#''it's queerbaiting'' no it isn't because we're not talking about a fictional character

[peggycatrerr]

how are there people who actually for real get mad when a celebrity says some funny vague winding ambiguous nonsense about their sexuality. Like the way people react you’d think that the celebrity had said something actually homophobic directly to their face. cmon guys celebrities aren’t real they’re just the little entertaining freaks inside our computer screens i think they should be as annoying and kind-of-glass-closeted-but-maybe-straight-but-who-knows as they want to be. because it’s funny.

[ilovedthestars]

and also just. the way ambiguity in relationships is assumed to be romantic, too. see, i wrote that whole post a while back about how I loved ambiguous fictional relationships, with deep devotion but no clear label as to the type of relationship. i called it love as in significance--that's where my tag comes from. love as in being important to someone, in whatever form that takes.

and what I said then about how this applies to romance still applies--when I'm reading about a fictional romance, I'll be much more engaged with one that feels built on that foundation of significance than one that isn't. flirting, the trappings of modern courtship, those feel empty to me without the feeling that these characters already matter to each other. (this is why in real life I'm so perplexed by things like dating apps, or people who actively seek out romance with strangers--I just personally can't fathom the idea of wanting that kind of closeness with someone you don't already know and care for.)

but in regards to ambiguity....I feel like I've been burned a little. I loved ambiguity because it meant you could take many things away from it. other people could see romance, but I could see the kind of deeply devoted platonic relationship that, let's be honest, is incredibly rare in fiction. but I'm starting to feel frustrated by the way ambiguity is assumed to be romance, without an explicit statement that it's not. (I've joked about the obligatory "no hetero" moments that have to be inserted into the start of a piece of media that has a male and a female protagonist with any kind of relationship other than romance--the "not with those lips" moment in the D&D movie, for example. It's funny, and i appreciate it being made very clear, but it's kind of sad that it has to be.)

and...okay, there's an elephant in the room that i really should acknowledge. I was talking about it in that first post, but I made a point of never mentioning it, although i'm sure plenty of people guessed.

I haven't watched Good Omens season two. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to. When I first wrote about my love for ambiguous relationships back in February of 2023, Aziraphale and Crowley were at the top of my list. When I wrote about how ambiguity left room for anyone to see themselves represented, and how i wished that a little more space was left for aro voices, I was talking about them. I was frustrated by people who saw that ambiguity as "queerbaiting"--didn't they see that the story was already queer, that Aziraphale and Crowley cared so deeply for each other, and whether they kissed or not wouldn't change anything?

But they did kiss. And it did change something. I don't feel like there's a place left for me anymore. And there's social pressure to celebrate, to be happy for another canon queer love story on TV, and god I'd love to celebrate that, but I can't help but feel a little betrayed by a story that I thought would leave space for me.

(and yes, a kiss doesn't have to mean romance--but in this, in hollywood, it's assumed to. the creators and the audience both understand it as such, unless someone stops to say no, we're friends who kiss each other the mouth, we're subverting your expectations. because the expectations are inescapable.)

I've been trying to give myself the space to feel upset about this. To remember that aro stories are queer stories too. And I think I'm raising my standards. I'll take ambiguity--I'll take any carved-out space I can find. But I'm not sure I trust it anymore. I want explicitly platonic relationships with the level of love and devotion and care usually reserved for romance. I want to read and watch and listen to stories about people who are significant to each other without romance even being in the picture. I want love that isn't synonymous with romance. I'm going to stop feeling like I have to settle for anything less.

[jxcharliechaozxj]

Awful representation, or lack of, gay (male) relationships

PSA BEFORE I SAY WHAT IM GONNA

I send love to any lesbians reading! My discussion of your issues aren't to invalidate them. Y'all do deserve better and I'm not tryna undermine you guys with any of this- just using your group as a comparison to point out the indiscrepancies! This is specifically about my observation of (lack of) gay media.

AIGHT to the point- lack of homosexual male representation/complete fetishisation.

Something that pisses me off to no avail is the lack of specifically homosexual man /relationship media there is. Look up 'lesbian representation' you'll find 30+ articles on good shows and relationships and media that not only has them but REVOLVES around them and the articles SAY lesbian. Ofc fetishisation is half the issue, and that ain't fair but theres still MARGINALLY more lesbian media now than there is gay media. Look up 'gay male shows' you'll find 600 articles saying LGBT and not talking abt us specifically, or examples like otome games or gross queerbaiting. Look up more popular lesbian ships and it's majority canon relationships. Gay men? It's fucking Dean and cas or other shit that the writers wrote just to get the audience to fetishise us. So fucking sick of it. No this isn't saying we're mOrE opPressEd cuz it isn't a competition, we all face shit being LGBT. But we deserve to see healthy, non fetishised, non oversexualised gay rep.

I was about to write a list of healthy gay relationships in media but I genuinely can't think of many. Mitch and cam (modern family)- which are written kinda stereotypically, some b plots of Degrassi, that's all I can think of. Even my favourites are toxic- Mickey and Ian (shameless) constantly beat each other up, so do Keith and David (6 feet under) and Eric/Adam (sex education) is insanely unhealthy for that lack of respect of boundaries, and the unhealthy power dynamic that happened pre-relationship. Lesbians legit get cute lil cartoon gems getting married on cartoon network and we get abuse, toxicity, or stereotyping, because people think there can't be abuse if the two people are physically equals. It's bs.

Not to mention the fetishising of gay men in media written for women! Aside from creating ships between men just to fetishise, say you're so sinful for enjoying the dynamics, write about them having sex etc (Women shouldnt write in detail abt gay relationships at ALL imo, same with men and lesbians). But aside from that there's shit like yaoi, fujoshis, otome mlm games, specific fucking GENRES to describe media about us MADE. FOR. WOMEN. TO FETISHISE.

This shit honestly bothers me more than actual verbal homophobia. It's so hypocritical of the community, people act like because gay man is the most known identity in the community by outsiders, doesnt mean we don't face specific types of discrimination no other LGBT person does (as every group does- not specific to us, E.g trans rep is basically non existent, asexuals too, and bisexuals are often called confused, unlabelled or 'exploring). Lesbian fetishisation is disgusting of course, but the difference is it's purely sexual, but gay fetishising takes it to a whole other level as to create fictional relationships between fictional, non gay, characters, and WRITE about them having sex, interacting, and they swoon over every aspect. Tell me how that's worse than a dude jacking it to two women in a video.