#[ if the negative cases are repeated with little to no improvements over time ]

[lovelynim]

Vidyadharas' Special Training

Honkai Star Rail - Yanqing & Dan Heng

A/N: Happy birthday @wertzunge!! It is your bday here in my timezone, so I will consider I managed to deliver it in time. I wasn't sure who you'd like to see in this fic, so I decided to go for your team's current DPS and the one you are aiming for, hehe ~

Summary: Yanqing hears about a secret training technique and decides to ask one of his master's friends - Dan Heng - for aid.

Word count: 1276 words

Dan Heng fell silent. He blinked once, twice, considering the possibility that he heard it wrong. Yes, that was probably the case. “S-sorry, I think I misheard you. Could you repeat it, Yanqing?”

“Ahm, can you show me the Vidyadharas’ Special Training? I-I totally understand if it’s something you are not supposed to pass down to outsiders, mr. Dan Heng, but-”

“No no, that’s not the problem…” Dan Heng interrupted, trying to ease the teen that looked always so tense around him - probably thanks to the nature of their previous encounters. Dan Heng looked away, as if pondering Yanqing’s requests, but, in reality, he was actually trying to figure out what the swordsman was talking about.

Vidyadharas’ Special Training..?

He had read a lot about the things Dan Feng was supposed to pass down to him - but didn’t - and that wording didn’t ring a bell at all. Could he have let something slip past him during his stay at the Xianzhou Luofu?

On the outside, it was almost as clear as water to Yanqing that there was something wrong. Could his request be that troublesome? “I thought about asking you about this training technique because you and mr. Caelus were talking about it the other day- ah, I-I mean, not that I eavesdropped on you two, just that-”

“Wait, the one I talked about with Caelus?” Dan Heng stopped, seeing a hint in those words. “You mean when we were heading to the Exalting Sanctum?”

“Yes, that one,” Yanqing nodded, not able to help but to let his expectation grow a little more. If he could understand the basics of that training, he would be able to improve his own skills and, after all, learning from the Vidyadharas’ High Elder didn’t sound bad at all. 

However, the real meaning of that conversation was going in the opposite direction of Yanqing’s expectations. If Dan Heng recalled correctly, that was nothing but one of Caelus’s jokes. While practicing the cloudhymn magic, Dan Heng would often stress himself with failed attempts of performing some tricks and, to ease his anger, Caelus would try to distract him and make him smile again.

This, of course, also led to situations where Dan Heng would be trying to focus and Caelus would keep poking his sides and scribbling over the back window in his clothes, all under the allegations that it was part of some kind of “special training” he heard from other vidyadharas.

Now, this stupid joke had gone completely out of hand and Dan Heng needed to decide whether he was willing to expose such details of his relationship with Caelus to Yanqing or… if he was going to embrace it and play along the innocent little lie.

“Yanqing, I need to tell you something about this ‘special training’ thing,” Dan Heng sighed, taking a deep breath as he stirred the thoughts inside his head.

“What… is it?” Yanqing mumbled full of curiosity, not sure if he should expect a negative or positive answer to his request.

Dan Heng smiled softly, looking around the training grounds to make sure they were by themselves there and, much to their look, they were, indeed, by themselves. “This is something Caelus discovered when he was… helping me during these past days,” Dan Heng said, feeling a knot of his throat when he spoke about Caelus fooling around that way. “It’s actually a way to help you clear your mind, nothing of a big deal.”

“Oh, I see… a-and what is it?” Yanqing continued, imagining some kind of ancient meditation technique that would have him sitting under a waterfall or something like that. However, Dan Heng’s only instructions were to turn around and take a deep breath.

“Mhm, just like that,” Dan Heng couldn’t help but smile a little - even if he felt a little bad for taking advantage of Yanqing’s innocence. “Are you sure you want to go on with it?” He asked, giving the swordsman one last chance to deny it, but…

“Yes, I’m ready, mr. Dan Heng!” Yanqing boasted, placing his hands over his hips in a confident pose. Well, he asked for it, after all.

Dan Heng wasn’t sure why he decided to do this kind of mischief - maybe he was, indeed, spending too much time with Caelus - but since this seemed like an opportunity to improve his relation with the general’s lieutenant. With some extra care, Dan Heng’s hands slowly approached Yanqing and, soon, started kneading and prodding at his ribs.

“A-ah!” A sharp, surprised gasp escaped the teen’s lips. “M-Mr. Dan H-Heng, ahah… t-this feels a bihihit- eheh… f-funny…” Yanqing barely managed to voice his concern and giggles already threatened from pouring from his lips. The swordsman’s body trembled as he tried to hold his pose, but the urge of pressing down his arms was growing bigger and bigger.

“I agree with you, it does feel a little off,” Dan Heng chuckled softly, reminiscing the feeling of when he was on the receiving end of this special training - not to mention the embarrassment of having Caelus teasing as well. “But that’s a good sign, it seems it’s working.”

“W-wohohorking?” Yanqing giggled, pressing his eyes shut as he felt the corner of his lips curling up into a smile when Dan Heng started to poke his sides. “B-but- agh, hahah, mr. D-Dahahan Heng!”

“Is something wrong?” Dan Heng feigned ignorance as he lowered his right hand and pinched Yanqing’s hip, making the latter almost fall to his knees. “Tell me if it’s too much, you shouldn’t overdo it,” Dan Heng warned, keeping his calm and serious tone, but glad Yanqing wasn’t turning around and, therefore, wasn’t able to see the smirk on his face.

“It tihihickles! AhahAHaha, I c-cahahan’t!” Yanqing laughed, falling into Dan Heng’s touches as he struggled to keep himself standing in place. While the High Elder prevented the swordsman from falling, having Yanqing leaning into him like that certainly did make it easier for Dan Heng to tickle him.

“Huh? But you are doing it just fine,” Dan Heng continued, dragging his nails around Yanqing’s stomach and making the teen kick his legs in a fit of laughter. “You can’t focus on anything else right now, can you? Your mind is clear as a calm lake right now.”

“Y-yehehes, but- ahHAHAhah, w-wahahait!”

“However, if you are still troubled by needless thoughts, maybe I’m not doing it properly. I could request Caelus to-”

“NOHohoh! No neehehed to!” Yanqing laughed, grabbing Dan Heng’s wrists as he tried to push his hands away from his middle.

Dan Heng smiled, taking it as a sign that the lieutenant had enough and giving him the desired break. Taking a seat in the patch of grass by Yanqing’s side, Dan Heng gave him a couple of seconds to catch up his breath. He should, after all, tell him the truth.

“Sorry, I just-”

“Ahah, I g-get it now… heh,” Yanqing chuckled, crossing his legs one over the other. “I always thought the general was just messing with me when he tickled me during our training sessions.”

“W-what?” Dan Heng’s jaw dropped slightly as he didn’t have the chance to explain himself before Yanqing jumped into another conclusion.

“But I see now it was a way to help me regain my focus and clear my mind!” Yanqing beamed, already with his energy back at 101%. “Thanks, mr. Dan Heng!” He said, bowing politely before taking a leave from the training ground. 

Barely seconds after Yanqing left, Dan Heng chuckled, shaking his head as he tried to recover from what had happened in a simple matter of seconds. “You owe me one, general, hah…”

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME SORROW-SCOPES FROM TWITTER (PART THREE)

"Positivity is a state of mind. Unfortunately, you'll never be able to afford to live in that state."

"This is a great week to come out of your shell and reveal your soft, delicious underbelly to nearby predators. Wait, pretend you didn't hear that second part."

"Today you will receive an affectionate, supportive visit from someone close to you. They will come into your home unannounced and say kind platitudes in a soothing register. After they leave, it will slowly dawn on you that they never once blinked or breathed."

"They say laughter is the best medicine but this week you'll really need penicillin. However, you won't get it in time."

"Your fortune will change for the better this week as you drop from number 3 to number 5 on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list."

"The good news is you finally discover that you are no longer alone in the world. The bad news is you need to hire an exterminator."

"Be like water. Sink down into an underground aquifer and stay hidden for centuries."

"It always seems impossible until it's done. Except in your case, you can't do anything."

"Crying in public is nothing to be ashamed of. And everyone needs a hobby."

"You feel superior to the people who get depressed in fall and winter because you can be depressed in beautiful, abundant sunlight."

"You'll finally grow a spine this week. This is not a metaphor, this is a violation of human cloning laws."

"What doesn't kill you will camp out in the hills and patiently wait."

"Instead of trying to improve your life, you're reading this and doing nothing."

"Like a ship on a storm-wracked sea, your future will feature shivering timbers, foamy waves, and the possibility of scurvy. Eat some fruit."

"Did you remember to look in the roomba for any incriminating evidence?"

"New day, new you! Hide the body of the old you before they figure out what you have done."

"You will find love this week! It will be fucking terrible."

"Someone will offer you the moon this week. Decline politely because you do not want someone with that kind of technology angry with you."

"You'll be like a kid in a candy store this week, unable to afford anything."

"You will awake one morning from uneasy dreams to find yourself transformed in your bed into a gigantic insect. And buddy, it'll be a huge improvement."

"The weekend is just another reminder of how sad and lonely your life is."

"Might as well go into the forbidden woods, what else is there to do at this point?"

"You will not die alone. You will die surrounded by a crowd of sheering onlookers as you slowly lose consciousness."

"You being yourself isn't really working for anybody."

It just says ferret problems, ghost bones, and a cheese hangover, so good luck with all that."

"Don't feel bad about failing. No one cares enough about you to notice."

"The cruel little voice in your head is right about you. It's also super fun at parties and has twice as much sex as you."

"You notice that birds start to line up to stare when you go outside. You finally ask why and one crow lays a map at your feet. You follow the map and it leads to a broken vending machine. Inside the vending machine is a Crystal Pepsi. Anyway, life is pain."

"You do not have a doppelganger. You were a mistake that was not repeated."

"A transformation is coming, but not like a butterfly. More like werewolf."

"You are going to ruin your life this week, but no one will be able to tell the difference."

"In the symphony of life, you are playing the kazoo."

"Don't let your negative feelings about the past affect your negative feelings about the future."

"If at first you don't succeed, try giving up and going back to bed."

"You will turn over a new leaf this week, but the other side will have a little sticker that says 'you are incapable of change'."

"Um, better luck next life, I guess."

[anthologiemystika]

Pop Culture Magic | Fight the Darkness Charm

"My heart is strong. I'll prove it!"

This spell is inspired by Kingdom Hearts, a well loved Square Enix video game series. More specifically inspired by a character from the Series, Aqua - one who constantly fought the darkness, won many times, and managed to claw her way back out when she was lost... with a little help from her friends.

This spell is to help fight the Darkness in your life. Be that stress, anxiety, or just plain old sadness. Everyone can use a little uplifting.

What you'll need:

• Mesquite incense I use this for protection, healing, and cleansing, though you may substitute for whichever incense you prefer. Or none at all if incense bothers you.

• Aqua blue candle Esoteric meaning of aqua includes happiness, harmony, healing and peace

• A small Star shaped jar I am a sucker for spell jars. The star in this case represents the Wayfinder charm Aqua made for Ventus and Terra. Also acceptable is a regular bottle with a star shaped charm to wrap around or attach to the jar. Ideally the jar will be small enough to make a necklace out of to wear this as a ward.

• Obsidian chips Used for protection, and elimination of negative energy from the self and environment

• Dried Lavender buds Soothing for anxiety, plus smells nice while adding to your jar.

• Dried Green tea leaves These improve your focus and help reduce stress in a spell.

• Pink Himalayan salt Calming, self love

• Fluorite chips These help create order from chaos, relieve stress, aid in focus, and cleanse

As this spell bottle is for cleansing yourself of stress, anxiety, and sadness the best place to start is grounding and centering yourself. There are many ways to do so, and I always recommend choosing your favorite method. I personally like to meditate and visualize for about 10 to 15 minutes before a spell if time allows for it.

Once you've prepared yourself and your work space, light your incense and repeat these words three times:

I can feel the Light May my Heart be my Guiding Key The Darkness Doesn't Interest me

After repeating the rhyme, use the smoke from the incense to cleanse the bottle you're using. Pass the opening over the smoke a few times to catch some in the bottle. Once you've felt you have done this enough times (I usually recommend 3 to 7) turn the jar right side up and let the smoke clear from the inside.

Light your aqua blue candle, and then you can start layering your spell ingredients. The order only matters to the spell caster, but this is the order I would use:

First, a layer of black obsidian chips for eliminating negative energy from yourself and the environment around you.

Then a layer of pink Himalayan salt to cleanse yourself and promote self love.

Followed by a layer of green tea and lavender buds (you can mix the two together) for focus, reduced stress, and soothing anxiety.

Last but not least, a layer of fluorite chips to create order from the chaos causing your darkness.

Place the cork in the bottles opening, and use the wax from the aqua blue candle to seal it. If you used a star shaped bottle, this will be one of your last steps. But if you used a bottle that was a regular shape, then you would attach the star shaped charm and secure it with the wax as well. As you're doing this, you can repeat the rhyme from above three more times.

If the bottle is small enough to wear, you should attach the necklace it will be on after the wax has dried enough to do so, but before you snuff out the candle. Let the candle burn as the wax dries and take that time to visualize and focus on the results you desire from this charm.

[angria]

Yesterday’s session was a complete attachment disaster.  

T always reviews my past week’s diary cards at the beginning of the session and for one day, I wrote about how he mentioned he didn’t want to reinforce the kind of attention that I would receive when I was in crisis, in the sense that I would sabotage and regress in order to have that attention again.  Which in my head translated to “I’m going to ignore you and leave you alone to struggle with this!”  Immediately jumping on what I wrote, he spent pretty much the entire session around that one note, which I was not anticipating.  He described how there is a sense of safety and control when attention is focused on a crisis situation, unconsciously eliciting that kind of response.  In this case, his attention or the attention I received in partial and inpatient.  However, he continued and said I have grown over these years and things have changed, that I no longer need that type of attention.

Immediate internal panic.  By this point, I was already curled into myself, my arms tightly wrapped around my chest.  Everything felt so exposed and I just wanted to hide.  Shaking my head, I said I don’t want this.  I want to go back.  I want to go back to how it was, when I did receive that care and attention.  T told me there is a part of me that does want this change, this “better.”  I have more social connections now, I have a community, I am taking steps to improve my future by going to school.  That I do find ways to take care of myself.  Still shaking my head, avoiding his eyes.  He then asked, “What do you gain from going back to the dysregulation, SH, and suicidality?”  I said the attention and care.  “Ok, let me rephrase…what do you have to lose if you go back?”  I shrugged my shoulders.  Continuing, he described how I may gain attention, but a lot of doors would close and I would lose those relationships and community.  Meaning I would be so consumed by symptoms, I would not be able to connect or be fully present to others.  Still I kept repeating, “I want to go back.”

I was pretty much gone…still curled into myself, starting to shake, trying not to cry.  I noticed the time winding down, which made it worse.  And I also noticed how T wasn’t doing anything…he was being emotive, but not really showing his usual care.  Which solidified what he said about not reinforcing the behavior.  I told him he has changed.  That he said his attention will change, his focus will be different.  He kind of chuckled and said I always find a negative to focus on.  Which dysregulated me more because I felt he was avoiding what I said.  So I told him again, he’s changed.  That he’s not helping.  He asked when.  “Now! You’re not helping now!”  My face borderline crumbling.  All of this was confirming my terror, that he will change his attention and care.  T described how his feelings and attention towards me have not changed, but he didn’t want to invalidate that I may feel he has changed.  Still I felt like he wasn’t answering what I was saying.  No, you are changing!  You just fucking said your attention will change, your focus will be different!

Time was up.  And I was a dysregulated mess, shaking even worse, crying how he usually helps so I don’t leave like this.  How I felt completely alone.  He kept me over a little bit and we tossed a paper ball back and forth.  I guess it helped enough to stop the shaking before I left.  Just feel like absolute shit, physically and emotionally.  My entire body is sore from being so tense.  But, even worse, every attachment alarm is screaming.  He’s changed, he’s changed, he’s changed.  Now I’m alone.  Alone like I was, having to take care of myself by myself.  Trying so hard not to text him, desperate for connection so as not to confirm my worst fear.

I don’t want this.  I want to go back to how it was.  I can’t do this alone.

[anotherchangingtide]

Today was shot #11!

Last week's shot wound up bleeding rather a lot more than those previous; I didn't find that out until I removed the bandage later on, but for the sake of SCIENCE™ I decided to try the previous injection method this week, thinking that maybe the new injection method suggested by the nurse practitioner might've led to the increased bleeding. My thinking behind this was that either: 1) releasing the pinched skin before starting the actual injection was causing it to bleed more, or 2) the increased dosage itself was (by way of displacing the blood or whatever).

WELP.

This week I went back to the held-pinch method, and when I withdrew the needle and released the skin, it BLED. A LOT. ...Well, not a frightening amount, but certainly more than just a bit of beading or spotting (as was the standard with the lower dosage). This time it welled up to the point that it was ready to run clean down my leg if I didn't catch it with the cotton ball.

So there's my answer!

The pinch > insert needle > release method seems to bleed considerably less at the time of injection (even if it results in a bloodier bandage), so I'll follow the nurse practitioner's advice and swap to that instead from next week onward. Granted, I won't check on my bandage from this injection until later on to know if it's continued to bleed, but I've got a feeling that this is going to bleed more overall than last week.

I'm also experiencing around the same amount of discomfort with either method on this new dosage, so I don't see any reason not to go with the one that seems to bleed less when the needle's drawn out of the skin.

There's still some soreness and delayed itching, but both are really mild and barely an inconvenience.

As a peripheral thing, I've been experiencing some muscle stiffness / joint pain, but... I honestly think that's my age catching up with me more than anything else.

My knees have been complaining about stairs since my mid-twenties; it stands to reason that, a decade later, they'd start griping more loudly.

Age and genetics both point to me being around the age where I'll start to get complaining joints, so I'm inclined to think that this particular thing isn't related to the hormone stuff - but I figured I'd note it here, just in case.

Other than that - I'm definitely noticing more changes in my body hair, particularly that I'm developing more on my chest. My face feels itchier, which makes me think I'm getting more face fuzz soon too.

I'm definitely noticing the pitch drop in my voice, too; every so often, it'll even "break" a little bit - which is weirdly exciting! I don't know for sure how much deeper it'll drop, but I'm glad for this particular change. (I think I mentioned before that the vocal change was one of the changes I was most eager for - but it bears repeating~)

I also feel like my mood is feeling a bit improved overall, in ways that are difficult to put into words. The one I've most noticed, and the simplest one to describe, is that I feel as though I bounce back from things that used to knock me on my proverbial ass for a while. Things that used to upset me to the point of spoiling my mood for an entire day or night (or longer) now seems to pass over me much, much more quickly. I still feel sadness and anger, I still experience feeling upset or offended, but it doesn't stick around or linger anywhere near as badly anymore. Negativity doesn't drag me down the way it used to - at least, it hasn't in a good while now. I feel lighter, somehow, and it's really strange and wonderful!

I'm not entirely sure if this is a result of the hormones, or owing to the changing chemistry in my brain, or if it's the beginnings of gender euphoria, or if it's as simple as me being happier in general for having taken these steps. Whatever it is, I'm glad for it!

[influencermagazineuk]

Tips On How To Get Over Disappointment In People

Disappointment is unpleasant, painful, and hurtful. Disappointment is a negatively colored feeling, provoked by unfulfilled and unjustified expectations, dreams, and hopes. It is characterized by a feeling of dissatisfaction because of something that failed or did not happen as desired. Often disappointment becomes the cause or trigger of depression. And to avoid the consequences, you need to recognize the feeling in time and try to get over it. Why do we get disappointed in people? The reasons for disappointment in people can be various. If a person has lied once, he or she can justify himself or herself and promise to improve. But repeated lying provokes a loss of trust in the liar and disappointment in him. Cheating is also one of the most common reasons for disappointment in a loved one. If the other half cheated, it means that the real feelings in which you were so sure, there is simply no. And if you do not accept and are not ready to forgive cheating, there comes disappointment. If something or someone did not meet your expectations, it will in any case upset you and cause a negative reaction. But emotions usually pass quickly, and the attitude to people or situations remains the same. Strong disappointment in a person can lead to anger, aggression towards the object that did not meet expectations, desire to hurt the disappointed person, hurt him, revenge, and lack of trust in people. If you have become disillusioned with life or yourself, the signs may be more serious and affect your emotional and psychological state. How do you get over disappointment? How to survive disappointment, how can you cope with such a negative feeling and get on with your life? Follow the recommendations below: - Try to analyze the behavior of the person or situation. You have likely provoked disappointment by expecting too much from someone or something, giving people qualities that are not inherent in them, or having false hopes. In this case, it is important to realize that people are not obliged to behave the way you want, they can make mistakes and stumble. - Stop idealizing people and take off the rose-colored glasses. Everyone can make mistakes, and if they have done something bad once, it may have been spontaneous, ill-considered, reckless, or triggered by a state of passion. Maybe it makes sense to forgive everything, forget and give a second chance? It is not necessary to trust people completely. Of course, you should not look for flaws in everyone and expect a trick but remember that people are not perfect. - Realize that not everything in this life happens the way you want, not everything depends on you. Inevitably, unforeseen circumstances and force majeure situations that knock you out of the rut and make you reconsider your outlook on life. Try to come to terms with this, change your outlook, take everything less seriously, and be prepared to be surprised. Take time and enjoy gambling at andar bahar real cash. - Accept the event that made you disappointed in life or people, as an inevitability, not subject to correcting coincidence of circumstances. But at the same time, you must realize that you have the power to change fate and build your life as you plan. - Let all negative emotions out, don't keep them inside. Tell your feelings to a close person, just cry or scream into a pillow. If there are no close people, a psychologist will help you cope with disappointment. And sometimes the most objective and adequate is the view from the outside, so it is worth getting the opinion of a person who has nothing to do with what happened. Perhaps you will be supported by several people, and you will realize that you are not alone in your little temporary trouble. - Try to relive the experienced emotions again several times. They may not seem so important or even unjustified and meaningless. Give yourself time to process what happened. Let the emotions subside, and the negative memories will gradually fade from memory. So that disappointment does not prevent you from living on and believing in the best, study the above tips and follow them. And remember that all negative emotions eventually pass! Read the full article

[womanlalaboy]

Tiny But Mighty Habits

If you're reading this post, congratulations! You're taking an interest in becoming a better version of yourself. Keep reading, and you might start taking action. Starting can be frustrating and challenging, but as Brian Tracy said, "once you actually begin work on a valuable task, you seem to be naturally motivated to continue."

In my case, I started with reading a book written by James Clear. His book, "Atomic Habits" offers practical advice on how to become better by building small, powerful habits. Clear breaks down scientific research so we won't have to, and his book has become my productivity bible. I've read it three times, by the way, and it has helped me build some of my tiny but mighty habits. I'm not quite where I want to be yet, but seeing small changes in myself is motivating enough to keep going.

Let's start with the definition of atomic habits. What does it mean? Simply put, atomic habits are small habits that can make a big difference. They're little habits that are part of a larger system, just as atoms make up all matter.

Repeat these small habits enough and they would add up over time like compounding interest but in self-improvement. Let me expound (see what I did there?). if you improve just one percent each day, you'll end up with results that are almost 37 times better after a year. The more you repeat your habits, the more powerful they become. There is a fancy way of putting this. Have you heard of "the aggregation of marginal gains?" Basically, the overall improvement can be huge if you break down everything into its parts and improve each one by 1 percent. Clear already did the math for us:

Have you ever wondered how habits are formed? Let's break it down by starting with the parts of the brain. There are two important parts of the brain involved in the habit formation. The first one is the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision making. It processes choices like like starting your diet, meditating, or reading a book from your to-read list. If you have decided to read today, what time would that be and where?

The second part of your brain is the basal ganglia, also known as the unconscious mind. It's mainly responsible for motor control and acts like your autopilot.

When you repeat a behavior enough times, instead of having to decide each time, your basal ganglia takes over, making the behavior automatic.

But for habits to really stick, they need to persist long enough to break through what Clear calls the Plateau of Latent Potential. It's that point where you feel like you're not making any progress and may even get demotivated because it seems like what you're doing isn't worth it.

But here's the thing: once you push past the plateau, you'll start to see real, positive changes in yourself.

Habits, Clear said can either work for you or against you. When you develop positive habits, they can have some amazing compounding effects. What are these?

Productivity compounds: The more you can handle without having to think or choose, the more your brain is free to focus on other areas that help you become more productive.

Knowledge compounds: One new idea won't make you a genius, but a lifelong commitment to learning can transform you. Knowledge also accumulates over time like compound interest.

Relationships compound: People reflect your behavior back to you. When you're helpful to others, they're more likely to return the favor. Being a little bit nicer in every interaction can create a broad and robust network of connections that grow over time.

However, negative habits can also compound over time and have a detrimental effect on your life. Here are some negative compounding effects to look out for:

Stress compounds: Everyday stressors are manageable, but if they persist for years, they can add up and lead to serious health issues.

Negative thoughts compound: The more you think of yourself or others in negative ways, the more you reinforce those thoughts, trapping yourself in a cycle of negative thinking that can be hard to break.

Outrage compounds: Mass movements like protests or riots are rarely caused by a single event. Instead, a long series of small incidents and aggravations build up over time, until one event pushes it over the edge and outrage spreads like wildfire, the same way people who don’t release their anger burst with rage once their cup is full and spilling.

Remember, your habits can have a significant impact on your life, so it's important to choose positive ones that work for you, and be mindful of the negative ones that can work against you.

---

I’ll be writing more about habit building in the next few weeks so watch out for that. You can also head to Clear’s website if you want to subscribe to his newsletters and his 30-day habit challenge.

[melodyofmbaku]

In Between the Lines Chapter 2 (Erik Stevens x OC)

Teaser [1]

Prompt: “C'mon, I wanna hear you say it.”

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Angst... I can’t help it.

That was her problem.

Elloise couldn't see. So she liked to touch.

It was how she was able to experience the world. It was also the bane of Erik’s existence.

She was always fiddling & touching and it drove him right up the wall.

Didn't she know that some people would misinterpret her actions?

That’s exactly why he hung around her so much, she was entirely too trusting. And he didn't want someone with ill intentions to take advantage of her.

That’s what it was.

Not because he wanted her hands to be on him and him only.

Or because he wanted to see exactly what that mouth could do.

It was because she had a bleeding heart for every seemingly suffering individual and it would be her downfall.

That’s what it was.

As such he made it his mission to weave his way into her days because Elloise was one of the few people he actually liked around here.

He remembers the first time he met the woman who had ownership of his heart.

~~

It was 2 years ago when hehad just arrived at the palace. The place that was supposed to be his home. After he decided to work alongside T’Challa to better improve relations between Wakanda and the rest of the world it was decided.

He could learn more about his father, his birth place, and detach from his old hobby.

Killing people.

So when the young man approached him with a smile on his face and gesturing towards his gear he put a stop to it quick.

He still had some of his pieces on him and he didn’t want that getting messed with.

He rolled his eyes and mumbled an “nah I’m good boss” under his breath before walking around him.

The man began to follow him, looking intently at him with a confused look on his face.

“Do you need some help with your bags?” He gestured to his belongings once more.

“I’m good man.” He responded back again lowly. What was this dude’s problem?

Then he heard it. Her.

"Would you quit mumbling under your breath? If you have something to say, speak up, if not, you'd be better off shutting up".

He looked to the side and took in the woman who emerged from one of the many entrances that lead to the front hall.

She looked lithe and soft. She had dark skin and plump lips, wild coily hair, and a dress that accentuated her waist dangerously. Her cleavage was artfully on display and he was definitely taking a look.

This was the exact kind of woman he enjoyed whining, dining and bending over at the end of the night.

He would also probably do something wicked to that mouth…

He cocked his head and the corner of his lip lifted up in amusement.

“What you say ma?”

He watched as she walked towards him with intent and an odd aura of grace.

Interesting.

She stopped much too close to him.

"Erik... when you entered these grounds — the palace — my house — because that's what this is... my house — you consented to abiding to the rules of this household”.

"Some of which include forgoing your "I used to kill people for a living" vibe so that the differently abled individuals in the residence can comfortably get their jobs done".

What was she going on about? Differently abled?

She gestured to the young man who came to take his bags.

"James is hard of hearing. It helps that you speak clearly, and preferably facing him, so he can better assist you".

Erik turned to take him in. Then he saw it.

James smiled politely and gestured to the tiny hearing aid that was discreetly placed behind his ear.

Erik swallowed. He felt like a dick. He palmed the back of his neck.

"Nah uh... I'll carry my own weight." he responded after clearing his throat.

James nodded and looked back at the woman as if waiting for a command.

She turned to him "Thanks James, it seems like Mr. Stevens has it covered. You can go now."

The young man nodded and went on his was and Erik could’ve sworn he heard a snicker from him as he retreated. He glared at his retreating back.

"Can I touch you"? she asked tilting her head.

"What"? he asked confused.

She gestured toward his face. “Can I touch you? Your face specifically”. She repeated.

Erik squinted still trying to understand what exactly her problem was.

"Why the fu —". She never let him finish.

"We'll be spending a lot of time together now that you’re officially part of the royal family”.

“What’s that gotta do with you touching me?”.

"To save you further embarrassment, and a repeat scenario… in case you missed it Mr. Stevens... I'm blind". She pointed to her eyes to convey her point.

There was a moment of silence before Erik realized.

He wasn't sure how he missed it. He was getting comfortable and terribly out of practice.

She had done a very good job of presenting as normal as possible.

He ducked lower to her level to meet her eyes. True enough her deep brown eyes were unfocused and there seemed to be a gray film over them but they were brown nonetheless.

She repeated her question.

"Can I touch your face, so I know what you look like?” she gestured to him leaning forward invasively close.

“What if I say no”? He responded back defiantly. She wouldn’t catch him slipping twice.

“Then you say no”. she shrugged leaning back.

“I wouldn’t touch you without your consent, another one of our house rules that I hope you’ll remember”. She replied in a patronizing fashion.

He took offence.

“I’m a killer, not a rapist.” he spat out.

“That’s good to hear”. she commented before walking up the stairs encouraging him to follow.

“I’ll show you to your room, and it’s a pleasure to meet you Erik.”

And that was the beginning of their relationship.

~~

He idled about and nursed a drink in his hands and tried to look the least bit engaged at this donor dinner. He hated these dinners.

He’d have to watch Elloise on his cousins arm the entire night. Not to forget the attendees who were there for selfish political gain alone.

He watched closely as she made the rounds with T’challa around the room. She had chosen a deep green dress with a dangerous V that held his attention throughout the night.

T’challa paraded her around the room like the gift she was and he knew this was the part of him she fell in love with.

That’s why he was surprised to find her alone and still dressed to the nines in the palace kitchen in the middle of the night.

He had changed into his comfortable sweats and made his way over to decide on which concoction of alcohol would knock him out for the night.

She had a plate of lamb and potatoes untouched in front of her.

She didn’t startle when he spoke. She probably knew he was here based on his cologne or possibly just heard him when he came in.

“Midnight snack?” He paused and sat in the seat across from her.

“I got the chef to make me something then sent him away.” She spoke clearly. He heard the hardness in her voice.

She was upset.

He saw that the lamb sat on the play uncut and her hands lay in her lap.

“Let me get some of that.”He reached over for the plate and she stopped him.

“Erik. I like lamb.” She held onto the plate refusing to let up.

He sighed.

“Here, I got it.” He stretched his hands for the cutlery.

“I can do it myself.” She protested eyebrows furrowing.

“I know that.”

She still held onto the fork with hostility. She was upset.

“I like doing this so relax okay? You know it’s not like that.” he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and awaited her answer.

With that she reluctantly released the cutlery to him and folded her hands in her lap carefully.

She heard the fork and knife scrape against the plate as Erik cut it into pieces. She couldn't help but inhale a little bit deeper.

She liked the way he smelled. Erik always smelled like warmth..

She didn't know what to do with her hands. They were always doing something. Touching, feeling, studying, working.

She tried so hard to not be caught lacking, to be looked at as unable.

She would always have an excuse, because of her condition, but she pushed herself to insane lengths to never have to use it.

With Erik she was able to relax without being scrutinized, when it was just the two of them it was different.

This was... nice. She liked it.

"Potatoes too?" he asked wondering if he should slice up the baby potatoes that accompanied the lamb on her plate.

She shook her head — negative, she liked them whole.

"Thank you". she replied back softly.

"Don't mention it". He responded before carefully handing the fork back to her.

Her fingers lingered on his hand a moment before she pulled them away seemingly unaware.

Erik lived for moments like these.

He watched attentively as she speared the tender meat and placed it in her mouth and began to chew.

“Where’s T? Why isn’t he here with you right now?” He was sure he’d be tearing it up tonight. She looked that damn good.

She paused and looked down. “He… got called away for an emergency.”

They both knew what that meant. Erik wanted blood.

“You can’t let him get away with disrespecting you like this El. Tell somebody. The elders. Anybody.” He urged with subdued rage.

“Would they blame him? Or would his actions be chalked up to something else?” She shifted in her seat.

“Maybe how in more than one way I’m not enough.” She placed another piece of meat into her mouth and chewed slowly.

Despite the hot anger that flowed through his veins, he knew it was the truth.

He hated that it was the truth.

He despised his cousin for taking that vulnerable woman and turning her into this.

He was going to end him.

They weren’t that close anyways.

He could see it now.

He’d start from his left hip bone and do a clean cut — probably with something classic. Like a black pearl switchblade. Then he’d —

“You can’t say anything Erik.” she commanded. It was if she heard him plotting.

He scoffed.

“It’s not your right.” She said.

Her mouth was sharp as ever.

He hated that mouth.

He dreamed of that mouth.

He was the forgotten cousin. An honorary royal. Offered a position for blood ties and even then, it was decorative.

An outcast.

Maybe that’s why they got along so well.

She placed another potato between her lips.

He rose from his seat and stood behind her.

He began to remove the large decorated pins from her pressed hair. His fingers reached the nape of her neck and she finally released the tension that her body held.

“I didn’t say I was going to do anything.” He spoke lowly above her, focused on the task at hand.

She leaned into his hand and he snuck his fingers into her hair and found her scalp.

He rubbed at it gently, product would cling to his fingers later but he didn’t mind it.

“We’re the same you and I.” She hummed.

He cocked his head and continued his task.

He never understood her when she said that. But in fear of being scolded he kept quiet.

She was good. So good. He was bad bad bad.

He felt her shuffle to rise and he stopped his actions unwillingly.

She sat up and he reluctantly removed his fingers from her head.

She ran her palms down her dress to straighten it out before she looked in his direction.

“You’re harmless. ” She joked lightly before lifting her hand awaiting his arm to lead her back to her room.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Girl, you should be scared of me.” He murmured slyly.

She rolled her eyes.

He offered her his arm and she grasped it in a familiar fashion and let him lead her.

They walked leisurely through the hallways. When he didn’t get a response to his last statement he assumed his previous joke fell flat.

“Erik, when are you gonna go?” She asked softly. Her fingers added more pressure into his arms, concern lacing her tone.

She’s been pestering him for months to go to therapy — deal with his murderous thoughts.

He didn’t like the idea.

So he wasn’t going to do it.

“I’ll go when you go.” He shot back.

She sniffed and turned her face away from him.

He grinned cheekily, dimples shining through.

“You know why I can’t go. It’d be taboo for me. Plus, they treat me like an invalid.” he watched her mouth twist into a scowl.

He scoffed, and continued to lead them to her destination.

Their route was coming to an end and he knew she felt it.

As they got closer and closer to her quarters her grip tightened on his bicep. And he paused.

“Erik I’m scared.” she whispered.

“If he can do this. Openly. In our room. In our bed, then...”

“What’s next? What’s next for me?“ she looked in his direction — lost.

“If he don’t got you, I got you.” He crowded her space and bent down so he could be level with her.

She needed to understand that she could rely on him for anything. He wasn’t sure he knew just how deep his feelings went for her.

She lifted her hands to hold his face. It was how she saw. Her hands immediately found his beard. He saw the tears pool in the corner of her eyes.

“Anytime you get scared you call me. You hear me?”

Her gaze was downcast. This wouldn’t do.

“I’ll gut em. Like fishes. The whole lotta them.” He pushed out huskily.

“Erik...” she murmured disapprovingly.

“You believe me?” He asked.

“I —“

“C'mon, I wanna hear you say it.” He pushed lowly committed to making her see that she wasn’t alone, he was there.

“Yes Erik, I believe you.” She whispered lowly. She quickly wiped the tears that had slid down her face disobediently.

“Good.”

“Goodnight E.” She stepped back and turned to her door. He watched as she steadied herself.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets to stop himself from grabbing her and crushing her in his embrace.

He wanted to grab her and kiss away her fears.

Instead he subdued his wants and watched her walk through her door.

The door to the room she shared with T’Challa.

He spun around and began the familiar path back to the kitchen.

After knocking back the drink of the night he steadied himself.

Erik walked to his chambers in the same manner he did every night — longing for his cousin's wife.

Taglist:

@fd-writes @amorestevens @raysunshine78 @adreamsublime

__

Idek what I’m even doing with this story but lmk what you think 💜

If you want to be added to the taglist just comment.

[attzi-gearburst]

Life's Big Questions

Word Count: 900 Summary: Attzi resumes her search for answers about her cousin. To follow the Fyx thread, see these.

Attzi hadn’t had many nights to herself recently, which had honestly been both lovely and very intentional. But, Kappi was out with Burnie for the night, and as a result she had some free time to burn. She’d been spending hours in her workshop recently, tweaking schematics and assembling parts, but her shoulders and neck were sore from all of that. She wanted to give them a break.

She also wanted to stop avoiding Fyx’s notebooks. Somewhere in them, there was a clue to explain what he was trying to do. Nothing else he’d designed had ever been like the machine that had exploded and taken him, the family lab, half her hearing, and most of her memory.

All that, and the last best friend she had left.

It wasn’t going to be an easy night, but sometimes that was necessary. Attzi changed into comfortable clothes for once in her life, digging into The Closet until she found a worn, oversized t-shirt and a set of boyshorts she’d rather die than be seen in. That done, she went into the kitchen and picked out a bottle of wine. She didn’t bother with a glass.

Attzi decided to bring his notebooks into the bedroom, and took occasional sips of wine as she laid them out in a circle around her. Oldest up top right, with newest to the top left. Sometimes it helped to visualize the passage of time. 

“Alright, Fyx,” she said to the silent house as she picked up the oldest notebook. “Help me out a little, here?”

A small breeze kicked up through the open windows, blowing the dust from the books across her bed. 

“Thanks,” she muttered, and cracked the first one open. 

****

Most of the notebooks had nothing to say. Nothing that she wanted to know about her cousin anyway. Fights with her aunt and uncle and his siblings, dreams about getting out of town and seeing the world. Half- finished schematics that he abandoned before they could see the lab. She spent the entire night reading his coded shorthand with a rigid spine, expecting that somewhere in his thoughts, she’d come up in a negative light, as well. But even after reading them over, there was nothing. Almost as though he knew she would be reading these someday. But if that were the case, why weren’t the answers to the questions she had clearly laid out?

Why hadn’t he told her what she was helping him build? Where (when) had he been trying to go? And, above all, the question that had been on her mind on repeat since she realized just what he’d made in their family lab: what was he trying to fix?

Attzi found a few things, but not the straight answers she was looking for. By the end of the night, the wine was gone, the notebooks were stacked back into their box, and she was cross-legged on the bed, staring at two different piles of old memories she hadn’t known existed.

In her right hand: a stack of letters, their signature from a name she didn’t recognize. She hadn’t read them yet, because she was too drained, but some of them contained schematics that were familiar. She’d been improving on them for months, after all.

In her left hand: a faded photo of three young, smiling goblins in the snow. And though the letters might hold answers if she really dug into them, the photo was the thing that kept her attention. Fyx. Attzi. Gary. Smiling, in the snow. Young enough that she was having difficulty remembering herself, the she who was present in the snapshot. She hadn’t smiled like that in years.

And now, she was the only one left of the three.

Attzi sighed and rose off the bed, padding out of the room. She reached her workshop and unlocked the door. When she stepped in, she closed it behind her to make sure Dave Jr didn’t get in.

Most of the space was a disaster; parts and components littered the storage spaces, the floor. The unfinished thing in the corner loomed, bulky and hungry. She ignored it and instead turned for the wall by the door, where a poster of a goblin, posing in front of a cave and surrounded by snow, hung.

Burnie hadn’t seemed to understand why she asked for this at their last chat. Attzi was actually worried she’d offended him, but hadn’t dealt with it in the moment. It had been important to her to have it for the workshop wall. She spent a few breaths staring at the poster, and then took one of the tacks holding it to the wall and used it to carefully pin the photo over the autograph. She looked at it for a long time, chewing absently at her bottom lip, and then turned her attention to the partially-assembled replica of the thing that had taken so much of her life.

When she’d been helping Fyx build the prototype, the machine that took him away, she’d been given the pieces, and not the full view. Now, she felt like it was happening again.

“Why couldn’t ya just tell me?” she asked quietly, her attention once again on the photo in its new spot on the workshop wall. 

Fyx, Attzi, and Gary stared back at her, too young to have the answers.

[free--therapy]

6 TIPS-HOW NOT TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

By Rebeah Bailey | December 16, 2020

"Everything in life is easier when you don’t concern yourself with what everybody else is doing.”

Can you imagine what life would be like if we didn’t compare our-self to each other? I think everyone would be happier and a lot more true to themselves. Are you living an authentic life? Or are you comparing yourself to others and being influenced?

I am coming at you with a few thought-provoking questions hey

I have honestly spent enough time comparing myself to other peoples progress in life other people health. Sometimes I don’t even realize that I am doing It.

Sometimes we unknowing compare our-self to others. You may say things like I eat less then she does, but I weigh more. She is 25 and earns more money than me.

Social media does not help with this issue, and When I watch YouTube sometimes, I am taken back by the titles.

Titles such as:

I bought my first house at 19 (lol) Made my first million by 17. The title that sucked me this week was learnt Italian in 7 days, guys I have been trying to learn Italian for years, plus I live in Italy. How do you think it made me feel?

When I investigated the video and watched reviews on it, it turns out that the person who made the video could already speak multiple languages and already had an Italian foundation. Let’s put that aside. I just wasted my time researching a stranger, and I also made my self feel bad about not being able to speak the language.

The best thing to do is train yourself not to compare yourself to others and if you do because we are all human, know when to nip it in the bud. Make a mantra /or memorize one of the quotes that I have written below and repeat it to yourself.

Every time I find myself comparing myself to others, I have to remind myself that I am unique and one of a kind. We are not the same people, and we are all on unique paths.

Please do not be fooled by Instagram. It shows the majority of people at their best. The reality is we do not know what goes on behind the scenes. I am guilty of posting the highlights of my life over on Instagram. Go over and take a look.

I try to mix it in with real-life events when I use stories. I will do a story makeup-free. I will show people that I have lazy days, too; I binge-watch Netflix all day and stuff my face.

People have told me their preconceived ideas of me before actually getting to know me in the past. I had to laugh they somehow thought I have this whole life thing figured out ( little do they know, haha)

In some cases, it can be motivating and inspiring to compare yourself to others, but I think in most cases the comparison can lead to something negative like:

Spending more money than you have to buy things that you can not afford to keep up with others.

Feeling worthless because you don’t have what they have.

It can leave you feeling unfilled no matter what you have.

To put it simply, comparing yourself to others, is just a waste of time.

The facts are there is always going to be someone prettier, slimmer, richer and someone who seems to achieve things quicker /easier than you.

Rather than comparing yourself to them, use them as motivation to push yourself to achieve your dream.

Here are some of the ways you can stop comparing yourself to others.

1. Take a break from social media. You will be amazed at how good you feel after.

2. Change your feed on social media feed; unfollow people showing off or constantly selling a product to you.

3. Build your confidence- if you are constantly comparing yourself to others and it is leaving you feeling very negative about yourself, it could be down to a lack of confidence

Build your confidence by reading self-help books, and you can purchase them on Amazon; here are a few suggestions :

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Brave New Girl: Seven Steps to Confidence

The Self Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem

4. Sort your finances out. You will be surprised how much of a difference it will make. Having a lack of money seems to make everything feel worse. It can leave you feeling powerless.

5. Try to be positive and happy with your current situation, own it and move forward.

6. Remove the idea that people are perfect, nobody is perfect!

Let us talk about how you can meet your goal in life

Think about your dream life.

Sit down for a minute and think about what you actually what from your life? What goals would you like to achieve?

Answer these questions :

What do you need to do to reach your goal?

Do you need to find a job?

Do you need to change jobs?

Do you need to go and study?

Do you need to stop watching TV?

Do you need to pay off a loan?

Do you need to speak with your manager?

Why do you want this?

What stopped you from doing this in the past?

What is your motivation to do it now?

Below I have written out a few quotes for you to read, save /pin them or write them down to remind yourself how great you are.

Remember that you are not lacking in anything, you are enough right now!

[disapoitment]

Am I about to overanalyse another throwaway gag? Absolutely! This time it's from the classic season one episode, Napoleon Brainaparte.

So, towards the very end of this episode, our poor, beloved mice are about to meet their tragic end. They're threateningly informed that an afterlife awaits them, and as they cower in what they believe to be their final moments, the viewers are given a glimpse into their heads...specifically, what they each imagine heaven to be like. This scene surprised me on my first watch, because it was pretty unexpected. And surprisingly...sweet?

Let's start off with Brain's idea of heaven, which is shown first.

Right off the bat we have him surrounded by a chorus of Pinky angels. This is one of the rebuttals I have for people who doubt Brain cares about Pinky...I mean, if I didn't like someone, I definitely wouldn't include them in my idealised afterlife, nevermind multiple versions of them!

Uh, I digress. The thing I actually want to draw attention to here is the fact that Brain actively desires Pinky in his life (or, afterlife, in this case) and can't imagine existing, in any form, without him. We've seen it time and time again, from the episode "Snowball" to that one story from the comics, but this is one of the earliest, most apparent instances of it in the show. This scene alone proves to the audience that Brain isn't using Pinky to reach his goals, but genuinely sees him as a friend and a companion. And maybe there's an unhealthy splash of codependancy in there.

To take this a step further, an afterlife is commonly portrayed as a sort of perfect world; a place of eternal happiness, even. It's safe to assume from this daydream that Brain subconsciously associates Pinky with the same joy and contentment associated with heaven. We can even interpret this scene as Brain viewing Pinky as an angel, which is not only heart-wrenchingly sweet, but makes a fair bit of sense, all things considered.

After all, though Brain himself tends to shy away from explicit displays of emotions and empathy, he's been established to admire these traits in others. In "TV or not TV", he claims to find Princess Diana (who was well-known for her activism) attractive, and he repeatedly praises Pinky's kind nature throughout the series, even when it directly interferes with a plan. He even sabotages his own plots when Pinky objects for moral reasons, eg "Inherit The Wheeze", and then there's the iconic instance of him DESTROYING his own machinery after tearing up over Pinky's Christmas letter. I believe this is why Pinky is an angel in Brain's eyes: he's compassionate, he's pure-hearted, and he's innocent. Well, innocent in the sense of intention, at least. Pinky represents all the things Brain is too afraid to be himself, lest morality get in the way of his goals.

On top of that, Pinky always stays by Brain's side. He's the only person/mouse who has never left him, hurt him, or betrayed him. It's natural that someone so lonely, cynical and self-loathing as Brain would view his polar opposite as a literal angel...or, even more impactfully, a full chorus of them. Of course Brain's idealised heaven has himself as an angel too, but I'd say that's either his ego coming into play (he's both self-hating and conceited) or just to serve as a visual signifier that he's...um, dead. The flock of Pinky angels is what I'm focusing on here, because the sheer amount of them in comparison to Brain highlights them in this miniature megalomaniac's reverie. And also because it's more interesting to take the analysis in this direction! ♡

Honestly, there's not quite as much I can say about this segment of the scene. Brain is on a throne, so presumably he's imagining himself ruling...heaven? Good for you, Brain!

It's very in-character for Brain to put himself as the centrepiece of his ideal afterlife, and as much as I love this little guy, the angel imagery is obviously ironic. Whether intentional or not, this can be connected to his egotism, as well as his belief that everything he does, no matter how severe or morally corrupt, can be justified by the end goal of ruling Earth and making it a better place. I don't believe that Brain genuinely sees himself as an angel when it comes to his purity, but rather that he thinks all his sins can be forgiven if/when he becomes the "benevolent dictator" (his words, not mine) of the planet...or maybe that's just what he tells himself to be able to sleep at night.

He looks noticeably very content and calm as an angel. I would go off on a tangent about how this is a version of Brain who is finally freed from the burden of his never-ending cycle of failure, and that this suggests that he needs to break out of his world domination obsession to ever be truly happy, but...I'll spare you.

Oh, Pinky. Poor, poor Pinky. He's so selfless that it stings :(

It says a painful amount that in his idea of heaven...he's not even in it. I don't think he hates himself, yet he's so good-natured that he ends up neglecting his own desires for the sake of others. In this scene, he has literally forgotten to include himself in his own idealised world. I hate to say this, but this could be a result of his codependent relationship with Brain. He's so focused on Brain's happiness and goals that his life almost revolves around him at this point, and as I mentioned before, they fall apart without eachother. Pinky pours his heart and soul into helping Brain, partly because he genuinely believes Brain will make the world a better place, and partly because he'd do almost anything for Brain's sake. His love for Brain is so strong that he's the focus of Pinky's own paradise.

What I find significant is Brain taking the role of every single angel in the fantasy. He's portrayed as a sweet and wholesome creature wearing a cute smile, a stark contrast to reality. Even just him being an angel in the first place implies that this is how Pinky sees him. A big part of the latter's motivation to help Brain take over the world, though scarcely mentioned in the show itself, is so it can become a happier, nicer place for everyone. As a determined optimist, Pinky shares the desire to improve the Earth, and so views Brain as a sort of hero, someone surely worthy of a halo and wings.

His view of Brain as a good person can be explained further when we consider that he doesn't mind being bopped (and in some interpretations, downright enjoys it), can shrug off any verbal abuse, and clings onto any snippets of warmth he receives from Brain. The things others would raise their eyebrows at are things Pinky ignores or adores. I think it's safe to say that, overall, Pinky is the type to focus on his friend's positive traits and simply ignore most of the negatives, as seen in "Pinky's Plan" when he gives an extremely sugarcoated description of Brain to the world leaders. Because of all this, in Pinky's mind, Brain truly is an angel. It's bittersweet, really.

And here we have it again. Brain on the throne, ruling. This is all Pinky truly wants—for his friend to be happy, fulfilled and at peace, making whatever world he may rule a better place. There's not an awful lot more to say now, since this is just a repeat of the scene from Brain's fantasy, but I think that's the most heartwarming part. These two mice are working towards the exact same goal, and yet their reasons for doing so are quite different: Brain to rule the world, Pinky to make his friend smile. It's almost poetic in its simplistic beauty. The voice actors said it best when they described the show as a "desperate love story", and the little scenes like this only prove that to me.

Welp, that's all I have to say for now! I haven't reached this hard since I tried to get to the chromatica oreos on the top shelf in Tesco. But this was fun, anyway! Thank you ever so much for reading :'D Your patience must be incredible! 💕

[inkandpen22]

Beautiful Angel of Darkness (7/?)

Pairing: Spike x Female!Reader 

Warnings: Mild swearing 

Word Count: 1.8k

Part Summary: Y/N is starting to improve and live by Angel’s lifestyle. Then, someone pays her a visit. 

Masterlist

Six months later... 

Who would've thought working at the law firm as one of Angel's team members would be so fulfilling? Granted, it took a moment to get settled... more like a month. There was a withdrawal period, not pretty. Angel sort of locked me away in his basement for a few weeks. After that, I bounced right back and started fresh! Now, I'm Angel's assistant, much better than Harmony. I gave her the boot as soon as I got released from the basement cell. 

I step off the elevator to Wolfman & Hart with Angel's usual blood bag in a cup and my iced coffee. I drink my blood bag on the way here. 

I set everything down at my desk in front of the firm's sign. The normalcy of having a daily routine again is nice. When I was with Spike, I thought normalcy would bore me to death. I guess Angel was right, there is some humanity left in me. 

I knock on Angel's office door, blood cup in hand. When he announces for me to enter, I greet him warmly and immediately get into the day's agenda. 

"Morning Boss, we have a busy day ahead of us!" 

As per usual, he wears a crossed expression as he stands behind his desk shuffling through some papers. 

He sighs in frustration, "Y/N, have you seen the-" 

I place his mock coffee cup in his hand so I can grab the case file from under my arm. He glances between me and the file in amazement. 

"You left it on my desk when you were leaving last night," I explain with a light chuckle. 

"You're a lifesaver," he thanks as he eases down in his chair. 

"It's what I'm here for," I shrug and lean against his desk beside him. 

"Sorry for keeping you here late this week. I'm sure you much rather be home," he apologizes as he reviews the contents of the case. "I just... I don't know how to go about this." 

"Maybe a fresh pair of eyes?" I suggest, reaching for the file. 

Angel hesitates to hand it over. He doesn't like me working directly on cases. He believes I'm not ready for the gruesomeness of them and that the blood may trigger me to regress.

"Angel, I'll be fine!" I assure him confidently. 

Reluctantly, he hands over the papers and I begin to skim the crime scene photographs.  The police are involved, believing it to be a violent murder. However, Angel and the others are pinning it with a series of animal attacks the last few days. They suspect a werewolf. Angel wasn't wrong, these images are rather unsettling, but nothing I can't handle. 

"Based on the slashes on the neck, I would agree with you and say it's not cut wounds. There are no signs of forced entry either," I analyze. 

"But all of the damage..." He debates. 

"It's from the attack. If you were being attacked by a werewolf, you'd toss a lamp and vase at it, wouldn't you?" I reason. "The front door is in perfect condition, except for the blood, of course. I suspect the victim knew their attacker," I determine and hand the file back to Angel. 

He leans back in his chair, deep in thought. Humming, he considers my predictions. "That would certainly narrow down the suspect list." 

"Was she single?" I question. 

He frowns in confusion, "I think so, why?" 

"Check her calendar, see who her latest date was with," I suggest as I rise from my leaning position against his desk. 

"You got all of that from looking at one photo?" Angel remarks in astonishment. 

I glance over my shoulder as I head toward the door. "Told you shouldn't let me help sooner," I wink. 

_____________________________________

At noon sharp, Angel likes his second cup of O Neg. It sounds tedious, knowing exactly when my boss likes his blood. If someone told me months ago that I would be fetching Angel everything he needs, I would've killed them. Ironically, I've never felt never more human than when I'm at Wolfman & Hart. I feel like I have a life of my own, my existence. Before...Before Spike, I belonged to my family. Then, I belonged to Spike. Now, I belong to myself. Granted, Angel watches me like a hawk, but he's easing up. 

Angel and the others hold a team meeting at the same time I'm supposed to deliver his refreshment. More and more lately, Angel lets me sit in on the meeting.  It's usually so that I can act as a scribe while they talk, but I still appreciate the invite. 

Carrying my files, notepad, and Angel's drink, I back into his office door as I'm handless at the moment. Right when the door gives, I immediately announce his dinner plans with a major banker to discuss his Greed Demon issue. "Don't forget tonight, the meeting with Stuart Lawrence! You have to be at his residence in Brentwood at seven o'clock sharp and-" 

I stop dead in my tracks as my eyes flicker toward Angel's desk. Instead of just seeing Angel stressing over some papers, as usual, I see a bleach blonde vampire reading over his shoulder. 

The paper coffee cup falls from my hand and spills on the floor by my feet. The substance coats my left heel, staining it crimson. 

"Y/N..." Spike utters my name with his smooth accent. 

"Oh my God..." I whisper breathlessly in awe. 

Angel flies up from his chair and points to the door. "Y/N, get out of here!" 

"Never took you for the lawyer type," Spike smirks mischievously as he slithers toward me. "Gotta admit though, loving the working woman style." He gestures at my body up and down like I'm a mannequin in a store. 

Behind me, the other members of Angel's team enter for their meeting. 

"Lorne, take Y/N home!" Angel instructs. 

"Right away, Boss," Lorne complies.

"Take one step closer to her green goblin and I'll bite your head off!" Spike threatens sharply. 

"Spike, stop it!" Angel barks. 

"Oh come on, Angel," Spike dismisses as he closes in on me. His fingers comb through the ends of my hair. "It isn't like you to ruin a perfectly good reunion!" 

My body tenses under his touch, much to Spike's dismay. It wasn't long ago that his embrace was the only thing that kept me tied down to Earth. Now, it makes me shutter. 

"You shouldn't be here!" Angel growls as he rushes over to us and yanks Spike away from me. "She's been doing great without you!" 

"Have you forgotten? She was mine before she was yours," Spike chuckles wickedly. 

The English vampire turns to me again and caresses my cheek. His eyes continue to linger in my memories late at night staring at me intensely. 

"Did you really think I was going to let you go?" He mumbles to me and the words make my heartache. 

"Get away from her!" Angel hisses warningly, on the verge of throwing Spike through the top floor window.

Spike ignores Angel and continues to admire me. "Did you miss me, My Love?" 

Yes. 

I shake my head while I slip my hand over his to remove it from my cheek. "You hurt me. I can never forgive you for what you did." 

Spike's face falters immensely. "Y/N... Let me explain! I-" 

"No!" I stand my ground, something I never used to do when we were together. "You deceived me, used me, broke me!" I switch my gaze between Spike and Angel frantically until I find myself overwhelmed. "I... I can't do this... I'm sorry Angel, excuse me." 

Thus, I hurry out the door past my coworkers before anyone can stop me. Both Angel and Spike call for me, but I ignore each of them as I gather my things and disappear onto the elevator. 

________________________

After today's cluster of events, a long shower was much needed. I have no doubt Angel will be visiting me once the workday is over, just to check-in. I can't believe Spike is here in Los Angeles. It all felt like a dream or perhaps a nightmare. How dare he come here after half a year and expect me to act as though nothing happened. 

Immediately after my shower, I go to my kitchen to fix myself a cup of tea. I stick the kettle on the stovetop before I get dressed. At first, living alone startled me, but since then I've grown to prefer it. I like the peace. After long days at the office, time alone and space alone is what I need. 

"Y/N," a voice makes itself known. 

My hand flies up to my chest as I pant. "Spike! Jesus and Mary! What the actual fuck?!" 

"A vampire scared of the dark... how ironic," he teases with a smirk. 

"Get out!" I shout, pointing toward the door. "I'm not even dressed you feen!" I start to march back to my bedroom which makes Spike follow. What part of 'get out' doesn't he understand? 

"Oh come on, Love. It's not like I haven't seen anything before," he insinuates. 

"Get out!" I repeat. 

"No, not until you hear what I have to say!" He insists. 

"You love Buffy! Congrats! Now, go be with her!" I urge him away. 

Abruptly, Spike grabs my forearm and yanks me to a halt. His free hand flies up to my chin and forces me to meet him in the eye. I fight him off, prying at his arms, but nothing works. 

"I never loved her!" He barks at me. "Well... maybe a little once... but that was before I met you! That night I didn't cheat on you! I swear it! I went over to her house to kill her and when I got there she was crying! Her mother has been ill! That's why I couldn't come sooner... plus I... I..." 

"You what?" I growl in disdain. 

"I got a soul for you," he remarks calmly, nearly solemnly. 

I frown, how is that possible? 

"You what?" I question. 

"I went to the desert, got my soul back so I could be like Angel..." He explains. "To be like someone you'd want to be with," he adds. 

He softens his grip on my face. To my surprise, I don't pull away. I stare into his blue eyes with astonishment. How could he get back his soul? Is that why it took him so long to come and find me? For months I wondered if he would ever come... but he never did. When I finally started to get settled and moved on he shows up. Spike's hand falls from my face with a sigh.  

"Forget this. Never mind," he starts to back away. "Have a good life, Y/N." 

I stand frozen, speechless, and unsure what to do as Spike struts away toward the door. Thus again, he has disappeared from my life. 

________________

Masterlist 

Tags:  @currently-obsesed-with-spike @mx-pibbles @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard

[undertaker1827]

May I request headcannons for Sebastian and Undertaker with a girlfriend who is a ballerina, and has trained for hours every day since she was small? She's bery reserved, but she likes to play with their hair when she's bored. -💜

Of course you can!! Sorry these took so long, also sorry Sebastian’s one is shorter I got kind of stuck for ideas. Hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

-

Undertaker

Dancing is something Undertaker has always really enjoyed (he’s often greatly underestimated, but he’s actually really great at it), but ballet was never something he tried

He likes your classic waltz, foxtrot, a bit of tango would never go amiss either (also I have a personal hc that he likes/is really good at English country dancing) but while all of these disciplines are fascinating to watch, he finds a ballet absolutely tantalizing

How controlled and precise all of the movements have to be, how the entire body seems to move as one

And the dedication you have to have been training for so long!! He’s really impressed

I feel like if you were reserved when you first met him, you would gradually loose that trait a bit

Around him at least, even if not with anyone else

I mean he’s loud and outrageous with no sense of calm most of the time, so I think you would pick that up a bit too after spending a lot of time with him

But yanno, not to the degree that he does it

His hair

His hair is awesome

I feel like it would be really thick to run your hands through and well looked after not that he would admit it and silky smooth

Also there’s so much of it, it would literally go everywhere

If you’re sitting on the sofa together, either watching a film or just talking in general, his hair will sort of floof over in your direction

You gently catch a strand in your fingertips and absentmindedly twirl it around

If Undertaker was going to move his hair out of the way because he thought it was annoying you, he certainly won’t now

He watches as you go back to whatever you were doing previously but now whilst playing with his hair

Wonders if you even realise you’re doing it

He won’t comment on it in case you get shy and stop, but it does make him smile

Given your reserved personality (though Undertaker is certainly working on that) he usually starts any contact - surprise hugs, kisses etc - so he’s really happy that you’re doing it

Maybe you’re both reading at a different point, then you put your book down and start fiddling with his hair again

He grins, but when it turns out you’re braiding it!! Other than the single one he always wears, he hasn’t braided his hair in decades, and he certainly hasn’t had anyone else do it for even longer

He silently drops a few bands over his shoulder onto your lap, gaze not leaving the page he’s on

You’ve created an absolutely beautiful masterpiece when you’re finished and the mortician vows to keep it in as long as possible

He gives you a warm bear hug in thanks and laughs a little when you hide your face in his shoulder, a hand placed gently over the other one

He repeatedly tells you how much he loves his new hair, all but distraught when they finally fall apart so badly (like a week later) that he has to take them out entirely

Offer to do them again and he will love you forever

I mean he did anyway, but now he loves you even more

If you do ballet performances on stage, he tries to be there for every single one

If it’s the same show repeated several nights in a row, you insist that he’s already seen it twice, he really doesn’t need to go again, you know he’ll be supporting you from home

He goes anyway

He just loves watching you dance

If you don’t perform, he asks to watch you practice

He thinks you’re perfect, but if you make a mistake or are too harsh on yourself, he’s always there to comfort you and stop any negative thoughts

“I just can’t do it!” - “You’ll be able to, love.” - “But I-” - “and besides, it already looks perfect to me, which means it does to everyone else as well.”

He won’t hear anymore of it

He’ll often jokingly ask you to ‘give me a twirl’ at random times around the house, without shoes or anything, just for fun

He might catch you halfway through and spin you around him, maybe even do a lift if you’re comfortable with that

Overall he thinks you’re an amazing dancer and always encourages you towards your goals, whatever they may be

Sebastian

Sebastian, being one hell of a butler, can probably also ballet dance. But he, like Undertaker, is very impressed that you have been training for such a long time

I mean that takes a lot of dedication, especially for a human

If you’re having trouble with any particular movements, he’ll be able to help you (if you want him to)

I don’t think he would go full out ‘tutor’ mode, more like casual tips and advice

He’d probably show you the correct stance etc as an example for you to follow

If you need music to dance to, he is absolutely the right demon for the job

Literally, pick an instrument and he’ll be able to play just about anything you can imagine

You don’t really know where he got them all from, but here they are and yes that was the exact piece you needed how did he know

He can’t help but find the fact that you play with his hair quite endearing

Obviously his hair is quite short so he’ll subtly move over when you start doing it so you don’t have to stretch too far

He doesn’t mind it at all, in fact he finds it quite relaxing

He might play around a bit with your hair in return sometimes, maybe braiding it if it’s long enough

Sebastian sometimes asks to practice with you, he finds it a nice change from other traditions like ballroom dancing

If he’s not with you during your training, he will come and see you after you finish

He has a habit of appearing with your favourite drink and snack

Is always full of questions - “How did you fare during today’s training?” “Did you improve on [something you’ve been having trouble with]?”

But always finishes with “Are you pleased with how it went?”

He makes sure you don’t push yourself too hard, knowing how much you want to continue improving

He also makes certain you know how well you are already doing and reminds you how far you’ve come from when you started if you ever feel a bit down or despondent about it

Like I said earlier, he’s more than happy to help you if you need it, adjusting your position just a little until everything is perfect and making your favourite dish to celebrate a good day’s work

He knows how hard you work so he’s certainly keeping a close eye on you - he quickly notices if you look more tired than usual, asking if you stayed up late to carry on training alone

Definitely won’t let you sacrifice sleep or anything else that might affect your health

If you’re absolutely insistent that you need to do something to improve, he recommends and finds you a few books - training guides, journals, etc - to either increase/check your general knowledge of your dancing, or to give you guidance and tips

He tells you to read those if it’s getting late and you suddenly feel like you should be dancing

Of course if that’s not a problem you suffer from, so much the better! He’s still going to give you the books and suggest you read them (but don’t use that as a reason to not sleep either!)

If you perform, he’s seen all of your shows at least once, if you compete, he’s always there to congratulate you (especially if you’re not so happy with how the results turned out)

[seungsilog]

Dear Someone, I’ll Be Better Off Without You.

Pairing: Female!OC x Lee Minho

Genre: Angst, College!AU

Word Count: 1.16k words

Warnings: mentions of someone in a slump(?), insecurities, breakup

Series Masterlist

Taglist: @puffyjisung​ (send me an ask or dm me if you want to be added!)

Good morning, afternoon, evening, whatever time you’re listening to this! Welcome to the podcast, where I, Han Jisung, your host — speaking of, should I find a DJ name for myself too? Like, that one podcast has DJ Joohoney right? I should think of something for myself. 

Anyways, continuing on! This episode, a letter has been written by our Music Director, Ina! I won't make this too long, as this episode might get too long. I asked for a letter, not a novel. If only you guys can see this, holy crap. It's like 3 pages back to back, oh my gosh. I would read this all on air but it would take ages, so we just shortened the letter and might just publish this letter on our website! I doubt you would be able to read Ina's chicken scrawl, though— ok geez, I'll start! Stop looking at me like that!

Dear Someone,

I'm better off I’ll be better off without you.

Do you remember when we first met? It was freshman year, during the university's festival. You weren't as confident back then, sticking to your group of friends most of the time. The only time you left their side was when they convinced you to talk to me after they saw you sneaking a peek at me. Looking back now, I cringe thinking about our origin story, but freshman Ina thought it was cute. So cute, in fact, that I let you take me out on a date the day after. And even though you spilt soda on me five minutes into the date, the giant stuffed cat and the shy peck on the cheek made it all better.

Fast forward two years, and you managed to weasel your way into my life. You became my best friend, my lover, my anchor all in one. College life was hard, but the assurance that you would be sitting in our spot in the coffee shop on campus, waiting with my favorite drink fueled me to get through my day.

But as many positives there were with you, the negatives were also there.

I became too comfortable. I stood only within the confines of my little bubble consisting of schoolwork and my relationship with you. Everything was just the same, repeating day after day, and it took a toll on me. I made my whole life revolve around you, and somewhere along the line, I forgot that there is more to life besides those two things.

I never really improved from who I was when I entered college, but you certainly have. No longer were you the timid, puffy-faced boy I met back then. You’ve come so far, becoming one of the most confident, talented people this school has ever produced, and I can’t help but feel proud every time I realize that.

Sadly, I can’t say the same for myself.

I love you. I love you so much, Lee Minho. Thank you for always being there, for the past two years. I’ll always be proud of you, but I need to take some time to improve myself so that hopefully, i can be someone you can be proud of too. This self-improvement journey of mine might take some time, but as my mother used to say, if we are truly meant to be together, destiny will find its way to bring us together once again. See you around, I guess.

Forever grateful, 

Ina.

P.S. I think I used the wrong phrase on my keyword, so I erased it aha. I started this letter in spite... so yeah. I’m not sure if I really will be better off without you, but I guess only time will tell.

Han Jisung’s voice floated through the earbuds and into Lee Minho’s ears as he sat in an armchair, eyes filled with unshed tears. He hadn't known she felt that way towards herself, and if only he had communicated with her better-

He cuts off his inner monologue after seeing a familiar face approach his table. 

“I take it you’ve listened to Jisung’s new podcast episode, hyung?” Hwang Hyunjin, with his freshly dyed black hair, takes a seat in front of Minho, ignoring the older’s protests and settling down with his croissant and iced americano. “Come on, hyung. You can talk to me about this. We’ve known each other for ages!”

“And by ages, you mean half a year?”

“Tomato tomato. It feels way longer. I think being coped up in a studio with each other has that effect.”

“... Touche.”

“ So? How do you feel?” the younger boy inquires, taking a sip from his americano.

Minho took a while to respond, thinking of words to properly describe how he felt at that moment. 

“If I’m being honest? I don’t have a clue either. It’ll take a lot for me to get over Ina.” After taking a sip of his own drink, he continued. “Two years, almost three isn’t a short time. It was through her that I became who I am today. It was because of her, that I strived to become a better person. It was because of her that I was able to grow, but..” A soft sigh escaped his lips. 

“But at the cost of my growth came her dullness.” Hyunjin made a noise of confusion, muffled by the bread stuffed in his mouth. “Woft dwoh yu mean, hyunf?” 

“The thing that really drew me to her that day was just how… vibrant she was. Well, she was standing below a streetlight, but really. It sounds cliche, but if only you could’ve seen her. Wearing a bright yellow shirt, talking excitedly about how fun this experience was going to be. She was truly the light of the party back then, well, college happened. We’re all busy, but they were especially. Even Channie disappears for days at a time coped up in his room to finish a project. He only got a significant other this year! Ina barely had any time to do anything else aside from meeting me and doing schoolwork. I guess she realized that, and uh, yeah. That brings us here.” Minho looked up at Hyunjin, only to see him invested in something on his phone.

 “ Yah, why did I even bother telling you.” 

You see, dear listeners. Sometimes, relationships don’t turn out the way we want it to go. We think entering a new thing will all be sunshine and rainbows, and it might lead to an ultimatum; having to choose between self-gratification and self-improvement. In Ina’s case, she chose to leave not because she lost feelings, because that’s definitely not the case- ouch! When will you stop throwing things at me? But yes, she chose to leave because she wanted to grow, wanted to get herself out there for a bit, just as hyung had done. That does not mean that all hope is lost for them, though. Maybe someday, when the both of them are ready, their romance will continue again.

-`, leri’s litol notes

here is the second installment! ;-; i hope you guys like it hehe

[formula365]

A thing of the past - Bahrain GP review

In 1973, the Formula 1 season closed with the US Grand Prix at Watkins Glen. The title had already been decided in favour of Jackie Stewart, who had secretly decided to retire at the end of the season, and leave the mantle of leading driver of Tyrrell to his teammate, François Cevert. Stewart would leave at the peak of his powers, with 100 GPs to his name, tired of seeing friends die on track. It had been a dark era for the sport, and there had been an impact on his and his wife’s mental health. It had taken too much of a toll for them to bear it any longer.

As fate would have it, they were in for another sad ending. On the Saturday practice session, Cevert lost control of his car in the Esses, hit the barrier on one side and was sent careening towards the barrier on the other side at an 90 degree angle. The second impact ripped the barrier from the ground; Cevert was killed instantly, from injuries caused by the barrier that was meant to save his life.

A lot has changed since those days, and Stewart was one of the men who most contributed to that. After retirement, he lead a campaign for improved safety in both tracks and cars. It took time for safety to arrive at today’s standards, but F1 can now boast an incredibly positive record. Despite some big shunts, only one driver lost his life in the past 25 years. People like Stewart, Charlie Whiting and Dr. Sid Watkins were instrumental in achieving this remarkable record, and the changes they campaigned for have saved many drivers. 

Romain Grosjean added his name to that list yesterday. As the replays of his accident hit our screens, and the carcass of his survival cell became visible in the wreckage, it was clear that the barrier had given in. His head would have gone straight into the upper section of the barrier, at a speed of over 200km/h; just like his countryman 47 years ago, the car headed to the barrier at close to an 90 degree angle. Had it not been for the halo, the last great measure championed by Whiting before his untimely death, Grosjean would surely not have survived.

But for all that was impressive in how the car, the marshals and the medical car protected and ultimately rescued the driver, there are questions to be asked, particularly about the barrier. Improvements in barrier technology were one of the most important steps towards driver safety; accidents like the one that killed Cevert showed the importance of improving the design and build of the barriers to ensure that they could sustain heavy impacts without breaking apart. Barriers that were supposed to save lives were taking them instead.

Which is why we have to question what happened to Grosjean’s car. The similarities between Grosjean’s and Cevert’s crashes are inescapable, and in both cases the barriers failed to do their job. Yes, the halo saved Grosjean’s life, but the main point should be the fact that the halo should not have been necessary at all. If the barrier had fulfilled its purpose of absorbing the impact and throwing the car back out, the halo would have played no part in this crash at all.

To make matters worse, the way the fail structures of the car are meant to work, once the survival cell was stuck in the guard-rail, the back of the car had nowhere to go and, as it’s meant to do, it split from the monocoque. The violence of the impact and the fact the chassis was wedged between sections of the barrier probably led to the break happening further back in the car structure than it should. (I am in no means an expert in this, so take this sentence with several grains of salt) This, in turn, led to a fuel line rupturing, which led to the fire. The barrier failure not only caused the accident to be more serious than it should have been, it also caused a fire that made the driver escape harder and more dangerous than it should have been.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to diss on the FIA, when their relentless pursuit of safety has significantly contributed to saving many drivers’ lives. Grosjean’s survival was not a matter of luck, or a miracle, as many have said; it was the product of decades of work and science by those in charge of the sport. If news of tragedy are now rare in motorsports, we owe it to them. There is also no way to entirely remove the danger factor off these sports: every time a driver straps themselves to a cockpit, there is always a possibility that it will be their last time.

But certain elements of danger should be a thing of the past, and what happened to Grosjean is definitely one of them. There will certainly be a thorough investigation into the crash and the causes of this failure will come to light. If the past is any indication, the FIA will learn new lessons and will implement new measures to ensure that barriers will be improved and will continue to do their job. Most importantly, I am certain they will ensure that barriers will not endanger drivers’ lives rather than save them.

The comments made by Ross Brawn after the race were very encouraging. Instead of the usual platitudes about what a great job they have done to protect drivers, he talked about the things that did go wrong. It shows that the willingness to admit problems and study solutions has not gone away and that there will be a continued resolve towards protecting the stars of the show.

We should rejoice that Grosjean survived with only minor injuries what was quite possibly the scariest accident of the past 25 years. Witnessing a car burst into flames was something that we thought belonged to the distant past and brought home the stark reality of the risks these super humans take for our entertainment. But we should also not allow such an incredible escape to blind us to glaring problems that led to this big scare in the first place. There were other times in the past in which we were lulled into a sense of false security by miraculous escapes. Let’s not repeat that mistake.

Talking points

•  When the race eventually got underway, it significantly helped to clear the fight for third in the constructors’ championship. What little hopes Renault and Ferrari still had were ended, and Racing Point lost a bag full of points when the chequered flag was in the horizon. Perez had another masterful race, taking third place early on and controlling Albon from a distance. His engine giving up the ghost was a cruel moment for the team, with the despair etched on Otmar Szafnauer’s face and body language in the pit wall.

•  The major beneficiaries of Perez’ misfortune were McLaren, who leapfrogged Racing Point and are now 17 points clear in third. Even without that retirement, they would have still outscored the pink panthers, but this has made them overwhelming favourites in this particular battle. As mentioned in an earlier review, they continue to maximise their results even when they don’t have the fastest car. That ability to get the job done even when the odds are against them is an excellent sign for the team’s future.

•  And Sainz’s race was enormous. P5, coming from P15 on the grid? Bwoah.

•  Daniel Ricciardo, who will replace him at McLaren, left his teammate in the dust once again. The first time he was stuck behind Ocon he asked to be let by on the radio, as he was clearly faster; the team obliged and he quickly left his teammate behind. Later on, after a round of pit stops, he found himself behind Ocon again but this time passed without the assistance of the pit wall. The Frenchman is not a bad driver, but the Aussie’s superb form is making him look vulgar.

•  Albon inherited a spot on the podium, and, after his big crash on FP2, the champagne must have tasted sweet indeed, but it was not lost on anyone how he lost the battle to Perez, the one driver vying for his seat, while driving superior machinery. Nevertheless, it is a moment that can give him a boost of confidence for the final two races and allow him to relieve some of the pressure.

•  When asked after the race about the potential for drivers refusing to drive after witnessing such a terrible accident, Verstappen said that if he was a team boss he would fire them on the spot. The Dutchman’s alpha male attitude is beginning to grate a lot of people the wrong way, especially when his words have such a negative connotation in terms of mental health. It was heartening, though, to see a few of the drivers of the 2019 F2 grid were quick to denounce his words, having lived through something even worse than Grosjean’s crash. There is a different mentality in the new generation of drivers coming through, making Verstappen’s attitude look more and more out of place in today’s motorsports.

•  Pierre Gasly drove another masterclass, this time in terms of tyre management. He was struggling by the end and was saved by the late safety car, but would have nevertheless (quite probably) finished P8 on a one-stop strategy in one of the most tyre abrasive tracks on the calendar. It was risky, but with Perez’ failure at the end, it proved to be a good roll of the dice by AlphaTauri.

•  At the front, nothing new. Hamilton controlled the pace from start to finish, keeping Verstappen at bay and always responding when the Red Bull driver pushed that little bit harder. In the end, the Dutchman had nine of the ten fastest laps of the race, but it was still no match for Hamilton’s consistency over a grand prix distance. Try as he might, his car is no match for the W11 and that is robbing us of a mighty fight between arguably the two best drivers on the grid.

•  Dr. Ian Roberts deserves all the plaudits he is getting, and then some, for the way he ran towards the flames to help Grosjean escape the wreckage. With protective equipment that is far less safe than the drivers’, he still dared to run towards the fire. Enormous bravery.

•  A different type of bravery was shown by the Haas team members, who still had a car running in the race and carried on with their jobs. Even knowing that Grosjean was ok, it must have been difficult to continue their work after that enormous scare. But carry on they did; a special bow to them for that as well.

•  To cap off another miserable weekend in terms of safety, a marshal crossed the track with a fire extinguisher in his hands right in front of Lando Norris’ car. He was trying to reach Perez’ stricken Racing Point, and the safety car had been deployed, so the speed of the cars had been significantly reduced, but this is a risk that simply should not be taken. An eerily similar situation killed Tom Pryce in 1977. And once again, Michael Masi shrugged it off by saying that, while not ideal, we should not castrate (his words, not mine) anyone for trying to help put out a fire. Non-chalant, flippant, callous. I miss Charlie Whiting.

[monicalposts]

Speak LIFE!

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:21 KJV)

 This biblical truth comes to mind frequently so let’s unpack it today.

How can something as small as the tongue cause death? How can it cause life?

The proverbs are thought to be a blueprint of wisdom for us to refer to in all of life’s challenges and opportunities. There are multitudes of decisions and choices we make every day of our life, and in times of confusion and uncertainty, the book of Proverbs is a good place to spend time to refresh and restore and renew your mind.

Our minds have two parts – the conscious or thinking mind, the one that produces our thoughts, which turn out to precede our words.

The subconscious mind is the other part. Our subconscious mind is both friend and foe. Why? Because it has no judgmental ability. Therefore, any thought you repeatedly think, any words you repeatedly say, take root….deep, deep root in the subconscious and from there, all future actions you take and emotions you experience arise. Therefore, the fruit that grows in the subconscious mind is either nourishing or poisonous. The words implanted there are what cause life and death as you consume them.

Mind you (no pun intended) your thoughts and words have impact on more than just your own private subconscious mind. Oh yeah – your thoughts and your words ping the subconscious minds of all who are in listening distance, at a minimum, to you.

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: speak life! Especially to youngsters in your environment. Kids younger than eight years old are most susceptible to the words and ideas that surround them. As little children, they have not yet developed the abilities common to you and me, to be discerning, to question, to refute, to reject, to ignore words they hear. It is imperative that we as the adults protect and nurture all young children with loving, kind, inspiring and helpful words. In this way, they shall eat of the fruit of life, understand?

As kids continue to mature, as they enter adolescence and then the teenage years, it is even more important to guard the words said to and around them. Kids that age begin to reason and use their logic but, if a repetitive theme in what they hear is that they are lacking, that they are unworthy, that they are lazy, unlovable, even stupid, then they mimic these thoughts and may begin to model what they hear. In this case, death of their spirit, their ability to dream, their use of their imagination in positive ways can be irreparably damaged. Speak life.

Guard your thoughts and your words around other adults as well. Not only yours, but the words others say too. This beautiful, smart accomplished older woman I know often says words to herself in the hearing of others like, I’m so stupid.  I can’t …., I just don’t think I could ever…  When I hear this, I usually gently but firmly refute what she said, and encourage her to say more positive things about herself.  It’s a work in progress because we habitually think and say much of the same things repeatedly. That’s how our paradigms, our intrinsic, deeply held beliefs and convictions, are formed.

Finally, notice what words you are saying to yourself. What do your conversations with yourself and with our Creator sound like? Are you planting words of life, of growth, of meaning, purpose and love deep within your subconscious mind?  How will you know?  Assess the results you see in your life.  Your life will ultimately reflect on the outside what you say to yourself on the inside. Is there any lie that has taken root in your life? The lie that you are unworthy? That you are not lovable? That you are incapable in any area important to you? That things will never improve? That there is no hope? If so, make a decision to do a 180 with the self talk you allow.  When you notice a negative, repetitive thought keeping you from the abundance God wants for you, then refute it in Jesus’ name. Replace it with an opposite, or better thought that serves you.  Repeat it over and over, as it is the repetitive nature of our words, our thoughts, that cultivates the fruit in our mind. 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Choose life! Speak life!