#“roll that beautiful bean footage”

[mingzisdrgongxuo]

Since you apparently already know about this place.....

Who's double jeopardy is this? They already spoke their bitch at me and was put through the wringer about it.

[toastcryptid]

Continuation of this

[hileynoteson]

I’m full of beans

[4typercent]

Important question:

So, black cats can have any colour of toe beans, right?

Would Meowpherus have black toe beans, pink toe beans, or mixed toe beans?

Asking for a friend (me, I'm the friend)

🐾

[anistarrose]

please listen to taz steeplechase. there's good heists, there's nasty crime boys, and there's whatever the hell this was (no plot spoilers, just a goof)

transcript:

[faint calm music]

Griffin: Roll that beautiful bean footage, Dad.

Clint: I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm trying to —

Travis: Roll your beans!

[crosstalk, multiple McElroys]: One click —

Travis: Roll it, big beautiful bullet —

Griffin: That mouse — that mouse button gets heavy sometimes — oh my goodne — wait, no, Dad, you just —

Justin: Nope, nope, you just rolled a 6, apropos of nothing.

[clapping begins in the background]

Griffin, hysterical: I didn't know you could do that! Dad just rolled...[crosstalk] the number six!

Travis: The number six!

Justin: Yeah, Dad just — [wheezes]

Griffin: Dad just essentially typed "six" in —

Clint: That was my roll!

Travis: [crosstalk] Did you roll a D 6? Or the number six?!

Justin, laughing: No, I think — no. [laughter]

Clint: I typed in "roll d6!"

Griffin: No, you typed "rolling 6!"

Justin: And then it rolled a 6!

Griffin: Equals 6!

Clint: Well, then... yay for me!

Justin: No, Dad!

Griffin: No, Mac!

Travis: You basically just typed "6" into the chat, and then hit "send!"

Justin, laughing: I can't even make what he did happen!

Travis: You gamed the system!

Justin: Yeah, you just typed 6, Dad!

Travis: I don't even know how you did it! [crosstalk] You got inside the matrix!

Clint: Wait a minute, wait a minute! I typed in "forward slash roll d6"...

Travis: I think you mighta left out the D!

Clint: No, I did not! 'Cause I just typed in — I did the exact same thing

Griffin: [crosstalk] watch what happens, watch what happens, Justin just did "rolling d6" and I did "roll 6". Do you see the — the sort of syntactic difference —

Clint: Okay, but go up! Go up three, where I rolled d6 again, and it gave me 2!

Griffin, after a pause: Yea—yes! Cause that's a die! You wrote "rolling 6" in the first chat, not rolling d6!

Travis: And then I wrote "roll 2" and I got a 2, do you see? And now roll... 4...

Griffin: I just rolled a hundred thousand!

Justin, losing it: Okay, guys, we got other stuff to do —

Travis: Roll... Travis.

[whattheeverlovingfuck]

My favorite out of character legends of advantris quotes/sayings

"___is where I'm a Viking"

"That's acceptable currency"

"roll that beautiful bean footage"

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

"Roll that beautiful bean footage"

[erasabledinosaur]

roll that beautiful (toe)bean footage

[mcelquotes]

Roll that beautiful bean footage.

Griffin McElroy

[transformersweatpants]

I’d like it to be on the record that 1) my roommate bought a bluetooth speaker shaped and stylized like a can of Bush’s baked beans with her real american dollars simply to have the saying “Roll that beautiful bean footage!” be applicable, 2) this is the fourth Bluetooth speaker in our repertoire, and 3) the aforementioned baked beans speaker has an incredibly jarring sex robot voice

[sarcoptid]

when cats are so sleepy they let you really get in there

roll that beautiful bean footage!

[adultswim2021]

Xavier: Renegade Angel #19: “Damnesia You” | April 10, 2009 - 12:15AM | S02E09

This was just so great, man. I loved this so much. I don’t even want to review this all that much. Fuck it! I won’t! There have been a bunch of special episodes lately. The Racist one! The one-long-sketch one! This one! This one starts off like Damnesia Vu, with Xavier in the room with all them colored doors. He’s in some kind of mind-palace, if you’ll recall. In this one the doors lead to different viewer-submitted home-made versions of Xavier: Renegade Angel. Some of them are animated (both traditionally and not), and some of them are live-action, and some of them are a mix of both. 

A lot of the people and voices and styles seem vaguely familiar, at least to me. David Dineen-Porter is a guy I’ve seen perform comedy, and he is way brilliant. I read something on Reddit saying one of the guy’s is shmorky. I don’t actually know who shmorky is except for the fact that people say his name while grimacing and lowering their head in prayer. I googled it: it turns out he was involved in a “no bueno” situation. AHHH!!!

The episode takes the fan submissions and lets them play, sometimes. Sometimes the editors remix the entities a bit, which is nice of them.

Rather than talk about the content of the episode I am just gonna say this: I got high as fuck before watching it because it’s snowing outside, and that’s a good reason to use marijuana at 3PM. It probably helped me watch this three times, which I did. I watched it twice on the Adult Swim app, but the second time I pressed play was a mistake, and I just let it roll. “Roll that beautiful bean footage” I should have said.

The third time I watched it on DVD because I couldn’t identify the screengrab from shmorky’s cartoon, which I wanted to identify out of morbid curiosity, and the Adult Swim Roku app sucks for if you want to pause the episode. It sucks if you want to watch the last ten seconds of the episode without the screen dimming and being covered up by a big thumbnail of the next show in the autoplay, even if the credits are rolling over the final moments of the story. It fucking blows. 

I broke out the DVD just so I could pause it properly and read the names of the entries. I made a list of all of them here, because I don’t think there’s a list of them online anywhere, and that seems valuable, maybe.

The only other guy I actually remember here is David Dineen-Porter, who I’ve seen perform comedy and thought was brilliant. His IMDB shows that he wrote on the James Corden show. I hope he made an obscene amount of money and is currently buying lots of guns with it (I mean this nicely). 

Also, I found a link to every entry on it’s own. 

Grant “Manfred” Duffrin - Xavier Lends a Helping Hand Eric “Emotikkkon” Binmoeller - Meerkats David Dineen-[“] Porter: Self the Eye the Sees The Cream Within Shelby A. Hohl - As Above So Below Andrew De“hole”Young - Prism Jay Z. Yum David “He” Health - Gazzavier Renegade Angel Goes Up A Mountain Chiyoung “2:29” Lee DDS - Catch They Neighbor Robert “t S”mith - Omnippletence/The Phone Call Colyn “Bynumb” Emery - Art What Art Thou Dave “Da Grave Slave” Kelly - Xavier Looks Behind His Eye Amy “Peanut butter” Warner - Dog Eats Ketchup (couldn't find) John “Bobby ‘the ‘der’ Sanch’ Sanchez” Santos - Sueo Mojado Jason Dorris - Portly “n’ Jelly” Porthole Bo “Bikey” Thrice - Superhole Shuffle

Also: Those CLOSING CREDITS! A friend of mine told me to look out for them, and I said "okay".

MAIL BAG:

the cinco brothers are electric. they should bring them back and let them tell more stories about their lives.

The Sinko Brothers are in jail for nasty crimes and I hope they stay there. This thought is crude. Shame on you

[storywonker]

roll that beautiful bean footage

[qtsp00k]

I thought I heard an ad say "luscious baked beans" & it was actually for busches baked beans....but

Luscious baked beans is really funny to me

Roll that beautiful bean footage

[flannelol]

Did anyone else’s parents make them recite commercials as a kid?? Like did you say in a deep voice at age 4 “Roll that beautiful bean footage” for an audience of your parents peers and close family or was that just me??

[headedoutleft]

I saw a picture of a painted bunting and I thought of my childhood best friend’s little brother, probably eleven years old, coming up to us from the back of their property one day saying he’d shot a weird bird, maybe a parrot.

I knew many of our native birds because my aunt was a bird watcher. A thick copy of Audubon’s guide to birds sat next to binoculars in the window nearest the bird feeder at her house.

He held his BB gun in one hand and the lifeless bird in the other, it’s brilliantly colored feathers instantly recognizable.

“Why would you kill a bird like that?” I scolded him, as he stared sheepishly at its little body. I remember him looking so small and still, pondering his actions.

Their family felt very foreign to mine. My sibling and I weren’t allowed to even have toy guns lest we mistake the seriousness of a deadly weapon for play. We weren’t allowed to leave our tiny block unless the parents weren’t around and our grandparents let us walk to the convenience store, the only store for miles, and buy ice cream. But he spent hours by himself on that swampy property shooting things with his little gun without his parents even checking on him.

They ate canned ranch style beans and corn, without additional seasoning, as regular sides for their meals. It was strange to me, because I grew up in a world of cumin and chili powder and herbs. Their mother washed and folded and saved aluminum foil in a kitchen drawer expressly for that purpose. Shopping at garage sales was a family event, piling into the suburban to scour other people’s castaways. All of this austerity despite living in a beautiful house that had triple the square footage of my family’s home. Whereas our tiny home was packed with mess, theirs was a neatly organized hoard of antiques and junk. Their clutter was hidden in a finished attic or unused sunroom instead of scattered in full view across the floor and stacked into the hallway.

They didn’t have TV and, like many of us in the community, weren’t allowed to listen to secular rock and roll. I burned him CDs that got confiscated and thrown away, and then I burned some more. His parents never said anything to me about it, maybe he lied about where he got them. After a significant grounding he told me not to bother anymore. I always got the impression that their mother didn’t like me. Too loud, too opinionated, too worldly, too poor in my ways.

He passed away last year and they didn’t put a cause of death in the obituary. I didn’t call. His sister and I had a falling out as teenagers that widened into a gulf when she married a man that I despised for belittling everyone who disagreed with him. The last conversation he and I had was about how he thought Muslims in Iraq had earned the punishment of God acting through the US military. I told him that didn’t seem like a display of the love of Jesus to me. He wasn’t persuaded. The sinners deserved death. All I could see was her spirit wasting away, detaching itself from a reality I knew she would not and could not leave. So I let the friendship go - There wasn’t much left at that point.

Our mothers kept us updated through the years when they met incidentally at the grocery store or the cafe. Her little brother had felt like my little brother. When I heard over the years he was doing well, I was happy for him. Then he passed away suddenly, a heart issue was the rumor. At the time I pondered the connection to COVID, the likeliness that he hadn’t been vaccinated. He was in his early thirties.

I saw the picture of the bunting and thought, “I wonder how he’s doing?” Then I remembered he’s gone, and I was caught in the memory of a scrawny little kid with a gun killing a bird. I thought of his love of music, how he practiced kick flips in the driveway, his stoic kindness and sad acceptance of the authority that drove his life. I hope he was happy.