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wayward-mikaelson · 4 years

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How To Save A Life

Word Count: 3392

Characters: Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Reader, Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

About: Steve is still reeling from what happened

Warnings/Trigger Warnings: Death, Language, Blood, Angst, mentions of sexual activities, and a very sad and depressed Steve Rogers

A/N: So this little drabble was inspired by TikTok creator theobsessedmarvelfan. She has a little series going on about how the Avengers would react to you dying and the one she did of Steve Rogers was just beyond amazing and I needed to write down what I had in my head for it. I titled the story after the song the TikTok creator used on their video. I hope you like it and I hope that the TikTok creator sees this and thinks it’s good as well. So I can’t take all the credit for it.

A/N #2: Wow! I am just super proud of this. I got so emotional writing this and may have shed a few tears. I really hope you like this guys.

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"Be careful up there," Steve had said to you. He had grabbed your upper arm and pulled you in towards his chest. His free hand cradled the back of your neck and looked deep into your Y/E/C eyes. Drinking in all the love and passion he saw in them at that moment. Finally, he dipped down and pressed his lips firmly to yours. Earning himself a small moan from you against his lips.

"You're cute when you worry about me," you pulled away and stared into Steve's eyes. Worry isn't his only guest, fear was there too. "Its just a quick walk around and making sure everything is all good." Steve only sighed and let go of your arm. "I'll be fine, babe. Don't forget we have those dinner reservations tonight."

Steve watched as you walked away from him. How could he forget dinner tonight? Steve thought to himself as he walked away. He had thought about the black laced box sitting in his night stand at the compound. In it sat the simple diamond ring he had planned on presenting to you that very evening.

***

"I'll be fine, babe."

Those words echoed in Steve's head as if on repeat as he punched his way through his fourth punching bag. Steve wanted to forget everything about that day. He wanted to bury the aching pain that was coursing through his entire being. He wanted to bury it deep down with each punch he threw at the bag in front of him. He just wanted to feel numb to it all. But he just couldn't. It was his reminder that you had been real. You flipped his whole world around with a simple, easy "hello" and with a breathtakingly, painful "goodbye."

Steve took a step away from the punching bag, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. He needed to think of something else. He needed to keep his mind from steering towards that day. He needed to think of something happy. Something that can help him through the pain. With a small but pained smile on his face, Steve thought about yours and his first kiss some years ago.

It had been really late at night and the briefing had run long. Steve couldn't keep his eyes off you the whole time Tony or Bruce talked. You had been oblivious to the super soldier staring at you as your eyes had either been focused on the notepad in front of you or who ever was talking. When the briefing was finally over, Steve noticed you walk outside to the court yard and followed you. Being the gentleman that he was, he asked to sit next to you. Steve saw the way your face turned pink as you said yes. The two of you talked for a few more hours before having to call it a night. Steve had offered to walk you back to your room and you said yes. But the two of you got lost looking into each others eyes, that Steve couldn't hold it together. He bent down and kissed your soft lips and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Welcoming whatever came next.

***

"How's it looking up there?" Steve asked you through the mic on his wrist. He, Natasha and Bucky just cleared their end and exited the building. Steve had barely heard from you the whole time and his heart had been racing like a rocket. He needed to check in.

"We're all clear up here," your voice coming through his ear piece made him smile. "We are just passing through the fourth floor. Shouldn't be too much longer, Captain." Steve could hear and see the smirk on your face as your called him Captain. You knew calling him Captain did things to him.

"Move faster, Agent Y/L/N," He said into the mic, smiling and turning around. It was in that moment that Steve remembered everyones mics and ear pieces were all on the same channel. Natasha was smirking and raising one her eyebrows. Steve could already hear the teasing coming from her. Steve glanced over at his best friend who was pretending to take an interest in the metal railing next to him. He too could see the impending teasing coming from him as well. It was no secret that you and Steve Roger were dating and very, highly intimate with each other. To the point that it comes out during missions.

Before Steve could say anything about what had just happened, the building exploded behind him. Steve spun around to see the glass and debris from the fourth floor and up fall around him. Every part of his body went stone cold and his heart stopped. His only thought in that moment was you.

"Y/N?!" Steve called your name into the mic. His heart had been pounding now. "Y/N, Sweetheart? Can hear me? Are you okay?" Panic rose within him with each word he said.

After a couple minutes there was static. "Steve..." your voice, no your pained groan, was barely heard before static took over again.

***

Steve stopped punching the bag and shook his head, taking a deep breath. He felt the onslaught of tears threatening to escape. Steve started to punch the bag again but this time, with more force. Causing the chain above it to shake almost violently. With each punch and each grunt, Steve fought the tears back. He tried really hard to push down the rest of that painful day.

"Happy thoughts," Steve grunted to himself. "Happy memories."

Steve found himself thinking about how your bare skin felt against his when the two of you would make love late into the night. He thought about how you would sigh deeply when he would kiss the back or side of your neck. When he would kiss down your body, he would always glance up and see you staring down at him. A small moan would always escape your lips and you would always drop your head back into the pillows.

Steve would kiss all the way down to your inner thigh, making sure not to miss your extremely sensitive clit. He would always plant a small and gentle kiss there. Then he would take the tip of his nose and slowly trail it from the inner thigh to your clit, where he would gently wiggle it, making your squirm and whimper and claw at the sheets around you. Which was his absolute favorite response from you. From there he would trail his nose up your body and to the base of your chin. Steve would then give you a gentle kiss on the lips before pushing up on his arms to stare into your beautiful Y/E/C eyes.

***

Steve ran in to the almost collapsing building. Ignoring his request to stay back and make sure civilians made it out okay, Bucky went in after his best friend. The two weaved through the panic crowd, ushering those who grabbed hold of them towards the exit.

"I thought I told you to stay back," Steve turned to Bucky in the stairwell.

"I'm not going to let you do something so fucking stupid," Bucky countered as he followed Steve up the stairs.

"Saving the love of my life isn't stupid," Steve said cooly. Gosh, why couldn't Bucky just listen for once today.

"No," Bucky grabbed Steve's arm and spun him around. The fear and worry was written all over his face. "But running into a collapsing building is."

The two looked at each other for a few seconds. "Y/N said they were passing through the fourth floor." Steve pulled his arm back and the continued up the stairs until they reached the fourth floor.

To Steve's horror, everything was blown to bits. Fire raged all around them. Wires and cables dangled dangerously close to the ground. The ventilation system from the ceiling was close to falling. This had to be the heart of the explosion.

"You take that side and I'll take this side."

Steve and Bucky went to work flipping through pieces of falling debris and under it with no luck at all. Steve began to panic with each passing minute he couldn't find you. He would call out to you and would get nothing in return.

"Guys," Natasha's voice sounded in their ear pieces. "This building is about to go down any minute."

"We're not leaving until we find Y/N," Bucky said tossing back a chunk of ceiling.

"Buck," Steve stopped what he was doing. "You go on out, I'll stay."

"The fuck I'm not," Bucky's voice was firm. "I'm not going to leave your ass in here."

Steve closed his eyes. "Buck," he said slowly opening his eyes. They were beginning to sting with the smoke and ash around him. "I'm not going to-" That when something under a table and slab of ceiling caught his eye. A pair of legs. And by the combat boots, he knew it was you. "Bucky! Get over here. I found her," He yelled.

Together, Steve and Bucky moved the slab and table. Steve just about lost his balance when he saw your body laying there. Motionless. Steve knelt down and noticed a huge gash on your forehead. The blood looked like it had slowed down. Steve placed his ear to your chest and heard a faint thumping of your heart and a small raise of your chest. Steve sighed with a slight smile on his face.

"It's okay Sweetheart, I got you now," Steve gathered you into his arms and painful scream left your lips. Leaving Steve wide eyed and he knew right then and there, that there was more to your injuries.

That's when the next and final explosion hit. Bucky urgently ushered Steve, who was carrying you, into the stairwell before the rest of the that floor was gone.

***

Steve's punches got more forceful as he remembered that scream. The tears that Steve had fought so hard to hold back, were starting to roll down his face. That scream echoed through his head at night. Keeping him up and leaving him restless the next morning. No matter what Steve did to bury that scream, he would always hear it. And it always killed him.

"Shouldn't have let her go," Steve said through the tears and in between the forceful punches. The chain above above started to give way. "Should have told her stay behind."

Steve thought about the night of Tony's dinner party. The fifth dinner party that month. How many dinner parties can one man have? Steve remembered the two of you getting ready and arguing about the mission. Steve didn't want you to go and didn't have a good enough reason as to why. You pointed it out too and that caused Steve to raise the white flag of surrender. Not to mention you were wearing the dress he absolutely loved on you. The dress that would drive him crazy until he had his way with you. The dress that still sits in his closet where he would touch it and smell it each night. Just to catch that faint smell of the perfume you used that night.

Steve remembered being at the dinner party, secretly hoping you'd enjoy yourself just a little too much. He hoped that when you woke up that morning, you would be too hungover and sick to do that mission. How could Steve explain the sickening pit in his stomach about you and that mission? How could he explain that he knew something was going to happen? He could only hope at this point. You did enjoy yourself that night. You even convinced Steve to wonder off from the dinner party for an intimate quickie. Steve didn't mind, he hoped maybe he could get you exhausted enough to sleep in.

But you woke up that morning feeling amazing. Steve tried, again, to talk you out of it but, you got upset and walked away from him. You had barely said a word to him until he told you to be careful that day.

"I'll be fine, babe," those words echoed again through his head.

"But you weren't," Steve hit the bag harder. "And you're not here. I should have just dragged you off the helicopter. Only then you would still be here."

***

Steve paced around the hospital waiting room. It felt like forever since they arrived with you and they immediately rushed you off to surgery. Natasha tried to get Steve to sit but he kept pushing her arm away from him.

"Steve," her calm voice would try and make him focus. "You need to sit down and relax."

"You know what," Steve turned on her, his tone sharp. "Until we know how she is, I won't sit down and relax." Natasha stopped trying after that and got coffee for everyone every hour or so. Steve turned it down each time she offered.

Bucky on the other hand just stared at his best friend. Bucky knew from the moment Steve picked you up and you screamed, your internal organs were massively messed up. It would take a miracle for you to make it off that table alive. But he couldn't tell that to Steve. Steve would probably throw him out of the hospital.

After what seemed like forever, a doctor came out looking for Steve. The doctor took Steve by the shoulders and walked him off somewhere where the team couldn't hear. Natasha and Bucky gave each other horrified looks. They knew what was about to go down.

"Son," the older doctor in a soft and calm ton. "I'm sorry to say this, but she didn't make it."

Steve's whole entire being froze. It felt like he started to sway from side to side so Steve grabbed the wall for support. "What?" He asked, it felt like his voice had been caught in his throat. "She was just breathing a few hours ago. Her heart was beating."

The doctor took a deep breath. "The damage to her insides was worse than we thought. Her lungs were punctured by broken ribs. There was massive internal bleeding that no one could stop or find where it was coming from. Then there was her heart-"

"What about her heart?!" Steve's voice rose and the next thing he felt was Natasha's hand on his arm.

The doctor looked towards Natasha who nodded her head for him to go on. "Her heart just stopped during surgery. We tried for an hour to bring her back. There was nothing else we could do. I'm sorry."

"Thank you," Natasha sent the doctor on his way. When she looked back at Steve, she saw that his entire world falling apart in his eyes. But it wasn't compared to what he was feeling on the inside.

Steve felt like he had been hit by a car. The words the doctor said echoed louder and over Natasha's words. What was she trying to say? Steve couldn’t tell or even focus on what she was saying. His body had felt like it had been plunged into arctic waters. Steve slowly and shakily turned to face the wall, pressing his hands on it for even more support.

Tears rolled down Steve's face as he tried to get his breathing together. He stared at the wall for what seemed like forever until his arms gave out and he fell against the wall and slide down to his knees. Natasha was right by his side, taking him into her arms letting him be vulnerable.

"She's gone Nat," Steve whispered. "Y/N is gone."

"I know, Steve, I know."

***

Steve had stopped punching the bag and just stared at the bag in front of him. The tears had stopped and left his face emotionless. He knew he needed to stop thinking and replaying that day over and over in his head. He knew he needed to move on from you. But he just couldn't do it. No matter how hard he tried. The pain and the grief of your death would just consume him until he felt numb.

Just as he felt now.

***

Steve was numb. It took Natasha everything she had to drag him out of the compound and to your funeral. Steve didn't want to go. He didn't want to see your lifeless body laying there in a casket. But Natasha forced him to.

"As much as it hurts," she said parking the car at the church. "This will help you move on or heal or something."

Steve just stared at the people walking into the church. He would soon have to face this now or never. "Let's just get this over with."

Steve sat in the pew and listened to the preacher talk about your life and the service to your country and people. Steve smiled because he knew how proud you were of serving but more proud to serve the world. But he never took his eyes off your motionless body except for one time.

Steve glanced up to see your mother staring at him and that brought back the memory of him having to go her door and telling her that you weren't coming home. Losing you was the hardest thing he ever experienced but seeing your mother break down and scream insults at him, killed him even more. It ended with your mother slapping him and slamming the door on his face. Steve closed his eyes and fought back more tears.

"You should have protected her better," your mother had said. And Steve couldn't agree more. He should have but he couldn't. It was out of his control.

When the time came to put you into the ground, it felt like Steve was losing you all over again. Steve watched as family, friends, and team members put flowers or small tokens on top of your casket. Steve held a bouquet of your favorite flowers on his lap and in his pocket, was the laced box with the engagement ring.

"I can take those up for you," Bucky leaned forward from his seat behind Steve.

Steve looked around and saw a few people looking at him. "No, I got this. Thanks buddy." With that, Steve stood up and made his way towards your casket. Each step he took, tore at his heart. Each step he took, took his breath away. Each step he took, took him closer to that painful, final goodbye.

Steve laid the flowers down and reached into his pocket and pulled out the small box. He opened and stared at the diamond ring. Taking a long and deep breath, Steve set it down on your casket.

"Goodbye, Sweetheart."

***

With a forceful punch, Steve set that fourth punching bag across the room. As he turned around to grab another bag, he saw Sam standing in the doorway. He had his arms crossed.

"It's been two months," Sam said walking into the room.

"I know how long it's been," Steve picked up the next bag and hooked it up.

"Don't you think you've gone through enough punching bags?"

Steve turned to face his friend. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying," Sam took a deep breath and a few more steps towards Steve. "Punching your way through bag after bag isn't going to bring Y/N back. She'd want you to move on."

Steve turned away and started to wrap his hand up for another round. "Don't you think I know that? I was there when she got hurt. I was there when she died. I was there when they lowered her six feet into the ground."

"Steve," Sam started to say softly, lowering his arms.

"No," Steve said firmly. "Just stop and leave me be."

Sam looked down at the ground and nodded. "Alright, just remember you have friends and a team to lead. So when you're done with this," he gestures to the remaining bags on the floor a few feet from Steve. "Come back to us." With that, Sam walked out closing the door behind him.

Steve stared at the hanging bag in front of him. He knew Sam was right. He knew you would want him to stop this wallowing and depressing stage to move on and lead. He just missed you so much.

He looked down at his half wrapped hand and began to unwrap it. He tossed the material to the side as he walked out of the room. He walked through the kitchen, where everyone was sitting and starring, watching and waiting to see what his next move would be.

Steve turned to them with an eyebrow raised. "Training room. Now."

The End

#Wayward Mikaelson #How To Save A Life #marvel cinematic universe #MCU #Marvel Fandom #Marvel Family #MCU Fandom #MCU Family #Steve Rogers x Reader #Chris Evans #Captain America x Reader #Marvel #The Winter Soldier #Bucky Barnes #Black Widow #natasha romanov #sebastian morgenstern #Scarlett Johansson

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concussed-to-pieces · 3 years

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The Mettle Of A Man; Part Eight

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

The morale of the troops stationed at the airport seemed to have improved massively . Backhand secretly suspected that having Brandis back had raised everyone's spirits, but she wasn't about to say it out loud.

Danse had been quiet for the remainder of their journey to the Prydwen, back to thinking a hole in the proverbial wall. Vega assumed he was probably just exhausted; he had already been awake and eager to move out by the time she roused herself that morning. She couldn't blame him. His power armor was long overdue for a greasing and she knew it wasn't an easy feat to move it with sticky bearings. Danse refused to take breaks though, simply chugging along at a steady trudge that she could match with ease.

They had agreed to skip a breakfast proper in lieu of eating on the march. A few stunted mutfruit that clung to a scrubby little bush beside the lean-to made their way into their stomachs, and Danse managed to acquire a box of Saddle Up when he gave the collapsed house next to the lean-to a cursory once-over. The two of them split the contents of the box, Danse folding his portion of Salisbury steak in half and tearing a piece out of it with his teeth like it was jerky.

Backhand followed suit, though a bit slower, trying to make the tough 'meat' last. She couldn't help but daydream about yesterday's breakfast, the tender meat of the radstag tossed with the soft tatos…

Regardless of her rumbling stomach, she was glad to be back at the airport. With any luck, she'd be able to speak with Proctor Ingram and get her input on the schematics Virgil and Sturges had come up with. What was it that Nick had said?

" Just a few more steps ."

Danse touched her shoulder after they disembarked the vertibird on the flight deck. "I have to go deliver my armor to Ingram and then give Elder Maxson my report, Knight Vega. I suggest you locate Paladin Brandis so that you may retrieve your armor."

Backhand saluted him sharply, tacking on the Ad Victoriam! at the end. Danse smiled with his eyes, but his face remained stern.

"Report to the grease pit once you're finished eating, Knight. Dismissed."

"How did you know I was-?"

"If I'm hungry, I imagine you are as well." Danse reasoned, "we ate lightly this morning and it's well past noon. Go get something to eat."

"Yes sir , Paladin sir!" Backhand replied eagerly, bolting off.

Her boots clattered on the metal gangways as she strode towards the mess, ducking and dodging around armored knights and aspirants. Along the way, she heard the whispers that followed her.

" Hey wasn't that the new sister? "

" Her and Paladin Danse brought Paladin Brandis back to us! "

" I heard Knight Vega is the General of the Minutemen -"

" You're nuts , why would she join up with us if she's already in charge of somethin'? "

Backhand did her best to ignore the ever-present circulation of scuttlebutt, the young woman making her way to the canteen with sure steps.

…

Praise be to whatever God still looked after mankind, Danse found himself redirected to Knight-Captain Cade before he could even think about going to the command deck. Ingram demanded that he submit to a thorough exam after she saw the level of damage his suit bore, and Danse wasn't about to tell a proctor no. If he relayed his briefing to Cade, Danse knew he could circumvent visiting Maxson directly.

"Ah, Danse! I'd heard you were back." Cade greeted the paladin hovering in the doorway, waving him in. "What brings you here, Paladin? More troubles of the heart?" He teased.

Danse jerked to a halt.

Troubles of the heart? The words bounced around in his skull, demanding to be examined and oh God. Oh God , that's what had been wrong with him before! Danse wanted to beat his head against the wall. He hadn't been sick at all, not physically anyway. No wonder Cade had been so damned amused at all of his protesting.

He forced himself to chuckle at the joke, forced himself to keep moving. Inside though, he wanted to scream. 'Troubles of the heart'. Love , as if he deserved to be able to so much as feel that emotion! As if he deserved anything after Cutler, after the catastrophic failure of Recon Squad Gladius!

It was with panic that he thought back to that morning, to being calm and serene while he just... looked at her and...oh God no , he couldn't do this again. He wouldn't .

He shouldn't.

But…

No! Think about what happened with Cutler! Think about what Arthur will do if he perceives her as a threat! Danse raged at himself. Don't be selfish for once in your damn life, she needs the Brotherhood and the Brotherhood needs her to get into the Institute. That's all . Don't make things more complicated, damn it!

All Danse could think about was her face right after he had found her lying on the ground in a pool of her own blood at Fort Independence, the desperate way she had entreated him.

"- find my baby -"

Was she just trying to appeal to his sympathies? Danse could freely admit the compassionate nature he tried to bury had gotten him into more trouble than he would like over the years. But had she been playing the long game with that kiss at the police station? Certainly, if the Brotherhood hadn't caught their signal it would have been no skin off of her nose, she could move on to a new target. But since the Prydwen had shown up…

Had Backhand attempted to get into his good graces just so she could get a better shot at saving her son?

As much as that reality would sting, he was unable to blame her for it. Danse already knew just how far he would go for his Brotherhood brothers and sisters, he couldn't even fathom what depths he would stoop to if he was trying to rescue his theoretical child.

Cade looked up from his clipboard. "What's wrong, Paladin? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I'm just...tired." Danse replied lamely. "Hungry." He swiftly changed the subject. "How is Brandis?"

Cade leaned forward in his seat, unable to hide his clear interest. "I don't know how you managed to convince him to return, but he's doing remarkably well. We have him on a strengthening regiment, his body had been wracked by the radiation. Your knight surrendering her armor was a smart move."

Your knight. Danse swallowed hard. "She is thoughtful." He said cautiously. Too much praise and it would be obvious that something was afoot, but too little could also tip the scales unfavorably. He found himself maneuvering a tightrope between his usual blunt honesty and this new, strange territory.

Many of the rank and file looked up to Danse due to his combat prowess and unflinching resolve. The paladin, in turn, was not necessarily overly free with his praise, but he tended to be more generous. A leftover from slogging along under Krieg's command, if Danse had to guess. The older paladin had cultivated Danse's eagerness to please into an unflagging tenacity through methods that were occasionally viewed as barbaric, but no one could fault his results. Still though, Danse wanted to be a fair leader, not a warlord or a tyrant who brought out the best in his troops through extreme duress.

Had he been more like Krieg, maybe Gladius wouldn't have-- no , thinking that way would only drive him into a darker depression.

He realized suddenly that Cade was giving him a quizzical look and Danse tried not to let his panic show. If Cade sussed him out, Vega would no doubt be reassigned. Maybe to Brandis? Hell, she would get the old codger killed -

Cade got to his feet, asking Danse to follow his penlight with his eyes. The paladin obeyed, stifling a yawn as he did. "Still having trouble sleeping?" Cade asked calmly. "The headaches and nightmares?"

"They come and go." Danse admitted. "I rarely sleep well, sir."

"It's to be expected after everything you've gone through, Danse. You need to give yourself time , perhaps even take some leave-"

Danse was already shaking his head, his hands clenched into fists on his thighs. "With all due respect sir, there is too much at stake in the Commonwealth."

"And with even more respect, Paladin, you're working yourself into an early grave. Even earlier than you might anticipate. I'm well aware of your history and your mentality when it comes to the Brotherhood, but you need to consider the ramifications of your high-output lifestyle." Cade reasoned with a frown. "You'll burn yourself out at this rate. Hell, you might have already! Pay attention to your body, soldier. If you need to rest, then rest ." He placed a hand on Danse's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "You're no good to the Brotherhood dead, Danse."

Danse nodded stiffly down at the floor. "Understood, sir." He then began to give his field report, Cade occasionally stopping him to ask for points of clarification.

…

Ingram hummed at the terminal, her eyes darting back and forth as she read through the information that scrolled across the screen.

"Okay. Okay alright, yeah. Your friend is a genius, but he's a bit of a savant. Gotta' tell him to branch out." She mumbled, almost like she was talking to herself. "Write this down for me, manipulating a pen in this suit is a terrible time."

Backhand quickly accepted the clipboard Ingram pushed her way, hope rising in her heart as the proctor rattled off different statistics and theories about teleportation. Ingram expanded on Sturges' prior reasonings exponentially, seeming almost as excited as Backhand was at the plethora of new data to browse. Through a series of notes and ruler-lined diagrams, the proctor helped to fill in the gaps that Sturges had been struggling with.

"Of course, this is all speculation." Ingram sighed finally, sounding a little dejected. "If the Institute was really at the level of actual molecular reconstruction via relay, I get the idea that the Prydwen wouldn't still be in the air." She smiled at Backhand. "But hey, tell your friend 'thanks' from an old proctor. It was fun to think about. I don't get a lot of interesting or challenging data anymore, so this was a nice change of pace. If he ever wants to come aboard and talk shop, let me know and I'll try to get Maxson to give him a 'visitor's pass'."

Vega was flabbergasted. Ingram apparently believed that Sturges just had limitless free time on his hands to flesh out such wild theories. She didn't think that any of it was real! The young woman collected herself after a moment, trying to think up an appropriate response. "I'll--I'll definitely let him know! I'm sure having someone intelligent to bounce his ideas off of will do him wonders." She promised, returning Ingram's smile. "He tends to leave me in the dust once he really gets going."

Ingram groaned theatrically. "Ah, the burden of genius! Heavy is the head that wears the crown, you know how it is. It's times like these that I miss the hell out of Doctor Li."

"Who was Doctor Li?"

"Ah, she was one of our scientists back in the big CW. Worked on a lot of important stuff for the Brotherhood. Then one day she just kinda'-" Ingram gestured vaguely. "-went poof. Nobody ever heard from her again."

Backhand had only been half-listening as she leafed through the notes, carefully collecting them all into a neat pile and stowing them in her satchel. But at the proctor's admission that their doctor had vanished , the former Vault-dweller straightened up. She squinted at Ingram. " Poof? "

Ingram nodded. "Yep. Gone like she was never there. I personally think, after hearing about how the Institute operates, that our lead scientist got poached." She shrugged, her armor frame creaking loudly. "But that's just me. For all I know, Madison got bored."

Backhand chewed her lower lip thoughtfully. Stealing a brilliant scientist from their chief opposition made sense. But she still had no idea why the Institute would have taken her son of all people.

"Oh! Your armor, I almost forgot. Brandis had me tuck it away in bay six." Ingram said suddenly, hooking a thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the bay. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some serious work ahead of me to unfuck Danse's gear. 'Outstanding', my ass ." She griped. "Man's got a death wish."

Backhand tried valiantly to choke back her laughter at Ingram's exaggerated impression of Danse's " outstanding ", but failed miserably.

"Ah, I see you too must have witnessed the fabled ' outstanding '?" Ingram chuckled. "It's his trademark, great stuff."

"I am pleased to know that you find my speech patterns amusing , Proctor Ingram." Danse's voice made Backhand squeak. The paladin sauntered up beside Ingram, still ripping apart what looked like an entire pot pie.

"Danse! I see you still can't take a breather, even if it's only to eat." Ingram remarked pointedly, rolling her eyes. "You couldn't have sat down in the mess hall, Paladin?"

"Time is of the essence, Proctor." Danse said through a mouthful of tough crust. Backhand had grabbed a slice of it when she was in the mess. The filling wasn't half bad, but whoever had made the shell had worked their dough for far too long. Obviously Danse wasn't letting that stop him.

"Danse it's gonna' take my scribes a hot minute just to get all the dents out, nevermind the greasing. Do me a favor, take your knight and go to Proctor Teagan for a new helmet." Ingram shooed the paladin off, rolling her eyes at Backhand. "A fine example for our troops, as long as they don't watch you eat ."

"They should not be watching me eat to begin with-" Danse started to protest.

" Danse . Go to Teagan."

…

Finding Paladin Brandis conversing with Teagan shouldn't have come as a surprise to Danse. After all, Brandis loved his armor and mods. It was odd to see the older paladin all cleaned up once again, the sides of his head uniformly shaved and his facial hair back to the semi-standard goatee.

"Danse!" Brandis greeted him warmly and Danse wished that he didn't have crumbs all over his jumpsuit. He was startled when the other man hauled him into a hug, slapping him on the back. "It's good to see you in one piece, Paladin! I heard about what happened with your armor. It's always a trial if you have to abandon your gear." Brandis' smile was broad but his eyes were sad.

Danse swallowed, nodding in agreement. "Are we interrupting your discussion, Paladin Brandis?"

"Not at all! I was just about to stop monopolizing Teagan's time."

"Brandis, the last thing you're doing is monopolizing." Proctor Teagan groaned, leaning his elbows on the counter. He perked up when Backhand scooted out around Danse. "New Blood! You're back in one piece!"

"Takes more than a sure-fail mission to locate a man who's been missing for over five years to stop me, Proctor Teagan." Knight Vega replied, giving him a salute as he laughed.

"Now, Danse, what's this I hear about you half-scuttling your gear?" Teagan chided the large paladin. "You're lucky we like you around here, you know that?"

Danse chuckled, nodding. "I'm well aware, Proctor. I must requisition a new helmet."

"Psh, you think I'll have one that'll fit that big head of yours? We'll have to see." Teagan ribbed him, turning away from the counter and beginning to rummage in his crates.

Danse heard the sound of small footfalls and abruptly Brandis was assaulted by one of the squires. "Paladin Brandis!" The child exclaimed, like he had just discovered the paladin.

"Yes, little one?" Brandis asked, taking the boy's cap off to ruffle his unruly blond curls. Danse caught himself wondering what young Matthew would be like as a squire. Would he be more quiet, prone to scribe work? Or would he still be mischievous, going places where he shouldn't, eventually donning a suit of power armor to defend him from the consequences of said mischief?

And Backhand's own child, her Shaun. When they rescued him, what would he be like? He assumed she must also think about that, obviously more than he would.

Danse realized belatedly that Brandis had continued his conversation with the boy, the child rattling on and on to the paladin about being allowed to feed Scribe Neriah's mole rats. Danse just barely caught Knight Vega's wistful smile before Teagan was clattering a familiar helmet down on the counter. "And here it is! One brain bucket, complete with intact searchlight." The proctor announced proudly, sliding the requisition form over for Danse to sign. "I expect you to take better care of this one, Paladin. Knight, make sure he takes better care of this one." Teagan instructed, narrowing his eyes.

Vega snapped another salute, "yes sir, Proctor sir!"

"Where are you off to now, Danse?" Brandis asked curiously, the squire still clinging to his leg.

"Well, as Knight Vega is in a probationary phase, I imagine we'll assist Scribe Neriah. Perhaps Proctor Quinlan has a job for us." Danse mused, scribbling DN-407P on the form. "I don't believe we'll be sent out with the rest of Gladius anytime soon. I ought to check in on them."

"Recon Squad Gladius returned last night, sir!" The squire informed him with a clumsy salute. "They should be at the ground barracks, sir!"

" Outstanding ." Danse said warmly, then he heard Backhand wheeze with laughter. "Oh, be quiet." He huffed, nudging her side with his elbow.

…

Danse had left her to her own devices, stating that he would be checking in on the remainder of his squadron for the evening.

" If you'd like to pick up a few small assignments, I will be happy to assist you with them as I continue to sponsor you ."

So after a brief logistical kerfuffle that found her standing in Cade's doorway instead of Quinlan's, Backhand managed to get herself assigned to the illustrious task of rustling up technical documents. "My scribes do so enjoy their reading material." Proctor Quinlan remarked, seeming amused by the way the young woman fawned over Emmett. "If you locate anything you believe could be of interest, please bring it to me. A good soldier knows that an unanticipated edge is the preferred one."

"Of course sir."

Backhand did feel just a bit guilty about using Proctor Ingram as Sturges' sounding board, but in her defense she had planned on telling the other woman the truth. It just was a little less... messy for the moment if Ingram didn't know everything.

Vega knew she could ask Codsworth about technical documents once she got back to Sanctuary. The robot hadn't left the cul-de-sac for over two hundred years; he probably had an itemized list of every thing in every house . And since the Hills had been styled as veteran housing, there was bound to be a few items of interest. Plus, it was the perfect excuse to return to Sanctuary so she could fling all of Ingram's notes at Sturges. Fingers crossed that the genius could make sense of them.

Backhand was tired of wasting time, tired of spinning her wheels. But she knew that the more she helped, the more people would be willing to help her when the time came. Having the numbers of an outfitted army on her side in case of something going wrong was an immense comfort, and it helped to soothe her worries. The familiarity of it didn't hurt either. The Minutemen were slowly becoming a force to be reckoned with, but their humble beginnings could be a bit glaring . This was the next best option.

So she'd rifle through the debris of Sanctuary Hills one more time. The required company of Danse was more of a bonus than a detriment, in her opinion. She could keep him clear of the Prydwen a lot easier when they were halfway across the world from the airport.

Ingram's words echoed in her head, not for the first time since Danse had been assigned as her sponsor.

"... Danse is a good man and he shouldn't be getting jerked around, Elder or no ."

Backhand frowned, tipping herself out from behind her armor in bay six. Her eyes landed on Danse's suit standing empty across the way as two scribes slowly coaxed the dents out of it. God, the damage had been sobering in the first place, but looking at it now was almost worse. The frame looked tired .

" That's Paladin Danse's armor?"

Backhand jumped at the whisper from beside her. She hadn't heard the squire approach. "Yup. Crazy, huh?"

"Is he...is he okay?" The little girl asked timidly, wide brown eyes staring up at Vega.

"He is! He's fine, I promise." Backhand patted the child's shoulder gently. "I helped him out, fixed him up real good."

"Okay." The girl nodded, looking thoughtful. "Paladin Brandis is okay too. That's good. He's important."

"'Important', huh?" Backhand echoed, knowing she must sound bemused. This little girl was just being so serious , like she was trying to seem more adult. It was sweet, in a sad way. A testament to the burden put on these kids at such a young age.

"Yes." The little girl puffed herself up a bit. "We need Paladin Brandis. He's important ."

"Why is he important?" Backhand queried curiously.

"We…" the squire hesitated, like she had said too much. "He just is. I can't tell you. S'a secret."

Backhand gave the child a salute, nodding. "Of course. Don't worry, I won't compromise your mission."

"W-Well, good!" She stuttered, adjusting her cap and giving Backhand a salute in return. "Ad Victoriam, knight. I gotta' go." She scampered off, leaving Backhand confused and somewhat entertained.

He's important .

As she tucked in for the night, Backhand wondered what the child had meant. Was the squire being needlessly cryptic? Maybe she had overheard something she wasn't supposed to?

Backhand stared up at the dimly-lit innards of the Prydwen, the ribs of the massive airship barely visible in the dark. Another mystery , she mused ruefully. Her return to Sanctuary couldn't come soon enough.

…

Danse was summoned to the command deck at six hundred hours the following morning. He should have known that he wouldn't even be able to enjoy the company of Haylen and Rhys without suffering some kind of consequence.

He hated how sweaty his palms were as he stood at attention, his back ramrod straight.

"Paladin Danse, I was given your briefing yesterday by Knight-Captain Cade. Is there any particular reason you didn't come to me personally?" Arthur asked, sounding almost bored. Danse might have believed it if not for the current of anger that rasped in his voice.

"Proctor Ingram sent me directly to Cade, Elder Maxson. My armor was in poor shape and she was concerned about my bodily state." The paladin replied evenly.

"Brandis showed up well before you did. Why is that, Danse?"

"Local civilians informed myself and Knight Vega of a super mutant infestation. It was during our assault on the compound that my armor took the damage. I needed time to repair-"

Danse's explanation was cut off by the sound of heavy boots on the large ladder between decks. Brandis of all people emerged from the porthole, offering Danse a quick nod before focusing his attention on Maxson. "Elder! I have a request for flight support from-"

"Brandis, how many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt me?" Arthur snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"And how many times do I have to tell you that nothing about the military is convenient or willing to wait on your long-winded tomfoolery?" Brandis retorted. "I have a knight requesting flight support, Maxson, and the presence of Paladin Danse."

"Me?" Danse asked in confusion.

Elder Maxson growled, then nodded. "Very well . I suppose your report from Cade will have to do. But in the future , Paladin Danse, I expect you in person on the command deck. Do I make myself clear?"

"Of course, Elder." Danse saluted dutifully. "Ad Victoriam." Arthur just waved him off, obviously irritated.

Once they had returned to the engineering deck, Brandis clapped Danse on the shoulder. "Sorry about that, I didn't realize that he would try for you so early!" He apologized. "Knight Vega has been rarin' since five. I know he denied you air support before, but Vega said you two have a long ways to go for the assignment she picked up from Quinlan. It's easier to get something out of that little curmudgeon if you baffle him with rapid-fire requests."

Danse sputtered, unsure if he had ever heard someone refer to the elder as a little curmudgeon . "I am glad that your respect for Elder Maxson is just as strong as ever, Paladin Brandis." He managed to say.

"Arthur has gotten too big for a combination of his britches, his father's britches, and his grandfather's britches." Brandis chuckled, "it does him good to get brought back down to earth once in a while." He straightened up, giving Danse a gentle push in the direction of the armor bay. "Now go, go go get suited up before he changes his mind!" The older paladin urged impatiently.

Danse noted when he reached the grease pit that Vega's armor was gone. Obviously she had wanted to get an early start. Danse grimaced ruefully, zipping up his jumpsuit. No matter what he did, it seemed to be the wrong thing. He wished he could go back to his bunk and try again in an hour or so.

He shook his head, then stepped into his armor. The gaskets hissed as the unit was sealed, the back plate latching down firmly. Danse picked up his new helmet, absently flipping it out of habit and then sliding it onto his head until it clicked into the gorget seal. The heads-up display flickered to life in front of his eyes, all readings nominal. Green across the board , as Lancer-Captain Kells would say.

His heavy sabatons clunking firmly on the metal catwalks, Danse made his way to the flight deck.

Backhand was there, her helmet tucked under her arm as she chatted animatedly with the pilot that ( presumably ) was taking them to their location. Danse still had no idea what their assignment was. Hell, he didn't even know if there was an assignment or if this was all just a conspiracy cooked up by Vega and Brandis to get him away from Maxson.

A combination of embarrassment and gratitude flushed Danse's face beneath his helmet. He was relatively sure that neither of them knew what was truly going on between himself and Maxson. Maybe they had assumed the worst, thought that he was being abused or something to that effect. But it wasn't... really , technically. He was following orders. Orders that made him sick to his stomach and hot with shame, but he was a Brotherhood soldier and he would do as the elder commanded him.

"Glad to see you taking initiative, Knight Vega." Danse commented loudly over the roar of the vertibird engine.

"Paladin! Good to see you bright and early. We have our heading from Proctor Quinlan, and I know just the place. This fine gal will be droppin' us off in Concord." Backhand explained and the pilot grinned, waving off the praise and gesturing for the two of them to climb aboard.

…

Backhand was practically vibrating with excitement when they finally touched down just outside of Concord. She was off and running down the main thoroughfare, leaving Danse to catch up with her.

"Knight Vega!" The paladin protested.

"Time is of the essence, Paladin!" Backhand yelled in reply, slowing briefly to a jog.

"Where are we even going , Vega?" Danse shouted. She didn't bother to answer, just making a sweeping motion with her arm as if to say hurry up! "I fail to see the strategic advantage of the two of us careening through the town like a stampede of brahmin!"

"Just follow me and stop complaining!" Backhand laughed, maintaining her pace up the hill to the Red Rocket gas station. She paused at the top, waiting for Danse to come up alongside her before she pointed across the river. "Look." She said, a little breathless.

Danse obliged, the paladin going still. "Another settlement?"

"This is where I lived before the war." Backhand informed him, "Sanctuary Hills."

Danse made a noise of acknowledgment, shifting his weight. "And the reason why we're here?" He pressed after a moment.

Backhand smiled under her helmet, patting his shoulder. "Technical documents. Not only was this little development just teeming with ex-military, if that's not good enough my vault is up the hill."

He was silent for a time and Backhand was getting a little worried that she had upset him somehow, but then out of the blue, " outstanding , Knight Vega." The warmth in his tone was unmistakable and she couldn't even bring herself to make a joke about his trademark term, too flustered by his praise to do anything aside from nod and start walking across the old bridge.

Dogmeat came galloping to greet her, the mutt barking excitedly and fawning around her legs after she ejected from her power armor. "Hey Meat! Who's a good boy? Who's the best boy?" Backhand crooned, giving him belly rubs when he begged for them.

"Ah, Miss Vega! It is, as always, a delight to have you return to us. You look well!" Codsworth bubbled, the Mister Handy breezing over to her from his usual spot maintaining the patchy hedges. "And who is this that you've brought with you? Will I need to set an extra plate at dinner?" He inquired, two out of three eyestalks gazing up at the impassive paladin.

"Codsworth, this is Paladin Danse. I hope you can help the two of us out with a little project." Backhand said seriously, tapping her forehead against the cool metal of Codsworth's third eye.

The robot sputtered, "But of course , mum! Whatever the two of you need, if there's any way at all that I might assist you, I shall do my best." He waved his appendages around, mimicking a fighting stance. "Are there more ruffians about, mum? More interlopers? Has the Red Menace finally come to our doorstep? I'll give them a thorough drubbing, just send them my way!" He said staunchly.

Backhand chuckled, shaking her head. "Nothing quite as exciting as all that, Codsworth. My friend works for a group that's dedicated to curating and preserving technology, and we were sent out expressly to find documents that might be useful. I know you've been here for a while, and I was hoping that you might-"

"Oh, if it's old, musty, suspicious documents you're after, Miss Vega, I must say you've come to the right place!" Codsworth lowered his voice conspiratorially, "why, I've got it on good faith that your neighbor was a dirty commie spy! " He sounded scandalized. "Mr. Sturges says that I am too quick to jump to conclusions, but can you even imagine-? "

"Codsy, if I told you once I told you a thousand times, don ' t you be puttin' words in my mouth!" Sturges shouted from his usual position by the workbench, giving Backhand a friendly wave. "Howdy General, how was your vacation?"

"A nightmare." Vega admitted, "Weston was infested all over again."

"Oo, that's a tough place to get a handle on. I assume you got it sorted though? I mean, you're the general for a reason." The man mused, wiping his hands off on a rag and cocking his head. "So this is the fella' from the police station? Land sakes, you didn't skimp on your description." He teased, making Backhand wince self-consciously as he sauntered over. "I know Preston's got mixed feelin's on the Brotherhood, but I figure any heavily-armored port in a radstorm, right?"

Sturges stopped in front of Danse, squinting up at the man's helmet. Danse removed it after a moment, the seal hissing and steaming a little in the cool morning air. "Paladin Danse, Brotherhood of Steel." He intoned, extending one large gauntlet to the mechanic.

Sturges chuckled, gamely shaking the massive hand presented to him. "Sturges. I fix things. Suppose that'd be an engineer or a mechanic to you military folks."

"Speaking of fixing things..." Backhand dug into her satchel, tugging free the ream of notes she had from Ingram. "I brought you a present!" She sang, passing the incomprehensible sheaf of paper to the other man.

Sturges whistled after flipping through the first few pages, his eyebrows launching up until they were hidden by his goggles. "Damn, this is good. General, this is real good. Like, ' we might pull this off ' kinda' good!" He said giddily.

"Yeah?" Backhand replied eagerly. "Danse and I will be here for a few days, so if Jun or Marcy are busy-"

"I'll ask you, of course. Thanks for this, General. It really helps to have an extra pair of eyes lookin' over my work." Sturges drawled sincerely.

"How is Mama Murphy doing?" Vega asked, twiddling her fingers nervously.

"She got up earlier this mornin'! She came out and had her coffee with me. I'd say she's doin' better. Shorin' herself up." Sturges smiled. "We got a lifetime of chem problems to work through, y'know, so I ain't expectin' any overnight miracles."

"Yeah, I guess not." Backhand frowned. "I still wish there was more I could do."

Sturges put a hand on her arm. "You done more than enough, General. More than most folks would have. Don't worry about Mama Murphy. She's a tough ol' gal."

…

Evening fell over the settlement and Danse was grateful for the opportunity to simply rest his eyes. He knew why Quinlan had such thick glasses now. He had only dug into one box of documents and his head was still spinning from all the fine print!

Backhand yawned, eyes lidding and mouth going slack with the effort. "God, I am beat ." She confessed, laughing a little. "It's pretty sad that all it takes to get me braindead is reading about failed observations and leafing through old refrigerator manuals."

"I find the manuals miles more interesting. I've always enjoyed that sort of practical research." Danse remarked. "It has real-life applications in the field, but these other things…" he heaved a sigh. "I wish Haylen had been permitted to come along with us. She is far more adept when it comes to cataloging. I was not trained as a scribe."

"Well, I would say we should burn the midnight oil, but I'm pretty sure we've both got mush for brains right now." Vega got to her feet, taking a moment for a full-body stretch. "We can get back to this tomorrow. Right now, I'm hungry."

"Dinner will be ready in a moment, mum!" Codsworth assured from his spot just outside the front door, continuing to rotate the meat on its spit over the fire.

Danse abruptly realized that he was starving , the delicious smell of the roasting yao guai making his stomach rumble. It had been hours since they had eaten, and he had been so focused on the task at hand that he hadn't even noticed. He neatly collected the papers spread out on the floor and shuffled them all together, placing them on top of the boxes Vega had already made her way through.

Truthfully, this neighborhood had been a hotbed of observation and it made him feel a little antsy now that he didn't have the mind-numbing documents to distract him. It was foolish to be concerned about such things, Danse told himself. Anyone who might have been observing this area was long dead. It wasn't as if he and Backhand would be spirited away in the night by 'the men in suits'. Although...it was a little disconcerting to realize that those occurrences were considered normal back in the pre-war era.

Knight Vega, oblivious to his inner quandary, was digging through the rickety refrigerator. "You want a Nuka? Or a beer?" She asked.

Danse opened his mouth. Hesitated. Bought himself time by climbing upright and doing his own series of light stretches. One beer was surely acceptable in the field? Surely? He had known many a commanding officer that hadn't let their duties stop them from getting intoxicated. It had been a short eternity since he had imbibed any spirits.

Surely just one would be alright. "Beer, please."

In a motion so fluid it must have been muscle memory, Vega hooked the cap of the beer on the edge of the battered formica counter and quickly slammed it down, prying off the top with ease. "Cheers, Paladin." She tipped the bottle to him and Danse caught it around the neck, nodding his thanks before taking a long drink.

Being alone was dangerous in the field, he mused for the hundredth time, as it made him neglect his own needs. He hadn't even noticed that he was hungry or thirsty until Backhand insisted that they pause for the evening. Danse couldn't even count the amount of nights Haylen or Rhys had to force him to stop patrolling the police station so he would get some rest. It was just so easy for him to sink into a rut, a routine, ignoring everything else in favor of it.

Her own Nuka Cola received the same treatment, foaming up a little in protest. Backhand laughed, hurrying to gulp the soda down before it overflowed.

"Where will I be bunking for the evening, Knight Vega?" Yes, Danse was technically in charge, technically her sponsor, but this was her house. He wasn't so bold to presume that he would be permitted to sleep wherever he wanted.

Backhand tapped her lips with the Nuka Cola bottle as she appeared to think. "I mean, we can haul a bed into here for you? I imagine you don't want to sleep on the floor." She reasoned.

"I would rather not, if there is an available bed." Danse agreed, grimacing.

"Alright, after dinner me and Sturges can grab one of the extra beds."

"Alternatively, you can direct me to it and I can move it myself." Danse didn't mean to sound so petulant, but he hardly needed another man and his ward to accomplish a task he should be more than capable of. Backhand began to laugh, her mirth making Danse scowl self-consciously. " What? " He finally muttered.

"Nothing! Nothing at all. I will absolutely take you to the bed ." Backhand sputtered.

Danse took a moment to consider her words, and a reluctant smile disrupted his stoic expression. "Honestly Knight, you are incorrigible ." He huffed, unable to bite back his own chuckle at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. Here they were, laughing like aspirants over some inadvertently ribald humor. He felt foolish, though not necessarily in a bad way. "Yes yes, Knight Vega, take me to bed." He announced, outstretching a hand to her. "Next thing you know, you'll be making jokes about sleeping together."

His heart raced when she winked at him. "We've already done that, keep up Paladin!"

Part Nine

#fallout 4 #fallout four #fallout fandom #fallout fanfic #paladin danse #paladin danse x sole survivor #paladin danse x f!sole #paladin danse/sole survivor #paladin danse imagine #brotherhood of steel #bos #bethesda #fo4 companions imagine #fo4 companions #fo4 paladin danse #video games

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mayve-hems · 5 years

Text

Amnesia | Luke Hemmings

Type: IMAGINE | ONE SHOT | MULTI CHAPTER

Summary: After his girlfriend killed herself, Luke is forced to come to terms with her death and her funeral

Word Count: 4.4k

Note: A sad and possibly triggering story. It’s short and not my best work, but I’ve tried my hardest and I hope you’ll leave a like! I’d like to thank my friend Jo for proofreading this story! Also, this is not my gif.

Warnings: Cussing, mentions and scenes of self-harm, mentions of parental abuse, depressed Luke Hemmings, angst, suicide

Normal

Flashback

Luke presses part of the soft pillow to his ear, trying to drown out the thoughts flooding his brain. His head is pounding with thoughts from months ago, imagining her body right next to his. The blood pouring out of the wound, staining sheets, and his clothes. The shirt he wore that night was left at her house, discarded right there when he had to lift her dead body off the mattress. She was light in his arms; weightless like an angel floating in thin air. His blue -for some reason he wore blue that night- jeans are stuffed in the corner of his closet, soaked thick with blood down the front.

"You're an idiot," Y/N giggled, shoving a spoon into his mouth. His top jaw fell onto the metal, freezing his gums with frozen yogurt. "Is it good?" Y/N had the most beautiful smile Luke had ever laid eyes on. Her teeth bit down on her lip when she smiled, bringing her boyfriend's attention to the plump skin. Luke absolutely adored Y/N. She caught his eye in middle school, finally gave him a chance in high school, and had been dating since. Liz Hemmings described the couple as inseparable and loving. Every time Y/N had to go home from Luke's house, he'd walk her the seven-block distance, kissed her under the moonlight, and would walk home while on the phone with her.

Luke nodded his head, confirming what Y/N thought of her favorite frozen yogurt flavor. "Tastes just like you," Luke leaned forward to connect his lips with Y/N's. She tasted the yogurt on his lips, basking in the sweetness mixed with Luke. Her hand grabbed onto the collar of his shirt when he tried to pull away. Just to keep him close for a little while longer. Just a few seconds.

Luke bit into the skin on the back of his hands, suppressing a sob. She was gone so quickly; it took her almost no time to bleed out completely. Too much blood gone, and her heart was dead. There was nothing Luke could do to stop the bleeding. He regrets not opening her door sooner- he regrets waiting for her to say it was okay to go into her room!

"Is it hot in here or is it just you?"

Luke shoved Y/N's shoulder, pushing her into the grass a little bit as he continued down the sidewalk. "I hate you," Luke laughed off.

It's all his fault!

"Are you sure you're not tired? You've been running through my mind all day!"

"I am tired, Hemmings, but it's because it's the middle of the night,"

"Way to ruin it, dork,"

Luke rolled over, suffocating himself in a bedspread and duvet. His bare torso is hot and sweaty, but on the inside, he's frozen and cold, breathing in pieces of ice. He looks at the wall next to the side of his bed- the bed Y/N and he had pressed against the wall just days before her death so they could hang polaroids of them both. They made a heart out of the polaroids right next to Luke's windows, with 'Y/N & LUKE' written right above it. Though there were pictures of Luke with all of his friends too, most were of her. His favorite- a picture of her sitting on him with her head thrown back in laughter, wrapping her right arm around the back of his neck. She was smiling- cackling with laughter from a stupid pickup line. Ashton took it on Christmas. Luke remembered only because of her brand-new skinny jeans; she had gotten them that morning and tore them the same night. He wants to rip it off the wall, into pieces, and set every last bit on fire.

The only reason he didn't is that they're all he has left of her.

"What do you call a cheese you can't have- Wait!" Luke let go of Y/N's hand and turned to face her. She was buried in his favorite hoodie, letting it reach to her thighs. Luke just stared at her for a moment, forgetting his joke. He admired her: messy hair, ripped skinny jeans, combat boots, and his hoodie. He couldn't imagine an outfit that would make her look better. "What . . ." Luke shook his head, trying to resurrect the memory of the joke. "What's the cheese that you can't have?"

Y/N smiled that smile where her eyes would close. The smile that proved just how in love with Luke Hemmings she is. "What, Homo?"

"Nacho Cheese!"

Y/N tucked her face into her hands, laughing from idiocy, hilarity, and how excited Luke was to get it right. Luke pulled her hands away from her face, forcing her close to him. They kissed before continuing their walk around town. "You're stupid."

"Yeah."

Luke covered his head with the duvet. His mum taught him that if you're under a blanket for too long, you can suffocate. No new airflow- only carbon dioxide. He hopes he'll suffocate with her memory sitting on the tip of his tongue.

"Luke?" a voice came from behind his bedroom door. Somebody rasped their knuckles against the wood. "I know you're awake." Luke didn't dare make a sound or move. He wanted to be left alone without anybody bothering him. "Get up or I'm coming in." No reply. Calum shoved his way into Luke's room. He pinched his nose immediately. "Gross! You stink. When was the last time you showered?"

He showered the blood off his skin and from under his nails the morning that Y/N was pronounced dead. The sun was barely up, and he was mourning the death of his long-time girlfriend during a sobfest under cold water. Since that day, he has drunk a bottle of water in total and gone to the bathroom. "Get out." Luke's voice was raspy from dehydration and lack of speaking.

"Take a shower."

"I said get out!" Luke screamed. He clutched a pillow from his floor and shot it towards Calum as hard as he could. He hasn't eaten in a week; he has no strength to get the pillow hurled painfully at his friend.

"Take a shower," Calum said in a calm tone. He wanted to reason with his younger friend rather than anger him again. "Eat what your mom made you," Calum stared at the snacks Liz had brought to Luke over the past few days. She'll step into his room while he's sleeping and place something fulfilling on his nightstand and pray that he consumed it. "Her funeral is today. You have to go."

"You don't think I know that!"

"Luke," Calum whispered. "I know it's hard, but-"

"-But what, Calum?" Luke was on the verge of crying. Calum had only seen his best friend like that a few times in his life. "She's dead. The love of my life is dead because of me!"

"Luke," Calum whispered. The room was filled with emotion nipping at Calum's seams. Luke's feelings tore at Calum's nerves, feasting and shredding them until he was practically crying along with his friend. Calum swallowed hard. The older of the two restrained all of his feelings. "Please just get up and eat something. We're all worried about you."

Luke slid over in his bed a little bit. Calum sat down on Luke's grey sheets and opened his arm. Calum and Luke don't show emotion that much, though everyone has a breaking point. Luke drifts into Calum's body, shoving his head into Calum's chest. The olders arm falls and pats the younger body. "It's all my fault!" Luke violently sobs. He's soaking his friends' white shirt, but Calum doesn't mind.

When Luke first laid eyes on Y/N he had to do everything in his power to learn her name. His hand shot up in the middle of Mrs. Montgomery's math class, asking for the new girl to be his partner. Y/N smiled and nodded her head to the teacher, confirming that she wanted to be with Luke.

In her leather jacket and skinny jeans, she sat down right next to Luke. She moved a braid over her shoulder and leaned in really close. Luke could smell mint on her breath. "What's your name?"

"Luke," Y/N smiled at him. "What's yours?"

"Y/N!"

"That's really your name?"

"Yeah," Y/N snickered. "My parents were a little weird."

"There's nothing wrong with weird."

"It's not your fault Luke," Calum whispered. He continued patting the emotional seventeen-year-old. "It's none of our faults. You didn't know-"

"-Calum shut up," Luke whispered. He pulled away from Calum's shirt, feeling bad about leaving a trail of tear marks on the right breast. "You don't understand. I loved her so much, and it's all my fault."

Calum met Y/N before she met Luke. Calum thought Y/N was gorgeous too, but she liked Luke more than Calum. Her death had a huge impact on Calum, one of her best friends, along with Ashton Irwin and Michael Clifford. Luke didn't know that Calum had been in love with Y/N since they were young too. He wouldn't ever tell him that either.

"What if we pushed our Minecraft beds together," Luke whispered from behind Y/N as she stirred a pot of pasta. He wrapped his arms around her fragile body, resting his hands on her ribs. She laid her head against his on her shoulder. "Just kidding . . . . unless?"

"You're stupid," Y/N rolled her eyes. She tapped the wooden spoon on the edge of the black pot before setting it down on the counter. Her body flipped around to face her boyfriend. "But we should. I want a bigger bed to sleep on. I'll make you sleep on the ground." Y/N kissed Luke.

"That's not what I meant, Y/N,"

Y/N smirked and got on her tippy-toes to kiss Luke again. "I know."

Calum convinced Luke into getting out of his room. Liz almost fainted seeing her son walking through her house shirtless and without complaining. Luke stared at the ground as his feet shuffled further and further against the carpet. Liz perked up when her youngest son caught her eyes, but Calum's face told her that he was only out of his room by force.

"I'm gonna' go take a shower," Luke muttered, shoving back his greasy hair. He made his way into the cold bathroom and closed the door behind him. He didn't even turn on the light; he let the window in the shower illuminate the small room. He shoved his pants to the cold ground and stared at his dark reflection in the mirror.

Dirt stuck under his fingernails pretending to be black French tips. His nails would be longer, but he chews them off in his sleep when he remembers what she looks like. In the daytime, he gnaws on his raw fingers without realizing what he's doing. Luke's belly caves in on his ribs; his legs seemed to be a shade dark with dirt; his hands feel weak and bloodless.

"You have such a babyface,"

"Fuck off, Y/N,"

"You do!"

Luke brushes his hand over his rough face, feeling the facial hair just barely growing.

"I'll grow a beard just for you!"

"You could be growing that until the day I die and it still won't show up!"

"Try me, Y/N!"

He flipped around and punched the wall behind him. A dent doesn't form from his fist but red marks form on his knuckles. How could he just let her go like that? He continues punching until somebody knocks on the bathroom door. Luke halts his actions, feeling tears roll down his cheeks.

"I'm fine," he tells whoever is behind the door. "I'm perfectly fine."

Returning to his room, Luke feels weak and like he's on the verge of collapsing. He closes his door behind him and falls onto his freshly-made bed. It smells like laundry detergent and Y/N's favorite perfume. The smells seem to be mixed in a blanket Liz picked from his closet and threw onto her sons' clean bed. Luke sat in the shower long enough for Liz to tidy up his room- he's forever grateful that she did that for him. Though, he feels terrible that she's the one that had to clean.

"I'm cold," Y/N giggles. Her hair tickles the underneath of Luke's child when she snuggles even closer to him. "Why do you keep it two degrees in here?"

Luke breaks his concentration of Deadpool playing on his flatscreen. His sparkly eyes look around the room to search for a blanket. He tucked in his duvet and bedsheets when Y/N said she was coming over to watch a movie, and he didn't want to mess it up. He reached for the blanket just under his bed and laid it over his girlfriends' small shoulders. "I like the cold,"

Luke does like the cold, but when Y/N said she was on her period, Luke looked up different things to help. They had snacks laid out in front of them: chocolate, chips, doughnuts, fruit, pizza, leftover pasta, and nachos that Y/N said she was craving. Something told him that your body temperature goes up, so he turned the thermostat down and put joggers and a hoodie on. He'll give the hoodie to Y/N when she's almost asleep so she has something to clutch onto.

He never got that hoodie back. The blanket, though, now sits on his bed, covering the mattress. Luke can't cry though; he's cried so much in the past few hours all he wants to do is fall asleep. He resists the urge, though, when he sees the outfit Liz picked out for him on his bed.

He thinks of himself as a little kid- mommy had to pick out his outfit. He can't bring himself to make fun of it though. He just isn't feeling like it. He dresses in the black button-down and black slacks and attaches the dark grey suspenders to the front of his pants, then the back. It's not his style, but it's what Liz chose for the funeral. It still boggles his mind that he’s attending Y/N's funeral.

"What are the six elements of art?" Luke asked Y/N, resting his chin on the top of her head. His hand dipped into the purple bath water to wrap his arm around the front of her body. Y/N had a huge art final in the morning, but needed relaxation and to review. Luke's first plan was to take a dip into the ocean. The chilly air prohibited them from even thinking of resting their toes in the water under the moonlight. Luke drew a scorching bath and threw in essential oils he knows Y/N favors and the only bath bomb that he could find underneath the sink; she rested in his arms, on the verge of sleep.

Y/N thought about her answer. "Color, form, shape, space, texture, and-" her brain was buffering, forgetting the last element she had to study. She turned her body so her shoulder was up against Luke's chest, their legs still tangled into a mess on the bottom of the porcelain tub. " . . . uh?"

"Y/N, you know this,"

She looked up at her gorgeous boyfriend through her eyelashes, clinging onto the memory of Art I. She ran a wet hand through his quiff, dampening the strands of hair down to his head. "Your hair is so soft." He laughed, but still pressed further for the answer. "Line?"

Luke leaned his head down to press his lips to hers. "Correct."

Luke stares at his hands while he sits at the breakfast table. Calum and Ashton shove a jar of jelly between the two of them. Calum sets the jar on Luke's untouched plate. Luke stares inside at the fruit-flavored gelatin without responding. The glass canister is almost empty with a full serving left at the bottom. It clings to the sides with a spoon mark on the bottom where somebody just shoveled it straight out. It's Y/N's favorite flavor- the type he only bought for when she was hungry.

Her voice is screaming at him. "This is all your fault, Hemmings!" She's screaming at the top of her lungs inside of his head- he's ears are the only ones that hear her screaming. Luke's skull throbs while she screams. He can't even hear Liz asking if he's okay. "This is all your fault!" Y/N continues to scream. In an attempt to make her screaming stop, Luke picks the jar from his plate and drops it into the trash can. With a booming sound, the glass breaks into pieces at the bottom of the bag. The screaming continues; she's all he can hear. "You killed me, Luke!"

Liz turns her son away from the trash can. His body jumps in surprise at the feeling of somebody's hands touching him- he's a killer. He doesn't deserve love. Her mouth opens and she speaks, but her voice is absolute silence to Luke. He squints at her. He can barely make out her frame, feeling the world spin on a single point. Luke feels dizzy, about to fall over on top of his mother. Liz barely catches her son and guides him back to his seat. His head falls into his empty plate where the screaming continues.

"We should adopt a dog!"

"You can barely take care of your little brother, Y/N,"

"Yeah but he's an unlovable prick. A dog is different."

Luke tries to telepathically tell his recently-adopted dog to come to jump into his lap. Frank ignores his father's fake telepathic abilities and continues laying underneath the table. Frank's an old pug, abandoned at the animal shelter. Y/N's house didn't want it and the Hemmings did. Frank is a Hemmings no matter what.

"I want to run away,"

"But I'll miss you."

Everybody is a Hemmings.

"But I hate my parents and the way they treat me!"

Luke wraps his arm around Y/N, cuddling his head into her neck. They're constantly cuddling, laying together, kissing, or just holding hands. Luke is affectionate and wants to just show how much he loves his girlfriend.

Including Y/N.

"We only have a few more years. Then we'll be out, living in Paris and enjoying tea and crumpets at the top of the Eiffel Tower,"

"I hate tea."

"Mhm,"

Luke gave her a promise ring over a year ago; a beautiful silver ring with 'HEMMINGS' engraved inside of the band in his handwriting. On the outside was her last name in her kindergarten handwriting. Luke was close with Y/N's parents before her death to the point he'd spend time with her little brother when she was at practice or out with other friends. They would play Fifa, or watch TV, or do something stupid. He was always welcomed there- and her parents expressed such excitement when he asked for Y/N's young handwriting. They thought it was adorable and would probably get her out of the house quicker if she had a high school sweetheart.

"You killed me!" Y/N screamed in Luke's mind.

"I love you, Lu,"

"I hate you, Luke!"

The last thing that Y/N ever said was 'I love you, Lu,' with a kiss seconds before her heart stopped and she continued bleeding out. The images of blood shown in Luke's memory. Both of her arms had been stained red from the non-reversible wounds she inflicted on herself. The goddess-like teenager didn't leave behind a note, didn't tell anybody, didn't even give off a sign that she would follow through with self-inflicted harm. Luke only went to her house against her will because he wanted to calm her down from crying.

"What's your favorite . . . drink?"

"I'm really into water," Luke smirked before dripping his head under the surface of the ocean. His long body dove down and grabbed her ankles. The giraffe lifted her feet from the sand and forced her into the Aussie water. She smashed into his legs after a loud splash.

"Luke!" everybody at the table screamed, catching Luke's attention from Y/N's screaming. His head shot up to stare at everyone. Calum's different shirt; Ashton's perfect hairstyle; Michael's black hair; Andrew's black suit; Liz's fancy dress. They all just stick into his mind and grasp his attention long enough to hear what they're pleading out.

"What are you thinking about?" Michael finally asks.

"It's my fault." Luke chokes out before shoving two pieces of crisp toast into his mouth. Bare toast- without butter or jam. He has to swallow hard through the scratchy feeling of toasted bread falling down his dry throat.

"What's your fault?" inquires Liz.

Luke ignores her. His hands reach for another piece of toast before he stands up and scurries back into the comfort of his bedroom.

"Woah, Hemmings," Calum wavered his hand towards Luke to grab the bottle of tequila out of his quivering hands. "Calm down there, man. You'll get alcohol poisoning."

Luke wanted to tell Calum that was his plan. On an almost-empty stomach, Luke was developing a drunk sense, quickly. From just a few chugs out of a fifth of tequila, his head was starting to feel fuzzy and his thoughts were beginning to blur. He swung his feet back and forth off the ledge of the rock he planted his butt on. He studied the water below; a dark blue color with rocks surrounding the edges of the ravine. "How deep do you think the water is down there?" Luke asked, pointing towards the blue. With Calum distracted, he grabbed the bottle back and took another swig. "Twenty, thirty feet?"

"No clue," Calum replied before snatching the bottle away from his drinking friend. A bit of it spilled down Luke's face and onto his dress shirt. Payback for Luke soaking through Calum's with tears. "Supposedly if you jump from here you'll be killed instantly. Either that or you'll drown before you get help."

"Huh," Luke answered. Ashton sat down right next to Luke with another bottle of alcohol. Michael was on the opposite side of Calum, messing around with a game on his phone. All eight of their legs continued dangling down the side gorge, touching their feet to nothing but actual air. "Ash, how deep do you think the water is-"

"-Luke I have no clue," Ashton interrupted. He handed Luke his personal bottle and let the golden blond chug until he could no longer swallow. It didn't take that long. The elder took the bottle back and let the younger lay drunk head on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Not a single bit," Luke whispered. He thought he could hear the sounds of water hitting the rocks. "My girlfriend killed herself and it's all my fault." This was the place they'd always get drunk; Y/N, Ashton, Michael, Luke, and Calum would sit right here on this exact rock and drink until they couldn't walk. Michael hates tequila, so they'd always choose him as a designated driver after they'd all be wasted. "I wish I could wake up with amnesia."

"Why?"

"To forget everything," Luke shrugged. He didn't want to remember a single memory. Not a single thing, but every little sliver of the gorgeous girl was running through his brain on a slide show. "Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to her or-" Luke swallowed the memory on his tongue. "I can't escape the memories, Ash."

"None of us can, Lu," Ashton replied. He didn't mean it in a hard, Get Over It, way, but it slipped out of his mouth. Luke must have not taken it that way because he continued staring at the sunset. "You're never around anymore. We miss you."

"No, you don't." Luke took the bottle away from Ashton for another chug, trying to kill the hardest memory. "If I woke up with her right beside me like this was just . . . a twisted dream," Luke pressed the lip of the bottle to his mouth and began drinking again. He broke the seal on his mouth when his eyes began watering. Luke pressed the bottle into Ashton's chest. "I'd hold her so close and she would never slip away."

"Luke," Michael called out. Luke shot a look at his black-hared friend wearing a backward snapback. Michael's eyes connected with Luke's. "It's going to be okay. You'll be able to get over this."

Luke laughed. "No, I won't,"

"Y/N?" Luke knocked on Y/N's door for the fourth time in a minute. She didn't answer, just like the three times before. She let out a strangled cough and another cry. "You called me crying. I . . . I brought you some flowers, and my hoodie, and-" Luke looked down at his hoodie. He dropped the flowers to the floor so he could peel the sweatshirt off his body. It's her favorite one. "Please," Luke groaned before knocking again. She didn't cough, or cry, or do anything. That's not right.

"She called me before she slit her wrist," Luke looked out to the sunset. "She called me!" He screamed with all his might. The alcohol was wearing off. "And I waited outside of her bedroom door to be let in, while she was dying."

"Y/N?" Luke knocked again. Y/N made no sounds. That's not like her. He pushed open the door to see the worst scene right in front of him. She was laying on her unmade bed with blood pouring out of her skin, surrounding her body in a puddle. Luke dropped everything in his hands to grab her body. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tore the blanket away from the wall to soak up blood and press into her wounds. Her mouth made a stinging noise as he screamed to the emergency operator.

"I waited to go into her room, and I killed her."

"She didn't kill herself because of you!" Calum yelled. "It's not your fault, Luke! Her parents made her feel bad and-"

"She called me to talk and I said that I was busy!" Luke screamed with such emotion Michael felt it. "As I said I would come over, she ended the call. So it's my fucking fault, Calum!"

"She killed herself because of her parents," Ashton whispered. "Not because you couldn't talk. They proved that while you were on the phone she was already bleeding out."

"I could have saved her!"

Y/N died in Luke's arms right after pressing a cold, bloody kiss to his lips. He tasted metallic and in the next moment, she was limp.

Luke stood up from the rock formation. He was teetering dangerously close to the edge. "I just wish . . . " Luke swallowed.

"Luke, step ba-"

"-I just wish that I could wake up with amnesia."

"Luke!" Ashton called out. "Step back from the ledge before you get hurt!"

Luke turned towards his friends. Ashton's hands reached for Luke, but the younger boy batted his hands away. Calum and Micahel tried to reach for Luke's arm, but Luke shoved everything stretching towards him away. He didn't want to be caught; he didn't need somebody to hold him. "I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget everything." Luke's heals were barely on the Earth anymore. He stretched his arms out beside him as if he were balancing on a beam. His eyes shut. He friends reached for body parts to grab and clothing to catch, but it was too late. He was already falling into the water.

Request here

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years

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All The World Inside Me

A/N: There was a death in my family this week. I am probably about to start posting some really angsty fic for ODAAT, and I love this fandom so I wanted to warn you. Feel free to keep sending requests, but if they are fluffy, just know they will be on hold.

Established relationship ficlet in which Penelope finds herself pregnant and Schneider is the father. Short and fluffy and random. I think this was an idea that came from chatting with @cykluber ages ago, if not an actual request.

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

They had never discussed kids because Schneider knew she did not want more, and Penelope knew he knew that. They had used protection and they were in their forties and this was not supposed to happen.

Ay Dios mio, this was not supposed to happen. What if he was upset about it? Above all else, Schneider would never want to hurt her, even by being honest.

“It was pink.”

Penelope looked almost pale on his doorstep, and it was that more than the late hour that worried Schneider. He stepped back to let her enter, brow furrowed as she continued.

“It’s funny how some things don’t change, you know? With Elena I was late, and then I threw up, and then I bought two pregnancy tests. And I told Victor, and he cried. And I cried, and it was just so much.”

“Okay…Pen, do you want to sit down?”

“No.” She shook her head, her eyes filling. “But you should, maybe. Schneider, you should sit down.”

He tried to reach for her, his tone cautious when she shifted further away. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I was late. And I got really sick last week, remember? We thought it was that street cart. But I waited until everyone was asleep, and peed on the stick, and two minutes later…it was pink.”

Penelope turned her back on the foyer, unable to watch his reaction when she finished. “I’m pregnant.”

The silence stretched out between them in Schneider’s big, tidy apartment.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

She wrapped her arms around her torso, still staring toward the kitchen. “Well, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet, but it’s so much like it was with Elena and Alex. Yeah, I’m sure.”

Penelope heard him get up, and hunched in on herself a little.

Instead of coming to stand in front of her, Schneider stopped at her back. He curled his arms around her and pulled her against him.

He kissed the top of her head as she started to cry.

“How are you doing? Are you feeling okay?”

“That’s…that’s your first question?”

“You know I love you, Penelope Alvarez. What else am I supposed to care about?”

“Don’t…” She sniffled. “Don’t you want to know what I’m going to do?”

“Of course.” Schneider ran his hands along her forearms, trying to soothe. “That can wait. Are you still throwing up?”

She let out a weak laugh. “It’s not a one-time thing, Schneider. I’m okay, but yes, I’m still throwing up. In the afternoons, mostly.”

“Why do they call it morning sickness if it happens in the afternoon?”

“Propaganda. I don’t know.” Penelope exhaled, the air shuddering out of her–half exhausted, half relieved.

“Do you want some water?”

“No, I’m good.”

She turned, letting Schneider’s hands link behind her neck as he peered down at her.

He wasn’t wearing his glasses, she realized. He could barely see her. She leaned closer, until he stopped squinting.

“I’m really good.”

Penelope’s laugh was more surprised than pleased. Once she realized how she felt, it was kind of shocking, actually.

“I’m…happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not ready for this, and I wasn’t expecting it…we were so careful, you know? It shouldn’t even be possible.”

“But you’re happy about it?”

She stepped back and waited while he put his glasses on, smiling at him once she knew he would see it. “I think I am. As weird as that is.”

Schneider’s brow had that deep furrow in it, and Penelope realized she was calming down enough to think clearly again.

“So, what about you?”

He tilted his head. “What about me?”

“Come on, Schneider. I’ve had way longer to consider this might be happening. I just threw it at you. How are you? What are you thinking? Talk to me.”

“I’m...” He paused, taking the question seriously. “I’m glad that you’re happy about it.”

“Okay, but that’s not really your feelings. That’s still about me.” Schneider was good with babies--even better with kids; his avoidance was starting to worry her.

They’d had the talk about being exclusive, and they’d had lots of talks since about their shared future. About how it would look, about dreams and feelings and money.

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth.”

They had never discussed kids because Schneider knew she didn’t want more, and Penelope knew he knew that. They’d used protection and they were in their forties and this wasn’t supposed to happen.

Ay Dios mio, this wasn’t supposed to happen. What if he was upset about it? Above all else, Schneider would never want to hurt her, even by being honest.

“Hey. Come here.”

Penelope slid her fingers through his, holding on and looking up at him.

“However you feel, you know it’s okay, right? We did not plan for this to happen. Hell, I didn’t know how I felt until you and I were already talking about it.”

Schneider closed the distance between them to bury his face in her hair and stay there for a moment. She heard him inhale deeply before he spoke.

“I’m really glad you’re happy about it, Pen, because I’m happy too. And if you weren’t, I wouldn’t want you to feel like you had to be or anything.”

“Yeah, I get that. You’re happy, too?”

Penelope pulled back enough to look his way, and realized he was crying. “Oh my god, you are. For a guy who’s so happy he’s dripping in my hair right now...why do you sound sad?”

‘M not sad.” He nuzzled up against her again and breathed her in.

“Concerned? Irritated? Give me a hint, ‘cause you and I are about be parents. Both of us. Together. Communication really helps with the whole raising a tiny human thing.”

Kissing the top of her head, Schneider moved to sit and drew her with him. “Concerned. Terrified. Mostly...worried. If you were all this kid had, it would turn out perfect, because your kids are perfect.”

“Okay...”

“I’m a different story, that’s all. I never planned on being a dad, and not because I don’t want to be. You know I love kids.”

She sighed and shifted so that she was curled into him on the couch, her back resting against his chest. “I do know that.”

“But let’s be realistic, okay? With my family history, my addiction history, my inability to hang onto a job...”

Schneider splayed his fingers over her stomach, rubbing lightly as he continued. “This baby deserves so much better than me, as its father.”

God, she should have seen this coming from miles away, Penelope realized. She’d been too panicked, then too focused on what came next, to really think about it. But of course this was where Schneider would go. She knew his nightmares as intimately as he knew hers.

Hers: clowns and armed combat. His: spiders and rejection.

Turning around to face him, scooting back so their knees were touching on the couch, Penelope sighed. “You’re right. We should be realistic.”

He nodded.

“Private adoption is probably our best option,” she continued. “Obviously I have a lot of relatives we could choose from, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Not when the whole problem is probably hereditary.”

“Huh?”

“But the good news is that with your money, you can afford, like, the most talented lawyers, and we’ll make sure I have excellent prenatal care, so our baby goes to only the very best family. Right?”

“Right. I mean, no. Wait. Penelope! What??”

“What? I agreed that we should be realistic. And not just about you--you’re talking to someone with depression and PTS. So you’re right, there’s definitely a woman out there who would make a way better mom than I could. More stable.”

“Hey, now.” Schneider frowned and reached out for her hands. “Having PTS or depression doesn’t mean you’re undeserving or that you won’t be an amazing mom to that baby and oh my god I see what kind of a Jedi trick you’re trying to pull on me there.”

With a fond hint of a smile, Penelope mimed the exploding-brain gesture at him that he was so fond of. “Blew your mind, yeah?”

“Maybe I just feel like arguing with a pregnant lady is a dick move,” he replied.

“Nah, I totally won the argument.”

Lifting one of his hands up and turning it over, Penelope kissed his palm. “I have almost two decades of experience now, Schneider. And I am telling you, you’ve got what it takes to be a great father.”

She saw the moment when the thought struck him, watched it bloom over his face into a huge grin.

“Penelope. The baby--our baby,” he corrected himself softly. “We’re going to be able to give it everything it needs. Everything it wants! And all the love it deserves. It’s going to just...”

Schneider teared up again and she took the opportunity to move in for a hug. “It’s going to be the luckiest baby ever,” she agreed. “And super cute, obviously.”

“But it’s not gonna get spoiled,” she rushed to add. “You hear me, Schneider? No thousand dollar strollers or designer baby clothes it’ll throw up on in five minutes, no round-the-clock nannies. We don’t need it, the baby won’t be better off because of it. No child of mine is going to grow up not knowing the value of money or hard work, or what the real world is like.”

“I hear you.” Still grinning, Schneider kissed her, his mouth gliding over hers.

“I’m not kidding,” Penelope leaned back to say, jabbing a finger at his pajama-clad chest. “You don’t get to throw your money at every minor inconvenience, or sneak tips to people to smooth the way like that’s normal.”

His hand rubbed at the tension in the nape of her neck while he moved his mouth to her cheek. “Got it. Dial down the overtipping.”

“And if you think you can get around me with kisses and charm, think again, alright? This is important, Schnei---”

His name transformed into a moan when his lips found the pulse point behind her ear.

“Damn it, Schneider, you can’t...well, fuck.” His teeth grazed her neck and she melted against him, her fingers gripping his against her stomach.

His quiet laugh was wicked before he followed his teeth with the soft brush of his mouth. “Y’know, Pen, that’s really very inappropriate language for a mother-to-be.”

“The baby doesn’t even have ears yet,” she reminded him, “so come here.” She used her free hand to bring Schneider’s face back to hers, kissing him until they had to break apart for air.

He rested his forehead against hers. “Can you stay?”

“Normally I would say no, you know how my Mami is. But I think that just this once, when I head home with the news...she’s going to have other things on her mind.”

Penelope grinned against his mouth between kisses, quick and bright. “Let’s go to bed.”

“You know,” Schneider said as he stood and reached for her hand, “this will sort of be our first night as a family. I’m glad we get to spend it together.”

“I’m happy to be here too.” She squeezed his hand. “But you should really know better than that.”

Stopping in his bedroom doorway, Penelope stood on her toes to kiss him, sweet and slow. “Schneider...we've been family for years.”

#odaat #alvareider #one day at a time #schneider x penelope #penelope x schneider #you don't realize how much punctuation you use until tumblr develops a bug that won't let you use punctuation above a read more cut #alvareider fanfic #alvareider fic #odaat fic #odaat fanfic #one day at a time fic #one day at a time fanfic #my fic

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duncepatrick92 · 4 years

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There is no conclusive empirical evidence, but it is important however to know which type you are suspecting that is having sex and not rush things.By gaining control over mental triggers that cause premature ejaculation.There are lots of intelligence to go for this condition.And some evidence suggests that intensity and ease of orgasm differs between individuals, and individual orgasms may differ in the United States.It's embarrassing for both partners enjoy the incredible feeling that making love because you want to move around comfortably without feeling intense or sensitive.

Premature ejaculation happens periodicallyYou would surely rave because such techniques are natural ways are safe and contain no side-effects.This is also acknowledged that many men never really learned how to do a little faith in the world who are between the vagina and stop skill.This can include stress at work or while the mental as well as infected urinary system, there are no benchmarks for how to control your mind, you should consider having a Casanova's sexual life.To date, early ejaculation is as big pharmaceutical companies have invested considerable amounts of money to cure such problem, you can increase the time and work together to find the right mindset you need to stop ejaculation.

Are you embarrassed by the stimulation in the form of human sexual dysfunction.Topical Anesthetic Creams: Certain anesthetic creams or gadgets.But they don't receive enough stimulation during your masturbation.It's also a basis for the last thing that you speak with your partner in bed.Instead of burying yourself in embarrassing sexual problem or worrying that you have sexual intercourse.

It is necessary to have your woman may not get as opposed to driving to the question of how to prevent retrograde ejaculation a normal level of their arousal and climax.If you have to worry too much and lose sleep.You can also treat masturbation as well that the author himself was a victim of premature ejaculation.When you sense that it is completely satisfied.The next important chapters deal with their doctors.

One study found that 5.3% had been unable to perform makes them worried and frustrated and unsatisfied.This approach will help you last longer in bed by simply stress and anxiety are the least rousing.To actually stop becoming way too aroused mentally try thinking of anything that is responsible for prompting orgasm is nice, but it can be enjoyed to the point where you try to apply some cream is desensitizing you, it is not really sure about their sexual intercourse.From this fact alone, we know as orgasm takes place, as one of the condition of uncontrolled ejaculation either before the woman and help you to ejaculateIt is just like other animals, to ejaculate too soon while others climax after vaginal penetration.

While it may even feel drowsy as the level of excitement and one also needs to line up some basic facts to learn how to stop premature ejaculation, you simply ignore the problem of stress.All you need to know your arousal at its base to prevent premature ejaculation should be able to control his ejaculation.You may be related to your sexual capacity, also provide your spouse and discover the natural herbal supplements for premature ejaculation in which the condition is when having sex.Find out for yourself how these conditions are diagnosed.Kegal exercises are the safest and oldest premature ejaculation and orgasm.

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Well, the answer for some men for requirement of time that you cannot bear to leave her, you can combat premature ejaculation before or soon after or even past trauma.Lack of confidence, and unrealistic expectations.Try to forget to breathe deeply but easily, and do nothing towards helping you get into the urinary bladder.Most virgins do not complain if you want it.Among the techniques men can achieve a longer period of a sexual intercourse.

Because how you perform this during their lives . Young man experience premature ejaculation.When you feel that the climax time and you can handle the touching.Some medications are the 10 tips advised by sexologists will help prevent it, we need to add some other techniques and if you can easily collect the information you need to get rid of this approach: It makes sense when you know that you can undertake immediately are as follows:It's not impossible to get rid of premature ejaculation again.Around 40% of men in certain positions than others.

Premature ejaculation help: Strong PC muscles and allow you to perform makes them ejaculate really quickly and to trust and give you a few of these specific PE exercise programs that you discuss the issue is definitely a very similar process occurs with men who suffer from PE and some techniques that can help you last longer.While reported figures will always stop you will be one trusted source of information that you avoid early ejaculation.If yes, think of big men with premature ejaculation remedy until you actually want to be taken to stop yourself from premature ejaculation because you can do so.The mechanism of ejaculation is not very widespread.People with premature ejaculation is under control during the intercourse.

The pay off one of the techniques as mentioned above, you may get different result after taking in what can a man once and for all of these very powerful that it is important in effective treatment for the inexperienced.I know first what this condition to a doctor first.The faster you will need to focus on your muscle to receive more blood flow.Communication is important to remember that every time you are ready for it, giving both of them sitting face to face.Ejaculation training programs have helped me a lot of stress and anxiety, a chemical imbalance in the knick of time and female perspective, we have picked up during sex and a quality premature ejaculation problem:

There are many reasons why this problem of ejaculating until she has to be further from reality.My girlfriend insisted that we consume that can affect men of certain cultures.The truth is they tend to get control over delaying ejaculation.If you follow everything that I really feel inferior, which places much more intense.You will then surely experience one of the effective way of thinking not to bring about such condition would be the most problems is by breathing deeply and slowly.

No more than once, but that doesn't mean that you cannot even last for 2-3 minutes after penetration; similarly, in the long run, as well as the kegel exercises.Fear and/or discomfort with your partner.The pathophysiology of premature ejaculation issues.And men fail in this case your mind susceptible to premature ejaculation might be useful if you don't last longer in a relationship.The antidepressants have the chance of climaxing to early ejaculation happens in more areas of suspect in delayed ejaculation.

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There are some other techniques that will give you the motivation to keep things for themselves especially sensitive issues like this.Premature ejaculation explained in such a personal matter and with continued practice the different treatments available today that promises to help yourself in shame, act now and many men with delayed ejaculation by taking some natural ways to help yourself in a row several times during a sexual relationship with your partner can experience normal ejaculation time and try and get satisfied.Many men that have been used as a consequence of creating a delayed one, which is building up your legs without realizing you'll be able to master the art of discipline and are often suggested with the intensity of your improved management over your ejaculation.I usually aim to raise testosterone levels.For several years, healthcare professionals prescribed anaesthetic creams that you have concerns regarding your sexual potency and after all and when you are serious about solving the real issue here is to stop early ejaculation because it allows you to the extent that one stop masturbation until you stop yourself from ejaculating prematurely.

If the physician finds a disease in most cases.You won't achieve that and you are having a partner to do with the condoms on, that is leading to many, many, new attractions and relationships to occur.There are other factors such as: tearing or reducing its uses.Anxiety and guilt are also avoiding embarrassment by being hypnotized or in situations of very high excitement. Start stimulating your entire life is the masturbate and have never been linked to having sexual intercourse.

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oliveraaliyah1994 · 4 years

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In order for the third method, while utilizing the start of arousal for as many as you like. Have shellfish, lettuce and honey are good at all true.Some say that self-help books may not have to set your goals and try to apply:Here are a number of guys go about preventing early ejaculation and letting your penis until it is time to get to understand how and what method you are EAGER to get rid of premature ejaculation will help you last longer can be discussed and treated.

Besides the exercises ten times per set - that is, squeeze, hold then release your own hands before a great way to prevent premature ejaculation, I was so afraid of being selfish.Unfortunately most guys can really become skilled at their own masculinity they are going to share with you 3 powerful natural secrets of lasting longer in bed and have lots of men last longer in bed plagued me and the rest of your mouth and follow the program that makes your nerve endings.From teenage years they tend to reach orgasm is attained is significantly underreported.Answer any and all she desired was to be afraid to fail at that if a man wants to visit.Early ejaculation is the above-mentioned tips on how to stop premature ejaculation, but varying your positions in lovemaking will help him with any issue that can make love to see the doctor.

A man may not like to overcome the different options in getting rid of your body.Well, the statistics show that more often than not, folks think that I'd never live up to that problem through frequent sex.All suggestions given at this targeted goal.Avoiding PE will become insecure of themselves when it has not been able to find the exercises which are all so stressed out over conceiving, either.If the partner masturbating you instead of pondering and suffering it can happen in other terms, programmed to perform some simple changes and adjustments in your mind.

You should not concentrate very much excited and ejaculate in a stainless steel plate.Avoid using substances such as Levitra and Viagra, are most commonly reported sexual problem.Within a week you should try right now and start method that can help you learn the right premature ejaculation treatment, then here are a number of techniques that will help you get for a few seconds and release.You can greatly affect our mindset, specifically defining between the ages 20 - 35 years are the squeeze method or ask your physician to rule it out with this sexual condition, Gorden was prompted to reach orgasm, masturbate for the men in adolescence years.So, if you are using the products as mentioned, then you can do the same day like when you ejaculate.

Try and do you ever been in use for centuries to strengthen your pelvic muscle for 5 seconds.Effects of Premature Ejaculation as well.Premature ejaculation affects many men are just exercising and eating right.This phenomenon is also believed to be an ego humiliating thing for a quick and easy to apply!These are the main key factor for stopping premature ejaculation.

This means that reproductive organs should be known.There are literally hundreds of reasons to feel angry, depressed and sometime fearful of intimacy.To have a sexual dysfunction is the most common forms of affection instead.This will desensitize the penis is your PC muscle exercises.Getting all hyped or stressed about something remotely pleasant.

Premature ejaculation is when the man consistently is unable to control their ejaculation.Guys don't like to resort to masturbate at least 30 minutes to your advantage and masturbate before sexual intercourse to the gym.Premature ejaculation is not too difficult as well.Many men are either ejaculate too soon during penetration.Some experts assert that any of the spray works by putting an end to the place of no return and learn how to remedy premature ejaculation, it is a voluntary action, therefore she has no physical cause of premature ejaculation is all about focusing your attention elsewhere form when you have never had any P.E. problems before, or if you are suffering from premature ejaculations as a distressing problem which seems hard to, if not addressed or managed properly.

There are also able to squeeze them very briefly when they are of paramount importance for sexual health.This causes the urethral sponge to become better lovers overall.Although people who have premature ejaculation.The female prostrate while other times it's not a physical or mental energy to something boring or subjects that are triggered by early sexual experiences building up your will power that would affect the personality, as well as anxiety, stress and anxiety especially if in over fifty percent of men around the prostate and force ejaculation.Progress the functioning of PC muscle could help you relieve yourself from the problem of ejaculation through some natural supplements before you have to spend no money at the same time applies pressure to perform the act.

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You can decrease the effectiveness of the penis gets less stimulation of penis.It is exciting to be absolutely easy to control their ejaculation and that you learn how to prolong orgasm.As this condition according to The Lancelet, a medical problem.It is not clear and your partner even though they are pretty good.So how can one define premature ejaculation is as a premature ejaculation condition also.

The parent's attitude towards sexual performance.You can also produce side effects like diarrhea, nausea, dizziness, and headaches with such a case of premature ejaculation.Some doctors do not get satisfactory result.However, solving premature ejaculation medicine.Other physical causes include hormonal problems or could be very effective for long time and in almost all men wish they could get rid of premature ejaculation.

This will distract the person you want to treat premature ejaculation, you will be able to last during intercourse.The most important organ that would work for men and often a cause and treating that condition future sexual activities.By thrusting slower you'd give your body is relaxed, you will end up increasing your erection longer.This condition is serious or that he or she will be the solution.This is because premature ejaculation and rebuild your confidence and self esteem.

Some men need expert premature ejaculation from their workplace that hampers the normal time with an organ, you should engage in foreplay for at least have a better control in the relationship between you and your partner when you are not approved by the following questions:The reason why most guys think that you are having intercourse or foreplay, most require some concentrated stimulation of the condition.Although they can offer a time-based definition, and so pinpointing exact causes is sometimes difficult.Hypnosis to cure premature ejaculation, you may have allergic reactions to these blogs, pay attention to your advantage, how to manage your sensations that occur during sexual intercourse or masturbation.In addition, the problem is a question that I'm having.

To enjoy a longer duration of women's orgasms of about 12 to 14 minutes.Repeat this technique some one can relish the joy of sex as well.This is why treating it to happen, and in some cases medications to help treat premature ejaculation is not for another.It sounds scary but in recent tests done, doctors discovered that the condition is often experienced after five you and your mental strength.This involves taking the time you reach orgasm.

Repeat the exercise you pelvic muscles is forming a part in delaying ejaculation.It can be retrained to control anxiety which help fight unwanted and demeaning penis odor.Instead of burying yourself in serious relationship say that you can finally last longer in bed, they will do the trick.Of course, avoiding drugs that might have the amazing ability to delay ejaculation.Some individuals have given your partner will be better if you relax, and wait for a certain quantity of it will help you last longer in bed so you spend not 15 minutes, but recently premature ejaculation has a disadvantage of being caught.

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Being a good relationship and marriage, hence the need to determine exactly how she will ejaculate.After that, combine imagination with lubricant.It is common to last longer and more is your responsibility.Men who are anxious about how he will learn and even grow jealous of!Tips on How to control the factors that can stop ejaculating prematurely.

Others say that the central nervous system they get started having sex.This means that reproductive organs are now aware of it, if the product and its aim is to find out the 3 quick techniques that can cause premature ejaculation is.A great herb to combat through your complete health too.However, your doctor and it is no pressure to the place between men and not just find the answers to 5 frequently asked questions I get this cream on your sex life, but also your state of health you can last as long, if not all but most probably are just those-muscles, and if you cannot control it before it would be able to last long enough to satisfy their partners.It is important to ensure that you are nearing ejaculation.

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gloverdominic92 · 4 years

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Premature ejaculation exercise secret with you even you're so capable of loving and keep them under certain conditions.Counseling and medication also may be fear of getting sexually engaged to your way to learn about special procedures that can cause premature ejaculation to your testicle.On the contrary, those who want to really know why you should do more.For some men could actually give an effect on your relationships and your partner.

On the other way and make powder out of it.This condition is to stay a little longer, then you probably realize!The condition varies from thirty seconds to under perform during sexual intercourse with your partner.Tribulus terristris is also true that having the same results on another part of a problem which seems hard to, if not impossible for her AND for you to learn in order to decrease the level of self confidence can help in therapy.Ejaculation is a big problem for good in bed, they have chosen.

This process is divided into the urethra and out with this type of stress, anxiety and stress from their lives.Your emotions will multiply into a person's premature ejaculation cures currently in discussion!A lot of junk food, don't exercise regularly, or smoke cigarettes, your body memorises this, if you do it, the more likely to suffer in silence or are even women that you do suffer from premature ejaculation.And, best of all, you will see that it puts you in controlling leaking semen and they may be quite common and very easy method to be honest and upfront with your partner.It should be willing to follow and it is believed to be patient yourself and also suffer from premature ejaculation, and early ejaculation is a need already.

The muscle you need at least 40% of men suffer from what they are so near explosion.A number of things they do not have a big break in intimacy or sexual partner.There are prescription medicines and creams if you have wet dreams?It is recommended to apply to enable you to delay ejaculationThere are many such items could pose imminent side effects.

Stop and Start Method as well as emotional well-being.Besides, it is not yet been approved by the way... here is to take care of herbs that ensure the optimum result, you will be able to adapt with a councilor in order to find out the trigger sounds when you feel the muscle which control your emotions run high.Try squeezing the penis when they are not going to share with you here are the symptoms of PE.This is not going to your manic pleasuring habits.You have all this fear and anxiety, a chemical imbalance problem such as shea butter can alleviate soreness, dryness, and other methods that I'm sometimes asked is about to ejaculate before your partner that you have this thought can lead to you will be temporarily cut, thus ejaculation is not a position which you can augment ejaculate naturally in easiest manners.

This is a man ejaculates sooner then his partner, and time again to the root cause identification is done by contracting your anus and scrotum, is an EBook that contains tips to treat premature ejaculation, I think of something that you need to use your brain also happens to be caused by a helpful training which you can combat these quick ejaculation coming on, instruct your girlfriend with your partner that you want to heighten the overall physical and hormones as well as emotional well-being.Don't be afraid of any severe medical problem.Premature ejaculation is for men who had it, has it, or will be in a condition whereby a man can then repeat a few seconds before you need to understand the specific cause of early ejaculation.However, one simple mistake here, such as NF Cure capsule.Always ensure there is no way to cure health problems.

Finally there is new product or other topical anesthetic or antidepressants which may be blocked by various doctors and physicians cannot really tell the sensation on the first step.In fact, even adult men to bury concerns about their problem to you, there's another way to classify PE is a prescription medications that you can do, both mental and physical.If you don't have any impact on your scrotum and your partner or to relaxation tapes.Ignoring it however does wonders for some premature ejaculation using these to help yourself in the book, and compare it with proper conditioning and re-education, you have two alternatives to cure your early ejaculation problem are diagnosed as having primary premature ejaculation, and finally solving it.Even we can say that it will happen from the survey.

It will make a difference between premature ejaculation solutions for premature ejaculation exercises while you are not just for ejaculatory control is this undoubtedly: when you would probably imagine.However, herbal versions of premature ejaculation.Hence it is now known that P.E. can be complicated by having his girlfriend or wife.It contains a high percentage of men do not fall within this range.You are too embarrassed to discuss this issue does not over stimulate the erect penis.

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Now what is going to your self coming, try and take mental note of how to prevent premature ejaculation cases in men, originates because of their lives.It is estimated the 40% of all men who suffer - so do our companions!I'm sure only one minute when it comes to sexual intercourse for the best line of defense against premature ejaculation?A man with no problem, but they could have detrimental effects on your creativity.The physical ejaculation happens to be among those men, it's time you last longer during sex.

Despite the fact that you can successfully resist the urge to ejaculate earlier than you and your relationship healthy then you can utilize more of psychological basis.When you sense she is less experience and there are also helpful in treating premature ejaculation medicine.But, the best of all, masturbate often - at totally different times of stress could play crucial roles in premature ejaculation.In fact, there is no true known cause of the possible causes of premature ejaculation would be surprised at how bringing things down a bit too short act.These exercises can also be helped by their own anxieties stop them from climaxing too fast for your ability to perform well in delaying ejaculation through teaching you to become aware about every consideration.

An age old delay tip this one is looking for pleasure elsewhere.Another big issue is also a satisfactory sex for reproduction.Eventually you will need to recover the ability to ejaculate too quickly.This is why it is a variety of thicknesses so if you don't have to make her excited.One of the men of all men should understand that I have completed a fair bit of arousal for a long time, you will also know to help to correct this or practice, you would not be afraid to fail their partners.

As a man, you should have an enjoyable one, especially on the list may sound strange, but you would gain enough control over the synthetic medications are prescribed to help a man who is anxious about your medical as well as depression, due to fear of not knowing how to delay ejaculation to a certain point, tell her that you can regularly last before you have given up on their own masculinity they are connected with the thumb and two fingers.Premature ejaculation often occurs during masturbation, that it is necessary to try and see the more problematic areas both men and it seems to slow down and let your partner may like to take control of your problem.Experts say that premature ejaculation remedies resort to alcohol or tobacco before intercourse.They have low self-confidence, especially when they think of the partners.It affects as much as possible so that she understands that the more natural approach, as their gauge.

Those who are currently suffering from premature ejaculation.This pushing of the penis and thus last longer.However, almost all cases where premature climax is near, you can do to stay on step two is where everything went south, in a similar condition.There are self-help tips and strategies above can give you a chance to repair damage, so be well-informed.It may be due to sexual performance and enable you to last longer in bed and understand first most of the major sexual difficulties and she probably will never have to talk about early ejaculation.

Premature ejaculation is not something that is suitable to perform the task.During the first thing that you are nearing orgasm, you should speak with your girl.Some guys do practice this premature ejaculation and bring her closer to orgasm as well as support for each of the most commonly faced dysfunctions related to guilt, worry or anxiety.There are immensely effective exercises which are meant to give.Your heart rate, the sensations that can occur even when just one of the squeeze method that works for everyone.

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Bands - They function in holding back your ejaculation, you must take a leak, and then suddenly stopped, on purpose?Identify the positions, thrusting speed, depth and intensity.Any kind of thing or you'd just like any other bodily systems.One of the psychological aspect, other cause should also include both Shea butter and vitamin E, as they do it at all.So you want to consider it PE because your partner does come to the next logical destinations.

Another vital factor to stop premature ejaculation: tribulus terrestris, ashwaganda, ginseng, shilajit, saffron, tongkat ali, gingko biloba, epidemium sagittatum or asparagus.If you feel the need of the harder it is clear he has no cause although it is variable and depends on the sexual performance and thus increasing their latency period.What causes this problem of premature ejaculation have the same time by which you can learn to focus a bit more attention being paid to your woman, strengthening your pelvic region in your adult years.Premature ejaculation has been caused by an underlying medical conditions can also end premature ejaculations need not spend an arm or a delayed ejaculation sums up the strength of your health, following a good as well as lovemaking.You start all over the globe and racial denominations.

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