thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
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Snippets for my Clone^2 Au that I thought was funny...
in incorrect quotes style format (Clone^2 = Both my Clone Damian Au and Clone Bruce Danny aus combined)
Snippet 1: Danny and Damian meeting for the first time
Danny, avoiding Damian's katana: I don't wanna know who made you I don't wanna know who made you I don't wanna know who made you
Danny: pleASE STOP TRYING TO STAB ME
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Snippet 2: Danny and Damian meeting (Alternative)
Bby Damian: gets dropped off in the ONE city where his dad's clone is
Danny, internally: damn I don't wanna know who made you
Danny: alright little buddy, lets -- *blocks Damian's sword* please don't stab me -- let's get you something to -- *blocks Damian's sword* please don't stab me -- something to EAT
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Snippet 3: Danny checking out books in the library
Librarian: oh, are you trying to learn arabic, Mister Fenton?
Danny: oh- uh, yeah :) my parents recently,,, took in a foster kid from overseas,,,, but we found out he doesn't know english and he's having a hard time adjusting
Danny, lying (only partially) through his teeth: so I,,, thought,,, maybe it would help him acclimate to his new environment if I learned some arabic :)
Librarian: oh how sweet! let me know if you need any help, i can find you more books
Danny: thank you
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Snippet 4: Damian wants to patrol
Damian: let me come with you on patrol
Danny, 16 year old idiot who fights without powers: uh. no. you are Itty Bitty Child
Damian: comes with anyways
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Snippet 5:
Damian, trying to fight a ghost without a ghost-proof sword:
Danny, catching him and holding him against his chest: *radiating exhaustion* no,,,, no,,,,, not yet,,,,
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Snippet 6: danny has an epiphany
Danny, realizing that he needs to set an example now that Damian is coming with him on patrol: fUCK
Danny: I NEED AN ACTUAL SUIT
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Snippet 7; dynamic duo
Danny: what is it with you and batman and robin????
Damian, silently sweating: ,,,,,,,because they are exemplary partners and i would like to think that us two are the same
Danny, doesnt know identities: ...aww??? thats kinda sweet??? okay :)
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Snippet 8: hypocrite
Damian: dijaal (affectionate)
Danny, on day ?? of solving a cold case after a ghost asked him to: hrbhk - Damian, what are you doing up? it's late, you have school in the morning
Damian, staring at him deadpan: you have school too. you should go to bed
Danny: five min..utes buddy. then i'll go to bed
Damian, grabbing the back of his rolling chair and pushing him to bed: no. now.
danny, with eyebags the size of the marianna trench: ...fine. now.
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Snippet 9: ...the line
Danny, doing homework with Sam and Tucker:
Danny: *has an epiphany* wait. shit
Tucker and Sam: ...?
Danny, his head in his hands: am I Damian's dad or his brother??
Danny: wh- what do we define this???
Tucker: ... you're brothers until its funny? and then you're his dad?
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Snippet 10: learning
Danny: reading a book about learning arabic
Damian, slamming his hand down on the book to get his attention: dijaal, *points to book* kitab
Danny, frowning: what?
Damian, tapping book: kitab
Danny: ..ki..kitab? Kitab? Book?
Damian: Boog...book. *points to table* tawila
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Snippet 11: clone reveal
Damian, later after he knows enough english and months of chilling out: i am a clone.... meant to kill my original
Danny, internally: wow you don't say?
Danny, out loud:..huh. okay. thanks for telling me, uh, same here. except that last part
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Dijaal = imposter
Damian is affectionately calling Danny an imposter because danny is a clone of bruce :)
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