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#''you're sad a lot of the time. obviously this is because your brain is fucking broken with Too-Sad-Disorder --
satanfemme · 2 years
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with every passing day I just grow more anti-psych tbh. like. burn the whole industry to the ground and start over lol
#don't unfollow me I've literally got brain problems myself and support mental disorder rights and etc etc etc#but I’m serious. especially lately with the recent influx of casual ableism... has anyone else noticed that too or?#would apologize for not listing examples of what I mean but honestly.... there's so many examples just Look Around You#and it gets to the point where you ask ''is it fair to label all 'dangerous' people mentally ill?'' and the answer is:#any label that is being applied to both social classes ''serial killers'' and ''trauma/abuse victims'' is a fucking meaningless label 100%#and needs to be scrapped.#idc about who is or isn't ''technically'' mentally ill. it's a label that's being applied. look at who it's applied to.#if you think ''mentally ill'' is a neutral - let alone positive - label in our society idk where u live#and if u think about the full subjectivity of the mentally ill label - as well as individual diagnoses labels - for even one second#where stigmatizing labels can be applied or taken away by authority figures to anyone for any fucking reason they want!#...I mean! u see why maybe it's all kinda just one big pseudoscience huh!#even if ur using diagnoses for the ''correct'' reasons it's still borderline meaningless too tbh#you wanna diagnose people to 1. help understand a set of disabling traits that commonly co-exist in individuals#and 2. help predict the best course of ''treatment'' for that subjective group of traits#but???? I mean. actually look at this exact diagnosis process in action#where it's all about just Guessing based on ?personal anecdote and the therapist's personal biases???????#''you're sad a lot of the time. obviously this is because your brain is fucking broken with Too-Sad-Disorder --#-- no we aren't gonna do any objective medical tests lol I'm the doctor here I can tell your brain is broken just by looking at u obv 🙄''#and that's how u get diagnosed like 100 dif drugs to fix an environmental problem. it's insane#the way therapists are always underdiagnosing or overdiagnosing or#''well XYZ disorder is very rare and usually happens in rich boys so I think you have Hysterical Bitch Disorder instead <3''#and u can't even ''well not all therapists'' this cause like. why is it that every single person I know has had experiences like this#if it were really an isolated problem it would not be so universal. nor would it be fundamental to the field's knowledge#how is it anything more than a guessing game at best?#I'm serious. anyway. I wish every psych institution a very die
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gggukniverse · 6 months
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self fulfillment needs | myg
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title: self fulfillment needs
pairing: yoongi x reader (+ implied jungkook x reader)
series: basic needs !!!
genre: m, smut, roommates au
summary: two weeks after the kitchen incident where you had sex with your roommate while your other roommate watched you, things seem the same as always but also not the same at all. you try to approach the subject to only cause a fight and another sexual encounter.
warnings: dom!yoongi, sub!reader, yoongi is bi, jungkook is confused my baby :(, sexual tension, dirty talk, she actually tries to dom yoongi at first but... haha, fingering, unprotected sex (pls be safe), a lil edging, hair pulling, teasing, yoongi himself is a warning, choking, face slapping, praising, degradation, he calls reader a slut, begging, spanking, p*ssy slapping, yoongi has a... piercing 🥴, they talk abt jk during sex, mentions of yoongi x jungkook, yoongi is so sweet after sex i'm sad :(
wordcount: 8.8k
note: hi !!! i'm back !! first of all, this is the second part to basic needs so please read that first because you're probably not gonna understand half of this chapter. omg guys this chapter is insane i cant even look at myself in the mirror after writing all of that. i'm still not convinced if it turned out okay, it could've been a lot better, but i hope you enjoy it !!!
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it’s been two weeks since the kitchen incident. and things have been weird.
it’s kind of a tricky situation because yoongi and jungkook act just the same as always towards you, like that night never happened in the first place. you find it troubling at first but you soon realize you wouldn’t even know how to approach them about what you did in that kitchen so you just let things flow. the problem is how they act around each other.
you wouldn’t consider yourself being extremely close to them, but with over two years of living together you’ve obviously come to know their dynamic. and you know they’re friends, you’re pretty sure they have different friend groups but you know they are friends and they get along way better than you do with any of them. that’s why you quickly catch on the weird vibe there seems to be between them now.
you’re used to waking up in the morning and finding them having breakfast in the kitchen together while talking about things you don’t really understand, but these days you walk into the kitchen first thing in the morning and don’t find any of them there. and it’s not just about breakfast, it’s about the weird tension between them when you see them bumping in the corridor, the excuses they make up not to be in the living room with you at the same time and the moments you see yoongi trying to make up conversation and jungkook just hums or gives a cold answer before leaving the room.
the worst thing is that your brain tells you it must be your fault. because it must be, right? before the kitchen incident everything was just fine but now that can barely stay in the same room for more than 2 minutes together.
and you don’t mean to snap at them but you can’t stop yourself from doing it one specific morning.
“what the hell is wrong with you two?”
the initial response you get is jungkook choking on his cereal and yoongi turning away from the coffee machine to look at you with such a surprised expression you guess he didn’t expect you to say that.
“what?” jungkook is the first one to talk as he wipes at his chin with a napkin.
“no, don’t try to act dumb now,” you tell him and hear yoongi snort. “you’ve been acting weird as fuck for the past two weeks and i’m so tired of it.”
“i’m not acting weird.” yoongi mumbles as he goes back to the coffee machine.
“i’m not acting weird either-”
“yes you are.” yoongi cuts jungkook off right away.
“hyung, c’mon...”
“you can’t even look at me since that night.” yoongi says but doesn’t raise his voice, he’s not trying to fight.
“i can look at you just fine.” jungkook replies and yoongi just scoffs.
“okay, jungkook.” yoongi hums completely unbothered.
“you’re communicating like 12 year olds,” you say when you’ve had enough and they both look at you again. “if something happened that night to cause all of this you should at least talk about it instead of avoiding each other.”
“nothing happened that night.” jungkook mutters as he finishes his breakfast.
“it sure looks like something happened.” you cross your arms and lean against the door frame.
“jungkookie is too ashamed of what he did that night.” yoongi says and pours the finished coffee in his mug.
you feel a pang in your chest so you look at jungkook with a cocked eyebrow for an explanation.
he is ashamed of that night?
“no!” jungkook looks panicked. “i don’t- i... it’s not like that.” he keeps stuttering and you don’t know what to say. maybe you should’ve considered the chance of them regretting it.
“she doesn’t need any type of reassurance, jungkook,” yoongi speaks again. “we both know she’s not the one you’re having trouble with.”
“hyung.” jungkook says like he’s warning him about something you don’t really understand.
“jungkook.” yoongi replies with the same tone but he currently looks much more calm than jungkook.
“can any of you explain what is happening?” you say in confusion and jungkook just looks down at his almost empty bowl while yoongi turns around to face you with a hand gripping the counter behind him and grabbing his coffee mug with the other.
“jungkook’s never messed around with another boy and now he’s acting like he’s committed a crime.” yoongi explains and you turn to jungkook when you hear him sigh.
“i’m not gay.” he mutters, still not looking up from his cereal.
“i’m not gay either,” yoongi replies like jungkook has said the most stupid thing he’s ever heard. “do you know what being bi means?”
“i’m not bi either.” jungkook replies.
yoongi snorts. “okay.”
“hyung.”
“i just swallowed your cum, you’re acting like i fucked you in the ass.” yoongi snaps and you have to slap your hand over your mouth to hide the gasp that threatens to slip out.
“you touched me too.” jungkook mumbles.
“and now you’re gonna say that you hated it, right?” yoongi scoffs and jungkook gets quiet. “jungkook, you almost came in my hand.”
“shut the fuck up!” jungkook snaps, finally looking up at yoongi with what you think is supposed to be an angry expression but in your opinion he just looks cute. and you guess yoongi might think the same.
“or what?” yoongi replies with a cocked eyebrow. jungkook doesn’t respond, just grabs his now empty bowl and walks to the sink, leaving it there before walking out of the kitchen.
and thank god because you were gonna drown in the fucking sexual tension if they stayed together in the same room for 5 more seconds.
“sheesh...” you whisper and walk to the counter to grab an apple.
“i don’t even know why you tried to do anything.” yoongi mumbles against his coffee mug before giving it a sip.
“you know it’s not his fault to be a little confused, right?” you tell him and sit on the chair jungkook was just sitting at. “you were kind of an asshole right now.” you admit and he sighs, putting his blue mug down on the counter.
“i’m not mad because he’s confused, he has all of the right to go through that, all of us do.” yoongi clarifies and you hum before giving your apple a bite. “what bothers me is that he can’t even look at me since that night.” he says, his voice quieter this time.
“yeah... i know.” you nod because you’ve obviously noticed.
yoongi sighs. “did i ruin everything with him?” you hate how worried he looks. of course yoongi cares about him. after all, jungkook is his friend and you can’t imagine how tough it must be for him to feel like he’s losing his friend.
“you didn’t, yoongi.” you answer his question because you really mean it. “i just think he needs some time to think.”
“thinking is what made him start acting like this, he looked perfectly fine that night.” yoongi tells you. “what he has to do is talk about it, but he won’t because he’s stubborn as shit.”
“yoongi.”
“he’s my friend, i can insult him.” he says and you can’t help but chuckle. “but seriously, he should talk about all of what he’s been bottling up. he’s probably been thinking about that night for all of these past days.”
“he’s not the only one,” you blurt out without even thinking and you can feel your cheeks heat up as soon as you look at yoongi and see a smirk growing on his face. “leave me alone.” you tell him before he can tease you about it.
“i didn’t say anything,” you can hear the smirk in his voice. “but i’ve been thinking about it too so don’t look so embarrassed.” he mumbles like it’s nothing as he puts his mug in the sink.
“you have?” you ask quietly. you don’t really know why but you thought he would’ve already moved on from it, that’s why this is surprising.
“y/n, c’mon.” he chuckles like your question is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard, like the answer is obvious.
you’re about to reply, not really know what exactly, but jungkook is on the door again. he’s changed from his pajamas into some black sweatpants and a big hoodie, the hood over his head to probably cover his messy hair.
“where are you going?” you ask him. a stupid question really. at this point of quarantine people can only really leave for specific jobs or to do the groceries, and since the three of you work from home you can only suppose he’s going to do the groceries.
you turn out to be right when he walks into the kitchen and picks the little piece of paper with the list of groceries before putting it in the pocket of his hoodie. “the groceries,” he replies either way and looks at you. “do you need anything else?” he asks and you notice the way he completely ignores if yoongi wants anything too but decide not to say anything.
“not really,” you shake your had and he hums. “thanks, kook.”
jungkook nods in response and leaves the kitchen without saying another word, not even sparing yoongi a glance. just a couple of seconds later you can hear the front door opening and closing.
“he’s so...” yoongi sighs as you give your apple the last bite.
“so what?” you stand up to walk to the trash can and throw the apple. he doesn’t answer. “you wanna fuck him so bad.” you tease him.
“maybe.” he hums and you look at him, he’s just mindlessly scrolling down his phone.
you sigh and hop on the counter, swinging your legs as you think of ways to comfront him about that night. but your mouth ends up being faster than your brain.
“what did you mean?” you ask and see him putting his phone down to pay attention to you.
“what?” it just hits you now how intimidating his gaze is so you look down at your lap before speaking again.
“have you really been thinking about that night?” your voice is a little more quiet now.
“of course.” he replies like it’s the easiest question he’s ever gotten.
“okay, but like... in a good or bad way?”
when you don’t get an answer you look up at yoongi and find him pursing his lips in deep thought, like he’s calculating the words to say.
“so we’re finally talking about this.” he says.
“you don’t want to?”
“i thought you didn’t,” yoongi replies. “you didn’t address it the next morning and both you and jungkook kind of looked mortified so i didn’t pressure you into talking, i thought you wanted to forget about it.”
“i mean,” you start, trying to find the words to explain. “i kinda wanted to forget,” yoongi hums for you to keep talking. “because i felt so... weird? no, not weird. i felt-”
“uncomfortable?”
“no.”
“regretful?”
“no,” you shake your head again. “ugh, i don’t know how to explain it. i just couldn’t believe i did that, i felt a little... dirty.” you admit and god, it is so embarrassing.
“you are,” yoongi replies with a little smirk that makes you want to jump on him. jesus christ, you’re so fucked. “no, but seriously- i understand,” he says, smirk completely gone. “you could’ve talked to me though.”
“i didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it,” you explain with the annoying feeling that your cheeks are heating up again. “and since you didn’t talk about it either i thought you regretted it or something...” you mumble and yoongi’s jaw almost drops to the floor.
“what are you talking about?” he frowns, seemingly offended by what you said.
“you don’t regret it?” you ask shyly.
“the only thing i regret is not fucking you too.”
holy shit.
you could have a gun pressed to the back of your head right now and still wouldn’t admit the way your whole body feels like it’s been set on fire just from one stupid sentence.
“you- you can’t say stuff like that.” you mutter and have the decency to look at him even if you’re red as a tomato because you know he’s gonna know either way. because yoongi is a menace.
“why not?” he cocks an eyebrow. and fuck, he’s so hot you don’t understand how the hell you didn’t realize until now.
“because.” you reply because you don’t know what to say.
“no way you’re getting shy now...” yoongi chuckles as he walks to you.
“leave me alone.” you whine in protest and reach to him with your hand to softly slap his face. you do it in a playful way, your hand barely brushing against his cheek, but yoongi’s smirk completely disappears and something in your stomach twists in fear.
“do that again.” his voice is so fucking low all of the sudden, like he’s challenging you, and you don’t know if you’re scared or turned on.
“i- i’m sorry, did i hurt you?” of course the most stupid question you could’ve asked in a moment like this is the first thing that comes out of your mouth.
yoongi only shakes his head. “i said do that again,” he repeats and takes the final step towards you to stand right in front of you. “harder.”
you gulp. your whole body feels too hot, your clothes are starting to feel uncomfortable. yoongi is too close and you’re sure he’s devouring you with his eyes.
“yoongi.” you try to say something but you don’t know what you can really say.
you’ve never hit anyone. well, maybe one time a couple of years ago when a guy didn’t stop bothering you at a club when you just wanted to dance with your friends. you’ve never hit anyone this way.
does yoongi like this? is he really one of those people?
“i don’t wanna hurt you.” you mumble and feel stupid right after.
“i like it when it hurts,” yoongi replies and you have to bite your lip not to moan. “i’m asking you to do it, so just-”
the sound of the slap echoes in the quiet kitchen and you stare at yoongi with panic growing in your chest and a weird itch on the palm of your hand, the one you haven’t even put down yet from how shocked you are that you just slapped yoongi. his head is turned to the side from the slap and you can see the little reddened skin on his cheek before he turns back to you.
“i’m so sorr-”
you never get to properly apologize because the words die down your throat the second yoongi’s lips collide against yours. you immediately kiss him back and hum against his mouth when he wraps his arms around your body, moving closer to stand between your legs and pulling you as close as he can to his body. your arms are soon wrapping around his neck too and you completely lose yourself in the kiss.
he kisses you like he’s missed you. like he’s been wanting, needing to kiss you again for these past two weeks. and you’re no better, you kiss him back with the same hunger and desperation because you now realize just how bad you needed him.
“fuck,” he mumbles between kisses and you hum in response, not daring to pull away when it feels so good. “can’t stop thinking about you.”
“yoongi...” you whine while one of yoongi’s hands goes up and down your thigh softly, too softly compared to the way he’s kissing you.
“wanted you so fucking bad.” yoongi sighs and starts kissing down your jaw towards your neck.
“fuck,” a little breathy chuckle slips out of your mouth when you realize something. “this fucking counter again.”
yoongi chuckles against your neck and brings his other hand to your other thigh, making you wrap your legs around you before picking you up from the counter.
“what-” you mumble but yoongi gives you just a short kiss to shut you up for a moment as he starts walking out of the kitchen.
“do you wanna get caught again?” he teases and your cheeks burn. you hide your face on the crook of his neck in embarrassment. “i want you to myself today, if that’s okay.” yoongi says and fuck, why does everything he say makes you feel like you’re melting? you’re sure he wasn’t like this before the kitchen incident.
“yeah, that’s okay.” you leave a kiss on his neck that has him letting out a shaky breath as he keeps walking down the corridor.
“good.” he hums and you keep kissing his neck, sucking a little mark on a spot that’s clearly sensitive because as soon as you start sucking on it yoongi’s grip on your thighs tightens significantly.
you’re brought back to reality and forced to stop kissing on his neck when yoongi is suddenly placing you down on a bed, his bed. the covers are extremely soft, that’s the first thing you notice, and the mattress seems super comfortable. in that moment you can understand why yoongi stays in bed until late somedays, his bed is so fucking nice.
“there you go,” yoongi says as he hovers over you and positions himself on his knees between your legs, one of his elbows on the mattress right next to your head to support his body. “pretty.” he smiles before kissing you again.
“you should’ve...” you start between kisses, your hands going up to his long hair while his free hand goes down to your waist. “should’ve talked to me before.”
“could tell you the same.” he replies and stops kissing your lips to go a little lower, kissing your neck again.
“wait.” you squirm under him and try to push him away.
yoongi quickly pulls away, looking down at you with worried eyes. “everything okay?” he asks.
“yeah,” you nod. “just wanna be on top.” you try to push him again and he chuckles.
“okay,” yoongi hums and he suddenly grabs you by your thighs and turns the both of you around so that you’re on top. “good?” he asks, staying sat up with you on his lap.
“yeah.” you smile as you place your hands on his shoulders.
“are you trying to get all dominant on me now?” he teases while his hands find their way under your shirt.
you don’t know what gives you the courage for it but you smirk back. “and what if i was?”
yoongi snorts.
“what?” you frown, clearly offended by his response.
“nothing...” he says but you can see how he’s trying to hold back a smile.
“just so you know, i’m a good dom.”
and it’s not a lie. you’ve been dominant in bed quite many times before, it’s not like it’s your preference but you definitely have. you’re confident even if something inside of you tells you there’s no way you’re gonna be able to dom him, your pride is bigger than that right now because his stupid smirk is making you want to shut him up.
“mh... i’m sure you are.” yoongi speaks with that stupid smirk.
“yoongi.” you whine in protest and feel stupid right after because his smirk only grows bigger.
“you’re such a cute little dom.” he brings his hand to your face and drags his thumb across your lower lip, making you realize you’re pouting.
“you’re pissing me off,” you shake him up a little with your hands on his shoulders. “i can dom you.”
“i had you blabbering like a little bitch the other day and i hadn’t even touched you yet.” yoongi says and gives your waist a light squeeze that makes you flinch.
“it was jungkook,” you say, just because he’s actually getting to you and you need a distraction. “he was the one fucking me.” you clarify and he cocks an eyebrow.
“you think jungkook was the dominant one that night?” he asks. “he completely shut down when i got there.”
you gulp when you remember how jungkook’s dominant demeanor completely disappeared as soon as yoongi walked in the kitchen that night, how he clearly obeyed to everything yoongi told him. and it is so fucking hot. by this point your panties must be ruined, you can’t help but squirm uncomfortably on top of him.
yoongi seems to notice your problem because he looks down at where your bodies are together and moves his hands down to your hips, pulling you closer to him so that you’re sat exactly on top of his crotch. a sigh escapes your mouth before you can stop it when you feel how hard he is under you.
“i bet i can make you cry before you can even begin to try dominating me.” he hums and nuzzles into your neck, making you squirm just with the feeling of his nose on your skin.
“you just caught me in a bad time that night,” you mumble. and you’re kinda right, you were so desperate that night, you’re sure you could’ve done a lot better if your desperation hadn’t been clouding your mind. “don’t be so confident.”
“i went so fucking easy on you both that night,” yoongi says against your skin like it’s a warning. “actually, i didn’t do anything and you two were doing everything i said like you were under a spell.”
“i...” your mind goes blank when he runs his tongue down your neck.
“you should’ve seen your face,” yoongi continues, leaving little kisses down the wet stripe on your neck. “you were fucked out, you looked dumb.” he chuckles a little and you should feel offended but you only moan in response when he bites on your neck, not enough to hurt but enough to get a reaction from you.
“yoongi-”
“it’s okay baby,” he hums, his breath hitting the sensitive skin of your neck and making goosebumps erupt all over your body. “i would love nothing more than to fuck you dumb.”
“that’s-” you surpress the moan that’s threatening to come out of your mouth when yoongi places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer to him just to grind against his clothed crotch. “that’s not the way you talk about a lady.” you manage to say even though your voice breaks halfway through. yoongi has obviously noticed because a dark chuckle hits your neck again.
“oh, i know,” he says. you can definitely feel how your panties are sticking to your pussy now. “but you’re not a lady, you’re just a slut.”
a loud moan slips out of your mouth when he makes you grind your hips again and the friction between you feels just right. “yoongi...” you hold on tight to his shoulders as his lips make their way up to whisper in your ear.
“right?”
“yoongi, i-” by this time your hips are moving on their own, chasing that delicious friction agaist his crotch.
“aren’t you my pretty slut?” the gentle bite to your earlobe does it for you.
you don’t remember the last time you needed someone this bad. well, maybe jungkook a couple of weeks ago, but somehow this feels different. your body is screaming for him, something inside you has been begging you to let go of that pride and just give into him since you kissed.
“please.” you say and feel stupid right after because you’ve already given up and because you don’t know what you’re asking for.
“oh, how i love to hear you say that word.” yoongi smiles wide at you and you can’t help but continue grinding your hips against him.
“fuck, yoongi i-”
“mh, i know.” he gives you a sympathetic nod and looks down at how you’re working your hips. “look at you,” he says and gently slaps your hip. “already begging for it like the slut you are.”
you try to speak but the only sound coming out of your mouth is another pathetic whimper as you keep chasing that friction.
“should i just let you do this until you cum?” yoongi asks, you instantly shake your head.
“no,” you slide your hands down his arms until you’re wrapping them around his wrists. “touch me.”
“i’m touching you.” he fakes a confused expression as he squeezes your hips just a little. you just know he’s having so much fun with this.
“yoongi, you know what i mean,” you grind against him one last time before he lets out a chuckle. “what?” and you almost can’t even recognize your voice anymore from how desperate and whiny you sound, but you know he likes it.
“i find it funny how you were trying to go all dominant and shit just a minute ago and now you’re begging like a slut.”
you don’t say anything in response, you only bite your lip to hold back a sound because you’ve never really enjoyed being talked to like this in bed but now you might be discovering something new about yourself because yoongi makes it so hot.
he smirks at your lack of response and turns the both of you again, making you lay down on your back with him between your legs. and you enjoyed being on top of him for a moment but you can’t lie and say you don’t like this position as well.
“i would love to take my time with you, but i wanna see that pretty pussy again,” yoongi says, completely unaware of how you blush at his words because he’s focused on pulling your sweatpants down your thighs. “maybe i’ll make it longer next time, but i’ve been waiting for two weeks.”
next time. the knowledge that he’s already thinking about a next time makes you a little giddy but you don’t make a comment about it.
you kick your sweatpants off when yoongi pulls them past your ankles and let then fall on the floor.
yoongi makes a disapproving soud when you bend your legs and close them, hiding from him. “c’mon, be good and open those pretty legs for me.” he puts a hand on one of your ankles, trying to make you stretch your legs.
you give in so easily, spreading your legs enough for him to get between them again. his hands go to your thighs, rubbing up and down slowly and leaving goosebumps behind.
but he’s not looking at you yet. well, he is looking at you, he’s looking at you with a pretty smirk but he’s not looking where you want him to look. that alone makes you buck your hips up in an attempt to make him look down. the gesture makes yoongi break in a chuckle but he still doesn’t give you what you want, leaning down and supporting his weight on his elbow next to your head. then he gives you a kiss that leaves you speechless instead.
“what?” you mumble in confusion.
“you’re so cute when you’re horny.” yoongi gives you a smile that successfully distracts you from his hand going up your thigh.
you open your mouth to reply but the only thing that comes out is a loud moan when you suddenly feel yoongi’s hand cupping your pussy over your panties.
“have you been this wet all this time?” yoongi says and your brain can’t even come up with an answer because his fingers start running up and down your clothed folds.
you’re so wet that the feeling of the soaked fabric of your panties against your pussy makes you blush in embarrassment, but it feels so good to finally be touched that you can’t help the sounds coming out of your mouth.
“what a dirty girl,” yoongi hums as your hips buck a little to meet the movements of his hand. “so wet just because of some kissing and some grinding?” he teases you with a chuckle.
“please, take my panties off.” you beg. you need his fingers on you.
“only because you said please.”
he partially listens to you because he doesn’t really take them off but instead pushes them to the side, which you find ten times hotter.
a loud moan slips out of your mouth when his fingers finally touch you with nothing in between. your hand twitches with the urge to cover your mouth but you know yoongi won’t like that so you settle with gripping at the sheets of his bed instead.
“haven’t stopped thinking about this pussy,” yoongi mumbles and gives it a little slap that makes you squeak in surprise. “cute.” he grins and kisses you once again.
you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around him to make sure he doesn’t pull away. he swallows all of your moans when he easily slips one of his fingers inside you and starts fucking you with it before quickly adding another one, you’re so wet that his fingers slide in so well.
“mhh… that’s a good pussy.” yoongi hums between kisses and you clench around his fingers.
his fingers feel so good, you can’t wait for his cock.
you moan his name, making him smile against your mouth. “does that feel good?”
“yeah.” you whine and he curls his fingers inside you, easily finding that spot. “fuck, right there…”
it feels so good that you almost forgot you don’t live alone. almost. you remember because you’re suddenly being surprised by the sound of the apartment door opening and closing.
jungkook is back home.
“yoongi,” you mumble against his lips like a warning but he only hums and starts fingering you faster. “fuck... yoon- yoongi, stop.”
“do you really want me to stop?” yoongi breaks away from the kiss with the hottest smirk on his face.
you don’t know what to answer. well, you know you don’t want him to stop, but jungkook is home now and you are loud enough for him to hear.
“yoon...” you try but nothing else comes out when he slips a third finger.
“that’s right,” he smiles and leaves a sweet kiss on your jaw as he keeps finger fucking you at a pace that’s driving you crazy. “say my name.”
you do. you say his name and he slips his fingers out just to give your pussy another spank that makes your whole body twitch under him.
“louder.” yoongi says as he rubs his fingers over your folds to ease the pain from the spank.
you say his name louder, but just a little because you know jungkook must be placing the groceries in the kitchen right now, he could hear you if you said it louder.
but jungkook hearing you must be exactly what yoongi wants because he gives you another spank that has you moaning his name way too loud. yoongi smiles at the sound.
“that’s a good slut.” he praises, his breath hitting your ear, and starts rubbing your pussy with his fingers from side to side so fast that you don’t know what to do with your body, your hips twitching and your cheeks reddening at the wet sound of his hand against your pussy.
god, you’re so wet.
“please…” you beg through a sound that’s close to a sob and it makes yoongi stop the movements of his hand and straighten up a little to look down at you, sitting back on his feet under him.
 “please what?” he finally gives your pussy a break but you miss his hand, the one he’s bringing to his mouth right now. “messy fucking girl, i always have to clean you up, right?”
you hold your breath and your pussy throbs when he slips two of his wet fingers in his mouth and hums like it is the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted.
“yoongi please.” you repeat even if you don’t know what you’re asking.
“is that the only word you know how to say now?” yoongi asks, not really paying attention to you but rather to cleaning your juices off his fingers. “i won’t know what you want if you don’t tell me.”
your desperation gives you the courage to sit up, your legs a little bent up on each side of yoongi, and grab at the hem of his shirt, tugging it up until it’s coming off. you throw it on the floor and take the chance to run your hands down his chest, feeling the hot skin under your fingers and getting so lost in it that the words come out of your mouth easily.
“i want your cock.” you blurt out, looking up at him with your best puppy eyes.
“you want it?” yoongi says with that condescending tone again, like he’s talking to a dumb person.
fuck, you want him so bad.
you just nod in reply. he hums and then gets up on his knees, getting so close to you with how you’re sitting. “then pull it out.”
you hold your breath for a second. “can i?”
“of course you can.”
you don’t think about it twice. you hook your fingers under the waistband of his sweatpants again and tug them down, biting your lip at the sight of the outline of his hard cock under the fabric of his boxers.
he’s so big. and you want him so bad.
“c’mon,” yoongi urges you to do something and you finally tug down at his boxers. “there you go.”
you notice two things when you’ve pulled his boxers down to his thighs.
first one, he’s definitely big.
second one, yoongi has a piercing on his dick. right on the underside, under his tip, a barbell on his frenulum.
you have to bite back a moan at how hot you find it and yoongi seems to notice your reaction because he chuckles. “you’ve never seen one?” he says with a teasing tone and you look up at his face.
“can i…” you shift uncomfortably under him because you need your panties off.
“can you what?” you hold your breath when he brings a hand down to his cock, stroking it slowly. he is so close to you in the position you are right now.
“can i suck you off?” you blurt out before you can even worry about looking desperate.
you don’t miss the way he squeezes on the base of his cock as soon as you let the words out, but he shakes his head.
you’re about to complain when yoongi speaks up again. “i would love to fuck that pretty mouth, but i need to fuck that pussy first.” he nods down at your body.
you lean back, supporting yourself against your elbows, and look at him with puppy eyes now that you know they seem to work on him. “then come fuck it.” you know you’re pouting but you couldn’t care less right now. you need him so bad.
“it will be my pleasure,” he grins but then looks down at your chest. “but take that shirt of first.”
you obey instantly and take it off in a second, throwing it somewhere on the bedroom floor and finally laying down on your back. you don’t miss yoongi’s gaze on your bare chest.
“stop doing that.” you throw one arm over your eyes not to see the way he’s devouring you with his eyes.
“i’m not doing anything.”
“you’re looking.”
“am i supposed to look somewhere else?” he responds and you chuckle a little.
“no, but- ah!” a moan escapes your mouth when you feel yoongi’s mouth on one of your nipples. you unconsciously slap your hand over your mouth to muffle any other noise slipping out of it, but yoongi is quickly grabbing your wrist and pushing your arm away.
“none of that shit,” he says before starting to litter kisses all over your chest. your back arches a little when he flicks his tongue on your other nipple and he chuckles in response. “so cute.”
“just fuck me already.” you beg, feeling yourself getting even more wet each second.
“someone’s eager to get fucked, huh?” yoongi straightens up again and wraps his hand around his cock again, stroking it lazily like before. you can’t look away.
then all of the brattiness you have in you slips out your mouth. “no, i just think you’re making me wait longer because you don’t know what to do with that.” you nod towards his cock.
yoongi’s smile is gone when you look back at his face and you know you’re in trouble.
“i wanted to look at your face while i fucked you,” he starts and you can already sense a but coming. “but i want you on all fours now.” you open your mouth to say something but he shakes his head and speaks again. “turn around before you piss me off again.” he talks with such a low voice that you can’t deny him anything.
you turn around and get up on your hands and knees, though your breath hitches when he places a hand on your back and pushes down for you to get down on your elbows, you squish your cheek on his pillow.
yoongi curses behind you and you can sense he’s looking down at your exposed pussy. the reaction gives you the courage to arch your back, pressing your chest to the mattress and spreading your legs a little, just enough for him to see you better.
“if you tell me i can’t fuck you raw i’m gonna be mad.” he curses and you giggle.
“you can do it.”
“really?” yoongi asks. you appreciate that he’s making sure.
“yes, i let jungkook fuck me raw, you should do it too.” you respond and move your ass a little. “c’mon, i’m waiting.”
and you really thought he was gonna make you wait a little more, that’s why you gasp in surprise when yoongi rubs the tip of his cock through your folds.
“oh my god…” you mumble. “please, don’t tease.” you beg when he keeps rubbing it up and down. you can actually feel the piercing and you might go crazy.
“i don’t know, since you said i don’t know what to do with my cock maybe i shouldn’t give it to you.” yoongi says with a low chuckle as he places one of his hands on your hip.
“no, please.” you whine into the pillow, feeling like you could actually cry if he doesn’t slip it in right now.
“look at you, you haven’t stopped saying please since i first touched you.” he presses his tip to your clit and rubs it just right before pulling away and making you whine again.
“i swear to god if you don’t-” a loud moan escapes your mouth when you feel him slip in slowly. “oh fuck…” you mumble and bury your face on the pillow. but yoongi doesn’t seem to like that.
he’s suddenly threading his fingers through your hair so gently but then he tugs hard to lift your head from the pillow as he bottoms out. “wanna hear you.” he says.
“so good.” you manage to say as you support your upper body on your elbows so that the hair pulling doesn’t hurt a lot, just the necessary.
“yeah?” yoongi hums as he starts to pull out just as slowly as he slipped in.
“big…” you sigh and hear a hint of another chuckle before he slips in again.
“you’re so fucking tight, holy shit,” he groans and you can feel his hand on your hair faltering for a second so you clench around him to get a reaction. “oh fuck.” he moans and he sounds so hot that you push your ass back against him to make him bottom out again.
“you feel so good.” you whine and he finally lets go of your hair but you rest your head on your side for him to hear you.
“can i move?” yoongi asks, both hands on your hips now.
“yes please.” you beg.
and he’s not gentle, he fucks you hard right from the start. you can actually feel the cold piercing inside of you and you think you might go crazy. the sound of skin against skin the only thing echoing inside the room because it feels so good that no sound comes out of your mouth.
yoongi doesn’t like that. he gives your ass a hard spank as he bottoms out again and stays there.
“if i don’t hear you i’ll stop,” he warns you and you try to move your hips for him to start moving again, but his hard grip on them doesn’t let you. “did you understand?”
“yes.” you whine and another moan slips out of your mouth when he spanks you again.
“good slut.”
you think you’re gonna cry when he starts fucking you again. this time you allow yourself to let all the sounds out, not caring about how loud you are.
“yoongi...” your voice breaks when he starts hitting that sweet spot that makes your legs shake. your knees hurt but it feels so good you don’t want to change positions.
you’re so fucked out already, you wouldn’t be so gone at this point with anyone else, but somehow it feels different with yoongi.
“that feels good?” yoongi hums and you feel a little bit of pride at how broken his voice sounds too.
“yes!” you moan. “please, don’t stop… please.”
“fuck,” he truly seems to like to hear you beg. “it’s like this pussy was made for me.” and he won’t stop hitting that spot, you’re so fucking close.
“yours.” you mumble, completely fucked out, and clench when you hear him chuckle at the word.
“mine?” he teases, slowing down his thrusts.
you nod uncomfortably against the pillow and cry out when yoongi suddenly pulls out. “no, please…” you beg, desperately pushing your ass back for him to keep fucking you.
“no, turn around.” yoongi says and you have half a mind to obey, turning around on the bed and finally laying on your back with a relief sigh.
you’re quick to wrap your legs around him to push him closer. “please, yoongi, fuck me.” all shame is gone, you need him so bad.
“slut wants my cock?”
you nod.
“then say it.”
“i want your cock.” you bite your lip when he starts rubbing his tip through your folds again.
“who wants my cock?” yoongi asks, acting dumb. you want to cry.
“me.” you sigh, bucking your hips up to grind against his cock.
“who?” yoongi asks again and you get it now.
“your slut.” you answer. yoongi smirks proudly.
“who’s cock do you want?”
god. you will go insane at this point.
“yours.”
“mh, but that’s not enough for you, right?” he hums, looking down at where his cock is rubbing against you. your breath hitches when your dizzy mind is able to get what he means.
“i-”
“one cock is not enough for your, right?”
“yoongi…”
“you got fucked by one of your roommates two weeks ago and now you’re letting your other roommate fuck you too?” yoongi circles the tip of his cock on your clit, the piercing making it feel so good youe eyes roll back. “do you spread your legs for anyone who has a cock?”
“n- no…” you blush, the humilliating words making you feel so good somehow.
“no? just for us?” yoongi asks and leans down a little, the hand he was using to hold the base of his cock wrapping around your neck now.
“yes,” you sigh. everything feels so hot. “just for you.”
“yeah?” he hums. fuck, he’s so hot.
you try to nod but his hand around your neck squeezes a little. “fuck…” you moan, your pussy throbbing now.
“i knew you would like this, dirty girl,” yoongi chuckles and gives your neck another light squeeze as he starts slipping his cock into you again. “that’s a good slut.” he groans as you clench around him again.
yoongi keeps his hand around your neck as he starts fucking you, squeezing just lightly. and he knows what he’s doing, because the second he lets go you let out the loudest moan you’ve ever made. your hand flies to your mouth in embarrassment but yoongi grabs your wrist and pulls it over your head, pinning it right there.
“i wanna fucking hear you.” he says, hips hitting against the back of your thighs so hard as he fucks you at a brutal pace.
“jung- jungkook is home…” you mutter as a warning but he only laughs.
“is that an inconvenient now?” he gives you a deep thrust that makes your eyes roll back. “let him hear. should i ask him to come here too?”
“fuck.” you’re so close, if he keeps talking like that you’re gonna cum.
“i’m sure he’s listening from his room right now,” yoongi says, his thrusts hitting just right, you’re sure you’re creaming his cock by this point. “do you think he’s touching himself as he listens to you?”
“oh my god…” your hand twitches with the urge to cover your mouth again but he keeps it pinned to the mattress over your head, your other hand grips at the sheets tightly.
“i’m sure he wishes he was in my place right now.” he looks down at how your boobs bounce from the thrusts and you’re sure your cheeks are tomato red.
“so close...” you moan, your legs trembling around him.
“i start talking about jungkook and now you’re gonna cum?” yoongi teases, earning another whine from you. “wow, one cock is really not enough for you, isn’t it…”
“yoongi!” you squeak when you feel his free hand on your pussy, he starts rubbing circles on your clit.
“gonna cum around my cock?”
“yes! yes, please!” you’re so fucking loud now but you couldn’t care less.
“you want him to hear you, huh?” yoongi chuckles.
“i’m g- gonna cum…” you mumble, the words almost not coming out.
“say his name,” yoongi says and you open your eyes in shock, pussy clenching around him. “say his name or you’re not coming.” he warns as he slows down his thrusts.
“yoongi, no…” you cry out.
“that’s not his name.” yoongi gives your clit a little lap that makes your body twitch.
“ju… jungkook.” you try and blush right after. it feels so wrong to moan someone else’s name in bed, you know yoongi wants it but it makes you feel so dirty. he wants you to feel like that.
“louder, baby.” he says and the contrast between that petname and the names he was calling you before makes you feel like you’re gonna pass out.
“jungkook!” you finally say, making yoongi grin down at you.
“that’s it, say it again.” he says and resumes the pace he was fucking you with before.
“jungkook!” you moan louder and yoongi’s fingers on your clit is faster. “fuck! oh my- ah! gonna cum!”
“good slut,” yoongi hums. “c’mon, cum for us.”
us.
the stupid word and its implications make you clench impossibly tight around him as the craziest shock waves run through your whole body. your vision goes blurry so you close your eyes while your body goes limp, completely exhausted as you feel yoongi slipping out.
you’re about to complain when you open your eyes and see him stroking his cock and moaning as white stripes of cum land on your sweaty chest.
“oh my god…” you sigh and throw one of your arms over your eyes.
you hum when you feel yoongi’s hand on your cheek. “are you okay?” he speaks so softly you could’ve sworn he’s not the guy who just fucked you.
“yeah.” you reply and something makes you start giggling lazily.
“what are you laughing about now?” yoongi says but yo can hear a smile in his voice.
“i can’t believe that happened.” you mumble and put your arm down to look at him.
“well, it happened.” he leans down and gives your lips a sweet kiss, then he gets down from the bed.
you watch him put his sweatpants and grab a towel from one of the drawers on his closet as your chest keeps going up and down, trying to get your breathing back to normal.
“seriously, are you okay?” he asks when he comes back to bed and sits down next to you, cleaning his cum from your stomach.
“yeah, just… a little sore,” you chuckle, your cheeks burning from how gentle he’s suddenly being with you. “i don’t know if i’m gonna be able to get up.”
“you can stay here for as long as you want.” he says softly and folds the towel, throwing it on a basket where you suppose he puts his dirty clothes.
“i would stay here all day,” you admit. “but i have work and i have to eat first.”
“i can prepare a bath for you,” yoongi says and your heart does something weird in your chest. “for your sore muscles.” he rubs a hand up and down your bare thigh.
“can you do that?” you look at him with big eyes.
“of course i can.”
“how can you be so sweet after everything you just did to me?” you ask and he chuckles, leaning down to kiss you again.
“aftercare is important, i take that really seriously.”
“okay,” you smile sweetly at him. “then go prepare that bath.”
he snorts. “brat.” but he stands up again and walks out of the room, closing the door after.
you stay there for a minute, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything you just did in this bed. and you feel kinda good and giddy about it until you remember about jungkook.
you moaned his name. you yelled his name. and he for sure heard you. you shake the thoughts away from your head and decide to get up from bed. you need that bath.
your body begs you to lay down when you manage to stand up, your legs are sore and your whole body is so weak that you almost fall down when you grab yoongi’s shirt from the floor. you hum pleasantly when you put the shirt on and notice it covers you perfectly, yoongi always wears big clothes.
your trembling legs guide you out of the room and the smell of food cooking in the kitchen hits your nose and almost makes you moan at how hungry you are, jungkook must be cooking lunch right now. since he must be in the kitchen you take the chance to run to the bathroom, where yoongi is preparing your bath. but you’re proved wrong when you collapse against a hard chest in the middle of the corridor.
jungkook is looking down at you with something you can’t really read in his eyes. he just walked out of his room, he had probably left the food cooking in the kitchen.
“hi!” you say like nothing ever happened because you’re still so embarrassed, your cheeks burning again.
“hey.” jungkook mumbles and separates from you, motioning to walk past you and back to the kitchen.
you are walking past him and to the bathroom when he says your name, making you turn to him. “yes?”
“next time just come to my room instead of thinking about me when you’re with him.”
you freeze. you literally don’t know what to say.
you open your mouth to try and say something, probably something stupid, when yoongi appears right behind you.
“i think you should just join us next time.” he says and the smug expression on jungkook’s face completely disappears. he turns around and walks inside the kitchen again.
your shoulders drop in disappointment because the reaction kind of felt like a rejection but yoongi places his hand on your shoulder.
“he will come around,” he tells you. “he’s just stubborn.”
“yeah…” you mumble and turn around to follow him into the bathroom.
“you really want him, huh?” yoongi teases you but you completely ignore him, standing in front of the mirror and cringing at how messy you look. “my shirt looks good on you.” he adds, standing behind you.
a little smirk grows on your face as you look at him in the mirror. “you fuck me once and you’re already in love with me?” you tease.
“wow, look at how bratty that mouth is,” yoongi mumbles, crossing his arms against his chest. “but then you barely speak a word when you’re getting fucked.” that shuts your mouth completely and he looks proud of it.
“shut up…” you mumble and turn around to push him out of the bathroom. “get out, i wanna enjoy my bath.”
yoongi just chuckles to himself before turning around and leaving. you only notice the dumb smile on your face when you look at yourself in the mirror again.
yoongi has you smiling like that. and you also remember jungkook, how he basically told you to have sex with him again and the invitation actually sparked something inside of you.
you were just roommates a month ago but now you’re starting a dangerous game with the both of them. the thing is that it feels good, you can only hope it turns out alright.
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A/N: askssjdnandkdjas i hope you liked this chapter, please let me know your thoughts !!! it helps a lot to have feedback <3 i'm obviously makind this a series so pls look forward for the next chapter :) 💖 thank you all for reading ! have a nice day babes
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TAGLIST: @m4gg13-g @kooksbunnnn @baechugff @danielle143 @signingsongbird @dontcallmeelle @fancy-cloud @melakrish
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otherworldlygate · 25 days
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Once again it's Regal appreciation hour by which I mean day by which I mean year by which I mean lifetime.
I was very much prepared to not write any fanfiction this year, but I cannot divorce myself from how awesome my favorite Symphonia blorbos are and so I am writing yet another stupid fanfic. I feel feral about these characters in general but Raine gets quite a lot of attention (because she's wonderful, obviously) so I don't want to focus on her too much. Regal, on the other hand, has been underappreciated in the ToS fandom since the game's release day, so I must advocate for him.
I've been RPing as him for the last year or so, and together my RP partner and I have written about 320,000 words of a story. I'm having a blast, and a big part of that is because Regal is, despite the flaws in the storytelling of ToS as a whole surrounding him (and how all of the Tethe'alla characters kind of fall flat), a rather well-conceived and implemented character. Yeah, his clothes are dumb (I'm happy to retcon that outfit with zero regrets) and the game blows through his story at such a breakneck pace he doesn't get the space or the arc he deserves (he should have taken his shackles off as part of his 'sacrifice' to fight the angels), but he is a genuinely fascinating character who feels, just like many of the others do, as if he belongs very specifically in the world he was created for.
I know a lot of people like to write him as this sad sack of shit just absolutely lost in the grief sauce (see the part about how he didn't get the arc he deserved), but I think that's a mistake. See, the biggest bump in the road for Regal was his lack of understanding of what was happening and why. When you think about it, he was faced with having to kill Alicia seemingly out of nowhere. Like one day he's just minding his business and the next Alicia is gone and very quickly after that she's a monster trying to kill him AND HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. He has no answers. All he knows is that he killed her, and his autistic* brain latches onto that detail because it's all he has.
You have to think, too, about the fact that the game gives him nobody. His parents are dead. George, the only person even remotely close to Regal--someone he's known his *whole life*--betrayed him. (George didn't mean for things to go Like That and he's sorry he did it, but HE STILL DID IT.) Regal doesn't have friends and the extra material makes it clear that he was literally raised, specifically by his father, to be a workaholic. Do you think anyone came to see him in prison? He fought in a coliseum for his life for YEARS. He was on friendly terms with some of the other inmates but the guy had eight years to just sit there and get stuck in the loop of knowing he killed the one person he'd let himself get even remotely close to.
Which is something else people always downplay for some reason. The shit with Alicia isn't just "guy is sad because he killed his girlfriend." It's very much, "guy was born and bred to take on the family legacy" except in this case the family legacy is a company, an island, a noble bloodline, and also the absolutely insane idea that work and profit is all that matters. Everyone else is out to get you. Keep the workers dissatisfied but keep them hooked just enough that they'll never leave. Take no time for fun or friends or merriment. Everything in your life is a business transaction. Don't ever forget it. It's us vs. them. You're alone and you have to make this your entire life or it'll all fall to pieces and it will be your fault.
The drama cd in particular really honed in on that way of being raised and it makes his entire character make complete sense. At a relatively young age his father died and he ended up on top (though it's stated he had to work as a CEO before he was elected via a board to the position of President). Having no other guidelines other than what he was taught--and what George himself adhered to--Regal followed that path...until he ended up miserable, because, despite the way he was raised, he's a goddamn empath**.
After literal YEARS of occasionally running into Alicia and talking to her, he starts forming a connection to her--which is important because he's never allowed himself to do this before. And at one point he realizes he doesn't even know her name...which comes as a surprise to him...and brings with it shame. After this, he starts living for himself. He listens to his employees--something his father never did. He starts enacting rules to protect his employees, particularly from things that would hurt them in the field, because part of what was making him so miserable was wrestling with the empathy of their terrible working conditions on top of just hearing his father's manta repeating itself in his head all the time.
I cannot stress enough how important this is. Alicia, despite being a love interest and someone he was interested in seriously dating and perhaps someday marrying (the details of their relationship are never known but it's almost more tragic if they were just starting to be serious), WAS STILL HIS EMPLOYEE.
He was supposed to protect his employees. He was doing so much to ensure his employees would be safe. And then he killed Alicia.
Alicia, the one person he allowed himself to get close to.
Now, consider the fact that he was raised as a tool and not a beloved son; he was not allowed to have friends and not allowed to make merry. He was under his father's thumb until his father's untimely death--a death, by the way, that only surprised him with its suddenness; he did not grieve that man!! Regal, as a 25-year-old man, had ZERO coping mechanisms. All he had was the truth he was raised under and the fact that he went against that truth AND WAS NOW BEING PUNISHED FOR IT. How can someone like this think of anything except that they are the reason George was put in a position where he had to get rid of Alicia? That the only reason Alicia was experimented on and turned into a monster was because of her connection to Regal?
IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FERAL!!!
The events of the game open his eyes to the ACTUAL truth, to what actually happened AND WHY IT HAPPENED TO ALICIA. In the end he learns he had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. If he had not befriended and started falling for Alicia, she still would have died--it's just, if she hadn't had a more direct connection to Regal, who knows where she might have met her end. Alone, forgotten? At least someone knew her as she was; at least someone can tell Presea the kind of person her sister was.
The ToS fandom has always loved joking about how Regal's just into punishment as a kink or whatever (and I'll never forgive the shitty non-canon-in-my-heart sequel for leaning so hard into that angle, fuck you fuck you fuck you) but let's be serious about it for a hot second. Yes, I think learning this information puts him on a better path, but you can't erase 8 years of self-loathing and fear instantly. Did you guys really think this man would just forget about the darkest years of his life and start frolicking in fields of flowers?
The trauma he's endured goes so much deeper than "I killed the person I loved," and boiling it down to that really does the character a disservice. The "born for a specific purpose, not allowed to exist outside of that purpose" bit is also given to Colette and Zelos, but while their role is being a sacrifice whose only use is dying or procreating to continue the line to have more sacrifices (absolutely also traumatizing btw), Regal's situation feels a lot more like indoctrinated religion and, very specifically (and no I am not kidding), religious trauma. Again, he endured that very controlled lifestyle complete with a mantra from birth into his early 20s, and the MOMENT he broke away from it too far, his life came crashing down around him in a very painful and traumatizing way.
Now, you might think the religious trauma parallel is unfounded, if not also the indoctrinated religion aspect of it, it could just as easily be a parallel for an abusive and controlling relationship, right down to the betrayal from someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart the moment you step outside of that control to the feelings of shame and self-loathing and "you did this to yourself."
So whenever I see people joking about what a sad sack of shit he is or whatever, I'm just astounded, especially if it's coming from someone who loves literally any other character in the game. Like, you'll definitely have your blorbos, and I totally understand if Regal just ain't it for you, but I find it really disconcerting that someone might find (for example) Yuan's trauma deeply meaningful but see Regal's as stupid or silly.
I'm pretty sure I started this post to talk about how easy it is for me to RP as Regal because he's just such a great character to sink into and write about, particularly because I like to imagine that, starting in the post-game, he deeply regrets some of the choices he's made in his life, and, rather than lean into the things that have already transpired, he seeks to do what he can to better the world around him with the resources and power that he has.
It's like the ultimate fuck-you to the way his father raised him. He's not wasting the skills he's developed, but he's also not using them to hurt people or for personal or Lezareno profit.
I think most of us love writing about characters who have to work through their trauma, but there's an extra layer here that I particularly enjoy with Regal. With Raine I'm all about her inability to trust easily and her struggle to feel truly comfortable around other people, but with Regal I think it's maybe specifically related to the fact that he has had a lot handed to him that he didn't necessarily want, and his self-sacrificing nature lends itself to him feeling obligated to take it. I fully believe Regal would be happier and better off stepping away from Lezareno and from his family's toxic ass legacy*** (or at least not working it full-time as the acting President) but I can't ignore the fact that...these things are all he has and all he knows. So writing about him attempting to get back into the swing of things, maybe struggling to find time for himself, falling into workaholic patterns by mistake, learning to set boundaries between his private life and his job...all while not being fully satisfied and finding more fulfillment in charity work and other pursuits, just makes him feel like a very well-rounded character. Like...it's believable that he would continue to work a job he didn't particularly love specifically because not only does he not know anything else, but he knows with this position of power he can make a lot of things happen that would be impossible if he just twiddled his thumbs on the sidelines--like financial assistance going to Palmacosta, or his duties as a nobleman to try to get better laws passed in Tethe'alla, etc.
This was a pretty clumsily-written post and for that I am truly sorry. I've just been absolutely insane lately thinking about Regal and I had to get some of why I think he's such a wonderful character out into the world.
:)
*this is just my headcanon but a lot about Regal screams autism to me.
**this is canon as far as I'm concerned. I wrote him this way far before I ever heard the drama cd, and the drama cd just solidified it for me tenfold.
***there's a scene in the hotel with Lloyd I think where Regal says his family's legacy on Altamira started when Tethe'alla flipped over to being a flourishing world last, which means they were in a position of power great enough to build an empire on Altamira already at that time (800+ years ago). I don't want to get into how awful this probably was or how evil the family was because I think you can all imagine that for yourselves. Also, nobody ever mentions the fact that Regal is the last of his family line, but it's a very convenient built-in control tactic to guilt someone into doing as they're told or risk bringing shame to a family that's been going strong and unbroken for over 1,000 years.
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lanaevyssmoved · 9 months
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how do you feel about people getting astarion’s scars as tattoos because when i saw it i was like uh….
so i was thinking about how to answer this question for a bit and i've come to the conclusion that my struggles because i am completely gobsmacked that in 2023 we still have issues like this
i am 29 years old, which i think is very important to bring up. i've been on tumblr for over a decade, i remember when people were actually doxxed over kinning a character who did a murder once. i remember when lives were destroyed over how people chose to love a video game character. i remember when an ask like this would cause a witch hunt that ended in someone being genuinely unsafe. i think asks like this can still be dangerous, and i can't post this without making that clear. while i'd like to think this wouldn't happen anymore, i can't say for sure, i think we need to have the self awareness of what can come, when our history, as in tumblrs history, is full of things like this being actually deadly. sorry if that's a little too serious for the vibe you're putting out, but that shit was fucking traumatising and i'm not gonna pretend it wasn't, so this ask was a little scary to receive and my upcoming honesty? i'm scared to put it out there on gut instinct alone haha (insert comment about astarion kinnies here)
astarion is a video game character with intent to make you feel things, good or bad. he is designed to tell a story and attach you to that story. he is designed to make your little brain juices sizzle when he says a funny or makes you sad. i'm sure this is obvious, but your concern for what people do with these feelings makes me think it might not be.
the scars are fucking cool design. they were made to be fucking cool. you're meant to look at them the first time you do and go WHOA.... it is very easy to appreciate the work and effort that went into them by whomever designed them, they have a lot to be proud about. if someone wants the scars as a tattoo because they think it's cool, more power to them. that's a fucking expensive tattoo, it would take a long ass time to be finished and heal, it would never be an easy decision for these facts alone.. and adults can do whatever they like with their money. he doesn't exist, he isn't real, he can't be offended by this, and you shouldn't be either.
and now i have to get sensitive with it because astarions story, whether you want to think of this or not, can, and will, resonate with abused people. many kinds of people of course, but most especially abuse victims. as a victim myself, parts of his story hit just a little too close to home and hurt. now think of someone who might have it hit closer to home than it did for me, someone who finds more connection with what astarion went through and what they went through. now imagine how important astarion is to that person, his reclaiming of autonomy, his reclaiming of agency, etc. i can see someone wanting the scars as tattoos because then in their mind they can be astarion and do what astarion did. they can be closer to astarion and use that strength to survive and push through. they can feel what he felt and survive (obviously it's not the same, but it's the symbolism). unfortunately you cannot dismiss that some people may be doing it out of a place of trauma and using astarion to help them heal. i'm not arguing whether or not this is healthy, i've certainly done similar in my youth when it comes to relating to characters who have been abused, we all find our ways to cope, and we all find our places of strength.
astarion doesn't exist, he was created in a game studio with intent to make you feel shit, as established already, including intent to make you feel so strongly you want to put pieces of him on your skin forever, like, that's a compliment when it comes to making characters. if afhiri had something on her skin that signified trauma, and someone wanted to permanently put that on their skin? wow, she means that much to you? you liked her that much? that's a gods damn compliment. and i cannot see those who worked closely with astarions creation seeing it any other way.
what i can say is that when i was younger, 20-23ish, i probably would have given it an 'uh...' too, but as i grew older i realised that life is draining, it is hard, and there is no room to healthily view video game characters as any more than some code and 3d model that exist exclusively to make you feel something strong enough that you might want them with you forever, because that's the end goal, to make you feel that strongly, and if you wanna spend that hard earned money you make on putting the cool scars on your back, or the scars that make you feel so emotional that you cry on your back, do it. let the character whose made this rough existence a little easier or mean a little more do that for you, and if you wanna express it through a tattoo, do that, it's your body, your flesh.
i'm rambling on because i am so passionate in that life is too short to judge others via this. our lives are too hard already, life sucks enough as it is. the video game character doesn't give a shit if his scars are a tattoo because he's not real. who cares? why do you care? no, seriously, why do you care? does this help you? is it good for you? is judging someone else's decisions an act that brings you actual, real joy? is that how you want to spend your time? where you want to put your free thoughts? you don't know them, their reasoning, what they're going through, and it shouldn't matter. because their body has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i find it weird and uncomfortable that you cared enough about what someone else does with their body that you'd send me an anon about it.
i don't know whether you were looking for validation, or me to generally think about this critically, but i cannot encourage the mindset of caring about this more than "wow, i hope it looks good because that shit gonna be expeeeensive!!!" i cannot encourage sending people anon asks about it, it is strange to do that. this was strange! it was a strange experience and i don't like it. but i couldn't ignore it.
astarion might matter to you, personally, but he himself as a video game character, doesn't, because he isn't real, he has no feelings, he cannot be hurt or offended. but the person getting the tattoo? they're real. they're a real life person with feelings. they can be hurt, you can hurt them. you can judge them and bring them down and make them feel guilty for their choices. deciding whether you are the kind of person who'd do that to a living breathing person over a video game character is something you need to do. do you want to be that person? i know i certainly don't
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riveranova · 1 year
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(A/N): Aaaaand mama's back! First of all, let me say how grateful I was and am to get so many messages from people sharing their stories and wishing me all the best - made me tear up multiple times not gonna lie. Thank you all so much and let's dive right back in. <3
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IkePri NSFW Headcanons x GN! Reader - Part 2
Warnings: Smut | minors DNI, would this really be a Nova original if there wasn't at least a lil bit crack?, Licht's getting a little sad
Characters: Chevalier, Luke, Yves, Jin, Licht, Leon, Ikemen Prince
Word count: 690
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Chevalier Michel
yk i had a thought for this one
obviously hes a top
but but, hear me out - what if he wasn't?
:)
imagine his cold, blue eyes that normally resemble a frozen lake
well that thick ice is now shattered as he's pressing his head into his pillow, trying not to wake up his annoying brothers (Clavis) while you suck him off
hes a lil bit embarrassed about the way his fists and thighs are clenched together because hes Chevalier Michel, no one makes him this weak
well, exept for you of course
but no one is allowed to find out
i think that hes a little bit bratty as a bottom
like, you want to make him beg? well beg for it.
its kind of a back and forth
but just threaten him to stop and its like a different man lies before you
just imagine him beg for you to get him off in that deep voice
Luke Randolph
i'm a huge suporter of the 'luke only cuddlefucks' theory that a great researcher (me) brought to life
i mean that man sleeps the entire day so why not, right?
he gets horny really fast, just like Gilbert
hes also big, and i dont only mean his body
big boy, gimme a big booooy-
strong hands hold you in place - in front of him, holding you against his chest while slowly fucking you from behind
100% whispers sleepy shit into your ear
honestly so sweet
idk why this is so funny to me but imagine him just falling asleep mid-sex
you're just laying there like '...uh''
lucky for you, this man is into sleep play, so just finish the job yourself~
Yves Kloss
honestly? i think hes one of those really cute and soft tops
soft tops are the best, are they not
but i don't think hes really focused on the sex part
hes a big aftercare guy
he honestly just wants to spoil you and make sure you're all pretty for him
150 step korean skincare routine after every single session without fail
bathing together with him is the most normal thing in the world
hums into your ear while massaging your shoulders
praise praise praise
i honestly think that Yves would be so fucking obsessed with you - in a non-weird way tho
if youre comfortable then he is too <3
Jin Grandet
alright, heres my completely objective take on him
daddydaddydaddydaddydaddydaddy
god i love this man so much
crush me with those honke- okay, sorry
i think hes the kind of guy who doesn't want to have one big session but like short ones scattered across the day
lil quickies yk
hes also shameless
so he just pulls you away whenever he wants to and you know what he wants
he has these 'please im so horny its not cool anymore' eyes
and if youre like me then fuck it, leggo
gives zero fucks about how loud you are
castle staff hates it when he does that but as i said
shameless (hot) asshole
Licht Klein
grumpy ass bottom
not even bratty, just grumpy as fuck
but i think thats what makes the entire thing so thrilling for him
yeah so what if he doesnt care what you do? what are you gonna do about it?
okay maybe hes a little bratty
not the guy that makes a lot of sounds while having sex
he kinda just lays there enjoying the attention hes getting from you - the sex is just a lil bonus
tries to take control on very impatient days
but nuh- uh, his moody ass is staying down
100% sure that he has these 'pls humiliate me' days
theyre rare, yeah, but getting told hes the 'bad sibling' his entire life fucked a little with his brain
pls give him aftercare
Leon Dompteur
i swear i need three tries to get his last name right every single fucking time
anyways, this mans obviously a top
he treats you like youre the deity hes praying to every single day
literally worthsips you so much
i think hes a big vanilla boi
no choking or bondage, just sweet sweet vanilla sex
his hands are huge and everywhere, like a blanket that just never ends
big praise guy too
loves to give it and absolutely thrives off of getting some back
please tell him that hes doing a good job, tell him how good his cock is making you feel
hes a big cuddler too, so get ready for some cozy aftercare <3
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ivoncu · 1 year
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can i request prompt 9 (innocently fiddling with the other's finger then trapping them) with rinne please? thank you
— 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓. a. rinne
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prompt 9 , fiddling w the other person's fingers and then trapping them.
content , rinne amagi (derogatory), he lost your wallet but found it again, wont tell you how tho...
(n.) — i think i shld make a synopsis but my brain is melting... brief synopsis ; he lost your wallet n shit an now you both homeless ! (joke)
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You huffed angrily as you continue to mindlessly scroll down your phone, still standing right next to the man who was in all of his glory eating the crêpe he had bought with your money that he had lost.
Rinne glances back at you ever so slightly only to realize that when you said you were pissed off at him, you really did meant it this time because you hadn't talked to him at all in the past 30 minutes.
But, he'll admit — it is his fault this time. He fucked up big time, he should've paid more attention to your wallet but what can he even do now?
You were mad at him for losing your wallet and yourself for even trust him with it in the first place and now you're both stuck there until some kind person finds you your wallet and gives it back to you.
You're just praying that it isn't in someone else's house right now since you had quite a lot of money in there along with important stuffs.
He glances back at you one last time, now feeling a bit guilty for losing your wallet. He knows apologizing will not do anything, but he wants to make you feel better somehow about this.
He leans onto you slightly, his head nearly making contact with yours in a playful manner.
"C'mon, baby. I'm sorry, 'kay? I know I fucked up big time, but this won't happen ever again." He sighed, trying to make himself sound as sad as possible now that he sees you're still ignoring him. "The least you could do is say something t' me, yer so cruel for ignoring me, y'know..." He sobbed out fake tears.
"Rinne Amagi, you lost my fucking wallet!" You snapped back angrily as you tried to push his heavy ass away from you.
"But it was an honest mistake! Even someone like me can make mistakes, y'know?"
"An "honest mistake"...?! You're an honest mistake!" You huffed out angrily one last time before finally pushing him away from you before turning your back on him out of anger.
He sighed quietly, looking at you with a visible frown on his face, the ice cream inside the crêpe soon beginning to melt due to being left out for too long, but he didn't even felt like eating it right now.
He had bought it for you both, thinking it would be kind and romantic for him to share it with you even though he used your money to buy it, but it was clear you wanted nothing to do with him right now. And to think that he bought your favorite flavor too even though he doesn't like it.
He sighs in defeat as he looks away from you and mindlessly ate the last bits of the crêpe while his free hand subconsciously finding its way towards you and fiddled with your fingers innocently, as if he did not just lost your wallet.
You huffed out in annoyance, watching his fingers intertwined with yours. Despite how annoyed you are with him right now, you didn't made any move on pushing his hands away from yours at all.
You don't know what he's trying to do, but he's dead wrong if he thinks he can just fix this whole thing up by holding your hand.
... But still, it's kind of cute. You guess.
Silence enveloped the two of you once again as he quietly finishes off the crêpe all by himself as he fiddles with your fingers innocently before trapping them in his hands — he has no intention of letting go of your hand anytime soon now.
"I'm really sorry for losing your wallet, 'kay? I'll get ya the plush you wanted at the arcade after we find yer wallet." He said, holding onto your hand tightly with a face showing visible guilt for what he had done.
You huffed, squeezing his hand slightly. You were obviously still mad at him, but you couldn't stay mad at him for long either, and it was a change of pace to finally see him taking full responsibility for once.
"You better, dumbass."
He nods as he places a quick kiss on your forehead as an apology while his free hand went to pat at the rear pocket of his pants and felt something familiar to a wallet.
How strange, he swears he didn't bring his wallet with him at all today.
... Or —
He patted on it multiple of times before finally pulling it out of his pocket, and lo and behold — it was your wallet within his hands.
Rinne was more shocked than you were because he was sure that he had lost it and it wasn't with him the whole time. He doesn't even know whether to feel relieved or not right now.
"W-well... Look at that! Our case's solved, ya have your wallet back!"
"Rinne Amagi." You spat out his name in a rather threatening manner as you look at him dead in the eyes.
"Hey, at least we don't hafta waste our time lookin' around for this thing anymore!" He tried to reason with you, but it only leads to him having his ear pulled by you.
"O-ow, ow, ow, ow! hey, quit it! This is not a funny joke anymore, this is a Rinne abuse, I tell ya! Yer abusing your Rinne!"
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lostinvasileios · 1 month
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Fears.
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Yeah, that's nice. But, why do you fear so much? No, I'm - serious, why?
A lot of the times, as sad as it is, I've encountered people who often lower their own power by fearing all the possible outcomes. Key word, love: possible.
Take it from me, for the first year or so of me practicing and getting close with deities, no matter how obviously real things were, I always had a lingering thought of "what if I'm just making it up?" or "they'd never say that to me."
While being able to differentiate your own thoughts and your own projection while interacting with deities or magic(k) at all is important, you don't need to fear it. If you mess up, you mess up. Nobody's angry or disappointed at you because the universe, your deities, they understand. You're only human. And you're trying. That's what matters. Trying.
Your failures are not measured, they aren't keeping score of all the times you accidentally fucked up something small like interpreting their exact wording or actions like if they waved their hands at a specific point in their sentence or not. You know??
Here's something that helped me: if it makes you happy, then fuck all else. Everything can technically be perception, anyways. If something's fake, you'll find out eventually. You'll be able to tell at certain points.
Lady Hekate once told me, "things are only as real as you want them to be."
Of course, grounding and else other are also important factors, but if the only thing that's realistically stopping you here is the fear of them being figments of imagination, fear of "failing" to reach out to them, ect... You don't need to worry about that, dove.
Most of the time, it's just brain fog. It's just the fear of the unknown, rejection, and other things of those categories. And that's all valid.
Most of the time, at least for me, it was the fact that I was in the presence of such magnificent beauty that made it difficult to believe I was actually experiencing what I was. It was the amount of incomprehensible, out of this world love that the entities I connected with had for me. It was - them, in general at times.
I suffered from psychosis for years when I was younger before starting my journey, and despite how I've gotten drastically better over the years, I still contain some certain... Tendencies you could say.
I constantly questioned if things were real, and, yes asking questions is alright. It's great to do, actually. But don't drive yourself into a sorrow pit over them. You know? Don't bring yourself down more by believing those overthinking fears you can have at times.
I was under such immense fear of making things up that I failed to realize that the only reason I was having such a hard time was because I doubted myself way too much. I was way too hard on myself on multiple cases, and still can be at times unfortunately.
Have more faith in yourself, have more patience with yourself. No matter how experienced someone is, there's always something new to learn, and learning is difficult for everyone at times. Everyone's gone through the same thing in their own variation before, and most likely will a thousand times again. The more you learn to trust yourself, the more you can overcome that battle - which might be one of the hardest, to tell you the truth - the smoother this will get for you. But it takes time, it takes breaks, it takes tears and effort, it takes a lot. It takes you.
One of the points of magic and deities or whatever the hell else is to simply learn to enjoy life more. To live. To experience. You can't do that if you're too caught up in your fears to see how far you've gotten, to see at all.
You know the truth, deep down. Just shh, and listen. It may take a long time, but eventually, you'll find your answer to the reality of things. To the emotions of things. Don't pressure yourself, don't suffocate yourself with doubts and fears.
Everything that's yours is yours, everyone creates their own realities and fates. Just be you. Just grow. Just feel. Just... Live your journey. Everything's gonna be fine, bee.
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vahntares · 7 months
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a/b/o #DarkLanZhan
For about 6 months or so, Wei WuXian has been dating an amazing alpha. He is handsome, caring and very mature. However... Something is wrong...
Wei WuXian feels that there is another person in Lan Zhan's heart.
And he is not wrong.
Wei WuXian noticed the first signs when he met him. Lan Zhan had a subtle scent of milk, as if he had been with a pup for a long time.
He said the pup was his brother's son, but... Why after these months could he still not meet this brother and nephew?
The young omega tried not to think about how that hurt his feelings.
The next signs became clearer. Lan Zhan never invited him to his house, never introduced him to his friends either and, Wei WuXian was not considered someone toxic, but Lan Zhan never allowed him to touch his cell phone.
When did he get the last piece of the puzzle? When Lan Zhan was taking a shower in the hotel shower room.
Lan Zhan's cell phone kept ringing. Wei WuXian took the device out of the alpha's coat.
/MianMian/
Wei WuXian swiped right without noticing.
"Mr. Lan?"
"... No..."
"I'm sorry, I thought it was your husband. I'm calling because your little A-Yuan is feeling sick to his stomach and won't stop crying. Could you come get him? His mom's pheromones always calm him down"
"... Sure... "
"It will be good to see him again."
"..."
Wei WuXian hung up.
When Lan Zhan came out of the shower he saw Wei Wuxian crying sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Wei..."
"When were you going to tell me that I'm your lover?!"
"..." Lan Zhan didn't know how to react and froze.
"God, you have a husband and a son, A SON!"
The omega's sadness flooded the room with a bitter aroma of rotten apples.
"You have a son..." he sobbed "dammit.... You made me a home wrecker..."
After that, Wei WuXian did not let himself be comforted by the alpha, he only accepted the alpha to take him home. That would be goodbye.
"What are you doing? This is not the way to my home."
"It is" the alpha's voice came out a little broken.
It took a few minutes to reach a very luxurious area.
"I don't know what you're planning, but fuck you, I won't be the one to tell your omega husband that you're putting your fucking alpha cock in another hole!"
"Language," was all he could say. Lan Zhan had a complicated look on his face, something between sadness and anger.
Wei WuXian tried to fight the alpha, but Lan Zhan was much taller and stronger, dragging him in was easy.
"Help! HELP!"
"Wei Ying!"
Wei WuXian stopped fighting, Wei Ying, who was Wei Ying?
Entering the lobby, Wei WuXian soon realized, thanks to the many pictures lining the walls, he was right.
Lan Zhan had an omega husband. He had someone in his heart.
And it was him.
Lots of pictures of trips together, pictures of dates in the park, pictures of the two of them holding a baby.... His baby... His A-Yuan.
Then he saw down the hall, a large, elegant room and baby toys. It was wrong. It was still wrong. That wasn't his house.
His original house had a lot of blood, the living room was somewhere else. Wei Ying was hugging his little baby to protect him from the attacker. Wei Ying was so covered in red and was so scared.
Wei Ying remembered the fear and terror. A strong blow to the head caused him to lose consciousness, he prayed that the attacker would not touch his defenseless pup.
Wei WuXian's brain felt oversaturated with information and the young omega fainted in the alpha's arms.
---
Wen Qing checked the IV and made some notes.
"I thought I stressed the importance of not giving him strong stimuli? The lifestyle you have triggers those bad memories. His amnesia brought him back 3 years before he met you, before he was surrounded by luxuries and before that stalker of yours tried to kill him."
"He... He was going to stop trusting me. I couldn't..." Lan Zhan squeezed the hand of Wei Ying, who lay unconscious on the hospital bed.
Wen Qing sighed.
"You're not mated, obviously he's still a young omega who meets an impressive alpha, he's not going to trust you at all"
Lan Zhan caressed Wei Ying's soft skin. If they had been bonded everything would have been easier. Wei Ying's idea of waiting to mating up until the wedding was a bad decision.
He wouldn't make any more mistakes.
"When he remembers, he's going to hate you for this."
"Mn. It'll be fine."
Lan Zhan approached the young omega's neck. He couldn't wait, he didn't want him to think they were strangers again.
They would reset everything, this time there would be no mistakes.
(End. Stay with this thread like this. Don't make me drag it out or I'll ruin it because you know my Darkjis aren't very cute xD What happened to the stalker? Well, it's hard to swim in the sea when you have your legs and hands tied :3 And Lan XiChen went for A-Yuan. The happy ending lives in your hearts!)
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haejjoon · 1 year
Note
Recently I was brain-rotting with someone about Joker's sexuality and we both concluded that... He seems kinda uncomfortable in the game. Mostly because of the "There's no turning back..." Msg afterward. Like, Atlus? Why is this so menacing and dreadful? And then you have these several moments of Akira jokingly flirting/or openly flirting with his Bros (gobro included<3)
It's just that nothing happens in relationships... I know you can interpret anything as you want *ahem* Curse Atlus for making silent Protagonists. But I couldn't feel like Akira enjoys it. It is as if he felt that he has to be in relationships with women (I forgot the term name but it's like when you question your sexuality because of heteronormative everywhere)
Of course, it may be just because romance is purely optional so there is no need to write it that in deep. But some romance routes are showing disapproval through Sojiro or Akira's face in model change.
It's just... Seeing Akira smiling after the friendship route with Futaba was such a whiplash for me. He doesn't do it when saying he loves her. I never even KNEW he CAN change his face on a model!!! That made me so curious if his face changes with others by he always facing away from the camera</3
Let me study you, Jokerrrr
(if someone is curious about Futaba, you can find screenshots on @/leonawriter's blog)
So uhh... I am really curious what are your thoughts on Romance in P5 :D
Because there are several posts about some translation misses in Persona for a variety of reasons as well as THESE. DAMN. FLOWER. KEYCHAINS.
Atlus can "queerbait" me as much as Capcom(Ace Attorney) but it is not my fault they have written these characters with homoerotic tension!!!
...or maybe I am just deluded AroAce V.V
So, yeah, sorry for my rant about not well-written romance :'D
HOL ON LETTER COOK???? U HAVE A POINT.
i always saw the romance options as... you know, options, which was why i always took them with a grain of salt. like its kind of ridiculous how little romancing anyone affects the overall plot. i romanced haru my first run through because i thought it'd somehow give her more screentime via plot (jun hhaeyeun u poor, poor fool.)
but you're so right??? whats the in lore reason as to why joker seems so aloof?? from his various options in main plot we know that hes pretty memey, cares a lot for his friends, etc etc. but when u have the option to romance the Girl Of Your Dreams you're suddenly about as emotional as a rock? i think ur onto smth...
not to mention he DOES seem to be super uncomfortable with the options... idk he always seemed like he was just going along with whatever the girl wanted to make her happy, bc he was her friend. one thing in particular that i wanted to point out was ann's romance route, where ur choices are either "you can rely on me" or "you can rely on the others" .... WHAT. like obviously you'd say "i'm here for you", right?? obviously akiren would say that he's here for ann, right?????? personally i think that akiren doesnt even know when hes dating a girl. the horde of girls who castrate him on valentine's day absolutely took him by surprise. he was just being a homie.
(which i think is prettu sad if you think about it... half of the dialogue options to toggle the romance route just sounds like akiren's trying to be friendly. "you can rely on me" "i came here to see you" "you've got me" arent romantic in the slightest. these poor fucking girls... a guy is decent to them One Time and they're over the moon .......... pls u all deserve better)
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Note
I have a request for whenever you want to get around to it and obviously no rush whatsoever and you don't have to if you don't want to, but maybe a reaction with the guys with an s/o that is like extremely good at motivational speeches and pep talks and they kinda just bust out a speech when their all mopey and the guy's reaction. Sorry if it's to much detail! Lots of love 😘
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Leo
Leo loves a good motivational speech
little does he know, you're perfect at them
there's one day where they accidentally let one of the foot clan escape and he's really beating himself up about it
enter: you
"is this what we're doing now? Self pitying?"
"Don't even start with me-"
"I thought we were a team! I thought when the odds were against us, we told the odd to go fuck themselves because what do they know about our capabilities? You go through hell and you keep fucking going, my man. One set back doesn't mean the whole damn world is lost, so get back up, wipe that look off your face and have at 'em!"
he just stares at you unsure what to do or say
you raise an eyebrow "I thought I made myself clear"
he leaps up, give you a peck on the cheek and is calling to the others to get their gear together because they're heading out again
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Raph
so Raph is having a much needed rest day
the only issue is, it's a leo ordered rest day which doesn't go over well with him
he's feeling pretty useless or not used or whatever it is that gets this big turtle down
so you come to give him the pep talk of his life
it starts out with a lot of "be your own boss, only you can know what your own limits are"
then a lot of swearing, even you weren't sure if it made a lot of sense
and then just yelling "come on! Show me what you're made of"
but it got him pumped
he walked straight up to Leo and told him to shove his rest day where the sun don't shine
then got down to business
honestly, you weren't really sure what would happen, you're just glad you're big turtle man is happier now
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Mikey
this lad isn't often down in the dumps...
but lord help everyone when he is
he misplaced his skateboard, which caused him to look in his wardrobe which made him realise he needed to tidy it, which caused him to find a project he worked on 3 years ago but never finished, which made him want to finish it, which made him realise he needs Donnie to make him that thing that he can't think of the name of, but Donnie's out right now and so he's sad
typical ADHD stuff, basically
he's moping in a way you've never seen before
so you try your best
"Eating your feeling, huh? I remember when you used to be a king of your own kingdom. I remember when you hand the world on a fucking string. And what did you do, you threw it all away. For what?? Because You don't think you're capable. So, look at me you gorgeous song of a bitch, you can do anything you set your mind to. You can be anything you want to be. I don't care what it takes, you can do it, you've got guts and brawn and brains and you can do whatever you set your mind to. so get the fuck up, put on a smile and have at 'em!!"
he's grinning in no time
"Thanks, babes!"
then he's back to bouncing off the walls again
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Donnie
So Donnie has a really bad habit of getting super down in the dumps when something doesn't work out the way he wanted it to
he likes routine, predictability
the unexpected nature of human being is very...alien to him
so when Leo snaps at him, and Raph gives him the cold shoulder and Mikey is off being Mikey somewhere, he feels lost
he decides to eat his feelings
"Who needs 'em" you begin "Who needs the charity of others when you are the greatest mind not only of your generation but in the history of the world! There are people out there that would sell a kidney for the knowledge you store in your pinky let alone everything you know-"
"You can't store knowledge in your pinky-"
"besides the point!" you interrupt "How does it feel being the sexiest, the most intelligent and the backbone of your family? Is you're back hurting? Because you are carrying your brothers to the finish line. You want to sit there and think like a loser? Fine by me, but I know the real you, he would never give up. He would g the fucking distance"
He kind of realises how silly he's being then
he gets up, gives you a hug and marches back to confront Leo
by the end of the night, everything is back to normal again.
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hajihiko · 2 years
Note
do you have thoughts on izuru post sim? ive seen a few headcannons here and there where he disappears, or hajime develops a sort of alter ego/DID situation. im curious how he would play into the survivor dynamic you've got
Ok this is gonna be based on absolutely nothing but bear with me
1. Ideally, I would WANT Hajime and Izuru to be pretty merged, but still separate? Seperate, because I just think the concept of talking to the seperate entity in your mind is such a cool trope (in a fantasy/sci-fi setting, no real logic behind it, dont wanna be insulting towards people with actual DID). Merged, because I like the idea that Izuru would have some of Hajime's thoughts and feelings and he could re-learn what it's like to have feelings and friends 🥺 BUT that could potentially mean Hajime shares some of Izuru's lack of life luster, which is fittingly sad but.....haji....
It's like the best scenario for both of them I think, they sorta blend into each other but they can still be more this guy or more that guy, but they're pretty content
2. the other idea is that they sorta, fight to pilot the same vessel sometimes? Mostly Izuru doesn't much care about it, and Hajime is Player 1 by sheer force of will (which he has a lot of!!) But Izuru jumps out in moments of panic of where Hajime loses control, and it can be a little hard to get them to switch back. Which is a little scary bc Hajime may be pretty superhuman but it's all muddled into his shitty little normal human brain, and Izuru is 100% power 100% of the time.
(sidenote, Hajime having shit like super strength and super intelligence, but sometimes he forgets?? Like he needs to focus to apply talent and still remain himself, and sometimes it slips and he drops an entire car or something.)
This lends way to a fun "learning to live together" narrative and some drama!
Maybe first situation 2, then situation 1? Happy ending?
As for how it fits into the group;
I like the idea that Hajime might hide how much Izuru is still around, because drama, but he can't hide it for long because FRIENDSHIP. obviously his friends will love him regardless, but it might be a little scary to see your friend blink away and a blank slate of immense power pop out.
Akane would be on him right away because she can just tell there's something more to him. Her gut doesn't lie! But no one fully believes her at first :( she gets to have a great I Told You So moment. She kind of catches on that Izuru isn't...a SUPER huge threat, so she's chill (maybe too chill. If Izuru chose to do something bad, she wouldn't notice because of how non-emotional he is and it'd really fuck with her confidence in her senses.).
Souda wooooould probably be very distrusting of the whole thing. Like he's supportive of Hajime ofc but he does not like that there's a whole seperate guy (not really) who can spy on them. Souda is already such a suspicious guy, and I think at the end of FTEs hes like "ok don't make me suspect you tho hahaaa" but he comes around eventually. Probably loves that Izuru-side can do basically anything, great help with carrying heavy machinery!
Fuyuhiko is a very loyal dude and might take it a little far tbh? He's like "I wanna talk to HAJIME my friend HAJIME and no one else" and Hajime is like "ok I appreciate that we're still friends but I can't..make him leave. You're just yelling at *me* right now." I think he'd be the one to treat them the most as seperate people, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad (might relate Izuru to Peko and insist he's his own person lol). But bless his heart he tries real hard to let Hajime know he's in his corner.
Sonia is always a little hard for me so I have no idea about her tbh. I guess maybe she'd relate to Izuru a bit for being made into something he's not, the whole "useful first, human second"? She might actually think the whole thing is really cool and grill both Hajime and Izuru about the details of their situation.
Ok talky over I have no idea if this is gonna make sense I woke up like an hour ago lol
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4beomy · 2 years
Text
chapter 1
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SUMMARY - a week after bravely calling off an on and off relationship, you're back to square one trying to win your ex back - but this time with the help of your failed blind date.
pairing: choi soobin x f!reader
word count: 6.3k
genre: angst? idk if you can even call it angst lol. but mostly comedy ?? this is just an introduction chapter i honestly dk
warnings for chapter one: mature language, mentions of shitty ex (there's no detail), y/n's kind of a bitch but not too bitchy yet (she gets worse chapter 2 but better beyond that!!), soobin's not a fan
AN: this is ridiculously long for an introduction chapter and i think i ramble a lot instead of getting to the point but thats mainly my writing style so T-T!! also, idk if this even is going to be read by anyone at all so i'm just left with hoping one person finds this. i'll only post chapter 2 if i can at least get 20 notes on this one idk is that too much of an expectation T-T??
start | next
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It’s been a week since you broke up with Yeonjun for good. Like you were so over him. Goodbye to a cycle that only drains you of any sort of happiness and hello to independent woman, single and ready to… Who were you fucking kidding? You’ve never been any more miserable than you were, body aching from being stuck to your bed for the majority of the weekend, dark circles never in your life being more prominent than they were now, hair that hasn’t been washed since you walked out on him which left you feeling dirty and even MORE miserable. God, how could a man be able to do this to you? You can’t believe how dependent you were on Yeonjun and how much of a comfort the constant of him being a part of your life had been.
Before Yeonjun, you swear you were that girl that wouldn’t fall at the charms of a man. You used to know how to get around with men and how to speak to get your way (granted that was just manipulation) but at some point you had decided to settle for longer than you intended. The constant nagging from your parents of being introduced to a new guy every few months was starting to get to you anyway.
Junior year of high school, Yeonjun, had caught your eye. And you let him string you along, a mistake that had been. Because not for long, the roles had switched and he had more power over you than you did him…weirdly you didn’t mind (or more so you didn’t notice).
Well, fuck that, and fuck you for letting yourself go..and even as you say that you can feel your mind drifting to how he was doing, how he was taking the break up, god did he even care?
Your pathetic desperate thoughts are interrupted by a ring of your phone (thankfully). You groan, knowing who it was going to be but hoping it was someone else (preferably, and desperately your ex but you weren’t going to admit that).
“Took you long enough to finally answer! Anyways–Oh my god.  Remember that cafe that was rumored to open a few months ago?” The yelling (plus the obvious female voice) was enough to tell you it wasn’t who you hoped it’d be calling. You let out a groan, you knew exactly who it was. But your brain couldn’t scramble together whatever the hell your best friend was saying.
“Huh?”, your voice obviously still hoarse like you just woke up (even though you haven’t slept a wink).
“The cat caf- Oh my god. Are you still not over him?”
You roll your eyes. You knew exactly what was incoming, nagging upon nagging about how Yeonjun was an absolute dick and you shouldn’t be crying over someone like him ..blah blah blah. 
This happened every time you and your ex had a fallout and each time you’d soak in the support but right now…not so much. Especially since there isn’t the usual comfort in your heart that you’ll get back together.
“Y/N? Seriously? There’s like no way you’re still hung up on him!”
“Yes, there is a way," you say as a matter of fact, "It’s seriously only been a week, let me be depressed and sad.”
“You know a week’s too much for you…don’t tell me..”, she takes a moment to mockingly gasp, “You were in love with him?”
“Oh my god. I swear you always bring this up every two business days. And I tell you everytime, that NO I wasn’t in love with him.”, you seriously weren’t. One hundred percent.
“Whateverrr. Listen, just come to the address I’m about to send you right now. Me and Seulgi are hanging there and I swear it’ll so make you over Yeonjun in seconds when you actually shower and interact with human beings!!”
You hear the hanging up tone and lay your phone down on your stand—used to the non phone mannerisms Karina had.
To be honest with yourself, you were waiting for someone to invite you out. You just didn’t want to ask out loud because how embarrassing was it to tell people you needed to go out because you just couldn’t stop thinking about your ex? 
When you hear a notification pop up on your phone and see an address to something that seemed like a cafe, you sighed and finally rolled off your bed.
But it wasn’t dreadful. Actually getting up to take care of yourself. You missed it. Even before the break up last week, your girlfriends had noticed how shit your skin looked and how often it’d break out. Maybe this was for the better, maybe everything will be more stress-free.
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Yeah, wrong. It was too late when you sat down, feeling strange symptoms of allergy pop up. Your eyes trailed around the cafe to pinpoint why you were feeling your breathing tighten…so suddenly.
”Uh helloooo to Y/N!!”, Karina waved obnoxiously at your face, with the obnoxious pretty smile that she had.
“Aww, wittle kitty kitty”, your other friend cooed. And that’s when you made eye contact with the species in front of you. Well, fuck. You look on the table and see the cat fur just there.
Your eyes immediately start tearing up, and suddenly you can feel your throat closing up…you were having an extreme allergic reaction. You let out an almost choked out sentence, “A fucking cat cafe?” your face already turning red.
Karina’s mouth was wide open and Seulgi’s face was shocked. Pure shock. Your allergic reactions have never been this bad, they were usually pretty tame. You swear to god it was the prolonged exposure you had to Yeonjun’s cat that made you break out worse than ever before. Has your immune system given up on you too?
“Oh my god!”, Seulgi yells trying to get the cat away from the table they were at. Karina immediately runs to the staff asking for any sort of medications they had that could help with the allergies.
And finally, when the short moment of panic washes over and you had taken the quick shot to calm your allergies down, your friends eyes were still looking over you worriedly. They hoped to relieve you of any stress, to make you a little more happy in the miserable situation you were in…but, they probably made it worse.
You really didn’t want to but the streams of tears couldn’t be held back anymore. So there, your composure finally breaks. At a fucking cat cafe.
Quick to your side was Karina as Seulgi’s hand massages yours. “What if he’s out there having fun when I’m over here almost dying from a fucking allergic reaction?”, you said sniffling.
Karina puts her arm over your shoulder. “Trust me girl, you were far from death.” Her way of comforting was rather strange—but nevertheless made you let out a half forced chuckle.
“Did you check his insta? For all we know, he’s probably as miserable if not even more depressed than you are…”, Seulgi’s words were always wise..it even made you feel some sort of sick comfort—because if he was just as miserable you were sure your own would disappear and you’d finally move on. But the issue was clear.
“I blocked his instagram.”
Karina rolls her eyes. “It’s not like the unblock button doesn’t exist.”
You turn to face her, dead in the eyes. “You know exactly what would happen if I unblock any of his socials.” Karina only pouts at that and nods agreeing to what exactly would happen. All anyone would need to know is that your mental health would crash to the earth’s core.
Seulgi, who was still a fairly new addition to your friends list, looked between the two of you awkwardly. She had a grasp of what would happen but not really the way Karina would. Nevertheless she suggests, “I can look up his account on my phone.”
“You didn’t block him?”, you ask. Seulgi shrugs.
”Not like I got the memo.” you let out a dry laugh. It was a bit ridiculous for you to expect people to do things without you directly telling them. You thought you had mastered the arts of body language and indirect sayings but maybe that was truly the fallout of you and Yeonjun.
“Oh—Uh..”, Seulgi’s voice interrupts your thoughts and her face wasn’t pleasant..or at least it wasn’t one that’d tell you Yeonjun was miserable. 
Before you could grab her phone, Karina snatched it first. She makes sure to turn away from your eyes and you’re left there trying to study her reaction as she squints.
You could tell by how the light wasn’t reflected on her face anymore that she closed it. “Y/n, you can’t believe how sad and depressed he is—” fucking bullshit.
“What the hell did you guys see.”
They both look at each other, exchanging knowing glances. “Do you actually want to know?”, Seulgi starts off.
“Yeah, duh. That’s why you searched up the username I told you to search.”, you let out an impatient annoyed scoff. The knot that was created in the speed of light right in your throat went unnoticeable for a while. You were terrified. Because you think you know exactly what’s coming. Maybe you just know and maybe, despite the demands to know what they saw— you secretly wanted to stay longer in a moment of ignorant bliss.
“Promise you won’t cry.”, Seulgi shoots Karina a glare. “What? I don’t want to see my best friend cry..”, she defends.
“Can you guys just tell me? I’m not in the mood to beat around the bush anymore”, your voice lost its usual loudness and was laced with insecurity. Only happening when anything involved Yeonjun, fucking great. 
Seulgi hesitantly types in her passcode and slides her phone across the table. Even before you grab it, you can see a familiar background. And when you finally are able to digest the picture you’re looking at—you don’t know exactly how to respond.
The familiar background was an abandoned rooftop Yeonjun had taken you often when you wanted to go on a date. He had completely revamped it, in the cheesiest most revamped a college boy could manage to do. Candles, blankets, pillows. The usually picnic romantic fort looking place. You’ve never thought that there you’d see that background again, that he had built for you, being occupied by another girl. Her arms comfortably on his waist and her face buried on his chest. As you swipe, you can tell they were candid photos. The type of photos you and yeonjun took.
The breaking point wasn’t even the caption that said “you make everything look brighter” but the date. For a brief moment you wondered if it would’ve been worse if the date was a day after you broke up—the 1 week ago being more of a comfort than 2 hours ago. But that wondering—the curiosity went away. Because as you dropped the phone and buried your face on the folded arms you put on the table he was out there with a new girl right under his arms, looking happier than ever.
All of it was like a quick comedy skit, you wailing like a little baby to the point the staff had to come and ask you guys to leave for disturbing customers. Then Karina flipping them off, threatening they’d never see a dime of hers in their register (ignoring the fact that they didn’t really pay for anything during their stay here). It became more hostile when the staff started threatening scarier things—like calling the police. That was enough to silence Karina and pull you out of the cafe along with Seulgi.
“I swear I’m never coming here again.”, Karina cursed under her breath as she looked back at the cafe.
“Shut up, you so are”, you say with your strained voice trying to lighten the mood. Your dignity was at the floor by this point because at both of your sides, your girls were holding tight on your arm like you were fragile and would fall apart any second they lose grip of you.
“Okay but like obviously two months from now. But not today or tomorrow. Like fuck that cat cafe, I’m boycotting.” To her comment you let out a light chuckle. You were tired though—but you knew, and so did everyone else that there were more of your tears coming soon enough.
As you reached what seemed to be your older friend’s car you suggested sitting alone in the backseat. At first, both were hesitant on leaving you alone. Because who would stop you if you recklessly decided to open the car door and jump out? But they reached to the conclusion that you hadn’t reached that stage of insanity yet.
The car ride was silent for the most part as Seulgi kept getting stuck in traffic and turning the wrong turns. The collective groans from both you and Karina made things feel just a little lighter. But seriously, she was a terrible driver for someone who claimed to have been driving for four years. 
“Sugar pooks, I just got an idea. Like its brilliant—omg.”, Karina squealed turning her head to the back seat. You were laying your head on the window, being all depressed.
You were about to open your mouth to call her off for calling you “sugar pooks'' but you ultimately decided you have no energy to go back and forth with Karina. “No, hear me out. It’s perfect.”
You give her a glance to assure you were listening. “Basically, I have this guy friend—”
“Not interested in any of your greasy guy friends.” you quickly interrupt.
And to that, Seulgi let out a chuckle while Karina’s face fell. “I’d never set you up with them oh my god. How low do you think of me? I’m talking about a guy friend that has a friend—”
“Not interested Karina. Seriously, you think I'd be mentally okay with a relationship right now?”, you say, finally looking at her.
“It doesn’t have to be long term. I’m hinting at a rebound. Not everyone’s fit for a rebound, but rebounds were made for you. You should be the one out and about hooking up with every person you see, not that manwhore.” she spit out. You let out a quick chuckle at the nickname she gave Yeonjun, it had a nice ring to it.
But again, for the twentieth time in your life, you give one of Karina’s disastrous suggestions a thought. You can tell Seulgi was agreeing with the way the reflection in the rearview mirror had shown her eyebrows raised, basically telling you “Maybe you should give it a shot?”
By now, Karina’s prolonged stare waiting for a response made you let out a sigh. You had no choice but to agree. “Do you have a picture?”
Karina shakes her head. “Then how the fuck—how the fuck am I gonna—What if he’s ugly?” you finally give up at your attempt to not sound shallow.
“Wouldn’t necessarily be un-plausible. My friend said he never dated outside of years old middle school relationships.”
“That doesn’t help. Like at all.” Karina shrugs at that.
Seulgi only speaks when she has wisdom to share and in this case, she obviously did. “You can always run away.”
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You kept reminding yourself what your friend had told you as you dressed up in a simple black dress. You can always run away, no problem. You’ve done it before, its not that hard. Excuse yourself to the bathroom then run out the back door! Simple.
God, this was ridiculous. Even you can admit that. You’ve never felt even more childish than you are now. Dressing up for a date when a few hours ago you were crying your eyes out about your ex. Karina texted you his number saying the date was “tonight”..which you were NOT informed of prior to agreeing. 
So now here you were, patting your hands on your black dress removing anything that might’ve gotten stuck on it—it was an old dress from sophomore year of high school. The lucky dress you'd wear on every first date. Hopefully, they were lucky enough for this date to not go into ruins (though you were more than skeptical). 
You only crossed your fingers in hopes the man you were having a rebound blind date with wouldn’t be the ugliest man you’ve come across. Or else you’d never be able to hold back your tears right in the restaurant. Which would embarrass both you and him (hey, you weren’t a heartless monster! Of course you had empathy).
The fact that he was already late made you lose any hope of you really getting a rebound tonight. 
And to that thought, you hear your phone buzzing.
Unknown number: Are you on your way? (7:35pm)
That’s a text message you’d get if you were expected to be on your way. That’s a text message you wouldn't get if he was going to pick you up…like you were waiting for him to do. Well shit. 
You can feel your eyes twitch – was the 7:30 referring to the time you should be there and not the time he was going to come and pick you up from your apartment? Yeah, it was.
But you sent him an address. He should’ve gotten the hint? Or maybe chivalry’s just dead. At the same time, you do remember getting an address…probably to the restaurant you were supposed to be at. Maybe, you should’ve gotten the hint. Ugh, you really want to call this off. 
Like some demon was reading your thoughts and notified someone about them, your phone buzzed again. 
Karina (dont respond!): don’t even think about ditching.
Great. 
No car. No bus station near you (another day of realizing how bad of a location your apartment complex was in). Your best bet was walking an hour with your 6 inch stiletto heels – oh the things you would do to get Yeonjun off your mind.
You: I’ll be a bit late, something came up, sorry.
Its been what seems like thirty minutes of endless aching of your heels, you really feel like crying by now. You’re used to walking long distances to your college almost every day, but in heels? You’d rather eat a raw dick. 
Okay, well not quite that but the point is there. It was horrendous walking this long distance. And god, the constant impatient texts from your date wasn’t making anything any better. Can he just shut up for a second? 
One more text and you’d block the number, ideally doing what you wanted to do all along. Cry about Yeonjun!! But it's like your blind date got the memo and finally stopped texting. 
And now you’ve reached the dreaded place. You take a deep breath before walking inside, preparing yourself to not lose your already short sticked temper.  
Red sweater he said. Red sweater. Your eyes wander around the small but packed restaurant to spot him – it wasn’t hard. The red was literally a neon color, it’d be hard not to spot. 
“Karina’s friend?”, you said (noticing you haven’t exchanged names through text).
He doesn’t turn around at first but after a few seconds, the name registers and rings a bell. He immediately turns around and after a minute of just staring at you (it was awkward and it was getting harder to keep a smile on) he finally remembers to respond, “Oh, hi. Yes.”
Okay. First, he isn’t bad looking, you take note. But he’s not your type at all. Shouldn’t your best friend of nine years know what you like by now? He was the complete definition of a flower boy, barf. 
“What took you so long?” 
Straight to confrontation huh? It was getting difficult to maintain the practiced fake smile you’ve been keeping for the past three minutes.
“Silly me thought you’d pick me up, haha!”, you respond over-enthusiastically. The faux laugh coupled with the hints of condescending words made your date shift a bit uncomfortably. Good, feel guilty. 
Instead of the apology you expected he simply nods. Just nods. You take note about something else, he has zero manners. You were going to reach that conclusion much earlier, but you gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now you truly know that men don’t deserve such considerations. First impressions are always right.
By now, the silence was unbearable. All he did was sit there, noticeably tapping a foot pretentiously over and over again. Did he want to leave? What the hell was he doing that for? You decide to not mind it any business and finally get over the basics.
“What’s your name by the way?”, wow. You should seriously become an actress with the way you just feigned your niceness. Especially when you wanted to do nothing but roll your eyes at every little action the man does. 
“Soobin.”, then you patiently wait for him to ask the same. Just exchanging basic pleasantries, its a bare social skill. Right? Right???
A few seconds too long, you realized he wasn’t going to ask. And you also realized you wanted nothing but to leave. 
“My name’s Y/N.”, you didn’t even try holding up a smile anymore. You’re just trying to find a way to excuse yourself to the bathroom because this wasn’t going to work out..at all.
“Oh, I know.” And you couldn’t hide how your eyes widened. What the fuck? Was this guy a stalker or something? How would he know???
“What?”, you try your best to sound calm. 
“We had a project last semester together. In Mr. Kim’s chemistry class.”, he said as a matter of fact – kind of surprised you don’t seem to remember him. “You don’t…remember?” 
You put a hand over your mouth laughing, “Oh my god, of course I remember you! We were such great partners wow how could I forget!”
“I don’t know if we were..we got barely over a passing grade for the project.”, he said, scratching the back of his head. 
Well shit.
You definitely forgot Soobin thought to himself, which made him a bit annoyed. Okay, not a bit. A lot. You ruined his grade in the class and now all of a sudden you don’t remember? God, he was trying his best but you were more than pretentious. He regrets not pressing Beomgyu more for the name of his blind date before coming. 
“I’m sorry, can I excuse myself to the bathroom?”, you all of a sudden say. He nods, trying to put up a polite smile. 
Okay, no you weren’t going to ditch him yet. You were actually going to the bathroom. You needed to sort yourself out. And dig, really deep (okay, not that deep. It was last semester for goodness sakes) in your brain and actually confirm what the guy has been spewing. 
Soobin? Project? Soobin and project. Soobin…and a failed chemistry project. 
Oh god. 
He was that awkward kid? The one who refused to send notes to you? You vaguely remember for a few weeks him being in the background while you would smooch with Yeonjun in the library. Yikes. Should you just leave then and there? Because it just got even more awkward with this context now in your head. 
Oh but then you remember even more, the more you go down memory lane (again, this was just a semester ago). You remember something very unpleasant – you yelling at him for making you fail the course. Oh god no. That was the time you had a fight with Yeonjun, you remember being at the edge every minute of the day…then you finally snapped when getting the grade you received for your semester end project. 
You also remember him yelling back at you, seemingly confused at your outburst talking about how you were never focused. And you weren’t, you were all over Yeonjun. Jesus, how could you forget this?
Can you really just leave now? Guilt was eating you up (embarrassment even more). 
Ultimately you decided you couldn’t just ditch— and instead of just outwardly apologizing you’d be the bigger person in a different way.
“Your name is really pretty by the way. Like it totally fits your face.” You hope he doesn’t notice the sudden change in your tone and way of speaking, but even if he does it doesn’t matter too much anyway.
“Uh.. thanks..?”
Could he at least appreciate your efforts? There wasn’t much to compliment him on, god. Even his outfit was stale, lazy and boring. Okay–stop, you were a bitch to him before you need to be nice now.
“No problem!”, you say chirply clasping your hands together. Okay, maybe you were overdoing it a bit.
“W-we should order though.”, he felt like a complete loser for letting out a random stutter but you thankfully didn’t seem to notice and just nod in agreement. 
After ordering from the very limited menu, you both decided to order pho and a cup of water. Not the most romantic but at this point, none of you were seeking that anymore. 
And the wait begins. You look around the restaurant trying to think of a conversation starter – Soobin doesn’t seem like he’s making that much of an effort. But does that even surprise you anymore? Not really, even with the extremely short time you’ve spent on this date (and the bits you could remember from working on the project)..you could tell he wasn’t one to talk much. 
“What type of music do you listen to?”, your sudden question you could tell, caught him a bit off guard. It’s a classic, boring conversation starter. You could almost predict exactly what he would s–
“A little bit of everything.”
Expected.
“Oooh! Interesting!”, faking your reactions is becoming second nature throughout this date so you decide to trip him up a bit, “What are your favorite artists?” He’d have to think about this one and not give a bland, generic answer. You got him now!
“I don’t have one.”
Ha.
Just great.
“Wow, interesting. Okay. What’s your favorite color?”, you decide to change topics and jump right into another boring “conversation starter” if you could even call it that. 
You’re begging he’d just give you some random color instead of–
“I don’t have one.”
“What do you think is the purpose of life?” At this point, you’re just badgering him with generic questions like you were in some investigation room. You can’t help that that’s how the atmosphere turned to, he just wouldn’t ask questions back. Can’t he help you out one bit? Should you even stay here any longer? Because you think you paid your due for acting like a bitch a few months ago. 
“What?”, the sudden topic change was extreme this time, philosophical questions can’t be answered with generic stale answers…(well they can but Soobin thinks otherwise, he's a geek). 
Thankfully for Soobin, the waiter came with two glasses of water on a tray. He mouthed a thank you, and took a hold of the water to slowly sip it. Avoiding any more conversation with you. 
For someone he’d hear was confident and outspoken, you really seemed to be struggling to keep a conversation going. Or even starting in the first place. It’s not like you even communicated with him that much during the five weeks you worked on the project – this was not any less than that. 
It seemed like you were dried out from questions so you kept quiet, something he’s grateful for. 
He did, however, want to ask questions. Like, what happened to your boyfriend? That one seems to be the one that his brain is most curious about. Because how could he forget you rambling on and on literally a day before the presentation about how perfect he was. You were supposed to go over the entire presentation together but you just couldn’t shut up about him – Soobin almost thought your personality might’ve just revolved around your boyfriend. Maybe that was why you were struggling with talking? Or maybe it was his attempt at being difficult (and the subconscious grudge he had against you).
“Why’re you staring at me?”
Your voice caught him off guard and he realized he mindlessly was looking at you while thinking. God, he wants to punch himself right in the face right now. 
“Sorry. I was just thinking.”, he said, managing to put up a smile.
“About?”
Okay. He didn’t expect that follow up question. What was he supposed to say? Quick. Because he couldn’t reveal how he was judging you a few seconds ago.
“About my pet!”, you raise up a questioning brow, “I left him home with my friend so I’m just wondering how he’s doing.” his voice goes significantly lower than the panicked answer he gave at first. He hopes whatever he just said was convincing.
“You have a pet?” and now all of a sudden, your interest has peaked. It was the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard him say throughout this date. 
“Yeah, I do.”
Before you could ask what pet he has, the familiar waiter comes with a tray of two bowls of pho. “Enjoy eating! You look like a…couple!”
God. Even the waiter can tell you guys don’t match at all. The hesitance that came with couple was kind of comical though, so you bite away a laugh.
Silence filled the room, figuratively because all around you were conversations upon conversations, it was really loud. But jeez, another round of silence had visited you and Soobin. The initial question you wanted to ask was also long forgotten as you dug into the food. 
When Soobin decides to take a quick glance at you just for the sake of it, he really was about to let out a gasp. On top of your head was...a fucking spider. A spider. How the heck does a spider find its way into your hair let alone a five star restaurant?
“Um…Y/N..”, he contemplates for a second, then reaches the final conclusion to not tell you. But you already turned your attention from your half finished bowl to him. 
Nope, he can’t tell you. At all. Especially when he remembers you crying and wailing about…a baby cockroach in his dorm room. 
He gets up to muster up the courage and take it off your head quickly. Your eyes follow his figure as he gets up from his seat.
“There’s something on your head.”, he whispers. He swings his hand right above your head to get the spider off, but as all everyone knows. This date was horrible to begin with, what wouldn’t give for it to go even more horrible? 
Yup. He accidentally hits your head — and knowing how big his hands are, he’s sure he’d get an assault charge against him right now.
“What the FUCK OW.”, your hand immediately goes to your head.
Surprisingly, the restaurant was loud enough to drown out your small outburst. 
Did this man just slap your head? You were done. You were leaving.
“I swear I was just trying to get off the spid-”, he tries to explain but it was too late. He made a mistake of pointing at the little creature while speaking and your eyes caught the spider on your shoulder. The moment of panic that he saw flash in your eyes made him think this was going to go worse than it already was.
Before it does, he tries to take action and actually get the spider off of you. By now, some people were looking over at you guys' table. God. How embarrassing could this get?
You were frozen, which he thought would help him aim at the spider more accurately…but somehow as he attempts to swing at the spider again, his hand accidentally hits the bowl in front of you and he can hear gasps spread throughout the restaurant. The warm pho splashing onto your lap and staining your dress. 
Oh, how Soobin wishes he could just perish and die.
You wish the same. For both you and him, but mostly him.
You almost felt like laughing bitterly — but you didn’t want to look like a maniac. So, you kept it to yourself. Several staff immediately ran over to you and asked to assist you with cleaning yourself up but you kindly declined. After a few persistent offers, they finally give it up and tell you they’d refill your pho. You couldn’t refuse because they just left without you getting a word in response. Guess another bowl of food will go to waste – the humanist part of you suffers in silence. 
“I’m going to the bathroom.” Soobin was still kind of frozen on whatever just happened but he still nods slowly. You get a hold of your bag.
Yep, time to ditch. Now you wouldn’t even feel bad for doing it, guess this worked out well. 
But first, you actually do need to go to the bathroom. You had to dry out the liquid on your dress and clean up your legs. 
It doesn’t take long before you finally give up on trying to clean up your dress, it was dry, that was good enough. You pull out your phone from your bag to text Karina snippets of what just happened (like you usually do)..but then your eyes widen at a notification you thought you’d never receive. 
Loml <3 : taehyun’s throwing a party next week, you should come (5:39pm)
Yeonjun? 
God, why the fuck have you blocked every single one of his socials (including his gmail) except for his phone number?
And why the hell is he texting you so casually? Like you guys didn’t just break up a week ago ? And inviting you to a party at that?
It frustrates you so much, mind boggles you at that, to the point you go and unblock his instagram account. It didn’t take much for you to keep him blocked, huh?
You see the purple-ish circle surrounding his profile picture, you take a quick breath, then click on it. And of course, you just had to see the same girl under his arms in the selfie he posted. All you saw was red. Just plain red. Did he really move on? This fast? You couldn’t even bring yourself to let out tears. Because all you were thinking were pathetic pathetic thoughts.
You wanted nothing but to be the girl under his arms. Those were the thoughts you were having. Not “he betrayed me” and not “he's a dick” and definitely not “I hate him”. The moment that realization finally sinks in, you turn around from the door you were about to walk out from and back to the table you were eating dinner on. 
Okay. So. You were definitely not expecting an empty table. And a yellow sticky note attached to it. 
Got food poisoning so gotta go. Paid for the food, sorry about ruining your dress. 
You scoff. Did he just ditch you? With a sticky note? And a stupid lie? Okay, granted you were about to do the same thing with less formalities but still. 
He couldn’t have gotten that far. And so you ran out the door— you were right. He was literally right there. It was easy to spot his red neon hoodie. 
“Soobin!”, you call out. And he doesn’t turn around — actually, he starts walking faster away from you. Fucking bitch. 
“Soobin! Stop!”
What started off as fast walking became running. And now you’re practically chasing after him, with your heels. “Soobin! You fucking BITCH!”
“I’m sorry!”, he yells anxiously, almost running out of breath. He wasn’t fit for running. But why weren’t you giving up??? Were you going to kill him? The passion of anger scares him.
Nowhere in his head was he planning to stop running though..or at least not until he hears a thud. You fell.
He has conscious and humanity in him, for god sakes he wasn’t just going to keep running and leave you on the dirty floor so he immediately turns. Curse his kindness. He finds that you weren’t that far from him so it doesn’t take long to go to you and bend down to hold out a hand. 
“God, why would you run in heels? Are you okay?”
Seeing that you weren’t responding nor were there any signs of you taking his hand, he searches his pocket for any spare bandaids he has. And thank god he does. 
One of your knees was scrapped, it wasn’t bleeding too much but he knows it probably hurts like hell. He gets on his knees to put it on, and thankfully, it manages to cover the scrapped area pretty well. 
Then he feels drops get on his hand. It wasn’t raining, no—you were crying. 
“What? So you just have a random sticky note pad on you and bandaids?”
“Yeah…I shove things in this hoodie’s pockets all the time. It's a useful habit.”, he decides to focus on putting on the bandaid instead of asking questions. 
“Huh. Then what about your food poisoning. All good now?”
He gulps sharply, “sorry.” was all he managed to say. 
“That’s it?”
He finished putting on the bandaid, so now he's just on the ground of a dirty street with you. People were definitely giving you guys weird looks — so he eventually gets up. 
“Why did you run after me?”, he finally decides to ask, holding out a hand again. If you were going to ask questions, so would he.
This time, you don’t ignore his hand. It was cold, but soft. A starking contrast to your warm callused hands. “I need you to be my pretend boyfriend.”, you casually say, secretly appreciating him helping you up. 
That is, until he just lets you go halfway you were up. Now you were back on your ass, the back of your head almost hitting the ground. And fuck, it hurt like hell.
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eldritch-spouse · 2 years
Note
the post with the masochistic( I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME)s/o and the biting part made me wonder how the others feel about it. Do they like it or dislike it and since Vinnel's condition prevents him from staying consistent for too long will he just lack doing it and receiving?(I feel non-canon wise he'd be afraid to be slurped up)More specifically how would Morell and Grimbly react?Obviously taking a bite out of Morell is deadly but is it still impactful if it's like a small bite?Will my mosquito vampire find it odd?
Hope you a a good day!
Do they bite?
[Nah fam, I got 'em on a leash. Excluding Breg for this.]
Fasma's fangs might feel a little weird in your skin, since they usually mold a little, unless he's feeling hostile. He will bite if you ask him too, though not very hard, and he'll never extend his fangs either. Generally, he prefers doing it with his second form's blunt teeth. In his standard form, Fasma does not want to get bitten. At all. He's tiny, you're gonna take a chunk off him!
Vinnel could only ever bite you in a really good day in terms of physical consistency. These days are rare as snowflakes and he makes the most out of them. Besides, he's learning how to slowly expose very specific parts of himself without much danger. He has a myriad of broken sharp teeth and he will bite. Hard. Just to make you scream. You can bite back, but the taste will probably repell you at light speed.
Gallon prefers nipping rather than full on biting, and you'll have to nudge him a tad to make him use more teeth. He'll never use the sharper ones, those cut very easily. You can definitely bite him, though it doesn't have an erotic effect, and mostly just results in you coughing his slime back out- Which he finds hilarious.
Morell is like a crocodile. When that jaw clamps down on something, getting him to let go is near impossible. Those teeth may be blunt but they are not fucking around. Though Morel does like to bite, he's very gentle about it and never does it in places with low fat. Don't feed this urge, he might just take a real chomp out of you someday. I also don't advise you to bite a poisonous monster. Ever. Best case scenario you get a high, worst case you die.
Santi looooves to bite! He's all about teeth and tongue, and he's not shy about it. Though, he'll always be chaste about it unless given permission to draw blood. Pain can be very quickly transformed into pleasure, and he knows just the right balance to keep you on your toes. Most demons love the taste of blood anyway. You better bite him back, as hard as you can, make him howl. He'll almost be disappointed if you don't.
Grimbly is someone I recommend you don't let bite you much, if at all. Given the fact that's how he feeds, by biting others in zones where the skin is particularly thin, his brain might jumble and he'll fully extend his fangs, perforating your body a great deal. Grimbly is aware of this, but still risks nipping you from time to time. You can bite him, but not too hard, he'll feel threatened.
Ludwig is not a demon that bites a lot, and for good reason. When wrath demons get into it, they go hard, and if Lud were to accidentally draw blood, it would only drive him to bite harder, grind his teeth, stretch the skin. Listen, he doesn't want to maul you, so the most you'll get are brief, squeezing bites. He loves it when you bite back, it revs him up beyond measure, since wrathful couplings are especially wild and harsh, though you better lean out of the way when he snaps his teeth back at you.
Patches does not have a mouth normal enough to properly bite you. It'll just look sad and dumb. He doesn't even have lips. He uses magic to handle his food, chewing is not exactly necessary. Because, again, he can't really chew. That being said, you're more than welcome to bite him. Put him in his place, bite hard, wherever you want. Listen, if you really wanted to, I'm positive Patches would let you bite his dick. And that's that on that.
Sybastian... My gal/dude/person, have you seen those teeth? Please, never encourage this half-feral bozo to bite you. But you can bite all you want, even softly on his tongue, that gets him hard real fast...
Krulu will bite you only ever in very private settings and solely to mark. Never more than the very tip of his teeth is used, otherwise you'd get mauled. I advise you not to bite at all unless you want to get immediately put in your place.
Physically cannot bite
Nebul; Fank-e.
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nolanhollogay · 9 months
Note
"can i kiss you?"
in my mikeyjohnb feels.....
cw for mikey talking about nsfw things dgdf but not in a sexual way he's just Talking and also mikeyjohnb smoking oui'd
+
It felt like it had been years since the last time Mikey and John B hung out one on one, which was really kind of sad because they used to live in each other's back pockets.
But it was fine. They had all the time in the world to sit and do nothing together.
Especially now that John B had what Edgar pegged as his "teen divorce" from Sarah. (He'd said it in passing, obviously joking, but it made Pope shoot orange soda out of his nose, so it obviously stuck.)
Mikey knew that it was because of his own pent up feelings, but he was kinda glad they were broken up. He missed when John B was John B and not JohnBandSarah. When they weren't all risking their necks for her every three seconds. He liked her, he really did, but it was good to have his friend back.
So, they were in John B's bed, sharing a weed pen that JJ stole off a Kook. He was supposed to be here with them, also partaking, but he said he had "more important things to do" which was JJ speak for being in gross love and hanging out with his boyfriend.
"Hey," he tapped John B on the arm to get his attention. "When JJ and Edgar bang, who do you think is on top?"
John B went through the five stages of grief in under thirty seconds. "Why would I want to talk about that? That's not my business. And Edgar is, like, suuuper Catholic. I bet they don't even have sex." He paused, obviously thinking about it. "Probably JJ."
"First of all, they're definitely having sex, and they're definitely gross and sappy about it. I've seen the hickies JJ leaves on him. Secondly, I feel like it might be Edgar. Church people are always secretly nasty," Mikey said seriously, passing the pen back. "I walked in on him giving JJ head the other day."
John B gasped. "You didn't."
"I did!" Mikey laughed at the memory. "JJ wanted to murder me."
John B blew a cloud of smoke into the air, laughing as well. "I'm surprised he didn't."
"Edgar doesn't condone murder," Mikey teased, "Gimme the pen back, greedy."
"It's not even yours!" John B said, handing it over anyway. He lied on his side to watch Mikey smoke. "Can I kiss you?"
Mikey choked, dropping the pen onto the bed and sitting up as he hacked up a lung. "What?"
"I don't know. We don't have to. I'm just high as fuck and you look pretty and I want to kiss you."
There was a lot of reasons why this was a bad idea. 1. John B was still dealing with his previously mentioned teen divorce. Mikey wasn't sure he was equipped to be a rebound. 2. Mikey had been half in love with John B for pretty much his entire life, and he thought he was getting over those feelings. If they kissed, he'd fall headfirst, right back in. And it would be pathetic. 3. Probably most importantly, Mikey's ex boyfriend was a literal murderer who wanted John B dead, and would absolutely lose his shit if he found out something happened between them.
Still..
"Yeah, okay."
John B's giant fucking cow eyes managed to get even wider. "Seriously? We don't have to..."
Mikey rolled his eyes. "I'm a fully consenting adult, Johnny Boy. Now man up and kiss me."
John B scoffed. "You're such a loser."
"A loser you want to k–"
John B's mouth cut him off.
Mikey's very first thought was Wow, he really needs chapstick. His second thought was Oh my God, I'm kissing my best friend. Then his brain turned to TV static as John B grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer.
There weren't fireworks, like in the movies. And it didn't feel like hundreds of hummingbirds were inside of him, which was how JJ described his first kiss with Edgar when he was drunk off of a USA FourLoko. It just felt like it was something that was supposed to be happening. Like puzzle pieces meeting up.
John B pulled away, breathless, and Mikey bit his lip to stop himself from smiling. "S'at okay?"
Mikey nodded, scanning his face to see his reaction. He didn't look upset or confused or anything. He just looked like John B.
"Do you wanna.." He glanced down at Mikey's lips, "do it again?"
Mikey had never wanted anything more in his life. "Fuck yeah I do."
John B laughed, before leaning in again, sliding his hand into Mikey's hair.
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girljeremystrong · 8 months
Note
hi I think I may have to kill myself I'm in college but during my second year I got so depressed I failed like half my classes of that semester and now it may take me longer to graduate because my uni won't let me retake the classes regularly. I fucked up my life and it wasn't even on purpose I was just depressed out of my mind like my brain was in a black hole. my friends graduate soon and they'll go abroad for their masters (which was what I'd planned as well) and I'll be alone. Im genuinely sitting here thinking about ending it, not even in a sad way but just logically it makes sense to end it. I'm sorry for dumping this here but I felt like you'd understand as a fellow depressed university girl studying something she doesn't like
babe oh my god no it doesn't make sense to end it all it is absolutely not what you should do
yes i understand perfectly what you're saying! i am in my 18238 year of university because of how i've been depressed and unable to keep up with my classes and exams and every single friend i had made in university has now graduated and i don't even know what they're up to anymore
and obviously i hate it and i definitely haven't gotten over it and i joke a lot about killing myself because but i won't do it because i know i shouldn't!!!
THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR YOU it might take some time but you will find your way. university is so difficult and complicated and i know it's so hard when it seems like everyone is just breezing through it but i can absolutely assure you that you're not alone and that lots and lots of people everywhere feel exactly like you do! i know i do for sure!!!
you're not alone and you're welcome to vent to me whenever you want and please know your feelings about this are absolutely shared by so many other depressed uni students but also and i'm begging you do not think this is a reason to end it all your life is just starting and you have so much time to finish university and in time this messy time period will make sense too!!!
please reach out to the people in your life and talk to them and consider talking to a specialist like i know having therapy has helped me a lot with understanding why this has happened to me but also realizing that it will all be okay in the end even if it doesn't feel like it
everyone is rooting for you this i can promise you and i love you and i want you to be patient and then one day be able to enjoy the wonderful peaceful life you will be able to build for yourself
PLEASE do not think that killing yourself is the answer because it is not. believe me i know it is so painful but you have to push through and everything will be okay i promise you
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kokitschi · 1 year
Note
"like, once he's got miu and gonta killed, it's like nooo im totally not acting out because i feel extremely guilty. nooo this kamikaze plan is definitely not a direct result of that. i am simply the antagonist. im evil and crazy and this is what is in character for me. this is simply my curtain call."
I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT LIKE THAT NOOO. but YES omg that. plays SUCH a part. he's trying SO hard to make himself completely logical and cold and calculating to help everyone without all those silly caveats. but he's HUMAN and he FEELS and he's doing this to help everyone and he feels so so bad about everything he's doing (except he's not, obviously, that's sooo dumb why would he feel bad about helping everyone? you're so dumb :/ NO HE'S NOT CRYING SHUT UP)
ohh and that SO helps him detach from everything doesn't it. he so THOROUGHLY sees himself as the antagonist because of his own guilt that he starts planning his own downfall, literally becoming his own worst enemy because he cannot let this shit continue but also he's the one doing it? and it's for the good of everyone? but that's what every villain says.
(man writes his own narrative. tsumugi who?)
(no seriously my most self-indulgent headcanon is that so much of kokichi's bullshit was completely unplanned. like they wrote the characters and some of their progression but they did NOT plan for this so every time some more crazy bullshit happens and tsumugi's got her whole "omg O_O that's so weird guys!!" schtick going it's almost COMPLETELY genuine because internally she's genuinely just going "what the fuck??? i did not sign up for this shit." layers upon layers of pretending. also it's my silly little way of letting kokichi win in my brain. because he DID confuse the mastermind. even if it was mostly just a series of inconveniences.)
anyway your brain is iconic. got me rotating.
im still not over how many crying sprites this guy has - and i also think it's pretty clear when he's fake crying and when he isn't and he certainly was crying for real after the fourth trial.
i think it's very wonderful how emotional he actually is - like, yes, he's logical, smart and he can be cold af. but he also gets happy and sad, he gets devastated and super angry, he gets annoyed and he gets proud. and sure, sometimes he does exaggerate and he lies (a lot) - but i don't think it's all lies. i think he likes to pretend like it is though. and well, what's that one quote... "he wears a mask and his face grows to fit it" or smth like that
and i think that's an important aspect - because no matter how much you tell yourself that it's just a role, a mask - in the end you're still the one doing everything. you are how you act.
and i think kokichis very self aware in this aspect. ch 4 happens and he knows, this isn't something he can come back from. he fucked up beyond repair. and while he did already believe himself to be the villain, and perhaps this was a self fulfilling prophecy of a kind, i think actually having something like basically killing two people on your conscience gives it a whole different weight.
i think he had to confront the reality at this point and i think it made him despair a bit - which then leads to the kamikaze plan. (because why does someone who was just willing to sacrifice two people for his own survival suddenly choose to basically kill himself? and trust someone else to end the game?)
-
i love the hc that kokichi did genuinely derail the whole game! i think it's credible enough too, considering the absolute mess that was chapter 6.
and monokuma sometimes really seemed to have personal beef with him which to me says that he was actually getting pissed at him lol
tsumugi also seemed to be quite wary of him - though you can also interpret that as her setting him up as the antagonist ig. i think it was both.
-
my brain is very honored ♥️
i very much enjoy yours too :D
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