view. “Ball point pens just aren’t as artistically satisfying.”

A gasp passes your lips as the memory slams through you. You could have sworn that Charles put the pen back in his jacket after signing, but the truth of it stares you in the face. Your hand trembles with anxious anticipation as you reach forward, feeling the pen’s cool metal against your fingertips. Is this somehow it? Could this possibly be the answer?

The pen has a deceptive weight as you turn it over in your hands, studying the light reflecting off the polished surface. You unscrew the cap to reveal the sharp fountain tip, and you wish you had a notepad to confirm that the pen still works. You saw it for yourself that night – so it must have some inkwell inside it, but… is that all? Rotating the pen, you search for another way to open it – some seam, some screw top – and the case yields with a hard twist, unscrewing from the body. Setting the cap down in your lap, the pen disassembles to reveal the ink cartridge and… something else.

A small, slim canister falls into your lap, and heart-pounding anticipation seizes you. Do you dare open it? Perhaps it’s booby trapped? Or maybe it’s… empty? You wet your top lip nervously before giving the canister a gentle shake. The contents rattle as the object inside knocks against the bottom and lid of the canister.

Would opening it be a step too far? Or are you already implicated enough?

Exhaling an uneasy sigh, you pop off the canister’s cap and out slides a roll of… film? With the prevalence of digital technology, you can’t recall when you last saw a physical roll of film, let alone one so teeny-tiny small. Your brow furrows as a distant thought surfaces – classic movie spies always use small cameras to take photos of clandestine documents. Hell, even today libraries still rely heavily on microfiche and microfilm for archiving purposes.  

But is that what you actually hold? Working a nervous swallow down your throat, you unfurl the roll of film and risk holding it up to the light for a better look. Squinting closely at it  - crude, hand-drawn lines snake across the image of a page, like roads… like a map. A circle that looks suspiciously like a compass rose rests in the upper left corner of the image, and your stomach drops to your feet. The rest of the details are too small for you to make out, but writing accompanies the drawing, and… oh fuck.

Did you actually hold proof of a World War II treasure map in your hands?

Your heart pounds as you quickly roll up the film and shove it back in the canister. Your mind reels as you screw the pen back together and replace the cap. With trembling fingers, you set it on the table as if holding it any longer will burn you.

Just what the fuck do you do now?

You could always keep it. Tell Charles you have it and ask him what he wants you to do with it. What was Xavier going to do with it anyway? Store it? Destroy it?

Those seem to be the only two real options.

You could keep it – maybe even use it. Could… what would happen if you give it to George? Does that fundamentally shift the pieces on Charles’ figurative chessboard?

But what if you destroyed it? The rubbish chute sits at the end of the corridor hallway, and rumor has it, it feeds straight into the building incinerator. If neither Charles nor George have the map, then neither of them have an advantage. Or does that somehow play into Charles’ plan? Does that set the chess pieces in the formation that Charles wants?

Indecision cripples you as you stare down at the pen – at the crux of this whole damn mess.

Just what are you going to do?

Keep It - Chapter 8 (targeted for 11-Dec)

Destroy It  - Chapter 9 (targeted for 11-Dec)

Tag List: @fictional-l0v3r @hollie911

Series Main List

[oscarpiasstri81]

i wanna ruin our friendship - Oscar Piastri

part one / part two

summary ~ oscar and reader telling the grid about their newfound relationship… but they already know.

pairing ~ {oscar piastri × childhoodbsf!reader}

content warnings ~ language, mentions of sex, mostly fluff, carlos sainz being a menace

a/n ~ i did NOT think so many people would read, let alone actually like my first ever ff. thank you guys so much!!! Los amo mucho a todos, gracias. <3

word count ~ again, idk. like 1k or something ?

You woke up to the feeling of the warm sun resting over your face. Shifting a little in your still half asleep state, you felt a slight weight over your waist. Confused for a split second, you look down to figure out what it is. Seeing a strong, tanned arm, you’re reminded of last nights events.

Oscar had been awake for a few minutes before you, staying completely still in order to not wake you. Once he noticed you were awake, he spoke to you with his rough, sleep coated voice.

“Morning, pretty girl. How did you sleep?”

Hearing his voice made you flip your body around to face him, a smile already plastered on your face. You gave him a quick peck on the lips before replying.

“I slept pretty good, especially since I was next toyou.” Your words left a faint blush over Oscars face, completed with the prettiest of smiles.

He returned your previous gesture with another, much longer, kiss. As you felt him tongue running across the bottom of your lips, you let the kiss go on for only a moment longer before pulling away.

“As much as I would like to lay here all day, Charles has probably got breakfast going downstairs. You know how impatient he gets.”

Oscar responded to your statement with an annoyed groan. Rolling his eyes before pulling you into a short, but just as sweet, kiss. He quickly got out of bed, getting dressed as you began to do the same. Once you were both done getting ready, Oscar headed to the door. You quickly stopped him.

“Wait, Oscar.” He stopped and turned to look at you confused.

“Yeah? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just… are we going to say anything? To anyone? You know, about us?” You asked as nicely as possible, not wanting to come off as if you were ashamed. He seemed to understand what you were implying.

“We can if you want to, pretty. I have no problems in telling the whole world that you are my beautiful, lovely girlfriend.” He said with a soft smile.

“Good, good. I don’t want to keep anything a secret, especially from our friends.”

Glad to hear your words of affirmation, you both had agreed to tell each of your friends together, over whatever horrible breakfast Charles was cooking downstairs. As excited as you were to tell everyone about your relationship, you were not excited about Charles cooking skills, you could smell the smoke from upstairs.

The both of you headed downstairs together. As you walked into the room, you noticed all heads turn towards you and Oscar.

There were only about 12 people who had stayed over for the night, all of them being either from the grid, or one of the WAGs, as the internet had dubbed them.

Although you were confused as to why everyone had so suddenly looked, and then just as quickly averted their gaze, you headed to sit at the large table. Charles cooking hadn’t been so miserable today, only about half of it being slightly charred. Oscar took his seat next to you, laying his hand onyour thigh. You turned to look at him, and gave him a silent nod as the go ahead to tell the group about your news.

Just as Oscar was about to speak, a sharp voice suddenly interrupted him. Carlos.

“So, you two got up to some fun last night, sí?” He said with a smirk, he was a very forward and teasing person.

The blush that covered both you and Oscars faces confirmed whatever Carlos was insinuating, and that only made the groups laugh even harder. You turned to Oscar with an embarrassed look. It was obvious how oblivious the both of you were to how loud you had been last night. It now made sense how Lando, who you considered to be a brother, couldn’t meet your eyes earlier when you offered him a ‘good morning’.

It was clear that Oscar was equally as embarrassed as you, although the slight smirk on his face said otherwise. The usually quiet and introverted man was sort of proud that everyone heard how good he could make you feel. He broke everyone’s laughter as he spoke.

“Well, at least now we don’t have to tell you guys. But, we’re together, for clarification.”

Everyone offered their congratulations, still quietly laughing about the whole situation. Lando, on the other hand, was not finding this as amusing.

“I am happy for you guys, just… don’t be so loud next time. I don’t need to hear any of that. Y/n is like a sister to me!”

This sent everyone into a fit again, laughing at not only you and Oscars expense, but Lando’s as well.

“Yeah,” Carlos speaks up, “You didn’t need to tell us anything, we all heard.”

a/n ~ again, thank you guys so much for the support on part one!!! i really appreciate it. let me know if you have any requests for writes, i’ll do pretty much anyone. hasta la vista, bebé

[missvelvetsstuff]

With Friends Like You, Who Needs Enemies

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Last chapter.....

A few hours after they arrived, Rainbow was starting to run out of energy and trying to figure out how to leave without being rude. Bucky noticed and moved towards the hall where her room was located but before they could go a blonde woman came storming down the hall.

Bucky greeted her "Hey Yelena-"

She walked right up to Y/N "You're Y/N right? The mutant bitch that made the Avengers push my sister away."

She shoved Y/N, who stood her ground.

Rainbow shook her head "That's my name but I don't think you have the whole story. I never-"

Yelena sucker punched her and Bucky caught her before she fell "What the fuck, Yelena?"

Clint grabbed Yelena and held her back as she spat at Y/N "Natalia told me what you did so you better watch your back." And stormed off.......

Chapter 7

Bucky carried Rainbow to the sofa and set her down carefully "Are you alright doll?" He turned to Sam "Could you grab some ice for her?"

Y/N looked dazed "Who the hell was that?"

Bucky sighed as he took an ice pack from Sam and gently set it over her eye "Nats sister from the red room, Yelena. Apparently Nat told her own version of what happened. Don't worry, we'll get to the bottom of this."

Y/N looked nervous "Does she live here too? Maybe me staying here isn't the best idea. I can always call Charles and go back to his school."

Bucky shook his head and almost shouted "No! You don't have to go." He took a breath "Nat is only here until her vision is back to normal and Yelena is only visiting."

He looked up at Tony "Right, Stark?"

Tony nodded distractedly "Yeah, no. Neither of them are staying. Nat is doing much better. I'll ask Helen to take a look at her tomorrow. FRIDAY, can you invite Yelena to the common room and lock Nat in behind her?"

"Of course, sir."

When Yelena returned she scoffed at Y/N sitting with ice on her eye "Aawww, did the poor baby get a boo boo? Do you need a blankie and baba?" And laughed loudly.

Tony stopped Bucky from going after her "As much as she deserves it, Barnes, we won't resort to violence just yet."

He turned to face Yelena "You are a guest here and assaulting a member of my team won't be tolerated. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Yelena laughed again "Why do you have whiny little babies on your team? Why did you force Natalia out for this crying little girl?"

Y/N tried to protest "Hey, Nat made her own bed. I never did anything to her until she broke my damn wrist."

Yelena looked at her in shock "What did you say?" And started walking over towards her, only to be stopped by Bucky. She glared at him "No, I need to talk to her. What happened?"

Y/N told her side with the rest of the team confirming her account. "I thought Nat was my friend but I guess she always hated me."

"Bullshit! That's not what Natalia said at all and she would never lie to me." Yelena replied defiantly.

Tony shook his head "It turns out Nat isn't the person any of us thought she was. I don't really care what you believe, she's off the team and no longer welcome here"

He looked pointedly at Yelena "If she gets the ok from our doctor tomorrow, I think it would be in everyone's best interests if you took her with you."

He shrugged "Or not, she's out regardless."

Yelena looked at the rest of the team, then at Rainbow, and scoffed "Some family you people are. She's better off without you."

Steve nodded "and we're better off without her, something we can all agree on. We'll have Friday notify you of her appointment in the morning and then you can both go."

Yelena looked Steve up and down then shook her head and went back to Nats room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nat was stretched out on her bed, the bandages that covered her eyes were pushed up and she was reading a magazine. The sound of the door opening made her jump and she quickly set the magazine down and tried to adjust the bandages over her eyes but Yelena caught her.

Nat stammered "It's still all spotty but I keep trying, makes me feel more normal even if I'm pretending." Her brow twitched and Yelena gasped before her face turned to stone

"Really Natalia? Are you pretending you can see the pages of the magazine or pretending your sight hasn't returned."

Her voice went up as she spoke "Or was it ever really gone? Did that girl even hurt you or was that fake too?"

Yelena went to get a drink and sat angrily "So spill Natalia and you better tell me the goddamn truth because every single Avenger that's here agrees on one story and it's not the one you told me so you'd better explain yourself."

Nats lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears "You want the truth? Steve and I were together until she showed up and he dropped me like I was trash. A few months later he's afraid to push her for sex and we started up again. I told him I loved him and he laughed at me, insisted that Fury wouldn't let us be together out in the open. Claimed the public wouldn't accept it and I would hurt his reputation. I started seeing Bruce but he's afraid that sex will bring out the big guy and hurt me.  Now she's got Bucky all over her and me out on the street."

Yelena listened quietly "Did you pretend to be her friend?"

Nat laughed "Yeah, it was pathetic really, how desperate she was for a friend. I wasn't going to just let her have Steve without a fight."

Yelena nodded "And you broke her wrist?"

Nat shrugged "I needed to talk to her and she kept trying to run away. It was her fault really, she kept leaving."

Yelena grimaced "So they are telling the truth? You all saved her from Strucker and you resented her, pretended to be her friend. Instead of telling her the truth about you and Steve you blamed her for something she knew nothing about while fucking him behind her back? And pretending she blinded you. Is that about it?"

Nat shook her head "No, she really did blind me but it's much better now. I was just waiting for you so we can get away from these jerks."

Yelena sighed "Why should I trust you after you lied to me about everything?"

Nat teared up again "I was afraid you would reject me too. If you do, I don't have anyone else to turn to."

Yelena scoffed "It sounds like you've lost everyone because you're a manipulative bitch."

Nat tried to defend herself "No, but I-"

Yelena shook her head "Whatever, doesn't matter. You'll see their doctor tomorrow and if she says you're ok we'll go. You can help me free the rest of the Widows. After that you can do what you want."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky told Rainbow to stay on the couch while he helped Sam make dinner and both men did what they could to cheer her up and help her forget about Nat and Yelena and Steve. They did a pretty good job until the food was done and the Avengers all came down to eat together.

Rainbow was seated between Sam and Bucky to keep Steve from bothering her.

Dinner was a raucous affair with the whole team together, telling stories and different versions of previous fights.

Rainbow felt someone behind her right before the entire room went silent. Nat and Yelena came up to the table and Nat sat next to Steve after filling her plate then looked at Yelena to do the same.

Tony's temper was rising until he couldn't hold his tongue "I'm sorry, this is a team dinner and you, ahem, ladies aren't part of the team.

Of course Nat took the opportunity to play victim.

"What? I can't eat with my team one last time before you kick me out onto the street? You all treat this little brat like a princess and push me aside like I'm nothing."

She scoffed as she stood "some family you are."

She gestured to Yelena "just grab a plate and we'll go back to my room. Then we're done here. I don't need Cho to check my eyes, I can see fine."

Tony shook his head and ran a hand down his face "I'm sorry but due to legal obligations I can't allow you to leave until we're sure your injury is fully healed. I don't need you coming back in a year, trying to sue me for any future problems. In fact I have some legal, separation paperwork to confirm you're no longer the team's responsibility, etc. If you get hurt, it's not our problem." He smirked at Nat "I'm sure you understand."

Nat was fuming "You can't make me stay here one more second, this is bullshit Tony."

She turned to Rainbow with a hate filled look on her face. "You might have won this round but it's not over. One of these days you won't have all these assholes around to protect you and then we'll see how tough you are."

Rainbow scoffed "Pretty sure the answer is pretty fucking tough since the only time we've fought you ended up blind and that was before I had any real control over my powers. After my time working with Loki I've learned a lot and I'm not afraid of you anymore."

Nat sneered "You'll never see me coming little girl. Just watch your back and don't depend on this fake family to help."

Rainbow stood defiantly "Take your best shot." She had a mist surrounding her that turned dark as she glared at Nat.

"They aren't a fake family, you're the fake one Natalia." she spat "Cruel and manipulative, you're only upset your games didn't work so are playing victim when you brought it all on yourself."

She shook her head and spoke softly "I feel sorry for you."

Nat screamed "I'll get you for this, bitch" threw her plate of food at the wall and stomped back to her room.

Yelena looked at the team apologetically before running after her sister.

Bucky squeezed Rainbows hand "Don't worry doll, we won't let her hurt her. As long as I'm breathing, I will always protect you."

Bucky pulled her to him and kissed her softly which made Steve groan, beating himself up for the mistakes he's made. When Bucky pulled away he gave Steve a dark look, then gave all of his attention back to her. "My beautiful and precious Rainbow." he said quietly before kissing her again.

Steve grunted and left, Tony spoke up "Look Barnes I'm glad you two found each other and all that but could you save all the lovey dovey crap for your own rooms and not the dinner table.

Bucky and Rainbow both blushed and chuckled. He kissed her hands and they sat back down to their meal both feeling a little nervous about what comes next.

Everyone else, convinced that the drama was over, for now, went back to their food and stories.

Chapter 8

[nordschleifes]

chapter nine — mienteme

➝ on the other side of the world, charlie comes to the conclusion that they have gone too far. and now, she wants to go back.

➝ word count: 4k

➝ warnings: smut, angst

➝ author's note: having a existential crisis over this story, so, be kind to it. tagging @christianpulisic10, @alonsogirlie and @enaticosencantados as requested.

There was no visibility from the onboard, so the televised broadcast and the on-screen data were the only ways Charlie had to know of what was happening on the track. The rain that had been falling at Suzuka had lessened dramatically, but the asphalt was still extremely wet, the line of cars behind the safety car raising a kind of thick mist as they passed through the puddles.

— Rolling start? — Fernando asked, his voice drowned out by the sound of the engine and water evacuating from his tires as he rounded Spoon corner, with Lewis Hamilton’s Mercedes behind and Charles Leclerc's Ferrari in front of him. 

Charlie's eyes sought out the window that had the race director communication on the screen, confirming the information.

— Yes, rolling start at the end of the current lap, Fer.

— Copy.

Tension built in Charlie's shoulders as the safety car drove across the bridge. They were on the 33rd lap and, by the looks of it, the race would not finish in the expected 53 laps, especially after the long red flag due to the storm that fell on the circuit for the second year in a row.

— How many laps? — the driver asked.

— About 10 to 12, at least — she replied, pursing her lips as she watched the safety car round the last few turns before entering the pit lane — Green flag.

Fernando took off in search of Leclerc, who had tried to control the pace of the peloton until the last few seconds to then accelerate on the main straight. With her eyes on the timetable, Charlie couldn't help but feel anxious as she saw the gap between them growing rapidly as they drove through the wet corners of the circuit.

— Leclerc a second ahead — she said — Hamilton 1.4 behind.

— Rain?

— Radar indicating it's going to stay that way for the next ten minutes.

— Understood.

As the lap count ticked up, an interesting scenario began to unfold. Charles had started complaining about the temperature of his tires, claiming they were degrading too fast and causing him to slide in the low speed corners. Seeing Fernando go through the hairpin and the gap between the two dropping by a few tenths, Charlie knew what she had to do. She pressed the strategy button on the comms panel in front of her.

— Charles is having trouble with his tires. Do I tell Fernando to attack?

— Are our tires stable? — Peter, the head of strategy, seated near Charlie at the pit wall, asked.

— Stable temperature, low degradation — Raúl said next to her — The car is responding well, I believe we can press him.

— We have a good second place at the moment, is it worth the risk? — Charlie heard Mike ask. In her mind, she could hear Fernando saying that he was capable of making that overtake, that he knew exactly what to do against Charles, that he just needed her signal.

— It's not a risk, Mike. It's our chance — she said, watching Leclerc scramble around the hairpin.

Peter and Mike deliberated for some time about the gap and weather conditions and whether or not Fernando would be able to catch the Ferrari in front of him. Charlie’s finger hovered over the button on her panel that would open communication with Fernando, and she felt uneasy as time dragged on.

— Okay, let's try.

She smiled as she confirmed the request and pressed the button.

— Six laps to go. You are 0.9 behind Leclerc. Time to attack.

— Understood.

Watching his fingers tighten on the steering wheel, Charlie could see the hunger in the way Fernando drove, almost gracefully gliding over the corners. The gap dropped with each sector, her eyes flickering between his onboard and the timetable, her bottom lip between her teeth.

— Leclerc has just complained about the tires again — someone over the radio communications channel said. Charlie didn't care about the Ferrari any more, all she cared about was Fernando’s relentless pursuit of it as he fought through the spray to find those last few tenths of a second.

Then, at the exit of the last curve before the main straight, Charles lost the rear. That was enough for the Aston Martin to catch him on the straight and, on the first corner, pass him on the inside of the curve.

— Yes — Charlie exclaimed — Good job, Fernando!

— C’mon! — he replied, his tone of voice indicating he was smiling.

— We have three more laps, three more laps. Switch race, now, switch race.

— Copy.

Those last minutes of the race seemed to last for hours. Charlie's anxiety grew as she saw the interval between Fernando and Charles changing by the second. Another victory was coming, another day in which the mission had been accomplished and right there, in a place he loved so much.

— Last lap, Fer. Level seven, level seven.

— Understood.

But he was still going through the last few turns, the sound of the engine roaring in her ears. Charlie could feel the air trapped in her lungs, tension building in her shoulders.

And then, finally, Fernando crossed the finish line.

— Yes! Checkered flag, P1! C’mon, Fer!

— Yeah! C’mon, team! — the driver roared from the other side — Fantastic, fantastic!

— Very good, Fer, very good. Perfect maneuver into Turn 1, just perfect.

— You were amazing today, all of you. Mikey, the mechanics, Raúl… And you, too, Charlie.

She wanted to say something, but didn't have time to say anything before Mike came over the radio to praise Fernando and his skill. Then, Charlie relayed the information so Fernando stopped the car in the right place in the parc-fermé, before passing it on to him, who only replied with a “copy”.

As she was removing her headset to leave the pit wall and watch the podium ceremony outside, she felt a tap on her arm. Looking to the side, she found Mike smiling.

— Charlie, can you go get the trophy for us?

She blinked, a little shocked.

— Me?

— Yes, you.

— But, I have to get the data ready for the debrief…

— Raúl will do that later, now go to the podium — he said, putting a hand on her shoulder and giving her a playful squeeze, as if he was encouraging her to go.

Charlie nodded and pulled up her hood before she sprinted across the pitlane, heading towards parc fermé, where photographers, security and crew members were piled against the guardrails. Squeezing past the crowd, she presented her credentials. After some confusion between the FIA officials and the Japanese security staff, Charlie was finally allowed into the cooldown area.

As she walked down the corridor, couldn't help but feel butterflies in her stomach thinking about what it would be like to take the trophy and celebrate that sweet and rewarding moment in front of everyone. "Hope I don't drop it", Charlie thought, before turning towards a room and running into a wall of people and cameras. She knew she was in the right place when she heard a familiar voice.

— I really thought your tires were fine until — Fernando said to Charles, as he ran a hand through his sweaty hair, the light-blue helmet in his hands along with the HANS device. However, he stopped mid-sentence when his eyes met Charlie's.

Without saying anything, he dropped everything in his hands and almost ran towards her as she squeezed past the photographers. Throwing herself into his arms, Charlie clung to Fernando's neck as he laughed, hugging her tightly and taking her feet off the ground.

In that moment, wrapped in his arms, it was as if everything else had disappeared around them. It was just the two of them in that moment, Charlotte and Fernando, conquering the world, facing everyone and everything for victory. Together.

— You finally came — the driver said, putting her on the ground, one hand sweeping back the strands of her hair — I thought I'd have to beg Mike to let you come here.

— Actually, he's the one who begged me to come here. I thought you'd like some company.

Fernando smiled, hugging her again.

— Your company, always — he murmured in her ear, before pulling away slightly. She wished that she could kiss him right there, in front of the cameras, Charles and Lewis.

Remembering where she was, Charlie looked over to where the other two drivers were sitting. Charles pretended to be interested in the bottle of water he was drinking, and Lewis watched them with a curious look on his face as he adjusted his Pirelli podium cap over his braids.

— Hi, Charlie — he said, smiling — Good to see you here.

— Hi, Lewis — she replied, feeling Fernando's hand rest on the curve of her spine — It's good to see you too. Hi, Charles.

— Oh, hi — the Ferrari driver replied, before raising the water bottle to his mouth again.

When Lewis asked something about their choice to press Charles even on intermediate tyres, she felt Fernando slide his fingers down her back, resting his hand on her ass. As she turned to catch Fernando’s gaze, he simply smiled at her. Not a sly or playful smile, but a smile of pure happiness.

— Gentlemen — a man in a suit and a badge with the FIA logo said, hesitating briefly when he realized that she was there — Oh, and ladies, too. If you could come with me…

Drivers were called one by one to the podium. When it was Fernando's turn, he squeezed Charlie's hand knowingly before heading out, to applause and cheers from the spectators. She was so enthralled watching him take the podium that she nearly missed her cue to walk out to the space reserved for the team representative. She dashed out and waved to the rest of the team gathered to watch, and Fernando winked at her, making her feel warm inside.

As the Spanish anthem sounded through Suzuka, she couldn't help but look at Fernando in awe. There was something about the way he looked straight ahead, his expression solemn and proud, that made Charlie admire him even more. How had she been so blind to his dedication and effort? How had she been able to ignore all that and only see his bad side for so many years?

When the anthem of the United Kingdom ended, the drivers put their caps back on their heads and advanced on the champagne bottles. Charlie couldn't reach her own bottle before being hit head-on by a jet of liquid thrown by Lewis. Laughing, she tried to put her hand in front of her face, while the other tried to open the bottle to defend herself, without success.

— Fer, help me! — she shouted over the triumphant sound of Bizet’s Les Toreadors. And he came, trying to defend himself against Lewis and Charles, his fingers opening the cork for Charlie. With the bottle open and dripping foam, she took it from Fernando's hands, splashing the liquid on him while laughing. He placed his hand in front of his face to protect himself as he approached her.

And then, the driver hugged her tightly, planting a chaste kiss on her temple.

— Thanks — he murmured, before turning his face away and leading her to the highest point of the podium for photos with the three drivers, all wet with champagne, rain, and sweat.

After handing the bottles over to the team in the pit lane, they went to the motorhome together to dry off. Later, after the garage celebration and media interviews, they participated in the debrief. However, it was obvious that both did not want to be there.

With Fernando's hand resting discreetly on her leg, Charlie's anxiety only grew inside her. And the full extent of that feeling was reflected in the awkward way the two of them exited the elevator at the hotel, his face buried in the crook of her neck.

— Fer, no — she said softly, laughing as the driver distributed kisses and nibbles on her skin — Someone will see us…

— Let them see — Fernando murmured — Let them know that I'm crazy about you, nena …

Digging through her backpack for his room key, Charlie felt her skin tingle with excitement at his sensual whispers and indiscreet touching. She had resisted for far too long her own desire to demonstrate the happiness that welled up inside her.

The two of them clumsily entered the suite, dropping what they had in their hands before turning their attention to each other. When their lips finally met, it was like fireworks exploded inside Charlie's chest. Her fingers clung desperately to the back of Fernando's neck, while he unbuttoned the green pants she was wearing and pushed them down.

Feeling her back land softly on the mattress, he helped her out of her dark green T-shirt, smiling as he looked down at her neck, almost as if she were admiring a work of art. Charlie knew her neck was covered with the hickeys he'd given her.

— It’s ugly, isn’t it? — she asked softly, feeling his fingers brush against her skin.

— No — Fernando answered — It's sexy. Sexy as fuck.

The two kissed again, more slowly. Charlie felt like she was finally savoring that afternoon's victory, not as a co-worker, but as who she really was to Fernando — his best friend.

Before long, the sounds of their shared pleasure filled the room. Rolling her eyes, Charlie dug her nails into the skin of Fernando's shoulders as he thrust his hips against her. Her legs were wrapped around him, tense, as the moans escaped her lips. The rhythm was perfect, the angle of his cock reaching the delicious point that made her come closer and closer to ecstasy.

Just when Charlie thought she couldn't feel any better, she felt his hand slide between them to massage her clit in time with his thrusts, making her gasp loudly.

— Fuck, just like that! Yes, yes, yes, please, like that…

— C’mon, nena — Fernando murmured, his voice strained by his concentration in her pleasure while trying to not surrender to his own — Come for me, let me feel that pretty pussy squeezing me...

The tension building in her muscles released in a wave of pleasure. Arching her spine, Charlie pressed her calves against Fernando's skin, his name leaving her lips like a plea, a prayer and a realization.

After reaching his own orgasm, coming inside her with a loud moan, Fernando collapsed next to Charlie, out of breath. Staring at the ceiling, her heart pounding in her chest, her fingers tightening around his hand, as if she wanted to make sure he wasn't a figment of her imagination. As she turned to look at him and saw the small smile he had on his face, Charlie found her answer.

Fernando was real. Real enough to make her feel complete.

She had no idea how long she stayed like that, analyzing every feature of his face, from the scar on his upper lip to the green smudges mixed with the brown of his eyes, framed by the lines of the time. However, it must have been a while, because eventually Fernando complained that he was cold and invited her to take a bath in the generously-sized soaking tub in the in-suite bathroom.

— We're just going to need to shower first — he murmured, brushing her bangs out of her eyes — You know, local custom.

— Custom?

— The Japanese use bathtubs to relax and not necessarily clean themselves. Then, you take a good shower and only then get into the bathtub to warm up.

Charlie smiled.

— Let’s go, then.

They got up from the bed and went to the bathroom giggling, fighting over the water temperature for a few minutes before hugging each other under the hot jet of the shower. Once they were clean and their skin smelled of something fresh, like lemongrass, they finally allowed themselves to relax in the bathtub. Sitting between Fernando's legs, Charlie leaned back against his chest, feeling his arms wrap around her in a warm embrace.

Placing her own hands over his, his thumbs caressed the wet skin slowly as she felt his lips kiss the top of her head. In the stillness of that bathroom, Charlie could only hear their breathing echoing on the tiles, a sign of the tranquility and intimacy she had created with Fernando. An intimacy she didn't have with anyone. And that she would never have in her life.

— Nena? — she heard him whisper close to her ear.

— Yeah?

— Can I tell you something?

Charlie murmured affirmatively, eyes closed, savoring the temperature of the water and Fernando's tender touch.

— I love you.

Her stomach dropped suddenly, her eyes opening to stare blankly, wide. The water in the bathtub turned cold and the air inside the bathroom completely froze. It was as if the world had stopped turning the instant he had uttered those three words. Turning her head slowly to look at him, Charlie felt like her heart was going to explode.

— What did you say?

— That's what you heard — Fernando said — I love you, Charlotte.

She couldn't process it.

From the beginning, she had convinced herself that what they had was something simple and casual. Two adults with a tough job who found solace in each other. “Just fun”, she remembered thinking, while still lying on the bed in his apartment in Monaco, as she watched him sleep peacefully beside her, his face without a trace of worry or frustration.

“I love you”, his voice repeated inside Charlie's mind.

Fernando loved her.

At some point, she should have realized that. What they had hadn't been purely carnal for many months now, but she was still trying to convince herself that it was all in her head. No man introduces the woman he is casually fucking to his close friends or worse, to his entire family. No man spends so much time trying to befriend the cat of the woman he's fucking for nothing. No man asks the woman he's fucking to make his life hell, unless he loves her.

He loved her.

Fernando loved her.

And that was...

— Charlie? — he asked — Are you okay?

She jumped to her feet, causing water to slosh everywhere. The chill that crept over her wet skin was secondary to the frightening feeling of being suffocated. Charlie needed space, needed to breathe, needed to get it out of her chest.

With the water dripping from her body and wetting the floor, she grabbed one of the towels that was neatly rolled up on top of a shelf and draped herself haphazardly in it. Walking into the bedroom, Charlie could hear Fernando's voice far away inside her head, her pulse beating over the words.

Picking up the first piece of clothing she came across, she quickly began to dress, feeling the fabric cling to her wet skin. Her chest ached, her heart felt like it was going to burst. “This can't be happening, it can't, it can't”, Charlie repeated as she haphazardly slid her panties up her legs.

Then, she felt a hand grab her arm. Looking up, Charlie found Fernando with an expression that was a mixture of confusion and concern.

— Charlie, please — he said — What happened? Tell me. Do you need some…

— This has gone too far.

The driver stared at her for a few seconds.

— What? This? What are you talking about?

— This, this thing, us — she stammered, frustrated, trying to find the words in the mess that had become her brain — We've gone too far!

— But, what is the problem? Charlie, I don't care...

— But I care! I care, Fernando, I — she stopped, feeling her eyes sting — I need to go.

— Charlie, please — he asked, as he saw her walking away, his hands slipping over her cold skin — Stay, let's talk, I want to understand...

— We've gone too far, too far — Charlie continued muttering as she picked up her backpack and slung it over her back.

— Please, don't do that — Fernando repeated softly, his voice sounding choked — I love you, Charlie.

“No, no, no”, she thought, her vision blurry as she walked to the suite door. It felt hard to breathe, so she had started hyperventilating. All Charlie could think about was getting out of there, but the sound of Fernando’s voice hurt in a way that she couldn’t explain.

Without looking back, Charlie left the room and walked quickly down the hall, stopping at the door of the suite reserved for her but that she barely had used. Fitting the keycard shakily into the lock, she stomped into the small hall, closing the door with her body as she leaned against it. Then, sliding her back across the wood, she finally collapsed.

Clutching her own legs, still bare since, in her haste, she hadn't even put her own pants back, Charlie allowed herself to cry, the tears accompanied by loud sobs, the kind that made her chest ache. She wasn't crying out of sadness or pain. She was crying out frustration and, in a way, out fear as well.

Charlie felt frustrated with not having seen the way their relationship was going, with not having realized that Fernando was enchanted by her in that way, that he loved her. She had blinded herself with the belief that what they had was purely physical, that he saw nothing more than a sexual partner amidst the madness of the world they lived in.

Yet at the same time, the signs were all there, staring her in the face, from the first time they'd had sex. Fernando had insisted on cleaning her, offering her water, and then he fell asleep cuddling her. He had introduced her to his family, taken her around his own house, taken her to dinner with the person he trusted most. He, who always said he preferred to find the answers to his own frustrations alone, had sought comfort from her when everything had gone wrong.

His cielo. His luz. His nena. His love.

Sinking her fingers into her wet hair, Charlie felt hot tears fall down her legs. As if it wasn't bad enough knowing that Fernando loved her, she had no idea what that feeling in her chest was. She had always defined it as enchantment or even affection. He had said he was her friend, and that word seemed quite enough.

But, maybe it wasn’t, not always.

She remembered the funny feeling she felt when she saw him with Ron in his arms for the first time, as well as the way she smiled when she saw him dozing while watching LOST, his head thrown back and with his mouth open. She remembered the lightness inside her chest when Fernando pulled her to dance when his playlist started playing a lively song in Italian while cooking. She remembered the shiver that had run over her skin when, driving Jamie back to Northampton after the race at Silverstone, her grandfather had said he approved Fernando, without her even mentioning him.

The sensations, the smiles, the shivers, none of it had a name until that moment.

Lifting her head and leaning it against the wood of the door, Charlie felt angry with herself. She hated being fragile, like a china figurine in the hands of someone who had no care for her. The anxiety for the moment when she would crash on the floor was greater than any other feeling Charlie could have about it.

She didn't want to be fragile, sensitive, or weak. Not when she'd already been knocked to the ground so many times, especially by people who were supposed to preserve her. Lifting the collar of her shirt, Charlie wiped away the tears, smelling a familiar scent that made her even sadder.

Standing up, she walked to the bathroom and realized that she wasn't wearing her own team shirt, but Fernando's. In her rush to get out of the room, she'd probably grabbed the wrong piece off the floor, but it wasn't like she could go back for her shirt.

She had left that room never to return.

[animanga-bonanza]

i have so many feelings and thoughts about this latest episode of x men 97 -- spoilers under the cut

first, my favorite highlights/takeaways:

As usual, the dialogue is S-tier and this show is really good about putting the characters through dilemmas that have real stakes, and having the characters navigate those dilemmas in ways that both make sense for them and require them to move forward

Xavier is a confirmed bottom 😂 my man was ready to be a PET for this glamorous space lady

Loved that moment where Xavier literally takes the Shi’ar to class and starts SCHOOLING them 😂 he said “hold up I’m a teacher. lemme teach y’all something right now” 👨‍🏫

When talking about what he wanted to remember from Earth, he only mentioned Magneto, his “old friend” (YOU MEAN YOUR EX. YOUR SOULMATE. THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. C’MON CHARLES)

Speaking of Xavier x Magneto, when he finds out what happened to Magnus…😭 it was already heartbreaking seeing his reaction to Gambit's death

I’m certain the Shi’ar stuff is going to be the main conflict in Season Two or Three; Season One is gonna be focused on X-Men vs Sinister. Having this warmongering galactic empire on the brink of a coup that believes Earth is a “ghetto”, it’s not gonna turn out well for Earth.

I’m glad this episode confirmed that Sinister is behind the Genosha attack (though idk he might be working for someone else); writers sometimes keep their cards too close to their chest because they’re afraid that if they reveal their hand too soon, the audience will lose interest. But in my experience, it’s often more fun when the writers show you their hand and then use their cards to build a magnificent tower. Knowing who all the players are, their goals and motivations, and watching them duke it out is the stuff that drama is made of. It’s kind of like the Hitchcock principle of showing your audience the bomb under the table in order to raise suspense.

I’m REALLY happy that Storm is back, I missed her so much these past couple episodes! Aaah I’m a sucker for characters with weather powers, and hearing about the stuff Storm can do in the comics, I’m looking forward to seeing her use her abilities in a range of creative ways

Now for some analysis/ramblings!!

Storm and Xavier’s struggles mirror each other. Both characters are having to choose between comfort/happiness and duty/hardship.

Storm believes she’d be happier as a normal human. She could leave all her past troubles behind, build a new life with Forge. But that would be a betrayal of herself, her values, and her community. The Adversary’s line about Storm being afraid of living more than dying cuts deep. Storm was never afraid to put her life on the line to protect others. She literally took a bullet for Magneto. Her biggest fear is living her full truth, perhaps because her power is so great that it might alienate her from other people, even from her fellow mutants. As Magneto said (and I paraphrase), she is the closest thing to a goddess their world has ever seen.

And IIRC, part of Storm’s backstory involved her being worshiped/revered as a goddess or holy priestess. I think this past experience made Storm wary of embracing her full power because that kind of existence is lonely.

Honestly, as a black woman, Storm’s journey resonates so much. In real life, black women are often expected to be superhuman, the “strong black woman” who can shoulder her own burdens and everyone else’s. Storm suppressing her own powers for fear of being put on a pedestal as this flawless “queen” or “goddess” who can reliably solve everyone else’s problems? Yeah. That’s some real stuff. Storm, like everyone else, deserves to be vulnerable. To be protected and cared for instead of having to always protect and care for others.

But the expectation to be "strong" is something that Storm seems to have internalized; she didn't have to leave the X-Men when she lost her powers, but she left in part because she felt like she had to deal with her grief alone. And I hope that, even though she’s coming back to the X-Men with her powers fully realized, she’s able to rely on her friends for comfort. I also love that this series emphasizes her friendship with Jean, and I hope to see more of their dynamic going forward.

As for Xavier, he’s having to choose between life on his home planet, where he’s surrounded by family but having to deal with their “drama” plus the persecution of his community, and life among the stars, away from the troubles of Earth but still not accepted as a full person. Either way, he has to play the role of the teacher, the wise mentor who must guide others to the path of enlightened coexistence. It’s a tough burden to bear.

I’m not disabled, but it seems to me that the way Xavier is burdened with the responsibility of having to be a “role model” for others mirrors the way that society treats disabled people in real life. Again, I’m definitely out of my depth here and would love to hear disabled people’s thoughts on the matter, but it’s my understanding that society tends to dehumanize disabled people as either pitiable/contemptible burdens or admirable/brave warriors who can “rise above” their condition. Some of that seems to be baked into certain aspects of how Xavier was conceived as a character and the way he’s often framed by the narrative, but it looks like X Men 97 is aware of this and attempting to interrogate it a little.

Anyway, this episode was really great, a nice breather after the devastation of last week’s episode while still thematically rich and moving the story forward.

[an-architect-of-words]

Camilla’s Appearance and Name Origin

Okay but to be serious about Richard’s description of Camilla for a sec— when he says she’s mannish and medieval, I think he’s just trying to describe her looking classical like the pictures at the bottoms here. These statues are appealing, symmetrical, and toned but different from how modern women do themselves up? It’s an older kind of beauty that’s definitely womanly but not hyper girly or delicate, if that makes sense? To further this point, these are statues of Diana/Artemis, and early on Bunny says Camilla looks like a statue of Diana (in the scene when he’s at lunch with Richard).

And to add on MORE, Tartt got Camilla’s name from The Aeneid (this is mentioned in this interview where the interviewer makes a connection to Charles and Camilla of the British Royal Family, then Tartt explains Camilla’s name. Charles was a weird coincidence.). In The Aeneid, Camilla was a female warrior and hunter. When she was a baby, father saved her from death by binding and hurling her on a spear. He dedicated her to Diana. She grew up to be as skilled as the male heroes around her. This all makes sense to me because of, again, Bunny’s comment about Camilla being like Diana. But also because the characters are “deerslayers,” making Diana the Huntress— who is associated with stags— pretty good symbolism. The coin on the cover of some editions of the book kind of looks like Diana and a deer too (though I can’t find confirmation).

All I can say is that Dionysus/Bacchus comes up a lot, obviously, but so does Artemis/Diana. Richard, Henry, and Julian are all somewhat associated with Dionysus. And Camilla is associated with Artemis based on her namesake being a warrior servant of the goddess. There are also lots of panther (same thing as a mountain lion) and deer mentions in this book, and those animals connect to Dionysus and Artemis.

EDIT: Somehow forgot to cover Camilla’s obvious twin brother as more Diana evidence but did in this post.

[iglooracing]

canada was so frustrating for seb and aston and seb just wants to figure out where they went wrong. charles just wants to be with seb. a little bit of angst but ultimately there’s comfort that leads to a bit more of a heated moment. these two just need to communicate better.

// canadian gp 2022 //

seb opens his hotel room door and he’s still in team gear, his hair even more disheveled than usual, and he has a frown on his face.

“hi.. is this not a good time?” charles asks softly, wondering if someone else is with seb as he tries to peek around the other man.

seb shakes his head and reaches a hand out to takes charles’. “no, it’s fine, i’m just..” he trails off as he leads charles into his room, gesturing at the desk against the wall. it’s littered with papers and seb’s ipad is lit up. just seb and his thoughts in here, charles realizes.

“you’re still working,” charles finishes for him.

“trying to figure out what happened and if i can do anything to help fix it,” seb mutters as he walks back over to the desk and sits down to examine the source of his frustrations this weekend.

charles is left standing in the middle of the room just watching seb get to work. “i can go, seb, i’ll come back later,” he says.

“mm, i’ll be done soon, schatz,” seb murmurs as he scrolls up through something on his ipad.

charles wants to believe him, so he sits down in the armchair to seb’s right. charles scrolls through his phone for a few minutes and seb hums in a tone that charles thinks, or at least hopes, is realization of something in front of him.

charles looks up and his eyes land on seb’s hand where he’s twirling a pen between his fingers absentmindedly. charles finds it mesmerizing. he follows seb’s hand as seb brings the pen up to his mouth and nibbles on the end of it. charles bites his own lip as he watches.

charles then drags his gaze slowly over seb’s face, taking in every detail - seb’s unruly curls, his stubbled jaw, his full lips. he’s gorgeous.

but on closer inspection charles also notices that seb’s frown lines have depend, his jaw is set tight, and his bottom lip has a slightly swollen worrying sore on it. charles thinks he looks upset. the annoyed sigh seb let’s out then seems to confirm that assumption.

“seb,” charles says quietly, wanting to get his attention, but not wanting to annoy seb further.

“hmm,” seb replies without looking up from his desk.

charles opens his mouth to ask seb if he might want to order room service in a bit, but seb’s phone vibrates on the desk next to his ipad.

“sorry,” seb mumbles before answering the phone in english. charles thinks it must be one of his team members and that assumption is also confirmed when seb gets out of his chair and walks into the bathroom, clicking the door behind him as he answers the person on the other end. charles would never eavesdrop on seb discussing team information, but he understands seb’s reaction to keep that private.

regardless, it still stings charles a bit to know seb needs to keep some things separate from him.

charles frowns and stares down at the patterned carpet, a brown and white square pattern repeating on and on and on. he feels his eyes go a bit wonky as he focuses on it and when he stares up and blinks around the room he suddenly feels out of place.

his eyes focus on a green jacket hanging over the back of the desk chair and then a green cap sitting on top of the dresser.

charles isn’t wearing team kit anymore, but his t shirt is still red. he doesn’t even think he owns any green clothing. he hasn’t seen seb wear red in a while.

the bathroom seb has closed himself off in suddenly seems so far away.

he’s pulled out of his thoughts when seb exits the bathroom, already off his phone call. seb says, “i’m sorry that was chris” at the same time that charles stands up and says “i’m sorry i’m going to go.”

seb frowns and gives charles a confused look. “go? go where?”

“you’re working,” charles explains. “i can call you later, yes? or tomorrow, before you leave for switzerland?”

his mind is telling him to just go and call seb later and then they can talk, but his heart is pounding hard and screaming out, hoping that seb will ask him to stay.

seb looks between his desk and charles. he holds charles gaze before sighing and looking back over to his desk. charles feels like more of a loser than he did when the race ended.

charles nods and swallows around the lump forming in his throat and looks back down at the floor.

“do you think,” charles clears his throat and tries again. “would i still be able to come over? to see you before silverstone?”

“charles..” seb replies sadly. charles doesn’t like the way his name sounds when seb says it like that.

“if you need to focus on work i understand,” charles adds. “it’s important.”

maybe i’ve been a distraction, charles thinks, and that makes the lump in his throat feel sharper.

seb let’s out a frustrated huff and walks over to his desk. charles’ let’s out a quiet “oh” as he watches seb pile up his papers and put his ipad to sleep before tucking everything into a neat pile in the corner of the desk and then tucking the chair up against it.

charles is still standing there dumbfounded when seb sits on the edge of the desk and crosses his arms as he glares at charles.

“i… what? seb?” charles asks, confused and slightly frustrated himself now at seb’s little scene.

seb just crooks a finger at charles to beckon him over and, oh, it’s like charles’ heart strings are attached to that finger and are being pulled on as he shuffles the few feet over to where seb is. charles can feel the lump in his throat shrink more and more the closer he gets to seb.

when they’re barely a foot apart, seb crooks his finger into the collar of charles’ t shirt and pulls him in for a searing kiss.

charles gasps quietly against seb’s lips before he quickly falls into a familiar rhythm and pace with the shorter man. seb’s hands move to grip charles’ waist and charles presses in as close as he can between seb’s legs and seb parts them further as he sits up on the desk.

they’re both gasping for air when they finally pull apart. seb rests his forehead against charles’ and rubs up and down his sides gently.

“i already booked your flight to zurich,” he whispers before giving charles another quick kiss.

charles now feels another lump in his throat for a different reason. he nods in understanding.

“i’m sorry i’m a stubborn ass,” seb mumbles between kisses. charles laughs against his lips and seb squeezes charles’ hips.

“oh, i’m sorry, could you say that again?”charles teases. “i didn’t quite catch that.”

seb nips at charles bottom lip. “brat,” seb says before he starts to press kisses along charles’ jaw, down to his neck.

charles giggles and tilts his head to give seb more room.

“i said i’m sorry i’m a stubborn ass,” seb repeats before nosing his way up to charles’ ear. “and for the record, you’re important too,” he whispers, but there’s no teasing in his voice now.

charles pulls his head back to look at seb. this time when he studies seb’s face, he sees kiss swollen lips and a glint in those warm, blue eyes with smile lines at their edges. he’s breathtakingly gorgeous.

charles nods and seb slides a hand slowly up charles shirt to rest on his chest over his heart. charles hopes seb can feel how hard it’s beating and that seb knows he did that to charles.

“i’ve missed you,” charles whispers and it’s seb’s turn to nod as he slides his other hand up charles’ shirt, rucking it up past his belly button. charles feels goosebumps form over his skin, but he��s far from cold.

“i’m right here,” seb whispers as they successfully pull charles’ shirt over his head. “i’m all yours, schatz.”

and charles knows he means it.

charles pulls seb’s shirt off in one quick movement and tosses it onto the floor to join his, the green and red colours coming together on the brown and white carpet with the pattern that goes on and on and on.

[tetralea]

First of all, get well soon 🥺

Although you're sick, what you provided heals my heart! I can't believe you could write something like this when you're unwell. It's good that people stares, no? It's a confirmation that your bf is the prettiest one on the grid 🥰 and I LOVE everything involving smooth thighs. Pushing up the very short shorts? Stab me. I hope Max will have a chance to see what Charles refers to exactly.

Thanks. Long live #bottom Charles

Thank you! 🥰

Well, yeah his boy is the prettiest but it doesn’t mean he wants those looks on him 👀 only he can do that! Hehe

Yey, for #bottom baby who looks super possessive today and might go for a power bottom position later 🤷‍♀️

[f1tyreslightmyfyre]

Karts & Hearts - Pt. IV

A Lestappen Fic loosely based on this prompt

Series Main List

Pt. IV Summary: In which it takes them long enough but here they are.

Warnings: Explicit 18+ NSFW smut (including anal sex); explicit language; idiots in love; fluff and romance

Word Count: 4.3k

Piano music echoes off the walls of his apartment but Charles still hears the ping of his phone. He only pauses after glimpsing the name of the sender. Abandoning the ivory keys, he scrambles to open the message. 

VER: Are you home? 

Charles’ heart thumps against his rib cage. The message’s vagueness gives him immediate cause for concern, and he hopes that Max is alright. After all, it’s past 2100 hrs on a Tuesday night and they don’t just send each other casual messages. Working a swallow down his suddenly dry throat, he types out a response. 

LEC: Yes… but why are you asking?

The response comes nearly just as quick, and something warms in Charles’ chest to think that Max was just waiting for his reply. 

VER: I’m on my way. Stay there 

Charles has to read the message twice to be sure that he didn’t misunderstand. It’s certainly presumptuous and his pride puffs up at the last two words, but he can’t deny his curiosity. 

He wastes no time in notifying the lobby security desk of his soon-to-arrive guest, then glances around his apartment self-consciously. His habits trend towards tidiness, but a toed-off pair of shoes and a discarded hoodie still make it look lived in. As for himself, he’s dressed in grey joggers and a white print t-shirt but he doesn’t feel the need to change. His black, thick-framed glasses give him a moment’s pause, but Max has seen him around the paddock wearing them before. 

The knock at the door breaks his stream of thoughts and his adrenaline peaks. He has no reason to be nervous as he reaches for the door handle but then… the fire blazing in Max’s eyes puts every instinct on high-alert. 

“I’m not interrupting, am I?” Max says by way of greeting, glancing over Charles’ shoulders towards the apartment’s interior. 

“No,” Charles confirms. “At least, nothing that couldn’t be interrupted. … Er, you came all this way, do you want to come in?” He still has no clue about the purpose of Max’s visit but whatever the Dutchman wants is probably best discussed not in the elevator lobby. 

Max steps into the entryway, and the golden light catches on his dark t-shirt and jeans, highlighting his sandy-brown hair like a halo. He looks so good - soft and casual, the warm young man beneath the stone-cold professional racer. Charles catches the fond smile growing across his face as he closes the door. Nibbling his bottom lip to chase the smile away, he shoves a hand in a pocket as he follows Max into the living room. “I don’t know why you’re here,” he starts gently. “But… well, can I get you anything?” 

“You can get me answers.” Max says bluntly as he turns around, leveling Charles with an expectant look. “My boyfriend just broke up with me tonight, and he says you’re to blame.” 

The words slam into Charles, freezing him in place and bypassing all of his defenses. He’s overwhelmed with the sudden urge to offer condolences, to learn if the ex-boyfriend gave Max hell on his way out, to offer Max all the comfort that he needs. But it conflicts with all of his budding desire and relief and hope - if Max had a boyfriend, then why can’t he have Charles as a boyfriend? 

He works a hard swallow down his throat. “I am sorry to hear that.” His voice is more choked than he would like. “Breakups are never easy, no matter the circumstances…” He pauses as his brow furrows. “But I don’t see how I’m to blame…?” 

“You’re always there.” Max gestures as he speaks, and everything about it takes Charles back to the grid, where Max has ‘maxplained’ to him so many times. “Even when we don’t finish together in qualifying or on the podium - you’re not even my teammate and you’re always around. I just… always find you or you find me.” 

Charles isn’t sure if he should laugh but his competitive side kicks in first. “Me? Mate, you're the one who… who…” He doesn’t even know what to say to that. It’s such an absurd accusation, but even now, Charles can feel Max’s phantom touch from all those embraces on the grid and celebratory shoulder slaps. 

“It’s not me,” Max counters with a shake of his head. “If you weren’t always just there, then this wouldn’t be a problem.” 

Charles arches an incredulous brow. “Is that so, hmm? And just what is the problem…?” 

“This,” Max motions between them as if the answer is obvious. “This thing between us.” 

Charles doesn’t hold back the laugh that bubbles up his throat. “Are you drunk?” His heart clenches in his chest as he returns the gesture. “There is nothing between us… or do you have me confused with your ex-boyfriend?” 

“I know who you are, Charles,” Max says, sounding more tired than angry. “But I don’t understand why you… why I can’t seem to get away from you….” 

Charles’ stomach sinks. “Do you… want to get away from me?” 

Max’s vibrato falters, and Charles catches the flash of uncertainty in his eyes. All at once, he wants to cup Max’s cheek and draw him in close to chase away any cloud that threatens to dim those sky blue depths. Instead, he takes a step closer, drawing a suddenly nervous breath. “Max - do you want to get away from me?” He repeats the question as he takes another step closer, searching Max’s face all the while. 

A pink blush tinges Max’s cheeks - just a hint of the lovely shade of exertion that colors his skin after an intense race - and his lip freckle is on full display as he holds his lips in a tight line. His shoulders stiffen with pent-up tension, and he looks like a coiled spring just waiting to snap. 

Charles continues to close the distance, blinking up at Max through long lashes. “If you want to know what I think,” Charles drops his voice as if imparting a secret even though they’re alone. “I don’t think that you would be here now if you really wanted to get away from me. And you can’t blame me for just being around… not when you’re in my home.” 

“I’m only here so we can solve this.” 

A breathy laugh leaves Charles. “You still haven’t said what ‘this’ is.” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” 

Charles’ heart thunders and his chest feels full to bursting. He doesn’t dare to hope that Max actually returns his affections, but God… heat gathers on his skin and he might just die if he doesn’t kiss Max soon. But the Dutchman plays his cards so close, Charles can’t tell if he’s truly so obtuse or just playing his own version of hard to get. Neither of those feel quite right, though - Max isn’t that imperceptive. He never has been. 

The silence stretches between them, and Charles blinks back at him patiently. “Well,” he says with a deliberate tease in his voice. “I’m waiting for you to tell me, mate.” 

The corner of Max’s mouth curls in a snarl. “You… this is the same insufferable bullshit as always.” He shakes his head with a sigh. “You know exactly how you smile at me, how you look at me and touch me.” 

“Me?” Incredulity sounds in Charles’ voice as it lights up his face. “Oh, come on - you’re the one saying that to me? When all season, it’s been you - my boyfriend was so jealous of you!” 

Max’s gaze sharpens. “Your boyfriend? And are you two-” 

“No,” Charles cuts him off. “We broke up just after Austria. He… he didn’t like what he saw.” 

Charles nearly melts as Max’s gaze pierces straight through him and his heart leaps to his throat. Max stands so close now - close enough that Charles can breathe in the day-worn scent of something spicy and woodsy. Heat grows on Charles’ skin, infusing his blood as it pools low in his stomach. 

“And what did he see that he didn’t like?” Max’s voice pitches deeper, speaking to the primal urges of Charles’ being. 

He has no reason to hold back now. “He didn’t like how you nearly drowned me in champagne… or how… how you smile at me like… I’m the only person in the world who matters.” 

Max’s top lip curls as if he wants to demand that Charles recant his statement, but there’s no denying the truth that burns in Max’s eyes. The moment hangs by such a tender thread and it’s now or never. Charles draws a trembling breath, laying his heart bare. “He didn’t like… how I also look at you like there’s no one else in the world. How I smile at you like… you’re the sun to my moon. How I wanted to kiss you on that podi-”

His words die against the firm press of Max’s mouth. Perhaps it is best if they just stop talking with words. Instead, Charles meets Max’s kiss head-on, speaking with the firm glide of his lips and the warm brushes of his tongue. He pours all of his pent-up love and affection into the endless kiss, gasping as they breathe the same air and get each other deep into their lungs - but even that’s not close enough. 

Max’s long fingers find the muscles of Charles’ back, pulling them flush together. Charles’ glasses smudge beyond hope, a moan slipping from his lips as he learns the broad shape of Max’s shoulders and the lean press of Max’s hips. Their bodies slot together as if no other puzzle piece in the universe would ever fit, and Charles goes dizzy from the heady rush of desire. 

He swallows Max’s answering groan as their erections grind together, and all he wants is Max to eat him whole, crack his heart wide open, and permanently ruin him. Their tongues tangle with hot, velvety strokes, and the kiss deepens as he runs his fingers through Max’s lush hair, tugging him ever closer as their chests heave and hips roll together. 

"Bed," Max murmurs against Charles' lips. "Bedroom, Charles. I'm not fucking you anywhere else right now." 

Charles' breath hitches audibly. "God, yes," he breathes, clinging to Max’s strong shoulders. "Want you inside me. Want to be yours."

Max growls into his mouth, nearly tripping them both as Charles steers towards his bedroom. The city’s nightly glow bathes his bedroom through the open curtains, and he falls against the plush bed under Max’s welcome weight. 

He hooks a leg around Max’s waist, leveraging his strength to grind their still-clothed cocks together. A drunken smile teases his face as Max moans against his neck, leaving a trail of kisses and nibbles. Charles tips his head back to grant better access as he indulges in exploring the expansive planes of Max’s back. “It’s unreal how fucking broad you are now,” Charles breathes, voice catching as Max nips beneath the collar of his shirt. “You’ve never looked so good.” 

“You’re one to talk.” Max’s words deform against the soft skin beneath his ear and a shiver ripples down Charles’ spine. “Your hands… should be illegal.” 

Charles groans with pleasure. “And you don’t even -” Charles breaks off with a gasp as Max’s hand suddenly wraps around his thigh and pries his leg free. He finds the hem of Charles’ shirt just as quickly and draws back just enough to pull it free. Charles barely falls back against the bed before the heat of Max’s mouth envelops a sensitive nipple. A whimper pitches in his throat as his fingers relearn the texture of Max’s thick hair. His hips roll against empty air as Max shifts the spread of his legs and - fuck, why are they both still wearing trousers? 

He doesn’t waste another second before tugging at Max’s shirt and trousers until they join the rest of his clothing on the floor. The bared expanse of Max’s skin glows in the faint city light and Charles wants to taste every part of him, to learn what makes him twitch, what makes him giggle, what makes him sigh. But as Max’s long form stretches out against him and bare skin - so much heated, perfect, wonderful skin - meets for the first time, Charles goes blind with wild desire. 

“Want you, Max,” Charles pants against Max’s skin. “Want you, love you, need you - please.” 

“So fucking eager,” Max groans with a hard thrust of his hips as their leaking erections slide together. “You’re so fucking perfect.” 

The praise stokes the fire in Charles’ blood as he mouths along Max’s collarbone. “Top drawer, left side of the bed.” 

Max groans with mild annoyance. “You should have said something earlier - I don’t want to let you go now that I’ve got you.” He punctuates the words with a nip to Charles’ neck that makes him arch up against the furnace of Max’s chest. 

“You’ve still got me,” Charles reassures, gulping down air as Max shifts to open the bedside table drawer. “I’m not going anywhere until you fuck me good.” 

“And I will,” Max groans as a plastic cap snaps open. “Fuck, I want to make you feel so good, Charles.”  

And it’s fucking heaven. The hot, steady slide of Max’s fingers work him open as he lays his soul bare for Max’s ears alone. When they find his white-hot center, building a rhythm to make Charles see stars, he demands everything that Max has to give and gives everything in return. He breathes through the sloppy kiss as Max’s fingers finally slide free and their hips align where Charles wants them most. The blunt pressure of Max spearing him open exhilarates and burns in the best possible way - and the fullness that consumes him threatens his sanity.

Especially as Max rocks back before burying himself deeper as Charles continues to open to him. Max’s groan rumbles against Charles’ skin. “You’re so tight, and so hot.” He punctuates the words with another devastating thrust. “You’re fucking perfect.” 

Pleasure arcs through Charles, electrifying every nerve as Max grazes his deep-rooted pleasure point. He nearly sobs, surrendering his heart, his body - all that he is - as they chase their euphoric pleasure together and never look back. 

Max refuses to think about it. 

Not even as he left a quietly snoring Charles behind and disappeared into the quiet Monegasque morning. Not even as he felt like crawling out of his own skin the longer that he lingered around his own apartment. Not even as he boarded his jet bound for Belgium, flying over an increasingly wintry white landscape as the kilometers passed.

His mother was overjoyed by the surprise visit, of course. And so close to the holidays, too. She welcomed her son with open arms and fortunately doesn’t pry too much into his quiet, pensive mood. But the look of supportive concern in her eyes is ever-present each time their gazes connect. Sometimes, however, time and silence are the answer, and she has yet to push him into a discussion that he doesn’t want.

It suits him, especially since he has no answers. Well, at least… none that he understands. But it isn’t until he’s taken a long, wandering drive out in the countryside and ends up at the one place that maybe he always meant to find. With the navy blue knit beanie over his hair and ears, his Red Bull jacket slathered with sponsor logos help gain him entry to the grounds (in addition to his credentials, of course) but he easily finds the one gate that’s served him so well over the years.

The fresh blanket of snow on the Spa circuit gleams with pristine beauty as it coats the surrounding trees and grandstands. It’s such a stark contrast from the summer racing scene, and the cold breeze whistling through the trees and nipping his cheeks is his only companion as he strolls along the track, leaving his own racing line of footprints in the snow.

“Want you, Max,” Charles pants against Max’s skin. “Want you, love you, need you - please.” 

It shouldn’t be so easy to love Charles. After so many years of… indifference to him, how has Max fallen so hard? But has it really been indifference? Perhaps he just hasn’t let himself be honest with himself.

“Fuck, I want to make you feel so good, Charles.”  

And he still does. In fact, the force of wanting to carve his heart out and give it to Charles scares him. And just how exactly in the ever-living hell that happened in the global circus of their F1 lives, Max doesn’t have the first clue. He also doesn’t know what to do about it, either. Could they really take that step and go out publicly together? Sure, the Red Bull PR team has been prepared for him to come out with a partner eventually, but to come out with a partner who drives for a rival team? But, honestly… Max wouldn’t have it any other way. 

As he strolls with the light crunch of snow beneath his feet, he can’t picture anyone else at his side as those press statements are made. He wants to hold Charles’ hand through it all. He wants Charles’ unfailing self-assurance at his side and for the Monegasque to feel as liberated as he would to finally live as he wants. He wants -

“Was I so bad that you had to run all the way back to Belgium?” 

Charles’ heart-achingly familiar voice slices through Max’s torrent of thoughts and he freezes in place. Has he really been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t hear the other man approach? And just what the fuck is Charles doing here? Too many questions jumble in Max’s mind and he slowly turns around. 

Charles stands with a small, awkward smile as he jams his hands in the pockets of his stuffed, puffer cream coat. He resembles a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and the bright red Ferrari beanie on his head is the literal cherry on top. His cheeks flush a delicious shade of pink from the cold wind, and Max is nearly undone with the urge to taste the winter chill on Charles’ lips. 

But he still can’t shake his utter disbelief that Charles is actually standing here with him. He shakes his head as he speaks. “How on earth did you know that I was here?” 

Charles shrugs beneath his large coat. “I’ve found you here before, remember?” Snow crunches softly under his boot as he takes a step forward. “And even then, I listened to you….” An embarrassed smile crosses his face as a blush grows on his cheeks. “Admittedly, it took some luck, but after a couple of texts and a call… and a flight, and now… here you are.” 

Max still doesn’t understand and maybe he doesn’t need to. Charles is so heart-achingly gorgeous in the snowy, grey light of Spa and Max shouldn’t feel so conflicted. It should be so easy to step forward and wrap Charles in a tight embrace and never let go. And yet… 

Charles steps up to his side and takes another step forward, coaxing Max to set a leisurely pace. With a tentative side glance, Charles catches Max’s eye. “I can’t help but wonder,” Charles starts softly. “If I’ve already ruined things with you. Either something I said, or something I did… perhaps we shouldn’t have fallen into bed quite so-” 

“I don’t regret it, Charles.” Max cuts him off, not wanting to hear it. “None of it. Not breaking up with my boyfriend, not sleeping with you, or anything either of us said.” 

The corner of Charles’ mouth lifts. “Me, neither. If anything… I only regret that we didn’t figure it out sooner.” 

Max swallows as he meets Charles’ careful smile and shivers against a light gust of wind. “I think that we needed the time, though,” he counters. “I was so convinced that you hated me that I just… didn’t think anything of my own feelings for you.” 

“I never hated you. More just frustrated with you - especially that day on the karting track. And when you finally jumped into F1 and entirely bypassed F2… though, I’m old enough now that I can admit that it was more jealousy than frustration. You… you’ve always been too good to be held back.” 

“You know as well as I do that talent will only get you so far. It takes a fair bit of luck for all the pieces to fall just perfectly into place.” 

Charles snorts. “Says you, a two-time defending world champion.” 

“As much as it pains me to admit it, your day will come, too, you know.” Max nudges Charles’ arm with his elbow. “I mean, I’d like to say that I’ll win it every year for the rest of my career, but that’s unlikely. Our sport comes down to milliseconds, and that can change so much from year to year.” 

“Okay, okay, mate,” Charles shakes his head with a tight smile. “I didn’t come here for a professional pep talk. I just…” he trails off with a sigh as he burrows against his coat to fend off the wind. “I just want to know where I stand with you… where we stand.” 

“Well, I love you and you love me,” Max states with blunt honesty. “I just don’t know what to do about it.” 

Charles’ face brightens with the most lovely mix of adoration and affirmation as he stares at Max. “You… you love me? Did I hear you right?”

“Of course, you did,” Max says as heat rises in his cheeks and his heart skips a beat. He knows that he loves Charles and there should be no reason for him to be so nervous, but still… saying it aloud makes it more real than he’s ever known. “I love you. I don’t even know for how long now.” 

The force of Charles’ smile threatens to split his face. “Then why are you so worried?” A relieved laugh bubbles out of him. “We love each other… and that’s all we need to conquer this world together.” 

“It’s never that easy.” Max scoffs with a shake of his head. “There’s so much to answer for - you know that the media will never let us live it down.” 

“That’s what we have managers and PR teams for,” Charles counters. “It’s their jobs to manage that frenzy while we get to do the things that we love most.” He waggles his brow suggestively. “Drive cars and each other.”

It sounds so simple, and Max finds himself chuckling as the weight in his chest eases. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been so quick to leave Charles’ bedside that morning. Perhaps having Charles in his life will prove even more meaningful than he ever could have imagined. 

Max slows to a stop as he turns towards Charles. “Charles… I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have just left you that morning. Not without an explanation, at least. You’re worth so much more than that.” 

Charles draws up close, humming low in his throat. “I’m glad you recognize that now. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t hurt to find my bed empty, but… well, I can understand that you needed some space to think.” 

Nodding gently, Max forces a hard swallow as his gaze drifts down the front of Charles’ coat to where his hands rest in the large pockets. He reaches a bare hand forward, prodding at Charles’ wrist and Charles pulls his hand free of the coat’s warmth. Their fingers lace together as they stand in the snow and flurries blow around their feet. 

Max shakes his head, offering a weak shrug of his shoulders. “I can’t promise that I won’t get it wrong again… but I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt you.” 

“I know, mon amour.” Charles reassures. “Same for me, too - neither of us are perfect, even if we are perfect for each other.” 

Max groans even as a smile warms his face. “Jesus, Charles… that is so cheesy.” 

Charles laughs, low and slow. “I didn’t mean it like that… no cheese intended. But, well…” He trails off, nibbling his lower lip for a moment. “I know I said that if we were both still single and unlucky in love at 25 years old, than we would marry each other… but let’s start with coffee, first. Or hot chocolate… after our walk.” 

Max furrows his brow with a teasing edge. “That’s where you’re wrong, Charles.” He squeezes Charles’ hand gently, tugging the leaner man forward and tucking him close. “I told you that I have no intention of being single at 25, and here we are….” 

Charles chuckles with a groan, returning the hand squeeze. “You’re awful, mate… just let me enjoy this moment with you, hmm?” 

“The first of many, I hope.” Max agrees, heart singing as Charles leans against him. 

“I know it will be.” 

Their footprints twine together as they continue to walk, and if the course stewards happen to find a heart-shaped set of footprints in the middle of the Kemmel Straight, it’s none of their business. 

CHARLES LECLERC & MAX VERSTAPPEN CONFIRM RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Speculation ran high during the 2022 season, but now fans can rejoice in the official news about the newest power couple in Formula 1. Multiple sources, including statements from both Oracle Red Bull Racing and Scuderia Ferrari, confirm that Charles Leclerc and Max Verstappen entered into a romantic relationship in December 2022. 

This marks the first time that either driver has stepped out publicly with a partner, and the outpouring of support has been overwhelmingly positive for the new couple. The ‘lestappen’ tag is currently trending high on Twitter as fans, team members, and media personnel offer their congratulations and well wishes. 

The photo comes courtesy of Leclerc’s Twitter account, simply captioned “took us long enough, but here we are”. 

Fin

Series Main List

[echotrinityme]

Choose Me, Henry Chapter 14:An Old Flame Returns

Galeforce was yelling at Charles and Rupert for fighting. While he was yelling at them, they both stood in front of him like they were little kids being scolded for doing something bad. They were still cover in cuts, bruises, and blood. Their clothes were also cover with dirt from their fight, they were not happy.

"I can't believe the two of you." Galeforce said in fury. "I am so sick and tired of hearing about fights."

Charles rubbed his arm awkwardly as Rupert crossed his arms, "However, I am surprise it's between you two instead of Charles and Henry." Galeforce pointed out.

Rupert bristle as Charles laughed sheepishly, "So what happened?" Galeforce asked curiously.

Rupert and Charles didn't respond to him, they were either too scared or they didn't want him to know what's going on. Just then, Henry came into the tent holding a couple of files. He blatantly ignore Rupert and Charles, but what he didn't ignore is their current state. "Sorry to interrupt, sir." he said, using sign language. "But, I have some information regarding the Toppat Clan."

The General nodded, "Thank you Henry." he replied politely. "Put them on my desk."

Henry did as he was told and he put the files on the General's desk. Rupert and Charles got a quick look at Henry, and they saw he didn't look...like himself. His hair was messy just like Rupert's, his eyes were shadowed, his eyes were red as if he was crying, and his eyes were dull.

Henry left without so much a word, Galeforce then turn to Rupert and Charles again. "Now were we?" he continued.

Rupert and Charles didn't respond again, Galeforce sigh heavily. "We could do this all day, boys." he said as he sat down on his chair.

Rupert and Charles squirm nervously. Looks like this was going to be a long day.

After Henry left the General's office, he went back to his tent. While he walking, his head was hung down so no one can see his eyes. After what happened with Rupert, he just wanted to die. He knows that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. He got his heart broken by Rupert of all people! He thought he wouldn't have to deal with that working with the Government but alas, life isn't fair.

Of course, he wouldn't gotten his heart broken if he hadn't gotten close to Rupert. He started to tremble as he felt water began to collect at the bottom of his lid, he started to took short intake of breaths, and a tear was falling down his cheek. He then started full blown crying.

This always happens every time he let someone gets close to him or he gets closer to someone. He gets hurt and he ends up all alone. Even when he was a kid, he didn't let anyone get close to him because of the fear of being abandoned. It doesn't help his birth parents abandoned him as a baby and had him live in an orphanage until he was adopted by two former Toppat Leaders.

How come every time he get close to someone, he gets hurt?

Henry went inside his tent and lay on his bed. He buried his face into his pillow as he continue sobbing. His fears and truths were confirmed by Rupert himself. When Rupert first came to him looking to apologize, he thought it was some sort of sick trick. After a while of spending time with him, Henry had let his guard down. Unfortunately, letting Rupert in has broken his heart.

Henry cried himself to sleep as his tears continue to fall.

The Bukowski twins were talking among themselves, why you may ask? It's not because they were planning pranks, they wanted to help Rupert and Henry. After what they saw what happened with Charles and Rupert, they wanted to help, but how?

"Earlier was...eventful." Calvin said slowly as he sat down on his bed.

"It was." Konrad replied thoughtfully.

"Now we know something about Rupert and Charles." Calvin commented.

Konrad nodded as they thought back to conversation Charles and Rupert had earlier. Then Calvin had an idea, he look at Konrad in shock. "So Rupert has feelings for Henry?" Calvin asked incredulously.

"Yes." Konrad replied.

"Wow...that's just... Wow." Calvin said, trying to process the fact Rupert has feelings for Henry. "I'm surprise at the fact Rupert has a crush on Henry."

"To be honest, I'm not surprise." Konrad replied truthfully as he lay down on his bed and crossed his legs.

Calvin stared at his brother in confusion, "Really? Why? You and I both know Rupert and Henry hated each other."

Konrad glanced at his brother and then shrugged, "Because after a while, Rupert and Henry were always together. Before Rupert would always hang out with Dave or by himself." he explained. "I mean I actually heard them flirting with each other one time!"

"Really? Are you sure?" Calvin asked as narrowed his eyes.

Konrad nodded as he look through his phone, he was scrolling through social media when he stumble upon a video and he saw a thumbnail with a familiar black spiky boy. Konrad click on the video and gasped in shock. He brought the phone over to Calvin to show him the video, he and Calvin watched how someone was making fun of the Government, and Rupert defended himself and the other soldiers. Then they got to the part where Rupert was asked if Henry was his date.

Calvin and Konrad watch anxiously as everyone heckle Rupert and Henry. They also saw Charles and Dave in the crowd. Then they saw the announcer on the phone asking Rupert what's his relationship with Henry, the twins groan in sadness as Rupert didn't defend Henry. The video stopped and the twins stared at each other.

"Wow." Calvin said. "No wonder Rupert wanted to kill Charles."

"Yeah, but Rupert screwed up and so did Charles." Konrad added.

Calvin nodded as he sat back down on his bed, Konrad lay down on his bed while still looking through his phone. They wanted to help Rupert, but how?

At nighttime, Henry was drinking water when he heard a sound coming from outside his tent. He stood up and he cautiously went out of his tent. He took out his flashlight on his phone and look around, he didn't find anything suspicious. He shook his head as he put his phone, he was about to go back inside when he heard some bushes rustling. He now knows there's something outside, he went to go look for the source. He went to the clearing and tried to see in the dark, but couldn't.

Henry was getting a little bit scared. He was about to head back when he was grab from behind, he was about to scream, but a hand stopped him. He was dragged deeper into the clearing, he tried to fight off his kidnapper, but again he couldn't. He was about to kick the kidnapper when he heard a familiar voice.

"Shhhh. Henry, it's me." said the voice. "It's Burt."

Henry's eyes widen when he heard Burt's voice, his eyes was beginning to fill with tears as Burt let him go. He turn around to see Burt standing in front of him holding his arms out, Henry jumped into his arms as he was now sobbing tears of joy. Burt hugged Henry as he kissed him, Henry kissed him back.

The two lovers were finally reunited, but for how long?

A/N: Yay! Burt is here.

[umbramatic]

Trust The Fungus

This is a review ramble thing of The Super Mario Bros Movie (the 2023 one, not the one from 30 years earlier the title is joking about, but more on the 1993 one later). There will be spoilers.

(You will see me using the word "cringe" a lot in this. Disclaimer: I do not actually believe in cringe culture at all in the slightest in ANY form, it's just a useful shorthand for a special sort of deep revulsion within the soul. Anyway.)

So like, we all went into this expecting cringe because Illumination, right? The animation studio that peaked with their FIRST MOVIE, Despicable Me, and has put the low in lowbrow ever since. The animation studio who actively animates on the cheap for profit margins. Those guys. 

But I, to start, want to report there are minimal amounts of cringe! Sure, "look at us, we're adorable" was cringe in the trailers and it's cringe here. Sure Mario hating mushrooms was a specific flavor (mushroom flavored?) of unnecessarily ironic that made me roll my eyes a bit even when the REST of the unnecessarily ironic humor didn't. But overall, it was good! Honestly I genuinely liked this movie a lot! 

You probably haven't heard of Monster Hunter: Legends Of The Guild, a low-budget animated Monster Hunter movie Capcom quietly pushed to Netflix when the live-action one turned out to be shit. I always thought that one wasn't that great as a movie on its own but unlike the live action one was fantastic at actually being a MONSTER HUNTER movie - sort of an inverse of the Dark Knight Trilogy's modern "good movie bad Batman movie" reputation. This one is honestly quite similar, even though I at least personally think it stands on its own better than Monster Hunter: Legends Of The Guild does. 

A large part of this is one of the movie's biggest strengths: the fanservice. And no I don't mean "Princess Peach in a bikini" fanservice. I mean THE LORE. There is soooooo much Mario lore here, and Nintendo homages, and different characters popping up left and right. 

Every time I saw a reference or cameo I, like many, was like

And that in a way being the main draw over the plot and characters WOULD be kind of a bad thing but it's just so much fun and there's so many of them I don't care. On a related note everything's so on brand, it again genuinely feels like a MARIO movie. We all know Nintendo's kind of the Disney Lite of the video game world in terms of being overly controlling - lost ROM sites and fan projects and such sure are testament to that huh - but here it kind of worked in their favor because they very obviously kept Illumination in line. You can bet your bottom dollar that Shigeru Miyamoto poured over every frame of this movie and if there was something he didn't like it got the Paper Mario treatment. 

Granted, we do start the movie with the Mario Bros living in real-world (if Nintendofied) Brooklyn, a take Nintendo is still apparently okay with despite Odyssey kinda sorta retconning it, and we see the Mario Bros having JOBS and a (a VERY Italian American, can confirm) FAMILY and it all feels akin to my gender and body dysphoria (Charles Martinet is Mario's dad though, that's really cute) but also it makes sense for the story they're trying to tell and it doesn't last long. 

I should talk about the cast. I was pretty chill with how everyone did. Sure they shouldn't have been stuntcasted this fucking hard in the first place. Sure Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong took some growing on me. Sure I have noted Sociopolitical Problems with Crisp Rat and they should have cast literally anyone who is less Problematic(tm). Burt everyone did fine for what they were. 

(Also say what you will about the Ironic(tm) humor, despite that kind of stuff Mario and Luigi's relationship feels real and genuine and I am here for it. I'm normally not THAT into same-gender sibling relations because that's not what I grew up with and NOW the gender situation is complicated but c'mon, they were cute.)

Also Jack Black got to sing. That alone made this movie worth seeing for me. The music was SUPER good when it's stuff like Bowser's singing and the cool remixed Mario tracks. The licensed music was a lot less necessary and in one case apparently replaced a perfectly good Donkey Kong remix  and almost all of it could have been cut... Aside from the I Need A Hero sequence, that was inspired. 

Speaking of Bowser. I like that they basically nudge nudge hint hint at Mario and Peach being an item but never actually do anything about it (just like the games!) whereas Bowser is UNDENIABLY horny on main for Peach and sees Mario as competition (also just like the games!) . Speaking of the references, they even use Bowser and Peach's Odyssey wedding outfits, which is cute. 

(Also can we make Girlboss Peach game canon please?)

This movie does have a sense of... "This world operates on video game logic. We will try to explain it but we will not JUSTIFY it" and I think that's neat. At first I thought that was a factor as to why this movie was less popular with critics than fans, but I went with my mostly non-gamer family (more on them later) and not only could they follow it fine, my mom told me after the movie she understood video games and video game logic BETTER after seeing this movie so I dunno. 

I will say. For a movie that is trying to distance itself from and replace the 1993 one as much as possible there are a lot of funny parallels. The Brooklyn origins leading to a secret portal beneath the city, Bowser's minions trying to isolate and strand our heroes, having One Toad In Particular help our heroes, the funky ass cars/karts, the princess of choice being more serious and also an isekai victim, the final fight being taken BACK to Brooklyn...  It's amusing. 

But overall I had fun. I want to see it again. I went to see it with my family and they enjoyed it too. Though if I had a nickel for every time a video game movie I saw on my birthday with my family that had a wedding scene that gets memed on by said family due to an upcoming wedding in said family I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. Damn. Now I want Hollywood movies for every major Nintendo franchise that hasn't gotten one. And by "major" I mean "important enough to get into Smash". ROB and Game And Watch movies when? (More seriously I want Zelda and Fire Emblem and full-length Pikmin movies. God please.)

[f1]

Ferrari not contenders for pole position in Bahrain says Leclerc | 2023 Bahrain Grand Prix

Charles Leclerc doesn’t believe Ferrari are quick enough to compete for pole position in this weekend’s Bahrain Grand Prix. He ended the first practice day of the new season in fourth place, almost half a second slower than surprise pace-setter Fernando Alonso. Leclerc doesn’t believe Ferrari can overcome that deficit overnight. “I don’t think we have the performance maybe for pole,” admitted the driver who took more pole positions than anyone last season. “But we can be in the mix. “Whenever we have races that are a bit more difficult, we should be here and try and take every opportunity . So that’s what we’ll try to do this weekend.” Leclerc was happier with the balance of his car today, which he said has improved since last week. “The feeling is better than testing,” he confirmed. “On my side in testing it has been very inconsistent in the way we run the car because we’re testing loads of things. So I didn’t have much time to put the car to my liking, which I did today, and I think that went pretty well.” Gallery: 2023 Bahrain Grand Prix practice in pictures However he said the team’s impression of the superior performance of two of their rivals in testing was realised in practice. “It seems that again, what we thought was confirmed, Red Bull seem quite a bit ahead compared to everyone. Aston seem very strong too. “But let’s wait and see. For now, we need to focus on ourselves, try to gain a little bit of performance overnight and hopefully have a great qualifying tomorrow.” While Leclerc was pleased by the change in his car since testing, his team mate Carlos Sainz Jnr was less encouraged. he suffered a setback with a high-speed spin at turn nine during first practice which damaged a set of tyres and left him bottom of the times. “Simply, the car is not exactly responding as I expect or as it did in testing,” he said. “I am struggling a bit more with the balance and it’s a bit more out of place compared to where it was. But we’re having a good look at it and we expect to put it all together for tomorrow.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Bahrain Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Bahrain Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[witt84castillo]

The Last Word Guide To Solving CAPTCHA Online

Solving CAPTCHA captcha AI isn't easy, but it isn't unimaginable. A fast have a look at the top apps to get you thru these annoying conditions and make your life easier.

What's CAPTCHA?

CAPTCHA is an acronym for Completely Automated Public Turing check to tell Computers and Humans Apart. It is a problem-response check used on web sites to prevent automated spam and to confirm that a human is responding to the challenge. CAPTCHA was invented by Charles Babbage in 1884, nevertheless it didn't turn out to be in style till the early 2000s, when it began getting used on e-mail addresses and password fields. Today, CAPTCHAs are ubiquitous on web sites, and so they're also being utilized in different applications, resembling online banking and e-mail authentication. How do CAPTCHAs work? A CAPTCHA consists of a set of randomly generated letters or numbers that a user has to sort in appropriately so as to proceed. The letters or numbers are displayed on an internet web page, and the person has to click on them with the mouse cursor so that they are often copied onto the pc display screen. Once the consumer has copied them, she or he has to enter the same letters or numbers right into a validation type (often positioned at the bottom of the web web page) with the intention to continue. How do I resolve a CAPTCHA? There are a number of ways to solve a CAP

What are the benefits of CAPTCHA?

CAPTCHA is a kind of challenge-response test used to verify that a user is human. The term CAPTCHA was created by David L. Sarnoff and Dr. Luis von Ahn, who first developed the method as part of their research into figuring out computer users in a pure setting, reminiscent of at a college or company. CAPTCHA has been widely utilized in online safety, the place it is usually used to protect kinds from automated spam submissions. While using CAPTCHA has decreased in recent years, it remains an vital safety measure for a lot of websites. The advantages of CAPTCHA 1. CAPTCHA helps forestall automated spam submissions. 2. CAPTCHA can be utilized to establish users who usually are not registered or logged in to a site. 3. CAPTCHA can be utilized to differentiate between official and illegitimate requests from users. 4. CAPTCHA can be used to find out how a lot info a person should present earlier than being allowed entry to a site or service. 5. CAPTCHAs can be utilized to track and monitor person habits on a site or application.

Sorts of CAPTCHAs

CAPTCHA is an abbreviation for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to inform Computers and Humans Apart." They're a preferred form of authentication used on many websites. There are many several types of CAPTCHAs, however the most common are those with footage.

How do I create my own CAPTCHA?

If you're looking to resolve CAPTCHAs on-line, there are just a few alternative ways to go about it. You should utilize software like SolveMedia or Google's ReCAPTCHA, or you'll be able to create your personal utilizing on-line instruments like EasyCAPTCHA or Bitly. Whether you're using an existing tool or creating your personal, following the following tips will help make the method simpler.

Why do I need to solve a CAPTCHA as an app developer?

CAPTCHA is a sort of safety check used on web sites to forestall automated spam submissions. CAPTCHAs are designed to be tough for computers to resolve, requiring the person to input textual content from a given picture. For developers, fixing CAPTCHAs can be an effective manner of preventing automated submissions from happening in the primary place. Listed below are some explanation why developers ought to resolve CAPTCHAs: 1) It may help improve the security of your site. By fixing CAPTCHAs, you’re making it more difficult for bots to submit types mechanically. This may help protect your site from being hacked, and it will even cease spammers from flooding your type with unwanted submissions. 2) It can help increase the standard of your submissions. By forcing customers to solve a CAPTCHA before submitting a form, you’re encouraging them to take the time to enter their info appropriately. This can help make sure that your entire submissions are excessive-quality and accurate, which can improve your site’s overall consumer experience. 3) It may also help reduce the number of spam submissions. By fixing CAPTCHAs, you’re making it tougher for spammers to cheat their means

Additional Resources

If you're stuck on a CAPTCHA challenge and want some assist, there are a number of websites that will offer you some help. One web site, The CAPTCHA King, offers step-by-step solutions to frequent CAPTCHA questions. Another website, Solve Your CAPTCHA, offers extra in-depth details about how CAPTCHAs work and how to resolve them.

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Arena Homme+ Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

JAY B is free and starting again from scratch. That is what JAY B has in mind. GOT7’s leader announced that he would be leaving JYPE as the group stays together. JAY B is preparing to debut as a solo musician while planning to also release mixtapes and hold exhibitions as Def. We had a chat with JAY B, who has gained more freedom and strength, at the swimming pool about courage, depression, literature and aspirations.

Did you come here alone?

Yes. I took a taxi here. I was the type to go around freely even when I was in JYPE but catching the taxi to work this time around felt new.

All GOT7 members decided to leave JYP but stay together as a group. As a leader, you needed to make a decision, right?

Although we ended up leaving JYPE, we wanted to continue as GOT7. We all agreed to leave [JYPE] and try it between ourselves.The product made from me taking responsibility/taking charge was the single 'Encore’ that was released not too long ago. I was involved in the whole process with a new record label. I was happy to see a good response [to the single]. It was lacking in some areas but I was just very proud that we were able to show a different step. Since we showed through this single that “we did not disband”, what’s next is more important. When we left JYPE, Director Jung Wook mentioned "Your role as a leader starts now." I'm realizing it now.

”I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I wanted to start again from scratch.”

Your role as a leader actually starts now.

I used to find the role of a leader burdensome at times but now I feel a greater sense of responsibility. While supporting each person’s journey, I thought I needed to be the one to step up once we got back together. We also talk regularly in our group chat. Not long ago, Jackson went to China. When Mark went to the USA, I could see him off but when Jackson was leaving, we couldn’t be together because of a schedule. So I told him to have a safe flight, apologised for not being able to see him off and thanked him too. He replied saying he’ll take care and be back.

What motivated you to leave the large agency you've been working with for a long time?

The thought came to mind suddenly as we were promoting as GOT7. Am I taking all these benefits I get for granted? When a schedule is released I just do it, and when they ask me to confirm things I do, but what kind of long process has it gone through before it came to me? Who sends a request and how is it processed? Why am I only waiting until it reaches me and simply watching it unfold? I wanted to be directly involved in that process. I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I want to be humble and start from the bottom again.

Didn't you need the courage?

Of course I did. I was also afraid. My position has risen to all the way up here, but when it comes to my actual knowledge, I think I'm only down there. I was afraid that the difference would feel too big once I left the company. But I think I would have been more afraid if I stayed at JYPE. Since that difference would have grown bigger and bigger. My real self is here, so I should face it head-on a little faster. That's what I thought.

As JAY B or as Def. who releases mixtapes and holds exhibitions, you must have had the desire to do something new.

I want to do research and build it up step by step without haste. JAY B will show hip hop and RnB music that appeals to the general public and Def. will do activities that Def. wants to do. It could be mixtapes or exhibitions, or other different kinds of fictions. Def. is the nickname I used as a bboy before I became a trainee. It’s like air floating about freely. It could be house or soul or acoustic or even modern rock. In a way, you can say that Def. is close to my “main self” but since I debuted as JAY B, I’ll also show a devoted side of myself through JAY B. I want to be a person who can do both what he has to do and what he wants to do freely.

Listening to your mixtapes, and hearing that you like the styles of D’Angelo and Ray Charles, you seem to be attached to the Southern US rhythm and blues and soul music.

I do like them a lot. I like the entire hip-hop culture that originated from there. That culture also includes DJing, graffiti and even bboying. Since I started as a bboy, I would look up older videos to watch, study the culture and also look into what each dance move symbolizes, with my bboying crew and that's how I became fascinated. What captivated me the most was their obstinacy. I felt respect towards the conviction and obstinacy they carried with their culture.

Is that mood still incorporated in your music and dance?

Yes. For example, I don’t think choreography is dance. I think dancing is when music plays and you like the rhythm and start humming and bobbing your head and moving your body. I think dancing is a free act you do out of enjoyment.

What was the reason you joined an idol group after starting out as a bboy?

I gained an interest in music too, not just dancing. When I was young, I listened to D’Angelo’s music and wanted to become a singer like him. But I was rebellious when I first joined JYPE. Haha. I was even suspended for a month once as a trainee. I definitely said hello but they said I didn’t so they said "If you're going to be stubborn, then go home" and me with my young heart replied “Then I shall head home.” and left. Then I met up with my bboying crew after a long time, and in just a few months it turned into a different world. The crew members were above me and I was worried because I could feel myself far away by myself. Should I go back to bboying? Should I continue as a trainee? In the end, I wanted to do my very best in whatever I chose so I decided to focus on becoming a singer. Since I wanted to do music, it was a choice I made with no regrets.

You started as a dancer and ended up as a main vocalist. What was music to you back then?

It was a challenge. Trainees are divided into singing and dancing. I joined as a dancer but what I wanted to do was become a singer and not just do dance. But since I was put into the dancing division, I worked even harder with singing to break that prejudice. I often felt defeated. I still feel defeated with singing. Haha. But music is about endless research. Now it’s more about research than studying.

You grew up as an only child to your parents who did farming?

I was an ordinary kid. I enjoyed Haruki’s Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and thought the “colourless” kid was just like me. I was a calm kid who helped his parents with their farm work. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any older siblings but they said I used to talk to myself a lot. My mother said there was a way she would know if I was home or not. If I was home, she would hear me talk to myself and be like “Oh really?” “Yes really” haha.

It’s extraordinary to read Haruki at that age.

There was an older friend that I knew and he was really cool. He looked really cool reading on the bus with his legs crossed. He said “Hey, Read a book and build up some knowledge.” As I was trying to be cool like him, I gained a favourite author and started reading more since I enjoyed it.

What kind of books do you like?

When I was a teenager I often read Kafka On The Shore. It felt like Kafka was just like me, and so while reading it, I even cried. The style of Murakami Radio was also interesting. The ending phrase “But I like that more…” was very witty. I’m collecting books from secondhand bookstores from authors who won the Young Author awards. I like Lee Jang-wook's short story Byeon Hee-bong. The main character knows the actor Byun Hee-bong, but the world doesn't know him. He would ask "Don't you know Byun Hee-bong from the movie The Host?" But no one knows. I like stories that don’t intend to be funny but they end up making me giggle.

What do you read these days?

I try to read poetry. I purchased and read the first volume that appeared on Moonji’s Poetry Collection, but it has too many Hanja characters. Haha. I started with Munhwak’s Poetry Collection. I have volumes 1 to 85. I also read poet Park Joon's collection of poems and poet Lee Eun-gyu's Affectionate Name. I even underlined and wrote things down.

Among the idols and musicians I’ve met, I think you are the most extensive reader.

We went on tours often and we would have a lot of time in my hotel room. When I went out I took pictures and when I stayed in my hotel room I read books. When I go on an overseas tour, I pack around 30 books in my suitcase. Then I bring back the books that left an impression on me, and those that didn��t sometimes I dispose of them there. These days, I look for independent publications too. I often look for independent publishing bookstores in Nakseongdae or Haebangchon. There are many books that contain honest stories that are not refined, and the power of those sentences is great.

How does reading influence your work?

The poetic expressions with poetic license help when writing lyrics. You read a new sentence and think “What is this expressing?” You receive inspiration from that image being expressed in a new way. I think of lyrics as poetry too. There are times I write how I feel honestly, but when I want to include a certain meaning I’d want to write the lyrics like poetry.

In your photo exhibition <ALONE> last year, you took pictures of objects and signs in the middle of the road.

Wouldn't it feel very lonely if you think about it from an object’s point of view? The camera captures just an instance but the object will stay there. I think each person has an insatiable loneliness. I like the artist Seonglib’s works, and I feel loneliness in his drawings. I don't know why I keep talking about loneliness, I guess I’m familiar with loneliness.

Seems like you take more pictures of objects and landscapes than people.

I don’t really like taking pictures of people. You can clearly see a person’s emotions in their eyes. I prefer hiding things rather than revealing them too much. I prefer objects, backgrounds, and natural objects rather than subjects that openly express 'It's me!'. Tranquil things, I like when you go past something and go “that’s how it was.” I try my best since my job requires being presented to people but that’s also how I am.

Who do you like as a movie director?

I like Woody Allen’s directing. My favourite is Match Point. It's a love story that goes beyond taboos, and it's electrifying. The face of the actor who secretly asks the reunited lover to give him her number remains in my memory for a long time. How could he direct such a real-looking, raw look in their eyes? When I was a theater and film major, I used to take directing classes rather than acting. If I were to direct a film, I would like to shoot an eccentric witty romantic comedy like Love Fiction directed by Jeon Gye-soo.

Are you self-conscious as an artist?

I’m interested in a variety of genres, and interact with crews often, but I think goofing off just because they are an artist is an arrogant attitude. Everyone is their own artist, no matter what they do, right? I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just think there's a difference in expression, and people who work in the office are also doing their own art. That’s why I’m a little shy about the title “artist.” Is there a need to be puffed up with pride because I’m an artist? I’m just a person.

While filming for “What's in my bag” and revealed your medications for depression and panic disorder. When did you face your depression?

I didn’t know I had depression. I thought I was being weak for a short while and let it pass. But on an occasion I got examined and found out I had depression. They asked how I lived by without going to the psychiatrist. I said I just thought I was the type to feel blue. Haha. I’m the type that doesn’t show [what is wrong] but they said I was in a state where I needed treatment. After going to counselling and taking medications, I’m much better now.

“I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but depression is both a common and dangerous illness.”

I think you’re cool for having the courage to talk about this.

I got diagnosed and looked at the people around me. There are friends who are ashamed of it and try to hide it, and there are friends who talk about it as if it’s insignificant. I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but it’s both a common and dangerous illness. A mental illness is an illness too. Among my fans, or those who read this interview, if there is someone who feels depressed, don’t be ashamed of it and I hope you receive treatment and overcome it. It’s not an embarrassing thing and it doesn’t need to be hidden. And I was filming content where I show what’s inside my bag; I can’t lie. I wish everyone would be healthy.

Are you bad at lying?

Yes. If I have to tell a lie, I think it’s just better to not say anything. Since I’m the type that’s honest and straightforward, I also don’t like beating around the bush.

Can you share a way one can take a step forward towards recovering from depression?

Look at the world in a broad view. Know that there are many places you haven’t been to yet and there are many things you haven’t felt yet. It's also good to take a walk and go off your usual route and take a path you've never been on. Small adventures can also be of great help. Just by leaving the house you’re already halfway there. I think there are more ways you can refresh yourself outside rather than inside. Also, I thought I was an honest person but after being diagnosed with depression, I thought I should be more honest with myself and more faithful to myself. At times like this, think of yourself before others.

What do you believe in?

I just believe in god. I don’t have a religion. I don’t know what kind of existence god is but I do believe that there is a god. When I’m thankful or am having a hard time, I pray. “Thank you.” “Please let me get through this wisely.”

What is the greatest motivation that moves you?

As long as I’m alive, I want to continue doing work that will leave a message. I believe that there is no next life. I think I should live this time diligently to the fullest. To have no regrets.

Translated by defdaily.