#“perfection” aka “failure” | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mickandmusings · 2 months

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third times the charm

pairing: tyler owens x f!reader

word count: 3.8k

summary: life has a funny way of putting people in your path, and ultimately making them part of your life. but what happens when the one person you never want to see stumbles in over and over again, a disastrous tornado tearing up your path of moving on?

aka: the two times tyler owens enters and, consequently, leaves, your life at the wrong time, and the one time he comes at the perfect moment and finally stays.

warnings: reader is described in a feminine manner; why are we ignoring his bull rider trope? cause i'm not babes xx; angsty mainly, but fluff too; lovers to enemies back to lovers (sorry); this author knows nothing about tornadoes or weather so sorry

shoutout to megan moroney and her banger new album where this title and idea come from :)

"What do you mean you're leaving?!"

Tyler shuts the tailgate of his red pick-up with a loud slam, the cowboy hat on his head nearly flying off with the force. Y/N stood just a few feet away, her arms crossed over her torso as her chest heaved in short, shaking breaths. The sunlight hits her just right, and the gold chain around her neck glimmers in the sunlight. It catches Tyler's attention from the corner of his eye-it had been burned into his mind from the moment he'd bought it with a chunk of his earnings from last year's rodeo. The chain was delicate, simple, but the charm had been the main appeal: it was gold, the same shade as the chain, but in the center of the small heart shaped pendant sat a capital 'T'. She'd worn it since he'd given it to her for a birthday present, and it had been the center piece of even their most intimate moments-her bare beneath him with only the glittering jewelry adorning her as he had her unraveling under his touch. Even the thought of it had heat traveling up Tyler's neck, and he swallowed down the feeling, along with all of the guilt bubbling to the surface.

"I'm leavin', simple as that."

"Ty, I-I don't understand. You get bucked off one time and you're giving up?! You've been riding since we were kids, I-"

He turns to her, emerald eyes blazing with an emotion he couldn't put a label on.

"I didn't just get 'bucked off', I almost got my head trampled in case you forgot!" His voice is laced with anger. He's not angry with her, he's angry with himself. After a series of unfortunate injuries in last month's local rodeo, Tyler knew he couldn't ride again, it would kill him. He'd spent the last few weeks in physical therapy and doctor's offices just to make sure the damn bull hadn't left behind more than scars.

It was better this way, he could leave his town behind, and forget about the deep, gut-twisting feeling of failure that sat like acid in his stomach. But leaving his hometown also meant leaving her.

Tyler had fallen for Y/N their junior year of high school, and they'd rarely been seen without one another ever since then. She was sweet and shy to his brash and confident, his biggest supporter-always sitting in the stands for all of his rides-whether he was the talk of the town or stumbling home, his shotgun rider, and the girl who wore his heart (literally and figuratively) on a chain around her neck. Looking at her now, with tears lining under her gorgeous eyes, he wanted to just forget all of his plans and pull her into his arms. He wanted to reassure her that he'd stay here, that he'd give her the life that he'd promised her-apple pie and babies, the perfect picket-fence life she deserved.

"Tyler, you-you can't be serious! W-What about your parents, your plans, hell, Tyler, what about me?!" Her shoulders now moved as she let out shuddering breaths, eyebrows furrowed as she grew frustrated. "Tyler Owens you promised me, you promised me a farmhouse, and a wrap-around porch, a-and babies! And now you're just gonna take off to God-knows-where to what? Storm chase?"

She stops and lets out a dry chuckle. She'd been 'chasing' with him before, vivid memories of him scaring her shitless chasing tornadoes in his truck, only to 'apologize' to her by making love in the backseat after the storm had passed. Through their time together, she, too, had grown to love the storms. Y/N took her camera into the storms with them, more than ready to capture the freakishly beautiful moments of pure disaster before it struck. She'd stand in the pouring rain next to him, laughing as wind whipped hair around her face. He'd snap a picture of her with her own camera that she'd set aside and she'd roll her eyes. They'd been happy, bonded by a mutual love of mother nature's chaos and one another. Now, she turns her back to face him, shaking her head as her bottom lip trembles.

"Ya know, I should've listened to everyone who told me to stay away from you in high school, that you'd just hurt me. I didn't believe them, not one bit, because I know you. You're running because you're scared. You don't have to run, Ty. You've never run from your fears, for God's sake you ride them! What the hell are you thinking?!"

Tears stream down her face, and Tyler feels his resolve slipping. He hadn't thought it through, not really, and now as she stands in front of him, he realizes he's only hurting her more and more. He needed an out, he needed to skip town, no matter who it hurt.

"I'm thinking that I'm a fuckin' failure at everything, no matter what I try! The only thing I'm good at is storms, chasin' them, getting close enough to see something! I fail at everything, Y/N/N, and if I stay, I'll just fail you, too. Over and over."

"Tyler, you've never failed me," she brings her hands to either side of his face, her thumb brushing a cut that still hadn't scarred over from his fall. Her eyes were blurry and her hands trembled. "Please, stay." Her voice was hardly a whisper, pleading desperately.

"You know I can't."

She nodded solemnly, wiping tears so she could take a final look into his eyes. She gave no warning when she launched her arms around his neck, all but hanging onto him like a child. He hugged her tighter than he ever had, and when she let go, he placed a final heated goodbye kiss on her lips. Y/N looks at him, her brain screaming pleas to make him stay, but she simply kisses his cheek before speaking.

"C-call me when you get there?"

He takes one last glance at her, taking her in completely, as if trying to memorize her. His eyes land on the jewelry adorning the spot just below her collarbone, the gold shining in the sunset, knowing he'd never see it on her again-if he ever even saw her again.

"You'll be the first person I call, baby."

Y/N's call never came.

She spent the summer miserable, but refused to take off the gold chain she hid under shirts. It burned her skin in a metaphorical sense, but she ignored it, just like the heartbreak that had festered into deep resentment for Tyler Owens. She'd decided to take off to the local university for a clean start, somewhere new, somewhere his ghost wouldn't haunt her. Things had begun to look up, and she found herself smiling again. The morning before her first day of classes, she almost took the chain off, but couldn't bring herself to do so.

When she spotted his tall figure sitting a row ahead of her in her Intro to Meteorology class, she pretended not to know who he was. It was only fair, he'd done the same to her. For a reason that neither of them could vocalize, they begin to hate one another. Without knowing it, Tyler had become the storm that had sparked her into chasing after danger forever, the one that had left destruction so fatal she wasn't sure if she'd ever recover.

ii.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Y/N rolls her eyes and nearly throws her laptop across her dorm room when she looks down at her field partner pairing. The name in bold stares back at her like some sick joke.

Tyler Owens.

She shuts her laptop with a force that could shatter glass and slams her face into her pillow to let out a scream that could have easily been heard four counties over. The universe had to hate her.

With one glance at her watch, she hops from her bed and packs her duffel, her camera slung around her other shoulder. After silently praying that this storm takes her away in one quick swoop, she opens the door to her room and stumbles down the stairs to the lobby, where he was waiting for her outside the double doors. She can already feel her skin flaming with anger when she catches sight of his towering frame, baseball cap thrown backwards over his head.

"'Bout fuckin' time sweetheart, thought the storm would pass before we even got out there!"

"Oh, kiss my ass, Owens."

She rolls her eyes and climbs into the red truck she had once been a permanent fixture in, feeling almost like nothing had changed since the last time she'd crawled into the passenger side. She had half a mind to let down the driver's side visor to see if her picture still sat inside it, but Tyler climbs in the second she thinks about it. The half hour drive is uncomfortable, silent, and laced with tension so thick both halves of the couple begin to wonder if the air supply is getting thin. But as the storm approaches, both of their eyes are locked on the massive twisting figure just ahead of them. Y/N reaches for her camera, focusing the lens as best as she can through the windshield of the truck. She sighs when the view is less than satisfactory. Without much thought, she begins to move the window crank on the door to let down the window.

"What the hell are you doin'?" Tyler's voice breaks their silence.

"What does it look like, Owens? Getting a better shot." Her body hangs halfway out the window, camera leaning out the window as she moves the lens and clicks.

"Get your ass in the truck, I'm not payin' your hospital bills when you fall out and I run over you."

She rolls her eyes and ignores him, almost her entire body hanging out the window.

"Okay, okay, get in the truck, I'll get you closer, Jesus."

She pulls herself back into the truck and rolls the window back up as Tyler moves forward down the muddy path, closer to the storm now building ahead. The wind and rain grow more intense, shaking even the bulky vehicle that could easily withstand even the most treacherous of conditions. The spiraling tunnel only moves at a more pummeling speed, and Y/N's sharp shout fills the air.

"Stop the truck!"

He hits the brake and before the truck even stops, Y/N's rolling out of the passenger side, camera raised as she captures a monster of a storm. Tyler finds himself silent, momentarily distracted-her hair blowing with the force of the wind, the smile drawn across her face, and the long sleeve button down she'd been wearing was slipping down her shoulders, exposing her tank top and-wait-he raises an eyebrow, his heart stopping. Against her neck sat a gold chain he knew too well. It stops him completely in his tracks, shocked that she still wore his initial around her neck. The sound of a roaring train pulls him from his thoughts and sends him leaning out his own door.

"Y/N," he's shouting over the loud winds. "GET YOUR ASS IN THE TRUCK!"

The barrel of wind only gets closer, the fierceness of wind making Tyler's heart race. The girl outside his truck, however, only smiles wider, raising her camera for another shot of the approaching storm.

"I'M FINE, TYLER. WIND'S NOT EVEN THAT BAD!"

Tyler huffs as his voice, raspy from yelling, shouts again.

"THAT WASN'T A REQUEST, SWEETHEART. GET YOUR ASS IN THIS TRUCK!"

She ignores his shouts, only squinting her eyes at the horizon as the wind picks up another notch, making the shirt now halfway down on her arms blow like a flag in the wind. Tyler gives her a minute to comply, hoping this was just a momentary phase of her being stubborn. After five minutes, Tyler cursed and stomped out of the truck over to her. He says nothing, picking her up over his shoulder.

"TYLER! WHAT THE FUCK?! PUT ME DOWN, ASSHOLE!"

He doesn't give in to her retorts, simply swinging her door open and shoving her into the passenger seat. He gets into his driver's side and slings his arm on her headrest, turning to back the truck around.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Do you have some sort of sick kink where you get off on ruining my life? I had a perfect shot, it-"

"You had a perfect shot of getting sucked into a tornado is what you had, Y/N. You're gonna get yourself killed gettin' that fuckin' close!"

"Like you would care." Her voice isn't even a mumble, and Tyler hardly hears her over the sounds of the storm.

It sends a jab of pain through his heart he doesn't expect, and instead of saying anything, he lets her stew in anger in his passenger seat. When he drops her off at her dorm, she agrees to email him her half of the project, and a week later he receives it.

He opens the email to find exactly what he imagines, the most spectacular shots of a storm he's ever seen. After the report and photos are submitted, the two never speak to one another again. They both graduate under the same Arkansas sun, but lead different lives in the same area of the country. Y/N swears she sees his truck pass her every time she goes out to shoot, and he sees her in every girl that stands in a field with a camera.

Y/N would never admit that she has a burner account subscribed to his livestreams, or that she laughed and smiled as she watched him hoop and holler with his ragtag group of friends, memories of the chases they once went on filling her mind more fondly than painfully these days. And if she had one of the red and white shirts with his stupid cartoon face plastered against it, well, no one would ever know.

When Boone and the rest of his crew would stop for food and rest breaks, if Tyler saw her name plastered in a newspaper or magazine, he'd put it on the counter next to his plethora of snacks. He'd never admit he'd cut her articles out of them and kept them in a small scrapbook that lived in his glovebox, right next to the picture of her that once lived in his visor-only because a magazine cut-out clip of her lived there now, her smiling with a massive twin barrel storm behind her, the gold chain peeking from the shirt was wearing.

iii.

"Ty, man, this one's a beaut! She's unreal!"

Boone's voice filled Tyler's ears from the passenger seat, but as Tyler looked out at the horizon, his attention was far from the brunette that sat next to him. He saw her car before he saw her-the same rink-dink, decked out, black Subaru she'd had in college, meaning she was here on her own, not for business.

His green eyes darted to the field across from where it was parked, spotting her instantly as she stood in the tall grass, hair blowing as she brought her camera to her face, crouching down to get the perfect shot. She shook her head when she pulled back from it, enjoying the sight in front of her.

Tyler puts the truck in park and all but barrels out of the door, his boots taking him towards her, but not nearly fast enough.

"Jesus, who's that? And why's she got Ty all in a tizzy?" Boone leans over to Lilly, who gives him an incredulous look.

"That's Y/N Y/L/N, she's a storm photographer, apparently he's got some fan girl crush on her or somethin', he keeps her work in a binder."

"Holy shit! Tyler knows the Y/N Y/L/N?"

Tyler would've blushed and denied Lilly's statement vehemently, but he was too far away to hear. Instead, the whipping winds and the sound of Y/N's delightful laughter filled his ears.

"She's a beaut, huh?" Tyler's voice carries over the noise, falling on Y/N's ears. She takes a breath and turns to face him for the first time in years. She nods slowly.

"Yeah, she's gorgeous. Got some great shots."

Her throat feels dry as his eyes peer down at her. She finally braves a look up at him.

"Um, I'm not studying it or anything, just bored, really. I'll let you and your crew have her."

She gives him a small smile, but he notes it's genuine as she caps the lens on her camera.

"It was good to see you, Ty. Good luck."

"Y/N, wait. I-I need to ask you somethin'."

She pauses her steps, turning back to face the man in front of her. For a split second, he looks just like the younger version that had left her all those years ago-the hat, the belt buckle, but none of that same all consuming fear.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Why do you still wear it? I saw you, that time in college, and when you did that shoot outside of Kansas City, the picture they published of you, it-you can see it real clear."

Y/N stills, pushing back hair that's blowing in the wind as she looks at him. She could say a multitude of things-how she wore it because she'd gotten so used to always wearing it. That she wore it because she wanted to hold onto him the only way she could. She could lie and say that she used it as a good luck charm. None of them would be the truth, and she was sick of lying to him, so she simply told the truth.

"Well, all the best chasers, they carry their first storm with them, right?"

She pauses, realizing how vague that was.

"What I mean is, without you taking me through my first storm I never would've done this. I was terrified of them, and you and that stupid red truck of yours showed me how beautiful they can be, and now I capture their beauty for a living. I never would've had any of this without you, so-"

She shrugs, giving him a small chuckle. The silence suffocates as he looks at her.

"Tyler listen-"

"If you're gonna apologize, don't. I'm the one that should apologize, I left you all those years ago. That was real shitty of me, and I didn't give you a warnin' or a reason why. So, I'm sorry, for all of it."

She nods, giving him a smile. The quiet floods between them again, and she pushes back her hair again before she speaks.

"I-I watch your videos, y-your livestreams. You're still crazy, but it reminds me of when we used to chase, and you'd scare me to death, and then you'd, uh, 'apologize' for it and, sometimes it's like I'm there with you."

He laughs with her.

"I-I've got every newspaper and magazine clippin' you've ever been in. You're pictures they're-breathtakin', it feels like you're standin' in the field right there next to you. I guess that's just because I used to be and memories, ya know?"

She nodded, giving him a sweet smile, one that sends his heart racing. They both turn their attention to the horizon where the storm seems relatively calm, at least by their standards.

"Uh, Y/N? I'm sorry, I promised you somethin' all those years ago, and I never made good on it. I think about that a lot, and-just-I'm sorry."

"I forgave you a long time ago, Ty, we were kids." She pauses, tilting her head as she looks at the storm brewing. "Besides, I don't think I'm cut out for that life anymore, I like life on the road. I mean, where else do you get moments like this? The storms back home are wonders, but nothing like this."

"I agree with you there," he chuckles. His heart pounds, and the words slip out of his mouth before he can stop them. "I miss you though."

She cuts her eyes to his own, as if waiting for him to explain himself.

"You were my original chasin' partner, ya know? Plus, when things got scary, you never flinched, not really. This reporter I've got now? God help us all, can't stand much more than a strong wind."

Y/N laughs loudly before she shakes her head.

"Well, you might be in luck. I hate working for that magazine, I really, really do." She turns to face him, camera pulled close to her chest. "The Tornado Wranglers hiring? I'm looking for a job. I have a portfolio if you need it, references too."

Her statement is laced with sarcasm.

Tyler finds himself laughing now, a wide smile plastered across his face.

"I'm familiar with your work, have it on good graces that you're just what we're lookin' for. Lucky for you, we've always got room for one more, that is, if you'll have us. I gotta warn you, those over there are a handful."

"If they're anything like you, I'm likely to fall in love with them instantly."

Y/N doesn't register the words stumbling out of her mouth until they'd already filled the air between them. Without a word, Tyler grabs her hand, pulling her in closer than people who have a history like theirs should. His calloused fingers reach out to the gold pendant lying on her neck, moving it back and forth between its fingers. It had withstood their time apart-it was scratched and a little weather-worn, but, then again, so were they.

"The clasp broke about a year ago, the rest is all original. Pure gold, willing to sell it for a good offer. The guy at the pawn tried to undersell me, I know what I've got."

Tyler's chest warms, that sarcastic, witty humor he'd missed back in full force.

"Do you take alternate forms of payment?" He pulls her in by her waist with a cocky grin.

"Depends, Owens, what did you have in mind?"

He cocks his eyebrow, giving her a sort of contemplative look as his hands rest on the small of her back, hers around his neck.

"Well, I still owe you about-," He lifts his hand from around her and pretends to count on his fingers. "A billion apologies, we could chase this stunner of a storm, drop these characters back off at the motel, find us an empty field, and I could apologize like I used to...maybe?"

She shakes her head and pulls him in for a heated kiss. They're both smiling so hard its hardly a kiss, but the feelings are there.

"You've got yourself a deal, but I'm keeping the necklace."

"Wouldn't have it any other way, baby." He kisses her head, pulling her back towards his group of friends, who were now whistling at the pair, obviously catching the interaction. "Fair warning, after he finds out just who you are, Boone's likely to fall in love with you."

She raises her eyebrow, pulling away and heading towards the motley crew ahead of her.

"Guess you'll just have to chase me next."

taglist:

@fraaaaankiiiiieee

#tyler owens x reader #tyler owens #twisters #glen powell #Tyler Owens x you #glen powell x reader #glen powell x you

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thatsdemko · 1 year

Text

chef y/n - l.norris

fc: Meredith Hayden akas wishbonekitchen via TikTok and instagram

warnings: all credits to Pinterest!

pairings: lando norris x chef!reader

chefy/n

liked by yukitsunoda0511, landonorris, mclaren, & 3,569 others.

chefy/n: recent food for my love @ landonorris all in prep Silverstone race week! check out my recent blog post for recipes ☺️

400 comments

yukitsunoda0511: save some for me!

chefy/n: got some set aside just for you!

landonorris: 🙏🏻❤️thank you!

ferrarilover: the peanut butter bear 🥹 how long did that take to make?

chefy/n: forEVER! 😅

landonorrislover: I just KNOW everyone is jealous of lando’s lunches

landonorris: and they all cry about it

landonorris added to their story

lando.jpg

liked by Daniel3.jpg, chefy/n, carlossainz55, & 7,295 others.

lando.jpg: foodie @ chefy/n

3,000 comments

charles_leclerc: I wish you saved me a cupcake

chefy/n: ahh I’m sorry! I didn’t realize they would be eaten so quickly! 😬😭

danielricciardo: can I get a bunny pizza chef? @ chefy/n

carmenmundt: these are so adorable?? y/n you are perfect!

landoscarlover: when is she opening up a restaurant?

lando.jpg: never! all the food is for me😌

chefy/n

liked by pierregasly, carmenmundt, mclaren, & 5,581 others.

chefy/n: PODIUM FOR MY LOVE! ugh so proud of those McLaren boys! thank you @ mclaren for letting me provide the food for the team! it was so much work and so much fun providing for the papaya fam🧡 ps the last slide was lando’s podium breakfast 🤭😙

2,000 comments

lilymhe: I can’t believe you didn’t invite me for food?! what!

landonorris: sssh don’t expose my secrets!

maxverstappen1: ✍️have✍️snoopy✍️rice✍️for✍️breakfast

mclaren: thank you for feeding us! we are SO full

landonorris

liked by chefy/n, danielricciardo, oscarpiastri, & 10,357 others.

landonorris: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE @ chefy/n!! thank you for being my personal chef and letting me take pictures of your food! cheers to another year around the sun and thanks for letting me try to cook in your kitchen (sorry it was a total failure)

1,000 comments

alexalbon: recipes coming soon? not your failed meal, her meals.

liked by chefy/n

charles_leclerc: happy birthday, chef!

yukitsunoda0511: sous chef, happy birthday!

liked by chefy/n

chefy/n: 🥹awww! all is forgiven xx

maxverstappen1: I’d go over the pay cap for you to cater Red Bull

landonorris: sorry she only makes snoopy rice for me

tags: @oconso @xcicix @imsorare @weasleyswizardwheezes-blog @monzabee

want to be part of my general tag list? let me know here!

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miss-americana-reputation · 1 year

Text

love her madly

patrick verona x reader

warnings- smut 18+, fluff, oral (m receiving), daddy kink, spitting, name calling aka degrading, dacryphilia

inspired by love her madly- the doors

—————————————————————

“i got it.” i call out as patrick knocks on the door. “hi.” i smile and open it to see him smiling there. “hey.” he smiles back, softly kissing the side of my lips. “you’re early.” i point out, inviting him in. “wanna make a good impression.” he responds.

“okay, dad.” i call out, pulling him deeper into the house. i drag him into the living room to where my dad sits, watching tv. “yeah- oh.” he says, looking at us.

“this is patrick, my boyfriend.” i smile. “nice to meet you, sir.” he reaches to shake his hand. my dad shakes it and looks him up and down before letting go.

eventually i pull him away and into the kitchen where my mom is finishing up. “who’s this?” my mom smiles. “patrick, my boyfriend.” i introduce him. “nice to meet you patrick.” she smiles. “nice to meet you too, ma’am.” he smiles.

“dear.” she changes her attention to you. “hm?” i hum. “remember, we gonna have to cut dinner a bit short. the patterson’s invited me and your dad to a cocktail party.” she explains. “got it. i’ll clean up.” i softly smile. “perfect,” she says, wiping off her hands, “go make the table while i finish up.” she smiles.

i nod and pull out plates and silverware, handing the plates to patrick. we set down plates and cups. “wanna go get my dad?” i whisper to him as i follow behind him with silverware while he sets cups down. “i think he wants to kill me.” he whispers back. “i’ll go.” he sighs as he finishes and i smile as he leaves.

i help bring the dishes to the table as they come into the kitchen.

eventually we all get situated and we start eating. “food’s lovely, ma’am.” patrick smiles at my mom. “thank you.” she responds. “so any plans for after graduation?” my dad asks. “i’m planning on working at the music store at main street.” he smiles.

“oh isn’t that nice. been meaning to check that one out.” my mom smiles. we continue to eat for a moment, i softly take his hand under the table. i squeeze it one time for a check in, and he squeezes it back once to say he’s okay.

“so you do anything outside of school?” my dad asks. “yeah, i like to fix up cars, but your daughter seems to take up a lot of my time.” he answers, trying to get a laugh out of my dad. “oh. a future mechanic, huh.” he nods before eating.

dinner went by painfully awkward, eventually my mom and dad freshen up for the party and we finished eating then cleaning up.

“i think he hates me.” he sighs, carrying the last of the dishes to the sink. “he just needs to warm up to you.” i respond, washing off the plates. “do i smell like cigarettes? knew i should’ve not smoked today.” he asks.

“you’re fine, most dads don’t like their daughter dating people.” i smile. “hm. he thinks i’m a failure.” he sighs. “he doesn’t, i promise. he’s just tough.” i smile.

“okay, we’re heading out.” my mom walks into the kitchen. “okay.” i smile. “see you tomorrow. it was nice to meet you patrick.” my mom smiles. they leave as i finish up.

“okay.” i smile. he immediately presses his lips onto mine, lightly shoving me into the counter. “oh.” i hum against him. “sorry, i’ve been holding back all night.” he pants. i smile against him and pull him back.

he sneaks his hands down to my ass and he gropes them while he slips his tongue into my mouth, his easily winning dominance.

“pat.” i pant out. “hm?” he hums, moving down to my neck. “wanna go- fuck- upstairs.” i say. “okay.” he smiles. we move upstairs, stealing kisses and he slaps my ass a couple of times.

we reach my room and i pull him inside, quickly shutting and locking the door behind us. he pulls me on top of him on my bed. he connects our lips and it’s heated, clashing teeth and tongues fighting for dominance, which he quickly wins.

“please.” i moan, sneaking my hand down between us and palming him. his hand grabs mine and he flips us over. “did i say you could?” he spits. “sorry.” i apologize. “naughty girl.” he says.

he moves so he’s standing and i’m laying on the bed. “come on. kneel.” he demands. i follow his commands and kneel before him. “can i?” i ask, motioning to his fly.

“yeah.” he nods. i undo his belt and unzip his fly, then pull down his pants just a little bit. he helps me and pulls down his black boxers. his member pops out, slapping against his stomach. “shit.” he sighs, stroking himself.

“please.” i whine. “what do you want?” he asks. “fuck my mouth.” i swap his hand with mine and slowly stroke him. “yeah? want to have you throat fucked?” he smiles and i nod.

i take him in my mouth and he slowly thrusts into my mouth. “shit.” he takes my hair in his hands and uses it as leverage. i moan against him and he tightens his hand. “didn’t anyone teach you to not speak with a full mouth?” he taunts.

he continues to use me while i look up at him. “fucking slut.” he groans. i squeeze my thighs together for a bit of friction. “fucking pathetic.” he lowly laughs.

“wanna tell me who’s your real daddy?” he slows down. he pulls out and i catch my breath. “y-you. you’re my real daddy.” i look up at him, with pure submission in my eyes.

“good little slut.” he says, snapping his cock back into my mouth. “jesus.” he groans as i play with his balls. he continues to thrust into my mouth so i gag around him.

he uses my mouth like i mean nothing to him. i squeeze my hips together even more, trying to cause some friction. “look at you.” he smirks at my thighs. that just fuels him as he continues to fuck me.

i moan against him and he lets out a loud groan. i meet his eyes as i feel drool slip out from the corners of my mouth. he continues to fuck me and some tears fall down my face.

“aw. pretty baby is crying? you look so pathetic. choking on daddy’s dick.” he taunts. “shit.” he sucks in a sharp breath. “getting close baby.” he warns.

his hips become sloppy as he gets closer and closer. “oh fuck.” he sighs. “you’re treating me so well.” he praises. i let him fuck me as he eventually pulls out.

he finishes himself by stroking his cock and his seed goes all over my face. “shit, fuck.” he sighs as he finishes. he calms down and softly taps his cock against my head.

“here.” he says and quick runs to my bathroom. he comes back with a towel and helps me clean up. “you look so pretty.” he smiles as i finish cleaning up. “thanks.” i smile.

i go and wash my face and get ready for bed. i finish and join him in bed. “hi.” i croak out a bit as i lay down against him. “hey.” he smiles back. “you’re gonna be able to talk?” he asks and pulls me against him. “maybe.” i smile.

he softly laughs and kisses the top of my head. “you know i can’t stay?” he whispers after a moment. “mhm.” i nod. “where you disappearing off to?” i ask. “probably the same bar as normal.” he answers. “okay.” i nod.

“i love you.” he whispers. “i love you.” i whisper back. “i’ll stay until you sleep, how’s that sound?” he asks. “that works.” i nod as i’m already half asleep. “i’ll take you out for lunch tomorrow.” he promises. “okay.” i softly smile. “mhm.” he nods.

———

#smut #x reader #smut than fluff #heath ledger smut #patrick verona smut #patrick verona #10 things i hate about you #he meets the parents #good morning #it’s early #i hate them #they’re so cute

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larothoughts · 3 months

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anti-ship adjacent ships: liujiu and qijiu

so there's this weird thing that's happening in svsss of all fandoms that reminds me a lot of voltron's klance and sheith fiasco AKA the formation of what i like to call anti-ship adjacent ships

basically, when someone's favorite ship is more indicative of them being an anti-shipper of another ship.

i've had to start excluding liujiu in my ao3 searches because more often than not, the fics that come up are yqy-bashing and what?? this is svsss, right? mxtx's trashiest, most problematic, harem-bicycle-shen-yuan svsss? what is this moral outrage doing in my degenerate danmei fic space, and why are you mischaracterizing yqy just to make an excuse to hate on him??

i've had a few thoughts on the rising dichotomy of shen jiu sympathizers both validating sj's bad behavior and hating yqy for enabling the same behavior. and then shipping him with lqg because liujiu is 'less toxic.' As an old lady fanfic reader who's trawled through all the godforsaken dead dove ships of the old livejournal kink_meme, i'm writing these out because making sense of things helps me cope and i am too old for this shit

(this is actually more 'why anti-qijiu' word vomit than liujiu specific--it just so happens that so many liujiu fics are bizarrely anti-qijiu.)

narrative reasons for anti-yqy liujiu fic:

aka why an author finds it easier for the plot to bash qi-ge

accepting either romantic or platonic qijiu means trying to fix qijiu. this is hard. yqy and sj already have a proven history of failure, while sj and lqg (aka author's ideal white-knight love interest) would be the perfect do-over. making yqy a clear abusive villain sj must cut off ties with 'for his mental health' solves the problem without having to fix things. it frees the author to write what they thought qi-ge should have done to 'save shen jiu right.'

on the same note, liujiu have nearly no canon crumbs. the author can write them however they want without being constrained by their canon relationship.

why lqg over other possible ships? other than yqy, lqg is one of the few characters with any sort of previous relationship with sj. lqg is canonically hot, has strong (even if negative) feelings towards sj, and has no textual or subtextual canon ship (beyond a one-sided crush on shen yuan, with lbh getting in his way lol.) he is also the same generation as sj and thus avoids any age gap squicks like with sj's other ship partners (looking at you tlj)

yqy is the only person in cang qiong with higher authority than shen jiu. while other peak lords are antagonistic, all are ranked lower and can't get in liujiu's way the same way as yqy can as a sect leader. not even the old palace master has the same power because he's the head of a different sect. so if you really want to write a villain abusing their (implicit) power over shen jiu, yqy is the only one that fits the bill.

lbh, as sj's disciple, does not fit the same abuse of power trope even if he becomes an op demon lord. as for bingjiu, lbh's brand of diabolical stalkerish yandere is so over-the-top it's hard to equate him to any real relationship. it's easier to twist yqy's passivity to villainy because it's closer to reasonable human behavior.

if one is coming from the tgcf fandom, yue qingyuan is the closest junwu-adjacent character in terms of personality and rank (on the surface.) so it's easy to transfer any junwu hate to yqy by giving him all of junwu's worst traits and making him 'junwu-lite'

same thing as above but with mdzs and the lan xichen hate for his inaction regarding his own little meowmeow (jgy).

personal author-reasons for anti-yqy liujiu fic:

aka when the character himself doesn't matter

let's get a silly one out of the way: maybe the author only headcanons top shen jiu and most qijiu has sj being a bottom. lqg gives off better hot twinky bottom energy than submissive-but-still-tops yqy. this does not explain the anti-shipping though.

less silly: an author is projecting either themselves or other people in their real life onto their fic, and changing the character's personalities to match their real life projected counterparts (even if ooc). sj is a clear abuse-survivor insert, which shoe-horns other characters into roles that real people in the author's lives have. i think yqy is often seen as the insert for someone who 'could have helped but didn't.' there are many valid reasons why someone would be more mad at the person who averted their gaze rather than their actual abuser, but that doesn't change the fact that qijiu's relationship in canon is so much more complicated.

(it's easier to hate enablers instead of abusers, because hating abusers and inviting confrontation is dangerous. most of the time, enablers won't hurt you directly. they are the safer person to hate.)

an author thinks they could have saved sj better, that qi-ge had more than enough time to fix things and his failure not to do so must be punished by taking away his sj-simp-card and throwing him into the villain bin. this is similar to the phenomenon where an author hates the wife of canon anime couples b/c the author could clearly wife him better. and then writes a fic bashing said wife.

an author sees a messy relationship and equates messy with abusive. in reality many relationships can be messy but not abusive, messy but still fixable, but due to their personal experiences they see any attempt to do so as toxic. in this scenario yqy is often the abuser-insert and his ooc characterization takes after the author's own abuser.

specifically in fics where lqg has the personality of a cardboard cut-out: using liujiu to tell others they are still pro-ship, when in reality they dislike qijiu for their own reasons (and can't help but write it in their fic). it really reminds me of middle school lol like kids trying to find their identity by hating another identity. the whole 'ew pink is overrated, i hate preps which means i must be a nerdy rebel' and then two years later you realize you're not a nerdy rebel after all, you just based your entire identity on what you thought was the opposite of what you hated.

why i try not to read anti-qijiu liujiu fics:

aka write whatever you want, but sometimes i have to choose not to read

authors can write whatever they want. we're all doing this for free, so it's expected that a lot of fanfic have venting and some self-imposing onto a fictional character. i don't expect authors to NOT put themselves in their fic in some way. at the same time, however, i hope authors are self-aware enough to not bash another character just because that character reminds them of someone irl.

aka i get uncomfortable when i read a fic that has an author's obvious real-person insert. i'm not reading svsss fic anymore, i'm reading the author's version of punishing their abuser using fiction. i love transformative media that adds onto the canon! i love different interpretations even! but i'm here to read svsss? where are the svsss characters??

i'm not into character-bashing in general. i think the point of svsss and all of bingqiu's misunderstandings is the fact that good/evil is not a binary. sy spent the whole series fearing the 'evil' binghe despite the fact that post-abyss binghe was a complex person, causing a chain reaction of disaster. hell, shen jiu is the king of gray characters! he is a scum villain, evil and misunderstood, to be a sj-fan means to understand that no one is entirely good or evil. so it's even more cognitively dissonant when a pro-sj fic is so categorically anti-qijiu, as this often paints sj as good/misunderstood and yqy as bad.

(the only character-bashing i don't care about is the old palace master mxtx clearly wrote him to be bashed so throw him in a fire)

i don't mind liujiu actually, i think the dynamic has potential (see all the sj harem fic i've read lol) but qi-ge is such a big part of sj's character that vilifying/getting rid of him does sj a disservice too? sj has a shit ton of bad coping mechanisms, these aren't going to be magically fixed if yqy gets his limbs chopped off as 'just punishment' (??) for not stopping sj from abusing his own students (????)

in conclusion

there is no point to this rambling, and you don't need to agree with me on anything. these are just thoughts i had when trying to figure out why anti-ship adjacent ships even exist. the moral outrage is giving me war flashbacks of anti-sheith klance fans using their age gap as justification for their own ship, rather than liking klance for... being klance.

(I briefly considered going over all liujiu vs qijiu morality arguments, but if you're an sj fan i feel like morality arguments are pointless. he is an angry feral scum kitten who hits kids, no sj-fan has the moral high ground here.)

it's always unfortunate to see so much anti-shipping spilling into fandom, since by default most of us are living in the fringe minority anyway. further dividing us is just going to sink the whole ocean ala the death of livejournal and chinese ban on ao3. there's no point in ships if there ain't an ocean to sail in! aren't we all here because we are fans of these stories???

bonus

to make up for what must feel like a huge anti liujiu wall of text, here are some of my general thoughts on how their relationship would work. i'm more familiar with sj so most of these are from his pov.

while sj often has schemes upon schemes upon schemes, when it comes to anger/criticism/negativity, he's scathingly honest. lqg, a fellow honest asshole, is often on the same wavelength. once misunderstandings are cleared up and lqg realizes sj will do whatever it takes to protect big bro yqy (and thus the sect), they're able to work together as a ruthless team against cang qiong's enemies.

let's also assume fixing sj's emotional issues stops him from the worst of his scumminess aka whipping his disciples half to death.

teamwork -> enemies to lovers -> only one bed trope???

sj needs someone who will overtly believe in his goodness, and lqg, once he realizes the mistakes in his assumptions, is a loyal wall of support. unlike qi-ge who must always play diplomat, lqg blazes over all social cues. who cares if this looks bad on cang qiong, he'll throw down with anyone if his boo is insulted.

lqg is upfront and honest. there are no hidden plots for sj to be paranoid about in lqg, he's a Good Man through-and-through. if lqg has problems, he'll tell him. if he needs to apologize and sj tells him why, he'll do so. and if sj asks him a question, he'll always do his best to answer.

while lqg knows sj has trauma and a dark past, he will never truly understand what it was like. and that's exactly what sj wants. he likes how lqg knows him more as he is now in the present vs. someone who has lived through the same past. being with him is a reminder that he is now a powerful peak lord, not the starving street rat he once was.

for lqg, sj is like a complex puzzle box. an enigma so outside of his understanding of how the world works, he can't help but be drawn to it. he used to equate scheming with evil, but once he realizes much of sj's scheming was for the good of the sect, he lets himself be impressed by sj's intelligence. the fact that sj became a peak lord from nothing shows a certain type of strength-- and lqg has always appreciated strength.

a big roadblock in their relationship was sj's antagonism towards yqy (their sect leader whom lqg respects.) once qijiu reconcile (or sj stops being so disrespectful to yqy in public) lqg is better able to see him as an ally vs. an enemy.

sj rewards this loyalty by taking care of lqg's hidden enemies, because straightforward brutes are especially susceptible to devious snakes like that. sj would know. whether or not he tells lqg can go either way. he tells lqg if only to stop lqg from hearing it elsewhere and assuming the worst; or he doesn't tell lqg because he knows lqg trusts him and confusing his mind with schemes would just make him grumpy for not understanding.

...even if he's cute when he's grumpy.

#svsss #scum villain's self saving system #shen jiu #shen qingqiu #yue qingyuan #liu qingge #qijiu #meta #ramblings #fanfic writing thoughts #some small liujiu thoughts at the end #tgcf spoilers

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murfpersonalblog · 1 month

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IWTV S2 Ep8 Musings - LDPDL: Burning Questions

I was reading this Variety article, and they mentioned something that made me think of fan critiques of Louis' opaque motivations in the finale, and the fun laughs we've shared over how he's so unbothered by vamp nonsense that he never seems to ask important questions.

I'm drafting a separate post specifically about "Vampire Grace," but I wanted to focus here on only one point in particular:

PAUL.

We always talk about whether Louis chose Lestat over Claudia; "you take him with you, in HERE!" But I haven't seen talk about how Louis chose Lestat over Paul, and how that factors into Lou's habit of not asking HELLA important questions that could've saved Loustat DECADES of resentment.

Paul's suicide "opened the series," setting this whole thing in motion. Florence blames Louis for his death, making Lou feel like a failure.

--the first time we see Louis outright say to someone's face "I love you," it's mere seconds b4 Paul jumps off a roof. (The only other person we see him say it to is Armand, right after saying they're not companions. 💀)

Paul's memory is wrapped up in Louis' love of Lestat, cuz until Les showed up, Paul had been Lou's one and only companion--the sole person he could TALK to. As a closeted gay man, Lou was desperate for MALE companionship: understanding, acceptance & love.

Sure, he had Grace & Lily (& later Claudia)--all WOMEN--but:

his daddy's dead, and who knows what their deal was, but it couldn't be worse than effing Florence. So there's a lingering want of a father-figure; someone older/wiser who could teach & guide Lou when he was feeling "lost...in a dark way" (*cough* Armand *cough*)

a father or brother is still not the companion Louis REALLY wants/needs, so ofc there's things Lou can't tell Paul, or have with him. Les's an upgraded Paul-- a HUSBAND, not a SIBLING (*cough* Claudia *cough*).

(deep down) Lou was jealous of how candid & honest Paul was; regardless that Paul's lack of a filter was a side effect of his mental illness & religious fanaticism (cuz vampirism's an allegory for sexuality--and even in gay mecca Paris & SanFran Lou was still tryna "find himself" as the Zodiac Killer *cough Daniel *cough*)

Paul's dying wish was for Loustat to never be together

and Lou felt he'd betrayed Paul; that he'd lied/hadn't kept his word

folding like a leaf rather than saying NO, or killing himself like he'd implied (suicide by vampire instead of cane-sword/alcohol poisoning)

(and Queen Claudia called Lestat the "Father of Lies" (aka The Devil), and she ain't never lie a day in her life, either)

So the Catholic guilt was extra strong, cuz Saint Paul was right about Les; but Lou chose Les anyway--in the church, on the altar--after Paul died trusting that Lou WOULDN'T take him back.

Instead, we get this boatload of excuses from Louis about the "vampire bond," when the only bond that matters is LOVE. But this is the crux of Louis' personality/problems, and why the interview took so long for him to attempt either the 1st or 2nd time around. Cuz Louis is a hypocritical coward stuffed to gills with self-loathing & GUILT. He runs away from the truth, he runs away from his issues, and he hides from himself and everyone around him.

So OF COURSE Louis doesn't ask important questions. It's not that he doesn't care--it's that HE'S SCARED of asking, and terrified of what the answer is. So it takes him forever to even BEGIN addressing the elephants in the room.

Louis ALWAYS suspected. But he was:

Scared of the answer/truth

Scared that Les would LIE

Scared he'd forgive Les regardless

Paul died in 1911. It had been 26 YEARS until Lou finally piped up in 1937 (the end of Les's Grovel Era). But this was the PERFECT chance to call Les' bluff & get some honest answers out of him for once, cuz:

If Les (unapologetically) caused Paul's death, he can just stay gone

It's in Les' best interest to tell the truth regardless, cuz he's been desperately tryna get back in Lou's (& Claudia's) good graces for 6 years, and being sincere will earn him more cookies (he'd also be banking on Lou forgiving him regardless, cuz he's been missing Les so bad, even after being beat into the next decade & dropped a billion miles in the air)

If Les IS lying, how would they even frikkin know if they can't read his mind? Lou just wants to see what Les will say

(In 2x6 he waited to ask Madeleine if she only saw Claudia as a replacement for her dead sister--a question he should've asked BEFORE he Turned her, but... 🤷 Moot.)

So in the finale, there's 2 painful truths Lou has to contend with:

WHY is he doing the 2nd interview?

WHO saved him during the Trial?

It takes Louis 77 YEARS to reclaim the "pieces of myself" he'd lost/forgotten. He ALWAYS knew things weren't adding up with Armand. He KNEW there were things missing. Even in SanFran, BEFORE the mind-wipe, he was already losing his mind/memories--PTSD from all the awful things he'd been through.

Even book!Louis knew about Claudia's diaries for a decade b4 he finally got the courage to ask the Talamasca if he could read them & speak to her ghost.

Although Lou's naive AF, he's not an idiot--he HAD A HUNCH that Armand knew more than he was letting on, which is precisely why he kept ignoring Armand every time he asked to stop the interview.

However, for once, Lou actually wastes VERY little time with this one:

As soon as he learns the truth about "Banishment," he divorces Armand, and runs back to NOLA to find Lestat. Memory is a monster Lou'd been running scared from all this time. He's tired of running away, wasting so much time, wasting the gift, when he could be actively tryna solve his problems to make life bearable/better. The hellish prison he'd lived in was by his own design--only he could chose to stand up, take control of his life; and finally ask the burning questions. "Truth and reconciliation."

Lou could finally make peace with the memory of the two people he'd been avoiding for so long; whom he felt he'd let down the most:

For once Lou chooses to be "companion enough for myself," and live with/for himself, not relying other people to save/fix/determine his life for him anymore. That's really the only way he'll be able to be with Les in a healthier, guilt-free relationship in the future.

#louis de pointe du lac #justice for claudia #loustat #interview with the vampire #iwtv tvc metas

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basu-shokikita · 11 months

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Thinking about Toki's character arc in Metalocalypse...

Now that Metalocalypse is officially over, or so it seems, I wanted to go over what Army of the Doomstar means for Toki's growth.

Warnings for spoilers for, well, the entirety of Metalocalypse.

So, over the course of the show, we see Toki repeatedly trying (and failing) to form a meaningful bond with several living beings, people and animals included.

Analysis under the cut ⬇️

Season 1

It starts with a dying little girl called Juliette Sarmangsadandle in Dethkids (S1E16). Toki is upset over being misunderstood aka his public image being associated with kids and vehemently fights the idea by adopting an edgy personality.

When he watches Juliette's video, about being a child that longs for violence, it speaks to him and his childhood. Toki feels seen by this little girl and imagines his child self singing with her.

Sadly, when he goes out to meet her, she's already dead. Here goes Toki's first attempt at connection, utterly butchered.

In the following episode, we're introduced to Rockzo in Dethclown (S1E17). Toki brings his clown friend over and everyone pretty much almost instantly dislikes him. Not to mention Rockzo tries to betray Dethklok for drugs. Still, he sticks around for the remainder of the show as Toki's friend.

Though it's important to mention how much of that friendship involves Rockzo abusing Toki's kindness and generally being a shitty person. He's not exactly someone Toki can rely on.

It is not that significant but I'd also like to give a shout out to Dethwater (S1E02), where Toki is locked in an oxygen chamber and sings to the fishes and creatures in the sea. It's an early episode, but already portrays Toki's friendly nature and colorful life outlook.

Season 2

In season 2, we have Dethlessons (S2E02). After having a disagreement with Skwisgaar's teaching method, Toki meets Dimneld Selftcark. Though initially wanting him as guitar teacher, it's clear Toki doesn't actually intend to perfect his craft and more than anything appreciates his company. Toki even refers to him as 'a father friend'.

However, as luck would have it, Selftcark is ill and dies in Toki's arms after Toki gave his first recital.

Then there's Dethdad (S2E15), where Toki learns that his dad is dying of cancer. Toki is very much visibly affected by his parents' abuse towards him, though he still decides to pay his father a visit. When Toki finally gains the courage to see him and bond one last time, his father requests to see the cottage he was born at before dying.

Unfortunately, Toki steps and slips on his way there, dropping his father into the ice. Toki watches his father die and is unable to do anything about it.

This boy is really just collecting traumas all the way, huh?

Season 3

Dethhealth (S3E03) has Toki adopting a cat he found at a concert. Although he is not the best caretaker of the animal, Toki is very obviously fond of his new pet.

But, of course, the cat was dying, solving the mystery of who was the person dying within Dethklok. Toki is so devastated that he faints and then proceeds to have an elaborate dream sequence for closure.

Fertilityklok comes three episodes later (S3E06) and we find a Toki jaded with casual sex encounters. He decides he wants to meet a partner whom he can have children with. Though initially facing Dethklok's indignation, Toki goes forward with the idea and lands in a dating agency.

They find the perfect partner for Toki but nothing ever goes well with this guy and the lady in question disappoints Toki both in looks and personality. To make things worse, the agency wants to force him in a relationship with her and for Toki to impregnate her, even.

Toki manages to escape the whole charade and decides he's better off with sluts. This one is not so tragic as much as it's just another total failure at forming the connection Toki so desperately craves.

Season 4

Diversityklok (S4E04) and Bookklok (S4E05) feature Toki's interpersonal problems within the band so I figured they were mentioning as well.

In Diversityklok, Toki complains about feeling constantly left out by the band, so he forms a 'special persons invite club' to gain agency over his friends. He still ends up being forgotten by them at the end of the episode.

In Bookklok, Toki has a fallout with Skwisgaar after being denied a solo and writes a book denouncing his behavior towards him. In modern lingo, he essentially cancelled Skwisgaar. He fails to consistently maintain the fans' approval as he flunks the solo he so desperately wanted. His fight with Skwisgaar is not resolved (at least, not on screen).

Finally we get to Dethcamp (S4E07), where Toki's erratic behavior conflates with the mainline plot. In the search for friends, Toki goes to the Rock-a-Rooni Fantasy Camp, where he's almost killed by one of the campers. He's saved by Dethklok's former rhythm guitarist, Magnus Hammersmith and they subsequently become friends.

Good ending? No, Magnus stabs and kidnaps Toki over Roy Cornickleson's funeral, his fate being unknown as the season ends.

Doomstar Requiem

We finally learn how Toki joined the band. He showed up late to Dethklok's auditions and had a guitar duel with Skwisgaar, where he eventually lost. Defeated, he was abandoning the premises when Skwisgaar says that nobody made him play as well as Toki did, inviting him to join the band.

From then on, it's all rainbows and happiness for Toki as his life finally takes a turn for the better. He has found a family and a home. He loves his brothers and his life. Current Toki is on the brink of death and thinking about Dethklok is his only solace.

I might be biased in saying this but the sequence from 'I Believe' feels like the peak of the movie, and I don't think this is incidental.

While Toki is rescued at the end of the movie, we don't get to see a proper reunion.

Army of the Doomstar

Cut to 10 years later, Army of the Doomstar releases and while the plot is much about the end of the world, we get to see post-DSR Toki.

First of all, at the start of AOTD it is stated that Toki (as well as the rest of the band besides Nathan) has forgotten about what happened during Doomstar Requiem. However, his attitude towards the band is very loving, stating he's happy to be back with them.

He's especially fond towards Skwisgaar, attempting to hug him multiple times, worrying and being generally attentive of him. Toki shows both verbal and physical affection towards Skwisgaar over the course of the movie, finalizing in the bridal carry during the before last scene. Compared to the show, it's a huge contrast to their relationship, where Skwisgaar and Toki behaved as rivals, with Toki feeling simultaneously admiration and envy towards Skwisgaar.

But what are you trying to say with all of this, Basu? Well, essentially it's the following:

At some point, Toki started feeling neglected by the band and began seeking love from outside sources. The childhood companion he never had (Juliette), a father figure (Selftcark), his actual father, a pet, a girlfriend and finally...an actual friend he could rely on (Magnus). All of the aforementioned failed, eventually landing him in an even worst situation where he started.

However, being stuck there, wounded, malnourished and dying is what reminded him of the best time of his life. Of the people most important to him. And even if those memories were seemingly gone, the feeling prevailed.

Sure, Dethklok is massively flawed and there's lot of work they have to do with regards to interpersonal relationships, but they're his family and his life. Perhaps the lifestyle or his need for ego/power (Skwisgaar plays a big hand in this) made him forget about it for a second, but he knows it now. He doesn't need to look for love from strangers, he already has it in them. They're everything he's always wanted and he's going to cherish them for the rest of his life.

And if you're wondering why the special emphasis on Skwisgaar, my theory has to do with the age regressing that was confirmed in the movie. While it mostly happened over the Ishnifus funeral, I think Toki has generally gone back to the emotional state he was in when he joined Dethklok. A young, easily impressionable man happy to finally have found a family.

Which means he holds Skwisgaar in special regard, considering he is the guy that accepted him into the band. Not Nathan, Pickles or Murderface, it was Skwisgaar.

You could almost say that Toki might view Skwisgaar as his hero, given that he is the reason Toki has everything he has right now. So I think Toki's gratefulness is expressing in that almost overwhelming affection. Just like Toki's not going to let himself forget his feelings for the band, he's not going to let them forget about his feelings, either. It might not be easy, but Toki's priorities are clear now. His heart is with Dethklok.

In short, even if Army of the Doomstar didn't address Toki's issues the way we would've wanted, it's still a happy outcome for him and I fully believe he'll have more than enough to work on them. Metalocalypse is, at its core, a story about found family. This is specially true for Toki.

So, I really believe that Toki is eventually going to heal and be happy with the band. :)

#metalocalypse #toki wartooth #dethklok #doomstar requiem #army of the doomstar #basu post #analysis #sorry for the corniness at the end fdjhsdjkfdj #sometimes a bitch loves her blorbo too much #ive been wanting to write this for months i finally got my shit together and did it

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decorabnuy · 2 months

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been thinking of what a madoka magica x project sekai collab would look like, aka which character would be who, so i wanted to make a little rant about it!!

there are two options: 1- they could make the characters fit by color scheme, or 2- make the characters fit by their personalities

1 is the easiest option to think about, Emu would be Madoka, Mafuyu would be Homura, Haruka would be Sayaka, Kohane would be Mami, and there isn't a red haired character in the game, sooo you would have to make a stretch if you want to have Kyoko :')

but 2 is the option that I wanted to think more about and what this thread will be more focused on! so let's talk about that :)

i think it's very safe to say that Honami would be Mami! both are very caring and take the role of a leader/role model for the others around them, and they act a lot like a big sister/mom. they also have/used to have a problem with selfishness (Mami thinking about her wish and position as magical girl, Honami being on everyone's side to not be left out, thinking it was selfish) and thinking about their overall worth to others and themselves, they're very much alike :))

yeah i think Mafuyu would still be Homura B) while they also match in looks, they both had a problem where during life, they lost their identity and ended up becoming cold, serious, and empty. you could also say that they both dedicate their lives to a person (homura: madoka; mafuyu: (pleasing) her mom + others). oh and deep down they're both dorks i needed to make this clear

Airi being Kyoko would also be an easy one, they're both pretty harsh but have this responsible and reliable side to them! they're also kind of individualist and focus a lot on themselves and how this ties to their overall identity (Airi being an idol and Kyoko a magical girl). AND THEY BOTH HAVE FANGS!! perfect

i think that if there was someone who would be the magical girl of justice like Sayaka, it would be An. both of them act in a tomboyish way and are very kind and impulsive, they're also really afraid of rejection/failure (Sayaka with being rejected by Kyousuke, An being left out by Kohane). i think she's a good character overall to be Sayaka and i don't see much ppl talking about it

and lastly, Minori as Madoka!! they're both anxious extroverts, which always want to bring happiness and hope to everyone around them, and despite their insecurities, everyone feels at ease around them. they also start to be more confident in themselves after doing their job (Minori as an idol and Madoka as a magical girl). also both of them have angel motifs which is really nice!!

aaaand i think this is it!! this would be my choices for a Madoka Magica x Project Sekai set, or even an au, idk, i could always draw both if u guys like the idea!! :))

#project sekai #project sekai colorful stage #prsk #mafuyu asahina #honami mochizuki #minori hanasato #an shiraishi #airi momoi #madoka magica #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #madoka kaname #homura akemi #sayaka miki #kyoko sakura #mami tomoe

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brucewaynehater101 · 5 months

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HOLY FUCK

I'm here cuz I need to ask—

Was Damian's DNA handcrafted and cherry picked from Bruce and Talia's? none of letting Life do it's thing aka andomizing the available genes?

I don't think the label of Eugenics Baby applies if my limited knowledge on what eugenics is, is right —wait, fuck! That's a Designer Baby

Yeah I think that's gonna fuck up Damian's mental health because his mother &/or lab scientists hand selected and excludes the traits they desired and didn't want in him

At first Damian would think that his blood is exactly as his mother desired and perfect for whatever he must do, perfect to be the son of Al Ghul and Wayne, unlike Bruce's other children. He's take pride in it at first

And then it would hit him that if his mother hadn't cherry picked what his genetic code would be, he could've been a failure in the League's, his mothers, and maybe even the Wayne's eyes before birth, over something he has no power over

Soemthing Bruce's other kids never concerned themselves over, and Tim even has Ra's respect without handpicked genes and—

But Damian's genes were handpicked so that must make him the exception and—

That would fuck me up if that was me

Apologies if I got anything wrong about canon, we can just play with this as an AU if I did, i guess

But uh yeah, Damian as a Designer (maybe Eugenics) Baby is fucked up and I think that should be discussed

Canon likes to play around with Damian's conception (and whether it was consensual or not), so no worries on how close this is to canon.

If Damian's genes were handpicked and he was a designer baby, you are absolutely correct that it would fuck him over mentally. For instance, did he survive his childhood due to his skills or due to the genes Talia picked for him?

Then we can get into nature vs nurture. There's a psychology debate on whether people are born the way they are or whether their environment shapes them to be that way. The usual consensus is that it's a mixture of it. For certain mental illnesses, someone could be predisposed due to genetics and be more or less likely to develop the illness based on their environment. Same with intelligence, health conditions, physical capabilities, etc.

For Damian, how much of his bloodlust is nature vs nurture? Did his mom choose to increase his proclivity for violence, or did she train that into him? Is his anxiety due to his trauma or a consequence of a more desirable trait Talia picked out? What parts of himself would he have had if Talia didn't fuck around with his genes? How much of Damian can he attribute to himself and how much is his mother's doing?

Not knowing would cause the kid to spiral for years

#dc comics #dc universe #damian wayne #damian wayne angst #damian al ghul #thank you for the ask!!!!

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sigyn-foxyposts · 15 days

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"The Afton family" Part 1/2 Fnaf Amaranth AU!

Note: Yes, this AU is inspired by Mobox87's and many others old FNAF lore that was created back in 2015-2016 but is remade to fit into what we have today. I'm simply doing this for the sake of fun and keeping a part of the nostalgia alive. All designs are inspired by how I viewed them personally growing up, making them my original designs. Please tag me if you ever make fanart, thank you :D

A huge thanks to @vamnp for coming up with the name of this AU!

The Parents:

Name: Scott Ralph Afton.

Nickname: Scotty

Nationality: British (Moved to America)

Scott is clumsy and laid back. He is also a bit skittish because his dad used to scare him, intentionally as a child.

Has always struggled mentally, thanks to his childhood being quite rough.

He was bullied in school for being the shy and antisocial kid, often hiding in the bathroom stalls to get away.

He never had a good relationships with his parents, not even with Vincent no matter what he originally thought.

Has undiagnosed ADHD.

His special interest is machinery!

Likes to keep things organized and tidy.

Hates when someone is disobedient.

Loves teasing and making dad jokes!

Like his second oldest son, he has a fondness for the animatronic Foxy!

Suffers from insomnia and hallucinates.

He has a high pain tolerance and often gets injured, hence the many bandages he is wearing. His wife puts them on.

Feels horrible for not being able to stop Vincent from killing his children & being the cause of so many deaths.

Scott is the phone guy and tape guy (aka Henry but now it's Scott!)

Scott didn't actually die after the animatronics attacked and stuffed him into a suit, he was just severely injured.

Despite being in pain, he managed to stay alive until someone found him. After that incident he decided to retire.

He commits suicide, suffocating during the fnaf 6 fire together with Michael.

Scott is a hard working man that love's his family more than anything, but struggles to keep the stability going. Not only does he specialize with dangerous animatronics at work along side his brother Vincent, who has always been questionable in nature. He has always struggled mentally thanks to his upbringing.

The lack of sleep he is getting from his insomnia and night shifts causes him to get injured on the job. Which his wife is very unhappy about, they could be bickering and next thing they know they're argumening over family matters. Though Scott tries to be the one who puts an end to it and be a better husband and father to his children, he has to admit he is far from perfect. He retired from his own business Fazbear entertainment after the tragedies and focused on his remaining family, returning briefly during fnaf 6 to aid Michael and decided he would commit suicide with them.

Name: Margaret Fritz.

Nickname: Mag, Magpie.

Nationality: Norwegian.

Margaret met Scott through high school and originally felt bad for him, letting him rant to her about his inventions.

This somehow sparked feelings between the two and they remained high school sweethearts up until their marriage.

Margaret went to medical school and worked as a nurse for a few years, earning a good living for them.

She did end up quitting early and became a stay at home mom when she first got pregnant with twins.

Later in life she would try getting back into the work field but retires due to mental health issues.

Has a slight drinking problem and hates how addicted she is to it.

She suffers from compassion fatigue.

Developed depression and erratic behavior after the disappearances.

Feels guilty for Charlie's death because she was drinking that night and asked Scott to get him. (He was working late)

After Scott died in the fire, she went back to her drinking habits and died from liver failure. (Basically suicide)

Margaret is a stay at home mother who often finds herself stressed over not just her kids, but also her husband. Thanks to his recklessness at work and his horrible sleep schedules, along with his mental health. Margaret and Scott tend to argue a lot about his well being and over how they should manage things in their household, which often ends up going nowhere. This caused her to pick up a small drinking habit that she tries her best to hide from everyone, especially her children. Margaret originally came from Norway but moved to America with her family when she started high school. There she not only met Scott but got a degree in nursing and after a few years of dating, fell pregnant. This caused her to have to stay home permanently and at first while it was difficult, she knew she was doing it for a good cause. Their growing family. After the missing children's incident she went completely off the rails and had to be sent away to the mental hospital by Scott. She really struggled, especially with the guilt of not being able to protect her children that she had spent so much of her life taking care of. Eventually though she would be able to return back to Scott and their remaining children, raising them.

Older siblings:

Name: Coppelia Afton.

Nickname: Lia

Age: 11 (in 1984)

Coppelia is the twin sister of Charlie!

Has ADHD.

Struggles sleeping like Scott.

Her special interest is also machinery!

She's often found outside tinkering in the garage with something.

She also loves reading books, specially the book that she was named after.

Can be quite hyperactive and playful, often leading her to be a bit brutal.

Love's to have playful banters with Scott or Charlie to see their reactions.

When she was younger she used to draw disturbing drawings, she grew out of it though! Scott affectionately calls her "his creepy daughter"

She loves eating bacon and eggs or pancakes, calling it her british breakfast. (Because she thinks it's funny)

After Margaret was sent away Mrs Andrews, their neighbor helped Scott take care of Coppelia and her brother.

This caused her to became a mother figure to her and she calls her mom!

She doesn't like any of the animatronics and once she got so scared as a child that she threw up and cried.

Coppelia is her families only daughter and tue older twin, taking most characteristics after her father. She is very hyperactive and playful, often tinkering with machinery like her father when he was younger. She can't be still for long, yet somehow she never runs out of energy either. She loves playing around with her siblings which often leads her to be a bit competitive and rough. She always feels a bit guilty because she accidentally hurts them or make them cry! The reason she prefers playing with her siblings still, is because she gets bullied at school too. Unlike her father though, she puts up a fight which gets her in trouble. Surprisingly Coppelia never noticed the issues her family had before her siblings went missing and her parents were even more unstable than what was normal to her. As if she didn't already struggle sleeping it got even worse for her, grieving heavily at the fact she might not even see her twin brother or younger brother again. She didn't know what to do and was afraid of when her father had to get back to work, but Margaret wasn't there anymore. Luckily their friendly neighbor Mrs Andrews would offer to watch over her and her baby brother, offering her support to the girl and comforting her. She knew what it was like loosing someone.

Name: Charlie Afton.

Nickname: Charles.

Age: 11 (When he died)

Charlie is the twin brother of Coppelia!

Struggles with anxiety.

His favorite animatronic is puppet.

He really likes collecting porcelain dolls.

Enjoys listening to the music box because it was a lullaby his parents used to comfort him with as a baby.

Charlie is actually left handed but forces himself to use his right to blend in!

The lefty animatronic was based on a stuffed teddy bear he owned.

Later Scott recreated Lefty as a animatronic to capture Charlie.

Like Scott he is also clumsy and skittish.

He is very pale and easily gets bruised.

To avoid people assuming bad things about his home life, he wears make-up, long sleeves and pants.

He originally wore make-up to just hide his bruises but started to enjoy it!

His parents find this adorable and often his mother helps him experiment around with her make-up stash!

Even though he keeps calm under stressful situations, when conflicts arises his anxiety skyrockets.

Especially when his and Coppelia's bullies search for them during school.

He knows Margaret has a drinking problem but hasn't said that he knows.

He hates when his parents argue because of how his brother accidently got in the way and was injured in the past. Luckily it never happened again.

His favorite cousin is Chris, someone he heavily sympathizes with!

Vincent stabbed Charlie multiple times in the lungs out of drunken rage, leaving him outside to bleed out in the rain.

Charlie is the oldest son and younger twin, taking a lot after both his parents. He is quite gloomy, clumsy and introverted but a passionate caretaker like his mother. Like his sister they're not exactly popular at school and the kids often picked on them, but Coppelia was there to protect him! Sometimes he wishes he would be able to do the same, to show that he was capable.. But all he could do was run and get the teacher. He makes up for this when he is able to protect his brother and the missing children after he is killed by Vincent outside of the pizzeria. The reason he died was because he was waiting for Scott to finish working after Maggie forgot to pick him up. Then the same children who bullied him and his sister threw him outside and locked the door. At first he blamed both his parents for his death, but stopped holding a grudge against them when he realized Scott and Michael tried to free them behind the scenes.

Younger siblings:

Name: Bartholomew Fritz Afton.

Nickname: Bart, Fritz

Age: 7 (When he died)

Has ADHD.

His favorite animal is the fox, hence why he loves and adores foxy.

He has an obsession with pirates and pretends to be one all the time!

His favorite holiday is Halloween.

He likes to tease and be the annoying younger brother, often copying Coppelia's behavior.

Whenever he's bored he ask his parents or older siblings to read to him.

His favorite books are pirate books and books about norwegian folklore: because they have scary sea creatures.

Sings those kids nursery rhymes 24/7.

Hates loud shouting and glass breaking after he accidentally stood between his parents when they were arguing.

His favorite cousin is Brenda because she likes playing pirates with him!

Vincent lured Bart to parts and service, breaking his kneecaps, cutting of his hand and slicing his throat. It was so deep he pretty much decapitated him.

Bartholomew also known as Bart for short, is the second oldest son. He is hyperactive and outgoing to the fullest, insisting he is the leader of any group he comes across, siblings or friends. You'll often see him wearing pirate gears and singing songs, dragging around his younger brother who happily follows. He also never stops talking about what interests him and struggles knowing when to stop. He loves pirates, sea creatures and foxy! Bart also always unintentionally gets himself into trouble, even if it isn't his fault and while he loves his father the most, he hates being punished by him and go to the thinking corner. After he was killed by his own uncle Vincent, like the other missing children he can't trust adults and is very aggressive. Even to his own father Scott, when he figured out he possessed Foxy and tried to communicate with him.

Name: Matthew Afton.

Nickname: Matt.

Age: 4 (in 1984)

He is a very bubbly boy, who easily make people smile.

He is somewhere on the autism spectrum.

His favorite animatronic is balloon boy.

Balloon boy was inspired by Matthew's younger appearance and made by Scott.

He has a huge sweetooth and will try to steal sweets when no one is watching!

Margaret jokinly and affectionately calls him a ''menace'' to her existence.

He loves being around other people, which is why he always follows his brother or mother around.

He has a few funny quirks, such as rocking back and forth when he is excited, walking on his toes or biting on things.

He also tends to be so quiet that Scott got scared by him multiple times becuse he was just standing there, smiling at him.

His favorite thing is arts and crafts and he actually helped decorate the pizzeria along with other children there.

He loves playing with balloons, but hates when they pop, then he will start crying.

He used to be close with Bart before he went missing, now he is very attached to his older sister Coppelia.

His favorite cousin is Elizabeth because she offered him ice cream once.

Matthew is the youngest son and the only surviving family member of the Afton family with his older sister after Michael and his parents. As a child he was a bubbly boy filled with laughter, often finding himself following others around rather than leading the way like his older brother Bart. He was very young when his brothers disappeared and when he got older he struggled remembering them. When Maggie was sent away to the mental hospital, Scott retired to take care of him and was finally able to improve on his parental skills. When Matthew became an adult he started working under Fazbear entertainment despite the history it held to his family with his sister.

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enchantressiren · 2 months

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I love your readings! What advice would you give to someone starting out in tarot?

Hi, love, thank you and thanks for asking.

It’s funny that you have asked me this since I am genuinely new to tarot. My third time (I would say the other two were mere failures and me simply giving up) using tarot was on February 7th with the ‘’Who are you and what makes you seductive? (Advice + Detailed).’’ So, I’ll simply give you what I do with tarot. Let’s start!

Usually, starting off with tarot can be hard, scary, and definitely challenging. Not knowing what the cards are and learning about them as you search for them can cause confusion for yourself. It makes you question if you are even worth giving a reading to someone because you have not memorized it. But that’s genuinely okay; we all start off somewhere, so taking baby steps and allowing yourself to practice the cards is a must. The saying that practice makes perfect is correct, but also taking the time to understand the energy and meaning of the cards is important.

For me, I will focus on the energy first, meaning I will focus on the pile number whatever energy first and allow my intuition to take control. Then I’ll ask my cards a question and shuffle, allowing my intuition to lead me to the right cards. And then the cards come out or fly out, and thus we can start.

I know that looking at the cards can be overwhelming and your mind can become stressed out, but the tarot should not be over complicated. It’s actually rather simple. Allow your mind to drift, allow your hands to type for you, or allow your mouth to speak for you, meaning let your intuition take control of what you write or speak. And then look up the meaning of the cards. For the most part, you will see you are right about it, and the other times, you will have to add on to them. To sum it all up, tarot is kind of like a deck of cards, or perhaps chess? You have to learn them by practicing and find new techniques to win, but in this case it would be.. You have to practice the cards by asking questions, finding new energies to test them out with, aka doing readings, challenging yourself by doing it with yourself, and learning to adapt to the meaning and balance intuition and tarot. I know this seems complicated, but trust me, after 2-3 months of consistency, everything becomes easier.

As for advice, I would say to practice and not use the meaning of the card for every single question or reading you give. Just because one card says that's the case doesn't mean it’s the truth. It’s generalized, and the energy of the card is what is important. Try to understand that each energy, including yours, is different from what the card's meaning is saying. Because the card meaning doesn't know what you are asking or what you are channeling, and it’s simply devoid of emotions.

Another piece of advice I would give is: don't find it embarrassing. Tarot is definitely cool, and it’s fun to get answers. Find passion in it and lose yourself as you channel it for yourself or for others. Let your mind wander, and let your intuition help you. One of my favorite things to do for myself when I feel like I shouldn’t do tarot for you guys because I am not even proficient in it is to remind myself that, despite my level, I am able to help you out in different ways. I think having a goal with tarot is helpful since it has helped me. So if you feel stressed out using tarot and all these different meanings and different energies feel challenging and you want to give up, go back to what your original goal was. And remind yourself why you are doing,

Another advice would be to focus on one card at a time as you fully start. My mistake sometimes is flipping all of the cards and becoming so overwhelmed that I doubt myself. I can never channel it well, and a lot of missing messages appear for me. It could be the same for you or for someone else, so focus on one card at a time. If you feel comfortable doing them all at once, you can, but channeling that much energy can become overwhelming, especially if you are channeling more than six cards at a time. And maybe it’s different for you, and it could be 15 or more cards.. Personally, it doesn’t matter, but make sure you do not overdo yourself. Tarot is focused on energy, or that is what I have noticed for myself, so you are giving away your energy to channel; that’s usually how it’s with intuitive readings, so if you feel exhausted, then stop. Just stop then and prioritize yourself throughout it.

Another advice is that I am not sure if it’s true, as I have seen it before, but your card can never hate you. Even when you are struggling, down in the dumps, and such, your cards cannot hate you. It’s like saying, ‘’oh, you aren’t reading me right because you are sad. Screw you!’’ The cards care for you, and I truly doubt your cards can hate you. And just because you aren’t getting any cards doesn't mean they hate you. It either means you already know the answer and you are doubting yourself, or there is simply no answer for you. And not having an answer isn't a bad thing, but you can use that as an opportunity to channel something else for yourself or for others.

So much advice, wow. Okay, so another would be thank your cards. Showing gratitude for your cards strengthens your bonds, and that gratitude energy comes back to you through love and signs. Ive been noticing that, and it can be different for everyone, but I always talk to my tarot cards like they are my friend and everything always goes nice and smoothly. And I see signs from my readings done through other things, and it makes our bond stronger because I trust it even more.

One crucial piece of advice is not to do so many readings at once. Think of a social battery. You are introverted, and you constantly speak to someone and make yourself drained. It’s the same here. As I said before, once you feel exhausted, simply stop. Find things that relax you—recharge, eat something, lay on your bed, or even meditate. Do something that elevates you and relaxes you. This will boost your mood and make you feel better and motivated to go back into it. I know tarot can be fun and exciting, but always prioritize yourself in this. And your card is not going to be mad or sad with you because you stopped.

It’s okay to give up tarot and come back to it since I did the same. But do not bite yourself and shame yourself because you stopped. Sometimes we lose passion for something that we once loved, and it doesn’t serve us anymore. And maybe that could’ve happened to you or might happen to you. And if you took some time off from it and decided to try again and it just wasn't for you, then that’s 100% okay too. I genuinely do not see anything wrong with it since everyone always grows out of their shells and finds something new for themselves; that is a part of life, and it’s so beautiful to see.

So this one is something dear to me. But find a card that you are drawn to. A lot of people make mistakes, and I almost fell into this—but a lot of people will buy tarot cards to channel the questions they ask, but they will not find the right cards for them. Think of a witch or a wizard in the fantasy world, and they summon their own familiar or animal companion to help them with their spells and their lives. The same can be addressed here. When you find the cards that draw you in and that feel right for you, that feeling is completely different and mesmerizing. I cannot explain that feeling, but it feels like it was meant to be or that it was picked out or made just for you. When I first wanted to get myself tarot cards, I decided to use Amazon and found those cheap ones. There is nothing wrong with them, but I would always postpone them, and I would become frustrated that they were sold out each time. But again, that wasn’t meant for me. And I procrastinate buying them for months. I was already so drawn to the tarot cards, but procrastinating on them for months isn’t my forte. And then one day I decided to get a random app, look up tarot cards, and found the cards for me. And, oh my god, I could not stop thinking about them; everything I did, it was on my mind. I was so so so drawn to it and told myself, despite the pay and shipping, I just had to get it, and I did, and I was ecstatic. (And let me just tell you, anyone could have bought them because they were up on sale for awhile; that is what I am saying about having a card that is meant for you). I will always remember that feeling, and as I do pick a cards for others and ask questions for myself, I always feel that same energy with the cards. In a way, I think that energy latched onto the card because I always feel gratitude energy with it. And I always feel so good about it. So make sure you find the cards that actually drawn you in, and they mean something to you.

One of the most important things I have learned is not to do tarot when you are feeling emotional, especially for yourself. You become biased, too scared, or even hesitate to channel the energy. You need to have a clear mind and head space in order to channel the things that need to be said. Always focus on your breathing when you do not think you can relax, and allow yourself to relax. Give yourself permission if you struggle with it.

Another thing: this is a must, but do not force the cards to have the meaning that you want. Tarot is unbiased and wants to give you answers to help you, so do not make the meaning what you want it to be. Not only does this disrespect you and your intuition, but it also disrespects the cards and/or the people/person you are channeling for. I know that everyone wants good things, even through the pain they feel.. Even those who are afraid of happiness.. But let the cards say their truth, accept it, and then you have the power to change the outcome by actually understanding what the tarot and your intuition have said and seeing from the guide that you got from them to change your own outcome. I know that some situations cannot be changed, like when things are just supposed to happen for a reason, but there are some circumstances where you can change them, but only if you see the tarot and your intuition as a guide and not something that is supposed to happen exactly or you are fighting against it. This is also why some tarot readers and/or intuitive readers put a disclaimer that it's for entertainment purposes or that you shouldn't use it as a mental diagnosis or something of medical advice. In some sense, it is for entertainment, and it can help you figure out if you need help, but at the same time, there are limitations, and you should truly get yourself medical help. The same goes for your intuition; you cannot always know the answer to things, and sometimes you have to use your other working abilities, like your logical mind, your five senses, your body functions, your heart, etc., to help you navigate your life. That is why I say tarot is simple, but people over complicate it and forget to understand it.

I believe this is my last piece of advice, but this is a big must. Always be detached as you do the readings for yourself and others. You do not want the other person's energy leeching onto you and making you think you are going insane or that their energy is you. Think of doing tarot like a story, and it’s simply a book instead of their energy. That is how I stay detached, so I do not make the same mistakes in the past and have their energy with me. You can also do meditations to have a protective bubble around you or simply imagine it for yourself since it’s kind of the same thing; meditation is just focused on being grounded and focuses on energy, kind of like reiki. You can also affirm that you are naturally protected, spiritually protected, divinely protected, etc. Sometimes, when you have someone else's energy surrounding you, you can send off the same energy and attract people like that. I had that same situation occur to me a million times and thought that there was something wrong with me, or I wondered why I was attracting people like that into my life despite knowing I did not deserve that. So remember to detach from the readings you do, because without detaching, you can cause yourself any type of harm.

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shiongenkai · 13 days

Text

Yuri and Frostheim

AKA another unnecessarily long analysis on a fairly straightforward fact. I can't help it! It's my nature. Just as Yuri is to classical music and occasionally incorrect facts I am to stupid long posts. I'm sorry and it will happen again this is a promise.

Anyway... same deal as always. Analysis under the read-more, tl;dr right here.

Yuri fits Frostheim ideals more than Mortkranken, and until he learns to play nice with his ex-house, he won't truly embody Mortkranken and be an effective captain and leader.

To start with a very basic explanation of how I perceive house ideals, I use Hyde's brief explanation of the houses from the prologue as a basis of the weighing, as well as other observations from a character archetype and thematic standpoint. This isn't a perfect system, but I've found that every character fits their current house, past house, or both, with the categories becoming a lot easier to recognise once you notice it.

So with that in mind, let's take a look first at both Frostheim and Mortkranken's ideals, and then look at both Yuri AND Jiro, the captain and vice-captain.

Hyde describes Frostheim as the following:

Values success; self-confident and relentless in pursuit of goals

On the other hand, he describes Mortkranken as:

Values intelligence; insightful and can observe things objectively

I think you can already see where this is going if you're familiar with him in any capacity.

I'm going to make something abundantly clear: Yuri Isami is a genius and I will not try to state otherwise. He is incredibly intelligent, and he certainly sees it as an important criteria in other people as showcased by his quizzing of the MC and constant insults towards those he thinks of as lesser.

He is also insightful when it comes to things that were previously unknown to the MC. Many of his explanations are in-depth and concrete; the MC understands more than she had before he explained it. In these ways, he does fit Mortkranken and its ideals, but if you take a closer look at his character in general, you'll find these traits are masking others, and you'll find that the final Mortkranken ideal, objectivity, is entirely absent from him.

A scene that sticks out to me in particular with Yuri is the one when his cure doesn't fully work. It is, for the most part, a success in the sense that our immune system is bolstered, even if it was a failure on our curse. A model Mortkranken student would react like Jiro. A matter of fact 'this is the results, and nothing more.' They would likely feel more disappointed that it didn't work, but the chances of them immediately moving onto the next try is high. They're researchers after all, and there's always chances of failure within the field. That's part of testing out new hypotheses. Results are undeniably important, but results are gained through failure upon failure. Success is aimed for and celebrated when achieved. Failure is a part of life.

But Yuri is totally shell-shocked. The MC even mentions that he seems more upset about it than her, because to Yuri success is the only option. There is no room for failure in his mind, because he isn't able to find meaning in the failure like others can. Yuri stakes everything on every experiment. He is, in this way, extremely egotistical. You can see this ego in the way he talks about other doctors and students, and even the staff themselves.

Yuri is in essence choosing to associate his achievements with himself. If he succeeds, it is because of his innate genius, because he himself is a success. Likewise, he treats failure as a personal failure. The cure didn't succeed, so Yuri Isami is a failure. And if Yuri Isami is a failure, then...?

And in order to get around this, Yuri takes to two personality traits. One is the aforementioned bravado and ego; if people see him as a success, he is a success. The other is an incredibly large amount of effort and time spent to maintain his position as a genius. I think this trait is overlooked in lieu of many other things, but Yuri is constantly sleep deprived because of his relentless pursuit of research and knowledge. He values this work more than his own health (even if he remembers presentation-based care, like bathing) to the point where he will do multiple all-nighters, and make Jiro do them too.

Compare this to Jiro, who has a similar schedule to Yuri, but frequently complains about it (in a very monotone, neutral way). While Yuri is content to work until he passes out, Jiro comments on how he just wonders when they'll be able to sleep again. Jiro also doesn't seem to place much importance on his own explanations, or on his minor corrections in Yuri's explanations. He is just looking at it matter-of-factly. Yuri did a long explanation; he summarised. Yuri got something wrong; he corrected it.

This laissez-faire attitude extends to his own research too, like when he made an incredible discovery and seemed almost indifferent to it, calling it an accident. The success was nice, he aims for success, but it's a result of the process of science as opposed to the end all be all. He doesn't mind failure because failure is inevitable. Something doesn't work out? Oh well.

Jiro is by far the most extreme possible example of Mortkranken ideals given his circumstances, but it's interesting to see how he contrasts Yuri, and how Yuri needs him just as much as Jiro needs him. In the Auction chapter, it's Jiro who brokers the deal, because he can think about it objectively. If Romeo says no, what's the harm done to either side? And if he says yes, isn't that good? Meanwhile, Yuri is focusing on the personal bias between them, and thinking only of a world in which it fails, which is why he's adamantly against it.

There is no objectivity in Yuri's mind, even with other people. He is always evaluating his chances of failure versus success, and if success isn't something he thinks is achievable, he starts to fall apart. You see this in the Mortkranken chapter when he can't solve the problem even with his stigma. He's failing. Again. And it's killing him inside.

This conflict between him and his house ideals thematically presents as him having less sway as Captain than other houses. He claims his house is a live and let live type of house, which is what Hotarubi is too, but Subaru is respected and listened to, even as a fairly unconfident, mysterious captain.

Think back to the Mortkranken chapter and the scene when he asks the general students to assist. They say it's too dangerous and refuse, and Yuri chooses to (essentially) bribe them to get them to help. I believe if it were reversed, if Jiro were there, he'd likely point out the simple fact that if they don't help, they'll definitely die. If they do help, they might not die. He'd be able to lay out the objective facts easier, and they would probably listen, since a chance of not dying is better than a definite death.

Yuri's students do have a moment of high respect for their captain though, and this is when he's discussing the reason WHY he pushed the pod out. The explanation on the acid versus the immortal creature was objective and insightful. If something destroys endlessly as something else grows endlessly, it will create stasis. His concise and insightful explanation is finally like the Mortkranken ideal, and the students eat it up!

There's also another minor thing that connects more to Frostheim than Mortkranken: Yuri's obsession with money and the budget.

Obviously this is practical, i.e. a lab can't run without funding, but if we think of him as being used to Frostheim's lavish building and spending (with an added layer of Frostheim being the nepo baby house, i.e. the house with wealthy sponsors and their kids) then it makes sense that he never sees the budget as high enough, especially when he's directly comparing it to the Institute, and Frostheim as a whole.

Finally, I just want to reiterate that Yuri isn't stupid. He's very, very smart, and he does belong in Mortkranken. But when you compare him to Jiro, or even other Frostheim students, it feels almost comical how much he resembles a Frostheim student than a Mortkranken one. Even if you take into account Tohma, who wasn't originally Frostheim but still embodies its ideals too, Yuri is still an outlier in his own house. It's interesting that he resembles the house he isn't able to let go of so thoroughly, and I believe that the only way he can grow as a Mortkranken student is to let go of his obsession with Frostheim.

The more he lets Frostheim dictate his life and his sense of self, the less he will connect with Mortkranken, and the worse off the dorm will be. They're not doing bad, but I'd argue they aren't flourishing to their full capacity. Yuri is capable of being the perfect captain. But he has to let go of his fear of failure, the same fear that permeates Frostheim, and he has to learn to embrace mistakes and the fear it brings. He has to learn that he can lean on others for support, like Jiro, and that he isn't the center of the world.

... And that's it for now! I think Yuri is fascinating to study. He's obviously incredibly intelligent and capable, but it often feels like he's just trying to hype himself up and hide behind it. I love to see his silly moments where he lets his guard down and just has fun, like the classical music singalongs, and I hope to see more of it. I also like how he maintains his connection through tea. Darjeeling, Jin's favorite.

And, finally for real, I think his name is also interesting to analyze (especially since it uses the kanji for both 'assistant' and 'to assist') but I haven't quite been able to do that in depth yet... but when I do I'll write a post about the names in TD and how they connect to their characters. There's some interesting ones, like Hotarubi being the Three Sacred Treasures, or Sinostra having connections to brand names.

Thank you for reading, if you made it this far! If you see any mistakes please tell me. I love to write stupid early and post without proofreading as fully as I should...

#tokyo debunker #yuri isami #eset essay #i wont tag jiro just bc hes not the central focus #mortkranken #td spoilers

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